The Dance of the Macabre
by kremesch
Summary: RenoXRufus Turks Yaoi Reno POV Takes place after Advent Children. Some reminiscences from the game as well as the movie. Too complex to summarize properly in this limited space. Please check first chapter for better summary. Satus: COMPLETED.
1. Savour the Moment

**The Dance of the Macabre**

**By: kremesch**

**Savour the Moment**

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**Content:** Runo: RufusXReno, and some others along the way, but only because they go with the story. Language, Sex, Alcohol, Violence, Torture, and Cruelty. Should be rated MA

**Summary:** Two years after the events of Advent Children have passed and the future of the Shinra Company still looks uncertain. In an attempt to rebuild and re-establish themselves with a better and more trustworthy name, obstacles begin to appear in the most unlikely places, namely between two particular members of the very organization who can't seem to overcome their personal conflicts with or without each other. Misconceptions, secrets, and personal deception begin on a slow spiral that escalates as the surrounding environment starts to turn on them and pit them in a race against time and themselves. But what are the consequences, and who is playing who for what reason and what purpose?

Rated MA for later content that may be considered disturbing to sensitive individuals.

**Warning:** I don't view the Turks as people that come from good homes, or people that play with puppy dogs and kittens (they're assassins and kidnappers. Play the game for the first time, or again if you don't believe me). Regardless of how adorable Reno is to some, he simply isn't the type of person who is a good person or comes from a good place, even though he does have a soft side. I feel this to be a fair warning to people that expect to see him as a playful good guy. He works for Rufus Shinra for Pete's Sake (once again, I'll refer to the game)! AND he enjoys it! What else would you expect of him? Read on at your own risk.

**Dirge of Cerberus:** Does not exist, and will not exist in this story or any others that may spur from this one. This is PURE FFVII and AC driven and influenced; anything outside of that is strictly imagination.

**Macabre:** m_uh_-**kah**-br_uh, _-**kahb**, -**kah**-ber: suggestive of the allegorical dance of death.

**Disclaimer:** All FFVII characters, places, references, etc belong to Square.

This story is my own take on where the characters go after Advent Children. Therefore, the imagination is mine. :)

* * *

There I was, standing on the outside deck of the Healin lodge with my cigarette lit, admiring the view, and asking myself, 'What defines a man'?

Now, I know that these are two things that seem out of character for me. For one, the only thing I generally admired was the ladies. I didn't usually have the time to be standing on a deck, looking up at sunsets, and if I did have the time, I wouldn't normally be looking up at a sunset. For two, that wasn't a very _manly_ question for me to be asking myself. At least, it wasn't the type of question that I would have normally given the time of day to.

The events that played themselves in my head over the last few days were probably what led to this _midlife crisis_, for lack of a better word.

You see, I always took pride in my work. I always did my job well. I had never failed a mission in my entire _Turk _life. That was, until everything got turned upside down.

For me, I think it all started back at Sector 7. I was just doing my job like I always did, and Avalanche had to show up and take everything that I ever took pride in away. I can't say that I blamed them. It's not like what I was doing was _Noble_. In fact, it was downright dirty. A lot of people died because of me. But that was the way it was for me. It was my job, and that was what I always told myself.

Maybe they did something to me at the hospital after that fight with those freaks. I wish I knew, but for some reason, after that, I just couldn't seem to do anything right.

The President didn't really seem to care at that point either. He was one of those rare imbeciles that appeared to pride himself in being surrounded by incompetent scumbags.

Funny… I always knew I was one, but the revelation still hits me hard.

Things started to turn so bad that I found myself drinking on the job, a lot, and side-dipping in the cathouses along the way. I figured I couldn't possibly mess things up more, so I might as well have a little fun.

Rude must have felt the same way too, since, instead of being his normal, chastising self, he actually joined me in my slump.

The only two 'diehards' were Tseng and Elena, but then we lost Tseng, or at least we thought we did. We all took it a little hard and dealt with it in our own way – me, becoming more of a 'slum-drunk' by the hour, and Rude became more quiet, if that was even possible. He disappeared a lot too. I always wondered where he wandered off to.

Between you and me, I half-suspected he was out following that _Tifa_ girl around, spying on her, and not because it was his job, but because he wanted to.

Poor guy, if only he wasn't such a head-case and just asked her out, he could've probably made better progress.

Then there was Elena, despite the fact that she was an airhead, or at the very least, acted like one, she had a lot of spunk. It didn't hurt that she was easy on the eyes too. I admit I was a little upset when they first brought her in. My pride was already bruised from taking a beating in a three-on-one fight, which shouldn't have been a problem for me.

Moreover though, I viewed her as this _replacement_. That was how I saw it, and that was how I felt about it. However, it wasn't so much her as it was the fact that she was there.

On the recap, we lost the President, whose life we were supposed to be protecting, to a crazed maniac that wanted to end the world. We lost Tseng, who was our friend and 'Comrade in Arms', to the same crazed maniac that killed our President, and we nearly lost the President's son, Rufus, who was another person we were supposed to be protecting. The world nearly ended, only to have it all look like it was going to start ending again nearly two years later.

I don't know, maybe I was just ready to retire, because I became even more of a reject the second time around. I think Rude lost his edge as well. It didn't matter what we did or how we did it. Everything just wound up wrong. I hate to admit it, but if it weren't for Cloud, who knows?

So, there I was, standing on a deck, admiring the sunset, and questioning my manhood. Rufus, who'd become our new President, was inside, reading his books and probably wondering how he was going to get me whacked off for being such a loser.

Tseng finally woke up and realized there was more to life than Aeris and work that he finally asked Elena out on a date. I couldn't help but hope that things would work out between them, and Rude, I half-suspected, was out stalking Tifa again.

I was in such a daze that I didn't even notice Rufus had stopped reading his book and came out to stand beside me. I was a little startled at first, and then I noticed he had two glasses, one in each hand.

The contents of one were a golden liquid, and the contents of the other were clear. He must have noticed the puzzled look on my face, not that I was ever very good at hiding anything I was thinking, because he actually started talking to me, which was something he never did before.

"I hear you're a Scotch man," he said, as he held the glass with the golden contents toward me. Nodding, and somewhat hesitant, I accepted the glass. After all, I could've used a good drink at that point, even if it was poison – which was what I half-suspected.

"Vodka man, myself." It was strange hearing him talk like that, especially with me. It was like we were just two ordinary people.

I've never actually interacted with the man before. I'd taken his orders, been debriefed, and relieved of duty by him, but I'd never really talked to him. He just seemed like one of those untouchable deities, or at the very least, one hell of a snob.

Looking at him, he reminded me of a man made of porcelain, one touch and he'd fall apart. Knowing about him though, he could reach into your very chest and rip out your soul to possess it as his own, while playing the piano with the other hand.

Wow, now _that_ was a weird vision.

He was a powerful man, more powerful than his father ever was, and stronger than one could ever suspect. He was like one of those exotic animals, deceptively beautiful and delicate, but one touch would tell you otherwise when you were on the ground, two winks away from death after touching it.

Maybe that was why he was out there talking to me; maybe he finally decided that it was time to cut the rope.

"You know, Reno… I never took you for a man that would stand out here for so long, contemplating the meaning of life."

_How does he know what I'm thinkin?_

"I always took you for the type of a man that lived on a whim – drink, women, gambling…"

I think my silence was only encouraging him to talk more. But it wasn't my place to stop him and I kind of liked having the company, despite the fact that it wasn't really the type of company that I would have chosen if I were given the choice.

"You've always had a certain lack of control that I have come to admire," he said, and looked down at his glass, almost like he was lost in thought.

As he swirled his drink around and focused on it, he spoke distantly, like he wasn't really talking to me, but thinking out loud. "We're not so different… you and I."

Finding myself hissing out a snort, that I know suggested my disbelief in what he was saying, I found myself shrugging uncomfortably.

Taking note of my reaction, he rested his back against the railing so he could see my face better as he continued. "You may find it hard to believe," he said, as he was searching my face, "but I've been doing a lot of questioning myself."

"I find that hard to believe," I said, turning to my side so that I could get a better view of the man beside me.

Smiling a bit of a crooked smile at my candidness – it was a little sad, but a smile nonetheless, I found myself trying to recollect if I'd ever seen him smile before, and I couldn't.

"Think about it, Reno," he continued, and relaxed his posture a little more. "The world was nearly destroyed because of my name, and because of me." With his brow cocked, he set his eyes to the ground and took a drink from his glass before he added, "As much as I'd like to deny it, I too am a man of many failures."

Feeling a little uneasy about how I was supposed to react or comment, I wound up standing there silently and doing nothing but stare at the man with a blank and solemn expression. In all honesty, I never expected to have that kind of a conversation with the man I always viewed as a pillar of hardened stone.

"But that doesn't mean that we have to stop trying to make things better… does it?" Seemingly being forthright with me, he turned his shadowy-blue eyes toward me in search of my reaction.

To this day, I honestly believe that he was genuinely asking me that question, and not just stating it. It didn't stop me from being a little nervous about saying anything to the man though, for fear of saying the wrong thing. But I found myself wanting to talk to him. Then I shrugged my shoulders in a half-assed response and said, "Guess I never really thought about it like that."

Smiling faintly again, he looked back down at his drink and confided. "You tend to do a lot of thinking when you're on restricted bed rest."

Because I still didn't really know how to respond verbally, I wound up simply nodding as a response. To be honest, I felt a little guilty about him being on bed-rest in the first place. But truth be told, he was a hard man to look after. He was always doing what he shouldn't have been doing.

He never listened to anyone, and did what he wanted to do against the better advice of others. He was difficult to look after because he was always putting himself in danger, like he liked it or something.

That's when it suddenly hit me about what he was saying.

We really weren't that different after all.

"You know you_ do _perform well on your job… don't you, Reno?" he asked, and leaned over, slightly closer to me while swirling his drink again as he focused on it, "Despite that I know what you're thinking right now."

_Can he read minds?_

"Wh… what makes ya say that?"

"I know it was you that saved my life." Looking back at me again, a strange glint sparked in those normally piercing-cold eyes. "I came to, briefly, when you were passed out over me, from the smoke."

Thrown completely off guard, I stepped away from the railing and threw my gaze to the ground in an unexplainable sense of guilt.

I carried him out of that forsaken inferno after Weapon's attack, never knowing that he knew, and I suddenly felt myself withdraw like a child who'd been caught stealing.

He moved forward, as if to follow me as I stepped back, and placed his free hand on my shoulder. With his knees bent slightly, he dipped down to catch my gaze, so his face was below mine, steeling my gaze from the ground.

Then he slowly stood straight again, pulling my eyes upward with his eyes, until we were face to face while it felt like he slightly stroked my jaw with his thumb, very subtly. Even though I denied it, I was still sure I felt it.

"I never had the chance to officially thank you, Reno," he said, with that crooked smile again. "So…" brushing my lower lip just as subtly as he did with my jaw, he said "Thank you," in what sounded like a provocative, velvet tone, and leaned a little forward.

I must have swallowed hard enough to make him realize that I was a little more than uncomfortable with the sudden and unexpected interaction. Actually, I don't really know what the hell I was feeling in regards to it.

Something inside of me kind of liked the way he touched me, but I still jerked back a notch. Uncertain as to whether it was just my wild imagination, I found myself trying to rationalize that I was simply jumping to an unproven conclusion.

"Let's go top up our drinks… Shall we?" he suggested, like it was nothing, and for a moment, he kept his eyes on mine, searching. But he made no further advances. He simply said it like any friend would have said it to any friend they'd be having a drink with.

Then he put his arm around my shoulder, like we were old-time chums, and guided me back inside to the sitting room.

Dumbfounded and unsure, I made no attempt to break free of whatever it was I thought I should be breaking free of. I honestly didn't know if he was hitting on me, or doing the _Rufus_ thing that I'd heard about him doing to throw people off their guard before he kills them, or if it was just an innocent, plain and simple thank you.

Who was I kidding?

What the hell would he want to befriend me for?

I just knew that it was going to be the last drink I was ever going to have. So, I figured I might as well savour it.

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Revision 2: October 9, 2008 for punctuation.


	2. The First Reminiscence

**The First Reminiscence**

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I awoke the next morning to the invasive sound of my alarm clock and grimaced as the sound echoed relentlessly through my skull. The fact that my head was pounding from the hangover I managed to feed into the night before wasn't helping. I have to admit that Rufus really surprised me. I never imagined him to be the type of person that could hold his liquor like that.

It may have seemed funny, but I never imagined him to be the type to drink, or even shoot the shit with another person – especially not me. He always struck me as the type of person who frowned upon personal indulgences, particularly when I took into consideration the way that he always looked down at me.

Well, the good news was that he didn't kill me, and as the evening progressed, it became apparent to me that he probably wasn't making any advances like I thought he was either. After a while, I began to think that he was just showing a genuine concern without really knowing how to do it properly.

You see, Rufus never really socialized with anyone, unless it involved business. He was a recluse, and always acted like everyone else was below him and not worth his time. I suppose that growing up isolated the way that he did must have made it hard for him to know how to act around people, since, from the moment he turned sixteen he was put in charge of the Turks.

And then halfway through his eighteenth year, his father took that away from him. He decided that he'd take advantage of Rufus' naturally anal talent and put him in charge of the business side of things in Junon, where he spent most of his time up until the death of his father.

I found myself having a hard time figuring him out beyond that though. Even though we spent most of the night talking, neither of us really told each other anything, and all along, his eyes would change from his trademark, ice-like coldness to an inviting warmth that unnerved me a little, and then back again.

As strange as it was, it made me realize that we most likely wouldn't be having any more conversations like that again, if any more at all. And I couldn't really say that the thought of that bothered me either.

To be honest, Rufus wasn't really the type of person that I wanted to befriend. After all, I knew what kind of a man he was. He prided himself in ruling by fear. And even though I suspected that he meant what he said about making things right, I couldn't help but feel that he was only capable of doing it in his typical _Rufus_ fashion.

You see, I'd be lying if I said he wasn't a mean son of a bitch. I've worked for him long enough to know that the guy was as good at acting as he was at manipulating, and that only a fool would've truly trusted the man. All I could do to set my own mind at ease was to hope that I wasn't being manipulated for whatever reason I couldn't put my finger on. However, I really did need someone to talk to, and I appreciated the company nonetheless, even if it just happened to be Rufus.

Part of me half-suspected that, maybe he needed someone to talk to as well. So, we wound up doing what we both did best. We took advantage of an available situation for our own gain, not that there was really much to gain from talking, but you all know what I mean.

Looking back now, I can't help but feel that that was what our relationship was originally based on. We both used each other for whatever we needed, and then we discarded each other until the need arose again.

I don't exactly know what you would have called us around those initial days, because we weren't really friends, we weren't really enemies, and we definitely weren't lovers. Maybe we were lovers of friends and enemies, and we made a dark little play of it that only the two of us could appreciate.

I say only the two of us, because everyone else around us thought that we had both gone mad.

Maybe they were right.

So anyways, back to that morning…

It was nice to hear the familiar sounds of the gang coming from the kitchen, and the smell of freshly brewed coffee was a welcome addition too. I could've sure used a cup at that point, with my senses still dull with what felt like an unfinished sleep.

The usual banter of fun and games at the expense of another had become something of a routine for us, being that close together all the time, and it was something I came to look forward to without even realizing it. It reminded me of what a real family would have been like, if I ever knew what one was like.

That was what the Turks had become to me. They were the only family I had ever known. It's what they had been for some time, and it only became stronger when we all got stuck together at Healin, even though I'm not sure if I was ever really aware of it at the time.

There Rufus was, sitting quietly at the edge of the table where he always sat, with a cup of coffee in his hand and the newspaper folded out in front of him. And like always, he carried his usual cold and demeaning stature, almost as if he was unaware that anyone else was in the room with him, or at the very least, just didn't care.

That was the Rufus I had come to know though. The one I spoke with the night before was not the Rufus I had ever been aware of. To be quite frank, the only world I thought Rufus ever knew was his own. And as far as I knew, he was the only person that existed in it.

As he sat there, in a world unto his own, his eyes held the typical icy chill that they always held, and quite naturally, his hair was as perfect as ever. Every last golden-blonde strand on that head sat in its rightful place, save for that one part of his bang that he never could control.

Despite how uncomfortable he made me feel most of the time, I couldn't help but find it somewhat comical, the way his bang always fell in his face, and the way he was always batting it out. It was like there was a little rebel in him somewhere that refused to listen to his own commands, and it really seemed to frustrate him too.

To tell you the truth, Rufus Shinra was a very vain man, not that anyone really needed to be told that, but I felt like pointing it out anyway.

You see, only a fool would have dared to touch the man. He had a violent streak that became frighteningly vicious if he was touched without permission, and only a suicidal man would have dared to spill something on the man.

The reason I say fool, is because it didn't take a genius to realise that the man's attire was adorned in a compulsively pristine manner. And like always, even as he sat there that morning, he had on his usual chaste and magnificent colours of white, to emphasize the fact that he was off limits and untouchable, along with that slight splash of black, that almost unveiled the strange contrast that existed within him.

Funny, how I imagined him in those non-existent colours. To me, it was his way of saying 'Stay the hell away from me or I'll make you regret the rest of this life and your next', and I didn't doubt for a second that he _would_ make you regret it.

Well, anyway, Tseng had taken up his usual place, sitting next to Elena at the side of the table, and he was mindlessly stroking her flaxen-blonde hair. As odd as it was to see them like that, I had to admit that the 'lover's glow' they carried in regards to each other really did suit them.

While she sat there with a shy blush, Tseng leaned over to her and whispered something into her ear that must have been pretty damn funny, because out of nowhere, she burst out laughing and turned bright red.

It was strange to see Tseng beam like that in the presence of others, but that was what being in the relaxed atmosphere of the Healin lodge seemed to do to us. It changed who we were to each other, and left the Good ol' Turk boss, who never seemed to have a sense of humour, at least not a nice one, acting as giddy as a school boy and doting over a woman that he never would have even looked twice at before.

I guess there was a romantic in me somewhere to even take note of that.

Then there was Rude, he was my best friend, and for the longest time, he was my only friend. I don't really know what it was about him, but I just took to him from the start, even though I never really wanted to admit to it at first.

Maybe it was my unconventional side that took to him. After all, I'd always loved a challenge, and Rude was no exception. The guy had a hard shell to crack and always carried himself with an unbreakable professionalism. It was almost like he carried a stone wall around him that no one could ever penetrate, but I managed to get through it.

Was there ever any doubt?

Contrary to what I originally thought of him, I actually liked what I wound up finding there. He turned out to be pretty cool, and a man of great depth, albeit, he was a little bit of a basket-case when it came to the ladies.

But that's what he had me for, right? I'd win them over, direct them to my good buddy Rude, and then he'd give me that chastising look of his that I'd come to know so well and often ignored.

Sometimes, it would take some serious coaxing with him, but then he'd just give up and go with it. I think he knew that it was damn near impossible to win with me. Besides, I knew he appreciated it, even though he always pretended that he didn't.

Not to sound queer or weird, or anything like that, but I loved the guy. He became the best friend that a person could ever have, and I always knew that.

Yeah, that was my family… the Turks.

Tseng had become somewhat of a father figure, Rude was like the older brother that was always there to watch out for you, Elena became the younger sister that you always found yourself watching over, and then there was Rufus.

Rufus was, I guess you could say, the grumpy old grandfather who always threatened to cut you out of his will if you misbehaved. Only, in his case, it was more of the inevitable end to your own life. He was almost centuries ahead of himself and carried that same air, and at times, I couldn't help but wonder if that was why he always appeared somewhat bitter and empty.

Well, whatever it was about him, I couldn't help but think that maybe it simply had something to do with him being a spoiled-rich brat who was so used to getting what he wanted that he just wouldn't have it any other way.

_Oh well, nothin beats havin a family, an nothin beats bein a Turk._

Anyway, while I contemplated the meaning of my life and those around me, I made my way over to the cupboard where the cups were, and poured myself a nice cup of coffee. Then I did what I always did, and added a nice, generous, healthy splash of rye.

Okay, so I wasn't a good boy, but I don't recall ever telling anybody that I was.

From behind me, I heard Tseng's tenor voice asking, "Sir, are you all right?" and it was returned with nothing more than an agitated grunt.

Out of curiosity, I turned around with my cup in my hand to see what had gotten him concerned. And almost like clockwork, Rufus had his eyes closed and his hands to his head, rubbing his temples in an attempt to rub out another one of his migraines.

It was probably the only thing I ever felt sorry for the guy for. He seemed to get a lot of them, almost for as long as I could remember, and often-times, they were crippling to the poor guy.

Not because I liked him all of the sudden, but more out of being his bodyguard for so many years, I automatically reached into my pocket to pull out an elixir and poured it into his coffee. Even with his eyes shut, tight as they were, he knew what I'd done, probably out of the same training as me, and grabbed the cup to take a drink.

We'd all been together for so long by that point that we all just knew what to expect from each other all the time. It was something that just happened to people after they got used to each other's ways, I guess.

Strangely enough, it had gotten to a point to where Rufus hardly had to give us any orders any more. We all just seemed to know what was expected of us, and we made every attempt to perform our duties as best as we could. Although, the elixir wasn't really anyone's duty per say. It was just something I took note of, and the guy seemed to silently appreciate it.

However, I'd like to point out that I never did it to get into his good books. It was just something that I did for no real reason that I could come up with, except to say that maybe, I just knew what the hell it felt like to have a pounding headache, and therefore, I took a little sympathy on anyone that I saw suffering from one.

Admittedly, I was sure glad that Rufus was nothing like his father. Even though I'd gotten quite close to President Shinra near the end, the man despised me at the beginning. And as much as I screwed up with Rufus, he never beat me like his father had done in those early years, even though I was sure that he despised me too.

Rufus would simply hold his breath and clench up all over, and tell me to leave, or take a leave, or tell me he would deal with me later, which he would never do.

Mind you, the man always seemed to take some sort of satisfaction in cutting my pay whenever I screwed up though, regardless of whatever else he'd threaten to do, my pay was the one thing he'd always stick to. I think he knew that it was one of those things that really got under my skin, so he took pride in taking it away.

I guess you could say I was somewhat lucky. Most people that pissed Rufus off ended up on the wrong side of his shotgun, or whatever other weapon he happened to be close to at the time. All I could do was think that I must've done something right, even though I never really knew what the hell it might have been.

However, it's not to say that I didn't expect him to deal with me harshly. I had a difficult time controlling myself and stopping myself from doing things I knew I shouldn't have been doing. I wasn't necessarily looking to get into trouble. I just happened to be one of those people that couldn't seem to stay away from it. It followed me like a plague.

Tussling Elena's hair as I walked by her, I snickered at her annoyed response and her hand flinging up to shoo me away while taking a sip of my coffee. Then I proceeded to sit beside Rude and nudged him to look at the two lovebirds before I bothered to say anything.

"Don't they make the sweetest couple?" I asked, playfully, to the monolith of a man beside me, and nodded towards Tseng and Elena.

Overhearing my question that I intended for everyone to hear, Elena turned even more of a shade of red than she already was, and turned her head away in embarrassment while Tseng smiled the broadest smile I'd ever seen him smile.

Yeah, it was nice. For the first time in a long time, if not for the first time, life actually seemed worth living, and I actually found myself looking forward to what laid ahead.

On the other hand, Rufus seemed more bothered than usual by it for some reason that I couldn't place. Maybe it was the idea of love that made him feel like upchucking or something.

"They certainly do," Rude replied, a little unexpected I might add, after taking a drink of his coffee, but it just reconfirmed the feeling I had that I was in a good place.

"So, when's the weddin?" I asked, and leaned forward like a harebrained schoolboy wanting to get in on all the gossip.

When Elena smiled, she practically filled the room with a brimming sunshine. I couldn't help but note that the blushing glow she carried really suited her. To be honest, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous, but not really because it was Elena.

Like I mean, I found her pretty and all, but I honestly never thought of her as someone I'd want to make my own. Of course, I _did_ think of her in a sexual way at times, quite frequently actually, and often found myself wondering what she'd be like. Like I mean, I am alive, after all.

I believe it was more the idea of what they had together that made me a little jealous. Seeing the path my life had taken up until that point, I came to believe that it was something I would probably never experience. And maybe it even bothered me a little more than I thought it did, but at the time, I can't really say that I paid it much mind.

Anyway, I finally made it to the bottom of my cup and decided I'd announce that I was on my way to take a well-needed shower, not that anyone really needed to know. But I figured I'd advertise it anyway.

Just as I was about to leave the room, an unexpected voice called my name. When I turned to regard him, he looked up at me like I was the only one present. Rufus' shadowy eyes, looking like he took an onslaught from his migraine, met mine as they peered at me in a way that felt like he'd dived into my very soul.

Suddenly a little nervous about why he chose to zero in on me like that, because I couldn't think of anything that I could have possibly done wrong, I found myself standing there somewhat frozen and unsure.

"Thank you for the elixir," he said, and then he quickly turned his attention back to his paper. Admittedly, he took me a little by surprise, because during all the time I'd known the man, I can't say that I ever recalled him thanking anyone for anything, particularly not me.

With a bit of a nervous shrug and a quick glance at everyone else who seemed to appear like nothing out of the ordinary had happened, I returned his thanks with a nod, and said "Yer welcome, Sir." Then I tapped Rude on the shoulder and told him not to forget about our plans for the night.

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Revision 2: October 9, 2008


	3. A Match Made in Heaven

**A Match Made in Heaven**

* * *

"Reno, I _don't_ want to do this," Rude grumbled as usual, to one of my best laid plans this side of Midgar.

"Sure ya do. Ya'll thank me fer it later," I said, dancing around him as we made our way to the Seventh Heaven, "I know ya will."

When we entered the small tavern that Tifa and Cloud had rebuilt on the outskirts of Midgar, known as Edge, my senses were assaulted with that all too beautiful nightlife scent that I had become more than familiar with over the years.

The sweet, sweet smell of smoke and alcohol filled the air, along with the exotic aroma from the kitchen, courtesy of Tifa's new cook. "Mmm, mmm, somethin sure smells yummy," I said, as I casually half-danced and half-walked to the bar checking out all the ladies.

When I finally saw our target of the night coming our way, I covertly nudged my accomplice in question, to remind him to be prepared for the wonders that laid ahead if he played his cards right. And consequently, I think he tried to make a run for it, because I found myself having to swiftly grab his arm as an encouraging reminder to sit back down.

"Trust me," I said, through the corner of my mouth, trying not to make it move as I spoke, "Ya'll thank me."

"Hey, Babe."

With a greeting that only a few could get away with when it came to the silky black-haired idol of Rude's worship, I got up from the stool at the bar and put my arm around Tifa's waist to see exactly how agreeable of a mood she was in that wondrous evening.

There was, of course, another motive to my actions. It involved the verification, or lack of, in regards to one particular suitor that was rumoured to be the only man Tifa ever had eyes for. Some people had even gone far enough to say that they were already coupled.

So, I manoeuvred myself behind her, while still keeping my arm about her waist, and managed to get a good inconspicuous view of Cloud's expression from where he sat alone, at the far corner of the tavern. From what I could tell from his bored and uninterested expression, I could have had my tongue down her throat, and I doubt he would have cared.

_So far, so good. Looks like she's unclaimed._

"What's a pretty thing like ya doin in a dive like this?" I asked in a playful manner, and swayed her from side to side.

With a rosy blush to compliment that beautiful milky complexion of hers, she pushed me away and punched me in the arm for calling her place a dive. Not too hard though. It was all in good fun. Every woman liked a little attention from time to time, even if it was from someone like me, and that didn't exclude Tifa.

"Will it be the usual, Reno?"

"With a little Tifa on the side," I said, patting her on the backside and winking at her as she walked behind the bar and reacted with a chastising, yet flirtatious smile. Then I looked back over at Cloud to make sure that my initial judgement wasn't mistaken, and still, there was nothing.

_Yep. Confirmed. _

_She's free for the takin. _

_Now, for faze two…_

"So, Tell me, Pretty lady." With a playful glint in my eyes and a crooked grin, I leaned over the bar to get closer to her, and asked, "What kind'a lucky man do ya have hidin out with ya?"

While looking at me sideways with her cool brown eyes, like she was a little suspicious of what I was up to, but interested in where I was going, she swayed her upper body a bit and grabbed a short glass from under the counter. Then she filled it with the cheapest alcohol that she had on hand as she continued to think of a way to avoid the question.

But like most people when it came to curiosity, even Tifa couldn't hold out forever, and she cracked rather quickly as her interest peaked. "Why do you ask, Reno?"

"I jus find it a little hard ta believe that a beautiful lady like yerself is still single," I said, and winked at her.

Blushing again, she playfully swayed her upper body back and forth with the prettiest smile she could muster, while she placed the glass down in front of me. And it sure was a pretty smile, if I didn't say so myself.

"Well, Reno, if you must know," She said, with a role to her eyes and grabbed a pint glass to fill with beer, "There isn't anyone in my life right now."

I couldn't help but notice that she almost looked a little disappointed at the admittance to being alone.

"Anyone ya got in mind?" I asked, while lighting the cigarette I'd gotten ready for myself.

With a pause and a suspicious look, while sizing me up, she placed the beer on the counter in front of my silent partner, who could have passed himself off as a rather large rock at that point. Then she smiled again and rolled her eyes at me. "Reno…" While tilting her head, she placed her hand on her hip in a weird sort of compassionate but playful manner, "I'd have to be mad to consider you."

_Still_ _playing. I like that in a lady_.

"Nah, I was'n askin fer myself, Pretty lady."

There was no disappointment on either part, really. I honestly didn't think either of us had ever considered entertaining such a thought, not that we didn't like each other, or hate each other. We just managed to find a common ground after all the hardships that took place over two years ago. But besides all that, I'd managed to get her interest peeked to a point to where I had her full attention, nonetheless.

"Say, ya know, Sweet thing…"

Leaning over the counter to get more intimately private with her, I kicked Rude hard in the calf to get him to sit back down, since he was about to try and get himself as far away from the scene as possible.

"What's that, Reno?" she asked, and followed my lead by leaning closer to me as well. Then she rested her forearms on the counter and brought her face closer to mine so she could hear me better.

"I know a guy who thinks yer the sweetest thing ta ever grace his presence," I purred lowly into her ear, and then I took a drag from my cigarette.

"And who is that, Reno?"

_Damn. She has pretty eyes._

Half-smiling at her, I tapped my ashes into the tray on the counter and moved my eyes slowly over to Rude, and then back to her without turning my head.

"He's a big guy," I said with a feigned caution to my voice, and then took a drink, "And a little shy." Then with a gasp after I took my first drink, I lowered my voice and moved closer to her, "Ya think ya might be interested?"

She looked over at Rude, catching on to where I was going, and smiled her pretty smile again.

"Maybe," she answered, and then she swayed again while looking back over at Rude.

"Well then, I'll let the two of ya get acquainted."

Raising my voice to a level that was clear enough for everyone around us to hear, I patted Rude on the shoulder and snickered at him when he cringed. Then I grabbed my drink and got off my stool since the initial part of my agenda had been accomplished and my presence was no longer needed.

You see, I figured I'd only be a hindrance to the cause if I stuck around and distracted either of them from each other. So, it made more sense to me if I simply removed myself from the scene. But before I left them to their own devices, I pulled up behind Rude, placed my free hand on his shoulder, and leaned over to his ear, "She's all yours, buddy".

Cringing again at the fact that he wasn't too happy about the situation I put him in, Rude put his head down and buried it in his drink. But I wasn't about to stick around and be his chaperone when he was more than capable of taking care of himself, especially when he was given the right push.

Plus, there was so many other pretty ladies in the pub that night that I would rather have spent my time with. I also knew he'd wind up thanking me later, and I smiled to myself as I heard the conversation from the two of them get started while I took another drink and left them to work out the rest between them.

_Reno, ya've outdone yerself, man. Now, if ya could only do the same thing for yerself._

The rest of the evening pretty much went on like most evenings out did, I danced, got slapped, drank, and I snacked. I even went so far as to sit with Cloud for a bit and caught up on old times with him. Of course, he wasn't exactly thrilled to be blessed with my charming presence, but I ignored him and stuck around, regardless. And every now and then, I'd look back at the bar to make sure everything was going as planned.

It was nice to see Tifa smiling and blushing at the random points in the conversation she was sharing with the man I considered to be the greatest friend that ever entered my life. And what made it even more rewarding, was the fact that he was smiling along with her.

Yep, everything was as it should have been, and even though I wasn't really getting anywhere with the ladies myself, I was as happy as a chocobo who'd just won first place.

After all the excitement was over and done with, and Cloud threatened to cut me in half if I didn't leave him alone, I wound up having to awkwardly carry Rude home from the Heaven that night.

He'd gotten so smashed that he was unable to carry a sentence if his life depended on it, which was something that always made me smile a bit. And of course, he kept thanking me over, and over, regardless of the fact that he was less than willing to go along with my plans at the beginning.

"I, can, Tank you , 'nough," he kept saying, as a result of his inability to hold himself together for much longer. As it turned out, he had such a good time getting to know the obsession of his life that he forgot to watch his limit for a change.

"I told ya ya'd thank me," I kept saying back to him in a playful matter-of-fact manner, "So, when ya seein her again?"

"Tomrrrwn, nt," he answered.

For those of you that are having a little trouble reading Rude when he's drunk, he said, 'Tomorrow Night'.

It was hard not to feel happy for the big guy, it had been a long time since I'd seen any of us truly happy like that, but on the other hand, I had to admit that it left me feeling a little jealous.

Anyway, in the end, we finally made it back to Healin unscathed, and we stumbled up the stairs. Me, mostly because I was trying to carry a man three times my weight, and him, well, I guess you all get the picture by now. He was a little drunk.

Oh well, as it turned out, I had to carry the man all the way to his room and help him get into his bed. It would probably seem odd to most that a man as big as he was couldn't hold his liquor as well as I could. But then again, I spent most of my life building up a tolerance to the stuff.

Whereas, he only really started drinking the day AVALANCHE started kicking our butts. And as an added precaution for his well-being, when I got to his door to leave, I turned to regard him once more to make sure he was okay. Then as an afterthought, I went into his bathroom and grabbed a bucket for him before leaving just in case he'd wind up needing it.

Admittedly, as happy as I was for the big guy, the whole scenario left me feeling a little depressed and sorry for myself, for reasons I couldn't quite put my finger on.

Maybe it had something to do with the fact that Tseng now had Elena, Rude seemed like he was on a new start with Tifa, and me, well, I was still single with no prospects in sight, and I was suddenly feeling like I might have just screwed myself over.

After all, we all know what happens to a friendship when a woman gets involved, not to sound sexist or anything, but we all know it's the cold, hard truth. I guess the other part that made me a little uneasy was the fact that I would probably wind up being the odd one out, and therefore, the one who would be left behind to have to stay and safeguard Rufus.

Now, I'm not saying that watching over Rufus' well-being was all bad. Under usual circumstances, he would simply ignore the fact that I existed and read his books, or get caught up on paperwork while minding his own business. I'm just saying that it wasn't fair, that's all.

* * *

_Hm…_

If only I'd known how wrong I was…

About everything.

* * *

Revision 1: Revised on August 17, 2010


	4. All About Timing

**All About Timing**

* * *

While in my sudden melancholy state, I decided there was nothing better to do than to go into the kitchen and crack open a new bottle of Scotch. I figured, maybe I could drown myself before the morning and then never have to ponder the question of a prospect again. In fact, maybe I'd never have to ponder the fact that I was pondering it in the first place.

Anyway, while pondering the prospect of never pondering again, I made my way to the kitchen through the main area and didn't even notice that the light was still on until I entered. Due to the fact that I wasn't really expecting to run into anyone, Rufus caught me a little by surprise when I saw him still sitting in the same place he was sitting at in the morning.

It was almost like he never moved from the spot, and to my surprise, there were two bottles of Vodka in front of him. One was empty and the other was half-full. Then with his glass to his lips, he looked up at me with a quizzical look in his eyes, like he was just as surprised to see me as I was to see him.

"I trust your evening went well?" he half-asked and half-assumed.

For some strange reason, I couldn't help but notice that he sounded a little agitated over something. However, due to the fact that I was more than self-involved that evening, I couldn't say that it concerned me all that much.

Shrugging my shoulders, and frowning a little, I thought about his question for a moment. But because it was Rufus, I didn't really know how to answer the man, so I didn't really say anything at all in reply.

"Ya been sittin here the whole time?" I asked, as I grabbed my bottle out of the cupboard, and avoided a response to his question.

"No," he confessed, and then with his eyes on his drink, he went on to explain, "I came in here shortly after you and Rude left." Then he brought his glass to his lips and took a large gulp before letting out a heavy sigh and putting it back down.

Suddenly aware of the fact that he'd been in the lodge by himself for however long he was alone for, with no one to watch over him, I automatically kicked into my 'Turk' mode and took a quick look around. "Where's Tseng and Elena?"

"I ordered them out for the evening." With a slight edge of disgust to his voice, he took another drink of his vodka and refilled his glass.

Not really sure about why he'd been acting so callous in regards to them ever since they started dating, I found myself getting a little mad over the fact that he would so obtusely order them out when he knew damn well that their job was as simple as keeping him guarded, despite what kind of personal relationship they were having.

What baffled me even more was the fact that regardless of how _sickening _Rufus may have found them, they should have known better than to listen to him and leave him alone like that as well.

What if something would have happened?

No one would have been there to do anything about it.

"Fuck, Sir," I blurted out without thinking. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I was getting a little too comfortable for my own good, being couped up the way that we were, but I couldn't seem to stop myself from continuing, and I wound up raising my voice. "If I'd known ya were gonna do that, I would'a stayed behind!"

"Oh?" Raising his brow in a feigned contemplation, he lifted his drink halfway to his lips and stopped with a look of obvious amusement on his face. "I had no idea that you cared."

Brushing off his comment that came across as a little snide, I was only reminded that the conversation we had the other night was most-likely a one-time thing, and I did my best to ignore the fact that I let myself play into his hands. "Think about it… What if somethin had happened?"

"If it will put your mind at ease, allow me to remind you that I am not in a wheelchair anymore, the Geostigma has been gone for some time, and I am _more_ than well and capable enough to take care of myself." With that, he took a drink from his glass and then set it back down.

Besides his blatant attempt at reason, I couldn't help but wonder how he could remain so casual. There was no way of telling if anyone else knew where we were, and he damn well knew that.

"The remnants are dead," he started. Then he paused for a moment while he searched for more justifications. But I cut him off from finding anything else to say.

"That's not the point!" I yelled, and pushed myself angrily away from the counter. "They found out where ya were! What makes ya think no one else can?"

"Because the remnants were exceptional."

The temptation to smack that casual look off his face was almost overwhelming at that point.

_Exceptional?_

_Is he hopin someone'll come to assassinate him?_

"You seem a little fired up." With a self-amused smirk, he turned to me and tilted his head. "Perhaps you'd like to tell me why?"

"Cuz ya seem to like playing with fire! Yer outta control, Sir!"

_Shit!_

_Did I jus say what I think I jus said to my fuckin Boss? _

More so…

_Did I jus fuckin yell at Rufus?_

_I'm so dead._

The look he gave me at that moment was beyond plain creepy. It sent a wave of shivers that travelled through the top of my head and out every limb like a train-wreck. It wasn't the kind of look he had when he was mad at you, or angry. Nor was it the kind of look that he had when he was amused, although it did somewhat resemble that, maybe, a little, kind of.

If I didn't know any better, I'd say it was the look of a predator, right down to the hungry grin. But even though it resembled that, it was somewhat different than his usual, 'I'm going to kill you now' look that I had come to know so well just by bearing witness.

Regardless of the anger I was feeling towards his obstinacy, every fibre of my instinctual being told me to back off.

Maybe what I just said wasn't really such a good idea.

Maybe my reaction wasn't such a good idea either.

But contrary to my fears, he seemed to like my sudden outburst. I'm not really sure if it was because no one but Tseng had ever yelled at him before, besides his father, which was a whole different story, or if he was finding my sudden lack of control amusing.

"I happen to like playing with fire, Reno." With frighteningly narrowed eyes, he refused to break the magnetic lock he had on my own, and reached to his side to grab his glass. Then he took another large gulp before placing it back down again.

Those ice-blue eyes of his lit up with a fire that was threatening to melt me if I dared say anything else. So I dared not, and nervously looked around the room, wondering what time it was in hopes that I could find a good excuse to get the hell out of there.

Not being able to come up with anything on the fly, I sheepishly pointed at my bottle with my brow raised, and started to make my way to my room with it. I wasn't about to impose on the man anymore than I had just done. I was sure he preferred his own company, and I most likely just over-stood my ground. But I should have known better than to think I could get away that easily, because he stopped me at the door with a question.

"No glass?"

"Nah… Don't really need one. Jus gonna drink the whole thing," I muttered, fearing that my melancholy might have been starting to show a little as I was calming down, especially due to the fact that I just admitted to drinking straight from the bottle.

"Interesting… they say drinking alone isn't healthy."

As he shifted in his seat and topped off his own glass, his eyes met mine with his usual, casual and calculating demeanour, as if the conversation we were just having never happened.

"Then I guess ya should'n be doin it then," I said, half-playfully, in an attempt to 'just go with it'.

"Perhaps you should keep me company then."

Somewhat disappointed at the fact that I had walked myself into a deadlock without thinking, I left myself with no choice but to accommodate his request. I suppose it was funny, even when he suggested something, how I treated it like it was an order.

Maybe it was out of sheer habit. Anyway, I sat down at the other end of the table with my head down, not really wanting to meet his eyes, and I sat there like a young teenager who'd just met his girlfriend's father for the first time. Personally, I didn't really know how I was supposed to interact with him, and I didn't really think that I'd be the best company even if I did.

"Something is bothering you."

"Nah," I answered and started shaking my leg, "It's nothin." With a shrug to my shoulders, I cocked my brow again and started picking at the label on the bottle. I doubted he would have really been interested in anything that my personal life involved, and I didn't really know how to talk about something that I didn't really understand myself. Not to mention, it wasn't any of his business. So, I took a large swig of my scotch and wiped nervously at my lips after I pulled it away.

To make things even more awkward for me, he uncharacteristically stretched his arms out, forward across the table, making me think of the way Dark Nation used to do that after it got up from sleeping, and then he relaxed them back. It was unnerving to watch him do something so… strange.

But then again, I was finding a lot of things out of sorts with him in those days, and all I could do to bring comfort to myself was to tell myself that it was the vodka. After all, he seemed to be drinking a lot more of it when he was told that the construction of his new building was going to be delayed after the destructive attack from the remnants and Sephiroth.

Anyway, maybe he was drunk, because he leaned forward onto the table and rested his chin on it while looking me square in the eye. The whole way in which he carried himself left me looking away and wondering how in Gaia's name did I wind up in the position I was in. It also left me feeling a little like I was under some kind of self-destructing microscope.

Then it hit me.

I realized that his hands weren't on the table and thought he must've had them on his gun.

_How fittin,_ I thought.

_I get to die right when I want to._

Not seeing much sense in making any kind of effort whatsoever, if that were the case, I grabbed my bottle again. Albeit, I grabbed it a little nervously that time, and took another large swig. "Ya mind if I smoke, Sir?"

"Go right ahead."

I was actually kind of surprised since I didn't really expect him to give me permission to smoke around him, but I figured, 'Oh well,' and lit it anyway. Then he did something I really didn't expect him to do. He got up and grabbed my ashtray that I kept on the counter and pushed it towards me. Now, what was so strange about this was that I normally smoked outside because I knew that he hated it.

Anyway, without hesitation, he returned back to the position he was sitting in before he got up, and then he just watched me for a moment longer, renewing that unbearable sense of awkwardness that I really didn't want to be feeling.

"I'm sure you're aware that over the years, I've become fairly adept at reading people."

Due to the fact that he was probably a little tired, and the position he was in, his voice had taken on a low quality that reminded me a bit of a husky growl.

"I'm aware of that, Sir," I answered, and was finally able to meet his eyes for a second as I flicked my ashes into the ashtray, a little surprised that I was able to keep a cool tone when I responded as carefully as I could.

"Rufus," he said casually, "Call me Rufus… I'd like to drop the formality, if I may."

With a nod, I said, "Rufus," hesitantly, and then I looked away, still unable to bring myself to meet his eyes fully, and not being able to raise my voice to much above a whisper. It just didn't sound right to call him Rufus after so many years of calling him Sir.

"I've always had a difficult time reading you though."

With a slight snort, I nervously smiled and took another deep drag from my cigarette before I was finally able to look him in the eyes with a reflection of my own disbelief.

"I know something is bothering you… You're more agitated than usual," he pointed out, as he attempted to read the facts. "Beyond that, I'm unable to discern what may have gone wrong recently to put you in the reflective mood that you've been in these last couple of days."

Then he sat back up and straightened out his posture while still sizing me up and refilling his glass. "I confess, I'm rather curious." With what seemed like a thoughtful expression tugging at the border of his exterior, he turned his glass clockwise while focusing on it, and then he returned his focus to me. "I'd like to know what it is."

There was no expression or any emotion in his face or voice. It was the same musical quality that he always spoke in when he was sorting through his thoughts or playing with someone, which was almost always.

However, over the years, I'd come to know that he almost had a unique pace and pitch that would suit a particular situation, a type of quality that was hard to explain in words. The one he was using was almost the same quality that he spoke in when he was interrogating someone, only it was slightly different.

To put things clearly, Rufus was the type of person that really disliked not knowing what the people around him were thinking, regardless of what it was, and I think he was one of those people that I could safely say had the potential to become extremely obsessive about it.

"It's nothin. It's jus…"

_Damn!_

_What the fuck am I doin?_

No offence to the guy or anything like that, but truth be told, Rufus was the last person I wanted to be sharing my personal thoughts with.

Out of a sudden curiosity, he leaned forward and rested his hands on the table, keeping them in clear view. "Just what?" he asked with a playful smirk and a sudden light in his eyes that took me a little off guard since I had no clue on how to interpret it.

A little uncertain about what kind of game he was playing with me, I scratched at the back of my neck and sat back while answering him nervously. "It's kinda… stupid."

"I see. There is hardly anything that I find stupid about you," he said, with that same strange look that he had the other night when he started talking to me out on the deck.

Not really sure on how to deal with a compliment from the man, if that was what he was doing, I found myself changing the topic. To be honest, I didn't know where I found the balls to ask the question that I did. But maybe it had something to do with me thinking I was about to die, leaving me with little to lose. "Ya gonna kill me? Rufus?"

It was a little hard to tell, but I think he might have been a little surprised by my question, since there was suddenly a lighter air about him. "You really are a beat to your own drum," he mused, and took another drink from his glass, snickered, and then he smiled faintly at me. "Why in the Lifestream's name would I want to kill you?"

Suddenly feeling kind of silly, I set my attention on the ashtray to avoid his eyes. Then I took another drink and shrugged while lightly muttering, "Cuz, I'm a fuckup."

"Hm…" Thoughtfully, he relaxed back into his chair and tapped his fingers on the surface of the table. "If that were the case, then you would have already been dead." Then he pushed his chair back so he could get up from his seat and let his fingers linger lightly on the table, dragging them in an almost caressing manner as he made his way over to me.

With a playfully teasing look in his eyes and a grin that no one in their right mind would trust, he swayed with each careful step that he took, taking me a little off guard. For some reason, the way that he moved kind of reminded me of a… woman.

"You're just going through a rough patch right now," he said, with an almost velvety undertone and rested his backside against the edge of the table from where I was sitting when he got over to me. "As a matter of fact," Locking his eyes with mine, he brought his hand to my face and stroked it lightly with his thumb, sending a shiver down my spine, "We all are."

Then he leaned forward and practically purred into my ear, "Once we rebuild Shinra, we'll _all_ be out of our slump."

With his mouth unnervingly close to my face, and his thumb still stroking my cheek, I couldn't help but feel a little nervous at the fact that I wasn't really sure about what his real intentions were. So, I turned my face to the side, away from him, and swallowed back the rising lump in my throat before I asked something that I couldn't believe I actually asked. Even to this day, I don't know what came over me.

"Are ya… tryin ta… seduce me? Sir?"

What made matters worse was the fact that I moved my eyes back to his and patiently waited for his answer.

"Rufus," he corrected, and pulled his hand away from my face, dragging his fingers lightly along my jaw while keeping his eyes locked with mine. "Would it bother you if I was?"

Maybe it was a panic attack. I'm not really sure. But at that moment, all I could really think was that it was a good thing that I had a ribcage, because my heart was suddenly pounding so hard that it would have exploded out of my chest, making an unsightly mess on that immaculately white suit of his if there was nothing to keep it inside of me.

And out of complete reaction, I tossed my cigarette into the ashtray, jumped out of my seat and knocked it over. I'm sure it was mostly out of shock. Then I attempted to bolt for the door to make a run for it. But he grabbed me by my shirt and pushed me against the wall, pinning me there so that I was facing him.

With a sudden wince from the sharp pain as the light switch dug into my back, I let out a small yelp that he didn't seem to notice, or maybe he just didn't care. Instead, he just held me there, with his face slightly above mine.

"Would it?" he asked again, studying me curiously.

"I…"

Suddenly those lips were on my own, but just brushing them, testing the limits and nothing more, and then he pulled back while waiting for me to answer him.

"I dunno," I answered him, nervously. Not that I was really sure if that was what I really wanted to say to him or not, but it seemed to be the only thing I could bring myself to say.

Seemingly pleased with the fact that I didn't say yes, he smiled at me crookedly and shifted his body a little closer. Then after a slight pause before he spoke, he ran his eyes across my face as if he was trying to read me, before purring, "I've never kissed a man before," with a low and seductive voice, like smooth velvet.

At that moment, I think I went entirely limp out of fear.

In fact, if it weren't for him holding me up against that wall, I would have flopped to the floor like a dead Flapbeat.

And before I even really had the chance to know what was going on, those lips of his were on my own again. But this time, it was for the kill. As his tongue played over mine in a battle of insatiable hunger, I made no attempt to stop him, and I found myself returning the kiss with just as much enthusiasm as I was receiving.

To this day, I don't know what the hell came over me as I wrapped my arms around him in an attempt to pull his body more closely to mine than it already was.

But I have to admit, I was a little thankful that Tseng and Elena decided to come home shortly after that moment.

* * *

Revision 2: October 9, 2008


	5. The Clumsy Fool

**The Clumsy Fool**

* * *

_What the hell was that all about? _I found myself asking myself as I shut the door to my room behind me.

I had my bottle in my hand and tried to replay what had just happened in my head to try and make sense out of it.

Everything was like a blur.

As soon as we heard the front door open, Rufus pulled back, and I grabbed my scotch while making a run for it. I probably shouldn't have acted so suspiciously like that though. The fact that I literally bolted out the front door, pushing Tseng into the wall, and Elena onto the floor, as I bulldozed my way through them, must have made them think something was up.

I had to tell myself to relax.

They knew I did strange things.

Maybe they'd just brush it off as me having to spew from drinking so much.

Yeah…

That wouldn't be so strange of me after all. That's something I would do.

But what If they suspected something?

What if they knew?

_Damn it, Reno! What the hell could they know? _

_Ya guys were in the other room!_

_It's not like Rufus was openly gay! _

Hell, I never would have expected that from him myself. I don't even think I would have believed it if it weren't for it happening to me.

_But wait a second!_

_He said he'd never kissed a guy before! _

So, did that mean that he wasn't gay? What the hell was that all about? Is that how he got when he drank?

_What a twisted Fuck! _

Was it some kind of sick turn on of his to do whatever the hell it was he was doing? What the hell kind of game was he playing with me?

I was taking quick gulps of my scotch, pacing back and forth in my room, nervously flicking my ashes on the floor.

I needed to tell myself to calm down.

_The guy was drunk. Ya saw the bottles of vodka on the table._

He was just drunk. We were both drunk. It didn't mean anything. People did weird things when they drank. If only I had one Gil for every stupid and weird thing I did when _I_ drank.

But then…

_Why did I kiss him back? _

_I was'n that drunk, was I? _

_I did'n feel that drunk._

If anything, I felt completely sober. Too sober in fact, that I needed to be feeling drunk.

_Stop it, Reno_

_Yer gonna drive yerself mad!_

I flopped down on the edge of my bed into a slump, and told myself to take it easy on the scotch as I brought the bottle back to my lips. The last thing I wanted to do was run out and have to go back in there to get another one.

Letting myself fall onto my back, I laid there and stared at the ceiling, trying to empty my mind.

_It's nothin, Reno. It's nothin,_ I kept telling myself as I brought my hand to my mouth and started brushing it with my finger in thought.

_It's nothin_.

So then, why did it feel like it was _something_?

_I don't actually like guys, do I?_

_Is that why I'm not havin any luck with the ladies?_

Was that Rufus' strange way of telling me something?

_Don't be silly! Ya've never even looked at one before! At least, not in a desirable way…_

_At least, not until ya saw how he moved when he came over to ya._

The whole ordeal was about to drive me insane if I couldn't take my mind off of it. The whole idea was preposterous, really. I always liked the ladies, and they always liked me. I just never settled down with one because I was simply not the type.

Anybody that knew me knew that I was a man to myself. No woman was ever going to put up with my drinking and gambling for long. I knew that, and I accepted it. That didn't mean that I was gay, Did it?

_Of course not!_

_So, why the hell am I askin myself this question?_

But then again, why the hell did I just ask the question I just asked?

_Damn it, Reno! Get a grip!_

Maybe I just needed to sleep it off.

_Yeah, sleep it off. _

_Everythin'll be all right in the mornin._ _Maybe Rufus won't even remember._

_It will all be normal in the mornin._

_Everythin'll be like it was._

* * *

My alarm clock didn't go off the next morning. Figuring I must have forgotten to set it, I opened a blurry eye and looked over at the time while thanking Gaia for my internal clock that had developed over the years, because it was at the time that it would have normally gone off.

It made me think that maybe I didn't need it after all. Gaia knew how much I hated the sound of that invasive thing anyways. Sadly though, I fell asleep with the bottle still open which left me in a soaked state due to the fact that the contents had spilled all over me and my bed.

_Wonderful!_ _Jus great!_ I thought, when I took note of how I passed out with my legs still hanging over the edge of the bed. Not to mention, I had an open bottle of scotch in my hand, and an expensive one at that too. It was a good thing I got a generous paycheque. Otherwise, I would have been kicking myself.

Knowing there was no way I could have gone back into the lodge looking and smelling the way that I did, I rolled myself off the bed and nearly fell back over when I stood, from the swoon of the drink that hadn't entirely left my body. It wasn't so much that I drank too much. I figured it was more of a combination of the circumstances that intermixed with the drink, and I was actually surprised that I didn't throw up all over myself as a consequence.

With that thought, I suddenly chuckled to myself when it made me wonder how Rude had made it through the night, considering he was in pretty rough shape when I left him to his own devices. Shaking my head at that, I pulled the sheets off my bed, and tossed them onto the floor so I could just grab them after I took my shower and put them in the laundry.

But before that, I staggered over to my dresser, where all of my clothes were piled on top and wrinkled together, on account of my being too lazy to actually put them in their drawers or hang them up. So I just rifled through the mess like I always did and pulled out one of my other uniforms. It was standard issue that we all had five of them.

While yawning, and still trying to shake off the hangover that I was suffering from, I carried my clothes into my private bathroom, each of our quarters had one, and I dropped them onto the floor before turning on the water for my shower.

All the while, cursing at the blasted thing for taking so damn long to warm up. It was nothing like the apartment I had back at the Shinra tower, but there was nothing I could do about that. The building was destroyed and we all agreed to stay at Healin until we could rebuild.

I suppose it was kind of funny, coming from the slums myself, the fact that I had become accustomed to luxury and couldn't handle having to wait a minute or two for a shower to warm up, was somewhat ironic. It didn't change the fact that I stood there tapping my feet though, and constantly putting my hand in the water flow-to test it, sighing and cursing the whole time.

When the water finally made it to a tolerable temperature after what seemed like an exaggeratedly long time, I peeled my soiled clothes off and jumped in.

Unable to recall the last time a shower ever felt so good at Healin, I revelled at the feel of the water pouring over me like a cleansing liquid, through my hair and over my body. Although the pressure wasn't exactly the standard I'd become used to, it did the job just fine for what I needed that morning.

It was that extra little step that I needed to clear my head out, and wash my thoughts away, along with the filth that I doused myself in while in my drunken slumber. For the first time in a long time, the smell of the expensive shampoo that we all had smelled even better than I had recalled, as it filled up the room with a hint of mint, refreshing my mind.

The luxuries…

That was why I became a Turk in the first place, even though the initial circumstances didn't really appear to be in my favour. I couldn't stand being in the slums any longer. I hated the dirt, the scumbags, that perpetually rotten smell, and everything else about it.

If I hadn't gotten into a fight in a bar when Rude just happened to be there, I probably would have never made it out, and I probably wouldn't be alive to tell this story right now. The strangest part was the fact that I had picked his pocket without him even knowing.

He had me in handcuffs after arresting me for the assault and was taking me to the precinct on the plate. When he suddenly realised he didn't have his keycard on him, or his wallet, he gripped his hand into my arm, hard, and shook me roughly.

Having dealt with me more than once beforehand, he knew right away what I had done and smacked me across the head, demanding that I give it back to him. As a response, I just smiled at him with my typical 'Who me?' look on my face, and he slugged me into the wall.

Needless to say, the man had a real good force behind him, and after he nearly knocked me out, I figured it was probably in my best interest that I give it back to him. Although, I couldn't really do that, since my hands were cuffed behind my back, and I took his wallet before he put them on me.

So, I had to tell him where it was on my person in order for him to take it back himself. I guess it wouldn't come as a surprise to anyone if I were to say that he didn't look too impressed with me at that point.

Well, anyway…

To my surprise, as I was sitting there in that cold, small cell waiting for the worst, the Turk that I had come to know as Tseng entered, and started reading off all of my previous offences on a long sheet of paper. Actually, there was more than one sheet of paper. I figured they'd had enough of me and were gonna whack me off for being more trouble than I was worth.

You see, Turks didn't normally deal with petty criminals like me in the precinct, even though I had run into them several times throughout the years. They did the dirty work that no one else in the Shinra Company had the authority to do.

* * *

"_Well, Mr. Renault Salvani," he said to me, without looking up. "How would you like to make all of this disappear?"_

"_Disappear?" I wasn't really as confused as I probably looked. There was a Turk in my cell. It was obvious. He was going to make 'me' disappear._

"_Well, fast is preferable, Sir," I said, since being beaten to death didn't seem like the way I suddenly wanted to go out._

_Quirking his brow, he took a shallow breath to suggest that he wasn't amused and then made eye contact with me. "Actually, I had something else in mind."_

_Cringing a little at the thought of what he 'did' have in mind, I pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around them, fearing that maybe he was going to turn out to be some sort of sick pervert that was going to make me do a favour for him, and reward me accordingly._

_Seemingly uninterested by my reaction, or simply not caring, he quirked his brow again and looked back down at the file he was holding. "Your record is filled with cunning thievery, successful assaults." Then he stopped talking and looked back up at me to stress the seriousness of what he was pointing out, "weapons dealing, and suspected…"_

"_I KNOW WHAT MY FUCKIN RECORD HAS IN IT, YA FUCKIN TURK!" I cut him off and yelled, while pushing myself against the wall on the bunk like a cornered animal. _

'_Jus get to the fuckin point!'_

"_It appears you have connections," he said, meeting my eyes again, "And certain 'talents' that may prove useful."_

"_Useful for what?"_

"_I'll have a guard bring you to the President's office to brief you on what it is that we expect of you," he said as he had his back to me, walking out of my cell._

_Then he turned around again, and looked at me with a warning in his eyes, "And, Renault," he said, and scanned his eyes over me in disapproval. "I suggest you refrain from the profanity while in the President's presence."_

I remember the feeling I had. It was one of being sick…

_The President? What the hell does the President want to see me for?_

* * *

It turned out to not be as bad as I thought it was though. They offered to make my past disappear if I did the good deed and joined the Turks. They promised me a life of luxury and a freedom that I would never have if I remained in the Slums. In fact, they made it fairly clear that I probably wouldn't be returning to the Slums, regardless of my decision, due to the _prolific_ events in my records, if you know what I mean.

They actually made sure that they emphasized that part. Then they went on to tell me that I'd never have to need or want again, _and_ I'd have pay. The only catch was that I'd have to give up my life for the President should the need ever arise, always be on time for duty, wear a uniform, train, and kill people, should the need arise.

All of that, or disappear forever. Actually, either way, I was going to have to disappear forever, because if I accepted, everything that I was, and everything that I did, was going to have to be erased.

Heck, and here I thought they were going to kill me.

How could I refuse?

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thankful for my strange turn of events, as underhanded as they appeared to be. It didn't even matter to me that there were a couple of times I had to endure a beating from the President for messing up in the early years. It wasn't anything I wasn't used to anyway. Besides, it was worth it just to be where I was, and as a result, I made every effort to be the best that I could be, more for myself than for anyone else, even if it was in the only way that I knew how.

However, there were a few problems that I had, and I let myself slide appearance-wise. I drank heavily while off duty and I'd pass out in my clothes, forget to tuck my shirt in, and forget to wash my clothes, and things like that. What probably didn't help was that no one ever said anything to me about it either, except for Tseng, and even though I had a strange respect for the slender Wutain, I still had a difficult time pulling myself together in certain areas.

And as for everyone else, I guess they just didn't expect much more from me.

* * *

After getting myself cleaned up, I made it up the steps to the main part of the lodge and went straight to the laundry room located on the outside, slightly away from the main entrance, and dumped my sheets and uniform from the night before into the machine.

All the while, I attempted to distract myself from thinking, by whistling and taking as much time as I could. I figured I'd light a cigarette while I was in there too, since the room was well closed off and nobody would notice. In the meantime, I hung around for a bit, humming and tapping with my hands, until I finished my cigarette before sucking it up and going into the kitchen where everyone was sure to be having the usual morning chit-chat.

Even though I knew I'd have to make an appearance sooner or later, I was finding it hard to move from the spot I was standing in, because Rufus was in there. I honestly hadn't thought about it much that morning until it finally came time to face the man again.

Truth be told, I had no idea how I was ever going to face him again after what happened. I don't think it was really so much the fact that he'd kissed me that was bothering me either. I think it was the fact that I had readily kissed him back that was bothering me.

I had to reassure myself that I had nothing to worry about. Everyone else would be in there too. So, it was really no big deal, right? So, why the hell did I feel like it was a big deal?

_Suck it up, Man. Worse things have happened to ya, _I reminded myself.

After all, I needed every little bit of encouragement I could give myself in order to build up enough courage to reluctantly walk into that room.

* * *

It wasn't so bad, really. I walked into the usual bright and cheery room, filled with the smell of bacon, eggs, and coffee. Elena was giggling happily, and Tseng was sitting beside her and smiling. Rude had his breakfast in front of him, which I assumed was probably his second or third helping. I could never get over how much that guy ate.

Most importantly though, I was thankful to see that Rufus had his face behind a fully folded out newspaper, and closed my eyes while thanking whatever God played a part in that. I'll admit that I was more than relieved that I wouldn't have to really face the man, even though he was there. To be honest, I didn't think I knew how I would.

However, I didn't exactly do a good job at acting like nothing was up, because I didn't say a word to anyone, and usually I'd say hello, good morning, how're ya'll doin…

But that morning was a little different, and consequently, as I tried to make things look like nothing was up, I made my way straight for the coffee and poured myself a cup, grabbed the dish soap and poured it in like I always did, took a sip and spat it out all over myself and onto the counter, and yelled out _"FUCK!"_

Wait a minute.

Did I just say dish soap?

Not thinking, I dropped the cup into the sink and the handle broke off before I turned around to see everyone staring at me, including Rufus, who had folded the newspaper over to get a better view.

"Trying to wash your mouth out, Reno?" Tseng just couldn't resist that one. I couldn't say I blamed him.

While holding my shirt out from my body, I turned a couple shades of red, laughed a nervous laugh, and then I ran out as fast as I could to go change my shirt and blazer. Then I went back to the laundry room, and then back to the kitchen, and then I let out a big sigh and figured I'd try it all again, with bells on.

The second time wasn't so bad though. As I entered the kitchen, Rude tugged on my sleeve and motioned to a cup of coffee that was sitting at the table where I normally sat.

"Thanks," I mumbled, and sat down at the table with my head down, staring at the cup in front of me. I stared at it for a very long time, that was, until Rude broke the silence.

"Everything okay?"

"Huh? Oh. No thanks. This is good."

"Reno?"

The big man was sitting back in his chair with his eyebrows raised when I looked up at him, and his hand was on his sunglasses, tilting them down so he could look over them like he always did when he was studying someone. Then he took a deep sigh and frowned at me with that look that said, 'What the fuck is going on with you now?'

"Sorry man, Guess I jus did'n get much sleep last night," I said, as I grabbed the syrup that just so happened to _also _be in a cup and drank it. After swallowing a sickly mouthful of pure sweetness, I slammed it down, acted like I did nothing out of the ordinary, rubbed my mouth, and decided I'd go for a third try, and grabbed the coffee that Rude had put out for me.

"Stop lookin at me like that an finish yer breakfast," I told him, and then took a sip as he agitated me beyond reason by over-focusing on me. "I'm fine," I said, and looked him in the eye to try and prove that I was telling him the truth.

At the same time, I went to tilt my chair back a little so I could prove that I was relaxed and nothing was wrong, but I think I might have been cursed or something. It turned out to not be such a good idea, because the back leg snapped and sent me flying backwards as my foot kicked the table, which in turn, made Elena's coffee spill all over her as my head hit the floor. Once again, because I had grabbed my own damn coffee before I did that, I too, was drenched in coffee _again_.

As a pure reaction, Rude stood up and looked down at me while Elena screeched, because let me tell you, that coffee was pretty hot, and I would know. Then she went running out of the room with Tseng chasing after her to see if she was okay.

"You're bleeding, Reno."

"No shit."

"Let me help you up."

"Jus fuckin leave me here, Man. its prob'ly the safest place for me right now."

Naturally, he ignored my request and knelt down beside me to help me get up as he examined my head, where I somehow managed to twist my mag-rod up during the fall, and whack myself in the temple with it.

"That's a nasty gash. Let's get you over to the sink to clean you up."

"Don't fuckin touch me!"

"Settle _down_!" he yelled back, and roughed me up a little by grabbing my shirt and shaking me. The man's patience often wore down with me when I became difficult like that.

When he pulled me up to my feet, I nearly passed out from the rush, and the blow to my head, and slumped a little in Rude's arms.

"Shit! I think you have a concussion."

As a precaution, he grabbed a towel from the drawer while still holding me up, and placed it against my cut as he sat me down, and told me to hold it there while he left to go and get the first-aid kit.

"And _don't_ fall asleep!" he yelled behind him as he left.

"Having a rough morning?" Rufus finally asked, from the other end of the table. The sound of his voice made me uncomfortable for reasons I'm sure you're all aware of.

Attempting to ignore the fact that he existed, I refused to look at him, or even acknowledge him for that matter. But as a not-so-successful result, I just stared at the surface of the table and shrugged as an answer.

Unaffected by my attempt to avoid him, he let out a deep sigh and mentioned that Rude would be a while, and then he got up from the table and made his way over to me. As a result, I could feel myself cringing, which only made the pain in my head pulse harder.

Kneeling down beside me, and moving that effeminate hand of his to the towel I was holding, he said, "I'm not going to hurt you, Reno."

"That's not what I'm afraid of."

"Oh?" he asked, then he reached into his pocket and pulled out an elixir to place it in my hand, then he added in a soothing voice, "For your head, Reno."

After that, he moved his attention over to my cut and pulled the towel away slightly so he could see the cut better. Then he moved his hand up to wipe some of the blood away with his finger, and brought it to his mouth to taste it. I probably would have thought that what he did was odd, but I wasn't really thinking clearly due to the blow to my head.

"I, did'n know, ya carried it around," I said, staring at the bottle in my hand.

"I always liked the fact that you were persistently willing to offer me yours."

Unable to focus clearly, I hadn't even noticed that he pulled my other hand to his face and was brushing my fingers to his lips. I didn't even remember meeting his eyes, but I was suddenly hypnotized by him.

"Drink it, Reno," he urged, before snaking his tongue around my middle finger to pull it into his mouth, not taking his eyes off of mine.

"Here it is," Rude said, as he came back into the kitchen, and Rufus stood up calmly.

"I'm afraid that's not going to do, his eyes are already dilated," Rufus said in his usual casual manner. Despite the condition I was in, I remember how much it amazed me, the way he made the whole thing look and sound completely ordinary. Rude had no idea what was just going on. But then again, neither did I.

"What do you suggest we do, Sir?"

"I have Cure Materia in my room." Letting out a sigh, he placed his hand on my shoulder and let his fingers drag along as he started to walk away. "I'll go get it. In the mean time, make sure he drinks that Elixir. He can't fly us over to the construction site in the condition he's in, and we can't put it off again. I'll return shortly."

With a nod, Rude put his hand on my shoulder, making me jump slightly because Rufus had his hand there only a moment ago, and pulled up the chair nearest to where I was sitting so he could face me. Still in a strange daze, I couldn't help but feel like those eyes of his were still looking into mine, and hardly even noticed Rude's presence, as he leaned closer to me in concern.

"Reno?" he asked, somewhat urgently. Then he removed his sunglasses to see me better, but I was unable to respond. Everything around me seemed to be fading before my eyes, and the last thing I remembered, was Rude grabbing the Elixir out of my hand and literally dumping it down my throat, yelling at me to stay with him.

* * *

I don't know how much time had passed, but when I came to, I was half-lying on the floor and in Rude's arms. Tseng and Elena were both standing above me and looking down with concerned looks on their faces. I had no idea when they entered, or how long they'd been there, and Rufus was standing behind Rude with the Cure Materia in his hand.

To be honest, I don't know why I passed out so easily, because I'd taken worse blows to the head in the past, and still managed to go out on the town afterwards.

"What happened?" I asked, bringing my hand up to my temple where it was still throbbing.

"You passed out," said Rude, "Gave us quite a scare."

"Mm?" I mumbled, and tried to push myself up, but Rude fastened his grip on me to hold me down.

"Take it easy. Relax for a bit."

"'Kay."

Once Rufus was satisfied that everything was fine, he started to walk out, and then he turned around so he was looking at me. "Reno, when you're feeling better, I'd like you to change those clothes. We can't go to the construction site with you looking like that. I'll give you an hour to get your strength back."

"Sir, are you sure that's wise?" Tseng asked.

"We can't put it off again, Tseng. He should be cleared up from the Cure Materia in the next twenty minutes, and I'm giving him an hour to straighten up." Turning his attention back over to me, he said. "Hopefully he'll perform much better in the chopper than he does in the kitchen." Then he smirked and fixed his gaze on me for a moment, as if to say he was truly amused by the entertainment, and added. "For _all_ our sakes."

The second he left the room, Tseng turned to Rude, and piped up. "He can't be serious!"

"How often does he joke about things like that?"

* * *

I was still a little groggy when I went down to the chopper to run a maintenance flight. But I was clear-headed enough to do all my usual inspections, and checked my logbooks to make sure they were up to date before I fired her up. At the moment I was ready to lift off, I saw Rufus and the others making their way down to the helipad and cursed under my breath as they all entered the helicopter.

"No time for a Run-up, Reno. We need to get going. Tseng go and assist Reno." At that, Tseng came into the front to sit in the co-pilots seat and fixed his headset on.

"You up to this, Reno?" he shouted into the mic.

"Still a little groggy, but I've flown in worse condition," I playfully answered, and flashed him that knowing smile that they'd all come to distrust, and then I saw that very familiar effeminate hand holding another Elixir in front of my face, from behind and froze for a moment.

"Drink this before lift-off. I want you to have your strength, Reno."

"All right, all right."

After accepting the vial from him, I swallowed the bitter contents of the bottle, and then pulled the collective back.

* * *

Revision 2: Revised on January 10, 2008


	6. Eden's Burden

**Eden's Burden**

* * *

I made a nice smooth landing on the top of what was to be the new Shinra building, because I'm so good at what I do. Thankfully, my head had cleared halfway through the flight, and thanks to that last elixir, I was feeling pretty good, all things considered.

Finding myself being impressed with how well the construction had gone as I stepped out of the chopper, I wound up standing there for a moment and taking a good, hard look at my surroundings, as I figuratively stood on top of the world. It looked like the building was almost finished, save for the cosmetics that still needed a little work.

"Are the elevators working?" Rufus shouted over to Tseng, and he answered.

"Yes. The electricians are nearly all done."

"Good. I'm not in the mood to take any stairs today."

"Nearly done?" I said to Rude, so the others couldn't hear me.

Catching on to my wary tone, he nudged me and said, "After everything you've been through today, the elevator should be the least of your worries."

"After everythin…" Still not liking the idea of taking the elevators just yet, I went on to say, "The cable will probably break just cuz I'm in it."

"Quit you're bitching. Let's go."

"Um, if you guys don't mind, I'm gonna take the stairs!" I yelled over to Rufus and Tseng, who were already on their way, and standing a good distance from us.

"No you're not, Reno. We're staying together," Rufus called back, and turned with a smirk on his face. "With your record today, you'll probably fall down the stairs and no one will be there to catch you."

_Fuckin prick…_

"Great," I muttered, and made my way over to where they were waiting, while Rude followed behind to make sure I did as I was told.

* * *

I didn't really know why we took the elevator though, because we stopped at the Seventieth floor, which was the top floor, which happened to be one floor below where we started. Despite the fact that I stood there and gave Rufus an annoyed glance when it stopped, I figured I'd let it slide since I figured he just wanted to test the elevator out, so I kept my mouth shut.

Most of the floor was finished, except for the interior walls which hadn't been dry-walled yet, and none of the doors were up. The lights hung from unfinished ceilings, but they worked just fine. Outlets were already set up all over the place, and there were odd bits and pieces of furniture randomly placed throughout.

There were even some old desks that were covered in carpenter's dust, and some metal chairs strewn about haphazardly for use by the construction crew. It was nothing elaborate at that point, but you could see the potential.

With a strange contentment, I stood there for a moment with that feeling of knowing I'd soon be home again, and suddenly felt all warm inside. I really did miss living in my apartment in the old building, and it didn't really matter that I knew it would be, the second time around, because I knew it was going to be just as good, if not better.

Most of the design was what Rufus came up with himself. He was determined not to have things the way his father had them. So, things would definitely not be the same, regardless of some of the similarities. He'd even debated over calling it the Shinra Tower or something else. But none of us were creative enough to come up with a better name, and Shinra had that feeling of power and familiarity behind it. So, Rufus reluctantly decided he'd keep it like that.

Of course, it wasn't our first visit there. Rufus insisted on checking up on the progress once a week. But we let it slide for almost a month due to a few assassination attempts on his life, which was starting to become quite the headache. Regardless of what he said about making the world better, people still didn't trust him and wanted him to disappear. Luckily, no one had been able to find out where he'd been hiding out. But that still didn't make me feel comfortable about staying where we were.

There were actually quite a number of changes since our last assessment. The windows were finally installed, and as stated by Tseng, the power was finally running too. The exterior was practically finished and the outside doors were up, but like I mentioned, the inside still needed work.

As I took a quick look about, I watched Rufus walk over to what would soon be his office, while talking to Tseng, who was accompanying him, so I decided I'd go and check out my own future office. In the meantime, Rude wandered about checking out the structure to see what kind of flaws he could pick out. The guy had a talent for always inspecting the best way to infiltrate areas, and therefore was always good at picking out faults, and in extreme cases, locating dangerously laid out devices placed by the smarter enemies of Shinra.

Actually, we all were pretty good at performing that kind of task, but Rude was the only one of us that did it automatically, and without having a need to do it.

While snickering to myself about Rude's natural and destructively constructive gift, I inadvertently turned my attention back over to Rufus, who had made it into the area of his office and was still talking to Tseng. Unlike his father who had the whole top floor to himself, and us in closet-sized offices scattered throughout the building, Rufus decided that we'd all be on the same floor.

He figured since we were closest to him, that it would stay that way. It probably didn't hurt that he was a Turk before his father assigned him as Vice President, so he had an understanding of what our jobs entailed better than his father ever did. However, I was still a little surprised that he went out of his way to ensure that we all had fairly large offices, with our own private bathrooms, and secretarial offices for each of us.

I didn't really think that he needed to go that far, but I wasn't about to complain about it either. Maybe it was just his way of saying thank you for taking care of him when we could have easily disbanded and left him for dead, like everybody else did. Besides, coming from the Slums, this was something I'd always dreamed of and more. I'd have to be a brain-dead Ying/Yang to complain about it. I was just a little shocked. But the idea was certainly growing on me.

"Let's see how the Training area is progressing," Rufus shouted over to us.

"I'd like to stay here an look around fer a bit, if that's okay," I replied. The truth was that I didn't want to get back into the elevator to go all the way down to five floors below ground level. Going one floor in an elevator that _appeared_ to be working was more than enough for me that day.

"Suit yourself, Reno. Keep your earpiece on in case we need to find you."

"Sure thing, Boss," I muttered, and turned away to continue looking around.

It took no time for the elevator to come up to them, and I noticed the cables moved a lot faster than in the old building. It still wasn't enough to make me want to put my faith in it though, and I muttered the word 'suckers' as they all disappeared as fast as they entered that 'lift of death'. Then I snickered again.

Once they were all out of my sight, I decided to take a better look around on my own, just out of curiosity, and descended a few flights of stairs to look around at each floor. It was pretty much all the same. You couldn't really get a feel for the finished look, but you could get a fair idea of the size of the individual offices and apartments.

I was on the sixty-fifth floor when I realized that this was where my new home was going to be. The floor was reserved for all the top-notch employees, including the Turks and Rufus, and above us, would be all the top executive offices.

Like I said, the layout was different than the old building. It was strange though, I couldn't really say that I was suddenly complaining about the new building, however, I still couldn't help but feel lost without the old one.

At that thought, a heavy feeling settled in my gut when I thought about the demise of the life I'd so readily accepted. There we were, standing over the wounded body of our young President, in a private hospital, wondering why we'd even saved him in the first place, when Meteor hung in the air, threatening us all with the inevitable end to all that we knew.

I held Elena close, shivering as I felt her tears soak through to my skin, silently sobbing. Her beautiful blonde hair was matted against her from the humidity that seemed to rise in levels, the closer Meteor approached. I had my hand tangled in it, stroking the soaked mass without even thinking about it, trying to comfort her. She didn't want to die. She was afraid.

Rude stood silently as ever, staring into space with his back to the window. He wasn't ready to accept his fate either. He couldn't look death in the eye, and chose to stand with his back to it. I was the only one that watched. I couldn't stop myself. It was the wait that was driving me mad. I wanted to run out there and hurl myself into that behemoth of Doom.

I wanted to speed up time and get it over with. I didn't want to die. I just didn't want to wait. But I couldn't leave Elena. Who would hold her? Who would dry her tears for her and give her that reassuring smile that she so desperately needed at that moment? None of us wanted it to end that way, not like that.

Choking back my thoughts, I had to let out a deep breath and take a look around to stop myself from thinking too hard on matters that had already passed. Thinking of Elena like that almost brought a tear to my own eye, and the last thing I needed or wanted was for one of the others to come up and see me like that. She was so delicate back then, so fragile.

I could never understand why she was among us. She just never really seemed like the type, right down to her delicate voice. She never missed a beat though, and she always completed her assignments without question or regret. Quite frankly, she was the biggest mystery to ever join our little family, yet she completed it, making us all seem whole.

Anyway…

I figured I'd wander around a bit more and check out the rest of the floor, shaking off the past and daydreaming of the future. As I made my way about, I found myself stopping in front of what was going to be Rufus' apartment and shaking my head at how his apartment was naturally bigger than the rest of ours. But ours weren't modest in comparison.

With another, more slight, shake to my head at the irony of it all, I continued to move on and made my way over to what would eventually be my own apartment and started assessing the size of it. It was more than impressive, and I began wondering how I was ever going to furnish it.

Deciding it was time for a smoke at that point, and thinking since I was practically in my own apartment anyway, I could do whatever I wanted. So, I pulled one out of my pack and went to light it when I saw a reflection in the window in front of me. Something was out of place over where Rufus' apartment was going to be, and I didn't really notice it until I wound up over in my own.

There was a carpenter's sheet carelessly hung over a structure. I wondered to myself why it was up like that and not on the floor or protecting a surface. Of course, there wasn't really anything exceptionally odd about the fact that it was hung up carelessly, except for the fact that it looked somewhat intentionally done.

I mean intentional, due to it looking like it was intentionally made to look haphazard, and the hairs on the back of my neck started to stand up, warning me of something. While taking my initial drag from the cigarette in my hand, I looked at the reflection a little more carefully.

_Now, why is this bothering me?_

Frowning at the sudden sense of alarm I was feeling, I tapped on my earpiece and called Rude while making an attempt not to sound suspicious to whatever ghosts were up there with me.

"Rude, can ya hear me?" I asked, and took another drag, while I waited for an answer.

"What's up?" he answered, fairly quickly.

"Ya should check out our floor, the apartments look pretty good."

"We'll be checking it out later. You should come down and see the training area."

"Maybe later," I said, and continued to stare at the sheet through the reflection. "Say, I'm kinda hungry. Ya think we should get somethin ta eat?"

"We're not going to be here much longer. You can wait."

"Yeah, well, I have this major cravin for a #3 from the Heaven."

"What? What are you talking about?"

I figured I'd give him a chance to catch on, and took another drag while I waited. Code 3 meant to get the President to safety.

"Shit… You serious?"

"Yeah… Hey. Why doncha bring my laptop up too, I wanna check out these sockets an see how they work. Oh, an don't forget my cables, I wanna play a little too," I said with a playful tone, so as not to sound suspicious.

"Will do… Don't do anything foolish."

"Don't take too long, Man. I'm starvin."

Since I always had my rod strapped to my wrist, I didn't need to worry about pulling it out or appearing too obvious in my intentions, and I silently snuck over to the sheet with my hand wrapped around the handle.

I was about to tear it down when the heel of someone that shouldn't have been there struck me in the lower jaw, making me fall back and bite my tongue. Now, despite the fact that I had a reputation for losing my temper, and being the most willing to get into a fight, I just feel that I should point out to everyone that I really hated these kinds of fighters.

"Pay dirt, my ass," I muttered, and wiped at the blood on my chin, before I leapt forward to grab the person by the waist and wrestled them down. As a result, I got struck in the head by a piece of wood that they grabbed from the floor. I wasn't about to give up so easily though. After all, whether I liked it or not, it was still my job. So I ran after the person and hit them in the back of the head with my mag-rod and yelled out, "LET'S SEE HOW _YOU_ LIKE IT!"

When he fell to the floor, he quickly kicked my legs out from under me, and made me land hard on my back, nearly knocking the wind out of me. But instead of running like he probably should have, he came up and smashed the sole of his foot into my ribs, eliciting a sharp cry from me.

Then he went to kick me again, only that time, I anticipated it and swung my legs out to kick his out from under him, but he quickly got to his feet just as I was trying to pull myself up. And he wrapped some kind of wire or rope around my neck from behind. But I managed to flip him over me to break free just as quickly.

We continued fighting like that for a while. There were a couple of punches here, and sharp kicks there, a couple of cries, and a few objects involved. Finally, when he knocked me to the floor by a blow to the head, he grabbed something sharp and slashed at my side with it, cutting deep.

With a gasp, I went to cover it with my hand in an attempt to hold in the pain I knew I'd soon feel, allowing him to break loose and make a run for it. Well, I wasn't about to let that happen, not after all the damn effort I put into getting as far as I did. So, I hit the switch on my mag-rod and trapped him in a diamond just as the others made it in.

Still holding my side, and with blood running down my face from my mouth and all over my shirt, I stood hunched over and panting, while motioning at the perpetrator. I knew I looked worse than I felt at that moment. And the fact that they all just stood there, and stared at me for a second, before pulling out their guns and pointing them at the diamond I created, only emphasized the fact that I may have looked like I'd seen better days.

Once I calmed down, I realized it was a female I was fighting, not much older than her early twenties, and felt like kicking myself for getting the crap beaten out of me by a woman. Not that it was the first time though. In fact, it was something that happened quite a bit. But it still didn't change the fact that it damaged my pride every single time.

Well, figuring they had it all under control, I limped over to Rude and grabbed my laptop that he had hanging from his shoulder, and undid the case to take it out. With a pretty good idea of what was going on, I limped back over to the sheet and pulled it down to reveal exactly what I expected. There was a bomb there.

"How many of them are there!" I heard Tseng yelling at the bitch, as they let her out of the diamond.

To no big surprise, there was no answer. With a shake to my head, I quickly pulled out my small flashlight so I could get a better look and feel for the mechanics of it, hoping that if there were more, that maybe they were all joined to a transmitter since I didn't see any timers. The one I was examining wasn't set up yet, and to my relief, it had what I hoped for. There was a transmitter fixated to it.

I figured she was probably going to take it to one of the lower floors before I disrupted her plans, since setting it up that high in the building didn't make much sense to me. And my only option at locating the others, if there were more, was risky at best, and it wasn't a decision I was willing to make on my own.

"I'm gonna hafta turn it on!" I called over shakily, waiting for Tseng's response before continuing.

"Do what you have to, Reno," he called back to me, giving me the answer I wasn't really hoping for, but knew was necessary.

Reluctantly, I attached the cables from my laptop before turning it and the bomb on, and started running diagnostics on its setup and frequency. To my dismay, I managed to locate more than one scattered throughout the lower floors, and they were all joined to a master switch.

I could have easily disabled the master. But then whoever was holding it would have known something was up, and we didn't want that, just in case there was a 'Plan B' in effect. So, I was going to have to perform some kind of miracle if I was going to get things done right.

"Fuck! There's over 25 of em!" I yelled over my shoulder.

"Can you disarm them?" Tseng called back to me.

"I'll do what I can!"

Maybe I could just scramble the individual frequencies on each of them. Yeah. That sounded like a good idea to me. But I had to think about it a little. If I fucked up, it could be bad. Man, I hated thinking.

The pressure was driving me to want to drink, and since I couldn't drink, I lit another cigarette and cursed under my breath. Luckily, no one ever bothered me when I smoked under such conditions. It was the one and only exception that I was allowed, and I savoured it for all it was worth.

Not too much time had passed when I heard Rufus' voice suddenly in the room, and I got even more pissed off at the fact that he was supposed to be taken to safety and stayed there. That asshole was supposed to stay out of sight. But I kept my mouth shut on account of my needing to concentrate, and sucked back on the cigarette that hung from my mouth.

From behind me, I could hear that they were yelling and shouting at the perpetrator to no avail. Then Rufus decided he'd give it a go. Sometime during all of the commotion, Elena had managed to get away long enough to grab the first aid kit from the helicopter and bandage the wound on my side. She tried to tend to my others, but I wouldn't let her anywhere near my face, it was distracting me too much, and I needed to concentrate.

It must have been a little over an hour, until I was finally able to pinpoint and carefully disarm all of those blasted explosives, in a way that would raise no suspicion. I suppose it would come as no surprise to mention that I was cursing the whole time, and ran out of cigarettes on account of my unconscious chain-smoking while they were trying to get the information they wanted. But I figured I'd mention it anyway.

After what felt like hours, they were finally making progress as I managed to disarm the last bomb. They found out where the organization of our latest attackers were located, and found out that there were other members with her in the building. I didn't really catch all the details because I was a little more than distracted with my own task at hand, but I managed to overhear the odd bit here and there.

After getting the information on the others present at hand with her, Rufus decided he would move on to more important things, like getting to the core of who she was working for. Not so surprisingly, he wanted names.

Because I still had a score to settle, and no longer cared that Rufus had taken the reigns, as soon as I was done, I flicked the other switch on my mag-rod and sent a jolt into her, and started yelling at her. Due to the stress level I was at though, I couldn't really tell you what I said, asked, or suggested, because I didn't really remember and wasn't really all that focused.

But I managed to make progress, and kept up with the jolts and the questions until some of the names were finally mentioned, and only stopped when Rufus let me know he had what he wanted.

"That's good enough, Reno. We won't be needing her anymore," he said with a nod that I understood completely, while continuing to keep his eyes locked onto her.

Nodding back, I pulled out my .33, flung on the silencer with skilled ease, and put a bullet between her eyes.

Now, I know that this all may seem harsh, but this is part of what our job entails. She was under orders to assassinate our President and destroy Shinra, and it was our job to ensure that something like that didn't happen at any cost. Like I've said before, and I'll say it again…

It's my job.

"By the Lifestream, Reno. You're a Gaiadamned mess!" Rufus piped up, as he turned his attention to me in reference to my blood-soaked state.

"She took me by surprise, Sir."

"Right. Well, Tseng. See what you can do about getting those electricians to get the security up and running. Rude and Elena, you two stay here and see if you can find anything else of concern, and get this mess cleaned up! Reno!" With a quick pause, he looked me up and down in complete disgust. "You're taking me back to the lodge where you'll clean _yourself_ up."

"Yes, Sir."

Before Rufus started to lead the way up to the roof, he turned to the others and commented on his expectations. "I trust you will have no problems finding your ways home on your own." The tone of his voice came out chillingly cold, as he regarded each of them in turn, in a manner that suggested he was less than happy with the new turn of events that had taken place. The daggers in his eyes could have killed us all if they had any material substance, leaving me with the feeling that it was safe to say, the guy was _pissed_.

As a response, they all nodded, knowing damn-well that he meant for them to make sure they weren't followed, and then Rufus motioned for me to follow him, before disappearing into the stairwell.

* * *

The first thing I did before take-off was turn on the scrambler that I devised a few years back, making it impossible for anyone to track my chopper. It was a routine thing, but I felt it was worth noting.

Neither of us said a word to each other during the whole trip back. About the only interaction that we shared was when Rufus climbed into the co-pilot's seat and gave me a long hard look of disbelief, and then told me to hurry up and get him the hell back to the lodge.

_Sure thing, Boss._

We were both in somewhat of a mood, which was totally understandable, since I just got my ass kicked, and everything he'd been working so hard for was almost destroyed. It was really not so surprising or even unusual that neither of us said a single word to the other during the whole trip.

Unfortunately, it didn't change the fact that it only made the flight seem that much longer, and during all that time, he sat there staring at me with a disgusted look on his face, which only made me wish I had the ability to completely disappear, or become small enough to crawl under a rock.

In all honesty, I didn't really know what I did wrong, but I wasn't about to ask, because I truthfully didn't really want to know, and as a result, I couldn't stop replaying the events over in my head to see if I could pick it out on my own.

Anyway…

As soon as we landed, he darted out and ran up the steps, to the lodge, in that gracefully determined stride that could only be carried off by Rufus Shinra himself, while I waited for the engines to shut down and then solemnly made my way to my quarters.

By that time, my head was pulsing, my tongue was throbbing and various parts of my body were aching and tender.

* * *

I slammed the door to my room when I entered and nearly fainted when I saw the site of myself in my mirror, suddenly making it obvious to me as to why he kept looking at me the way that he did. I had lost all the colour in my face, and my hair was matted to the side of my head with the blood from where the girl hit me in the head.

But the worst sight was the blood that had run from my mouth all over the lower half of my face and onto my shirt. I found myself wondering how I managed to fly us back in one piece. More curiously, I was surprised he trusted me enough to fly him back.

In a sudden fit, I ripped my shirt off and threw it to the floor as hard as I could and yelled out _"FUCK!"_ and then froze when I heard a light knock at my door. _Shit!_ I was sure he was going to chew me out, but for what, I didn't really know, but I just couldn't help but feel the worst was still to come.

Reluctantly, I wiped at my chin, and then cautiously opened the door enough to reveal no more than a slight breeze to enter from the outside due to a childish fear of facing the man. Since I didn't make a move or say a word when I looked at him through the slim opening, he invited himself in. While holding a Cure Materia in his hand, he stopped just behind me, took a quick look around, and then told me to sit down on the bed.

On my way over, I felt his eyes on me, and I suddenly realized I had my shirt off, immediately making me feel like I was more naked than I really was. "Relax, Reno," he said to me, as he made his way over, and then bent over where I sat. "I don't bite."

With a gentle touch, he brought his hand up to my face and told me to open my mouth so he could see the damage. "Ouch," he said, as he grabbed my chin lightly to encourage me to open my mouth further. "You've bitten the tip of your tongue off." Then he brought his eyes to mine, and then said with a sly grin. "I'm surprised you were able to talk."

Shrugging as an answer, I shifted a bit nervously where I sat, while he continued to inspect my wounds, moving from my temple, to the reddish bruises that were forming on my upper body. Then he stopped at the slash wound along my side, and pulled his hand away when I grimaced. I wasn't actually feeling any pain back at the Tower. But after having the chance to wind down, and the shock wearing off from the initial attack, I was really starting to feel it.

"I'm surprised you're still alive," he said, as he knelt down in front of me. Then he looked up and smirked while cocking his eyebrow before he smoothly added, "That's twice now today, that you've brought me to my knees." After that, he put his hand on the stab wound again, and lightly said, "Cure," while I grimaced from the sharp pain of the reversal.

"I don't, think ya need to be this close to use that," I mentioned, with a raspy sound to my voice that suddenly sounded strange to me. With the off chance that maybe he didn't know that, I figured I might as well suggest it.

"I don't," he commented back in agreement, suggesting that he did know but most likely didn't care, and then he pulled a syringe out from his pocket, revealing the all too familiar glow of the Mako liquid from within the small barrel, causing me to cringe with a sudden panic.

When he noted my reaction, he explained that it was only Mako, and that he always had some on hand in case of emergencies, while he simultaneously pulled the protective cap off the fine needle. His explanation didn't make me feel any better though, because there was no way in Ifrit's name that I was willing to let him give it to me, not even if I was dying.

"Sir, I'm fine. Please," I pleaded, as I tried to get up, but was stopped when he reacted by grabbing the hem of my pants to pull me back down.

"Rufus," he corrected, as he looked at me suspiciously. "It's a standard Mako shot. There's nothing to get anxious about," he studied my face for a bit longer before he let go, and then he grabbed my arm to expose the underside, but I pulled it away and tried to get up again.

"Reno. It will help you heal faster."

"I'd rather not, Sir."

"Rufus," he said again, this time a little more agitated. "What the hell is the matter with you?"

With my eyes fixated on the needle, I began to silently freak out while trying my best not to show it, but I couldn't stop myself. I could barely hear a word he was saying as I focused on that needle of fiery hell and tried to break free, but he was a lot stronger than he looked and kept me held down.

"Okay. You don't want the shot, I get it. I won't give it to you," he said, as he waved it around in the air, looking frustrated with me, before putting the cap back on and placing it back in his pocket.

Still on his knees, he looked up at me with a quizzical look on his face while I breathed heavily in an attempt to try and calm myself down. "I can say you've certainly got my curiosity peaked," he breathed out, since he had been exerting himself in order to hold me down. Then he narrowed his eyes slightly, and asked. "May I ask what that was all about?"

"I'd rather not talk about it, Sir."

"Suit yourself then," he said, and then he got up and walked to the bathroom, where I heard him run some water before he came back out with a wet towel. "Will you at least let me clean you up?"

Shifting nervously again, I shrugged and nodded in response. To be honest the whole idea of Rufus taking care of me was nothing less than unsettling. During the whole time I'd known and worked for the man, he'd never so much as even glanced sideways at a wounded person, not even Tseng. But suddenly, for some unknown reason, he made his way back to stand over me and began wiping the blood off my face, and to top things off, he was surprisingly gentle about it.

"You know, Reno, you've obviously had Mako treatments before," he started, while running the damp cloth along my skin and the outer edges of my cuts. "You have the glow in your eyes." Then he stopped and met my eyes again with that questioning look of his. "So, why don't you tell me why you just reacted the way that you did."

With a pathetically weak feeling in regards to who I used to be, I couldn't bring myself to tell him that I developed a serious Mako addiction from the treatments when I first joined the Turks. Just the thought of such an admission to that kind of weakness made me feel a type of shame beyond all shame, and the fact that I feared turning it back into a reality, made me feel all the more ashamed, due to the fact that it would be an admittance to a weakness that I didn't want to admit to.

_What a pathetic excuse, _I thought.

_There ain't no way I can tell him that._

"Aren't I s'posed ta be takin care of you?" I asked, flashing him a playful smile in an attempt to try and change the topic, in order to get out of the current conversation.

Knowing he wasn't going to get an answer from me, particularly by the way I responded, he simply smiled while looking into my eyes, and then quicker than lightning, he stuck that Gaia forsaken needle into my side. "I'm sorry, Reno. I can't chance you taking too long to heal," he said, as I fell back with a screech from the sudden burning sensation running through my veins.

_Good Gaia! The sweet sensation of sudden loss!_

He pounced on me like a cat then, straddling my hips and pinning my wrists above my head as he leered at me, watching me twist in a sensation of agony and ecstasy, in a warped fascination all to his own.

"Given your performance today," he said, grimacing as he struggled against my struggles, "I can't risk taking too much time with you. We need you and your expertise if we're _ever_ going to get the hell out of this place!"

I lost focus at that point. I heard him, but I didn't hear him. I was falling into oblivion as my energies flared up in electrical currents throughout my body. His words were distant to me, but audible and understood.

"The last thing I want to have happen to you is." With a pause, his breath became heavier, more uncontrolled, as I writhed below him. I was not trying to get away, but struggling against the sensation of the Mako coursing through my veins. I was losing myself. I was losing myself to a Hell that disguised itself as Heaven. I had to gain control, and was losing it.

I was losing it so beautifully.

I wish I could tell you what it was that he said before I brought my mouth up to his, but I wasn't really listening to him anymore.

Suddenly my tongue was battling over his with a hunger that was threatening to destroy us both. With my lips pressed to his, I found myself pushing up into him against the fabric of our clothes as he let his body fall above mine, wrapping his arms around me, and mine around him. It felt so horrible that it felt so good.

While he trailed his mouth along my neck, and I moaned, I found myself trying to bring myself out of that, explicit, confusion of desire that threatened to consume me. Then his hands started exploring my body in a way that mirrored my own, in ways that heightened the electricity within me. I was almost ready to submit fully to him, when he switched the rolls and pulled me so I was on top of him.

"I want," he breathed heavily into my ear, as I explored his neck with my mouth and my tongue.

"I want you inside of me."

That was the first audible thing he said to me that I recalled since I lost myself in my ecstatic state, and I stopped what I was doing abruptly in my first, yet brief lucid moment of clarity. Panting heavily and knitting my brows at the confusion, I brought my head up so I could see his eyes in a silent questioning as he nodded to assure me that that was what he really wanted.

When I hesitated, he pulled me back down to him, telling me not to stop. Not ever. It was too late to stop, and I couldn't stop myself if I wanted to anyway. I needed to flush that wicked Eden out of my body in the only way that I knew how. In a fevered pitch, we had both managed to tear at each other's clothing enough to remove them and continued in an embrace that was bound to damn us both for the rest of eternity.

As I thrust into him with a motion that reflected my hunger, he moaned painfully into my kiss while returning the action in a fervency that told me not to stop. Not to ever stop, not until we were both overtaken by a pulsating light that threatened to tear our very souls away from us, in a release from all that constrained us, and we could no longer stand it…

Then our bodies went limp. I removed my hand from the place that aided him, and I let myself collapse above him.

* * *

We laid there silently beside each other, naked and covered in the sweat of our efforts, and panting heavily while staring at the ceiling. Neither of us turned to acknowledge the other, or to even make a sound for fear of having to face the reality. Whatever that reality meant to us as individuals, I couldn't really say.

All I really knew at that moment was that I was in a strange state of shock over what just happened, and in a weird sense of denial and acceptance of the circumstances, the acceptance of the fact that I couldn't deny what I just did.

Then I remembered what he said to me before he kissed me in the kitchen. He said he'd never kissed a man before, which made me suddenly realize that he'd never been with a man before. It was his first time, and as a wave of sickening guilt washed over me, I placed my hands over my face in a sudden sense of dread. Turning to my side reluctantly for fear of having to face the corruption I had so inattentively caused, I propped myself up on my elbow to warily get a better view of his face.

"Are, ya all right?" I asked, a little afraid of the answer, but needing to ask it just the same.

Without meeting my eyes or even turning his head, he only nodded in assurance.

Hesitantly, I persisted, "Did I, hurt ya?"

"No," was the only thing that he said, and he still refused to turn and meet my eyes as I searched him for any signs that may have told me otherwise. As I brought my face closer to his, so I could study his expression more closely, I bit down on my bottom lip in contemplation of how he might have been lying to me, but there was nothing in his face that suggested such betrayal.

"We should get cleaned up," he said after a short pause, and then he finally turned to study me back, while returning to his casual demeanour that suggested nothing out of the ordinary had just happened.

Nodding in agreement, but still not really fully understanding how I was supposed to deal with the situation or respond, I simply replied. "Ya can use my shower," and then I rolled off the side of the bed I was on, to make my way over to my clothes that were scattered across the floor in randomly placed piles. As I collected them, I kept my back to him and refused to turn around, for fear of having to face that which I so desperately wanted to erase.

"Will you be joining me?" he asked, as he followed my lead and stood up by the other side of the bed.

Taken a little off guard by his question, I simply stood there with my pants in my hands, ready to put them on, and stared at the floor while trying to discern if he really said what I thought he just said. I'd never showered with a man before, and as a result, I stood there with a blank expression on my face as I contemplated the question and the answer.

"A simple yes or no will do, Reno. It wasn't meant as a trick question," he commented, unaffected by my reaction or lack thereof.

"I. Do you? Is that what ya want?"

With a casual smirk and a slight glint in his eyes, he answered with a casual manner, "After what we just did, I didn't think a shower was that big of a deal."

"After what _we_ just did? You practically forced yourself _on_ me!" I shouted at him without warning, and glared hatefully into his eyes.

"I'd hardly say you put up any resistance," he pointed out coolly, and acted like we were just having an ordinary conversation.

"You _drugged_ me!"

"Fine… Whatever… Have your little tantrum," he said, and calmly walked over to me. "I'm taking a shower. You do whatever makes you feel better." When his blue eyes lifted to set on mine, I turned my head away in an attempt to completely avoid him. He didn't seem offended in the least by my actions though, and continued with his back to me after he turned around. "My offer stands firm if you change your mind," he said, and then he walked into my bathroom and turned on the water.

_Offer? What? Was he privileging me now? _

Completely confused by the whole scenario, I stood there for a moment, frozen to the spot, while trying to make sense out of everything that just happened. How could he be so collected after I just turned on him for no apparent reason? Not to mention the fact that his entire mannerism over the matter made me feel guilty for what I'd just done, and angry that it had happened, and ashamed of how I just reacted.

Unable to put my finger on any of the emotions that I was feeling then, I kicked the bed as hard as I could and threw my pants back to the floor in a small temperamental outburst, and then I went into the bathroom after him. When I walked into the small room in a fit of frustration, he was already in the shower, revealing his silhouette through the shower door. And like some sort of twisted pervert, I wound up standing there and just staring at him through the frosted glass, not knowing what to say or do.

"As intriguing as it is to have you watch me, I'd rather have you join me," he said, in that annoying casual manner of his without turning to see me.

"Fine!" I yelled at him, and opened the door to get in.

He turned to me then, smiling like he knew he had me all along, and pulled me closer to him before placing his hand on the side of my face. "I've noticed something about you."

"What's that?" Not really caring about the answer but asking anyway, I roughly pushed his hand away to let him know that this was as far as it was going to go between us.

"You're fairly articulate when you're angry."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Your pronunciation… It's impeccable all of the sudden."

"Whatever! Turn around!" I demanded, and grabbed the soap so I could wash his back.

"You're demanding too." With a sly smirk, he turned back to me and leaned against the wall while shifting his eyes over me. "I like you like this."

"Fuck off and turn around!" I shouted out of sheer nerve, and grabbed him by the arm to physically get him to cooperate.

With an amused snicker, he completely ignored the physical force that I exerted, and cooperated in full, as if he was really enjoying the new turn of events, and purred with his back to me. "Whatever turns your crank."

I have to admit that the whole situation was really getting under my skin, right up to the submissive act that Rufus was suddenly displaying. This was not the Rufus that I thought I knew. Nor was I the Reno I thought I knew.

Normally, I would have never spoken to my boss like that, and normally, he would have never let me talk to him like that. But then again, there was nothing normal about anything that just happened, and normal became a word that had lost all meaning after that day. In all honesty, I didn't know who I was angrier with; Rufus, for taking advantage of the situation the way that he did, or me, for letting it happen.

* * *

Revision 1: Last revised on January 10, 2008


	7. Damned if I Don't

**Damned if I Don't**

* * *

After I finished cleaning myself and Rufus off, I pulled him out of the shower and started drying him with the only clean towel I could find. During that time, neither of us really spoke to the other in regards to anything that just transpired between us, and I spent the whole time glaring at him, while he spent the whole time with a slight smirk on his face, as if the whole situation was keeping him mildly amused. His complacency was more than unnerving.

"You know, I'm quite capable of doing this myself," he said, as I haphazardly scrubbed the towel along him in a manner that almost mimicked an attempt to cover up the evidence.

With nothing more than a simple nod and a quick glance as an answer, I grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed him over to the counter, where I could have better access to my hairdryer, and commenced at getting the moisture out of his hair.

While he stood facing the mirror, with a strange complacency and constantly pushing his hair out of his face, I continued to stand behind him and blow his hair all over, with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth. Every now and then, he'd wave the smoke out of his face and give me a chastising glance to make me aware of his disapproval. But he never said a word in regards to it.

I would have just ignored him anyway though. As far as I was concerned, I was in my own room, and I could do whatever the hell I felt like doing.

When I finished drying his hair, I pulled him back into my room by his forearm, where I picked up his clothes and pushed them forcefully into his arms as a hint to hurry up and get out. Then I proceeded to dress myself, as well, as quickly as I could. I thought to myself, as I grabbed all of my strewn about clothes, on the floor, that hopefully, it would be the last time I'd have to change or get dressed that day.

After I pulled my shirt on without buttoning it up, I put on my blazer and unsuccessfully searched around for an elastic to tie my hair back up with. Somewhere along our little adventure, he pulled the one I had in my hair out so he could see it fall. He said something about it looking like flames, or something like that. Frankly, it was all kind of a blur, and the less I focused on it, the better.

At the lack of progress in my search, I looked back over to him in frustration as he was buttoning up his vest. Then I panicked, and rushed over to him so I could fix his hair up. It wasn't sitting properly, and I realized I hadn't put any gel in it when I was drying it off.

Swearing under my breath, I grabbed him by the upper arm and pulled him back into the bathroom, all the while wondering why the hell he was letting me do all of the things I was doing. Once I got him back over to the counter, I rummaged through my cabinets and drawers, knowing that the gel I used just wouldn't do. It was too strong for his relaxed style, and I stood there tapping my fingers nervously on the counter, trying to think.

With an amused smirk, he snickered quietly at me, making it fairly obvious that he knew what was going through my head. "It's all right, Reno. The others haven't returned yet. I'll simply go to my quarters and fix it there," he said, waving his hand dismissively at me.

Naturally, he was right. I didn't know why I was panicking.

"In the meantime, if you're truly that concerned about appearances, you might want to do something about yours," he commented, and then he motioned towards mine, that had become a wild and matted nest of waves and curls. "I never knew you straightened it," he mumbled, more so to himself, as he started to walk to the door.

"Are ya sure yer all right?" I don't know why I asked him that again. I didn't really think I wanted to know, and my voice went groggy from the sickening knot inside of me when I asked. As a result, instead of turning around to see him, I stood looking at him through the reflection in the mirror, not really trying to focus.

"I'm more concerned about you," he commented back, without turning to look at me. He just kept his focus on the door, and then he turned his attention to the last button on his vest, and did it up before he walked out of the room, keeping his back to me.

The whole playback in my head of everything that happened, along with the last few interactions that we shared, left me with a strange feeling, like we just had a business meeting, or a briefing. His mannerism for the most part was kept professionally indifferent, like he was the least bit concerned, or even affected by anything that happened.

It left me feeling even more confused than I already felt.

In an attempt to shrug it off, I turned my attention back to the mirror and looked at my hair, then down at the gel that was sitting on the counter. Then I smacked it into the sink and looked back at myself, before I ran my fingers through my hair in a futile attempt to smooth it down.

"Fuck it," was all I could muster in response to his comment about it, even though he was no longer there to hear me. It didn't matter anyway. Nothing fucking mattered at that point.

_Suck it up, _I reminded myself, before turning to leave.

* * *

It was late in the evening when the others got back from the tower. I was slumped back on the sofa, with a beer in my hand, and bored out of my skull. While making every attempt to keep my mind occupied, and away from recent events, I managed to entertain myself, somewhat, by picking loose threads and fluff from my shirt and blazer, while Rufus sat in his chair, reading a book and sipping white wine like it was just an ordinary evening.

I wanted so desperately for Rude or Elena to be there, or even Tseng. I wanted someone that I could have a normal conversation with, someone that I could have normal contact with. Basically, I wanted anybody but Rufus.

When they finally entered, Tseng announced that the electricians had agreed to start working on the security system, first thing in the morning, and that it should be fully functional by the end of the weak. Naturally, Rufus scoffed at that, and said that he didn't want to wait until the end of the weak.

He decided that three days should have been more than adequate, and decided that that was all he was going to give them before he started lopping heads off. That of course, started a somewhat controversial conversation between the two of them which got somewhat interesting, but it still didn't change the fact that I really didn't want to be in the same room as them.

Sometime during their conversation, Rude came rushing in, out of breath like he'd run all the way up those stairs, and announced that Elena had the report on the progress of their findings. Then he went running straight to his quarters, and started banging things around like he was looking for something important.

Since the ruckus that Rude was making caught my attention, I stopped listening to Tseng and Rufus, and turned my attention to Rude's quarters instead. Besides, he was more of a concern to me than two overheated, upper-class snobs anyway.

_I'd almost forgotten! He has a date with Tifa tonight!_

At the sudden reminder, I jumped out of my seat and made my way, quickly, over to his quarters, to see if I could help the big guy out.

"Lookin fer somethin?" I asked, as I invited myself in, and casually leaned against the door after I closed it.

With his back to me while he rummaged through his drawers, he muttered. "I don't have time, Reno."

"Nah, not here to bug ya, Man. Maybe I can help?"

When he turned around with his blazer half-off, he stopped and looked at me funny for a moment. "What did you do to your hair?"

"Nothin."

"I see that. I forgot how curly it was," he commented quickly, and then he ran past me on the way to his bathroom.

Shrugging, I walked over to his closet and started assessing what he had in there, all along wondering if the guy had ever been on a date before. If he had been, it must have been a very long time ago, because I honestly couldn't recall one during the time I'd known him.

Well, except for one that ended in a complete disaster, but I'm not about to bring that one up again. It was ironic that a big guy like him, who appeared to have it all together, needed someone like me to help him out when it came to matters of the heart. You'd think it would be me going to him for help.

Of course, I did go to him for help on several occasions, but that was usually to protect my own ass. He was useful for that. His appearance was a lot more intimidating than mine, since he was twice my size and with a solid build. Having his head shaved and always wearing those shades of his also seemed to add to his threatening appearance.

I'm not entirely sure, but the goatee might have had something to do with it as well. The guy looked like a seriously threatening hitman for Gaia's sake, and I really did think that he spent a lot of time practicing on how not to smile. So much time in fact, that he'd almost forgotten how to do it. He was about a head taller than me, and probably would've looked taller in comparison if it wasn't for my hair always standing up. But hey, I kind of needed a little bit of an edge in comparison to him anyway.

Oh well, while scanning his closet for something decent, my eyes stopped on a light silk shirt, and I found myself having a hard time imagining the big guy in something so delicate. In fact, I found it hard to believe that he even owned one. It seemed a little delicate for a guy like him.

With a slight grin and the thought of how it might soften up his appearance, I pulled it off the rack and continued scanning until I came across a black cotton blazer and matching slacks. Then I set them on the bed, careful not to wrinkle them, and called out to him. "Quit slackin off in there!"

"Shit! Reno, I'm running out of time," he breathed out, as he came back into the room. "This was a bad idea. I don't have anything to wear."

"Sure ya do," I answered, while taking note that the guy was more panic-stricken than one of Hojo's specimens. Then I added in hopes that he'd calm down a little to "Relax, Man… It's taken care of," as I motioned to the clothes I laid out on his bed for him.

He nodded in thanks and started unbuttoning his shirt in a rush. So, I turned around to give him a bit of privacy and noticed that he still had the bucket beside his bed from the previous night. Figuring he needed a little personal space, I decided I'd pick it up and put it back in his bathroom, all the while, taking my time by trying to straighten my hair a little so that Rude could change in peace.

When I came back in he was all set up to go, except for one thing…

"Blazin chocobos, Rude. Yer not goin to a fuckin funeral," I scoffed when I saw him.

"What are you talking about?"

"I did'n lay a tie out fer a reason," I answered, as I walked up to him and pulled it out from around his neck, "This ain't a business lunch."

While standing there in a state of paranoia, he didn't bother to say a word to me until I undid the top two buttons of his shirt. "I don't know about this, Reno…"

"Relax," I soothed, and pulled on his collar a bit to loosen it up. "Yer goin on a date. Ya want her to feel like she's on one with ya, doncha?"

Shaking his head at me, and almost breaking out in a sweat, he replied. "This is too relaxed."

"Damn, Rude, could yer ass be any tighter?"

He frowned at me when I smacked him playfully on the side of the shoulder, to remind him that he had nothing to worry about, but it didn't seem to help him out much, due to the fact that he still had that look of dreadful uncertainty on his face. In fact, his reaction was so awkward and doubtful that I was beginning to have my own doubts over whether or not it was a good idea.

In another attempt to lighten him up, I flashed him that dazzling look of mine that meant I knew what I was talking about, and continued to try my best to make sure that he had enough confidence, to ensure that this date didn't wind up like the other one. "Trust me, Man. Let her think there's a little fun in ya. Maybe ya'll both be surprised."

With a nod of appreciation, He patted me on the shoulder, and was about to run out the door when I cut him off.

"She's a good woman… Tifa…" I said in a distant voice, with my back facing him.

"Yes, she is."

"Yer a lucky man."

"Is everything all right?" he asked, and stopped to turn around and come back up to me.

"Of course," I answered, though I wasn't too sure if my tone was deceiving me or not.

"Reno, you've been acting strange lately…"

"Ya need ta get goin, Rude," I told him, and then I turned around to meet his eyes to stress to him that I was the least of his worries at that moment. "Don't keep her waitin."

With a hesitant nod, he went to say something else and then thought twice about it. The big guy knew me well, and I knew he could always tell when I was lying. He also knew that I wasn't one to keep secrets from him either, unless they were seriously personal.

Maybe he thought twice about it, assuming I'd eventually tell him anyway. However, he was seriously running out of time, and he knew it. So he nodded at me before realizing he needed to go, and then he turned and ran out the door.

Unable to stop myself, I pictured him doing up those top two buttons on his shirt, on his way out, and smiled to myself.

* * *

Back in the sitting room, Tseng and Rufus were still haggling over the length of time it would take to get security up and running at Shinra. Rufus was getting angrier by the second, and Tseng wasn't about to stand down any time soon.

So, I figured it was best to just leave the two of them to kill each other, and went out for a much needed smoke. I had just lit it when I saw Elena walking up the steps, and I turned to acknowledge her with a nod and a smile. But I couldn't help but notice that she wasn't in the best of moods.

"Boy am I hungry," she said, as she walked by me.

"I bet," I answered, and exhaled the smoke from my lungs while thinking nothing of what I just said.

"You know, Reno…" she started, and spun around to face me. "It wouldn't hurt to actually do something around here once in a while." Then with a threatening step forward, she looked me up and down, angrily, and then pointed her finger at me. "You've been here the whole time, and figured you might as well wait for me to get back, to make your dinner, just because I'm a woman!"

Okay, so I didn't really know where that outburst came from either. I just hoped I wasn't the only one that was confused at that point.

For a moment I just stood there and watched her slam the door behind her, as she stormed into the kitchen from the deck. I admit I wasn't only confused, I was a little pissed off too. After all she just blatantly accused me of something that she had absolutely no substance over.

_What the hell was that all about?_

Figuring it was best not to leave her alone like that, even though I wasn't really sure if _I _wanted to be around _her_, I tossed my lit cigarette over the railing and ran in after her. "Who the hell said you had to cook?" I yelled after her, and slammed the door to the deck, hard. After all, I was kind of choked that she just called me a lazy ass for no reason.

"It's pretty much implied, Reno."

"How so?" I asked, as I opened the fridge and pulled out the leftovers from the dinner I made.

Just then, she swung around, and was about to say something in retaliation, but stopped dead when she saw what was in my hand. At that moment, tears started flowing uncontrollably from her eyes, and I found myself cringing away from her for fear of having to deal with something I wasn't prepared for.

I didn't want to seem selfish, or anything like that, but I couldn't even deal with my own problems at that point. Then she plopped herself down on the floor, cross-legged, saying she was sorry, and then started crying harder. I don't really know why, but I suddenly felt like I needed to proceed with extreme caution, so I placed the container on the floor as carefully as I could, and backed out of the kitchen in an attempt to thwart off another attack.

_Where the hell is Tseng when I need him?_

* * *

Tseng and Rufus were still going at it in the sitting room. They had actually started yelling at each other, and the fingers of accusation were pointing, which meant that things were about to become interesting between the two of them. I had actually forgotten about Elena in the kitchen the moment I saw the veins becoming visible on them both, and figured I'd stay to watch how their _civilized_ conversation was going to evolve instead.

But then the whole scenario flooded my head with thoughts as to why Rufus didn't choose Tseng as his target instead of me. They'd known each other the longest. Tseng practically raised Rufus. Since tempers appeared to be Rufus' turn on as of late, why not choose Tseng? He had no problem yelling at Rufus, and Rufus certainly didn't seem to care whether or not his plaything of choice was straight or not. So, it made perfect sense to me.

Anyway, remembering the reason I had gone back into the room in the first place, I brushed off the sickening thought of the two of them in bed together, and stood by the door, looking like I had trapped a wild beast in the kitchen.

"Tseng," I half-whispered, loudly enough, so as not to disturb what was on the other side of the door. However, I didn't think he heard me over Rufus yelling at him, so I called his name a little louder. "_Tseng!_"

Suddenly stopping in mid-sentences, they both stood there and looked at me with curious expressions on their faces. It might have had something to do with the way I was leaning on the door and 'whisper-yelling', for lack of a better word, but I'm really not sure about that.

"What the hell are you doing, Reno?" Tseng asked in disbelief.

"P-M-S," I said, still half-whispering and leaning forward.

"What?"

Widening my eyes and gritting my teeth for emphasis, I nodded my head over to the door that Elena was behind and repeated myself, but this time making it more of a question than a fact.

"Shit!" he blurted out, and completely forgot about the discussion he was having with Rufus, and ran into the kitchen.

"What the hell was that all about?" Rufus asked, with his voice still agitated.

"Ain't got a clue," I answered, with a shrug, and put my hands in my pocket.

With a quick nod and a disinterested glance to size me up quickly, he adjusted his coat and started walking towards his own quarters. "Well, I'm off to bed. It's been a long day."

"No shit," I said, as I followed his movements briefly and then made my way to the main door of the building.

* * *

Once I made it to my quarters, I stopped just outside and was about to open the door before I had a second thought. There was something I needed to find out. I needed to get away to clear up my head. So, I decided to continue down the steps and got onto my bike that I bought about a year after I joined the Turks.

I remember when I brought that thing home for the first time, Tseng stood there shaking his head at me when he saw it. He told me it was childish and reckless.

* * *

"_Surely you could have spent your money on something more practical," he said to me, while looking at the bike in disapproval._

"_C'mon, Man. I always wanted one," I replied, in a whiny tone._

"_You don't need to prove yourself anymore, Reno. Take it back to where you got it from," he commanded, while motioning to it and smoothing his long black hair down with his other hand._

"_I ain't tryin ta prove nothin, Sir."_

_Standing at almost the same height as me, but with a perfect posture, he scanned his eyes over me in a way that suggested he was less than impressed with me. He was a lean man that was shrouded in mystery, and it was always somewhat hard to read what he was really thinking. _

_To add to the mystery that he possessed, he wore the mark of a traitor to Wutai on his forehead, which he never did speak of, making him seem all the more ominous and cabalistic in nature. I had a difficult time averting my eyes from it for the first few years. It was just a simple dot, but it was one of those things that just kept drawing my eyes to it. _

"_Ain't?" he asked, with his brow quirked, and then he crossed his arms in front of him and tapped his long slender fingers on his forearm in suspicion. "I thought they were schooling you."_

"_They are, Sir."_

"_Then why don't you act like it and start using proper speech," he chastised, and then he looked me up and down in disgust, with those piercing greyish-brown eyes, at my messy appearance. I had my shirt un-tucked, with the first couple of buttons undone, and my tie hanging loosely around my neck, which I often stuffed in my pocket when he wasn't looking. _

_My hair was a mass of waves and curls, unkempt and pulled back, haphazardly, with an old piece of string, and I was covered in dirt that complimented the caked-on mud all over my shoes, quite nicely. "To start with."_

"_Thought I was," I commented back, with my hands in my pockets and a shrug._

"_No," he reminded me, and grabbed me by my shirt to let me know that he was the one who called the shots. "You're not a street-rat anymore, Reno." Then he pushed me to the ground. "You're a Turk now. So act like one."_

_After hitting the ground in a dust-pile, I got up and brushed the dirt from my palms onto my pants, which only made my appearance that much more worse for wear._ _It wasn't done intentionally though. It was just a natural reaction to wipe my hands off after getting up._

"_Perhaps we need to intensify your schooling," he suggested, and then looked away to his side._

"_No fuckin way!" I replied in a panic. They already had me in those classes, practically day and night, trying to teach me how to talk and behave like an educated person. It was so intensified, that I was practically dreaming about my assignments, since they had me so involved in them._

"_Okay, I'll make a deal with you then, Reno," he commented back, and quirked his brow again, as he turned his attention back to me, and waited for me to acknowledge him before continuing, "I'll let you keep that bike if you make a more conscious effort to clean yourself up."_

_I really wanted to keep it. So, I wound up studying harder, started straightening my hair to try and make it neater, it was still a mess, but I found I actually liked it better like that, and I started wearing my uniform properly. But I felt like I was choking in it, with the buttons done up and having a tie wrapped around my neck. _

_I felt like I was suffocating, and I constantly pulled at it to try and breathe. Then gradually, my tie became looser, until there was no longer a tie, and my buttons started to become undone, one at a time, until there was no longer anything constricting at my neck. By the time that happened, I had already proven myself in my performance, and he had already said I could keep the bike. It wasn't out of spite, or to prove that he had no control over me though. It was simply because I couldn't stand feeling like I was being restrained._

_Tseng wasn't really a mean or a cruel man. He was a serious man, who took his work seriously, and expected those that worked under his orders to follow his example. He had a reputation as the leader of the Turks to upkeep, and everything that those below him did, reflected on him._

* * *

Strange, how certain things remind you of certain memories. While thinking about it, I brought my hand to stroke the handle like it was something precious to me. I had kept it running all that time, with a few modifications here and there, and at that moment, it was time to take it to town. It was time to go and wash my sins away by bathing in the filth of the slums, where I could dirty myself with new ones.

It had been a while since I cleared my head in exile, and that moment was just as good as any, if not more so, and I found my way to a rundown pub to purchase a bottle of the cheapest alcohol I could find. The cheap stuff was always the best for losing your head in. Its raunchy poison was enough to take down a matured Bahamut and leave it with a killer hangover the next morning.

Next, I scoured the streets for the ladies. Since misery loved company, and I could have sure used some at that point, I knew exactly where to go so I could find some. After finding what I was looking for, I rented a cheap room at one of the Inns near the dicey outskirts of Edge, only to have things not quite work out the way I had hoped…

"It's all right, ya know," she said, with a slightly shrill voice that was soft, and carried a slight slur to it. "It happens all the time."

"Yeah," I mumbled, and stared at the bottle in my hand without turning to acknowledge her. "But it _don't_ happen ta _me_."

I was sitting on the edge of the bed in some cheap and shady Inn with some woman I didn't even know the name of. She was wasted out of her mind, and I felt as sober as a priest. My cigarette was lit and ignored, sitting at the base of my fore and middle fingers. The ashes forming a tower in semblance of my thoughts, as I sat there with my elbows on my knees and rubbing the bridge of my nose with my thumb.

The bed moved in an irregular pattern, as she made her way over to me to put her arms around me from behind. Her hands were weathered and worn at the knuckles, from her hardships, and her breath reeked of alcohol, as she breathed shallowly in my direction.

In the corner of the room, there laid an empty needle on the floor, that she had used to shoot up with, shortly after we entered. Actually, I had done the deed for her since she asked, and since I wasn't new to that type of scenario, I figured she'd be better off if I did it, instead of leaving it up to her.

With a whirlwind of thoughts, I took a large gulp of the cheap alcohol that I'd come to rely on over the years, in hopes that it would clear out my mind. It was like liquid fire, and it burned all the way down until it hit my stomach, where it stirred for a short while before it settled with my system. As a result, I let out a gasp to breathe out the fire, only to wash it down with another unrelenting gulp.

"Yer one of those self-destructive men, aren't ya?" she asked, as she leaned to the side, so she could put her head on my lap. As an automatic function, I ran my fingers through her hair, and combed out those beautiful, Golden-blonde, locks that were just like…

_Oh, never mind whose they look like…_

"I did'n pay ya to analyze me, Babe," I reminded her, before I took another determined drink from the bottle.

"Jus tryin ta make conversation," she answered playfully, unaffected by the obscurity of my mood.

As a result, I smiled a bit of a shallow smile, as she looked up at me with those pale blue eyes, and I found myself wondering why the hell I had to pick that one. There were several ladies out that night. I could have picked any one of them. Instead, I picked the one that had a resemblance to someone that I didn't want to be reminded of. I admit I've always been attracted to the golden color of hair that reminded me of the sun. But the similarities between her and…

Well, it was starting to disturb me.

With a resentful glint directed at her, even though it wasn't really her fault, I placed my hand on her shoulder and nudged her head a bit with my knee. "I did'n pay ya fer that either."

Ignoring my chided remark, she smiled up at me again, and then put her hand on my manhood, which still, regretfully, wasn't working for me. "Well, it don't look like ya want whatcha paid fer, Mister."

"Yer a spiteful little bitch. Aren't ya?" I observed through my teeth, as I moved my hand towards her head and pulled on her hair slightly. With a smile that turned animal-like, she slid to the floor in front of me and got on her knees. "Whatcha wanna do fer the next half hour then?" she asked, touching me again and undoing the zipper on my pants.

Taking another large gulp, in hopes that I could get myself to relax, I wound up cursing silently at everything that happened that day. I still couldn't seem to work up any kind of sensation. I even tried closing my eyes to clear my head, in hopes that I could think of something sexy or sexual, to help me get it up. But nothing came to mind that worked for me. The only thing that did almost work was the one thing I didn't want to think about, and I made every attempt to push it away as quickly as it came to me.

_What the fuck have ya done ta me, Rufus?_

"Ferget it, Babe. Here's yer money," I said, as I pushed her back and stumbled to my feet while tossing an adequate amount of gil at her.

_Fuck it. This ain't workin. _

As I stood up, I realized that the cheap crap I was drinking actually hit the spot really well, better than I thought. I didn't really notice it when I was sitting down. But when I stood, I could hardly stand, and I could hardly walk in a straight line. In fact, I almost fell back down to the bed, but I managed to shake it off and force myself to stagger to the door. The sooner I got out of there, the better.

"Easiest forty gil I ever made," she called after me, and waved the gil in the air, before stuffing it in her sleeve.

At the sound of her voice again, I turned around and leaned against the door, looking down at her with unclean thoughts of how vulnerable the cheap urchin before me was. I could have easily snapped her neck, and no one would have ever cared. No one would have ever known that I was even there. She was just some cheap whore with no family, no name…

The thought made me shudder, as I knelt down in front of her and grabbed her by the hair. Bringing her face up to mine, I gritted my teeth, while giving her a look of warning. "Yer not gonna say anythin 'bout this, are ya?"

"With that purdy face of yers…" she chortled, and then she ran her weathered fingers along the scars on my face, before setting her attention on my hair and wrapping a strand of it around her finger with a devilish grin. "'Nother twenty might help me fergit ya."

"Spiteful bitch," I said, through my teeth, as I pushed her back to the floor. Then I dropped another twenty on her before I stumbled back out onto the street.

* * *

After I left the Inn, I wandered around what had become the new slums since Meteor threatened us all, and as I made my way about, I came across a run-down card shack that just happened to still be open. Like there was ever any doubt.

So, I decided to go in and play my chances a little. Then I made my way over to the nastiest table I could find and invited myself into a game. As I sat down, I noted that the table was sticky from drinks that had been spilled and not cleaned, and smiled to myself at the nostalgic memories that it brought back.

The men were the silent, stalky types that wore the weathered hardships of a life unsatisfied. The smell of cheap alcohol and smoke was thick in the air which was heightening my already intoxicated state. As I sat there, I lit another cigarette and waited for them to deal me in.

These types were always welcoming to a sucker who was willing to give up all their money in a game they weren't prepared for. But I'd played those games before, all my life, as a matter of fact. I knew all the cheats and tricks, and played them as well as anybody.

In fact, I was doing so well with what I learned from my youth, that I managed to piss off every single person sitting at that table. I could just feel the fight coming, and I was more than willing to let it happen. After all, it was pretty much my intention from the start.

If I couldn't get off, than I could at least feel a little pain, I thought, a little something to make me feel some kind of sensation, other than the hollow feeling I had in my gut, and according to plan, one of the guys grabbed me from behind and pulled out one of the cards I had stashed away. Normally, no one would have ever caught me, but I did it deliberately so one of them would catch on, and they did.

"What da fuck is dis?" he asked, as he bashed me in the back of the head, sending my face flying, dully, into the table, no thanks to that cheap crap I couldn't stop sucking back on.

"What the fuck does it look like, Man?" I spat back, while pushing myself back up, clumsily, with a chuckle and grinned madly at him.

"Looks like we got ourselves a _cheat_, Boys."

I couldn't help but laugh at him when he said that. It reminded me of how pathetically predictable the slums were, still using old lines like a pathetic old movie with a bad script.

"What should we do with him?" piped up one of the others at the table, as he stood up and shifted the cigar in his mouth.

"I tink we should take 'im outside," answered the one behind me.

"Yeah, I could use some fresh air," I stated, and then I started to get up, but the fucker behind me pushed me, forcefully, back down into my seat.

"Oi, ya tink yor priddy funny, donchou?"

"Don't you?" I asked, and started chuckling at him again.

He grabbed me roughly by my collar then, and yanked me out of my seat, hard enough that I got my foot caught in the leg of the chair, and nearly brought it with me. I couldn't help but think that maybe he wasn't exactly impressed with my enthusiasm. In an automatic fit of panic, I quickly grabbed my bottle out of fear that I might have to leave it behind, and I wasn't about to let that happen.

"Watch the threads, Man!" I shouted, as I smacked his hands off of me, and made every attempt not to spill my drink when I went to straighten my shirt up a bit.

"You should be worring 'bout more dan yor treads, Boy."

"Fucker," I muttered, and then I lifted my head to meet his eyes, with a spiteful glare, daring him to give it his best shot.

"I think he has a death wish." One of the others said, as he lazily stood up from where he was sitting, and then he lit a cigarette as he watched the rest of the guys get up from their seats along with him.

"Enough with the foreplay, Asshole!" I chided, before pushing him backwards, and then I mumbled, "Yer wastin my time." As I went to straighten up my chair so I could sit back down, knowing it would egg them on to getting it started.

"You guys 'ear dis dipshit?" he asked the others with a disbelieving smirk.

Almost like they were all on cue, the others started closing in around me like a pack of hungry Bandersnatches. I could feel the grin on my face widen, as I locked eyes with the one who had his hands on my jacket, holding me up. I figured I was making it pretty clear that I was willing to let them do what they felt they had to do, in order to prove themselves, and as a result, those assholes dragged me out to the alley.

After throwing me to the ground, they wasted no time in getting started and took turns on me, kicking and hitting. It felt so good in my intoxicated state that I couldn't help but laugh at them the whole time, as I welcomed the all too familiar taste of my own blood in my mouth. It was so welcome, that I didn't even bother to fight back. I let them beat me until they were too tired to continue.

Either that, or the smile on my face just outright made them feel like they were having no effect, and they gave up, leaving me there by myself on the cold, dirty ground to feel the warmth of my blood run down my face in a sickening pleasure that I hadn't felt for years. I had almost forgotten the sweet taste of retribution from my childhood, and although it wouldn't be the first time I'd fallen back, it was still unique in its own right.

I knew I really shouldn't have touched the cheap stuff when I was alone. It made me do crazy things. But every now and then, I needed a little reminder on where my limits were.

After a long rest of staring at the smoggy black sky, I pulled myself up and started stumbling and falling along my way, until I made it into another alley that wasn't so secluded. Then I slid down the wall, and onto my ass, a fair distance from the others that occupied the same space.

_Just like home_, I thought, as I brought the bottle back to my lips… the bottle that I had managed to hang onto all that time. I couldn't help but be thankful that it hadn't broken, and cradled it to my chest like a long lost child that had finally come home. After all, if it weren't for that crap, I would have been in a lot of pain that night.

Feeling comfortable with the fact that I wasn't the only miserable person that existed, I let my head fall back against the crumbling bricks behind me, and quietly observed my surroundings and estranged, yet familiar company.

They had made a fire out of worn-out bits of furniture, and other materials that they could salvage from the remains of the buildings in the area, and huddled about the glowing warmth with a content compassion and acceptance of one another, probably drinking the same crap that I was. Allowing that strange comfort to expand its way over to me, I closed my eyes and shivered against the cool night air, and then I passed out.

* * *

When I awoke, I was slumped over in my own vomit, only I didn't really remember throwing up, and shuddered at the thought that maybe it wasn't mine. It must have been around mid-afternoon, I figured as I took a painful look around through a brightness that my eyes just didn't want to adjust to. Then I turned onto my back and placed my hand defensively in front of my eyes to shield out the offensive light from the day, before pulling my shades down for added relief.

Funny thing about the slums, something I learned a long time ago, was that as long as they thought you were one of them, they'd never touch you. It didn't matter that I was in a Turk uniform, and it didn't even matter that I was an unfamiliar face. The bottle in my hand was enough to give me unspoken rights, and a safe passage from those that would have otherwise seen me as prey. It was a type of bond that connected them to you. It was the sign of hardships, and of a life as unravelled as theirs. Therefore, enough for them to spare you some compassion and leave you unharmed.

Anyway, the sound of traffic had come alive, and a warm breeze caressed my face. In the distance, I could hear the muddled sounds of voices and birds singing as the district came to life in the daylight. The haze from the sky made the light appear white and misty, almost heavenly. It was Meteor's aftermath…

As I took it all in, I couldn't help but wonder if we were any better off than when we were raping the planet of Mako. You see, Meteor left a smoggy haze in the sky that seemed to pollute our world more than the waste from the Mako refineries ever did. In a strange sort of way, it was a thing of beauty, what we were left with. Not only were the days filtered into a heavenly white light, but the sunsets, they lit up like fire against the haze, layer upon layer of growing intensity that almost seemed threatening.

Everything had taken on such a different ambience from the way things used to be, and I laid there soaking in the morbid beauty of it all. The simplicity of the days before Sephiroth seemed almost like a dream that I once had, but I knew that Rufus had plans to fix all that we were responsible for, if not more. He wanted his empire back. However, I also knew that if anyone ever found out what he was doing in the meantime that there would surely be an uprising against him, more so than what already existed.

_Necessary evil, _I thought, and then chuckled.

That was Rufus, that's what he'd always been and always would be. I would have gladly given up my life for him more than I ever would have in the past, knowing what I knew. I also knew that I was going to be in major shit if I didn't get off my ass and get back to the lodge. I was sure to already be in over my head.

At the reminder of the amount of trouble I had most surely dug myself into, I pulled myself up from the ground, against the complaints of my head, and stumbled toward the wall to grab my bearings. That cheap stuff always gave me major hangovers.

Then I tried to recollect just how I got where I was. I was positive the others were most surely pissed at me for not being where I was supposed to be, and I knew I had to get back soon. The sooner I got back, the less harsh the repercussions would be. I had to hurry.

So, I grabbed my bottle from the ground, which still wasn't empty, and I made my way back to Healin.

* * *

Once I made it to the lodge, I parked my bike, as quietly as I could, by walking it up to where I always kept it, and then I went straight to my quarters to take a shower, before going back to the main building. When I opened my door, I was taken a little by surprise at the fact that my uniforms were all clean and folded, carefully on my bed, and as an added touch, my bed was neatly made.

While smiling to myself, I made a mental note to thank Rude when I got the chance, since I knew that he was the only one that would have done something like that. It was his way of saying 'You're in major shit. Have a nice day'.

Oh well, it wouldn't have been the first time I'd done something like that. In fact, it was rather minor compared to some of the things I'd done in the past.

As I made my way across my room, I tossed my keys on the bed, and then grabbed three of the Potions that I kept in my bedside table and chugged them down with a chase of the cheap liquor that I just couldn't seem to throw away. I may have been wasteful in some ways, but I was never one to throw out an unfinished bottle. There was only one way to get rid of one as far as I was concerned, and that was to finish it.

Anyway, with all that aside, I stumbled into the bathroom to shower the filth from the previous night off of me, and then I took a deep breath in preparation for the earful I was sure I'd have to endure.

* * *

Revision 1: January 10, 2008


	8. The Gilded Cage

**The Gilded Cage**

* * *

When I entered the main area, Rufus was in his chair reading, and Rude was quietly sitting on the sofa, finishing off a sandwich compiled of leftovers from the night before. They both gave me that long disdainful, 'You fucked up' kind of look, that I'd come to know over the years, as soon as my presence was made known to them. I didn't have to ask where the others were. I knew we were supposed to go and check out the information we received from the girl we interrogated back at the tower.

It was obvious Rude had to stay behind and play bodyguard for the day on my behalf. It wasn't like it mattered though; one of us would have had to stay behind anyway. None of us trusted Rufus after he took that 'Leap of Faith' with Jenova's head in his hands back when Kadaj held him hostage. The guy had a suicidal streak, not that I really had the right to make that observation, seeing as we shared the same self-destructive tendencies.

"You can leave now, Rude." Rufus said, dismissively, with a wave of his hand before he put a marker in his book and closed it.

"Yes, Sir," was Rude's reply. Then he carefully got up, with his sandwich in his hand, and walked over to me. With a tilt to his sunglasses, he took a brief moment to warn me, silently, not to step out of line, before he respectfully took his leave.

There was a long and uncomfortable silence that seemed to last a lot longer than it really did, after he left. During that time, Rufus sat there, looking at me with an unreadable and empty look in his eyes, while I stood there looking back at him, not really knowing what else to do.

All the while, I could see him tensing up like he always did when I knew damn well he was mad. His jaw tightened slightly and his fingers tapped thoughtfully on the arm of the chair as he sat there and collected his thoughts. Not many people would really notice what it meant, but I'd been around the man long enough to pick up on most of his traits. Though I admit, he'd started throwing some new ones at me that I didn't really quite know how to interpret.

"I told Rude he could have the day off as soon as you arrived," he finally said, after carefully gauging out his thoughts.

Not really knowing what to do or say, and not really knowing where any of this was going, I wound up standing there with a shrug to my shoulders and not commenting.

"Seeing as he had to sit here and wait for you to return, I assumed it was only fair," he commented, then he flicked his bang out of his face in an annoyed manner before getting out of his seat, and walked over to stand in front of me.

Considering the intensity of the coldness in his eyes as he looked me over, I figured it was best if I just stood my ground, with my hands nervously in my pocket, to keep myself from fidgeting. And I waited for him to finish in hopes that he'd calm himself down enough before doing something to me that I might wind up regretting.

"I know where you went," he stated, with a stone-like semblance, and casually started walking around me with an indifferent air to his voice, and his hands clasped behind his back. "And I know why you went there. Don't worry. I'm not mad at you." Stopping just behind me, he leaned up to my ear and lowered his voice. "I don't blame you, either."

Taking a deep breath, I suddenly found myself wishing I could light a cigarette to calm my nerves down. However, seeing as I was in Rufus' company, I'd probably only succeed in pissing him off more.

"Tseng feels I should fire you."

_Yeah_. _He always fuckin says that,_ I thought to myself, and rolled my eyes when he didn't see.

"Of course, he always says that," he added, before he started to walk around me until he was in front of me again, where he stopped so he could face me.

Then he looked into space for a moment, before continuing. "Naturally, Rude brought up a valid point in your defence, as he always does. Your level of expertise and somewhat…" Pausing for a moment, to wave his hand in the air, in search of the right word, he brushed his bang out of his eye when it came to him and started walking around me again. "Unconventional loyalty would be difficult to replace, if not impossible, luckily for you."

"I must admit that I agree with the man. There are few out there that could carry it off with such _flare_. Throwing your lack of conscience into the equation makes you unique in your own right. I can't fathom where we'd find somebody with your logical intensity and meticulous nature who could blend in with the common folk as well as you do. Your ability to hold your liquor and other intoxicants has also allowed you to gain valuable information, time and time again, and you always, somehow, manage to never give any information away…"

"Okay, okay…" I said, in a sudden outburst of annoyance and not considering the consequence of my words. "So dock me a week's pay." In all honesty, I was really starting to get fed up with that speech. I'd heard it all before, every single time, and I could have really used a cigarette.

"A week's pay?" With a pause, he raised his eyebrow at the thought, and then nodded as if he'd given it some consideration, but decided against it. "Actually, I had something else in mind."

As he studied me for a moment, a shiver ran down my spine, from the cold and malicious tone he was speaking in, and then he continued in that lowly musical resonance of his. "You see, that's the problem. That's how we always deal with you, and it doesn't seem to have any affect. Not that I'm sure anything will." Allowing a cat-like smirk to slowly cross his lips, he narrowed his eyes and cocked his brow, while adding with a sickly purr. "But I'm always open to trying new things."

Suddenly, not really sure if I knew, or even liked, where the conversation was going, I stopped looking ahead and started to follow his movements, cautiously, with my eyes, in a mixed sense of anxious dread while he snickered lightly at my reaction.

"I did some thinking while I was sitting here, waiting for you, with Rude." Stopping dead in front of me, he met my eyes with calculated regards, and then placed his hands behind his back again. "I thought to myself, what is it that means the most to Reno? More than booze, women, paycheques, gambling…"

_Yer gonna cut off my manhood?_ I heard myself say in my head, but of course, I didn't dare say that for fear he might actually take me up on the offer.

As if he could read my thoughts, his eyes glazed over slightly, and a thin smile that was devious in nature curved around his lips. However, despite the fact that he may not have actually had that as his concrete agenda, what he _did_ say, cut me just as deep, and it also took me off guard. "Your job, Reno," he said, flat-out.

"You can't fire me!" I found myself uncontrollably shouting at him, as my fists suddenly clenched in my pockets.

"Oh, no. I can't afford to fire you," he consoled, and leaned a little forward in confidence. "Nor can I afford to have you disappear." With a quick swipe of his scheming eyes across my face, he returned back to his original position and cocked his brow. "You're far too valuable." Then he turned to his side a bit and brought his hand in front of him as he shook his finger in thought. "I _can_, however, afford to put you on, let's say, a _confined_, vacation?"

Suddenly glaring at him, despite my confusion over what the hell he was talking about, and not having any fucking clue as to what the weight of it was, I found myself rudely demanding an explanation. "What the fuck is a confined vacation?"

"You don't get to work for me, Reno. Not until I say you can. You don't get to work. Period. However, you also don't get to _leave_," he said, before he turned his attention back over to me and threateningly growled out. "I still _own_ you."

Then he waved his hand about the lodge, while his eyes wandered about the area, as if he was truly impressed with his surroundings. "You get to stay here in the comfy confines of this lodge. You don't get to go to town. If you want something, I'm sure one of the others would be more than willing to pick it up for you, on their way home from an assignment, or an outing."

Stammering for a moment over not knowing what the hell to say or do in response, I wound up struggling to pull my hands out of my pockets as I spat out. "This is bullshit!"

"Oh, I know it is," he answered, with a sly look in his eyes, and an untrustworthy smirk to accompany it.

"Then why the fuck are you doing this?"

"Look at that. Your pronunciation is back."

Immediately pissed off beyond all reason at his comment, and the twisted game he was playing with me, I decided I'd had enough and figured I'd take my chances by simply leaving to storm out the door. But it was almost like he anticipated it, and he grabbed me, pulling me back to him.

"I didn't say you could go yet," he calmly said, and then he tightened his grip while the corner of his mouth turned up and his eyes narrowed again.

On edge over the fact that I felt like nothing more than a toy to amuse him, I found myself demanding that he, "Let go of me!" Since being in his arms the number of times I'd already been was bad enough. I honestly didn't really feel like I wanted to go for another round.

"You really are intoxicating," he purred, and then he pulled me closer with an abrupt pull, and brushed my hair back at the side. "Do you know that?"

"Fuck!" Pushing him away so hard that I almost fell back myself, I had to take a moment to clumsily regain my balance. "I don't need to put up with this shit!" And then I started to make my way for the door again.

"Where will you go?" he called after me, in a chillingly calm voice, and stayed his ground as if to say there was nothing unprofessional about his behaviour whatsoever.

"To my room," I mumbled, and turned back around to face him. "Ya made it pretty clear, I can't go nowhere else."

With a calm look on his face, and a smile so self-satisfied, that it almost made me want to retch, he simply brushed his bang out of his eye again and watched me as I turned around to reach for the door. I had it partially open when it unexpectedly slammed back in my face.

Then I saw his hand pressed against it as he stood behind me. "It's not my choice, Reno." Lowering his voice and bringing his mouth closer to my ear, he slid his other arm around my waist and pulled me with a quick jerk toward him, from behind, knocking a slight amount of wind from me and causing me to grunt under my breath. "If I don't do something to deal with you, it won't be fair to the others."

Roughly pulling his hand from me to let him know that I wasn't even going to _pretend_ to like it, I spun around to glare at him to stress that I wasn't going to play his sick little game. "You're full of shit! You're not doing this for anyone but yourself!" I accused, and felt the blood rush to my cheeks in a fit of frustration.

Cocking his head to the side, then back again, as if to suggest he never thought of that, but it was worth some consideration, he stated, "Since when have I never done something for myself?"

"You prick."

"Don't act so surprised, Reno." With a sultry tone and look, he grinned again and placed his other hand on the door behind me so that both of them were on either side of my head, and lowered his voice while wandering his eyes all over my face. "You've known me long enough to know that I'm only interested in what benefits me most," he confided, and tilted his head slightly as he leaned a little closer. "Let's not play around and pretend that I'm selfless all of the sudden."

Not willing to let him know he was getting to me, I blurted out, "Who's pretending?" Then I turned around to try and open the door again, but he still had both his hands on it and wasn't about to let me go yet.

"You know, we've never had a conversation like this before," he whispered, as he brushed his lips against my ear and moved even closer to me, enough so he was practically pinning me to the door with his own body. "It's refreshing, don't you agree?"

"This isn't a conversation, _Rufus_. It's sexual harassment."

I didn't just hear him laugh, I felt it since he was pressed so damn close to me. But luckily enough, he seemed to only be interested in pushing my buttons, and appeared to have gotten his fill.

Satisfied with whatever it was he was satisfied with, he pushed himself away, after nudging me with his body, before he removed his hands from the door and stood back. "You can go now, Reno," he permitted, and then he stood straight while adjusting his coat. "I can tell from the way this is starting off that your confinement is going to keep me more than entertained." Snickering briefly, almost no more than a snort, he fixed the cuffs on his sleeves as he added, "I'm almost regretting that I won't be able to keep you like this forever."

"Psycho," I muttered, before I quickly opened the door and nervously walked out with a wash of relief.

* * *

_Sexual harassment… _

I couldn't believe I actually said that. I surprised myself by the fact that I wasn't really mad, intimidated, or even frustrated after walking out of there. I surprised myself by the sudden wave of laughter that overtook me.

_Am I fuckin enjoyin this?_

_What the hell is happenin to me?_

With a surprised shake to my head at myself, I hurried down the stairs to my quarters, and went straight for that cheap bottle of liquor I still had and took a large gulp. _Maybe it's this crap I'm drinkin, _I thought to myself as I took another drink._ It has been a while._

Once I was secure enough to believe that Rufus had his fill and wasn't going to come after me, I pulled out a deck of cards and started shuffling them around, before boring myself silly with a game of Solitaire on my bed. What the hell else was I going to do? I sure as hell wasn't going to go back in there, not as long as that lunatic was still there. As _entertaining_ as the situation suddenly became to me, I still wasn't anywhere near being comfortable around that man.

The only thing I _was_ sure about was that I knew I wasn't happy about this _confined vacation_ I was finding myself sentenced to. People who didn't know me thought I was quite the goof-off, and I was to a certain degree. Truth be told though, even when I was on vacation, I always managed to squeeze my job into it. I know I acted like I didn't care, and maybe I thought I didn't, but my actions always stated otherwise. I didn't even really know that myself until I was facing the fact that it was just taken away.

Sure I loved to drink and party, and even sleep around a little. Actually, I'm probably not kidding anybody and might as well come clean. I slept around a lot, not a little. My job however, was my life, it was my reason for living, and it was my reason for existing. I didn't think anybody really knew that except for Rufus, and he used it to gain some level of control over me that no one had ever done before. For the first time in a long time, I no longer had the upper hand because someone understood me better than I understood myself. Unfortunately, that person just happened to be Rufus Shinra.

He was able to do that because he was able to read people better than anyone else that I knew, and it was a fact about me that no one had paid much mind to before either. His father was always too ignorant to even notice, and I thought Rufus was too self-absorbed, but as it turned out, he was a little more observant than I thought.

Not that I'm not giving him any credit, I was always impressed by the things he knew about others that no one else knew. There were things he was able to pick up on just from watching them. He was able to pick up on things that people didn't even know about themselves. I guess I was foolish to even be surprised that he knew where to cut me deepest.

_What the fuck am I gonna do?_ I thought, as I swiped the cards off my bed in frustration, and looked over at my clock to see that only a half hour had passed. I was already going out of my mind and hardly any time had passed. A half hour of doing fuck all and I was already wishing I could leave. Of course I wouldn't, I was hoping I might be able to get out of this on account of good behaviour. Truth was, I had nowhere else to go, and if I did, I probably wouldn't have gone anyway, so I decided that I might as well suck it up.

Reaching over with a bored sigh, I grabbed my bottle and tipped it upside down to watch nothing come out of it. _That must've been the longest I've ever nursed a bottle._ Usually, I would have finished it off in one night, but it was strong enough to last me a little longer, apparently not long enough though.

_Maybe I should jus take a nap._ Gaia knew there wasn't anything else to do, not to mention, I didn't get a very good sleep the night before.

Letting my head fall back onto my pillow, I placed my hands behind my head and laid there with my eyes open, studying the ceiling and imagining pictures out of the patterns before I finally closed my eyes and dozed off.

* * *

Some hours later, I awoke to a light tapping at my door, sometime in the early evening. I had no idea how long I'd been sleeping for, since I had no idea how long I just laid there, staring at the ceiling with lost thoughts, before I actually fell asleep. A little groggy and thinking only one person was home, I yelled out, "Fuck off, Rufus!" and threw my pillow at the door while pulling the blanket over my head to try and go back to sleep.

"_Rufus?" _

_Shit! _That voice was a little too delicate to be Rufus'.

Hopping out of my bed in a rush, I had to steady myself from the unexpected swoon that came over me, before I ran to the door with a clumsy stagger and opened it. "Elena!"

She had almost made it halfway up the stairs before she turned around to acknowledge me. Then she smiled a bit of a fragile smile, like she was a little sad, and started to come back down the stairs toward me. "Why would you talk like that to Rufus?"

"A little pissed, I guess," I mumbled in a bit of embarrassment.

"Mm… Yeah, Well you did that to yourself," she said, and then paused to chastise me with her eyes, while she thoughtfully chewed on her lip. "So, what did he do to you this time?"

"Told me I was'n allowed ta work."

"He fired you?"

"Nah, he put me on a confined vacation."

"What's that?" Taking a few more steps toward me, with a curious look, she knitted her brows in a mild confusion and crossed her arms in front of her.

"I get ta stick around here an do absolutely fuck all," I answered, with a sneer and waved my hand about the area in resentment.

Screwing her face a little, as she came closer, she bit on her bottom lip again and looked to her side in thought. "That's weird."

"Yeah, well that's Rufus."

After a short nod in agreement, her deep brown eyes lost their focus and she wasn't really looking at me anymore, even though she was. They were looking through me like there was something on her mind that didn't really have anything to do with the conversation we were having.

Then I remembered the way she acted the other night when she came home. Although, I wasn't really the best person for dealing with anyone's emotions, I found myself wanting to press, for her sake. She'd grown on me, and I admit that I cared for her. I cared for her a lot, actually. It wasn't the kind of caring that was shared between lovers, but it was a caring nonetheless.

"Elena." Pausing for a moment, I slouched to meet her eyes and waited for her to focus on me. "Everythin all right?"

"We've known each other for a long time, right?" she asked, as her beautiful brown eyes returned their hopeful focus back to me.

Placing my hands in my pockets and shrugging uncomfortably, I muttered out, "Sure," with a tilt to my head, and regarded her with concern.

"Reno, I'm sorry for the way I behaved the other night." With a wavering look like she was afraid I wouldn't accept her apology, she started to blink back tears that she didn't want to shed. I didn't really know why she was being so emotional, but I figured she'd let me know if she wanted me to know, so I didn't really press.

"Consider it forgotten," I said, casually, and smiled while waving my hand in the air to lighten up the atmosphere.

With a weak smile, she turned her eyes to the ground and started trembling, right before tears started flowing, uncontrollably, down her cheeks, and I found myself at a loss for words. Due to my own inability to know what the hell to do, I wound up just standing there for a while, looking around at nothing in particular as she literally started to fall apart in front of me.

Suddenly wanting her to stop for my own sake, I pulled her into my arms to comfort her and rested my chin on the top of her head, rocking her back and forth while she sobbed into my shoulder. However, to my own surprise, and in a strange sort of way, it felt good to be comforting her.

It seemed to lift away my own weight, and I found myself wrapping my arms more protectively about her, as if to say I had a purpose, and that purpose was to protect her. Though from what, I didn't really know.

Keeping my voice low and steady, I felt I needed to ask, "Tseng still workin?" Now, I know I probably could have said something better than that, something comforting, but at the time it was all I could come up with. Nodding into my shoulder, she started shaking, like she was cold, as she tried to choke back more tears and a gulping whine escaped from her throat. "Wanna go inside?" I asked her, realising it was getting a little cool out. As a response, she fixed her eyes on my quarters and nodded, letting me know that she didn't want to go into the lodge just yet.

Obliging her wishes, I guided her into my room and sat us both on the foot of the bed together, not letting go of her. Then I began rocking her gently and rubbing her back to soothe her until she could gather herself together. "It's okay," I said lightly, with my cheek pressed to the top of her head. "It's okay."

Although, I didn't really know what was okay, I felt she needed to hear it. Maybe I did too. Turning her to face me, I brushed her hair away from her eyes and then pressed my lips to her forehead. After that, I placed the palms of my hands gently on her cheeks to tilt her head up slightly, so I could question her silently, while wiping her tears away with my thumbs. I really hated seeing her cry like that. Someone as beautiful as her should never have to cry.

"Reno?" she started, once she was able to collect herself.

"Yeah?"

Hesitating a bit, she bit on her bottom lip in thought before she unexpectedly blurted out, "I'm pregnant," with a look of regretful horror.

Now, I'm not about to lie here. So I'll come clean and admit that a frozen wave washed over my body as the blood drained right out of me. I had no idea where it would have gone though, because it wasn't anywhere to be seen. _This is so not good._ Turks don't get pregnant. Families are for _family_ people, not Turks. _Pregnant?_ Nope, I definitely couldn't say it was a good thing to hear at all. It was so not good…

Suddenly needing to calm myself down before opening my mouth and saying something that I might regret, I let go of her like she was a disease and started nervously scratching the back of my neck. The last thing she needed was for me to freak out on her, even though my reaction could have suggested that I was. I needed to think. _Think!_ She had just confided in something she should never have told me.

Searching my mind for something casual and calm to say, something that wouldn't land any alarm to the current situation, I wound up coming up with absolutely nothing, and rubbed my palms nervously on my knees while my eyes wandered in an attempt to make up for the panicked search going through my head. Maybe we could just talk out a solution. Yeah, people do that all the time, right? Maybe it works.

_Oh, Gaia…_

_Where the fuck do I start?_

"Does Tseng know?" I asked, with a foggy undertone, and tried to clear out my throat.

"Yeah," she answered, still biting on her lower lip and watching me with those hypnotic pools of hers, for some kind of sign to let her know that she didn't just make a huge mistake by telling me.

"What did he say?"

"He said we'll work it out." Settling her eyes on the floor, she leaned her side to mine and phased out with a deep sigh.

"What about Rufus?

"I know how Rufus will react, Reno," she hissed at me, and sat herself straight up in a jolt of bitterness, before she attempted to plead her concern with me. "He can't find out. I can't let him find out."

"Well, ya can't hide it forever." As much as I didn't want to say that, it seemed like the reminder was necessary, and I kind of regretted it the moment the words spilled out of my mouth.

"I know. But I can't give it up, Reno. Tseng and I have already discussed this."

"Does he want to keep it?"

"He said he didn't know," she answered, as tears started to pour out of her uncontrollably again. With an apprehensive sigh, I pulled her back into my arms to comfort her some more while stroking her hair. I didn't know what else to do. If you think about it, we were the President's eyes and ears. We did every dirty little job that he wanted done. Every dirty little job that no one else was authorized to do.

We knew every dirty little secret that the Shinra legacy kept from the public. It was our job to keep those secrets as they were at all costs. We were an extension at the highest most level, and therefore, we were at the highest risk when it came to mistakes. It was the consequence that came from being above the highest advisors. Although, we were never in a position to advise anybody.

It was our job to take orders from the highest source possible and no others, namely Shinra. They were orders that nobody else ever knew or knew of, and should anybody ever find out, we were responsible for making sure they kept quiet, indefinitely.

Our lives were at stake practically every day, and if it wasn't our lives, it was someone else's. Should we add a family member to that? Their lives would most likely be at risk too. It was a hard truth and a difficult fact to face, especially for someone like Elena whose hormones were kicking into maternal drive. But it was a truth nonetheless.

"So, ya wanna keep it?" I choked out, after a long silence, as I swam through my own ocean of thoughts.

Huddling closer to me and still quivering, she tried to choke back her remaining sobs in an attempt to answer me in a clear voice. "I don't know," she answered, dully.

At that moment, for the first time since Meteor was a threat, I was afraid for Elena. Rufus would surely see her condition as a crutch and demand one of three things. All of which could have undesirable results, either on her life, or on her emotional state, and I didn't really want to see any of those things happen.

* * *

When Tseng finally arrived, Elena hesitantly left my room to be with him, leaving me with one more dead weight to carry. It didn't really help much that he went out of his way to thank me for being there for her, because that meant that he also knew that I knew, putting me in even more of a position than I wanted to be in.

After everything that she told me, I was pretty much wide awake. There was no way in Hades domain I was going to be able to fall asleep after hearing that. As a result, I sat there shaking my leg and rubbing my knees again, looking around my useless room for something to help me clear my mind, maybe even pretend that nothing ever happened. Sure, no one told me anything.

_I can keep secrets. I do it all the time. But do I want anymore to keep?_

It was my duty to report something like that to Rufus. It was my duty to report anything that reflected my position as a Turk, or any of the others for that fact, and I'd always performed my duty.

_Why the hell did she have to tell me something like that?_

I wasn't really sure if she realized what kind of position she'd put me in. I couldn't tell Rufus something like that! Not when it involved Elena. I couldn't do that to her, not after everything we've been through together.

Of course, my biggest fear was that Rufus would know that I was holding something back from him, and demand to know what it was. _What am I gonna do?_

My pack of cigarettes was empty, I had no alcohol, and I really wanted to have both all of the sudden. _Why did I have ta fuck up now of all times?_ If I wasn't under house arrest, I would be able to go to town, get drunk out of my skull, hopefully forget everything I ever knew, and be able to avoid Rufus' knowing eyes.

Instead, I was stuck in that cabin of growing deception that made me the centre-point, because Gaia knew, I just didn't have enough on my plate as it was. To top it off, I was stuck there with Rufus.

I was stuck there with a twisted and harassing Boss, and with knowledge of things I didn't really need or want to know. I was stuck there with a psycho that wanted to know everything at whatever cost it required. The man had no scruples when it came to getting what he wanted. Could things possibly get any worse?

_If only this day would jus fuckin end!_

* * *

Without being able to sleep due to overly active thoughts, I decided I'd go up to the lodge to raid whatever remnants of liquor was left in there. Maybe I could get the same kind of brain damage that I'd seen some of the old-timers suffer from at the local pubs. Anything to erase the last couple of hours from my brain permanently would do. I wouldn't have minded erasing the last couple of days either, but that was a long shot.

While I crept up to the lodge as quietly as I could, I kept my hands in my pockets and kept my eyes on my surroundings to make sure I was alone. Maybe it was a little silly to act like I was breaking into a place that I had full permission to enter, but it was more over the fact that I just didn't want to face any more surprises for the evening.

I just wanted to be alone and wanted to make sure that I was. Also, under the assumption that everyone was probably asleep, I didn't want to wake anybody up by making any loud noises. I just wanted to drink alone, avoid human contact, and have no more conversations with anybody.

Yep, that sure sounded like a damn good plan, No more social interactions, _period_!

Everything was exploding in my face. I honestly didn't think I could handle any more surprises. Maybe it was a sign that I really was ready to retire. Maybe this was a sign from above telling me to move on, _get out now_, while I still could.

_But where would I go?_ This was the only life I'd ever known. This was all I ever knew how to do. I had no idea how to live a common life. I didn't even think I knew what the hell a common life was. Where would I start?

Luckily, the lights were all out inside, so I quietly made my way into the kitchen and opened the fridge, knowing there was nothing in the cupboards because I drank it all. There was half a case of Rude's beer left, so I shrugged, figuring he wouldn't mind, and pulled one out before going into the sitting room to drop my weight like a sack of dead kittens. I didn't bother turning on the light, since I didn't really feel like being reminded of where I was.

I figured if I didn't have to look at anything or make anything out clearly, then I could just pretend that I was someplace else. It would have been more complete if I had a pack of cigarettes on me too, but as it was, it was my own fault for putting myself in the position I was in to start off with. There was nothing I could do about it anyway. It was already done.

Putting my head back and closing my eyes, I decided to listen to the trees rustling from the mild winds outside. It seemed like a suitable distraction and appeared to be doing the job. It worked so well that I figured I must have dozed off for a bit, because I was startled into spilling the half-can of beer I had left all over my lap when something unexpectedly fell into my lap. I didn't even hear anybody come in; I was so out of it. Looking down, I immediately saw a pack of cigarettes sitting there and thanked the Gods for taking a little mercy on me.

_Oh, sweet, sweet friend of mine. I love ya!_

"I figured I'd grab you a pack," came Rude's deep and clinical voice, from behind me, while he removed his gloves and then adjusted his cuffs.

"Ya knew what he was gonna do?" I asked, as I picked up the pack and started opening it.

"No. What did he do?"

"Fuck," I said, with a shake to my head. "I'm grounded, Man. Can ya fuckin believe that?"

Without any expression, Rude adjusted his glasses before coming around to sit beside me. Then he took the beer out of my hand, finished off whatever was left, from me spilling it, and put it back in my hands. "Grounded?"

"Yeah," I answered, and studied the can for a bit. "Said I was'n allowed ta work fer him 'til he said so." Then I let my head fall back to rest on the sofa and breathed out. "Not allowed ta leave the lodge either."

"That's fucked up," he said, nodding and leaning back to relax a bit. "There any more brews left?"

"Half a case."

"Hm," he mumbled, and sat there for a bit before deciding to grab the can out of my hand and take it into the kitchen. After a few moments, he came back with two full cans, and placed one in my hand before sitting down beside me again. Not saying a word, we just sat there and drank in silence.

Not a single word was exchanged, and I welcomed every comfortable second of it. That's how you know when you have a real friend though. You can appreciate each other's company without having to make any attempts to make it look like you do.

That's the thing I always liked about my friendship with Rude. He could just leave you be and still be there for you at the same time. He wasn't a man of many words to start with, but he always seemed to know when to speak and when not to. To be honest, I didn't really think the man knew how to deal with emotions, so he would just wait for his cue instead, and then proceed from there.

What a pair we were, like a flame and a stone, really. Where I would lose control, he would stand his ground. Where I would mouth off, he would stay silent. Everything about us contrasted, from my flaming red hair that stood up in all directions, to his tamed down, neatly shaved head.

Even our skin contrasted, He was a deep tan, like all the others that came from Mideel, and I adorned the typical pale and washed out complexion, like all those from Sector 7, but with a light covering of freckles.

I always got a kick out of what people must have thought when they saw us together. It must have been hard to imagine how the two of us were ever paired up in the first place. It certainly wasn't by mistake though. Tseng knew what he was doing when he made us partners, even though it was against both our wills at first. You see, what I lacked in strength, Rude lacked in speed. Our abilities complimented each other in a way that made us a solid pair, along with all of our other talents and skills.

When we finished our beers, he took both mine and his empty cans back into the kitchen and returned with two more fresh ones so we could continue to drink in silence. That was, until I broke it and decided it was time to go outside to enjoy a good lung-filling of tar and nicotine.

"So, Reno," he said, as he came out to stand beside me. "This drinking in the dark thing. This gonna be your new thing?"

"Jus felt like bein alone," I answered, without turning to acknowledge him.

"Want me to leave?"

"No. How'd everythin go with Tifa?"

"Good."

For Rude that meant great, he wasn't one to ever overemphasize any comment or emotion. I'm assuming there may have even been a kiss somewhere along the lines to get a 'Good' out of him. At least, I sure hoped that everything would work out well for them in the long run. One of us deserved to have something go right for a change. Coming a little closer, he leaned on the railing to my side, and stared off into space along with me. We must have stood there for a good five minutes before either of us said another word.

"Who won?" he asked, after taking a sip of his beer and motioning towards my black eye.

"They did," I muttered, and took another drag from my cigarette before flicking some loose ashes over the railing.

"They?" he asked, and turned to his side. "So, you went on your self-destructive rampage again." Commenting more than asking, he nodded slightly and took another sip. He was more or less stating his thoughts out loud, and not really requesting an answer. It was rare for him to do that, but it would still happen every now and then.

I just shrugged while staring off into the distance, chiselling the heated end of my cigarette on the railing.

"What set you off this time?"

"Don't wanna talk about it," I answered, and started playing with the loose tab on my can, not really wanting to focus on anything in particular.

With a sigh, he removed his sunglasses and put them in his pocket, before turning more to his side so he could see me better. "That bad?"

"Nah… Jus… I dunno."

Since the nights were getting colder, I started to shiver a little and brought my arms in closer to try and hold in a little warmth as a result. Noticing my stubborn attempt to hide the fact that I was cold, he put his arm around me and rubbed my shoulder to help warm me up a bit, while I finished my cigarette. He wasn't going to press me for any more information.

He was always good about things like that, unless it was his job, of course. Chances were, he simply thought that I was falling into my depression again, which was good, because it meant that I didn't have to tell him anything.

* * *

Revised: January 10, 2008


	9. Stir Crazy

**Stir Crazy**

* * *

Five days went by like five weeks. It was five full days of doing nothing, nothing at all. In fact, there was so much of nothing to do, that I wound up getting to know the area pretty well by going for long walks in the small forests around the lodge.

I even managed to make it seem useful to myself by checking out the area for signs of intrusion. Luckily, Rufus never joined me on my walks, or he probably would have forced me to pick flowers or something useless, so he could continue with his _entertainment_.

I wasn't even allowed to collect firewood or twigs for the wood stove. One of the nights, a light bulb burnt out and he made me wait for one of the other's to come home so they could change it. The bastard wouldn't even let me change a stupid light bulb. According to him, it required mechanical skill, and therefore, it was considered _work_. If nothing else, he was going to drive me mad.

As a result, the floor of my room wound up cluttered with drawings of stick people, and scribbles, and unfinished thoughts. I even thought, at one point, maybe I'd start a diary, but I couldn't seem to figure out how the hell I was going to write about nothing.

As it turned out, I discovered that I lacked any artistic creativity whatsoever. But that was just fine. I couldn't say I was disappointed, because I couldn't say I ever really had a use for being creative anyway.

Surprisingly though, he actually let me make the meals around the house, and I was definitely thankful for that. A part of me actually believed that the only reason he allowed me to cook was because he liked my cooking.

That was one of the good things about growing up in the Slums. Since you didn't really have any money, and had to make do with what you had, you learned to be a little creative with your meals. Wow, thinking about it now, I guess I did have some creativity in me after all, just not artistically.

Anyway, being around Rufus wasn't as bad as I thought it would be though. It turned out that he could actually be pleasant when he wanted to be. We even had a few conversations about his plans and why he was doing things the way he was doing them.

Not that he ever needed to justify himself to me, I would have followed his orders regardless of the reasons. Mind you, I wasn't naïve enough to believe he told me everything that was going on in his head, and the conversations we had were still somewhat cryptic. But it was nice to actually see a side to him that didn't reflect the tyrannical appearance he always showed to the world.

I'll even admit that the innuendos and advancements were kind of fun, even though I continued to resist him. He never actually went too far, and always stopped before anything got out of hand. It was almost like he was more interested in just playing with me than anything else, and it certainly kept me from being bored.

I couldn't help but come to the conclusion that he liked it when I resisted him. It seemed to make it all the more worthwhile for him for some reason. Strange man, Rufus was. I don't think I ever really knew what it was he truly wanted from me.

To my surprise, he even joined me in a game of cards one night, and even more to my surprise, he kicked my ass. The man turned out to be a quick learner, and there wasn't much that he wasn't good at when he put his mind to it.

However, if he wasn't interested, there was no way in hell you'd ever get him to do it. I even half-suspected that he could have probably fixed all the electrical and mechanical mishaps that went wrong around the lodge during those five days.

But the snob in him outright refused to do anything about it, and the sadist in him refused to let me do anything about it. Maybe he just got off on watching me fidget relentlessly, because there was something I could have done, and he wouldn't let me do it.

The fourth night was a bit trying though; the doorknob came off my door and I was trapped in my room for over two hours. I had the tools, but I really wanted the twisted vacation Rufus was getting his amusement from to end, so I behaved.

At least, he was decent enough to come down and sit by my door to keep me company, even if it was only to laugh at me and muse over the comic relief of the situation. If it weren't for the bars on the windows, I would have just climbed out, but as it was, I was pretty much trapped.

Five days…

Five days of not being able to do my job, and not being able to investigate the suspicious noises outside. Five days of not being able to find out why the blasted generator wasn't working on day five. The only good news was, that I was able to keep my mouth shut about Elena, and Rufus didn't seem to suspect anything either.

Anyway, as I lazily walked back from another long walk, I picked up a twig like I'd been doing for the last five days. Then I pulled out my pocket knife and whittled it away until it was practically nothing.

Then I found another twig, so I could mutilate that one as well, and then on to another. The sun was going down; casting an almost fiery hue about my surroundings, and it was starting to get a little cool to be hanging around outside. Maybe a little dangerous too, since there were still monsters hanging about, from all of Hojo's experiments, and Mako Refinery incidents.

Gaia forbid I run into one and have to defend myself. Rufus might regard that as me finding something useful to do and extend my punishment.

How humiliating. I felt like a kid whose mommy wouldn't let him go out to play because he was a bad boy.

I couldn't help but imagine if Rude were out there with me, he would have been mumbling at me to quit my bitching. But since I had no one to bitch to, I just did it in silence. However, I couldn't help but have a funny feeling that there were people out there that could hear my thoughts, almost like they were reading them or something. It kind of gave me a creepy feeling.

Oh well…

When I made it back to the lodge, I wound up standing there and staring at the generator that had broken down, wondering if maybe I could take a look at it without getting caught. From where I stood, I figured the motor had only burnt out, which was no big deal, really, but naturally I'd check the fuel levels first. Chances were one of the others simply forgot to top it off. Since it was usually my job to take care of it, it would have been easy for one of the others to forget.

With a cigarette hanging out of my mouth, I started inching closer to it by the second from an irresistible pull. I just couldn't seem to forgo the urge to take a look at it. In fact, I had almost made it all the way over to it when Rufus had to ruin everything for me.

"You really can't just leave things alone. Can you?"

Standing in the doorway with a relaxed stance, he held a glass of something I didn't quite recognise in his hand, and I wound up cursing under my breath while trying to feign disinterest in the generator. "I was jus seein if it was turned off," I said, in an attempted casual manner, and waved my hand at it, while taking a drag from my cigarette and sheepishly grinning at him.

"Right." With his brow cocked, he straightened up and swirled his drink while looking at it before turning his attention back over to me. "And what would you have done when you realized it was simply broken?" he asked, with a thin smirk.

With a light shuffle of my feet, and a tilt to my head, I looked at the ground with my brow slightly raised, and shrugged with my spoken thoughts. "They're not gonna be back fer prob'ly hours."

"Yes, and it _is_ getting dark," he said tauntingly.

"I won't be able ta cook without power," I submissively said, in hopes that I could passively persuade him while innocently meeting his eyes.

"And your cooking is much looked forward to." With a cat-like smirk, he swept his eyes suggestively over me like he was drinking me in before he added, "Among other things." Then he turned to walk back into the lodge.

Since I still had to finish my cigarette off, I stayed outside and just watched him with a scrunch to my face and a shake to my head. However, it probably wasn't the best thing to be left alone out there, because the generator really started to pull me over to it, with a magnetic force the moment the door closed, and I could hardly resist.

Rufus had given the others the night off, so they all took advantage of it. Rude was out with Tifa again, and Tseng and Elena decided to go out on another date, which pretty much meant that no one was going to be back for a while. It pretty much meant that no one was going to be around to fix it, and Rufus was right, it _was _getting dark. What if we got hungry?

With an uncaring shrug, I tossed my cigarette over the railing when I finished it and found myself on my knees against my better judgement, hovering over the generator. Then I decided I'd take my chances and undo the fuel cap to check it, since I reasoned that it could hardly be classified as work.

_Could it?_

"Ahem."

_Shit. Busted._

Laughing nervously, I turned around to see him back in the doorway, with some candles in his hands, and scratched at the back of my neck while trying to think of a lame excuse to come up with.

"I'm not going to have to tie you up, am I?"

"Jus let me check the fuel… That's all I'll do," I said, whining to him, and shifting so I was sitting on the deck, "Please." Then I attempted my lost puppy look and only succeeded in raising the corner of his mouth in a satisfied smirk. It was common knowledge that he liked it when people begged, so I figured I'd give it my best shot. But I wasn't exactly sure it was getting me anywhere.

"No, Reno. I wasn't joking about our agreement." After another swipe of his eyes over me, he motioned with the candle in his hand to the kitchen, and turned to walk back in while saying with his back to me, "Now come inside and have a drink with me."

Cursing under my breath again, I pushed myself up and followed him inside, while he placed a candle on the table. Then he grabbed my bottle of scotch from the cupboard and placed it on the table too, before he left to put some candles in the bathroom and the sitting room. Taking him up on the invitation, since there wasn't really anything else to do, I poured some scotch into a glass so I could be _civilized_, and took a drink while pulling my chair out to sit down.

"Since I'm in a good mood tonight, I'll let you light that candle," he said, gesturing to the one on the table as he re-entered the room and straightened out his coat.

"Ooh, lucky me," I said sarcastically, as I readily took him up on the offer and leaned over the table to light it. Then I caught myself steeling an extended glance at him, as he finished off his drink in one gulp, with his back to me, and let out a fiery gasp before grabbing a bottle out of the cupboard to refill it. With a shake to my head in an attempt to take my attention away from him, I set my attention on the bottle he pulled out instead. "Cognac?"

Nodding with his back still to me, he finished topping off his drink, and then returned to the table where he took up his usual spot at the opposite end.

"I always took ya for a guy who did'n like ta taste his liquor," I mused, after taking a drink and then setting my attention on the candle. "Unless it resembled rubbin alcohol," I added, in regards to him drinking vodka, straight, all the time. Personally, I thought it was disgusting, but who the hell was I to judge?

"I'm not opposed to the richer flavours," he answered, swirling his drink and locking his eyes with me when I turned my attention back over to him. "In fact, I rather enjoy them from time to time."

"Then why drink that other crap?"

Cocking his eyebrow in thought for a moment, he sat back and straightened out his coat before he answered, "Probably for the same reason you drink half the _crap_ you do."

_Ah…_

I guess that was as good an answer as any, since I'd never really be able to answer the same question any better. But as it was, I figured I wouldn't dwell on his answer for too long, since I had more important things on my mind. "Ya know, if that generator was workin, I could fix us a tasty meal."

Yeah, as it turned out, I was still thinking about the damn generator. I was having a bit of a difficult time stopping myself actually. I tried. I really did. But it was really starting to get to me. I knew I could fix it. It would be easy enough to do, and it probably wouldn't take any time at all. So, I figured I'd chance it and get out of my seat to test the waters.

Practically reading my thoughts, Rufus had his drink halfway to his mouth, before he had to exert some of his icy authority on me. "Sit back down, Reno. You're not fixing it."

"C'mon, Rufus. _Please,_" I whined, grabbing the edge of the table and leaning forward with a facial expression that suggested I had to take a really bad piss. But that wasn't the reason though; I was just trying really hard to get him to let me fix the damn thing.

"As much as I like to sit here and watch you beg over a generator, I'm afraid my answer is still no." After taking another sip, he cocked his brow and set his cold eyes on me with a dead-seriousness and added, "In fact, if you go anywhere near that generator before your vacation is over, you'll leave me no choice but to take disciplinary action." Then his eyes glazed over slightly, as if to suggest he wouldn't mind doing that anyway, regardless of whether I touched it or not.

"This is ridiculous, Rufus," I complained, and sat back with a pout before I started justifying my needs with my drink in my hand. "I've been good all this time. It's just a generator. It can hardly be classified as work…"

"I'm not kidding Reno, I _will_ do it."

"Fine," I said, giving into defeat and taking a large gulp while glaring at him. At least I had alcohol. Maybe I could get drunk enough to take my mind off of it.

For the rest of the evening, we sat there in candlelight, drinking and discussing the progress of the Shinra Tower. Rufus was quite pleased, as he would say, that the building should be live-in ready before the end of the month.

Admittedly, the thought of having my own home again was more than a welcome thought. It was almost happening too fast in some ways, but not fast enough, because I was still holed up in that forsaken lodge. It had been over three years since Meteor was a threat, and we'd been at Healin since before that. It was three years without a home, three years of having to share the kitchen, and three years of having to share our lives.

It was three years of having to adjust my lifestyle to fit in with four others. It wasn't all bad, mind you. After all, I had my own quarters, which was good because it was a little like having my own home, despite that it was only a room. But it was good enough, and far enough away from all the others to suit my need for privacy.

Plus, being there actually bonded us a lot more than anything else ever would have. So it did have its good points. But at the same time, it would have sure been nice to have a place I could call my own again.

When we both finished off our bottles, Rufus suggested that we finish off something he found buried deep in the cupboard that neither of us was familiar with. Whatever it was, it had been hardly touched and looked like it had been there for some time.

Shrugging, I wondered why I never noticed it before, and then I warned him that it looked cheap, and that we could both wind up regretting it in the morning. Shrugging back at me, he grinned mischievously and said, "What's one more regret?"

Neither of us could help but laugh at the reality of the comment, as we filled up our glasses. We probably didn't really need to drink it though, considering we were already a little more drunk than usual, on account of neither of us eating yet. Consequently, halfway through the mystery bottle, we both started to slur a little.

Well, that wasn't really a big deal, but the candle was almost out, so I staggered over to the drawer to grab another one and asked if I was allowed to light it. He simply waved his hand at me with heavy eyes, suggesting that it was fine to do so and that at that point, he really didn't give a shit, so I did.

Then he announced that he had to visit the little boy's room, but before leaving, he put his hand on my shoulder and leaned a little closer to me, so I could hear him say, "You know, I can honestly say that you are the only person who has ever seen me like this," and then he quickly swiped my jaw with his forefinger and left.

Too drunk to really give a shit about much, myself, I sat there for a few minutes and stared at the candle, watching it burn. Oddly enough, watching the candle suddenly reminded me that we had no power, which in turn, made me think of the generator.

Then I found myself wondering how much longer he was going to be in the bathroom. He'd been in there for a while already, and I contemplated if he was throwing up or had passed out. I thought, maybe I should check up on him. But instead, I found myself out on the deck with my flashlight on, hovering over the generator and unscrewing the fuel cap.

Some people might have said that I had an unhealthy obsession when it came to machines. I just liked to say that I enjoyed them. I understood them better than I understood people and shared a special bond with them. It had nothing to do with being obsessive or even compulsive. I just liked to fix things.

Anyway, I had my cigarette lit when I took off the cap, and the damn thing was full. So I decided to take a better look at the motor and found the culprit, it burnt out. It never failed; it was always the first thing that came to mind.

It was no big deal though. I had a spare motor in storage and figured I could just replace it in no time. So, I went back into the kitchen to get a screwdriver out of the drawer and went back outside. I was about to start unscrewing the cap when Rufus abruptly grabbed me from behind, against my struggles, and tied my hands behind my back with his belt.

_Creative. _I thought. _But what's holdin his pants up?_ I never even heard him coming.

"Hey!" I shouted, as I tried to awkwardly fight against him and discovered that it was futile.

"I told you I wasn't kidding," he said as he pulled me to my feet. "You really do have a problem, don't you?"

"I guess I do," I answered with a laugh, and stumbled backwards into him.

For a moment, he just held me to him, resting his chin near the crook of my neck while we both tried to keep our balance. We were having a little trouble standing, since we were both pretty wasted, and we wound up nearly falling over a few times.

"I thought, maybe ya passed out or somethin," I half-slurred and snickered.

"So, instead of coming to see if I was okay, you decided you'd fix the generator instead?" There was no anger in his voice when he asked that, and if I didn't know any better, I'd say he thought it was funny. But he was quick to regain his stature and steadied himself enough to drag me into the kitchen by my upper arm.

"What took ya so long anyways?" I asked, as I was pulled in tow and hit my shoulder on the doorframe.

"I had this sudden urge to groom myself and brush my teeth," he answered, with a genuine look of confusion on his face. Then he looked off into space as if to suggest he was wondering _why_ he did that, and then he said, "Let's go into the sitting room," with a bit of a slur as he staggered over to the table to grab the bottle, still pulling me along with him.

When we stepped through the door, I tripped over my own foot and almost fell on him, causing him to push me against the wall in order to regain his own footing. Then he stumbled a little and wound up leaning on me after failing at his attempt to maintain his balance. All the while, I remained trapped against the wall, chuckling at him until he said, "I like you like this. You can't do anything to stop me," and brought the bottle to my lips so I could take another drink.

A little to my surprise, when he pulled the bottle away, I wound up saying something I know I never would have said if I were sober. In fact, I was even surprised I said it while I was drunk, but I said it nonetheless. "Who said I wanted ta stop ya?"

For a moment, we both stood still, while his eyes moved across my face in an attempt to study me. Then he smiled crookedly, and cat-like, while his eyes took on a sly look as he looked into mine and locked his gaze to try and read me. "You don't want to stop me?" he asked, in a voice that suddenly became smooth and velvety. The suggestive depth was enough to make me want to unwillingly melt.

When I didn't answer him, or move my eyes away from his, he brought his lips cautiously to mine and held them there for a moment, parting them slightly, but not being intrusive. It wasn't a passionate kiss by any means. It was more of one that was testing the waters and asking for permission.

Then he pulled back so he could meet my eyes again, to test my reaction, and when my only reaction was to lick my lips, he moved in again, moving his tongue into my mouth. With the taste of cheap alcohol and mint mingling between us, I found myself inviting him with absolutely no resistance whatsoever. It wasn't like before. There was nothing rough about it that time.

It was soft and gentle, not like anything I ever would have expected from him, as I allowed myself to discover exactly how soft and smooth those luxurious lips really were while they were pressed to mine. Reluctantly, I felt myself sinking into him and not wanting him to take his mouth away, as our tongues moved against each other. If my hands weren't tied, I would have wrapped my arms around him, so I could pull him further into me.

After a time that felt like it was standing still, I felt the buttons on my shirt snap off, and heard them land in various places, as he ripped it open and started moving those tormenting lips down my neck.

As if his kiss wasn't enough to entice me, he ran his tongue torturously along my skin, sending shivers through my body while he moved his hand to the one place I was slave to. I didn't know if it was because we were both drunk, or if it was because it was what I really wanted, but I heard myself moaning as he moved further down toward my chest.

"Untie me," I breathed out, barely above a whisper.

"No," he replied, just as breathlessly as me. "You'll stop me."

Deciding not to respond because I partially suspected he was right, I bit on my bottom lip to shut myself up and try to shut off the struggle in my head as well. The truth was, that I probably would have stopped him, even though I didn't really want to, and I didn't want to ruin the moment by being stubborn.

Good Gaia, I did _not _want to ruin it. With my eyes closed, I let my head fall back while moaning as he worked further down, caressing me with that sweet, sweet mouth of his. It was electric, the way that he moved over me. His touch was perfect, like he was made for me, and it felt like he belonged to me.

With slow and calculating movements, he studied every inch and when he came to his knees, he took a break and looked up at me, took another drink from the bottle, and then set it down on the floor, while I stared back down and wondered what it would be like to run my fingers through those silky-golden strands.

It never really occurred to me just how angelic his face was before. But as he stared back at me with those beautiful blue eyes that reminded me of ice, I was reminded of just how undeserving I was of possessing those perfect features. I'd always regarded him as beautiful. I just never realized it was an attraction before.

With a sly grin, he pressed his lips just below my navel and brought his hands up to undo my belt while I let my head fall back again and closed my eyes. I thought maybe I was dreaming. There was no way that Rufus Shinra was on his knees in front of me. Surely, I must have been dreaming.

By the time he got my top button and zipper undone, and was about to explore the nether regions of my euphoric senses, there was a sudden and loud smash that sounded like a large bottle crashing. Taking us off guard, we both jumped and turned our heads to the door to see two very pale and shocked faces, and a smashed vase on the floor.

_Talk about a rude awakening._

Elena and Tseng both stood there with the look of absolute, mortified horror on their faces. Elena's hands looked like they were still holding the vase she had just dropped. Her eyes were wide and her mouth agape. Tseng was frozen solid and pale-faced, as the blood drained out of him. His eyes were almost as wide as Elena's, while he stood there with pursed lips.

Rufus was still rubbing my hips, suggestively with his palms, while I stood there with my hands tied behind my back, and Rufus Shinra on his knees in front of me. To top things off, he kept his cheek pressed against my manhood, that he never got the chance to take out from behind its protective underclothing, while looking at them with the corner of his mouth raised, and eyes that suggested it was even more of a turn on now that he'd been caught.

After clearing his throat, and not moving from where he was kneeling, he simply stated that the generator needed to be fixed, to Tseng, and I'm not even really sure if it registered with the man standing at the door, or not. However, at that moment, I couldn't help but abruptly start laughing at the sudden thought of what they must have been thinking; if they were thinking anything at all.

Snickering slightly, as he found his own amusing thoughts on the matter, Rufus pushed himself from the floor, while dragging himself along my body as suggestively as he could. Then he stayed close and pressed to me, while keeping his eyes locked on the company we unexpectedly had.

However, it didn't stop him from gently caressing my very flush cheek with the back of his hand, and asking, "Should we go somewhere more private?" in a seductive tone that was meant for everyone to hear.

When I didn't answer him, he grabbed me by the jaw and kissed me, with an impulsive, rough and savage hunger, exerting more intensity than I had felt from him before. I still couldn't bring myself to resist him though, despite the company and the humiliating spectacle. There was something about the whole situation that turned me on even more, regardless of the uttermost embarrassment I was definitely feeling.

Without removing his mouth from mine, he moved his hand down and adeptly did up the button on my pants, then he pulled back and whispered lightly, "So they don't fall down," before he pulled me by my upper arm and dragged me to his room.

* * *

I awoke at the crack of dawn with a splitting headache and went to reach into my end table to pull out an Elixir. When I suddenly realised it wasn't there, I realised that I wasn't in my own room, and jumped straight up while grabbing my head to stop it from exploding, since the abrupt movement made it pulsate even more violently.

Not only groaning from the excruciating pain, but also from the reminder of what the fuck I did the preceding night, as the bed moved and I heard someone reach into a drawer before tossing an Elixir onto my lap.

Turning reluctantly, while picking up the cool bottle, I managed to see Rufus laying there with his back turned to me, still half asleep. I think, maybe he even fell back asleep. Either that or his head was killing him as much as mine was that he didn't want to move or open his eyes.

While thinking I had just made the second biggest fuck-up, since I'd been in that lodge, I opened the bottle and chugged the contents back quickly, screwing my face up from the bitter taste, before easing myself off his bed and trying not to disturb him.

Then I scanned the room to find my clothes. Admittedly, I knew what I was doing the night before, and I had a pretty clear memory of it in the morning too. However, it was still a little difficult for me to accept.

Rufus took me by surprise again, by untying me as soon as we entered his room. But not before he ripped the elastic out of my hair, taking some of my hairs out with it. For such a dominating man, he made every effort to prove to me that he didn't want to be dominating in the bedroom, and in a way, I was thankful.

Although, I probably would have done anything that he wanted me to do, considering the brainless condition I was in, I still didn't think I was completely ready to have somebody else take the reins. He wasn't kidding when he said he was different around me either. In fact, he was two entirely different people.

The man was a lot wilder than I ever would have imagined him being, and after that night, I realised he had quite the rebellious, bad-boy streak in him as well. Truth be told, I wasn't really sure if I would ever find out who he really was, because every time I thought I had him figured out, he turned into someone else.

To make things more confusing, he only showed his multiple sides to me, with the brief exception of the night before when Tseng and Elena got a glimpse of something they weren't prepared to see. It seemed like he had one personality for the world, and more than a dozen for me. I don't really know if I'd consider myself lucky or not, but it seemed like it was a privilege, and it was a privilege that confused the hell out of me.

Even though the thought of Tseng and Elena's faces the previous night still made me chuckle a bit, I couldn't help but wonder how the hell I was ever going to face either of them again. In all honesty, I wasn't ready to even admit the attraction that I had toward him to myself, never mind anyone else.

Anyway, I found my pants half under the edge of the bed and my shirt was flung over a picture frame on the wall, and I had no idea where my underwear had disappeared to. On that note, I figured the elastic was a lost cause as well. Deciding it wasn't really all that big of a deal, I slipped into my pants and got my shirt on, before I went to do up the buttons and realized that the only buttons on my shirt were the ones I always had undone; funny thing that I'd forgotten about that…

My shoes were over by the door, and instead of putting them on, I just carried them in my hands. I didn't want to make too much noise, because I didn't want to disturb Rufus, who appeared to have fallen back to sleep. There was no point in bothering him, really. It wasn't like what we did was going to happen again, and therefore there was no need to have to deal with it. In fact, the less I had to deal with it, the better. The man was my fucking boss for Ifrit's sake.

Before opening the door, I nervously pulled up my collar to hide the marks he left on me, just in case I ran into anybody on my way back to my quarters. Of course, I wasn't hoping that I would. I certainly didn't want to have to explain myself, nor did I want to advertise what I'd done either. However, it never occurred to me that I might just have to explain why I was outside with my shoes in my hands. But there was really no point in dwelling over that.

After I closed the door gently behind me, I started walking briskly over to my own room with my head down and my hands holding my shirt closed. It was still fairly dark, and the sun was just starting to rise over the horizon with a strange violet glow, allowing me to maintain a small amount of stealth due the lack of strong lighting.

Taking a quick look around, while sticking to the shadows, I noted that the lights were still out throughout the different quarters, suggesting that everyone was still asleep, which made me feel a little less under the spotlight of paranoia.

When I made it to my room, I quickly rummaged through the clothes on my dresser, to find a shirt that wouldn't raise any suspicions, and grabbed a fresh pair of pants and boxers to go along with it. Then I decided I'd take a quick shower, as well, before slinging a tie haphazardly around my neck and going into the main lodge to start the morning off by pretending that nothing happened.

* * *

I had just finished making breakfast when everyone entered the kitchen, as if on cue. Unfortunately, I was kind of hoping I could finish making it and escape before anyone awoke. But we're talking about me here. So, that didn't happen. Nothing ever did go as planned when it came to my private life anyway. Maybe that was why I'd learned to just go with it.

Oh, well…

As Tseng and Elena entered, they still had that look of embarrassment on them that appeared to be renewed the moment they saw me. To be honest, I think they were more embarrassed than I was, but at the time, I wasn't really giving it much thought.

I was too busy freaking out, while they sat there, pale-faced, and staring at their food. Neither of them said a damn word during the whole time I stood by the coffee machine, making every effort to avoid them. Yeah, I was a bit afraid to go over and sit with them. It just didn't seem right anymore for some strange reason.

The only one acting normal was Rude. Naturally, because he had no idea what was going on, and I wasn't about to complain about that either. He didn't even seem to notice that the rest of us were acting strange at first. Instead, he just sat there with his breakfast in front of him, shovelling it in like he was on a schedule, and taking drinks of his coffee in between bites.

"So, did you get lucky last night?" Rude asked, out of nowhere, without looking up at me. Not really paying much mind, he kept his focus on the food in front of him.

As it turned out, the question was directed at me, and I felt my heart take a flying leap. I thought I was going to pass out, because everything turned white and there was a loud ringing in my ears before I snapped out of it.

_How the hell does he fuckin know?_

The shock only made the matter worse by causing me to just stand there and stare at him with my coffee in my hand, while Tseng and Elena both stared at the wall like animals caught in someone's headlights. If I could have jumped out of myself, I'm sure it would have looked like we were all suddenly frozen in time.

And sadly enough, Rude was no idiot. He noticed how everyone spontaneously reacted to what he said, and he shifted his eyes from Tseng, to Elena, then over to me before he raised his eyebrows and tilted his glasses down.

"W-What makes ya say that?" I asked a little warily, as the blood rushed up into my face.

With suddenly slow and cautious words, on account of how everyone reacted, he started to explain himself. "Thought you were hiding something… On account of your shirt being done up all the way" Then he paused and glanced around again, before carefully continuing, "And your collar is turned up and you're… wearing… a tie…"

Sometimes, Rude wasn't the best person for tact, it was rare, but it still would happen from time to time. This turned out to be one of those times. After his eyes moved over us all once more, while Tseng nervously cleared his throat, Rude slammed his coffee down on the table so that it spilled over the edges.

"What the hell is going on?" he demanded, and pulled a napkin off the table to wipe his hand off.

"I told Reno that if he fixed his appearance, I might let him off on good behaviour," came Rufus' unexpected and tired voice from the doorway. "Naturally, he had to add his own touch as usual."

At the sudden sound of Rufus' voice, Elena went as pale as a ghost and fainted. The first thought that ran through my head was that she must have had the same sensation I almost had, since my knees almost gave out from under me as well. The pressure of the situation just seemed a little too much as Rufus stood there, scanning the room with cold and calculating eyes, still a mess from the night before.

From the looks of things, his hangover was not being kind to him. His hair was unkempt, and his eyes were hurting and bitter. However, this was not an unusual sight for us at all. It was actually quite common to see Rufus like that in the morning. Heck, none of us were really morning people, even though we all got up early almost every day, but that was only due to training.

"Get her out of here, Tseng," Rufus demanded, with annoyance and a wave to his hand, at Elena's unconscious form. "And find out what the hell is the matter with her," he added, as he walked in and went straight for the coffee, and inconveniently had to step over her.

With a nod, Rude joined Tseng to help him with Elena, while Rufus stood beside me and poured himself a cup. At the same time, I went to go and help the others when Rufus placed his palm on my chest without turning to me, and roughly pushed me back into the counter.

Then he turned slightly, and gave me a silent look of warning, before he let his hand slide suggestively down a bit before going to sit down while glowering at Elena again. I couldn't really say that I understood why Tseng and Elena bothered him so much. Like I mean, it wasn't like he wasn't pursuing his own romance, as unconventional as it was.

All I could figure, was that maybe it was the public show of emotions that was bothering him. He never really was one for public displays, himself, under normal circumstances, unless there was something he'd get out of it.

Well, anyway, Rude and Tseng both helped Elena to her feet and took her outside to get her some fresh air. To top it off, they stayed out there with her and left me in the kitchen, alone with Rufus. Considering the company, I would have preferred to be outside with the others, making sure she was okay, but Rufus made it quite clear that I wasn't allowed.

"Two more days, Reno," he said, though I didn't know what he was referring to. He didn't bother facing me when he said it. He just continued sipping his coffee and massaging his temple with his other hand.

"Huh?"

"Two more days," he said again, and then took another drink from his coffee, before he added, "And you'll be free."

Almost choking on my own coffee after attempting to inhale it, I found myself a little confused over what he was referring to. "I can go back ta work?" I asked a little hesitantly, for fear that maybe he was referring to something else.

"Yes."

I suppose I should have been happy about it. However, I couldn't help but feel a little cheap at that moment, and wondered if his change of heart had anything to do with the previous night. But no, Rufus wasn't the type to offer a favour for a favour. I knew that he was being genuine, despite my natural scepticism.

* * *

The rest of the day was pretty ordinary. Rufus managed to act like nothing happened, and sent Tseng and Elena out, to do some more investigating into the terrorists they'd been working on locating for some time now.

So far, we found out they were calling themselves LANDSLIDE. Talk about a lack of originality. Rolling my eyes was pretty much called for at that point. These guys never seemed to have any creativity when naming themselves. They always had to have that cheesy environmentalist name, to add some sort of juvenile purpose to their pathetic excuses to saving the world.

But in reality, all they ever really did was wreck people's lives. I could just picture it, the future AVALANCHE: a bunch of clowns following in the footsteps of a dead, overzealous environmentalist group. Mind you, if it weren't for those clowns, I'd have no job security.

Unless Rufus was able to find a replacement for Hojo, then I could get back to kidnapping specimens again. Of course, that thought made me shudder a little. Hojo was a madman that gave me enough chills to throw me into hypothermia.

Enough of that though, because I don't really like Hojo.

So anyway, although we had a name to their leader, we still weren't able to locate the exact location. His name was Aldrich Caine, and I couldn't seem to shake the feeling that it sounded made up to me. But at the same time, it sounded slightly familiar, which was probably the reason that the others had been having trouble pinpointing his whereabouts. I couldn't really say if I'd have any better luck though, and I doubted I'd be finding out either since I wasn't allowed to try.

Well, at least they were creative enough to be somewhere around Bone Village. I found myself being thankful that it wasn't Wutai again. I was getting so sick of having to hunt down terrorists in Wutai. It was like the terrorist hotspot of the world, and I practically knew that place as well as the back of my hand from being there so many times.

I guess that the majority of our targets chose Wutai because it was remote and hard to get to. But there were other places around the world that were remote as well, and I was really relieved that I finally had the chance to get to know some other place instead.

On the other hand, Wutai had the best damn sake you could ever have the pleasure of sampling. Rude and I had fallen on our asses a few times due to the miraculous process they used to make that poison with. I remember the one time I puked all over Rude from it.

It was probably our second assignment together. The man smoked me so hard in the face that I actually saw stars, and Rufus' father thought that it was an attack from the terrorists that gave me the black eye.

Yeah. Good times…

Now, he smokes everybody else for touching me.

* * *

After the little meeting in the morning, I decided I'd go for another walk, to keep myself occupied, and Rude decided he would tag along with me, since Rufus didn't need him to go out on assignment that day. So, he was stuck there with me. Not that he was really stuck, he had the freedom to come and go as he chose, but he decided he'd stick around and keep me company instead.

"So, this is what you've been doing with your days?" he asked, as we walked along a make-shift path in the woods, ducking the odd branch here and there.

Taking a moment to light my cigarette and pick up a twig to whittle away at, I snorted and gave him an unimpressed glance before we started walking again. "What the fuck else am I gonna do?"

"Hey…" Suddenly stopping him by placing the back of my hand on his chest, I nudged my head over to an area that I discovered during my previous walks. "Check out what I found," I said, and started tugging on his sleeve, leading him over to a grove that almost looked like it was tended to.

With a sceptical look, he turned to me after regarding the area, and lowered his glasses at me. "Flowers?"

"Fuck, Man. Open yer damn eyes," I commanded, in defence and waved my hand toward the flowering trees. "Those are fruit trees." Maybe I was being pathetic. I don't really know. But I hadn't seen a fruit tree since we chased Cloud and Sephiroth all over the world and that was over three years prior. And in my defence, I'd never seen one growing up. So, to me it was a real thing of beauty.

"You're going funny on me," he said, with a serious expression, and kept his eyes ahead without regarding me.

"Knock it off, Man. It's fruit. F_resh_ fruit…"

"Fresh fruit?" Turning to look me dead in the eye like I'd completely lost my marbles, he started laughing and shook his head. "I keep forgetting how deprived you were, when you were growing up."

"Whatever," I dismissed, and waved my hand at him to suggest that he wasn't worth my time, while I stood there marvelling at the miracle I'd found. I honestly could hardly wait until it was ripe enough to pick.

* * *

Revised: January 10, 2008


	10. Tell Me No Lies

**Tell Me No Lies**

* * *

Two days after my release from prison, I got to go on a mission to Bone Village. To get things ready, I was outside doing run-ups and maintenance on NME – that's what I called my beautiful chopper. She'd been modified from head to toe, _Reno-_style. I figured it was a clever name and not many people caught onto it, making it my own private little joke.

After my main inspection that morning, I discovered I had to change the Servo and wanted to make sure everyone was getting along inside, before I trusted her enough with the lives of others. It was tedious work to do on my own, but considering no one was around to lend a hand, I had to do it without the preferred help.

In fact, it was a pain in the ass, but it was well worth it. She'd never failed me in the past, and I had every intention of keeping it that way, especially when I had to rely on her for such a long trip. I wanted to make sure she wasn't going to fail me or my comrade in either direction.

Of course, Rude was also watching out for our well-being by bringing down an armful of satchels and detonators that he put together for our little assignment the night before. The man sure did love tinkering with dynamite and the like. He wasn't into anything fancy though. He preferred the crude nature of the simpler things in life.

"Flashy," as he would always say, and I admit I kind of liked it. We had a lot of fun with his make-shift pyrotechnics in the past. But that wasn't all we would be taking with us, of course. And that was the reason he was in town picking up more supplies that we may have been needing, leaving me to work on the damn machine by myself. And Tseng and Elena were unable to lend a helping hand, since they were both sent to Gongaga to investigate another part of the _LANDSLIDE _chain the day before.

We were discovering these guys were all over the damn place, and we weren't exactly sure where their leader was yet. But we were hoping we'd find him before things got too out of hand. Of course, with them all being absent, I was left with no one but Rufus, which may have been another reason I chose to start doing my run-ups and inspections so early.

Rufus and I got into an argument on the previous day because I didn't like the thought of leaving him unguarded. It wasn't because I was suddenly in love with him or anything like that. Like I mean, I only slept with the guy twice, and it sure as hell wasn't going to happen again. It was more to the fact that I'd always been like that.

Being a Turk meant that Rufus' well-being was partially my responsibility, and like always, he insisted he had his shotgun if anyone came around, but that didn't quite fly with me. The thought of him being there, all by himself, with no one to either guard him or keep him company sounded, to me, like he'd find a way to get into trouble.

To top things off, he got even angrier with me when I went to Midgar and talked Cloud and Tifa into watching over him while we were gone. In fact, he was down-right pissed, but I didn't care. I knew I could trust them, even though neither of them trusted him as far as they could throw him.

There were still some sore feelings and suspicions, especially over the fact that Rufus had suspiciously collected Jenova's head not that long ago, and I just knew Cloud was going to drill him over it as soon as he got the chance. But I also knew Rufus; he'd make a game out of it.

I couldn't help but feel he'd find a way to make the situation _entertaining _for the sake of his twisted amusement. Of course, I realized they'd all want to kill each other before we got back, but I also knew that Rufus was in good hands. Whether he liked it or not, it seemed like the only feasible option.

Part of me was a little worried about it though. Leaving the three of them together like that could have had its repercussions, since Cloud was a bit of an unstable wing-nut, despite his strength and ability. But I was sure Tifa would be able to hold the situation together and keep things stable, I hoped.

Nah, I knew. Cloud was more than capable of protecting him, if he didn't kill him first. Truth be told, I was a little surprised when they agreed to it so readily. I figured Cloud still wanted some of his questions answered and decided this was the perfect opportunity to get them. I couldn't help but wonder what bullshit Rufus was going to tell him this time.

Anyway, I found a bit of a vibration in my last run-up and figured I'd have to do another inspection. I was in the process of going through my list when Rufus came down with a bottle of wine and commented, "Thought you could use a drink."

"Ya know I don't drink when I'm workin, Rufus," I said dryly, while trying to focus on my logbook.

"Oh, so this is what you consider work?" he replied, and came over to lean on the side of NME, so he could watch me. "I guess the errands I send you on are for fun then?"

Looking up at him for a moment, I smiled sarcastically and shook my book at him. "This is different. If I fuck up here, it's not jus my life that's screwed."

"Fair enough," he commented, and slouched down a little while taking a drink from the bottle, and then he said a little distantly, "You never cease to amaze me," as he looked up at the lodge and squinted a little from the light.

In all honesty, Rufus hadn't really talked to me much since that night that we. Well, since that night. I figured we both basically decided to act like it never happened. Part of me even thought that what happened was the reason he sent Tseng and Elena away as quickly as he did too. We both had a little too much to drink and weren't really thinking clearly, and maybe he regretted it a little. I didn't really know, and I didn't really want to give it much thought either.

"Red?" I asked, in regards to the wine and somewhat confused as I pulled back from NME, and sat down on the ground with a torque wrench in my hand.

"Yes. It reminds me of someone." Turning back to me with a glint in his eyes, he watched me turn a little red from the comment. That was the first time he'd let on that he had any interest at all since the other night, and I found myself raising my brow while trying to ignore him and get back to work.

"When do you think they'll arrive?"

"Cloud and Tifa?" I asked, while reaching back into my pocket, to pull my lighter out, for the cigarette I had hanging out of my mouth. Then I caught the lockwire in there and stabbed myself in the finger with it and shouted, "Son of a bitch!" while banging my head before pulling away.

"Cloud?" he piped up, in regards to my comment, and cocked his brow in a sudden interest.

"No! This fucking LOCKWIRE!" I stabbed it right up underneath the nail of my ring finger and it hurt like a son of a bitch. "FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!" I yelled, as I whipped it at the ground.

Chuckling at me, he brushed his hair out of his eye while watching me with a grin on his face. "You have such a childish temper," he commented, and then he walked over to me to take a look. "Let me see."

"What the fuck for?" I complained, and shook my finger before putting it in my mouth.

Kneeling down to come closer to where I was on the ground, he grabbed my hand to examine it while grinning like a cat. "Maybe I can kiss it better," he offered, as he pulled my finger to his mouth.

"I don't have time fer this, Rufus." With a slight agitation, I pulled my hand away abruptly and sneered at him. "I need to get this up an runnin before Rude gets back."

"Very well," he dryly said, and placed his hands on his knees while he eased himself back to his feet. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Yeah… Ya can invent lockwire that doesn't fuckin stab ya every time ya touch it."

"I meant with your inspection. You look like you could use some help."

Giving him a hopeless look that was somewhat distracted as well, due to the fact that I knew damn well Rufus didn't really care for mechanics, and I shook my head and took a drag from my cigarette. Mind you though, I didn't doubt he probably knew a lot more than he let on. "What do ya know about helicopters, Rufus?"

With a shrug, he waved his hand about before commenting, "They make a lot of noise and fly around."

"Yeah, how 'bout ya help by not touchin anythin then," I commented curtly, and went back to finish checking the skids in hopes that maybe they were what was responsible for the vibration. In the meantime, I heard Rufus chuckling above me. "Don't ya have paperwork or somethin ta do?"

"Yes. But I thought it would be more fun to come out here and watch you mutilate yourself instead."

I may not have seen it, but I knew there was a wry smile on his face just by his mocking tone. So, I let out a fake laugh to show how impressed I was with the comment he made at my expense, figuring he'd just get bored and leave after a while.

But he was still there after I was done checking everything over. He also drank half the bottle and seemed content to just hang around, which made me think he just wanted some company. Either that, or he'd managed to read every damn book in that lodge already, and I could surely sympathize with the boredom involved in paperwork.

"Ya wanna go for a maintenance flight?" I asked, as I pushed myself off the ground and looked at him with my head slightly tilted.

"No, you go ahead. I'll wait here with your wine in case everything goes all right," he replied, holding up the bottle and shaking it with a bit of a taunt.

"Yeah. If there's any left," I mumbled, before I got into the pilot's seat and started up the engines.

After a twenty minute flight to make sure everything was working as it should, I brought her back down and shut everything off, while waiting for the main rotor to stop before getting back out. To my surprise, Rufus was still standing there with the wine in his hand, and a quarter of the contents left. With a waggle to my brows and a grin that had my bottom lip under my teeth, I jumped out and went straight to him, to grab the bottle out of his hand, so I could greedily finish it off.

"Everything went well, I take it?"

"Sure did," I answered, as I wiped my mouth with my sleeve and just then, we heard a motor running from the other side of the lodge and saw Rude coming down the stairs. "Looks like they're here."

"They?" With his brow cocked, he took a deep breath and straightened out his coat before grumbling a little angrily. "I Guess I'll go and pretend to be a good boy now." For reasons that weren't completely unknown, he really hated Cloud and Tifa.

Well, Cloud a little more than Tifa. But I left him with no choice, and cringed somewhat while I watched him take about two steps up the stairs and then turn around. "Don't get yourself killed, Reno," he called back, coldly, and then he nodded at the chopper before turning his attention back to me. "I need someone to bring that chopper back."

Rolling my eyes at how bizarre the man was, I figured it was best to just ignore him and shouted a greeting to Rude instead. While the big man came down the steps, with bags of supplies in his hands, I started to walk toward him to lend a helping hand and proceeded to load up NME with him. "How long ya figure we'll be?" I asked, watching him store all the bags, as I stood back and lit another cigarette.

"Depends," he answered, with his back to me from the inside. "One day, if all goes well. Maybe two." Then he turned around to step out of NME and put his hand on my shoulder as his feet hit the ground. "Months, if it doesn't."

"Guess I'd better grab more non-perishables then," I said scratching at a tingly feeling in the back of my neck.

"Mm."

When we both made our way back into the lodge to grab some more supplies, Cloud was standing at the front door with his arms crossed in front of him while glaring at Rufus, but not saying a word. There was a hatred in his eyes that was unnerving, and I began to wonder if maybe my plan was such a good idea after all.

All the while, Rufus sat in his chair drinking the white wine that he'd switched to and had his legs crossed. With his elbow on the arm of the chair and his arm raised, he held the glass in the most typical, snobby and refined stature he could come up with. Not that I thought it was really all that difficult for him, he'd always played the refined snob quite well. In fact, to say that he _played _it was probably the wrong choice of words, because the man _was_ a snob.

While keeping his eyes on Cloud with a subtle, cat-like smirk on his face, he motioned his hand over to the sofa and the other free chair while speaking in the same quality that he always spoke to him with. "Won't you have a seat, Cloud?"

It was like a game for Rufus to set a mood and a feeling that he was up to something, and pretending not to be. More disturbingly though, was that he really was up to something and pretending not to be.

But the fact that he played it like that was just a confirmation that he really liked to play with Cloud's head. Mind you, it wasn't just Cloud that he played with. He liked to play with everybody outside of his circle. In fact, I was beginning to think that I was the only one inside of his circle that he played with, which sometimes made me wonder.

With a regretful look at me and a deep, controlled breath, Cloud warily took Rufus up on his offer and chose the chair that was furthest away from what he was regretting more and more by the second. I think the only reason he accepted Rufus' invitation was because Tifa was standing beside him and nudged him. Mind you though, she kind of looked like she didn't really want to be there either, until she saw Rude, and then her eyes lit up.

Thinking about it, I could have gotten some dumb SOLDIER to watch over Rufus. We had the facility at Junon restored and had several new recruits wanting to join, along with some old ones. Naturally, it was all done in secret. We didn't want anybody getting all suspicious over nothing now, did we?

But since I didn't know any of them, they were all deemed untrustworthy in my eyes. Now, I admit that Cloud and I were still somewhat each other's nemeses. Hell, who am I kidding? Everything Shinra was still Cloud's nemeses, but given our history, he seemed like the only person I could trust with Rufus' life.

To this day, I'd never be able to tell you what it was between me and Cloud back then. We didn't really like each other all that much. Yet, I always found myself hanging around him whenever I went to the Seventh Heaven. It was even my suggestion that we hired him when we ran into trouble with Kadaj's gang.

Truthfully though, I found him too much of a space-case and maybe even a bit of a Necrophiliac too, with his, 'Aeris this,' and 'Aeris that', Let it go already! She's dead, Man! Oh well, I suppose I shouldn't have been too hard on him about it though. Considering all the things I'd been through in the past, I should have considered the fact that I just dealt with things differently.

Despite the facts, I guess there was just something between us, something strange. We accepted each other, yet we didn't. I guess it wasn't so much a liking as it was a trust that I had in the guy, and I found that trust to come in useful from time to time. As for what he thought of me, I couldn't really tell you.

Tifa was a little more forgiving than Cloud when it came to us for some reason. It could have had something to do with the fact that maybe she always knew Rude liked her, and maybe she even entertained the thought from time to time, considering she wasn't really all that hard to catch for the big guy. It didn't hurt that she had a heart of gold too, although, not always.

Of course, we all knew she had a crush on Cloud at one time, and we all figured that was the main reason she chased him all over the world. She tried so hard to bring him out of his depression near the end that we could literally see her dying inside. That was when I started convincing Rude to hang around the Seventh Heaven with me, so we could cheer her up, and she always seemed happy to see me for some reason, though I never understood why.

I don't know if I would have been so happy to see me if the roles were reversed. I was the one who was responsible for the deaths of several of her friends in Sector 7, and the lives of several innocent people she was trying to protect, simply because it was my job. Rufus' father simply said, "Blow up Sector 7." So I did. That was it; nothing more.

Of course, everybody knew that there were some innocents on the part of the plate that I brought down on Sector 7 that also died, but we weren't doing head counts. It wasn't my job to think about that, or to even care about it. So why even consider it?

Well, maybe I did care a little. Maybe that was why I made that strange effort to make amends with those two. The fact that Rude was head over heels with Tifa may also have had something to do with it, which was another little push in trying to settle things between us.

Ha! Listen to me, trying to make sense out of why I did the things I did. _If I keep this up, I'll jus wind up wastin everybody's time. _

When Rude came back from both our quarters with sleeping bags, which I had naturally forgotten, he threw a chastising look in my direction to remind me that I should have already thought about that on my own. I always forgot the little things, but at least he knew that and always watched my back in regards to it.

He even commented once on how he couldn't understand how I could be so thorough with my job and so haphazard about everything else. I just shrugged and told him that nothing else mattered. So, he never brought up the topic again.

Before we were almost on our way out the door, Tifa came running up behind Rude and pulled him by the shoulder to tell him to be careful. So, I playfully feigned disappointment at the fact that she didn't bother showing any concern for me. "What about me?"

"Something tells me you'll always be okay," she said, while swaying a little from side to side and turning those dark brown eyes flirtatiously back to me. It was in good fun though. She never meant anything by it.

Rude was well aware of that too, and took no offence, as he bent down to give her a peck on the lips to say goodbye, while I chuckled to myself at the fact that he was being such a modest gentleman. He must have really been in love with her to display such deep emotion, I thought to myself, sarcastically.

"Okay, Kids. Knock it off. Yer makin us all sick here," I said, as I tugged on his sleeve to encourage him to leave his idol of worship so we could go and do our job.

* * *

Just like we planned, I landed somewhere South-East of Bone Village, and the sun was just starting to disappear over the horizon, casting an eerie greenish-blue glow about the sky, and the air was bitter-cold. I found myself thinking maybe Wutai wouldn't have been that bad after all, as I took a good look around at the barren and mountainous terrain while shivering. "Shit! Did ya remember jackets?" I found myself asking, as I started rubbing my arms to warm up.

With a scornful look to remind me how much of an idiot I was, Rude reached into one of the bags to pull out two down-filled jackets and tossed one at me. Thankful that he always looked ahead, I hurriedly slipped my arms in, while breathing out puffs of simulated smoke as the warm humidity clashed against the dry cold. All the while, I stood there with my teeth chattering and goose bumps forming all over my body, as the temperature gradually dropped by the minute.

"So, tell me," I started, while taking another resentful look at our surroundings. "Why did we decide to come up here in the fall?"

"Quit your bitching, Reno. Help me get this tent set up."

"Fine… Fine," I mumbled, after lighting myself a cigarette and bent down to help Rude pick up the rest of the gear so that we could get set up. We landed in an obscure spot to avoid detection, and hoped we'd only have to spend one night there, but Rude always liked to over-prepare for things in case anything went wrong. If anything were to happen, we were good for at least a month. "Guess ya did'n pack any gloves in there, did ya?" While leaning over to glance at the bags he'd brought out, I started rubbing my hands together to keep my fingers from hurting too much from the cold.

"Nope. Only mine," he taunted, and lifted his hand to my face so that the palm was facing me, and then he wiggled his fingers around to taunt me even more, before I smacked his hand away from my face and started picking up the poles for the tent. The damn things were freezing against my bare skin, so I pulled my sleeves down to create a barrier between them and myself, rewarding myself with a heart-felt chuckle from Rude for my improvisation. "I told you to buy some."

"Yeah, yeah. Like I really need them." Rolling my eyes for effect, I started trying to pound one of the poles into the ground when my hand slipped on it, getting sliced across the palm from a sharp piece sticking out. "Fucking mother of Sephiroth!" I hissed, as I danced around on the spot holding my hand out while grimacing and repetitively cursing.

"How the hell do you manage to stay alive?" Rude asked, as he came over to me to take a look at the damage.

Groaning from the pain, and trying to stay still while he examined it, I found myself wanting to pull my hand away to cradle it from the cold that was making it throb and feel worse than it really was. With a shake to his head, Rude reached over to grab the first aid kit that oddly happened to be sitting out and ready. "What? Were ya expectin this to happen?" I asked defensively, with a whiny voice from the pain.

"I'm with _you_, aren't I?"

After he got my hand all bandaged, I got this bright idea that a drink might help warm me up and take my mind off the unwelcome pulsating in my hand. So, I went rummaging through the bags until I came across some of the wine Rude was kind enough to bring along. With a shrug, I figured it would be no big deal if I just opened it and started drinking it while he put up the rest of the tent.

There was really no way in hell that I wanted to be hanging out there in the bitter chill, which was the main reason I was determined to find a way to stay in the helicopter, shivering away, while he worked out there in the cold wind. I figured he'd be fine on his own anyway, and it didn't really matter to me that it always pissed him off when I did things like that, because I didn't really care. It was too fucking cold out.

* * *

After sitting around and plotting, and waiting until midnight had passed, we decided we'd split up for our assignment in order to get it done more quickly. We discovered from our efforts that there were two camps just outside of Bone Village that needed to be taken out, and out of sheer laziness, we figured we'd just level them and call it a day.

After all, we both had better things to do than hang around in the Northern Continent, freezing our asses off. Rude was cautious about splitting up though, and started acting like he was my damn mother, or at least what I thought a mother would act like if I ever had one. He was making sure I had my guns, my silencer, my Mag-rod, and whatever else I might need if I got into trouble.

It wasn't that he thought I was incompetent or anything like that though. It was more because he knew I had a knack for getting into trouble when I was left on my own for too long. He'd come to be protective over my well-being throughout the years. I think my clumsiness made him cringe a little too, but I usually had no problems on the job. There was really no reason I wouldn't be able to handle such a simple task with ease.

Well, to top it off, because he wasn't being protective enough, he offered me his gloves as an act of sympathy, but I refused. After two bottles of wine, I was feeling just fine and didn't need any damn gloves. I didn't really need to be priestly sober to lay satchels either, which was why I'd taken it upon myself to take advantage of the warming effects of the alcohol. Plus, it had become pretty customary for Rude and I to have a few drinks before work anyway, so it was no big deal. You know, to help us relax.

Anyway, I had gotten the smaller of the two camps. We argued over it at first, and when that didn't get us anywhere, we decided to do a coin toss, and I lost. But I could have handled the larger one with no problem. In fact, I was at a point to where I figured I would have been better off if Rude wasn't acting like such a nanny, because the last thing I remembered while I was at that small camp, before everything went black, was setting the last satchel, hearing something move behind me, and then something in front of my face that smelled like chemicals.

It was all a blur and I couldn't tell you the exact order that anything happened in, except that those were the things that happened.

* * *

I was unable to gauge how much time had passed. But when I came to, I thought I felt something prick my arm and I thought, maybe I was sitting. I was disoriented and my heart was pumping loudly in my chest.

To top it off, the pounding was irregular and resounded through my ears, as if it had made its way into my skull where it decided to pound around up there instead. In reaction to the state I was suddenly finding myself in, I tried to bring my hand up to my head to rub at it and maybe even hold it, but I couldn't seem to move. It took me a moment to realize that my arms were tied to the length of whatever seat I was sitting in, as were my legs, and something thick and heavy was over my eyes, restricting my vision.

All I could make out were sounds, and I could hear shuffling about, like people moving. But it was all wrong, like the sounds were in the distance and muffled, even though I knew they were right there with me.

"Do you know where you are?"

It was hard to tell if the voice was male or female, or even if it was close or distant. It was like it wasn't in sync with time, speeding up and slowing down, and echoing with a nauseating inconsistency. The reverberations that rang through my skull caused me to involuntarily grimace and groan in discomfort. "L-lan…s-slide…" I slurred with what I thought was a slight trail of drool running from my mouth. My entire body had gone numb and I could hardly feel my tongue, making it difficult to talk.

Something was thrown into my lap then, and although I couldn't feel it or make it out, I knew what it was. "Do you know what that is?"

"S-satchel."

"How many did you set?"

"N-not… not… 'nuff," I answered in between breaths. My chest was heavy, making me feel like I couldn't breathe, and filling me with the sudden fear of suffocating. But it wasn't just my breathing that was causing me concern; my heartbeat was becoming more and more irregular, slowing down to almost stopping, before it would speed up to a flutter for a second, and then back down with no discernable pattern. It was like it simply forgot how to work and was trying to remember.

Shortly after my answer, there was a slight snort and then a strong force that sent my head to the side. I didn't feel anything though, except for the forced movement and the sudden, subtle taste of metallic copper in my mouth. _Don't they know I can't feel anythin? What was the fuckin point to that?_ "Interesting. Your ID only has one name. _Reno_. A Turk, no less. So, _Reno_ the _Turk_, how about we try this again. How many satchels did you set up at our camp?"

Struggling against my will to not tell them anything, my head started to spin more violently, filling me with an unrelenting nausea. I'd been under similar influences before, and I'd managed to fight it. I was finding myself hoping that I could do it again. "Don't… 'm-member."

"I thought you said the effect was immediate."

"Normally it is," came another voice, that sounded nervous and shaky. "But this guy's a Turk. Maybe they have special training to deal with the serum."

"Yes, the eyes and ears of Shinra, himself," said the first one, as he ruffed up my hair, and then he pushed my head to the side, renewing the dizziness that was becoming stronger. "Whoever thought we'd be so lucky to have such a gem. Give him another shot then. Let's see what Shinra's _pets_ are made of."

At that point, I thought I heard myself saying, "N… N-no," while I tried to struggle out of my restraints. Though, I wasn't sure if it was loud enough for anybody else to hear. In all honesty, I didn't even think I could handle the shot they'd already given me, and there was no doubt in my mind that another one was sure to kill me. Out of a fit of panic, I tried to struggle away, but there was nothing I could do, as I felt the prick of the needle in my arm again, and cried out weakly.

"I understand the sensation is quite unpleasant," came the voice of the first person again. From what I could barely make out, I came to the conclusion he was somewhere behind me.

Although, I couldn't gauge time in my state, I'd say it was probably a few minutes that passed until I felt the result of the second shot hit me. During that time, not a single sound was made as the pounding in my ears gradually became more unforgiving, along with growing waves of vertigo. The nausea had become so strong that I thought I would throw up at any given moment. Then something ran out of my mouth, and I didn't know if it was blood, saliva, or vomit, as everything felt like it was spinning in every direction.

"Again, I'll ask you. How many satchels did you plant outside our camp?"

"Six," I blurted out, in hopes that the focus would give me some relief.

"Very good. Looks like we got them all then," he said, as I felt the satchel being removed from my lap. "Dispose of these will you?"

"Of course," came the second voice again, before I heard another voice in the room as the second one ordered a third to dispose of the satchels. In a stubborn attempt, I tried to make a mental note of the number of voices I was hearing, while I wondered how long it would take Rude to notice I was missing, even though it was hard to concentrate. I knew the second he'd realize I wasn't back at the camp, he'd come for me. That's just the way he was. All I had to do was hold these fuckers up until then, and hope that it didn't take too long.

"What can you tell us about Mako?"

I knew what the first voice was asking about, but I had to tell myself it was something entirely different so I could answer him honestly, without telling him anything. I found myself hoping that maybe if I heaved, I could expel whatever it was they injected me with. But as it was, the only thing that successfully came out of my mouth was words. "It… comes… f-from the Lifestream."

"Smart-ass fucker!"

With a strange sensation of pressure in my shoulder, I wound up screaming from the thought of what was happening, more so than from any sensation of pain, because I couldn't feel it. It was more because I knew he'd just put a blade through my shoulder. The heat of his breath on me was making me even dizzier, as the pressure became deeper, and the thought of him twisting the blade made me even more nauseous than I already was.

"What are Shinra's plans?" he yelled into my ear, causing me to reel.

_Fuck, Reno. You can do this. It's just a drug. It's just a drug. You know how to deal with it._ "I dunno!" I cried.

"Bullshit! What is Shinra after?"

"I don't fucking know… I don't know." Unable to control myself, I started chanting and whining as tears ran out of my eyes, being soaked up by the cloth over them. It was humiliating, but I couldn't seem to stop. I think it was only making matters worse though, because there was a sudden and violent ringing in my ears and waves of nausea running more violently through my body. I'm pretty sure I threw up after he pulled the blade out of my shoulder, since I felt the familiar wave rush over me and my mouth fill up with a sour and grainy fluid.

"Disgusting," came the voice of the second person.

"Hm. We're not getting anywhere with this guy." Calming down somewhat, the voice of the first person started to take on a slight murmur. "Maybe I'm asking the wrong questions." Then I heard him talking to the others in the distance, but I couldn't make out what they were saying to each other over the ringing in my ears. "Okay. Let me try this again. What information has Shinra shared with you about his plans?"

Knowing that if I told them anything, I'd surely be dead as soon as the words left my mouth, I had to think of something irrelevant, any kind of information Rufus had shared with me that was somehow related to the question. "I get my own apartment!" I blurted out, and winced against the pain.

"Maybe he's not such a gem after all," I heard the second person say.

With the first person starting to lose patience again, I could hear a light tapping, like maybe he was tapping his foot or something, onto a surface. "Think, Reno. _What_ is Shinra _after_?"

"I think… s-sex."

_Oh, Gaia, Reno. Don't tell them that! _I thought, while grinding my teeth at my own idiocy, even though I couldn't feel it. The sensation was kind of like being drunk and not being able to feel your teeth, I searched for anything to take my mind off of what I just said. _This is worse than torture,_ I thought to myself. _It's a fuckin nightmare_…

"What?" he asked, with a hint of sudden surprise.

"Sex!" I replied again, unable to fight the drug anymore.

_What the fuck does it matter? The whole world might as well know how fucked up I am. _

"What the hell is this guy talking about?" the first person asked his partner.

"Fucked if I know," came the reply.

Just then, there was a noise that sounded like it was coming from outside, and then there was a loud bang that echoed through my head, and a heavy thud. Hoping that Rude had finally showed up to rescue me from the hell I'd managed to get myself into, I started struggling with the ropes to try and get myself the hell out of there as fast as I could. I figured if I got away fast enough, I could find a large enough rock to crawl under and die.

"What the hell was that?" asked my antagonist to the other one.

"Want me to check on it?"

"Wait a second. Let's not be too hasty."

After a brief pause, I was asked if there was anybody else with me. Thankful that it was an easy enough question to answer, since I didn't really know if Rude had actually come or not. I started laughing hysterically at them before I got smacked across the head again.

"Is there anybody else here with you?"

"Jus you guys," I replied, with a mocking grin.

At that moment, there was an even louder bang, that sounded like the door got kicked in, and then a couple of shots. They were silenced, and sounded strange in the state I was in, and I started crying due to the relief from the hope that it was the assholes interrogating me that got what was coming to them.

"Reno. Can you hear me?" came the familiar sound of Rude's voice.

Even though I was having a hard time focusing on him, I was still able to understand him and weakly answered, "Yeah."

"Stay with me, Buddy," he said in a rush, as I felt the ropes being loosened and then pulled off roughly. Then he pulled off the blasted blindfold, and I suddenly wished he'd left it on. Everything was spinning in every direction on me, and the colours were insanely off, bright and dull at the same time.

It was almost like everything was backwards and inside out, but not quite, and I fell forward so I could vomit all over Rude's shoes from the cruel attack to my vision. He didn't react though. Instead, he reached over to put his arm around my waist and helped me to my feet. "You gonna be okay?" he asked, and all I could do was nod with my eyes closed as a response. "I need to get you out of here. Can you walk?"

"Dun-no… Will t-try," I answered with a grimace, still having a little trouble breathing, and groaning from the fierce pins and needles running through my body. I didn't notice it when I was sitting, but the moment I stood, a stabbing pain rampaged all over my body. Every movement was like knives, and I couldn't open my eyes for fear of vomiting again.

After dragging me awkwardly to the door, Rude wound up lifting me into his arms to carry me out of there. Apparently, I was a little more immobile than I thought, even though I was trying as hard as I could to not be so useless. With each step that Rude took, I was assaulted by wave after wave of nausea, and my head began to pound more menacingly as my brain literally swam around inside my head.

While I was groaning from the unpleasant sensations in my body, and the inability to control myself, I could feel him pulling something out of his pocket, which I assumed was a detonator. Knowing Rude, he would have planted more satchels before coming to my rescue.

Then the loud bang and flash of light from behind us confirmed my thoughts, as the light pierced right through my eyes, to the back of my skull, and the reverberation from the bang made me scream and push myself out of Rude's arms. After landing on my hands and knees, I wound up grimacing and leaning forward so I could throw up again.

"Fuck, Reno. What did they give you?" he asked, while grabbing me and lifting the lid of my right eye, so he could take a look at my pupils.

"Dunno," I whined, and tried to pull away from the discomfort of him opening my eyes.

"You don't look so good. I need to get you back to camp." While still holding me upright, he shook me a little when he noticed I was starting to doze off, making me feel like throwing up again. "You gonna make it?"

"Jus… k-keep… me w-with… ya," I answered, slumping further into his arms.

Pushing me back a bit, he started snapping his fingers in front of my face, bringing me back to the discomfort I was hoping to avoid by preferably passing out. "Don't die on me, Reno."

"Overdose," I spat out. "I think…"

"I see that." With a frown, he lifted me from the ground again, and threw me over his shoulder, while moving as quickly as he could, back to our camp, and yelling, "Stay awake!" I don't know how long it took for him to get where he was going, but I was suddenly sent into shock when he dumped me into the freezing cold water off of the shores.

After my initial blood curdling scream, as the ice-cold assaulted my body and senses, He lifted the water up with his hands and dumped it over my head. "Sorry buddy," he said, in a rushed voice. "I don't know what else to do."

Understanding what he was doing, and whimpering from the discomfort, I wound up clinging to him in hopes to find some sense of security. It wasn't just me that was shivering with chattering teeth either, because Rude was standing in the water with me. He made himself endure the cold with me to make sure I would be okay. "I don't want to do this right now. But I have to ask you what you told them."

"Nothin," I said through clenched teeth, as I tried to stop them from clicking so much. I was still under the influence, and still unable to lie, but there was nothing false about what I said. I told them nothing in relevance to what they wanted to know.

"You didn't tell them about the reactor in Nibelheim?"

"No… N-nothin 'bout reactors."

"You must have told them something. What did you tell them?"

"That I was gettin my own apartment," I answered, and started laughing weakly.

"That was it?"

"No."

_Oh Gaia_…_ Shut up, Man_…_ Shut up_…

"What else did you tell them?" he asked, with a calm and deceptively innocent voice, unaware of how evil his question really was. Of course, I knew he needed to ask. He needed to know if there was anything that Rufus needed to be concerned about, if any of those assholes got away.

It may not have made a lot of sense as to why he didn't just wait until later, but then again, he wasn't so sure if I was going to make it or not. I understood; he couldn't risk me dying without giving him any information that may have been of concern. After all, we weren't Turks by chance, we were Turks because we understood what it meant to be one, and duty came first.

"Nothin… I did'n f-finish it," I said, suddenly trying to push myself away from him. The water was clearing my head a little, but I still couldn't focus properly, and I really didn't want to be having that conversation with him. Not Rude. Anybody but Rude.

But he held fast to me, and had no intention of letting me get away. "Reno, I need to know everything you talked about."

"No," I said, trying to claw myself away while I started whining, which really wasn't helping my case much. "Please, Rude…"

"You understand why I'm asking. Don't you?"

"Yeah, I do… I d-do…"

"Then you need to answer me." Still holding me up with ease, regardless of my struggles, his grip tightened around my arms, as he became more suspicious. The fact that he was so much bigger than me, made my struggles as futile as a baby trying to push itself away from an adult.

"I almost told them about the sex!" I shouted, wishing I could just get it over with and die at that point.

_This fuckin serum has to be removed from the Gaiadamned planet._

I decided that my next mission would be to find its source and destroy it.

"With the hooker?" he asked, somewhat confused.

"Gaia… No… W-what hooker?" I returned, with a brief moment of hope that I could change the topic.

"I don't know. Who else did you sleep with lately?" he had no idea how innocently horrifying that question was. He really didn't.

_Oh, just kill me. Somebody please kill me now! _

_Let a Super Nova come down from space to crash into me where I fuckin stand_._ Please. Gaia. Please! _

"Rufus!" I cried out.

"What?" Suddenly letting go of me, my head fell under the water briefly, where I had the satisfying pleasure of getting a good mouthful of fresh, ocean salt-water, because we all know that nausea on its own just isn't enough. "Reno… That's _not_ funny!"

"He was g-good, Rude. Nnng… Gaia… H-he was _really _gooooood."

"You're fucked up!" he yelled, and pushed me away from him before pointing his finger in accusation at me. "I know you've got a sick sense of humour, Reno. But that's _not_ fucking funny!"

"I know it isn't… I n-know… He's like a wild animal." For some strange reason, the words were just pouring out uncontrollably, and I couldn't stop myself. It wasn't like he was asking any more questions, he was accusing me instead. But part of me actually felt good to be getting it all out in the open.

"I've heard enough!" After pulling me back up, he shook his head at me while grabbing my jaw and studying my eyes. "I'm taking you back to camp, and when you're better, I'm recommending to Rufus that you get your head checked!"

"No… D-don't tell him I told you!" Suddenly panicking over the thought of what Rufus would do to me if he knew I was telling people, I found myself wishing that Rude would just get pissed off and drown me right there on the spot, for treason. But I had no such luck.

"I don't think I could tell him if I wanted to. You've obviously got issues."

At that, he lifted me out of the water and dragged me back to our camp.

* * *

"I've gotta get you out of those clothes before you catch the death of a cold. I'll be right back."

After sitting me down in the tent, he left me by myself to wallow in my own dismay, while I sat there shivering and chattering my teeth. I was literally chilled to the bone, but I was also feeling a little better, despite my undesirable confessions.

While wondering what the hell I was going to have to face after everything I said, I remembered that there were weapons in one of the bags in the tent, and found myself entertaining the idea of doing myself in. It wouldn't have been that big of a loss, really. Basically, it would have only been one less scumbag for the world to deal with. The world certainly wouldn't be any worse off.

_Hm_…

Rude wasn't gone for very long, and when he returned he had the first aid kit with him and some Hi-Potions. "Drink these," he said, while tossing them into my lap, before he set the kit down beside me and went to remove my shirt, so he could take a better look at the wound on my shoulder. "Shit. He put it right through."

"I know," I groaned, as some of my senses started coming back and the dull throbbing in my shoulder was becoming more noticeable.

"What are all these damn scratches from?" he asked, in reference to several scratches on my sides and back.

"Rufus," I answered dully, not really caring anymore, and closing my eyes while leaning my head back so I could fall asleep.

"Fuck off with that shit. I told you it's not funny."

Laughing weakly at him, I waved my hand lazily to swat the effect away before I almost let myself doze off.

"You're not falling asleep, Reno." Smacking me in the face to jolt me back to reality, he pointed his finger at me, when I opened my eyes, to express his disapproval. "I'm not gonna lose you. Not tonight."

"Mm," I mumbled, still wanting to fall asleep, but knowing better than to push it.

After he finished bandaging my shoulder, and the Hi-Potions started to clear my head a little more, Rude tossed some dry clothes at me and asked if I'd be all right to change on my own. Nodding at him, and wishing he'd just leave me alone so I could sleep, I took the clothes from him just as he started to leave.

I figured he was going into NME to change his own clothes. I couldn't help but doubt he really wanted to look at me with all of my talk about Rufus, and I really couldn't blame him either. However, since I started feeling better, I found myself chuckling at the situation and somewhat relieved that he didn't believe me either. Rude knew I was able to lie under the influence of similar serums, and I wasn't about to tell him that this one was any different…

As long as he didn't ask me about it, of course.

* * *

Revised: January 10, 2008


	11. Aftermath

**Aftermath**

* * *

After a couple hours of sleep, the light from the outside filtered through the walls of the tent, assaulting my eyes, and making them hurt. So, I Reached over and blindly scanned the floor with my hand to find my sunglasses to offer myself some relief.

The movement made my shoulder throb something awful, regardless of the fact that it had mostly healed. Looking over to where Rude would have been sleeping, I noticed he wasn't there and figured he must have gone outside to start making breakfast. If I knew Rude as well as I thought I did, he would want to get out of that place as soon as he could.

Attempting not to push myself too far after the previous night, I took careful note that my body still felt numb and tingly all over. I also noted that my head was still swimming, but the ringing in my ears and the nausea were gone. Quite frankly, I was actually relieved that I woke up at all. I really thought I wasn't going to make it, and I knew Rude thought the same. I couldn't help but wonder exactly what it was they injected me with, since I'd never felt anything like that before.

I'd been interrogated with serums in the past, it came with the territory, but what they used was something completely new to me. I admit I was a little concerned about it, and I decided I'd do some research on it when we got back to Healin. If this was something new and well known to our enemies, we could suddenly find ourselves in a lot of trouble.

I guess, in a way, we were lucky it was me that was caught and no one else, not that I was thankful for it, or anything like that. But due to the Mako addiction I had when I started the Turks, I had managed to overload my system with the stuff, making me a little more immune to other substances, despite the fact that I nearly died twice from it.

Hojo told me after my second overdose that my body wouldn't react the same as it did for others, namely those in SOLDIER. He said my tolerance levels were off the charts, but my strength had actually gone in the reverse, as opposed to those that had _normal_ treatments. He found my condition interesting and wanted to study me some more.

But luckily, the President refused his request and said he needed me to perform my duty. He informed Hojo that if he really needed a specimen, he was more than welcome to find some nameless unfortunate on the streets below to try and re-enact the effect.

I didn't really know if Hojo ever did do just that, and I can't say that I gave it much thought either. Frankly, Hojo just outright gave me the creeps, and I was more than happy to not have to spend any more time with him than I already had. I'd hardly say I was upset when Cloud and his buddies finally put an end to that madman's existence.

That greasy-haired maniac was a menace, even to Shinra, and as far as I was concerned, he was the one responsible for bringing Shinra down and the world nearly ending. He became so obsessed with that damned Jenova, that he even injected its cells into himself. A lot of us suspected that it all started with an affair. After hearing what happened to Vincent, I couldn't help but believe that there was some truth to it all.

From what I knew, Vincent was an outstanding Turk, but his downfall came from having a crush on Hojo's wife, Lucrecia. Some people thought they actually _did _have an affair, and that Sephiroth was actually Vincent's son, and not Hojo's.

That would have explained a lot, really. It would have explained why Hojo did what he did to Vincent, and it would explain why he decided to perform the experiments that he did on Sephiroth. I had a hard time imagining anyone could do what he did to his own son, even if it was Hojo.

That poor kid was practically brought up in a lab. It's funny that part of me actually felt sorry for Sephiroth, even though he was more of a raging lunatic than Hojo and Cloud put together. I'm not saying that I was sorry he was destroyed, three times.

What I am saying is that in a weird sort of way, I could understand why he was the way he was. The man had all of his humanity stripped from him. He was robbed of a normal life and existence, and in a sad sort of way, it made sense for him to want to destroy everything human.

Lost in my thoughts, I tripped over the bottom edge of the tent on my way out to find Rude and nearly landed on my face. Yelping from the pain in my shoulder as it shot through to my finger tips and down my side, I caught Rude's attention as he gave a concerned look in my direction, while sitting by the fire, shaking his head in disbelief. Then he got up and came over to me to help me up by my other arm and pulled me to my feet. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit," I replied, and pulled my arm away from him so I could brush my hands off onto my pants. After I was done, he handed me another Hi-Potion and told me to drink it before he went over to the fire and pulled the coffee pot off of his make-shift grill to pour me a cup.

"You should eat something," he said, coming towards me to hand me the cup.

With a subtle shake to my head, I pulled my flask out that I always had in the breast pocket of my jacket and poured some of the contents into it, while he was still holding it. I couldn't even remember what I had filled it with last, but I knew it would do the trick. "Ya know I don't eat breakfast."

"Under the circumstances, I think you should make an exception." Looking at me through his shades, I could tell he was giving me one of his seriously worried looks. But I just brushed it off and waved my hand at him dismissively.

"I'll be fine," I replied, lifting my cup up to show him the coffee was all I needed. Then I started walking shakily over to the fire so I could sit in front of it. It was actually fairly warm out with the sun shining, but a person just couldn't help but sit by a fire at a camp. I was no exception to that rule.

"I'm flying us back," stated Rude, in a matter-of-fact way, as he came to stand beside me. I knew I couldn't argue with him about it, so I simply nodded while staring at the flames. We all had training, and I knew he was capable even though I didn't like handing the controls over to anybody else.

Rufus' father had practically given me that chopper when he discovered how well I could pilot it. He once made a comment that I was safer in the air than I was walking on the ground, albeit sarcastically. Oh well, he was probably right anyway.

While watching Rude walk over to the frying pan and dish a small amount of the eggs and a strip of bacon onto a plate, I started shaking my head and held up my hand as he commenced to bring it over to me. "I'm fine," I repeated, pushing the plate away when he didn't want to believe me.

"You don't eat, we don't leave," he threatened. Then he grabbed a fork and put it on the plate before pushing it back in front of my face. There was a faint trace of a smirk on his face when he added. "Put some meat on that gangly body of yours."

Knowing he wasn't going to give up until I accepted the food, I frowned and resentfully grabbed the plate. I didn't appreciate his comment on my build either. I had good muscle definition, regardless of my size, and I was pretty damn proud about it.

Rolling my eyes before giving him an irritated glance, I set the plate on my lap and grabbed the fork with my good arm after putting my coffee on the ground beside me. My stomach was growling a little anyway, so I shovelled a small amount into my mouth and chewed on it a little longer than most people probably would have. It tasted like cardboard as far as I could tell, and it made me feel like gagging. It was mostly because I just wasn't an early eater, and I always had trouble swallowing food in the morning.

Rude was patient enough to wait for me though. He'd come to know I was a slow eater over the years. It may have sounded strange, but I just didn't enjoy eating. It was a laboured effort for me. However, I was more than capable of shovelling it all in at once like he always did. I've had to do it on occasion, but there was no hurry that morning, so I didn't bother.

After only eating half of what he put on my plate and not even touching the bacon, he took what I had left and finished it off. Then he washed it down with what was left of the coffee while I got up and started packing NME up with my good arm. My legs still felt funny though, like they were made of rubber or something.

In fact, my whole body felt like it was on loan and I hadn't quite figured out how to use it yet. Getting frustrated with me, Rude told me to sit down and relax and that he'd take care of it, but I needed to be doing something and ignored him.

Usually, I'd be content enough to just sit back and relax while he did all the work, but I was being stubborn that day. I had to keep myself busy enough to keep my mind off the night before. Something about the whole situation was really disturbing, and it wasn't just the serum or anything that I said. I think what was bothering me was the question I was asked about the Mako.

I found myself wondering how they could possibly know, or even suspect, that Rufus had decided to build a new refinery underground. I didn't really know what they knew, or even if they knew anything at all. Maybe that's what was bothering me about it.

The environmentalists would surely go to town if they found anything out about it. However, there really wasn't any way around it. The world needed power if it was going to survive, and Rufus needed to control that power if he was going to gain control again. It all made sense.

If there was an alternative, we would have used it. We weren't ruling out the fact that there may still be another solution. But at the time, we had to make do with what we had, and right then, what we had was Mako.

Not really sure if I told Rude anything about my suspicions, since I couldn't really remember too much, I decided I'd better share my concerns with him. Whether there was really anything to worry about, or not, Rufus also needed to know about this little scrap of suspicion that I had as well.

* * *

We made it back to Healin in one piece. But I couldn't stop myself from cringing and picking at everything Rude did that I would have done different, and the landing was a little rough too, if you were to ask me. Rude of course, didn't ask me.

Instead, he told me to shut up repetitively and even threatened to knock me out so he could fly in peace, but I couldn't stop myself, even though I knew I was agitating the man. Regardless of the condition I was in, I figured I was capable enough to have flown us back and could have even did it better than him, but he was not a man to argue with. He always won and had become accustomed to my whining.

It really bothered me that he could just drown me out the way he did, but I guess it was for the better though. Otherwise, I probably would have gotten to him and we both would've been at the bottom of the ocean as a result.

When we landed, he told me to stay put until he had everything shut down. I didn't really have a problem with that since I didn't feel like moving anyway. In fact, I found myself wanting to fall back to sleep. I doubted my body was going to let me have my way with it that day anyway, and it was probably just as well. Rude figured I should just take it easy and rest, and he was even concerned enough to come around to my side and help me back up to the lodge, supporting me with his arm.

"Ya think we can clock out now?" I asked him with a weak smile, as he helped me up the stairs.

Chuckling a little, he shook his head while grabbing me more securely after I stumbled from missing one of the steps. "I think after Rufus sees you, he'll be more than willing to let you clock out for the day."

"Guess it's a good thing then," I replied, trying to make light of the situation.

When we got to the top of the stairs, Cloud was standing out on the deck with a look of relief that we came back. He looked like he'd had more than enough in regards to Rufus, but that was soon replaced with a look of suspicion when he saw the state I was in.

I didn't lie to him about going after terrorists. I just didn't tell him everything. As far as I was concerned, he was on a need to know basis. Of course, there really was no mystery involved in the fact that some people might want to see Rufus dead, and Cloud knew that better than anybody, so I just let him know that we were going to look into a new situation that may have been a threat.

However, seeing me in the state I was in, he could tell that the 'may have been' part of my story was not quite on the ball. He didn't say anything though. He just watched us closely until Rude told him things got out of hand.

"I see that," he replied, not really showing much concern. I doubt he would have been disappointed if something terrible had happened to either or both of us. But he took me a little by surprise when he came over to help Rude with me. After taking a cold look at my eyes for a bit, he mumbled, "Meteor dust." Then he slipped his arm around my other side for added support. "What did they want to know?"

"What?" I asked, taken off guard by what he said.

"Meteor dust," he repeated. "Some people found a way to use it by mixing it with Mako."

"Huh?"

"They use it as a drug, a type of truth serum." After shrugging like it was no big deal, he continued without much concern. "It hasn't been entirely successful though, most people die from a small amount before they get to say anything."

Pushing them both away from me, so I could stand on my own at that point to express my shock, I blurted out, "Ya mean I'm supposed ta be dead?"

With another shrug, he mumbled almost to himself, "Parasites are hard to kill, I guess."

"Yeah, Gaia knows ya tried!" Managing to find a bit of strength in me after all, I couldn't help but refer to when he sliced me open during the Sector 7 incident.

He was about to retort when Rude cut in, yelling at me to shut my mouth and reminding me that Cloud had done a lot for us even though he didn't have to. Then Cloud's eyes went from a fiery blue back down to his usual, calmer, Mako-blue. I knew he could have easily taken me on in my normal state and I was pushing it for no apparent reason whatsoever.

"So, what did they want to know?" he asked again, after calming down and acting like he didn't really care.

"Rufus' whereabouts." So, I lied. Big deal. It was only Cloud and it was a believable lie.

"So they know now?"

"No."

"Rude saved you in time then?" Looking at me suspiciously, I found myself glaring at him in return.

_What the fuck is with all the questions? _

"No," I mumbled, and shifted my eyes to the ground in order to avoid his judgement.

After shaking his head at us in frustration, Rude lifted his arms up hopelessly and left us there to deal with each other on our own, announcing that he had a report to fill out. I knew it was bullshit. It was obvious the real reason was that he hated it when me and Cloud were together. He said we were childish.

All I could really say was that it really pissed me off that he would just leave me like that, especially in the condition I was in. But I think I might have been pissing him off a little too, and he'd just had enough. Ignoring Rude, Cloud was content to just stare me dead-in-the-eye, studying me and waiting for me to tell him what I told them.

The whole thing was starting to piss me off. It wasn't any of his damn business, and yet he was acting like it was. "I told them about my apartment," I answered, and then my knees gave out from under me. I would have hit the ground if it wasn't for his lightning-quick reflexes.

"You're a mess," he commented, while shaking his head.

With his arm around my waist as he adjusted me back to my feet, I found myself suddenly uncomfortable being that close to him. I didn't think I'd ever come within _physical _contact with the guy before, except for the time I carried him up to his room at the Seventh Heaven when we found him passed out over Tifa.

Rude made me carry him up there by myself while he doted over his precious little Tifa. Actually, I didn't carry him. Anyone would know that was a lie. I dragged him up all those damn stairs exerting myself far more than I needed to. The guy was heavy, a solid mass of muscle. He wasn't very tall though. He was almost a head shorter than me, but the muscles he had were unnatural, Mako-enhanced, making him unnaturally heavy, and having his arm around me made me realize just how solid he really was.

The guy could have crushed the life out of me just as easily as he held me up if he wanted to, and the thought made me cringe a little. He wasn't really the type of guy you'd want to mess with, yet I did it all the time.

After he helped me into the lodge where Rufus and Tifa were, his grip became even more secure around my waist as he pulled me even closer to help steady me a bit more. In the meantime, Tifa was sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee and a book while Rufus sat in his chair with some papers on his lap. He was going over the billing for the contractors involved in the tower, and suddenly took on an extreme look of frustration.

"Oh my goodness!" Tifa exclaimed, when she looked up at me. "What happened to you?" she asked, with a genuine concern, and came rushing over to me to see if she could help.

When Cloud mumbled the words "Meteor dust" to her, she brought her hands up to cover her mouth and glared at Cloud, which gained the attention of Rufus who looked up abruptly in my direction. Then he quickly scowled at Cloud before returning to rifle through his bills, as if he didn't really care about the condition I was in, not that I really expected him to.

"You said they weren't using it anymore," she said to Cloud, in an accusatory tone.

_Does everybody fuckin know 'bout this 'except' fer me?_

"I thought they weren't," he answered with a shrug, as if it were no big deal, and then he continued to guide me through the lodge so he could take me to my quarters, while Tifa asked if he needed any help. As she stood behind us waiting for an answer, I saw Cloud roll his eyes and mumble some kind of negative that sounded like nothing more than a grunt as if the question really irritated him.

I guess it was a good thing Tifa didn't see the reaction, but I did through the corner of my eye, and it kind of made me feel a little sorry for her. But it also made me snicker a little too. I wasn't exactly sure if Cloud had any human qualities in him until I saw that.

When he brought me to my quarters, he sat me on the bed gently. Then I let myself fall backwards lazily while he looked down at me and shook his head as if to say I was hopeless. Ignoring him, I pushed myself along the bed with my feet so I could get my head on the pillow, and closed my eyes while I heard him walk into my bathroom to turn the water on.

After he came back out, he mumbled that if he had some Restore on him, he probably could have used it to help me out a little, though he wasn't sure if it would actually work. Opening my eyes slightly to see him standing at the door with a wet cloth in his hands, I wondered what the hell he was doing as he looked around my room with an expression of disgust.

"You really are a slob," he commented, before he started coming towards me.

"Yer welcome ta clean it, if it bothers ya," I replied, not really caring and closing my eyes again. I just wanted to sleep and could have cared less if he was still there or not.

Suddenly a little shocked, I re-opened my eyes when I felt his weight on the side of my bed and the cool cloth touch my forehead. In all honesty, I wasn't really expecting it. I actually thought he was going to start cleaning the dust off the surfaces with it. "Well, I guess if ya ain't gonna leave, I might as well ask ya."

"Ask me what?" he asked quietly, as he wiped the cloth lightly along my forehead and down my face to cool me off a little.

"Why they use that crap if it's known ta kill people before they give any information out. Seems kinda useless, don't it."

Thinking about it for a second, he shrugged and adjusted himself to get a little more comfortable. "I know they were experimenting with the mixture in ways to make it more efficient."

"An ya know all this how?"

"People talk around me," he replied, and looked down at the floor in quiet contemplation. "They think they can trust me after everything I've done."

"Ya sayin they can't?" I asked, a little surprised at his unexpected words and went to sit up since the conversation had suddenly become interesting. But he pushed me back down, saying that I should rest.

"It's not that they can't," he admitted, and let go of the cloth before he rested his arms on his knees and looked off into space. "Truthfully, I was never interested in saving the world. I was only interested in getting paid and seeking revenge with Sephiroth."

Kind of feeling like he was trying to coax me into offering my own confessions in regards to what information I knew about Rufus' plans, I shifted a little uneasily while trying to make sense out of what he was saying. Everyone knew he'd become the leader of AVALANCHE which was all about saving the planet.

The fact that he was suddenly telling me he didn't care, didn't exactly convince me that he didn't. "So, ya really are a psycho," I muttered, and closed my eyes again, unwilling to get any further into that discussion.

He didn't seem offended though, nor did he respond. He only shrugged again and turned slightly as he brought his hand back to the cloth, running it gently along my face until I fell asleep.

* * *

I must have slept for some time since it was dark outside when I opened my eyes. The only light illuminating my room was from the silvery glow of the moon outside, and Cloud was no longer there. Wondering how long he stayed for and when he left, I laid there, noting how everything had suddenly gone quiet, except for the trees blowing and the subtle noises of the night-time creatures outside.

I figured I'd test my condition by trying to get up, and it seemed like I was back to normal except for my shoulder, which was still throbbing. Of course, it would probably take a couple more days to heal completely. Those Potions could only do so much. They basically only sped up the healing process, nothing more really, but they were sure useful.

When I tried to swallow, my mouth was as dry as cotton. _Probably an after-effect,_ I thought to myself, noticing that my tongue was like sandpaper brushing against the roof of my mouth. Trying to work up some saliva to moisten my discomfort, I came to the conclusion that it just wasn't going to work after a few unsuccessful attempts.

So, I grabbed the glass that I kept on my nightstand and went into the bathroom to fill it up. Then I finished it off in what seemed like one gulp. Feeling a little better after that, I filled it up again and downed it just as fast as the first, before filling it up one more time to take it back to my room with me. As I sat back down on my bed, I contemplated going back to sleep while ignoring the hunger pangs and constant grumbling in my stomach. All I had to eat that day was a few bites of eggs, and that was over eight hours ago, I figured.

Still not really knowing what I really wanted to do, I turned on the small light by my bedside and sat there staring at the floor, studying the attempted asymmetrical pattern that was formed by symmetrical patterns. Thinking it was silly for people to put so much effort into things as unimportant as that, I was suddenly reminded that I was just as pathetic for sitting there and picking it out.

_I'm such a fuckin loser,_ I thought to myself while leaning back onto my bed and pulling the pillow up against the wall so I could lean on it.

After a few moments of just sitting there and staring off into space, there was a light tapping at my door before it opened. A little annoyed over the fact that I never gave anyone permission to enter, I sat there and frowned at Rufus with a subtle curiosity. There was really no point in being surprised, the man never really considered anyone's personal rights in the past anyhow. But to my surprise, he had a plate in his hand with some dinner on it.

"I wasn't sure if you were awake," he confessed, still standing at the door and looking at me with no expression whatsoever. Then he lifted the plate a little to draw my attention to it, "I thought you might be hungry."

With a shrug, I picked up the cloth that Cloud left by my bed and brought it back to my forehead again. Suddenly feeling a little hot for no reason, I allowed myself to bask in the relief from it against my skin. "Thanks," I mumbled, while closing my eyes.

"So, I hear I'm good in bed."

_Oh Gaia, why the hell did he tell him that?_ Shutting my eyes tighter from the embarrassment, I made my best effort to pretend he didn't say what he just said. It didn't help that he seemed somewhat satisfied by the revelation, and there was no mistaking from the sound of his voice that he had a smile on his face, even if it was mocking.

"Don't worry. Rude figured you were just being an idiot," he consoled, before I heard him walk over to me, causing me to cringe. Rude was the last person I wanted to know about it. When he got to the spot beside my bed, he put the plate on my lap and snickered lightly before saying in a confiding tone, "I confirmed it for him."

Despite the insult, a heavy weight was lifted even if he did just say I was an idiot with a tone that suggested he didn't doubt it for a second. Opening my left eye and keeping the other one closed, I peered at him curiously while he returned the gaze with a bit of something that actually looked like concern.

I suddenly found myself realizing that I'd never seen him look at me like that before, or anyone else for that matter. Feeling a little uneasy over it, I tried to brush it off and put the cloth down before picking up the plate so I could greedily shovel the food in like it was my last meal. I knew I was hungry, but I didn't realize exactly how hungry I was until I took the first bite.

"Did Cloud tell you anything about the drug they gave you?" he asked, as he walked around to the other side of the bed and sat down beside me with one leg over the other, and his hands folded neatly on his lap. "Rude told me what he overheard Cloud telling you."

"He said it was somethin new," I answered, with a mouthful of food. "Mako an, Meteor dust." After I finished up the last of the food, I put the plate down on the end table and grabbed the cloth again while silently griping over why I still felt hungry.

"He said he thought you were going to die." Without any sign of concern, he turned his head so he could see me better. But there was no emotion in his eyes or his tone, which only led me to believe that my initial thoughts of him not really caring were probably right. Not that it mattered since I was easily replaced, regardless of what he always told me, and it didn't really bother me either. "What's with the cloth?"

"Feels good," I replied, with a bit of a shaky voice. I wasn't really sure why though, because I was feeling fine. In fact I was even a little better after eating. "Hot in here."

"It's not hot in here." His voice was still lacking any emotion, and he was giving me that look like he was looking right through me instead of at me.

Returning his look like he'd gone mad, I wondered how in the hell he could say something like that. It was hotter than hell in that room. But the thought was suddenly brushed off when the ringing returned back in my ears, and I lunged forward over the bed as quickly as I could before my food came back up.

But I only wound up dry-heaving instead. Taking me a little off guard, he moved with a speed that I never expected from him and wound up at my side to support me. Then he pressed the palm of his hand against my cheek where it felt like it was searing my skin and said with an unexpected concern. "You're burning up, Reno."

"I feel fine." In all honesty, I really thought I was, even after that little attack, because the ringing had stopped and I really did feel fine. As far as I was concerned, he was the one that felt hot.

"You don't look fine." Wrapping his arm around my waist, he pulled me closer to him and helped me to my feet.

Once I was standing, I was able to see myself in the mirror and found myself suddenly wishing I didn't have one. My cheeks were blotchy and my eyes were glazed over with a yellowish hue as they peered through my damp bangs that had fallen over my face, making them contrast with my red hair more so than usual. Then I started to shiver and break out in a cold sweat, "Where we goin?" I slurred, as if I were drunk and stumbled into him a little.

"To break your fever."

At that, he started to drag me across the floor, and I think I might have even zoned out or passed out at that point. I'm not really sure, because I don't remember anything between the time he started carrying me to the time I was suddenly shocked back into reality with a screech from the cold water pounding at me from my shower.

Ignoring my reaction, Rufus stood behind me with one arm wrapped under my arms to hold me up, and the palm of his other hand across my forehead, forcing my head back onto his shoulder. Relieved a little over the fact that we were both fully clothed, despite the fact that we were soaked, I found myself hoping that being dumped in cold water wasn't going to become a new trend for me, since that was the second time in two damn days. With his cheek pressed to mine, he kept repeating "shhh, shhh," into my ear while adjusting me frequently to keep a good hold on me.

Due to the fact that I was shivering something fierce, I couldn't stop myself from uncontrollably whimpering, regardless of his attempts to stop me. He even put his hand over my mouth at one point when I started screaming at him to let me out, causing me to go into an in-suppressible panic. But he wasn't willing to let me go, and kept his iron-like grip on me while I freaked out over the constrained feeling that overcame me. I have to confess, I didn't like being held against my will, so I started to panic even more.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Reno," he consoled, with a slight growl in his tone, even though he was trying to keep calm. Part of me knew he was telling me the truth, but I couldn't stop the other part of me from freaking out. I didn't know if it was fever-induced, or had something to do with something else, or what.

I think we were probably in there for about twenty minutes before I started to calm down and his grip finally loosened on me after I started to feel a little normal again. Then he moved his hand back to my forehead to see if I was still hot, and let out a deep sigh. "Are you all right now?" he asked, almost whispering into my ear with a hint of exhaustion.

Nodding to let him know I was, I kept silent and unable to say anything out of sheer embarrassment for the childish way I was acting. "Good," he said, and reached over to the tap to turn it off. "Because I'm freezing." After the water was shut off, he let his back hit the wall of the shower and slid down to the floor, still holding me and taking me with him.

For a while, we just sat there quietly as he held me close, keeping me somewhat warm with his body temperature. I couldn't help but suspect he was using mine for the same effect since both of our teeth were chattering, and I could feel him shivering too.

"You're a real handful," he said, through clenched teeth, and brought his chin to rest on my shoulder, close to my neck, "Do you know that?"

"I've been told," I answered, with exhaustion, and was sure it came out in my voice, even though I was attempting to make light of the situation.

After letting out a subtle snort, he pushed the shower door open without removing his other arm from around me and grabbed a towel that he must have put on the floor before he dragged me into the shower.

Taking comfort in the warmth of the towel as he wrapped it around me as best he could while trying to warm me up with it, I let my head fall back onto his shoulder. "Rude said this stuff kills people," he dryly commented, and then he started to undo the buttons on my shirt. "Tifa says it's a miracle you're alive."

A bit afraid to say I wasn't sure for how much longer, I simply closed my eyes and let him continue with what he was doing out of sheer weariness. Truth be told, I was beginning to wonder if maybe I was still going to die from it. There was very little that we knew about Meteor and to our knowledge, the only people that may have known anything about it were the Ancients, and they were all gone.

Not paying much attention to him due to the fact that I was lost in my own thoughts, I let him pull my shirt off and toss it at the other end of the shower before he started drying the upper part of my body and moved to undo my pants. "I'm going to have to find the person that discovered this and hire them for our science department."

With a chill running down my spine over such a thought, I bit on my bottom lip and hoped he wasn't actually being serious. It was like listening to his father, and to make matters worse, he didn't sound like he was joking either. "Ya serious?" I had to ask, even though I was a little afraid of the answer.

"Yes." Turning my head so our eyes could meet, he gave me a very serious look and stated in a very matter-of-factly tone, "How else are we going to learn what we need to know about this stuff?"

"Ya could always hire some other nutcase ta study it."

"No", he answered with a shake to his head. "I'd rather have someone that has brought it this far already. Starting from scratch may not be the most feasible option." Then he paused for a moment before adding, "And I need to know what kind of damage you've endured, and whether it's permanent or not."

As much as I didn't like what he was saying in more than one way, I knew he was probably right. He'd always been right in the past, even though it seemed like he wasn't at times. The man had such a cold logic that didn't always sit right with me since I could always come up with other solutions.

But with Rufus, there was always only one. With a bit of a wary feeling, I helped him with my pants and underwear since he seemed to be having a little trouble, and tossed them over to land with my shirt. After that, he brought the towel down to my lower half and continued to clinically dry me off before pulling me to my feet.

"Come on," he said, wrapping the towel around me and pulling me by my wrist to guide me back into my room. Once he got me over to my bed, he sat me on the edge and told me to wait there while he went over to my dresser and started rummaging through my clothes. Shaking his head at the disgraceful state I kept things in, he made no attempt to hide the fact that it agitated him to no reason. "How in Gaia's name do you manage to find anything in this mess?"

"I jus do. Watcha lookin for?" I asked, pulling my blankets out from under me so I could get under them to keep myself warm, before tossing the damp towel onto the floor.

"Pyjamas."

Suddenly chuckling at him, I raised my brow and stared at him in disbelief. "Don't own any."

"That figures. What do you sleep in then?"

"My clothes or underwear," I answered, while honestly thinking it was common knowledge.

"Hm. I always suspected you slept in your clothes. I guess I know it as a fact now," he replied sarcastically, and then he turned around to look at me with a smirk on his face. "Could you be any more of a paradox?"

"Watcha mean?"

"Everything you do is so anal, meticulous." Tapping his fingers carefully on my dresser as he spoke, he brushed his bang out of his eye and cocked his brow while staring at the mess. "You're work is always impeccable. Yet, you're an outright slob and incredibly disorganized in everything else." After letting out a deep breath, he slowly scanned the additional mess on my floor. "I'd call that a paradox." Then he turned his eyes to me when he asked, "Wouldn't you?"

"Nah," I answered, with a shrug. "I'd call it a matter of priority," I added, while grinning at the fact that I was quite impressed with my own comment.

After staring at me for a moment longer while I wondered if he was contemplating on how he was going to reply, I came to the conclusion that he just decided to give up. "Boxers than?" he asked, lifting up a pair and holding them in the air with his index finger so I could see them.

"That'll be fine," I said, but still feeling like a smartass, I added, "But I'd rather sleep in my clothes."

Smirking again, he tossed the boxers at me and locked his gaze on me. "Personally, I like what you're already wearing." Then he looked me up and down and leaned against the dresser with a cat-like grin.

Sitting upright with the blanket just covering my waist, I adjusted it a little more securely around me and leaned against the wall to protect myself from his comment. "What about you?" I asked, in reference to his still soaking clothes and hoping to change the subject.

"Would you like me to take them off?" With a look that suggested he wasn't too opposed to that thought, he pushed himself back to standing and went to start undoing his buttons while I cleared my throat a little nervously.

"I meant, maybe ya should go back to yer own room an change."

Chuckling at my reaction, he took a couple of steps toward me, suggesting that he wasn't about to give up that easily. "You know. I never did get to finish what I started the other night," he said, with a slight purr, and grabbed my ankles through the sheets before pulling me down, so I was suddenly on my back, "Before we were interrupted."

Then his eyes changed to menacingly provocative as he climbed onto my bed and started crawling across me like a cat, until our faces were parallel. While straddling my hips, he carefully pulled the blanket out of my grip and pushed it slightly down, but not perversely so, while keeping his eyes impishly locked with my own. Shivering a little when I felt his damp clothes, cold against my exposed skin, I swallowed back the lump in my throat while suddenly feeling like I was being peered at like a tasty meal.

Playing dumb, since I didn't know what else to do, I asked him, "W-what was that?" I'll confess, the guy still made me uneasy.

"I like that I make you stutter," he said, studying my face and rocking very slightly above me in a suggestive manner before he leaned over to brush his cheek against mine. "Does anybody else make you stutter?" Taking on that seductive tone of his again as he whispered with that velvety quality into my ear, I wound up cursing myself for the effect it was having on me.

"N-no." Of course, I always stuttered when I was nervous, but he was honestly the only person that made me feel whatever the hell it was I was feeling, which in turn, was making me nervous in a way that no one else ever had.

After a slight breath escaped from him, I felt him smile against my cheek before he pulled back up, brushing his nose lightly against my face and making me tremble slightly. Once bringing his face parallel to mine again, he rested his nose against mine and stared into my eyes. Neither of us was drunk or drugged that time, and I could feel my stomach knotting up over the fact. "You have beautiful eyes."

While trying to swallow the lump that formed in my throat, which I was having a little trouble with, he smiled again at the fact that he knew he was responsible for the inner struggle I was having. "They b-back ta n-normal?" I asked, attempting to get away from the topic, but not really wanting to at the same time.

Nodding slightly to confirm my question while he kept his nose gently pressed to mine, He moved over to my other ear and whispered, "May I kiss you?"

Suddenly not knowing what to say, I chosen not to answer him at all. Part of me wanted to say no, but there was another conflicting part of me that also wanted to say yes. It didn't really help matters much that no one had ever asked me that question before either.

It was always an impulsive action, and to be honest, it was also something that actually made it easier on me, especially with him. Not really wanting to admit the man was turning me on more than anybody else ever has and at the same time, not really being able to deny it, I simply swallowed, which he wound up taking as his cue.

With a light brush of his lips across my jaw line, he kissed me lightly before he made it to my mouth where he paused for a moment to meet my eyes again. Then I reluctantly nodded at him, giving him permission to the silent question he was asking.

After a quick sweep of his eyes, he pressed his mouth to mine in a kiss that was just as seductive as his voice. It was almost like he emitted a captivating current about him as he parted my mouth with his, slipping his tongue in to meet my own, and it made me feel intoxicated in a way that I never felt before.

I couldn't help but wonder what it was about him that was doing this to me. How he could go from superior and aloof, to warm and exotic in the speed it took to flip a coin, completely baffled my mind. It baffled me even more that he was able to exert that strange type of control over me and allow me my own sense of control at the same time.

However, that control was soon taken over by another sense of control when I felt his hand moving lightly across my chest, making its way down to some other place that seemed to have the upper hand over any ability I might have had over reason.

I could almost swear that there was a low voltage running through my body as he slipped his hand under the covers and met his destination, causing me to moan into his mouth and move along with his strokes. After giving in and letting go of the blanket I realized I'd been clinging to all that time, I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him closer so I could feel his body against mine.

Surprisingly, the dampness of his clothes had become warm, most likely from our body heat. Shortly after, he pulled his mouth away and started kissing my neck, brushing his lips and tongue across my skin, slowly making his way down to my erogenous zone.

Letting out a gasp when the heat of his mouth wrapped itself around me, I found myself suddenly groaning out his name and running my fingers through his silky-fine hair. His exploration was enough to drive me crazy, and it took all my willpower not to move. I wanted to thrust from the sensation I was feeling, but at the same time, I didn't want to discourage him from the taste of rapture he was sharing with me.

_Good Gaia, no woman ever made it feel this way._

With a bit of shock, I let out another gasp when he slipped one of his fingers into me, causing me a slight discomfort at first. Perhaps I was being naïve, but I wasn't expecting him to do that, and I didn't really know what I thought about it either.

However, my fears were suddenly replaced by the heightened phenomenon I was feeling and I cursed under my breath for not being able to resist this man while I continued to moan and mutter out his name like a babbling idiot. After undoing the buttons on his shirt with his other hand and slipping it off, he pulled away and started crawling across me so that he was straddling my hips again.

"Did that feel good?" he whispered, while watching my expression. Nodding while biting on my bottom lip, I pushed myself toward him to try and keep the sensation going while bringin my hands to his buckle so I could take off his belt. Leaning back over to bring his mouth back to mine, he kissed me fiercely and helped me with the buckle and his pants.

He had to pull away so he could get free of the remainder of his clothing, and when he was completely free of the last of his soaking garments, I found myself looking him over with a 'not-so-hidden' desire. I'd never really paid much attention to him before. He was lean, well-toned with definition, but not muscular.

He was oddly feminine in build with the exception of his slender hips, which made me wonder if that was why I was able to do what I was doing with him. Like most aristocrats, his skin was pale and like a smooth ivory. I would have said he was flawless if it weren't for the scars all over his body. Of course, there was nothing strange about him having scars since we all had them. It came with the territory.

Suddenly unable to contain myself anymore, I grabbed him by the hips and pulled him toward me while lifting him onto the bed so that he was on his back. After another hungry kiss initiated by me that time, he went to turn over, but I pushed him back down, pressing him to the bed by his shoulders so I could ram my tongue down his throat, unable to get enough of his taste.

After I pulled away so we could both take a breath, he asked me to take him from behind. With an uncaring shrug, I nodded in agreement and flipped him over to his knees before he hissed like a snake when I entered the heat of his body, making no attempt to be gentle with him. From the other times we were together, I came to know that he liked it on the rough side, and, well, so did I.

After forcefully pulling his body up so that it was parallel to mine, I moved my hands down between his thighs, avoiding his piece on purpose to heighten his anticipation while I bit into the back of his shoulder.

His groans were sending me into an ecstatic state that renewed all of my worst senses while his hand made its way to my back side so he could push me further into him. Without much of a warning, I pushed him back down before he started muttering at me to go harder and dug his fingers into the sheets while I complied with his request.

Almost finding myself ready to explode, I moved my hands to aid him so he wouldn't be left out. Completely unaware up until that point that we were both making a fair amount of noise, I gradually started to become self-conscious. _Shit! What if Rude can hear this?_ Almost as if he could read my mind, he mumbled into the sheets that Rude was out with Tifa.

With a nod and my teeth clenched tight, I reached my climax with a loud moan a few seconds before he did, with what sounded like a pained whine as I felt the heat of his liquid hit my hand. Stopping with the rough strokes, I changed to a lighter caressing until he finally pulled my teasing hand away, telling me he couldn't take anymore. Then he pulled my hand to his mouth and tasted what was there, saying, "I've always wondered what it tasted like."

Now, I know the look I gave him must have matched what I was thinking as I pulled out of him. It wasn't disgust or anything like that, but it sure as hell wasn't admiration either. I was suddenly wondering if I'd be able to handle him if he got any weirder on me.

There really wasn't much that he did or said that I ever expected, but still. It was almost like he got off on the shock value of his actions. To feed into it, I pulled my hand away and told him he was fucking sick, before I grabbed the face cloth that I had earlier and wiped myself off. Completely unfazed by my reaction, he just snickered at my remark like it was what he wanted to hear me say anyway.

"You've never been curious?" he asked, keeping his back to me as he turned to lie down on his side.

"Not about that," I replied, letting the disbelief come out in my voice.

After a moment, I set my attention back over to him, somewhat puzzled, and for the first time, I really took note of the scars along his back. They were long, some of them straight across, and in a smooth line. They ran in all directions and in a pattern that was curiously similar to what a lashing would have left, not something that would have been materialized by a fight.

"My father," he said.

"Huh?"

With an annoyed sigh, he turned around so that he was facing me and embellished in a completely unaffected and cold tone that, "They're from my father."

Looking at him suspiciously and wondering why the hell he was saying that, I found myself unintentionally frowning at him. "How'd ya know what I was thinkin?"

"I guessed," he said. "My father used to beat me. You all knew that. Didn't you?"

"I heard stories," I answered, a little curtly, not really knowing how to react to the confirmation. I never really knew if the rumours were true or not until he just decided to share that information with me, and for some reason, I was wishing he hadn't. But I wound up encouraging the conversation anyway, despite the fact that I didn't really want to know. "Why?"

"He hated me." His answer came out as if it was nothing of concern to him, and I almost felt like he was expecting me to be able to accept it with the same indifference. But I was unable to share that same lack of concern with him.

I never knew my parents, and although I could accept the fact that I was never wanted, I never once imagined that a parent could be so cruel to a child they chose to keep. It was just one of those things I couldn't relate to. Maybe it was something I didn't want to relate to.

"Well, don't get all emotional on me," he said, almost like he was suddenly mad at me, and got off of the bed to go over to my dresser.

Shaking off the fact that he turned cold on me like the drop of a hat due to the fact that I was actually starting to get used to his shift in mannerisms, I just cocked my brow quickly in an attempt to ignore him. Then I grabbed my pack of cigarettes so I could take one out and light it while mumbling to him with the butt hanging out of my mouth that, "Ya can borrow my clothes since they're dry."

But he was already ahead of me on that one. He'd already slipped his leg into a pair of pants from my dresser and answered without looking at me. "I was going to."

"Yeah. Well, givin ya permission makes me feel better," I replied coldly, pushing myself off the bed and going to grab some clothes for myself.

"Where are you going?" he asked, still sounding pissed off and not looking at me.

"To get a fuckin drink," I answered, with the cigarette still hanging out of my mouth.

"That's your answer to everything, isn't it?"

"Well it works better than tryin to figure out what the hell is wrong with _you_," I blurted out, as I stormed out of my room and slammed the door behind me.

I don't know how the hell we managed to turn that into a fight, or whatever the hell that was. I had no idea if it was because we were avoiding something, or just enjoying the sparks. Maybe it was a little bit of both. I don't know. All I did know was that I was relieved that it happened.

* * *

Revised: January 11, 2008


	12. A Minor Setback

**A Minor Setback**

* * *

It had been over two months since that night I spent with Rufus. I did everything in my power to avoid him at all costs. It wasn't unusual for me to run as soon as things got too heated. I wasn't really capable of dealing with my own emotions, never mind other people's, and Rufus just struck me as having too many for me to deal with.

As a result, I wound up spending most of my evenings hanging out at the Seventh Heaven, drinking myself into a stupor before stumbling home and passing out alone in my apartment, now that I had one. My typical routine had become to flirt with Tifa to try and get a free drink or drinks, or maybe it was just to flirt with her; I never really figured it out, because I never got any free drinks.

Don't get me wrong though, I had no intention of stealing her away from Rude. They both knew that it was just the way I was. I also hung around her to pass on messages from Rude that he'd asked me to pass along whenever we contacted each other. He was sent on assignment to find the guy responsible for creating the serum that I had the joy of sampling, and had been gone for over a month now.

The other part of my routine was to sit and drink with Cloud. Sometimes we'd get along, but most nights we'd just sit there and irritate each other, until one of us would have too much to drink and had to stumble home. I don't know why I hung around him so much. I guess it was because he was the only other familiar person that I knew there, and wasn't some floozy who wanted me to take her home.

The strangest part was that we'd both sit there contently and insult each other, without either of us leaving, until we could no longer stand, and I could always count on him to be there every night. He would always sit at the same table, which was the quietest table at the end of the room, in the corner, and he was always by himself. I'd walk over with my drink and some smart-ass comment, and he'd retort with the same, before I'd sit down.

One night I lost my keycard, and had to sleep outside on the streets, only to find out that I had it in my pocket instead of my wallet in the morning. I strongly suspected that Cloud was responsible for that since I knew he could pick pockets and such.

After all, we'd all seen him do it during battle. Despite all his seriousness though, he had a devilish side to him that was becoming more apparent and frightening, the more I got to know him. It was slightly on the borderline of cruel.

However, it wasn't something that came out too often. But for the most part, he was pretty sardonic and serious. He didn't show it much, but I'd come to recognize that Tifa really irritated him, even though I knew he cared about her.

I think it was because she wouldn't leave him alone and to top it off, he really was a loner who didn't like to be bothered by anybody, yet there I was bothering him too. But I got kicks out of it, and unlike Tifa, I generally irritated people on purpose.

Tseng and Elena were still out on assignment, trying to find the leader to LANDSLIDE, and they'd traveled almost halfway through the world looking for him without coming up with any leads.

Rufus had sent me out several times to keep an eye on the underground refinery at Nibelheim, along with other assignments that he figured were less dangerous for me. I knew he was keeping me close so he could keep an eye on me and even though I hadn't spoken much to him, I knew he was still concerned about me.

I was still having bizarre attacks, that were mostly just a strong ringing in my ears followed by nausea, but it seemed to be happening less and less, so I wasn't really that concerned about it myself. Rufus, on the other hand, had me checked out several times, and the physicians couldn't seem to find anything wrong with me, which led me to believe that maybe it was just a problem with my system due to the abuse I'd put it through over the years.

On one particular night, I had a strange assignment. But I didn't question him about it, figuring he had his reasons. I was to go to the mansion at Nibelheim and retrieve all of Hojo's papers, among other things, and I was to make sure no one knew where I was going or what I was doing, which was easy enough. I'd done enough of those jobs in the past to be able to do it with my eyes closed.

So anyway, after making my way into the old building, I made my way down to the basement where I could search for the refrigeration unit that Rufus suspected Hojo had down there. He assumed it would have been kept secret and well hidden, possibly behind one of the bookcases in the library.

In all honesty though, I couldn't help but wonder where he got his hunches from and why he felt them so strongly at times, and I wondered how it would've been possible for no one to find it if it really existed, since the place had been raided several times since Cloud and his buddies were down there with Vincent. Maybe it was because nobody was looking for it? I wasn't really sure. In fact, I wasn't even sure if I really cared. It was Rufus' thing, not mine. I was just doing my job.

Well, since I ran out of all the other ideas I could come up with to locate and detect that stupid thing that probably didn't exist, I started running my hands along the edges of the shelves, looking for changes in temperature. Every now and then, I'd reach into my breast pocket to take out my flask and take a drink. I was starting to drink a lot heavier those days, and I didn't really care whether I got into trouble over it or not. It wasn't like I needed a clear mind to find nothing.

_This job's a fuckin joke, _I thought to myself as I was doing what I was told, _Fuckin waste of time._

Almost at the point to where I was about to give up, I finally found what I was looking for. It was a faint airflow behind one of the shelves on the West wall. As a result, I lit a cigarette and held it against the crack to watch the smoke blow away from it, confirming that it wasn't just my imagination, and then I took a drag.

Obviously, the airflow wasn't the only reason I lit it in the first place; it was just one of the reasons. Strongly suspecting that it was just a gap in the wall, and nothing more, I pressed on anyways. Rufus' intuition was strong enough to know if I didn't put any effort into my mission. Not to mention his intuition was a little uncanny at times, and there was a slight possibility that he may have been right about something being there, which would mean I wasn't just chasing my tail.

It actually made me feel a little better to think that he hadn't sent me on another wild goose chase, since checking up on the refinery was one of the more menial tasks I'd ever been assigned to. It was usually something Elena would have been assigned to. Heh, I just thought of how pissed off she'd be if she knew I thought that. After all, it did sound a little sexist. But, come on. I loved her and all, but hell, she just wasn't field material.

"Okay, so how the hell do I open this?" I asked to no one in particular, since I was the only one in the room. After taking a look around and not seeing anything that could give me any clues on how to open it, I was almost ready to give up and leaned against the wall while trying to think of the mind-frame of Hojo. Not that I really wanted to know Hojo's mind-frame, but it seemed like it might have been the only thing that could give me any insight. That madman was always paranoid and suspicious, and I knew that it wouldn't be as simple as finding something in the room to open it with.

Tapping my foot impatiently, I put my head back and tried to search my mind for anything that would give me a hint or a clue. Then I looked down and noticed how dirty my fingernails were and decided to take a break to clean them with my pocket knife, when I suddenly remembered the secret room that Vincent was kept in. Wondering about it for a moment, I was reminded that the room was a secret room. Was it not?

And was it not adjacent to this room? Pushing myself away from the wall and making my way over to the other room, because I had nothing to lose by checking it out, I opened the door since Cloud had already done me the honour of unlocking it when he found Vincent four years ago. After taking a quick look around, chills ran down my spine when I saw the coffins scattered about on the floor, and when I saw the open one in the middle, I wondered if that was the one that Vincent was kept in and shuddered involuntarily.

Well, remembering that the library was the reason I was there and not Vincent, I shook the thought and went over to the east wall where I tried to see if I could find anything unusual, like odd-coloured or loose stones. Unfortunately, there was nothing there, no signs of wear at all. The only thing on the wall was a torch holder, and if I knew Hojo, he wouldn't have chosen something as cheesy as using a torch as a lever.

That would have been too much of a cliché for him. However, I did find myself oddly drawn to it, and I found myself examining the base of the plaque that was holding the torch while pulling out my pocket knife. Then I licked my lips and wedged the knife under the bottom screw to have it practically slide out and stop as if there was something blunt stopping it from coming out entirely. _Hmm, _I thought as I put the knife back in my pocket and pushed the plaque aside to find a switch behind it.

Naturally, at that point, I realized that a couple of possible outcomes could come from pressing that switch. Knowing Hojo, it could simply be a trap that would end my life right there and then, or something to severely wound me or hold me in place until someone got suspicious enough to finally decide to come looking for me. But what the hell, it wouldn't be the first time something like that happened to me.

So, I took another drink from my flask to relax a bit before I closed my eyes and pressed the switch, expecting the worst. Luckily, all that happened was I heard a muffled click, and then a grinding noise come from another room after pushing it. Not exactly sure if it had rendered the result I was hoping for, I figured there wasn't much else I could do, so I took another drink from my flask and pushed the plaque back before pushing the screw back in.

Back in the library, I noticed that the shelf I was examining earlier had moved back and behind the one beside it. _I'm a fuckin genius,_ I thought, proud of myself for figuring that one out, and then I went to examine the opening before trusting my life to it first. After finding nothing of concern, I started my way through the passageway. There was a bit of a curving hall with a vaulted door at the end of it. Luckily, there were no special locks or puzzles involved in opening it. Instead, there was just a simple valve to release the pressure for the standard airlock that was in place.

Once it was opened, I stood there for a moment and took note that the room was fairly stale and cold before I entered, leading me to believe that no one had been in there for some time. I was actually impressed that the refrigeration unit was still working after all that time since it hadn't been tended to for years, possibly even decades. Along the wall to the right of me, there were biological samples in jars and a row of metal drawers.

At the far end was a worn out counter supporting a deep sink with labelled jars and beakers on the shelves above it. The left wall was about the same as the one opposite it, only the drawers were larger, much larger. With a reluctant sigh, I set the case I carried in with me on the floor and started scanning the labels on the drawers to see if I could find what I was looking for. Rufus was more than positive I'd find it there, and even though I had no idea as to why he was so adamant about it, I looked at every damn label more than twice anyway.

But it wasn't there. Pulling out a cigarette and lighting it to go with my frustrations, my eyes were repetitively drawn to one of the labels that read NOVA. For some reason, it just kept catching my eye and I couldn't seem to pull my attention away from it.

_What's the worst that could happen?_ I thought, as I contemplated opening the drawer to look inside. Hojo was known to not be straight forward, and Rufus sure as hell wouldn't be happy with me if I didn't at least put some effort into my mission. So, I stepped up to the drawer and opened it cautiously, relieved to find that no supernova came down to crush me where I stood. Instead, the contents of the drawer were just what I was looking for.

Taking another drag before taking another drink, I put the flask back in my pocket before regarding the row of neatly laid out vials, all filled with an iridescent, pearly-blue liquid. The fluid seemed to glow and be alive, and it almost appeared to be moving around inside. It even reacted to the heat of my hand as if it wanted to touch me when I picked it up to take a closer look at something that I found really disturbing

_Jenova…_

Shuddering at my find, I grabbed them all carefully and placed them in the case behind a pull-away section that was designed to keep the cells cool. It was also designed to not be detected, should I run into any trouble, and to be on the safe side, it had a small self-destruct device attached to it that was both switch and timer activated.

Once I was all done with the first part of my duty, I checked the time and noted that I had ten hours left, which was plenty of time as long as all went well. After I got them safely tucked away, I went through the rest of the drawers and shelves and grabbed all the paperwork and notes I could find since Rufus wanted those too. Then I exited the room, leaving everything as I found it, minus what I took, and closed the bookcase with a switch that was located behind it.

The other things that Rufus wanted were the papers and books that Hojo had on his other, less obscure subjects, along with everything in regards to Cloud, Nanaki, and other Jenova-infected subjects. To point out the obvious, this wasn't exactly my favourite job in the world.

Looking through books and reading everything that I came across was worse than having absolutely nothing to do. As far as I was concerned, reading and paperwork was more for the desk types and not for someone that was trained to work out on the field. It's not that I thought it was unnecessary though. It's just that I didn't like it.

Anyway, while going through the second-last shelf and running my fingers along the titles of the books, looking for anything to do with the Ancients, Jenova, and Mako, something unexpected startled the hell out of me.

"I never expected you to be a reader," came Cloud's voice from behind me, causing the hairs on the back of my neck to go up as I turned around to meet the end of that insanely large sword of his. After stumbling back into the bookcase and then tripping over a low stool by my feet, I twisted my ankle and fell to the floor while grimacing from the pain.

"What the hell are ya doin here?" I asked, wondering how long he'd been watching me, and panicking inside when I thought he might have seen me go into that secret room to grab the cells.

"I followed you," he answered, before putting his blade back into its sheath and looking down at me in disgust. "How did you manage to make it as second in command?"

"I specialize." While scowling at the unwelcome intrusion and narrowing my eyes at him, I reached into my pocket to pull out my flask and calm my nerves a little as he turned around and looked at the cases I brought in, then at the wall behind me, and then back at me as I was taking a drink.

"You must be pretty good at whatever it is you do then."

"What the fuck is that s'posed ta mean?"

"You're a clumsy alcoholic who has no respect for anything…" he answered, while looking me coldly in the eye as he reached out his hand to help me up, but I refused. As far as I was concerned, I could push myself up and didn't need any damn charity from _Cloud_. "Not even yourself."

Gaia, I really hated that asshole for pointing that out. How the hell could I argue with something like that? "Go fuck yerself," I decided to say, and ignored him so I could continue looking through the titles on the books behind me, hoping he'd take the hint and get lost. But that didn't seem to work.

"What are you looking for?"

"Hojo's brain," I replied, once again, hoping he'd get pissed off and leave. "I heard it was salvaged and brought here fer safe keepin." But all I really succeeded in was hearing that blasted sword of his unsheathe again and felt its cold metal against the back of my neck. Rolling my eyes while wondering why the hell he thought he could intimidate me, I took another drink and more or less dared him to take action. "If yer gonna fuckin kill me… Then do it."

"I hope you're just being your usual, ignorant self," he commented, as he moved to stand beside me while putting his sword away again.

"Don't ya mean charmin?"

"I'm afraid not." After sizing me up in distaste, he turned his attention to my task at hand and watched me for a short moment, while I continued to scan the titles of the books in front of me. "What _are_ you looking for, Reno?"

"Books, papers, notes." Without turning to acknowledge him, I took another drink from the flask, and continued, "Anythin ta do with his research that can answer some of our questions." Not seeing anything wrong with telling him that part of my job, I simply screwed the cap back onto my flask and placed it back in my pocket. Plus, I kind of figured that since it was the truth, there'd be no suspicion involved with what I was saying.

"I'll help you," he offered, and sized up my sorry state again, making me feel like he viewed me as totally incompetent, not to mention untrustworthy. Not that the last part really mattered, because he was partially right.

"I don't need yer help."

"Too bad."

Ignoring my protests, he reached over me, brushing his arm against my shoulder and almost pushing me over, as he grabbed a book from the shelf that just so happened to be one I would have grabbed if he didn't get to it first. To make matters worse, he didn't even bother asking which books I needed to take, he just seemed to know. It unnerved me.

In an attempt to be somewhat agreeable, I figured I'd thank him for the help and then call it a night after we grabbed the last of what I thought Rufus might want. Then I limped over to the bags and went to pick them up when I was suddenly assaulted with the ringing in my ears again. Stumbling forward with my eyes closed, I gripped my gut as the nausea hit me and I fell to my knees.

Although the attacks were becoming more few and far between, they seemed to become more violent. But I never told Rufus that though. While my head swam through a vicious white light, I wound up vomiting on one of the bags I brought in, and then a piercing pain shot through my temples at both ends. Letting out a sharp cry, I felt like ripping my eyes out to relieve myself from the pain, but then it passed, just like that, and everything went back to normal.

"Maybe you should quit drinking," I heard Cloud say, in a chastising manner, as he stood behind me, casually watching me with his arms crossed.

"Maybe ya should mind yer own business," I choked back, pushing myself shakily off the floor and pulling out a handkerchief to wipe my mouth. Then I looked around a bit and grabbed one of the rags lying around to wipe off the bags before attempting to pick them up, which were a hell of a lot heavier after being filled with books and papers.

"Where'd you land your helicopter?"

"Two miles south of here," I answered, and then I paused for a moment in confusion before asking, "Thought ya said ya followed me?"

"Actually, I was already here." After he walked over to where I was standing, he knelt down to take two of the bags away from me, leaving me with one full one and a half full one before he mumbled without looking at me, "This is my hometown." Then he held up a piece of my coat jacket that must have been torn from me when I got caught on the gate after tripping over the broken walkway. "I was walking around when I noticed this on the gate."

"Uh..." I started nervously, pointing at the cloth and bringing my other hand up to scratch the back of my neck in embarrassment. "That's never happened before." Actually, it happened all the time, but only whenever Cloud was around. For some strange reason, my most idiotic and awkward moments on the job somehow, always seemed to involve him, and I was beginning to think it was like some sort of cosmic joke at my expense.

"Of course not..." he replied sarcastically, and tossed the scrap of cloth at me as if he didn't believe me. "I thought that since you left a sign to advertise your presence that you couldn't be up to anything secretive... So, I decided to see if you needed a hand." With a bit of an aggressive air, he grabbed me by the upper arm to suggest that I needed him to steady me.

"I don't need a fuckin hand," I protested, and tried to pull away from him unsuccessfully.

"You've sprained your ankle."

"An whose fault is that?" I snapped, as I finally got out of his grip and nearly fell over again. As far as I was concerned, I didn't need him nursing me, and I didn't need him patronizing me either.

"Yours."

"Don't ya have some orphans ta save or somethin?" Frustrated to high hell with him and having no idea why he felt it was necessary to still be hanging around, I found myself suddenly wishing I had the ability to just will the little asshole away. Of course, it didn't help matters that he was holding the damn case with Jenova's cells in it.

"I'm taking you home."

"Like hell ya are." With my brows raised in disbelief, I made my best effort to try and grab that case out of his hand, but he held me back with frightening ease.

"You're in no condition to make it on your own."

"I don't need a fuckin babysitter, Asshole!" I shouted, and struggled with him to grab the bags out of his hands before he finally let go and calmly watched me start limping towards the door.

"I'll open those cases," he threatened calmly, while glaring at me.

Suddenly even more pissed off than I already was, I tossed them on the floor toward his feet and told him to go ahead, "Open the damn bags, then. See if I give a shit!" Maybe it was kind of silly of me to behave like that, but it was okay though, I wasn't really worried about him finding what I didn't want him to find. The compartment for the cells was well-concealed and thin enough to not raise any suspicion.

However, I found myself taking a bit of a gulp when I swore I saw a thin smile cross his lips, although I could probably never prove it. To make me even more nervous, the look in his eyes kind of took me off guard and actually scared me a little. He reminded me of Rufus all of the sudden.

Then he took a quick step forward while I found myself stepping back and almost stumbling again. Anticipating the fact that I was about to fall, he scooped up the bags with one arm, and grabbed me with the other in a speed that frightened the shit out of me and literally dragged me out of there kicking and screaming at him to let go of me. Once we were outside, he practically tossed me to the ground like I was just another piece of luggage and started packing his bike up with everything we'd collected.

"Do you think you can behave now?" he curtly asked, sounding a little pissed off at me.

"Heh… Do I have a choice?" I asked, still trying to figure out what the hell just happened.

"No."

"I should warn ya then." I started, as I pushed myself off the ground and stuffed a cigarette in my mouth while lighting it. "I ain't a good passenger."

"You're not smoking that on my bike," he warned with his back to me, while he continued to pack his bike.

"Guess ya'll have to wait 'til I finish it then." With a taunting snicker, I took a deep drag before I was startled by him storming up to me and snatching it out of my mouth and grinding it into the dirt. Then he grabbed me by the shirt and pushed me onto his bike like I was nothing more than a saddle-bag. I have to honestly say that I didn't know what the hell his problem was. Like I mean, I always knew the guy was nuts, but I was really in the dark about what the hell was going on.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I shouted at him, as I tried to gain some control over myself instead of letting him dictate my actions.

But that wasn't exactly successful, since he grabbed me by the front of my shirt and yelled into my face, "You, Reno! I'm sick of this shit that you and Rufus are always pulling!"

Nervous over what the hell I'd gotten myself into, and suddenly remembering the last time I'd seen him that pissed off was over at Sector 7, I pulled out my flask to take another drink because I suddenly didn't want to be dealing with whatever it was that I didn't want to be dealing with. But he grabbed the flask from my hands and dumped it at my feet before throwing it away. Then it suddenly struck me. All the blondes I knew had gone haywire. Elena. Rufus. Cloud. Maybe there was something to that.

Still hanging onto the front of my shirt, he pulled me even closer while he practically growled at me with a frightening control. "Do you guys think I don't know you're collecting Jenova's cells?"

_Oh shit_… He sounded really pissed, so I made no comment.

He let go of me after all I did was swallow nervously at him, and pushed me into the back of his seat before getting on himself. Then he started the engine and grabbed my wrists from behind him before practically smashing me into his back as he pulled me forward. "You'd better hold on tight," he warned through clenched teeth, as he hit the accelerator.

Fear would not have been a strong enough word for what I was feeling at that moment. I'd pissed the nutcase off before. It was never really a big deal. But that time was a little different. He seemed angrier than I'd ever seen him before, and I'd seen him pretty angry. I reminded myself that this was the man that killed Sephiroth thrice over, and that he wasn't meant to be messed with.

So, why the hell did I mess with him, and what exactly did I do to piss him off so much? On the other hand, he drove like a damned psychopath, and I could hardly contain myself. He was going to get us both killed. Well, probably just me, since we've all seen him come back from the dead, which probably meant that he had nothing to worry about. _That prick!_

Out of the blue, I found myself shouting the most inappropriate questions I could have possibly come up with for no reason that I could seem to make sense out of. In all honesty, I had no idea what the hell came over me. The only reasoning I could come up with was that maybe I had a death wish or something. But at the time, it just seemed like a way to make conversation, albeit, in bad taste.

"So… Was Aeris any good in bed?" I shouted over the sounds of the motor, and nearly flew off the bike when he hit the break without any warning. Remaining solid on it, like he did it all the time and there was nothing abrupt about the way he stopped, he turned his head slightly while keeping his back to me. It was obvious I'd managed to agitate him somehow.

"What?" he asked calmly, while I chuckled ignorantly at him over how tense he'd gotten.

"Or was Sephiroth more yer type?"

"You have a death wish Reno." At that, he moved so gracefully and powerfully, and with a speed that I couldn't anticipate as he literally lifted me off that bike with one arm and tossed me a few feet from where we were, like I was nothing more than a piece of clothing or something similar in weight.

In an attempt to try and avoid landing on my face, I wound up scraping my hands and knees on the unforgiving ground as I made impact. I couldn't really say what I was trying to achieve by my questions or behaviour. Even if you were to ask me today, I still couldn't really tell you. But I think maybe, it was my weird way of trying to get him to leave me alone. However, I'm not really sure, because I was suddenly finding myself just as confusing as I was finding him.

When I turned over onto my back, the tip of that ridiculously large sword was at my chest, and I started laughing when I saw how perfectly still and serious he was. Not to mention the Mako-enhanced fiery glow that shown through his eyes really set the mood to a dangerous perfection. He looked like he was really going to kill me, and for some twisted reason, I suddenly found it really funny. "Well?" I asked, still pushing the limit. "Was he?"

With a sneer, he knelt down on one knee between my legs, still holding the blade at my chest, and looked at me with a somewhat calmer feel to his eyes before he said in an almost quiet and serene contemplation. "I think I know now why you're second in command." Tilting his head a little so he could see me a bit better past his sword, he made sure that our eyes met before he tauntingly continued, "With all that energy, you must be able to go all night." Then his eyes narrowed like he knew he was striking a nerve and added, "Gaia knows, he likes to keep you close to him… Doesn't he?"

I could feel the unrelenting humiliation just filling me up. However, it disguised itself as anger at the time, as he tapped me twice on the chest with the blunt side of his sword before sheathing it and standing up to turn his back on me. Cloud was more of an asshole than I originally thought, and I found myself lunging at him from behind to try and take him down, without really thinking about it.

Of course, the little prick had nothing to worry about. He simply reached over behind him and rolled me over so that his arm was around my waist, pinning me to his side and carried me back to his bike. It made me even angrier by the way he handled me without exerting himself once.

When he got me back to the bike, he stood me up like I was simply a doll or a toy of some sort and moved me to his other side so he could wrap his other arm over top of my own to keep me from struggling. Then he reached into one of the compartments and pulled a strip of duct tape off of a role. It was a little awkward since he only had one hand to do it with, but he seemed to manage just fine.

"Sephiroth ruined my life, Reno," he said calmly as he fastened the tape across my mouth. "He killed my family, my friends, all those closest to me." After he filled me in on his initial feelings in regards to the matter, he reached back into the compartment and pulled out a strip of rope. "To make things worse. He's a part of me. Did you know that?" Turning his attention to me with narrowed and angry eyes, he clenched his jaw slightly and added before giving me a chance to answer. "Did you know that he was able to control me?"

Shaking my head at him since I couldn't talk, and I really didn't know that, I watched him nod his head slightly before he turned back to the compartment and closed it, before he continued. "My life was given back to me by Hojo, so that he could turn me into a failed clone of the man I despise. You knew that part though. Didn't you?"

Nodding to let him know I knew about the Hojo part of the story when he turned his attention back to me, he nodded back and lifted me onto the bike, still constricting my arms by holding my wrists together in front of me.

"As for Aeris," he started, and met my eyes to stress that he was telling me something that I might want to keep in mind the next time I decide to open my mouth without thinking. "The love I felt for her was the love that a friend feels for another friend. I respected her and blame myself for her death. She was the kindest and most forgiving person I had ever known, and I let her die, Reno. I was right _there_. And I did nothing to stop it from happening."

Then he looked off into space for a moment, like he was watching it happen right then and there before he said in a softer and more contemplative tone, "Would I sleep with her if she were alive today?"

Turning his attention back to me, he looked me once-over and leaned closer for effect while lowering his voice to a somewhat confiding tone. "She's not my type." Then he smacked me a couple times on the face with the palm of his hand before he pulled my arms away from my body and climbed onto the bike. After that, he pulled them around his waist to the front of him and tied my wrists together to keep me from causing him anymore trouble.

* * *

We must have driven for about an hour before we came up to the river, and he had to dismount his bike to get across it. He untied my wrists from him in order to do so. But just as quickly as he untied them, he brought them behind my back and tied me to the bar at the back of his seat. After which, I kept trying to scratch my face with my shoulder because the tape was starting to make me itch something awful.

Ignoring me, he started pushing his bike on foot along the river until he found a shallow part to push it across which caught my attention, because I always wondered how he drove it across the river. You could tell by its condition that he pampered it with that SOLDIER-type discipline, and my own bike was always a mess from driving it through, not to mention, it was constantly water-logged.

"We're not going to make it tonight," he said, looking at the dark, hazy sky. Then he glanced quickly at me in irritation, before he kicked the stand down and made his way to the back. While I tried to turn my head to see if I could see what he was doing, before I realised that I couldn't and gave up.

So, I decided I'd take a good look around at whatever I could see as I listened to him rummaging through one of the compartments before he walked back into my view with a tent to set up. I couldn't help but wonder exactly how deep those compartments were, considering he'd managed to get all my bags and case in there, along with everything else he already seemed to have.

"I would normally stay in a hotel," he mumbled with his back to me, in an attempt to explain why we were spending the night outside. "But you're appearance might raise some questions."

_Yeah. Very fuckin funny, ya piece'a shit._

Suddenly realizing that it might not be such a good idea to spend the night as I remembered the timer on the case, I started to panic a little inside, despite the fact that I wasn't exactly in a position to be able to do anything about it. It must have been a couple of hours since I last checked it, leaving me with eight hours.

_Of all the fucking luck, _I thought, while struggling with the rope to see if I could try and loosen it.

Naturally, I wasn't about to let him know about my concerns. He'd surely know that he was transporting Jenova's cells back to Rufus if I did, and something told me that he wasn't about to do that willingly. When he came back over to me after setting up the tent, he took a short moment to watch me as I was still trying to scratch myself with my shoulder and shook his head at me.

"I guess you should have kept your mouth shut then," he said in regards to my discomfort, and grabbed another rope before untying me from his bike. He kept my wrists tied together though, making me realize that he wasn't about to show me mercy any time soon.

Then he picked me up and carried me over to the tent before pushing me onto one of the sleeping bags on the ground. After I let out a muffled scream from behind the tape when my shoulder landed on a rock, he grabbed me by the arm and turned me over. Then he sat me up before he knelt down and rolled up my pant leg to check my ankle. "It's swollen," he mumbled indifferently. "But you'll live."

Once he was satisfied with my condition, he pulled my legs together and reached over to grab the other piece of rope so he could tie it tightly about my ankles, pressing my sprain and making me wince. "Wouldn't want you getting any bright ideas," he said, while looking toward me after he tied them.

To be completely honest, that was definitely a side to Cloud that I never knew existed. I always thought he was a bit of a dipshit, but I never realized just how much of one he really was, and I suddenly found myself having a whole new level of respect for him. The kid was cold, calculated, and thorough. I had to admit, I had no idea he had it in him.

Well, not really caring that much about the unwilling company he had, he pushed me onto my side when he was done and told me to get whatever sleep I could before he climbed into his own sleeping bag and went to sleep. I'm sure the little bastard knew there was no way I'd be able to sleep like that. But then again, I didn't really think he cared much about it either.

* * *

As things turned out, and rather luckily for me, Cloud didn't really require much sleep and was up before any light peeked over the horizon, packing his bike up. I couldn't help but be relieved, especially considering that due to his minimal requirements, there'd be enough time to get the case back to Rufus before the contents were destroyed.

But on the downside, Cloud appeared to still be pissed at me and tied my wrists back around his waist before heading out to Midgar. Mind you, I was kind of relieved he did that. Considering if he decided it was a better idea to leave me tied to the back of the seat, I would have been flopping all over the damn place with the insane way that he drove. It also made me wonder how many times he'd done that sort of thing before too, since he seemed to know what he was doing.

Anyway, when we arrived, I figured there was an hour left at most for the case, and thanked whatever forgiving force of nature out there that played a hand in everything working out all right, considering. The sky was still fairly dark as he parked his bike in front of the Shinra building and most of the lights were still out inside.

After releasing me from being bound to him and getting off his bike, he tied my hands behind my back and went into the compartments on his bike to pull out all of my baggage and carried it all with one hand. All the while, the little bastard kept me tied up and took it upon himself to reach for my wallet so he could get my keycard in order to enter the building and drag me humiliatingly through it.

At least he had the decency to untie my ankles before leaving the camp site, or it probably would have been even worse if I had to be carried over his shoulder. To make the situation even more unpleasant than it already was, everyone knew who Cloud was, and no one was about to mess with him. Even the guards stood back to let him pass as he dragged me to the elevators.

Of course, it may have also had something to do with the fact that it looked like he was holding me hostage, and for all I really knew, maybe he was.

"Rufus in his office or apartment?" he asked, when we entered the elevator.

_Ya dumbass, how the hell do ya expect me ta answer ya?_ I thought, while looking at him like he needed a few screws tightened.

Smirking dryly after realizing I couldn't answer him, _and _that he really was a dumbass, not that I'm really sure that part of the revelation actually hit him, he decided he'd rephrase his question. "Apartment?"

Nodding after considering that was probably where he'd be that early, I quietly watched Cloud move his finger slowly over each button, starting from the top until I nodded in confirmation when he was over the right one.

Once the elevator stopped on our floor, Cloud didn't even bother to ask me which one Rufus' apartment was. He just seemed to know, not that it really seemed like that big of a mystery, considering there was only one at the end of the hall that seemed to have a bit more of an elaborate handle on its door.

Once we got to it, he pounded on the door heavily enough to wake everyone up on the floor and waited for Rufus to casually open it as if he was expecting us. Not really being one for tact around Rufus, Cloud belligerently pushed him aside and dragged me into the middle of his sitting room, before pushing me roughly to the floor while I landed on my knees and grimaced.

"I believe this belongs to you," Cloud said coldly, and stared challengingly at Rufus before he dropped all the baggage carelessly onto the floor.

"I suppose I should thank you for returning my belongings safely," Rufus mused, walking over to me and brushing his bang out of his eye. He had a glass of Vodka in his hand and took a sip before wryly smirking at the situation. "He drives you nuts too, does he?" Then he ripped the tape off my mouth while watching me wince with a glint in his eyes.

"You're a fucking asshole!" I screamed at Cloud without any warning, after immediately turning my attention to him, encouraging the man in front of me to place his fingers over my mouth to silence me before he ran them along the redness from the tape caressingly. This in turn, caused Cloud to stiffen as he watched us.

"Did he hurt you?" Rufus asked, with a sickly feigned compassion, and then he bent down while tilting my head up by my chin like he was going to kiss me.

"Fuck off!" I shouted to Rufus, as I pulled my face away from his touch. I didn't need him pulling that shit just so he could get a rise out of his _guest_.

Chuckling at me before he pulled my face back to him so he could run his fingers over to my earring and press the switch to disable the timer, he watched and waited for me to nod my confirmation to him when I heard the faint beep that meant the timer on the case was deactivated.

After letting out a bored sigh, Rufus turned his attention back over to Cloud and brushed his bang away from his eye again before casually asking, "What do I owe you for your efforts?"

"Nothing," Cloud answered back, and glanced over at me quickly before turning toward the door. "I'm outta here."

I couldn't help but strongly suspect that Cloud had intended to drill Rufus about Jenova, since he went through so much trouble collecting me and my bags. However, once he got there, I think maybe he thought he'd seen more than he wanted to see, and found out something he didn't want to know, and thanks to Rufus being a natural prick, he'd actually managed to ward Cloud off without any effort for a change. Not that it was a really big shock to anyone, but Rufus was a genuine asshole when he wanted to be.

Normally, when a person knew or suspected as much as Cloud did, we would have made them disappear. But despite the fact that Cloud had followed me and had a pretty good idea of what was going on, he was one of the very rare and few exceptions to our rule about keeping people quiet.

Mostly, because Cloud had proven that he was more than useful on several occasions, and the fact that he never spoke to anybody helped. He was one of those solo types that we'd come to discover wasn't really all that much of a threat to us when it came to business, at least not since Sephiroth's second attempt to create genocide.

In a strange sort of way, Rufus still considered Cloud to be one of his SOLDIERs, just like his father did. In fact, he even tried to pay the guy after he beat Sephiroth the last time. Naturally, Cloud was insulted and refused, and to top it off, the asshole took it out on me by throwing me into the wall in front of Rufus before storming out of the lodge.

I suppose it was understandable that the last thing Cloud wanted to be was Shinra's puppet again, but in many ways, he was just that, and Rufus made no attempt to pretend that he thought otherwise about it.

As far as Rufus was concerned, he felt Cloud was far too valuable to kill off, even though he hated him with a vengeance that went beyond any reason I could think of. He also felt that Cloud was indestructible, since he was pretty much kicked out of the Lifestream after Yazoo shot him. Well, that's how I looked at it anyway.

After all, the little bastard was dead and came back with no real explanation as to why. So, that's why we left the nut-case alive, because we might need him, and we weren't really sure if we _could_ kill him.

"What was all that about?" Rufus asked, after his number-one nemesis left us to our own devices. "Are you fucking him now?"

"Ya'd probably like that," I answered, trying to awkwardly get to my feet without much success. "Ya think ya could help me out a little here?"

With a sneer, he sat down on the sofa and crossed his legs before he decided to privilege me with his uncaring answer, "No."

"Asshole," I muttered, as I tried to work my hands to the front of me. That little shit had those fucking ropes tied tight, and it was tearing into my wrists while I was trying to get my feet through.

"You could just make do with them behind you, you know," he suggested, while watching me with no expression whatsoever and taking a small sip from his glass.

"Ya could always help me by fuckin untying me too!" I spat back.

"I have no desire to do that."

Finally, after I got my second foot through, I got up to limp to the door so I could open it while Rufus just sat there the whole time, drinking his Vodka and watching me with a smirk on his face. When I got to my door, I had to dig my keycard out so I could unlock it.

All the while, I silently griped to myself about how it would have been easier if my damn hands weren't tied. But of course, it didn't look like I was going to be finding any relief from my situation by the help of anyone else, since Rufus seemed content to just stand in his doorway, watching me struggle to get into my apartment.

The whole time, that fucking asshole stood there with the most sickening, self-satisfied smile I'd ever seen on anybody, and if it wasn't for my situation, I would have gone up to him and smacked it right off his face without thinking twice about it.

But seeing how things were though, it could have made my situation far worse than it already was. So, I decided to go into my apartment to lick my wounds in solitude instead.

* * *

Revised: January 11, 2008


	13. The Beginning of Uncertainty

**The Beginning of Uncertainty **

* * *

When I got into my apartment, I made my way over to the kitchen and opened my cutlery drawer. Then I dug through it until I found a sharp enough knife to cut through the ropes and proceeded to do so. It felt good to get those blasted constraints off after having them on for most of the night, and I stood there massaging my wrists for a couple of minutes to try and offer myself some added relief, wincing from the contrast of the comfort and the pain involved in the action.

They were red, bleeding, and sore from all the friction and struggling, and I was cursing both Cloud and Rufus under my breath for being such assholes over the matter. In an attempt to keep the blood from wrecking my shirt, I opened the drawer near the fridge and pulled out some gauze to wrap it around my wrists. Not that it really mattered; the shirt was already wrecked. But I figured since I had a history of being accident prone in the kitchen and learned to keep some supplies close that no harm could be done by taking that extra step.

With a frustrated sigh, I reached into my freezer and pulled out an ice-bag before going to sit on the sofa that Elena picked out for me. She was good about things like that and she had good taste as well. She wasn't one of those girly-girls that liked pinks and flowers, and in all honesty, I was somewhat thankful for that.

Of course, it helped that her taste was naturally conservative and practical, and I think she even had fun doing it too. She even went out of her way to pick all of my furniture out and decorate the place in a way that she felt suited me best, and she did it all in a matter of two days when she and Tseng were on a break from chasing LANDSLIDE.

I can't say I didn't appreciate it. Elena was always good to me, which in turn, left me realising that Tseng was one hell of a lucky man. If it weren't for her, I'd be sleeping on a mattress on the floor and sitting on crates.

It wasn't that I was cheap or anything like that, because I gave her the money, and even a little extra for her efforts which she outright refused, so I snuck it into her wallet when she wasn't paying attention. The truth was that I was just too lazy to bother with my surroundings, and I was content to make do with nothing at the time. I figured that after being in that lodge for over three years, almost four, I was just happy to have my own space and didn't much care about anything else.

Anyway…

On that thought, I sat down on my firm and comfy, coffee-brown couch that was upholstered in washable leather, since Elena was thoughtful enough to take my clumsiness and promiscuous nature into mind when she picked it out. Of course, she was looking at me in a bit of a different light those days, and I honestly didn't really want to know what was going through her head.

Oh well, there wasn't much I could do about things that had already been done, so with that embarrassing thought in mind, I placed the ice on my ankle and pulled out a cigarette before slumping back with my eyes closed. I'd been dying for one all that time and couldn't have one because Cloud was such a dick.

_That fucker needs ta be on fuckin tranquilizers._ I thought to myself as I took an enormously deep drag that made me feel sick and more light-headed than I intended to be. But it felt good anyway, besides the fact that my head was swimming, and I suddenly wanted to throw up from the large dose of nicotine.

However, it didn't stop me from finishing it before I decided to lie down on the couch and catch a few winks since I didn't get any sleep at all the night before, no thanks to Cloud. _What the fuck was he tryin ta fuckin pull anyway?_ I strongly suspected that the little fucker was in dire need of professional help. There wasn't much I could have done about it though, so I decided to stop stewing over the asshole and fall asleep instead.

* * *

I was awakened from a heavy sleep around nine hundred hours in the morning by someone pounding at my door in what I decided to be a rude and obnoxious manner. So, stretching and then looking at my watch with a yawn, I cursed under my breath at the fact that there was just no way in hell that anyone was going to leave me the fuck alone that day.

_It's only been a couple hours since I fell asleep! This is bullshit! Maybe I should jus give up on ever tryin ta sleep again! _

Okay, so I was a little cranky. After placing the ice-bag onto the coffee table angrily and cursing loud enough for whoever the hell was interrupting my personal space to hear it, I limped over to the door to find Rufus standing there with the case I'd collected in his hand.

He didn't look so good, and I found myself suddenly cringing over the fact that I was swearing at him from the other side of my door. He didn't seem to care though. Instead he just stood there with an unreadable expression and stared at me with tired eyes that were a little red and unfocused.

"Come with me," he ordered, without so much as a hesitation, and started leading the way before I had a chance to answer.

With a nod, I quickly grabbed my jacket and threw it on haphazardly while running and limping after Rufus to the elevator and grimacing with each step. Without acknowledging me beyond the point of my entering the elevator, he pressed the button for 4B, which was where the science division was, and I found myself suddenly not wanting to go with him.

The last time I was ever in a science department was during my last overdose with my little Mako problem, and I made it a point to never visit any place like it again. Sure, I'd collected specimens and such for Hojo, but it was always somebody else that delivered the package once I got it to the building. Of course, it might have just been Hojo that I was scared of, who knows. That madman was always eyeing me up like I was some kind of juicy steak, and he outright terrified me for reasons I couldn't quite put my finger on.

As much as I hated Rufus' father in the beginning, I sure was thankful that he refused that lunatic's request to study me. Particularly after I'd seen some of the results of his experiments; it was enough to give anyone nightmares. In fact, some of them did give me nightmares.

"Rude found the man who discovered the Mako… Meteor… concoction," Rufus said, looking at the floor and waving his hand around the air like he was trying to find the right words. Then he shut his eyes tight and brought his hand to the back of his neck while digging his fingers in like he had another one of his headaches.

For reasons that I figured were obvious, I didn't really want to interact with the man, and the fact that he was such an ass earlier didn't really help matters much either. But I tossed him an Elixir anyway and watched him catch it with cat-like reflexes, as he practically paid no mind to the action. He didn't even turn his head or his eyes. It was like he just sensed it coming and caught it, just like that, and I found myself wondering how in the hell he could do that. In fact, it was something that he always did that… I don't know… impressed me?

"Thanks," he said quietly, and then he opened it to drink it.

"That where we're goin?" I asked, keeping my eyes on the numbers as they were descending, trying my hardest not to look at him.

"Yes. Apparently he was quite excited to offer his services." While doing the same as me and watching the numbers on the display as if he didn't really want to look at me either, he added with an unreadable air of detachment, "He claims he had nothing to do with the terrorists… That he only invented and refined the serum for his own research."

"Lucky us."

"Let's hope so."

"Ya believe 'im?" I asked, raising my brow and rocking a bit on my feet while wondering what the purpose would be to research something like that for the sake of personal study.

"I haven't decided yet."

* * *

Neither of us glanced at each other once during the whole time we were in that elevator. About the only form of interaction we shared was just an exchange of brief thoughts and the offering of an elixir, which was about it. By the time the elevator stopped and the doors opened, we both stepped out and started walking down the wide hall together with him slightly in front to lead the way. Not to mention I was really starting to baby my sprain as we walked down that hall, and was slowing down more with each step since it was hurting more each time I brought my foot down.

"Have you taken anything for that?" he asked, motioning his hand toward my sprain and still not bothering to look at me.

"No, Sir," I answered with a bit of a wince, and put my hands in my pocket to try and balance myself out a little better while he stiffened slightly.

"Perhaps you should visit the infirmary after this."

"Jus a sprain," I mumbled in protest, and took my hand out of my pocket to brush away the hair that was in my eye.

Without acknowledging my protest, he stopped ahead of me in front of the door to the lab, and finally turned his attention to me. "Reno…" he started, and stared at me coldly for a moment while I returned his look with one that expressed I didn't really care about what he thought of me. "I'd like you to behave in front of this man," he said, while I nodded carelessly at him. "I want him to help us freely."

* * *

"Doctor Hakiou…" Rufus announced, as we entered. "This is Reno… He's one of my Turks…" Then he waved his hand between the two of us carelessly as he introduced us in a manner that was completely out of character. "Reno… Doctor Hakiou." After that, he winced from an apparent sharp pain and started massaging the base of his skull again as he stretched his neck to the side and stared darkly at the man as he spoke.

"Th-the one who survived?" the doctor asked, with a light in his eyes, and rushed forward to eagerly shake my hand while I reluctantly shook it back and stood back slightly.

The man was slender, slightly stalky, but not too much, and he was very short, maybe about 5' 4" with unruly blonde hair. And I found myself thinking. _Not another one_. Unlike all the other nut-jobs in the science department though, he didn't wear any spectacles, which allowed his pale green eyes to shine through, which were oddly vibrant and clear. He was young too, and very soft-spoken with a hint of a nervous stutter.

"Ya got a first name?" I asked him, since 'Doctor' was a little too formal for my taste.

"Kurn," he answered, and then he motioned to one of the wooden chairs for me to sit down, but I refused.

Suddenly unable to take my eyes off of Rufus due to the fact that his head seemed to be bothering him more than usual, I found myself starting to get concerned. Even though I outright refused to admit it, there may have been a part of me that really did care about him, in a business sense, of course.

Not seeming to care about my sudden concern for him, he walked over to the worn out table in the middle of the room, kicking one of the chairs to the side that happened to be in his way, and placed the case on the surface. Then before opening it for our new madman-to-be, he snapped his fingers twice to turn Kurn's attention over to him and not me since the little creep seemed to take on some sort of fascination with me. Once Rufus was satisfied he had the man's full attention, he started explaining why he wanted the contents and what he wanted done with them.

"You're familiar with Jenova?"

"Yes… yes."

"Good. I want you to analyze this and find a way to extract it from those that have been infected with it… namely any clones that are left. I don't want another damn Sephiroth showing up."

"You w-want a cure?"

"For lack of a better word… yes."

With a light in his eyes, the little nutcase glanced excitedly at the both of us… like his wildest dream had finally come true. In fact, the glint in his eyes reminded me of a kid who'd just been told he'd get to touch Cloud's sword. I had to admit, I didn't trust him one bit. As far as I was concerned, all scientists were the same; they were all nuts.

"I-I'll need test subjects."

_There ya go… The very first sign of our very next Hojo!_ I felt like throwing my hands up and leaving when I heard the hopeful tone in his voice. It was bad enough that I was already somewhere that I didn't want to be, and I almost did leave, but I stayed out of respect for Rufus.

"I'll get you one… In the meantime…" With a hesitant pause, Rufus shot a quick glance that darkly met my eyes briefly, before he looked down and then returned his attention to Kurn. "You've got me," he said dryly, and started rubbing his neck again.

_What?_ While standing there with my jaw partly open and staring at him in utter confusion, I found myself trying to make sense out of what the hell I thought I just heard him say. _What the hell is he saying?_ Suddenly returning my shocked disbelief with annoyance in his eyes, he warned me silently not to repeat a word of what I just heard, and then he returned his attention back to Kurn.

"The other thing…" he said, and waved his hand about again with very little effort to find the right words. "This Mako… Meteor…"

"The serum?"

"Whatever…" After a quick massage to his temple, he closed his eyes to find a small window of relief before continuing. "Reno here has been having strange attacks ever since he was injected with it… I want to know why."

"It will take some studying," Kurn replied, while looking at Rufus hopefully, and then he added, "N-no one has ever survived."

"_No_ one?" I asked, with a slight bit of shock, and stepped forward in sheer surprise.

"Yes, they all die within ten hours…" he answered, and then he added nervously, "The lucky ones… r-right away." Stepping a little closer to me, he eyed me up in curiosity while thoughtfully contemplating, "Per-haps you… weren't… given a large enough dose?"

With an abrupt movement, Rufus scoffed and batted the bang back away from his eyes in a sudden annoyance and motioned his hand toward me. "The guy was given two doses!" he yelled, making both me and Kurn jump unexpectedly.

"Th-that's imp-possible…" Stammering, the little man shifted his eyes between Rufus and me nervously before he reluctantly added, "H-he'd be dead!"

"Really?" Rufus asked sarcastically, becoming more and more agitated by the second. Then he practically lunged at me to grab me by the arm and pulled me towards Kurn while digging is fingers into my bicep and making me grimace from his grip. "Take a look at him!" he said angrily, and then he pushed me more toward Kurn. "Take a good look at him! Look at his eyes!"

"I-I see it… the yellow in the pupil?" Suddenly fascinated, he turned his attention back to Rufus and looked at him hopefully. "I-it's subtle… like dancing light…"

"Yes!"

In all honesty, I had no idea what the hell they were talking about. I never saw no fucking yellow in my eyes… Never mind no dancing light… except for the natural yellow specks that'd always been there. But something told me that wasn't what they were talking about. Starting to feel a little freaked out by them and the fact that they were talking about me like I wasn't even there, I went to pull away so I could make a run for it, but Rufus held me fast and wasn't about to let me go.

"Uh… You guys are mad," I said kind of nervously, trying to squirm away. Of course, it didn't really help matters that I really hated labs, more than I hated hospitals. It didn't help, I think, that I hated the madness that always seemed to dominate them, much like the madness that seemed to be dominating the one I was being held in, against my will, I might add.

"I-I'll need to study him to find out what the effect is… Y-you're sure he was given two doses?" he asked, stepping toward me like I was some rare specimen, ripe for studying.

The moment Rufus noticed my initial state of panic, he stopped my potential tormentor from coming any closer to me by placing his hand on his chest and holding him back before explaining, "Reno is moody and temper-mental… He's not a liar." Then he glanced at me quickly and mumbled, "At least not when it comes to things of this nature," before turning his attention back to the doctor and clearly stating, "He's not going to be your test subject. You get a blood sample from him today, and you get to study it. That's all you get, and I want results."

After that, he abruptly turned his attention back to me and asked without really asking, "Is that understood?"

Judging by his tone, I didn't really think I had a choice to disagree, so I nodded and then Rufus pushed me into one of the chairs by the table and stood over me.

"One more thing…" Rufus said calmly, while keeping his pained eyes on me. "Before you take his blood…" Then he brought his hand up to his temple again and took a deep breath before yelling over his shoulder, "Get those damn cells away from me!"

"Y-yes sir." Kurn answered nervously, and then he scurried to the case and closed it before running out of the room like an insect scuttling from the light. His whole mannerism struck me as humorous and awkward as I watched him leave. But I still didn't trust him though, and I wasn't sure if I ever would.

"I thought ya told me ta behave?" I said, looking up at Rufus sceptically.

"You are."

"Yer not." With a bit of a sarcastic snort, I raised my brow and looked up at him.

"It's this fucking headache," he explained, while rubbing his temples. "The last time it was this bad was when Hojo brought that forsaken Jenova into the building."

At the revelation, I sat up straight and gripped the arms of the chair while shouting in disbelief, "And you just got me to bring those fucking cells in here?"

Admittedly, I was a little shocked that he would have gotten me to bring them near him if he knew he reacted that way to them, and as usual, I wasn't really thinking as much as I was reacting, and my outburst unintentionally caused Rufus to wince in discomfort when I raised my voice. But he brushed it off just as quickly and pushed me back down when I tried to get up. Then he went back to rubbing his temples fiercely and looked at me like he was in a lot of pain.

"Look… Reno…" Kneeling down before my knees so that he was looking up at me, he placed his hands on top of mine before he spoke in a low tone. "I don't expect you to understand. So, I'm not going to explain. All I am going to tell you is that it's worth it if this man can remove it from me, and I'm sure Cloud and any others would feel the same."

"So, yer a fuckin clone?"

"No…" he answered with a shake to his head, and looked down. "It's different for me." Then he turned his attention wearily to the door before continuing. "It wasn't the same process as the others, which is why I need you to collect a specimen for our new friend."

"Ya want me to hunt one down?"

"Yes. Take whatever SOLDIERs you need," he said quietly, and then he turned his attention back to me. "I have a file now, thanks to you… with names and locations. Hopefully they won't be too hard to find considering those files are old but it's all we have to go by for now, and it's about as good of a start as we're going to get. I don't want to have to bring in Cloud or Nanaki. They'll be too problematic… and Cloud still has his uses."

"Ya want… I should take Rude an brief him?"

"No. Rude's too close to Tifa… I can't risk any suspicions on that end. Cloud's already becoming a pain in the ass again." With a slight bitterness at Cloud's name, he met my eyes in an attempt to show me he was being genuine. "Once all of this is cleaned up and we can start doing things the way the rest of the world will accept… then the two of them can live happily ever after and get married for all I care."

Grabbing my hand and squeezing it for effect to prove that he had no intention of interfering between Rude and Tifa, he snorted with a bit of a wry undertone and then locked his eyes with mine. "Until then… I need to keep them apart as much as I can… Or at least keep Rude away from our more questionable tasks. I believe that the latter is more preferable in regards to everyone's interest, however."

"Married?" I repeated, still stuck on that thought. The thought of Rude getting married never really hit me before, and it suddenly made me feel a little nervous; I was only trying to help the guy get lucky. I honestly never thought that far ahead or even contemplated that it could lead to something like that.

While smiling weakly at me, he brought his hand up to run his finger along one of my scars as if he'd just noticed them for the first time and tilted his head slightly when he noticed the state his words put me in. "Or not… In the meantime, I'm sending Rude to meet up with Tseng and Elena to help them on their end, and to keep him out of the way of our less desirable tasks." Brushing my hair out of my eyes, he squeezed my other hand again and confided. "You're the only one I can count on right now."

Nodding to let him know I understood, I pulled his hand away from my face, just before Kurn came back into the room. Not paying much mind to us, the doctor rushed over to a drawer and pulled out an empty syringe that made me cringe a little at the sight of it. Over the years, I'd come to nearly despise needles, particularly when the intention was to use them on me.

The strange part about that was that I was well aware of the fact that I used to use them on myself at one time, but for some reason I just couldn't tolerate the thought of them going into me anymore. It could have had something to do with all the bad experiences I had from them, or it could have had something to do with the reminder of how much of a low-life I once was… Or it could have been something entirely different… I honestly couldn't really say because I honestly didn't really know.

Oh well, it wasn't really all that important anyway…

So, as things went, Rufus stepped out of the way in order for Kurn to take a sample from me. However, after he stuck the needle in and started to collect the fluid, I started to feel slightly dizzy, which was odd, because it wasn't like he was taking a pint or anything like that. It was only a small sample, and for some reason, it hurt a lot more than I remembered, making me wince from the sharp pain while I looked up at him with disapproval due to my sudden suspicion of him being a quack.

While wondering exactly how this guy got his degree since it seemed like he didn't know how to take a damn blood sample, I made sure that he caught my expression so I could let him know exactly what I thought of him.

"That shouldn't have hurt," he said to me, taking note of my disapproval in regards to his incompetence.

"It usually doesn't," I said back, trying not to retort like I usually did out of respect for Rufus' request for me to behave. It was a little hard though, and I know my tone was less than accepting along with the look I gave him, but I was trying.

While watching me oddly for a moment, he stared me right in the eye, almost like he was anticipating or looking for something, but there was no readable expression that I could discern before he continued about his business. For a moment, he almost looked like he was going to say something but changed his mind, and I found myself wondering what the hell he was going to say to me before he had his change of heart.

Not really noticing anything odd, possibly due to his headache or the fact that I was simply overreacting, Rufus stood behind the little weirdo and flicked his bang out of his eye before sitting down on the table to roll up his own sleeve. Taking the hint, Kurn followed his cue and grabbed another empty needle before taking a sample from him as well.

Finding myself curious about my suspicions, I figured I'd watch Rufus' expression to test my theory on the nut-case being a quack, but he reacted normally when the sample was taken, leaving me a little disappointed. Anyway, after he decided that Kurn had everything he needed, he motioned for me to get up so we could leave, and I automatically went to follow his lead.

Maybe I stood up too fast though… I didn't really know, but I was suddenly assaulted by a white light and the ferocious ringing was back in my ears again, but it wasn't like the last time. My whole body went numb with a low vibration that felt like a low voltage running through me, and I couldn't feel or control myself anymore.

It was like I was no longer in it, and just as I felt like I was being torn, everything that was white turned black… then silent… deadly silent… Until that silence was replaced by a screaming that wasn't just around me, but inside of me as well. It was like a chorus of thousands of voices surrounding me, faceless. I thought, maybe I was in the Lifestream… Maybe I died. Maybe Meteor just took a little more than ten hours to do its job, and I had finally made my way into the hellish part of the afterlife reserved for sinners.

* * *

After what seemed like ages later, I was thrown back into consciousness and was back in the lab, and I was on my knees clasping my head with a pool of vomit in front of me. I think, maybe I was screaming too, but I was still too disoriented to really know.

All I could really make out at that point was that Rufus was kneeling beside me, hanging onto me and not just yelling at Kurn, but screaming at him, "What the fuck is wrong with him?" Was all I could make out among the commotion, and I heard Kurn stammering that he didn't know. He'd never seen a reaction like that before in response. Then his attention turned to me. "Has this happened before?" he yelled, and when I didn't answer him, he shook me violently and repeated the question.

Pushing him away to get him to stop freaking out on me, I fell to my side and started nodding my head while gripping my stomach which was still aching. Then without warning, I started to convulse. At that point, Kurn gave me a shot of something faster than either Rufus or I could have anticipated. Panicking, I wound up screaming again because I didn't know what it was, and I didn't know if I trusted what it was either. But after a short while, it seemed to bring me back to normal, and I found myself panting on the floor as my head slowly started to clear.

While Rufus waited for me to return to reality, he sat beside me, stroking my hair before asking me again if it had happened before. "Yes…" I answered with a grimace. "But not this badly."

Letting go of me with no warning, he was suddenly on his feet and hovering over me while yelling again, "Why the hell didn't you tell me it was getting worse?"

"Probably for the same reason you never told me you were infected with Jenova!" I yelled back at him from the floor.

All the while, Kurn stood there nervously studying our interactions with a keen interest, and I felt like getting up and smashing him into the wall, that fucking prick. _What the fuck did he inject me with anyways? _

"What did you inject him with?" Rufus asked. Actually, he didn't really ask per say, he assaulted the wacko with the question, lifting him off the floor with one hand. I knew Rufus was strong, but I didn't know he had that kind of strength. It was all starting to make sense all of a sudden… _fuckin Jenova hybrid… Jus like Cloud._ No wonder they were able to push me around the way they always did.

"M-meteor," the madman answered.

Dropping the man back to the floor out of shock, Rufus went ghostly pale and simply stood there staring at him with a blank expression… I believe I may have paled just as much as him too. I felt like I'd just witnessed something terrifying. In fact, I think I really was witnessing something terrifying, even though I didn't exactly know what the hell it was.

"What?" Rufus asked in a frighteningly calm voice, staring right through the man as he tried to drink in what he'd just heard.

"H-he reacted after I took his blood… I-I saw a change i-in his eyes," he started, licking his lips nervously while suddenly fidgeting with the button on his lab-coat. "H-he was going to die…" he justified, and scurried behind the table to put something between him and Rufus. "Y-you saw that for yourself!" Raising his voice a little in an attempt to make his point, he motioned his hand toward me and gulped.

"Continue," Rufus urged, still in that deathly calm voice, following the man's every movement with his eyes.

"There was nothing to lose…" Swapping a couple of glances between us, he took another nervous gulp and argued, "I-it was worth a shot!"

Suddenly taking on that feral side, Rufus narrowed his eyes and lowered his head so he could peer at the man like he was some sort of prey. "Nothing to lose," he repeated slowly, with a forced calm as he spoke through clenched teeth while the man nodded nervously and shot another quick glance at me before returning his attention back to Rufus again. "There's something you're not telling us," Rufus said, with that still, frightening calm.

"Please… I-I only wanted to help…" Placing the palms of both his hands on the table, he leaned forward for effect and lowered his tone while meeting Rufus' eyes. "I-I found old scripts from the ancients… th-they nearly wiped out this world thousands of years ago b-before Jenova… by Meteor and s-suffered the same effect we're suffering now. They discovered the dust… could be m-mixed with Mako…"

"And…" encouraged Rufus.

"It heightened awareness for them… b-but I don't really know what it does to humans… except that it produces a highly toxic truth serum for them. I-I need time to study it… In the meantime, he m-may need to carry around p-pure dosages to suppress his attacks."

"Pure dosages?" At that point, Rufus wasn't really asking, he was just repeating it like he didn't like what he was hearing. Truthfully, neither did I.

"Y-yes… I-I… mixed the dust with saline to liquefy it… to-to keep it pure" After bringing his hand up to scratch at the side of his head nervously, he hesitantly added, "But I'm not s-sure what the long term effect will be… I-I haven't had enough time to study it… and I've never seen anyone with his c-condition before… All I know is that it worked… B-but I don't know why…"

"So… you're saying that I should allow you to prescribe something potentially lethal to him that may assure his imminent death on a hunch?"

"I'm sorry. It was never my intention to kill anybody, and I want to help him…" he said, as a bead of sweat started to run along his brow. "I-I can see that he means more to you than just a…"

"Watch it!" Rufus snapped, and moved forward, pointing his finger at him as if to say 'Shut your fucking mouth' "You'll speak to no one of this… Any of it… Is that clear?"

"Y-yes," Kurn nodded, and fiddled with his button again.

Straightening up a bit, Rufus attempted to regain his stature and took a deep breath to calm himself down. "Get those dosages together!" he ordered, with a wave to his hand. "If you need an assistant, I'll get you one." He was about to turn away, but he stopped and added, "And if Reno dies… so do you," in a threateningly matter-of-fact way.

Then he bent down and grabbed me roughly by the arm to yank me to my feet and growled, "Looks like we're both _fucked_," as he dragged me out of the lab and back to my apartment.

* * *

"That went well," I said, after he pushed me onto my couch.

"It's not funny, Reno," he snapped, and then he disappeared out of my apartment while I sat back and raised my brow.

Not much time was wasted before Rufus returned back to my apartment, much to my surprise, with some Hi-Potions in his hand. Then he knelt down in front of me and grabbed my leg so he could check my ankle while I winced from the pain as he pressed on it.

Looking up at me sharply, he placed one of the potions into my hand and muttered out a half-assed apology. I suppose I could have told him that I already had some in my apartment, but I figured since he'd already gone out of his way to get the ones he got, that maybe I should have just said nothing.

"One should be enough," he said, without looking at me. "But I brought more in case."

"Thanks," I mumbled, and chugged it down before putting my head back on my couch.

After a while, he brushed his hand through his hair and straightened up so he could get a better look at my eyes, and then he shook his head before going into my kitchen. "How the hell do you find anything in here?" he yelled over the island counter. I had cans, bottles, and dirty dishes all over the place; there may have even been garbage all over the place too. I honestly couldn't really remember what state I'd left it in before I went to Nibelheim. But I figured I'd eventually clean it up… if I ever got around to it. At least that's what I told myself… a few times.

"The cupboard by the fridge," I yelled back, knowing what he was looking for.

When he came back out, he had a bottle of scotch in his hand and came over to sit beside me. "I figured glasses were a lost cause," he commented, before taking a rather large drink and then passing me the bottle.

"They are," I replied, and took a big gulp myself, though not as big as the one he took.

Then we both just sat there in silence until the bottle was finished, passing it back and forth between gulps. Neither of us looked at each other or even said a word to the other the whole time, and neither of us really seemed bothered by it either. In all honesty, I didn't really think either of us knew what to do or say. It almost seemed like we both just hit an overload and we weren't really able to get passed it, so we both just sat there with me resting against the back of my sofa, and him sitting forward in silent thought.

Well, After the Scotch was emptied, he took a deep breath and got up to place the bottle on my coffee table, knocking a bag of chips onto the floor, since there wasn't much room with all the other garbage that was scattered on its surface. Then with a frown, he looked down in disgrace at the mess I had all over the place, and stated. "I'm hiring a maid for you."

"Don't need one," I answered tiredly, and closed my eyes.

"Yes… You do… I'll pay for it."

"I can pay fer it myself."

"I want to pay for it, Reno." Sounding a little definite about it, I figured it was best not to argue.

In a strange sort of way, I think it was his way of saying he was sorry for everything that happened, but it was always a little hard to tell with him since he was never really very good at that sort of thing. So, I rolled my eyes after I opened them and I let out a sigh, knowing he was probably right about me needing one anyway. "Fine," I said, and waved my hand in a 'go ahead' manner while staring at the ceiling.

With a nod, he bent down to pick up the bag and placed it on the table atop the rest of the mess when the question finally struck me, and I had to sit forward and ask, "Hey… Rufus…"

"Yes?"

"If havin Jenova around gives ya a headache… how come ya did'n have one when ya had Jenova's head?"

"I don't know…" he answered thoughtfully. "Perhaps it had something to do with the Geostigma." Then he shrugged as if he didn't really care about the reason and walked over to the door before stopping with his hand on the knob, and just stood there like he didn't really want to leave. Instead, he just stood there while staring at the floor and biting his lower lip as he cocked his brow and brushed his bang out of his face. "Reno… I…"

"Don't say it, Rufus," I interrupted, with my eyes closed, not really wanting to hear whatever it was he was going to say.

Then I opened them when I heard the door start to open and saw him nod slightly with his eyes still on the floor. "Take the day off…" he said, just above a whisper, and then he added with a bit of a tight voice. "I don't want to see you for the rest of the day."

If I didn't know any better, I'd say there was a bit of a choke to his words, and after he left, the room struck me as unnervingly quiet, and it was something that I usually welcomed. However, I actually found myself bothered by it for a change, but I let myself doze off anyway. The truth was that I wanted him to stay, and I didn't doubt for a second that he would have if I asked him to. In fact, I suspected that he wanted to. But I didn't put that much effort into pushing him away to suddenly cave in.

That was the problem with being stubborn though. You never get what you want, because you never want what you get. It was something I was becoming more accustomed to as each day passed.

* * *

I must have slept through until the next morning. Not that it should have been a really big surprise, but I didn't realize exactly how exhausted I was until I woke up the next day. Well, that's a lie; I knew I was exhausted, I just didn't comprehend that I was that exhausted. I guess it would have been safe to say all the drama and excitement really took its toll on me, and somehow, I didn't think it would have affected me as much if I were younger… but as things stood, things change.

While lying on my couch, I rubbed at my eyes and let my leg fall over onto the floor, not making any effort to move or get up. That was until I heard a steady, solid knocking on my door, and despite the fact that I was frustrated over being interrupted when I was busy lying there and doing nothing, I was a bit relieved when I recognised the sound of the knock to be none other than Rude's trademark. "It's open," I called with an unclear throat, and pushed myself to a sitting position on the couch.

I don't think I moved much throughout the night and wound up having to stretch before slumping back and scratching at my belly. Then I adjusted my pants a bit so they sat on me a little more appropriately since the button and zipper were undone and they slid down a little; it was for comfort's sake… honestly… there was no other reason for it.

Besides that though, I was still wearing the same clothes I'd been wearing for two days in a row, almost three, and I admittedly was starting to smell a little ripe. Actually, a _little_ was probably an understatement, but just to make sure, I lifted my arm up to sniff at my pit and winced at the fowl presence that had taken up residence there. _Damn… Did I smell like this yesterday?_ I certainly hoped not.

As Rude accepted my invitation and came in, he took a quick and uninterested look at me sitting there with my eyes still heavy from sleep and too lazy to really move. I figured he just thought I was hung over and wasn't really concerned about my appearance as I sat slouched over with my forearms resting on my knees and unable to pull up any energy to sit up straight, while staring off into space.

"Rough night?" he asked, and then chuckled at my expense.

"Nah, jus a long-needed sleep," I said, while yawning.

"You look like you went to town."

"Heh… I wish…" I responded, and then I cocked my brow and smirked before leaning back with a sigh. "Ya missed the excitement, Man."

"Really?" he asked, and adjusted his glasses before he came to sit beside me and then, just as quickly, moved to the other end of the couch in repulsion. "Damn, Reno… You stink."

_Good ol' Rude… always the first to point out the obvious…_ "I know… Mind if I take a shower?"

"I mind if you don't," he said, as I got up and chuckled a little at his comment. It made me think of how _rude_ he really was… His parents named him well.

Anyway, with that thought aside, I stumbled into my room to grab a clean uniform and then stumbled into my adjoining bathroom to shower the filth away. Even though I knew I had company, I didn't bother to hurry because it was something that I really needed, so I took my time. I even decided I'd take the time to straighten out my hair before coming back out. Most of the time, I'd come out first and bullshit a bit with Rude, and then I'd go back in to finish up with everything that I normally did.

But this time was a bit different, I just wanted to get it done and over with, without any human interaction whatsoever. I wasn't really in the mood for company to be honest, and I couldn't take my mind off of all the events from the previous day. Cloud… Rufus… Doctor Hakiou… Meteor and Jenova… The world just seemed like it suddenly went insane on me, and I was finding that I had no idea how to even _start_ dealing with it.

To make matters worse, I actually believed that Rufus thought I was dying, and I wasn't sure how that made him feel. In all honesty, I wasn't sure how it made me feel either, but for some reason my thoughts were more focused on him. I wondered if he'd even care, and then I wondered why I cared about whether he would care or not.

He was always acting like he wanted to kill me or drive me insane, right from the beginning. Sometimes I thought he even hated me, but then he'd do weird things that suggested the exact opposite. Not that any of it should have mattered to me, I was just a Turk, nothing more. My life was expendable… along with everything else.

Well, with those thoughts aside, let me just say that it felt good to have that clean feeling after so many days, and to wear a clean outfit. It felt fresh, and it made me feel fresh, which was something I needed in more ways than one, and when I came out, Rude was at my kitchen table sipping at a cup of coffee.

Being his typical self, He'd cleaned my kitchen, did the dishes and made a fresh pot. He was so good about things like that that I often found myself thinking he would have been a good woman, albeit a miserable one, and maybe a little frigid too. But… damn, he would take care of you… and that would more than make up for it.

"Did ya have any breakfast?" I asked, grabbing a cup and going straight for the machine so I could get myself some too.

"Nope. Figured I'd grab some on the way."

"Where ya goin?"

"_We_ are going to get NME," he answered, with a bit of a question in his voice.

_Oh yeah… How the hell did I forget about that?_ "Rufus tell ya what happened?" I asked, a little embarrassed, and coming to sit down to join Rude at the table.

"He told me you misplaced it."

Smiling a little, I told him that I ran into Cloud, and then I showed him the rope burns on my wrists.

"Damn."

"I know…" I answered, and pulled my sleeves back down. "He took me by surprise, Man."

Suddenly laughing at me, he lifted his cup toward me and shook his head. "Only you, Reno… Only you…"

"No shit," I commented with a snort, and then I took a quick sip before realizing I was missing something, but I was too lazy to actually get up and add that little extra splash to my coffee. "So, we takin my bike?"

"Mm. It's the only thing small enough to bring into the chopper."

"What else we doin?" I asked, figuring there'd be more as I slouched back.

"You're supposed to drop me off outside of Rocket town to meet up with Tseng and Elena, and then Elena is supposed to join you to Junon." After taking a short break to take another sip of his coffee, he added, "I almost forgot… Rufus said I was supposed to give these to you and that you weren't supposed to open them until you got to Junon with Elena."

Leaning forward, I grabbed the small case and the letter-sized envelopes that he pushed over to me from his side of the table. They were the standard brown that our orders generally came in, and were marked 'Classified'. One was marked for Elena and the other for me. But mine was much thicker and heavier than hers, which meant it was going to be an interesting job to say the least. However, it also left me wondering why mine was so much more than hers.

"Why Elena?" I asked, somewhat confused about why I'd have to go with her and not Tseng. I knew what was in the envelope from the discussion I had with Rufus the day before and thought Tseng would be more suited for the job than Elena. He had a lot more strength and experience than her, and it didn't make much sense, not when a clone was involved.

"Don't know… Rufus just said he wanted to talk to her."

_Talk to her? What the fuck for? _

Cringing a little, I was suddenly thinking that maybe he found out about her _condition_, for lack of a better word. However if that were the case, it definitely didn't seem like the right job to be taking her on, unless Rufus was hoping something bad would happen to her. Suddenly, a wave of paranoia started swimming in my head and I began to rack my brain to think of ways I could keep her out of the heat in case things went bad, because they seemed to be doing that a lot those days.

All the while, Rude didn't seem all that concerned over the fact that I was sitting there and staring off into space while he finished the rest of his coffee and stood up. Then he came up beside me and mussed my hair with his hand which he knew really irritated me, but it never stopped him from doing it though; particularly when my mind started to wander. "Ready to go?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," I answered, smacking his hand away and getting up to follow him out of the apartment.

Before we left the building, we grabbed a bite to eat down in the cafeteria on the second floor because I told Rude I wasn't going to make any stops on the way to NME… Well, you've probably all guessed by now that I'm lying a little. Rude grabbed a bite, and then ate all of my breakfast too. Saying that _we_ grabbed a bite was just a wee bit of an overstatement.

* * *

Revised: January 11, 2008


	14. A Meeting with the Devil

**A Meeting with the Devil**

* * *

We rode for most of the morning with Rude on the back of my bike, and when I came to the river I remembered what Cloud did to cross it, and I did the same. Rude gave me a quizzical look due to the fact that I'd never done that before and wondered why I did it. Usually, I just drove it through a shallow part, soaking us both, pissing him off, and having to fix my bike afterward from waterlog.

It was always good for laughs though. To be honest, I wasn't really sure why I chose to walk it through; it was a little out of character for me, but it just seemed like a good idea after seeing someone else do it. I honestly never thought of doing it before, and it actually made perfect sense to me. I didn't bother to explain where I got the idea from to Rude though.

Instead, I just shrugged and said I didn't feel like having to fix it later which seemed to work for him. Plus, I think he was relieved that I was being considerate for a change, even though he was suspicious of it.

We hit Cosmo Canyon in the late afternoon and decided we'd stay for the night. We could have gone straight through and met both our destinations before nightfall, but we figured it would be more fun to dog-fuck instead.

Plus, we liked it at Cosmo Canyon and wanted an excuse to stay. The food was always good and the booze was even better. Their local cocktail, the Cosmo Candle, was enough to make you forget your own name… and then some. We had no idea what they used to make it, but it sure was staggering… literally.

The moment we arrived, I found myself wondering if Nanaki would still be there, not that I really wanted to run into him. Animals that talked kind of gave me a creepy feeling. As far as I was concerned, it just wasn't natural. But I heard he'd resigned to watching over the town and hoped we wouldn't run into any trouble with him, if we did run into him.

Not that we were looking for trouble, but you just never knew, especially when I was involved. Well, trying not to focus on it too much, we booked a room for the night and then went to the local weapons shop to waste some time and see what they had in the selection of firearms for the hell of it. Compared to the Shinra armoury, they had nothing of real use to us, besides I was quite partial to my Mag-rod anyway.

I only used my .50 calibre when I needed to and the .33 was mostly for stealth when the Mag-rod just wouldn't do, and I wasn't about to trade either of those puppies in either. They'd been good to me from the start and hadn't let me down yet.

Anyway, around dinner time, we went to the pub for a bite to eat because that was always where the best food was, and like always, Rude gave me crap for picking and playing with my dinner, telling me to just eat the damn food until he couldn't handle it anymore and grabbed my plate from me to finish it off for himself.

I knew he would do that though, because he always did, and after we finished eating, we went to sit at the bar. You know, because the closer you are to the poison, the quicker it comes to you. It's the most logical place to sit, really.

So, while sitting there and drinking our Cosmo Candles, we decided to reminisce over the old times before chasing AVALANCHE, when we used to come to Cosmo Canyon regularly to unwind. Of course, Rude wasn't a big drinker back then, and we weren't really the best of friends at that time either. We simply tolerated each other because we had to, but things were starting to change.

Back in those days, I think it was more me than him that was being difficult though. Although I was more than thankful about being saved from the Slums, I was somewhat resentful too. You see, both Rude and Tseng knew things about me that I didn't want anybody knowing. They were things _I _didn't even want to know about myself, and having the two of them around me, reminded me of how small I really was. I was emotionally weak and unstable, and they both knew it.

They had both seen my criminal and medical records and knew them inside and out. Everything that I'd done and everything that had been done to me, they knew. Of course, they were the only two that knew the majority of it, but it didn't make me feel any better. Every time either of them looked at me, I felt like I was being judged or pitied, and I thought, maybe that was the reason I was so difficult at first.

There I was, nothing more than some useless parasite from the Slums working with two professionally respected Turks, and it wasn't customary for them to hire someone like me. Usually Turks were hired from within the company after they'd proven themselves worthy of the trust of President Shinra, and I couldn't help but wonder how the hell I ever managed to slip in. Part of me was pretty sure that maybe President Shinra was looking for someone expendable to do his dirty work for him, and I fell right into that trap.

Because there was no way they thought of me as someone worth saving. Why would they? They were Turks. Saving some deviant from the streets was not what you would call their priority, especially when there were so many qualified people within the company that they could have brought in.

On that thought, I'll tell you what I think happened.

I think that when I managed to come back from all those missions that I probably wasn't expected to come back from, President Shinra started to see me a little differently. I _knew_ my first mission was a deathtrap, and I _knew_ I wasn't expected to come back. To be truthful, I didn't even think it was expected to be successful, and I'll bet top Gil that I was used as a dupe, and then when I succeeded, I was sent on another mission. Once again, I was used as a dupe, until the President realized that I might have had some worth in me after all to him.

It took six months until I was paired with Rude, which sent me the sign that maybe Shinra was starting to see some value in me. Once I was there for a year, I finally got to meet his son Rufus for the first time, sending me the signal that maybe he planned on keeping me around for a little longer.

Rufus was nine years old then; he was a narrow-eyed, spoiled little brat who always clung to Tseng, who was his personal body guard then, with a death grip. The little shit looked at me like I was some kind of horrific abomination to behold. I was eighteen years old and being judged by some little blue-eyed, blonde-haired punk dressed in a white suit. He was a cute kid though, regardless of the fact that I was ordered to call him _Sir_.

Even then, there was something cold and disturbing in his eyes. He had that look of hate that I thought only kids from the Slums had, and I couldn't bring myself to imagine what some little rich kid could possibly be so bitter about. As far as I knew, he had everything… a home, two parents, money… What else could a kid possibly want?

But that coldness only seemed to grow with him though. He became more aloof and cruel with each passing year and made no effort to hide how despicable he thought I was, and as he got older, he started to develop a malicious sense of humour that I never knew how to interpret. He seemed to enjoy sending me on errands that he decided amused him instead of sending me on anything useful.

He didn't actually start to treat me like an equal until we wound up at Healin; that's when the signals he sent to me really went haywire. However, knowing what I know today, I think I understand now. At the time though, I really thought I was some sort of plaything for his sick little fantasies.

Anyway…

I was picking at the mix in the bowl in front of me when Rude pointed out a lady at the back that had been checking me out for some time. She was a beautiful lady with Raven-coloured hair and black eyes that you could get lost in. Although I'd always preferred blondes, I'd never been opposed to anything else.

Normally, I would have gone right for her without thinking twice, but I found myself just admitting she was pretty, and doing nothing about it. With a bit of a surprised look, Rude sat there for a second and stared at me in disbelief. "Pretty?" he asked, with a hint of confusion in his voice. "Reno… What's wrong with you?"

"Nothin… Jus don't feel like pickin her up," I shrugged, while still picking through the bowl.

Lowering his glasses at me and studying me for a moment, he narrowed his eyes slightly and quietly contemplated something before asking, "Have you slept with anyone at all since Healin?" I knew he was referring to the time I got into trouble just before my house arrest. He assumed I managed to sow my wild oats like I always did before getting into trouble.

"Fuck off," I said, and ordered a re-fill. "I don't need ta fuck everythin in sight."

After raising his brows and taking a breath of disbelief, he ordered another drink for himself. "True… But it never stopped you before."

At that moment, I popped a nut into my mouth while deciding that I didn't want to have that conversation anymore. Actually, he was the last person I wanted to discuss it with. Just as that thought ran through my head, I suddenly jumped off my seat and grabbed my mouth with my hand. "Fuck!" I shouted, and grabbed the edge of the bar until my knuckles went white.

"What now?" he asked, jumping out of his seat to come around to the front of me.

"Tongue cramp!" I yelled.

"Tongue cramp?" Removing his glasses to get a better view, he looked at me like the Cosmo Candles had just kicked in.

Nodding and hopping on the spot, I started to whine while mimicking the pee-dance. "It hurts… Ohhh fuck… It huuurrrts…" I chanted, and it really did; it hurt a lot. The back of my tongue was starting to spasm something fierce and I thought I might not be able to use it ever again. I'd never felt anything like it and never thought it was possible myself. That was of course, until it happened to me.

"Fuck, Reno… No one gets a tongue cramp," he said, looking like he was suddenly annoyed with me.

"Tell that to my tongue," I complained, still whining and hopping while drawing all sorts of attention to myself. Then I grabbed my drink, not caring how my tongue felt and went to take a drink, but most of it ran down my chin and all over my shirt; not because of the cramp though. It had nothing to do with the cramp at all. I could still use it. The problem was that I missed my mouth entirely.

"I'm taking you out of here," he said, taking quick glances around, "You're starting to embarrass me."

"Wait!" I urgently said, turning to the bar-maiden like I just had an epiphany and pointed at a bottle of moonshine behind her. Then I slammed down some Gil for the whole bottle. She nodded and reached under the counter to pull out an unopened one and winked at me, so I winked back and shot her one of my charming smiles. She was actually better looking than the lady checking me out, but I wasn't about to pursue her either.

While Rude stood there shaking his head, he decided he couldn't take anymore and started to drag me out of there. But I was suddenly on a mission and lunged out of his grip to grab the bottle from the bar before he got a better grip and literally dragged me out of that place.

All the while, I giggled like a madman and thought I'd wave a salute at the raven-haired beauty checking me out earlier… just for kicks. Oddly enough though, she managed to lose interest, which had no real undesirable effect on me whatsoever.

"You're fucked up," he said, under his breath as soon as we got outside and pointed his finger at me for effect.

Laughing at him, despite the pain in my mouth which was finally starting to go away, I grabbed his finger and kissed the tip of it before he pulled it away, unimpressed. Those Cosmo Candles had finally kicked in, I thought, as he grabbed me by the collar and looked at me like he was about to clobber me senseless. But instead, his anger turned to enlightenment as he suddenly found humour in something. Neither of us really knew what the hell was so funny though, but then again, neither of us really cared either.

"Never a dull moment with you," he said, letting go of me and pushing me back lightly.

After regaining my balance, I started straightening my clothes with my hands since he roughed me up a little while he took a step back and looked at me with a bit of confusion. Then he shook his head at me before grabbing the bottle out of my hand so he could open it and take a drink, and out of nowhere, he started laughing at me when he pulled the bottle away and repeated, "Tongue cramp…" as he shook his head, he pointed his finger at me while he kept his hand wrapped around the bottle. "Maybe if you ate more that wouldn't happen."

"Yeah, yeah… Laugh it up," I said curtly, even though it _was_ funny.

For the rest of the evening, we stumbled about the village and hung out by the bonfire periodically until neither of us could stand anymore. I really didn't remember too much in between then and the time we went up to our room and finished the bottle off before passing out on the floor, except that we never did make it to our beds.

* * *

Luckily, during our stay, Nanaki was nowhere to be seen and I had to admit I was thankful for that. Like I said; he just didn't sit well with me… He was a talking animal for Gaia's sake. Anyway, in the morning, we packed up the bike and set out to collect NME outside of Nibelheim.

I honestly didn't think I was ever happier to see that nothing had happened to my precious baby since I left her. After all, leaving her alone like that could have had unpleasant repercussions, but she was untouched and as pristine as I left her. It was like she was just sitting there waiting for me to come back, and as soon as we arrived, I jumped off the bike and ran over to hug her frame while Rude stayed with the bike, shaking his head.

"Is that why you haven't been sleeping around?" he asked, looking at me with his hands clasped in front of him, "You finally decided to get married?"

Chuckling at him and taking no offence, I cheekily replied while petting her frame, "She knows she'll always be the only one."

While still snickering, I pulled out the ramp so Rude could push my bike inside and load it into the clamp I set up some time ago. Then after he got it lined up properly, I locked the wheels down so it wouldn't get tossed around if anything exciting were to happen, not that I was hoping for anything exciting to happen.

But anyway, once that was done, I pulled the ramp back in while Rude moved into the cockpit so he could sit beside me in the co-pilots seat before I started up the engines. "Next stop… Rocket Town," I announced, flashing a charming look in Rude's direction and lighting a cigarette before adjusting the throttle and pulling on the collective.

"Don't be an idiot, Reno… Put that out," he ordered, glaring at me through his glasses. I knew he got a kick out of it though. How could he not?

"C'mon, Man… Don't be such a stiff."

"I mean it… I'm gonna thump you one if you don't put that out."

"Fine… fine," I said while waving my hand at him, and then I opened the window to toss it out before closing it again, "Don't get yer panties in a bunch."

* * *

When we hit the rendezvous point outside of Rocket Town, I brought NME down a safe distance from where Tseng and Elena were standing, waiting patiently. It had been a while since I'd seen either of them, a couple of months as a matter of fact, and I was happy to see that Elena wasn't showing yet. Although I didn't know how long that would last for. With that aside though, she seemed just as happy to see me as I was to see her and came running up to me to give me a hug when I stepped out to greet them.

Well, quite naturally, I wrapped my arms around her as a result and began rocking her back and forth like I always did when I hadn't seen her for a while. It honestly felt good to be holding her in my arms again, and I didn't want to let her go, more so at that point than ever before. In fact, when she went to pull back, I found myself unable to release her, even when Tseng walked up with a bit of an agitated look on his face and cleared his throat while glaring at me with a serious warning in his eyes.

"Jealous?" I asked, and grinned cheekily at him.

Going a little red and pursing his lips, he pulled Elena out of my arms and coolly said, "Hardly." But I knew he was lying… I could tell.

Ignoring our playful taunting, Elena ran over to her bags and grabbed them before securing them in the back and going into the cockpit where Rude was sitting before he got out. Then she waited patiently for me to join her back in the cockpit. I was about to get in and seat myself when Tseng grabbed me by the arm and pulled me away urgently so he could talk to me in private.

"I don't know what Rufus wants with her," he said, in a low enough tone for only me to hear.

"Neither do I, Sir," I answered honestly, and shrugged a little.

"Don't let Rufus push her to a breakdown. She's still emotional."

Looking him in the eye, I raised my brow and turned slightly in Elena's direction before returning my attention back to Tseng. "I'll do what I can, Sir," I replied.

He knew that was really all I could do or say in response and cleared his throat again before continuing. "I… was hoping…" Pausing for a moment and glancing back over at Elena before returning to look me up and down, he made his best attempt to carefully gauge his words out, "That since… you and Rufus appear to be… close." With a slight shudder and a pause, he cleared his throat again and continued, "That maybe you could act as a buffer between them."

A little uncomfortable at the sudden awkwardness, I shifted uneasily, not really enjoying the implication in his words, and attempted in my own half-assed way to set his mind at ease. "I don't wanna see nothin bad happen to her either, Sir."

With a nod, he said, "Good," and then he looked me over again before he locked his eyes with mine. "She's fragile Reno. She's not like us."

"I know that, Sir."

"All right then… Take care of her."

At that, he stiffened a little and walked away like he couldn't wait to get the hell away from me. _That was awkward,_ I thought, rocking on my feet a little while letting out a low whistle and raising my brow. Then I shrugged again in an attempt to shrug it off before returning back to NME to join Elena.

However, before I had a chance to climb back in, Rude stopped me so he could pat me on the shoulder and offer some words of encouragement. "Take care, Buddy," he said, and then he stepped back to join Tseng.

"Will do," I answered, throwing another charming glance his way and a wink.

Then I shot a quick glance over at Tseng as he stiffened with his lips pursed again and I found myself hoping that he and Rude weren't going to have a heart-to-heart about what he and Elena so awkwardly witnessed that night back in Healin.

Anyway…

Elena was sitting in her seat, all belted in and with her headset on, ready to go as I tossed the envelope with her name on it into her lap. While she picked it up and looked at both sides of it, I started the run-up on the engines as quickly as I could so I could get the hell out of there. With the way Tseng was acting around me, I didn't think I could handle another minute near him. It was like I'd suddenly become contaminated to him and I wasn't exactly sure how long it was going to last for. Oh well… It wasn't like it was the first time.

As Tseng and Rude stood on the ground with their equipment at their feet, watching us leave, I suddenly felt a lump rise in my throat. For some reason, I couldn't seem to shake the feeling that something just felt so… final. With a bit of a nervous glance, I checked to see how Elena was doing and bit on my bottom lip when I noticed she had the same look of concern on her face to show I wasn't the only one worrying about something uncertain.

Unfortunately, all I could do was simply hope there was nothing in my orders about me having to take her out. Although I didn't generally have problems with my less than desirable orders in the past, I honestly didn't know if I could follow through if it came to that. Elena was the only woman in my life that had been a constant and I'd come to love her like she was a member of my own family. She was one of us… She was a Turk, and she was an important part of my life.

* * *

Once we arrived at Junon, I shut the engines down and waited for the maintenance crew to acknowledge they were going to refuel NME. But when I saw one of them step inside to check out the control panel, I freaked on him. _No one touches her but me! _And I actually said that too.

While he looked at me with what appeared to be an overwhelming confusion, I attempted to help him understand the fact that I wasn't kidding around by pulling out my gun and aiming it at him. There was nothing wrong with NME; she was perfectly fine and didn't need some incompetent quack sticking his filthy fingers all over her. Oh, how that thought made me shudder.

Maybe I should clear something up a little here… I was a little possessive of the things that belonged to me.

So, anyway, when he complied without question, I wound up chuckling a little on the dark side as he stumbled back out. _What a fuckin loser, _I thought while I continued to point the gun at him like I was going to kill him anyway.

"Reno… Put that thing away," Elena said to me while rolling her eyes and bringing her hand up to lower my arm. "He was just checking it."

"I don't care," I replied through my teeth as I put it back in my holster. "I did'n ask him to check her now, did I?"

Instead of replying, all she did was roll her eyes again to show how ridiculous she thought I was behaving. However, she was used to it by now and knew there wasn't much she could do to change me. So, she hooked my arm with hers and leaned her head on my shoulder in a passive attempt to start guiding me down to the offices below. I had to hand it to her though… She'd really come to know how to handle me over the years. But when we made it into the newly renovated Commanders office and no one was there yet, making us wait unnecessarily, I wound with a renewed sense of agitation.

"Fuckin SOLDIERs… Ya think of all people, they'd have the decency to be on time," I muttered impatiently, after I placed my hands in my pockets and started rocking on my feet.

With nothing more than a glance, Elena simply shrugged and tore open her envelope. Then she stood there with a disappointed look on her face after she read the contents and stared at me, wondering why I wasn't opening mine.

Truth was… I was too scared to.

"I'm supposed to stay here and look over the progress until you get back," she said dully, with a hint of frustration over it. It almost seemed like Rufus was always giving her pointless orders, and I think she was really beginning to take it personally. Then to top things off, she asked with a tilt to her head and a question in her eyes, "Aren't you going to open yours?"

In all honesty, I didn't really want to open it, especially not with her standing right there. I knew Rufus, and I knew what kind of a person he was, and I also knew that there wasn't much that he didn't know. Therefore, I didn't doubt for a second that her name was going to be somewhere in that envelope. "Nah," I replied, while trying not to let my concern show. "I ain't in the mood to do that much readin right now."

It didn't help matters much by what she said next though. Now, I knew she wasn't stupid, but she still caught me off guard. "I won't blame you," Were her words, before she paused for a moment to bite on her bottom lip. "It's my own fault for putting you in this situation." Then she took a step forward and met my eyes so she could show that she was ready to accept her fate. "I knew it would to come to this sooner or later, Reno… So did Tseng."

After letting out a retiring sigh, I walked up to her to pull her into my arms and hold her close. "Don't talk like that," I replied a little tightly, while cursing silently in my head. There was no guarantee I would be ordered to kill her, and I certainly hoped it wasn't going to come to that.

But due to the fact that she was so accepting of her uncertain fate, I only wound up feeling like I was standing that much closer to the edge. "It's not going to come to that." There was no way in the darkest part of the Lifestream that I would ever let it come to that, even if I had to stop someone else from doing it. As far as I was concerned _no_ one was going to hurt my Elena, not even Rufus.

Just then, the commander of the SOLDIER unit entered the room and eyed us both up with a bit of assumption before I let her go. I didn't doubt for a second that he probably thought we were having an affair. But that was okay, I didn't mind entertaining that thought from time to time either. Of course, I'd never do that to Tseng, but hey… I was only human. Anyway, after a quick exchange of greetings, Elena showed him her orders and he called in one of his grunts to show her around, leaving me alone to wallow in my worst fears.

* * *

"I understand I'm supposed to accommodate you with some SOLDIERs," he said, while eyeing me up with a bit of scepticism.

"Yes, Sir," I replied, and reluctantly opened the envelope to rifle through, looking for what I knew I needed to show him. It was a set of orders for him to assign four high ranking SOLDIERs, but not his best, to my care for as long as the mission would take. There was nothing in there explaining what the mission was, and there was a warning that it would be dangerous and that none of them might return.

With his eyebrow raised, he looked at me with a statement that suggested he didn't really approve. But he also knew he had no choice, so he reluctantly left the room to retrieve four of his men for me. It was fairly obvious by the look in his eyes that he suspected whatever SOLDIERs he assigned to me were going to be expendable, and I found myself hoping he wasn't going to be a dick by giving me the most incompetent ones he could find. I needed SOLDIERs I could rely on, and if he did something that fucked up, I was going to have to shoot him. I was pretty sure Rufus wouldn't mind either… considering the circumstances.

So, while sitting there by myself, I pulled out a cigarette and lit it while figuring I'd go through the rest of the envelope. The contents were somewhat basic for the most part; the majority of it was nothing more than orders. But there was another envelope that stated it was not to be opened until after the first mission was completed.

_That fucker…_ _Does he think I'm stupid enough to not know the reason? _It was obvious Rufus would want to keep me clearheaded for the first mission, without any nagging thoughts to sidetrack me from it before going onto the next. I didn't doubt that for one damn second.

With my agitation renewed once more, I decided to rifle through whatever I was allowed to at that point while puffing on the cigarette hanging out of my mouth. It included a photo of one of the clones I was to bring into custody, along with a full file on his personal information, full name, birth place, location, etc… everything I needed to know to help me find him was in there. Included was a file on the current location that he was believed to be residing at which, if it was accurate, meant it would be a quick job to say the least.

When the commander returned with his men, I escorted them back to NME and announced that we would be going to a cabin just outside of Kalm. I let them know what we were after and that it would be dangerous since the Clones were known to have super-human strength and agility. I also made sure that they knew they would be doing all the physical labour in regards to retrieving the specimen and, should any of them fail, I'd have to see to it that it never happened again, literally. Of course, there was a bit more in my orders, but I didn't share that with them, not at that point anyways.

* * *

It was evening when I landed a mile east of the cabin and once the chopper was completely shut down and secure, I grabbed the case and we made our way toward our destination on foot. Unfortunately, I couldn't say that the men I was with were the best company I've spent time with. They were your typical muscle-brains, only interested in proving themselves in battle and not much else, and to top it off, those idiots had no idea how disposable they were. It was probably just as well though, and the fact that they were a bunch of brain-dead wannabe's didn't exactly make me feel bad about my mission.

Well, with those thoughts aside…

The lights were still on in the cabin when we got there, which wasn't exactly what I'd hoped for because it meant things were going to take a lot longer than I wanted. After checking my watch with a bit of a frown, I let out a heavy sigh and wanted to light a cigarette, but I couldn't because it would draw attention so I wound up chewing on a toothpick instead. To make matters worse, it was only twenty-hundred hours which meant there was plenty of time to do absolutely nothing at all, and I found myself wishing Rude were with me, or even Tseng, as awkward as things were between us at that point. At least I knew the man and could bullshit with him a little. These fuckers on the other hand… I didn't even think they knew how to bullshit.

Figuring it would be best to wait until our specimen was in bed for about an hour so that we'd have the element of surprise to help us out, we agreed to hang out in the form of a stake-out. It felt silly really, since the clowns whose presence I was blessed with took their jobs way too seriously. Rude and I would have at least been passing the flask back and forth and in an attempt to make the wait interesting, and if I were with Tseng, I could at least irritate the man. But what the hell was I supposed to do with these guys? These jokers just hovered low to the ground, taking their jobs way too seriously and waiting with that disciplined training I'd come to learn was totally useless.

After about fifteen minutes of waiting, I decided enough time had passed and pulled out my flask to take a drink. I figured fifteen minutes was more than enough time to pass for me to start getting shit-faced. Not that it would ever happen with the amount I was carrying on me, but the thought was enough to keep me going while I kept my eyes on the cabin so I could watch for any signs of alarm or, at the very least, the cue I was waiting for.

Once I took my initial drink and licked my lips, one of the SOLDIERs gave me a shocked look that I returned with a look of warning while bringing my finger to my mouth to let him know to keep his fucking mouth shut. I didn't need a fucking mother hanging around me. Not to mention that I was the one who was in control of that mission and could do whatever the hell I wanted.

Well, much to my dismay, that damn Clone stayed up until one-hundred hours passed midnight. Like I had nothing better to do… We had to hang around in the nipping cold of the fall for another damn hour. As far as I was concerned, there were really a lot of better places I could have been hanging around, and with better company too. So, I decided to make a mental note to let that fucker know how much he'd ruined my evening once he was collected.

* * *

Around two hundred hours and an almost empty flask, my clueless SOLDIERs finally rushed into the cabin to make one hell of a ruckus while I stood outside, rolling my eyes and shaking my head as I set the case I'd been carrying on the ground so I could open it. While kneeling over it and observing the contents, I found myself shaking my head again; there were twelve syringes in it, all filled with the same thing.

Taking note of the fact that Rufus sure as hell wasn't about to take any chances, I found myself wondering exactly how many of those sedatives he thought I'd be needing. All I could really do was hope he was being overcautious, but I guess you never could tell with Jenova hybrids though. Gaia knew I'd had enough experience with them to know you could never be too prepared. Plus, you just never knew if Sephiroth was going to wind up resurrecting himself in one of them again. Although, we all silently hoped that the last time _was_ the last time. It certainly was a nice thought to think I'd never have to see that lunatics face again.

Thirty-seven minutes later, my SOLDIERs came out with a struggling figure sporting a hood over his head and they all looked a little worse for wear. Cursing under my breath, I wrapped my hand around my Mag-rod and went over to beat the fucker on the back of the skull, while my cigarette hung out of my mouth, until he was beaten into oblivion.

Not surprisingly, it took several hits to bring him down, and several more for good measure, but at least he finally went down. Of course, I probably bludgeoned him a little more than I needed to. For some strange reason, I just couldn't get Kadaj and his gang out of my head which probably made me a little more vengeful than I needed to be.

_Oh well, it's a little late to start thinkin about that now._

After he was out cold, I knelt down to inject him with the syringe I was holding in my other hand, and then I decided to grab another one and inject that too, just to be safe. I knew it wouldn't kill him. Then I ordered the boys to take him back to NME so he could be locked in the cage I had set up in the back of her. It was something we used in the old days for the same purpose. But we also used it for criminals and the like; we weren't complete tyrants.

Once my prize was all chained up and secure, I went to put the case in a secure spot in the cockpit and came back out to notice one of the SOLDIERs had been wounded pretty badly. The man had been stabbed with some sort of blade across the gut. So, figuring I wasn't about to waste any of my supplies on him and came to the conclusion that if I waited, one of the other idiots might try to tend to his wounds, wasting my precious supplies for nothing, I pulled out my gun and shouted, "I thought I told ya guys not to fuck up!" and put a fatal bullet into him…

_One down… three to go…_

* * *

To my surprise, the others just sat there with a blank expression, probably thankful that it wasn't one of them and I found myself shaking my head with a strong feeling of disapproval. I couldn't help but think that if they were Turks, they would've been on my ass so quick that I wouldn't have even had the time to say my name backwards.

For some reason though, before I could bring myself to start up the engines, I took a good look around to make sure there were no lurking witnesses about, mostly out of habit, and once I felt everything was secure enough, I hit two switches on the console.

One of them sealed off the cage and the other sealed my own area off, both from the passenger area, making it air tight. Then I hit another switch that sent a fatal gas into the passenger area. I couldn't risk damaging my cargo which was why I sealed it off as well, and for once, those morons showed some sign of expression – panic. I wasn't in the mood to listen to them though, so I turned on some tunes and cranked up the volume as I made my way back to Junon.

The Commander didn't know what the orders were which was more or less in his favour. But he did know his SOLDIERs were probably not coming back. Rufus didn't want anyone knowing what he was after, and I couldn't say I blamed him either. In all honesty, if it got out that Rufus was collecting clones and Jenova cells, it would have raised some pretty nasty suspicions, and regardless of how we made things look most of the time, we really didn't like trouble.

Therefore, I had to make sure that his wishes were complied with and since the SOLDIERs knew more than they were supposed to, and things always seemed to get out of hand when we weren't careful, I had to make sure that they stayed quiet. It was the only way that would satisfy Rufus… and me.

So, taking a bit of a detour, I flew over the ocean and hit the release for the doors before taking a sharp turn so NME was practically on her side. Then I watched the dead weight fall to the water to make sure it had all been released before straightening her back up and returning to Junon.

_Now, fer my next set of orders… _

* * *

Once I landed on the Helipad in Junon and powered down, I sat in the pilot's seat and stared at the other envelope like it was diseased. Hesitantly, and shaking my leg nervously, I reached over to grab it, but I didn't open it yet. Instead, I just sat there with hopeless thoughts running through my head. _Maybe he's jus goin ta order me to go back to Nibelheim… or kill all the SOLDIERs an their Commander… Maybe it's nothin… It could be a raise…_ Anything but what I feared, seemed like it would have been a good task.

Heck, at that point, I would've been happy to watch some old ladies cats… as long as she didn't mind me smoking and drinking around them, of course. But sitting there and hoping wasn't really getting me very far, and not knowing was harder to deal with than knowing. At least if I knew what my orders were, even if I didn't like them, they would sure as hell be a lot easier to rectify.

With that thought in mind, I decided it was 'now or never' and nervously swallowed as the tearing sound of the envelope rang hollow in my ears. It was like slow motion as I pulled the contents out and ran my fingers along the smooth parchment. _I could jus tell him I lost it… I could've forgotten it in the passenger area when I dumped my cargo… It could have fallen out…_ But I'd never lied to Rufus in regards to my job before, and I wasn't even sure if I knew how. Besides if I did, he'd probably just get someone else to do it anyway. So, I was basically fucked.

And there it was…

The pens impression on the surface of the paper like the impression of a scar on my soul…

Elena's name; I was to attain her report from the Junon facility and then clean house. Make it look like an accident, it read… for Tseng's sake.

Whatever emotion I was feeling at that moment… frustration, anger, or helplessness, must have been what led me to jump out of NME and grab the refuelling hose from one of the maintenance crew that was coming to refuel my pride and joy. Then I jammed it in without grounding it and lit a cigarette so I could flick my burning ashes all over the damn place in a way to tempt my fate. _Maybe I can jus blow us all up and be done with it!_

Naturally, the ground crew started to freak out and called some SOLDIERs up to pry me away from my sudden desire to kill us all. Of course, the fuckers roughed me up a little, but nothing too serious. They were mostly just trying to constrain me until I calmed down.

It was no big deal though, since I figured it was time to give my report and condolences to the commander anyway. It was a real shame what happened to those SOLDIERs…

_A real fucking shame._

* * *

After I gave my report and regards to the Commander, I made my way down to the guest quarters so I could collect Elena and return to Midgar. She had a whole day and was most likely finished with her survey of the site. She was also most likely sleeping since it was only four-hundred hours in the morning. Plus, I figured it would take me a little over an hour to fly us back and I didn't want to waste too much time with that hybrid in the back of my chopper either.

When I entered her quarters, she was sleeping on her side and curled into a ball, and I found myself just standing there and staring at her, not really knowing what else to do. For some reason, I was suddenly taken with the way the night colours shone through the small window near the ceiling, making her hair appear silvery while her skin took on an unnatural glow. She looked angelic and peaceful… and she was still wearing her uniform. As a result I wound up thinking I could have made things really easy right then and there by just doing my job quietly and without struggle…

But I didn't.

Instead, I knelt beside the cot she was in and started mindlessly stroking her hair away from her face. I knew I wasn't supposed to be emotional and normally I wasn't. But this was Elena, and I honestly didn't think I could have done it to Rude or Tseng either, not unless they went horrifically out of control and left me with no other choice.

"Elena," I whispered, while watching her stir slightly, and when she didn't respond, I shook her a little and repeated myself again, "Elena…" I didn't want to scare the crap out of her, but I still needed her to wake up.

"Mm?" Looking at me with unfocused eyes, she took a moment to recall where she was.

"We need to go." Still whispering, I started tugging at her sleeve to stress the urgency of the matter while she shook her head and pushed me away so she could look at her watch. She actually looked pretty cute and I found myself going even more soft on her than I already was. Her hair was standing up and she only had one eye open as she let out a weak yawn.

"It's four-thirty," she said, and looked at me like I'd gone mad.

"Ya can sleep in the chopper," I urged, while tugging on her again. "Let's go."

She sprung wide awake at the mention of NME, realizing that if we were leaving that I must have completed my task. Then practically jumping to her feet, she straightened her uniform with her hands and ran her fingers quickly through her hair to straighten it out a bit. "We're leaving?"

"Yeah… C'mon."

Grabbing her by the arm, I started pulling her along with me. But then she lunged out of my grip and went straight for a small set of drawers in the corner to collect her report from the top of it before turning back to me and standing at attention with her arm out. Reluctant to take the report, I took a deep sigh and gave her a look of disapproval. Then I took it from her and reached into my pocket while she closed her eyes and straightened her posture even more, expecting me to terminate her.

Cursing under my breath and shaking my head at her, I pulled out my flask and took a large drink to finish what was left… Mostly so I could deal with the mother-load of what was to come. Unfortunately though, it went down the wrong fucking pipe and I started choking as I grabbed her by the arm and roughly dragged her from her quarters to the Helipad.

"What are you doing?" she screeched, knowing damn-well I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing.

"Getting us both killed," I half-choked and half-muttered as I opened up the co-pilots door and literally shoved her into her seat. Then I wasted no time in getting the engines started so I could return to Midgar to raise Hades.

"Reno…"

"Shut up Elena!" I yelled, knowing there was no way I was going to let her talk me out of my non-existent plan. About the only thing I did know at that moment was that I was going to settle that damn mess with Rufus one way or another.

* * *

When we reached the outskirts of Midgar, I called the science division on the radio to let them know their cargo was on its way, and for them to be ready to retrieve it just before I brought NME down in the classified cargo area at the back of the building.

Luckily, the science department was already there and waiting with a cargo box to place their specimen in, considering I didn't want to waste any more time; it was a necessary step that had to be taken in order to avoid suspicion from any of the other employees that weren't supposed to know what was going on.

After powering down, I dragged Elena out of her seat and pulled her out of the way while I waited for them to get that damn cargo out of my chopper. All the while Elena struggled with me and winced as I held her fast. I was bound and determined not to let her go and probably dug my fingers in a little more than I needed to. But I wasn't willing to take the chance if she got any bright ideas to do something stupid that we'd both wind up regretting…

I believe I was already on top of things in that area and didn't really need any help.

Anyway, I stuffed a cigarette into my mouth and lit it before dragging her up to the seventieth floor with me. It was some time after seven-hundred hours in the morning and most of the employees didn't start until eight, except for those of us that were on the night shift or in specialized divisions. Keeping that much in mind and the fact that the rest of us started at six, I was more than positive Rufus would be in his office. The moment we entered his secretary's office, I pushed Elena into a seat against the nearby wall in the sitting room and warned her to stay put.

* * *

"You couldn't do it," Rufus said dryly from his desk, as I stormed into his office, not lifting his eyes from his paperwork.

"Where the fuck do you get off giving me orders like that!" I shouted, while mindlessly flicking my ashes on his floor.

"I suppose I'll have to get someone else to do it then." Still not looking up, he simply flipped the page over that he was looking at as if we were simply discussing what we'd do on our fucking lunch break.

Frustrated by his attitude, I took a drag from my cigarette and mindlessly blurted out, "Then you'll have to kill me too."

"You're drunk, Reno," he commented, and finally looked up at me, albeit a little on the cold side.

"Who gives a fuck?" I angrily replied through my teeth while storming up to his desk and slamming my hand on it. Then I lowered my voice to a threatening tone. "I'm not kidding, _Rufus_. I'll get in the way of _anyone_ you send after her… She's not going out without me going first."

"Don't be silly." Meeting my eyes dead on with a frightening darkness, he calmly mentioned, "You know I won't let that happen."

"I don't give a shit about what _you_ want, _Rufus_!"

"I love the way you say my name when you're angry." Taking me back a bit as he got up casually from his seat, he walked around his desk to stand in front of me with that sickly grin of his.

"Fuck _off_, you prick!" I screamed, when he came a little too close for comfort.

"You really mean it, don't you?" Putting his hands behind his back, he studied me closely for a moment while he most-likely mused over some kind of twisted thought going through that psychotic mind of his. "Tell me, Reno… What is it about this whelp that means so much to you?"

"What is it about her that you hate so fucking much?" I growled, while glaring at him.

Smirking the way I'd imagine the Devil would have while looking at his prey, he leaned slightly forward in confidence. "_You_ like her." Taken off guard again, I fell silent for a moment, not knowing what to say while he took a deep breath and looked away before asking, "Are you serious about dying for her?"

"Yes," I answered, with a surprising calm and conviction.

"Very well… I'd like to speak with her then." With a wave to his hand to let me know I was dismissed, he professionally told me to, "Wait outside."

* * *

Somewhat confused as to what was going to happen next, I left his office like I was told and wondered what the hell was going on. He was too cold and agreeable at the same time. I honestly didn't think anything good was going to come, and I was suddenly worried about what he would discuss with her.

With a heavy weight, I went up to her and told her he wanted to see her while she looked up at me like she was worried, and I think I was too. To try and comfort her, the moment she stood, I pulled her over to me so I could give her a hug of encouragement and saw Rufus standing at his door, glaring daggers at me. I didn't care though, and as a result, I kissed her on the cheek to piss him off and told her it would be okay before I reluctantly let her go into that maniacs office.

For about ten minutes, I sat there staring at my watch… every five seconds. The building was filling up with more employees as the day started to come to life and it only reminded me that I hadn't slept yet. However, I didn't feel tired; I was too focused on the current events. I told Tseng I'd do what I could, and I couldn't let him down.

When Elena emerged from Rufus' office with a blank look on her face, I stood up with a renewed sense of concern and rubbed my hands together, anticipating the worst. It was too hard to contain myself, and I needed to know if he granted her the right to live or not, but I was too afraid to ask. As a result, I raised my brow in question right before she suddenly burst into tears and stormed past me.

Standing there dumfounded for a moment as Rufus' secretary came into the room and went to her desk, I glanced over at her, and then back to the last place I saw Elena. Then I stormed back into Rufus' office to find out what the hell was going on.

* * *

"What the hell did you say to her?" I demanded, as I stormed back in and slammed the door behind me.

"I told her if she got an abortion, I'd be more than happy to keep her under my employment," he answered casually, while standing in front of his desk and leaning his backside on it. When all I did in reply, was stand there and blink in astonishment, he let out an agitated sigh while brushing the bang out of his face before locking his eyes with mine in annoyance. "For Gaia's sake Reno, I can't have a pregnant Turk." Straightening himself up a little as he stood, he turned slightly away and explained, "I've already arranged the appointment." Then he adjusted his coat and added while motioning his hand to the door. "She's on her way down there now."

There was really no planning involved in my next action whatsoever. It was entirely instinctual and not very well thought out. I grabbed Rufus by the collar of his coat and backhanded him as hard as I could, before I regretted it the second I made contact.

Without much warning or anticipation, he lifted me up and slammed me down to the floor with one hand faster than I could have blinked. After landing on my hands and knees, I went to push myself up. But he brought his foot down onto my back, and pushed me down onto my stomach before digging the heel of his boot into my spine, making me screech from the pain in sheer reaction.

"You have a lot of energy this morning," he commented calmly, while rubbing his jaw and standing above me, not removing his foot.

"You're a fucking asshole!" I shouted, through my grimaces and tried to unsuccessfully release myself from his weight.

"That may be," he replied, still grinding his heel into me, and then he menacingly added, "You know… I can think of a way to help you burn all this excess energy."

"Fuck you!" Trying to push myself up again, I wound up realising that I'd gotten myself into a little more trouble than I really wanted to be in, particularly when I realised he wasn't about to let me move.

"Actually, I was thinking of fucking _you_," he growled, as I heard him undo the buckle on his pants.

Suddenly starting to panic... and I mean, _really_ starting to panic, I found myself making every effort to try and get the hell away from him while shouting, "Get the fuck off me!"

"I've waited _two_ months for you to calm down," he said through his teeth while putting more weight on me. "Instead, you go even more out of control… You're _always_ out of control!"

At that, he let some of the pressure off and I managed to push him off balance before attempting to make a run for it. But he slammed the door in my face as I was about to open it. Then he grabbed me by my shirt, pulling me away from the door and slammed me, face first, into the wall. To intensify my panic even more, he pressed his body against my back to pin me there so I couldn't move, and all I could see was his hands pressed to the wall above my head while I struggled with him.

"You have no idea how crazy you drive me, do you?" he growled into my ear, and brushed it with his lips. "Everything about you drives me insane."

"Let me go," I pleaded, suddenly starting to succumb to an overwhelming exhaustion.

"You draw me like a Ho-Chu to a flame, Reno," he said through his teeth, before he threw me back down to the floor to land on my side, "and each time, you kill me."

"Rufus…" I moaned, while attempting to push myself back up again.

"No! Don't beg me, Reno… It doesn't suit you!"

"Sir, is everything all right?" came a shrill voice from his intercom.

"Fuck," he muttered under his breath and brushed his hand quickly through his hair as he knelt down to dig his fingers into my upper arm as I was almost to my knees, making me grunt. Then he pulled me up so he could drag me over to his desk with him, and hold me down over the surface by the back of my neck. "This will only take a moment," he said calmly to me, before he hit the button. "Sharin… Don't _ever_ bother me when Reno is in here with me!" he shouted into the intercom, and then he repeated, "_Ever!"_

"Sir? Y-yes, Sir."

"Stupid bitch," he grumbled, and then he grabbed the back of my shirt before throwing me back to the floor.

While kneeling above me, he grabbed me by the buckle and started to undo it before he angrily told me, "I want you to stop me… I know you can." Then he brought himself closer, so that he could whisper into my ear, "You're the only one who can."

Realizing he was overtaken by his insanity, I brought my hands to his to try and pull them away, but his strength was so much greater than mine, while he confided, "I know you don't want me to do this, Reno."

But all I could do was close my eyes tight and let my head fall back while trying to fight off the reality of what was happening. "Please…" I pathetically cried, while still gripping onto his hands to try and fight him off.

Suddenly shaking me violently, he growled out, "Stop me!" just before his PHS rang.

Thankful for the unexpected intrusion, I tried to get up again as he stood. But he wasn't about to have any of that, so he pushed me back down and held me there with his foot again to stop me from getting away. "What the hell is it now?" he grumbled, right before he answered it.

"Yes?" he said, into his phone with an unnaturally calm voice and brushed his hand through his hair. Then he kicked me over to turn me onto my back and dropped to his knees so that he was pinning my arms under his legs and straddling my chest. Due to my groaning from the sharp pain in my ribs, he brought his hand to my mouth to silence me.

"That's good news… Tell Tseng Elena's in good hands," he said, and looked at me mischievously before he started brushing his fingers along my lips and pushing one of them into my mouth. In a manner of amusement, he moved it in and out in a suggestive motion while nestling the phone between his cheek and shoulder so that he could bring his other hand to undo the buttons on my shirt. "Yes. Reno's right here… Would you like to speak with him?"

After shaking my head to try and get his hand away from me, he gripped my jaw firmly with his fingers and dug them in. Then he moved his hand so he could push his fingers into my mouth more forcefully, almost making me gag and rewarding myself a sick smirk from him.

"Good news… We'll see you soon then." Once he was done talking to the person on the other end, he closed the PHS and tossed it to the floor with a careless clank. "That was Rude… It turns out the leader to Landslide is somewhere near The Forgotten City," he confided, and then he leaned closer to torment me while suggestively caressing my bottom lip and menacingly purred, "I can think of something else to put in that pretty little mouth of yours."

Not expecting me to bite down hard on his fingers when he put them back in my mouth to taunt me, he pulled them out quickly to bring them to his own mouth. But he wasn't upset about it, instead he licked the blood off of them and grinned at me, and then he leaned back, releasing my arms.

"What's it going to be, Reno?"

Taking the opening that he offered, I grabbed him and shoved him off of me, but I didn't run. Instead, I found myself wanting to pound him into his next life while I screamed at him and pushed him down. "I hate you!"

But my actions suggested something a little different than what I said….

I seized him by the hips after forcefully pulling him to his knees and I found myself tearing off his pants along with my own. Like a madman, I tore into him with a vengeance for a retribution I never thought I could experience… Not with someone like Rufus anyway.

It didn't take me long to realize that was what he wanted though, because he could have fought me off with ease and he didn't. The son of a bitch pushed me on purpose to summon some type of fucked-up drive from me. It was what the little sicko wanted, and in some sort of sick way, it was what I wanted too.

I wanted to hurt him for everything that he put me through, but I also wanted to own him. For two months I fought off those fucking urges that he brought out in me, and suddenly I was letting it all pour out. But it was pouring out with a reprisal. It was pouring out with a reprisal not only for what he'd been putting me through, but also for what he was doing to Elena; he needed to be punished for that.

I was the one that was in control of that demon at that moment and I found myself reaching in front of him and grasping him, telling him to cum for me through clenched teeth and his muffled cries of pain, and he did. With a sickly sense of satisfaction, I kept my hand over his mouth to silence him until I was done. It was all purely instinctual and I had no idea what the hell he was turning me into or what I was letting myself become; I had never forced myself on someone before… ever.

When my energy was spent, I pulled out of him and collapsed to the floor with a sense of sickening release while he crawled up beside me and rested his head on my shoulder. Both of us were breathing heavy and soaked from the exertion it took to get us where we were. Suddenly letting out a weak chuckle at the thought of how people were always telling me I had issues, I placed my hand in his hair and started grooming it gently with my fingers. They had no idea about the psycho I was holding in my arms. Nobody knew about the extent of his insanity but me.

"Feel better now?" he asked, still panting and tracing his fingers along my chest.

"Never better," I breathed out, still staring at the ceiling.

"Good," he said, as he pulled himself up to bring his face up to mine. "Am I allowed to kiss you now?"

"Yeah," I muttered, without any thought.

It was weak since his energy was also spent, but it still felt good.

"You might want to hurry," he said, when he pulled away and caressed my cheek with his finger.

"For what?"

"Elena." Not paying much mind to my reaction, he got up to pull his pants up.

Dumfounded for a second, I laid there blinking before I sat up straight. "What?"

With a serious look on his face, he pulled back his sleeve while holding onto his buckle and looked at his watch, "Her appointment is in fifteen minutes… If you hurry, you can tell her she can keep it."

Taking a second for what he just said to register, I suddenly realized he wasn't kidding and I quickly jumped to my feet so I could pull my own pants up.

"But Reno, I'm going to have to move her to a different department. I wasn't kidding when I said I couldn't have a pregnant Turk." After a quick pause, he brushed his hair out of his face and grabbed a paper from his desk before holding it out to me. "And you'll need this form for the doctor to respect the termination as well… It's already signed."

Nodding before I ran to grab the form from his hand, I quickly gave him a kiss on the cheek to thank him, and then I turned to bolt out of his office, not wanting to waste any time just in case he decided to change his mind. Then faster than I'd ever moved before, I ran down every single flight of stairs to the Medical unit on the fifth floor to find Elena so I could tell her the good news.

* * *

Revised: January 11, 2008


	15. Seemingly Harmless

**Seemingly Harmless**

* * *

It had been a month since all the excitement and things had started to calm down to somewhat normal, if you could call it that. Rufus had started taking to leaving my apartment in the middle of the night in order to avoid any suspicions about us… It was becoming our little routine. Of course, I wouldn't say things between us were becoming perfect. We were still hot and cold with each other, but we were both to blame.

Rufus still acted like an ass whenever other people were around, but I'd come to recognize it as his way of pretending nothing was going on between us. I figured he was doing it mostly for my sake though, since I honestly didn't doubt for a second he wouldn't have cared if the whole world knew. In some ways, I actually thought he would have preferred to not have to play cloak and dagger all the time. The guy knew no shame.

I discovered neither of us really knew how to express ourselves properly when we were alone together and things usually started out in a fight until they heated to a boiling point… I think we managed to defile every corner of my apartment. I wouldn't have had it any other way though, despite the cuts and the bruises we both sported underneath our clothing, and I was rather relieved that the walls in the building were soundproof, since neither of us was what you'd call _silent_ lovers.

It was funny to think about it, really. I was never that noisy before, but then again, it was never what you'd call angry sex before either. The man drove me wild for reasons I couldn't quite figure out, and I think I was driving him crazy too, by constantly denying it and trying to push him away. It wasn't because I was trying to be an asshole or anything like that. I never really was good at relationships, and well… let's just say that Rufus wasn't exactly what I ever thought I'd wind up with in regards to one. It caused an inner struggle in me.

Admittedly, the man was somewhat feminine in looks and build, but there was no denying he was a man, no matter how hard I tried. I guess it didn't hurt that his submissiveness never changed though, and I came to recognize that it had nothing to do with him trying to lure me in for the big kill. It was the way he preferred it… he really was submissive, albeit psychotic. He told me that since he got to dominate me in every other way, he didn't see the point in having to dominate me in the bedroom, not that we ever actually did it in the bedroom… not since we left Healin.

With Rufus, I knew a side to him that nobody else knew. It may have seemed strange to people, even today when they thought about us, but it was the truth. True, he was a ruthless son of a bitch who treated the people around him like dirt. I would have to agree he had a sick and cruel sense of humour that often set me on edge as much as it did with others.

Rufus had a dark side like no other person I knew, and it was generally something that a sane person would want to avoid. However, sanity had always been somewhat fleeting with me. Just ask anybody that knew me and they'd tell you something was wrong with me, and I'd have to agree. I had my reasons though, but I wasn't about to start making excuses for myself, because I didn't think I had to.

The side that I knew to Rufus actually contradicted everything that the world saw him as. I wouldn't say he was kind, because he wasn't, but there was something about him that struck me as lost, maybe even a little sad. At times, he struck me as almost desperate, though for what, I didn't really know.

His anger seemed to lash out from a sheer intolerance that he had of almost everything nice or good, but at the same time, he was actually a little caring, with me anyway. I found myself putting up with the bad side of him, because the good was outright intoxicating. Not to mention that the bad excited me too. Hell, _Rufus_ excited me; there wasn't much, if anything, that he wasn't into.

That was the Rufus I knew. The world would never have known or even guessed the depths he spiralled to in what seemed to be some form of inner struggle. The world saw him as the ruthless, cruel, cold-hearted, and steely-eyed ruler of everything that the common person relied on. He was like a God of Power - untouchable and indestructible.

He was also a gambling man… He gambled every day with his decisions and weighed out the consequences of each action to a fault. He'd take the risk if he felt he could get as much as a small slice. He could always discard the rest if needed. As long as he got _something_, he was satisfied. He didn't care about the people that he saw as below him, and he'd use them up for what he felt they were worth before leaving them to rot without so much as a thought.

Tifa and Barrett came to mind. They helped us out when Weapon started attacking, and it appeared that Rufus was going to help them out as well. That was, until he decided to execute them on public television to make the people believe that AVALANCHE was responsible. He felt he had to make it look like Shinra was looking out for the people, even though he didn't really care about them.

* * *

After what happened in his office on the morning of Elena's uncertain future, I ran down to the medical unit as fast as I could to give her the papers to terminate the orders. It didn't take me long to realize Rufus already had those damn papers signed beforehand. It was like he had it all planned out and knew what the outcome would be. The bastard set us both up so he could break me.

Oh well, I guess I shouldn't have complained about it, because I did feel a lot better after it all happened. Maybe I was a sucker for punishment, but being Rufus' tool wasn't all that bad, really… It had its perks.

Anyway…

When I got down to the medical unit to give Elena the papers, she noticed how soaked I was and looked at me suspiciously. First, she asked if I'd run all the way down there and I told her I did, which _was _the truth. But I knew I looked guilty when I said it.

Now despite the fact that Elena could act like an airhead at times, she really wasn't. She was actually quite smart. She wouldn't have made it as a Turk if she really was as dumb as she acted sometimes, and that was when she embarrassed the hell out of me by accusing me of sleeping with Rufus to save her baby.

Actually, it was more like she yelled, "So that's what it takes?" in the medical unit for all to hear. But she didn't stop there, she had to continue and shout out while waving the paper in my face. "You had to let him fuck your brains out so he would sign these papers?" Then she pushed me into a nearby nurse.

Now, the problem wasn't that she practically screeched it out, and luckily she didn't mention any names, and the problem wasn't that I was pushed into a very young and pretty nurse either. The problem was that she said _he_, and caught the attention of everyone in the medical unit... Well, let's just say that embarrassing didn't quite cut it.

She was happy though, and I was glad she was, even though I wanted to crawl under a rock and remain there until the world ended. When all was said and done though, she must have apologized to me more times than I was capable of counting, and I was a little pissed at her about it too, but the damage was already done. Even though nobody in the medical unit knew me, I was not the most forgettable person for reasons I figured were a little too obvious to even bother mentioning.

I'll just remind you though, in case you forgot, that I stuck out like a sore thumb and _no_ one ever forgot me. People didn't need to know my name. All they had to do was say, "You know that redheaded Turk… The one with the scars?" and everyone would go, "Yeah."

Rumours had already started to pass throughout the building, and I found myself doing damage control by hitting on every pretty lady that I saw, which of course, was one of the reasons Rufus and I were fighting a lot.

Speaking of rumours, I came to the conclusion that Rufus' secretary knew what was going on in his office that morning too. Luckily, she never said anything to anybody though. She knew who she worked for, and knew if she said anything to upset him or piss him off that she'd probably lose more than just her job. Heh, the fun never ended around that place… I'd give it that. The excitement was always ongoing with the turmoil that went hand in hand with anything 'Shinra'.

_Maybe I'll jus start usin the term Shinra instead of fucked up from now on…_Just kidding… Rufus wouldn't like that.

Anyway, you're probably all wondering what happened to Elena after all the commotion…

She was placed at the head of the weapons department, and she was quite happy to be there. She missed the excitement of being out on the field but understood things were best the way they turned out, especially since she was going to be a mommy soon. She still wasn't showing yet, but she was starting to carry a certain glow about her and was looking more beautiful than ever.

Of course, Rufus had made it pretty clear that he didn't like me hanging around her. He said I gawked like a schoolboy whenever she was around, and that it made him sick. Personally, I'd say the man was jealous, though I didn't doubt he'd find some way to deny it.

I hung around her anyway though. She was always good to me, and I always liked her company. She had a certain light… a chirpiness about her that always lifted my mood whenever I was down, and I was down a lot; I'd always suffered from mood swings, and there was really no one to put the blame on but myself.

"So what brings you down here today?" she asked me.

Nodding my attention to the clock on the wall, I told her it was, "Lunch."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Reno. I'm running behind today. I don't have time to go out." Biting on her bottom lip, she gave me that sweet 'Forgive me' look with those deep brown eyes of hers. But I wasn't about to get mad at her; she was too adorable for that. Besides, I had something better planned anyway.

"Nah. That's not what I had planned… I heard ya'd been busy… so I brought lunch to _you_," I said, and handed her the container I had behind my back.

"Oh, thank you… You didn't have to do that, ya know," she said, with a little bit of mockery on my drawl, but all in good fun.

"Yeah, I did… Heard ya'd been missin out on lunches for a coupl'a days now."

"Nope… There's a snack machine just over there," she replied, while pointing with her thumb to the snack dispenser against the wall.

"Mmm… yummy," I commented, half-frowning at her. "Chocolates and chips must really be tasty _an_ nutritious."

Shrugging and licking her fingers after opening the lid, she said, "The baby likes it."

"I'm sure it does."

I know by the way I acted around her, you'd almost think it was me who was going to be the father, but I just couldn't help it. I loved the idea of having a baby around, and I couldn't really say why. It's not like I was the nurturing kind. To be honest, I didn't really like kids. They were a burden and I lacked any sympathy or compassion that would be required to be around one. Yet, I found myself being as excited as if it were my own.

* * *

Tseng and Rude had come back a couple of weeks after I dropped them off at Rocket Town and were working with Rufus to hire a new recruit for us. You'd think that because I was second in command that I'd be involved too, but I made it pretty clear I wanted nothing to do with it.

I took things personally and got attached to certain things and people in a way that probably bordered on obsessive. I was sure some people could come up with better things to label me with in regards to my clinginess though, but I didn't really give a shit.

As far as I was concerned that new rookie could never replace Elena, and we didn't need anybody to swindle her position. I knew I was being childish by wanting her and no one else, but I didn't really think I needed to tell anyone I was childish. So, I didn't.

The funny thing was that I reacted to Elena the same way when she first started with us. I viewed her as a replacement for me and flew off the deep end. For the first couple of months I treated her like dirt and acted like a major chauvinist around her. There were a couple of times I thought she'd destroyed my ability to ever reproduce, but I deserved it. I knew I did.

For all I knew, she could have destroyed it; she kicked me enough times. Despite it all though, it wasn't like it mattered, and It wasn't like I was going to find out anytime soon whether she did or not, not with Rufus anyway.

_Oh well… _I would have been a shitty father anyhow. I couldn't even take care of myself.

Anyway…

Elena's _replacement_ was a cocky little shit recruited from SOLDIER. He decided he wasn't getting enough adventure over at Junon and wanted to get his hands dirty. He was just a kid in his early twenties… twenty-two to be exact, only two years younger than Rufus. Regardless of the fact that I acted younger than both of them, I was really starting to feel old with all those kids around.

Albeit, Rufus never acted his age; he acted like some bitter and retired old man which I partially blamed his father for. He was mistreated and forced into an adult life as leader of the Turks at the age of sixteen. He never had a chance to be a kid and probably wouldn't know what one was if it came up and bit him on the ass.

Well, I guess I should get back to the recruit and quit throwing Rufus into every second thought. I don't know why I'm doing that. It wasn't like my world revolved around him or anything.

_Ah… Rufus…_

So, this cocky little shit had a mouth on him like you wouldn't believe and he overstepped his rank the moment I met him. He felt I was a joke and a hopeless drunk who couldn't possibly be a Turk, and I wound up having to pull my gun on him to assert some authority while demanding that he call me _Sir_.

I'm sure it would have been more threatening if I wasn't giggling when I did it though, but I thought it was funny and couldn't help myself. Nobody ever called me Sir, and the sudden thought that someone might, made me laugh my ass off as I re-engaged the safety and put the gun back in my holster.

Let's just say that I never did get the kid to call me Sir.

As usual, Rude and Tseng figured they'd just let things happen out of sheer curiosity since they knew how much of an ass I was at times, and didn't bother to do or say anything when the fucker lunged at me. But I was sober that morning and had the advantage of speed, since we all knew I was no match for anybody's strength… sober or not.

So, I flicked the switch for the magnetic field and had him trapped in a diamond faster than I could say my own name. I actually thought I was setting a pretty good impression too, until I tripped over my own foot when I went to get myself some coffee and busted the chair I grabbed to steady myself with.

That was when Tseng decided it was time to end the games and get down to business. He walked over to the diamond, and slashed at it with a sword he grabbed from the wall, to break the barrier, and let our new little _friend_ out. After which, he gave Jared a look of warning to stop with the animosity while I pulled my flask out of my jacket and poured some into my coffee.

When I turned around, I met with the narrowed and disapproving eyes of our new rookie SOLDIER, whom I'd managed to drive to despise me within the matter of twenty-three minutes.

Although this wasn't a record for me, it was still pretty good for time; it took thirty minutes for Elena to hate me when I first met her. Well, those hazel eyes of his were full of loathing and repulsion, and I think that repulsion had something to do with the fact that I was drinking on duty. I couldn't really say, because I didn't really care.

"What the fuck'r ya lookin at?" I spat at him before I took a sip, and sneered at him.

"Reno!" snapped Tseng, warning me that enough was enough. "We have business to discuss."

With a quick rock forward on my feet, I rested my mag-rod on my shoulder and nodded. "Forgotten Forest Sir?"

"City," he corrected, giving me an annoyed look because he knew I knew damn-well what it was called, and then he continued, "It's a perfect way to see if he's Turk material."

"If ya wanna get 'im killed…" I muttered, lowering my rod and walking over to the table to sit with Rude, who was snickering at my comment.

"He's from SOLDIER, Reno. I'm sure he'll do fine."

"Well, I guess if ya don't need brains…" I replied, while raising my brow.

After giving me another one of his looks that told me to stop, Tseng quirked his brow and decided to continue with our orders. "Rufus has ordered that you chopper us to Bone Village tonight and then pick us up at the same point when we're finished. We're hoping it won't be more than a few days."

Then he paused to take a look around the room and then back at me. But he was still having trouble looking me in the eye, particularly whenever he was talking about Rufus, and I was beginning to wonder if he'd ever be able to look me in the eye again. "We've already spent enough time on this wild Chocobo chase, and I'm hoping this is it this time." After letting out a deep sigh, he straightened out his suit and came to sit at the table with us.

"You must be joking," came the friendly voice of my newfound friend, who seemed to not know when it was time to shut up. He actually reminded me of somebody… but I couldn't quite put my finger on who it was. "This guy can't even walk… How the hell is he going to fly a chopper?"

"Oh… I'd think twice, Boy…" I said, looking at him sideways from my seat and sneering. "Before openin that big mouth of yers."

As usual, Tseng didn't say a word to intervene; he just smirked and stayed where he was, reconfirming my belief that he actually got a kick out of watching where the cards fell. He'd never admit to it, but I was damn certain he did, because his eyes would light up whenever he saw sparks. Yeah, I didn't doubt for a second that he enjoyed watching people rile each other, leaving me open to do whatever I pleased.

_Oh, how I love the brashness of youth._

"Why's that? You gonna get drunk and fall all over me?" The little shit had spunk, I'd give him that.

"Ya little fucker," I said with a bit of a snort and a disbelieving smirk, as I carefully got out of my seat. Feigning seriousness, I hit the switch on my Mag-rod again, but it wasn't the same one I hit earlier, and I knew that as I adjusted the dial. "Ya really wanna see what I can do to ya?" Of course, I wasn't going to kill him or anything like that, because then we'd only have to replace him. I was only going to play with him a little.

"Reno is second in command to me, Jared," Tseng said calmly from where he sat, with a bit of a cautionary tone. "And I feel I should warn you that it didn't happen by accident."

While looking me over with a mild sneer on his face, Jared brushed his hand through his sandy brown hair before setting his sight on Tseng with a look of disbelief. "You _can't_ be serious," he said, and motioned his hand to me like I was some sort of trash heap.

"Sir," I corrected, and returned to my usual playful stance while flashing him my charming smile. "Ya'll address yer superiors as _Sir_." Not wanting to ruin the moment by joining in Rude's amusement, I made my best effort to ignore him as he chuckled and shifted in his seat behind me. He knew I was pissing the kid off, and I knew he was getting a kick out of it… but so was I.

However, to counteract my and Rude's inability to behave, Tseng cleared his throat again and got up from the table to stand beside me. "I don't kid around, Jared," he informed, while he firmly held my arm in place that was holding the rod, before running his hand down in order to press the switch to turn it off.

It didn't really strike me at the time, but afterward, when I thought of it, I came to the conclusion that he wasn't sure if I was actually going to hit the kid with it or not. It was true I'd been known to lash out at times for no reason, but the kid wasn't really pissing me off, I was just having a little fun at his expense.

"Rude, take our new friend and show him around. Reno and I need to have a discussion," he ordered, in his best attempt to give us some privacy and not turning to see Rude as he spoke.

"Yes, Sir," he replied, and got up from the table to escort Jared out of the training room.

"Reno… Rufus told me you were ill…" he started, still standing beside me and not turning to look at me. "He told me everything that happened, and mentioned you were taking shots to suppress your attacks…" With a subtle shake to his head in a manner of compassion, he started trying to smooth one of the creases in his pants with his hand before adding in a confessional manner. "I had no idea. Since Elena and I were away, we missed everything that happened…"

Nodding, I slipped my hands into my pocket and uncomfortably stared at the floor while making a quick rock on my feet. I wasn't really comfortable with the term _ill_, because I felt fine… most of the time, and it didn't seem to hinder me much either.

It wasn't like I was having constant attacks. There really was no tell-tale sign as to what set them off. Kurn had suggested it might have had something to do with when I got wounded or lost blood, but then that wouldn't have explained why it didn't happen all the time when I fought with Rufus, even though it did a couple of times.

"I'm sorry, Reno…" Tseng said with a tight throat, and then he changed the topic as quickly as he could; he never really was one for small talk or uncomfortable condolences. "I also wanted to thank you for what you did for Elena and me." With an awkward pat on my shoulder, he cleared his throat and thought out loud, "I don't know what I would have done without her…"

"Yer welcome, Sir." Replying uncomfortably, I kept my eyes on the floor, not really knowing what else to do or say. In all honesty, I probably would have tried to save her whether he asked me to or not.

"Anyway, what you did was remarkable… even if you _did_ have to let Rufus fuck your brains out to get things done."

With a wicked smirk, Tseng patted me on the shoulder again to emphasise his jibe. Only that time it was more rough and less awkward, and then he walked out of the room, leaving me there to turn almost the same colour as my hair while I cursed under my breath at the bastard for rubbing it in.

* * *

After Rufus got the company back to standards and running up to speed. He decided He would hunt Reeve down and hire him back as head of the robotics division. Despite what some people believed about him, He never really was a traitor to Shinra.

He was a loyal and proud employee, even though he was a little on the soft side when it came to 'the people' and 'the planet'… but he loved his job. No other company on the planet allowed him the type of freedom he had at Shinra, and if it wasn't for him, we never would have been able to track AVALANCHE as well as we did back in the days before Meteor either.

Don't get us wrong though, we were aware he would run off to help Cloud and his friends at any sign of trouble, but it was something we were willing to put up with. We also knew he would ditch his position and the company if he had any suspicions of Shinra going corrupt again, possibly even screwing us all over in the process.

It was a risk we were willing to take though, because we needed him, and because even though he was in the robotics division, he was onto a new type of energy that Rufus thought we'd be able to utilize instead of Mako.

Of course, Reeve was only using it to power his machines, but Rufus thought if we could learn more about what he was using, then maybe we could expand upon its use. He still wanted to rule the world with power, but he'd gotten kind of funny over the idea of using Mako ever since Meteor and the Geostigma. He believed that since the Lifestream saved the planet twice that maybe he owed something to it.

Talk about a paradox… He was probably just as much of one as I was. But enough about Rufus, because I didn't really care about him that much.

Back to Reeve…

He was a well-trusted man, and for good reasons, regardless of how strange he was. Now, I mean strange by the way that he never seemed to have a relationship with anybody. In all the time I'd known him, I'd never seen him with neither a man nor a woman. I couldn't help but entertain the thought that maybe he liked his robots a little more than he let on. He wasn't really a people person, even though he seemed to blend in well and not shut up at times, he preferred to be by himself.

The man hadn't changed much since he was last with us either, despite everything that we'd all been through. I thought that maybe running around with AVALANCHE and actually _seeing_ the real world, even if it was through the eyes of his Cait Sith, that he'd gain some sort of character. But no, he still carried the air that he thought he was smarter and better than everyone else, and he still looked down at everybody; it was that snotty attitude that was the tell-tale sign of somebody raised on the Plate. It probably also had something to do with the fact that the guy was a twisted genius.

He knew mechanics and physics better than anybody else I'd ever met, which was kind of the reason I had the amount of respect I actually had for the guy. Regardless of the fact that he'd treat you like an idiot if you didn't know what he was talking about, and he did that a lot. He had a bit of a warped sense of humour and found amusement in playing with people's heads, but he was nothing like Rufus. Where Rufus would actually intend to cause damage, Reeve would simply poke, and then admit he was only pulling your leg.

I was actually on my way down to his lab to pay him a visit on 3B, since I hadn't had a chance to see him since he started. Not to mention, that hearing he was working on a new type of energy to power his Cait Siths, I was a little curious to see what he was up to. Since all my paperwork was done and I had no mission assigned to me until the evening, I figured what the heck?

"To what do I owe the pleasure of a visit from a Turk?" he asked, with his back turned to me while he continued about his business.

The man had a certain perception that bordered on Clairvoyant sometimes, and didn't always have to turn around to see you to know who you were or that you were there. He wasn't always correct, mind you, but most times he was quite impressive. It was actually one of the reasons I never really spent too much time around him. Well… that, and the fact that he treated me like I was beneath him. I always felt like he could read me like a book, and it made me a little uneasy. "Thought I'd come an see what ya were up to," I said, kneeling down to take a closer look at one of his projects.

"Did Rufus send you to check up on me?" With his brow quirked, he turned around to look at me with a smirk on his face, like the thought of Rufus checking up on him was amusing to him somehow. I knew he didn't have a lot of respect for the guy, but it certainly didn't stop him from jumping on the opportunity to work for us when he found out he could have free reign in his department.

"Nah, jus wanted ta see what ya were doin," I answered, looking up at him. "Was curious 'bout yer newfound energy source." While lighting the cigarette I had hanging out of my mouth since I got out of the elevator, I turned my attention back over to the machine with a genuine interest. I knew Reeve wouldn't care if I smoked around him, since he pulled one out himself and lit it when he saw me light mine.

"Oh, really?" he replied, and came to kneel beside me. "Shinra's pet has never been interested in my endeavours before." There was a slight question in his voice as he brushed his wavy black hair behind his ear and took a drag from his cigarette.

"Pet?"

With an uncomfortable shift, he cleared his throat and reached over to release the cover on the back of his Cait Sith so he could pull out the power cell to show it to me. "You are his lover, aren't you?" he asked, in a non-offensive and matter-of-fact way.

Taking me a little off guard, I pulled back a bit, not that I was really surprised something like that would come from Reeve's mouth, since he'd always made little jabs like that, it was more because it was suddenly hitting me. Ignoring my reaction though, he held the cell in his hand and was motioning for me to take it. So, I did. "What makes ya say that?"

Chuckling a little at my reaction, he scratched at his goatee and continued, "Because the two of you have finally quit gawking at each other like love-sick puppies…" Then with a smirk, he wryly added, "Not to mention there's a rumour going around that you're sleeping with a man."

I wasn't really sure what he meant by the 'gawking' comment. In fact, I couldn't figure it out for the life of me because it didn't make any sense. So, I had to ask, "What the hell'r ya talkin about?"

"You really are dense aren't you?" Quirking his brow again, he reached over and pulled the case off of the cell I was holding, revealing a glass encasement of a reddish substance inside that seemed to move on its own like it was alive. "You used to stare at Rufus like you were beholding the site of Gaia itself." As if what he said wasn't bad enough, never mind odd, he had to go a step further and add in a quieter tone, "It was quite sickening, really."

Only half-paying attention, I sat back so I was sitting on the floor, paying more attention to the cell in my hand than to what he was saying. It was like the hypnotic effect you got from staring into a flame. Actually, it was more mesmerizing than a flame, it was like watching a red sandstorm dance about with flecks of yellow-like sparks or small lights floating within, and I couldn't seem to pull my attention away from it.

"And Rufus… Well… It never once crossed your mind to ask why he was crueller to you than to anyone else?"

Still entranced with the cell, my attention was becoming less divided while the contents of the cell started to intensify in colour and light up more vividly. It almost looked like it was trying to escape from its container so it could jump out and touch me, and I was finding myself oddly drawn to it. Even more so, I found myself practically fascinated by the way it only reacted to where my hand was touching it. "I guess it didn't," I replied, in a trance-like state, not even really sure what I was replying to.

"He always sent you as far away from him as possible… Then he'd follow you… In a way, he always kept you nearby, like he couldn't stand the thought of not having you around. It was very contradictory… The way he liked to keep you close, but wasn't willing to admit it."

Casually reaching over, he took the cell from me and wound up having to pry it from my grip. "That one's looking a little unstable," he observed, as he stood up and walked over to a metal container to dispose of it. When he closed the lid, I heard a muffled pop like it had exploded, and then he turned to me with no concern to the cell at all. "So, you're not denying it then." It wasn't a question, and he made that very clear; he was merely confirming it for himself.

"Have ya been talkin ta Cloud?" I asked, as I pushed myself up from the floor.

"About what?"

"'Bout what ya jus said."

"I keep my observations to myself, Reno… Why would I tell Cloud?" After taking a drag from his cigarette, he hit a switch on the container to flush the contents out to the external biohazard containment, and scratched at his goatee again. "I really thought that one was stable," he mused out loud, while looking at the container. "Maybe I should check the rest of that batch… I might have miscalculated."

"He said somethin similar ta me," I replied, while noticing a weak and tingly feeling starting to overtake my senses, and then I slurred out, "What the hell was that?"

"Meteor dust…" he answered, and put out his cigarette before he noticed something was wrong and started walking toward me. "You don't look so good."

"Meteor dust?" With a strange confusion, I stumbled against the wall and tried to reach into my jacket for the small case Rufus had given to me in order to carry the dosages Kurn put together. But I wasn't able to control myself since I'd lost all the feeling in my hands as I slouched against the wall, and I wound up sliding down with my hand stuck in the inside pocket of my jacket.

"Yes… I don't think a drink is what you need right now… Maybe I should take you to the infirmary."

"I need yer help, Reeve," I muttered, not even sure if he could hear me, I was feeling half asleep and wasn't even sure if I was talking in full sentences.

"I see that… What do you want me to do?" he asked, as he came over to support me by holding me up. He was about to start walking me to the elevator when I tried to stop him.

"No… M'pocket… There's a case… Need yer help."

With a sceptical look, he reached into my pocket, pulled out the case and opened it, and then he looked at me like I'd gone completely mad, "You shooting up now, Reno?"

"N-no… Please… N-need a… shot…" I requested as my vision started to go dim on me. My attacks had changed since the initial shot Kurn had given to me. The nausea and ringing in my ears were no longer there to torment me with an overwhelming need to purge.

Instead, it had changed to a failing control over my senses and body. It no longer felt like death and there was no longer any pain involved… just an overwhelming numbness and an inability to control myself. But I was usually able to give myself a shot before it overtook me; for some reason it hit me really fast that time.

In compliance to my request, Reeve sat me down against the wall and rolled up my sleeve. At some point, I thought I heard him ask, "In the arm?" But I wasn't really sure, and I didn't think I answered him.

Despite that though, he went ahead and did it anyway, and after a few seconds passed, my body started to spasm a little until the shot kicked in, leaving Reeve staring at me with a bit of confusion and his brows knitted.

"I had no idea you were sick," he said, while staring at the empty needle in his hand as he turned it in study. "Curious… You mind telling me what I just injected you with?"

"Meteor dust."

With his expression turning to one of intrigue, he set his focus on me with a strong sentiment of concern. "You know this stuff can be highly toxic, don't you?"

"That's what I was told."

"It's an energy source," he said lightly, and played with the needle in his hand for a bit, contemplating why I'd need to have it injected into me; All the while, peaking my own curiosity.

"How do ya know so much 'bout this stuff?"

Remaining silent for a moment, he got up and disposed of the needle in the same container that he disposed of the cell before turning to me again and lighting another cigarette. "I was dating a scientist a few years back…" he answered in a factual manner. "She was studying it." Then his eyes glazed over and he looked like he was lost in thought before he informed me that, "She died from it."

"Shitty… So ya do have a love life after all…"

It was really no secret... condolences weren't exactly my specialty.

That was okay though, because he wasn't offended in the least by my ill-compassioned comment, and snickered like he found it somewhat amusing. "Well… I may not be the tramp that you are, but I have needs, just like the next person."

"So, how'd she die?"

"She spent too much time around it and wasn't careful… The small particles poisoned her over time." Almost like a knee-jerk reaction, he dug into his drawer to grab another cell and stared at it as he spoke. "It's fine on its own, in the air, and quite harmless actually. But depending on what you mix it with, it can become highly toxic."

"So, whatcha mixin it with ta turn it into energy?"

"Nothing… I've simply polarized it." Quirking his brow, he tossed the cell lightly in his hand while staring at it curiously.

"No shit?" I asked, while coming closer to get a better look at the one he was holding. But he held his other hand up in a stopping motion without taking his attention away from the cell.

"Actually, no offence, Reno…" he said, and then he scratched at his goatee. "I'd prefer it if you didn't come anywhere near this one." Then he lifted his attention toward me and tilted his head slightly with his brow quirked again. "They seem to react to you."

A little stunned and confused, I stopped in the middle of the room and scratched the back of my neck while he returned to studying the cell he was holding. "Whatcha mean?"

"Well… That last one exploded," he commented, and motioned his hand toward the disposal unit before he turned his attention back toward the cell. "And the minute you came closer… this one started to light up." Then he took another drag from his cigarette and set his focus back on me in scepticism. "To be honest, I must admit I'm a little curious as to why you'd need this stuff injected into your system."

Figuring there was no harm in letting him know, I told him about what happened back at Bone Village, minus some details of course, and then about what happened in Kurn's lab. Naturally, I left out anything he didn't need to know. But I was willing to let him know the details of my condition since he seemed to know something about the stuff, which led me to think that maybe he could help me out a little.

"Hm… I wonder if it has something to do with the fact that it's pure energy," he mused, as he placed the cell on the counter and came a few steps closer to blow his smoke into my face. The guy liked to do that to people to show he thought he was superior to them, and in many ways he was.

Not to mention, I really didn't doubt it was his way of getting his kicks at someone else's expense, and the fact that I was a Shinra lapdog, only made it that much more worthwhile. He was an intelligent man, but he was also a bit of a prick, nothing like Rufus though. "Maybe it was the second dose that saved your life."

Waving the smoke out of my face but not retorting, because I wanted to hear what he had to say, I meagrely confessed, "I don't understand."

"Of course you don't." With a wry smirk, he started to explain. "When we were at the Temple of the Ancients, I came across some scripts that covered the effects the Black Materia had when cast. Naturally, this was after Cloud and the others left."

Shrugging one of his shoulders like it was no big deal, he continued, "I didn't see the point in mentioning it to anyone, since I didn't really understand it myself. But from what I could understand… Meteor emitted a pure source of energy, which is what gave me the idea to press Myrrna to study it…" After another pause, he quickly added, "It more or less feeds off itself"

"Myrrna?"

"Yes, my girlfriend…" he answered factually, and then he continued on with his thoughts as if the mention of her didn't bother him in the least. "Anyway, she mixed it with different substances to study it, and discovered by accident that polarizing it turned it into a type of energy we could use as a source."

"So, what was the mixture that killed her?" I asked, not really giving sensitivity much thought.

"Mako," he replied, and took another drag from his cigarette. "Mako makes it purely toxic… as you've come to discover."

With an uncomfortable nod, I grabbed another cigarette for myself since his smoke was making me want one and stared off into space for a bit, attempting to drink in and make sense of everything he was saying.

After which, he commented with a slight regret, "I'd love to help you out, Reno. But I really don't know enough about the stuff." Then he took another drag, and scratched at his goatee while thinking out loud, "I only study it as an energy source, but it still isn't stable enough to start using as a full blown replacement to Mako."

"Can ya think of anywhere I might be able to find out more about it?"

"No," he answered, and walked back to the counter to grab the cell so he could place it in his Cait Sith. "But… when I was with Cloud, we went to Professor Gast's place… He was married to an Ancient."

"Ya think I could find somethin there?"

"I don't know, but it's the only place I can think of that would be a good start since the Temple was destroyed." After closing the back of his Cait Sith, he turned his attention back to me and quirked his brow. "I could tell you how to get there…"

After we exchanged a few more words, he gave me the directions to Professor Gast's place. Since Gast had worked for Shinra and I'd been to Icicle Inn before, I had a rough idea of where it was already, but I appreciated the help nonetheless. I decided I'd ask Rufus if I could go there after I dropped the others off at the Forgotten City to investigate LANDSLIDE.

I knew he didn't want me going with the others since he figured I'd gotten into enough trouble already, and didn't want me anywhere near LANDSLIDE. Of course, it was okay to send me on other life-threatening missions, and going to Professor Gast's place seemed like a completely harmless thing to request.

So, I did.

* * *

Rufus approved my request when I spoke to him in his office in the late afternoon. He acted disappointed that I wouldn't be coming straight back and offered to join me as he came around his desk to grab me by the waist, but I told him I'd prefer it if he stayed put. He was safer in the building where there were guards who could protect him.

Naturally, he protested and said he could protect himself, and then he said that if I thought it was going to be dangerous then maybe he shouldn't let me go at all. Of course, he had that devilish look in his eyes that suggested he was less concerned with my safety than he was with the fact that I wouldn't be around for him to have his way with.

"Fine," he said, and brushed my hair out of my face while cocking his brow, "If it will make you feel better…"

Feeling a little awkward, I carefully pushed myself out of his embrace, because anybody could have walked into his office at any point, and I wasn't exactly comfortable being that close to him when he had that look in his eyes. It usually meant he had plans. "It _will_ make me feel better," I assured, as I stepped away.

I knew Kurn was doing all he could with what he had, but anything more that we could get together couldn't possibly hurt matters. Could it? Although I was feeling fine most of the time, I still wanted to get that crap out of my system. Plus, I had no idea what it was doing to me behind the scenes and nobody seemed to know what it could do to me in the long term or even if it would do anything at all.

"You know you might not find anything," he cautioned, coming up behind me and placing his arms around me again. Then he whispered into my ear while brushing his lips along the edge, making me shiver. "I don't want you to be disappointed."

With a bit of a grin, I muttered, "I know, but it can't hurt ta look…" Then I turned in his arms so I could see his face and asked, "Can it?"

"I suppose not," he responded, and shrugged slightly before brushing my bang out of my eyes. "I just don't want to see you disappointed." After pulling me closer while he was speaking, he rested his head on my shoulder and mumbled almost to himself, "You're moody when you're disappointed."

Snickering a little, I made no effort to disagree with him about my mood swings; after all, it wasn't like he didn't have any of his own… So, I didn't really care, and all I did in response was say, "I promise I'll try ta behave."

"_Try_ being the key word." Chuckling slightly while still resting his head on my shoulder, he commented, "At least you're being careful with your words."

I decided to ignore his grumbling though, and I pushed him back a little so I could kiss him on the lips and say, "Thanks," before I left his office to start packing up NME for another trip. She was getting lots of use those days, just like she did during the days before Meteor, and I had to admit that it sure felt good after four years to finally be doing business like we used to, with a few minor differences, of course.

* * *

Rude was the first one down to the helipad and started helping me pack up NME with everything they'd need for however long their trip was going to be. We figured it wouldn't hurt to get a jump on things while we waited for Tseng and Jared to join us. "You're not disappointed about having to stay behind, are you?" he asked when we were almost halfway done. He knew how much I liked being out on the field and was starting to get a little concerned for my sake.

"Nah," I answered with a bit of a shrug and a smile. "I talked Rufus inta lettin me go on a side trip."

"_Talked _him into it?" Turning around to look at me with his eyebrows raised, he stopped for a moment and regarded me with suspicion. I couldn't help but think he was starting to suspect something. Especially considering the fact that rumours were running rampant in the building about me being gay, and I hadn't been with a woman since I started sleeping with Rufus.

So, a little nervously, I scratched at the back of my neck and raised my brow before attempting to cover up my verbal mistake. "Uh… r-requested." After nodding to reassure myself more so than him, I grabbed a couple more bags to load into the chopper in hopes that the conversation was over. I didn't really think what I said was that much of a save though, but it was the best I could come up with on short notice.

"Mm," he mumbled, and grabbed my arm as I walked by him again. Then he pulled me to stand in front of him and just looked at me through his sunglasses, making his expression unreadable, and then he let go so he could grab a couple of bags himself to continue helping me load up the chopper. "Did you know there's a rumour going around about you?"

"I-I've heard it," I muttered with an obvious uncertainty, unable to turn around and face him all of the sudden. His presence was almost suffocating as it began to overwhelm me while he stood facing my back. It felt like he was burning a hole through my skull so he could read my thoughts straight from my brain.

"You're stuttering Reno."

Wincing like he had just stabbed me, I froze on the spot. Basically, anybody that knew me knew my stuttering was a tell-tale sign of me trying to avoid something, and the fact that I wasn't turning around to face him wasn't helping matters much for me.

Not to mention, he wasn't moving from the spot he was standing in either. I thought, maybe if I shut my eyes tight in an attempt to erase the conversation we were having, it would just go away. He knew. I knew he knew, and if he didn't know, then he most certainly knew at that moment simply by the uncontrollable way I was behaving.

"Turn around Reno."

"No," I replied. I didn't think I could have if I wanted to, and I didn't want to. So, I didn't.

Instead, I instinctively lunged forward and grabbed more bags to finish loading up NME as quickly as I could to avoid him. All the while, I could feel the heat rushing up to my cheeks, and I wound up cringing each time I stepped near him. Acting like he wasn't even there was making it easier and more difficult on me at the same time and I couldn't slow myself down as I moved faster with each step.

But he wasn't going to have any of that and he grabbed me by the arm the third time I rushed by him and roughly pulled me to face him, hurting my arm and twisting it to keep me still and in place. "Rufus is _not_ a substitute for whatever it is you're going through, Reno."

"You don't know him like I do, _Rude!_" I said through the grimaces, as he pinched my arm harder and shook me when I tried to break free. Luckily, the others started making their way over and he eventually let go, allowing me to take a quick drink from my flask while he watched with an air of disapproval.

"He'll destroy you, Reno," he warned, and didn't bother turning to look at me as I grabbed the last of the bags in an attempt to pretend the conversation wasn't happening, and then he added with a quiet anger, "If he hasn't already."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I grumbled, while fumbling around for a cigarette to calm my nerves as he finally turned to watch me when I checked over the frame of NME.

"You're drinking a _lot_ more than you used to," he said, and then he pointed his finger at me in emphasis, "And don't think I haven't noticed the scratches and bruises you've been trying to hide."

"Fuck off."

"Oh, I'll fuck off, Reno… Because I'm not gonna stand back and watch you destroy yourself… I _can't_ watch you do it anymore."

At that, he walked away to meet the others as they approached closer while I smashed my fist into the frame, hurting my knuckles in the process, and climbed into the pilot's seat to start the engine. Rude had been pissed off at me before, and every time it hurt.

It cut deep, and I hated how it made me feel. To put it bluntly, it made me feel like shit, like nothing else ever did. But that time was a little different though, because I didn't think it was something I could stop doing, and I wasn't sure if I could ever get Rude to accept it. Rufus was worse than an addiction, and Rude was right, it _was_ driving me to drink more heavily than I ever drank before.

* * *

The flight went smoothly and I dropped them all off at Bone Village as planned. I couldn't land in the Forgotten City since the foliage was too dense in that area. That was alright though; they all agreed they would make their way through the Lost Forrest on foot to meet their destination. Instead of getting out to help them unload, I waited patiently in the pilot's seat, playing with a loose thread on my jacket and refusing to move.

In the mean time, Tseng came over to me and stood there looking at me for a minute, without saying a word, and then he went back to help the others. I knew he noticed the silent hostility between me and Rude, but Tseng was never really good with words, and that was about the best you could ever expect from the man when it came to concerns. I knew he wanted to say something in regards to it, and I didn't doubt for a second that he knew what it was about.

Anyway, after they were all done, I didn't even bother saying goodbye and just left. In fact, I didn't waste any time at all pulling on the collective. I just wanted to get the hell away from them as fast as I could.

* * *

It was a little hard to find a good landing spot outside of Icicle Inn in the dark, but I managed and got everything shut down and secured without much time wasted. Then I grabbed a couple of empty bags in case I found anything and decided once I got to Professor Gast's place, that I'd grab anything on the Ancients for Rufus as well, so the trip wouldn't be a total loss.

Of course, it was freezing out, but at least that time I was prepared, knowing that Icicle Inn was in a permanent state of being frozen. I even brought my gloves too, but it never occurred to me they were fingerless, which didn't really do me any good. They helped a little though, keeping my hands warm.

Bitter cold…

I'd forgotten how damn cold it was there and I took a few more drinks from my flask, telling myself the alcohol would help warm me up. Then I lit a cigarette and started making my way into the town so I could get to my destination as fast as I could, to see what I could find, and to seek a little warmth too.

As I started to make my way to the town, leaving NME behind me, I heard a sharp whistle like something flying through the air at top speed. Then light, the colour of flames, surrounded me as I heard a loud explosion from behind.

The force pushed me forward onto the ground, and into the snow, and something hit the back of my head then, it could have been debris from the force. It was hard to say, because it all happened so fast, and I didn't feel it, but I heard it. It was like a dull thud that filled my head, and right away, I knew what had happened.

Before everything went black, the last thought that crossed my mind was NME…

_She's gone._

* * *

Revised: January 11, 2008


	16. Lost

**Lost**

* * *

For those of you that got tired of trying to guess… **NME:** Enemy. Just let it roll off your tongue.

* * *

_Sometimes I would dream in colour…_

_But sometimes they weren't really dreams…_

_I must have been somewhere, someplace back in time. The surroundings weren't familiar, but the knife was…_

_So was the colour of the blood on the blade and my hands, and so was the warmth of the tears on my face as they mixed together from the wounds I placed there._

_I lacked any courage to take my own life. I was weak, young, and at a point to where I could no longer see a solution. There was no other way to escape from the corner I'd been placed in, and it seemed like the only way._

_Suddenly, I was surrounded._

_The walls tore away and I was surrounded by flames, but I couldn't touch those flames. I couldn't hurl myself into them to burn away my shame, my guilt… my humiliation._

_There were demons around me, tearing at my soul and tearing me apart. I could feel it as my skin was ripped from me in shreds._

_It felt like fire._

_It felt like fire burning around me and inside of me._

_The colour in my dream was crimson, and crimson was the only colour I could see._

_Crimson was the colour of blood, and the only colour I wanted to see._

_I didn't want to see anything else. I didn't want to see what was happening to me._

_I didn't want to see what they were doing to me._

_It was punishment… a punishment for what I had done to myself._

_It was relief when I could no longer feel anything as they closed in around me…_

_But I knew._

_I knew._

_I knew what they were doing to me._

_Screams surrounded me and enveloped me._

_Screams became the replacement for the fire that burned around me, and they washed away the colour… the only colour I could see._

_In an attempt to tear myself away from the agony, my nails tore into the floor, only to rip it apart like it was paper, revealing the souls of those I'd damned below me._

_They showed me no compassion for the burden I was carrying and they laughed._

_They laughed at me as I was being torn apart by the demons, from the inside._

_Sector 7… They deserved it, I told myself._

_They deserved it…_

_All of them._

_My eyes shut tight as I cried out, but I couldn't cry out._

_I couldn't cry out because I was already screaming._

_Then I realized the screams weren't surrounding me after all._

_The screams were mine._

_They were coming from me._

* * *

I fleeted in and out of consciousness before I awoke to my own screams. Shivering and on the floor with my face in a pool of my own drool, I opened my eyes to view nothing but a dull haze. It was hard to focus and everything was blurry and covered in a fog that my eyes didn't want to adjust from. But that wasn't the worst part; my wrists were tied behind my back and all I had on were my boxers. I'd been stripped down and left alone in a shack with no heat.

Moaning, I tried to push myself over and ignore the intense throbbing that threatened to explode in my head. It was pulsating fiercely and it shot through my spine and my eyes with each subtle movement.

"Rufus…" I mumbled, in my half-conscious state, almost whining as if his name would bring me comfort. He was the only one that knew where I was going and therefore, the only one that may have known where I was. Considering I hadn't been moved somewhere else that was. I fucked up. I fucked up and I needed him to help me.

The chilling cold in the room told me I was still in the Northern continent somewhere, and since I'd been stripped down, I had no locators on me to let anyone know. But there was a small glint of hope the one in my earring still worked. If not, I was fucked. Actually, something told me I was fucked anyway.

"Rufus, huh?" came a voice from somewhere behind me. It sounded strange due to the state I was in, hollow and muffled, and unnatural, "Interesting name to call." Realizing I wasn't alone after all, I attempted to get a glimpse of who was talking to me. But I was unable to turn my head to see who was there.

"It sure is cold in here," he observed, and began walking toward me. I could hear the dull thud of each step as he made his way over to stand in front of me while I attempted to focus again. All I could make out was a pair of black boots, covered by the pant legs of a dark gray material that appeared blurry to me. "Wouldn't you agree?" he asked, and then he knelt down to reveal a needle n his hand.

"No," I mumbled, in regards to the needle and not the question, and tried to move myself away. But I was too weak and in too much pain to get my body to cooperate.

"Shhh," he soothed, and started stroking my hair. "You've had a nasty blow to your head… It's best if you stay still." Then he lifted my eyelid to take a look at my eyes. His face was close enough for me to see, but in the condition I was in, it was useless to me.

All I could make out were the colours and the flaming red that fell to his shoulders. The blurry contrast of the pale face, the red from the hair, and the darkness of the gray attire, shone bright enough to hurt my eyes and I wound up trying to close them.

"You're no good to me in this condition," he said, more so to himself than to me. Then he ran his fingers from my shoulder to my forearm, tracing the scratches from Rufus before he turned my arm to a better position for the needle. "You must have quite the interesting love life…" he mused, "Judging from these marks."

"Mm…" I mumbled, and tried to pull my arm from his grasp.

"Don't worry… It's only a sedative," he soothed, as he put the needle into my vein and pressed on the plunger. "I need you in good condition if you're going to be of any use to me." Then he ran his fingers over to my earring and pulled it out before dropping it on the floor in front of me. "I don't doubt for a second that you'd have a transmitter in there."

After that, he ran his fingers through my hair again and I heard him say "Cure." Then he stood up, straightened out his pants, and crushed the earring with his boot before walking to some place behind me. After the rusty creak of old hinges and a chilling cold rushed in to envelope me from the outside, I heard him say, "Sleep well… Renault."

Then there was silence, and dizziness to follow…

* * *

_I was sixteen years old…_

"_Renault!" came the voice of one of the boys who'd been rounded up after me._

_He was a friend of mine on the streets. Coming from the same orphanage, we'd known each other since either of us could remember. He was a year older than me and had the same colour of hair, which created a unique bond between us._

"_What the hell've you done?"_

_He came running up to me from the doorway of the bathroom to grab the knife out of my hand and grabbed my face to see the damage, leaving a sticky feeling as my blood mingled with his hands._

"_Fuck… Renault… what've you done to yourself?" he repeated again._

"_They're not gonna make me their slave!" I screamed, and started shaking uncontrollably before I mumbled, "I'll be no good ta them like this."_

_With a nervous swallow, Haldric pulled me close to comfort me by rocking me back and forth, staining the front of his shirt with my blood and frantically petting the back of my hair while whispering, "They're gonna kill you…"_

"_I don't care…" I muttered, as my tears flowed uncontrollably. "I'd rather be 'dead' than 'here'."_

_Then almost like always, the walls tore away again, and my friend turned to ashes in my arms._

_All that was left were the strands of his hair in my hands, and I screamed as they turned into a crimson liquid to run from my hands like blood._

_Then the flames returned… surrounding me again._

_Muffled voices began to envelope me as they closed in._

_Then I was constrained and torn from my position, only to find myself in a bed surrounded by white._

_Tubes were in my arms and my body ached all over. In a panic, I tried to pull them out but my hands were strapped to the bed._

"_Ya got what you deserved, Renault," came the voice of my friend. It was cold and menacing and full of cruelty. When I turned to see him, there was no face… only flames and green eyes._

_They looked like the eyes of a snake, with thin slits for pupils, and full of hatred. "You left me there… and you got what you deserved," he repeated before adding, "'All' of this is 'your' fault."_

_I tried to apologise, but was cut-off by the feeling of something slithering on me and looked down, only to be horrified by what I saw._

_I was covered in snakes that were devouring me alive, and I began screaming again._

_I screamed until I could scream no more._

_I screamed until…_

* * *

I awoke with a splash of cold water in my face and was still screaming from my nightmare. Struggling to get away from the torment of my dreams, I managed to push myself to my knees on the hard wooden floor. Then I realized I was awake and panting heavily, and chattering my teeth.

I was shivering from the cold that had become intensified from the water thrown at me. However, it was hard to say which was worse, the dreams I was having, or the predicament I was suddenly finding myself in.

After squeezing my eyes shut to force the water out of them, I was able to take note of the company and my surroundings. There was a wood-burning stove that was not being used in the far north-west corner, and a small kitchen lining the wall beside it. It was an open layout and would have been well-suited for hunters.

To the left of me was a table and some chairs, and there were three men decked out in heavy winter clothing sitting in those chairs. They looked like they were cold and had cups with steam coming out of them, most-likely to help keep them warm.

To the right and slightly behind me, there was a man with straight blonde hair, shoulder-length, and brushed back behind his ears. He was leaning against the wall near the door with his arms crossed and one leg swung in front of the other in a relaxed and bored manner. He too, was wearing a winter coat and looked cold, and he had a lit cigarette in his hand that seemed to be more for the sake of distraction than anything else.

But none of that really prepared me for the sound of a match being struck beside me, which pulled my attention over to the man who was wearing a dark grey suit, standing right beside me. He brought it up to ignite the end of the cigarette hanging from his mouth and looked down at me, smiling and shaking the match slowly to put it out.

"Well, well, well… If it isn't my good friend Renault," he said, in a clear tenor voice, with an almost musical quality while rustling his hand through my hair after dropping the match to the floor. Then he turned to walk over to the table so he could grab my flask from it. He was the only one not wearing anything to keep him warm, just the suit, and he didn't seem bothered by the cold either.

When he turned back to face me, I studied the patch over his left eye and a deep, diagonal scar running from just above his inner brow, down to his jaw, near the bottom of the ear.

"Should we inject him now?" asked the blonde by the door, while I was unable to pull my attention away from the man with the patch.

"No. We don't want to kill him," the redhead replied, as he walked back to me with my flask while opening it. Then he brought it to my lips and tilted it so I could take a drink. After he pulled it away, he wiped off my lips with the pad of his thumb and wolfishly smiled while stating, "Not yet."

"How else are we gonna get him to talk?"

With a cynical chuckle, he brought his cigarette to my mouth and held it there as an offering, which I accepted. During the whole time, our eyes remained locked, and I couldn't take them off of him. I thought he was dead.

"It's _Reno_ now… Isn't it?" he asked, before answering his friend. "Reno here isn't the type to talk, regardless of what you do to him." With a strange and disturbing amusement, he stroked his finger along the scar by my left eye before addressing me. "Isn't that right, _Reno__?_"

He stood up then, and straightened his suit before continuing with an explanation. "I had the privilege of listening to his last interrogation…" Rustling his hand through my hair again, He indulged further. "It doesn't seem to be much use."

Although, I must admit that I'm a little curious on how President _Shinra_ plans on using sex to carry out his plans." With a slight intrigue, he looked back down at me and grinned wolfishly. "Perhaps it's something he plans to do after you get your own apartment? Or will it be _in_ your apartment?"

Chuckling again at his own comment, he turned his attention over to the blonde with a devilish glint. "We should consider ourselves lucky to be in the presence of the one and only _Turk_ who destroyed many innocent lives in Sector 7." To add emphasis to his words he pushed my head forward from the back, throwing me off balance a little while I struggled to steady myself. Then he grabbed me by the back of my hair and pulled me back up until I was sturdy again.

"Maybe we should just kill him then," suggested the blonde with a slight edge of anger, before he straightened up and took a heavy drag from his cigarette.

"Oh no… I like challenges, and _Reno_ here is _definitely_ a challenge," he replied, while walking back over to the table as he continued talking. "There isn't much that _Reno_ won't do to get out of a sticky situation." Not really speaking to anyone in particular, he looked over the objects they'd taken from me and set his sight on my mag-rod before picking it up. "You see those scars on his face?" he asked, and motioned to me with the end of the rod. "He did that to himself."

With a subtle snicker, he started swinging the rod in a casual manner and walked back over to me. Then he rested it under my chin to push my face up so I was looking at him and tapped me sharply a couple of times on the chin with it.

After that, he knelt down and ran his fingers through my hair and softened his voice somewhat. "You see this beautiful red hair of his? It's like a delicacy to the _sick_ perverts who will pay for it…" At that point, he let out a disgusted snort and sneered before he added, "And I would know." Then he leaned closer to me and whispered into my ear, "You did me a favour."

Back to addressing the others, he moved to a more comfortable distance in front of me and went on. "But _Reno_ here prefers to make his own destiny. Don't you, _Reno_?" he asked without expecting an answer, and regarded me with a malicious glare. "He sliced his face up before they ever had a chance to put him on the streets… He knew he'd be no good to them if he were damaged goods."

With a curious tilt to his head, he brought both hands to my face to run his fingers along both my scars at the same time and asked, "Did you intend to make these so symmetrical? They're perfect… Like half-moons circling the outer edges of those amazing green eyes… Mako?"

Raising his voice again so he could carry on from where he left off, he persisted with his outspoken thoughts, "A little extreme… But effective…" Then he looked back down at me like he already knew the answer to the question he asked next. "Was it worth it?" Knowing I wasn't going to answer him, he simply brought his cigarette back to my mouth and watched as I accepted it.

"From what I understand, they beat you within an inch of your life for your actions… among other things…" he mused, and stroked my scar again before deciding to indulge some more.

"He's somewhat of an enigma, _Gentlemen_. Nowhere else on this planet at any other time, or any other place, would _anyone_ have the type of luck that _Reno_ has. It turned out that the _Turks_ were staking out the place he was taken to for his _punishment_, for reasons _completely_ unrelated and it just so happened that _Reno__'s_ life was spared. Of course, it was just before he was almost _dead;_ because, for the first time in history, a _Turk_ actually called the _fucking_ paramedics to save the life of a Slum-rat."

Shaking his head in near-disbelief, he smirked at the thought and then set his eyes on the blonde near the door. "Can you believe that?"

He let out a deep breath then, and returned his attention to the room in general. "The funny thing about it all was that after he was healed, they arrested him for prostitution… Because they believed the reason he was _punished_ had something to do with him already being a _whore_… Fancy that," he mused, chuckling cynically again while returning his attention back to the blonde. "That's _Reno__'s_ legacy… Get fucked… Get saved… Then get fucked again…"

With another smirk, he returned his attention back down to me while resting his hand on the top of my head. "It must get tiring.

"I heard you became quite the ladies man after that… to an excess." With a question in his eyes that almost bordered on accusation, he pushed a little further. "Trying to hide something, _Reno_?" There was no way I could have been any more humiliated at that point. I was shivering, hands tied behind my back, half-naked, and having my life story told to a bunch of fucking terrorists.

"You know they beat me too, because of what you did. Did you know that?" Sneering at the memory, he turned the dial on the mag-rod with a disturbing fascination. "I have _you_ to thank for getting me out of there as well, since the _experience_ left me with the appearance I now have today. I _also_ got to leave without having to _defile_ myself. I _owe_ you a lot."

When he hit the switch that sent a slight static charge into the air, his eye lit up and then he turned his attention down to me. "Have you ever been on the receiving end of this? No? It's _quite_ the magnificent little tool… I _wonder_ what it _feels_ like."

Smirking again, he locked his eye with mine and addressed his men while watching me like a predator. "Could you _gentlemen_ step outside please? I'd like to have a little heart to heart with _Reno_ here, before we get started." Without so much as a gripe, they all got up slowly and left the room in a small line up, leaving just me and _Aldrich_ Caine to have a private little conversation.

After the door closed and we were both alone together, he tapped me on the top of the head with the rod and knelt down in front of me. "Another drink?" he asked, holding up my flask and bringing it to my mouth. "Tell me, _Reno_… Is there any truth in what I heard after they beat you? Did they _really_ show you what you'd be missing out on?"

"Fuck you," I replied curtly, glaring at him. _Sick fuck._

"That's a relief… I almost felt sorry for you," he said, and then he took a drink for himself and spat it out in distaste. "Let's change the subject then… How about you tell me something _not_ related to Mako or refineries, or _anything_ like that? Hmm?"

Watching me with a slight amusement, he brought his cigarette back to my mouth after he took a drag for himself and then put it out once it was finished. "I'm a little curious… about why you'd call Rufus' name after coming out of a nightmare." With a not-so gullible look in his eye, he traced one of the scratches along my chest and circled one of the love bites with his finger before asking, "Isn't he your boss?"

Avoiding his question completely, I shifted my eyes to the side to avoid him as well. I had a feeling I knew where he was going, and I couldn't really say I was fond of the idea. Aldrich knew me well. We grew up on the streets together and he knew my methods, my strengths, and my weaknesses. He knew what kind of situations I'd been in and the things I'd done to get out of them.

If anyone was capable of finding a weakness in me, it would be him, and I knew him well enough to know that he wasn't the type to give up. "What'r ya doin Haldric? Ya never gave a shit about the environment," I spat out in a hiss, just barely above a broken whisper in hopes I could take my mind away from what he was going to do to me.

"I still don't… But as long as some of these _saps_ believe I do, they'll follow me to the ends of this planet."

"What's this all about then?"

"Uh-uh-uh… I believe _I'm_ the one asking the questions here," he warned quietly, and put his finger over my mouth to silence me. "It _kills_ me to have to do this to you… Of _all_ people… But I want you to understand that it's not personal… Not anymore."

"They told me ya were dead."

"And all because of you… They left me for dead. But some _tourist_ from Kalm found me and took me under his wing. He changed my life… offered me education and the opportunity to clean up. So, I accepted the offer… Much like _you_ did with _your_ unexpected turn of events."

After a firm press to my mouth before he removed his finger, he stood up and walked back over to the table to grab the small case for my shot and opened it. "Is this what I think it is?" With his brow raised, he held the needle up for me to see and waved it in the air before placing it back in the case after I shrugged in response. "Hm… I never thought I'd see you again, and as a _Turk_ no less… I thought you hated _Turks_."

"I did," I answered, with a cracked and shaky voice. The cold in the room was starting to become more unbearable than it already was, and the fact that he seemed to be unaffected by it only made me feel it more.

As a result, I started struggling with the ropes and rocking to warm myself up with what little movement I could muster while clenching my teeth to try and stop them from chattering. All the while, Aldrich had his head tilted and watched me with a scientific curiosity that was expressionless and calculating, before he came over to kneel behind me and wrap his arms around me, warming me slightly with his body heat. "So, tell me about Rufus… Is he the reason you joined the Turks?"

"He was jus a fuckin kid…" I muttered through clenched teeth, still trying to stop them from chattering. "They offered me a life away from the Slums."

"Ah, what a strange thing for me to overlook, it's funny how we tend to forget small details sometimes. Isn't it? We see him almost on a daily basis and forget that he was ever younger than he is now. I heard rumours that President Shinra, his father, beat you in those early days… on a regular basis. It doesn't sound to me like it was much better than what you left behind."

"I deserved it."

With an amused snicker, he rested his head on my shoulder and secured his hold on me with one arm while he dug around in his breast pocket with the other. "Deserved it… After all you've accomplished, you're still telling yourself you deserve it," he mused, as he pulled out another cigarette and lit it with his head hanging over my shoulder.

Then he held it to my mouth as an offer while continuing with his thoughts. "Maybe you do. After what you did to Sector 7 and everything else you've done, maybe you deserve worse… What else do you think you deserve, _Reno_? Do you think you deserve to die?"

"Jus get it over with…" I groaned, while attempting to hide the weak position I knew I was in and put my head back on his shoulder to look at the unfinished ceiling. Knowing that he preferred to take his time was enough for me to know whatever he had planned was going to be more than agonizing.

"After we finish this cigarette… I'll call them back in, and _don't_ you worry," he said, and then he kissed me on the cheek, "I _won't_ disappoint you." At that, he held me tighter and started rocking me as he exchanged his cigarette between us both until it was finished. Then he put it out on the floor and pulled my face toward him to regard me for a moment before he kissed me on the lips, slipping his tongue into my mouth, and then he stood up, leaving me there to freeze again.

"I'll make it worth your while," he said, as he straightened his suit again, "If that's what you think you need." Then before he opened the door, he turned to me and brushed his fingers across his lips. "You taste… just like I remember."

Those words stung me somewhere deep inside and I couldn't stop myself. Like a baby, tears streamed uncontrollably from me. Pathetically and weak, they stained my face in humiliation and a despair that weighed me down to a depth I hadn't felt since I was in the Slums. Trying to choke them back only made them pour out of me more and I couldn't hold back the overwhelming whine escaping from my throat.

I wanted Rufus all of the sudden. Rufus could have made me feel better than how my lies were making me feel. Rufus could have taken it all away by making me forget. My beautiful Rufus… If only he knew the lies I told myself, and the secrets I kept from him.

_And now… I don't think he'll ever know._

When he opened the door, I heard him say to the others, "He's ready now." Then I realised what it was all about. It was about power. He wasn't after stopping us from using the Mako. He was after attaining it for himself.

"Shall I get started now?" I heard the blonde ask, as they all entered the room.

"No," answered Aldrich, "Not yet… I have a much better idea." When he walked by me he rustled my hair as I remained kneeling on the floor, still a sobbing and shivering mess. My only thoughts were on my own failures and my own humiliation as I was being placed under the microscope of uncaring and unfamiliar eyes to study. Surrounded, I was, by those that would break me if given the chance, and they had all the opening they needed.

"Let's call President Shinra and see how much he cares about his _Turk_."

"Wh –?" the blonde started, but Aldrich cut him off by anticipating the question.

"We'll get him on the speakerphone and see how he reacts to the screams of his lover."

"His lover?"

Before answering his comrade, he smirked at him in a manner that suggested he shouldn't have been so surprised before he took a slight breath and enlightened the blonde to his new idea. "Yes. I know from experience that we can't break the _Turk_. He's too stubborn. So, let's try something a little different."

Then he held up my mag-rod and studied it for a moment. "I'd assume this can make a person feel quite… unpleasant." After a brief light flashed hungrily through his eye, he set his sight on the blonde and they smiled maliciously at one another for a moment. Then Aldrich handed him the rod and started pressing the buttons on the phone so he could call the Shinra Tower to request to speak to the President over a very urgent matter. One that he stressed President Shinra would be most interested in speaking to him about.

With an anxious bite to my lower lip, I closed my eyes shut in preparation and told myself I wouldn't scream. Rufus would never hear me scream, not like that. He'd never hear the screams another could break from me, and I knew Rufus would never let me down. He'd remain calm and indifferent until I died from what they did to me.

Neither of us did let each other down. I never screamed as those jolts travelled through my body, making me lose control of my motor skills, bodily functions, and whatever food I ate for the last couple of days. Nor did I scream when Aldrich lost patience and grabbed the rod from the blonde so he could beat me with it.

The only thing that Rufus told them was to let me go in his usual, calm and commanding manner… several times, until Aldrich decided it was time for a break. Seeing as I was ready to pass out, he figured he'd let me rest and continue again when my strength was back. He was certain he could break one of us and it was only a matter of time until he found out which one it would be. He may have been right too. I never did find out.

Near the end I heard him say the word "Cure" before he left the cabin, and I knew he would keep it up until one of us was broken. The bastard was calculated and had a patience that was unrivalled by anyone I knew, and I knew he'd keep me alive with that damn Materia and whatever else he could use until the end to his means was achieved…

That's when I finally screamed, no longer from the nightmares brought on by sleep, but from the nightmare I'd have to live…

It lasted days, though I'm not sure how many.

* * *

Every day started out the same. I'd wake up screaming from the nightmares haunting my nights, only to be tormented by the nightmares filling my days. Every morning Aldrich would come in with a plate of food that he'd force down my throat. He'd start out by roughly pulling me off the floor by my hair, and then he'd force handfuls of it into my mouth. He'd hold it shut while I weakly struggled until I swallowed. "To keep your energy up," he'd tell me. It was always the same.

Every day he'd remind me that it wasn't personal while sharing a cigarette and a drink with me. Every day he'd torment me personally by reminding me of my past before he'd call in his accomplices. Then he'd move onto the phone call, and each day became more difficult. Each day I became more sore and disoriented… The Cure Materia could only do so much, and often took time under normal circumstances.

Each day Rufus' voice broke more, and each day it became harder for me to suppress my screams. It came to the point to where I could no longer hear the words being exchanged, and I could no longer feel…

That was when Aldrich decided it was time to let them kill me. He realized that Rufus was as stubborn as I was and that he was getting nowhere. He told me he wasn't angry… He said he was impressed, and glad that I'd found someone just as stubborn as I was.

Apologizing, he told me that a pressing matter had called his attention away, leaving him unable to continue with our quality time and that he regretted not spending more of it with me. Then he and the blonde left. But before that he told the others to do as they pleased… I was no longer needed.

For the first time since I'd been _ill,_ I was glad to finally have an attack from my poisonous friend, Meteor.

The numbness was more than welcome, as I fell into darkness.

* * *

_It was a kiss of poison as the nectar filled my mouth and tried to drown me._

_Sliding down my throat, it choked me._

_The body in my arms turned venomous and wrapped itself around me like a constrictor._

_Crushing me as my bones cracked._

_I couldn't get away._

_I tried…_

_But I couldn't…_

_Betrayal slipped itself inside and tore its way out of me._

_I knew it was a mistake… It was a mistake I never should have made._

_I was crushed by the pillars of the world that dominated me and burned alive from the fires that consumed me._

_I was weak, I was lost, and I was running._

_I was running, but I was never moving from the spot I was in._

_I tried to lash out at the threat that enveloped me and chased me._

_Faceless and unseen, but felt as if part of me._

_I was being chased by my fears and they never did catch me._

_I knew I was dreaming and I tried to tell myself to awaken._

_But all I could do was scream as I suddenly fell into the flames with green eyes._

_They watched me as my demons caught up from behind, and began tearing at me…_

_Like they did every time._

_No pain… Only fear._

_No escape… Only cries… only cries that I could hear._

_Gaia… Help me!_

_"__Reno__…"_

_"Hey… Wake up."_

_"__Reno__… Wake up."_

_"__Reno__… It's okay… You're dreaming."_

"_Wake up…"_

"_You're safe now."_

"_It's okay."_

* * *

"Leave me alone!" I shouted. Startled awake, I jolted to a sitting position and flung my arms out, hitting something on the nightstand and sending it crashing to the floor. While trying to gasp for air, I wanted to scream from the shooting pain in my ribs and the burning ice that shot through every limb. But "Gah!" was all that escaped as I fell back down, hitting my head to the pillow.

_Where the hell am I?_

Exhausted beyond reason, I kept my eyes closed while I laid there. Being in the comfort of a bed and warm blankets, and the sound of a fire burning, suddenly made me feel safe. It made me want to believe it was all just a bad dream, but there was a searing pain shooting through every bone in my body in a spasm-like motion as proof that it wasn't, and I started moaning and whimpering from the discomfort.

In an instinctive motion, I brought my hand to my side because it hurt when I breathed and I wound up pushing on a spot that hurt, making it hurt more, and making me whimper more. From what I could tell, I was clothed in what felt like flannel, and under rough covers made to withstand cold winter nights.

_Oh, this is not my bed,_ nor was it Rufus'.

Rufus' sheets were always delicate and silky, and it wasn't the starchy feel of a hospital bed either. The sound of the fire burning nearby and the gale-force winds outside told me I wasn't anywhere familiar. But given the condition I was in, I couldn't bring myself to care much about it either.

The touch of a cool cloth moving gently over my forehead and face brought me a strange comfort from the flashes of being hot and shivering all over. I was freezing and violently shivering, but covered in heavy blankets and my head felt heavy, along with my eyes.

Then I began coughing uncontrollably while each spasm sent a shooting pain through my side and my chest, and I felt like crying. In fact, I think I was crying. I was so sick that I was emotional… like a child. Then I heard someone say in a comforting tone, "You're gonna be okay".

"Rufus…" I moaned pathetically, in a whiny and broken voice.

_I want Rufus._

"Shhh… You're sick… Rest."

The voice was soothing and lacked any cruelty I knew of. It made me feel safe and it sounded familiar. It was a low, soft, and calm voice that was soothing as the cloth continued to caress my face. I couldn't bring up the energy to open my eyes to see if it was who I thought it might have been though, and I was afraid to open them for fear that it was only a dream, an interlude from my next session of torture.

However, if it was who I thought it was, and if it was real, I knew I was safe because he'd taken care of me before… much to my surprise. He seemed to be a lot more human with me the last time I was sick.

When I felt something cool touch my lips, I was startled for a moment and jerked slightly, renewing the unpleasant sensations in my body while he apologized and quietly said, "Drink this… It's Elixir."

"Don wannit," I whined, and painfully tried to push him away.

"It will help break your fever."

"'Lixir don get rid uff fevers… Fuck'ff," I slurred, and tried to turn my head away, rewarding myself with a shooting spasm down my neck and grimacing over it.

"I didn't say it would get rid of it. I said it would help break it."

"Nnnn… Don needit."

"You're difficult even when you're sick…" he muttered, and then he took a deep breath before letting the frustration come out in his voice. "Just drink it."

Suddenly crying again because I didn't like the taste of Elixir, and therefore didn't want to drink it, I made my weakest attempt at trying to get out of it. "Nnnn… Hate 'lixir… Bitter."

"For Gaia's sake, Reno… Would you quit being a damn baby and drink it."

"Nooooo… Don _like_ it."

After hearing a heavy and irritated sigh, strong fingers grabbed my face, causing me to cry out and forcing my mouth open so he could pour it down my throat. But I spat it back out and all over myself and his hand. "I have thirty-four of these left…" he said, with a slight edge to his voice. "We can do this thirty-four more times if you'd like. Or you can just drink the next one I give you… Either way, you'll at least get a little in your system each time you spit it out."

"Hate you," I murmured, and felt like falling back to sleep, but I couldn't stop shivering.

"The feeling's mutual… Now… here…"

With not much time wasted, he brought another one to my mouth and I figured I'd let him give it to me. Having to taste that crap thirty-four more times just didn't appeal to me, and the fact that I was really in no position to get out of it, I didn't feel I had much of a choice.

One more time seemed okay though, since those were my only options.

* * *

_I was falling…_

_Into a darkness that enveloped me._

_Sharp as needles, pain tore through my veins as I tried to grab onto something to hold. But there was a sharp snap from inside as my bones shattered like crystal._

_I was falling into darkness…_

_There was no light…_

_No sound…_

_No…_

_Nothing…_

* * *

"Nnnn…" A small sound escaped from me, bringing me back to consciousness, and I suddenly jumped as if to grab onto something to stop me from falling. But I wasn't falling. My whole body was still aching and suffering from shooting spasms, but I was no longer cold. I was safe… safe in the confines of warmth.

After wearily opening my eyes, I attempted to make out my surroundings while trying to regain some focus. All I could really make out though, was that I was no longer in the freezing shack anymore. Then I vaguely remembered someone talking to me and forcing something into my mouth in which I couldn't seem to recall the contents of, or who it was I was talking to.

"Where am I?" I asked, with a broken voice that was raspy from sleep and exhaustion.

"Professor Gast's place." With a sharp wince, I turned to the direction of the voice to see who was there. I could make out the blurry lines of the spiky blonde hair and the intensity of the Mako-blue in his eyes, but my vision didn't seem to want to adjust to anything beyond that.

He stood there with his arms crossed in front of him, at the side of the bed, before reaching down to place the back of his hand on my forehead so he could check my temperature. "I figured since it belonged to Shinra…" he started, but he didn't finish and simply let his sentence trail off.

"Shinra…" I repeated.

"You nearly died," he said, hesitantly, before sitting on the edge of the bed and then carefully shifting until he was beside me to place his arm under my neck and lift me slightly.

The pain from the movement was almost unbearable; most of it was in my ribs and along my spine and I cried out without meaning to. "Sorry," he muttered, as he brought a cup of lukewarm broth to my mouth, "But I need to get you to eat something."

With barely enough energy to swallow, I accepted his offering anyway, mostly to satisfy the hunger pangs rampaging through my stomach. Then after a few sips that became easier each time, I managed to ask what happened. "I found you while you were being beaten," he answered quietly, and brought the broth back to my mouth. "You didn't seem to be aware of what was happening."

"Had'n attack." With a flat tone, I sat there a little dazed and wondered how I managed to bounce back from it.

Cloud seemed to notice the confusion on my face though, and explained what happened. "Rufus told me about your problem and gave me some dosages… I'm not sure how long you were out…" While he was speaking, he brought the cup back to my mouth so I could drink some more and carefully shifted to try and get a little more comfortable. "Well… You're okay now," he added, and then he nodded slightly as if he was trying to reconfirm it to himself.

However, there was something about the way he spoke that made me shudder, despite the fact that he was trying to remain positive. I couldn't remember anything after my attack. All I could remember was Aldrich telling me it was a shame to have to leave me like that and then being surrounded while he chuckled over it and left. "How many were there?" I asked, almost dreading the answer, and then I started coughing painfully.

"Three," he said, looking down at me and adjusting his arm a little to try and help.

_Shit… he's still out there…_

Still delirious from being sick, I had a sudden vision of him standing right there and I started to squirm so I could get away and run. Unable to stop myself, I wound up crying out from the pain caused by the movement. But I needed to get out. I needed air.

"Reno… Stop it!" Cloud shouted. In an attempt not to spill the broth over us both, he tried to set it down on the nightstand and missed. But he had more pressing matters to tend to at the moment and ignored it completely as he grabbed a hold of me to try and get me to calm down.

"Nnnno… Let me go!" Choking again from the stress I was putting on myself, I tried to push him away, but the pressure only succeeded in making me choke more instead of working to my advantage.

"There's nothing you can do!" he yelled frantically, and forced me back down onto the bed to hold me there before calming himself down and trying to talk some sense into me. "For Gaia's sake, Reno… You're broken."

"Nnnn let me go!"

"Reno! You're just hurting yourself more by struggling… Stop it!"

The urgency in Cloud's voice brought me back to reality somewhat and I suddenly stopped struggling. I was too exhausted to continue anyway and almost as soon as I stopped, my consciousness started slipping away, leaving me back to my nightmares.

* * *

I figured five days had passed since I was brought to Professor Gast's place. It was hard to tell. Slipping in and out of nightmarish consciousness didn't really allow me the proper mind-frame to keep track of time. Cloud was at his wits end with me over several little mishaps, mostly caused by me refusing to admit I was in a state less than perfect.

Hell, he was pissing me off anyway and not _once_ did he ever smile. He was worse than Rude when it came to nagging and he wouldn't bring me anything to drink but water and tea, and who the fuck drank tea?

"So… What brings ya out here?" I asked, finally feeling a little better and clear-headed while sitting propped up in the bed as Cloud sat in a tilted back chair at the opposite end of the room… the furthest possible place from me.

"Tifa."

"Tifa?" My voice was breaking up a little from the cold I still had, but I was making every effort to cover it up in order to convince Cloud I was fine. He didn't seem to be buying into it much though, which was really pissing me off. "What… She like snowboardin'r somethin?"

"No," he replied, and straightened up his chair. "You're _boyfriend_ offered to expand the orphanage if she could talk me into saving your sorry ass."

"Oh… So, I have a buncha kids ta thank." That actually made perfect sense to me since Cloud coming to save me out of the kindness of his heart didn't quite cut the cake, and the fact that I was starting to get used to everyone calling Rufus my boyfriend or lover allowed me to brush off his ill-comment and ignore him.

Coming to terms with the fact that it wasn't going to stop any time soon, I figured I might as well accept it whether it was true or not. It would probably haunt me for the rest of my life even if I stopped seeing him anyway. The only part about it that did bother me was how it affected me and Rude, and our friendship, and the fact that I was attracted to a man.

It probably doesn't make much sense at this point since some of you are probably wondering what the story was with me and Aldrich. Well, perhaps I have some things to explain. You see, we were young and a little confused. Aldrich was the strong one and he used to protect me, much like Rude did and does.

We did everything together, and eventually, during those times, things turned into something more. There was never any love in what we had, at least not in a sense that was easily interpreted. It was somewhat of a sadistic relationship that Aldrich dominated and controlled. I'll admit that I let him, but that was because I was afraid of what would happen if I didn't. I was also afraid of being left alone and he was the only friend I had. I thought I needed him. It wasn't like the dominance struggle between Rufus and I.

Rufus was just a psycho. It was never a control issue with my dark little angel and he honestly never pushed me to do anything I didn't really want to do, regardless of what other people thought. Rufus' goal was to push me to take away his own dominance and control. I honestly had no idea why he needed it taken from him so badly, and it never really made sense to me, but it was what he wanted.

Anyway…

After a while, Cloud got up from his chair and walked over to me to check my temperature with the back of his hand again. I'd been slipping in and out of fevers since he found me and he appeared to be a little concerned over the matter. "I take it you're feeling better?"

"Yep. Like a first place Chocobo," I said, while flashing a grin at him. "So, can we go now?"

"You're not well enough to go anywhere… and there's a blizzard outside."

"Bullshit. I ain't fuckin hangin 'round here waitin fer nothin," I grumbled, while getting up to go nowhere fast. I really didn't know where the hell I was and didn't know what the hell I was trying to prove, but I didn't get very far.

"Damn it, Reno!" Cloud shouted, and rushed to grab me as I nearly fell to the floor. I had no idea how weak I was because I felt fine while sitting in the bed. "How the hell does Rufus put up with you?"

"I'm charmin," I chortled, trying to keep things light.

"I've yet to see it then."

With a completely unimpressed look on his face, I found myself chuckling at him and then screeching when his arm pressed on my ribs as he tried to help me up. "Get the fuck away from me!" I suddenly snapped, and then I pushed him away as I fell on my ass, grasping at my side. _That fuckin hurt!_

Looking like he was about to thump me a good one, he stood there with his fists balled while glaring down at me. His jaw tensed a little and then he tried to calm himself down by taking a deep breath. "You have no comprehension of what you've been through, do you?" he asked, and then he bent down to pick me up by my arms so he could make another attempt at helping me back on the bed.

Shrugging after he sat me down, I mumbled almost to myself, "Was tortured."

"I don't get you," he mused, while walking back to his chair.

"What's there ta get?"

"You were gone for almost two weeks." With a frown, he crossed his arms and put his foot on the dresser nearby. "And you don't seem bothered by it at all."

"Shit happens."

"You'd do anything for Rufus, wouldn't you? If he asked you to kill yourself, you'd probably do it." Shaking his head as he sat there, he looked down at the floor and sighed in disbelief. "You act like being tortured for him is no big deal, yet you act like an overgrown child over every other little thing that happens to you."

"Gotta make up fer it somehow…" To be honest, I never really thought about it before, "I guess."

"Hm."

"So… When do we get ta leave?" I pushed, while raising my brow in question. I was starting to go stir crazy being holed up in that place for almost a week with no cigarettes and no alcohol to take my mind off of things. In fact, I was starting to think I might lose it if I had to stay there any longer.

"When the blizzard clears," he mumbled, and picked at a paint chip on the dresser before getting up to collect the half-eaten bowl of rice at my bedside. "Cid can't land until the blizzard clears."

"Jus my luck… Longest fuckin blizzard in history'n I get ta spend it with _Cloud_," I muttered to myself as he walked away, not really caring if he heard me or not.

* * *

By the time the evening came by on the sixth night, I decided I'd pretend to fall asleep. My strength was almost back and I had some things I wanted to do that I knew he'd be getting in the way of. Plus, I figured I was strong enough to start making my way around on my own. So, after waiting several hours, I pulled myself over to the edge of the bed and checked to see if Cloud was still sleeping.

He'd rounded up some extra blankets and pillows and decided to camp out by my bed on the floor, making me wonder exactly how much Rufus promised him and Tifa in order for him to be so hospitable. It also made me wonder if Rufus would pay up, or pull some sort of bullshit to get out of it. After all, that man donating money to orphans wasn't exactly a 'Rufus' sort of thing to do.

Anyway, I figured I'd test the waters by seeing how sound of a sleeper Cloud was by calling his name, just above a whisper. When he didn't stir, I called it again and still received no response. Then, to be on the safe side, I looked around on the nightstand for something I could throw at him and I found a napkin. So, I balled it up and tossed it at his head which still gained me no response.

_Hmmm, I wonder if he's dead._

_Oh well… who cares?_

After carefully pushing the blankets aside, I took a moment to take a good look at the pyjamas he had me in, for the first time. They were a dark red and green plaid flannel and I found myself being utterly mortified by it. I also regretted not throwing something heavier at him for it. Well, it wasn't really that big of a deal I supposed, and decided to continue with my original agenda instead… I could always kill Cloud later.

So, while clinging to the sheets of the bed, I slid along the side until I was on my knees with a light thud. Cringing a little, I turned back to see if Cloud had awakened, but he was still in the same position and still sound asleep.

_Maybe he 'is' dead…_

I couldn't help but entertain the thought. After all, if he was, then I could finally get the hell out of there in my own way. Not that I really knew how I'd do that, but maybe I could at least get to one of the local pubs to buy some cigarettes…

_Cigarettes! Why the hell did'n I think of that before?_ I could always check Gast's records later.

On that note, and with a suddenly new and urgent mission in mind, I began crawling towards the stairs and realized my attire wasn't exactly appropriate for the pub. So I had to crawl over to the drawers on the other side of Cloud to see if there was anything more suitable in them. After several seconds of rummaging, I found some old corduroys and…

_Oh, for shit's sake! These are all 'old people's' clothes!_ _Maybe there's somethin better in the closet_…

Like a kid trying not to get caught, I crawled over to the closet and settled on an oversized blue suit hanging there. It reminded me of the old days when our uniforms were blue instead of the black that Rufus changed it to.

Of course, it was no Turk uniform by any means, but it was sure as hell better than what was in the drawers. Though it was a little on the short side and large around the waist, but it would do once I got a pair of boots on to cover up the length of the pants. Once I was dressed and standing, I turned around and stumbled over the edge of Cloud's blanket and fell toward the dresser, knocking some ornaments off of it.

_Ssssshhhiiiittttt! _But there was still no reaction from him.

_Hm… Cool._

On that note, since Cloud appeared dead, I figured he wouldn't mind if I borrowed some of his Gil. So, I snuck up to him and picked his wallet from his pants before making my way for the stairs again. Then after collecting everything I needed, I realized I was feeling a little stronger than I thought I was and figured I'd walk to the stairs instead of going back to crawling.

I was still a little shaky, but quite capable of getting around much better than before. When I made it to the top, I got some boots on, which were also a little oversized, but really… it wasn't like I was going hiking or anything. I was just going to get sauced, and I knew there was a pub nearby, which meant I wouldn't have to go too far in them.

_So far, so good_… I thought to myself, as I was about to open the door.

But I was completely and rudely interrupted.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Cloud was halfway up the stairs and looked pretty frustrated about something. Though I wasn't really sure what it was. I figured it had something to do with me, but that was about it.

"Uh…" With a brainless pause for a moment, I scratched the back of my neck and laughed nervously while trying to come up with a believable story. Then I came to terms with the fact that I never really was that good at that sort of thing.

So, I bolted for the door as fast as I could, and made a run for it.

* * *

Revised: January 11, 2008


	17. Never as Planned

**Never as Planned**

* * *

"Reno!" I heard Cloud shouting after me, as I ran toward the woods. Snow was blowing in all directions, and the howling wind made it hard to tell which direction he was coming from. I didn't really know where I was going, but I figured if I could lose him in the dark, then I could go about my life the way I always had.

Being shacked up with him was like being locked up with someone's grandmother. He wouldn't let me get up, he wouldn't let me drink, and he wouldn't let me smoke. He insisted on treating me like I was incompetent.

So what if I was sick? I've been sick before! I've never had someone stop me from living my life because of it. Even Rude wasn't as bad as he was, he'd just shake his head and call me an idiot before throwing his hands in the air and giving up.

But Cloud never gave up.

I couldn't deal with it anymore; all I wanted was a drink and some cigarettes.

_Why the fuck won't he leave me alone?_

Ever since the Remnants, every fucking time I turned around, he was there, making my life a living hell. I knew he was keeping an eye on me to find out what Rufus was up to, and I knew that was why he'd been following me from the get-go.

But, didn't he fucking know he wasn't going to find out shit from me?

"Reno! Where the hell are you?"

_Yeah, right… like I'm gonna answer 'you'. _

In a haphazard attempt to lose him, I stumbled forward to brush the snow over my foot prints while I continued to back into the thick of the woods on my knees. For once, the forces of nature were on my side, aiding me with the blizzard by hiding all the traces of my evidence.

I stopped when I felt I'd gone far enough, and Cloud's Voice had become distant enough for me to feel confident that I'd finally lost him. There was a bit of a problem though. I was in the middle of nowhere and suddenly with no sense of direction.

To top things off, behind me was a low growling that didn't sound like it was friendly.

Cautiously, and slowly, I turned around to meet with the winged colours of purple, green, and blue, staring down at me with red-slit eyes as it hovered just above me. Jagged teeth, razor-like, grinning and dripping with saliva, ready to snap at any second.

Above me was a wind wing… _a fucking wind wing… of all the fucking luck… a damned flying, flesh-tearing, meat-eating lizard!_

Instinctively, I reached to my side to arm myself, but there was nothing there this time to defend myself with. So, shakily and softly, and in a light sing-song I said, "hhell-ohh," as I slowly started to back up, keeping my eyes locked with its feral gaze.

_Oh…shit…oh shit, oh shit, ohshitohshitoshit! It's the same fucking size as me!_

_Maybe if I can get far enough away, I can make a run for it…_ I thought foolishly.

I've run into those things before and actually knew I couldn't outrun it. They were fast, and I was food, and I didn't doubt for a second that it was hungry. Running would only encourage it to attack.

For the first time since I'd been holed up with Cloud, I found myself wishing he were there with me. _Where did he go anyway?_

"Cloud…" I said through my teeth, though it wasn't really loud enough for anyone to hear. Truth was, even though I needed him, I didn't really want him to hear it. Under any other circumstances, I wouldn't normally be calling _his _name. But seeing as I was pretty much screwed and in a tight spot, I didn't really have any other choice.

Talk about humiliating… asking a guy that has tried to kill you, and that you've tried to kill him, on several occasions, for fucking help. I just couldn't see it happening… I just couldn't do it.

Chances were, he wanted to kill me at that point too, considering I'd just stolen his wallet and gotten him to chase me into a blizzard in the middle of the night. Rufus must have made one hell of a sweet deal to Tifa, I thought.

_I'm so fucked_.

I continued to back away as carefully as I could, until a branch snapped under my knee. That's when it struck, like the noise set it off, as if it were a switch. I pushed myself over, onto my back, to try and fight it off. Holding my forearm across its neck and digging my foot into the pit of its right wing, I was managing to keep those snapping teeth just inches from chewing my face off while its tail was coiling around my other leg and tightening, digging the fine thorny spikes of its exterior through my pant leg and into my skin.

After trying to shake my foot free, I managed to push the wind wing off of me and twist myself around, so I could try to run. Even though I knew I didn't stand a chance in hell, instinct still had the prime directive on my functions, and I tried to bolt. Its tail lashed out and wrapped tighter around my ankle, with the spikes extending, so it could drag me back in.

Its fine claws dug into my upper arms and hips as it grabbed a hold of me from behind, to begin tearing the flesh off my bones. I felt the teeth pierce through the skin on my shoulder blade, making me scream out in sheer fear.

Luckily the thick winter coat of Professor Gast made a fair barrier, protecting me somewhat from its teeth sinking in too far, but they went in far enough to scrape bone; it was only a matter of time until the creature got pissed off and tore its way through.

_Oh Gaia… please… please, please, please… make it stop… make it stop…_

_"__Reno__'s legacy… get fucked… get saved… then get fucked again,"_

I heard Aldrich's words ring true in my head.

_Noooooooo… nonononono… _

"SHUT UP!" I screamed, grabbing my hands to my ears.

_This isn't happening… this isn't happening… this isn't…_

Suddenly, the creature let go with a shrieking howl, and I started running. I started running without looking back. No fucking way was I _ever _going to look back. I'd found a new source of energy to drive me… adrenaline-driven fear… absolute, utter, fucking fear.

I probably could have handled it if I were with one of my fellow Turks. But I wasn't. I was alone. I heard something chasing me, and the branches on the ground snap from the heavy steps of my next predator, and my heart was racing to a point to where it felt like it was going to rip my chest open and explode. But I couldn't stop. No way was I ever going to fucking stop.

Then something grabbed me by my hair, and pulled me back with such a forceful tug that it sent my feet running into the air, before I landed hard on my back while my hands were clinging to keep my hair attached to my head. While trying to regain what little breath I still had, since most of it was knocked out of me, I struggled to my hands and knees so I could start crawling away as frantically as I could.

"Reno!" shouted Cloud's voice again, coming from somewhere behind me.

But I didn't listen. I had to get away, as far away as I could. I had no idea where I was going. I just had to go.

"Reno! Stop it!" he shouted again, while grabbing my ankle to pull me toward him.

On nothing but pure instinct, I kicked out to shake myself loose and kicked him in the side of the head, stunning him enough to make him let go, and I started running again. I ran until he tackled me down to the frozen ground, forcing the cold snow into the openings of my clothing, and I think I lost one of my boots…

Yeah… I did lose one.

I must have lost it when he wrestled me onto my back so he could pin me down and hold me still, in an attempt to try and calm me down.

The right side of his face and hair were covered in blood, probably from the wind wing, and his eyes were alight with a blue fire of anger… intense anger. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" he shouted, with his face right in mine, as if he was about to kill me. "Are you trying to get yourself killed?"

"Get the fuck off'a me!" I retorted, while struggling with him. But he had my hands pinned to my chest and his feet hooked over my legs and under my knees to stop me from moving, and he was fucking heavy. His weight was crushing my chest making it hard for me to breathe.

I managed to swing around somehow though, and pushed him to the side so that I was on top temporarily, surprising us both, before I jumped off and tried to run again. But I didn't get very far. He jumped to his feet and lunged forward, grabbing me by my jacket and swinging me around so he could ball both his fists into the material of the front of my coat. Then he slammed my back into one of the trees, causing me to cry out, as one of the broken branches dug into my upper back.

He didn't seem to care about that though, and brought his face back up to mine while he growled, "I promised _Tifa_ that I'd bring you back to _Rufus _in _one _fucking _piece_." Then he pushed me further into the branch to get his message through. "And I can't do that if you _insist_ on _killing_ yourself!"

The mention of Rufus' name snapped me out of whatever madness I had fallen into for some reason, and I suddenly calmed down enough to reacquaint myself with reality. But it didn't seem to be enough for the asshole though, because he backhanded me for no apparent reason.

I think he held back a little though, because it wasn't as bad as I would have expected it to be, and then he pulled my face back so I was facing him again, and yelled, "You're _fucked_ in the head, Reno!" before he stared at me for a moment, peering into my eyes as if trying to study them, and then he smacked me again and started dragging me back to the cabin.

"I don't know where the fuck you get all that energy from," he mumbled, as he practically ploughed the snow with me. Then he turned sharply and without warning and looked at me suspiciously, "_No_ one heals that fast."

Regardless of what he was saying, I couldn't break the focus on the fact that I didn't think I'd ever heard Cloud swear before. I tried to recollect, and I just couldn't recall him ever swearing before. As for the healing, well, Hojo noticed that too about me. He wrote it off as a side effect to the Mako overdose, since he never got the chance to fully study me.

"What the hell were you trying to do anyway?" he asked, his voice still riddled with agitation, as we were nearing the cabin, and it was finally in clear sight.

"Go to the pub," I mumbled hesitantly.

"The pub?" With a sharp disbelief in his tone, he turned to me quickly while he reached behind him and opened the door, and his eyes were full of bewilderment when he repeated himself, "The pub." Then he shouted, "What the fuck is wrong with you?" as he threw me with full force, painfully, into the corner of the room after he opened the door. "You have a _serious_ problem, Reno!"

"I _KNOW_ I DO!"

That didn't quite come out as planned. It was a blood-curdling scream that took us both off guard.

_Did I just admit that I had a problem to Cloud…?_ _Of all the fucking people!_

He stood there for a moment, with his fists balled at his sides like he wanted to thump me but was trying to control himself, and almost said something but changed his mind. Then he came forward and pulled me from the floor by my arm, grabbed his wallet out of my pocket, and pushed me into the closet.

After slamming the door shut on me, I heard him say from the other side, "Fine Reno… You want to destroy yourself? I'll help," and then I heard something slam against the door, suggesting he'd barricaded it.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I shouted from the darkness, and started pounding on the door while frantically turning the knob with no luck. "Ya can't fuckin lock me in here!"

"Yes I can… I can't trust you…"

His voice sounded hollow, and then I heard the outside door open, letting the wind blow through, and felt the coldness from outside crawl under the closet door.

_No… No, Nonononono…_

"I'm leaving," he said, and then I heard the door slam as his footsteps crushed heavily in the snow outside, fading with each step, until there was silence.

_Leaving? _

"Ya can't fuckin leave me like this!" I shouted, though no one was there, "Don't fucking leave me!" and then I slid down the wall and started kicking at the door in an attempt to loosen it, but whatever he put in the way was heavy, and I couldn't nudge it at all.

Small spaces were not my thing. I felt suffocated in them, and being locked in darkness didn't help matters much either. Not knowing what else to do, I pulled my knees to my chest and brought my hands over my head so my forearms were pressed to my ears, and I began rocking like I'd lost my mind.

I told myself, he was only doing this to spook me. He'd be right back…

_He'll be right back,_ I thought, nodding to myself in reassurance, before I came to the conclusion that he really had no reason to.

_Fucking prick…_

* * *

"_Wanna play a game?" he poured something into my mouth that didn't taste familiar. But I swallowed… I swallowed it anyway. It was sweet and sticky, like thick nectar of some sort._

"_What is it?" I asked, looking at his blurry image._

_Red hair fell in loose waves and caressed his bruised shoulders, and he leaned forward letting his hair fall to either side of my face, "Something for the pain," he said, his breath hot on my cheek._

"_I'm not in… any pain…"_

"_You will be," he whispered, brushing his lips along my jaw, before pulling back so he could brush my hair out of my face. "Will you do anything for me?"_

"_Anythin…" I breathed out, as he brought my hand to touch the bruise on his cheek._

_He smiled and pulled my hands up above my head, so he could fasten them with his belt, and then he leaned forward again. _

"_Nnnn… what're ya… gonna do…?" I slurred, in between breaths and rolled my eyes back as he kissed my neck. _

"_Something… different…" he answered, before his hand moved down to unfasten my pants and slide under the fabric. "You're so beautiful… so… vulnerable…"_

_I was fifteen… _

* * *

The sound of the door opening snapped me back to reality, and I squinted my eyes to protect them from the onslaught of light that was suddenly hurting them as Cloud stood above me in that SOLDIER-like stance of his. His hard look turned soft when he saw the redness of my eyes and the wetness on my face, which I quickly tried to hide, as I buried my head in my sleeve and wiped at the tears. I didn't need him seeing me like that… particularly not _him._

He knelt down and slipped his hand under my chin, cupping it, so he could tilt my face up toward him, and then he frowned and shook his head. No snide comment, no 'You're a mess'… nothing, which made me feel even worse. Pity from Cloud was almost as humiliating as the circumstances that put me in the state I was already in.

"I needed medicine," he said, as he pushed a brown bag full of supplies into my arms. "I didn't want to use anymore Cures on you, for fear of degeneration…" Then he pulled the edge of the bag down and revealed some of the other things he'd bought, and explained, "Figured I'd grab you that as well, since you think you need it so bad." He still sounded angry, but I could tell he was restraining himself.

There was a carton of cigarettes and a bottle of rye, among miscellaneous medical supplies, which I reluctantly accepted. Normally, I'd just throw it back in his face, and part of me wanted to do just that. But the other part of me really wanted the drink and the cigarettes, so I sucked it up and accepted it.

"I wasn't sure what you liked," he said, grabbing my leg and rolling the torn pants up, revealing the scrapes where the wind wing grabbed me. "Then I remembered who I was shopping for and realized it didn't matter… You'd drink anything anyway." With a bit of a frown, he pressed a little, just below one of the open wounds, making me jump a bit while he muttered, "That's gonna get infected. Drink one of those Potions."

"What Potions?"

"The ones in the bag," he said, flicking at the edge of it. Then he got up and stepped back to give me some room and mumbled, "Get up. I need to get you over to the sink and better lighting."

I got up and hopped with him over to the bathroom, where he pushed me into the counter so it dug into my gut. I grimaced and hissed at him, and he just ignored me and told me to take off my shirt. "I ain't takin off my shirt!" I said to him in disbelief, "Not for _you_."

"Quit being an idiot, Reno! You were bitten… It needs to be tended to."

"I don't need no fuckin nurse!"

"Damn it, Reno," he said, pushing me forward again, before he grabbed my shirt and tried to pull it off while I struggled with him. Then he smacked me across the head from the back and pushed me further over the counter, where he tried to tear my shirt from the back.

Out of sheer reaction, I elbowed him in the side and pushed him back while yelling out, "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" as I backed into the wall to protect myself. _No one tears my clothes off! 'No' one… unless… I want them too._

"You know, besides the fact that you're still a child when you're sober, you sure are a lot stronger and agile," he commented, grabbing onto his side and pulling me back over to the sink. "Have you ever thought of quitting?"

"No," I said, and then I bent down to grab the bottle out of the bag that I brought in with me, and opened it, "Never."

He hesitated for a moment, like he was deep in thought, while he watched me take a drink, and then he asked me, "What are you hiding from?"

"Everythin," I answered, a little surprised that I blurted that out, because it was the truth, but it wasn't something I wanted to be telling him.

So, I decided I'd oblige in order to avoid anything further on the topic by taking my shirt off for him. Then I grabbed a cigarette and lit it before turning back to the sink and cooperating fully, while he poured some pure alcohol onto a cloth so he could cleanse the wound, making me grimace since it stung.

As far as I was concerned, he was running it slightly slower and harder over the cuts than he needed to, making it more agonizing than it needed to be, and I'd bet my last Gil that he was doing it on purpose.

"Fer fuck's sake, that ain't how ya do it," I complained, turning around with the cigarette hanging out of my mouth. Then I grabbed the cloth away from him and doused it again and smacked it all over the parts of my shoulder that I could reach. "See… That's all ya need ta do," I told him, before I tossed the cloth back at him and turned back around to let him bandage me.

While I pulled the cigarette out of my mouth, so I could take a large drink of the rye, I watched him shake his head in the reflection of the mirror, as if he thought I was overreacting. "Do you always have to be so dramatic?"

"I ain't dramatic," I said, taking another drink.

"If you say so…" he mumbled, and grabbed the gauze from the bag, before he wrapped it tight enough to make me wince.

"Ya think ya could tie that any fuckin tighter?" I asked, glaring at him through the mirror, and just to push me, the fucker pulled it tighter.

"Hm… I guess I can."

After that, he pushed me aside and told me to sit on the edge of the tub so he could bandage my leg as well, and for the first time since I'd known him, he faintly smiled. It wasn't overly noticeable though. It was more of a slight half-smile that showed more in his eyes than his face. "What?" I asked him.

"Nothing…" he said, and then he looked up at me. "I'm just surprised you're letting me do this."

Quite frankly, I was surprised he was doing it, and I shrugged at him in response.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot," I said, giving him the go-ahead.

"How does a man like Rufus wind up with a guy like you?"

He stayed focused on fastening the gauze around my leg when he asked, and didn't bother looking up for an answer, making me think he was preparing himself for another outburst from me. But I didn't retort.

Instead, I swallowed a little hard and took another drink, while I thought about it. It wasn't really a question I was prepared to answer, nor did I expect it to be asked, and I think he got the message by the way I reacted.

"I mean…" he started, as he leaned back a little and rested his arm on the knee while looking up at me. "You just never struck me as… the type of guy that… Well… _that _type…"

"_That_ type?" I asked, taking another drink and glaring at him.

"Sorry… I didn't mean to pry," he muttered, before he pulled the leg of my pants down over the bandage and stood up. "I was just curious."

"Well, it ain't any of yer business," I said, as he helped me up to my feet.

Then he nodded and tried to help me back to the room, but I pushed him away and told him I could take care of myself. "You've yet to prove it," he replied. Then he walked away and left me to limp painfully back on my own.

_Fucker,_ I thought. His little digs were really starting to get on my nerves.

* * *

Two more days passed, and I think Cloud was getting as antsy as me with being trapped together. We weren't exactly what you'd call friends, and oddly enough, we weren't really enemies either. We just didn't get along. We spent most of the time battling our wits, with smart-assed comments toward each other to see who could irritate the other more.

Luckily, the blizzard had finally passed, and Cloud was able to get a hold of Cid on the radio to let him know he could come and get us. Of course, I would have preferred it if it was Rude that had come for me, and that we were waiting for Tseng or Elena to come and get us. Even though he was mad at me, it still would have seemed more appropriate.

But there was no way of contacting them in the Forgotten City. Radios and phones just didn't work there. There was a strong magnetic field in the area that blocked off all transmissions, which must have been why Rufus contacted Cloud in the first place.

Rude's anger would have been much more preferred though, even comforting, over Cloud's newfound fascination with me and Rufus. Maybe it was the fact that it was hard for him to believe, that he just couldn't drop it.

He finally asked me what I was doing out there all by myself in the first place. He wondered why Rufus would have sent me out to deal with five terrorists on my own when I couldn't even deal with my surroundings. I think I was a little clumsier than usual, probably because I still wasn't all that well, and I walked into everything, knocked everything over, and broke a few things in the process. He wound up cringing every time I did it too; it was kind of funny.

I told him that Rufus never sent me, and I wound up telling him the real reason I had gone there just so he'd drop it. Truthfully, I was a little upset that he'd even suggest that Rufus was responsible for what happened. He didn't know a single thing about him and had no right to pass that kind of judgement on him. Rufus didn't even want me to go in the first place, and the fact that Cloud suggested it was his entire fault, really rubbed me the wrong way.

But after he found out why I was really there, he offered to help me find what I was looking for. Unfortunately, it looked like all of Gast's records had been ransacked, even the ones that Cloud found the last time he was there were missing. We were both a little unnerved about it and wondered who would have taken them, and I wound up hoping we didn't have another new nutcase to watch out for, since I couldn't see Aldrich being the least bit interested in what he could have found there.

"I just find it odd that you all would be so loyal, and take orders so willingly from someone that much younger than yourselves," he said to me, while he was stoking the fire.

"Oh, give me a fuckin break… He's like what?" I said, lighting a cigarette, "A whole year younger than ya?

"It still seems strange."

"Ya've got a lotta nerve… ya know that?"

"So do you," he replied, keeping his back to me.

Then he grabbed a deck of cards off the counter and came to sit with me at the table while he started shuffling them and dealt them out.

"No cheating this time," he said, warning me with his eyes.

"Ya take all the fun out of everythin," I complained, and sat back. Rufus knew I cheated when I played with him too, but he learned fast and started beating me with my own tactics. I always liked that about him… he could play anybody's game. "So, how much longer ya think we hafta wait?"

"A couple hours… Give or take."

"Great," I mumbled, as I sorted through my cards.

We must have played more rounds than I could count. They were mindless games, really, no stakes involved, just something to pass time, and it was a relief to finally hear the distant engines of the Highwind land outside of Icicle Inn since hanging out in the middle of nowhere and doing nothing just wasn't my thing.

Apparently, it wasn't Cloud's thing either, though, because when he got up to collect his things and arm his sword, an obvious look of relief crossed his face. "You gonna be alright on your own," he asked, motioning towards my leg.

"It ain't fuckin broken," I said, as I got up, and then I mumbled, "I'll be fine." It actually hurt like a son of a bitch, but I wasn't about to tell him that.

After grabbing the Jacket I was wearing when the wind wing bit me, and throwing it on, over a new pair of plaid pyjamas, I went over to the closet to rummage around for a different pair of boots to wear, since I lost one from the other pair. All the while, Cloud stood behind me, shaking his head, and told me I looked silly in regards to all the over-sized clothing I was wearing. Naturally, I told him it was all _his_ fault, since he was the one to blame for not retrieving my clothes when he found me.

"For the last time, Reno… There was nothing there," he said, as he opened the door and led the way.

_Dipshit._

* * *

Cid was standing just outside the Highwind, with a cigar hanging out of his mouth, as Cloud and I made our way up to him. The pain in my leg was running all the way up to my knee, but I was too stubborn to slow down or admit that it was even uncomfortable. Cloud had nursed me enough, I figured, and we probably got closer than I wanted to admit.

The state he'd seen me in during those eight days was a state that only fellow Turks had ever seen me in, the majority of it being Rude. It was something that no other had ever witnessed, except for those that never lived to tell about it, and I wasn't too crazy about my number one nemesis from AVALANCHE, and occasional drinking buddy at the Heaven, finally having the privilege of seeing me at my weakest and most vulnerable… emotionally.

It was degrading. The damage was already done though, and I couldn't turn back the clock. He finally knew how pathetic I really was, and it was no longer a mocking jab anymore. It was a fact.

The sight of the Highwind was more than a welcome sight. It was the promise that I'd finally be home again. I could finally escape that new look in Cloud's eyes that told me he felt sorry for me, that he pitied me, and that he wanted to strangle me at the same time.

He spent most of his time keeping his distance from me, like I was diseased, and the rest of the time deep in thought and never smiling. There was something disturbing going on in that boys mind that would come and go like a switch. It made me wonder what it was like for AVALANCHE to have worked so closely with him.

He wasn't all there and had a bit of a temper, and there was a forceful side to him that was overbearing at times. It was like he knew he was in control of the situation and had no problem letting anyone know. Yet at the same time, there was a constant inner struggle going on, like he was confused about who he was.

I probably never would have noticed those things if it weren't for our circumstances, and probably never would have cared either. But I found myself noticing because I didn't really have a choice, and I found myself caring, because I found myself feeling slightly threatened by him. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised though. He was the guy who killed Sephiroth, after all.

Anyways, enough about Cloud… because he scares the hell out of me.

Home… I was finally going home, to the unstable, yet exciting and unpredictable insanity of Rufus, Tseng's awkward apprehension, Elena's bright smile and big doe-like eyes that I just got lost in, and Rude. I could finally return to the stone-cold judgement of Rude… the judgement that kept me in check all my years as a Turk, and that I relied on and needed, despite the fact that it hurt. The last few weeks could finally be left behind me, lost and forgotten with all the other mishaps I'd had over the years.

I had nearly forgotten about my leg when I lunged for that ladder. It was like being saved all over again.

* * *

The Highwind was more than impressive in function and size. I had never been on board before. Cid had done some cargo runs for Rufus during the last couple of months, but I had always just seen the outside of the ship. I never imagined how remarkable it was on the inside. It was almost like a home.

I was so taken by what I saw, that I didn't even notice the cord laying across the floor, as I snagged it on the leg that was already wounded, and nearly did a face plant. If it weren't for that _Cloud_ always having to be there at the right time, I would have been kissing the floor.

He grabbed me quickly from behind, by my Jacket, and pulled me back. Then he shook his head at me and sat me in the nearest seat while telling me to "Just _sit_ there," with a hand gesture that you'd use for an animal, namely, a dog.

_Asshole… I wasn't that incompetent._

Cid walked by laughing, and mumbled, "Ya think ya'd know how to use those things by now," while gesturing at my legs, "'specially after thirty fuckin years."

If it were anybody else, I probably would have been bothered by the comment, but Cid had always been brash. I'd come to know that over the last few years of dealing with him and running into him. He was actually someone that I admired. He didn't care what anybody else thought of him, and didn't care to impress them either. He was actually worse than I was for appearance and language. Not caring who he was talking to or dealing with, he would just be himself. It was refreshing.

I don't think Cid knew what a brush was for either. His wavy blonde hair was always unkempt. It looked like he never took a comb to it, ever. Maybe that was why he kept it so short… so that he wouldn't have to. He was a tough guy. His face was riddled with small scars from years of hardships, and lines to show that there'd been several of them. There was a fight in the old man, and an unwillingness to let anybody know that he really cared about them. He would have been a good Turk, I thought, always willing to fight and never willing to care, he would have been perfect.

But there was a good side to the man that would have gotten in the way. Although I don't think he would have admitted it. He was one of those people that was always willing to help those who needed it. Albeit, he'd make it look like you were really pushing him to go out of his way, you could tell that he wanted to. He had morals, maybe too many.

He'd become a freelancer since Meteor, and worked runs for anyone who paid him. The man loved to be in the air. I often wondered if that was the real reason he was with AVALANCHE, because although, he was a good guy, he didn't really care about 'the planet' so to speak. He cared more about just being useful, and being in the sky.

"Hey Cloud, why doncha run down to the galley and get our guest a fuckin brew," he called, as he started the engines while adding, "Looks like he could use one." Then he winked one of his faded blue eyes at me and stated, "I've got some real good exotic shit… you'll like it."

I think I forgot to mention that Cid was also the main supplier for the Seventh Heaven. He got his hands on the rarest and most exotic drinks he could get his hands on, and he often made trades for them, making the Heaven the best place to drink at.

Anyway, while Cloud disappeared to the lower decks, I sat there and looked out at the skies, somewhat nostalgic over the sudden feeling of loss I had for NME.

_I'll never be able to replace her,_ I thought to myself, and I didn't just think it, I knew it.

She'd been the only thing that was ever given to me in those early days, and I kept her in pristine condition. It was never really stated that she was mine but the implication was there all along, and it meant something to me.

I was so deep in thought, that I didn't even notice Cloud had come back up until I felt the cold bottle touch my hand. Turning, I said "Thanks." Then he went to sit over at the other end of the berth with one for himself, once again, as far away from me as he could get while he and Cid exchanged one of those 'looks' that are always passed between people that have known each other for a long time. You know, one of those looks that nobody else quite understands? It's the look that makes you feel uncomfortable and out of place, and reminds you that you don't belong.

It made me realize just how out of place I really was. Funny, that being around Cloud and Tifa never made me feel uncomfortable, but being around Cid and Cloud did. There was a bit of tension between them, and digs between the two, that only they understood, and it made me wish I wasn't there at all.

In an attempt to break my discomfort, I figured I'd start a conversation by commenting on a rumour I'd heard. "I hear ya an Shera are livin together," I said.

"No shit?" he replied, before he added, "She wants to get fuckin married."

I chuckled a little by the way he said that. He never was really nice about anything, and I knew he always acted like she was the biggest burden in his life. But the look in his eyes told me different. The sparkle at the mention of her name said that he did care, even though he didn't want you to know. "Married…" I reflected, "Big weddin?"

"Hell, no! The last thing I need is a buncha dipshits hangin 'round, eatin all my food on the day I'm sentenced to hell."

He was such an ass, but I knew he didn't mean it. He was like Rufus in some ways. One face for the world and one for those he cared about. It was something I was coming to understand more and more. Although I never thought I'd see the day that I'd be comparing Cid to Rufus. Well, I guess there's a first time for everything.

The trip lasted three hours, since the Highwind was a little slower on account of its design. NME would have only taken me an hour and a half to get back home, but there was no point in dwelling on that. She was gone… Gone for good.

I realized I had landed into a trap when I landed near Icicle Inn, not that I was set up or anything, because I wasn't. It was just a matter of circumstances that landed me into a situation I wasn't expecting. It was a situation I wasn't prepared for, and I paid for it.

The Shinra tower gave Cid the go-ahead to land on the roof, and I almost kissed the asphalt when I jumped off the ladder. Although jumping off the ladder wasn't exactly my best idea, since it sent a shooting pain up my leg that made me grunt, but it was worth it. I was home. I was finally home. I'd been gone for about three weeks, and I finally made it home, and I didn't give a shit about the refreshed pain in my leg.

* * *

Cid waited for Cloud while he escorted me to Rufus' office. He was intent on not letting me go until he got his payment. Naturally, I tried to get away from him to avoid the embarrassment of having _him_ bring me home, but as usual, he overpowered me and won. He managed to grab me in a hold that I couldn't break free from and wound up dragging me into Rufus' office.

_Oh, the humiliation._ It was bad enough that it already happened once. But this time, all of Shinra was awake since it was only late afternoon, making it all-the-more embarrassing.

When we got to Rufus' office, his secretary was about to tell us that we couldn't go in there, until she realized that it was me, and what Rufus had told her in the past. "Under no circumstances is _anyone _to bother me without my say so _first_… unless it's Reno," he'd told her, and she never forgot. How the hell could she? With everything that we'd done in his office, she probably didn't even need to be told.

Cloud didn't bother knocking. He just swung the door open and held fast to me as he pulled me in. Rufus sat at his desk, eyes darker than ever, and appearance as immaculate as always. He looked beautiful as he swept part of his bang out of his eye when he looked up. In fact, he looked perfect, despite the dark circles under his eyes.

"It's about time you showed up, Cloud," he said, a little on the frustrated side. Then he got up to make his way around to the front of the desk to pick up a large package that was sitting at the edge. "Cash was our agreement… Correct?" His eyes were menacingly cold as he addressed him, but his voice was as calm and collected as usual, along with his stance.

Cloud simply nodded as Rufus handed him the package, but he didn't let go of me. Instead, the two of them just stared at each other with the usual hate that they shared, before Rufus said, "I believe you have something of mine."

When Cloud didn't respond, Rufus roughly yanked me away from Cloud's hold, making his fingers dig in harder, as I slid from his grasp. I swear the two of them were insane with whatever loathing they had for each other, and if looks could have killed, they both would have been dead.

Then after they were done with whatever insanity they were sharing, Rufus spun me around and smashed his mouth to mine, so fast and so hard, that it completely threw me off guard. Not to mention that it must have left some kind of emotional scar on Cloud to have to witness something as demented and uncalled for as that.

Utterly shocked and suddenly embarrassed, I pushed him away as hard as I could, and yelled out, "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" But Rufus never answered.

He only smiled wickedly, and kept his eyes locked on Cloud, as he pulled me back to him and hooked his arm around my waist from behind with a death hold. "You can go now, Cloud," was all he said.

Cloud just shook his head and commented on the fact that, "You're all crazy." And then he mumbled with his back to us as he opened the door to leave, "Tifa thanks you," before disappearing into the hall.

I half-suspected there to be some questions. But once again, Rufus played the ass quite well and drove Cloud away by putting on a show that no person in their right mind would want to stick around to see the outcome of. I could have decked him for doing that, but Rufus probably would have liked it.

* * *

"What the fuck is the matter with you?" I demanded, as I pushed myself out of his hold.

"Nothing… I missed you," he answered, softening his look and coming over to caress my cheek. "Did he touch you?"

"What?"

"Did he do anything to you?"

"You _know_ what they did to me!" I responded, staring at him in disbelief over the fact that he was asking such an ignorant question.

"I meant Cloud," he said, and then he sneered and gestured his hand to the door.

"What the hell?" I asked, taking a step back while Rufus continued to stare at me like he was seriously waiting for an answer. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Without bothering to answer, he just snickered and stepped back up to me so he could wrap his arms around my waist again, and then he explained, "I don't like the way he looks at you."

"You're fuckin nuts, Rufus," I said, pushing him away again. "Why the hell would ya send him if ya thought that way about him?"

He was unbelievable, it wasn't just Elena that I had to worry about anymore, it was Cloud too, and who was going to be next? Rude? I honestly wasn't too sure if I was ready to put up with the kind of insane jealousy Rufus suddenly seemed to be suffering from.

"He was my only option… I couldn't send someone that would fail…" he answered, before he grabbed me again and pulled me into an embrace. Then he put his head on my shoulder and breathed out, "Not when it involves you," while pressing his cheek to mine, before he added, "I thought I was going to lose you…"

His voice cracked when he said that, and he just held me closer, until I gave in and returned the embrace. I'd never admit it to him, and at the time, I wouldn't admit it to myself either. But he was the only thing that made me want to stay alive during those three weeks. It didn't matter what he thought about me, or even if he did. It only mattered that I knew he'd be there when it was over.

"Why were you limping?" he asked a few moments later.

"Got attacked."

"By Cloud?"

"Fuck Rufus… I'm goin home," I muttered. Then I took a deep breath, rolled my eyes, and pushed him back again.

Enough was enough.

* * *

After being a little fed up with Rufus, I started making my way for the door, while he followed and pulled my arm over his shoulder. "At least let me help you," he said. Then he wrapped his arm around my waist to help support me and walked me down to the sixty-fifth floor, where he took me straight to his apartment and completely bypassed mine, which was odd, because I'd never actually been in his apartment before, he'd always come over to mine.

He had a bit of a feminine taste when it came to material and the feel of things, despite the look that he carried off, and I always felt out of place in his home. I felt like everything of his would break if I touched it. Funny, that I never viewed that as strange until he started coming on to me though, since I probably should have known all along. But maybe it was a bit of denial.

Regardless of the fact that he always wore white, his sitting room was decorated with black leather. Although, the carpet was a plush white that felt soft and furry beneath my feet when I took my shoes off. And as I would have expected, his tables were all Glass and silver, and everything was as pristine as you could imagine it being. But there was one exception, all of his furniture was black, which contrasted against everything else that was white.

The contrast was just as odd as he was, it all felt feminine, but it looked masculine. In the past, I'd always imagined _everything_ of his being white for some odd reason, but I should have guessed. He always wore a splash of black, and it shouldn't have surprised anyone that his home would be the same.

When he sat me down on the sofa, I nearly sunk into it. I could have fallen asleep right then and there while coming to the conclusion that the man didn't hold back when it came to comfort. It was a nice change from all the hard furniture I'd been sitting on at Gast's place.

"I'll be right back," he said. Then he disappeared into the kitchen where I could see him moving about through the opening over the island counters with a row of four, low-backed, leather stools in front of them.

With a raised brow, I let out a strange snort and glanced around the rest of the room, and found myself focusing on a couple of boxes sitting in the corner that I didn't notice when I came in. They seemed a little out of place, considering the pristine cleanliness of the rest of his home, and the anal way that he kept everything decorated. I would have imagined that he would have kept something like that out of sight.

_Spring cleaning?_ I wondered. But I didn't bother concerning myself with it for too long.

"Nice pyjamas, by the way," he commented, when he re-entered with a couple of glasses, which one could only assume were real crystal, and both were filled with scotch.

_Funny… _I couldn't be bothered with a comment. I was just happy to be in familiar surroundings.

"So, what _did_ attack you?" he asked, when he handed me my scotch and sat down beside me.

"A wind wing," I muttered, as I accepted the drink and took a sip.

Then he raised his brow and asked how the hell I managed that one, before I told him what happened, minus a few details due to his insane jealousy. Plus, he didn't need to know about the emotional state I'd been in. So, I just told him I stole Cloud's wallet to go to the pub and tried to lose him when he caught me running out the door.

Looking at me with a slight grin at my idiocy, he asked, "May I see?" Then he moved to sit across my lap with both knees on either side of my hips and started undoing my shirt so he could remove it and pull the bandage off. "It makes you look sexy," he said, running his fingers along the teeth marks and bending forward to brush his lips lightly across them. "Does it still hurt?"

As an answer, I nodded with my eyes closed, enjoying Rufus' touch and ignoring the fact that he was turned on by the wounds inflicted by something that tried to eat me, and then for some strange reason, I felt I needed to ask, "Rufus…? What are those boxes for?"

"What boxes?" he muttered, while he trailed his lips across my collarbone and placed his hand near the hem of my pants, and I suddenly felt a bit of alarm over the fact that he asked the question like he had no idea there were any boxes there. Rufus only played stupid when he was up to something, and it generally wasn't something good.

"The boxes in the corner… _Rufus._"

"Can we talk about that later?" he asked, with an indifferent tone, while he undid the string of my pants and slid his hand below the fabric. But I wasn't exactly in the mood and grabbed his wrist to stop him and pull his hand back out.

"No… Let's talk about it now." Growing more distrustful by the second, I grabbed him by the hair and forced him to face me. "What's in em?" I asked, and pulled his hair tighter into my fist while pulling him up to my level, _"Rufus."_

"Stuff," he answered. Then he grinned at me, leaving me with absolutely no reason to trust him, even though I knew he was grinning because he knew he was getting me riled up. The little fuck was a bit of a nut-case when it came to things like that, and I was suddenly finding myself not impressed with where this was going.

"What kind of _stuff?_" I asked through my teeth, not even knowing why I was getting so worked up, as I pulled his hair harder.

Then he took on that feral look of his, like he was possessed or something, and his eyes went dark while his grin turned more animal-like, as he purred, "_You're _stuff."

"Like _fuck_ it is!" I shouted, and pushed him off me forcefully enough to make him land on the floor. Then I got up to look in them, and sure enough, the little asshole wasn't bullshitting me. It was all my clothes and personal belongings. "_You're fucked!"_ I yelled, and spun around to see him still on the floor and resting his head on his hands over the coffee table, with a smug look on his face. "I ain't fuckin movin in here, Rufus."

"You don't have a choice," he said, casually, as he cocked his brow and looked at me like I was overreacting.

"Bullshit! I'm takin this shit back to my apartment," I retorted. Then I bent down to grab a box.

"I'm afraid you won't be able to do that," he calmly informed, as he pushed himself off the floor, grabbed his scotch and sat back on the sofa. "I already gave your apartment away and the codes have been changed." Then he took a sip. He said it like it was nothing of importance. It was nothing more than a simple fact to him.

"This isn't fucking funny, Rufus!"

"I didn't say it was."

"I _can't_ fucking live with you!" I really couldn't. I knew I couldn't. It was different at Healin; we all had our own quarters. But what he was proposing left me with nothing of my own. Not to mention that I didn't live with anyone for good reasons, and you'd have to be stupid to not know we were a little too opposite when it came to lifestyles. There was no way this was going to work. Absolutely, no fucking way!

"Why not?"

"Because I… you… we… Y-you're a fucking _guy_! " I stammered, suddenly freaked out even more by the hard realization as it hit me.

"I'm aware of that, Reno…" he said, before taking another sip from his glass. "So are you."

"Doesn't that bother you?" I asked, half-disbelieving that I was even dumb enough to ask.

"Why would it?" he inquired, while he swirled his drink and calmly looked at me. "Besides, it's about time you gave up on your homophobia, wouldn't you agree?"

"Damn it, Rufus…" I muttered. Then I stuffed a cigarette into my mouth and was struggling with my lighter that suddenly wouldn't light.

"Well, you can't go back," he informed, before he tossed me a pack of matches and pushed an ashtray to the end of the coffee table so I could reach it, making me wonder if he bought the fucking thing in preparation of his divine fucking plan. Then to add fuel to the fire, he had to point at me and stress, "I don't want you flicking your ashes on my floor," since he knew I did that in my own place.

Well, that just pissed me off even more, and I threw the matches and the unlit cigarette back at him, suddenly not wanting it anymore. "Wh… I… Who the fuck did you give it to?" I had to ask, as I started pacing in front of the coffee table with my hand at the back of my neck, "And _why_?"

"That new Turk… Jared… He needed a place and there were no apartments left." Then he patted the empty spot beside him and tilted his head while meeting my eyes. "Come and sit down. You're getting worked up over nothing."

"Have you lost your _mind_?" I hissed. "I'm not your fucking plaything, _Rufus_."

"I didn't say you were. Now come and sit down."

"No! I ain't fucking sitting down!" I screamed, and kicked one of the boxes over to express exactly how pissed off I was.

He didn't seem to care much about it though. Instead, he let out a deep sigh and finished his drink. "I knew you were going to act like this."

"Well, what does that fucking tell you then?" I asked, while looking at him in absolute disbelief. "Did it _ever_ occur to you to fucking ask me?"

"Why would I do that? You would have said no."

He was un-fucking-believable. The bastard fucking knew, and he did it anyway. "And _why_ exactly, would you _think_ that?"

"Because it's a fact," he said, before he got up and straightened out his clothes. "The spare room is all set up. When you're done with your tantrum, feel free to set it up as you like." Then he walked into the kitchen and said with his back to me, "Although, I'd prefer it if you'd stay in mine."

"Fucking stay in yours… Like _fuck_," I mumbled, as I started grabbing my boxes, so I could carry them into the spare room, "Dream on, Rufus."

"So, you're staying?"

_Was there ever any doubt? _"Do I have a fucking choice?"

"No."

After I tossed the boxes onto the floor of my _new_ room, I started hurling the clothes out over my shoulder so they landed on the floor in a nice, big, messy pile that would satisfy me. _There,_ I thought, _Just fucking great!_

All the while, Rufus stood, leaning against the doorframe and watched me with his usual calm, as he sipped at a fresh drink in his hand. "So… I take it sex is out of the question." It wasn't really a question. It was more of a statement that I'm sure he knew would piss me off.

"You are so _right_ about _that_," I growled, as I walked by him to grab the last box. "You pompous _fuck._"

When I turned around with the other box, he was standing there with a smirk on his face, like he was enjoying himself, and it just pissed me off more. Of all the fucking nerve! _No sex… _He never ceased to amaze me… _that little prick!_

"Get the fuck away from my room, _Rufus_," I warned him, as I came by with the last box.

Then he swung by casually and pecked me on the cheek as he moved away. "You know… You seem a little pent up," he commented, still smirking.

_That's it!_ I threw the box into the room as hard as I could that it broke, along with whatever was in it, and then I slammed him into the wall. "You want me to fuck you?" I growled at him, "Is that what you want?"

"I love it when you're angry," he said in reply, "You're so forceful." He still had that fucking smirk on his face that I just wanted to smack off of him.

But I pressed my mouth to his instead, and practically stuck my tongue down his throat. It felt so good to be kissing him again, that I almost lost myself, before I broke off and let go of him, "Well, It ain't fuckin happenin!" I yelled into his face. Then I went into my room and slammed the door shut, while he chuckled on the other side.

_Not in this fucking lifetime! _

* * *

Revised: January 12, 2008


	18. The Secrets We Kept

**The Secrets we Kept**

* * *

It had been about two weeks since I was moved into Rufus' apartment. I was still sleeping in the spare room and taking cold showers almost every day. We didn't exchange much in conversation, but I still got up and made him breakfast every morning. Maybe it was just habit.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't upset, because I was.

It was nothing against him, personally. It was more that I just wasn't really ready to share my life, or maybe if I looked deeper… my problems. There was my denial issue too. When we lived our separate lives, it was easier to pretend that there was nothing going on, and maybe even a little easier to pretend there were no feelings involved either. But how do I hide from something when it's right there in my face… every morning? It was there every day when I came home from work, and every night when I went to bed.

How do you run from something like that? How do you deny it?

Maybe I was just being overly… Maybe I was just overreacting. Was there something I was missing about all of this? Something I was avoiding? Had I even taken the time to really assess any of what was going on since it all started?

It wasn't that I was suddenly starting to worry that maybe I was gay. It was more that I was suddenly starting to realize that maybe…

Maybe it was just Rufus… Maybe it was just something about Rufus.

But what was it about him? Would I ever know?

Anyways, it was time to do some soul searching, I supposed. I'd avoided digging around in my head for too many years now. Maybe it was just time… maybe it was Rufus. I don't know, but it seemed to revolve around him for some strange reason. At least, that's where it started, or seemed to be carried on from a half-conscious state.

As it turned out, I wasn't the only one with issues and secrets. All those times that Rufus spent alone in his room at Healin, finally started to make sense to me. He wasn't being anti-social. He was hiding something.

He hid it from me well for the first two weeks, until I found him, shaking and rocking with his hands over his ears and his eyes shut tight, on the bathroom floor, whispering to himself like he was talking to someone. Actually, he wasn't really talking… he was begging, and pulling at his hair. Beside him was a spilled over bottle of clear-capsule pills. He'd just taken them and was waiting for them to kick in.

_What a fucking pair…_

I wouldn't have found him if it weren't for my own nightmares waking me up and noticing the sound coming from his room. At first, I was a little hesitant to go in… the noise sounded pained, and I wasn't sure if I could deal with what I might find. But I went in anyway, against all my other senses that told me to run. The lights were out in his room, and the only illumination coming in was from the partially open bathroom door.

"Rufus?" I called. When I received no answer, I approached cautiously, and put my hand on the door. I called his name again, and still received no answer, but I heard him talking.

I swallowed hard, and took a step back. _Maybe I should just go… sleep it off… and tomorrow will be fine, _I thought, and I almost did. That's what I always did when it came to other people's problems, but I didn't that time.

Instead, I opened the door and regretted it. The man that I had always viewed as stronger than me, quicker than me, and in control of everything, was nothing more than a broken heap on the floor, shaking and crying. It's not to say that I suddenly lost respect for the man, because I didn't. It's more that the revelation struck a chord inside that shredded me up. I always knew something was wrong with him. I just never knew how seriously wrong it was.

My first reaction was to walk away and leave him there… pretend that I saw nothing. _Let him come out of it on his own, _I told myself. This had obviously been going on for years, and he'd done it without any help, or anyone even knowing before. So why start now? Why humiliate him by letting him know that I saw?

But something in me couldn't leave him like that, even though I did almost make it back to my room. I remembered that he wasn't like me. He wasn't raised the same way, and maybe, just maybe… he wanted someone to help him. _But why does it have to be me?_ I chewed on my bottom lip while struggling with myself to decide what to do with him, before I finally broke down and returned, so I could kneel down beside him and pull him to me.

He jumped at first, like someone sent a jolt through him, and nearly fell backwards, but I held to him and kept him with me. Then he stared at me blankly, with clear and pale green eyes… and yes, I'm well aware of the fact that I said green. His pupils were pinpoints, making the yellow flecks in his eyes stand out more, blending with the blue, as he blinked at me in bewilderment, trying to collect the 'here and now'. I got the impression that he couldn't see me, since his hands came up to my face, and he asked, "Reno?"

My throat tightened, looking at him like that, and I began to wonder if my sudden urge to run wasn't more for my own selfish need than to protect him from having me see him like that. I honestly didn't know how to deal with what was in front of me, and I felt helpless of the fact that I didn't know what to do. But he led the way, and buried himself into my chest while clinging to me like a cat. I told myself to ignore the pain, as his nails dug into my bare shoulders, and I held his trembling body as protectively as I could… he was in pain.

He clawed his way up to rest his chin on my shoulder, so he could grab onto me tighter. "Fuck me," he pleaded. His voice was shaky as he whispered it into my ear, from the stress his body was going through as the medication was doing its job.

Then He started tearing at me to pull me onto him, as he leaned back to lie on the cold, hard tiles of the bathroom floor, and I followed. I was choking, not knowing if I should touch him or not. I wasn't sure if he really wanted me to do as he asked, or if it was just something mindless that he'd said.

His skin was flush and he felt hot to the touch. I could see the pain in his glazed eyes, as he stared straight ahead, confirming my suspicion that he couldn't see at all. He merely knew who I was by touch. Then he wrapped his hand behind my neck to pull me into a kiss which was tense, as he struggled to overcome what he was feeling, and find satisfaction by the contact of another… through me.

I moved to bury my face in his neck, and could feel each muscle tighten as he gritted his teeth and arched his back, but not from me. I hadn't done anything yet, and wasn't sure if I would. His nails tore at the skin of my back and neck, but not because he wanted to hurt me. He didn't know what he was doing. I felt like I was dying inside, and suddenly wished that I had never awakened to find him like that.

"Please," he begged, bringing his hands to push down at the hem of my boxers, "Make me feel something else."

So I did.

I felt ashamed for being able to put myself inside him when he was like that. His cries echoed through the hollow tiles of the bathroom walls, and I put my hand over his mouth so I wouldn't have to hear him. They shattered my insides like glass. It tore at my soul, and ripped out my heart, but I couldn't deny him, and I couldn't leave him. I was so distraught that I didn't even think of doing anything for him as I finished, and felt even worse.

He was breathing heavy, and his eyes were still glazed, as I hovered above him and smoothed his hair back with my hands. Feeling guilty, I suddenly found myself doing something I never thought I would do. I trailed my way down and took him into my mouth, until I choked back on his release.

* * *

When he was done, I lifted him from the floor and brought him over to the tub so I could clean him off. Sitting him near the edge, I knelt in front of him and brushed his hair back again. His pupils were starting to dilate back to normal a little, but his breath was still shaky and weak. I waved my hand in front of his face to see if he would respond, but he still stared straight ahead. I didn't bother to ask him if he was okay or if I'd hurt him, because I didn't want to know. Instead, I plugged the hole in the tub and turned the taps.

Gently, I lifted him into the tub and got in with him, so I could keep him supported. The thought that he'd been going through this for some time, without anyone to help him, suddenly filled me with a dread that I couldn't quite comprehend, as I ran the cloth along his body.

I'd never taken care of anyone before, and I honestly didn't know what the hell I was doing.

"You didn't have to do that," he finally breathed out, after several minutes, still trembling slightly, but steadying more.

"Do what?" I asked, while I held him and rested my head on his shoulder.

"What you did… I know how you feel about things like that," he turned his head to look at me, eyes focused, and almost steely blue again. Then he turned his body slightly and curled up to lean sideways against my chest to rest his head on my shoulder. "I was fine just having you with me."

Thinking I made a mistake, I bit down on my bottom lip and rested my chin on the top of his head while stroking his hair and letting my mind go blank. "Ya did'n like it?" I asked, wondering if I had done something wrong.

"No… It was good," he said, and curled up more. "I just don't want you doing it because you think you have to." Then he grabbed my hand and started playing with my fingers, "Because you don't have to."

Not really knowing what to say, I pulled the plug out of the drain and pulled him up to his feet. Then I grabbed a towel so I could dry us both off. When I was done, I wrapped it around him and grabbed another one to wrap around myself and lifted his chin so he was facing me. "I wanted to do it, Rufus," I said, and then I kissed him lightly on the lips and picked him up so I could carry him back to his room.

After I placed him on the bed and pulled his blanket up to cover him, I turned so I could leave him and go back to my room, before he stopped me. "Stay with me," he said.

"I can't."

"I know about your dreams, Reno… Stay with me."

His words kind of stunned me, though I shouldn't have been surprised. I'd been waking up screaming and in a cold sweat since I was ten or eleven years old. I'm not even sure if I remember the reasons anymore.

It got worse after I was hospitalized at sixteen, that's when I started blacking out and having nightmares while I was still awake. But it didn't happen all the time, which made it less of a burden for me and easier to ignore. Tseng wanted me to see a therapist to try and work things out, but President Shinra refused the request. He felt that whatever problems I had, were what fuelled me and didn't want to interfere with my performance.

With a bit of a frown, I came back over to the side of his bed and knelt down. "I don't wanna hurt ya, Rufus," I choked, while stroking his hair back, since often times I would lash out during those dreams. Sometimes I would become violent when awakened from them abruptly, and I didn't want to be doing that with him.

"We all have our ghosts…" he muttered, before he moved his hand to run it along one of my scars, "Whatever they are." Then he pushed my bangs out of my eyes, and added, "I don't care if we kill each other because of them… Stay with me."

So, I did.

* * *

The next night I couldn't sleep. I spent all day thinking about the night before and realized that I couldn't just let it rest. But I couldn't ask him either. Whether it was through habit or training, I just never asked questions. People will talk if they want to talk. The only time you need to press them is if they have information you need, and I didn't particularly _need_ the information. I simply wanted it.

Rufus was lying with his back to me, and appeared sound asleep. But I didn't want to risk any suspicions, so I gently rocked him and called his name.

"Hm?" he replied, "What?" He was still half asleep, but he turned to acknowledge me.

"I can't sleep," I said.

"So, you decided you'd wake me up too?"

"No."

He looked at me with a sleepy confusion for a moment, before he tiredly sighed and asked, "Then why did you wake me?"

"I jus wanted ta let ya know I was goin ta my office."

"In the middle of the night?"

"Yeah… I jus did'n want ya wakin up, wonderin where I was," I said. "I have shit ta do, an figured since I could'n sleep, that I might as well… ya know?"

"Mm… I know… Just don't stay out too late. You've got a busy day tomorrow," he slurred. I could tell he was having trouble staying awake, and it made me smile a little, despite my deception.

"I know…" I turned around and got out of the bed, then crawled back on so I could kiss him on the forehead before I got dressed and left. I think he'd already fallen back to sleep.

I kind of felt a little guilty for drugging his last drink, but it wasn't really a spur of the moment thing, and I didn't want to take any risks. He'd sleep just fine… I just couldn't leave him without giving him an excuse though, just in case… because you never know.

* * *

The lighting was faint in the halls from the backup lights, but it was bright enough to make my way around. I slipped my card through the lock and waited for the faint beep and the green light before turning the knob on my office door. Then I stepped quietly past my secretary's desk and went into my own office to grab my laptop. I honestly had no idea why I was being so secretive, because no one was there… I just was.

After plugging it into the wall of my private bathroom, I booted it up and started hacking into the security system. I figured the bathroom was the best place, since no light would shine through to the outside or the reception area to my office, and it was unlikely that someone would barge in on me while I was in the bathroom. I didn't want anyone coming in and seeing what I was doing, because I'd have a shit-load of explaining to do if someone caught me.

There it was… 4B. _Now all I have to do is find yesterday's recording and… wait for it… now… instant replay! _The Shinra security system was actually not something that was easy to hack, but for someone like me, who actually knew the ins and outs due to my personal experience with it, it was a piece of cake…_ now for the east stairwell and adjoining wing of the medical unit, _because the elevators were too easy to track, and I had to make a little side trip.

When I was done, I went back to my office and over to my weapon cabinet and punched in my code to take out my .22 and silencer, because… well… I didn't really know why. It was just something I did. Then I slipped on a pair of thin leather gloves to avoid leaving any finger prints. I probably didn't need to go that extra mile, since it was doubtful I'd be leaving enough traces to warrant a sweeping, but… hell… you just never know.

The medical unit was fairly quiet in the east wing, since it was mostly offices in that area. Staying in the shadows, I made my way over to the medical supplies that were kept in the back. Tracing my fingers along the shelves and cabinets, I felt an eerie shiver, in which I had no explanation for. It was one of those weird sensations that raised the hairs on the back of my neck, only there was nothing there to be causing the alarm.

I hesitated a little before opening the drawer and hovered my hand over it for a short while. _Now or never…_ I reminded myself, and opened the drawer to take out two empty syringes. After that, I went over to the refrigeration unit and filled one with a light sedative, and left the other one empty. Then I made my way back to the stairwell.

* * *

While standing in the shadows near the base of the stairwell on 4B, I waited until I found my target. Once he had his back to me, I snuck up to him with a sober and steady speed and put my hand over his mouth and stabbed the sedative into his jugular, and waited for him to respond to the quick slumber that would soon overtake him. Then I placed the unsuspecting night guard gently on the floor and leaned him against the wall.

"Sorry, Buddy," I said, and then I straightened his collar and made my way for the lab.

It was locked and could only be accessed by a keycard, and although my keycard granted me access, I didn't want to risk my meanderings being traced. So, I pulled out the empty syringes and placed the needle tips into the slot and patiently moved them about to short out a positive response, watching the indicators as I did so until I was rewarded with the subtle click, and the switch to the green light.

I licked my lips and smiled to myself as I put the syringes back into my pocket and pushed the door open. _Beautiful, _I told myself, as I let the door close quietly behind me, and scanned the lab for Kurn's computer where I knew his files would be. It was an easy enough system to hack into, since there was nothing truly elaborate about it, and I'd been doing that type of work for years.

It took me a while to locate Rufus' records though. It appeared that they didn't exist, until it dawned on me that he may have already suspected someone might attempt what I was attempting. After a moment's thought, a light bulb went off, and I did a search for his mother's maiden name, and found what I was looking for.

What I found didn't necessarily take me by surprise as much as it did resentment.

To keep it in a short form…

Rufus' body was degenerating and he had to take a pure form of Mako to stop that from happening. The pills he was taking were designed to stop the mutation of his cells. It was a prescription put together by Hojo, and Hojo was the one who made it so Rufus would have to take them. He wanted to keep his subject alive for as long as he could in order to run more 'tests'. In time, if not kept in check, he would simply mutate, and his insides would turn into a pile of goo, to put it bluntly.

His strength wasn't from the Jenova cells as I had originally suspected. What Hojo had done to him was kind of a personal project, authorized by Rufus' father. Hojo wanted to see what the effect of Jenova's antibodies would have on a subject, and discovered that it rapidly degenerated the muscle tissue and nervous system. Basically, over time, it would destroy all alien cells that it came in contact with, namely Rufus.

Knowing that Mako was a tissue regenerative, and a natural enemy to Jenova, but not to its antibodies, Hojo decided that he'd further his experiment by injecting various strains of Mako into his subject. However, he was more curious about how the subject would react to different mixtures and impurities, as opposed to correcting the damage that the antibodies were causing.

All of this, in turn, created a whole new problem for Rufus. He was under attack by both Jenova _and_ Mako impurities, as they assaulted him and each other in an ongoing struggle, leaving him with an antidote that was designed to pretty much destroy everything, except him. It also contained a high volume of pure Mako to force his cells to regenerate, since they no longer knew how to do it on their own, which was what gave him his strength.

Unfortunately, because of the regenerative nature of the antibodies and the unstable nature of the impurities, they couldn't be destroyed. They could only be stabilized, or as it was put in the records, reduced to low enough levels to allow the subject to function for short periods of time until they flared up again. It was an ongoing struggle for dominance over a territory that was slowly being destroyed by it.

_How the hell did none of us know about this?_

The most disturbing part about Hojo's experiments had nothing to do with the experiments themselves, or even the results. The most disturbing part was that President Shinra had signed the deed, stating that Hojo had full permission to use the subject until _it_ was either completely useless, or obsolete… _preferably_ dead. His father was going to make it look like a viral infection had destroyed his son as a cover up. It was already planned out.

All of this information was given to Kurn through the archives that were preserved in Junon, and from what Rufus had told him. But something told me there were more sources, judging by the thoroughness of the information, giving me one more reason not to trust Hakiou.

After reading Kurn's files, I sunk to the floor and sat there in shock. Intense anger came over me about what the hell Kurn was going to do to him to continue on with the experiment. I didn't trust him with _me_, never mind Rufus. And when I came to my senses, I pulled up a chair to the side of the door, and decided I'd wait for him to return for his morning shift.

* * *

I placed a cigarette in my mouth when the door to the lab shifted open. Then the familiar man in the white lab coat stopped dead, a few paces from the door, standing with his back to me and stared at his computer.

"Guess the slumberin guard was a bit of a reason for alarm, huh?" I asked, as he jerked around from being startled. Right when his eyes met mine, I lit my lighter and brought it to my cigarette. "Ya always start this early?" I asked, as I pushed up my sleeve to look at my watch. "Yer a… whole hour early."

Kurn didn't say a word. All he did was take a step back and look at me in alarm.

"Not very talkative in the mornin, are ya?" I asked. Then I got up from my chair to stand in front of him.

"W-what are y-you doing here?" he stammered, as he stepped back and then stopped when the table cut him off.

"I'm thinkin'a becomin a researcher," I said, looking around. "Thought ya'd be a good person ta learn from… know what I mean?"

"I-I'm not looking for any trouble."

"Heh… funny ya say that," I muttered, before I took a drag from my cigarette and flicked my ashes to the floor. "Cuz… neither am I… really."

"W-what do y-you want?"

Keeping my position in front of him, I placed my cigarette in my mouth and kept it there. Then I bent forward slightly to pull out the chair beside him and pushed my jacket back slightly to reveal my gun. "Answers," I told him, as I brought my gloved hand up to gently push his hair behind his ear. Then leaning towards his newly exposed ear, I lowered my voice a little. "Why doncha… have a seat," I said, and placed my hand on the back of the chair to stress that he really should do as I say.

He swallowed hard, and nervously pulled his coat forward a bit. Then he obliged while uneasily keeping his eyes locked to mine.

After letting out a bit of a snort, I pulled up the other chair and placed it directly in front of him with the back facing him, and straddled it so my stomach was leaning toward the back of it. "I'll tell ya what," I said, "An I'll keep it simple… short too." Then I tapped my feet a little to expel a bit of energy, before I continued. "I found Rufus' records… now talk."

Kurn didn't really know where to begin, and the sweat running down his brow showed that he was a little stressed by my presence, which was all good, really, because that's what I was going for.

He started out by stressing that he really was trying to help, and that Hojo had actually been experimenting on Rufus since he was six years old. However, the Jenova project wasn't given the go-ahead until he was eleven, almost twelve. It was right around the time that Rufus' mother had died.

The reason that Kurn had known so much about Hojo's endeavours was because he was an assistant during the Jenova/Mako project at the Nibelheim lab. He had been a part of the rejuvenation department, on those that were infected to the point of mutation. It was something he wasn't proud of, or so he said.

He had the privilege of working personally with Hojo on several projects, and was a well-trusted employee. Hojo had enjoyed Kurn's incentives and therefore shared a lot of his information with him. It wasn't until a falling out between them, during the reactor incident, that Kurn had found out more than he wanted to know about Hojo's work.

Put off by the brutal experimentation done within the department, he decided he'd flee. But he was unable to escape, until Sephiroth's madness gave him the opportunity to make it appear as if he were a casualty of the circumstances, allowing him to disappear.

He'd been working on his own since then.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah… The history lesson's fascinatin an all, but it don't explain shit."

"Well… I…"

"Look," I said, pulling my gun out and playing with it. "From what I understand, Rufus isn't really infected with Jenova. He's infected with its antibodies. Correct?"

"Y-yes."

"An, he ain't really havin a problem with Mako. He's havin a problem with impurities found in it. Correct?"

"Yes."

"So… Let's start with the impurities."

"I… I don't… understand."

"Let's say that was the only problem he had. How would you correct it?"

"I-I'd filter the blood."

"Okay… Good… Heard'a that bein done. That covers step one," I figured, as I scratched my temple with the barrel of my gun. Then I attached the silencer. "Now, about the antibodies, they're actin on their own, right?"

"Yes, but… "

"Now, these antibodies aren't destroyed by Mako because they're pure antibodies, right?"

"Yes."

"From what I understand about Jenova, it likes to recombine with itself. Am I wrong?"

"No… but… I."

"Are its antibodies part of that need to reunite? Or is it like some totally different thing?"

"I… I don't know."

"Right, so let's start there then… I wanna see if they reunite. Ya know… like a sponge. If Jenova reunites with the antibodies, pullin em back together, then we might be able to kill 'em. I'm assumin they've always been a part of Jenova, an if I'm assumin correctly, that means they can be killed if they become part of Jenova again. Like waterin 'em down, an if I'm wrong, than there's no harm done, right?"

"I-I'm not sure I follow you."

"Ya got the fuckin cells, doncha?" I snapped. Then I flicked some of my ashes onto his lap. "I distinctly recall bringin 'em in fer ya."

"Y-yes…"

"So… Can ya extract any antibodies from Rufus?"

"I… Yes," he said, looking at me like a light had suddenly gone off.

"Well then, it looks ta me like ya've been spending too much time focusin on useless little me, that ya haven't thought about what ya were gonna do with Rufus," I concluded, and tapped him in the middle of the forehead with my silencer. "I ain't that important. I've been around long enough. Ya know that. Rufus is just a kid, _and_ the President, which makes him a _little_ bit more important than me. Doncha think?"

He nodded nervously and went to speak, but I cut him off again.

"So… ya get those antibodies from the next sample ya take from him, and run some fuckin tests. Then when yer done, ya come an get me, an we'll put our heads together to see what else we can come up with… We'll carry on from there."

"But Rufus' orders…"

"Rufus' orders… I don't give a fuck about Rufus' orders. Ya think he's the only one that can end yer miserable life 'round here?"

Instead of answering, he just shook his head at me and swallowed hard.

"Good, cuz I'll do everythin I can ta help ya cover up what ya ain't doin. We both know I'm fucked anyway, an what he don't know, don't hurt 'im."

"W-we don't know f-for sure about you… There may still be a c-cure."

"Fuckin cure… Dumbass… We both know I'm a fuckin walkin battery that needs ta be recharged. Ya saw ta that when ya fucked me up by doin whatever it was ya did when ya took my blood."

When his eyes went wide and a stream of sweat from his brow came out more profusely, I wound up narrowing my eyes and chuckling at him.

"Oh… Ya thought I did'n know?"

"H-how'd you…"

"Figured it out on my own… Funny thing, really, since takin blood don't hurt that much. Ya put somethin in that needle, an ya know what? I don't really give a shit what it was… I'm too fuckin tired ta deal with that shit right now. We deal with Rufus _first_," I told him, before I took the silencer off my gun and put it back in its holster, before putting my cigarette out on the sole of my shoe. "Then, if I feel like lettin ya live after that, we'll deal with me."

I almost made it to the door, after I tossed the needles into his trash, when he cut me off with a question that gave me chills for some unknown reason. "You're from the Sector 7 orphanage… aren't you?" The question came out like it was a sudden revelation to him… There was nothing conniving about it. It was innocent, but disturbing.

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, but I couldn't say why. "I don't see what that has to do with anythin," I said. I didn't bother turning around, because I just wanted to get the hell out of there, before he said anything else. "Now if ya'll excuse me… I have a busy day ahead'a me."

* * *

I left the guard on the floor, out of the sight of the cameras, and decided it would make my day to just let him get caught sleeping on the job by the next shift. I needed something to lift my spirits anyway. Then I went back to my office and returned the security systems to normal, and put everything back where I got it from.

_Hmmm, too bad I didn't get paid overtime for that… All good for time too, with a couple hours to spare._

After that, I went back to my apartment and started making breakfast for Rufus. I figured he'd be feeling like shit when he awoke, since I drugged him and all, so it wouldn't hurt to help him out a little by fixing him something special. He'd never know, since the counter for what I gave him was tasteless and odourless. By the time it would kick in, it would just seem like he had awakened with an ordinary grogginess that was corrected over a few cups of coffee.

I could hear the alarm on the clock going off from the room, but I knew it wouldn't do much good. He'd hear it and just shut it back off, then go back to sleep. So, I had to go in there and encourage him to get up.

He looked like an angel, lying there, despite the miserable look on his face, since he was half-awake. He'd pulled the pillow up over his head to shield the light from his eyes, and I smiled when I saw him there like that. He looked so cranky.

Then I climbed onto the bed and crawled along the length of him while purring at him. "Hey… sleepy-head…"

He moaned in a way I figured meant 'Fuck off', and then he waved his hand at me as if I were a bug that he was trying to swat away.

"C'mon… It's time ta get up," I said, pulling the pillow off his head and brushing my lips to his.

"What the fuck are you in such a good mood for?"

Taking his morning cheer for nothing more than what it was, I raised my brow at him and snickered while singing out. "I made ya breakfast."

"Mm… I feel like I was drugged," he muttered, before he grabbed at his pillow again.

"Maybe ya were," I teased, and sat up while straddling him, "Maybe I drugged ya, so I could do some sneakin around."

"Just let me sleep a few minutes more."

"No. If I have ta get up an go to work, than so do you," I told him. Then I pulled him up to a sitting position, while I straddled his lap.

"This is interesting," he suggestively observed, before he put his hands around me so he could stroke my back. "Shouldn't this be the other way around?"

Doing nothing more than smiling at him, I placed my hands on his shoulders and leaned forward. "Oh, So is that what it takes ta wake ya up in a good mood?"

"Incentive never hurts," he answered, with a wry smile.

"Well, as much as I'd love to oblige ya, we ain't got time."

"Time…" he grumbled, as he got up and grabbed his robe. "There's never any time."

"Geez, yer cranky this mornin," I said, as I walked out of the room. "Yer breakfast is on the table."

"Where are you going?"

"To get my new _EMR. _I think that's Elena's preferred word fer it."

"Elena?" he asked, unable to hide his disapproval over me talking to her, and I let out a deep sigh and rolled my eyes.

"See ya later, Rufus."

* * *

Elena was in her lab with her back to me, rummaging through some files when I came in, and I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind her, not to spook her or anything, just to surprise her. So, I stepped lightly up to her and put one hand over her eyes and the other over her stomach, which was now protruding a little. Then, just for kicks, I mimicked Tseng's voice, and said, "Did you miss me?"

"Oh, Reno… I hate it when you do that," she said, before she pulled my hands away. "You sound just like him."

I had my tongue between my teeth, sticking it out a little through my grin, when she turned around to chastise me with that certain look in her eyes. "Jus tryin to help ya out," I said playfully, "Ya know, so ya don't ferget 'im."

As a reaction, she rolled her eyes and smiled wryly; then punched me in the arm. "So how's the apartment situation? You two getting along yet?" she asked, thoughtfully and hopefully.

There wasn't much I kept from her. She was the easiest to talk to about the situation, so she kind of became my sounding post. It's funny, how females are always more accepting of things like that. Guess I was lucky to have her around. Her support had been more than helpful. "Yeah… actually… I think…" I said, pulling myself up to sit on her counter.

"Hm… You don't sound so sure."

"Never am," I muttered, before I flashed her a charming smile and cocked my head. "I made ya lunch," I said, and motioned towards the coffee room near her office, "It's in the fridge."

She beamed all over and clasped her hands together near her chest, and hopped a little with excitement. She always did that so well, that I never really could tell if it was just an act, or if she really was excited. But it didn't matter. It made me feel good anyway. "Ooh… What did ya bring me this time?"

"Ya'll find out when ya go ta eat it," I said, and winked, "Ya'll like it."

"I always do," she informed. Then she jumped up on her toes and pecked me on the cheek. "I'll be right back… I have something for you."

"My new Mag-Rod?"

"I really hate that word, Reno… It's an EMR." she corrected, as she rushed out of her lab.

_EMR… Mag-Rod… Whatever._

Not really knowing what the big deal was, I shrugged my shoulders and walked into the coffee room to pour myself a cup of coffee while I waited for her to return. I almost reached into my pocket for my flask when I remembered I didn't have it anymore, funny habit to have, considering I hadn't replaced it since I lost it.

Yet I still reached for it every time. It was strange. But there was something about what Cloud said to me that really ate away at me, and every time I went to buy a new one, I just stared at them, and then thought twice. The lady at the counter must have thought I was some kind of freak, since I was in there at every break I got, and stood there staring at them, but never buying them.

It wasn't so much Cloud, really. He was just the icing on the cake. It actually started with Rufus, then Rude, and _then_ Cloud.

After Rufus and I made up following the mishap with Elena, he suggested that maybe I should seek professional help. Of course, at the time, I just blew up at him and we had a go at it. I didn't understand and called him a hypocrite since he never did anything to stop me from drinking, and at times, he even encouraged it. But it wasn't so much the drinking that bothered him. I know that now. It was the reason behind it. He didn't really know what the reason was, but he knew there _was_ one, nonetheless.

Then, when Rude pointed it out as he called me on Rufus, it stung even harder, and perhaps a little deeper. Maybe he wasn't really saying that he disapproved of me seeing Rufus. Maybe he was saying that he disapproved of whatever it was that was driving me to drink, and at the time, it looked like the cause was Rufus. But it wasn't. It was what being with Rufus was making me think about that was causing me to drink.

I wasn't big on memories.

I'm not saying that I suddenly decided to turn into a priest or anything. Hell, I'll always be me, and I'll most likely always be fucked up for one reason or another. I'm just saying that maybe, I decided I'd take a few steps back and not drink while I was working, since Cloud had to point out an obvious and hard truth. I was a lot stronger and agile when I was sober, which was probably why I always performed well on the job before all the turmoil that came along with AVALANCE and the loss of Tseng.

Leave it to Cloud to smack me awake. But he didn't win completely, because I still drank every chance I got while off duty.

Elena was entering the lab, just as I was coming back in from the coffee room. She was standing at the entrance with a beaming smile on her face, and was glowing like the sun. She was as beautiful as the sun too; I just thought I'd throw that in, because it was true. My beautiful guiding light was rocking forward on her feet with something behind her back, and a look on her face that told me I was going to love what I was going to see. I never really doubted her in the first place though. I knew she'd never let me down.

"Okay… Now, I had a little trouble with the blade that you wanted installed," she said, "But we finally got it working."

"Good… can I see it?"

"Not yet… We also had a little trouble with the odd design you wanted implemented to use an alternate power source besides the charger." She bit her bottom lip after the last bit and tilted her head. "We were able to work that out with a kill switch though, but you'd _better_ let me know if you run into any problems with it… Okay?"

"I'll hunt ya down like a dog, Lany… Doncha worry," I said, and winked.

She smiled, and then added, "I also put the two Materia slots you wanted in it as well. But… are you sure you don't want more?"

"Positive… The other one just had all those slots takin up space. Ya know I don't really use the stuff much."

As a response, she nodded before contributing her own opinion, "It wouldn't hurt to use some for healing and barriers, you know."

"Nope… only damage," I said, coming up to her as she brought it from behind her back, "That's all I care about."

Not bothering to hide her concerns, she frowned a little and studied me for a moment. "Reno… Your request to have a damaging self-destruct was a little odd…"

"Ya could'n implement that?"

"No… We could… We did," she answered, as she bit her bottom lip and continued to study me. "But it just seems a little extreme."

"I am extreme, Lany."

"Sometimes… It's just that… What exactly are you expecting to happen, Reno?"

"Hopefully nothin," I said, as I tossed it in the air and caught it to test its balance.

"Where's your old one?"

After I caught the rod in my hand, I stared at her with a sudden wash of coldness, and a dead seriousness, that she responded to by taking a step back and swallowing. When my eyes met hers, I said flat out, "In the hands of my enemy."

She didn't press any further. She knew better than to go there. Instead, she just nodded and came up to me and started explaining how to use everything on the rod. Most of the design was the same, except for the extra two switches. One was for the blade, which gave me an edge when needed.

Heh, an edge… Guess that had a double meaning. It allowed me to convert the rod into a sword, in case I needed it. I wasn't really one for swords; they weren't really my thing, but that didn't mean that I didn't know how to use them.

The other, was for something purely experimental that I'd come up with. It was for an alternate source, besides the magnetics and currents. There was a small slot that would allow me to use some other source of energy that I could throw at the enemy. Basically, I had some plans to do some experimenting, and see if I could come up with anything. It didn't matter whether I'd actually use it or not, but the option was there.

"Perfect," I said, "Can't wait to try it out."

"Why doncha go to the training room?"

"Maybe I will…" I answered, and leaned forward to kiss her on the cheek to thank her while she smiled at me. "What do I owe ya for it?"

"You're bringing Tseng home tonight, aren't you?"

"You bet yer pretty brown eyes I am."

Smiling again, she responded, "That'll more than make up for anything you could owe me, Reno."

"Damn… ya mean… ya don't think I could satisfy ya?"

"Damn… I mean… I don't think I'd want ya to," she cockily answered, and flicked me on the forehead to get her message across.

"You're loss, Sweet thing," I said, as I turned to leave.

"Reno?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't do anything foolish."

"Was'n plannin on it, Lany."

* * *

When I got up to the offices, I tapped lightly on Rufus' door before opening it enough to peak my head through. "Sir?" I inquired, not meaning to be mocking. He was still my boss, after all, and it was only respectful during work hours to honour that.

"Come in Reno."

"How're ya feelin?" I asked, as I stepped through the door and closed it behind me.

"Fine… Why?" With a bit of a frustrated look on his face, he was digging through his paperwork like he was looking for something that he may have misplaced.

"No reason… Ya jus seemed a little cranky this mornin."

"Well, I'm fine now… What did you want, Reno?"

"What chopper am I takin?"

"Whichever one you want… They're all yours," he answered, while waving his hand dismissively at me.

"Okay… See ya later then." I was about to leave when I heard him curse, so I turned around to see what he was up to and asked, "Misplace somethin?"

"Yes… A number."

"Is it on a small piece of paper?"

"Yes… Why?"

"Nothin… Was jus wonderin if maybe what ya were lookin for was on the floor in front of yer desk," I answered.

For a moment, he stopped dead and looked up at me for the first time since I'd come into his office. The coldness in his eyes suddenly washed away, and he smiled at me. "Was it there the whole time?"

"Yeah," I answered, coming forward to pick it up and place it on his desk, "Found yerself a girlfriend?" I asked, teasingly.

Then he sat back in his chair and adjusted his coat while staring at me with a wry smile on his face. "Would you be jealous if I did?"

For some reason, I was actually bothered by his question, and I think it may have shown. Because his appearance suddenly changed and he grabbed me by the wrists and pulled me across his desk so we were face to face.

Then he lifted his hand up and stroked my hair back, before his hand travelled to rest at the back of my neck. "Reno," he said, as he rubbed his nose across mine, "No _woman_ could ever do what you can do for me… and no _man_ could ever replace you. Now if you don't mind… I have work to do."

I think I closed my eyes in relief and felt a whole lot more confused by my own emotions. Honestly, I was bothered that I cared, and I was bothered that I felt relieved by what he said. It bothered me even more that I felt trapped by the fact that I cared, and I had to regain my sense of self by whispering, "I hate you, Rufus." Then I pushed myself off his desk and straightened myself up.

"I know you do, Reno, and I'm sorry."

His answer came out indifferent, and he kept his attention on his paperwork so he wouldn't have to look at me. He knew why I said it, and I think he _was_ sorry; I think he was sorry that he knew I hated the fact that I didn't mean it.

* * *

Before landing outside of Bone Village, I flipped on the radar to check for suspicious heat signatures in the area, because I had suddenly become overly paranoid. When I came across nothing that set off a reason for alarm, I landed, so I could wait for them to meet me at the rendezvous point.

Tseng had contacted Rufus from outside of Bone Village the night before, and they agreed that it would be best to overnight there, so that they could be picked up during daylight hours the next day. Rufus didn't indulge, but he suddenly didn't want me landing at night.

I left the radar on after I powered down the engines and kept my eye on it until I saw them making their way over from the direction of Bone Village. Then I jumped out and opened the doors for them, and ran over to help them with their equipment.

"Good to see you, Reno," came Tseng's cheery voice. There was no mistaking he was happy to be returning home.

"Good to see ya too, Sir," I replied, before I grabbed some of the cases from him.

I avoided saying anything to Rude or even looking at him, and I moved quickly back to the chopper to place the cases in it, and then when I turned around, Tseng and Rude had stopped dead in their tracks. The only one moving was Jared, because he had no idea what was going on.

"Where's NME?" Tseng asked, with a strong look of concern.

"Gone, Sir," I answered. Then I came up to grab the rest of the bags from him, since I figured he wasn't planning on moving any time soon.

"Gone?"

"Yeah… Had an accident."

"What kind of accident?" he asked, as he quirked his brow in suspicion.

"I'd rather not talk about it, Sir."

"That's beside the point, Reno. Tell me what happened."

"She exploded! Rufus has the report and can fill ya in on any questions ya have, Sir." I had a bit of an outburst there, but managed to calm myself down slightly to finish the rest of the sentence, leaving Tseng a little stunned, and tight-lipped. And as I was taking the last of the bags over to the chopper, I heard him turn to Rude.

"Rude?"

"Fucked if I know, Sir."

All the while, Jared stood there with a typical look of confusion on his face as I told him to, "Get that stupid look off yer face and sit down somewhere."

The flight back home was fairly quiet. Tseng sat in the co-pilot's seat and stared at me, point blank, the whole way there. I'm not even sure if he blinked. He had also taken notice of my new _EMR_ as well, but I think he decided he'd save his questions for later.

* * *

Once everyone was safely returned home, I went into my office while the others went into Rufus' office, and I started filling out the Logbook for the chopper. Then I entered the numbers into the system. After that, I sat back and covered my face with my hands and rubbed at my eyes, before holding the mag-rod by its hilt and studying it.

Mindlessly playing with the dial on it, and pressing the button to watch the sparks fly out, I had a sudden feeling of darkness, as I remembered what it felt like. I'd been shocked before, but never like that, and never over a course of days like that. There was more to it, of course. The circumstances were different from other times, and I was having a difficult time suddenly, dealing with what happened. He did it more out of sheer satisfaction than anything else, because it was me.

I suddenly felt sick.

Like my usual knee-jerk reactions, I don't even really recall doing it, but I stood up at some point and smashed the monitor on my desk with it. I continued to smash it until someone tapped at my door, and opened it partially.

Like a child, I hid the rod behind my back and backed up toward the wall behind me. I felt myself pale, and suddenly wanted to hide, when I saw Rude walk in. He adjusted his glasses and set his sight at the new art-form on my desk and said, "They make me feel that way sometimes too." Then he walked forward and set his cup of coffee on my desk, "Only I don't usually act out on it."

I swallowed hard and stared at him, with a bit of fear, because I was afraid of why he was in my office. He didn't waste too much time answering my question though, as he stood at ease with his hands clasped in front of him.

"Why was Jared given your apartment?" It was more like an interrogation than a caring question, really, and I started digging my fingers into the sharp parts of the zipper to my jacket so that it would hurt, to keep me from feeling whatever else I was feeling.

"B-because," I stammered, and swallowed hard.

"Because why?"

"Because I don't live there anymore," I mumbled. Then I looked away at that point, terrified of meeting his eyes.

After letting out a deep breath, he came over to stand in front of me and pulled my hand away from my jacket, before holding onto my wrist. "Don't do that."

"I didn't know… I was… Sorry."

"I know. You in Rufus' apartment?" he asked, with a slightly angry but controlled tone.

"Yeah," I answered, quietly, while still trying to avoid his gaze. I felt like shrinking, like running.

"Just tell me one thing," he said, and bent my wrist back a little, "It's all I want to know."

"What?"

"Tell me this isn't a repeat of what you went through when you were fifteen," he grabbed me by the jaw, then, so I was facing him, forcing me to look at him. "Tell me that Rufus doesn't hurt you, and don't lie to me when you do," he demanded, in a harsh tone, to stress the fact that he wasn't going to buy any bullshit that I might feed him.

"He doesn't hurt me, Rude." I almost felt like crying at that point. I felt like he wouldn't believe me, no matter what I said, even though I wasn't lying to him.

Then he pushed me back a little and grabbed me by the shirt. "Then _explain_ the marks."

"I-it's kind'a personal," I answered, raising my brow and smiling nervously.

"Explain!"

"It's the same as what the women do, Rude… That's all it is," I answered, as I grabbed his wrist to get him to ease off a little. "Ya know? A little fun?"

"Fun."

"Yeah… W-we… play a little… Makes it excitin… yeah?" I answered, trying to squirm away from him.

"Exciting… Getting the shit kicked out of you is… exciting."

"No… it's not like that," I pleaded.

"Then what is it like?"

"W-we fight a little… We do, but he doesn't hurt me, Rude… I swear. He never would." Damned, if he didn't make me feel like a fucking child.

"I remember you saying that when you were fifteen."

"I did'n know you then! You were just some fucking Turk sticking your nose where it didn't belong! Of course I'd fucking lie to you!" I yelled.

"And now?"

"I need ya to believe me. Please, believe me… I'd never lie to you… Not now."

"No… You'd just hide it from me. I thought it was a phase at first," he said, and then he pulled me into a protective hug. "I thought it would pass, and that you'd eventually tell me."

"I was too scared to."

"Why?"

"'Cuz I was afraid ya'd react the way ya jus did," I answered, calming down a little. The comfort of his hold suddenly made me feel like things might just be alright.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to see you being hurt again," he told me. Then he held me a little tighter. "I remember some of the things that little shit did to you."

With a subtle nod, I sunk into his grasp and let him rock me. I was relieved that he was doing it, relieved that he was there, and relieved that he'd actually known all along.

Only time would allow him to trust Rufus with me though. I knew that. There was no way he was going to take my word for it, not after all the lies I told him when I was a kid. He and Tseng were assigned to Sector 7 in those days, tracking a weapon's dealer ring, and had run into me more times than I cared to admit to. But for some strange reason, Rude started to get concerned about me, despite the number of times he'd arrested me.

"We good now?" I asked, praying to whatever God that would listen, that the answer would be yes.

"We're good."

* * *

"_You're from the Sector 7 Orphanage… aren't you?"…_

* * *

"_What's goin on?" I asked Haldric, when the men with white coats came in. I had just come out of the nurse's office after being tended to, from the fight I was in with some of the other boys in the orphanage. Haldric was waiting for me and had been standing there for some time._

"_Dunno… Somethin about a virus," he answered, not taking his eyes from them._

"_What's a virus?"_

"_I think it's a cold."_

_The men were talking to the caretakers of the orphanage and were presenting forms to them with orders of some sort. When the caretaker left, a man with slick black hair turned to his associate and said quietly enough, for only them to hear, "We'll need at least ten of them." Then he stressed, "They must be healthy," before he pushed his black-rimmed glasses up the bridge of his nose and looked around, studying the surroundings, until he met my gaze. I only heard him because we were close enough._

_His eyes were like black, cold orbs that penetrated right through me. They reminded me of the eyes of a rodent… beady and empty, with a small light that was less than comforting. He held a clipboard in his right hand and a pen in his left. A small half-smile that was faint, barely played across his thin lips, as he tapped on the clipboard with his pen. Then he clipped it to the board and came over to us._

_He pressed on the lid of my eye and lifted it with his thumb to open it more, so he could look in with a medical curiosity, and then he did the same to Haldric, before he turned his attention back to me. "What happened to you… boy?"_

"_He was beaten," said Haldric, in a defensive tone._

"_I see that," said the man, as he fixed his cold gaze over to Haldric. "But I wasn't asking you… Was I?"_

_I felt myself cringe at the slight melodic tune to his voice as he spoke. It was like a croon, and his eyes never really focused on what he was looking at, instead they looked right through, as if not really caring about the surface of what was in front of him._

_When the caretaker came back with more papers, the man with the slick black hair said to him that, "These two are infected… I'll need to take them for treatment." Then he turned to look at us, darkly, and with a slightly malicious grin, before turning his attention back to the caretaker. "I must be allowed to check over all the boys here… This is a very serious and urgent matter."_

_We were placed in a large vehicle by his other associates, and then taken to a mansion when all the others were rounded up._

_After being guided down long, spiralling, stairs, we were walked down a long stone hallway to where it branched off to the left. We were stopped there, and one of the associates pressed on the wall and it slid back to reveal another hallway with hospital-like tiles and walls. We were assigned rooms with bare, grey, walls that had nothing more than a bed in the middle, and a toilet in the corner. There were no windows except for a small window on the door, about a third of the way up, too high for someone at the age of nine or ten to peer through._

_One of the associates was guiding me in when the man with slick black hair grabbed me by the arm. "No… Let's get started on this one right away," he said, "The tough ones always give the most… interesting results."_

* * *

_What the hell?_

My eyes shot open and my body stretched out in a reflex motion that I couldn't control. A dull thud shocked me back to realizing where I was, as I sat straight up. Glancing around the room, I wondered where the hell Rufus was, until I saw his arm grasp the bed from the floor and his head come up, with his hair all over the place. He had a really pissed off look in his eyes.

"Thank you, Reno," he said, as he pulled himself up. "I guess I can just throw the alarm clock away now."

_Shit!_ I thought, before I rushed over to help pull him off the floor. "Did I wake you?"

He looked at me like he'd just heard the most absurd story ever told and tilted his head, as I pulled him back onto the bed. "Oh, no…" he said, "I always throw myself on the floor like that… I get a _kick_ out of it."

Okay… so he was a _little_ pissed.

Feeling a little guilty, I bit on my bottom lip and apologized. But he got over it quickly.

"I wanna go ta Nibelheim," I said, suddenly, not really expecting myself to say it.

"Nibelheim?" he asked, and looked at me strangely while brushing his hair back, "Why?"

"I dunno… I jus do."

He studied me for a moment, thinking about my request, and then told me, "Fine, but you're not going alone."

* * *

Revision 1: January 12, 2008


	19. Best Forgotten

**Best Forgotten**

* * *

At ten hundred hours Rufus called me into his office. He wanted to talk to me alone before the ten-thirty meeting, which involved all of us. It was in regards to the recent events that had taken place, and my report on the leader. The new information would hopefully prove valuable for the others to go by, since Rufus had pretty much decided to pull me entirely out of that loop.

He had no idea about my history with Aldrich, and I had no intention, whatsoever, to change that fact, even though I knew that once Tseng and Rude saw the records and the description, they would recognize him. But I hoped they would keep silent on the matter, and I hoped that any inside information could be passed between us in private.

They were the only ones I was willing to talk to in regards to him, since they already knew most of the story anyway. Under any other circumstances, my holding out information could have been viewed as personal treason, and enough to warrant a permanent dismissal, since what I was holding back could have been viewed as valuable information on the portfolio of the enemy.

This was different though. I wasn't holding back, because I knew the others would know the second they saw the report, and the only person I was holding back from was Rufus. For some reason, the thought of him knowing anything about it set me on edge.

Maybe it would have been different if Rufus and my situation had been different. It's possible that I might have been able to tell him more under different circumstances. But it's hard to say, because I can only speculate.

But he was aware that my request to go to Nibelheim had something to do with Aldrich, because I told him. I figured I owed him that much, even though I could have just played on the old rumours about the mansion having a secret lab that no one had ever found. But it had been searched for over the years, and was eventually written off as a myth since no one ever found it, and it was deemed as a story to frighten children.

I convinced myself and Rufus that maybe I subconsciously noticed something the last time I was there. I convinced us both that, maybe, when I ran into Aldrich and noticed the eerie way that he didn't seem affected by the environment, namely the cold, that maybe it spurred something in the back of my mind, and a possible connection was made. I convinced us both that it was just another one of my rare dreams that held a piece to the puzzle we were trying to solve. It wouldn't have been the first time, which meant there was nothing unusual about my request.

I think I needed to convince myself more than I needed to convince Rufus though. There was something different about this dream, and something disturbing about Kurn's question. It wasn't like my other dreams, not even the ones that involved memories. This one almost seemed real and too detailed to be a dream. Even the dreams I had that involved my past, always had other subconscious elements involved, iconic images that most likely represented my emotions or fears. This one didn't, and what made matters worse, was the fact that I had no memory of my childhood in between the ages of nine and ten.

I almost found myself regretting that I'd requested to go once Rufus had granted it. But it was too late. The words shot out of my mouth, and the request was granted before I had any time to really think about what I was getting myself into.

And after all was said and done, I tried to weasel my way out of the next meeting. It would have been different if Tseng and Rude hadn't been there and hadn't known about him, but they were, and they did. I could only hope that nothing would arise to make the situation more uncomfortable than it already was.

"So, can I go now?" I asked him, with my eyebrow cocked while rocking forward slightly.

"No, Reno. You might as well stick around. They should all be here in another ten minutes."

He had me in his arms in the middle of his office and was looking at me with a subtle curiosity. No doubt, he was sensing my discomfort at the thought of having to be present.

Then he pulled me closer so he could rest his chin on my shoulder and rocked me slightly. "Is there a particular reason you don't want to be present?"

Instead of answering him, I wrapped my arms around him tighter, buried my face in his neck, and held him more closely while hoping he wouldn't press it any further.

Pulling back a little, so he could face me, he brushed my hair out of my eyes and caressed my face with his fingertips. Then he stared at me for a moment as if he were drinking in every feature. "I understand it's difficult, Reno." He admitted, with his eyes locked to mine while he ran his finger along my brow, and then he looked as if he were looking right through me, as his eyes darkened a little. "I heard… remember?"

Almost as if on autopilot, I closed my eyes and brought my mouth to his, so I could replace my thoughts of the past with those of the present, making us both lose track of time. I was so lost in a good way, with a feeling of being melded into one with him. The warm and steady rise and fall of his chest against mine, as I was practically trying to devour his very essence, was entrancing to say the least, and I could feel and hear his heartbeat pulsing, almost in unison against my own, fulfilling any void of desolation that I may have had.

None of this was a really good thing though, which was why we didn't normally touch each other during work hours… because of what it generally lead to.

* * *

We both jumped when we heard the tapping on his door and quickly straightened ourselves out in a haphazard attempt to cover up that we even liked each other. Why did we do this? After all, the whole building practically knew we were living together, or at the very least, suspected that we were more than just roommates, and yet, we always went this extra mile to make it look like it was all business.

"Come in," Called Rufus, as he made his way to his seat and ran his fingers through his hair to straighten it out. He had a bit of an obsession with his hair, and it was always the first thing he tended to before straightening out his clothes, not that it was a really bad thing, because the effort always made him look good.

Mind you, he would have looked good wearing a potato sack and sporting a bad haircut, not that it would ever happen… not with Rufus anyway. He was the lucky one in this particular situation though, since he got to hide his feelings beneath the surface of his desk.

Unfortunately, all I had to hide behind was the length of my jacket, as I put my hands in my pockets to bring it forward. Thank Gaia that the pants to our uniforms were loose. Oh well, I was confident enough that what was about to pass would bring me down anyway.

Rufus shot a quick glance toward me and flashed that devilish grin of his, along with that playful glint in his eyes that he usually got before pouncing on me. Then as quick as lightening, he changed to his usual calm, cold, and casual demeanour, hiding any remnant of feeling he may have had for anyone or anything, as the door opened and my three co-workers entered the room.

Tseng and Jared made their way in to stand before the desk, while Rude paused at the door and gave me a once-over. He took a deep breath and walked up to me, so he could straighten my shirt with a look of disapproval on his face, making me wish that the guy wasn't as observant as he was, particularly at times he didn't really need to be. I couldn't help but feel the heat rise into my cheeks, while he fiddled with my collar, and gave me that look of his that meant he wasn't impressed.

"Glad you all could make it." Said Rufus, as he pulled out three folders and placed them on his desk.

He began briefing them on the events that had taken place in their absence, and explained that I had the privilege of running into the leader. And at that moment, all eyes set on me, and I felt myself wanting to shrink into non-existence as he explained what happened to NME, my weapons, and myself.

He kept the details in regards to my personal experience as short and with as little description as he could, mostly out of respect. He would have done that regardless of whether we were close or not though, and regardless of whether it was me or not. It was all business, and we'd all been through it at one point or another. The only difference was that neither he, nor his father, had ever had to listen to it before. Nor were they ever having a relationship with one of us before either.

"These files contain the information, and description of the two that we will be wanting to keep a lookout for." He said, pushing them to the edge of his desk, so my co-workers could take and study them.

"We don't have the name of the blonde that appears to be Aldrich's right-hand, but we have a fair description of him that was given by Reno." He paused for a moment, as if he was uncomfortable all of the sudden. But he hid it well and did his best to continue. "Given the circumstances, and Reno's unpleasant involvement, I have decided that it is best to keep him out of this assignment."

Tseng and Rude both nodded in agreement and simultaneously opened their folders. Then they began flipping through the papers, while Rufus continued.

"Thanks to this new information, we will be able to track their whereabouts much easier, given the fact that we now have a description to go by." He suggested, as he brushed his bang out of his eye and watched them as he spoke. "It would seem that this _Aldrich_ should be easy to recognize, since his appearance is…"

When Rufus saw the way that Tseng and Rude were suddenly looking at each other when they came across the digital image from the description I gave of Aldrich, he stopped talking and narrowed his eyes, like he was suspicious over their reactions. "Gentlemen?"

"Sorry, Sir…" said Tseng, as Rude's head slowly turned to my direction, and I involuntarily stepped back and swallowed.

Rufus' eyes scanned us all cautiously at that moment, and then he sat back in his chair and tapped his fingers slowly on his desk, with his eyebrow raised in question. "Is there something I should know?"

In an attempt to cover up his thoughts, Rude wound up stating. "He's a convict from Sector 7, Sir," and then he looked down at the image to help keep himself covered. "I think we're just a little stunned at how much he resembles Reno." Then he turned his attention back over to Rufus and closed his file to suggest there was nothing more.

"Sector 7?" Rufus asked. "You know this man?"

"Yes… Rude and I had arrested him on several occasions for weapons and narcotics, Sir." Tseng sighed, before he smoothed his hair back with his hand.

"Interesting, so there's a history… This may work out to our advantage… But I get the impression there's more than what you're telling me." Said Rufus, as his eyes shadowed over slightly. Then he turned his attention over to me and inquired. "How long ago was this?"

"During the Weapon's movement from Gongaga to Sector 7, Sir." Answered Rude.

"That was put to a stop… When? Seventeen years ago, correct?" Then, while keeping his eyes on me, he added. "You were in Sector 7 then, weren't you, Reno?"

"Yes, Sir."

To my surprise, he never asked if I knew him, but I could see the question playing in his head as he pieced it together. But all he did was shake his head, very subtly, as if to remove his thoughts, and then he turned his attention back to Tseng. "Very well… I trust you and Rude can put together his criminal records so we can have a better idea of what we're dealing with." He said, and then nodded.

"Certainly, Sir," Tseng replied, and bowed slightly.

"Actually… Tseng… I'd like you to get started on that right away."

"Sir?"

"Yes. I'm sending Reno on a special mission at Nibelheim. He believes there may be some additional information in regards to this _Aldrich_ hidden in the records there." For a moment of pause, and possibly study, he scanned his eyes across the four of us and then made a decision on his next course of action. "Rude?"

"Yes, Sir?"

"You're to accompany Reno… and Jared?"

"Yes, Sir?"

"I'd like you to join them. There is much you can learn from this mission, since Reno works in a relatively unique way. I'd like you to pay close attention to how he does things and learn as much as you can from him." Then he locked his eyes with the young recruit and informed him that, "It may save your life one day."

"Yes, Sir."

"When do we go, Sir?" asked Rude.

"As soon as Reno is ready to go, I believe it will be no later than twelve-hundred hours today. You both best be ready by then, and out on the helipad to join up with him. You're all dismissed." He said, looking down at the papers in front of him and waving his hand to shoo us all away, and we had all turned to leave, but as I was about to follow them out when Rufus called me back in.

* * *

"Sit down, Reno." He said, and then he got up from his chair to come over to me. After that, he slipped his hand into the inside pocket of my jacket and pulled out the case for my syringe. "When was the last time you had a shot?" He asked, while looking down at me with a bit of disapproval. "Your eyes are changing again."

"Almost a month ago, Sir."

"Roll up your sleeve. I don't want you passing out when you're flying." After nodding at him, I did as he told me to and he knelt down in front of me. "I'm assuming that if you had something important to tell me, that you would." He said, while focusing on my arm.

"Yes, Sir."

"Drop the damn formality. There's no one here to put on a show for." He snapped, before he grabbed my arm and gave me the shot, and then he placed the empty needle back in the case, so it could be disposed of properly when I got the chance. After that, he watched me closely for a moment and wound up clenching his teeth. "I don't like this." He said, sharply.

"Neither do I." I said, cocking my brow and feeling a little light-headed.

"I trust you'll tell Rude if there's anything he needs to know."

"I will, S-Rufus."

For a moment, he raised his brow, like he was contemplating something, and then he brushed his hair back and decided to go ahead and ask what it was he wanted to know. "I don't know how to ask you this, so I'm just going to ask… You know him, don't you?"

"I did."

"It's not like you to hold back information. Am I making a mistake by trusting you?"

"I don't know."

With a deep breath, he stood and brushed his hand through his hair again. "I've always taken risks with you… So I'm going to trust you and hope that I don't regret it. But I need to know something."

"What's that?"

While shaking his head like he needed to work it out for a bit, he pulled me to my feet and held onto me. Then he scanned his eyes over mine, as if searching for the right words and wound up asking the question I hoped he never would. "How well did you know this man?"

"We were in the same orphanage." I answered, and made the mistake of moving my eyes away from his questioning stare.

The action caused a look to cross his eyes that told me he knew there was more. But for some strange reason, he didn't press. Instead, he nodded as if the answer would satisfy him for the time, and then he lightly requested while brushing my bangs away from my eyes. "Promise me you'll come back from Nibelheim unharmed."

I couldn't help but tense up a little when he said that, since I was starting to notice a discomforting pattern. "Ya know…" I muttered. "Every time ya say somethin like that, somethin bad happens." Then I raised my brow and moved my eyes slowly back to his, to see if maybe I should start worrying.

But he only stood there for a moment, as if stunned by the thought, and then he cocked his brow and looked into my eyes. "Perhaps I should stop saying things like that then."

It was said like a joke, but we both kind of got a strange sense about it. Rufus had always been a little on the intuitive side, and I was suddenly wishing he hadn't said what he said at all. Regardless of the fact that he only said it because he cared about me, I was already spooked about going in the first place.

* * *

"_Haldric Toketsu," Came a voice, as a strong hand grabbed me by the front of my shirt and lifted me off the floor. "Talk!"_

"_I… I dunno… where… he is…" I choked. My throat was strained with each word, since it hurt so much._

_I was pushed into a chair behind me and towered over by the large Turk with shades. He pushed my head back with the palm of his hand and grabbed my jaw to force my head back further, intensifying the pain in my throat. "What the fuck does this look like to you, Tseng?"_

"_Crushed," Was all the lean Turk said, as he stood in front of the door, guarding it, with his hands to his sides._

"_Your friend do this to you?" He'd grabbed a handful of my hair to keep my head still, and brought his other hand to my throat and pressed lightly near the edges of the bruises on my neck. Water ran out of the corners of my eyes, as I grimaced from the pain of his touch._

"_N-no."_

"_I think you're lying… Tseng? What do you think?" he asked, without taking his attention from me. I could barely see his eyes as he peered at me through his shades._

"_When doesn't he lie?" The lean Turk mused, as he stepped forward to stand beside his co-worker. "Well, Renault… It looks like you've got yourself in a bit of a bind this time."_

"_I told ya… I dunno…" I was cut off by the lean Turks hand at my throat, somewhat relieved that I didn't have to continue talking, even though the alternative wasn't that great either, since he was pressing where he knew it would cause the most pain, but not any damage. _

_"Unfortunately, we have nothing on you today, except for a possible… small possession of narcotics. I'd be willing to drop those petty charges. Perhaps, I could assume that you're taking them for medicinal purposes, given the amount of pain you must be in right now, if you'd be so kind as to tell us where he is."_

"_He's got those bruises all over his fucking body," Said the man with shades, almost like he was more concerned about his findings than he was about finding what they came for._

"_I noticed… Nice friend you have, Renault. Although, I can't say that I'd call someone who'd tie you up, just so he could brutally beat you into submission, a real friend. It's still nice to know you have one."_

"_It… was'n… him."_

"_No, of course not… It never is." The lean Turk mocked, while he took his hand from my throat and lowered his voice so it would carry a subtle threat. "Do you know how much trouble your friend is in right now?" _

_Then he patted the large Turk on the shoulder with the back of his hand to get him to let go of my hair. "Besides the fact that we could have him on rape charges, if you'd only come to your senses, the weapons he stole from those men belong to Shinra… Do you know what that means?"_

* * *

"I asked you a question!"

A strong hand had the front of my shirt bunched up in it, pulling me slightly forward and up a bit. Dazed, I stared past the reflection in his sunglasses and toward his eyes.

The last thing I remembered was walking out of Rufus' office. Then suddenly, I was in my own office with Rude holding me up, almost off the ground, and Tseng standing in front of my door with his hands to his sides, guarding it. "I…"

"He's zoning out again, Rude." Tseng called from the door.

"I see that." He replied. Then he pushed me into a chair beside my desk and let go of my shirt, before he smacked me, hard, across the face to snap me back to reality. "Rufus doesn't know, does he?"

"No." I answered, bringing my hand up to my face to try and rub the stinging away. "W-what happened?"

"Just the usual, Reno… You zoned out when Rude grabbed you."

"I was asking you if he…" Rude broke off for a second to revise his question, as he rubbed at his temple. "Did he do anything to you?"

Cringing a little at his question, since I knew he was referring to Aldrich, I found myself afraid to answer the man for fear that he wouldn't believe me, and answered. "No."

"You wouldn't lie about it?"

"No… Not anymore." I replied, looking up to his eyes to stress that I was telling him the truth.

"Thank Leviathan…" Tseng muttered. Then he moved away from the door. "Sorry to put you through this Reno, but you do understand our concern."

"Yeah… I do."

"So… where were you a minute ago?" asked Tseng, as he sat himself down in one of the chairs by my desk.

Somewhat feeling like I've walked through a time portal, I paused long enough to pull out a cigarette and lit it, before I mumbled with my brow raised. "Almost the same place as I am right now."

"I see… I can imagine the psychological impact all of this might be having on you."

"Ya fuckin think?" I snapped, before I took a drag from my cigarette and stared at him, dead on, while Rude cleared his throat and moved to stand, at ease, beside me with his hands clasped in front of him.

"Yes, well… Rude, why don't you tell him."

"We want you to seek professional help."

"Oh, fer fuck's sake." I mumbled. Then I took another drag from my cigarette and snorted. "Ya both know damn well a fuckin shrink ain't gonna fix me."

"Perhaps…" Tseng mused, as he pushed the ashtray on my desk toward me. "What would you suggest then?"

"Fucked if I know." I replied, while flicking my ashes on the floor in front of me.

For a second, Tseng smirked while pointing at my ashtray and decided he'd add his own two cents on a separate topic, since he knew the one he was on wasn't going to go anywhere from experience. "I can't imagine Rufus letting you do that in his apartment."

Then our eyes met and we both smiled, knowing that Rufus would kill me if I ever did that in his apartment. "He doesn't."

"I _don't_ want to hear about that." Came Rude's voice. He was more comfortable living in denial over the whole ordeal, and I took no offence to it, since I could totally relate.

With a quirked brow in a mild agreement, Tseng tapped his hand on my desk and then told Rude to go and get ready for Nibelheim, while he got up himself, so he could start rummaging through the old archives that were salvaged after Weapon's attack.

"Hey… Tseng?" I called to him, before he had a chance to leave.

Quirking his brow again, he turned to me and straightened up. "Yes, Reno."

"Ya knew… Did'n ya?"

"Knew what?"

"'Bout Rufus… Someone must'a known… It had to have been you."

With a reluctant sigh, he stepped away from the door and walked back into my office. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yeah, ya do… When he was in the hospital after Weapon. We were in a remote location. Someone must'a kept him medicated, since he was in a coma…" I muttered, before I took another drag from my cigarette and lifted my foot to my knee, so I could pick at the sole. "Ya were his guardian 'til he was sixteen…"

I couldn't help but notice him tense up a little and shift uneasily where he stood before he replied, almost defensively. "It was never something I approved of."

"Never said it was." I replied. "Was jus tryin ta make sense out of it."

Nodding as if he understood, he looked down at the floor and sighed again. "He's a tough one, Reno." Then he met my eyes and tensed up a little. "I guess that's why it makes sense for him to be attracted to you… You're both a lot more alike than you realize."

At that, it was my turn to shift uneasily, in my seat. "Yer not mad?"

"Why would I be mad?" He asked, as a half-smile crossed his lips and he quirked his brow. "Rufus has always done whatever Rufus has wanted. No one has ever been able to make him do something he wasn't willing to do."

Then he shrugged his shoulder, suggesting that maybe it was the first time he'd actually given it any thought. "He's an aristocratic brat who has no fear of what people think about him, and he could care less about the impact that he has on others… He doesn't have to care," He informed, and then he smiled about it. "And from what Elena and I saw… Well… Let's just say that it hardly looked like _you_ were the one taking advantage of _him_."

Flushing a little and letting out a nervous laugh at the unnecessary reminder, I tilted my head a little and took another drag from my cigarette before putting it out. "Wish ya would'n throw that in my face."

After that, a subtle look of playful conniving overtook him, and he replied. "You know as well as I do, that blackmail has always come in handy within the walls of Shinra. Now… if you'll excuse me, I have an exciting day of digging through old archives to get started on."

I have to admit, that regardless of how controlled that man was, he certainly had a dry sense of humour that was subtle at best, and he loved to get under people's skin with it. Tseng was probably the biggest mystery to me when it came to his past. It was almost like he just appeared into existence one day, and decided he'd work for Shinra.

Not once during the time I'd worked with him, had we ever run into anyone that he knew from his past, except for Aeris, nor did he even remotely hint that he even had one. Of course, considering the fact that he was an estranged killer, and a traitor to his own people, it's quite possible that he'd killed everyone he'd ever known.

I can't say I was never curious about him. Who the hell wouldn't be? Unfortunately, I can't say that I'd ever been brave enough to ask him about it either. If the man had ever known remorse or regrets, he certainly never showed it, nor did he ever hint that anything outside of Shinra even mattered. I half-suspected that he was honestly shut off emotionally, and I would have been fully convinced at one point, if it weren't for Elena.

Thinking about it now, it was actually kind of strange, the way that he allowed himself to get emotionally attached to her. It makes you think… even the most cold-hearted, and altogether disassociates, can find a weakness within themselves and wind up needing someone else to help them find strength in it. They were both made up of the parts that they were both missing.

Basically, I guess I could say that their separateness made them whole.

The most shocking aspect of it all, however, was the fact that Tseng, of all people, was going to be the first one of us, if not the only one, to become a father. I didn't doubt he'd do a good job at it though. I remember the way that Rufus used to cling to him when I first started at Shinra.

The kid felt safe with him and looked up to him more than he did with his own father. Of course, from what I know now, I realize that Rufus probably felt protected by him… from his own father. But you can even see it now, regardless of how snobby Rufus is with him, that he still views the man as someone to look up to.

* * *

As soon as Rude, Jared, and I got into the chopper, I made one of the most appalling discoveries about Jared, which sent me into a rampaging rant. The guy had no idea how to fly a chopper. To make matters worse, he said he could care less about learning how to fly one.

I was completely mortified that he would have the nerve to say such a thing. What if something were to happen to me, and he was the only one with me? How the hell would he get us back to safety? Oh hell, it wasn't just me. What if he was the only one with any of us, and by some freak chance, he was the only one unharmed? That wouldn't do. He was going to have to learn.

Rude wound up having to sit in the back, rolling his eyes, while I chewed the kid out, telling him he was going to learn, come hell or high water. Now, I don't exactly know how obvious or apparent I've made the fact that I was impatient, and had very little tolerance toward others, but needless to say… I wasn't exactly the best person to be teaching anyone how to do anything.

We all knew that. Hell,_ I_ knew that.

"Just set him up with an instructor," Called Rude through the headset, as he held onto his seat for his dear life.

For such a tough guy, he was sure easy to spook at times. I could see him grimacing when the chopper turned on its side and went backwards. It looked like he was trying to burrow a hole into the seat with his back, as his feet nearly came up to help with the effort.

"N… that ain't how ya fuckin do it!" I shouted. "What're ya… tryin ta do… kill us?"

"All of you pilots are the same!" The kid shouted back at me. "You all think you're the greatest things to ever walk the surface of the planet!"

"Instructor!" Came Rude's voice into the headset again, as if he was really trying to stress his suggestion.

"Watch yer mouth, Punk!" I warned, while pointing my finger at him and ignoring Rude's girly little fears. "An get yer fuckin hands off my controls… Ya ain't got a clue what yer doin!"

I could see Rude ease up in the back seat when I turned around and winked at him. He didn't look too impressed though. But it was pretty funny to me anyhow. I would have played a little more, but we were getting close to Nibelheim and I needed to be able to land the chopper properly, without us all having to walk home later because the little punk didn't know what the hell he was doing.

* * *

We made our way down the stairs when we got to the mansion, and when we made it to the bend in the hall, we all stood for a moment and studied the structure, like we all suddenly wanted to avoid being down there. I could recall from my dream, exactly, where the scientist had pressed. But I needed to teach Jared how to figure things out on his own, so I didn't bother.

The wall was made of roughly cut stone, in a staggered formation, and every three feet there was a clean, vertical, cut from the ceiling to the floor. No scuff marks were present to give any clues whatsoever. But there was some odd, yet subtle, discoloration along the stones nearest to the adjoining wall that left a few hints.

"Ya got a lighter?" I asked Jared, while Rude stood in the corner and silently observed. He knew the routine, so he wasn't about to interrupt.

"I don't smoke."

"I did'n ask ya if ya smoked." I said, and the sudden insult from him in regards to that, made me feel like pulling one out and lighting it. So I did just that, and added. "I asked ya if ya had a lighter… It's standard issue."

"What for?"

"Think about it…" I urged, while tapping on my temple with my middle finger. Then I walked over to Rude, so I could lean against the wall by him. "But don't take too long… I ain't got all day."

Rude chuckled lightly and shifted a little, like he found something funny but didn't really want to admit to it, even though it was too late because he'd already laughed. "You sure this is a good idea, Reno?"

"How else is he gonna learn?"

"I meant for you."

"Dunno whatcha mean." I muttered. Then I took a drag from my cigarette and flicked the ashes like I didn't really want to know either.

As an act of denial, I decided I'd watch Jared play with the lighter in his hand instead, while he stood there staring at the wall like he was trying to solve one of the world's most mysterious and complex puzzles.

"I mean…" Rude started, with a slightly hesitant sound to his voice. "Maybe there's a reason you've blocked out the memory."

"Maybe the reason I have no memory is cuz there ain't one."

He turned his head to look down at me then, and sighed, like he didn't exactly agree with me. "Or there is one."

"Airflow!" said the sharp little wonder staring at the wall. "Use the flame… Against the cracks… Right?" he asked, while looking over at me with eyes alight from the sudden revelation.

Then I moved forward a bit, away from the wall, and clicked my tongue, winked, and pointed at him with a 'you got it' type of gesture. "Now… Get to work, Kid."

I don't know why, but the little shit glared at me for some reason. Then he started running the lighter along the cracks.

"I'd remember Rude. I'm sure of it."

"Not if it was traumatic."

Cringing a little at the fear that he might be right, I figured I'd try to reason it out while staring at my cigarette. "I remember everythin else… How could anythin be more traumatic than what I remember?"

"With everything else, you still had a level of control… You could have left any time you wanted." He answered. Then he adjusted his glasses and stared down at me. "Only you never did."

"It was all I had." I muttered, before I figured watching Jared would be more entertaining than watching my cigarette burn.

He was running the lighter against the wall when his eyes lit up as the flame started to flicker against the crack of the first section we were standing by. Then he stood up and looked at us like he'd just found the answer to the riddle of the existence to the Cetra.

"Not bad." I said. "Now figure out how ta open it."

"You've gotta be kidding me." He retorted, while shifting his weight to one side like he actually thought I was.

"Ya wanted to be a Turk, did'n ya?" I replied. "Now act like one, an figure it out!"

"I've noticed you're not drinking." Said Rude, completely ignoring the interactions between me and Jared, probably because he was used to it.

"Figured I'd smarten up a little… Ya know?" At that, I looked up at him while Jared was cursing under his breath and running his hands along the stones. "Maybe, I've been repressin too much an it was affectin my performance on the job."

"You don't say…" He mockingly mused. "What made you come to that conclusion?"

"Ya think I was wrong?" I asked, with my brow raised.

"I think you were right." He said, while putting his hand on my shoulder and pulling me back to lean against the wall again. "After everything we've all told you about it, I'm just surprised you actually listened for once."

"Yeah, well… Cloud put it in perspective fer me." I muttered, before I took another drag from my cigarette and stared down at it again. "Now, if only I could quit _this_ shit."

"Cloud?" He asked, while raising his brows in surprise.

"Yeah… He kinda smacked some sense inta me."

"Cloud!" I couldn't help but notice he was having a bit of a hard time swallowing that one.

"Yeah… Ya know… Cloud?" I mockingly answered. Then I nudged him with my elbow and half-smiled at him.

"Shit, Reno… The guy's as messed up as you are."

"Nah… He ain't so bad…" I mused, while shrugging a little about it. "Scary… But not so bad."

"Scary?" He repeated, while watching as Jared stood back from the wall and put his finger in his mouth, to show he was really thinking hard on what he was going to do. "The guy's a basket case."

"Yeah… Well… So am I."

"I won't disagree with that."

"I got it!" Jared shouted. Then he stepped forward and pressed on one of the stones near the corner and was rewarded with a low rumbling as the wall slid back and started to move to the side.

Rude stiffened a little, as if he was actually disappointed that there really was something down there, and I pushed myself from the wall so I could stand up straight while suddenly feeling a little nervous. Then I gulped hard and took another drag from my cigarette, while taking a step back, as the other two stepped forward.

"_I'm very pleased with your results… Tell me… How did that make you feel?"_

"Uh… Rude?" Hesitating for some unknown reason, I felt like I had just frozen to the spot and had a feeling that I was as pale as I felt. "Maybe this ain't such a good idea."

With a concerned sigh, he turned to look at me and tilted his glasses down, so he could look at me dead on. "You want to stay out here?"

"I dunno… No." I said, and started walking towards them. "I think I'll be fine."

Just as I tossed my cigarette to the floor and stepped on it, I pulled out another one and lit it. The action caused Rude to glance at me again and come over to stand close to my side. "If you think you can't handle this…"

"No… I'll be fine." I ensured, and stepped through the new opening.

It was just like my dream, only not as fresh. There were medical trays against the walls, covered in dust and cobwebs. All the surfaces wore the trace of being untouched for years, and cobwebs hung from the ceilings and walls.

I automatically grabbed my rod by its hilt and hung onto it, half-expecting a need to use it, but consciously knowing I probably wouldn't. My reactions were putting Rude on edge, making him stay closer to my side as we all walked in.

Jared moved forward with his head up, taking everything in with bewilderment. Everyone had heard about this lab, but no one had ever found it, and now, all of the sudden, there it was… found.

"Where do we start?" Came Rude's voice, from my side.

"The office should be at the back… I'd assume all the files would be in there." I said, staring off into space. I was aware of what they were both seeing, but I was seeing something completely different. I was seeing the place as it was in my dream, and I was starting to panic inside.

When we walked by the room I was taken to in my dream, I stopped, dead, again, and stood there staring at it.

"_Syringes…? Well, well… Who would have thought of shorting out my security system with something so… unexpected…? I'll take those now… If you don't mind…"_

"Reno?"

Rude's voice made me jump unexpectedly and made me wonder how long I'd been standing there and zoning out while I muttered. "Sorry…"

The door to the room was open, and the scratch marks on the inside were still there, along with the scorched marks on the automatic lock. _Maybe this was just a part of my dream that I simply didn't remember after I awoke,_ I told myself. The straps on the bed made me uneasy, suggesting that whoever was in that room was strapped down to keep them in there… or something else.

But I didn't really want to think about that. So, I didn't.

"This place gives me the creeps." I said, in a distant way, while still staring at the room like it was threatening me.

"You're not the only one." Replied Rude, and then he grabbed me by the arm to urge me away. "Let's find that office."

"Yeah… The office."

Jared was already at the end of the hall. He'd been there for a while, just standing there and staring at an open doorway, much like I was doing, but probably with a different look on his face. It was almost like he was disturbed. He hadn't said anything or even moved, he just stood there and stared.

"Jared." Called Rude, from where we were standing. "What's up?"

"The lab." I mumbled, not wanting to go and see for myself.

But we stopped beside Jared anyway, and understood why the kid was so mesmerized by it. It was nothing we hadn't seen before. Being a part of Shinra during the days of Hojo, we'd seen things that made this particular lab look like a candy store. But to the new kid, who'd never seen anything to do with experimentation before, it was a bit of a shock.

There were regenerator encasements, large enough to fit a large person in, along the right side of the wall. Near the back, there were jars full of samples. Some of them had what looked like human parts in them, while others were probably the results of mutation, and typically, like with all labs, there was a counter with two small sinks near the back as well. Near the left, and attached to the wall, were cabinets full of medical supplies and tools.

In the middle, was an examination table with straps fastened to it. Some of them were frayed and worn, suggesting struggle or overuse, or both. Above the table was a contraption of some sort, with tubes coming from it and lights in the center.

"_I wouldn't do that if I were you… Struggling will only make it hurt more, I'm afraid."_

To the side of the table, was another object that looked like a large vessel for fluids, it could have been for injecting or removing, or injecting _and_ removing. It sat atop a machine that's purpose appeared to be for monitoring vitals and quantities from the vessel atop it. There were tubes that extended from the machine, long enough to reach a little beyond the length and width of the table.

Three other machines also stood near the table, which were more obviously for monitoring vitals and recording and entering data about and from subjects.

"Kinda like a scary movie, eh, kid?" When I put my hand on Jared's shoulder and spoke, he jumped, making me feel a little better about not being the only one that was uncomfortable with what I was seeing.

Then I pushed him forward a bit, so he would move into the room. "How 'bout ya get started in here." I said. "I'll bet there's valuable data in those machines, an those specimens in the jars…" For a moment, I paused and looked up at Rude, who nodded back at me, before I continued. "Need to be collected as well."

The kid swallowed hard and looked at me like I'd grown two heads. "You can't be serious." He stammered.

"Oh… I'm afraid I am." I urged, and then I patted him twice on the back and added, "Welcome to Shinra, Inc… kiddo."

Jared cursed under his breath, knowing he didn't really have a choice, even though he protested, and hesitantly moved forward. "Where do I start?"

"Personally, I'd start with that machine to the left of the table… Turn it on, hope it starts, and remove the recordin device. If it don't start, find another way ta get the device. Then I'd go into that refrigeration unit near the back, there, and take everythin from that as well." I paused for a moment, with a bit of a nostalgic sigh in regards to how much my job sucked at times, especially when it was me that had to do all that crap.

Then I motioned my hand towards the back and continued with the suggestions. "Since those specimens appear to be the largest things ya'll be collectin, I'd grab them last… But ya do it in whatever order makes ya comfortable. Jus make sure ya do it." I said, while smiling at him. "An make sure ya don't miss anythin either. The last thing we wanna do is hafta come back, cuz ya fucked up."

"What? Why the hell do I have to do all the dirty work?" I guess he thought he was in a position to make demands, but Rude enlightened him on that one.

"Because you're the rookie."

"That's right… We've already done what yer about to do a thousand times, if not more." I added. Then I took a quick glance at Rude, and then back at the kid, "So, now it's yer turn." I couldn't help but let out the big grin I was unable to hold back, and let it play across my face over the sick satisfaction I was suddenly feeling over the matter.

But we had a lot of ground to cover that day. So, I tugged on Rude's sleeve to let him know that it was time for us to leave the kid to his task and go about our own. It was hard not to feel a little bad for Jared, although I never really had a conscience about doing what he was about to do, you could tell that he wasn't really ready for it.

Unfortunately, though, he signed up to be a Turk, and this was part of what being one was. Getting him started there and at that point was just as good as any, since he'd wind up doing it a thousand times or more, just like me and Rude had done, and will continue to do until we die, either from old age or our job.

"I don't think he likes you." Mused Rude, as we started walking toward the office at the back.

"It ain't his job ta like me." I replied. "Ya think he can handle it?"

"It's his job to handle it." He answered. "I'm more worried about you… You've been zoning in and out since we got here."

"It's nothin…" I muttered. "I think its jus fragments of my dream that I did'n remember, coming out more as I'm seeing things."

"Or memories."

Almost wishing he'd stop pushing the idea, I nudged him on his shoulder, playfully, to shut him up. Honestly, I was more comfortable believing it was the dream that was triggering the fragments playing through my head. It's not like any of it would have mattered if it were memories though. It was in the past… Done and over with.

When we found the office, it was locked. So, I had to take out my kit and pull my lock pick out to get us in. Rude stood patiently by my side while I fiddled with the automatic lock to short it out, and when I was rewarded with the positive response, I put everything back in its small case and then back in my pocket, before I opened the door.

_"I'm very impressed with your latest escape attempt… The methods you used were quite… unique… However, I'm afraid we're going to have to start your tests all over… Unless, of course, you find it within your conscience to return your file… I certainly hope, for your sake, that you didn't lose it or destroy anything in it."_

Shivers ran down my spine for some strange reason, as we stood there, scanning the office. There was nothing notable about the room. It was your basic, ordinary office, with a desk in the middle and four filing cabinets against the back wall. Two of them were to the right of the desk, and the other two were to the left, and there was a closed door in the middle of the left wall that didn't look like it had a lock.

"Let's see what's in there." I said to Rude, while pointing at the door and moving forward.

He nodded and followed me into the adjoining room while regarding me cautiously. It was what I figured we were looking for, and I couldn't figure out why he was acting like he needed to keep an eye on me as we opened the door to find that the walls were lined with numerous filing cabinets, suggesting we'd have our work cut out for us.

"Fuck, this is gonna take us all day." I complained, while Rude sighed and pushed me a bit forward.

"Better get started, then."

After letting out a non-ambitious grunt, I pointed Rude to the right of the room and told him to get started at that end, while I walked over to the left to get started on the other end. I assumed the subjects were never named, and unfortunately, I was proven correct. So, we were going to have to read each file that we came across in order to recognize which one was Aldrich's, giving me one more reason to wonder why the hell I wanted to come here in the first place.

We must have been going through them for a good couple of hours, when I finally came across something promising. It was a file on subject B-42-3. It was one of the first subjects to ever be tested with new and various strains of Jenova cells and Mako, along with extractions of Materia. The subject's results covered everything from degeneration to regeneration, to a, severe and permanent, steady degeneration of nerve endings.

Certain areas of the brain were damaged, while other areas were heightened, namely aggression and the thinking process, and the subject wound up suffering from an incurable sociopathic disorder that seemed to worsen throughout the duration of the experiments.

The subject was deemed a failure and therefore put to further tests that were considered to be at higher risk, since the importance of the well-being of the specimen was no longer a priority, due to its progressive failure to respond.

I couldn't bring myself to stop reading the report, and I decided to ignore Rude when he tried to get my attention by calling my name. "Reno…"

"In a minute," was my response. "I think I found it."

I wasn't willing to tear myself away. The guy was a Jenova experiment gone bad. However, the results had shown that the subject was progressive, and therefore any permanent results wouldn't be apparent immediately. Due to the length of time the cells within the subject were mutating…

"Reno…"

"Yeah, yeah… In a minute, Rude."

Due to the length of time the cells within the subject were mutating, it was uncertain when the permanent results could be recorded. The assumption was that the results could take years, since the progressive nature of it was unstable and chronically slow to respond.

"Reno!"

"What!" I suddenly shouted, and not really knowing why I reacted that way. "What the hell is so damn important that it can't fuckin wait!" I demanded, as I spun around to chew him out with an unexplainable irritation. Then I almost passed out when I saw him staring at an open folder and reading it. He wasn't looking at me, and his expression was incredibly sullen.

He had a couple of sheets flipped over already, and the one he had just flipped was still between his fingers, as his eyes scanned the next page. Then slowly, his eyes lifted toward me from the file, and a look of remorse crossed him, "Reno…"

I didn't know why I felt myself pale, and I almost fell backwards into the filing cabinet at the same time I dropped Aldrich's folder to the ground and the contents scattered at my feet. My entire body went numb, along with my thoughts, and whatever other feelings I may have had.

Without warning, my initial shock was replaced with something that could probably be defined as a complete and total breakdown, or to put it simply… hysteria. "Burn it!" I shouted at him, and lunged forward like I was about to tear everything to shreds in my path.

Not saying a word, he gripped the file tightly in his hand, took a deep breath, and paled about as much as someone with his coloring was capable of.

"I said burn the fucking thing!"

"Reno…" He repeated. Then he shook his head and was about to say something else. But I cut him off and wouldn't listen.

"BURN IT!" I screamed, as loud as was possible to get my fucking message across.

My entire body had gone tense from the adrenaline that had taken over, and I lunged at him to rip the file from his hands. And when I finally figured he wasn't going to, I dug into my pocket frantically for my lighter, so I could burn the damn thing myself, but the bastard managed to grab me from behind to restrain me.

"Let go of me!" I shouted, and tried to struggle my way out like a wild animal would do.

He wouldn't let go though. Instead he wrapped his arms over my forearms to restrict my movement, while I continued to struggle and flick at the wheel of my lighter, trying to bring the flame to that cursed file that had no right to exist.

"Reno!" He yelled again. "Calm down!"

"Fuck you, Rude… _FUCK YOU!_" I shrieked, and then I started kicking at him as best I could, while I was still trying to light the damn file on fire. But I wasn't having much luck since the bastard was interfering with my plan.

As a result, I wound up screaming over and over for him to let me go, but he wouldn't respond. Instead, his grip tightened harder, and he managed to grab the file out of my hand, tearing it at the edges. "I _can't_ let you do that, Reno! If something was done to you, we need to know!"

"You're a fucking son of a bitch!" I screamed, wriggling and trying to hit him with the back of my head, so I could squirm out of his grip. I lost complete control of myself, and I wound up reverting to the mentality of a three-year-old throwing an outburst. "I hate you! I HATE YOU! AAAGGGHHH! Let me go! LET ME GO! Lemme go…"

"Shit… JARED!" Rude yelled, from where we he was standing, hoping that the miserable little shit would hear him, while I continued with my hysterics and nearly lit his sleeve on fire.

When he grabbed my hand to stop me, he nearly crushed the bones, so he could force me to let go of my only salvation. Then he threw it to the floor, cursing under his breath when I bit him.

"Reno… Calm down!"

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!"

"JARED! GET YOU'RE ASS IN HERE!" He yelled again. "NOW!"

Jared ran to the door and froze at the spectacle of Rude hanging onto me, and me screaming and trying to tear myself away. About the best he could manage when he bared witness to the scenario was, "Holy Shi –"

"There's sedatives in the chopper!" Rude shouted to him. "Bring them to me!" Then his grip tightened and it felt like I was going to suffocate while I frantically gasped for air. "NOW!"

I don't know how long it took for the kid to leave and come back, but during that time, we continued to struggle while I frantically rampaged like I was suffering from a relentlessly burning fever. It was only a matter of time before one of us wore the other down, and who knows who would've won.

We never got to find out though, because Jared came running back in with the case of sedatives and stood there, dumbfounded, not knowing what to do, while I threw my tantrum, as Rufus would have put it, with Rude holding fast to me.

"What do I do?" He asked. His voice was nervously excited while he eagerly awaited his orders from Rude.

"Sedate him!"

With a nervous nod, he came up to us and grabbed my arm to push my sleeve up. As an act of self-defence, I lifted my legs from the floor, using Rude as my balance and kicked him back into the wall, making him drop the needle, so it smashed on the floor. "Don't do this to me… Don't do this…" I begged, almost to a state of tears. "No more needles… No more… Rude… Rude… please… Don't let them hurt me…"

"I don't have a choice." He responded, with a strange sounding tightness to his throat. "Grab another one, and stick it through his damn sleeve!" He yelled over to Jared. "NOW!"

Nodding again, Jared ran to the side of us quickly, with another one, and did as Rude told him to, while I continued to beg at them to let me go. "I'll behave… please… Don't do it… Don't make me go back there…" I had lost complete control over myself, and couldn't stop. I had no idea what had come over me, and I had no idea why I was begging the way I was. But I just couldn't stop… I couldn't…

Dizziness hit me within a few seconds, and if anything else happened after that… I wouldn't be able to tell you.

* * *

_My insides were on fire. _

_Every vein and nerve felt like it was burning, and I felt like I was going to throw up. My head felt like it was going to explode, and my breathing was laboured. My voice was raw and my mouth was dry from all the screaming. _

_My body was soaked from all the struggling. I could see the tubes that I knew were attached to me, as the man with the slick black hair hovered over me, studying my reactions… Studying the results._

"_You truly are a most rewarding specimen." He crooned. "Most of the others would have passed out by now."_

_My muscles were shot and tense at the same time, as the Mako was repairing the damage caused by the previous tests that he ran._

"_Brain activity is up by thirty percent." He said, stroking my hair, like I was nothing more than a pet which had performed a well-trained trick. "I think we can let you rest now… These results will be very useful for the second phase of the Jenova project."_

_He began pulling the tubes out of my body, and then he undid the straps, so his assistant could take me back to my room. I was unable to move on my own, because I was exhausted from my efforts to break loose, and exhausted from the tests._

"_Wait a second… I'm not done yet… I need to take a sample so I can study his antibodies better. His blood type is extremely rare, and I don't want to make any mistakes with the experiment. We've come so far, that I don't want to take any risks that could endanger the project."_

_After he collected his sample, he motioned for his assistant to remove me from the lab._

"_I want to work on this one again…" he told his assistant, before he collected me. "First thing in the morning… His natural ability to regenerate is most intriguing. It is to our best benefit that we learn more about why he is able to withstand some of the more strenuous tests without the need for aid."_

_I was pulled off the table and dragged out of the lab by my arms. As soon as we were in the hallway, I doubled over, bringing my knees forward so I could kneel, and threw up on the floor. It was mostly blood and something else that was acrid-tasting._

_The assistant let go of me then, letting me fall to the floor so he could get someone to clean up the mess. He wasn't concerned about leaving me there. He knew I wasn't going anywhere. When I looked up, I saw Haldric struggling with one of the other assistants, as he was being pulled into the lab. His eyes were wide with horror when he saw me._

"_Renault!" He called, and managed to struggle free, so he could run to me._

_He fell to his knees and grabbed me up from the floor, and held fast to me as we both knelt together. I was shaking and trying to breathe while he clung to me._

"_What are they doing to us?" He whispered, stroking his palm along the back of my head, frantically, as if he was trying to pet his own fears away. _

_I was unable to respond though. Instead, I threw up again, while he clung to me and stared at it with horrified eyes. Then the assistants tried to pull us away from each other._

_He was screaming at them to let him go, and he tried to break free again, so he could run back over to me._

_But we were only children, and we were easily overpowered by adults, and that was pretty much how we spent our time together in the lab. It was always one of us trying to run to the other, and it was always one of us being torn from the other, and it was always one of us that was being tortured._

* * *

Revised: December 30, 2007


	20. Things Normal

**Things Normal**

* * *

_"Are you nervous?" he asked me._

_"Nah… It's standard procedure, right?" I answered, as Hojo sat me down on the examination table at the Shinra headquarters. I'd been working for President Shinra for five months by that time._

_"Certainly," he said. Then he pulled out an empty needle to take a blood sample. "I'm surprised that being here doesn't bother you."_

_"Dunno why it would." I'll admit I lied a bit. Truth was, I'd been uneasy about the lab ever since I started._

_"Interesting…" he mused, while he wrapped the tourniquet around my arm and continued, "It's a good thing we caught your illness in time. This procedure should help correct any abnormalities you've suffered."_

_"Never knew I was ill," I said, staring at the floor in order to avoid looking at him. Something about Hojo's appearance made me uncomfortable from the day I first started at Shinra, and I had a hard time looking at him, and the way that he crooned really set me on edge._

_"You thought the sensations you were feeling was normal?"_

_"Had it all my life."_

_"Really? Are you sure about that?" he asked, pushing his black-rimmed glasses up the bridge of his nose, and peering at me with those cold and black orbs of his, reminding me of the eyes of a rodent. It wasn't so much the colour that was black, because they were more like a hazel-brown; it was the feeling that I got from him that was black, and I shrugged my shoulders while I tried to remember if I did._

_"As far as I can remember…"_

_"Interesting," he mused, while pulling out the needle and removing the tourniquet. "You're procedure is tomorrow… Unfortunately, President Shinra has ordered that I put you under… However, I'd prefer to keep you conscious. Something tells me, you could handle it."_

_Cringing a little at his remark, I pushed myself off his table and scratched at the back of my neck. "Thought ya said it was painful."_

_"Oh, it is," he assured. Then he smoothed the loose strands of his slick black hair, back towards his ponytail, with the palm of his hand and licked his lips. "But the observations are always much more interesting when the subject is awake."_

_"Yeah… right…" I muttered, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. "Can I go now?"_

_"Certainly… I have a feeling we'll be running into each other quite often… particularly when we start your Mako treatments."_

_The guy looked like a crazed maniac, standing there in his lab and wearing his white coat while sporting a deranged smile. There was something in his eyes, the way that he looked at me when he first saw me, and every time after that, that constantly set off warning bells. Though, I could never put my finger on why it bothered me so much. I couldn't say why, except that maybe it was just the fact that I had known about some of the experiments he was performing on the specimens I had collected for him._

_The procedure that he performed the next day was a success, and for the first time since I could remember, the tingling sensations were finally gone, and I could think more clearly. I never really did understand what was wrong with me, although he explained that I had been suffering from some strange and rare viral infection that was attacking my muscle tissue, which in turn, was causing intermittent nerve compression. It wasn't contagious, he said, and it was easily rectified after a few treatments._

_For four weeks, I had to see him twice a day, so he could inject me with some type of antigen and rejuvenation concoction. Then he'd take samples, so he could monitor my progress. The shots hurt a little and made me light-headed for about thirty minutes after each treatment, but then I felt fine. I would have said I felt normal, if I knew what normal felt like, and it would have been nice to think that what I was feeling was normal… for a change._

* * *

I spent the next eight days strapped to a hospital bed and on heavy tranquilizers. They had me hooked up intravenously and to a monitoring system while I came in and out of bouts of hysteria. Rufus had spent most nights, if not every night, at my bedside, refusing to leave when the doctors would order him to. He'd fall asleep hunched over the edge of my bed, with his head next to my hand, and often, he'd fall asleep hanging onto my hand.

Twice, I'd managed to break free of the restraints, only to be tackled down by the hospital staff, screaming. I'd wake up, not having any idea where I was, and thought I was back in the lab. The memories wouldn't stop flooding into my head, and I had no sense of time or direction. I thought it had never ended; that I was still there.

My mind started to become more clear each day, though, and the fragments started to piece themselves together. I had no idea how long my imprisonment lasted as a youth, except that it might have lasted close to a year, give or take. We were kept like animals in cages, and there was always screaming. Somebody was always crying or whimpering, turning it into nothing more than a waking nightmare, and it was a nightmare I had somehow managed to forget.

It was no mystery to me why I forgot though, because remembering made me want to forget, and by the end of it, only four of us survived… four out of ten. On the rare occasions that we got to see one another, either being taken to or from examinations, we could see the results on each other. There were no mirrors anywhere, and after seeing the others… I think we were all thankful.

I attempted escaping and failing three times, but oddly enough, I was never punished for it. The scientist in charge of the experiments, whom I now know was Hojo, found my attempts something more of a fascination than a nuisance. But it didn't change him from ordering me strapped down on several occasions, particularly after successful tests.

Eventually, on the verge of madness, and trying to scratch my way out, I came to an amazing discovery. It was something that never crossed my mind during the year or so I was there, and I noticed it while cowering in the corner of the room after my last test while I had my hands over my ears to stop the sounds coming from the other rooms. And when I looked above my bed, I wondered why I never thought of it before. After all, it was worth a shot.

_I stood up and placed my ear to the wall to hear if anyone was near my door. When I couldn't hear anything, I climbed up onto my bed and studied the caging to the vent above me, glancing back over at the door nearly every second, for fear of being caught. I wasn't sure if I was trembling from the stress of the tests or if it was from the fear of being caught, but I didn't really care. I couldn't take it anymore, and I had to get out. I didn't care if I was unsuccessful like the other times, and I figured it was worth it to keep trying until I got away for good._

_The caging was screwed on from the room side, and the screws were grooved with just a simple slot, and when I heard a sharp noise outside in the hall, like something fell over, I quickly jumped under my covers to make it look like I was sleeping. Then I waited until I felt it was safe again and climbed out of the bed before sliding under it on my back, so I could study the metal frame. There were L-shaped joints on each corner, and the thickness of the metal was perfect for those screws._

_I Ignored the pain in my hands when I tried to pry one of the soldered pieces off, and reminded myself that the bed was old enough, and that it was fairly worn enough to keep me going. I worked at it for some time before I finally got a piece of metal off that was good enough for what I needed, and it was probably odd that I was able to pull it off. But at the time, it wasn't really what I was focusing on, not that it mattered. _

_All that really mattered was that it came off, and after that, I pulled some of the springs out of the bottom to use as wire. It was strong and kept its shape when bent, meaning it would serve perfect for its purpose._

_Wasting no time, I went to work on the screws and got the caging off. Then I placed the metal and springs in my mouth, as I hung onto the cage and pulled myself up into the duct. I knew I wouldn't be able to screw the cage back on from the duct side, which was why I grabbed the springs, and I bent some into shape and wired it through the edges of the cage, so I could fold it over to simply hold the cage in place. I couldn't risk someone looking in and seeing the vent shield missing, and it didn't matter if they didn't see me, since I often hid in the corner out of their sight. _

_I figured I had at least a little time, at best, as I crawled silently and shakily through the maze of ducts toward the room I knew Haldric was in. Maybe it was the biggest mistake I ever made, taking him with me, but he was all I had at the time, and I needed him and didn't think I could make it without him. _

_He was in his bed, and I called to him in a hushed voice. When he responded, I slipped the metal to him through the caging, so he could undo the screws from his end. His eyes were hollow from stress, and he was shakier than I was, and when he finally got it undone, I grabbed the cage before it fell and helped pull him up by his arms. _

_After that, I fastened the caging over his room the same way I did with mine. Then we made our way over to the opening above the main hall, right before the spiralling stairs and decided we'd wait until it was safe for us before we tried to make our way for them._

_There were a couple of scientists standing below us, smoking cigarettes, so we waited until they were gone before I tried to pry the caging off, since I couldn't unscrew it from our side, and I was almost in tears by my failed efforts. Then Haldric got impatient and ripped the caging apart with his bare hands. He did it silently and with frightening ease, given the condition he was in. _

_At that point, we didn't care if anyone saw the opening we created in the vent, and we figured we could get far enough away by the time anything was figured out. _

_Quickly and cautiously, we made our way up the stairs to a room on the second floor of the mansion. Too frightened to take any more risks, we decided to climb out the window and down a tree from the room we were in, instead of sneaking around anymore parts of the building. It was cold outside, but we ignored it, and we kept to the shadows while we shivered in our examination gowns._

_When we hit the main part of the town, we broke into one of the homes and stole some clothing and some Gil, before running to the sanctuary of the first patch of woods that we found. Haldric had doubled over and threw up a couple of times, and in the state of panic I was in, I placed my hands over his mouth to try and force him to hold it in. I was afraid that someone might see it and track us down. _

_It's strange, the things we do when we're frightened. It doesn't always make sense._

_We huddled together to keep warm once we found a spot to rest in the safety of the woods. We were exhausted, and we both wanted nothing more than to just sleep, despite our fears, and for the first time since I'd known Haldric, he leaned over and kissed me on the lips. But under the circumstances, I thought nothing of it. We were finally free, and happy to finally be safe from the madness that we were forced to endure. It was nothing that would lead anyone to think it was more than a kiss of thanks. After all, we were a little too young and too frightened to be thinking about anything else._

_Our travels were kept to the dark hours, since we both figured it was safest to stick to the night-time shadows. During the days, we stayed in the thick of the woods to avoid being seen, and as each day passed, we both felt a little better, and a little stronger. _

_We kept our journey close to the rivers, so we could drink and take turns catching fish. We really didn't know where we were, or where we were going, because we'd never been anywhere outside of Sector 7, but we just kept going._

_It wasn't until we made it back to Sector 7, that I suddenly felt guilty for not saving the others. It honestly never crossed my mind, and I left them there. Now, the one thing that probably should have struck us both as odd was the fact that nobody ever came looking for us. Well, at least it should have seemed odd to Haldric, since I half suspect he remembered everything. _

_Maybe it did though, and maybe that was why he became so protective over me for the first couple of years. Maybe that was why he behaved the way that he did with me, and maybe he was resentful of the fact that I was able to erase the whole ordeal from my mind._

* * *

If I managed to piece things together properly, then I was under the assumption that whatever Hojo stated was wrong with me when I started at Shinra, had something to do with the experiments that he performed on me as a youth.

I'm more than positive he recognized me, and it probably wasn't a bad guess that he needed to cover it up by undoing it, whatever it was, since President Shinra had no knowledge of the lab at Nibelheim, meaning that everything Hojo did there was done in secret. I doubt he would have wanted to risk being found out.

I think I know now, why he was always so fascinated with me. Unfortunately, it makes me feel even more sickened by the thought of how he played with me at Shinra, since I realize now, that was exactly what he was doing. I guess no one ever was really free or safe from that man though, and I just have to look at Rufus to see that he got the shit-end of the deal.

_Rufus…_

I think Rufus is what snapped me back. Knowing about him made it hard for me to feel sorry for myself. But strangely, I never felt sorry for Rufus either, though. He was strong, regardless of how weak I'd seen him at times. He was so crippled by what was done to him, that he was able to ignore it, and use it as a type of strength.

Well, like I said before… _What a fuckin pair…_

At the time, I never really understood why Rufus always worried about me so much, when he was really no better off. Mind you, he didn't have the phenomenal plethora of bad luck that seemed to hover over me like a dark cloud no matter where I went. Hell, I don't think anybody did, which leads me to think that Gaia was in one hell of a mood the day I was born.

Ha! Fucking Aldrich… _"Get fucked, get saved. Then get fucked again…" _Maybe I should have gotten that fucker to make me a damn plaque with that engraved on it.

Oh well, maybe I'll do it with whatever parts are left over once I kill him.

"You're awake?"

Rufus' voice startled me out of my thoughts, and I looked up at him to realise he'd just woken up. His hair was standing up on one side, and I pulled at his sleeve with my fingers to pull him down, so I could fix it for him. I had to admit that I wasn't really fond of the restraints, but I understood why they were there. The tranquilizers had me in a state to where I didn't really care that much about it either though, so it was no big deal.

"What?" he asked, while blinking his sleep away. There were dark circles under his eyes, and he looked a little thinner than usual. It was obvious he hadn't been sleeping properly, and from the looks of it, he wasn't eating either.

"Yer hair's standin up," I said, with a raspy voice before I tried to clear it.

And immediately, he brushed his hair down with his fingers, making me smile a little. Even at the point of stress, the guy still worried about how he looked. I have to admit that I always enjoyed Rufus' strange quirks, even the ones that shocked me a little. Although, I'm sure there were probably psychological problems behind them, it still seemed to brighten up my thoughts. On the other hand, who am I to point out somebody else's psychological problems?

"Ya really should go home an get some sleep," I told him. I didn't really want him to leave, but he was going to wind up killing himself worrying over me, and I honestly wasn't worth it.

"I can sleep here," he suggested. Then he grabbed onto my hand to hold it. "How are you feeling?"

"Light-headed," I muttered, while rubbing my back against the bed to scratch it.

"Can I get you anything?"

I admit, the question startled me a little, since Rufus Shinra wasn't the type of person to ever ask _anyone_ if they wanted something, not even me. "Are ya serious?" I asked. Then I raised my brow in question as if I really didn't believe him.

"Why wouldn't I be?" he asked, before he moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

"No reason," I replied. Then I smiled at him and let out a weak breath. "Since ya ask… I could sure use a cigarette."

"You don't need one," he chastised, half-smiling at me.

"Did'n say I needed one… Said I could use one."

"Oh? How were you planning on smoking it?" he asked, while looking down at the straps around my arms and cocking his brow.

"Ya could always put one in my mouth, light it, an I could take care of the rest." Despite the fact that I was aware of how ridiculous my suggestion was, I was still up for it and grinned playfully at him while adding, "I can always improvise."

"I don't think I'll be helping you out in that area," he said, and got up to walk around to the other side of the bed so he could lie down beside me.

"Was worth a shot."

"Of course it was," he mused, before he turned onto his side and ran his fingers through my hair. "I'm glad to see you behaving like yourself."

"Ya should'n be doin that, Rufus," I mumbled, while betraying my words and leaning into his touch.

"Why not?"

"People are gonna talk."

"So let them," he cockily crooned, and brushed his nose against my jaw. "I might enjoy the fact that people would know who you belong to."

"Yer crazy… Ya know that?" With a weak sigh, I turned so our noses were touching while wishing I could get out of my restraints just so I could touch him.

"Apparently, so are you."

We both laid there looking into each other's eyes with tired smiles on our faces. Neither of us could really take offence to something that we both knew was the truth, and I knew damn well I wasn't going to get him to leave, since no one could ever get him to do something he didn't want to do. Not to mention, there was nothing I could do about him curling up closer to me and falling asleep, considering the lack of freedom that I had to push him away.

So, I just closed my eyes and allowed myself to brush my worries off about what others might say, as I felt his heavy breath from sleep against my neck. If it weren't for him giving me a reason, I'm not sure if I ever would have snapped out of it.

* * *

_It had been about two months since I was started on the Mako treatments that were standard for the Turks. I was lying in my bed, shaking and in a cold sweat, feeling like I needed more._

_The treatments had only wetted my appetite, and I had a need, an insatiable hunger for more. The burning in my veins was like a sweet salvation as it purified my soul, and I was rewarded with the euphoric tingling like static electricity running through my muscles once it subsided. The level of clarity that I attained afterwards was like a portal to another dimension, opening my mind's eye._

_Only it never lasted…_

_It never lasted like I needed it to._

_I wound up pulling a chair over to the corner of my room, so I could stand on it below the vent near the wall. After unfastening the barrier above me, I pulled myself up into the duct. I was much smaller in those days… thinner, and the ducts to the old building were fairly large, and I made every effort to shake the foreboding thoughts swimming in my head that I'd done something like this before, only I had no memory of it… just a feeling. I believe they call it Déjà Vu._

_I crawled silently and carefully, all the way to the elevator shaft. I knew where to go because I'd been studying the security network of the building and knew there were no sensors of any kind in the areas I was sticking to._

_When I got to the shaft, I unfastened the screws on the caging that closed me off from it, with a special tool I'd designed for that very purpose. Then I carefully pulled my body out and into the shaft by grabbing onto the metal beams to the side._

_Side-stepping over, I made my way to the emergency ladder and climbed all the way up to the floor where the science division was located._

_From there, I navigated the ducts to above Hojo's lab, and dropped myself in. There was no need for sensors in the labs, and President Shinra was sloppy and figured that the sensors outside of the lab would catch any intruders before they ever made it inside. The man was a fool._

_During the last treatment, I paid special attention to everything that Hojo did, and where he got it from, how he mixed it and what he mixed it with. Though, I couldn't really say that I was aware of exactly what it was that he mixed it with, or even cared, I just knew exactly where it was, and how much of it to use._

_I remained silent, and quietly went through the refrigeration unit and pulled out the supplies that I needed, and then I went over to the counter so I could re-create the concoction._

_"Stealing from me… Turk?"_

_I froze with the vials in my hand that I was just about to measure when I heard Hojo crooning behind me. A thousand thoughts a second ran through my head, looking for a reason for me to be there, a reason to be doing what I was doing… an excuse. But I couldn't come up with any that seemed viable. There was nothing I could say that would make sense out of what I was doing, except to say the obvious. So I dared to say nothing at all._

_He walked up behind me as I kept my back to him, and then he placed his hand on my shoulder. "There's no need to go through all this trouble," he crooned into my ear, "I anticipated you coming back, for this very reason." He brought his other hand in front of me, holding a smaller, medium-sized case. "There are forty small dosages in this case… I suggest that you refrain from taking too much, or you may very well overdose." _

_With a hard swallow, I stared at the case with a blank mind, and contemplated whether I should take it or not._

_"Go ahead… Take it… It will be our little secret."_

_Slowly, I placed my hand on the case and turned to look him in the eyes. He simply looked through me, with a strange and hollow smile while he tightened his grip on my shoulder._

_"Do you know that Mako is a poison to certain substances?" he crooned, as his smile thinned and played across his lips, making it seem more devious. "It's always interesting to see how it interacts with such things."_

_I had no idea what he was talking about though, and quite frankly, I didn't care. "Why should I trust ya?" I asked him, unable to hide my suspicions over the strange way he was behaving and what he was offering._

_"Because, as long as I have this to hold over you, you'll be indebted to keep silent about the things I'm going to share with you."_

_"What would that be?"_

_"Come… I have something to show you," he urged, as he moved toward the door near the back of the lab and beckoned me to follow with his hand._

_When we walked through the door, we entered a long hallway, which he guided me toward the back of, and opened the door. There was a single regeneration unit in the small room that he brought me to, with something almost alien inside it. Silvery strands of white hair floated in the fluid about it, and the nameplate across its head, read, 'Jenova'._

_"This is Jenova… Do you know what it is?"_

_I stood there staring at it, not knowing what it was I was supposed to be looking at, or even why he was showing it to me. "Should I?"_

_"I find you very intriguing," he crooned, and then he turned his attention toward the creature before us. "Mako is a natural enemy to this creature." With a disturbing admiration, he ran his hand gently along the tube as if he was trying to caress what was inside. "But I found a unique way to make them work in harmony, and I've recently revised it to a state near perfection…"_

_"What's this gotta do with me?"_

_"Absolutely nothing." At that, his tone turned unnaturally conniving while his eyes narrowed, and he smiled with a subtly crazed hunger. Then he turned to peer at me with a menacing knowledge that he wasn't about to share. "President Shinra knows nothing of this project… But he will grant me almost any request I present to him." _

_Then he brought his hand up to push his glasses back up. "I'd like to collect human specimens for further studies on this magnificent find. But I need someone I can trust to collect them for me, since I'll need to share certain criteria with them. I have certain requirements that are very particular to my studies."_

_"Ya want me to collect human subjects for ya?"_

_"Yes, but the requirements must be kept secret from President Shinra." He walked up to me then, and grabbed my hand that was holding the case and lifted it, so the case was elevated and between us. "And I believe I may be able to trust you," he crooned, stroking his fingers gently along the surface of the case. "If anyone were to find out about your little… secret… well… I'm sure you can imagine the outcome would be less than pleasant."_

_"What makes ya think I won't tell anyone?"_

_"You're from the slums aren't you?" he crooned, still stroking the case and staring at it like it was a pet. "What makes you think anyone will believe you?" Then he turned his attention from the case and back to Jenova. "I understand you'll be learning to fly soon," he said, with his back to me and his hands clasped behind him. "I need to be able to move Jenova to a more secure location, where it will be less likely to be discovered from inquiring eyes, and I don't doubt for a second, that you'll learn rather quickly…"_

* * *

Rufus had ordered the doctor to cut down on my medication after the eighth day to find out if I was actually making any progress. They monitored me closely for the next two days after that, and decided that I was finally stable enough to remove the restraints.

On the twelfth day, Rufus came waltzing in during his work hours and went straight to my locker. "You're being released," he said, in a rush. Then he threw my clothes at me. "Get dressed."

"Geez_…_ Why doncha jus put a collar on me." I muttered, while getting up and slipping my leg into my pants. "Then ya won't hafta bark orders… Ya could jus pull me 'round like the pet ya think I am."

"Mm… I'd like that," he mused, while coming over to help me. "Maybe we should try that tonight."

I couldn't help but laugh at that one, even though I didn't really find the idea that amusing. "I think I'll pass."

"Oh? Like you ever thought you had a say in the matter?"

"I believe I have plenty of say in the matter," I responded, while I was doing the buttons up on my shirt.

"Oh, really? You forget who's Boss, Turk," he said, as he straightened up my collar while I pulled my jacket on. "Now come, my little pet… You're den awaits you."

"Fuck'n nut…Yer gonna drive me crazy… Ya know that?" I mumbled, more to myself, but it was loud enough for him to hear.

"You do just fine on your own," he chided, before he brushed his lips along mine and smiled suggestively. "Now hurry up… I need to be back in my office in twenty minutes."

"Twenty minutes ain't enough time," I said, teasingly.

"It is if we hurry… Now quit wasting time," he urged, while rushing back to the locker to grab my shoes.

"Geez, Rufus… Whadya think?" I asked, raising my brow and staring at him in disbelief, "Ya can just turn me on, an turn me off whenever ya want?"

"Yes, I do believe I can," he answered. Then he leaned against the wall provocatively with his lips curled up mischievously, and the glint in his eyes told me that he knew he was right… that bastard.

Okay… so I'm a man. Everyone knows how weak we are when it comes to things like this. So sue me, because the next thing I knew, I was pressing him to the wall with my mouth over his and my hand someplace else that it probably shouldn't have been, and mumbling that, "I can't stand you, Rufus," while I trailed my mouth down his neck.

"I know you can't," he said, as he followed my lead and moved his hand to my belt. "But that's what makes you exciting."

"Shit!" I muttered abruptly, when I suddenly remembered where the hell I was, and then I pushed myself away, so I could start doing up my pants again. "What the fuck am I doin?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, looking a little inconvenienced at my sudden revelation.

"We're in a fuckin hospital, Rufus."

"Oh, for Gaia's sake, Reno… It's a private room," he said, with a slight frustration to his voice. Then he lunged forward and pulled me back, so I was against the wall. "You've done worse things in riskier places in the past." After that, his hand trailed down to undo my pants again, and then he mumbled, "Gaia knows I've walked in on you enough times," while dropping to his knees.

_Oh… Gaia…_

Luckily, no one ever decided to pay me a visit during the time I had Rufus sprawled out on the floor with his legs wrapped around me. He had his arms stretched out, gripping at the floor, with his back arched, as we went through the motions.

Gaia, he was beautiful when he was caught up in the moment, clenching his teeth in some kind of shuddering ecstasy that only he seemed to be experiencing. His cheeks would flush to a slight rosy pink, making him look almost angelic and doll-like, and his eyes seemed to glow as they glazed over and fell heavy, like he was lost in some other world that actually made him happy.

The subtle moans that he couldn't hold back, and the rise and fall of his chest, was more than enough to know that it was only when he was wrapped up in that exhilarating state of euphoria, that he was finally able to let himself go. There was no need for him to control anything when he was like that. There was no need for him to even think. He could just simply exist.

And for the first time, we both managed to stay quiet too. It was a little hard not to scream out his name when he was on his knees though, the guy had a talent that I'd never encountered before, but I managed. Maybe it was the thought of getting caught that kept us both under a certain level of control. Oh well, it was all in good time anyway, with three minutes to spare.

* * *

The third day of being home after being strapped to a bed for ten days was already starting to drive me out of my mind. I had managed to fix everything in Rude's apartment while he was at work the day before, and then some. I figured he wouldn't mind the fact that I broke in to do it, and he'd get over it once he saw how much better everything worked anyway.

I had been sitting on the couch for the last seven hours, since I woke up when Rufus did, polishing off my second bottle of scotch and compulsively chewing on a jagged nail that was driving me crazy. It was driving me nuts; it kept snagging on everything.

Rufus had ordered me to take a week off, so I could rest. He knew how crazy I got when I had nothing to do, but he was worried about me losing it in the office. However, I really was convinced I was fine, and I wasn't just saying that. I think I was able to come to some sort of beneficial terms with my personal revelation. I think that suddenly, things started to make a lot of sense to me, things I could never figure out before. Not to mention, it was in the past. It had no relevance on the present, none whatsoever.

And after finishing off my first pack of cigarettes from the morning, and opening another one, I realized that Rufus would probably be coming home shortly for his lunch break to check up on me. I had very little motivation to do anything that day, but managed to pull myself off the sofa to stagger into the kitchen to make some lunch for him, and I wasn't really sure, but I think I may have had a bit too much to drink.

"I brought you your laptop," I heard Rufus state, when he closed the door behind him.

"Thanks," I called back, while chopping up some fish that I got fresh from Elena when she visited me on her earlier break.

Then he walked into the kitchen and sat the laptop on the table and sat down. "I'd like to ask you something," he said, and stared at the table, like he didn't really know how to ask.

"What's that?"

"Why did you break into Rude's apartment yesterday?"

With a slight surprise, I wound up snickering a little. Like I mean, I made no attempt to be secretive about it, considering the fact that I sat there in broad daylight on my knees, picking the lock to his apartment door. But for some weird reason, I just never thought I'd be confronted about it. "Security alarm ya to that?" I asked.

"Yes… Am I at liberty to know why you would do such a thing?"

"Yeah… Sure…" I muttered, while I shrugged my shoulders like it wasn't that big of a deal and grabbed another bottle of scotch before grabbing a couple of plates so I could arrange the food on them and bring them to the table. "Said his stereo was'n workin… Then I noticed a couple of his outlets weren't workin, an he had a couple of burnt out bulbs… Stuff like that… Ya know?"

"Stuff like that…" he mused, while watching me put the plate down in front of him. "So, you broke into the man's apartment and looked for things to fix," he stated.

"Yeah, he was'n gonna do it."

With a low laugh, he looked up at me and sighed. "I'm killing you by making you stay home, aren't I?"

"Nah…" I said, and brushed his bangs out of his eyes, "Don't be like that… I'm findin stuff ta do."

"At the risk of being charged for breaking into a co-workers home…"

"It's only Rude… He ain't gonna raise a stink about it."

"You two are close, aren't you?" he asked.

"Have been fer a long time," I mused, and sat down so I could join him.

Then his eyes shadowed over slightly, and he sat there quietly for a moment, before he started eating. He didn't really say what was on his mind, and it made me a bit uneasy.

"Yer not… jealous of him…" I started, and raised my brow while tilting my head as I questioned him, "Are ya?"

"No…" he said, and shook his head, before looking over at me. "I'm just curious about how the two of you got to know each other so well."

After taking a bite and chewing on it while I tried to figure out exactly where he was going with that, since I had no idea if he was implying something, or if he was asking something, or whatever the hell it was he was saying. "Rufus… Rude an I… well…" I couldn't help but pause for a bit to laugh nervously before continuing, "we've never…"

Saving me from having to actually say it, he cut me off by chuckling and saying, "I wasn't implying that… I know the two of you never have, and probably never will, since…" he waved his hand in the air to look for the right words. "Well… Since neither of you are…"

"Don't say it Rufus," I said, while opening the bottle of scotch and then pouring him a glass.

Then I took a deep breath and sat back in my chair, watching him take a sip and then another bite. I never really noticed it when it was just business with us, before we became close, but he really didn't know how to bring up personal topics and seemed to be happy dropping them just as quickly as he started them.

Mind you, I wasn't very good at them either, which just made things all the more awkward for us both. We honestly never really knew what the hell the other one was feeling or thinking half the time, because we avoided it like the plague.

It was hard for me to wonder what it must have been like for him, especially with the fact that I'm certain he was going to say that neither Rude nor I were gay. Yet there I was, having a relationship with a man, the very same man that was about to say that, and a man that I really did lo…

… A man that I really did… _care_ a little for.

Just thinking about it made my head hurt though, and I let out a deep sigh and sat forward again to finish eating my lunch, before I got up and took both our plates to the sink.

"Thanks for the laptop," I said, with my back to him.

"Yes, well I thought you would be needing something to keep you occupied… So you don't break into any more apartments."

"Ya could always take the afternoon off," I said. Then I turned around and flashed him my charming smile. "I'm sure _you_ could keep me occupied."

From that, he smiled and came over to me, and placed both his hands on the counter behind me, cutting me off from escaping him. "Tempting…" he said, as he brushed his nose against mine, "_Very _tempting… But unfortunately, I have work to do."

And at that, he pushed himself away from me and straightened out his jacket. Then he started walking towards the door. But before he opened it, he stopped, and with his back to me, he said, "I'm sure that when Rude returns from his outing with Tifa, he'll be more than pleased with the working condition of his apartment."

And for some reason, I couldn't help but sense a hint of jealousy in his voice…

* * *

As soon as he left, I found myself hovering over my laptop and running my fingers along the outside case, wondering what I could do to entertain myself for the rest of the afternoon. Then I sat down and opened it, figuring that hacking into the science lab to retrieve my records wouldn't be such a bad idea, since I knew that whatever Rude had brought back after I was knocked out, would most certainly be entered by now.

Normally, the only way to hack into the science records was to do it through the main terminal in the lab. But I figured I'd take a chance on Rufus anticipating this and leaving a channel open. It's hard to say why I'd assume he'd do that, except to say that he's always done strange and subtle things like that during the whole time I'd known him.

He was never one to be forthright about his dealings, but he liked to play strange games that would lead you along if you were up for it. Most certainly, he'd assume I'd eventually be up for it, and as it turned out, I was right.

Maybe it was time that I found out what the rest of them most-likely knew about me by now anyway. Mind you, I didn't read everything that I came across. I only read the things I felt had some level of relevance to filling the holes in my life, whether or not they did… remains to be seen.

I'll try and do my best to keep it in plain English too…

I was labelled as the first subject in the B-24 group, whatever the hell that was, so basically, I was Subject B-24-1. Now what made my records easy to recognize, was what kind of pissed me off, because no one would have ever guessed it was me if it weren't for the fact that the damn file had my name on it.

You see, Hojo only put personal information on his subjects into his files if they were a success. That way he'd know where he got them from, who they were, what their blood type and DNA were comprised of, etc…

He felt that this would help him test against failures and troubleshoot what went wrong. If a subject was deemed a failure, he'd strip all that information from the file because it was no longer necessary information. But I only knew that from being his tool when he wanted his subjects for Jenova.

From most of what I gathered, I'm assuming that the B-24 group was used for infecting and curing. Hojo always liked a back door and didn't like to make mistakes. So, from most of what I read, He'd infected us with various strains of Jenova, and then worked on removing it with various strains of Mako and other experimental concoctions. I didn't really know where the Materia fit in there though, except that he used Poisana to ease some of the poisoning from Mako, and he'd used Life on me to bring me back to life after pushing my system too far… more than once.

Well, it turned out that when I escaped from the mansion, I was infected with the B strain of Jenova, and the results were mixed. The bad, was that it caused muscular contractions that resulted in nerve compression and restricted circulation, leaving me with a constant tingly sensation and a dull, constant pain.

The good, was that my reflexes were up by nineteen percent, and brain activity was up by thirty-two percent, resulting in my ability to problem-solve and comprehend complex theories and arguments. It also enhanced my memory, leaving me with the ability to photographically remember everything that was presented to me only once. Oddly though, even with an enhanced memory, I still managed to block a whole year out of my life.

_Go figure…_

He had me scheduled for reversal the next morning with a half-diluted Mako solution, which could result in a system shutdown due to the high concentration of Mako. Unfortunately, he never got to reverse the last experiment because of my mysterious disappearance.

What bothered me the most about that part though, was that he had located Haldric's and my whereabouts, and although he literally didn't give a shit about Haldric, he had ordered that I be put under some kind of covert surveillance to study me from a distance.

He decided to use the opportunity to study the long term effects of Jenova B on a subject, and put out orders for me to be retrieved at a later date. But then I disappeared after I cut my face, and ruined his plans.

_Well, I guess it looks like that little drastic act of mine saved my ass in more ways than I realized._

Luckily for Hojo though, I resurfaced right under his nose two years later, when I was recruited under Tseng Kiukan at the Shinra Electric Power Company. He had the opportunity to discover that the mutations within me had stabilized.

However, out of fear of being discovered, he decided that it was best to schedule me for a removal of the Jenova cells, by telling President Shinra he discovered a viral infection in me that needed to be treated immediately.

Unfortunately, not all the cells could be killed off, and it wound up remaining in my system in a dormant state. The permanent damage, as he put it, was the increased brain activity and sharpened reflexes. They appeared to be an enduring side-effect from the experiment.

He didn't finish there, though. Hojo was never finished with anything. He decided that I would be useful to him, so he added a highly addictive substance to the Mako treatments I received when I was started on them. He figured that if he couldn't have me as one of his subjects, due to President Shinra's refusal of his request, than he'd use me as his aid instead… with a little encouragement, of course.

What he didn't anticipate, was the two overdoses that I underwent with it. He believed that I did it on purpose, on a subconscious level. Maybe he was right; I was never in a right frame of mind, so to speak. He wanted to study the after-effects further, but President Shinra had become suspicious of him by the way he was always requesting me, and decided to cut Hojo off from any contact with me whatsoever. Although, to contradict that man, he still allowed me to collect specimens for Hojo. I just wasn't allowed anywhere near that crazy man within the labs of Shinra.

The only data that Hojo was able to attain in regards to the results from the overdoses, had to do with me having a heightened tolerance level to substances and intoxicants, and a permanent decrease in strength due to erratic adrenaline levels. The Mako wound up fusing with my system and the dormant Jenova cells in an unusual way, leaving my body with an inability to repair itself through the aid of Mako.

Instead, whenever I was injured, the Jenova cells would wake up, and the Mako in my system would become active and work together in a unique way that sped up the natural process faster than a Mako injection was capable of, and Mako injections only made me hunger for more.

None of this was to say that Mako had no effect on me though, because it did. It was like a drug to me. It became a drug that I never could get enough of, despite the fact that it burned through every vein and cell in my body with a fiery vengeance, and despite the fact that Hojo had removed the addictive additives from it in an attempt to cover up and rectify my insatiable hunger for the poison.

_Well… I guess Rufus knows about my Mako problem now…_

Almost with a sense of disgust, I pushed the laptop away from me on the table and sat back with my arms crossed, wondering why the only thing that bothered me about everything I just read, was the fact that Rufus knew I was addicted to Mako. But he hadn't said a word to me about any of this during the whole time I'd been back from the mansion. Maybe he was afraid of me losing it again.

Well, whatever… I'd come to terms with it. I was a fucking tool. It was no big deal, really… been one all my life.

Bringing my hands up to cover my eyes with the heels of my palms, I let out a deep breath and then pulled out a cigarette, lit it and finished off what was in Rufus' glass, before reaching over to grab the whole bottle. There was really nothing shocking in the records. Most of it I already knew or suspected. However, the confirmation was still a little unsettling, and knowing that my addiction was 'Hojo-induced' was enough to make me want to throw up.

As if I didn't have enough on my plate already between the cosmic joke that was my life and Rufus, I now had the joy of suddenly worrying about the fact that Mako was highly toxic when mixed with Meteor, and that I had both of them floating around in my body, along with seemingly unpredictable Jenova cells.

I don't know if I ever mentioned it before, but I was _not_ a big fan of Jenova… in any form. I couldn't help but think of what was happening to me, and how it was going to affect Rufus. I don't know why I wasn't worrying before. But then again, with everything that happened to me up to that point, I'm not really sure if it was me that I was worrying about.

Rufus may have acted strong, and I didn't doubt for a second that he was. But since he'd pulled me into his life, I couldn't help but notice that we'd developed some kind of strange co-dependency on each other. Not only did I start to realize that it would destroy the man if something were to happen to me, I was also starting to realize that I might feel the same, if something were to happen to him.

It didn't matter that I told myself I didn't care about him, and it didn't matter how much I told myself that what we had wasn't possible. But there it was, undeniable, even though I could never bring myself to admit it, but I really was in…

… I really did… care a little for the man.

_Well… Guess it's time to go and check up on Kurn's progress in regards to Rufus… I believe I should be allowed to do that, since it technically ain't part of my job._

* * *

As soon as I stepped out of the elevator on 4B, I lit the cigarette I had hanging out of my mouth and took another drink of scotch from the bottle I was carrying with me. I was off duty, so it was okay to drink. At least that was the level of reasoning I used after starting on my third bottle of the day.

It was almost close to dinner time, and most people were already leaving their posts anyway. The looks that I got from the people stepping in and out of the elevator were enough of a pick-me-up to last the rest of the day. Of course, it probably didn't help matters that I was wearing my boxers and a loosely done up bathrobe with Rufus' trademarked initials on it.

Okay… maybe I wasn't completely back to normal as much as I thought.

But in my defence, it was a spur-of-the-moment thing to run down to 4B. It wasn't really planned, and I was kind of in a state of sudden paranoia, _and_ I was drunk, and all I had to eat was a small plate of sashimi and rice. So, I could easily justify how I could have forgotten that I wasn't dressed when I stepped out of that apartment. It could have happened to anybody. Of course, I didn't notice it until Kurn pointed it out. But that's beside the point.

Anyway, as soon as I regained my balance after tripping over the ledge of the elevator and lit the cigarette I had hanging out of my mouth, I was rudely interrupted by the security guard who told me that, "You can't smoke that down here."

"What? Ya want me to smoke somethin else?" I asked, wobbling to my side and taking a drag from my cigarette.

"There's no smoking in the building." The guy had a deep and intimidating voice; I was quite impressed by how commanding it was.

"Interestin," I slurred, and started staggering toward Kurn's lab.

"Sir…!" he called again, before I turned around to face him, "I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

Then it suddenly hit me, and I blurted out, "Hey… Aren't ya the guard who was caught sleepin on the job?" This was the guard that I put to sleep when I broke into Kurn's lab.

"Sir?" he asked, with a stunned look on his face, as if he didn't know how to answer to that.

"Yeah… Guess they put ya on days 'cuz ya could'n handle the nights, eh?" I garbled, while taking another drag from my cigarette.

"Sir… I…" he stammered, and for a moment, he looked me up and down like I had lost my mind or something. "I don't know how you got in here, or who you are… But you're going to have to leave," he said, and started walking up to me to grab my arm.

"I-it's okay," came a meek voice from the doorway of Kurn's lab, "H-he's a Turk."

And immediately, the guard let go of my arm and paled while standing at attention. "I… I'm sorry, Sir," he faltered. "I… was unaware that…"

"Not a problem, big guy," I replied, before I winked at him and brought my cigarette back to my mouth, "Keep up the good work." Then I patted him on the shoulder and took another drink while stumbling as I turned and hit my shoulder on the doorframe. Then I followed Kurn into his lab.

_What a putz…_

"Should y-you be r-running around l-like that?" stuttered Kurn, while he ran up to his counter with his back to me.

"Whatcha mean?" I asked, before taking another drink and having no clue about what he was referring to.

After that, he turned around to look at me nervously, like he wasn't sure how to answer my question. Then he carefully motioned his hand to my clothes, or lack of, while gripping the counter behind him.

A little confused about what he was referring to, I put my cigarette back in my mouth, and the moment I looked down, I could feel the heat rise into my face. "Shit…" I muttered, and pulled my cigarette back out, "Rufus is gonna kill me…"

"A-are you all r-right?" he asked, while pushing himself into the counter and looking like he was getting ready to make a run for it.

"Why the fuck would'n I be?" I asked, as I sneered and glared at him. _Why the fuck would he care anyway?_

"N-no reason," he stammered, as he turned his attention back to his studies on the counter while I stood there for about five minutes until I finished my cigarette, and he did his best to nervously ignore my presence and continue working.

I didn't really know what I was planning on doing, because as soon as I made it into the lab, I had no clue as to why I was there. So, I lifted the bottle up, took a drink, put my cigarette out on the table, and then continued to stare at Kurn's back.

I did that until I remembered why I was there, and then without warning, I slammed my hand down, flat, on the table, so I could make as loud a noise as I possibly could, to see if I could scare the shit out of Kurn.

And I did.

He must have jumped about a foot-and-a-half into the air, and the instruments he was working with were suddenly scattered around the surface of the counter while others fell to the floor with an echoing clang.

"Shit…" I slurred, "Did I scare ya?"

Then he turned around, a few shades paler than what he was normally, and looked at me like I'd gone completely mad. I'm sure my presence made him nervous when I was sober, never mind what effect I must have been having on him when I was smashed. Of course, at the time, it never crossed my mind what he must have thought or felt and I can only speculate now.

But let's take a look at the picture shall we? Just for kicks…

He had a drunken killer who had the reputation of being unpredictable, standing behind him. A killer who also hated his very essence, and he knew that. He was an irrational and disturbed individual, who just got out of the hospital from losing his mind, and he was standing there with a gradually emptying bottle of scotch in his hand, making him even more unpredictable than he already was.

To top things off, the erratic redhead was also wearing his _Boss'_ bathrobe, who just so happened to be a _man_, who also enjoyed threatening the little weasel's life to encourage him not to mess up.

"Well… I certainly hope that whatever was in that vial ya jus dropped… was'n contagious," I said mischievously, as I started walking towards him. In a sick sort of way, I half-hoped it was.

"W-what are y-you going to do?"

"Nothin," I said, while standing in front of him and taking another drink from the bottle. "I'm jus curious 'bout yer progress."

"P-progress…?"

"Yeah… Rufus?" I replied, in hopes of jogging his memory.

At the reminder, he quickly let out a sigh of acknowledgement, and then he ran to the other counter to pull up his findings. I was relieved to see that he'd been doing what I told him to do, and he even managed to get a fresh sample from Rufus a week ago and was able to isolate Jenova's antibodies. Already, he had gotten started on adding some of the cells from the samples I brought in, and although the process was slow, it appeared that they were merging.

"I'm uncertain h-how this will react inside of Rufus," he explained, while licking his lips and cowering to his side, away from me.

"One thing at a time," I said, still slurring and having a hard time standing up straight. "Let's jus wait an see if they merge completely first." Then I took another drink and added, "Then we'll worry 'bout how it'll react with Rufus."

The only thing going through my mind at that point, was that if it did work, would it cause him any pain. The last thing I wanted to do was see the guy in any more pain than he was already experiencing, even if it was for a short period. And while trying to brush that thought off, I walked over to the drawer that he kept his syringes in, and then I walked over to his tray to grab a tourniquet from it.

"Wh-what are you d-doing?" he asked, as he watched me nervously.

"Somethin I don't trust ya to do," I answered, and started rolling up my sleeve and wrapping the tourniquet around my arm. After I extracted a blood sample from myself and removed the tourniquet, I walked over to him and pressed the sample in his hand. "So Rufus don't think yer doin fuck all in regards ta me," I told him, while simultaneously studying his expression.

"Y-yes," he said, and then he tightened his grip around the sample and met my eyes. "I-I understand."

"Mm… Jus don't try anythin funny," I mumbled, as I turned around and leaned on the counter with my cigarette hanging out of my mouth.

"Y-you're not leaving?" he asked nervously, while he started cleaning up the mess he made from when I slammed my hand on the table.

"Ya don't like my company?" I slurred, and raised my brow before taking another drink.

"What in Gaia's name do you think you're doing down here?" came a chillingly calm voice, that was somewhat disapproving in its tone, from the doorway where Rufus was standing.

"Thought I'd pay my new friend a visit… Give a little blood…" I answered. Then I looked up at him and took a drink with a smile on my face, "Figured it gets lonely down here."

"A visit?" he asked, and cocked his brow while looking me up and down with a cool collective. "Kurn… I certainly hope, for your sake, that the only transgression taken part here is Reno's inability to keep himself conspicuously under control."

At that, Kurn nervously turned around to face Rufus, and judging from his expression, it was hard to say which one of us he feared more. "I-I … never… touched him," he stuttered.

"You'd better hope not," he warned, while narrowing his eyes. "Reno… Let's go," he said, looking back at me.

"Whatever ya say, Boss," I chortled, and pushed myself up while asking, "How'd ya know I was down here?" Then I grabbed the bottle of scotch off the table so I wouldn't forget it.

"A drunken redhead in a bathrobe, with a bottle of scotch, really isn't that hard to track down in this building, Reno," he answered, with a faint, dry and wry, smile.

A little embarrassed again, heat rushed up to my face when I was reminded that I was wearing his bathrobe and, "Shit," was about the best I could manage in regards to it. "Yer not mad?"

"Not under the circumstances. Now, get yourself together," he ordered, as he came up to me to put his arm around me in order to help me walk straight, "Let's get you home."

When we got to the door, Rufus stopped and turned around so he could address Kurn. "I trust you're making every effort to find out and correct whatever it is that this Meteor is doing to him," he said coolly, "I'd hate to think that this is going to cause any more problems than he's already suffered."

"Y-yes, Sir," he replied.

"Good, because if anything happens to him, I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut your employment short," he warned.

I think everyone in the room knew what he meant by that. Rufus wasn't one to simply fire people that worked in specialized departments. He'd simply make them disappear. After all, there were too many secrets within Shinra, and everyone knew that once they became an employee under the name of Shinra, that they were there for life, regardless of whether it meant a natural retirement, or the more unfortunate form of termination.

* * *

When we got back to the apartment, he sat me down on the sofa and took the bottle away from me, and then he took it into the kitchen and put it away.

He didn't waste too much time in there, before he came out with a cup of strong coffee to place in my hands. "Drink this," he said, and then he removed his coat and vest and went over to hang them up neatly, so they wouldn't wrinkle.

After that, he sat down beside me and sunk back while crossing his legs. Then he lifted his arm so he could stroke my hair while looking at me with a glum expression and asked me, "How are you feeling?" while he let his head fall to the back of the couch and tilted it towards me so he could face me.

"Dunno…" I muttered, leaning back as well, with the coffee in my hand, "Fine… I guess."

"I'm assuming you went down there because you found your records."

"Yeah… " With a raised brow, I took a sip and then turned my attention toward him. "Ya knew I would."

"I did," he answered, before brushing my hair out of my eyes and continuing, "I needed to see if you were really okay."

"And now?" I asked, with my eyebrow raised again.

"I'm not sure." Then he took a deep breath and moved his hand down to massage the back of my neck. "You appear to be dealing with your ordeal much better… However, I haven't been able to help but notice you're incredibly drunk right now…"

"There was nothing else ta do."

"Hm… Still… Despite the fact that that's your third bottle, you seem to be getting drunk easier," he observed, while pulling me closer to him, "Ever since you were injected with that Serum."

"To be honest with ya, Ruf… I've noticed… But it only seems to happen whenever I'm gettin close to needin a shot," I admitted. Then I let out a weak smile and added, "Ya know… It's like I'm a battery… When I need rechargin, I wear down."

"Don't play around, Reno," he said, with an irritated sigh and pulled me over to rest on him. "Why did you never say anything to me about that before?"

"Did'n want ya ta worry 'bout me," I answered, "I guess…" Then I nudged him in hopes to lighten him up while taking a sip. "Ya don't think that maybe I'll jus get lucky an it'll correct itself?"

"I'm not willing to risk anything that's happening to you on assumption without proof," he told me, before kissing me on the temple. "Not after everything I've had to go through, just to have you here with me," he whispered, and then I thought I heard him say 'Just to lose you', but I'm not really sure.

"Ya know…" I muttered into my cup and took another sip of my coffee, "It _is_ my job ta die fer ya, Rufus."

"Mm… You know…" he said, and shifted me over so he could see my face. "You _have_ been running around the building in a bathrobe with my initials on it, right?"

"Changin the subject?" I asked playfully, regardless of the fact that the reminder was embarrassing.

And with an unconvincing smile, he ran his finger along one of my scars, and looked at it thoughtfully. "I'm just reminding you that you might regret it tomorrow."

"Why's that?" I asked, while pulling his hand away and bringing the tip of his fingers to my mouth so I could brush them over my lips.

"I know the only reason you're asking is because you're drunk and have no comprehension of the impact this is going to have on your already damaged psychological state," he said, as he shifted to get more comfortable. "But you know damn well that the conversations this is going to fuel among your co-workers is going to have a negative effect on you."

"What makes ya so sure?"

"I know you, Reno," he answered, and took a deep breath while he watched me take another sip, "As much as I dislike it… I know that you hate the thought of being with me."

"So… Why am I with ya, then?"

"I don't know."

Somewhat picking up on his mood, I shifted my body so I was leaning across him and looking up at him. Then I brushed my fingers along his jaw before dropping them back to my cup."Ya know, we've never talked like this before."

"I know."

"Let me ask ya somethin, then…" I started, before pausing to take another sip, "Since I'm drunk, I can do an say whatever I want… An deny it later… "

"What's that?" he asked, while cocking his brow and half-smiling at me.

"Do ya honestly believe ya can make me do anythin I don't wanna do?"

"I don't know. You've always done everything I've told you to do…" he answered thoughtfully, and then he paused for a moment. "Except for that one time," he added, while he raised his brow at the thought.

"Exactly… So, think about it," I stressed, and brushed his hair away from his face. "Do ya honestly think I'd do what ya told me to do, if I did'n really wanna do it?"

"I suppose not," he admitted, with a mild surprise to his tone, "I guess you wouldn't."

"So, why worry about it?" I asked, while watching his expression turn curious. "Ya know I'll get over it, eventually." Then I took another sip and muttered, "I always do."

The truth about the facts never really shocked me, but we honestly never would have had that conversation if I were sober, and I think we both knew it.

* * *

Revised: January 12, 2008


	21. Over My Head

**Over My Head**

* * *

"All targets are in the premises," came Tseng's tinny voice over our radios.

"All fourteen?" I inquired, just so I could double check.

"All fourteen," came the static reply.

"What're you packing?" asked Rude, while he stood beside me, and glanced down at where I kept my gun.

".50," I replied, pulling it out of my holster and arming it, as he did the same.

"You?"

".50."

We were standing in the alley, just outside our target, while Tseng and Jared were in a deserted building across from the front of the place we were getting ready to raid. Our target was a small house, one that was abandoned, and now occupied by fourteen men that we were ordered to take out.

It started with a transmission I intercepted while secretly collecting a specimen for Kurn, so he could re-enact what had and will happen to Rufus, since the merging of the Jenova cells was a success. It was my idea, and my suggestion, and Kurn seemed to be without hesitation as he eagerly went along with what I had in mind.

I knew it seemed extreme. But I had to be sure. No mistakes could be made, especially when Rufus' well-being was involved.

I'll confess I had a little bit of a dark side at times, and Rufus was kept unaware of my plans, while I simply worked my personal endeavour into what was believably led to be a maintenance flight. Twenty minutes, I had, to land and contain a human subject, and return it inconspicuously to the lab. It took me thirty minutes, since the specimen was a struggler, leaving marks that I had to conceal from Rufus.

Hiding them was easy enough to do though, since Rufus and I had gotten into another one of our stupid fights and I was sleeping in the spare room again. I figured I'd hold up the silent treatment that he always went along with willingly, until the marks were healed. Then we could have another fight, so that we could make up. The routine was easy enough to play out. We'd been doing it since the start.

The transmission I received was that of a small group of the LANDSLIDE terrorists that were manufacturing the Mako/Meteor serum right under our noses in the Midgar region. Luckily for me, Rufus believed that it was something I could handle and allowed me to go along with the others. Of course, I'd be lying if I said I didn't have to beg him repetitively to let me participate. But I couldn't say I wasn't grateful, since it was beginning to feel like years since I'd been out on the field, and I really needed this. I needed it to help me feel alive again.

"You got enough cartridges?" Rude asked me.

"There's only fourteen of 'em," I replied, pulling out two spare cartridges that I was sure I wasn't going to need, and showed them to him.

The terrorists were believed to be heavily armed, and we were ordered to take all but one of them out, because we needed one for questioning. And we were well-prepared since Tseng and Jared had been surveying the place for a little over three weeks, to see what they could learn about them before we got the go ahead to enter with force.

Our job was a simple one, since we weren't after the whereabouts of the leader or anything that elaborate. In fact, this particular job was to find out the source of their supplies, so we could take it out and cut them off from fucking any more of us up. And once that was done, we were to destroy the supplies that were present within the premises.

"Ya think the new kid is up to this?"

"You've been training with him," Rude replied, while keeping his attention on the back door of the worn out house, "You tell me.

It wasn't that I was concerned that the kid couldn't handle the flying of bullets and such. He'd been working with Tseng and Rude for some time now. What I was concerned about, was the fact that this was going to be the first interrogation he'd be taking part in. And there was the strong possibility that some forceful incentives were going to have to be put in place, and since this was going to be the first time for him, it was likely that we'd be letting him do all the questioning…

If you know what I mean.

"Any time, Tseng," I called into the radio. I had to admit I was starting to get a little impatient and could hardly wait to see some action again, and if I were to be honest, the wait was really starting to get to me.

"Not yet," was the reply.

"Not yet," I mumbled, with a frustrated undertone and desperately wanting to light a cigarette while Rude looked over at me and shook his head. He knew me well enough to take a good guess at what was going through my mind. But whether he was right or not, was totally beyond me.

"You've been edgy lately," he commented.

"Mm."

I knew damn well he didn't want to know why. Anything to do with Rufus and me made Rude clam up like he was facing the Midgar Golem. And he hated that thing with an unspoken passion. But for some strange reason, he was in a talkative mood that night. Maybe it was because he was excited at the thought of meeting up with Tifa after this to let off some of the excess adrenaline that this night was about to build up.

"You two fighting?"

"Fightin…" I mumbled, and pulled out a toothpick to chew on. "He thinks something went on between me an Haldric," I blurted out, while regretting it the second the words left my mouth.

_Fucking idiot!_

Then he turned his head slowly from the door and looked at me with that strong sense of disapproval that he emanated so well at times, "What did you tell him?"

"Told him he was all I had."

"And then?"

"And then I cleaned up the shattered ashtray from the floor and went into the spare room."

"…" With his trademark silence that I could almost hear like a silent code on the wind, he turned his head back to the door and slightly shook it, "He's going to find out, Reno."

"He already fuckin knows," I whispered harshly, while realizing that the whole topic was making me tense up more than I needed to be, "Why the fuck else would he be askin?"

"…"

"I can't fuckin tell him."

"…"

"What the fuck am I gonna say?"

"The truth."

"The truth," I muttered. Then I bit down on my toothpick and hissed through my teeth, "What the fuck would that be?"

"The truth," he replied, while still focusing on the door.

"Truth."

"Mm."

"Well," I said, before snapping the toothpick in half and grabbing another one, "I can't fuckin tell 'im that."

"Then don't."

"Fuck, yer a lotta help. Ya know that?"

He let out a deep sigh of annoyance at that point, and then he looked down at his radio when Tseng radioed that it was time.

"Ready?" Rude asked.

"More'n ready," I replied, as we moved in unison toward the back door.

Maybe I _was_ edgy, because I wanted nothing more than to go in there and blow some heads off for no real reason at all. You know, to let off a little steam.

If you'd all like, I can indulge in what went on with me and Rufus; it started out innocently enough…

* * *

We were both exhausted from overexerting ourselves, as I fell onto my back on the bed and Rufus crawled up to lay his head on my shoulder. He was still somewhat wrapped up in that place where thought had no more importance after spilling his seed all over my hands, and was running his fingers along the deep scar that Cloud left me with when they were trying to stop me from dropping the plate on Sector 7.

"Does it still hurt?" he asked, while lightly moving his fingers over the deep groove that ran diagonally from below my left rib and left a mirroring scar on my back, from where it came out on the other side.

"Sometimes," I answered, and reached over to grab my cigarettes from the end table, while making every effort not to get my body involved.

"He nearly killed you."

"Yeah, well, between that and the broken ribs an arm that Tifa left me with..." I muttered, while holding the cigarette between my lips and lighting it, not bothering to lift my head, "I'm surprised he didn't."

"He likes you, you know." At that, he lifted his head so he could watch my expression, while I let out a low cynical snicker.

"That why he tried ta kill me?"

"No," he answered. Then he moved his head back and stared into space again, "I mean he likes you now."

Snickering again, at his ridiculous comment, I took a drag from my cigarette and decided to add my own, personal, opinion, "I really don't think he swings that way, Rufus."

"Oh? What makes you say that?"

"He's a little on the manly side," I replied, remembering how he was always kicking the shit out of me, "I jus don't see it."

"Maybe you don't see it because you don't want to."

"I think I don't see it, because he ain't."

"You can be very dense sometimes," he suggested, as he looked up at me again, "It would be healthier if you'd just give up on your denial."

"Denial?" I asked, "Ya tryin to tell me I'm in denial over some straight guy wantin to get busy with me?"

"I'm trying to tell you that you're in denial whenever it comes to other men," he rectified, while running his fingers over the scar again. "It's going to get you into trouble."

"Whatever, Rufus," I muttered. Then I started chuckling again and lightly patted him on the top of the head, "An ya think yer insane jealousy is healthy, do ya?"

"I never said it was. But at least I can admit that I'm jealous."

"Let me ask ya somethin, then, on a different topic." Because the one he was on was going to go nowhere.

"What's that?"

"Ya ever get the desire to try it the other way?"

"The other way?"

"Yeah, ya know, with me?" I asked, somewhat regretting that he might take it as an offer.

I could feel his breath across my shoulder and felt him shift uneasily, before he answered in a tone I could barely hear, "I'm not sure if I'd know what to do."

"It's just like bein with a woman," I said, pulling myself so I could sit up a bit, and playfully asked, "Ya gonna tell me ya never got kinky with one?" Then I ran my free hand through his hair before teasingly rustling it, "Or do ya jus save that crazy shit fer me?"

I couldn't help but feel like I struck a nerve or something all of the sudden though, because he tensed up a little, and dug his fingers into my gut a little roughly, before he answered in a low and distant voice, "I've never been with a woman," while he continued to stare at the wall to my right.

"Bullshit!" I confronted, and sat up a bit more, "I've seen ya with 'em, right from when ya were like, what? Sixteen? Seventeen?"

"Did it never occur to you that those women were never seen again?"

"So, what're ya sayin, Rufus?" I demanded, and grabbed a handful of his hair to force him to look at me so I could see it for myself from his eyes, "Ya lured 'em in so ya could kill 'em?"

"No!" he suddenly growled, while his whole body tensed up like a cuahl getting ready to attack, "I'm saying that I never had any intention to sleep with the whores that my father set me up with!"

"So, ya murdered 'em instead?" I asked, while letting go of his hair and pushing his head away, "Shit, Rufus, yer fucked up."

"No more fucked up than you!" he spat back, "I'm not the one who requested to drop the plate on my own home!"

"They fuckin deserved it," I retorted, before angrily getting off the bed and looking for my boxers.

"Oh?" he asked, with a sudden and amused calm, and added, "All of them?" Then he reached over and grabbed the bottom to his pyjamas since we were obviously done with whatever sensitive moment we were sharing moments ago, "The women and children too?"

"Fuck off, Rufus," I warned, as I put my cigarette out in the ashtray and grabbed another one, "If I did'n do it, someone else would've."

"Yes, but I doubt they would have requested to do it."

"Shut the fuck up. I ain't goin there."

"Why not?" he asked. Then he picked his shirt up from the floor and started putting it on, "Is there something you wanted to bury there? Or someone?"

"I said shut the fuck up, Rufus!" I warned him again, while pointing my finger threateningly at him, even though it had nothing more than an imaginary impact on my part.

"I may have shot the odd woman, here and there," he said, coolly, while doing up his buttons and waving his hand to either side like he was simply talking about where he'd travelled, "But I never destroyed a whole Sector just to hide something." Then he lifted his bitter and conniving eyes to me and glared menacingly, "Is that why you requested it? To make sure that you could destroy all the evidence?"

"You spiteful little shit!" I yelled, and threw the ashtray at the wall, just missing him by a fraction, and he didn't even flinch.

Then his eyes narrowed and shadowed over while he coolly stood there and chillingly demanded, "Clean that up."

"You fuckin clean it up," I retorted, before making my way for the door to stress the fact that I wasn't his little bitch, "You're the one that's bothered by it."

But before I got a foot from the door, Rufus had lunged forward and threw himself in front of it, blocking me off from the only escape from that room. "Before you go into the other room to _sulk_," he growled, while looking like he'd gone completely mad, "Just tell me one thing."

"What the fuck is that, Rufus?" I angrily asked, "Ya wanna know what kind of pleasure it gave me to kill all those fucking _parasites?_"

For a moment, he looked at me blankly, like he wasn't expecting me to say what I said, and then he shook his head and cocked his brow, "Did you love him?"

And then it was my turn to act like I wasn't expecting him to say what he said, and I swallowed, hard, while feeling myself pale and feeling sickened, as I stood there, staring him in the eye like I couldn't have hated him more at that moment. "Get the fuck away from the door, Rufus," I demanded, through my teeth and with a sudden and entirely new desire to leave the room, and the conversation.

"Not until you answer me," he retorted, with that sickening calm of his that he used to gain control. But he was nowhere near being in control, because his knuckles were stark white while he gripped the doorknob behind him.

"Rufus," I said, with a sudden weakness to my tone, as I motioned at the door, "Let me go."

"No!" he shouted, and making me jump from the fact that I wasn't expecting him to turn like that again. Then he pushed me back with his other hand, "Do you know what he told me when he had you in that _shack_?" and then he added while ignoring the fact that he was obviously bringing up something that made me feel sick, "I don't think you heard, because his _friend_ was too busy beating the shit out of you."

"Shut up, Rufus."

"No!" he yelled again, making me jump again, "For some strange reason, he felt it was necessary to tell me that you were the best _fuck_ he'd ever had!"

"Shut up, Rufus!"

"Naturally, the worst thing ran through my mind," he confessed, and leaned forward like a predator staring at its prey. "But luckily, the doctors didn't find anything that would have suggested he'd touched you in that way."

"Shut the fuck up, Rufus!"

"So, indulge me, Reno," he continued, while glaring at me with eyes that turned ice-cold, "Was it something he just said to rile me into talking?" Then he clenched his teeth and confronted me, "Or did you know him better than you've let on?"

Suddenly speechless, I staggered back and pressed the heels of my palms to my eyes, trying to erase the images running through my mind before I dropped them to my sides like I'd lost every last ounce of energy I could muster. My breathing was shaky as I looked down at the floor with a spiralling defeat that I simply couldn't hide. "He was all I had," was the best I could pathetically choke out as an explanation, while I felt my body unwillingly want to shut down from the admittance.

"All you had," he resounded, as his own retiring defeat took him over. Then he slowly let go of the door's handle and walked over to where I was standing, and pulled me by the chin to face him with his fine and deceptively delicate fingers. "You had no intention of ever telling me, did you?" he asked, even though he made it perfectly obvious that he didn't require an answer.

All I could do was close my eyes. I was suddenly unable to look at him while I leaned forward, so our foreheads were leaning against each other. Then I gently rubbed my nose against his, as I let out a barely audible, whispered choke that led him to pull away and go into the kitchen to pour himself a drink.

Then slowly and shakily, I knelt down to clean up the shattered glass from the floor, and discarded the lit and neglected cigarette in my hand. When I was done, I went into the spare room, so I could retire into a state of shame and guilt, and curl up into a sobbing ball, while Rufus drank himself into a slumber at the kitchen table.

And now, back to our raid…

* * *

It was a deafening lightshow when we burst through the doors. Just like we'd been trained, we did everything out of skilled instinct while avoiding our allies across the room, and using whatever barriers we could to duck behind.

We had all agreed on who we'd keep alive before we entered. It was the one person we all believed to know the most and be the easiest to intimidate, since a happy balance was always worth the while. Oddly though, it was one of those times that we all agreed without question, and the poor bastard never knew what hit him.

And after a quick adrenaline rush that probably didn't last as long as it felt like it did, we were down to three, and one of them was our target. All the while, bullets continued to whiz through the air and light up the room, and then I briefly changed my priority and stood up, placing myself in the danger zone for the target.

It may have seemed risky, but I needed to hit him with a pyramid to keep him from running like he was about to do, and I managed to successfully enclose him while avoiding nearly being hit by one of his comrades. Then I dropped to the floor so I could put the only piece of furniture nearby, between me and the remaining enemies, while attempting to continue with our little game of kill or be killed.

"Reno!" Rude yelled, with an inability to hide his concern when he saw me drop. I think he thought I'd been hit.

So, I gave him a 'thumbs up' from where I was sitting, to let him know I was okay, and watched him nod before reloading and firing off three more shots. Then there was silence, and a long pause.

"You can smoke that cigarette now," came Tseng's voice, from the other end of the room, as he stood up and casually placed his gun in his holster, like he was taking a stroll through the park. I have to admit, that at times, he really came across as some sort of insensitive freak to me. Of course, I couldn't really say that I didn't envy him for the show he was capable of putting on.

But my short-lived admiration was easily brushed off and I managed to mutter out, "'Bout fuckin time." Then I pulled one out of the pack from my pocket and pushed myself up while lighting it.

And after the initial sweet and sickening rush of nicotine, I went back outside and grabbed the bag of explosives we brought with us, while Tseng went over to release our captive from the pyramid he was trapped in.

When I came back in and set the bag on the floor, Rude had already seated the man in a chair at the table, and was holding him down with nothing more than brute force. And as usual, Tseng stood to the side, while motioning for someone else, namely Jared, to go ahead and start with the questioning. But first, he handed the kid a rope so things could be done a little easier by tying the man's arms to the chair and freeing up Rude as a resource, in case he was needed for something else.

There was an awkward moment of silence at first, as Jared stood there not really knowing what he was supposed to be doing. Well, he knew, he just didn't know _how_ he was supposed to be doing it, and it showed, and it didn't look good. Mostly, because I'd hardly say that a questioner in doubt is a persuasive way to get a person to talk.

"Fuck," I disapprovingly muttered, while shaking my head with the cigarette hanging out of my mouth and unzipping the bag. "Start cutting his fingers off!" I shouted, "An if ya run out of em, get creative." Then I looked over at him with a severe annoyance and silently chastised myself for not giving a more creative suggestion than cutting fingers off.

_How fuckin lame._

But Tseng didn't seem to think it was too lame, after all, as far as I could tell about what went through his head, was that everyone had to start somewhere. And the fact that his expression turned to one of complete amusement, as he moved over to get a better view of Jared grabbing the wire cutters that I threw over to him, suggested that _lame_ was somewhat reminiscent of art being in the eye of the beholder.

Besides, I kind of had to admit that it was definitely amusing to watch someone getting ready to do something they'd never done before. And typically, Tseng was right there to watch up close. He always enjoyed having a front row seat to that sort of thing. In fact, the man loved it, and he probably would have been more than happy to be the one doing it.

Oh, well. Anyway, as I pulled the small experimental explosives out of the bag, I heard Rude ask with a curious undertone to his voice, "What the hell are those?"

"Somethin new," I replied, and then I snickered while holding one up so I could take a good look at it.

"New," he repeated, while turning his head to look straight ahead again, "How new?"

"Very new."

"They reliable?"

"Ya think I'd be usin em if I thought they weren't?"

"…"

He was still holding the man down by his shoulders and keeping his attention focused on some point beyond what was in front of him, while the man let out an incredible scream as he lost one of his fingers when he didn't answer the first question Jared asked him. He always did that. It wasn't that he was squeamish or anything like that, because he'd been witness to most of the same things Tseng and I had. He just wasn't interested in watching. He never was.

"What are they?"

"Meteor," I answered, almost like I was in a daze when I said it. Then I got up to start placing them around the foundation.

"You gone mad?"

"Nope," I playfully answered, before looking over at him with an impish smile, "This'll be fun. Trust me."

* * *

Three weeks before our raid, I paid Reeve a visit to check up on him. But that time, it was by Rufus' orders. He was curious about the progress Reeve was having with the stability of his energy source, since things were starting to look promising. He still hadn't brought it to what we needed it for yet though, but progress was definitely being made.

"No bathrobe?" Reeve asked, while he kept his back to me as I entered his lab, "I'm disappointed."

Blushing with embarrassment, I pulled out a cigarette and lit it and shyly asked him while stepping forward, "There anythin ya don't miss?"

"Unfortunately, no," he admitted, "Considering I would have given my right arm to see that one instead of only hearing about it." Then he lifted his cigarette from his ashtray and turned to me with a wry smile, "I understand it had Rufus' initials on it."

"I was drunk," I stated, since that was pretty much the same excuse I gave everyone else that asked about it, not that it was that far from the truth.

"I see," he said, before leaning against his counter and looking at me like I was nothing more than entertainment, "To what do I owe the distinctive pleasure of this day's visit?"

"Rufus wants a report on your progress for your energy source," I told him, while taking a drag from my cigarette and thinking of how terrible it tasted.

"A memo would have sufficed."

"Yeah, well," I muttered, and brought my hand to scratch the back of my neck, "I was kinda hopin ya might do somethin for me."

With his brow raised in curiosity, he pushed himself away from the counter and stood straight. "And what would that be?" he asked, as he rubbed his ring finger to his thumb on the same hand that was holding his cigarette.

"Was hopin ya'd show me how ya make those cells ya use for your machines."

"Are you sure that's wise?"

"Why're ya askin?" I inquired. Then I took a step forward and looked at him with a curious anticipation.

"If I recall correctly, you and my cells don't play nicely together."

"That's not a concern of yours."

"Oh?" he asked, and tapped his cigarette over his ashtray. "I think it is, considering that if something were to happen to Rufus' precious little girlfriend because of something I was to share with you, he'd definitely make it my concern."

"Ya sayin yer afraid of him?" I confronted, while finding it a little hard to believe, since Reeve was no fool and was more than capable of holding his own.

I guess what I said was funny though, because he chuckled at it and walked over to stand in front of me. "I'm saying that it is my _concern_," he coolly informed, "It's got nothing to do with fear, Reno." Then he blew his smoke into my face and grinned like he thought he was better than me. "It's got to do with responsibility, something I know you're not familiar with."

"Look, Reeve," I confronted, figuring I'd let him know I wasn't willing to back down while I ignored the smoke he blew in my face, "I know you can come up with something to shield those cells from me. It's what you do. You think about ways to overcome the challenges you come across."

For a moment, he remained silent and raised his brow while staring me in the eye with an amused smile. "Impressive, Reno… So, you really can drop the Slum-drawl. And here, I thought it was just a myth," he cynically commented, and then he continued as if he didn't just say what he said, "I already have."

Then he walked over to a cabinet and opened it, so he could pull out three encasements. "I put these together to see if it would work, since I anticipated you eventually coming down here again." And with another wry grin, he turned his attention back to me, "And I didn't feel like having my whole department blowing up."

After that, he handed them to me and sat back to observe me for a short while, before he was convinced that it worked. And once he was convinced, he brought me over to show me what he did to start the reactive process with the dust.

Of course, he asked me a few questions in regards to my sudden interest in activating the process, and I told him that I wanted to start trying it out on some of my own devices. It wasn't exactly a lie, since I really did intend to use if for that, at first.

But when I got to Rufus' apartment, I still couldn't bring myself to call it ours, I started playing with the stuff and got a bright idea on how to create a responsive charge within it. And naturally, there were a few failed attempts. But I wasn't dumb enough to do my trials and errors in the apartment. I only came up with the idea in the apartment.

Instead, I managed to talk Elena into letting me use one of the compounds on the outskirts of town for explosive testing, and I wound up discovering that Meteor, when charged properly, had quite the impressive force to it. So impressive, in fact, that if charged in different ways, it could be used for several different forms of ammunition.

And after sharing my discovery with Elena, she went to work on perfecting it for me, and together we developed a handy little explosive that was no bigger than the size of her pinkie finger, which wasn't very big. We also went to work on devising it for use with my mag-rod, making that handy little slot I had her add in there more useful than I thought it would have been.

"Now, Reno," she started, with a bit of concern in her voice, "This is going to make that self-destructive force a lot more powerful." Then she took a moment to hesitatingly bite on her bottom lip before she continued, "You're going to want to get as far away from it as possible if you ever use it."

"I realise that, Lany," I answered, while holding up the stick and studying it.

"Maybe we should set a timer for it," she suggested, and then she paused for a moment in thought, "A terminator probably wouldn't hurt either, just in case you change your mind."

"Whatever ya think's best," I replied. I have to admit that I agreed with the pretty lady, so I handed it over to her so she could implement it.

It took her a little over a day to get everything set up to her satisfaction, reminding me, once more, that she was a great lady when it came to watching out for other people's well-being. I honestly couldn't help but entertain the idea on how great of a mother she was going to be, and I even went so far as to ponder over how lucky of a man Tseng was to have her in his life.

Well, anyway, back to the raid…

* * *

After I set all the explosives, I went straight for the computer that was set up in the room. Tseng recommended that I try to see if there was any information in regards to the enemy's supply sources entered in there, while they continued to question the man with two fingers left to go.

_Stubborn ass._

And a half an hour later, with Jared having to become creative, while the man was beginning to miss a few strips of skin on his chest, I managed to come up with nothing but useless information.

"This ain't getting us anywhere, Sir," I called over to Tseng, and he simply nodded in acknowledgement, while keeping his eyes on the man being interrogated. He was too taken with the moment to want to move his attention away.

Shrugging it off, because I didn't really expect anything less from that twisted enthusiast, I moved away from the machine and walked over to where they all were. You could tell the reason Jared wasn't having much luck was because his heart just wasn't in it. He was missing the convincing fire that was required.

But that was okay, one of us could easily take over. We just needed him to get his feet wet. You know, the more you do it, the better you get at it. After all, it was part of our job, and he'd have to learn to either like it, or learn to hide the fact that he didn't, and the only way to do that was to practice.

He'd had enough though. So, while taking a deep breath and shaking my head at him, while I stood behind our new friend, I reached down and took the wallet from his pocket. This simple action brought the satisfied smirks from, both, Tseng and Rude, and a curious one from Jared.

Of course, there was no guarantee that I'd find anything other than gil and other useless items. But even so, the gil would definitely come in handy when we decided to take Jared to the bar to help him celebrate the evening away. So, I did my part by pocketing it all, before I stopped at some keepsakes of interest.

"What's this?" I asked, loud enough for everyone to hear, as I pulled out a photo from the man's wallet, with a name written on the back of it, causing everyone, including our good friend to take a good look at me.

"Mrs. Sondra, Maydlan?" I asked, and then I turned to look at the man while he stared back at me like he was afraid to breathe, "Ain't that yer last name?" Then I sighed and pulled out his ID, before waving it in front of him, "Yer ID has the same last name."

The man would have probably paled if he wasn't already suffering from blood loss. But I could see it in his eyes, and that was enough to satisfy me for the moment.

"Pretty lady," I honestly commented, "Such a shame fer such a pretty thing to have to be widowed so soon."

At that, Tseng's lips curled like he'd found a tasty meal, as the man in the chair stared up at me with an anticipating horror.

"Maybe I should pay her a visit. I could teach her a thing'r two," I mused, almost like I was talking to myself instead of him, while I sat across his lap and straddled his thighs.

Then I took out a razor and held it up to his face. Of course, I waved it in front of him so he could get a good look at it, before I sliced it across his cheek and rubbed my hand in it. But that was only so I could show him the blood so he'd know what I did. "Maybe once she sees ya like this," I mused, and then I paused long enough to lick my fingers off, "She might enjoy what I have to offer her."

And after that, I dragged the razor across the other side of his face and continued with my taunt. "Ya think she'd like it?" I asked, as my eyes fell empty while I sat there and stared blankly at him, with a hollow smile, "Maybe I could keep ya alive, let ya watch." While entertaining the thought, I ran my fingers along the open wounds on his chest, and watched him wince, as beads of sweat started to run along his brow.

"N-no…"

"Yes," I answered, as I narrowed my eyes and leaned in, "I bet I could show her a few things. Ya know?" Then I leaned closer so my lips were brushing his ear, making him twinge while I whispered, "Things ya haven't shown her yet."

"Or maybe ya'd prefer it if I showed them to you first," I suggested, while my hand dropped lower and I snaked it between his legs.

I'm not sure if it was the threat, or the fact that I had snaked my tongue around his earlobe as well, while sucking it into my mouth so I could nibble on it that broke him. But he broke. He spilled all of the beans, and even tossed the can in for good measure.

If you were to ask me though, I'd say he was a little too easy to break, and I wasn't really certain that he was telling us everything we wanted to know, or even the truth for that matter. So I decided that since they were making the serum there, well, I bet you can figure out what I decided.

So, anyway, after I injected the serum into him, we all stood around and continued to interrogate him, while he became a vomiting mess that was kind of grossing me out. I guess it didn't help that I'd already gone through it myself and I was well aware of the effect the stuff was having on him.

I was also well aware of the fact that it was going to kill him, maybe even slowly. And a part of me was actually curious enough to want to stick around and see exactly what it did in regards to that matter.

But once we were satisfied that he'd finally shared everything we really needed to know, and it turned out that the serum wasn't really necessary, I made one final comment to him, while leaning up close and placing my hand on his shoulder, "I'll give my regards to Mrs. Maydlan fer ya," and then I let Jared know that, "Ya can kill him now."

There was a deafening bang, and then a lifeless heap in a chair, and we owed it all to the good marksmanship of Jared's natural talent. But he didn't seem to be as in the same high spirits that we were all in, and he stood there with the gun still pointed at the man while a look of sickening disgust washed over his face.

"Ya'll get used to it kid. The bathroom's over there," I said, and waved my hand in its direction.

Then I moved over to him and placed my hand on the back of his shoulder, and patted it a few times, while watching his face pale to a not-so-healthy green.

"Don't feel bad. We all get sick the first time." It might not have been the best condolence a person could come up with. But it was the best anyone could have ever expected from me, as I pushed him forward to get him moving, "Now go."

And after he disappeared like lightening and the door closed, we all could hear him retching from behind it. And Tseng, who was still mesmerized by the bloody heap in the chair, quietly commented, "You never got sick."

"Yeah, well," I muttered, while pulling out another cigarette and lighting it, "I'd seen worse."

"I really do wish you wouldn't have sexually harassed the man though," he said, as he turned his attention over to me and Rude and uncomfortably cleared his throat, "It really was disturbing."

"Worked, did'n it?" I replied, knowing damn well that it was something none of them really wanted to bear witness to.

"Yes, well, what would you have done if he liked it?" he asked, while unable to hold back the dry smirk creeping across his thin and pale lips.

"Would've had to try somethin else then," I commented, before raising my brow as I playfully met his eyes, "Would'n I?"

Knowing that he couldn't have expected any other kind of comment from me, he let out a low chuckle and shook his head. Then Jared came out a few moments later, still looking fairly green, causing Tseng to walk up to him and gently take him by the arm to escort him back in to clean him up better, before letting him back into his vehicle. And like their counterparts, Rude waited for me to clean myself up as well, before we both followed suit.

"You sure those will do the trick?" asked Rude, unable to hide his doubt over my very new, and very tiny, explosives.

And as an answer, I pulled out the detonator and handed it to him, so he could do the honour. Despite his scepticism, he accepted it from my hand, and then he pressed the button when we made it over to the vehicle.

The explosion was almost silent, with a near-blinding flash, as the house literally went up in a Pale orange ball of flame, and then disintegrated to nearly nothing. That was the first real field test I'd gotten to run with the stuff, and I have to admit, that the result was both frightening and awe-inspiring at the same time.

"You have that shit in your body?" Rude asked, after a long moment of silence, as we all stared at the result with an inspired trepidation.

"Yeah," I muttered, "Don't doubt I'll need a shot soon." Then I let out a shaky sigh, knowing that the particles that filled the air were still slightly charged, and were probably going to have a negative effect on me. "Let's get the hell outta here."

* * *

When Tseng dropped us all off on the street, a block away from the Seventh Heaven, he apologised that he wouldn't be joining us. There was no need for him to apologise though, we all knew he'd rather be with Elena, and none of us took offence to it either.

After all, who wouldn't want to spend time with Elena? Besides, there was no need for him to stick around anyway. We were all grown men, and we were all capable of making it back to Shinra on our own, even if we managed to get as intoxicated as we planned.

Well, it was roughly around ten hundred hours when we heard some kids fighting in the alley we were passing, and normally, I wouldn't have really cared about it. But when I glanced over my shoulder, I recognised the kid that was being picked on by some older street rats as one of the kids from Tifa's orphanage.

"Fuck," I muttered, before grabbing my mag-rod by its hilt and resting it on my shoulder.

All Rude did was side-glance at me, like he wasn't about to say anything. I knew he was thinking it wasn't our business though, and he knew I wasn't really all that caring when it came to kids. But it honestly never failed. Whenever I saw a young kid getting picked on, regardless of whether I recognized them or not, I always had to get involved.

"Hey!" I shouted, awarding myself several startled glances, "Ain't ya kids got nothin better ta do?"

"Who the hell are you?" shouted one of the bigger looking ones.

"Yer worst nightmare if ya don't let that kid go," I replied, while pulling out a cigarette.

"You can't do anything to us," he confronted, as some of his smarter friends started backing away.

"He's a Turk," one of them shouted to him, in attempt to get him to run along with them. But I don't think he was really all that bright.

"I beg ta differ," I said to the bigger kid, rocking forward on my feet, "Now get the fuck outta here, 'fore ya make me do somethin ya'll regret."

"I'm not afraid of you, Turk!"

"Fer fuck's sake," I muttered. Then I set the voltage on low before I moved up to him and shocked him in the gut, just enough to stun him to the ground. "When will ya little shits ever fuckin learn?" I asked, while reminding him that there was a huge difference between bravery and stupidity.

Then I turned my attention to the younger kid and pointed my rod in the direction of the orphanage. "Move along now! Ya hear?" I insensitively shouted – somewhat disgracefully, considering my cigarette was hanging out of my mouth, and I was talking to a kid that couldn't have been older than nine or ten.

And at that, the kid nodded, before running back to the orphanage and never looking back.

"Were you trying to help him, or scare him?" asked Jared, cynically.

"Shut yer mouth!" I warned, while glaring and threateningly pointing the charged end of my rod at him, "I did'n see ya doin anythin ta fuckin help!"

"Drinks!" Rude reminded us, as he came up between us and grabbed us both by the backs of the necks, so he could turn our attention over to the Heaven in hopes that it would jog our memories.

And it did.

* * *

"Is that who I think it is?" Jared whispered, while leaning toward Rude and staring in Cloud's direction.

"Yeah, kid. Mr. fuckin Strife, himself," I muttered, before lighting a cigarette and scoping the room for an empty table as far away from Cloud as I could find.

"He doesn't mind you guys coming in here?" he asked, somewhat sceptical over that fact.

"_Us_ guys?" I replied, "Ya know… yer one of us too now, doncha?"

"Excuse me," Rude cut in, the second he laid eyes on Tifa and bee-lined straight for her.

"See ya, Rude," I called out, while making an effort to wave and smile at him, even though I knew damn-well he was lost to us for the rest of the evening from that moment on.

"Where's he going?" asked Jared, somewhat miffed that he took off and left him with none other but me.

"See that Black-haired beauty over there?"

"Tifa?"

"Yeah. That's his girlfriend," I informed, before guiding him over to the table I picked out and telling him, "We ain't gonna see him for the rest of the evenin."

There really was no mystery to why Jared would know who they all were. After all, they'd all pretty much become famous. Heck, it even went so far that they'd become the mentors to several of the younger generation.

And ironically, the Seventh Heaven was the safest place for us Turks to drink, considering it was the only place that had Cloud Strife as its bouncer. We weren't exactly welcome in many places, since Shinra was not exactly something that many people looked up to anymore. In fact, I was beginning to wonder if they ever did.

"You mean I'm stuck with just _you_?"

"I ain't so bad," I muttered, as the bar maiden made her way to our table and I asked him, "What's yer poison?"

"You're a psycho," he spat, and even went so far as to glare at me, before muttering out, "Beer."

"Ya'll get used to it," I said, like I could have cared less about his stupid opinion anyway. Then I turned my attention to the lady waiting to take our orders, "A beer an'a bottle of the cheapest, deadliest, poison ya got, Babe." When she was about to turn away, I grabbed her gently by the hip to get her attention with an afterthought, "Bring two glasses fer that too, will ya, Sweet thing?"

With an unimpressed nod, because she probably got hit on all the time, she nodded and left to place our orders.

"Cheapest? With your salary?"

"Nothin better to drown in than the slums, Kid," I commented, while sitting back and staring straight ahead, "Ya'll find out."

"The Slums?" he asked, looking at me curiously, "You got a thing for the Slums?"

"From the slums," I told him, while noticing a bit of dry blood under my nails and pulling out my blade to scrape it out.

"You're from the Slums?" he asked, half-disbelieving and probably wondering why I'd make something like that up, "I thought it was just an act."

"Nah," I muttered, while still focusing on my nails and feeling a little tired, "Came from Sector 7."

"And you still work for Shinra? After they dropped the plate on it? "

"Ain't no way out, Kiddo. Besides, Sector 7 had it comin," I told him, before putting the knife away and straightening out my legs.

"So, you don't have any hard feelings about them dropping the plate on it?"

"Them?" I asked, while I dug into my pocket and pulled out a hundred gil, when the bar maiden came back with our order. Then I slapped it on the table in front of her and told her to, "Keep 'em comin, Babe." And after a slight nod from the young beauty, she was off again.

"Yeah… Wasn't it Shinra that did it?"

"It was me, Kid," I informed flatly, as I filled my glass with the cigarette hanging out of my mouth, "I requested it."

He shifted uneasily beside me then, and grabbed his beer while glancing at me sideways and taking a drink.

"Ya better not be havin second thoughts. Would hate to hafta hunt ya down an kill ya."

"No," he answered, before shaking his head assuredly, "I knew what I was getting into… You're just a little hard to swallow."

With a snicker, I picked up my drink and put my foot up on the chair at the opposite side of the table. While Jared sat forward and watched the ladies dancing in the middle of the floor.

"Ya like what ya see?" I asked, before nudging him to get his attention.

With a slight cringe at the contact, he nodded and took another drink, "Would you mind if I…?"

"Go right ahead. Being a Turk don't mean ya have ta play dead."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Used ta do it all the time myself."

Then with a funny look in my direction, he stood up and asked, "What made you stop?"

"Other priorities," I replied, and took another drink while staring into space again.

Then, after he nodded like he didn't really want to hear the reason, I watched him swindle his way into the attention of the ladies, while I mused that the guy was definitely not in alien territory.

Of course, I guess it helped that he wasn't a bad looking kid. Not that I was looking, or paying attention, or anything like that. It was just a fact. I didn't really expect him to be as smooth as he was though, and I have to admit, the kid kind of took me by surprise.

He turned out to not be so bad either. And on my first day back on the job after my breakdown, I set him up for pilot training. Although, he wasn't exactly what I'd call a natural. But he was learning, even if it was a little too slow for my taste.

And for the next two hours, he managed to round up three, very willing, young ladies, and I had managed to finish off the bottle and start on a fresh one. Every now and then, I'd steal a glance over at Cloud, who had his head down, while he drowned whatever sorrows he had away in whatever he was drinking.

Rude and Tifa had long since disappeared, and it was highly possible that they had retired to one or the other's apartment for the rest of the evening. Must be nice to be in a stable relationship, I thought. But don't let me fool you. It wasn't really Rufus as much as it was me. Every single time in the past, whenever a woman got serious with me, I'd make a run for it. Yet, with Rufus, I found myself always wanting to run right back.

"Do you mind if I take off for a bit?" Jared asked, as his voice pulled me out of my thoughts while he leaned on the other end of the table.

"Go ahead, take off," I encouraged, before making my way to the halfway mark of the second bottle, "Don't worry 'bout comin back. I can make my own way home."

"You sure?"

"Do it all the time, Kid," I said, while waving my hand in a scoot-like motion.

Then shortly after he left, I started to feel incredibly light-headed and knew right away what that meant, and I took a quick glance at the men's room that happened to be unusually busy that night and silently cursed to myself, while I checked to make sure I brought my shot with me, which I did.

And after taking another large swig, I started to feel dizzier. So, I stood up to try and make my way out towards the alley where no one would see me, since the last thing anyone needed to see was a Turk shooting up. Regardless of what it was, it just didn't look good.

But just like things are so typical of my life, when I started to make my way from the table, I bumped into the bar maiden and stumbled, before planting my face into her breasts. Of course, it was an accident, and I was rewarded with a star-inspiring slap to the side of the face that nearly made me fall over.

"S-sorry," I stammered, with my hands in a truce position and tried to regain my balance. Things were already starting to turn black on me, and I cursed myself for not taking a shot right after that explosion. But my stubborn side convinced me that I wouldn't need it, and like usual, I listened to that stupid idiot that lived inside my head.

I managed to stagger my way into the alley though, where I shakily pulled out the needle. But just as I was about to take it, it was smacked out of my hand by some man I'd never seen before.

"Looks like we got ourselves a lone Turk," I heard him say to his two other friends that were standing behind him.

They were all large labouring men, your typical bar-goers that claim they earn an honest living, and they were also your common Turk-hating camaraderie.

_Fuck. Not now._

Normally, that kind of situation wouldn't have bothered me. But then again, normally, I wouldn't be relying on dust that wasn't even from my own planet to keep my equilibrium up. It didn't stop me from doing what I always did though, and I wrapped my hand around the hilt of my mag-rod and inconspicuously turned the dial to a higher setting.

Then I grimaced with my arm over my gut, making me wonder if it was the combination of the alcohol and Meteor that was giving me the new gut-wrenching sensation that was turning everything upside down and making me feel like I was about to throw up.

No one took sympathy on me though, not that I was expecting them to, and the man in front of me wound up grabbing me, before I stuck him with the charged tip, sending a jolt through him that knocked him out. Then I stood there, still grimacing, while waiting for the others to attack. I figured that if I let my back away from the wall, they might have an advantage, and all I could do was wait for them to make a move while I tried to hang on for as long as I could.

But the dizziness was becoming stronger, and I snapped. I had to get that fucking needle in me as fast as I could, and I decided I could handle a few beatings, just as long as I got rid of the godless sensation I was feeling. At some point, I dropped to my knees and quickly crawled forward to where the needle landed. Then something hard cracked across my back, making me cry out. But it wasn't enough to stop me, as I twisted around and struck with the end of the rod again, eliciting a dull thud as my reward.

And after that, I turned back over and ran my hands frantically along the ground, but they had gone numb, and I couldn't feel or see anything. By that time, I had completely forgotten about the third guy, as I struggled with myself to hang on. I thought I heard voices and struggling in the distance. But in my frame of mind, I couldn't make any sense out of it and figured I was probably just imagining it anyway.

It wasn't until I was lifted off the ground, while I freaked out, and was placed to rest against the dirty, mould-covered, wall, that I realized what was going on. Then as Cloud's voice told me to hang on, and he rolled up my sleeve, I realized that the fucker had come to my rescue, yet again.

When I came fully to, he had his palm pressed against my cheek, and he was gazing at me with those Mako-blue eyes of his, before his look turned stern and he angrily asked, while lifting me to my feet, "What the hell were you doing out here?"

"The bathroom was full," I replied, with a heavy rasp to my voice, while letting myself fall back to rest against the wall, and not even really thinking about whether there was one behind me or not.

"They could have killed you," he chastised, as he frowned at me and helped keep me supported on my feet.

"Aww, c'mon man," I slurred, since the drunkenness hadn't worn off and probably wouldn't until I slept it off. Then I started giggling at him while mocking him with an accusing tone, "Ya gonna tell me ya wouldn't have liked that?"

"It probably wouldn't be such a bad thing," he mumbled.

I don't know why, because what he said wasn't all that funny – But I really started laughing at him and brought my hands clumsily to his face so I could push the corners of his mouth into a moulded smile. All the while, he glared at me like he wasn't impressed in the least. "Lighten up," I urged, while still giggling at how seriously pissed off he looked, "One day, ya'll get yer wish."

"Do you literally go looking for situations to get yourself killed?" he asked, harshly, while bringing his hands up to firmly pull mine away from his face.

"Bad Karma, Man," I replied. Then I tilted my head and continued to smile at him.

"You think this is funny?"

"Well what the fuck else am I s'posed to think about it!" I suddenly shouted, and pushed him away without any signs of warning, "Ya want me ta sit around and sulk about it?"

"It probably wouldn't hurt to take things a little more seriously."

"Whatever," I said, and waved at him to suggest he should go away after I pushed myself from the wall, "I ain't gonna wind up like you."

"You're a real piece of work. You know that?" he informed and questioned, all at the same time. Then he changed his tune like a heartbeat, "Well, since you don't give a shit about what happens to you, maybe we can talk about what your boss has been up to lately."

_Oh, here we go…_

"Whats'a matter, Cloud? Ya wanna stick me again?" I retorted, while simultaneously grabbing the hilt of my mag-rod to get ready for the next round of 'stick it to the redhead', "Let's have another go at it!"

"You know damn well I'll kill you, Reno."

"So what?" I asked, while holding my arms out, like I was daring him to, "its whatcha want! Ain't it?" Then I brought the rod across me in a defensive move and continued, "Let's go! Maybe it'll put a smile on that miserable face of yours!"

"Don't push me, Reno," he warned, as his eyes darkened and he unsheathed his sword.

"Don't push you," I muttered, "Ya like being pushed!" I taunted, and then I started circling him as he glared at me. Then I shouted, as I lunged at him to strike, "Ya fuckin live for it!"

The bastard made a defensive move though, and avoided me by parrying my strike, like he was showing off. "Stop now, Reno," he warned coolly.

"Why?" I asked, pissed off that I missed, "Ya got a conscience about hurtin a poor little street rat?" Then I took another lunge at him and nearly hit him with a jolt.

And I'm not really sure about what manoeuvre he used after that, because it all happened so fast. But he grabbed me and slammed my head into the wall fairly hard. Then he pinned me to it with my back to him and gripped the base of my hand hard enough to make me let go of the rod and let out a small cry. "I'm not going to be your salvation, Reno," he growled into my ear, and then he pushed me harder into the wall, causing me to betray myself by grunting from the force, "Not today!"

After that, he let go and started walking back to the pub. But like shit if I was going to let it end like that. So, I reached down to pick up my rod and lunged at him from behind. And I'll admit I did have a bit of a death wish. In fact, I wanted nothing more at that moment than to actually have him kill me.

Then I wouldn't have to worry about facing Rufus' cold, hard, judging eyes anymore. I wouldn't have to deal with Rude's constant disgrace over the choices I've made in my life, and I'd no longer have to be afraid to my wits end about what the fuck was happening to my insides as that fucking Meteor dust begged for more of itself inside of me.

I could finally be free from the torment of my memories and nightmares of a life that I never wanted to live in the first place. I'd no longer be weak because of some mad scientist who used me as his tool to achieve his own ends, and I could rot away in a peaceful slumber because I'd no longer know shit about any of the things I didn't want to know about.

Hell, I could finally be free of all my weaknesses, and Rufus could finally be free too. He'd no longer have me around as his cancer that ate away at him anymore, and he could finally go about his life with the strength he had before I entered it.

It wasn't until Cloud's sword pierced the flesh of my side, and embedded itself through my shirt and my jacket, and the surface of the wall behind me, that I suddenly realized, I may have made a mistake.

And It wasn't the elicited cry that escaped from me, and the words spoken from Cloud, "Shit! Cure3!" that told me I may have gone too far. Heck, it wasn't even the fact that I'd dropped my _EMR_, leaving me with no line of defence against that blonde thorn in my side that would never go away, that convinced me, I was in trouble…

No…

It was Cloud's tongue in my unresisting mouth that told me, I was in over my head.

* * *

Revised: January 12, 2009


	22. Breaking Points

**Breaking Points**

* * *

_"Gyaaaaaah!" _

_It was a blood-curdling scream, echoing through the alley with the sound of deathly regret, followed by a loud choking whine as I dropped the rod with what seemed like a loud, resounding, slow-motion clank. It wasn't from the pain. It was from the shock. I was in too much shock to feel any pain._

_"Shit!" I heard him say, as I stared blankly at the blackened sky, and felt the pressure of that sword pull back out of me, pulling me slightly along with it. _

_My sight went dim as I mechanically gripped him by the front of his shirt, to keep myself up, to keep myself steady, while I brought my other hand to my side in a futile attempt to hold the wound closed, to stop the blood._

_"Fuck…! …_ _Reno__…! …_ _Reno__…!" His voice sounded frantic, and he dropped his sword to the ground. Then he tried to pull my face to his, to see if I was still with him, "Answer me!" _

_I could hardly breathe. I was suddenly out of breath. Was I holding my breath? I wasn't in any pain, and it was just like the last time… _

_Only it was Rude, and not Cloud, who was asking me those questions. I was panicking as I clung to Cloud in a semblance of my own will, trying to hang on. Maybe I was trying to steal his life essence by clinging. Who the hell knows what a person thinks when there's no thought going through their head?_

_"Cure3."_

_Only, there was thought. I suddenly realized that I didn't want to die. The last time I didn't really care, but this time was different. What the hell came over me? What the hell was I thinking? I couldn't leave Rufus like that, not when I was so close to finding a way to help him. I couldn't destroy him, at least, not until I fixed him first._

_Cloud pushed me back to the wall and held me there with his hand. He placed his thigh between my legs to keep me upright as he frantically pushed my hand away from the severed flesh and tore open my shirt to see if the wound was closing. _

_"Talk to me, __Reno__." _

_Then he placed his own hand over it as it slowly closed, and turned his attention back to me. "Shit…! Talk to me!" he assertively demanded, before shaking me with the hand that was holding me up._

_I couldn't respond though. And I clung to him while trying to regain my breath, which wasn't coming back to me. Then it was both hands at his shirt suddenly, as I tried to hang on. The pain from the reversal of Cure3 suddenly pierced through me, repairing the damage, and I gritted my teeth and let out a growling shriek like an animal. I felt like I was suffocating… _

_Was I suffocating? _

_When my breath came back, it came back with a vengeful pain in my lungs, like they were being overfilled with a fire that threatened to tear the tissue from the inside, like thousands of tiny blades. It was an agony._

_"__Reno__!" Cloud persisted, "Don't fucking die on me!" he demanded, as I struggled for more air, "Fuck…! Talk to me, __Reno__. Talk to me…!"_

_"Nnnn… Ya… tryin ta… kill me…? Cloud?" I asked, weakly and shakily, in a futile attempt to try and lighten up the seriousness of the situation. My breathing was becoming less laboured as the pain was slowly residing, allowing me to regain some of my focus._

_Sighing with relief, he actually let himself smile. It was an awkward, crooked smile, despite the regretful guilt behind it. _

_Then his hand moved from my shoulder to the side of my head, holding it, to keep my face in his direction. "I don't know… what came over me," he admitted, solemnly and apologetically, while subtly caressing the side of my face with his thumb._

_"It's an effect… I have," I replied, in between breaths, and in an assured sort of way, and unaware that I was leaning into his touch._

_"No shit," he whispered, as he leaned forward and ran his gaze over mine, like he was searching for some kind of answer to a question he hadn't yet asked. _

_And before I realized what the question was, I'd granted him entry when his tongue grazed my lips, and I was pulling him closer, as he shifted his body so he was between my legs…_

* * *

Slowly and silently, I slid out of that bed, a bed that wasn't familiar to me, while trying not to make a sound, or disturb the person next to me. Silently praying that I didn't wake him, I knelt to my hands and knees on the hard, wooden, floor. It wasn't because of the ache or the pain from the mishap of the night before, it was because the less of a reminder I had to see, the better.

_What have I done?_

Crawling quietly along the floor, I retrieved my clothes and shakily put them on and neglected doing up the buttons on my shirt, it was torn anyway. While sitting on the floor, I kept my eyes from what I didn't want to know, what I didn't want to see. My mag-rod was over by the door where Cloud dropped it, since he picked it up before he brought me inside, and my shoes were scattered near the foot of the bed. I didn't bother putting them on though, because I didn't want to risk making a sound. I couldn't risk it.

"I feel I should apologize," came his reluctant voice, as I put my hand on the knob. Then, cringing, I froze and swallowed hard, while feeling the blood drain from the surface of my skin.

I didn't answer. But I turned my head slightly though, not enough to see what I would be reminded of, just enough to acknowledge that I heard him as I pulled myself up. I was suddenly afraid to open the door. It had suddenly become the representative to a reality I didn't want to face. The world was out there…

Rufus was out there.

"I didn't know you were…"

_Stop talking._

"That you never… I'm sorry… I didn't know."

"I have," came my choked and raspy voice, as I turned my head slightly again, "Its jus… been a long time."

"I'm sorry if I hurt you," he said, calmly, while carrying a genuine concern in his voice.

"S'okay," I said, choking inside and barely above a whisper.

I heard him shifting on the bed, and then careful footsteps on the floor, before I turned around to see him standing there with the sheet wrapped around his waist. "We were both… drunk… right?" he said, trying to convince me that it was okay as he scanned the floor for his clothes, "And in a state of shock…"

"Yeah… right…" I replied, trying to convince myself that it was okay. _Right…_

"Look," he said, while stepping towards me as I tensed, "I understand that you need to go."

Choking and trying to unsuccessfully swallow, I pressed my back further into the door behind me, with my hand still on the knob and the other, holding the mag-rod. Torn. I was literally torn inside. I couldn't speak.

As he stepped closer, I aimed the tip of the rod at him as a warning to stay back. _Stay back._ It wasn't that I felt threatened by him. I felt threatened by myself; threatened by my inability to contain any shred of self-control that I may or may not have ever had.

He stopped just within reach of the rod, and stood with his weight to one side, staring me sympathetically in the eyes. Then with his free hand, he motioned at the rod, "You're… pointing… the wrong end… at me."

_Of course I am… Why the fuck wouldn't I be?_ I bitterly thought. Defeated and with all energy gone, it dropped to the floor from my listless hand, as I dropped to the floor from my weakened knees. I don't think it was the wounds that had weakened me though, not the external ones. Torn. I honestly never hated him. But I wanted to, at that moment, more so than ever. But I couldn't…

He bunched up the sheet to keep control of it as he sat down beside me, and stared off into the same space as me. "It's okay… It was a mistake," he said. Though I know he was only trying to comfort me, "It never should have happened…"

_But it did._

"I knew him," I said, trance-like, and lost in a place that had no emotion or thought.

"Knew who?" he asked. Maybe he was in the same place, because I could sense he was staring at the same abysmal nothingness that I had succumbed to.

"Aldrich."

He shifted uneasily then, and adjusted the sheet for more comfort, making no attempt to have contact with me, as we sat there, silently, for what seemed like an eternity, until I broke it.

"He was my first."

"Did you love him?"

"Yeah."

Why was it that I could tell Cloud, and not Rufus? Was it because I couldn't handle Rufus knowing the amount of shame I carried? Because I didn't want him knowing I was less perfect than he already knew I was?

Cloud already knew I had faults. Was that why I could tell him?

Why hadn't I left yet? I should have left already.

"I cheated on him," I said, "More'n once."

"Was he angry?"

"Yeah."

"Maybe you just weren't ready."

_I never am. _

"What happened?" he asked, "To end it?"

"It was my fault," I told him, and then I leaned over to put my head on his shoulder, still focusing on a spot that had no meaning and no thought. "We were both beaten… left for dead…" Then I took a deep sigh and added with barely a whisper, "raped."

"How many?"

"Enough."

"How old were you?"

"Two days over sixteen."

He tilted his head, to lean against the top of mine, while still focusing on the same nothing that I was focusing on. "That why you wanted to drop the plate?"

"Yeah."

"I didn't know."

"I know."

After another long silence, and both of us still staring off into that place of non-existence, he said without moving, "I'd like to kiss you again." There was no sexual inclination in his voice. It was just a fact, an innocent statement; one that he simply meant.

"Ya can't."

"Rufus?"

_Rufus…_

"Yeah."

"You love him. Don't you?"

_I don't know… _

"I need to get back."

He nodded and stood when I stood, while picking my rod up from the floor and handing it to me. "Are you going to be all right?" he asked, before cornering me near the door, with his hands tilting my face toward him.

"Always am," I said, with a weak smile and a shrug.

_Always am._

Frowning at me, he caressed the sides of my face with his thumbs and stole one last kiss from me, despite the lack of permission I gave him, before he stepped back to let me go. I wanted to push him away. But I didn't.

_What am I gonna do?_

* * *

_"Let me go, Rufus…" I whispered, in a barely audible choke, which led Rufus to drink himself into a slumber at the kitchen table, knowing what I meant._

_But I lied. I never wanted him to let me go._

_I never wanted to leave, never wanted to._

_Oh, Rude… What do I do now? You're the only voice of reason that I have left…_

_What do I do?_

* * *

After returning home, and the second I opened the door to the apartment, Rufus was standing right there, like he'd been waiting for me, and grabbed me by my jacket. Pulling me in and holding me firm to keep me from running, he took one hard look at me, and then he slugged me hard enough to send me flying to the floor, and crashing into the glass coffee table.

_Shit… _

"I trust your evening was productive," he commented, calmly, while adjusting his cuffs and grabbing his vest to put it on, not even glancing at me once.

Then I shakily pushed myself to my knees, cutting my hands on the glass, and nervously digging into my pocket to see if I had any more Hi-Potions for the internal pain of the wounds I was already suffering from. I didn't. I used the last one after Cloud…

Well, after Cloud.

Almost like Rufus could read my mind, either that or he'd just noticed how beat up I already was, he came up behind me and pulled me up, roughly, by the arm. And while still refusing to look at me, he placed a Hi-Potion, forcefully, into my hand, and then turned around to grab his coat.

"Just out of curiosity, Reno," he said, coolly, with his back to me, "Is there anyone that you _haven't_ fucked?"

_I deserved that._

I wasn't really surprised that he knew the second he looked at me; the man had always been uncanny.

"Hm," he muttered, while straightening himself up and smoothing the creases in his jacket, before he finally decided to acknowledge me with a cold and hard look in his eyes. "I realize I have no right to react. Since you've made it obvious that you'd rather be, or should I say, _not_ be here."

Then he moved his attention back down to his buttons. "And I suppose I should apologise for reacting," he added, while pulling a loose thread off his jacket. "Anyway, once you're cleaned up and mended…" With a pause, he turned his attention back to me, and gave me a once over with uncaring eyes, "I want to see you in my office."

And after that, he straightened out his sleeves, and turned to open the door, as I whispered a shaky, "Yes, Sir," with my head down.

While stiffening slightly, he gave one quick nod with his back to me, before opening the door and calmly closing it behind him, as I walked into the bathroom to clean myself up.

* * *

After I made a quick visit to the infirmary, to make sure that everything was healing properly, and that I was doing just fine, I found myself standing, hesitantly, in front of Rufus' office door.

"Is everything all right, Sir?" Rufus' secretary asked me, while I stood there, staring at the door.

Any place would have been better than where I was at that moment, since I honestly feared what I was going to have to face in there. I've dealt with Rufus' anger before. But it was generally simple, and childishly overheated from my end. This time though, I actually did do something wrong, and it was something that couldn't be undone.

"He's expectin me, right?" I asked, in a state of absence.

"Yes, Sir. He's cancelled every other meeting for the day and told me to hold all his calls."

_Wonderful. _

"What kind of mood was he in?"

"The same mood he's always in, Sir."

_Great… _

Cautiously, I tapped lightly on his door, barely hard enough for anyone to hear. I was somewhat hoping that I could just say I'd been there, but no one answered. Unfortunately though, he heard the light tapping from my fingertips, and chillingly called from the other side, "Come in, Reno."

And sheepishly, I opened the door and stepped through. Everything felt like ice. There were times I could swear that Rufus' coldness actually emanated from him in a physical sense, and this was one of those times, and it actually made me shiver. "Ya wanted ta see me, Sir?" I asked, while keeping my eyes on the floor.

"Yes," he answered, watching me as I moved forward a bit. Then he reached under his desk, and I heard a faint click behind me, as the remote lock sealed me in. And with a continuing chill, he returned his hand to the surface of the desk, so he could fold it neatly with the other one in front of him. "I've been doing some digging around, in the old archives that were recovered from Junon, after Weapon's attack," he stated, while watching me with empty eyes.

His detached approach made me want to turn around and run, as a dreadful feeling crept over me. Although, I couldn't say why at that point. But the feeling had suddenly become overwhelming. And the fact that he'd locked the door wasn't helping either; it made my sense of doom all the more predominating.

"You're name was Renault Salvani. Was it not?" he asked, keeping himself completely unreadable, "That is what the record from Hojo had written on it." Then he lifted his brow and sat back in his chair. "It was also a name mentioned, several times, in the records retrieved in regards to Haldric Toketsu." Straightening out his coat, he sat forward again and narrowed his eyes. "I took the liberty of reading through them all. Apparently, there are several dropped assault charges against him by a name I was quite surprised to see."

After that, he opened the drawer to his side and pulled out a file, which he then placed on his desk, with his hand over it, as if to hold it down and keep it there. It was like a magnet, pulling my eyes to it, as I unconsciously bit on my lower lip and paled.

"Fascinating history you have, Reno. Or should I say, Renault? I must admit that my father went through a lot of trouble to hide your past." For a moment, he slowly tapped his fingers on the file while thinking about something, "It's interesting that Tseng and Rude are also a part of this." As his eyes shadowed over, he leaned forward slightly, while still maintaining that chilling stance of his, "I always wondered why they'd recruit such a common rat from the streets below. But as it turns out, you're not quite as common as they come. Are you."

_Fuck…_

While opening the file, he began flipping through the pages and scanning them. "There are several, countless and disturbing, unsolved crimes with you as a suspect. Particularly after a seemingly serious hospital stay. It almost looks to me as though all of the evidence that may have been incriminating towards you has been removed." Then he took a quick glance toward me, as he said the next sentence, "By my father? Perhaps?"

Swallowing hard, I wanted to, both, run away and run up to him to smash him across the head for deliberately digging up my past. "Unlock the door, Rufus."

"Whatever for?" he asked, while staring at me, deadpan, and unfeeling, "I do believe I have the right to know about those I keep under my employment, especially when they're involved in unsolved murder cases and acts of extreme brutality."

After that, he returned his attention to the file and started flipping through the pages again. "Looking at the photos of these victims, I'd say that whoever was responsible was certainly a disturbed individual. Wouldn't you agree?" Then he turned his attention back to me and quirked his brow, "Have you seen these?"

"Put the fuckin file away, Rufus," I warned, and stepped forward while gripping the rod attached to my wrist.

"How silly of me. I suppose you don't really _need_ to see these. Do you," he said, before moving back and forth between the pages and scanning them. "After all, you are the one who did this. Aren't you?" he concluded, and then he looked back up to me, coldly. "It's no wonder you took to being my father's personal dogmatist so readily. I must admit, I always found it odd that he would have promoted you to second in command so eagerly, considering where you came from. But then again, your loyalty was definitely unquestionable, when you became a backstabbing degenerate to several of your co-workers to further benefit yourself."

"They were conspirators against Shinra, Rufus," I told him, realizing that he wasn't going to stop until I played along, "Ya knew that."

"Ah, yes. And you would know all about conspiring. Wouldn't you?" He paused for a moment and tapped his fingers on the desk before continuing, "But something tells me these others, the ones before you joined Shinra, had nothing to do with conspiring. Since, at that time, you were doing, let me see here…"

While pausing, simply to be antagonizing, he flipped through a few more pages, and then stopped, "Dealing weapons to several underground groups that were set out to destroy everything that Shinra had built up. I suppose it's a good thing you didn't have any computer training at that time, or you could have been an outright menace."

"Your father already fucking knew about all of this!" I shouted, "What the fuck do you want me to say about it?"

"My father. Yes, well, my father and I didn't particularly have much in common, as you already know," he said, as he pushed himself back and re-adjusted his coat, "What he seemed to think was okay, I didn't, and don't necessarily agree with. Unfortunately, I must admit that I've become rather fond of you and your work, even though my fondness for you at this particular moment in time is questionable. Your creativity has definitely earned you success in areas where others were never able to prosper."

Then he let out a small and sarcastic chuckle, "No one has ever risen in the ranks as fast as you have. Maybe there is something I didn't know about my father. Maybe you did more than just work for him." And at that, his eyes narrowed, as a sly smile played across his lips, "Maybe you fucked him too."

Out of no real will of my own, it was just my purely incomprehensible instinct that always controlled me, I wound up charging toward his desk with a literal attempt to actually cause harm.

But unsurprisingly, with his cat-like reflexes, Rufus quickly grabbed my arm and twisted me, so I was painfully on my back, across his desk. He barely moved any other part of his body, except to move closer after he pinned me, and simply held me there. "That's hardly a professional way to behave, Reno," he said coolly, "You could have caused some serious damage if you'd actually hit me like that. Perhaps I hit a nerve?"

"You sick little fuck," I hissed, as I tried to squirm out of his grip, "You've lost your fucking mind."

Smirking and chuckling, shallowly at me, he began stroking my hair with his free hand. "Perhaps, I suppose you're right. You would know all about losing one's mind, after all. And my father was hardly the type to indulge in unorthodox pairings, so to speak." Then, tilting his head slightly, He peered into my eyes with a type of bitterness that could have sent chills through me if I wasn't already focusing on all the other sensations of pain I was going through, "Unlike _you_, of course."

"It was a fucking mistake!"

"Was it?" he asked, as he cocked his brow, "If I recall correctly, you were the one asking me if I ever wanted to take the reins, so to speak. The second I said 'no', you turned the scenario into an argument and ran off to let someone else do it. Albeit, you were decent enough to wait for a few weeks first."

"Fuck… Rufus," I uttered, while trying to pry his hand from my wrist, "That's not what fucking happened!"

"Oh? So you didn't fuck Cloud?" he asked, before grabbing my other hand and pinning it on the other side. "Are you going to tell me that you spent the entire night out, and came back with his stink all over you for a different reason?"

"Gaia… Rufus," I choked, "What are you? A fucking animal?"

"All I had to do was take one look at you to see the guilt written all over your face!" he unexpectedly bellowed, as his grip tightened on both my wrists, and I shrunk back, "How fucking hard do you think it was for me to figure out?"

And just like a coin, he turned languid and calm again. "You went to the Seventh Heaven, Reno. You didn't come home until the morning, and, Oh!" he coolly exclaimed, "Who else is always at that dive?"

Then, after twisting my wrists enough to evoke a small whine from me, he continued, "Jared came home with some whore. Rude was with Tifa, and Tseng came home right away to spend the night with his _precious_ Elena. So, you couldn't have possibly spent the night hanging out with any of _them_."

After that, he pulled both my wrists together so he could hold them with one hand, and he brought his other one to stroke the side of my face. "I could have assumed that, maybe, you just hung out with Cloud. But the expression in your beautiful eyes was enough to convince me otherwise."

"What do you want me to fucking say, Rufus?" I pleaded, while trying to wring my wrists from his grip.

And he let go of me then, allowing me to return to my feet, in front of his desk, as he stood and came around to the side while looking at the door. "Do you think he'd still want you if he knew of the events that took place after your hospital stay?" he asked, in a hollow voice, "Do you think he'd want you if he knew what you became after that brutal day?"

Then he pulled his coat back slightly, so his gun was visible, and he endured, "Of course, he knows you're not entirely up front. But does he know how ferocious you can be? How sadistic and cruel you're capable of being when you're in your vengeful, threatened, or cornered state?" And after taking a deep breath, he persisted, "He knows you lie. But does he know how deceptive you really are? Does he know the extent of how conniving and cunning you really are?"

After that, he turned his attention over to me, and coldly added, "You're like a viper, Reno. You'll strike at anything that you view as minutely threatening or overwhelming, even the hand that feeds you."

"For fuck's sake, Rufus… Ya think I'm gonna run off with him now?" I yelled, and spun around to face him.

"If you did, I'd have to kill you," he said, with a complete lack of emotion. "I'm not going to lose anything, not even you, to Cloud." And then he turned his attention back to the door while casually lifting his gun and aiming it in front of him, before tilting his head and staring down the barrel as if he were checking for flaws, "In fact, maybe I should just kill you as an act of insurance."

"You're gonna fuckin kill me over this?" I asked, feeling completely drained all of the sudden. I already knew I'd fucked up. And I knew I didn't deserve any forgiveness. But I wasn't so sure if I deserved to be terminated over the matter.

"I'd like to."

"Unlock the damn door, Rufus," I urged, and started walking toward it, realizing that the sooner I got out of there, the better off I'd be.

"Why?" he asked, calmly, as he pulled back the safety, "So you can run back to Cloud?"

"You're fucking insane, Rufus!" I shrieked, while spinning around to glare at him, "Cloud's not the one that I…" I stopped mid-sentence for some reason, unable to finish, and pulled out a cigarette. "Fuck it. Ya wanna shoot me; then fuckin shoot me," I muttered, lethargically, and turned back to the door.

_Jus fuckin do it._

"Cloud's not the one that you, what?"

"Fuck off, Rufus," I mumbled, and lit my cigarette.

"Oh, no, I want to know what you were going to say," he said, and moved up to me from behind. "It must have been something very interesting, since you couldn't bring yourself to say it." And while resting the barrel against the back of my head, he continued, "It's not like you to become speechless in dead sentence, not when you're in the heat of the moment like that."

"I'm not playing your fuckin game, Rufus," I told him, and took a drag from the cigarette, "Either kill me or let me fuckin go."

"Let. You. Go," he repeated, slowly and predatorily, with a slight break in his voice, while pressing the gun closer to my head, "Hm. Is that what you really want?"

_No._

"I dunno," I said, with my eyes shut and cursing at myself for not being able to answer him honestly.

"Very well. Since leaving is what you do so well, perhaps I should grant you your wish." Then a loud bang rang through the office, and sent a high pitched ringing into my ear, along with a white light, and that sudden and initial shock of adrenaline-enhanced fear at the realization of what it was that I just heard. Afraid to open my eyes, for fear that I might be dead, or even worse. Rufus might be dead. I simply stood there, dreading what I might see.

It wasn't until I heard him pull the safety back again, that I realized it was okay to open them, and behold the lack of the door in front of me. There were still small flames burning around the edges of where it used to be.

Then, while putting my hands in my pockets, I stepped forward, slightly, and leaned forward to get a better look at what was in front of me. There was no debris. In fact, there was no door. The only sign that there ever was one was where the hinges were.

And since his secretary's door was already open, I could see the other's coming out of their offices to find out what had just happened, while his secretary stood behind her desk, looking as pale as a ghost.

"What the fuck ya got loaded in that thing, Rufus?" I asked, as I turned around, slowly, to look at him. I was completely stunned and totally forgot everything that had just taken place, prior to him deafening me in one ear.

He smirked playfully at that, and answered, "Meteor. Impressive, isn't it?"

"Fuck, yeah," I uttered, while raising my brow and returning my attention back to the door, "Elena?" I asked, and looked back at him.

"Yes. She told me you came across quite the discovery," he answered, and cocked his brow as he bent his arm to remove his aim from me.

"Yeah. But I never actually saw the results from firearms," I told him, and walked up to the door and ran my finger along the edges, and observed out loud, "It's cold."

"I know," he replied, "I can't help but wonder what effect it would have on you."

"I should probably run now, shouldn't I?" I openly thought, still mesmerized by the destruction.

"Well, I'd hate to have to destroy something as beautifully deceptive as you, just because you decided to stay still at the last moment," he threatened, before straightening out his arm and aiming at me again.

"YOU FUCKING PSYCHO!" I shrieked, with a renewed sensation of foreboding.

"Hm." Then, smirking crookedly, he narrowed his eyes, "Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?"

I made it halfway through his secretary's office, when I was tackled down to the ground and wrestled onto my back by him. "Get the fuck off me!"

"Oh? I thought you were into having men on top of you now," he growled, wrestling to grab my arms so he could pin them to the floor.

_Where the fuck is his gun?_

"Uh… Sir?" came his secretary's timid voice from behind her desk.

"Stay out of this, Sharin!" he shouted.

"B-but… There are… People in…"

Not too pleased with the interruption, he pulled his gun back out and aimed it at her, and then like the psycho he was, he changed his tone back to his professional calm, and stated as if nothing odd was going on, "Reno and I are trying to have a very important conversation, Sharin. Please do not interrupt."

But she seemed to think something was important though, because she nervously pointed into the hallway with her finger, as it remained clasped with her other hand in front of her chest, while staring at him in a complete state of fear for her life.

And slowly, we both followed the direction to see what she was trying to tell him. And there I laid, with my back arched, below Rufus, so I could see, while he released my other arm and pointed his gun at Rude, who had his gun pointed at Rufus.

Then the corner of Rufus' lips curled up slyly, as he remained focused on Rude, while I let out a low chuckle and looked back at him with a look of defiance.

"Get off of him," demanded Rude, while Tseng stood in front of the door to his own office, with a cup of coffee in his hand, and Jared stood beside him. All eyes were focused on us, with varying degrees of curiosity and assumption.

"Or you'll do what?" Rufus asked, calmly, while pushing me back down with his other hand when I tried to push myself up with my elbows.

The sound of the safety pulling back on Rude's gun was hollow, as the reality sunk into us all. "Rude!" I yelled, "No!" I couldn't really say whose safety I was more concerned about at that point. All I did know was that I really didn't want to see a live test of what Rufus had loaded in his gun, not at that particular moment anyway, and definitely not at my best friend.

"I'll shoot you, Rufus. If you so much as think of hurting him."

"Really? I highly doubt that will happen," he replied, and cocked his brow when he added, "Tseng?"

While letting out a deep sigh, and then taking another sip from his cup, Tseng casually stepped between the line of fire and calmly stated, "Sorry, Rude. But Rufus _is_ my priority." Then, with an indifferent air, he took another sip like nothing out of the ordinary was happening.

All the while, Jared stood there, wide-eyed, while glancing at Rufus straddling me on the floor of his secretary's office and muttering the word "Slut" at me. Then he looked at Tseng, standing there and drinking his coffee as if nothing was going on, and Rude, who was frowning and cursing under his breath at the fact that Tseng was acting like nothing more than a singular herd animal in the way of traffic.

The poor kid obviously had no idea what the hell was going on, and had even less of a clue as to what the hell he was supposed to do, or even if he was supposed to do anything at all.

Carefully, Rufus re-engaged the safety and put his gun back in his holster, and then he turned his attention back to me with a confident smirk, before running his hand down the exposed part of my chest, and smoothly directing Tseng to, "Disarm Rude. Will you, Tseng?"

"Get your fucking hands off me," I hissed, under my breath, and began struggling with Rufus to get him off of me, while Tseng commenced to disarm Rude, rather noisily, in the hallway.

Between the arguing and struggling in the hall, and the physical fight for control between me and Rufus, the seventieth floor of the Shinra building hurriedly became a recipe for disaster and mayhem, that would most certainly live on in the minds of those present for the remainder of their lives.

At one point, Rufus' gun wound up in my mouth. Rude and Tseng wound up somewhere behind closed doors with a lot of noise. And Jared had disappeared with Rufus' secretary. Maybe he took her to safety. I don't really know. And my knee wound up in Rufus' gut, causing him to double over unexpectedly, and allowing me to take advantage of Rufus' temporary curled up state as my opportunity to make a run for it.

And I ran like hell, into the stairwell.

* * *

I ran down to his apartment as fast as my legs could carry me, feeling the burn from the overexertion, as I heard the footsteps of insanity chasing closely behind me. He'd lost his fucking mind, and I had no idea why I was running to the apartment instead of outside.

And as soon as I got through the door, I ran straight into his room and grabbed a duffel bag to start packing.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he yelled at me, when he ran through the door behind me.

"What the hell does it look like, Rufus?" I yelled back, "I'm fucking leaving!"

"Like hell you are," he growled, and grabbed the bag out of my hands, "You've got nowhere to go."

"With the way you're acting, the street will do just fine, Rufus," I growled back at him, before angrily snatching the bag back.

Then he smacked me across the head, and grabbed the bag again. But that time, he threw it across the room so it was out of my reach. "You're not going anywhere."

"Why?" I demanded, "Ya afraid I'm gonna run back to Cloud the second I walk out that door?"

He grabbed me roughly then, by the shoulders, and threw me back into the wall, "I'd hunt you down and kill you both if you did that."

"Am I supposed to be threatened by that ya fucking lunatic?" I hysterically asked, "You just threatened to kill me already!" Then I pushed myself from the wall and pulled out my gun and aimed it at him, "If I recall, it went something like this!"

Then I fired off every round in my .50, and I deliberately missed his head by a hair with each one, while he stood without flinching. His eyes turned feral after that, and he pushed me back onto the bed and jumped on me. "Are you trying to excite me, Reno?" he snarled, and then he tore open my shirt.

"You're a fucking maniac!" I screamed, in disbelief, and pushed him off of me before jumping to my feet, with him following while I spun around and pointed my finger at him. "Stay the fuck away from me!" Then I grabbed him by the front of his shirt and smashed my mouth to his, before he pushed me back into the wall, away from him.

"No!" he shouted, "Don't think it's going to be that easy!" Then he pressed himself to me, against the wall, and latched his mouth back to mine, before I managed to squirm away from him.

"Fuck, Rufus!" I screamed, staring at him in bewilderment, "What the fuck do you want from me?"

Then, calming down completely, and brushing his hair back with his hand, he managed to look completely sane while he smoothly said, "For the first time in my life, Reno." And then he bellowed into my face, "I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING CLUE!"

And suddenly, we were pressed together like wild animals, and I'm not even sure if either of us knew who initiated it that time, as we pushed and pulled at each other, tearing at each other's clothes, and calling each other varying degrees of unpleasant names.

Then, gasping for air, when he pulled his mouth away, I managed to breathe out, "Fuck me, Rufus."

"Are you sure?" he asked, pulling away slightly, as I tore at his shirt, "I'm not sure I'd know how to…"

"Yes. You'll figure it out," I breathed, before pulling him back to me and undoing his buckle. "Just do it. Just do it," I begged, in between kisses, and then I pulled him down to the floor with me.

I wanted him to re-claim the territory that Cloud had claimed the night before, and I think he knew that was the reason I was asking him to. I needed him to take it all away, make it right, and make me his again. It wasn't so much that I wanted to do it. I wanted _him_ to do it. I simply wanted him to remove any trace of my sin, cover it up and erase it. It should have been him in the first place. I wanted it to be him.

"Reno, this is insane," he insisted, and tried to push away from me.

"No… No, Rufus," I pleaded, while pulling him back, "You've never done it… You need to." After kissing him quickly on the mouth, I added, "I need you to."

"I hate you so much right now," he groaned, hurtfully, before he stuck his tongue down my throat and pressed me to the floor, while gripping his fingers hard into my shoulders, hard enough to make it hurt. Then he whispered, "You don't deserve fuck all from me," before his hand skilfully undid the buckle on my belt.

"Please," I pleaded, "Let me make up for it."

He choked back a hard gulp then, before he turned me away from him and pressed me to the wall, while I was still on my knees. "It's not too late to change your mind," he reminded me, as he brushed his lips along the edge of my ear and took his fingers from my mouth, before bringing them down to prepare me.

While grimacing from the initial discomfort, and shaking from a natural anxiety, I convinced him that it needed to be done. I convinced him that he needed to do it as much as I needed him to do it.

"Reno… You need to relax," he commanded, while turning me into a mess of pulsating nerves in preparation. Then he held himself against me, hesitantly, while mumbling, "I find it hard to believe that anybody's ever gotten anywhere with you in this manner."

"I was always drunk or drugged," I murmured, lightly, with my eyes closed, in an attempt to alleviate the apprehension that we both had. For him, it was for something he'd never done before, and for me, it was for something I was never really fond of in the first place.

Taking those words as his cue, I wound up growling through my teeth when he decided I'd finally calmed down as much as I was capable of.

He held me tightly, close to him until I adjusted, and then he began moving ever so slightly, to ease the burden, while chanting an apology quietly into my ear that we both knew I didn't deserve. It was barely above a whisper, but I could hear him saying, "It's okay… it's okay…" as he buried his face into my neck, and began moving.

It was gentle at first, waking up every nerve in my body, and sending shudders down my spine that emanated outward, through every fibre within me. Every touch from his delicately fine fingers, and every graze from his beautiful and perfect mouth, enlightened me to a new level of euphoria. I found myself moving along with him in a subconscious thirst that suddenly couldn't be quenched. "Gaia… Rufus…" I moaned, unconsciously, and began begging him for more.

There was always something about Rufus that could make the worst feelings and sensations within me feel incomparable to even the most glorious. Being conquered by him was like finding perfection, and being sober only made the sensations that much more enticing. He was the only person that was capable of bringing me to a personal freedom without me needing to drink myself into oblivion first.

And as if sensing a mutual breaking point, he moved his hands down to aid me with the most torturous of strokes. He made every effort to avoid being rough during the act. Despite the fact that he was severely pissed at me, he was uncharacteristically gentle and curious, savouring each touch and each feel.

Each caress was an exploration for him, making it something entirely new for myself, as new as it truly was for him. He made every sensation a tantalizing agony that was drawn out to an exploding point, beyond succulent, and he did it with a masterful divinity, that was unnatural to our world.

And like an out of body experience, an overpowering white light overtook us, taking us from the sensations of the mortal realms, and into something infinite and all-knowing, and beyond. Cries escaped us both in a sacred chorus that broke us out of the shells that we were burdened to be imprisoned in, before we were torn apart and brought back from a utopia that we were undeserving of maintaining forever.

A taste of heaven, we were granted, before I had to pull his teasing hands away from an inability to withstand anymore of his persuasive touch.

Then I collapsed to my side, on the floor, after Rufus pulled out and stayed on his knees before looking down at me, hesitant to move at first. "I want you to stay," he stated, reluctantly, almost like he was afraid that he was asking for the end of the world if I did so.

And nodding, I pulled him by the arm, to pull him beside me, and buried my face in his chest. "I'm sorry," I choked, in regards to bringing him to the level I brought him to.

Understanding, but not forgiving, he pulled me closer and began stroking my hair, and I think I heard him sniffling, and I know I felt him trembling.

But out of respect, I never looked up, and he never looked down to find out why I was trembling and sniffling too.

He was the man that no one had ever seen bleed or cry, and since I'd already seen him bleed, after Weapon's attack, I could at least spare him the last dignity of never having to see him cry.

* * *

We laid together on the floor, for what must have been an hour, in mutual silence, before I reached up to pull the blanket from the bed and covered us both, before returning to huddling with him.

"Did ya like it?" I eventually inquired, curious to know how it was for him.

"It was different."

"Ya did'n like it?" I asked, while raising my brow and looking, up, into his eyes.

"No… it was good," he said, "I just prefer it the other way."

"Yer strange, Rufus," I mused jokingly, before putting my head back down.

"No stranger than you, Reno," he countered, while pulling me close to him again, "Besides, I like the way you feel inside me." After that, he lightly whispered, "You make me feel alive."

I have to admit that I was glad to hear him say that, because as much as he claimed he loved the feeling, I loved the feeling of the way things had been since the start. He made me feel equally alive. On the other hand, after that day, I wasn't entirely opposed to having things the other way around, as much as I always thought I'd be, and I don't think he was entirely opposed to it either.

Despite the fact that I knew he would never trust me again, and the knowledge of that hurt in a way I could never put into words, I couldn't help but feel that, maybe, with what happened, maybe, we were a little closer than before. My actions had opened a door that he'd been trying to open since the start.

I couldn't help but think that maybe I really did…

_Like_ him a little more than I originally thought.

"Did ya read the whole file?" I finally asked him, after another long moment of silence, while keeping my face buried in his chest.

"Yes," he replied, and returned to stroking my hair.

"They were the men that put me in the hospital."

With a hesitant sigh, he wrapped his arms around me tighter, and rested his chin on top of my head, "The one's you killed?"

"Yeah."

He squeezed me a little tighter then, more for comfort, before he pulled the blanket up further, and commented in a compassionate tone, "I thought as much."

"Do ya want to know why?"

"I read the hospital file, Reno," he stated, "I don't need you to tell me why."

"There's more to it," I added.

"I know," he said, while stroking my shoulder with his other hand, "You thought they killed him."

Biting down on my lower lip, I looked up at him and sheepishly raised my brow, "How long did ya know for?"

"A little over three weeks," he replied, and then he looked down at me to take in my features.

"Yer not mad?"

"I am," he stated, outwardly, but compassionately, "I'm mad about what happened to you, and I'm mad that you never told me." Then he looked at me, sympathetically, and continued, "But given the circumstances, I suppose I should understand why you would want to hide something like that."

After that, he pulled me back, so I was buried in his chest again, before he asked the next question that I was hoping he wouldn't ask, "What are you going to tell Cloud?"

"He already knows my decision," I replied, and bit on my lower lip again, "I can't ask ya for forgiveness, can I?"

"No."

"Yer not gonna hurt him, are ya?"

"I'd like to," he said, as he pressed his chin a little harder to the top of my head, "And the fact that you're concerned about it makes me want to kill him even more." He paused there, for a moment, and let out a defeated sigh, suggesting that he wasn't particularly happy about the facts of the situation, and hesitantly admitted, "But unfortunately, I can't."

Then he pulled me up, so we were face to face, and just watched me for a while, stroking my face, before he pressed his forehead to mine and rubbed his nose against my nose. "I must know something," he confessed, with his eyes closed.

"What would ya like to know?" I asked, before closing my eyes too.

"Why did he stab you?"

Biting my lower lip, before I answered, I told him how I lost my head and drove Cloud to attack me, bringing forth a heartfelt chuckle from Rufus.

"Mm," he commented, "I know how that feels."

Then, following a few more moments of silence, his PHS began ringing. Cursing under his breath, he reached over to answer it. And after convincing the person on the other end that everything was fine, and that Rude should be let go from confinement, he ordered that the door to his office be fixed immediately.

"Well, Reno. I really should thank you for successfully encouraging me to have my very first act of public dissociation," he said, before cocking his brow in abandon after he hung up, and tossed the PHS back to the floor. "I'm going to have an awful lot of damage control to initiate for the next little while," he added. Then he let his head fall back and chuckled, before he shook it while staring at the ceiling and letting out a sigh of literal resignation, "You definitely have a special talent."

* * *

An hour later, and after another shower, this time with Rufus accompanying me, I got cleaned up and went into my office to find Rude sitting in my seat, waiting for me.

"Do you want to tell me what that was all about?" he inquired, point blank, the second I walked through the door. Startled by the unexpected presence and question, I wound up jumping from the surprise and dropping the mag-rod I had just retrieved from Rufus' office.

"Uh… Hey, Rude," I greeted, unconsciously and nervously scratching the back of my neck. "Ya okay?" I asked, in regards to him being detained by Tseng.

"I'm fine."

"Can I get ya anythin?" I asked, thumbing the door behind me.

Frowning and leaning forward with his hands on my desk, he nodded at me and replied, "Yes. An answer would be nice."

With nothing more than a sense of defeat, I came up to sit at the chair in front of my own desk, realizing that there was something totally wrong with this picture. _Should'n our positions be reversed? Is'n this my office? _

Now, don't get me wrong here. I don't want people coming to a conclusion that isn't true in regards to me and Rude. You see, I wasn't afraid of Rude. I've never been afraid of him, and he didn't really push me around like it may have seemed either. The reason I generally appeared to cower around him, on occasion, was because I respected him to a fault, and it wasn't really cowering. It just looked like he made me cower.

To clear some misconceptions up a bit, and I believe I've already mentioned this, I loved the man like a brother. Since I never really had a family that I could call my own, until I started working under Shinra, and Rude was the first to take me under his wing, so to speak, I had a unique bond with him.

Now, out of no disrespect for Rude, and I really shouldn't say this because it involves his personal life. But I feel I have to say it in order to clear up where he's coming from, as well…

He came from a decent sized family of five children. His father died in a mine accident when he was thirteen, leaving him as the head of the family, since he was the oldest. He lost three of his brother's when they met a fatal end after they joined SOLDIER, which left him with only one brother, the youngest one.

I suppose it must have sucked for their parents to have never had a daughter, and maybe that's why they had so many kids in the first place. Maybe they kept trying. I don't really know, because I never really asked.

Anyway, this younger brother of his would be around the same age as me if he were still alive. He was the black sheep of the family, and took to the streets of his own free will after their mother died from a misdiagnosed illness. Rude wound up helplessly watching his brother literally fall apart and destroy himself in many of the same ways I was capable of doing.

In fact, it was around the same time that Rude's brother was murdered, by a questionable male friend of his, that our paths began to cross. Part of me believes that, to Rude, I was his last chance at redemption from a failure to protect the last remaining sibling he was entrusted to take care of.

Of course, this is just an assumption on my part, as I look back in an attempt to analyze our relationship. The story about his family is one hundred percent authentic, the reason he latched onto me is mostly assumption. But I feel it's fairly accurate.

Just don't ever let him know that I told you guys this, because he told me in confidence, and would make me feel a whole lot of pain if he knew that I spilled the beans. I just felt that I needed to clear the air a little about our relationship, before I continued making it sound like I was some pathetic loser whenever it came to Rude.

And I just wanted you all to know the reason why he always acted like the overprotective, overbearing, chastising parent whenever it came to me, and why I always acted like the lost little child who so desperately needed his acceptance. It was simply that I respected where he was coming from, and his friendship really did mean a lot to me.

You see, a friend like Rude was a rare gift in itself. It was a gift that not every individual on this planet had the luxury of having within one lifetime. If I were the type of person who believed in such things, I could even go so far as to say that he was my guardian angel.

So, anyway, I owed it to him to let him know why he had to risk his job by pulling a gun on Rufus. I owed it to Rufus as well. Only, I didn't tell Rude that it was Cloud. I didn't tell him for two reasons, maybe three.

One reason, was that I couldn't risk the humiliation of Rude knowing who I'd slept with, not to mention he would have freaked out on me if he knew. The second reason, was that I owed it to Cloud to keep his reputation in check. The third, and worst possible reason, was that I actually liked the little spiky-haired guy, and couldn't risk letting another living soul ever know, that perhaps, I really was attracted to him.

It was a different kind of attraction though. I truly believe that it was purely physical. Even though I liked him, I couldn't say that I felt the same way for him that I did for Rufus, not that I could really say what it was that I felt for Rufus. But after all, it was Rufus that I found myself wanting to be with, and not Cloud.

It would never have worked between us anyway. We were two completely different people with completely different outlooks. And Cloud, honestly, would have suffocated me.

"You're not going to see her again, are you?" Rude asked, before sitting back in my chair.

Heh, okay… I admit, I didn't really even say _what_ I had slept with. I just told him I had an affair. Smiling nervously at him, and then cocking my brow and staring at the floor, because it seemed like it was just the time to come clean, I quietly mumbled, "He," and hoped that he didn't hear me.

"_He_," Rude stressfully repeated, and sat forward again, "Reno. What the hell is going on with you?"

"Shit," I muttered, and sat back in the chair. Then I put my hands over my face and started rubbing my eyes, and chanting, or maybe I was whining, or both, "I dunno… I dunno…"

He didn't say anything in response. Instead he just sat back again and stared at me with a frown, while I pulled out a cigarette and lit it.

Making no attempt to hide his disapproval, he simply let me know that he thought I was going through some sort of _deranged_ midlife crisis that may have been brought on by years of regression, in regards to Haldric.

Naturally, his attempt to analyze me in such a way pissed me off to a point to where it…

Oh, hell. It just pissed me off.

"Fer fuck's sake, Rude," I said, taking a drag from my cigarette, "It's got nothin to fuckin do with that."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure," I replied, flicking my ashes on the floor.

"I'm not sure," he stated, and adjusted his glasses.

"So. What. Are ya my psychiatrist now?" I asked, and started shaking my leg.

"Well, think about it," he said, while tilting his head and clasping his hands over his gut, "The only man you ever slept with was Haldric, and when you cheated on him, you cheated on him with women."

"How the hell did ya know that?"

"You talk in your sleep," he answered, while pointing at me to stress that he wasn't making it up, "I've spent enough nights in a tent with you, remember?"

"Fuck," I said, and sat forward. "Ya fuckin serious?" I asked, suddenly wondering what the hell I may have said around Rufus.

"Yes," he answered, "But you haven't done it for years."

I let out a deep sigh of relief at that. Then I sat back and took another drag from my cigarette, silently thanking the heavens. "Okay. So, what exactly does that have ta do with now?"

"You haven't been with another man since then. You figure it out."

Snickering sarcastically, I had to comment on his lack of hard evidence in regards to his cockeyed theory. "Why?" I asked, "'Cuz _you_ can't?"

"I'd be lying if I said I could."

"What the hell are ya gettin at then?"

"I'm just trying to make sense out of why you would go your entire life, being attracted to women, _despite_ your one affair, to all of the sudden being attracted to men."

"I'm not fuckin attracted to men, Rude," I stated, waving my hand at him.

"Really. Then why are you sleeping with them?"

"If I knew that, don't ya think I'd tell ya?" I asked, while stamping my cigarette out in the ashtray.

"There are a lot of things you haven't been telling me lately."

"Whatever, Man. Did ya really wanna know I had an affair on Rufus with another man?"

"Not really," he admitted, before removing his glasses and rubbing his eyes, "I didn't even want to know about Rufus."

"Then ya got nothin to complain about then. Do ya."

"…"

"Anyway, ya did'n get into too much trouble, did ya?" I asked, "Over the gun thing?"

"No," he replied, "Tseng just used defensive and disarming moves on me." After he put his glasses back on, he continued, "Then he handcuffed me to my filing cabinet."

"I owe ya fer that, don't I."

"Drinks," he said, flatly.

"Sure thing. But I can't tonight," I said, sheepishly, "I have a lot of sucking up to do with …" I figured it was best to stay home that night after everything that had just happened. It was probably best to lay low a while. After all, I really did have a lot of sucking up to do if I was going to get back into Rufus' good book, because he was still mad at me, regardless of the fact that we made up.

"Stop!" he stated, cutting me off as he got out of my chair, "I _don't_ want to know why."

"Uh… Rude?" I called, as he made his way to the door. "Thanks for stickin up fer me," I said, with a genuine appreciation, "Things got kinda crazy an, well, it really meant a lot ta me."

"Mm," he mumbled, while opening the door, "Just remember that you owe me."

"Will do," I replied, to no one after he left.

_Always do._

I wished that I could have said that all would end well, but I would have been a fool to believe that. Not being particularly new to that type of scenario, I knew that Rufus would forever hold Cloud over my head. I'm not saying that because it was a _Rufus_ thing to do. I'm saying it, because it's simply something anyone who'd been deceived would do. The worst part was that I knew that all too well, already, and it had nothing to do with anyone ever cheating on me. No one ever got the chance to, since I always beat them to it.

So, as much as I'd love to have you all believe that I was nothing more than an innocent victim, the truth was, I wasn't.

And I knew damn well that I had a hefty debt to pay, and I was going to be paying it through the teeth to everyone involved.

* * *

Revised: January 13, 2009


	23. The Word Scares Me

**The Word Scares Me**

* * *

It was hot as hell above those steam pipes, as I crawled on my belly above them, making every attempt not to burn myself while sweat poured into my eyes and stung them. "Fuckin Mother of Sephiroth," I mumbled, lightly enough for only me to hear, as I removed the sunglasses from my forehead and wiped at my brow with my sleeve while hanging onto my mag-rod. Then I double-checked to make sure I had my lightning and Fire Materia equipped. They were my personal favourites and had been mastered over the years.

Just then, a small beam of light scanned through between the pipes, causing me to freeze in my tracks.

_Fuck!_ I thought to myself.

_That was close._

I couldn't risk being seen, or even heard at that point. One sound, one slight misjudgement in movement, and it would all be over… all for nothing as the machine's low, well oiled mechanics created a threatening rumble when it came closer.

_How heavily armed did Tseng say this thing was again?_

Scattered throughout the endless maze of corridors we were trapped in, there were five of these menacing machines, programmed to kill on sight. Tseng and Jared had already taken out two, and Rude managed to take out another, leaving us with two left. But they were getting smarter, like they were learning, and one of those two just happened to be right below me.

The lighting was dim enough for us to find sanctuary within the shadows, but they seemed to be catching on and started using their own lights as search lights shining them through the corridors and into the corners. Somewhere along the lines, we had all split up and wound up fending for ourselves as a result.

We had shut off our radios, because we discovered that they were tracking us on the frequencies we were using. It was just as well though, because the sound of one of us contacting another would have alerted them to our positions anyway.

As the machine continued to scan the proximity of the area I resided in, and moved closer, I couldn't help but thank my dumb luck that I just happened to stop above a lighting fixture, obscuring my presence even more by making me harder to see.

_C'mon, c'mon…_ I chanted in my head impatiently. _Hurry up an move…_

If I was truly lucky, the damn thing would stop long enough for me to drop down and disable it.

_Fuckin Reeve, _I thought to myself, as I watched the slow and deliberate movement in an agonizing and eager anticipation.

_I'm surprised he did'n arm em with infrared optics… that fucker._

Just as if the machine could hear my thoughts, it stopped dead as it turned slightly and aimed candidly in my direction.

_Spoke to soon!_

Frozen for a moment, as I watched the missile launchers ready themselves on the back of the machine, I realized that I had no choice but to react.

_Ya've gotta be kiddin me!_

"Bolt3," I shouted in an excited anticipation, while simultaneously jumping from the metal pipes to avoid shocking myself in the process. The brute force of my preciously mastered Lightning Materia had sent forth a strong enough shock to temporarily disable the thing, long enough for it to absorb the currents and use them as it's own power source.

_Gotta love that man's creativity, _I thought, almost admiringly of Reeve.

_Fucker…_

Taking advantage of the short-lived recharge mode, I used the walls to kick myself back up to the back of the machine, so I could attempt to shut it down. All the time, praying that it didn't use my own charge against me. Knowing Reeve, something like that wouldn't have surprised me in the least.

Apparently, anticipating our knowledge of how his machines were powered, he had added extra precautions to make our task that much more difficult. The machine's panels had been layered, soldiered shut, and censor-armed. "In all of blazing Hades," I hissed, when I saw how mucked up he had the thing sealed.

Clicking the button on the rod to release the blade, I brought it down through some of the exposed circuitry within the joints, to attempt to sever some of its functions. Once I got the blade in, I got the bright idea to try and pry some of the metal off, so I could use the fire Materia to melt its circuitry.

_Hopefully Reeve didn't anticipate that!_

"Fire2," I said, as I grimaced from the intense heat growing under the metal frame of the beast. The burning smell of circuitry, and the heat rising to sting my cheeks and hands as I hung on, to send as much below the frame as I could, was nearly too much for me to bear. It was nauseating me to a point that was beyond tolerable.

The machines violent shaking, and small pops and crackles coming from inside was the sign I was finally looking for. It was the sign I needed, to let me know what I had done was successful.

Then, with one swift kick, I sent myself flying backwards to land on my feet. I was about to pull myself up to the pipes again to avoid the last remaining machine when all the lights came on, and Tseng's voice called out congratulations to us all for a job well done.

"That was an impressive simulation," came Tseng's calm voice, as he walked around the corner with Rude and Jared following suit, "With the exception of Reno, the teamwork was formidable."

"The fuckin thing locked onto me," I replied, "I had to run."

"Yes, well… Reeve certainly did give us a run for the money this time."

"No shit. He's gonna be pissed when he sees what we did to his machines," I commented, grabbing onto the upper part of my arm and rubbing at it.

"That's what he built them for, Reno," he said, taking a quick look over to me, and then he added, "You should get that arm looked at. That gash looks deep."

"I'll be fine," I said, pulling out a cigarette and lighting the wrong end of it. Then cursing under my breath, I tossed it to the floor and pulled out another one and lit it, "Ya guys got the other one, I take it?"

"Yes. No thanks to you."

After that, he turned and motioned with his hand for the rest of us to follow; while I stood there taking a drag from my cigarette and watching Jared trail behind him like a lost puppy. "Ass kisser," I mumbled after clearing my throat, then pulling up the handkerchief I kept in my pocket to wipe away some of the blood that came up.

Then, Rude's hand on my shoulder startled me, as I quickly pushed the cloth back into my pocket so he wouldn't see it. I'd completely forgotten he was standing behind me, "You coming to the Heaven tonight?"

"Nah, gonna stay with Rufus," I said lightly, unable to hide my concern.

"It'll take time, Reno," he commented, nudging me to get me moving, "Maybe some time away from each other is what you need."

"Nah, man… I fucked up, Rude," I said, while taking another drag and walking along with him toward the coffee room of the training area, "He's still fuckin pissed at me… I can't screw it up any more than I already have."

* * *

When we got to the coffee room, Tseng and Jared were sitting at the other end of the room discussing what went wrong and what went right during the simulation.

"Look at that fuckin suck-up," I mumbled, while nudging Rude in the side, "Ya think he could crawl any further up Tseng's ass?"

"He'll get stuck eventually," he said, causing us both to chuckle quietly to ourselves on the way to the coffee machine.

"No shit, Tseng's a tight-ass, Man," I jibed, leaning into him as we both started snickering louder, rewarding us a disapproved, icy glare from Tseng. It was all in good fun though.

"You going to the wedding?"

"Would'n miss it fer the world," I answered, waiting for him to hurry up and get out of my way so I could get my own coffee, "She's gonna look so cute with that little belly of hers in a weddin dress."

"When's she due?"

"Coupl'a months to go."

Tseng and Elena had decided that they would finally tie the knot before the baby was born. The weird part was that it was Tseng and not Elena that suddenly felt the urgent need to do so. She was the one that was hesitant about the whole thing, and they even got into a fight over it. Elena was the type of woman who didn't like the right things being done for the wrong reasons, and she was under the impression that the only reason he wanted to get married at all was because of the pregnancy.

I have to admit that I was kind of happy to see them finally fight with each other though. I can't say why, but I enjoyed every second of it. Maybe it had something to do with watching Tseng squirm for the very first time since I'd known him. It wasn't physical or anything like that. Tseng didn't have a temper. He was the most emotionally controlled man I had ever come across until Elena booted him out of the apartment three weeks ago, and he wound up in the spare room of Rufus' apartment.

Despite the fact that I was trapped under the same roof with a depressed Tseng and an angry and hurt Rufus for four days, it was mildly amusing to observe Tseng in the most bizarre state I'd ever seen him in. Not to mention that having him there took the edge off of Rufus' contempt towards me, which was still a couple days fresh and like taking a tour through the Northern Cave with no means of defence. He wasn't being violent or anything like that. He was just being extremely cold and bitter, and cruelly versed towards me.

* * *

Well, having a lot of paperwork to catch up on after work, I figured I'd stay to finish it all. It wouldn't have been the first time, and definitely wouldn't be the last. We were always bombarded with reports and such, and figuring it was the weekend, I decided to go and restock the liquor cabinet before going home. It was a simple enough routine of mine, nothing out of the ordinary, and Rude hung around patiently waiting for me, since it was something we generally did together.

Rude was always good about the wait too, he'd simply sit there and read a book while patiently waiting for me to finish up. The big man was actually quite the reader, believe it or not, and between Rude and Rufus, they must have read every piece of literature ever written.

"Hey man, did'n ya read that book already?"

"Mm," he mumbled, without lifting his head from the page.

"Good answer," I sarcastically muttered back, and threw my pencil at him to see if I could irk him at all.

"Don't you have paperwork to do?" he asked, while flipping to the next page.

"Doin it," I said, and pulled out another pencil so I could continue, "I can't believe Tseng wants me ta go over this shit. I'm not the one who should be double-checkin it, Man. Ya'd think with everythin goin on, that he could care less about…"

"You'd be doing it a lot faster if you'd shut up," he said, cutting me off.

"Yeah, yeah…" I replied, waving my hand at him and resting my head on my other hand. All the words and numbers were becoming blurry to me since I'd been staring at them for so long, "Fuck it… Let's go."

"Are you done?"

"No."

"We're not going until you're done," he told me, and reached over to grab his cup and took a drink.

"Who the fuck made ya my boss?"

"I'm your partner," he said, finally lifting his head from his book, "What you don't do, makes me look bad." After licking his lips, he put his cup back and added, "Now shut the fuck up and get your work done, so I can read in peace."

"Read in peace," I muttered, while going over the logbooks, "There ain't nothin wrong with these records. Why the fuck do I have to go over them? This is bullshit." Then I leaned forward, over my desk, and shook my pencil at him, "I Betcha the problem is that Tech Records dunno what the fuck they're doin."

The frustration in Rude was building to a level that always made me smile. His jaw was tightening and his breaths were becoming deeper. Closing his book, because he was at a point to where he could no longer concentrate on it anymore, he turned his attention back to me. "Are you the one who did those in the first place?"

"Yeah."

"Well, what the hell am I sitting here waiting for you to go over them for?"

"That's exactly what I'm askin… I don't make fuckin mistakes," I said, tapping my temple with the pencil, "An I can't find any either. Tseng's fuckin lost it."

"Well," he said, motioning me to follow as he walked to the door, "Let's go then."

"I really think he's makin me do this cuz he's pissed about me givin Jared a hard time."

"What did you do this time?"

"I had his instructor intensify his pilot training."

"Some people just don't have it in them, Reno," he said, with a light chuckle and shaking his head at me.

"Yeah, well… I never had any trouble learnin shit."

"Yeah, well… you're not exactly normal either," he said, scuffing up my hair when I got close to him, before we decided to call it a night.

* * *

Once we were in the liquor store, it took me no time at all to find what I was looking for, since I'd come to know the place as well as the back of my hand. Bee-lining straight for the shelves that held the cures to my ails, I began making my well-planned selections.

_Two bottles of Scotch… Bourbon… Oh yeah, Vodka for Rufus… Beer… hmmm, what's this? _My eyes settled on something I'd never seen in these parts before, and it caught my naturally curious attention. _That's interesting… thought this was illegal in these parts,_ I mused. _One-thirty proof though…_ my mouth was already beginning to salivate at the thought. _Hmmm…Ooh well, who cares? I'll take two… WHOA! Two hundred Gil? _

Smiling slyly, I grabbed three instead.

"C'mon, Man… Hurry up," I urged, nudging Rude as I walked by him, causing him to shake his head in irritation.

He was standing over by the wine imports, looking for the perfect bottle to celebrate his and Tifa's monthly anniversary. Damn, she was a lucky woman, and fine too, and I know I keep saying that, but it's so true. If only she knew how much time he spent doting over her in her absence. I couldn't help but wonder if she did know though. It would be hard to not know how much he cared about her. But then again, I'd known him long enough to know how to read the big guy.

"That'll be 1,634.86," said the cashier, eyeing me up oddly.

Nodding, I slapped the Gil on the counter, while being given the most suspicious of looks. You'd think the guy would have gotten used to my bizarre expenditures in his store by now, since I'd been going there every week ever since we wound up back in town. Oh well… some people, eh?

"Hey, Rude!" I shouted over my shoulder to him. He was kneeling down on his soles with two bottles in his hand, reading them.

_Oh man, he's gonna be a while._

"Ya gonna be while?"

"Hm?" he mumbled, and then he responded with one of his best possible attempts to let me know absolutely nothing, "Mm."

_Guess that's a yes?_

Shaking my head and rolling my eyes at him, I stuffed a cigarette in my mouth and chuckled while clinging to it with my teeth. I was decent enough not to light it though, since there was no smoking in the store, "I'm gonna wait outside, Man."

"Mm."

"Take yer time," I said, rolling my eyes again and walking to the door.

* * *

I was about to open the door and wasn't really paying attention to my surroundings, which wasn't unusual for me at all, really. I wasn't on a job. Therefore, I didn't need to pay attention. So, basically, I was taken aback with some scuff marks on my shoe, that for some reason became really irritating all of the sudden, and I couldn't take my eyes off of them. _How the fuck did that happen?_

_Fer fuck's sake!_

_Those'r fuckin deep! _

Reaching out with my free hand to open the door and staring at my shoes, I was shocked back to the 'here-and-now' when it swung open and hit me in the head.

"Fuckin prick!" I retorted. "Doncha watch where yer fuckin goin?" I chastised, as I looked up.

_Shit!_

Taking one look at the person before me, I must have washed out to a pristinely bleached out parchment. Gulping hard, I went to step back and lost my footing, as my cigarette fell out of my mouth and into the bag in my arms. _Shit, shit, shit…_

With one swift movement, the front of my shirt was grasped, and I was being pulled back to a steady balance before falling into the standing display behind me. Suddenly, I stood there, face to face, and eyes locked with the last person I was prepared to ever see again. Time must have frozen, and my knees weakened. All I could do was stand there and stare into the depth of that, which stared back, with the same kind of mixture of confused sentiments. While I freaked out silently in my head, events washed over me, and I was lost in them with a desire to run like the wind.

_"Nnnn… cum inside me…"_

"Sorry," was all he said, in regards to nearly knocking me over and hitting me in the head with the door.

All I did was bite on my bottom lip and swallow hard as a response, unable to do or say anything else while staring at him, wide-eyed and numb-feeling. _Why isn't he letting go? Why the fuck aren't I making him let go?_

Then a strong hand on my shoulder snapped me out of it, and I suddenly realized that I hadn't been breathing the whole time. I don't even think my heart was pounding.

"Cloud," Rude nodded, in acknowledgement with his hand on my shoulder.

"Rude," Cloud acknowledged back, still gripping my shirt and gazing into my eyes.

"Uh…" Rude said softly, as he slowly wrapped his hand around Cloud's wrist to ease his hand away from my shirt, while holding me up at the same time, "I think he's okay now."

"Hm?" the blonde asked, before his eyes suddenly woke up and darted over to Rude, "Oh…" he embarrassingly said, a little shocked that he was still hanging onto me and let go quickly. Then he mumbled, "Sorry," and walked away from us both, a little on the quick side, like he couldn't get away fast enough.

"That guy needs to be on medication," Rude commented, as I turned my head away from him so he wouldn't see the heat rising to my face. He wouldn't have noticed anyway though, because his attention was on Cloud in utter confusion.

"Yeah," was all I could muster, while shakily digging my cigarette out of the bag and sticking it back in my mouth. "I need a cigarette," I mumbled, and darted out the door so I could finally breathe.

_Fuck, do I ever need one._

Rude followed slowly out, still glancing back at Cloud periodically, while I fumbled nervously in the bag for something to drink. Pulling out one of the bottles and not caring which one it was, I quickly opened it while simultaneously placing the bag on the ground, so I could start sucking the whole thing back before I got a chance to stand again.

_Oh, good Gaia… Get me the fuck out of this place!_

"Damn, Reno…" Rude chastised, as he looked at me with knitted brows, "I take it I'm driving?"

"Yeah…" I gasped, dazed and pulling the bottle away only long enough to sputter, "Sure…" I was frozen in the middle of the sidewalk, sucking back on the bottle like my life depended on it, and probably coming across as a little more suspicious than usual.

Rude only shrugged though, and stuck the key in the door of the car. Then he stopped like someone hit him hard. Expressionless, and lost in thought for a moment, he stared straight ahead at nothing in particular. Then his attention turned back on the store behind me, where it lingered for a moment or two, and then over to me, puffing on the cigarette like I was about to die if I didn't suck the whole thing back in one drag.

_Oh, fuck…_ I thought, while bringing the bottle back to my mouth, in hopes that I could somehow wash it all away. _Oh, fuck…_

"Oh, shit… NO!" Rude spewed out, unable to hold it back. "You'd better tell me _'NO'_!" he demanded, pointing his finger at me, and glancing back at the store.

_Aaaarrrrrggghhhhh!_

Unable to control myself, I panicked and spewed the alcohol out from my mouth with such a force that It came out of my nose too. The burning in the sinuses rushed up like an explosion through my eyeballs and upper cheeks, causing me to double over and drop the bottle. Luckily, I had already placed the bag on the ground, so it was perfectly safe. But the bottle… _No! Gaia!_

While dancing around under the artificial lighting on the street from the excruciating pain and freshly awakened humiliation, Rude started to come toward me, which only made me panic more.

"You had _better_ tell me that _THAT_ is _NOT_ the reason I pulled a gun on _RUFUS!_" he commanded, coming up to me and pointing his finger at the store.

_Oh, Gaia…_

"It was a _MISTAKE_!" I bellowed, in my own defence, stomping my feet on the ground like a child throwing a tantrum. Unfortunately, I couldn't seem to come up with any better reason than that.

"You're damn _right _that was a mistake!" he yelled at me, "Damn it, Reno!"

"Aaaaggghhhh!" I screamed, as I tossed my cigarette at the wall, disappointed that I didn't have something harder in my hand to shatter against it.

Then I was grabbed with both of Rude's hands, by the front of my shirt to hold me up, while he snaked his hand into my pocket to pull out one of my cigarettes. "Of all the _fucking_ PEOPLE!" he shouted at me, while shaking me abruptly with his one fist still wrapped into my shirt. "Where's your fucking lighter?" he inquired angrily, scowling at me through his shades.

"You…" I stammered in astonishment, "You quit!"

"Well, I'm starting again!" he answered, in a way that demanded no challenge, as he let go and pushed me back, "Give me your damn lighter!"

"No!"

Leaping forward, I tried to climb up him to yank my cigarette out of his mouth. I couldn't be held responsible for breaking his self-control of over six years. Breaking Rufus' self-control was already enough for me.

"Fuck…" he stammered, trying to push me off of him, since I practically jumped on him, "Get… off… Get… the…"

"Give it to me!" I yelled, cutting him off and grasping frantically at my cigarette.

"Damn it, Reno!" he said, trying to push my wily force away from him, with half-successful attempts, "Give me the damn lighter!" Then he decided to take advantage of my closeness to practically frisk me up so he could find it on his own.

"Aaaaggghhhh!" I screamed, again when he found it, "Give it back!"

"N… Get… off…!... No!" he yelled back, and tried to elbow me away, "Get the fuck away from me!"

Jumping on him again as he tried to fend me off while striking the wheel unsuccessfully, Cloud walked back out of the store and stopped dead. As his eyes locked on us with a slight sense of shock and confusion, we both stopped dead as well. Neither Rude nor I had really noticed the audience we had attracted up until that moment. Luckily for all of us though, no one really knew what the hell it was all about.

Then Cloud's eyes darted from Rude, who had now managed to light the cigarette and take an enormously large drag from it, before mumbling, "Oh yeah… that's good;" then to me, who had alcohol all over the front of my shirt, with my arms around Rude from behind, grasping at his jacket and my foot stuck in his pant pocket… Ugh… Don't ask. From there, his eyes moved to the broken bottle on the ground and then at the crowd around us.

He stiffened slightly, before commenting, "I… didn't know you smoked," as his attention turned back to Rude, who commented back with nothing less than animosity in his voice.

"I don't."

Then there was me, who was smiling nervously at him, when his eyes turned uncomfortably back to me. I lifted my hand in an acknowledging gesture, like you would with any person you were about to greet, and managed to squeak out a meek and embarrassed, "Hey," accompanied by a nod.

Nodding back apprehensively, with a slight blush rising to his cheeks, he took another quick look around and then turned and got onto his bike. I think he may have known what was going on, because he wasted no time at all before hitting the acceleration and disappearing into the night like he was never there in the first place.

* * *

"I hope he doesn't tell Tifa," Rude muttered, taking another long drag, and leaning back to the wall after I climbed off of him. In a defeated sense, he succumbed to the sweet and sickening swoon of nicotine swimming in his head.

"I don't think he will," I muttered back, leaning against the wall beside him and pulling another one out for myself, "Gimme back my lighter, Man."

Withdrawn, he smacked the lighter back into my hand that was held out in anticipation. "I had no idea he was…" he started, before deciding not to finish the sentence that he was mumbling more or less to himself. Instead, he just leaned there shaking his head in utter disbelief.

"Alright, alright!" I said loudly, moving myself away from the wall after I lit my cigarette, "Shows over folks." Waving both my hands in the air in a 'get lost' motion, with my cigarette in my mouth, I added, "Move along now."

"I honestly never saw that coming," he said quietly, still in a weird sense of shock and staring at the ground while continuing to smoke the cigarette.

"Neither did I," I replied, scratching at the back of my neck to emphasize my feeling of discomfort, "It jus… Sorta happened."

"No wonder Rufus went ballistic."

Biting on my bottom lip, I nervously stepped forward. I suddenly had a lot of energy that needed to be expelled which was causing me to fidget with the zipper on my jacket, "Look… I…"

Holding up his hand to stop me from talking, he shook his head again and glared at me through his crooked shades. _"Don't!"_ he spat, "I _don't _want to hear about it."

At that, he pushed himself from the wall and straightened out his shades, before taking another long drag and tossing the cigarette to the ground. Then he grabbed me by the arm and pushed me towards the car.

"Get in the fucking car," he demanded, as he unlocked the passenger door.

* * *

Unlike our usual silences, the one we shared on the way back home was anything but comfortable. Every now and then, he'd shake his head and mutter something along the lines of, "I don't fucking believe this," or, "What the hell were you thinking?" Of course, he wasn't really requesting an answer, he was just basically wondering out loud, so I kept my mouth shut.

When we got out of the car, he slammed the door, hard, after he grabbed both our bags and slammed mine into my arms.

Seeing my expression, he managed to collect himself, and held his hand up towards me. "Just... give me time, Reno," he said, calmly, "It's a bit much to swallow."

Then he turned his attention away from me and walked toward the door, so he could slip his keycard through. Then we both walked to the elevator silently.

As soon as the doors closed after we stepped in, he shook his head again and stared at me, still shaking his head.

"Cloud?" he stated, out of the blue, still somewhat shocked and disbelieving, "Damn it, Reno. You really know how to put yourself in a situation."

Just then, the doors opened to let us off on our floor. "It's not like I fuckin planned it!" I retorted, excitedly, in defence.

"I never knew that he was…"

_"Don't!"_ Holding up his hand to stop me from finishing my sentence, and halting us both in the hallway, he turned so that we were both facing each other. "Gaia," he said, as a thought just hit him, "Does Tifa know?"

"Shit!" I stammered, and took a step back, "You don't think he…?"

"Hm? No. They don't really talk to each other," he said, turning his head slightly; then back at me, "I was just wondering if she knew that he was…"

"Well, fuck… They'd known each other all of their lives," I replied, "She must'a known."

"Hm."

"Would'a been nice if she'd given us the heads up," I commented, staring into space for a second.

"You seemed to do just fine finding out on your own."

"Funny…" I spat, and started walking again, "Really fuckin funny."

Snickering lightly at his successful dig, he slipped his keycard into the door and opened it. "Come inside for a bit," he said, gesturing at me to follow, "You need to calm down before going back to Rufus… I don't want you two getting into another fight."

Hesitantly, I debated over his invitation and then reluctantly followed. He was probably right. I needed to clear my head a bit before going in to face a pissed off Rufus with another guilty look on my face, and I doubted Rufus would mind. There were plenty of Fridays in the past that I spent in the company of Rude after work, and Rufus spent most of his Friday evenings at the firing range anyhow.

* * *

"Have a seat," Rude said, motioning toward the sofa, while he went into the kitchen to put his wine away.

Shortly after some tidying up, he came out with two beers and placed one in my hand. "Thanks," I said, and cracked it open while he sat down in his chair. Then he placed his beer on his end table, and worked his finger in his tie to loosen it and pull it off.

"You're welcome," he replied.

We sat there for a while, sipping our beers quietly, before I finally decided to kick off my shoes and place my foot on his marble coffee table. After that, I sat back and popped the top button on my pants to loosen up a little. Rude was used me acting like I was at home in his place, and he never commented or complained about it. As a matter of fact, I'd bet top Gil that most people felt at home in his place.

A person couldn't help but feel comfortable in his home. He kept the place neat, but not overly so. He had it furnished in a way that simply made the place feel cozy and homey. He was into Jazzy and primal, yet tasteful art, which he had on his walls and in his display cases. Everything was complimented with rich and not overly masculine décor, but it was kept so you definitely knew a man lived there. Rare swords and weapons aligned one wall, while books and Jazz aligned another. He was a collector, and he kept everything in top condition yet not overly pristine. He liked his collections to look as if they'd actually been used.

His place felt warm with a relaxing ambience. Deep mahoganies complimented rich burgundies and black marble, along with plush furnishings that adorned several throw pillows. The lighting was always that which reminded me of candle light, making me wonder if he preferred the low lighting due to the fact that he wore those damn shades all the time and just got used to things being slightly on the dim side.

It was nice though, relaxing. It was relaxing enough for you to forget that you were in someone else's home, allowing a person to simply behave as they would in their own home. Whether he did it on purpose, or it was just something natural was a simple thing to figure out if you knew the guy, not so simple if you didn't.

If you knew him, you'd understand that everything about him was a type of art. If you didn't know him, you'd think that he'd probably pull one of those weapons out of their cases and show you how it worked.

That was Rude though; he was an intimidating man on the outside. That was his art. Look and play the part, make them scared of you because that's your job. Then go home and relax, remove the costume and strip yourself of the act.

"Aren't ya s'posed to be with Tifa tonight?" I asked, while studying a weird little statue on his coffee table that looked new.

"Hm?" he queried, lost in his thoughts. "Mm… No… She took some of the kids to Kalm," he answered. Then he removed his glasses and slipped them in his pocket, "She's coming back tomorrow."

"Ah… Was startin ta feel guilty fer keepin ya away," I said, with a slightly sheepish grin on my face.

"She'd understand if that were the case," he told me, studying the can in his hand. "Reno…"

"Hm?"

Before continuing, he took a deep sigh, like he needed to carefully gauge his thoughts. Then he hesitantly went on, "I know you're not going to like what I have to say." He paused for a moment and looked over at me with a serious expression, "Because you never do." Stopping again, he took a deep breath, and finally said, "But you really do need help."

"Can't tell a stranger my life story, Rude," I answered, and threw my head back on the sofa, while taking a deep breath, "I jus can't."

"Have you ever tried?"

"Yeah."

"When?" he asked, a little sceptical.

"Ya remember when I first started, an I got kind'a serious with that girl from Sector 5?"

"Yeah, whatever happened to her?"

"She said I freaked her out too much… Told me I needed help," I said, and then I moved to lie across his sofa, "So, I went ta see a shrink."

"You never mentioned anything about that."

"We weren't that close then."

"Mm."

"Anyway, I kept clammin up." Then I took another sip of the beer and brushed my hair back, "I jus could'n do it, could'n say anythin… It felt wrong."

"But you can tell me."

"Not really," I said, taking another sip, "I only skim the surface cuz ya already know… Was'n cuz I told ya, Man."

After that, he took a deep breath and then a drink before undoing the top buttons of his shirt and sinking back into his chair. "All right," he said, as if he'd just agreed to something, "How about you tell _me_ then."

"Shit… Ya don't wanna fuckin know," I said, studying the patterns on his ceiling, "Ya've made that pretty clear."

"You need to talk to someone, Reno. You're going to wind up getting yourself killed if you don't get yourself straightened out."

"Heh… Ya think that's what this is all about?"

"I don't know. It just seems that you always manage to find a way to get yourself into trouble. It's like you want someone to…"

"Do the deed…"

"Are you really that unhappy?"

With a thoughtful sigh, I turned over to my side and looked off into space, not really knowing what I wanted, "I would'n know where to start, Man."

"Start somewhere comfortable."

"Ya said ya did'n wanna know."

"I do now," he finally said, nodding like he was trying to reaffirm it for himself.

"Ya sure? I don't want ya goin all funny on me if I tell ya things."

"I'm sure. If you won't seek professional help… Then I'm going to have to deal with what you have to tell me." He rubbed his eyes then, and finished off his drink before nodding again. "Maybe it'll be therapy for us both, since I apparently have some issues that I don't want to deal with either."

Chuckling lightly, I handed him my empty can when he got up to take them into the kitchen and replace them. Then I sat there quietly, waiting until he returned and accepted the new can when he handed it to me.

My thoughts were on Rufus at that point. Knowing he would be down at the firing range until Gaia knows what hour, and I figured spending this extra time with Rude was no big deal. We hadn't done it for a long time actually, not since he started seeing Tifa. It became even less so when I started doing whatever it was that I was doing with Rufus.

"I think he has a lot of inner demons," I suddenly commented out of the blue when Rude sat down.

"I really don't know which one you're talking about," he said, sipping his beer.

Looking over at him, confused for a moment, it dawned on me for the first time. Sitting up to light a cigarette I realized that, "They all did… do…" Stunned, I turned my attention over to him, "Don't they?"

"Well, looks like you solved your biggest mystery with one thought," he said jokingly. Although we both still sat there and thought about it like it wasn't really a joke.

"Familiarity…" I stated, flatly, and took a drag from my cigarette, "I was talkin 'bout Rufus though… He does'n really talk about things."

"Sounds familiar."

"Funny, Man…" I said, smiling slightly at his pun… and his truth. "I know what everyone thinks, ya know… I see the way they look at me and whisper when I walk by."

"Heh… I'm the Boss' bitch, right?" I said, raising my brow, "Its how I made it to second in command, isn't it?" Then I sat there shaking my finger, chastising the coffee table for emphasis, "That's how I got where I am today… I bend over for the Boss whenever he wants me to… Isn't that what they're all thinkin…? Sayin?"

"Reno… I don't really listen to what other people have to say."

"Yeah, but ya know I'm right. Don't ya?" I asked, not really caring about his answer, "Anyway, it ain't like that."

"I never said it was."

"I'm really fuckin scared…"

"Scared?" At that, his voice got a little concerned, and he sat forward, anticipating me to indulge in his worst fears.

Putting my hand up to set his mind at ease, I took another drag to collect my thoughts and snorted. "He makes me feel things I've never felt before… All good," I said, to reassure him it was nothing bad. "He makes me feel things I've never felt around anyone else before. He makes it all feel new. I don't understand it… An it freaks me out."

Flicking my ashes into the tray on his coffee table, I continued, "It's weird, Man… He's like a woman in so many ways… Yet he's all man."

Rude just sat there quietly, sipping his beer and listening, not really being one to interrupt someone else's thoughts.

"Not once, has he ever even asked me ta do something I did'n wanna do. He's made threats ta rile me. But when it gets right down to the act, he completely hands over the controls. It's like he knows me without havin ta know me. It's like…"

For a moment, I had to pause, for two reasons. One was to collect my thoughts, and the other was for Rude to loosen up a little. Not that I wanted to. But I could tell that what I was saying was starting to make him uncomfortable. He was being good about it though, not making any attempt to stop me.

"It's like he was fuckin designed for me…" Then I took another sip of the beer and cocked my brow hopelessly. "It scares the shit outta me, Man. He fuckin owns me an he knows it." I let out a deep breath then, and put my cigarette out while snorting again, "An I can't tear myself away from him…"

"Do you think that's why you slept with...?"

"Cloud?" I finished, while Rude uncomfortably cleared his throat, and then I took another drink of beer. "I dunno… I dunno what yer getting at."

"To try and sever the tie," he stated clearly. "It's no secret that you're into self-sabotage, Reno."

"Fuck Rude… Rufus is a fuckin guy!"

"Exactly, and that's what's freaking you out." At that, he sat forward for effect and rubbed at his eyes, "You can't handle the fact that you've fallen in love with a man, so you're doing everything in your power to try and destroy what you have."

"I'm not fuckin in love with him!"

"Whatever you say, Reno."

"He's a _guy_, Rude!"

"Okay… Let me ask you this then…" he started, before pausing and taking another drink, "How would you feel if you caught him with someone else?"

"I dunno… Maybe I'd be happy for him."

"Really."

That wasn't even a question. He just stared at me point blank and expressionless, while I stared back, trying to prove to him, and myself that I wouldn't care.

"Even if you walked in and…" With another pause, but more for consideration this time, he placed his can on the table and then turned to hold my gaze for more effect, "I want you to visualize this…"

"Visualize what?"

"Visualize Rufus… His mouth locked in the passionate throws of someone else's embrace."

For some strange reason, a weird and sickening feeling came over me, and I wound up wanting to block the visual out of my head, cursing Rude silently for putting it there in the first place. "Fuck off, Rude. That'd never happen," I said, reassured, but not so sure.

"Really? Anything's possible, Reno." Then he grabbed his can back from the table and turned it in his hand while contemplating his next thought. "So, you're going to tell me that it wouldn't bother you if you came home and found him entwined with someone other than yourself, making passionate love in yours and Rufus' bed… Allowing someone else to explore him while he did the same?"

_Uugghh… Gaia…_

I had to shake my head to get the thought out, and ended up telling Rude to, "Shut the fuck up!"

Chuckling softly, he was only encouraged to go on in disgusting details of Rufus in the thralls of desire with another. But the more I reacted, the more descriptive he became, and the more verbally abusive I became to try and make him stop. The thought was driving me crazy, "Or what if you walked in on him blowing some other guy."

"Shut up!"

"Or better yet… I wonder how you'd react if he told you that he'd been seeing someone else the whole time he'd been with you."

_Oh, Gaia… I'd fuckin kill him._

"I'd fucking kill him! Then I'd kill the fucking prick he was fucking, and I'd do it fucking slowly," I growled, in a sudden lack of control, and with my eyes narrowed in anger.

Rude sat still for a moment with his brows raised like he was a little surprised about something, before calmly saying, "That's a lot of 'Fucks' for one sentence, Reno." Then he got up to put his hand on my shoulder to stop me from pacing all over his living room, and added, "Even for you."

After that, he grabbed the empty can from my hand and punched me lightly in the shoulder.

"Are you sure you don't love him?" he asked gently, while he walked back into his kitchen, leaving me there to stare at him for a moment, like he was nuts or something.

"This conversation is stupid," I said, looking at my watch, "I'm goin home."

"Do up your button before you leave."

"Huh?" I asked. Then I remembered that I undid it when I was sitting on his couch, "Oh."

* * *

When I made it back to the apartment, I tossed my keycard into the bowl on the small table by the door and took a look around. I still couldn't call it ours, and for some reason or other, I just stood there and studied the place as if I was seeing it for the first time, coming to realize that I really didn't like being there alone. I really didn't like it when Rufus wasn't home.

_He should be home soon… It's jus after zero hundred hours, _I thought while looking at the slender clock on the wall as if I could hold it at fault.

"Rufus?" I called, in hopes that he'd already come home and was in another room. But there was no answer, and it started to bother me for some reason, "Hm."

Afterwards, I walked into the kitchen and set the bag on the counter, before restocking the cupboards and the fridge with my life's sustenance. Then I grabbed the last of the cold beers that was already in the fridge, and walked into the living room where I sat down and opened the beer.

After cracking the can open, I took a sip, and then placed it on a coaster on the coffee table since water rings drove Rufus into next year. He never said anything about it though. But I could tell by his inability to pull his attention away from them, that it drove him mad. I couldn't help but believe that his compulsive nature came from some kind of inner demon that ate away at him, because he fought so damn hard to try and defeat it. Yet, he always lost.

Well, with that aside, I took a deep breath and walked over to a tall and sleekly designed cabinet in the corner and opened it. The door was solid, so no one could see the selection of weapons that were kept in there, and I ran my finger along the smooth edge of one of the shelves, losing myself in Rufus' collection of exotic knives. They were all so neatly polished that you didn't dare touch them for fear of leaving a finger print.

Not that I wanted to touch them though. I had a strange conflict with knives. Part of me loved what I could do with them. But part of me was terrified of what others could do with them. I would go ballistic whenever someone threatened me with one, more so than any other weapon. But Rufus had a disturbingly sensual fascination with them, and in all honesty, I actually believed that they turned the little freak on.

Anyway, shaking my head at his strange quirks, I undid the strap for my rod and placed it on its shelf. Then I accompanied it with my .50, my .22, and my silencer, and all my other goodies, before shaking my head as I closed the door. After that, I brought my hand to my side to ease another sharp pain from where Cloud had stabbed me when we were in the alley.

_Does it ever get any fuckin better? _I asked myself, as I walked towards the coat hanger and removed my jacket and holsters.

Like a monsoon, nearly every memory of ever being stabbed or knifed flooded my head from out of the blue, accompanied by a cry, as I felt the flare of the Mako in my system kick in, Jenova too, I guessed. Although I never knew about the Jenova part until my memories resurfaced due to that damned file, and for some reason, the flare-ups scared me more than they ever did in the past. Not because there was anything unusual about them though. It was because I knew more about them, and it was starting to disturb me beyond rational reason.

It also disturbed me at that particular moment, because it was Cloud's sword that was bringing them on. He did a little more damage than I cared to let on, and although I figured it would heal just fine, I couldn't bring myself to let anyone know about it. I wasn't sure how out of control the reaction would be, considering he nearly killed me, and I was almost dead.

We both knew it too, and I probably shouldn't have had all that action straight afterward either. But it was too late to dwell on that after it all happened, because it was over and done with, and if Rufus knew how serious it really was, he would have reacted far worse than he did.

* * *

_"You're healing just fine," the doctor told me, after he ran all the tests that he could think of. But it didn't stop him from offering some words of caution while he still had me in that small office of his, "You need to take it easy though. It wouldn't have been so bad if he didn't go in diagonally like that. He grazed your lung and sliced through your liver."_

_"Great."_

_"Luckily for you, he used Cure3 right away. Or you wouldn't be here right now," he said, as a serious reminder to take it easy. "A normal person would have been hospitalized after such an ordeal, regardless of whether Materia was used or not."_

_"Guess I'm lucky I'm a bad experiment then, eh?"_

_"Not really, __Reno__. The Meteor in your system seems to react when your system goes into its 'healing' mode."_

_"That good or bad?"_

_"I'm afraid I don't know at this point_…_ Just take it easy. Get some rest, and take some painkillers_…_ Allow your body's muscles to relax so you can heal properly, and let me know if it gets any worse."_

_"Easier said than done, Doc."_

_Smiling at me compassionately, he patted me on the shoulder to let me know that he'd known me long enough to understand, "You won't be fooling anyone if you wind up in a body bag, __Reno__. Just take it easy, okay?"_

* * *

While sighing at the thought, I unbuttoned my shirt and walked into the bedroom to toss it into the hamper, before walking into the bathroom to splash some cold water on my face and take the pills the doctor gave to me. My eyes were glowing like a fresh Mako stream when I looked in the mirror, and they were almost the same colour of the stream itself, looking back at me.

_Damn… If Rufus sees me like this, he's gonna flip out._

Knowing there wasn't much I could do about it though, I leaned over the sink and spat out some blood with a silent curse, while watching it run down the drain from the running water. Then I walked into the room to remove my pants before changing into a pair of light sweats. After that, I could feel a bit of a Mako fever coming on, and I went back into the living room, grabbed my beer, and went out onto the balcony to bask in the cool night air.

_I'm gonna kill that fuckin Kurn,_ I reminded myself, while digging out a cigarette and thinking of what the doctor said, hoping he was right about me just needing to relax.

_After Rufus is fixed… Kurn's a dead man_… _Damned, if this list doesn't keep growing, _I thought as I lit my cigarette and took a heavy drag.

After that, gentle arms wrapped themselves around me from behind, and I nearly jumped out of my skin. "Fuck!" I yelled, as my cigarette flew out of my hand and set sail into the wind, which complimented the beer shower I gave to myself quite nicely. I didn't even hear him come in.

"Jumpy?" he asked, resting his chin on my shoulder and wrapping his arms more securely around my waist.

"Ya scared the shit outta me," I mumbled. Then I rested my head back on his shoulder and closed my eyes, before flirtatiously adding, "But in a good way."

"Oh?" he asked, and brushed his lips along my neck. "Would it have been better if it were someone else?"

_Fuck Rufus…_ I silently whined in my head. _Don't start…_

Stiffening slightly, and then relaxing in defeat, I grabbed another cigarette, to replace the one I lost. But before I had the chance to light it, he pulled it gently out of my mouth and whispered, "Sorry," while turning me around.

Keeping my eyes closed, I rested my forehead against his and brushed his nose with mine.

_No you're not._

"I can't keep apologizin Rufus," I muttered, and wrapped my fingers around his. We hadn't actually had any intimacy since the initial make up, and it felt like torture to have him so close to me all of a sudden like that. I'd spent the last three weeks begging for his attention and then gave up when I repetitively got the cold shoulder, thinking things were never going to be the same again. I'd even offered to sleep in the other room to give him some space. But he wouldn't have it, adding to the confusion even more.

"I know," he replied, before brushing my mouth with his lips and whispering, "I miss you," with a bit of a choke to his words. Then he pulled his hands free and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into a deep kiss, while his fingers ran through my hair with one hand, and the other slid down to rest on my backside, pulling my groin into him with a slight pressure.

_Yer fuckin killin me, Kid._

Letting him be the guide, for fear of moving too fast on my part, I let him draw all the plans. "You're really warm," he muttered, while running his hand along my back, under my shirt.

Then he pulled back abruptly, and I made the mistake of opening my eyes when he did so. From inviting to calculating, he went like a downpour, sending a cold chill through me. There was no better form of torture than Rufus' natural ability to coin his emotions like that, as he stood there, suddenly glaring at me, before he lifted my shirt with an abrupt jerk and observed the slight glow through the scar along my side.

Then his eyes narrowed and his teeth clenched as he spoke through them, "You told me you were fine."

"I am fuckin fine!" I yelled, into his face and pushed him back without any warning for either of us.

_Why the hell did I react like that?_

Stunning both of us with my reaction, he just stood there with his brow knitted, while I pulled my shirt down like I was suddenly undignified, and stuffed another cigarette into my mouth. "Sorry," I muttered, avoiding his eyes after I lit it and made a weak attempt at an explanation, "I dunno where that came from."

The accusation never left Rufus' eyes though, as I walked passed him and went straight into the kitchen to pour myself some bourbon. Following closely behind, he didn't say a word until he grabbed the vodka from the cupboard and started pouring himself a glass. "Tseng told me you pried the metal off of Reeve's machine like it was a tin can," he said calmly.

"Ya all know my system's unstable," I answered, staring at my bourbon on the counter, "It ain't so strange for that to happen."

"Yes. Well… It's been happening a lot lately," he paused for a short moment then, after his glass was full, and then as a sudden thought hit him, he smashed it at the wall, making me jump from the lack of expectation, "In fact, it's been happening constantly since your night out with…"

I don't know what really happened next, because one moment I was standing in front of my bourbon, and he was about to mention Cloud's name. Then the next moment, I had him pressed against the fridge with a knife to his throat, his arms tied behind his back by his cut up vest, and my other hand over his mouth to silence him, like I'd snapped or something, and I had no idea where the knife came from either.

"Shhhh-sh-sh-sh-shhhhhhhh…" I soothed, while gently dragging the tip of the blade down the side of his face. I knew what I was doing, but I didn't seem to have a whole lot of control over it. Nor did I have any control over myself dragging the blade down to the front of his shirt and snapping the buttons off, one by one, slowly.

"You're on a fucking Mako high, you deranged sociopath!" he accusingly barked, when I removed my hand, and then he tried to struggle away. But I forcefully held him in place, not willing to let him go.

My temporary state, had matched our abilities, making me somewhat stronger than him at that moment due to my naturally stronger physique, and my sudden advantage was putting Rufus at a disadvantage that he wasn't particularly used to.

"Ya want me ta stop?" I purred, in a low and raunchy rumble that was not my own voice.

Then, having snapped off all of his buttons, I pushed his shirt aside and ran the blade along his chest, watching him shudder before letting out a low, guttural, moan, as his eyelids fluttered, and his cheeks flushed.

But he didn't answer me.

Instead, his breath quickened when I brought the blade down to slice off his belt, and then the button on his pants. When he bit down on his bottom lip and closed his eyes, I brought the knife back up to glide along his jugular. Then I leaned up against him, pressing myself between his legs and allowed him to respond in juncture.

While pressing my cheek to his, I whispered gruffly into his ear, "Ya like this?" and moved my hand down to find a positive answer to my question.

"You're a demented lunatic," he breathed, into my ear, while brushing his lips along it and thrusting into my hand.

"Ah… But ya like it…" I purred, and started running my tongue and lips along his neck, sucking and kissing him, gently and roughly at the same time.

Then he let out a small cry when I bit down on the tender part of his flesh, and he thrust harder into my hand, sending me an unconscious signal that I hadn't gone too far. Even when he breathed out, "Gaia…. Reno… You're not in the right… state of mind… Parasite… You need to… Stop..."

Nope, I couldn't say he was really convincing me that he really wanted me to stop.

"I don't think ya want me ta stop, Rufus," I whispered back, while listening to his breath become heavier. "In fact…" I added, "I think ya want me ta go further."

"Fuck…" he muttered, when I dragged the cold blade along the tender part between the pelvic area and the hip. "Put that fucking thing away," he demanded, airily, and without any real desire in his voice for me to do so.

"No," I replied, before I knelt down in front of him, "Ya ain't in a position ta give me any orders."

He hissed then, when I dragged it lightly across his tender sides, and ran my tongue along the length of him, tasting and exploring him. I doubted he would have clearly remembered the last time I did that for him, since he wasn't really all there. Therefore, the clear-headedness he had at that time, made it a little more exciting for both of us.

Listening to his moans and his utter lack of inner dialogue only encouraged me to continue and go further. Despite his constant protests, his body language and everything else spewing from his uncontrolled parlance only affirmed that taking him entirely into my mouth was exactly what he wanted.

"Ahhhhhh…Ga….i….a…. s… s-s-stop."

_No._

I honestly didn't really think he wanted me to stop. Not when I could hear the muffled, "Oh yeah… yeah… fuck… Gaia… Reno…"

I can't really say that I was really convinced.

He was under the assumption that this was something I hated to do, and that I was only doing it because of the awakened Mako in my system. Truth was that I always thought that I wouldn't like it, but listening to the sounds he was making, made me truly love every second of it. There was no way in Hades domain that I was going to stop. The experience was purely virginal for me, and I wanted to taste every drop that he spilled and explore every inch and memorize it.

I wanted to make it something that he would remember and desire for the rest of his natural born life…

Ownership, if I may, is a powerful deed to possess.

After everything that Rude said to me about the possibility of Rufus being with someone else, I had to make sure that the thought, the desire, and the mere possibility was wiped out of existence for the remainder of eternity.

Maybe it was unfair of me after what I did with Cloud. But I'd be damned if Rufus didn't belong to me, mind, body, and soul, and I had to get him back. I had to do it the only way that I knew how. I'd persuade him and beg him every night like this if I had to, until the day I died.

When I slipped my fingers into him to nail home on that sweet spot, he started begging me to untie him. I didn't comply though. Instead, a smile played over me, as I ran my tongue over the tip of his mandrel, encouraging the precious Cowper's fluid from him, and remembered the first time he went on his knees for me at Healin.

_What was it that he said to me? _

_No? _

_You'll stop me? _

_Hmmm…_

"No," I mumbled, and then I wrapped the heat of my mouth around him again, delighting in the spasms that I aroused from him.

He sucked in a strange inverted hiss then, before blurting out more reason's to plead his case, "Ahhh… Fuck… Reno…" he gasped, in between heavy breaths, "Lemme touch you."

_Lemme?_

_Good one Rufus… Let's see how much more of your dialogue we can destroy…_

_Gaia, I adored that strange little man._

"Fffff… Ah… I'm gonna cum…" he hissed, as a warning to me before sucking in more air.

_So?_

I opened my eyes then, to watch him grimace with gritted teeth as the eruption began to boil in his abdomen, while a sweet, hot feeling that flooded outward from within, convincing your mind that you could reach out and touch the stars. A feeling I was more than familiar with, but willing to sacrifice for this one perfect moment of giving it all to Rufus. Pumping him deeper with my fingers and massaging his scrotum and the base of his erection with my other hand to aid him in the best possible way, he exploded into my mouth with a purely sinless force.

"AAAAAGGGGHHHH…! F-FUCK…! RENO!"

Damn. I loved it when he screamed like that.

Successfully warding my initial gag reflex, I closed my eyes again and continued to suckle at the fountain of his orgasm for every last drop that it was worth. His perfect pleas to stop and untie him had almost turned into sobbing cries, reaffirming that all my efforts were not in vain.

_I own him now._

_Every last barrier of self-control that he ever had was now won over by me._

_My beautiful Rufus… Mind, body, and soul…_

Holding him firmly by the hips, so he wouldn't fall over as I stood slowly from where I knelt, I embraced his mouth with mine so I could share his taste with him, plunging deep into his mouth, while he returned with the same fervour, reassuring me that he belonged to no one but me.

"Gaia… Wha… Thafuk… Wassat …?" he breathed out, barely comprehensible, when I released his mouth and grinned at him.

"That good, huh?" I replied, reaching behind him to struggle with the damned knots I tied in his vest.

_Fucking Mako…_

_How the hell did I expect to untie this?_

"Mmmm… Yur feversss'gon." he noted, with his eyes shut. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that he was about to fall asleep.

"Fevers do that, Rufus," I responded. Then I placed my hands below his arms to keep a good hold on him. "C'mon," I said, and guided him carefully to sit on the floor, so I could grab the knife without fear of him toppling over.

"Ya know," I said, while taking the knife to the vest so I could cut it away to free his arms, "Yer the only person I've ever done that for."

"Yurosspital file… s-ssed…"

"I meant willingly, Rufus," I suddenly grumbled, cutting him off and trying to keep the edge out of my voice. I wasn't lying to him, and I wanted him to know. For some reason, I needed him to know that he was the only one I'd ever accepted that way.

"C'mere," he mumbled. Then he grabbed me once his arms were free and pulled me down to sit between his legs with my back against his chest, "Ya did'n hafffto."

"I wanted to."

"Mmmm."

Not really wanting to move after sitting there for Gaia knows how long in Rufus' arms, the thought of sleeping under the cold fluorescent lighting of the kitchen, and on the, hard, tiled floor just didn't seem that appealing to me.

"C'mon gorgeous," I said, while pushing myself off the floor and stretching, "Let's get ya inta bed."

"Mm," Was the only response I got from him since his energy was too spent to even consider moving.

"C'mon," I said again, bending down to pull his arm around my shoulder so I could support him back to the room, "Ya can't sleep out here."

After sitting him on the bed and helping him into his pyjamas, I asked him if he'd taken his medication that day and got a negative response from him. "Damn it, Rufus," I grumbled, and went into the bathroom to grab his pills and a glass of water for him.

Then I sat him back up and waited for him to take them, before taking the glass from him when he was done and laying him back down properly. After that, I brought the blankets up to tuck him in and brushed his hair back.

"Where ya gon?" he asked sleepily, causing me to smile and tell him, "Nowhere…Jus makin sure yer taken care of is all."

"Mm… Luv you," he mindlessly muttered, before turning over and falling asleep while my hand remained in the air where his head was, as if it was suddenly frozen.

The words hit me like a brick and stunned me where I stood. It was something I never expected to hear anyone ever say, least of all him. In fact, it was something I never really wanted to hear someone say either, as strange as that may seem.

It deadlocked me… Terrified me beyond reason.

The only way I could deal with it was to tell myself that it was something he said because he was still caught up in that after-effect of euphoria, making it easy enough for me to deal with. As a matter of fact, that was the most-likely reason he would have said it anyway, because Rufus Shinra didn't say things like that.

Hoping to high hell that I would never hear him say it again, I simply replied, "I know ya do, Rufus," and then I climbed into the other side of the bed with one of the strangest and most unfamiliar sensations I'd ever had.

* * *

Revised: January 14, 2009


	24. Under the Surface

**Under the Surface**

* * *

_"How's the kid?" I asked Tseng, as we were scouting the tunnels, looking for a breach._

_"He's not a kid anymore, __Reno__," he coolly answered, "He's sixteen now, and he's our Boss."_

_"Yeah. Whatever, he's still a kid, Man," I said, with my hands in my pockets while we were studying the surroundings._

_"You need to show a little more respect, __Reno__," the slender man reminded me, before he stopped walking and stared down at some debris on the ground._

_"Respect…" I muttered, "I saw 'im in the infirmary… He did'n look too good, ya know… His record said he was almost dead." Then I stared at the same rubble, wondering what he was looking at, while muttering, "Someone needs ta come down 'ere an clean this place up."_

_"Are you volunteering?"_

_"Heh… Dream on, Man," I said, before pulling the cigarette out of my mouth and pointing at him with it between my fingers, "Ya know… I checked the video fer the trainin room."_

_For some reason, the slender Wutian stiffened and pursed his lips like he was bothered by what I said. Then he took in a deep breath before turning his attention coldly over to me, "And how exactly, did you manage to get into the system?"_

_"Don't play stupid, Man… Ya know I aced that stupid class," I defiantly answered, "Hacked inta the system, ya know?" Then I leaned to my side, and added, "Was easy 'nough… Wanted ta see what went wrong."_

_"You were told what went wrong._

_"Yeah, well, if I recall correctly… Reeve's machines are protocol led not ta kill, ya know?" After that, I took a drag and adjusted my goggles on my head, "Seems kind'a funny that one of em would'a nearly killed the kid."_

_"It's not your concern, __Reno__."_

_"Fuck you it ain't… I train down there too, ya know," I retaliated, "What if it was me?"_

_"How would that have been bad?"_

_"Ha-ha, Man… Anyway… Found somethin interestin…" I said, narrowing my eyes and leaning forward a bit to stress the secrecy. "Ya wanna know what it was that I found?" I asked, before taking another drag, "I bet ya'll find it interestin, considerin the kid is yer responsibility an all."_

_Then I watched as the man stiffened again and a look of concern shadowed over his face. But it wasn't a compassionate concern. It was the type of concern that suggested he wasn't too happy with my initiative, which only spurred my suspicions even more._

_"Interestin, Tseng…" I crooned at him, "Ya don't like me much do ya?"_

_"That would be an understatement, __Reno__."_

_"Heh… Ya don't approve of what I did ta make it inta yer second, eh?"_

_"I'm just wondering when you're going to try and backstab me, and what type of creativity you're planning on using to have me terminated like you did to the one you replaced,"_ _he confronted, while staring coldly into my eyes._

_"Worried, Tseng?" I taunted, "Ya know, the man agreed ta kill the Pres… Said he wanted to." Then I met his narrowed eyes with my own and mimicked him, feature for feature, "Had ta turn 'im in, __Man.__"_

_"You set him up, __Reno__."_

_"Whatever…" I dismissed, and waved my hand in the air to suggest that I thought he was only blowing hot air out of his ass, "Ya know, ya can't talk a man inta doin somethin he would'n normally be willin ta do in the first place. Would'a thought ya'd know that better'n anybody."_

_After that, we started walking again, making our way back to the compound. We scouted every tunnel within the duration of a whole day and were unable to come up with anything. There was a bomb threat sent to the President earlier that day, and Tseng and I were sent down to comb the place, while Rude was assigned a grunt to help him comb the building above us._

_"Anyway… I did'n start this conversation ta talk 'bout my ambitions, Man."_

_"Rufus is not your concern, and you know that."_

_"Yeah. But don't you find it 'interestin' that his accident happened in the trainin room when he weren't even 'in' the trainin room?"_

_For some reason, Tseng clenched up again, and then he grabbed me by the front of my shirt, before pushing me down to the dank and dusty ground to land on my ass. Pulling his blade to hold it at my throat, he warned me about the dangers of being too smart for my own good, and how the repercussions could have a negative result on my health._

_"Onta somethin… Am I?" I commented slyly, tilting my head like a cat who'd found a mouse to play with, while simultaneously half-losing it due to the fact that there was a blade at my throat. "Ya know…" I said, pressing my cheek to the cold blade and looking up at him with cold eyes, "Haldric cut me up sumthin pretty good once…" I told him, while pushing my neck closer to the tip of his sword, "right before 'e fucked me…" _

_Then I closed my eyes and indulged with a bit of breathiness to my words, "Nothin like gettin off with blood loss…" before I grabbed the sword with my hand and helped him out a little by grazing the skin on my throat. "But it's okay, Man… Cuz 'e was nice 'nough to use 'is fuckin Cure Materia to remedy the problem afterwerds." Bringin my hand up to my shirt, I started to undo the buttons and grinned like I'd gone insane, "Wanna see the scars?"_

_"Ren…?" Tseng asked, hesitantly, as he paled to the colour of a sheet when I responded._

_"Yeah?"_

_With lips pursing and eyes widening, Tseng quickly sheathed his blade and backhanded me hard enough that I kissed the ground, to snap me out of it, and then he held out his hand to pull me to my feet. Not a word escaped that man's lips while he dragged me out of those tunnels as quickly as he could. Not even a glance sideways until we were back inside the Shinra building._

_"Get yourself cleaned up, __Reno__," he commanded, coolly, when we reached the lobby. Then he hit the button for the elevator and held onto me while we waited, "Then I want to see you in my office." _

_"Sure thing, Boss," I said, and then I stepped into the elevator to find Rufus in there with his arm in a sling._

_'Great! This is gonna be a fun ride', I thought to myself, sarcastically. _

_"Evenin, Sir," I said, with a charming smile and a wink, "Nice ta see ya up an about." Then I swung casually over with my hand in my pocket to push the button for my floor, which caused Rufus to take a quick step back to avoid any contact with me whatsoever. The kid hated being touched by anyone, particularly me. I simply brushed it off as me coming from too low of a class for someone as wealthy and refined as Rufus Shinra. Simple math really, no one from the plate would want to soil themselves with the proximity of a lowly Slum rat like myself._

_"How're ya feelin, Sir?" I asked, cocking my brow and leaning closer to him. I had to admit, I was having a little fun at his expense… Fucking snob that he was. _

_Instead of answering though, he remained silent and kept his eyes at the ground, making every attempt not to acknowledge that I was even on the same planet as him. Then, when I noticed him grimace, and believe me, you would have had to be looking at him pretty close to see it, which I was doing because it was kind of fun to torment the shit a little, I fiddled around in my pocket to hold onto the Elixir that was in there. I had frequent headaches myself, mostly due to hangovers, so I always carried it around._

_"Headache, Sir?" I asked. I knew he suffered from migraines. I noticed he'd been having them since he was twelve, whether he had them before that or all his life, I wasn't really sure. But it was at twelve that the darkness in his eyes started to become disturbingly cold, and he would often rub at his temples like he was in pain or something. _

_And it was those dark eyes that lifted slowly to look at me when I asked that question. There was hatred in those eyes that could chill Ifrit to the bone and snuff out the flame for all of eternity._

_When the elevator hit a glitch, I stumbled forward into Rufus, and I took the opportunity to place the Elixir in his pocket. Then he pushed me back violently and hissed, "'Don't' touch me!"_ _as his hand went instinctively down to the location of his shotgun, which he had become pretty adept at using within the last year or so. _

_In fact, he'd gotten so good with it, that he even managed to be able to hold it steady and fire it with only one arm, without stumbling backwards. I had to admit, I was a little suspicious as to how he could do that though, given his delicate frame and all. But considering it was Shinra, it was easily brushed off along with all the other bizarre occurrences that happened within its walls. _

_Smiling at him and still holding his gaze to prove that the little shit didn't intimidate me, I held up my hands as a peace offering, and apologized. "Jus an Elixir, Sir," I said, with my brow cocked, "Thought ya could use it."_

_Then, just as his look softened slightly, the door opened and Scarlet walked in as sultry as ever. She was wearing her trademark, low-cut, scarlet-coloured dress that complimented her curviness quite pleasingly, and I completely forgot that I was in the presence of the embodiment of Shiva's frozen will, known as 'Rufus'._

_"Good evening, Sir," she said, in her usually seductive manner, and then her eyes darted over to me to give me a once over. Smiling coyly, she greeted with a nod, "__Reno__."_

_"Scarlett…" I responded, thankful that someone with a personality had finally saved me from the presence of the Shinra brat. "Lookin good, Babe," I said, returning her glance as I took in her form and moved over to stand beside her._

_Blushing, she brought her hand to her chest and fluttered her lashes at me, like she was genuinely flattered, "Oh, you flirt."_

_"Hardly, Babe…" I answered, flirtatiously, and noticed Rufus stiffen from the corner of my eye. I had come to recognize that the guy didn't appreciate public displays much. But I didn't really care either. "Jus makin an honest observation," I commented, and ran my tongue between my teeth._

_Leaning over to her as Rufus stepped forward and hit the button for her floor, I snaked my hand to her back and purred quietly into her ear, "Ya look good 'nough ta eat."_

_She smiled mischievously then, and met my eyes with a devious glint as she leaned into me. "Would you like to join me for a nightcap?" she asked, while subtly circling her finger above her breast. I couldn't help but notice Rufus' jaw clench, which led me to wonder if there was a man alive that hadn't been with Scarlet. The man seemed a little bothered by our careless promiscuity, almost as if he were jealous. Couldn't blame him though, she was pretty easy on the eyes._

_When the elevator stopped on her floor, we both walked out together, and I slowly let my hand slink down to her backside as the door closed on our way out. Then there was a loud echoing thump resounding from the shaft after the door closed behind us, sounding like something had popped or was hit._

_"Ooh… What was that?" Scarlett asked, fluttering her hand to her chest again and looking back at the elevator door, "Do you think it broke down again?"_

_"Dunno… Don't care…" I answered, as I started walking toward her apartment. I was well aware of where it was since I'd been there enough times during the seven years I'd been working for Shinra. _

_"What if he's stuck in there?" she called after me, still standing near the elevator._

_"Rufus?" I asked, in astonishment. "Would teach 'im some character, Babe. 'Sides, the ol' man knows the buildin's been falling apart fer some time now… Someone'll find im if he is," I said, waving my hand at the elevator and leaning against her door, waiting for her to take my lead and forget about the spoiled brat._

_"You're so cruel, __Reno__," she said, playfully, as she swayed over to me, "But what if he really is stuck in there?" Her voice was smooth and sultry, as she leaned near me to slip her keycard in the door, giving me the perfect view of her cleavage, and I made no attempt to hide that I was staring._

_"Meant what I said, Babe." Then I followed her into her apartment and slipped my jacket off, dropping it onto her sofa, atop of the rest of the mess that she had in there. The woman was a real slob, which made me feel right at home in her place. We were two of a kind, Scarlett and me. We were both labelled as the Shinra whores who'd do anyone at the drop of a hat, and we were both labelled as backstabbing degenerates. But we didn't mind it, because it was mostly true._

_Scarlett and I had started our relationship right before I tied her up in her office during sex. Then I left her like that, so I could take the prototype for the Electro Magnetic Rod she was working on. I had my eye on it since I first heard about it, and I seduced my way into her department to get my hands on it. From there, our relationship was based on distrust and primal urges. But it turned into a relationship, nonetheless… Albeit, it was a loose relationship._

_We were each other's plaything. We used each other equally, and came to an agreement on it that worked for us both. I wouldn't say that we were in love or anything like that though. But we were comfortable together. _

_Where she had slept her way to the top, I had swindled mine, so we both stood on somewhat of a common ground. Neither of us got where we were because of hard work or leadership. We got there because we were willing to stoop lower than the rest, and discard anybody that stood in our way. That's not to say that I didn't deserve to get where I was though. I wasn't lazy about my job, and I took it rather seriously. I was just impatient about getting where I was, so I did what I had to do._

_Birds of a feather, we were… Straight until the day she died._

_'Fucking Cloud.'_

_"Ain't got time ta pretend that I care, ya know," I said, wrapping my arms around her and slipping them down between her legs from behind, and then I whispered into her ear before running my tongue along her neck, "Tseng's expectin me soon."_

_"Well, then… let's not waste any time."_

_It would be wrong to say that she never crossed my mind from time to time, because she did…_

* * *

"That's good news, Reeve. Keep me informed of your progress."

With a quick nod, Rufus ended his last meeting of the day with Reeve. It was on the progress of the successful simulations that he ran on the stability of the Meteor Power Cells. Then, after my own acknowledging nod, I escorted Reeve to the door and walked him to the elevator.

They had both decided that moving ahead and powering two grids with the new cells was in the green. Reeve had requested permission to go ahead and hire twelve new employees, so he could promote those that had been working closest with him to oversee the new project. And to make Rufus even more ecstatic over the matter, Reeve discovered a way to reuse the dust and to synthesize it as well.

"Going for a new look, Reno?" Reeve asked, in regards to my shades being pulled over my eyes throughout the meeting, as I escorted him down the hall toward the elevators.

"Maybe," I answered, not being able to really draw myself into any kind of conversation that required sentences involving more than one word.

My mind was preoccupied. It had been five weeks since Cloud stabbed me, and the Mako didn't seem to be recessing, despite the fact that the doctor had told me that I was completely healed. The glow in my eyes had intensified to a green fire, somewhat less than it was when I was in my feverish state. But it was there nonetheless. It enhanced my sight to a point to where I was able to pick up the most subtle of movements and unspoken languages within the people around me.

My body was at a constant rise of five degrees above normal like those of SOLDIER, but my nightmares had become more intense, resulting in a light bruise on Rufus' cheekbone. He tried to wake me in the middle of the night when I started screaming, and I struck out at him, hitting him hard across the face. But my strength was still nowhere near Rufus' though.

When we stopped at the elevator, Reeve turned to me with a concerned look, and asked, "Is everything all right?"

Not really being used to Reeve showing any real genuine regard to my personal well-being, I had to ask him, "Why do ya ask?"

"You haven't made one wisecrack, or even managed anything more than a few simple words during the whole meeting." Narrowing his eyes slightly, he added, "In fact, you haven't even smiled… Is everything all right?"

Letting out a quick disgruntled breath, I scoffed at him and asked, "What the fuck does it matter to ya, Reeve?" Then I turned, as the elevator door opened to beckon him back to his lab.

The man always treated me like shit. I found it a little less than convincing that he could ever actually give a shit about me. My upbringing and class was far below anything that he could ever find acceptable. So why even bother to pretend to give a shit.

I admit, I was somewhat irritable throughout the past week for no apparent reason.

"You may find it hard to believe, Reno," he called after me, "But I've always cared about you." Then the door closed to take him back to his division.

"Whatever," I muttered, making my way back to Rufus' office to wait for him to finish up with his last minute endeavours, before retiring to the apartment.

* * *

During the meeting with Reeve, I stood in the corner of the room quietly resting my rod on my shoulder, watching Reeve the whole time. I couldn't help but notice his completely cool air towards what he knew, but chose not to acknowledge between me and Rufus. He was a lot like Rufus when it came to maintaining a professional facade when it was required. The man definitely commanded respect, almost, if not equal to, the same respect that Rufus commanded.

He was completely different around Rufus than he was when he was around me though. There was an atmosphere of respect between the two of them. They shared a certain understanding of each other, which was somewhat rare between two individuals that appeared to not really show much interest in what the other was doing. Though, to say there was no real interest was a bit of an understatement, since Rufus was very interested in what he could attain and control through Reeve's discovery.

However, I couldn't help but wonder if there was more to their relationship. Reeve had been under the employment of Shinra for almost as long as Tseng, give or take, which would have meant that he would have known a lot more than me about what went on in those early years. He was also under close employment by Rufus' father then, keeping him very much in the mainstream of what was going on.

Exactly how much more did he know about Rufus than I did? Exactly what did he know about Rufus that I didn't know? And why the hell was it bothering me so much?

Shinra secrets were always the best kept secrets… Unless you were there to witness something, or your name was actually Shinra, you would never even know that the secret existed.

* * *

When I got back to Rufus' office, he was standing with his back to me and facing the window with his hands clasped behind his back. "This is a good day," he mused, not turning around to face me as he gazed out, over the town below us. He was taken with the possibility of having a stable sense of control over the people without having to use the Lifestream for a change, "I honestly thought this day would never come."

Sighing, he placed his hand on the glass and stroked it, caressingly, while he admired the view. It was a rare sight to see Rufus admiring something. He'd been so spoiled in a warped sort of way throughout his life that he never took the time to admire, or even pay mind to anything at all, unless it suited a means to whatever end it was he had in mind at the time. But then again, I guess the people below did suit his purpose in a way.

The fiery glow from the setting sun outside lit up the strands of his hair with a reddish-gold hue, creating a rare warmth that almost flowed from him. "I can only imagine how my father would have dealt with this," he reminisced, and followed it with a chided breath. Leaning closer to the glass, he rested his cheek against the cold pane, fogging it up with his breath and closing his eyes.

"It took me years to actually believe that he was really dead." Then his eyes opened slightly, remaining heavy-lidded, and he stared off into space, "I kept expecting him to show up and tell me that he was just testing me… to see if I was deserving of carrying his name… to see if I was capable of succeeding in his absence.

"I could actually hear his voice when I was in that wheelchair, before I was able to get around on my own, degrading me for being such a weakling. Unworthy, he would say, useless. 'You're a disappointment Rufus… A pathetic excuse for a _son_'." Taking a deep, shaky breath, he paused for a long moment to try and collect himself, and then he continued in a distant tone, "He always wanted a son… One that could bear a son himself and carry on the Shinra legacy…"

At that thought, a bitter hatred washed over his features, and I found myself walking up to him to comfort him from behind. Then I wrapped my arms around him and rested my cheek against his cheek, not really sure of what I should say, or if I should say anything at all. Keeping my silence, I merely rocked him a little, from side to side, when he leaned back into me and closed his eyes.

_What the fuck just happened?_

He was happy as shit one second and then completely depressed the next. I wasn't sure if I should attempt to break his sudden melancholy or to let him continue talking.

"Yer bummin me out, Babe," I said, softly as a joke. I couldn't help it. The atmosphere was becoming too heavy for me.

"Babe…" he returned, lightly. Then he turned around and slowly pushed himself out of my arms so he could lean against the window in a slouching manner, appearing somewhat shorter than me and looking up. His hair was ablaze like clear flames as the sun set lowered, making his skin golden warm, and his eyes a clear blue teal as they shone from the soft lighting, "Mmmm…" Closing his eyes for a moment, he smiled nostalgically. "He must be doing back flips in the Lifestream over us," he mused, before looking up at me coyly and hooking his fingers under my belt.

"Ya think he'd care?" I asked, genuinely thinking he wouldn't have, as I placed my palms on the window on either side above Rufus' head to stop myself from falling into him. After everything I'd managed to learn about Rufus up until that point, I found it hard to believe that his father would have cared about anything that he did.

"You were his favourite, you know," he told me, in a distant tone, and then his eyes shadowed over with a fleeting image or memory, or a thought… It was hard to tell. Looking almost through me while his eyes fixated on the general location of my own and remained unfocused, he said in a chilling sort of way, "So he did."

Knitting my brows in confusion, I narrowed my eyes and asked, "Did?" shaking my head slightly to stress the fact that I had no idea what he was referring to.

"You have such an ironic innocence about you sometimes," he said, looking at me impishly and biting on his bottom lip, "For someone as deadly and intelligent as you, you certainly do have a difficult time grasping the simpler things in life. Don't you?" While running his hand through the back of my hair, his eyes set focus on me again, "You've always been like a drug… An exotic animal that could never be tamed… Wild… Free… _Forbidden._

"I was envious and taken at the same time… Captivated by you before I even understood the meaning of the word." Taking my glasses off and tossing them on the floor with his other hand, he then lowered it to my backside and pulled me even closer, so I was pressed to him between his legs, "You stirred emotions in me that I never knew I had… You still do. You are capable of tearing me down to nothing when everyone else has tried and failed. Yet you succeed… You succeed every time."

Pulling my hand down from above his head, he placed it over his left ribs. "Three of these were shattered when my father noticed my fascination with you, along with a crushed shoulder and a broken arm. It was a warning to stay away from you… I also suffered a serious trauma to the head… The pain was so excruciating that I blacked out." Then he caressed his fingers over my own, and grabbed my hand to run it along his ribs that were injured, "I was sixteen then."

_Shit, Rufus…_

"Why did'n ya run?" I asked, fighting off the lump in the back of my throat, and not really wanting to know the reason, as I leaned my forehead against his and choked out, "Ya could'a run…"

"Mmmm, No…" he answered, while staring into my eyes, "You're on fire, Reno… Your eyes… They burn with an intensity that is both terrifying and appealing. You instil both fear and desire at the same time, and you have no conscious awareness of it. With or without that damned Mako in your system… You burn up everything in your path, and you leave nothing but ashes in your wake.

"Gaia, Reno…" he said, suddenly distant, "Hojo…" Wincing from a memory and pulling my hand from his ribs to his mouth, he started brushing my fingers to his lips, and stared off to some distant place passed my right shoulder as his eyes lost their focus again. "My father…" he added, and then he choked out in a faraway whisper, "He threatened to kill you if I didn't cooperate…"

_You fucking dense shit. _

Chastising myself silently, I closed my eyes tightly and cursed myself for never knowing. How could I have never noticed? All the memories of Rufus from the earlier years suddenly flooded my head, searching. The way he used to stare at me, tense up around me, and close himself off from me… I always thought he was just a demented and sadistic little narcissist. But he wasn't. He was trying to hide what he felt for me.

"Look at what you reduce me to," he said, with a sarcastic and sad smile, still distanced and withdrawn, "I'm not supposed to feel, or care… I'm not supposed to lose control." Then he returned his focus back to me, and guided my hand down between his legs, "You make me do all of those things." Biting down on his bottom lip, he brought his hand up to caress his ring finger along the scar on my face. "You make me want things I'm not supposed to want," he added, with his eyes closed and thrusting against the friction of my hand.

"Fuck Rufus…" I moaned, "No one's meant to be a fucking manikin with no feelings."

"You manage," he breathed out airily, caught up in some strange rapture as he moved against me. "Anger… Rage… Turmoil…" he said, with each breath, "You manage… To avoid… Every other emotion… You're lucky… You have no… Idea… What it's like to want… To… Love." He turned his head to the side then, and undid his belt, button and zipper, "Albeit… You feel something… You're able to… " Grabbing my hand and placing it against his bared flesh, he continued in hitched breaths, "Keep focused… Without ever really caring.

"There is nothing… That you do… That is… Unexpected from you… Because no one knows what to expect… Nothing… That you feel… That is… Gaia…" he breathed out, "I want you to fuck me… I want to feel the things that you feel." The heat building from his wanton desires was flushing his cheeks to a rosy perfection as he begged me to, "Take away this control and replace it with something wicked and unpredictable."

"Rufus…" I mumbled, brushing my lips along his jaw, "Yer kind'a scarin the shit outta me here."

He wrapped his hand tighter around the back of my neck then, and smiled with a genuine satisfaction, revealing a glint of the perfect row of pearls through a naturally offset smile. "It's always been my goal… To instil fear… In the hearts of those around me," he said, jokingly, before he turned back to look at me with lust-filled eyes, "At least… I haven't lost… My touch." Then he cocked his eyebrow and moved his hand down to my nether region.

I would have placed a number to this new personality of his, but I had lost count somewhere after personality number one hundred and thirty-four. It was a shame really, that I was the only one who ever really knew him this way, along with his many other aspects. Of all the people he could have chosen, he settled on no other than a lowlife like me.

Whatever he saw in me was more of a mystery to me than the birth of the universe itself.

If only the world could have known the Rufus that I knew…

"Sir?" came Rufus' secretary's voice, over the intercom.

Without really showing any concern, he reached his hand into his pocket while still thrusting into my hand, as I trailed my mouth over all the exposed parts of his flesh. Then he pressed the remote button for the intercom. "Yes, Sharin?" he asked, casually, and with a slight airiness to his voice.

"Reeve is back, he says he forgot his data pad in your office."

"So, he did," Rufus mumbled, to himself as he looked through heavy-lidded eyes at his desk. Then, hitting the button again, he instructed Sharin to, "Send him in."

_What?_

Immediately, I went to pull my hand away and straighten up, but Rufus grabbed my wrist and held it fast, shaking his head. "Mmmm… No… It's only Reeve…" he breathed, "I'm so close… Don't stop."

"Rufus, I…"

"I said… Don't stop…"

When the door opened and Reeve cleared his throat at the sight of Rufus submissively below me, I buried my face into the bicep of the arm that was supporting my weight above Rufus while he continued to thrust into my grip. Through the reflection in the window, I could see the slender man attempt to awkwardly collect himself, as a twisted smile played across Rufus' lips. He was enjoying it even more after he managed to pull another victim into his bent little game.

The heat rose into my face, as Reeve managed to pull himself together in the same manner that Rufus had done so often, and brush off the spectacle in order to announce his apology for his interruption in the most professional of manners.

"Forgive me, Sir," he stated, calmly, as he walked casually over to Rufus' desk and reclaimed his data pad, "I did not mean to leave this here." Holding it up and waving it in a confessional acknowledgement, he faced Rufus with a slick grin on his face. Then in a manner that suggested nothing out of the ordinary was going on, he casually asked, "Will I be seeing the two of you at the wedding tomorrow?"

"That's all right, Reeve… Yes… But… Not together," Rufus answered, with fluttering lashes, while I continued to hide my embarrassment in my arm from Reeve and watched his likeness on the surface of the glass. However, there was something oddly erotic about the whole situation.

Before Reeve turned to exit the room, he gave a comprehensive nod to Rufus to state that he understood the reasons for us not wanting to be seen together in public, and then he remembered a forgotten thought, "Would you like me to set up some of my probes around the parameter of the hall tomorrow?"

"Nnnn… No… The Turks… Will be there," he answered, with no sense of shame whatsoever.

"Set em up, Reeve," I interjected into my sleeve, refusing to face the man, while Rufus jacked off into my hand in front of the guy, "Just in case."

"Of course, I'll set them up but keep them inactive unless reason dictates otherwise," he answered, bowing slightly, "Will that satisfy you both?"

"Yes… That'll be fine… You're dismissed," Rufus concluded. "Oh… Reeve?" Rufus called, before the man opened the door.

"Yes, Sir?"

"Lock the door."

"Certainly, Sir," he answered, and obliged, before allowing the soft click to follow in his absence.

How in the hell Reeve managed to keep his cool and act like there was nothing out of the ordinary going on was completely and utterly above my head and beyond, and to say that Rufus was acting like a sexual deviant would have been an understatement. The man's libido even put me to shame, and that was not an easy task to accomplish.

It was contrary to all of his control issues, and it sort of seemed to me that he lived for the thrill of constantly indulging in the shock value. I honestly had no idea what the hell was going on in Rufus' head half the time, and I wasn't really sure if I even wanted to know. However, it wasn't to say, that even though I was embarrassed to high hell, that I wasn't necessarily turned on by the disturbing ordeal, because I was.

Oh well, it was only Reeve anyway.

"Gaia… Fuck me…" he said, when we were alone again, closing his eyes once more.

"Nn-nn," I retaliated, grabbing his hand to replace my own with it, "Not until ya cum first." Then I leaned closer to caress his ear with my breath, so I could whisper into it, "While I watch."

As I pressed my palm to the glass so both hands were above him and pushed myself back, he opened his eyes and gazed heavily into mine. "Did I … Do something wrong?" he breathed, heavily, with a mischievous grin, while continuing to stroke himself.

Smiling slyly at him, I held his gaze and slowly nodded, "Ya bet yer pretty blue eyes, ya did."

"Are you… Going to… Punish me for it?" he asked, with his brow cocked.

Biting my lower lip, and slowly nodding assuredly at him again, I confided in a low rumbling purr that, "I'm gonna make ya scream Rufus…"

* * *

By the time Rude and I had finished up at the liquor store, he dropped me off back at the building before leaving to go and see Tifa for their Friday night romp… At least that's what I was pretty sure they did. It was kind of hard to say really. But something told me they didn't just sit around and play board games all night long.

Rufus had already taken off to the firing range before I left, with a slight disorientation, but I had faith he'd bounce back quickly enough once he got his second wind. During that time, I took the liberty to catch up on some of my own personal studies that I had been keeping secret from everyone else.

I couldn't really say whether I had a valid reason to distrust Kurn when it came to me or not. It may have just been a simple mistrust that I had due to my own personal experiences. The strange part was that I trusted him more with Rufus' well-being than I did my own. Was I just being paranoid? Why was I only concerned for myself and not Rufus when it came to him?

In a strange sort of way, I had a lot to thank for my experience with Hojo back when I was a youth. There was much I'd learned from him, simply due to what he put me through, and the photographic memory he'd given me. In many ways, Hojo was a little more than a scientist, he was a uniquely sick and twisted individual in a category all to his own.

And if it weren't for him, I may never had known how to do half of the things I knew how to do, and if it weren't for the things that he made me do, I may never have found out the things I was about to find out.

* * *

_"You know you behaved rather unacceptably, don't you?" his voice echoed in my head as it swam around the inner cavities of my mind. Dull moans and cries, all combined and muffled like a distant sound heard close, but far away. Unclear, they were… Thoughts, sounds, vision… All was unclear, and doubling over on themselves._

_My arms were clasped by rigid hands, as I was dragged into the lab behind the man with the slick black hair, who kept his back to me the whole time. I tried to open my mouth to plead, to answer, or to cry out. But no sound would come out, only liquid… clear liquid._

_Terror struck me when I saw Haldric still in there, his voice gone raw from screaming as he laid on the table, still strapped to it. His skin had gone pale and colourless, and his eyes stared into nothingness behind a half-lidded empty gaze, and his chest was barely rising from weak breaths. 'By the Lifestream, is that what I looked like?'_

_"Sit him down over there please," the man directed his assistants, and with a nod, they lifted me painfully onto the edge of the examination table where Haldric laid, "Thank you. You're assistance is no longer required."_

_My limbs were like weights, and I was unable to move. They had injected me with something while I was in the room they kept me in. I remembered them strapping me down in there. But I didn't remember much from the time they drugged me to the time I was being dragged into the lab._

_As soon as they left the room, the man locked the door behind him and came to stand in front of me. Bringing his bandaged hand up to stroke my hair, he informed me that stabbing him with one of his own needles was not one of the best plans I ever had._

_"Your friend has been infected with a deadly pathogen," he crooned, "And you're going to have to help him if you want him to survive."_

_He reached over then, and grabbed one of the empty syringes from his trolley, and placed it in my hand, "You will need to take a blood sample from him and study it to find out how to save him." While looking through me, he informed me of his intentions, "I know you've been paying attention to how things are done around here, Young one. Don't think I haven't noticed your observations."_

_He smiled coldly at me and then continued, "So I trust you will know exactly what to do." Licking his lips, and pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, he set his attention over to Haldric, "Time is of the essence. Therefore, I have taken the liberty of setting out all the tools you will be requiring." Then he returned his attention to me and placed his hand on the clipboard he placed beside me, "I must admit, I'm very curious to observe your progress, considering the condition you're in. It will be very difficult for you to concentrate and focus."_

_Every movement and sound that he made stirred an unrelenting nausea in me, and I had to close my eyes, as he walked over to sit in a chair in the corner of the room, "I almost forgot… The drug we injected you with will only make you more delirious and debilitated throughout its duration before it wears off. It is however, very long lasting, and I suggest you don't succumb to it by falling asleep. Such an action could have an extremely undesirable effect on both you and your friend." _

_With a sickening cackle, he slicked his hair back with his bandaged hand, and then added, "I'd tell you what it is, but with your memory and defiant personality, I fear that it would not be a good idea for me to indulge in the matter." Then he sat forward and waited for me to open my eyes, before persevering, "I would not want to encourage you into getting any bright ideas in regards to the staff here."_

_Leaning back into the chair, and placing the clipboard on his lap, he grabbed his pen with his left hand, and began tapping it on the edge, "I hope that you don't mind my presence here, while I take notes. I'd like to remain and observe you as you struggle with your obligation."_

* * *

I found myself in one of the empty labs on 4B with no recollection of how I got there. Standing in front of one of the terminals with a sample of my own blood being tested under the fluorescent Probe, and scanning for the results, I tried to remember how I'd gotten where I was and why I was there.

_How long had I been down here?_ _What exactly was I looking at?_

Without any real knowledge of what I was doing or why, I found myself suddenly staring at the results coming up on the terminal and holding my PHS, thumbing an number that I'd almost forgotten into it.

"Hello?" came the greeting of an old and familiar voice, female.

"Yeah… Erryn… It's Renault… Ya remember me?"

"Oh great Shiva!" she replied, "Why the fuck wouldn't I remember you?" There was a shocked and hesitant tone to her voice, and I couldn't say that I was surprised to hear it.

"Hey… Ya still keep in touch with yer ol' friends from Wall Market?"

"Look Ren… I… I haven't been dealing with the dogs for years now."

"Yeah… Don't bullshit me, Erryn," I warned, "I need a favour… It'll buy ya another three years if ya do this fer me."

There was a long and silent pause on the other end, before she hesitantly responded, "What do you want?"

"I'm gonna send ya somethin… I want ya to tell me what ya think."

"What is it?"

"Ya'll see… But first I need ta ask ya somethin…"

"Anything for an old friend," she said, with a sarcastic and insincere bite.

"Ya still runnin yer underground lab?"

Another long silence followed my question, and it was about to drive me mad. But the woman had every right to distrust me though, "How do I know I can trust you, Ren?"

"Ya don't," I stated coldly, "But if ya do this fer me, I'll grant ya another extension… Yer runnin outta time, Babe… From what I recall."

"You would know, you sick bastard," came an angry retort.

"Now, now, no need fer flattery, Babe… We gotta deal?"

"Three years?"

"Yeah… If yer nice ta me, maybe I'll give ya five."

There was a deep, shaky sigh on the other end, before a hesitant answer returned to me, "Send it."

"Address?"

Another long pause ensued before an answer was given, and I wound up back at the terminal, punching into her system while I cradled the PHS between my ear and shoulder.

"What the fuck am I lookin at, Ren?" Her voice was suddenly on edge, as she stared at whatever it was she was looking at.

"Dunno… Why doncha tell me," I encouraged.

"The blood of a dead man…? Woman…?"

_Gotta love the innocent insight of an outsider._

"Not yet, Babe."

"Oh-hoh-ho… This is fucking priceless, Ren!" she said, with a cold and cynical laugh, "You actually expect me to help you?"

"Ya know Erryn, if I release those organisms in ya, yer gonna die slowly… A horrible, painful death…" I warned, maliciously, "Ya saw what happened ta yer boyfriend… No?"

"You sick sonuvabitch!"

"Yeah, from what I recall, there wasn't much left'a him… If it weren't fer ya watchin, they never would'a been able ta identify 'im."

"You fucking forced me to watch!" she shrieked, loud enough to make me pull the PHS away from my ear to avoid being deafened.

"Oh yeah… I did, did'n I?" I returned, with a cynical chuckle, "Guess that's why I had ta persuade ya ta keep yer mouth shut… Yeah…"

"Enough with the bullshit, Ren…" she yelled, cutting me off, "You're smart enough to figure out whatever it is that ya want me to figure out on your own. What the fuck do ya need me for?"

"Too many eyes an ears where I am, Babe… Can't do it here."

"This is worth more than five years, Ren… Can we cut a new deal?" she asked nervously, while I heard the sound of a keyboard clicking in the background.

"Ain't lookin fer a whole cure, Babe," I answered. "Jus a way to get the bacteria out. Once that's out, there'll be nothin wantin to feed on… Fuck it… Jus find me a fuckin antibiotic that fuckin works!" I shouted at her, "Then maybe we'll talk 'bout makin the remainder of yer life a pleasant one."

"Why don't you just get a doctor to work on this?"

"They haven't been able ta detect it."

"I find that a little hard to believe, Ren… The sample you sent is flooded with it."

"I amplified it, Babe," I answered, "It ain't nothin from this planet… An I don't need ta give ya the reason fer me not wantin the doc's here ta know 'bout it."

"I want my life back, Ren."

_For Fuck's sake!_

"You stupid fucking whore! Ya want me ta come find ya right now?" I shouted, hysterically at her into the PHS, "Maybe I'll have a little fun with ya before releasin those fuckin organisms! Hell! Maybe I'll jus bypass the latter all together…! I could get more satisfaction out of doing it all myself! It ain't like ya don't fuckin deserve it!"

"Fuck… Ren… Calm down… I'll get to work on this right away. I'll find you an answer."

"I knew ya would, Babe… Could always count on ya," I said, flirtatiously.

"Yeah… Whatever, Ren."

"I owe ya fer this Erryn… Maybe we can cut ya a better deal if this all works out," I said, calmly, and with a playful smile on my face. "An if it don't…" I hesitated for a moment before I lightened my tone to a playful manner, "I'm gonna kill ya."

"You really know how to win a woman over, you sick, psychotic freak."

"Told ya before, Erryn… Flattery will get ya nowhere." Then I blew two kisses into the PHS before I hung it up.

_Nothin like rattlin a few nerves to get some work done._

After slipping the PHS back into my pocket, I found myself staring back at the screen again from where I stood in the middle of the room. It took me a moment to really drink it all in. I knew Kurn had done something to me. But I never suspected a hungry pathogen. I had been wasting all this time looking for something else, that it never struck me to scan for bacteria. But why?

"Smart… Man… Kurn," I said, quietly, as I walked back to the terminal and ran my fingers over the screen, "If it ain't eatin Meteor… It's eatin me…"

"Gotcha!" I said, with my hand in a gunning gesture and pointed it at the terminal.

"You, my friend…" I purred at the screen, "Are going to… Die… So… Slow-ly."

I stood there for a few moments, tapping my fingers loosely on the keys while contemplating my situation. Then it hit me…

Is that why the Mako hasn't gone back to being dormant in me yet? Has it finally started battling the bacteria on its own? Was my near-death experience with Cloud a trigger? Shit! Don't Meteor and Mako create a poison? There's still Meteor in my fucking system!

_Fuck!_

Frantically, I was about to run a whole new level of tests to confirm for toxicity in the bloodstream, when I discovered I'd already done it. "Fuckin Ren," I mumbled to myself, "Nice of ya ta let me know, ya piece of shit." There was suddenly no mystery as to why I felt so damned light-headed while I was down there after I noticed all the blasted vials I'd filled up with my own accursed fluids. I must have taken over a pint of my own blood from myself for analysis without ever having any intention of ever letting myself know about it.

Desperately, I started hitting keys on the keyboard to punch up the results from the second test I apparently ran. "I can't believe ya had no intention of lettin me know about this, Ren," I said, to myself in a pissed off manner, as I read over the screen, "Ya _tryin_ ta kill me?"

As I read over the screen, I discovered that my current toxicity levels were at three percent with an inclination to rise, but no legitimate guarantee. It wouldn't be lethal until it hit thirty percent, and if I were to go by my assumption that it had started from the moment Cloud decided I was his own personal pin cushion, then I could assume that it had been rising at point six percent over a duration calculated in weeks. If that was correct than I would be lucky if I lasted for another thirteen weeks, give or take. Considering the Mako didn't kick back, that was.

However, to say the Mako was active during that whole time wasn't exactly correct, because it was intermittent at first. So I probably did have more than thirteen weeks, and the Mako didn't really go into full throttle until just recently. This however, would throw my whole calculation off as well. But it left me with a small glimpse of hope that maybe it would never rise above three percent.

I may or may not have been panicking for valid reasons, because I really had nothing to go by at that point. I was just panicking. I figured I'd earned the right to panic anyway, and since there was no one around to stop me as I hung out in a soundproof lab, why not? After all, panicking seemed like a very rational pass time at that point. So I might as well panic away. It's not like anyone was down there to see me do it.

After I powered down the terminal, another terrifying thought struck me. If it was Cloud's sword that triggered this, then why the hell didn't my experience with Aldrich trigger this? I was almost dead then too, wasn't I?

_"Is this what I think it is?" he held up the needle for me to see, and waved it in the air before placing it back in the case, after I shrugged in response._

"Sonuva…" I went cold suddenly, and pushed myself away from the terminal I was hovering over in an almost frantic-like action, "BITCH!"

He never even asked me what it was for… The son of a bitch knew!

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…_

_Shit!_

I found myself frantically digging my PHS out again, and hesitating over it. Every time I tried to hit the speed dial, my thumb froze. There was something I suddenly needed to know, and I needed to know it _now!_ There was only one person that could answer the question I had, and that someone was someone that I didn't want to be talking to. I needed answers from someone that I didn't want to be asking.

_What the hell do I do?_

I couldn't hit the damn button!

_Fuck, __Reno__… you need to do this…_

_Get a grip… Get a grip… Smoke a cigarette, Man… Yeah… A cigarette…_

The whole thought of Aldrich doing something unknown to me while I was blacked out, and I had blacked out a lot from the beatings, scared me to a point that was beyond terror. The whole thought of him knowing too much about me was even more disturbing.

Sure, we shared a good portion of our lives together. But the last time I saw him we were in a brothel in Wall Market as captives just after I'd turned sixteen. How could he have known? Of course he knew about me being injected with the serum, it was his own people after all, but how could he have known about my dependency on the dust? How could he have known about the Mako in my system? How could I even be sure that he knew anything at all?

I didn't even know what the hell I was thinking about to be honest, and I had even less of an idea about what I was panicking about. _Fucking Rude, Man… Why the hell did he have to go out with Tifa tonight?_ I needed him to help me. I needed him to calm me down. I needed him to talk some sense into me. I couldn't turn to Rufus on this one. He had enough of his own fucking problems.

_Who the hell do I turn to?_

Digging into my pocket, I pulled my cigarette out with such shaky hands that I almost dropped it twice. Trying to initiate the flame on my lighter was even more of a task, since my hands had gone numb from the overdose of adrenaline running through my system.

"Stupid fucking lighter!" I shouted at it, as I whipped it at the ground and pulled out a pack of matches and struck them all at once. I could hardly bring the tip of the cigarette to the flame, I was so shaken up.

_He would'na known about the Mako though…_

_Would he?_

_How could he?_

_You're overreacting, man… There's a logical explanation for all of this… Think… Think…_

_Kurn knows about the fucking Mako!_

_Shit!_

_Is he a fucking…?_

_No… How would he be getting information to him… This place is tight._

_But Kurn is free to come and go as he pleases…_

_AAARRRGGGHHH!_

_Stop it! Stop it!_

_"Ya know yer right, __Reno__."_

"Shut up!"

_"Think about it… It's the only logical explanation."_

"I told you to shut up, Ren! Stay out of this!"

_Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop._

_Breathe…_

_"Pick up the PHS an make the fuckin call… Ask, __Man.__ Ya know ya have to."_

_Don't make me black out again, Man… I'll do it… Please… Please…_

"I'll ask."

_"That's a good boy."_

"Yeah, yeah… Go away…" I said, scratching at the air by my ear as if I were trying to swat a bug away.

Sitting on the floor with my knees bent up, and my legs slightly spread in a relaxed manner, I rested my right forearm on my knee while leaning forward a bit to take a drag from the cigarette. Then, holding the PHS in my left hand, I hesitated again, before swallowing back the lump in my throat and hitting the button.

_C'mon… C'mon… Pick up…_

There was a faint click as the ring tone ended, but there was no voice or sound… Just dead air. Knitting my brows in confusion, I nearly hung up until I heard a faint breath on the other end.

_What the fuck?_

"Doncha even answer yer own fuckin phone?" I barked, in frustration. There was still a bit of hysteria in my voice that made it sound odd and shaky.

"Reno?"

The sound of his voice made me pale. I didn't really want to be talking to him, and I was suddenly speechless. I wanted so much to just hang up and call it a day, pretend that I never called. But instead, I simply reacted in the same manner that he did when he answered his damn phone without a greeting. I sat there silently.

"Reno…? Is everything all right?"

_One one-thousand, two one-thousand, three three-thousand… No… Wait a second… Breathe, Man… One one-thousand, two one-thousand, three one-thousand, four…_

"Reno… Where are you?" he asked, his voice going edgy, "I'm coming to get you."

_Shit!_

"NO!" I screamed, and dropped my cigarette onto my crotch. "Shit… Fuck… Agh!" I glamorized, as I tried to brush it off my pants before burning a hole through them and trying to retrieve it so I could finish smoking it.

"Reno… What the hell is the matter with you?"

"I… I dropped my cigarette!" I cried.

"Are… You drunk?" he asked, with the sound of traffic in the background, "Where are you?"

"I-I'm at home!" I said, frantically, "Y-ya can't come here!"

"Fine… Is Rufus with you?"

"Are ya crazy?" I whispered, hysterically, "Ya think I'd be callin ya if he was with me?"

"I guess not…" he paused, for a moment, while I sat on the floor picking at some lint on my knee. Just hearing his voice was calming me down a little, "Reno… Look… I… I know I should stay away from you… But you're worrying me. You sound like you're terrified."

_Gaia…_

Bringing my thumb back to my mouth to scratch at my teeth and then take a drag from my cigarette, I came to the conclusion that I needed to stop acting like a basket case. "Cloud… I…" Just saying his name, made my voice seize up and I had to swallow hard to bring it back, "I need ta ask ya somethin…"

"Okay…" he said, as a lead-in for me to start talking.

"Ya remember when ya found me after…" With a reminder at the experience, my voice went shaky again, and I blinked so hard that it made my eyes water, "Ya remember when ya found me near Icicle Inn?"

There was a long pause at the other end before he answered with a flat, "Yes."

"Were there… Was there… Any track marks?" I hesitantly asked, "On me?"

A deep sigh escaped him before he told me, "Don't do this to yourself, Reno."

"No… Please… I need ta know."

_I need to know if Aldrich knows a way to control the interaction of all the fucked up things going on in my body, and I need to know how he knows._

"Reno… Can we meet somewhere?" he asked, "So we can talk in person?"

"Gaia, no… I-I can't… Cloud… I can't," I was unaware that I started rocking, but I was doing it nonetheless, "I can't go anywhere near you." I was also unaware at how broken my voice had become too.

_"Owowowow."_

_"It's okay… Shhh… Relax… It won't hurt as much if you relax."_

_"Ahhhh-ha-hah… It hurts… Fuck… It hurts…"_

_"Shhh… Do you want me to stop?"_

_"No… Please… Nnnn… Don't stop… Don't…"_

"Just, please… Tell me if there were track marks on me."

_"Yer crackin up, Man."_

"Shhh… I told you to shut up!" I hissed at the air, forgetting that I had someone on the PHS.

"What?"

"Uh… N-nothin… I…"

_Aww, fuck it!_

"I'm jus hearin voices, Man," I blurted out, and started laughing hysterically for no reason whatsoever.

"Fuck! Reno… Where the hell are you?"

"JUST ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION!" I bellowed, with eyes wide, while still laughing like I'd fallen off my rocker.

_"See, I told ya, Man… No one behaves that way unless they've completely lost it."_

"Damn it, Reno! Yes! You were fucking covered in them, and you were fucking dead when I found you! Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Hehehe-ah-ohh…Oh!" The shock finally made me stop laughing like a crackpot, and I took a moment to wipe the tears from my eyes while trying to regain myself.

_Did he just say dead?_

"What did you just say?" I asked, completely calmed down with almost no recollection of the psychotic episode I was just having.

"Fuck, Reno… I didn't want to tell you…"

"Well if I was fuckin dead, what the hell am I doin here now?" I asked, utterly perplexed by what I was hearing.

"Life2," was his answer.

"I… I thought the Revive Materia had all been destroyed."

_Hadn't it?_

"No… Not all of it."

"Well… I… How long was I dead for?" I asked, leaning forward and scratching my head, "I mean, it could'na been long… Right?" Suddenly behaving like I was investigating someone other than myself, I dug into my pocket to grab another cigarette, while patiently waiting for his hesitant answer. It was much easier to light it this time, since I had stopped shaking some time ago.

"You breathed your last breath when I came through the door," he said, distantly, "I'm sorry, Reno… I couldn't let you die… Not like that."

"Not like that…" I repeated, trance-like.

"Look… Reno… Either tell me where you are, or go and find Rufus… I don't want you to be alone right now… Can you do that for me?"

"Yeah… Yeah… Rufus…" I answered.

"Okay… Reno?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't do anything stupid," he pleaded, before I hung up on him, sending him the message that I wasn't listening to him anymore.

Rubbing the closed PHS along my cheek and staring off into space like a lunatic on a high, I started laughing again. But this time it was a low, cynical laugh while I dug the phone deeper into my cheek.

"Thanks, Cloud," I said in a small voice, rocking back and forth while I contemplated the fact that I was dead.

_Dead?_

"It just don't get any better does it, Ren?" I asked, as I held up the palm of my hand in front of my face and stared through it until it doubled-up in my vision, and the smoke from my cigarette resting at the base of my fore and middle finger disappeared into the background.

"How many lives do I have left?"

* * *

Revised: January 14, 2008


	25. Full Circle

**Full Circle**

* * *

After lifting my arm, and pulling back my sleeve to check the time, I was surprised that it wasn't as late as I thought it was. Considering everything that I'd managed to do, while both conscious and unconscious, I figured I made it all the way to the next day and would have to face a seriously suspicious Rufus. But it was only two minutes to twenty two hundred hours, and Rufus wasn't usually done at the firing range until somewhere around zero or one-hundred hours.

The man loved to shoot his gun, which was actually going to work out well for me that night, considering I had a few more things that I had to do, and not having Rufus around to witness what I was planning on doing would work out even better.

Unable to wipe the silly grin from my face, and giggling to myself every few seconds, I started making my way down the back halls of the labs. There were no guards in the back halls, since there was no need for them, making things even easier than robbing the candy store on the second floor.

Anyway, while whistling a happy tune, in between uncontrollable bouts of laughter, and swinging my rod casually at my side, the sounds of my presence echoed through the empty hall and brought me in between the 'here and then' of all my shitty experiences. For some reason though, it was making me laugh.

"Cloud fucked me, Man…" I muttered, lightly, to myself when I came to the door of section 2A – Cryogenics. "He fuckin fucked me…"

Giggling again, I rested the rod on my shoulder, and read the warning plate on the door about the systems inside being alarmed, while still unable to shake the thought that I was suddenly finding it utterly perplexing. "He screwed me outta the Lifestream…"

Knowing damn well that there was a reason all the Revive Materia had been destroyed, kind of made my life feel complete for some twisted and sick reason. It was immoral. Not that it wasn't Hojo who used it on me in the first place, back in Nibelheim, but still, I wasn't thinking that clearly, and blaming Cloud just seemed like the right thing to do at the time.

People believed that it interfered with the natural order of things, leaving me somewhere…

Where? Limbo? Somewhere in between life and death? Somewhere that I wasn't meant to be?

"I should'a died, Ren…"

While muttering away to myself, I slipped my keycard through the door, not caring if it got traced back to me or not, since nothing seemed to really matter at that point, and I waited patiently for my reward.

"Supposed ta be dead…"

Then, when the green light awarded me entry, I found myself smiling with a nod and thoughtlessly tapping my shoulder with the mag-rod.

"Not supposed ta be here…" I continued, resting my hand on the cool handle, and running my fingers over the smooth surface. I was unable to clear my mind of the bitter thoughts that swam around in its abysmal depths while feeling like I was in more than one place at the same time. "Should'a died a long time ago…" I added, in a small voice, before I opened the door, and took a look around. "Should'a died in the labs."

_No wonder my life is so fucked…_

"Everybody fucks me, Man."

For some reason, I suddenly found it funny, and I started laughing again, while simultaneously wondering what the hell I was laughing at.

* * *

Once the door was open, I let out a long and impressive whistle that echoed throughout the room. Then, as my laughter started to subside, I started giggling at my carelessness, and began whistling again as I walked forward. There was nothing but fucking irony in it all. To think that I was _spared_ a quick death, all those other times, only to make it to a point to where I was going to finally get to die… slowly.

"Yeah… That's a good one… Let's all save the redhead, so we can watch 'im die a more fucked up death later instead…

"Fuck me, Man." I complained, as I pulled out my pack of cigarettes and looked inside of it. "Gettin low…" Then I giggled and stuffed one in my mouth, before lighting it with a total disregard to the higher oxygen levels in the room.

_Let the place blow up for all I care._

The room held that stale mixture of dried-ice and ozone, along with a chemical sterility that was just at the tip of my senses, accompanied by an out-of-place dankness that was not only smelled, but almost tasted, with each breath that I breathed. Somewhat disappointed that there was no fiery ball to claim my life when I struck the flint on my lighter, I cursed silently and sucked back on the flame to ignite the red embers at the tip.

"Figures…" I grumbled, as I turned my eyes upward and sneered. "Ya ain't gonna let me off that easily… Are ya?"

The floor crept with a low mist that hovered mostly around the cryogenic containers, and the foggy mass danced around in whorls with each step that I made. Suddenly, I found myself playing an old hopscotch-like game that I used to play with Haldric when we were kids, and snickering at the memories, before everything got messed up…

Before our innocence was robbed from us…

Then I stumbled slightly, and I could almost feel Haldric catch me, since my mind was still playing tricks with my head. But it had taken me to a time past the innocence though, and it took me to a time where things got out of hand.

_"If you didn't want to be with me, then why didn't you just say so?"_

_He was upset. He had every right to be._

_"Why did ya hafta hurt me?"_

I heard Haldric's words come out of my own mouth as clearly as I heard them in my head, and I immediately stopped. I had been brushing my lips with my fingers, and stood there shaking.

"Why do you _always_ have to hurt me?"

My voice had become so small, that it was no longer my own. Tears ran down my face, but there was no welling heat, and no emotion to stir them. They just ran out of my eyes for no apparent reason, and I started giggling again, as I let them dry in the air.

They weren't my words.

_"I dunno why!" I cried out in my own defence. I was so angry at myself that the only thing I could do was cry. I couldn't lash out anymore and neither could he. I'd exhausted us both…_

_It was over._

Attempting to brush my thoughts away, I began whistling again. Then I swung my rod over my shoulder and stuffed my cigarette into my mouth, so I wouldn't have to hang on to it or listen to that stupid whistling anymore, and made my way over to the cabinets at the back.

After rummaging through several of the cabinets and drawers, I came across what I was looking for and pulled out a handful of the spare cords that were placed neatly in there. Once I grabbed the amount I figured I'd be needing, I stuffed them in my back pocket haphazardly, so they hung out and dangled passed my knees, and then I made my way over to the cryogenic pod that I had come in for.

_What better way to get the attention I so desperately need..._

"Hello Clone." I crooned, with a purr, while I chuckled lowly and stared at it with a sickening awe. "What's Kurn been doin with ya?"

Tilting my head to the side and blankly staring at the lamenting form, trapped in a state between life and death, I studied the sleeping subject in its enclosed stasis. He was slender, like a gangly reed, and covered in a light glittering frost that matched his silvery hair. If it wasn't for the fact that he was the epitome of something I despised so much, I might have actually taken the time to drink in the ethereal beauty that he possessed. But as it was, the site of him left a slight taste of bile in the back of my mouth, and I noisily gagged at the thought.

"Hmmm… Nothin, eh?"

"What a shame." I said, stroking my fingers along the cold glass, and being taken with the slight sheen that glistened subtly in the dim light and the dancing LED's.

Then I intimately let the unfortunate specimen know that, "Between you an me, I would'a had ya dissected without hesitation," and then I pressed my cheek to the cold barrier in front of me to feel it's coolness against my flush skin, and smiled while listening to the subtle life-support sounds mechanically whirring from within.

"But that's not what I'm here for right now." I confided, in a hushed voice, and pushed myself back so I could face the stagnant waste of skin and bone before me.

"So _yer_ off the _hook_ fer _now_." I stated, while jabbing my finger at the glass to emphasize my words. Then I turned my attention to the life support cord and read the warning, in regards to setting off the alarm, on the plate above it.

Feeling the sudden urge to talk about things I'd never talked about before, I figured I'd indulge a bit, since I had the perfect audience. I couldn't help but figure he wouldn't mind, and I was almost certain he wasn't going to tell anyone. So, there really wasn't any harm in doing so, and to top it off, he kind of struck me as the quiet, and trustworthy, type.

"Ya know… if I did'n go to that brothel that night…" I started, looking off into the past. "I never would'a been abducted by that branch'a the Don's men."

With a nod, I assured the clone that what I spoke was strictly facts. "Had a weakness, ya know." Then I knelt in front of the stasis pod and examined all the cords and wires that were plugged into it, while fiddling with them.

"Giiiirrrrls," I purred in confidence, and then I looked back up to him to make sure he was still paying attention. Although, I had a sneaking suspicion that he wasn't.

"Haldric had 'nuff'a me… Got tired'a beatin me over it, ya know?"

Following a quick thought, I added distantly, with a raised brow as I stared upwards. "Maybe he ran outta creative ideas fer punishment." Then I took a quick puff from the cigarette dangling from my mouth, and vented a quick breath while turning my attention back to the cords.

"Was weak… Could'n change my ways." I confessed, as I studied the cryptic labels above the cords and sneered at myself, pulled the cigarette from my mouth and flicked the ashes, watching them sail to the floor in a light dance. "Cuz I did… was the only person I ever said it to."

After that, I wrapped my hand around the life support cord and gave it a light tug, to see how well it was seated. Then I sighed, and added, "Jus never wanted ta be someone's bitch though, ya know?" as if I was asking, and wondering if he had any idea about what I was talking about, as I pulled the plug and watched the red light come on.

With a half-shrug, I confessed, "Was'n natural fer me."

Then I watched as the amber light started blinking. It was the warning for the silent alarm, and I became mesmerized by its hypnotic, sequential flickering, before I shook my attention away from it and back to the clone. "He came lookin fer me after I disappeared... Did ya know that?"

Of course, I knew he didn't know that. How could he? Only a crazy person would have thought something like that. But I still shook my head disgracefully at him and stood back up, before straightening my pants a little, and pulling my jacket down to smooth it out too.

"Was worried… Never expected me ta actually leave 'im… An he got worried... Can ya believe that?" I stopped then, and looked at the floor for a moment, as I contemplated my next thought with a sickening regret.

"Biggest mistake he ever made… I'm like a plague ya know…" I continued, and looked back up to see if he was still paying attention. "Everyone that gets close ta me, gets hurt."

Then I tapped the glass lightly with my rod, and tapped my other finger to my temple to stress, in a visual sense, while I confided the following fact to him.

"But he was'n quite right in the head ta begin with though…" I whispered, staring intently at my audience.

"Time in the labs'll do that to ya." After that, a quick thought made me realize "But ya prob'ly already know 'bout that, eh?"

To stress the secrecy of the matter, I glanced around to make sure there was no one else in the room with us, and then I leaned closer to the glass with a confiding whisper. "Gave 'im some serious emotional problems."

After that, I stepped back and did a slight turn to watch the mist whorl around me as if it was alive, and I insightfully recalled. "We're not talkin 'bout _normal_ emotional problems here though."

Then a chided breath escaped me as I sneered at my memories. "He was a little on the twisted side… had 'imself a violent temper…" With a pause to re-sort my thoughts, I looked over my shoulder, back towards the clone, and smiled sheepishly, before I finished where I was going. "Ya could prob'ly say he was an experimental sadist, to put it mildly." I said, while nodding in agreement and swinging my rod around in full circles at my side.

I became irritated by the frequent movement though, and I decided to stop the distraction the rod was suddenly causing me, before resting it on my shoulder. Then I continued with my senseless disclosure, as if I had nothing better to do with my time. "But he cared about me, ya know?

"Got 'imself inta the same mess as me… Because'a me…"

Knitting my brows in revelation at the reminder, I stared at the floor and concluded. "Was all my fault." Then I let out an annoyed snort in regards to the fact that my friendly ear had nothing to say in concern to the matter, and seemed almost as if he wasn't even listening to me at all.

"Anyway, yer not really payin attention ta me…" I observed, narrowing my eyes in suspicion at him.

"Are ya?"

Then I took the cigarette back out of my mouth and flicked it at the encasement, still careless about the oxygen in the room, even though I was well-aware that it was there, before the thought of a sudden inferno made me giggle again.

But that giggle was soon replaced with bitterness and resentment when I remembered who I was, and that I would be having any such luck anytime within the near future. Regardless of the fact that it would spare me a slow and torturous death, and the fact that it would spare me the heartache of knowing my past had finally caught up with me.

It would also have spared me the fact that a long time friend, that I thought had been snuffed out for good, was finally back to taunt me. I thought I had, at the very least, learned to ignore my other half. But he didn't seem that content to be ignored anymore, for he was half-controlling me, and guiding me to do things the way he felt they should be done… just like old times.

Stepping slowly backwards, so I could stand in the shadows near the door, I quietly ran my hand along the cords hanging out of my pocket, while I waited. I was tempted to start tapping my foot in anticipation, but silence was the key to my plan.

The smile on my face had returned, and every now and then a slight snort escaped me as I tried to hold the laughter back. But it was hard to hold it back, because something was just too damn funny.

If only I knew what the hell it was...

In an attempt to gain control over my unknown amusement, thoughts trailed to Rufus, and I was suddenly able to stop myself from snickering when the pang spread across my chest.

_Not s'posed ta care, ya bastard, _I reminded myself.

But I was overwhelmed with the fact that I did care. I did more than I ever did before, which meant that things would have to be done carefully, if I was going to be able to hang on to what I couldn't let go of. Something in me erupted at the reminder that this wasn't like with Haldric. This was something entirely different. This was something that completed me in a way that nothing ever completed me before. I felt something for Rufus that I'd never felt for anyone in my entire life. But what was it?

_"Best not ta think 'bout that right now."_

"Yeah, yeah… shut up." I hissed, in a whispered hush, as I heard the faint footsteps coming down the hall towards the room.

* * *

When the door opened, I let myself relax, and watched Kurn walk right by me, unnoticed, and over to the encasement to see what went wrong. Then, slowly, I crept up behind him and waited, while he crouched to the front of the pod to find out why the silent alarm had gone off.

He was muttering quietly to himself, questioning how in the hell the power cord could have fallen loose, while he studied it in confusion. Then, after he re-seated it firmly back into its socket, I lifted my foot slightly to swirl the mist about, being especially careful to not make a sound, so he could see the cigarette lying on the ground.

At first, he seemed a bit puzzled by the sudden movement of the mist around him. Then the man froze for a moment, when he saw what it was I was aching to reveal. His dull reflection in the frozen glass in front of him showed the alarm wash over his face, as he picked up the remnant of the cigarette and recognized the brand.

Unable to hold back the demented grin creeping across my features, I kept my predatory eyes on him, as he slowly lifted his head and startled when he met the eyes of the wolfish impression he saw peering hungrily at him, from behind.

"Fancy meetin you here." I said, in a frighteningly chilled manner, through hungry teeth.

There was a strange withdrawn sense, like I was nothing more than an observer watching someone else do the dirty work when he went to jump up and stand. The rod in my hand seemed to swing on its own as the scent of burnt carbon filled the air and small sparks jutted out when it met with Kurn's back. A feeble cry filled the small space in front of him, short and sweet, and like nectar to my senses.

Once again, I cursed the damn oxygen level for not being high enough to react to the damned sparks.

_Guess I held the damn door open too long._

"Oops." I said, bringing my fingers up to cover my mouth as I girlishly giggled, while he convulsed to the floor on his way to unconsciousness. "Dunno what came over me, Man."

Whistling again, I undid the rod from my wrist, so I could hitch it to my belt instead, keeping it out of my way. Then kneeling down slightly, to spare my back, I grabbed his limp arm and straightened up again. After that, I started dragging him across the floor with one hand, while I skilfully stuffed an unlit cigarette into my mouth with the other in hopes that I could stop myself from whistling that stupid jingle.

"Told ya I hate that fuckin tune." I muttered, to myself in irritation, while I towed Kurn through the back halls and into the BioWeapons division.

* * *

Once I had him seated in a nice comfy chair with his sleeves rolled up, I used the cords I stuffed in my pocket to tie him down, and then I walked over to one of the containment areas to fill up half of a syringe with a mercury-like fluid that required a slight calibration on my part.

After that, I went over to another containment area to fill up the other half with a gel-like substance that I had become familiar with and perfected over the years of dealing with my enemies. An eye for an eye, I always believed... Let the punishment fit the crime.

It was a little something I had secretly donated to Shinra after a few years of service, earning me a promotion from a level three Turk to a level four, by the very satisfied and diabolical President Shinra, himself. No one involved ever needed to know of my involvement in the project or where I got the knowledge to cook up such a recipe from, and no one ever asked either. The only person that ever knew about my dealings with it was Rufus' father.

Well, anyway, I patiently made my way back over to an unconscious Kurn and smacked him repetitively in the face until he woke up with a heavy disorientation.

"Hey," I soothed, in a calming voice when I saw him stir. "Ya okay, Man?" My voice was riddled with genuine concern when I informed him that, "Ya had a nasty accident…"

"Wh –"

I think, he was either going to ask what happened or where he was. I'm not really sure, because he started to panic when he saw the smile on my face and realized he was tied down with a bunch of power cords.

Taking the opportunity of his initial shock, I decided I'd have enough time to light the cigarette that was dangling from my mouth all that time, and savoured the sweet nicotine swoon that I was rewarded with, from my outrageously long inhalation from it.

"Fuck, I could use a drink…" I breathed out, while I stared at the lighting fixture above me, "Haven't had one all evenin…"

While still staring at the fixture above me, I let him in on a little secret. "Get kind'a funny when I get too sober, ya know?"

He stopped struggling then, and stared at me with a frightening awe in his eyes, which then turned into a cold sweat when he saw the syringe I was toying with, between my fingers, by my side.

"Ya know… I don't normally come down 'ere… Avoid it if I can." I told him, factually, while I exhaled the smoke from my lungs and watched it dance towards the light. "Hate labs."

All the while, I watched Kurn's speechless questioning through the corner of my eye, as I continued to stare at the fixture. I wanted so much to tell him what was on my mind. But I couldn't. I wanted to tell him what I knew, and what I suspected. But it was not the time for such indulgences. I knew it would be a bad idea, and there was the risk that I might kill him if I thought too hard on it. Too much was at risk during my fragile moment of discovery that I had to give myself time to think it through.

He still had his uses, after all...

"W-what do you… W-want?" He asked, not that he really wanted to know, as he kept his eyes fixated on the needle.

"I wanna know what yer doin with that clone." I answered. Not that I really cared, but it was as good an answer as any, really, since I wasn't really there to interrogate him about anything in particular.

His confusion matched the image I had in my head prior to answering the question, and it brought my smile back while I exhaled more smoke through my nose.

"What?" He asked, with a hint of well-deserved confusion.

"The clone, Man… Ya know… The clone?" I replied, like he should have been up on these things. Then I turned to him and slouched slightly, looking at him, as if he was a complete idiot.

"N-nothing… I…" While struggling in an attempt to alleviate some of the discomfort from the cords, he met my eyes, dead on, with a slight annoyance. "You guys haven't given me any time."

"Hehe… No shit, eh?"

At that point, I wanted to call him on my suspicion about him learning how to reproduce the procedure used on them, and handing that information along with some of the Jenova cells over to Aldrich. But I couldn't let him know that I knew about his association with Aldrich without losing the upper hand, and I didn't want to seem insane by throwing around false accusations either. I had to make up a reason for what I was about to do, and it had to be believable.

_"Use Rufus."_

Twitching slightly to shake my irritating friend out of my head, I waved my hand to swat at the air by my ear, and let out a low hiss. The action earned me a quizzical look from the man who sat in the chair I had so graciously given up for him.

"Ya know, I don't trust scientists all that much, right?" I asked, as I lazily turned my body to face the same direction as my head.

"You've made that very clear." He said, slowly, while oddly tilting his head to the side. Then a strange light washed across his clear green eyes, and disappeared just as quickly.

For some reason, the action, and the fact that he said it rather calmly, chilled me. It was that reaction that told me that he had something over me. But of course, he had no idea that I knew what it was that he had over me.

An old game of chicken, we were about to play with each other's lives. A game I had become all too familiar with over the years, and I wasn't prepared to start losing. I'd be taking him out with me, if it came to that.

"I s'pose yer wonderin why I went through all this trouble ta get ya down here…" I mused, as I stared into his hateful eyes, while a slight sheen of sweat caressed his brow when he shifted uncomfortably. Narrowing my eyes at him, I fiddled a bit more with the syringe and took a step closer.

"I hafta admit that I'm a little concerned fer Rufus' safety." I told him, as I coldly looked him over and narrowed my eyes. "He ain't doin so well, lately."

"I t-told you that th-the tests have been s-successful so far." He said, in an attempt to plead his case.

"Yeah, I know ya ain't lyin 'bout that…" I informed, before taking a drag from my cigarette and blowing the smoke in his direction. "Took the liberty of checkin up on ya."

"Th-then why did you b-bring me down here?"

"Wanna make sure ya don't try an pull anythin funny when the time comes ta perform the procedure."

"W-why would I d-do that?" he stammered, as if he was astonished that I'd suggest such a silly thing.

"Cuz yer a fuckin scientist…" I reminded him, taking another step closer, "An that means that ya'll do anythin to fuck someone over jus ta see what the result'll be." I told him, while shaking the point of the needle at him. "It's what ya'll do."

"B-but I…"

"Shut up…" I commanded, as I came up to him, with a threatening movement. "I ain't in the mood fer yer bullshit."

"What are you going to do to me?" he asked, with a slight edge as I sat across his lap, straddling him. He was stricken with an odd type of terror that froze him completely, as he looked into my eyes while I stared poker-faced back at him.

_Yeah… Aldrich told ya 'bout me, did'n he…_

"I'm gonna make sure ya don't fuck up." I said, in a low and steady voice. "Gonna make sure ya don't go nowhere neither."

"I... have no intention of g-going anywhere." He responded, with an increase in the speed of his breathing, while his eyes became more intent as he looked at me in bewilderment. "W-why would you th-think that?"

"Cuz I don't trust ya… I'm gonna explain somethin ta ya… Yer gonna need ta know it, if ya wanna stay alive." Nodding subtly at him, I was suddenly unable to hold back the cat-like grin that was slowly creeping across my lips, while I held his gaze with mine. "But first… I jus wanna savour the look on yer face when ya realize what jus happened." I told him, as his face paled and his eyes widened. "Did'n even feel it, did ya?"

Bringing the empty syringe to wave between our eyes, he suddenly started to violently struggle. "What have you done to me?" He shouted, while I sat on his lap and drank in his reaction.

"I'd calm down if I were you." I purred at him, holding his face in my hands. "Would'n wanna push the microbes to an unstable state while their still in such a _delicate_ form."

After that, I swung my legs, playfully, as they dangled over his sides, and started running my hands through his hair, while he freaked out below my weight.

"Such a pretty colour." I commented, tilting my head and appreciating the beautiful blonde strands as I combed his unruly hair with my fingers. "Always been a sucker fer blondes…"

At that, his struggling came to a dead halt, and a strange cry escaped his throat when he noticed my other hand had slipped down and started playing with the hair on his chest.

"Ya know… Yer not so bad lookin…" I commented, honestly, despite the fact that he was a damned scientist. "Though, I'm more partial to smooth chests an blue-eyes, myself…" Letting out a chide snort, as I tugged on the hairs of his chest, I added. "Can't say I've never been opposed ta deviatin from my preferences though."

When I noted the paranoid look in his eyes after I brought my fingers under his chin to tilt his head towards me, I had to comfort him by letting him know. "Don't worry… Ain't gonna do nothin to ya… Ya ain't nowhere near as good lookin as Rufus." I told him, and smacked him across the top of his head for being such a gullible putz, before I pushed myself off his lap. "Jus tryin ta help ya out a little by takin yer mind off'a things."

"What have you done to me?" He choked.

"In twenty minutes or so, that injection's gonna map itself to yer genetic code completely. Once it does that, there ain't no way fer ya ta remove it without killin yerself." I informed him, while looking down at my shoes. "The metal is organic in nature, an it's fragile before it maps itself… Reinforces once it's bonded with ya… Keeps the microbes encased… Keeps ya safe."

After pulling the cigarette out of my mouth, I winked at him and put it out on the bottom of my shoe. Then I continued with the information I figured he'd need to know. "The metal is set ta deteriorate when struck by a certain frequency set outside of the common radios, and when that happens, the microbes are free to wreak havoc in yer body. This little trigger…" Stopping long enough to dig a small switch out of my pocket, I held it up to show him, and nodded when he nodded like he understood. "Will break down the metal an release those microbes… I hear it's a slow death… painful too."

I wanted so much to let him know that we were even, but I had to hold back. I had to refuse myself the pleasure of letting him know that I knew what he'd done to me. If I let him know, then I might not have his full cooperation with Rufus.

If he were to know that he was already a dead man once his task was completed, he might not be so willing to help me out when it came to the things I needed him to help me out with. He might screw around and bide his time – It's hard to control a dead man. But if I gave him a glimpse of hope that Rufus' well-being was all I was after, he might be more willing to lend a helping hand.

The inability to indulge in my real agenda left a bitter taste in my mouth that I had to force myself to swallow back, and I wound up sneering at him as a result.

"I guess what I'm tryin ta tell ya is…" I paused for a moment and brushed my hair back with my hand, "That I ain't gonna let ya fuck Rufus over without ya payin a hefty price. An as an extra insurance, ya ain't leavin this buildin until I decide ya can… I don't _trust_ ya 'nuff ta let ya run 'round on yer own anymore. Ya might try an run."

After that, I walked over to the biohazard disposal unit, and tossed the needle in. "So, I'm gonna set up transmitters all around this buildin… Far 'nough away ta keep ya safe within the confines of these walls, but should ya decide ta leave… Well… It's yer funeral..." I concluded, with a wink and a shrug, before walking back to remove the cords so he could go.

"Heh… An ta think ya were worried 'bout what Rufus might do to ya, eh?" I thought out loud, as I patted him on the shoulder once he was free of the constraints.

"Anyway, this'll be our little secret." I told him, with a venomous warning in my eyes. "Anyone finds out, an unlike Rufus… I like ta play with my friends, an draw the relationship out fer as long as I can… Get more satisfaction out of it that way, ya know?"

Kurn seemed all too aware that I wasn't bluffing, and I was sure Aldrich had told him all he needed to know about me, and that I wasn't the type to play around with idle threats.

Now, I had the insurance that he wouldn't be leaving the building to report anything more to his secret employer, or anyone else for that matter, keeping the Shinra secrets as they were meant to be kept in the process. After all, the last thing I needed was for Aldrich to know about Rufus' weakness, which I was sure he already knew. That fact alone, made things a lot more uncomfortable for me, and made me suddenly a lot more protective over the one man that I truly did…

Care about.

"Now get the fuck outta here." I ordered, waving my hand with my back to him. "I gotta lotta cleanin up ta do 'round here, an I don't need ya hangin 'round an gettin in my way."

* * *

It was twenty-six minutes passed zero-hundred hours, and all I could think about was a good stiff drink when I was back in the apartment. Actually that was an understatement, a whole bottle of that expensive shit that I bought the week before would suffice for me this time. I'd been saving it for a special occasion and decided that this was nothing more than the perfect excuse for one.

My head had calmed down a little since I had the opportunity to vent most of my frustration, and I convinced myself that I was back to behaving somewhat normal. Although, it was rather hard to tell exactly what _somewhat_ normal felt like, since it was something I'd never really been familiar with in the first place.

All I wanted to do was get cleaned up and shit-faced before Rufus returned home, so that I could face him without feeling the heaviness that was weighing me down to abysmal depths, and I could be certain that I was _me_. After all, the last thing I wanted was for my little friend to pay Rufus a visit.

But for some reason, that thought suddenly chilled me. What if he already has? How many times have I _zoned out_ when he was around? I've been working for the guy for years! How many times did he sit there, or stand, looking at me like I'd just told him I wanted to bear Sephiroth's children and invade Scarlet's wardrobe, without ever knowing why? Oh, Great Ifrit. Have I literally fucked myself beyond reason? Is it possible that he would just brush it off as me being me?

_"It 'Is' you being you, Dumbass."_

"Uggghhh…! Would… you… just… Shut… the… fuck… _up_!" I hissed, as I grabbed the bottle out of the cupboard, and drank straight from it; bypassing the time it would take me to grab a glass.

And of course, there was always the most disturbing question that I would have to ask myself, because I wasn't completely driven over the edge just yet, and felt I could do a little more damage…

Have I had sex with him without me knowing about it?

The sudden diabolical laughter that filled my head drove me to guzzle down half the bottle in one attempt.

_"Would you look at what you're doing to yourself?" _Came a voice smothered in mocking laughter. _"You're nuts, man."_

"AAAGGGHHH!"

In a sudden fit, I ripped the cupboard door off its hinges and slammed it to the floor, to spare the desire to rip out my hair and smash the bottle instead. After all, I was in dire need of its contents, so I decided to polish it off and finish it, before grabbing another bottle. This time, not caring what I grabbed. Since the first bottle was starting to kick in, it didn't really matter what the hell I wound up with in my hand next, as long as it had alcohol content.

"There's gotta be a logical explanation for all of this." I muttered to myself, as I took another long swig, and then opened a new pack of cigarettes. "Ya were supposed ta be gone."

With a total disregard to my newly trashed surroundings, I dropped the wrapping from the pack onto the floor and took out a cigarette without looking. "Maybe I've got another fever."

Pausing for a while, I waited for a witty remark, and when I received none, I took a deep breath to calm myself down, before I lit my cigarette and took a disheartening drag from it.

_Did he never leave?_

* * *

_"Please… Sit down, Reno." Tseng ordered, after I entered his office. There was a heavy scent of incense in there, along with a strange hint of lemon. _

_As he moved around his methodically uncluttered office, I couldn't help but notice there was a musky aroma of cigars and cigarettes that clung to his clothing. The man had obviously just come from a meeting with the President, I considered, since Tseng didn't smoke, and there were no cigarettes in his ashtray that he kept as a courtesy to those that did._

_"Sir." I answered, with a nod, before pulling the chair back to have a seat, before the man bowed his head and rubbed at his brow, while trying to carefully gather his thoughts. Then he came to rest his backside against the back of his desk, so he could stand in front of me and look down._

_"__Reno__, how long have you been working for us now?"_

_Shifting uneasily in my chair, because I suddenly had a feeling that I fucked up without knowing why, I hesitantly answered the man. "Fifteen Months, Sir."_

_'Here it comes… They're gonna tell me I'm no longer useful, an my lifeless body's gonna wind up in a gutter somewhere …'_

_"How much of your missions do you remember?" He asked, with an unreadable expression as I looked searchingly at him._

_Uncertain as to why he'd ask that, I simply shrugged, nervously, while I searched for a reason to the question, and an answer that wouldn't put me in a corner. "Dunno." I answered, my voice suddenly going husky from the anxious feeling that was growing in my gut._

_"Hm." He nodded, and pushed his ashtray towards me as a sign that it was okay to smoke in his office. "You're reports have been impeccably accurate." He stated, and then he brushed off some imaginary dust from his pant leg. "And you're assignments have all been completed without question, and beyond a state of satisfactory."_

_"However…" he added, and placed his hands neatly to his sides, against his desk. "Since you've been assigned to Rude, a concerning observation has been made about you, by him."_

_"I regret that we hadn't noticed this sooner. But President Shinra had you working mostly alone, or with Grunts up until eight months ago, for anyone to take real notice of your…" For a moment of pause, he nodded, and then he waited for me to put out my offending match, before concluding, "Problem."_

_"Problem, Sir?" I asked, cocking my brow and shaking the match, while I puffed on the cigarette to get it going._

_'What the fuck kind of trouble am I in?'_

_Clearing his throat, he told me, "Yes… Rude was uncertain at first, but after keeping you under close observation, it appears that when you are stressed, or threatened in certain ways, you become someone else." He stated flatly, almost as if he thought the faster he said it, the sooner it would be over and done with._

_I couldn't help but chuckle with a mixture of relief and disbelief at what he was saying. "Ya know, 'Sir'." I said, making sure that I stressed the 'Sir' part. "Stress does have the ability ta black people out sometimes. It also has the ability ta affect the way a person behaves." Still in a state of disbelief at what he was suggesting, I added. "'Times, it can make a person seem like someone else." I shrugged._

_"I'm well aware of what stress does to a person." He informed me, and nodded once before looking me in the eye, stone-faced. "So is Rude, I might add… The problem isn't only that you have a dual personality." He said, before leaning forward to gently sit me back down when I went to stand back up. "The problem is that Rude has overheard you arguing, dangerously, with yourself. You've been careful enough to keep it mostly private, but there have been times where you haven't been careful 'enough'."_

_For whatever reason, heat rushed to my face like an onslaught, overtaking my better senses, and I bolted upright, with enough force to kick the chair back. "WELL LET'S SEE 'YOU' GET FUCKED UP THE ASS AND WHEREVER ELSE BY GAIA KNOWS HOW MANY ASSHOLES, AND SEE HOW NORMAL 'YOU' BEHAVE AFTER!" I shouted, at the top of my lungs while putting as much distance between him and myself as possible, and pointing my finger furiously at him._

_His lips pursed at that moment, and he pushed himself from his desk to straighten up. "_Reno_… I'm well aware of your hardships." He told me, in a controlled and calm voice. "I'm not about to argue that your 'experiences' play no part in your 'condition' whatsoever." Then he walked over to me and placed the palm of his hand on my shoulder while I stared at him, shaking like a leaf from frustration._

_"What I am going to say, is that you are in dire need of psychiatric help." He stressed. "And I am 'telling' you, that I have already discussed, without a doubt, your condition with both Rude and the President earlier today." _

_He patted my shoulder lightly then, when he saw I was calming down a little, even though I was still furious, and then he turned his back to me so he could seat himself behind his desk. I didn't like the idea of them all discussing my problems when I wasn't there to defend myself. "I am already in the process of presenting my request to get you the adequate help that you require, and the subject is non-negotiable on your end."_

_Despite the fact that I wanted to yell out that 'this was total bullshit', I knew my place, and I knew better than to push things to a point to where I had even less control. The best I could do was comply with his order, and wait to see what the result would be._

_"Yes, Sir," I answered with my head down, as I impatiently waited for him to dismiss me._

* * *

The President never approved the request though, which left Tseng and Rude with no other choice but to learn how to deal with it and snap me out of it on their own. Over the years however, the blackouts and voices seemed to disappear to a point to where it seemed like they were nothing more than a dream I once had. We all knew that no amount of therapy would have helped me anyway.

Despite that though, I made such a strong attempt to bury and deny my past that it had no choice but to come back and haunt me in the most inconvenient of ways. The nightmares weren't enough, it seemed.

The second I heard the swipe of Rufus' keycard at the door, I found myself bolting across the room to grab him and slam him against the wall as soon as he entered, for no discernable reason, at all.

"YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPING WITH HIM, HAVEN'T YOU?" I yelled, hysterically at him, and with absolutely no control over myself, whatsoever.

There was a passing glimpse of surprise across his face that was quickly replaced by annoyance as he met my eyes with a calm lack of amusement. Then he gently grabbed my hands that were balled up in the front of his shirt, and began to pry my fingers open. "If you were in the mood to play some twisted game, you could have called me first." He answered, calmly. "Perhaps I could have stopped off at a sex shop and acquired some items to make it more fun."

After that, he grabbed both of my wrists and pried them apart so he could press them down at my sides, while he studied my expression for a moment. "And if you're accusing me of having an _actual _affair, then I suggest you have a few more drinks to clear that _Clouded_ head of yours." He said, with a slight edge to his voice, as he pushed me back a little so he could move toward the coat rack and take off his coat.

"Twisted game?" I asked, in astonishment. "I'm not the one that plays fuckin games Rufus." I corrected, as I watched him unbutton his vest. Then I pointed my finger at him when he turned to look at me with the most bored expression he could come up with, and accused. "An don't think I don't know what the _fuck_ it was you were just implying!"

Letting out a deep sigh, He quickly shook his head, and his bang slipped in front of his eye, causing him to bat it away from his face in annoyance. "All right, Reno… If it will make you feel better by turning the table, then I give up…" He said, as he pulled his vest off. "But before I admit to it, at least tell me which one of your imaginary friends I'm sleeping with."

"Don't fucking demean me, Rufus!"

"Demean you?" He asked, with his brow cocked in wonder. "Are you even capable of comprehending the meaning of such a word?"

"Of course I am, you pompous ass! I ain't no fucking idiot!"

"Good, then you'd know that you don't need me to do something you're more than adequately capable of doing yourself." He said calmly, as he went to move away from the rack.

His actions and words were making me even angrier than I already was, and the fact that I had no idea as to why the hell I was so upset in the first place, except for the fact that there was a slight possibility that he was sleeping with… me, was driving me utterly insane.

"You're a condescending asshole…!" I accused, while tensing up completely, and took a prowling step toward him and growled out, "I fucking _hate_ you!"

With another deep breath, and a hand sweeping his hair back, his eyes shadowed over as he controllably glared into my challenging insanity. "I know you do." He said, calmly, and then casually started to walk to the kitchen to get himself a drink. "You make a point of mentioning that nearly every day."

His lack of challenge fired me up even more, and the fact that he was going into the kitchen to see the mess I had made, added panic to the equation. I wound up lunging at him just as he made it to the sofa and threw him into it, while I simultaneously dived on top of him, sending the sofa, and both of us, toppling over to the floor behind it.

We both landed painfully, with limbs sprawled all over the place and trapped between the upturned cushions and couch. As a result, Rufus laid beneath me, with the upper part of his body arched over the back of the sofa and half on the floor, and his legs were in the air over what would have been the seat of the couch, minus the cushions, which were beside us, and on us.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" He hissed, in surprise, when he regained himself after the initial shock of being painfully pinned to the floor. "Have you lost what's left of your feeble little mind?"

"How many times have I acted like this, Rufus?" I shouted at him, and shook him, as if he was the enemy. "How many times?"

"Do you honestly expect me to count every single psychotic episode that you have?" He retorted, with a venomous and antagonistic reply. "You're chaos incarnate, Reno…" Then he narrowed his eyes, and growled through his teeth at me. "The very essence of disordered psychosis itself!"

"YOU FUCKED HIM !" I screeched, but what Rufus didn't know, was that I wasn't yelling at _him_, I was freaking out on myself for taking advantage of the man that I…

The revelation that he'd lost count struck me hard enough to send my consciousness to another plane all together. The bastard's been taking advantage of Rufus! Was I being rational? Probably not... but at the moment, rationality was somewhere within the realm of sanity and disillusionment, which of course, I was nowhere near.

_"Don't worry… It was only a couple'a times… He enjoyed it too."_

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING HIM!"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" He shouted back, and struggled to throw my weight off of him. "Unlike _you, _you're the only one I've ever been with, you ignorant bastard!"

Oh, the venom in that remark stung deep. It stung on a level that cascaded among many levels. It wasn't just his accusing tone, it was the words. Not only did he have to rub in the fact that I had been unfaithful, which I _was _regretful for, but he also had to throw in the fact that I was a bastard. Why he felt he needed to remind me that I was less than thoroughly bred, and even unaware of the roots of my own breeding, was completely uncalled for.

Of course, looking back now, I realize that my behaviour was also uncalled for, but that was beside the point.

So, anyway…

I suddenly found myself having to hold back the darker side that started to creep in. I still had enough of my sanity left to know that the man below me was not the person I wanted to be hurting. Although that sanity was wearing extremely thin. I had to hold back. I had to fight the urge to wrap my hands around his pretty little neck and choke the life out of him for being the reason I had lost it in the first place.

If it wasn't for him, I never would have gone to Bone Village with Rude. I never would have been interrogated with that serum, and I never would have been infected with an alien bacterium that was threatening to eat me alive by a man that _he _hired. I never would have sought out Professor Gast's place, and I never would have run into my old-time tormentor. I wouldn't be suffering from an unbearable Mako high that was not only driving me over the edge of rationality but was also threatening to kill me if it didn't dissipate soon.

If it weren't for him, I never would have cared that I was dying. I never would have felt that there was a reason for me to go on. I never would have been jealous of the thought of somebody else touching him, and I never would have been jealous of myself for touching him when I was unaware of it. I never would have cared at all. I never would have been made weak by the fact that I had fallen…

"I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU, YOU SELF-RIGHTEOUS SNOB!"

_"Oh, Reno… You've done it now…"_

"What the…" Rufus' attempt to struggle out of my hold was deemed futile due to the awkward position I had him in, and he reluctantly gave up, while looking at me like something was bothering him. "Who the hell are you talking to then?" He asked, with a mixture of astonishment and frustration at my cryptic behaviour.

I couldn't blame him for the fact that he was angry at me over accusing him of screwing around though, and I couldn't blame him for the fact that he was doing his best to ignore the fact that I had crushed all of my crackers. After all, I'd always bounced back in the past, and he always seemed to be patient enough to just wait it out.

Damn, he was beautiful. What did I ever do to deserve him? How could I ever tell him what I had just discovered and done? If I told him, he would surely kill the traitorous scumbag without thinking twice, and he'd ruin my fun by doing it fast too. Not that the latter really mattered, but killing him before I was done with him did.

_You can control yourself, Reno. You're the one who's in control… Get a grip._

_He's so beautiful…_

"Don't play stupid with me, Rufus…" I hissed at him, with narrowed and accusing eyes, as I tightened my grip around his wrists and held him down. "You know damn well who I'm talking to."

Why the hell couldn't I just drop it? The further I went, the deeper the hole became that I was digging myself into.

Unable to maintain his control anymore, a look of utter disbelief washed over his face, and he stared at me like I had gone completely nuts. "You're insane, Reno…" He hissed at me, before he threw me off of him, before yelling, "You've gone _completely_ mad!" then, crouching above me like a predator and pointing his finger at me in accusation, while rubbing the ache in his back from where it was digging into the back of the sofa.

Jumping to my feet to retaliate, I pushed him back and bellowed "DON'T AVOID THE FUCKING TOPIC!"

"WHAT FUCKING TOPIC?" He bellowed back, and pushed me in reaction "THE ONE ABOUT MY IMAGINARY FUCK-BUDDY, OR THE ONE ABOUT ME BEING ABLE TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN YOUR DISTURBED LITTLE MIND?"

"YOU _HAVE _BEEN SLEEPING WITH HIM!" I accused again, although I didn't know why, and the accusation was followed by the laughter of mocking insanity in my head.

"SLEEPING WITH _WHO_?" By that time, his face had gone flush, and he brushed his hair back with his hand, as he tried to re-collect himself, before he got swept away too far into my own personal demise.

"Re –l" Cutting myself off before I really dug myself deep, I took a few deep breaths, and stuttered out "N-nobody…" Then I waved my hand in dismissal and started putting the sofa back to its rightful position. "Jus drop it." I added, not realizing that those words were a sure way to fuel the confusion into overdrive.

"DROP IT?" He asked, with a wild look of confusion. "DROP WHAT?" after that, he brought both his hands to his head, and brushed his hair back on both sides. Then he held them there like he was trying to keep his brain from exploding. "Are you _trying _to drive me _insane_ along with you?"

"Oh, ya don't need my help in that area, Rufus." I muttered, while taking a stroll through la-la land, completely unaware of the impact it would have on the current situation. "Yer already nuts." I added, before I went to bend down again and pick up the cushions.

"Who the hell am I talking to?" He finally asked, after he shook his head from being dumbfounded, not that I was hoping he'd ask, but he asked nonetheless.

"Ya know who the hell yer talkin to." I grumbled, with a strangely calm, yet angered tone. "Ya've always fuckin known." I wasn't about to be fooled by his act. There was no way I was going to be fooled by him pretending that he had no idea what was going on. Nope… No fucking way.

_Let him act like he doesn't know… He won't be able to do it forever._

"Known about what?" He asked, with a disbelieving laugh. Then he struggled to regain his usual calm, and smoothed his hair back before straightening out his shirt. After that, he ran his fingers across his brow as if he was clearing away imaginary cobwebs from his mind, and trying to make sense out of things. "That you're a raging lunatic sent straight from Hades' domain to be my very own personal tormentor?"

"YOU SONUVABITCH! YOU'VE KNOWN ABOUT THIS THE WHOLE TIME!" I bellowed. Then I spun around to face my accusatory eyes upon him.

"Whatever, Reno…" He stated, shaking his head at me, as if he was fed up with something. "I'm not going to continue this... whatever it is with you right now." Then he started walking towards the room to retire for the evening. "I'm going to bed." He said, flatly, and then he turned around to look at me one more time with an odd look of defeat. "I assume I'm sleeping alone tonight?"

When all I did was just stand there and glare at him, he took a deep breath and nodded to himself, as if to answer his own question. Then he paused for a moment as a look of strange and compassionate understanding washed over his face. "If and when you feel like returning to reality sometime this evening…" He said, coolly, before he paused for a moment and dug into his pant pocket to pull something out. "I got you this... I noticed you never replaced the one you lost, and saw you looking at this the other day."

Then he looked down at the object in his hand and turned it in his fingers, before placing the small package on the side-table beside the door of the room, and then he brushed his bang out of his eyes. "I don't know if you still want it." He added, and then he turned to look at the door of the spare room. "But it's yours to do with as you please."

After that, he took a quick glance over to me, and then nodded again. "Perhaps when you've calmed down, you will be able to tell me in a much more civilized manner what it is that has gotten into you." He paused for a moment then, and unbuttoned the cuffs of his sleeves, while he added. "I have an idea, but I'd rather not discuss it with you when you're behaving like a deranged antagonist." One more quick nod was awarded from him, and then he disappeared behind the door.

"Oh, ya jus had ta get that last fuckin word in, did'n ya." I muttered, with venom in my veins, as I stood there and stared at the door for a long moment. Then my attention turned to the package he'd placed on the table. "Ya know where ya can stick _that!_" I yelled, so he could hear me behind the door, while I pointed at the parcel. Not that he could actually see me pointing at it, but the momentum was just the same.

Making every effort to ignore the asshole, I commenced to straightening out the couch, and placed the cushions back on it in the meticulous way that he liked to have them. Then I went into the kitchen and picked my garbage off the floor so I could put it in its rightful place.

"Pompous prick," I murmured to myself, and then I stared at the cupboard door on the floor, and knew that he wouldn't be too happy about it if he saw it. So, I went to grab my toolbox from the spare room and commenced to fix it up as if it were new.

"Deranged antagonist…" I repeated, under my breath, as I finished up put the toolbox back in the spare room, and straightened up.

"Look who's talking."

Sneering in disgust, I stopped in the middle of the living room when I came back out, and set my attention back on the parcel again. "Ya can stick it up yer ass." I repeated, bitterly, as I took a small step toward the parcel, making my best attempt to avoid the gravitational pull.

"He thinks he can buy me off…" I muttered, while the curiosity and the desire to grab it and stick it up his ass for him was conflicting in a wilful and tormenting struggle within. Then I took another betraying step toward the general direction of it.

"Fucking snob."

_"Would you just give it up and open the fucking thing? You're the one that's acting like the idiot!"_

"Mind yer own fuckin business." I said, quietly, to the little jerk in my head. "Liked ya better when ya did'n exist."

Finding myself standing in front of the small package, I picked it up and studied the small velvet packaging on it. Why the hell did he have to buy me something? Was he _trying_ to make me feel like shit? Fighting the urge to open it up and find out what it was that he felt he needed to buy for me, I wound up gripping the small package until my knuckles went white and the casing cracked, and then I placed it back down.

"Ya can go fuck yerself…"

After silently cursing the man for adding to my sense of guilt, curiosity won the best of me, and I picked the small box up again. Turning it over in my hand and feeling the soft velvet of the package, I reluctantly opened it and found myself struggling to swallow back the lump that had risen in my throat.

_Damn it, Rufus…_

_Fucking hate you…_

My hands were slightly shaky when I went to stroke the small object inside. For a moment, I pulled back as if stung by it, and then I pulled it out and rolled it between my fingers. The metal was smooth and cool in my hand, and deceptively light due to the indestructible mythril it was made from.

The small earring was much like the one Aldrich had crushed under his boot, only not so much that it reminded me of the incident though. The small intertwined engraving of the fire and lightning-like symbols for Ifrit and Ramuh were filled with thin layers of copper and gold, which contrasted subtly against the naturally silvery-pewter colour of the mythril base that it rested on. It was nothing fancy or flashy though, or I wouldn't have been looking at it in the first place.

_When the hell did he see me looking at this?_

Closing my hand around it protectively, I silently bitched myself out with my eyes closed for being such a psychotic asshole towards him. I had no idea what had come over me to make me behave like that in the first place. I know I was under a strange spell of fear and stress, but it was no valid excuse for taking it out on him the way that I did. It's not like I could have honestly blamed him for whatever it was I was blaming him for. If anything, I was the one that constantly fucked up, not him, and it wasn't his fault that my life had turned on me. None of my problems were his fault, yet I felt the need to blame him.

"Yer a fuckin idiot, Reno." I whispered to myself. "How the hell can I face him now?"

Closing my hand tighter, but not destructively, I leaned against Rufus' door and let my head fall back. "Yer a dense piece'a shit, ya know that?"

Then I unconsciously wrapped my hand around the knob, behind me and to my right, and I wound up opening the door, slowly. While keeping my back pressed to it as if I were glued tightly to it, I reluctantly followed the movement of the door while dreading opening it at the same time. Rufus was still awake, sitting up in the bed with the blankets across his lap and a book in his hands.

He ignored me until I cleared my throat, and then he placed the book down casually and icily glared at me. "I certainly hope, for your sake, that you're done." He warned me, as he reached over to his end table for a bookmark. "I'm not in the mood to continue with your antics."

"Nah…" I rasped, and pulled my head forward from the door. "No antics." Then I sucked on my bottom lip, tucking it under my teeth, and I slowly closed the door behind me. "Wanted ta apologize…" I said, looking down and holding my clasped hand slightly forward.

He let out a deep sigh, and closed the book after saving his page, and then he placed it on the end table to his side. He didn't really voice his acceptance of my apology, but he nodded in acknowledgement, and then he pressed his hands to his face to rub at his eyes. "Will you be coming to bed?" He asked me, evenly, and with a tired hope to his eyes when they met mine.

Nodding my answer sheepishly, I walked over to the side of the room that I occupied, but stopped near the dresser. "Ya still wanna talk ta me?" I asked, warily, while unhitching the mag-rod from my belt and placing it on top of it, and then I took off my jacket so I could remove my holsters and shirt as well.

"I believe it is more a matter of you wanting to talk to me." He replied, with his hands clasped loosely on his lap, as he watched my every move. "What's in your hand?"

"This?" I asked, and held out my clasped hand after I got my arm out of my sleeve. Then I turned around with the shirt still half on. Once he nodded, I answered with a hesitant attempt at a charming smile. "Somethin some gorgeous guy gave ta me."

Leaning his head back against the wall, and keeping his tired eyes on me as I finished undressing, He reached over with his right hand and pulled the blankets, on my side of the bed, back for me. "I'm…" he started, hesitantly, and cocked his brow, "Worried about –"

"Ya take yer meds?" I asked, cutting him off, and walked over to the bed with my head down.

With a week smile, he told me "Yes." Then he stated with careful consideration, along with a dead seriousness. "I think my problem is a little less severe than yours, however."

"Never know…" I said playfully, as I climbed into the bed. "Depends on what problem we're talkin 'bout." After that, I sat in the bed beside him and rested my head against the wall near his, and turned to meet his eyes. "Jus thought I had everythin under control… ya know?"

"So did I." He answered, and brought his hand up to brush the bang out of my eyes, while lightly sighing and taking in my features. I knew he was being careful not to say the wrong thing for fear that he'd bring up something I hadn't thought of yet, and I couldn't blame him for being concerned about sending me on another wild tangent.

He was probably right in his hesitation as well. He'd known me long enough to know that it didn't take much to set me off, and I'd gotten to know him well enough to realize that his coldness was nothing more than a defence mechanism that he'd built up to protect himself. I'd learned that he simply waited to see what hand the opponent was going to play first, before he made the mistake of showing too many cards at once. Whether he made his judgments through silence or bullshit depended on the situation at hand.

I assumed he decided that silence was the best for this particular situation though. But it's not to say that he was playing a game with me this time. I knew he didn't feel the need to protect himself from me at the moment. However, maybe he felt he needed to protect me… from me.

With that thought in mind, I held my hand in front of his chest and opened it with my palm facing upward, exposing the earring he bought for me. I was well aware of how much it cost him, since the price was one of the reasons I never purchased it, and although I never received a gift from anyone in my entire life, I understood the etiquette behind accepting one.

"You don't want it?" He asked, looking down at his gift with a slight disappointment.

Shaking my head at him and contradicting the action with my words, I answered by telling him that "I want ya ta put it on?" Then I tilted my head away from the wall so he could get better access.

When he leaned closer to me to seat it where my old one used to be, I closed my eyes and combed his hair back with my fingers. The silky-fine feel of his hair, and his touch near my ear made me shudder somewhat involuntarily.

Then warily, I initiated my thoughts with a simple question. "Are we on the same level?"

"That depends." He answered, while breathing hotly into my ear.

"Mako…" I whispered, quietly.

"Meteor…" He replied, with a matching whisper and a subtle nod.

Yeah… We were on the same level…

"How much longer?" He asked, with a tight sound in his throat.

"Dunno."

Neither of us bothered to bring up the question of my uncertain emotional stability. On some level, I suspected he already knew about it to a certain extent anyway, and perhaps it was a discussion best left for another time.

On that note, he brought his hands to rest gently along my collar-bones, after he had the earring properly seated, and moved closer to my ear, so he could brush his lips along the outer edge and sigh lightly into it. "You've done it again."

"Mmmm…? What's that?" I asked, savouring the uncontrolled shivers caused by the warmth of his breath.

"You've put me in a position to where I have absolutely no control." There was no playful tone to his words, or any coldness or bitterness either. The only emotion in his voice was that which matched the confusion of his words. Then he slowly moved his arms to wrap them around me, as I responded with an embrace that wanted to comfort us both.

An apology wouldn't have sufficed, and a prayer would never have been answered. Sadly, we both knew those facts, since neither of us was worthy of either. And at that moment, I wanted nothing more than to tell him how I really felt about him. I wanted to tell him that what he believed I thought about him wasn't true, but the words just wouldn't leave the box they were locked in.

Somewhere along the lines… I guess I'd lost the key.

_Gaia… Help us both…_

With a broken whisper, I did my best to substitute what I couldn't say, with an offer to express it instead.

"Make love to me, Rufus…"

If nothing else, it would have to suffice for that moment.

* * *

Revised: June 21, 2008


	26. Things to Remember

**Things to Remember**

* * *

_A loud snap filled the air, followed by a weak cry of knowing, when the last blow hit me. I had lost feeling some time ago, from the repetitive abuse of my own EMR being turned on me, and I was unable to determine the amount of damage I'd taken. Rufus had attempted to spare me by telling them the location of the underground Mako reactor. Of course, he lied. But at that point, he was willing to try anything to spare me any further agony, and possibly buy some time._

"_I apologize for cutting our meeting short, Rufus. But it appears your lover may have been pushed a little too far this evening."_

_The words were muffled, and my body was numb from the beating. I'd lost count of the number of cracks that I heard throughout my captivity. But I was certain there were a few more this session, in addition to the last one. _

_Like every preceding day, one of the men was ordered to clean up the excretions around me from my lack of bodily control, when every muscle that made up a part of me was pushed to exhausting limits, from the relentless shocks surging through me, and like every preceding day, no one was allowed to go anywhere near me afterwards. _

_Save for Aldrich… He was the only one allowed to come near me… The only one allowed to touch me…_

_Those were his rules._

"_That's enough, Adrienne. Disconnect the feed."_

_The blonde nodded and let me fall mercilessly to the floor by letting go of my hair, that he was forcefully gripping to keep me upright, and then he walked over to disconnect the line from Rufus, leaving me alone again; leaving me without Rufus' voice to hold onto. Leaving me with nothing but the pain to settle in again, when the adrenaline in my system decided it no longer needed to protect me from the anguish, and leaving me back to the coldness of the unheated cabin, as they all left… _

_Leaving me alone… _

_With Aldrich._

"_That last crack sounded serious," he commented, impersonally, before he moved from the chair and crept onto the floor on his hands and knees. Smoothing my damp hair back from my face, he grabbed the cloth from the bucket and wrung it out, before he wiped the blood from my face and cleaned my hair. _

_Savouring my winces and deceptively laboured breaths, he commenced to clean the rest of my body off, renewing my senses to the intensified coldness caused by the moisture that remained on my skin from the cloth. Then slowly, he crept along me like a hungry spider, ready to spin a fine silk hold around the poor unsuspecting prey that got caught in its web, "Hurt?"_

_Unwilling to answer or look at him, as I laid slightly on my side with my raw wrists bound together by a course twine, I set my focus on my laboured and pained breathing instead. Focusing on my struggles and pains was more preferable than coming to terms with where I was, and who I was with._

"_Stubborn as always," he observed, with a low and soothing tone and a tilt to his head, as he analyzed me with unfeeling eyes, while caressing the side of my face. "After all I've done for you," he added, as he watched me grimace when he slid his fingers carefully between my cheek and the floor, "And everything I've been through for you." I grimaced again and sucked in an inverted hiss when he turned my head to make me face him, causing a bolt of sharp pain to shoot down my spine, "You still give me the cold shoulder." _

_Rewarded with a wince from me, when he gently placed his hand on my, literally, cold and broken shoulder, and pressed lightly, the corner of his mouth jerked ever so slightly. But there was no change to his eyes or expressionless face while he watched, "I understand that the cold makes it hurt more."_

_Then, with a careful touch, he brought the damp cloth back to my face and ran it gently along my forehead. "I'm not entirely convinced that your lover would be willing to give in so easily. He strikes me as being almost, if not just, as stubborn as you," he commented, as his face hovered closely above mine, careful not to put his weight on me and adjusting himself so that his body was parallel to my own. "It's unfortunate for you, that your lover doesn't care enough about you to spare you any further abuse," he taunted, lowering his face closer to mine to further torment me, "Not that I mind…"_

_After that, he pushed himself up slightly and tilted his head, while looking down at me wolfishly, "I quite enjoy seeing you like this." Then he lightly brushed a stray strand of hair from my face, "I'm reminded of what it would often lead to." Shifting his body again, while he supported himself above me with his forearms and knees, he let his weight fall gently and evenly across my body, as I protested with a betraying whine, "Unfortunately, my body no longer allows me to indulge in such pleasures." Then he bitterly added, "And I'm probably correct in assuming that you still have no idea why." _

_Carefully, he let his weight fall a little more until he was no longer supporting himself with his arms or legs and his full weight was upon me, encouraging more betrayals of complaint from my raw throat that was sore from my cries. "Mm… I remember when those sounds were mixed with something else that betrayed you," He huskily said, into my ear, as tears of both physical and emotional pain deceived me, "It's too bad that the only thing I can offer you now is the heat of my body to keep you warm."_

"_But like all good things, you know I'm only going to get back up once you've gotten used to my temperature, and that it's only going to make the cold seem that much more unbearable."_

* * *

_Adrienne… How could I have forgotten that name? _

A strong chill washed over me, causing me to open my eyes and sit upright in the bed without warning. Automatically, I went to massage my wrists from the rope burn, but there was none. Then I noticed something wet on my face and wiped at my cheeks, suddenly realizing that I must have been crying…

_What was it he was saying to me? Something about getting used to something makes losing it unbearable? Something about getting close… Something about being cold… _

I was still rubbing my wrist with my hand, and I think I half-understood what Aldrich was saying to me in my dream. It was more of a memory, really, one that I'd forgotten, brought forth in the form of a dream, and I think it applied to more than me or Aldrich.

Looking down at Rufus, who was still in a deep sleep, I couldn't seem to fight the overwhelming flood that was threatening to wash over me. I never cared before. At least, I never thought I cared before. When did I suddenly start caring? I'm not supposed to give a shit about anyone or anything. Yet, somewhere along the line, I managed to betray myself, and I had no idea when, where, or how it happened.

With a sigh, I reached over and grabbed a cigarette, and after lighting it, I bit on my thumbnail and turned my attention over to the dimly lit figure beside me. The light from the moon outside made him seem almost ghostly and ethereal. He almost glowed with an unnatural and celestial light. When he stirred slightly and mumbled something illegible in his sleep, I sat back against the wall and stroked his hair back to comfort him from whatever dream he was having, while I sat there lost in my thoughts.

While trailing the bruise across the back of his exposed shoulder with my eyes, I couldn't help but wonder what the hell it was that he saw in me, or even why in the hell he wanted to be with me. Like I mean, let's face it, I was hardly a worthy catch. Throw Rufus into the equation, and with his status alone, I could hardly see why he would want to bother.

Slum-scum, I was. Nothing more... I was someone who deserved to suffer and pay a perpetual penance, simply for being born.

To top things off, my hold on sanity was becoming more and more questionable with each passing day, and all I could do was hope that it had something to do with the combination of the build-up of everything that happened to me in the short while that it happened in. Maybe I could even throw the Mako into the equation, since my temperature was constantly above normal. Maybe my brain was just frying up, and I was suffering from an illusory state because of it.

Yeah, if I was lucky, that would be all that it was… A fried brain.

_Hmmm…_

Well, with that thought in mind, I took a drag from my cigarette and looked back down at the man that had somehow managed to cross us over a dangerously fine line between employer and employee, to lovers. I couldn't help but wonder why, in the world, he would have wanted to do such a thing.

Rufus Shinra…

He could have had anyone that he wanted, and instead, he chose to go after the one thing that didn't want to be attained, and was bound to drive him into a pit of despair because of it. Was that what he wanted? Was he so self-destructive that he would want someone to destroy him, along with them? Or was there something I wasn't seeing… Something I was missing?

Maybe, he just wanted some kind of twisted challenge.

Well… I guess that would mean that he won…

But then, wouldn't that mean that the challenge no longer existed? What exactly was my fate once he realized that?

Too much thought. Too many things going on in my head… Always. It was no wonder as to why I was losing my hold on sanity.

* * *

I was tired of thinking, and I leaned over to check the time on the clock, noting that it was four-thirty-eight in the morning. I had only been asleep for two hours, and knowing damn well that I wasn't going to be able to still my thoughts enough to be able to get back to sleep, I figured that I might as well get up. We had a busy day ahead of us anyway, considering that Tseng and Elena's wedding was in the afternoon.

While holding my cigarette between my teeth, and moving carefully off the bed, I limped over to the dresser and grabbed a pair of track pants out of the drawer, and haphazardly threw them on. Then I limped carefully into the bathroom and pulled out a potion from the cabinet.

_What the fuck was I thinkin when I offered myself like that last night? _I wondered, as I downed the semi-bitter potion and looked at myself in the mirror, _an why the hell does he like it so fuckin much?_

Rufus Shinra… He was a fucking masochist. Who would have ever guessed? The guy had the weirdest kinks when it came to sex. So far, from what I'd gathered, he liked to have his life threatened, and was all for being tied up. Danger, pain, and death seemed to all be major turn-ons for him.

Maybe that was why he wanted to be with me. I was nuts enough to offer those messed up things to him without even thinking twice about it, be it willingly or just out of my fucked up outbursts. Was it for the excitement? Exactly how fucked up was his upbringing for someone as powerful and dominating as him to want to be so degraded and dominated by someone like me?

The more I got to know him, the more I found myself wondering exactly who he was. Most of the time, he was bitter and angry; cold and aloof. But there were times when he was around me that he was actually compassionate and caring; warm and surrendering.

It was the latter that actually scared me though. Not because there was anything threatening about him when he was like that, but because he was someone that I never knew existed. The possibility that Rufus Shinra was not who he seemed to be, actually struck me as frightening. Something was disturbing about a person who was gentle, subordinate, and caring, and at the same time, deadly, dominant and cruel…

Something not right about it at all…

Whatever happened to the real Rufus that was hidden beneath those many layers, and why was he buried so deep to begin with? What kind of person would he have been today, if he wasn't forced to bury his emotions so deeply? Would he have been compassionate? Would he have found himself a wife and had children by now? Or was he always meant to be the way that he was? Was that why his father was always so cruel to him and forced him so brutally to toughen up?

Rufus Shinra… Who are you, really?

* * *

"Good mornin, Beautiful," I greeted, with a lit cigarette hanging from my mouth, when a dishevelled Rufus walked into the kitchen and went straight for the coffee, as if his entire essence relied on it. Dark circles complimented his sleep-like, stormy-blue eyes, along with that puffy 'don't piss me off' pout of his that he always had when he just woke up.

He must have just thrown his white silk pyjamas on, right after getting out of bed. The tell-tale sign that he was still half asleep spoke by the way he'd done up the four middle buttons in misalignment.

The look he gave me in return was as piercing and dangerous as a dagger at my throat, and was charmingly accompanied by his usual happy sneer. "What the fuck is so good about it?" he grumbled, with one of his many cheery, and typical, morning replies, while he poured the black coffee into his signature mug, and started drinking it like it was life-support.

"Everythin," I replied, with a happy grin, ignoring his ever-so immaculate morning hostility, while he took another sip, and I continued to scramble his eggs over a medium heat. "Sun's shinin… Birds'r singin…" and I was about to continue when he snorted and cut me off.

"You really _have_ gone insane, haven't you?" With his eyebrow cocked, over his frowning and unfocussed eyes, he took another sip of his very much needed, and strongly brewed, coffee, while I snickered at his grumpiness and continued with my reasons for why that day was a good day, with a tilt to my head, and a charming smile as I looked playfully at him.

"It's Tseng and Elena's weddin today…"

If only misery had known of its contender masquerading around as Rufus in the morning, there may have been a serious battle for the regaining of the title. But as it was, Rufus simply answered with a snort and another sip to his coffee.

He may very well have been the most miserable person I had ever known when it came to mornings. But I was used to it, and actually didn't mind it at all. In a way, it was one of those strange things that I found attractive about him. His natural grouchiness and irritability was in full throttle right after waking up, and he was generally not nearly as chillingly pleasant as he generally was until he had his second cup of coffee.

Of course, he was a little more tired than usual, since I kept him up for most of the night fighting with him over nothing and then asking him to have sex with me. Also, he was a little sore and achy, from me attacking him in the living room and freaking out on him for no reason whatsoever. So, in many ways, I could pretty much take the blame for the especially lovely mood he was in.

Mind you though, I didn't recall him saying no to the sex.

In fact, he seemed all for it, despite the fact that it wasn't our usual coupling that he claimed to enjoy so much.

Well, after making it halfway through his cup and standing there like he was sleeping upright, he finally looked down and noticed that his buttons weren't done up properly, and set his cup down so he could fix them. All the while, he grumbled about why the fuck did people have to get married, and why the hell did he have to go to the damn wedding… Weddings were an absurd and useless waste of time and money, and something else that I couldn't quite make out.

I couldn't help but get the impression that he wasn't particularly fond of weddings, and was even less fond of the fact that he was the best man.

"All it is, is a damned ownership title… It doesn't prove shit," he grumbled, under his breath, as if he'd spent a year in the Slums and picked up a thing or two. Maybe that was why I liked him in the mornings. There was something so unnaturally natural about him. "A piece of metal and a signed piece of paper…" he continued, with his annoyed rant. Then he stopped, with his hand on the fifth button from the bottom, and glared at me, "What the hell does that prove?"

Snickering, I turned off the burner and set the frying pan aside, so I could turn to face him and adoringly take him in with a smitten flutter to my chest. Then I took my cigarette from my mouth, and held it between my fingers, while I smiled nostalgically at him and stroked my chin with my thumb.

"What?" he asked, when I just stood there staring at him, with a silly grin, which is what I'm sure he interpreted it as.

"Ya know…" I started, and took a deep breath while I stamped my cigarette out in the tray on the counter, and walked up to him to brush his bang out of his eye, and informingly told him, "Some people believe that it only reinforces their love fer each other."

Then a strange glimpse washed across his eyes, and he flinched subtly, before he focused on me with his brow cocked in an odd sense of surprise and suspicion, "Is that… so?"

The dark undertone and unimpressed amusement that he carried along with the smouldering eyes, that looked upward from a slightly lowered head, gave me the impression that he didn't really give a shit about the reason. Then he batted my hand away from his face in annoyance and grabbed his cup again.

Shrugging and still smiling at him, I brushed my own bang out of my eyes and decided to annoy him further, by circling my finger obnoxiously close to the front of his face, and telling him, "Yeah…" Then I leaned tauntingly forward, and pressed the pad of my forefinger to the tip of his nose, "That's… _so._" Emphasizing the 'so' by rocking forward on my feet.

Then, once I was satisfied with my successful tease, I removed my hand before he had the chance to bat it away again and straightened up before grabbing him a plate for his breakfast.

All he did in response, was quizzically stare at me, like he was trying to figure something out, and then he took another drink, tapped his fingers on his cup, like he was still thinking, and set it down again. And with a sudden interest and curiosity, he cautiously asked, with his head tilted, "Is that… What you believe?"

"I'm a bastard psychotic from the Slums, Rufus," I reminded him, with his own words and a shrug, while I placed the bacon I prepared before he came in, onto his plate, "Ain't much reason fer me ta believe in anythin."

"You… have no faith?" he asked, looking down at his cup and turning it clockwise on the counter, and then back at me, while I licked the bacon's crumbs from my fingers.

"Heh… Have we just met?" While setting the plate down, so I could scoop the eggs onto it, I grabbed the handle to the pan and then paused before turning my attention back to his puzzled disbelief. Surprised by the unspoken revelation that someone like Rufus actually had faith, I suddenly felt the need to justify my own lack thereof, "Ain't much in my life that leads me ta havin faith in anythin, Rufus."

For some reason, the revelation made him jerk his head back, to suggest I'd just slapped him with a raw fish, before he strutted over to where I was and placed both his hands on either side of me, against the counter I had my back to. "You don't believe that things happen for a reason?" he asked, calmly, as sleep swept away from him and curiosity kicked in. Then he scanned my features and settled on my eyes, cocking his brow and waiting for an answer.

"Why would I?" I asked, astonished that he'd even ask such a question. Had he not been paying attention to the fortitude of bad luck and meaningless bullshit that became the archetype of my life? Despite the fact that I was staring at him with resolution, he kept his eyes locked on me in question, and reached over to grab a piece of bacon to nibble on, while he simply waited to see what my next action was going to be.

All I did in return, was narrow my eyes and scowl at him in irritation from his silent and challenging approach. Then I let out a quick disgruntled breath and gave in, while raising my brow at him, "Ya gonna tell me that there's a reason for my life bein as fucked up as it is?"

After that, he stared at me in thought, and took another bite of his bacon before quietly contemplating his answer. "I don't believe that there is _no_ reason," he stated, and then he broke a piece of the bacon off and stuffed it in my mouth, "I have a difficult time believing that the pieces just fall where they may, leaving us scrambling on a senseless journey to the end."

Then he wiped a crumb of crisp bacon from the corner of my mouth with his thumb, and added with his brow cocked. "After everything I've been through, and seen you go through, I'd like to believe that there's a reason," he told me, while reaching over and slightly tilting my head, before toying with the earring he bought and looking at it mindfully, "I refuse to believe that there is no purpose to our existence."

"Heh… I fail to see what the purpose to my existence would be."

"Perhaps you weren't meant to," he mused, thoughtfully, and let go of the earring to brush my hair out of my face. "Perhaps your purpose in life was to simply exist so that you could be my own personal annoyance."

At that, a slight deviant smile betrayed him, and he stuffed the last of the strip of bacon in his mouth and walked back over to his cup and refilled it, while casually stating, "As a matter of fact, I'm quite certain you were sent from the depths to torment me."

"Ha-ha…" I commented, as I turned around to scrape the eggs onto his plate and pepper them with herbs, "Glad ta know I've managed to fill that void in yer life."

Then, as I walked by him, I nudged him with my elbow, and challenged him with a witty expression, "So… What yer telling me is that ya ain't got a clue, 'bout what ya believe?"

And with a smirk, he hooked his finger into the back of my track pants and tugged hard enough to make me stumble backwards, into his chest, as he held his coffee out of the way to avoid spilling it. "I believe in purpose, Reno," he said, smoothly into my ear, and then he slid his arm around my stomach and pulled me closer. "Without purpose…" he started, and paused long enough to brush his lips along the outer edge of my ear and move his hand down to the front of my hip, "There is no reason to exist."

"That black'n white, huh?"

"Mm… That black and white."

He nudged my ear with the tip of his nose then, and released his hold on me. But before I got far enough away, he grabbed another piece of bacon from the plate, and placed it uncharacteristically between his teeth.

While he stood there with a wide grin and his brow cocked, he waggled the bacon, like a tongue, to taunt me. So, I lunged forward and snapped off the exposed half with my own teeth mimicking the resemblance of an animal going for the bait. Then he wrapped his arm around me again, and just held me while staring at me with an odd adoration, as he pulled the remainder of his half into his mouth and chewed on it.

"Yer eggs'r gettin cold," I told him, when he didn't let go.

But he didn't seem to care, and he snuggled me closer while continuing to stare at me, as his eyes wandered over my face, and he set his coffee down. Then he caressed my left scar with a bit of curiosity, while thinking out loud. "Those look like they were deep," he commented, thoughtfully, for the first time since I'd known him. In all that time he'd never made any kind of comment or question in regards to them, "Like they went right through to the bone."

Not really knowing why, I moved my eyes away from his gaze, while a bit of heat rushed to my face from an awkward discomfort that suddenly kicked in.

"I've always been curious…" he soothingly said, leaning up to me and brushing his lips along the one by my right eye, "But have always been afraid to ask."

"I find it hard ta believe ya've ever been afraid of anythin," I commented, lightly, and then I pulled back and smirked at him.

"That's because you don't really know me," he informed, and moved slightly forward, so he could rub his nose to my nose while pressing his forehead to mine, as he peered deeply into my eyes. "Believe it or not, you've always scared me." Then he slightly tilted his head enough to bring our mouths closer, before flicking the tip of his tongue lightly along my lips, and concluding, "It's what I've always found most attractive about you."

"An here, I thought it was my cookin," I replied, in an attempt to lighten up the suddenly creepy insight.

"Why would somebody want to scar such a beautiful face like that?" he asked, pulling back and running his curious eyes over them again.

"Cuz that somebody knew that if he were damaged goods, he would'n be worth his weight in Gil on the streets."

Stunned for a moment, he pulled back further and looked questioningly into my eyes. Then he moved both hands to simultaneously trace the direction of the scars, while asking, "You did this to yourself?"

"Could'n stand the thought of my body bein used," I answered, raising my brow sheepishly. "I may have been a lotta things… But ain't no way was I ever gonna be some piece'a meat fer men ta use an discard as they see fit."

"If that was your intention, you didn't do a very good job," he replied, and smiled softly.

"Huh?" I asked, and placed my free palm on his chest to push him back slightly, "What the fuck is that supposed ta mean?"

"Even with those scars…" he stated, and ran his fingers over my left one again, "You're still incredibly sexy."

"Yeah…" I replied, warily, and pushed him back further, so I could step out of his grasp. "Ya know that's jus ordinary coffee… right?" I asked, with my brow raised and walked over to the table to set his plate down.

"You know, the more I get to know you…" he claimed, after taking a deep breath and picking up his coffee again, "The more I realize I'm only scratching the surface."

"Could say the same fer you."

With a guilty smile, he walked over to the table, and swung over to kiss me on the cheek before seating himself in front of his breakfast, "Perhaps we should work on that then."

"Perhaps we should," I agreed, and picked up my cold coffee from the table to dump it.

* * *

After Rufus joined me for a shower, I figured it would be a nice idea to throw a tantrum in the bathroom, over my tie, while he looked for a set of cuffs that he felt were suitable for the occasion that he was still grumbling about. However, upon hearing my cussing and yelling at the tie as I ripped it from my neck and whipped it over the counter, repetitively, Rufus calmly decided that he would come in and help me out instead.

As he carefully and slowly pried the evil oxygen suppressant from my hand, he avoided my glare as I willed the cursed control choker to burn to ashes with my mind, and a reminiscent grin broke past his barrier.

"I suppose it's a good thing that redheads are rare," he commented, calmly, and then he turned me to face him by placing his fingers lightly under my chin.

"Why's that?" I asked, feeling suddenly ridiculous for yelling at a tie, and somewhat embarrassed too.

"Because if they're anything like you, the world is in a lot more trouble than I thought." Placing the tie around my neck, he commenced to skilfully fasten it, keeping it loose enough to avoid suffocating me, and tight enough to be presentable. "I certainly hope you're going to be able to control yourself at the wedding."

"Ya sure ya want that?" I asked, playfully, while sticking my finger in my collar to pull it away from my throat, "I might be able ta create a diversion fer ya by pickin a fight with a salad or somethin, than ya'd be able to make a run fer it."

Letting out a deep sigh, he placed the palm of his hand against my cheek and frowned with a sarcastic glow. "How would I know that you were faking?" he remarked, before the corner of his mouth turned up and a devious glint lit up in his eyes.

"Very funny," I grumbled, and swatted at his hands that were obsessively straightening out my uniform, before giving him a glowering glare at his attempt to make a joke, "Why don't ya like weddins anyway?"

"Why do you like them?" he retorted, and commenced at straightening my collar, while I struggled with him and kept pulling it back. Then he mumbled, "You're worse than a kid."

"Free food'n drinks," I piped up, with an anticipated grin, and still holding my fingers between my collar and my neck.

"Free food and drinks…" he mirrored, "You know you only get two…"

"Yeah… But those two are free," I reminded him, "An I ain't about ta start turnin down free drinks." Winking at him, I patted him on the left shoulder and then stuck my finger back in my collar to pull it away.

"Why am I not surprised?" he mused, and grabbed my hands from my collar in frustration. Then he pinned them to my sides by wrapping his arms around me, over top of my own, and surprised me with a slight outburst, "Would you _quit_ dramatizing… It's not that damn tight!"

"Jus ain't used to it," I told him, looking at him sideways, as I cautiously pressed my question, "Ya gonna answer me 'bout why ya hate weddins so much? One would'a thought ya'd love em, considerin your aristocratic upbringin."

"Aristocratic? That's a fancy word."

"Learned it from Tseng."

"Very well… I've been to more than my fair share of my _father's_ weddings, only to watch him use and discard every woman that he married," he answered, while pulling his upper body away, but still pinning my arms, and regarding me with a serious annoyance, "He taught me that marriage was only for show and that it meant nothing by the number of _whores_ he screwed on the side."

Then he sneered and let out a disgruntled snort, before leaning forward and placing his chin on my shoulder while pressing the palm of his hand against the middle of my back. "But it was _all_ my fault that he had to do those things," he soothed, chillingly into my ear, and started brushing his lips along the outer edge.

"He didn't want his _sissy _of a son not knowing what to do when the time came for him to carry on the Shinra legacy. So, he had to teach me what to do…" he informed, purring into my ear and running his hand down my back, roughly, before harshly whispering, "By making me watch."

He pulled back with a wicked grin then, and caught my eyes with a glaring fury. "And judging by the way that you keep coming back for more…" he said, with eyes gone black from a primitive possession, "I'm sure you'd agree that I _did_ learn something... Though… perhaps…" Pulling me tighter and tilting his head, he brought his mouth dangerously close to mine so I could feel the heated breath of each word that came out, in a low growl on my lips, "Maybe not _quite_ what Daddy intended for me to learn."

"Fu –"

When he met my mouth with a feral hunger that nearly suffocated me, I realized that talking about weddings was probably not one of Rufus' favourite topics, since it appeared to bring his adrenaline to a dangerous and predatorily instinctive level. So, I made a mental note, and decided that I would refrain from talking about weddings with him if I could help it.

At least, I decided that I wouldn't do it in public, and I admit that I was a little thankful that I made my first discovery in the privacy of our own bathroom. The other thing that I needed to add to that note, as well, was the small reminder to never bring it up _after_ getting ready to go out on a special occasion, because all of my efforts went straight to Hell when he tore my clothes off, and I followed suit.

"Uunngghh… Gaia… Reno…" he muttered, half-baked, with his fingers digging into the wall once I was inside him, and then he reminded me, "Don't waste any time… We have to be there in fifteen minutes..."

"Nnnnnnggg… Rufusss… You feel sooo gooooood…"

Honestly though, the disturbing insight and screwing Rufus silly against the wall was not _really_ what I had in mind when I asked him why he didn't like weddings…

"Yeah… harder… nnn… ffffuck… harder…"

"Cum for me, baby… Show me how much ya love me."

We were also a half-hour late due to the fact that we had to clean ourselves up and change our clothes afterwards.

"Ah… A-hahh… AGGGHHH!"

That was both of us, by the way.

"Gaiah… I love you…" he breathed out, in heavy pants when he slid to his knees against the wall.

"I know ya do, Rufus," I dominatingly replied, while staring down at the heap he'd turned into and licking his seed from my hand.

"Don't ever leave me…"

But everything worked out all right, because the priest was also late…

* * *

The wedding went about as smoothly as one could have expected it to. Elena couldn't have looked more beautiful than she did, standing at the altar next to the man that she loved. It may have been a combination of the excitement and the promise of motherhood that made her glow as brilliantly as the sun, while she gazed into the eyes of the man that she idolized and smiled.

She literally beamed.

On the other side though, Tseng remained straight-faced as ever, throughout the whole ceremony. But the light in his eyes could have been enough to light the room, should the need have arrived, and they remained fixated on the one thing that meant more than the world to him…

Elena.

She was roughly eight months pregnant, give or take, with his child, and he kept his hand on her belly as he peered longingly into her eyes. I honestly didn't think the rest of the world mattered to either of them at that moment, and he finally smiled when the time came to kiss his shining bride.

It was so beautiful that it pissed me off.

Rufus stood behind Tseng, setting the perfect example of what an ice-sculpture should look like, and how one should behave. He was even diligent enough to par it down to the icy glare that suggested he was less than happy to be where he was, as he stared straight ahead the whole time, into space, attempting to completely avoid eye contact with anything that was remotely alive.

It was probably just as well that he did that though, because no one in their right mind would have wanted him looking at them like that anyway. It was a little unsettling.

The only time Rufus did move and focus his eyes, was when it came time to hand the ring over to Tseng. His hand came up to firmly grip onto Tseng's shoulder, and he gave him that 'I hope you know what the hell your doing' kind of chastising warning, while looking like he was holding his breath, when he met the Wutian's nervous, charcoal eyes.

Man, what a charmer that Rufus could be.

* * *

The reception went quite well, with all things considered. Rufus remained with the wedding party, playing the upper class eccentric quite well by breaking the waiters hand when he touched him, and rewarding himself with a renewed sense of fear and power from the rest of the catering crew.

I'd almost forgotten how lovely Rufus was when he was in the public eye. Since I'd gotten to know him so well, it was easy to forget why it was that people feared him in the first place. But he was doing a damn good job of helping me remember why I always used to think he was always going to kill me.

Now, don't get me wrong here, he wasn't a complete asshole. He played the aristocrat exceptionally well, and was compulsive about setting the right appearance. The thing with Rufus, and it had been a thing with him for some time, was that he never took to being touched by people he didn't like or know. He'd get downright nasty if someone deliberately touched him, but it was all right if he touched you though.

However, he wasn't always like that. It was something that gradually happened to him, and by the time he was sixteen, he had become a full throttle introvert, perfecting the art of egotistical alienation. He even managed to turn himself toward being overly obsessive and compulsive, and made sure that everyone knew about his special little quirk by either beating them within an inch of their life or simply shooting them.

Back then, the only people allowed to even stand within a foot of him were Tseng, his doctor, his tailor, and his hairdresser. Well, of course, I couldn't help but push him back in those days either, by constantly testing the limits. But for reasons unknown to me at the time, he never gave in to my death-wish, and now it seems like neither of us can keep our hands off of each other.

Mind you, I'll admit that he wasn't as bad as he used to be. It almost seemed like each day, he became a little less standoffish, and a little more accepting towards physical contact with those around him. It was almost as if he knew he had a problem and was trying to correct it, despite the fact that he was still having trouble with it.

And once again, I found myself asking if it had something to do with his father. But after the earlier incident in the bathroom, I decided that I'd save the question for another day.

Personally, the more I was finding out about him, the less I wanted to know, and the more I felt guilty for being so close to his father back in those days. I was literally beginning to despise the man that I once looked up to, and eventually viewed as a father figure, and I was beginning to hate myself even more than I already did for never knowing what was happening behind the scenes to Rufus. I was also beginning to understand why he was the way that he was, which was bothering me all the more, as I Inconspicuously stole a glance over at the man that I viewed to be the most beautiful, albeit narcissistic, person in the room.

My beautiful Rufus…

There he was, sitting at a table, with an enchanted Tseng to his left, and staring hatefully at his accountant from the twenty-third floor for some unknown reason, while he drank his vodka and gripped his fork so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. Whatever the hell was going through Rufus' mind at that moment must have been pretty unpleasant, and I found myself not even wanting to entertain the speculation.

Although, I did wonder exactly how much his accountant may have fucked up on the paperwork to elicit such a frightening reaction from the most malevolent deity on the surface of the planet.

Well, while trying to pull myself out of my thoughts, and suddenly obvious fixation on the mystery of what made Rufus tick, the waiter placed a glass of scotch that I didn't recall ordering in front of me. It was the third time that it had happened that evening, and I was starting to feel a little guilty about not paying for any of them yet.

When I asked him how much I owed him, and stuck my hand in my pocket to pull out some Gil, he held his hand up and told me that it wasn't necessary, and before I got the chance to ask him why, he had already started walking away, leaving me to stare at my scotch in a state of confusion.

It wasn't until Rude asked me if I was even curious about who was buying them for me, that I even gave it much thought. To be honest, I thought maybe I was ordering them for myself and already paying for them, since I was still unsure about how much of myself I still had control of. Of course, there was always the very far-fetched possibility that Rufus was ordering them for me too, but that didn't seem very likely, given the pleasantly bitter and antisocial persona he was carrying that evening.

"Thought I was payin fer em myself," I murmured, while sheepishly raising my brow and bringing the glass to my lips.

Naturally, that statement awarded me a very concerned look from Rude, and the suddenly curious attention of Tifa, who'd been sitting beside him the whole time. I'd also like to add at this point, that she looked incredibly stunning that evening.

For the first time since I'd known the lady, she had adorned herself beautifully, and took on an unnaturally feminine and delicate quality that I'd never seen her carry before, making it hard to believe that she was ever the woman who'd kicked my ass on several occasions in the past.

"Have you been under that much stress?" Rude asked, in regards to my admittance over not knowing what I was doing. But all I did was shrug, before getting uncontrollably antsy over something.

"Let me get back to ya on that, Rude…" I sarcastically said, and sneered at myself for creating an opening for more questions, "I don't think my list is completed yet." Then I stared straight ahead, took another sip, and stuck a cigarette in my mouth, before I got up to walk outside so I could smoke it.

"…"

* * *

"Lovely evening," Reeve commented, as the door to the outside closed behind me, and he lit his cigarette. Besides me and Rufus, Reeve was the only other person that I knew of who didn't accompany himself with a date. It didn't seem to bother him though, since he made up for it by casually socializing with several of the employees from his department.

Naturally, he managed to avoid anyone that he felt he had nothing in common with. Despite his kind nature, he always appeared awkward around people he had nothing in common with. I guess it was to be expected, since he wasn't really a man for small talk.

Anyway, I responded with a nod and an abrupt, "Yeah". Then I lit my cigarette and leaned beside him, against the cold brick wall, and avoided eye contact due to the embarrassment over the day before. But he didn't really seem to care about that, since he never made a comment towards the situation.

I still couldn't help but wonder how in the hell he managed to act like nothing happened, and he even managed to carry himself off the following day with the same likeness. Personally, if I'd walked in on something similar between two guys, I don't think I'd ever be able to face either of them again, let alone talk to them like the incident never existed.

"I never expected you to be a scotch man," he commented, motioning his glass towards mine, "I always figured you for a cheap bourbon man, to be honest with you."

_Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence, Reeve, _I thought to myself as I took a sip, and then I retorted with an annoyed mumble in my defence, "Ain't opposed ta bourbon."

With a smirk, he let out a subtle snort with a jerk back to his head to announce his amusement. "Scotch man, myself," he stated distantly, swirling his glass and staring at the contents, "Years ago, I never would have thought that we could have so much in common…"

"What ya mean?" I asked, taking a drag from my cigarette and studying the surroundings to the outside of the building, and the people walking by and loitering in proximity.

"No offence, Reno…" After taking a fair drink from his glass, he indulged in his thoughts about me in the past. "But I always viewed you as nothing more than a henchman for President Shinra… Not too bright, a bit of a back-stabbing swindler, and maybe even a bit of an ass-kisser… A lowly dog, if I may state," he commented, with his brow casually cocked.

"Now that I've actually gotten the chance to know you better, I've discovered that you're not the idiot I always thought you were. There's even an odd sense of refinement to you that I never would have guessed you possessed. Don't misread me though, I still don't trust you as far as I can throw you."

With my brow raised and my cigarette halfway to my mouth, I looked at him in absolute disbelief over what he just said to me, "Refinement?"

Chuckling at his own disbelief over what he just said, he brushed a loose wave away from his face and turned his attention over to me, "Well, for one, you actually _can_ wear a tie. Though, I wouldn't have believed it if it weren't for me seeing it." Then, with an awkward tilt to his head, he regarded the neatly done up tie around my neck, and then he continued, "And according to my father, only a civilized man drinks scotch and smokes this brand of cigarettes."

While holding up his package of cigarettes for me to observe, I noted, for the first time, that we smoked the same brand. "Of course, as far as similarities go… I never knew that you were mechanically inclined. I always thought that you were rather ignorant when it came to things that required a certain disciplinary action of thought."

"Thanks fer the vote of confidence," I thought, out loud, and with a sarcastic undertone and a snort, "Speakin of mechanical _thingamajigs_…" Emphasizing the last word to help him out with his less than admirable point of view about me, I took a drag from my cigarette to over-exaggerate my slow and lowly train of thought, "Ya got those watchamacallit thingy's set up, that ya were talkin 'bout in Rufus' office the other day?"

Clearing his throat with a slight blush rising to his face, although I'm not sure if he was blushing over the reminder of the office incident or something else, he told me that he took the liberty of already positioning them and setting them up.

"Good, cuz I think I want ya ta turn em on, so I can see what yer overly fancy-assed cameras can do that normal ones can't," I told him, bitterly, as I flicked my cigarette onto the street and observed the lingering loiterer across the way, with a slight suspicion. Then I pushed myself away from the wall in an attempt to get the hell away from the upper class snob that was generous enough to grace me with his presence.

"Reno…" Reeve called to me, when he noticed how pissed off I became over his condescending attitude.

"What?" I snapped, "Ya ferget ta mention how much of a slob I was? Or maybe ya fergot ta throw senseless son of a whore, an ignorant alcoholic in there too?" Overtaken by frustration at how all the well-to-do 'high society' civilians of the upper plate continuously ground me down because I was born into a life I never had a choice over, I was suddenly unable to hold any of it back.

With a bit of surprise, he straightened himself up and set his eyes on me. "No," He said, straight-faced. "I… wanted to apologize. I didn't mean to insult you. I actually meant to do the opposite. But it all came out wrong." Then his eyes shifted back down to his glass as he swirled it around, and then he mumbled, almost to himself, "I had no idea your mother was a lady of the streets."

Not expecting him to apologize, I was taken off guard, as I stood there frozen and embarrassed for my ill-tempered outburst. But the best I could come up with was, "Don't worry 'bout it," before I went back into the building to make my way for the men's room so I could relieve myself.

* * *

To top off what was turning out to be a most fucked up day as far as ordinary went, while I was washing my hands in the restroom, Rufus' accountant entered with a smile and a cut-off greeting, as Rufus stormed in behind him and wrapped a choke-wire around his neck.

"What the fuck are ya doin?" I shouted, in surprise, while Rufus strangled the life out of his accountant in the men's room of the hall where Tseng and Elena were celebrating the first day of the rest of their lives together.

While struggling with the flailing body in front of him, he looked up at me, somewhat surprised to see me standing there. Then he went on to explain, with a grimace on his face from the effort it took to slowly kill the poor unsuspecting man, that he didn't want to ruin Tseng's wedding by using a gun. Apparently, the noise would have brought too much attention to something he preferred to do quietly, out of respect for the man that he'd always looked up to.

"Well, what the fuck did he do wrong?" I asked, with my hand motioning towards Rufus' victim that was beginning to weaken from the growing lack of oxygen.

"He's been fixing the records, and skimming from the top," he answered, while tightening the wire.

"So ya had ta wait 'til ya were at a fuckin weddin ta kill him?" Staring at him in utter disbelief, at the disturbing insanity that Rufus was known to display on occasion, I patiently awaited an answer while he took a second to think about it.

"No," he sang, casually, as if we were just having an ordinary conversation, and dropping the dead accountant to the floor, "I had to wait until the idiot bought you a third scotch." Taking me off guard with his comment, that made him sound a little pissed, he picked the lifeless body off the floor with one hand and dragged it over to the janitor's closet, which naturally, happened to be locked. "Damn… Reno… Unlock the fucking closet," he barked, while glaring at the door.

"Yer fuckin nuts, Rufus," I blurted out, unable to keep my opinion to myself, as I walked over to the door and pulled out my lock-pick, "That ain't no fuckin reason ta kill a man at a fuckin weddin."

"Oh? Really?" Crooning, as he glared at me, with shadowy eyes, he tapped me on the top of the head with the wire, and continued with his chastising sing-song, "I suppose you should have thought of that before accepting the drinks then."

"Thought I was payin fer em myself," I mumbled, while kneeling in front of the door and fiddling with the lock.

Looking at me with a slight suspicion, and placing the wire in his pocket once the door opened, he commenced to hang the body up, by its jacket, onto a hook in the closet, and then straightened out the suit that his victim was wearing. Then he took a deep breath and turned his feral, unanticipated, and provocative attention over to me with a smirk, "You look incredibly sexy right now."

"Yeah…" I replied, while taking a step back from him. Then I turned my head slightly, to the side, while keeping my eyes locked with his. "I ain't comin outta no fuckin closet with ya, Rufus," I told him, coming to terms with what he was thinking.

"Why not?" he asked, and stepped forward so he was standing at the door to the closet, before he rested his right arm above him, against the frame, "It's perfectly private in here, despite the company." Then, as he jerked his head to the hanging body and smirked at me, he continued. "And as far as coming out of the closet goes…" He said, almost growling as he lunged forward and grabbed me by the collar, before angrily hissing at me, "I'd much prefer it if everybody knew that you were off limits."

Then, I wound up pushing him back when he roughly latched his mouth to mine, and kicked the door to the closet shut, closing it off from us, to stress the fact that it wasn't going to happen. "We're at a fuckin weddin!" I reminded him, before he pushed me into the door and pressed both his hands against either side of me to keep me from escaping him.

"I don't recall that ever bothering you before," he said, coolly, as he held me captive in the men's room, against my will. "As a matter of fact, I recall you finding all sorts of interesting places to fuck the whores you brought to all of my _father's_ weddings."

Shuddering at Rufus' insanely predatory state and the fact that he was pressing himself against me and brushing his lips across my jaw, while letting me in on another little tidbit that he knew, without me knowing that he knew, I wasn't sure if I should run or give in. Sadly, I nearly gave in. But then I remembered that we were not only at a wedding, but in the men's room, where anyone could walk in at any time, and pushed him back again.

"Fer fuck's sake, Rufus!" I croaked, while adjusting my pants that had become painfully uncomfortable, and making my way to the exit to sanity, "Yer fuckin crazy!"

"Well then…" With his brow cocked, he grabbed me from behind and pulled my rod from where it was hitched on my belt. Then he hit the switch to bring out the sword and muttered, "Impressive", before he wedged it into the bathroom door that I'd nearly made it to, jamming it shut, "I guess that makes two of us."

After that, he spun me around and smashed his mouth to mine, while pressing my back forcefully against the door, as he started pulling my shirt out of my pants like he was in some kind of a hurry, before he heavily breathed into my ear, "I want your cock in my mouth." Then he forcefully grasped my buckle, and hungrily met my eyes, "That's all I want, Reno… I just want your cum in my mouth." The next thing I knew, his lips were pressed fiercely to mine once more, stressing the intensity of his bizarre and sudden urge, before he dropped to his knees.

"Nnnnnnggg… Gaia… Rufus…"

Well, I figured since he wasn't going to take no for an answer, that I might as well let him. Besides the fact that he was scaring the shit out of me, I couldn't help but be turned on by his strangely lit up desire after strangling somebody to death in a bathroom…

It was just one more thing for me to add to my mental note for the day about Rufus…

"Ffffff… Ahhhhhh…"

Well, that and the fact that I should probably make it a habit from that point on to actually make sure that I _was_ paying for my own drinks.

"Rufussssss…!" I growled, as I came into his mouth, and he swallowed.

I couldn't say I wasn't thankful that Rufus' secretary had distracted him earlier, when the girl from the third floor flower shop started flirting with me while I was at the bar.

"Ffffffuck…! You're so good…"

* * *

After we left the men's room and walked into the hallway, I received an odd smirk from Reeve, who'd watched us both come out together, as he was leaning with his back against the wall with another scotch in his hand. Calling me over, as Rufus returned to the reception, he pulled me aside and leaned slightly into me. "You're tie's crooked," he smoothly commented, as his smirk returned. Then he commenced to inform me that he'd gotten all of his fancy miniature cameras up and running, or as he liked to call them… probes.

"I took the liberty of surveying the area after they were set up…" Reeve mentioned, as we walked through the reception area towards the back room, "And I noticed something that may require your attention."

Stepping back as Reeve opened the door for me to enter; I took a quick look around, out of habit, to make sure that everything was as it should be, before I turned my attention back to him. I had to admit that I was also paying mind to Rufus being all right with me talking to Reeve, which he didn't seem to mind at all.

Well, shrugging to myself about where all that weird trust that Rufus had, in regards to the dark haired man that escorted me away from him came from, I nodded to him and entered the small, dark room that was set up with several monitors and other bits of related equipment.

"Ya know that pretty brunette's been checkin ya out all evenin," I commented, after he closed the door and I stuck my hands in my pockets.

I suppose it was an attempt to avoid the topic, since Reeve wasn't exactly what you'd call a man who went looking for prospects. But he made the strangest comment, as I looked at the monitors and tried to figure out what it was that he wanted me to see. "I'm old enough to be her father," he said, straightening out his jacket and setting his attention over to the main controls.

"She's the same age as me, Reeve." Pulling a cigarette out with a total disregard to the rule about no smoking in the building, I placed it in my mouth and lit it.

"Exactly," he stated, before giving me a disapproving glance and then pulling out his own cigarette to follow suit.

Tapping on the glass on one of the monitors that appeared to have gone dead, I wound up turning my curious attention over to him in complete surprise. In all honesty, the man looked no older than Tseng, who was only eleven years older than me. "How the fuck old are ya?" I asked, with an obvious bluntness that stated I found him a whole lot more interesting all of the sudden.

"Old enough to be your father," was his witty reply, which suggested he had no intention of answering the question with any accuracy.

"Over here…" he detachedly said, as he motioned for me to join him by the monitor he was standing in front of, "I'm not an expert on these types of things. But that man is the same one that's been hanging around since the reception started." Then he crossed his arm in front of his chest, and rested the elbow of his other one on it while taking a drag from his cigarette, before he stood back to give me some room, "I'm sure you've noticed him."

"Yeah… Thought it was suspicious that he hadn't left yet," I answered, as I studied the figure that was dressed in ratty clothes and wearing a concealing hat and scarf that covered his face.

"I was thinking the same thing," he mused, while stroking his goatee in thought. Then he added, "When I turned the monitors on, I noticed that the man is carrying a piece." Pointing at the bulge in the overcoat, that I noticed earlier, but was unable to see what was beneath it, he zoomed in on the slight opening to show the hidden bushmaster.

"I also noticed that there are two others…" he said, and pointed at two other monitors revealing two other men in similar attire, and continued, "One at the back and one at the side. I hadn't noticed them earlier, due to the fact that you and I only took our breaks in the front of the building. But what makes them appear to be together, is their attire and the similar bulge beneath their coats."

"Mm… We'd better get Rude an Jared in here."

"I'll get Rufus too," Reeve replied, before he left me standing there, tapping on my rod, as I contemplated the possibility of an assassination attempt on Rufus' life, or worse.

_Fuckin job security…_

* * *

When we had all gathered in the small room, it was agreed that there was a possible security concern, as the four of us watched the suspects with a careful eye. It was Rude that noticed the miniscule earpieces that the men were wearing, which wound up confirming our initial assumption.

The observation set Rufus into action by ordering Rude and Jared to take out the two from the back and the side, and he decided that he would take out the one from the front, which I naturally had to disagree with.

"Sir, they may be here to assassinate ya," I piped up, after he'd given his orders, "It ain't wise fer ya ta set yerself in a dangerous situation like that."

Protesting that he was more than capable of taking care of himself, and pointing out that he didn't want me out there. But not stating why, out of respect for keeping his fears about my condition away from the others, we wound up getting into an argument that we normally didn't do in front of an audience.

When things nearly got physical between us, Rude stepped in and reminded Rufus that I had been working as a Turk for nearly seventeen years, and that I was more than capable _and _qualified to do the job with the necessary skill required.

Of course, Rude had no idea why Rufus was behaving so protectively over me, and I also half-suspected that my beautiful white god may have had some pent up energy over the things that had been bothering him all day, and was itching for more release.

"I'm the only one with a weapon that can take one of em down without killin em!" I yelled at Rufus, to point out the obvious, since everyone else was carrying guns. "Ya want one of em fer questioning doncha?"

"He's also the most qualified for concealing his presence," Rude added, as a reminder. "As hard as that is to believe," he added, in a lower tone to emphasize his dig. Then he flicked at my hair in a jesting manner, causing me to bat his hand away in annoyance.

With a reluctant glare, Rufus let out a deep sigh, as he regarded me with a disapproving look, and then agreed that I was the most capable of getting one of them alive. However, it was going to have to be on his terms, and his terms involved using himself as a pawn to draw my targets attention away from the possibility of discovering me before I had the chance to strike.

For the next twenty minutes, we spent the time diligently deciding which one of them appeared to be the best one for questioning. Then, once we all agreed that the man in the front appeared to be the foreman of the small group, Rude and Jared made their way out back, while Rufus went to inform Tseng of the situation, and I made my way back outside to sneak into the area behind the man.

The plan was a simple one that had withstood the test of time. Due to the fact that we were at a wedding, we wanted to do things as quietly and time-tested as possible, without drawing too much attention to the situation at hand.

So, Rude and Jared were to go to the back and side, while I was to lie low after eluding detection once I was in place. We were all to wait in concealment until orders were given by me, once the confirmation had been made for us to go ahead.

In the mean time, Rufus would make for an early leave, accompanied by Grunt SOLDIERs, to create a diversion. The plan was for Rufus to attract their attention by appearing as an easy target, which would also verify our suspicions. After the suspects had been verified, we were all to make our move… Two dead and one captive.

Keeping my eyes on the door, and my hand on the rod, I waited impatiently in the shadows, as my target stood, unsuspecting, no more than a few feet away. When I turned my attention to my target and studied the form that was in front of me, I couldn't help but notice something familiar about the way he smoked the cigarette in his hand. Though at that point, I couldn't really say what it was.

While trying to put my finger on it, I attempted to study him closer, and noted that it was damn near impossible to pick out any distinction by the way he concealed his appearance, right down to the oversized raider-style hat that covered his hair, and the loose and highly wrapped tartan that hid most of his face.

Well, anyway, upon Rufus' appearance at the exit, and the vehicle pulling up to wait for him, the suspicion was confirmed when my target lowered his head and mumbled something, before going for his gun.

Then, like often times in the past, the events that followed seemed to play themselves out like a motion picture, when my mind and my body took on a will of their own, leaving me no longer the one in control of my actions. As an observer, I got to hear, see, and smell, as my distant sounding words gave the order, and the shots from somewhere behind the building echoed through the streets.

I don't even recall stepping forward and hitting the switch on the rod, when the Grunts threw Rufus to the ground and prepared themselves to protect him. But I do recall, watching the sparks fly, and the body convulse with a small stream of corroded-smelling smoke rising from where the charger and the tattered cloth met.

I do recall nudging the hat off the head with my foot, and chuckling with an unnaturally sardonic satisfaction, when I observed the colour of the familiar figures hair, and the features I had come to know so well.

I do recall beating the figure repetitively and out of control with a determination to crush every bone in its body into a non-existing state.

I do recall turning the dial for the charger to a level damaging enough so as not to kill, but enough to leave extensive and irreparable damage.

And I do recall Rude and Rufus, tackling me down, before I wound up brutally killing the bastard in the middle of the street without anyone ever getting a chance to interrogate our more than perfect catch of the day, while Jared collected the severely damaged body and dragged it into the trunk of the car and locked it, leaving a trail of blood from his path.

I also recall Rude calling me by a name I hadn't heard from him in over seven years…

"Ren!"

As I made a futile attempt to struggle with the vice-like grip of Rufus.

"LET ME GO!" I shouted, with an insane growl cutting through the edge of my voice…

_"I'M GONNA KILL HIM!"_

* * *

Revised: January 15, 2009


	27. The Flip Side

**The Flip Side**

* * *

"AAAGGGHHH!"

While screaming and trying to break out of Rufus' hold, Rude stumbled back from my kick, and Jared slammed the trunk lid down, hard, concealing the blonde that had been my secondary tormentor during my captivity near Icicle Inn. I snapped when I saw him. I didn't know why though. I thought I had everything under control in regards to what they did to me…

But I guess I was wrong…

Yeah… I guess there may have been some things I hadn't resolved yet…

_"THAT SONUVABITCH IS GONNA DIE!"_

* * *

"Reno…"

There was a soothing voice in my ear, velvety and soft, and almost sounding like a breeze calling my name… But why?

"Reno…"

It was like a heartbeat, as thoughts bounced in rhythm… No…

Not thoughts…

Memories.

Who the hell was holding me? And why was he calling me Reno?

* * *

_A balanced knife was tossed in the air and caught by its handle… over… and over… and over…_

_Eyes like a snake watched him as he was bound, just watching… paying no mind to the blade._

_Arousing a memory of what Haldric did to him years ago… It was just like before._

_The fear of the anticipation over what Aldrich was going to do to him was paralysing, and he called me. He hadn't called me for over seven years_.

_He thought he no longer needed me._

_But a part of him knew…_

_He knew he was going to need me, and he no longer cared if he lost control over me again. __Reno__ couldn't deal with it anymore._

_It was only the second day._

* * *

_Reno__?_

Such an unnatural chuckle came from me, as I let myself relax in the hold I was in, and waited for it to respond by loosening its grip. Then I turned my head and beheld that beautiful, fair-treasure of an angel, my sanction that was the love of…

Reno's.

* * *

_"Aren't ya gonna kill him?" screamed the blonde, becoming agitated with his comrade over the fact that he felt he was wasting their time. Then up came the free hand, to stave off the approach of the blonde, as those eyes remained locked on me… _

_Feral, hungry eyes._

* * *

"All right?" asked the fair angel, wary of whether I really was or not. He was unsure if he could trust my sudden and unexpected act of submission, unsure if he could trust me…

Silly child... Of course he could trust me…

He could always trust me.

"He-he-he… Of course I'm all right," I replied, calmly, and leaned my head back onto his shoulder… But it may have been a little too calmly…

Maybe I should have worked on that...

* * *

_There was blood on both of them… And the knife he was tossing…_

_"You tried to kill me, Reno," crooned Aldrich, in a tone to match the feral state he was in, while still tossing the blade…_

_"If you don't kill him, I will!" screamed the blonde, who was standing behind him with his bloodied hand over his side._

* * *

"I'm going to let go now…" said the white darling innocent, as his hold slowly loosened.

But I was taken by the warmth and gentle embrace of that divine creature, and I turned around so I could face him. To my dismay though, the reaction caused him to take a step back and glance over at the one that ratted me out in the first place. The one I'd come to know as Rude…

Yes… Rude… That's right… He was a good man, as far as assassins go, anyway. He was the one that had been protecting me all those years… The one that found me, and the one that saved me…

Poor Reno… All those times he thought he was spared the agony of his misfortunes. All those times he thought he was blessed with the darkness of unconsciousness to save him from his anguish…

* * *

_"I have a better idea…" Turning to the blonde with a Cheshire grin, and still tossing the blade, his look turned more wolfish, as his smile thinned and his eyes narrowed, "But first, we'll have to disable the Mako in his system."_

_"What the fuck are you talking about?"_

* * *

All I can say is that he was lucky he had me, as I took a step forward to meet the beautiful child who'd taken a step back, while swallowing nervously as his eyes froze onto mine.

Silly child, you think he would have known that I had no intention of ever hurting him.

* * *

_"I've learned through a valuable source that he has a dormant fuselage of Mako, which has become a part of his system, and according to my source, it becomes active when he's wounded." Turning his attention back to me, he knelt down and studied the course twine around my wrists and softly commented, "Hopefully, these new bonds will hold."_

_"They'd better fuckin hold, or I'll fuckin 'kill' him next time!" the blonde yelled, while grimacing and still holding his side, before taking a predatory step toward me._

_"I completely understand your reaction," Aldrich replied, and stood back up to hold the blonde back, "But I believe you will get more satisfaction out of what I've prepared in foresight of the matter."_

* * *

I brought my hand up to caress the beautiful face of the precious icon before me, to let him know that I was perfectly fine, and I could feel him stiffen as he took another step back.

Very well… I can't say that I blamed him for reacting that way to me. After all, I'd managed to keep my presence fairly hidden from him until that moment. But something told me that Tseng may have warned him about the possibility of me showing up again.

Maybe a little time was all he needed… perhaps…

A little time to understand that my presence was necessary from time to time; it was necessary to protect that which this beautiful angel loved the most.

And if there was ever anyone that he wanted to blame for me still hanging around, he could have blamed his father. After all, President Shinra was the one that refused to try and get rid of me in the first place.

Though, I was simply a conduit for preservation... nothing more.

* * *

_Taken by curiosity, the blonde relaxed his stance, and turned his hateful attention away from me, and looked toward Aldrich with a questioning expression, before hissing, "And what would that be?"_

_With another smile, Aldrich walked up to his companion and stroked his hair back, neatly behind his ear, before stating, "Oh, you'll like this." Then he turned his attention back over to me and wryly smiled, "However, I doubt our 'guest' will find the experience anything but_..._ agonizing."_

* * *

After all, it wasn't my idea to exist in the first place. If anything, I would have preferred to not have to persevere when he could no longer hold out. I would have preferred not to bear witness to the things that Hojo did to him, or the things that Haldric or his punishers did to him when he could no longer bear it. In fact, there were very few things that I recalled as being pleasant…

Save for this beautiful angel in front of me.

Funny that…

After everything that I did for Reno, the ungrateful heathen still wanted me gone. However, I couldn't help but smile at the irony over the thought.

Ah, well, I guess he just couldn't bear the thought of not knowing what he was doing half the time.

Surely, he should have known that I wasn't going to stay away forever though, particularly not after being awakened during our forsaken stay in that cesspool of a cabin.

* * *

_With a satisfied smile, the blonde leaned into Aldrich's touch, and brought his hand up over the redhead's. "Are you going to tell me what it is?" he asked, while sporting a sneer and looking deviously at the man in front of him, "Or am I going to have to guess?"_

_Then, wolfishly, Aldrich looked down at his companion and ran his thumb along the cheek, as his lips thinned in a diabolical curl. "Don't make me hurt you," he crooned at him, "I'm only giving this to you, because I 'owe' it to you for taking a blow from the little demon over there." After that, he tilted his head in my direction, as he kept his attention on the blonde, and gripped his hand into the hair at the side of the blonde's head, rewarding himself with a defiant and challenging grin from his companion._

* * *

"'Ello, Gorgeous," I crooned at the miracle before me, and took another step forward.

"What's going on?" asked that new kid, as he approached us with a curious look, while I tried to recall his name… What was his name?

_Jared._

Ah, yes… Jared.

"Go wait in the car," Rude ordered him, and when he hesitated, Rude's powerful voice became harsh, "Now!"

Mmmm, I'd almost forgotten how deep and penetrating that voice was. Like music to my ears, so dark and profound. The level of natural command that the man carried in his voice filled me with a fuzzy feeling all over inside, and it was something I could definitely get used to… much like this iconic beauty before me.

Who would have ever guessed that Rufus would grow up to be so beautiful? Those liquid eyes, like water, could drown a person if they went too deep, and all one had to do was look past the pain that he disguised as hatred, and you'd see who he really was…

Lost and alone…

Frightened and confused…

Perhaps that was what I always liked about the kid. I saw a similar pain that I never felt I could share with another. Even though my idiot half could never place his finger on it in words, he knew, deep down inside, that he and Rufus shared a bond that was thicker than blood, and as twisted as it seemed, they discovered that they no longer needed to suffer alone.

Another hard swallow, and a child-like innocence washed over those languid eyes as a type of fear set in that I never intended to put there. And I wondered if it was a type of concern for the possible loss of his loved one.

Perhaps.

But how could I explain to him that I was necessary to protect the one thing that he loved most?

How could I tell him that what Hojo did to him, made it impossible for this body to take his beloved into sweet oblivion like a normal person's? How could I tell him that I only existed so that Reno wouldn't have to suffer the full extent of the things that were done to him?

How could I explain…

That _I_ was the product of those things?

* * *

_"I've taken the liberty of putting together a very unpleasant contraption," he informed, as he came back over to where I was, on the floor, "It's designed to deactivate the Mako in his system. But unfortunately, due to our little friend's ability to replenish it, as if it were a natural function, we may have to use it several times during the course of his stay here."_

_He knelt down then, and curiously looked at me with a devilish smile curling his lips. "Impressive that you haven't passed out yet," he mused, with a lowered voice. _

_"How does it work?" the blonde asked, suddenly curious, as he stayed back and pulled out a cigarette._

_"It'll have to be pumped into him intravenously through several points of the body."_

* * *

"Ren?" Rude called, to draw my attention away from the enchantment that possessed my undivided attention.

_Ren… He called me that to test whether it was me or not…_

"Yeah?" I answered, still staring into those liquid pools, and betting that I could get swept into the undertow, before Rude decided that he needed to take control of the situation and cleared his throat.

"We need to get going."

Ah, well… shrugging at the fact that dear Rufus wasn't going to be as accepting of me as I hoped, I turned and began whistling as I strutted over to the EMR, before swinging down to pick it up. "Ta Shinra?" I asked, with my brow cocked at Rude, while he nodded in agreement. Then I tossed the EMR in the air before catching it, and raised my brow at the fine-tuned instrument, "Impressive balance."

After commenting on my satisfaction with my own choice of weapons, I continued to toss and catch it, while I made my way calmly over to the vehicle and resumed whistling that tune that Reno hated so much.

Clearing his throat again, Rude watched me cautiously, as I casually played catch on my way to the car, before he took a wary look around. "Sir?" he asked, as he motioned over to Rufus to follow suit, "Will you be joining us?"

Then, with a hesitant nod, and a cautious observation directed at me, Rufus straightened out his jacket and commenced to follow the both of us.

* * *

_"Will it hurt him?" asked the blonde, hopefully, as he took another step forward._

_"Oh… It will do more than that…" Aldrich purred, and was rewarded with a smile from his companion, while he carried a look that suggested he knew something that he wasn't willing to share with either of us. Then, as he toyed with the knife in one hand, and held out the other as if waiting for something to be placed in it, he chillingly requested, "Pass me the Cure Materia… Adrienne…" _

* * *

With Rude at my side, and Rufus and Jared across from me, I found myself fixated on the uncharacteristically confused allurement that refused to meet my eyes. I always was a sucker for blondes, and the fact that he was perfectly featured in every way never hurt either. In fact, I remember the first time I ever really noticed Rufus, just before Reno discovered he could drink me out of his life and drown me into what he thought was non-existence.

Before that though, the boy never really caught my attention. But the day I noticed him, he was wearing that black turtleneck that he always wore, concealing the marks underneath that he appeared to be hiding. It was the day before his mysterious _accident_ in the training room, and the curiosity over the mystery of what happened to him drew me closer, before I wound up cornering him in Tseng's office, asking him who'd hurt him.

I remember being livid about what I saw in his eyes, when he looked up at me with a drowning shame, and tried to run, and I remember holding him there, against his will. I really had no idea whether or not he knew I wasn't the Reno that he knew. But part of me suspected that Tseng had, at the very least, warned him about me.

I also remember seeing something in his eyes when they met with mine, and he swallowed nervously. It was something unknown to me, and they reflected something I'd never seen before, as time appeared to be frozen. It wasn't hate, and it wasn't pain. It wasn't any of the negative emotions that I came to know and recognise, and it was something foreign to me, as well as alluring.

And I remember leaning forward, and nearly kissing him for reasons unknown even to me at the time, and I probably would have done it too, if it weren't for Tseng walking in and pulling me off of him, before roughly dragging me down the hall to my own office.

Tseng was convinced that it was something Reno would have never done, and commenced to let me know what he thought about it in the typical Tseng fashion that I came to know so well, as I rubbed at the sting on the side of my face… Ah well, he was right anyway. I can't say that I ever blamed Reno for being the way that he was though. He was abused, and he had an irrational fear when it came to that sort of thing, and it should be thoroughly understood...

The man had scars where a man should never have scars.

"'E's dyin, ya know," I piped up, not caring about breaking the silence, and tired of Reno's inability to ever tell anyone anything. So, I decided that I would do it for him. If anything, Rufus deserved to know what was going on with him anyway.

Then I leaned forward to study the blonde's expression up close, and I couldn't help but notice the wells filling up in his eyes, as he fought furiously to hold back the overflow… The poor kid already knew.

"Ren… Sit back…" Rude calmly said, and gently rested his hand on my shoulder, careful not to cause any unneeded friction, "Let's try to have a pleasant ride."

Over the years, the dark man learned a foolproof and passive way to get me to cooperate with him, and for the most part… it generally worked.

"What the fuck?" came Jared's surprised outburst, still too green to not know enough to follow everyone else's lead, "Has he gone crazy?"

"I'LL SHOW YA CRAZY!" I yelled, without warning, and lunged forward to grab the little shit by the throat. Then Rude grabbed me from behind to sit me back down, while Rufus stiffened up and wrapped his arms around himself in a form of protection, while he kept his eyes locked on the floor.

"Sorry, Man," I replied, and swept my hand above my head in an 'over my head' expression, with a sheepish smile, "Jus tryin ta spare ya'll, ya know?" Then I sat back and sprawled my legs out, while crossing my arms and letting out a snort.

"Spare us from what?"

"'E went kinda nuts when 'e saw the blonde," I replied, and pointed my thumb towards the trunk.

"We figured that part out," Rude solemnly said.

"Nohhh…" Breathing out my sarcastic reply, I turned my attention to Rude and looked at him with a feigned surprise, "They fucked 'im up real good, ya know."

"We know."

Even though Rude was talking to me, he was keeping his eyes on the young Turk who'd fallen unnaturally silent. His look was stern, and he held a silent warning that required no explanation, which was all good really, because the part of me that was present was not necessarily the best part to be around.

"'Is name's Adrienne," I told him, and stole a glance over at Rufus who was doing his best to fight back his emotions, "Fer some reason, we fergot what 'is name was."

"You mean _Reno_ forgot," Rude corrected.

"Yeah… Sumthin like that…"

Taking note of the fact that Rufus was starting to look like he was choking, and Jared was looking like he was experiencing a live horror, I hit the button to roll down the divider that separated us from the driver, and ordered him to pull over, before putting the divider back up and looking over at Jared. "Jared… Yer gonna 'afta sit up front," I told him, when the car stopped and I reached for the door, "None'a this involves ya."

When the youth hesitated, Rude took a deep breath and warned him, "Do as he says Jared." Then he stiffened up when the boy still didn't move, and snapped his fingers in front of the boy's face to grab his attention, "Jared! You _don't_ want to find out what will happen if you _don't_ do as he says."

"Tryin ta scare the kid?" I asked, and pulled out a cigarette.

"Just letting him know that you're not as nice as you're pretending to be, Ren."

"Heh… Ya'll know I ain't gonna 'urt ya's," I said, with the cigarette between my teeth. Then I pushed myself off the seat and manoeuvred to sit beside Rufus, before brushing his hair back and ignoring his initial flinch, before I coyly said, "Ya ain't givin me a reason to." After that, I cleared my throat from the husky undertone I had, and started playing with those beautiful golden locks, while leaning closer.

* * *

_"AAAGGGHHH!" _

_Screams… Always screams… It's a constant sound in my head…_

* * *

"Damn! Ya look good!" While moving my other hand to rest on his knee, I slid it halfway up his inner thigh, as I admired him, and abruptly turned my head to spit the still unlit cigarette onto the floor. After that, I turned my attention back to him and cheekily grinned, "Ya know 'e worships the ground ya walk on… Doncha?"

Slowly turning his head to look at me, with those profoundly liquid eyes, he subtly rested his hand on top of mine and gently pushed it away from his leg. No hard feelings though; I understood that it was Reno he'd fallen for and not me, and I never had a problem with it. Personally, I was more interested in protecting the hell-spawn than I was in pursuing a love life for him, anyway.

"'E loves ya," I whispered, with a satisfied smile on my face, as I leaned closer to his ear and breathed out, "Ya wanna know what 'e's been up ta fer ya?"

_Shut up, Ren!_

"FUCK OFF!" I abruptly yelled, without warning into Rufus' face, startling the porcelain beauty, as I jerked my hand up passed my ear. Then as I tilted my head forward and rolled my eyes back, to block out the pestering thorn in my side, I grinned impishly at the young President, and lowly crooned, "'E don't want me talkin ta ya."

"Ren!" Rude called, and nearly got up, before I kicked him back down.

"Nah… Ya ain't the one callin the shots 'ere!" I warned him, shaking my head at him, "The little cherub 'ere 'as the right ta know what's been goin on behind 'is back!"

"And what would that be?" came the cool and calm voice that hadn't spoken a word since we got into the car.

Oh, how I had been dying to hear that smooth and melodic voice, with just the slightest velvety caress that scratched at the undertone of it; such unnatural deception in the sound that it was capable of making a stone quiver, and it caused me to close my eyes in an attempt to hold onto the very essence of the sensation of it, as it resonated within my soul…

Beautiful perfection, it was.

I couldn't help but smile crookedly at the desired response from the crystal beauty by my side, and I began twirling my finger in his hair again, as I sat back and sprawled out my legs, "'E's been workin on a cure fer ya… Tol' Kurn ta drop all the research ya ordered 'im ta do." Then I quickly leaned forward, and grabbed the cigarette from the floor to stuff it back in my mouth, before sitting back and playing with his hair again, "Ya knew 'e was up ta sumthin though… Did'n ya?"

Straightening himself up and folding his hands on his lap, as he moved his head away from my touch, he regarded me with a cool professionalism and responded with that magnetic voice of his, "I had my suspicions."

"Hm," I mumbled, and tapped my feet to expel some energy. Then I brought my lighter to my cigarette, and held it there, inhaling the fuel along with the tobacco and whatever other poison's I was polluting my lungs with, "Ya know there ain't any 'ope in the Lifestream fer 'im, right?"

"What are you talking about?" asked Rude, who hadn't been informed of anything that the topic was covering.

"Rufus is ill, an yer friend's dyin," I informed him casually, and took a drag from my cigarette, "When the Mako in 'is system became active, it started mixin with the Meteor dust." Then I leaned forward and flicked my ashes onto the floor, before I regarded him with a dead seriousness, "Ya _do_ recall that when those two mix, they become toxic, doncha?"

"Fuck." Shaking his head, and pushing himself further into his seat while stiffening up, he turned his attention over to me and swiped at his bald head with his palm, "Is that why you're here?"

"Dunno… 'E jus… kinda shut down, Man," I answered, and shrugged, like I didn't really care about the reason, "'E's been under unusual stress since 'e was injected with the serum an all."

"Can't we just remove the Mako from his system?" asked the dark man, as he crouched forward and grabbed a cigarette out of my pocket. "There's a procedure for that, isn't there?"

"Thought ya quit."

"It's a special occasion," he answered, as he caught the lighter I tossed at him and took a deep breath.

"Ain't the same as normal Mako… Ya know that," I reminded him, before taking a drag from the cigarette and catching my lighter as it was tossed back to me. After that, I started shaking my leg, and stole a glance at Rufus, who was now able to watch me with a curious study. "Yer friend was born with Mako in 'is system. 'Is Ma was an addict. Add everythin that Hojo did ta 'im before an after Shinra, an then throw in what _Aldrich _did ta 'im an ya got yerself a very unique case."

"_After_ Shinra?" Rufus asked, with a raised brow.

"He-he… Yeah… Ya both read the records, did'n ya? Apparently the addiction was no accident… Fancy that, eh?"

"And what exactly did _Aldrich_ do to Reno?" With a suspicious glance, that was quickly covered by a genuine and controlled anger, the young blonde narrowed his eyes at me, in wait for an explanation.

"Fucked up our system, Babe," I told him, with a slightly broken voice. Then I took a drag from my cigarette and leaned my head against the glass behind me, and stared up at the ceiling of the vehicle. "Made our system more unstable than it already was… Shit… 'E knew 'bout the fuckin Mako, an 'e knew that it was gonna kick in… An I _believe_ that 'e knew there was Meteor in our system as well, which was _why_ 'e wanted ta disable the Mako. Though I ain't got no proof of the last bit."

"Why would he want to disable the Mako if it would save your life?"

With a snort, I tilted my head slightly, and studied the worn out patches on the ceiling as a tear ran out of the corner of my eye, "Can't torture a dead man, Babe."

* * *

_"GAAAGGGHHH!"_

_Oh, Gaia… Take me away from here…_

_"Shouldn't he have passed out by now?"_

_"Don't worry, Adrienne… I can assure you that he's in an excruciating amount of pain…" Stroking my hair back from my face, he smiled hungrily down at me and lowered his head. "It's just a slight modification that Hojo liked to do to his 'specimens'."_

_"Hojo…? But you said –"_

_"He liked to ensure that his 'subjects' remained conscious during his tests. He felt it gave him more accuracy when recording his results." While still stroking my hair and peering at me, he continued to address the blonde, "Therefore, '_Reno'_ here, will outlast any other common individual before his body finally shuts his mind down for a break…" _

_"I thought you told me no one was to talk about the 'incident' around him…"_

_"However!" Aldrich interjected, and held up his finger to warn the blonde to wait for him to finish speaking, "'_Reno'_ isn't always himself once he gets passed a certain stage. He winds up remembering 'everything'." Leaning closer, he whispered into my ear, through clenched teeth, "Don't you, Ren?" _

_With his wolfish smile returning, he pushed himself back up from me, and regarded me with a cold and clinically satisfied study, while coldly commanding, "Hit the switch again, Adrienne." _

* * *

"How would he know that?"

"Know what?" I asked, completely forgetting what we were talking about.

Taking a deep breath, Rufus looked over at Rude warily and then back at me. "How would Aldrich know about you having either of those in your system?"

"Someone told 'im," I replied, with my brow cocked, while I took a drag from my cigarette.

"Did _you_ tell him?"

"Nah… Ain't _that_ crazy, Babe."

"Maybe there's a way to remove the Meteor then…" came that deep voice of empty hope sitting across from us.

"Uh… huh-uh… There's a _slight_ problem with that idea…" I cautiously said, while stealing another glance at Rufus and leaning forward as I scratched the back of my neck. Then, while sporting a sheepish smile I raised my brow and ran my tongue along the top row of my teeth as I thought about how I was going to say what I was about to say. "We did'n really want ya ta know… But… Removing it'll only kill us faster."

"And why is that?" the white deity coolly asked.

"Because the reason 'e's so dependent on it is 'cuz 'e's infected with a type of bacteria that feeds on it."

"Bacteria?"

"Yeah, if it ain't got the Meteor…" Looking at Rufus again, to make sure that he was going to be able to deal with what I was about to tell him about his lover before I continued, I took a drag from my cigarette, and regarded him with a genuine look of condolence, "It turns on the body… The rate at which it breaks down the cells is exception'lly fast. We'd be lucky if we got six 'ours before pukin up our innards."

"Nice, Ren," chastised the dark man, while I shrugged in response, "Real nice…"

"Did ya want me ta sugah coat it fer ya?"

Bringing his hands up to rub at his eyes and rest them at his temples, Rufus stared blankly into space with his brow cocked, and let out a deep breath along with his words. "It just keeps getting better," he reminisced, sarcastically and trance-like, and with a subtle shake to the head.

"You didn't have to put it so bluntly." Commenting on my ill choice of descriptions, Rude motioned over to Rufus to remind me that there may have been some things he didn't want to know so descriptively.

* * *

_"NAGGGHHH-HAH-HA-hah… Plea-hea-he-hease… Stop… Please… UUUGGGHHH… Please… Nmphhh..."_

_Gaia… Help me…_

_Tears and blood streaked my face as I begged them to let me go… As I begged them to stop…_

* * *

_"FFF-FUCK!" _I suddenly shouted, in surprise, and jerked forward while briefly batting at invisible cobwebs. Then I spat on the floor to get the filth out of my mouth and put my head in my hands, before I started chuckling like a maniac. "Wow…! Was'n expectin _that _ta happen…"

As a reaction, gentle hands grabbed my shoulder and pulled me back to rest against him before he started smoothing my hair back, allowing me to adjust myself so I could put my head on his lap. "Ren?" he asked, suggesting that he wasn't certain if Reno had come back or not.

"Yeah…" I choked, as the wells in my eyes began to overflow.

_Why couldn't Rude have just let us die back there?_

While bitterly swallowing and raising my hand to touch that angelic face that lingered above me, I recognised another personal anguish that reflected back to me, one that wasn't my own. "'E never tells ya 'ow beautiful ya are, does 'e?"

Half-smiling, he brought his hand up to pull mine away from his face with such a grace that made me envy his control. "He doesn't have to," was the smooth and velvety reply.

"Well, 'e should," I crooned, as I lifted my brow and half-smiled at him through my own anguish.

"Tell me about the bacteria, Ren," he calmly soothed, "Where did it come from?"

_If he finds out, he'll kill him!_

"I know…! I _know_!" I said, in answer to the voice in my head, while rolling my eyes. The reaction caused Rufus and Rude to both share a concerned glance with each other. Then I returned my attention to the one whose lap I was resting my head on, and grabbed onto my rod so I could lightly tap him on the side of the head. "Tell ya what…" I told him, as a lead in, while I adjusted my body better on the seat, so I could look at him without straining my neck, "I'll tell ya if ya promise me sumthin."

"What would that be?" Looking down at me calmly, he stroked the bang out of my eye, and then gently pulled the rod out of my hand without taking his eyes off of me.

"Ya gotta promise ya won't get mad an kill 'im."

"And why, exactly, would I want to make a promise like that?" he asked, with his brow cocked, and then he continued to stroke my hair back.

"'Cuz," I answered, and abruptly sat up to open the window wide enough, so I could toss my cigarette out, "We've been workin 'ard on usin 'im ta gather infermation."

"So… You're saying that I should trust a man who has lethally injected one of my Turks to helping me?"

_Heh… That's what I always liked about ya Rufus, never takes ya long ta catch on…_

"Nah… Would'n trust the man as far as I could throw 'im," I answered, before digging into my pocket to pull out the small switch, that I started waggling in front of Rufus' face, "Jus usin 'im fer the dirty work."

"Is that so?" While gracefully bringing his hand towards mine to take the switch, I grasped it into my palm to keep it away from him, almost like a trap.

"Uh-uh… Rufus," I chastised, while wagging the finger of my other hand at him, "I ain't done with 'im yet."

He took a deep breath then, and placed his hand on top of my fist, while setting those liquid eyes into mine. "Tell me, then…" Rufus chillingly requested, "What exactly _do_ you have planned for _Kurn_?"

Smiling at him, I couldn't help but be impressed with the sharp insight that the kid possessed. "Gonna use 'im 'til 'e's done gatherin the info that I need… Been watchin 'im more closely than 'e thinks." With a toothy grin, I flicked my tongue out and then continued, "Been takin 'is findins an cross-checkin em ta make sure 'e ain't doin nuthin funny."

"How far have you gotten?"

"A couple more days, an I should 'ave the results of the latest tests."

"Latest tests…" Rufus echoed, "Am I to assume that there are live specimens being used?"

"There ain't no other way, Babe," I answered, and was quickly tossed to the floor.

"You're as bad as Hojo!" he venomously spat at me, with a heated glare. In the meantime, Rude cleared his throat and loosened the tie around his neck.

Then, like an animal, I pounced on the young aristocrat and shook him violently after grabbing him by the collar. "Don't you _EVER_ compare me to that _sycophant_ again!"

"Ren!" Rude yelled, and grabbed me from behind to pull me off of Rufus.

"Don't fuckin touch me!" Hissing at Rude, I spun around and smashed him into the seat, while pulling my gun out and aiming it at his head, "Don't _ever_ touch me!"

"Calm down, Ren," Rude soothed, with his hands in the air at his sides to show no ill will towards me, "You know I wasn't going to hurt you."

"Heard. That. One. Before." I growled, while clenching my teeth and stressing each word by poking the tip of the gun into his forehead. Then I pulled back the safety to let him know I wasn't playing around, while tears ran down my cheeks.

* * *

_"Don't worry, this won't hurt at all," crooned Hojo, after he undid the straps across my stressed body to release me from the table and sat me up. Unable to move because of my shot muscles, I had no choice but to let him do what he wanted with me, as he swabbed a spot on my arm and inserted another needle, "See… No pain this time."_

_Seven seconds later, I was on the floor, gripping my gut and… "NYAGGGHHH!"_

_"Oh! I forgot to mention that the Antigen will though…"_

_Then he stepped over my writhing body and disposed of the needle, before he knelt down with his clipboard. After that, he tilted his head and watched me with those cold black orbs of his._

_"Interesting… I'm surprised you still have the energy to scream…"_

* * *

"An as far as specimens go, ya ain't no better, Rufus!" I pointed out, with a raised voice, and my attention still on Rude, "Or did ya ferget yer _own_ plans?" I had no intention to point out the clone, but it was possible that I could let it _accidentally_ slip by mistake.

"Ren… Sit down…" came Rufus' request from behind me, as he completely ignored my threat and narrowed his eyes, "Rude's not the one you're angry with."

"Rude's not the one you're angry with…" I mimicked, in a high-pitched mocking tone, and twirled the gun around my finger, before aiming it again and chuckling.

When the car came to a sudden halt, I was sent flying backwards from the position I was crouching in, and was immediately disarmed by Rufus, as Jared came rushing to the back to try and step in on what was going on.

"Jared! Get back in the front seat!" Rude warned, just before I pounced out of the car and onto the boy with my knife at his throat.

"Jus what the fuck do ya think yer doin, Boy?" I hissed at him, as I held him down in a way that stopped him from moving without damaging himself. Then, while studying my prey, I slid the tip of the knife along the front of his throat, and looked at him with a blank curiosity. "I bet I could show ya what's inside before ya die…" I commented, as I pressed the knife into his flesh to draw out a small amount of blood, "Wanna see?"

"Reno wouldn't be too happy with you if he found out that you killed him, would he?" Rufus calmly asked me, as he stepped out of the car and knelt down beside me. He was careful as he wrapped his arm around me and cautiously placed his other hand around the wrist that was holding the knife, "Let's get back in the car." His words came out soothingly, and caused me to close my eyes, as I let the sound of his voice envelope me while I savoured its embrace and I let him take the knife away, "So we can finish our conversation."

* * *

_The last blow nearly knocked me out… Nearly._

_Haldric kicked me to the ground and dragged me over to the mattress, where he bound my wrists to the old pipe in the wall, while my body protested from the strain._

_"You like the rough game, Renault?" he asked, with calm eyes, as he undid his belt._

* * *

"NAAAGGGHHHHOOOO!" I screamed, and pressed the palms of my hands to my head to block out the memories as I pushed myself away from Jared and stumbled backwards into the car.

"Come on, Jared," coaxed Rude, as he helped the boy off the ground and escorted him back to the front seat, "Ren is _not_ the type of person to be confronting."

"But he just threatened you!" the boy protested, while motioning his hand toward me and rubbing his throat, as Rufus followed where I stumbled and went to support me.

"It's okay, Ren," soothed Rufus, while brushing my hair back and doing his best to calm me down.

"Make it stop," I pleaded, in a small tortured voice, as streams started to flow from my eyes again, and I gripped the front of Rufus' shirt in a semblance of my own desperation to hang onto my sanity.

"He's not like the Reno you know," Rude warned the boy, "He's a hell of a lot stronger, and faster, and will _not _think twice about cutting your life short."

"What the hell is he doing working for Shinra if he's that fucking nuts then?"

"YOU WANNA SEE NUTS?" I bellowed, and pushed Rufus back suddenly, so I could lunge at the boy again.

"No! Ren… Just ignore him," Rude answered, with his hand in a stopping motion, as Rufus wrapped his arm loosely around my waist to submissively hold me back.

"Come on, Ren… Let's get back in the car," coaxed Rufus, as he gently pulled me towards the car and attempted to draw my attention back to him, "I want to finish our conversation."

"It's what President Shinra wanted," Rude informed Jared, as he opened the front door, without looking at him, "Now get back in the car and stay there."

"You guys are all fucking nuts," he mumbled in protest, before he reluctantly got back in the front seat, and then Rude returned to the back seat to sit where he was sitting before.

"Take us back to the tower," Rufus requested, speaking to the driver when everyone was re-seated. Then he turned his attention back to me and pressed the button to raise the dividing window between us and the front seat, "May I ask if Reno will be returning to us anytime this evening?"

"Heh… I guess it's up ta 'im."

Nodding at my answer and looking down at his hands as he contemplated it, he turned his attention back over to me. "Which one of you is mostly responsible for intimidating Kurn into researching my condition, and how much about it does Reno know?"

"Reno knows everythin 'bout it… Been makin sure that 'e's unaware of me pullin 'is strings."

"It never struck him as odd that he was spending time in the labs willingly, when he despises the mere thought of them?"

"Nah… 'Is only train of thought was fer ya, Babe," I informed him, and looked over at him with adoration for what he brought out in the stupid scoffer. "I find it odd that ya never found it suspicious yerself."

"I did," he answered. "I attempted to track him. But his roundabout ways make him exceptionally hard to trace."

"He's like a ghost," Rude mumbled, while distantly looking out his window.

Giving a short nod in agreement, Rufus straightened out his jacket and pulled a loose thread off of one of his buttons. "Am I to assume correctly, that all the research in regards to Reno's condition has not been completely abandoned?"

"Well ya don't expect 'im ta go down without a fight, do ya?"

Nodding again, he looked back over to me and sighed. "Given what I've learned about you from Tseng, I understand that you're not one to allow anything bad to happen to what you consider to be your other self… May I know what actions have been taken on that end?"

"'Anded the project over ta an old friend," I answered, and then I moved closer to Rufus. "Was'n 'bout ta trust the man after what 'e did ta us."

"You don't have any old friends," Rude suspiciously pointed out.

"Heh… Right… Fergot 'bout that…" while scratching the back of my neck, I cocked my brow and looked over at Rude sheepishly, "Acquaintance…? Then?"

After taking another deep sigh, Rufus cleared his throat and looked at me sideways. "Does Reno know anything about this?"

"Yeah… Let 'im know once I found out what the problem was."

After that, the car came to a careful stop as it entered the private underground that was designed particularly with Rufus' security in mind. Then we all stepped out and walked over to the trunk. When Rufus pulled me back and asked me if I was sure I could handle seeing the blonde again, I simply answered with a shake of the head and contradicted my actions with my words, "Gotta make sure I did'n imagine it, Babe."

"Very well," Rufus replied with a slight hesitancy, and then he motioned to the driver, "Open the trunk, Daryn."

* * *

_"You're still awake?"_

_After kneeling down beside me, he pulled me up by a handful of my hair and coldly regarded me._

_"I suppose it's too cold in here to sleep well," he mentioned, as he glanced around the room to emphasize his observation. "You'll get used to it…" Then, with a cruel grin, he turned his attention back to me, "It's only your first day, after all."_

_He grabbed my jaw then, to hold me upright, and let go of my hair before manoeuvring in front of me, so he could run his uncaring eyes over me._

_"I can't help but wonder what it is that Aldrich likes about you so much…" While tilting his head, he ran his fingers through my hair at the side, to comb it out as he kept his attention on what he was doing. "Normally, he wouldn't waste his time on someone as silent as you… Maybe there's something more to your relationship than meets the eye?_

_"At first glance, the two of you could pass for brothers," he mused, and while in thought, he tapped his fingers along the side of my head, and crept closer. "Yeah… Same, strangely, deceptive blue eyes…" he commented, as he ran his ring finger along my left brow, "That appear green." After that, he licked the tip of his finger that he ran across my brow and then moved his hand to the front of my hair and combed it upwards, into the air, so he could watch it fall back down, "And the same deepest red hair, that almost turns black when it's wet."_

_Dropping his eyes back to mine, while I kept mine on the floor, he slipped his hand around to grab the hair at the base of my skull with a tight grip that made me wince from the lack of expectation. "Hm… You're much prettier than him though," he commented, and stroked the backs of his nails down the side of my face, before he gripped my hair tighter and adjusted my head, "Much finer featured."_

_As he stroked my face, he turned his hand so that he could run the pads of his fingers along the skin, and moved even closer. "Subtle similarities… Subtle differences…" he mused, with a curious tilt to his head, "Perhaps the two of you were close?_

_"From what I understand, he wasn't always physically incapable." With a wry grin, he pulled my face closer to his, causing me to grimace from the pain of the beating he gave to me earlier. "Maybe you were his bitch?_

_"That's kind of a weird 'kink'. Wouldn't you agree?" he asked, while I kept my attention away from him, "Fucking someone that could possibly be your brother…" _

_"He 'ain't' my brother…" I replied, with an edge as I spoke through clenched teeth, almost choking on the thought, and unable to even fathom the idea._

_"So you 'can' talk?" he taunted, and lowly chuckled, as he tilted his head to catch where my eyes were focussed, "Are you sure about that?"_

_"Yesss…" I hissed, and tried to move my head away, so I wouldn't have to look at him._

_"How can you be so sure?" he asked, as he tightened his grip to stop me from evading his presence, "You were both orphans… Weren't you?"_

_"HE AIN'T MY FU –" _

_"Whoa! Whoa, whoa… shhhhhh…" While forcefully placing his hand over my mouth to silence me, his eyes went wide and amused at the surprise over my ability to have enough energy to yell at him after what he put me through earlier, and he let out a low nervous-sounding snicker. _

_"Fuck, man… If Aldrich discovers that I'm in here with you, he ain't gonna be too happy about it," he confessed, suddenly filling me with a sense of dread over what his reason for being there was. "He's acting kind'a strange in regards to you…" Then he licked his lips and ran his eyes over me in question. "What exactly 'did' the two of you talk about that required such private attention this morning?"_

_While trying to ignore him by closing my eyes, tight, a strong shiver ran over me from the cold in the room, and I suddenly couldn't stop shaking. _

_"You look like you could use someone to warm you up," he commented, in regards to my shivers. Then he licked his lips again and shifted even closer to me than he already was. "Ya want me to help you out?" _

_The question hit me like a brick, and my eyes shot open and widened as a reaction. Then I regarded him, dead-on for the first time, with a reluctant horror washing through me like a wave. The knowledge that I was completely naked, since they took what clothing I had left, after being shocked repetitively and soiling them, only intensified the vulnerable feeling, along with the intense wave of fear that I had no control over. As a result, I automatically started to struggle with my bonds, to try and break away from his hold on me, when the realization of what he was implying struck me._

_"Na-na-nah… Ya ain't going nowhere li'l red," he warned, with a grimace from the effort it took to hold me in place, and shook his head to shake his hair from his face. Then he pulled a cloth from his pocket and pulled my hair, hard enough to make me yelp, so he could quickly forced it into my mouth after he removed his other hand. After that, he manoeuvred behind me and stood up. "Did you know that I once had a brother?" he asked, before the sharp heal of his boot met my spine and sent me to my stomach, on the floor. "He 'used' to live in Sector 7," he informed me, as I heard a zipper being undone._

_'Oh Gaia… nonononononono…'_

_"Mmpphh!"_

_"Yeah… I believe he lived there, right up until 'someone' dropped the 'plate' onto that Sector."_

_When his firm grip seized my waist and pulled me up, I tried to scurry away on my raw and bruised knees. But his fist wound up tight in my hair again, and he literally lifted me from the floor, as he pulled me back and grabbed my hips. Shutting my eyes tight as tears ran out, I started trying to scream, but it was muffled from the cloth in my mouth, making the reality of the nightmare I was in that much more horrifying._

_"You had better not be doing what it looks like you're about to do," came an unexpected and clinical voice from the door, as a cold gush of wind washed over me, and the sound of a match was struck. The sound of my unexpected saviour's voice caused a dreadful relief to wash over me, as the blonde's grip was released and I fell back to the cold floor._

_With a nervous chuckle, and a kick to my side that caused me to gag, he vehemently replied to Aldrich, "He fucking deserves it!"_

_"Yes… There are a lot of things that he deserves..." reminisced Aldrich, as his heavy steps came closer to me and he knelt down beside me. Then he combed his fingers through my hair and tilted his head up to address the blonde, "But you 'know' what my thoughts are in regards to what you are contemplating on doing to him."_

_"Fucking fag," he antagonized, and then he spit on me, as I heard him do his zipper back up. "He's probably used to it anyway," he mumbled._

_"No…" thought Aldrich, aloud, and pulled the cloth out of my mouth, "I don't think that he is."_

_"He's the President's lover… Isn't he?" he angrily pointed out, "How the hell couldn't he be used to it?"_

_With a cold chuckle, Aldrich looked up at his angry companion with a relentless coldness, and spoke through his teeth, "Because, I happen to 'know' that '_Reno'_ is not as accessible as you seem to think that he is." Then he tilted his head and continued to stroke my hair, as he took a drag from his cigarette, "And if I 'ever' catch you attempting to do something to him along those lines again. It will be 'you' who gets to enjoy the experience to its fullest."_

_"Whatever, Aldrich," stated the blonde, cockily, as he defiantly faced his companion, "You're incapable of gettin it up… It ain't no secret."_

_With another cold chuckle, Aldrich pushed himself from the floor and calmly walked over to the blonde, "Oh, but don't think that I won't be able to find someone that is." The warning came out chillingly cold and with a promise that couldn't be mistaken, "And I happen to 'know' that it is something that 'you,' yourself are not used to."_

_"I ain't afraid of you," he stated, "The minute you leave him alone again, he's gonna wish he'd never been born."_

_"I believe he already wishes that," Aldrich informed him, and then he grabbed him by the hair and dragged him to the door. But not before the blonde got in the last word._

_"Tomorrow, Red…" he warned, as Aldrich pushed him outside, "Ya think today was trying?"_

_"Shut up, Adrienne," my tormentor coolly warned._

_"Fuck you, Aldrich!" After pushing the door back, which Aldrich was about to close, the blonde walked back in, fired up from adrenaline. "What the fuck are you protectin him for anyway?" he asked, as Aldrich grabbed him to stop him from storming over to me. "What? Is he your brother?"_

_"If only I had one Gil for every time someone asked me that," he said, and started chuckling as he pushed the blonde back out, "If he was my brother, I doubt I'd even let you torture him, never mind 'rape' him."_

_"Bullshit! You're the type that would kill your own 'mother'!"_

_"Yes, yes… Now leave." _

_Closing the door on the still ranting blonde, he leaned his back against it and took a drag from his cigarette, before staring down at the heated end of it. "I suppose that it wouldn't help to explain to him that my mother was never a Mako whore," he stated, while turning his wolfish attention toward me, "That, unlike you, my parents actually 'did' want me."_

_He took a step forward then, and knelt beside me. "Fate has a strange way of following through with cycles." With a quiet contemplation, he adjusted himself to sit, and pulled me to lean into his chest while he wrapped his arms around me to warm me up. "Don't you agree?" he asked, as he placed his cigarette in my mouth, "Hm… Shinra killed my parents, you wound up working for Shinra, and dropping the plate on somebody's brother, who now has the pleasure of getting his unresolved revenge on you."_

_"Shinra did'n kill yer parents," I corrected, and spat the cigarette onto the floor from distaste._

_"True, but if they didn't work for Shinra, they never would have been present when the Mako Reactor went thermal, and I'd never have met you. So, in a way, I can blame Shinra for all of my misfortunes."_

_"Ya can blame whoever the fuck ya want," I bitterly answered, and tried to pull myself away from him._

_"I'd be careful if I were you," he crooned, into my ear, and pulled me back, "I may have saved you from being torn open. But that doesn't mean that I'll be saving you from anything else." With a warm touch, he brushed my hair back again, and continued to talk soothingly into my ear, "And Adrienne is not the type to make idle threats." Then he stuck another cigarette in his mouth, and added, "I'm afraid things are going to get a whole lot worse for you during your stay here... Particularly in regards to your newfound nemesis."_

_After saying what he had to say, he brought the match to his cigarette and rested his cheek on the top of my head while cupping his hand over my forehead to hold my head still. Then he pressed the heated, and still burning, tip of the match into the soft spot, just behind the earlobe of my right ear, making me hiss and try to pull away, as his grip around me tightened. "I'm almost tempted to tell you that I feel sorry for you..." he said, as he gently pressed his lips to my temple._

_"But I'm in no mood to stoop to your level..._

_"By lying to you."_

* * *

"Are you… all right?" asked Rufus, when he saw me just standing there and staring at Adrienne's bruised body in the trunk.

"Hm?" I asked, trance-like, and then I looked over at him in confusion. Wasn't I just standing outside of the reception hall a minute ago?

"Fuck," I heard Rude say, as he urgently walked towards me, "You were zoning out again, Reno."

_"I told Rufus what ya've been up to."_

"Zoning out?" I asked, with my brow raised, and looked over at him with a disbelieving horror, before I glanced over at Jared's scratched neck and shrunk inward.

_Fuck… Not in front of Rufus…_

_What the fuck did I do?_

Looking back down at the blonde and noting the fresh bruises on him, I realized that I was the one that did it. I remembered doing it, and I took a step back, suddenly ashamed of myself as heat rose to my face, and I found myself unable to look anyone in the eye… especially Rufus.

I was just supposed to take him down and restrain him… not try to bludgeon the man to death. Locking the body in the trunk to try and get it out of the public scene as fast as possible was not part of the plan. Cuff him and escort him back to Shinra… that was the plan… Knock him out if you have to… simple as that…

_Oh Gaia…_

Suddenly like a flood, everything that happened in the last thirty minutes rushed through my head, and I took another, dizzying step back with my hand to the side of my head, and let out a small, pained cry.

_Why was he showing me everything?_

With a knee-jerk reaction, I shakily grabbed a cigarette from my pocket and started walking towards the elevator as fast as I could, while trying to light it.

"Where are you going?" Rude called after me.

"I dunno…" I said, not turning around and waving my hand at them to make them stay away, and then I mumbled, "I dunno…"

Hitting the button hard and repetitively, as if the action would make it move faster, I stood there tapping my foot and taking a drag from my cigarette. _C'mon, c'mon…_ I willed, when I heard Rufus telling the others to get Adrienne up to the confined infirmary.

"I want him in perfect health before we get started with him." Then I heard the sharp, echoing, steps of his boots coming up behind me, causing me to cringe as he came closer, and cursing at the time it was taking the elevator to arrive, before I turned to the opposite side that Rufus had come up to.

"Leave me alone, Rufus," I choked, and stuck my thumbnail between my teeth. The level of shame that I felt, at that moment, was indescribable in words. Nothing was meant to happen that way. Ren was supposed to be gone, and Rufus wasn't meant to find everything out in such a cold manner. I didn't even have time to work out the words properly, before the asshole decided to just blurt it all out without a thought. "I'll get my shit, an I'll leave…" I said, with a sniffle, and then the chime came, as the elevator doors opened and I stepped in, "I'll be outta yer hair as soon as I can get packed."

Following me fast into the elevator, he spun me around to face him, as the doors closed. "Look at me, Reno," he demanded, and cupped his hand under my chin to force my face in his direction, "Is that what you think I want?" When I glanced quickly at him and then to the floor, he added, "Do you think I want you to leave because of what just happened?"

"Ya compared me ta Hojo, Rufus," I muttered, with my eyes still on the floor. "An yer right… I ain't no better," I stressed, with my brow cocked.

"You… know of everything that just happened?"

"Yeah," I said, and sniffled again before sticking my cigarette back in my mouth and mumbling, "He decided ta let me know fer some fucked up reason."

"Good," he commented with a bit of an edge, and then he hit the button for Kurn's floor. "Then you'll understand why I'm about to kill the son of a bitch that started all of this."

"No!" I shouted, and went to push him away from the buttons and hit the stop button. "Fuck, Rufus…" I begged, "Ya can't fuckin kill him."

"Why not?" he asked, while pulling out his gun and checking the chamber with an unmistakeable determination.

"Ya know why…"

"What you don't seem to understand, is that I don't _care_ about what he can do for _me_!" he stated, coldly, and then he went to push the resume button for the elevator.

"Knock it off, Rufus!" With a raised voice, I placed my back hard against the panel so that he couldn't reach any of the buttons. "Ya ever stop ta think that maybe I do?"

"You don't give a shit about me, Reno. You never have!" he commented, while angrily glaring at me, "All that's ever mattered to you is your…" Pausing for a moment, to try and come up with whatever the hell it was he was trying to come up with, he wound up blurting out, _"two _selves," and then he continued from there, "And what the two of you can get away with. That's all it's ever been to you. Just a fucking game!"

"That's a bullshit lie and you fucking know it!" I screamed at him, furious at his accusation. "If it was all about me, then I woulda let myself die already! I would'a stopped taking that Meteor shit the second I found out what the hell was goin on! I never would've even _bothered_ to consider _your_ well-being! And, hell, I never would've even given a shit!"

While roughly pushing him towards the opposite wall to keep him away from the buttons, I continued without even bothering to think, "Hell, maybe I would've even gone back fer seconds with Cloud! Or better yet, maybe it never would've happened in the first place! But no! Ya had ta come inta my life and _fuck_ everything _up_!"

"Oh, _I_ had to fuck everything up," he angrily replied, as he straightened himself back up, and anally pulled his coat down. "That's right… I forgot how everything that happens to you is all _my_ fault! Maybe you _should_ run back to Cloud. Then you can make your life complete by _fucking_ it up even more!"

"You –" Bringing my hands up to my head to stop my brain from swimming from the thoughts still pouring into it, I shut my eyes, tight, and hysterically shouted, "I DON'T WANNA FUCKIN TALK ABOUT CLOUD!"

"Then why did you bring him up?" he coolly asked, with a bitter accusation.

"I don't fuckin know!" I replied, and stuck my cigarette in my mouth, before turning around to hit the button for our floor.

But he violently pulled me back from the buttons, and we both stumbled back, as I fought to keep my footing. "You're not leaving me, Reno," he growled. And then he went to try and hit the button for Kurn's floor again.

"You just told me ta fuckin leave!" I screamed, and tackled him to the floor in hopes that I could stop him, "And ya ain't killin Kurn!"

"Are you getting stronger?" he asked, calmly, all of the sudden.

"Yeah… I think so…" I nodded, as I thought about it, and then I got thrown off of him as he pushed himself back up to the buttons.

"NO!" I yelled, and grabbed him again, with a force that slammed us both into the wall at the side. "Fer fuck's sake, Rufus!"

"Stop it, Reno!" he yelled, and spun toward me as I stumbled back. "I've had it with everybody _fucking_ me over!"

"I'm not trying to fuck you over!"

"Then what the hell are you trying to do?"

"I'm trying to fucking help you!"

"Well, you've got a funny way of showing it!" he spat back at me. "Tell me, Reno… just _when_ exactly _were_ you planning on telling me about what you've been up to?" While angrily glaring at me, he pushed the palm of his hand into my chest, and pressed me against the other wall. "_After_ you were dead?"

Covering my eyes with my palms, in order to stop the confusion of the whirlwind in my head, and the argument that I was having, I dropped my cigarette onto the floor and stamped it out with my shoe. "What exactly are we fucking arguing about… You? Or me?"

"Both!" he spat out, and brushed his hand through his hair. "Did it ever occur to you, that I would have liked to have known about _both?_"

"Fer one… Ya would'a stopped me if ya knew I turned Kurn away from yer research, and secondly, ya woulda killed him if ya knew about me," I pointed out, while poking my finger firmly into his chest.

"You're right," he growled, and went to hit the button again, "I _am_ going to kill him."

Lunging in front of the buttons again to try and get him to see reason, I wound up grimacing when he smacked me, hard, across the face. But I attempted to brush it off, due to the fact that I knew damn well I was asking for it, and I made another attempt to plead my case. Though, I was never really good at that sort of thing. "Fer the last fuckin time, Rufus… I can't let ya do that!"

"Why not?" he asked, with an agitated growl.

"'Cuz I can't stand watchin what ya go through whenever ya ferget to take yer damned medication!" I shouted, before I even realized what I was saying. "Shit… Every time ya hafta take those other fuckin pills…" Pausing, so I could swallow back the hard lump in my throat, I lifted my watery eyes to meet his, and nearly choked on my words, "Ya fuckin tear me up inside…"

Wincing from my words, and pausing for a brief moment from being taken off guard, He straightened up and adjusted his coat, before bitterly retorting, "And what makes you think that I'd be better off after _watching_ you die?"

With a heavy weight set in my chest, like led, I had to take a deep breath to combat it, and the words suddenly set the reality of what was happening into stone. "Ya won't have to, Rufus," I choked out, and sniffled again, before reaching behind me to hit the button for our floor again, "Because I'll be gone before ya get the chance."

"Is that your answer to everything?" he asked, towering over me in an intimidating manner and waving his hand in the air for emphasis, "Running?"

"What the hell do ya want me ta do about it then?" I furiously challenged. "Ya've made it pretty fuckin clear that ya don't approve of the stupid shit that I do! All I do is fuck up!" I screamed at him, and pushed him back from me, "I fucking _know_ that!"

While admitting to my inability to do anything by the book, or even properly, a sudden wash of defeat came over me as the hopelessness set in, and I lowered my voice. "I can't do anythin right, Rufus…" I said, through my teeth, "And to top it off… I don't even know who the hell I am half the time." Unable to fight back the overflow anymore, I let the wells run freely from my eyes, not caring about who the hell would see it. "I ain't got no control over myself…" I pointed out, and shifted my hand slightly from my side to regard him, "An look at you… You could do so much better than me."

Swallowing hard to fight back his own overflow of emotions, he grimaced and clenched his teeth to regain his control. "What if I don't want to?" he stated, forcing back his choke with reflective, piercing eyes.

Then the chime to the elevator door alerted us that we were on our floor, cutting me off from saying anything in reply, and I stepped out as the door opened. "See ya 'round, Rufus," I said, as I turned to walk to the apartment and refused to turn around when I heard him following me.

"Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you!" he yelled, as he grabbed me by the arm with a fierce pinch, "I'm not done with you yet!"

"Fuck off!" I yelled back, and slipped my keycard in through the door after shaking my arm free. "Ya wanna kill Kurn… Go kill him! Throw everythin that I've been tryin ta do for you away just because yer irrationally pissed!" I challenged, and motioned my arm forcefully to the end of the hall where the elevator was, "He's all yours!"

"Irrationally pissed?"

"Fuck… Whatever… " I spat, with my eyes narrowed, while I turned my back on him. "Is that the best ya can do… mimic my own fuckin words?" Rolling my eyes into the back of my head in anger, and walking to the room, I heard the front door slam behind me. Then I was taken off guard when I was pushed to the floor and my own handcuffs were fastened around my wrists, and the keys were pulled from my pack. "What the fuck are ya doin?"

"Can we at least _talk_ about this without fighting about it?" he asked, while calmly collecting himself, as he pushed himself back up to his feet and brushed his bang out of his eye.

"What the fuck is the matter with you?" I screamed, while pushing myself onto my knees, "Ya think I'm gonna _sit_ here an have a _civilized _conversation with ya in _handcuffs_?"

"If it's the only thing that will keep you here long enough… then… yes."

Struggling to my feet and coming right up to him, I narrowed my eyes and brought my face closer to his. "I don't know which one of us is _more_ crazy!" I hissed, loudly at him, and then I walked into the living room to uncomfortably sit down. "Ya wanna fuckin talk?" I asked, and started working on moving my hands to the front of me, "Then start fuckin talkin. 'Cuz the more time ya waste, the more time ya give me ta pick this fucking lock!"

"Very well…" he said, and then he hesitated.

While suspiciously looking at him, as he stood there, saying nothing, I rested my forearms on my knees, once I got my hands in front of me, and clasped my hands together. "Ya ain't got a fuckin clue as ta what ya wanna talk about, do ya?" I challenged, and glared at him, "Yer jus tryin to come up with some _twisted_ fuckin way ta keep me here, aren't ya?"

Bringing his hands up to rub at his temples, he shook his head and stepped forward to pull my lighter out of my pocket and then he lit the cigarette I managed to awkwardly pull out and stick in my mouth, while I waited for him to start talking.

"I just don't know where to start," he calmly said, while turning my lighter over in his hand and studying it.

"Well start somewhere," I demanded, while digging through all of my pockets for my lock-pick, "What the?" Pausing abruptly, and looking up at him again, angrily, I accused him, "Ya took my fuckin lock-pick!"

"Yes," he nodded, as he adjusted his coat and sat down on the arm of the sofa, beside me.

"Ya twisted fuckin shit!"

Clearing his throat out, he sat there and stared straight ahead and nodded, "I know…" Then he placed his hand on my shoulder and started his thoughts with a calm and controlled tone, "Let's start with what it will take to get you to stay…"

"What the fuck do ya want me ta stay for?" I asked, with absolute frustration, before I took a drag from my cigarette and pushed his hand off my shoulder.

"I happen to like you." Still not looking at me, he nodded along with his calm reply.

"I dunno what the fuck for," I mumbled, as I got up to walk into the kitchen and grab a bottle from the cupboard, while Rufus casually trailed behind me.

"Neither do I," he answered, and nonchalantly shrugged before he leaned against the doorframe and stared at the floor.

Snorting as I walked by him and opened the bottle that I grabbed, I made my way straight for the spare room to grab the hacksaw out of the toolbox, while Rufus closely followed. Then I took a large drink and set it down on the floor beside me, and I started trying to cut the chain on the cuffs in an awkwardly futile manner.

"That's not going to work," he informed me, and then he picked up the bottle to take a drink for himself, in advance to sitting on the edge of the bed. "Is there a chance I can get you to stay?" he asked again, and then he handed me the bottle.

Cursing at the inability to hold the hacksaw properly to be able to even attempt to cut through the metal that I knew damn well it couldn't cut through anyway, I tossed it at the other end of the room and yelled at it before turning my frustrated attention over to Rufus and spat my words out, "Ya want me ta stay?"

"Yes… I do." With his hands clasped on his lap, he stared up at me with a strange and solemn expression.

"Fine… Then let's start by ya _not_ killin Kurn!" After glaring at him to stress my terms, I took another large gulp, and then stuffed my cigarette back in my mouth, before walking over to where I threw the hacksaw.

"I'm _not_ going to let that man touch me after what he's done to you!" he spat back.

"Oh. Thought ya did'n wanna fight no more," I hissed, as I turned my attention back to him while crouching to pick up the hacksaw, so I could put it away.

"All right," he said, while nodding and trying to maintain his control over his emotions, "May I ask what it was that you had planned in regards to the matter?"

"Was'n gonna let him touch ya…" I said, and pulled my cigarette out of my mouth so I could rub my nose with my forearm, "Was gonna get yer Doc ta do it." Then I dropped the saw in the tool box and kicked it in frustration, before I turned to face him, so I could try to explain why I hadn't told him any of the things I should have.

"I did'n wanna tell ya 'bout it 'til I was sure the procedure would work." After that, I looked down at the floor and brought my cuffed hands up to scratch at the back of my neck. "Although, I was'n exactly sure how I was gonna tell ya," I mumbled, in admittance, and then I took a drag from the cigarette while staring at the open toolbox and its spilled contents from the kick.

"Very well…" With a nod, he stood up, came over to me, and placed his hands on my shoulders, so he could turn me to face him. When I refused to look at him, he brought his fingers to my chin and turned my head. "If I promise not to kill Kurn, will you stay?" he asked, with clenched teeth and dark eyes to stress that he wasn't happy about the condition, but willing to comply for the time being.

All the while, I kept my eyes on the floor and bit on my bottom lip, before I went to take a step back, but he gripped my shoulders harder and held me in place. I had half-hoped and expected that he wouldn't agree to my terms, and was not prepared to really answer him once he did. "How long did ya know 'bout…" I asked, in a small voice, and shrugged my right shoulder while tilting my head towards it, "Me?"

While letting out a deep breath, he placed the palm of his hand on my cheek, and tilted my head toward him. "Tseng warned me, when my father put me in charge of the Turks, that you may have…" Pausing to search for the right words, he brushed the pad of his thumb along my jaw and sadly frowned, "Some… problems in regards to stress," he carefully said, and then he turned his eyes down in thought. "Although… I never really believed him when he told me how serious it was," he admitted, before guiltily smiling, "I thought he was over-exaggerating your mood swings."

"So… Ya've never actually seen it happen?" I asked, wondering if the overreaction I had the previous night was more of an overreaction than I initially thought it was.

Shaking his head in thought, he took a deep breath and scanned his eyes as if he was reading something. "I honestly have no idea," he admitted, and met my eyes. "I've seen you do… and say, some pretty strange things," he added, with a small smile, and then he continued, "But nothing like tonight… I've never seen you talk about yourself, as if you were another person before."

"An ya still want me ta stay?" Raising my brow and looking at him disbelievingly, I attempted to step away again, but he still held fast to me.

"Reno… You've been… psychotic since the day I first met you," he informed me, and then he took a step closer and bent his knees, slightly, so that he could catch my gaze as he slowly lifted himself to pull my eyes along with him while he straightened back up.

"If I decided that I wanted you to leave every time you behaved irrationally, or out of character, you would have been gone the first day… Besides…" he added, with a playful smile riddled with sadness, as he attempted to make a joke, "How many people could say they were lucky enough to have two of you?"

"He can't be trusted," I mumbled, and turned my head away.

"Neither can you," he replied, and moved closer to stroke my hair back. "There is, however, one other condition that I would like to add to our agreement in regards to Kurn."

At that, I slowly moved my eyes back to him, and asked with a wary tone, "What would that be…? Rufus?"

Half-prepared to have him demand that I hand over the switch for Kurn, or have some bizarre cock-eyed request in regards to nothing related to anything. I wound up holding my breath as I waited for him to answer me, while he studied me quietly in contemplation.

Then, without warning, I could swear that a dark shadow crept over his very presence, as it filled his eyes and even the room, when the most frightening look I'd ever seen him carry washed over him. Even his voice seemed to carry that same, decrepit and sick darkness, as his fingers dug ferociously into my shoulders in a manner to state, that unlike Kurn, his next request was going to be non-negotiable.

"I _want_ the blonde."

* * *

Revision: January 16, 2009


	28. Mind Games

**Mind Games**

* * *

_"Are you going to tell me why you thought it was necessary to create genocide in that factory?"_

_"Jus doin my job, Sir," I answered, and casually lit my cigarette while sitting forward with my forearms resting on my knees, as Rufus Entered his office and closed the door behind him._

_"I don't recall ordering you to create public mayhem over the matter," he answered, coldly, and then he casually walked over to me and pulled the cigarette out of my mouth before squeezing the heated end in his fist. Then he closed his eyes and took a deep, satisfying breath, while he crushed the burning ember in the palm of his hand, reminding me to approach him with caution, as I lifted my brow and sat back in my chair. "Do you have any idea how much work you've created for me?"_

_"Yer father told me ta clean house, Sir," I answered, in my own defence. "'Leave no witnesses,' he said." _

_With a shake to his head, he dropped the mutilated cigarette into his trash, and icily looked at me, with subtly clenched teeth. Then he cocked his brow and darkly clarified his position. "I don't recall my 'father' being the one in charge of that mission," he bitterly answered, and then, with a cool collective, he continued, "Are you aware that your actions could have gotten you killed?"_

_"I'm well aware of the dangers involved in 'every' mission I've been assigned to, Sir."_

_"I see," he answered, "I suppose my father never bothered to consider the cost of your actions. Are you aware of how much money was put into covering up this mess?"_

_"Sir," I said, calmly, while trying my best not to get him too worked up, since his fingers were already starting to twitch near his shotgun, "Yer father ordered me ta remove 'all' traces of the evidence once the data was retrieved."_

_With a nod, Rufus walked over to his desk and stood in front of the stacks of paperwork that were piled in front of him. Then he lifted his darkened eyes toward me with a sneer. "And what were 'my' orders, 'Turk'."_

_The anger in his tone made me shift uneasily, while his eyes pierced right through to my soul. The kid rarely called me by my name, which just emphasized the fact that he saw me as less than human, and resented the very fact that I existed. I couldn't help but feel that he would like no better than to see me dead and have me out of his hair for good._

_"Covert, Sir," I guiltily mumbled, and looked away, "Ya said ta get the info an leave no evidence."_

_With a sigh, he brushed his bangs away from his eyes and let out a shallow breath. Then he grabbed the bottom of his outer coat to adjust it before sitting down. "And did that mean, to you, to destroy every form of life within the vicinity by blowing it up?" he asked, and reached down to turn his computer on._

_The movement pulled the neck of his shirt down, slightly, and revealed a dark bruise running down the back of his neck and shoulder, that looked like it spread out as it went further down the shirt. The colour was fairly fresh, which meant whatever caused it had happened fairly recently, and for some reason, part of me was suddenly concerned about it. _

_Though, I didn't really know why, because he spent a lot of time in the training room and it could have been a simple miscalculation with the equipment on his part. But I found myself jerking forward and angrily staring at him for no reason in particular._

_"Are you planning on answering me?" he asked, still looking below his desk, "Tu –"_

_When he caught my reaction out of the corner of his eye, he cocked his brow and lifted his head._

_"– rk," he finished, cautiously when he met my eyes, and for a brief moment, he actually looked nervous, before he rolled his shoulder to readjust the collar of his shirt. But that was soon covered by his usually cold exterior when he brushed off whatever it was that suddenly bothered him. "Are you even listening to me?" he asked, and grabbed one of the papers off of a stack on his desk._

_"Sir?" I asked, and shook my head with my eyes closed, before I opened them and tried to remember what he asked me, "Like I told ya, yer father 'ordered' me ta do it."_

_"What?" Looking at me like I'd just sprung another head, his eyes wandered over his desk, briefly, and then he brought them back to me. "I don't believe that I'll be including you in the next mission," he mentioned, with an agitated tone, "In fact, I'm putting you on leave."_

_"But, I –"_

_"You're going to have to learn that my 'father' is not the one who is in charge here," he stressed, with darkened eyes, while his knuckles began to whiten. "He may be the 'President', and the one who hired you, but you work for 'me' now. Is that understood, 'Turk'?"_

_"So… Ya want me ta risk my life by disobeyin him, Sir?" I disbelievingly asked, even though I was trying to remain calm and respectful, as I sat forward._

_"Well, it's really up to you now, isn't it?" he said, with a cruel undertone, "Because by disobeying 'me', you are 'also' risking your 'worthless' life."_

_"I don't believe this," I muttered, and placed my hands over my face to rub at my eyes and hopefully wake up, as I let myself slump back._

_'I'm being threatened by a fuckin eighteen year old kid.'_

_Letting out a deep sigh, he pressed both his hands on his desk and pushed himself up. "Look…" he started, and then he almost grimaced when he let my name roll painstakingly off his tongue, "'_Reno'_." _

_Then he looked like he was having a hard time swallowing, as if my name had a bad taste to it, and he walked around his desk to stand beside me. "My 'father' won't kill you for following my orders," he said, somewhat softly, as his hand twitched near my shoulder, like he was going to grab me and throttle me to death, but changed his mind. "In fact…" he continued, while clasping his hands behind his back to control them, and then leaning forward slightly to stress his darkened words, "He considers you to be the most valuable asset to his agenda."_

_Feeling nervous by the threat that seemed to be carried in the unspoken air, I kept my eyes on the floor and shrunk back into my jacket. Though, I wasn't really sure where the threat was coming from, since I wasn't really listening to what he was saying as much as I was to the tone he was saying it in. It was filled with a bitter resentment, and I wasn't sure if it was directed at me, his father, or himself. Although, I highly suspected it was directed at me, even though a subtle part of me told me that I was wrong._

_Well, while trying to think of something to say, or even if I was supposed to say anything at all, my thoughts were cut off when the phone on his desk rang, and he set it to the speakerphone, revealing bloodcurdling screams and relentless begging in the background._

_"Sir," came the voice of one of the guards from the interrogation floor, "he's ready to talk, Sir."_

_"Very well," replied Rufus, in a tone that suggested he was extremely bored. "Tell him I'll try to fit him into my schedule sometime this week," he said, as he waved his hand in the air to suggest that he really didn't give a shit and moved to stand behind me._

_"Sir?" came the surprised reply. "He's been begging for you for the last ten hours, like you requested us to wait for…"_

_"I don't recall telling you to question my decisions as part of that request," he coldly answered, as a chill ran down my spine when it felt like a strand of hair from my tail was suddenly touched. "I'm not entirely convinced that he's ready to 'offer' me the information I require."_

_'Is that fucker playing with my hair?'_

_Fighting the urge to react, due to the fact that I convinced myself it was only my imagination, I suddenly jerked forward, and grabbed my hand to the back of my head to rub at it. Then I automatically turned around and glared at him out of sheer reaction, when I realised that one of my hairs was definitely pulled from the root._

_"Ah…" _

_With an extremely subtle snort and a slight jerk at the corner of his mouth, he reached over and hit the button to end his conversation._

_"I'm docking your pay to cover the costs," he said, with a cold detachment towards me, while holding the strand of my hair in his hand. Then he casually placed it in his pocket, as if there was nothing strange about it, and grabbed one of the stacks of paper on his desk and placed it in my hands. "Two weeks of paperwork should be enough for you to decide exactly whose orders you will be following from now on."_

_"Yer takin me off of active duty?" I asked, astonished, as I held the unwanted stack of papers in my hands, which I was sure, had much to do with the costs that I had inflicted onto the company. "Sir?" _

_Naturally, I completely avoided the topic about why the hell he'd pulled out my hair, and decided that maybe he just did it to warn me or something, even though it didn't really explain why he stuck it in his pocket. I simply had to assume that he was pulling some kind of weird mind-fuck on me, like he was reputed to do._

_"And docking your pay," he coolly reminded me, with a cocky grin, as he stared down at me in amusement. Then he walked toward the door and opened it. "Now, if you'll excuse me…" he said, while standing at his door and motioning for me to leave. "I have a disobedient guard to deal with, and you're dismissed…" Narrowing his eyes, as I stood up and walked cautiously towards the door, He almost purred, "For now."_

_"Rufus…" came a sudden gruff voice that literally filled the room, and a beefy hand was placed roughly on his shoulder, which made him flinch slightly and then stiffen with pure hatred, as the door swung open further to reveal his father standing there. "Giving my Turk a hard time?" he asked, with a low chuckle and a sadistic glint in his eyes. Rufus simply looked ahead in an attempt not to acknowledge him while his eyes practically glazed over with a sick looking satisfaction._

_"Just finding a way to cover the costs over yesterday's mishap," he casually answered, and then he continued with a slight sneer, "'Father'"_

_"Hmph…" _

_At that, the President jerked his head back and snorted. Then he walked up to me and took the stack of papers from my hands, and quickly rifled through them. "This looks like work that was assigned to 'you'," he said, and looked over at Rufus, who stared back at him, almost through him, unaffected._

_"It is," he bitterly replied. "Since it's the costs that… 'Your' Turk… is responsible for, I decided that it would be best for him to see, first hand, the full extent of the damage he's caused."_

_"Interesting tactic there, Boy," he commented, and then he gripped his hand on Rufus' bruised shoulder, firmly, causing Rufus to almost roll his eyes back with a subtle sneer, before his father placed the stack back in Rufus' hands. "But I don't think he'll be doing any paperwork." _

_With a chuckle, he glanced over at me and winked before turning his attention back to his son. "Since you seem to feel you can spare him from active duty, I'm sure you won't mind if I keep him busy working for me for the next couple of weeks." Then he roughly smacked Rufus on the back, twice, as if to say 'there, there, Boy', while I stuffed a cigarette in my mouth and toothily grinned at him for saving my ass from a sentence of major boredom._

_Then his father turned and came up to me, placed his arm around my shoulder and lit my cigarette for me, before he stuffed one of his cigars into his own mouth. "I want to see you in my office in an hour, Rufus," he called back, as he guided me into the hall towards the elevator that led to his own office._

_Once we entered the lift, I turned and raised my brow at Rufus, to suggest that I wasn't really sorry for being pulled out from under his fucked up orders. And to push things further, I slyly smiled at him and narrowed my eyes, while he glared at me with an utmost hatred._

_However, it wasn't the first time that his father saved my sorry ass from that twisted shit of a son of his, and it wasn't going to be the last either. Back in those days, it was a game that seemed to be played between them, and I was always the pawn. Not that I cared though. It was often something I could use to my own advantage._

_"Only two things that boy's good at…" President Shinra mentioned, as the door closed and we started our ascent, "Is paperwork and bullying."_

_"Seems ta do rather well at interrogation too," I commented, before taking another drag and thinking back to the phone call._

_"Hmph." Stepping out of the elevator and motioning for me to follow, he started on his way over to his liquor cabinet. "Rufus is nothing short of a fuck up and a head case, Son," he commented, while pouring our drinks, "He may get results, but he takes his sweet bugger-all time doing it."_

_Walking back over to me, he handed me a glass of scotch and confided. "That kid's not right in the head." Then he looked off into space and swirled his drink, before quietly muttering, "Sometimes I wonder if his mother's mental illness wasn't handed down to that boy."_

_With a snort and a cocked brow to express my thoughts on how she shot herself in front of her own son, when he was twelve years old, I brought the glass to my mouth and took a drink, while President Shinra walked over to sit behind his desk._

_"Did you get those names I asked you for?" he asked me, and then he opened his side drawer to pull out some cash._

_"Ya bet I did," I replied, and dug into my pocket for the disk. Then I started towards his desk. "Yer gonna love this too." With a grin and a wink, I set it down on the desk, and pushed it towards him._

_"Why's that, Son?" he asked, and looked up at me cautiously._

_"Cuz 'four' of em work right under yer roof…" I told him, and then I sat on the edge of his desk and took a drag, before smiling with a flash to my eyes, "Fer Shinra."_

_"For Shinra." Repeating my words to help them sink in, he smacked the palm of his hand on the desk and looked back up at me. "Well it looks like you couldn't have come into my service at a better time."_

_For the next forty minutes, or so, I took a seat opposite to his desk while we topped off our scotches and smoked up a storm in his office, discussing how to deal with the traitors whose names I collected. As usual, my job was to remain classified from everyone other than the President himself._

_"Ya want me ta get friendly with em?" I asked, with an anticipating glow, since the thought of screwing over upper-class turncoats was enough to turn me on even more than Scarlet._

_"You're one sick boy there, Son," he replied, with a chuckle. "You get as friendly as you think you need to." Tapping his fingers on the cash that had been catching my curious attention for the duration of our conversation, he looked over at me thoughtfully, and then he leaned forward to top off my scotch. "Now I just want to make sure that Rufus doesn't know anything about this."_

_"Ya told me not ta let 'im know 'bout the second part of the mission." With my brow cocked, I leaned closer to his desk and rested my chin on my forearms. Then I ran the heated end of my cigarette along the edges of his ashtray, chiselling it into a carefully fine point. "Now, 'e's pissed at me," I said, a little on the dark side, before distantly adding, "Threatened me, Sir." After that, I slowly lifted my dark eyes to meet his, in an attempt to question what he was going to do about it._

_With a concerned look, he let out a deep breath and softened his rough tone about as soft as he was capable of. "Ren… Reno… whichever, or whoever the hell I'm talking to right now…" he started, before he grabbed the cash and stood up to come to the front of his desk to push me back into my seat, so he could look down at me. "I can guarantee you that Rufus will 'never' do anything to hurt you, Son," he said, with a sneer, and then he placed the cash in my hand, "And this will make up for everything that he's docked from your pay."_

_"Ya gonna see ta that, Sir?" I cautiously asked him, as I narrowed my eyes and stood up, before stuffing the money in my pocket._

_As an answer, he placed his firm hand on my shoulder and met my eyes while letting out a deep breath. "Let me just say that Rufus 'does' have some 'form' of respect for you," he said, with a strange and unexplainable disgust, and then he let out another deep breath before justifying. "You 'are' one of his Turks," he added, and then he placed his cigar between his teeth before continuing, "You may not do everything by the book, but you are, by far, the most dependable for getting 'any' job done."_

_Then he grabbed the disk off his desk and waved it in front of my face to remind me that he meant what he was saying, "And Rufus knows that."_

_"Rufus knows what?" came Rufus' cold voice, from the elevator as it opened, and his father stuffed the disk in his own pocket. _

_As Rufus stepped in with a total lack of emotion, he stopped and stood still, while he waited for the door to close behind him. Then, deliberately, and without meeting anyone's eyes, he un-holstered his gun and walked up to his father to hand it to him. I'm not really sure why he did that though. _

_But it got even more strange when he locked his eyes with his father's and proceeded to remove his coat, jacket, and holsters with slow and careful movements, and neatly placed them over the arm of the chair I was just sitting in. I couldn't help but raise my brow at the weirdness of it all. However, it wasn't just the weirdness over why the hell he wore all of those damn coats either. The whole scenario was just fucking weird._

_"You know how 'desirable' Reno, here, is to have around," his father answered, with his husky growl of a voice, as he placed Rufus' gun against his desk, and watched Rufus neatly place his coats and pat them down to avoid wrinkles. "Don't you, Boy."_

_"Of course I do… 'Father'," Rufus answered, with a sneer and the bitterest of tones, and then he turned to look at me with the most frightening of looks I'd ever received from him. In fact, if I didn't know any better, I'd swear the little fucker batted his eyelashes at me, and almost smiled._

_Well, not wanting to get involved in the family mess of things, I chugged the rest of my drink down and stamped my cigarette into the ashtray in hopes that it was time for me to leave. "Am I dismissed, Sir?" I asked, and pulled my attention away from Rufus' freaky come-hither eyes, and started making my way to the elevator._

_"Yes, Son, you can go," answered his father, as I caught him pick up Rufus' gun from the corner of my eye. "And don't forget that I want to see you in my office, first thing in the morning, Reno," he continued, catching my attention and causing me to turn around, while he ran his eyes over the shotgun in his hands, like he was disgusted and impressed at the same time. "There's a busy day ahead of us."_

_"Yes, Sir." With a nod of acknowledgement, and a complete attempt to avoid the freak that he called his son, I backed into the elevator and hit the button to close the doors. _

_Then I brushed off the sound of something being hit, hard, by an object or something, and falling to the floor as I made my descent to my own office. All the while, I couldn't help but wonder how in the hell that man ever wound up with such a psycho for a son._

* * *

He locked the door to the bedroom after I agreed to let him have Adrienne. The fucker dragged me to his room and locked me in there, and then he apologized from the other side of the door.

"I won't be long," he said, while I screamed hysterically at him for being an asshole and struggled with the cuffs still around my wrists, "I just need to take care of a few things." I could sense him leaning against the door while he calmly spoke to me, almost like he was regretting what he was doing. "I'm sorry, Reno… I don't want to do this to you. But I don't know how else I can make sure that you'll still be here when I get back."

"I fucking told you, I'd stay!"

"I know you did. But I'm afraid I can't trust you right now."

With my hand against the door in a semblance to have some kind of contact with him, I heard him slide down the other side to sit on the floor, while I followed his action from my own side. "Don't leave me, Rufus…" I pathetically pleaded, in a small and whiny voice, "Please… Not right now… Don't leave me alone."

"I never meant for any of this to happen…" he said, more so to himself than to me. "You have no idea how much you mean to me, Reno," There was a short silence then, as I heard him turning the keys to the cuffs in his hand, "And I don't want to have you locked up in the infirmary again for another breakdown."

"So, yer gonna lock me in here instead?"

"I'm sorry," was all he said in reply. Just a plain, cold and clinical, 'I'm Sorry'. No other comment, no words of comfort, nothing.

"You piece of shit, Rufus!" I yelled, and smacked the door with my hands. "You can't just lock me up every time ya wanna fucking go out!"

When I heard him get up and open the front door to leave, He called back in his own fucked up attempt to apologise for his actions, and to avoid the fact that he had no intention of dealing with the situation at hand. "I promise I won't be long…" he said, and then he closed the front door and locked it.

But that was Rufus though. His mind only ran on one track, and it was a narrow track at best. Once he got on it, he was incapable of dealing with anything that didn't sit in his order of priority, and he was incapable of dealing with it out of the order he'd set it in, in his mind. It wasn't his fault though, he was a methodical man, and at that particular moment, Adrienne just happened to be the first priority on his list.

He would deal with me when my number came up.

Swallowing hard, I curled up by the door like the fucking worthless dog that I was, and waited for him to return, while I pathetically sobbed like a disgraceful, good-for-nothing, son of a whore. I didn't know if it was because I was angry, or because I was upset, or if it had to do with the fact that I felt so fucking helpless and pathetic that I didn't know what else to do.

"I hate you, Rufus…" I mumbled to myself, as I closed my eyes, and tried to find a place in my head where silence existed.

But that was about as futile as thinking I could ever amount to anything above the street-scum status I was born with.

* * *

_"Get up!" came a sharp, crisp, voice from above me, as the rope that was tied around my wrists loosely fell onto my back. When I didn't move, he repeated himself, "I said, get up!"_

_"Go fuck yerself, ya piece-a shit," I mumbled, into the floor, and then I grimaced from the kick to my ribs, before his hand gripped around my collar so he could pull me from the floor to sit me up._

_Then he grabbed my pants to pull them back up. "It doesn't always have to be this way," he angrily said, while he fiddled with my button to do it up._

_"Really?" I sarcastically asked, and fumbled around my shirt pocket for a cigarette, "Ya mean ya don't really need ta fuck me so desperately that ya need to 'force' yerself on me 'every' fuckin time?"_

_"Don't fucking start," he warned, and then he brushed a stray red strand from his face. "If you didn't like it so much, you would've left already."_

_"Like it?" I retorted, and elbowed him in the ribs for being such an ass. "Ya fuckin piece of shit!" I spat, and pushed myself off the floor. "What part of my kickin an screamin, an yellin 'no' means I want ya do it then?" I demanded, through my teeth, as I pulled out a pack of matches to light my cigarette, "Jus so I know." _

_"The part that keeps you coming back to me, afterwards and before," he factually answered, and pulled me down to rest against his chest. "How many times do you want to have this conversation?"_

_"Enough times fer ya ta understand that I DON'T FUCKING LIKE IT!" I bellowed out, while he wrapped his arms around me and laughed._

_"Then why do you keep coming back, Renault?"_

_"Ain't got nowhere else ta go, ya fuckin fag," I muttered, and then I took a frustrated drag from my cigarette._

_"Oh, yeah… that's right," he snickered out, before he tauntingly continued, "No one else will have anything to do with you." Wrapping a strand of my hair around his finger, he snickered again. "Do you think it's because they all want to kill you? Or do you think it's because you're a psychotic son of a whore, who can't be trusted?"_

_"Shut the fuck up!" Showing my agitation over the comment, I tried my best to elbow him in the gut again, but with no real success, "You're one ta fuckin talk."_

_"Hm." Grabbing my cigarette from me, he took a drag and then handed it back. "I don't recall my mother being a whore," he mused, and then he pulled my hair back by the bang, making me strain my neck. "Maybe that's why you act like such a whore,"_ _he thought, out loud, knowing it was uncalled for, "Because you're mother was one…" _

_"Heh… Whores don't generally put up a fight an say 'NO'!"_

_"Let's make a deal then…" he started, and then he kissed me on the cheek, "I'll stop 'hurting' you, as you put it, if you tell me that you don't love me."_

_"Fuck off with yer bullshit," I grumbled, while grabbing onto his arms and trying to loosen his grip._

_"Bullshit?" he replied, and then he wrapped his legs around me to compensate for my struggles, "It's a simple enough thing to say, Renault."_

_"Get the fuck off me!" _

_"That was hardly convincing." Grabbing my cigarette out of my mouth again, he took another drag, and then put it back in my mouth, "All you have to do is say… 'Haldric, I don't love you'…"_

_"Fuck off!"_

_"No…" Adjusting himself so that he was pressing more of himself against me than I wanted him to, I tried to squirm away, while he whispered into my ear, "I think I'm ready to go again." Then he pushed my hand down, between my legs to force me to touch myself, "How about you?"_

_"Let go of me!"_

_"You know if you'd only relax, it wouldn't hurt so much… You probably wouldn't bleed so much either."_

_"Fuck…" I said, in frustration, and then I bellowed, "I DON'T FUCKING LOVE YOU!"_

_"I don't believe you."_

_Twisting his leg around me, to push me onto the floor, while still keeping me constrained, he reached down into his pocket to pull out a vial._

_"No…" I protested, and attempted to struggle away from him again, once I realised what he was doing, "I don't want that shit!"_

_"Why not?" Adjusting his body, so his legs were over my arms, and he was in a better position to grip my jaw, he pushed the lid off with his thumb, and brought it to my mouth, "It will help you relax."_

_"I don't wanna fuckin relax," I hissed, before he forced it into my mouth._

_"Yes you do," he purred, as he moved himself down and brought his face close to mine, "I want to hear you tell me something."_

_"Fuck off."_

_"No… That's not it," he warned, while gripping my hair, to hold my head still, in order to keep my focus in his direction. "I want you to tell me that you love me," he said, and then he ran his tongue along my jaw before pressing his lips to my neck._

_"Thoughtcha… wanted me ta… say I… did'n," I slurred, as the drug started to kick in, fast, like it always did._

_"I changed my mind," he dizzyingly mentioned, while he lifted his head so he could study me like a snake does before it strikes, "I want to hear you say you love me."_

_As his voice echoed throughout my skull and the uncontrollable vertigo set in, I found myself muttering the words before I had the chance to stop myself, and entered into a plane of nothingness where no thoughts or memories existed._

_It was always like that… I'd panic, give in, and then everything would disappear. _

_"I love you… Haldric."_

* * *

_"Wanna know what 'e did to us?"_

"No…" I mumbled, with my face pressed to the floor between my arms, "I don't."

"He talks to you?" I Heard Rufus ask, in a soft tone as he knelt down to sit beside me. I never even heard him come in, and suddenly wondered how long he was there for.

"Sometimes," I answered, with a worn-out rasp, and bit on my bottom lip, before curling up more and wiping at my face with my sleeve.

He sighed at me then, and leaned over to pull me to rest my head on his lap, and then he reached down and undid the handcuffs. "I'm afraid I'm not very good at this sort of thing," he explained, while stroking my hair back, and reaching over to grab a bottle that he brought in with him, while I massaged my wrists and kept my head on his lap.

"I know it sounds like an excuse… But I honestly never thought I would live long enough to ever share my life with someone, let alone, with you." Then he took a large drink from the bottle and set it back down, "And I'm afraid I don't really know how to do it…"

He let out a deep breath then, and continued. "I want so desperately to be able to take care of you… to protect you from ever being hurt," he quietly thought, while he pulled the elastic gently out of my hair, "But I'm too late for that.

"I'm not even sure if I'd know how to do it if I wasn't," he said, sadly, and then he combed his fingers through the length of my hair. "Is it an excuse to say that I was never taught?" he asked, as he started to wipe at the tears that were still running from my eyes.

"Neither of us were," I mumbled, and grabbed onto his hand, so I could hold onto it, "It ain't no excuse."

With a soft chuckle, and a slight smile, he wholeheartedly agreed. "I suppose you're right," He mused, "Perhaps that's why neither of us knows how to be forthright about anything."

"Ya sayin ya lie ta me?" I asked, with my brow cocked, and turned slightly to look up at him.

"I'm not sure if silence can be classified as a lie," he said, while looking down at me and stroking my hair again, and then he jokingly commented, "If it is, then you're the biggest liar that I know."

"Ya countin yerself in that equation?" I asked, tilting my head and turning my body more towards him.

"No," he answered, plainly and simply, and then he shifted his body so that we were lying beside each other, "I think I'll let you have this one by not involving myself." Then he pulled me into his arms, and mumbled, "But only this once."

"Gee… Thanks…"

After a long silence of the two of us just holding each other, he cleared his throat subtly, and then he shifted uneasily. "There's something I need to ask you…" he hesitantly started, and then he took a shaky breath, "But I don't know how to…"

"He did'n rape me, Rufus," I replied, while curling up more, into his arms.

Responding to my movement, he wrapped his arms more protectively around me and rested his chin on the top of my head, "And you… knew that's what I was going to…?"

"He tried," I mumbled, cutting him off from finishing, and then closing my eyes, "Aldrich stopped him."

"I see…"

* * *

We must have fallen asleep, tangled together, on the floor. When I awoke in the morning, we were both still dressed, and Rufus was still asleep, and for some reason, I wound up laying there, for almost an hour, just watching him.

For the first time, I really took in how peaceful he actually looked when he was sleeping. Maybe it was because I knew it would be a long time, if not the only time, for the rest of my short life that I would ever see him like that.

Truth be told though, neither of us really knew what inner peace was when we were awake. Not that sleep always solved the problem for us either.

Rufus…

The only two times he ever looked at peace were while he was sleeping, or right after sex. Maybe that was why he liked them both so much. They were the only release he had.

_What the fuck am I doin to you?_ I asked myself, and then I leaned over and brushed the bang out of his face, kissed him on the forehead, and got up to nearly fall over from the crick in my back.

_Fuck! _I silently shouted, in my head. _Fuckin body's already startin ta turn on me._ Then I got the bright idea to go into the bathroom and take a potion, and after downing it, I found myself staring at the bottle and suddenly realising that I'd been taking an awful lot of them throughout the last couple of years. In fact, I practically relied on them and Elixirs… A lot.

_Is it possible to be addicted to these?_ I wondered, as I read the label for the first time in my life, to see if there was a warning. But I didn't find anything of any use on the bottle, and I wound up staring at myself in the mirror, taking note of just how shitty I looked. I was paler than usual, with dark circles under my eyes, and the Mako glow made me look like I was practically insane. However, the thought made me start laughing.

_Insane… heh-heh-heh…_

"That's a good one… Ya stupid fuck," I bitterly muttered to myself, and then I tossed the bottle in the trash. But before I left the bathroom, I splashed some cold water on my face, coughed up a little blood, and walked back into the bedroom to pick up the bottle that Rufus brought in. After that, I took it back into the kitchen to put it away, and decided it was a good time to start breakfast.

Shortly after I started the eggs, Rufus woke up and came straight in to grab himself a cup of coffee, before acknowledging me with a silent nod, "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit," I replied, without bothering to acknowledge him, and continued to cook his breakfast.

Instead of saying anything further, he simply raised his brow, took a sip of his coffee, and decided to make a call to the infirmary to see if the treatment he'd ordered for Adrienne the night before was successful. As it turns out, from what I overheard, I wasn't the only one who had suspicions about a possible working relationship between Aldrich and Kurn.

Rufus had ordered that Kurn be made aware of everything that was going on, just so he could put him under surveillance and watch the man's every action, and reaction. He even went so far as to order Kurn to be the one to administer the accelerated treatment to Adrienne, to bring him to a state near perfect health as soon as possible. Naturally, he kept his doctor, Rude, and Jared in the same room to keep careful watch over both of the men, and from what I gathered, his newfound friend seemed to be doing better than expected.

"That's wonderful news," I heard him say, over the sizzling of the frying pan, "I'll be down shortly to see the progress for myself…" Then, with a lack of emotion, he turned his cup clockwise, and listened to the voice on the other end. "I see… Has Kurn been up at all since then, to check on his progress?"

I could actually feel my ear twitch when I heard him ask about Kurn. Curiosity was always a natural thing for me, and the fact that it involved Kurn was pretty much explainable in itself, and when I looked over at him, I could actually see the whiteness of his knuckles as he gripped the handle on his cup.

Yeah… Something told me, that even though he agreed not to kill the stuttering maggot, that he was still planning on making the remainder of his life a living hell.

_Oh well, ain't much I can do about that, _I thought, and giggled without realizing it. Unfortunately, Rufus _did_ notice and glanced at me sideways for a second before cocking his brow and returning to his conversation.

There was actually nothing really unusual about that though. It was something I always did, regardless.

"Is that so?" After taking a deep, angry breath, he pushed himself back in his chair and sat straight up. "And what was his reaction when he was turned away this morning?"

After I scraped his breakfast onto his plate, I walked over and set it down in front of him. Then I stepped behind him and placed my hands on his shoulders to try and remind him that Kurn was not his to torment. But Rufus would always be Rufus, and there was really nothing anybody could ever do about that.

"Very well…" I heard him say, as he placed his free hand on top of mine and stroked the back of it, "I will speak with you in regards to the rest when I make it down there, later this morning."

While lightly massaging his shoulders, I asked him if, "Things goin well?"

"Mmmm…" he mumbled, as he hung up and placed his phone in his pocket. Then he placed his other hand on top of my other one and leaned his head back with his eyes closed, "I was under the impression that I was supposed to be keeping _you_ relaxed."

"Ya are…" I told him, with a sly smile, and kissed him on the forehead, "Now eat yer breakfast."

At that, he bit on his lip and turned in his seat, as he watched me grab my cup so I could refill it, while he tapped his fingers on the table. Then he got up and walked over to me, and placed his arms around me from behind. "I've been meaning to ask you…" he started, as he rested his head on my shoulder, "If you're going to be all right if I don't allow you to go out on active duty for a while."

"Do I have a choice?" I asked, knowing damn well that he was going to spring that one on me sooner or later.

"Reno… I'm in no mood to argue with you about this." Wrapping his arms around me tighter, with a bit of warning in his hold, but not hurting me, he placed a kiss on my cheek, "It's just until you're better."

"So ya mean it's indefinite," I blurted out, suddenly feeling agitated for no particular reason. Then, knowing that I probably wasn't going to win, since I never did, I opened the cupboard above me and poured some rye into my coffee, thanking Gaia that it was in reach.

At that, he let out a deep breath and turned me around to face him, while he studied me carefully and moved his hands to hold my face. "Why do you always have to be so difficult?" he asked, and then he rested his forehead against mine, "I'm not trying to punish you for losing yourself."

"Then what _are_ ya tryin ta do?" I asked him, through clenched teeth, and placed my hands over his.

"You're not well, Reno…" he answered, and gripped his hands gently in my hair, "I don't want to send you out on any missions when you're…" He closed his eyes then, and bit his bottom lip before continuing. "Fuck…" he muttered, and pulled away while regarding me with a tired expression, "There is no easy way to say this."

"Say what?" I demanded, with an irritation that I suddenly couldn't control, "That I'm a fuckin head-case?" Then I tried to push him away, but he grabbed me by the front of my shirt and pushed me back into the counter, hard enough that I nearly wound up sitting on it.

"You're fragile, Reno!" he spat out, "I know that's not what you want to hear right now, but it's something you _need_ to face!" Realizing that he was about to lose his temper on me, he stopped himself, and eased his grip. Then he pulled me into his arms, like he thought I needed comforting or something. "You're sick," he said, lightly, when he put his head on my shoulder, "And it's not just your mind."

However, knowing that he was right, even though I really didn't want to admit it, and knowing that I was overreacting for no justifiable reason, I gave in and returned his embrace, "I _can't_ jus sit around and wait ta die, Rufus."

"I know," he replied, with his hand tangled in my hair as he lightly kissed me on the cheek. "Perhaps we can work something out," he mentioned, and pressed his lips to my temple before continuing. "I'm willing to allow you to continue working," He stated, softly, when he pulled away to regard me, "I just want to keep you close… Can we do that?"

_Ya mean under a careful eye, ya fuck._

"Yeah…" I rasped, when I looked into his eyes, and then I grabbed the handle of my cup and brought it halfway to my mouth, "We can do that."

"Thank you," he sincerely replied, and brushed his thumb over my lips, causing me to put the cup back down. Then he pulled me into his arms and gently pressed his lips to mine in order to seal the deal…

Or for some other reason…

Whatever…

* * *

When the afternoon came by, I found myself wandering through the building, trying to take my mind away of the whirlwind that had been assaulting me since the night before, and I found myself standing in the small shop that I had been to, many times in the past, to stare at the flask on the shelf. This time though, I decided to go ahead and purchase it.

_What the hell… Ain't gonna have nothin else ta do…_ I thought to myself.

Anyway, the young girl behind the counter gave me a shy smile when I brought it to the till, and commented on the fact that she'd been wondering for some time now, if and when I was ever going to purchase it.

"Was tryin ta cut down," I told her, and figured I'd leave it at that. After all, she didn't really need to know that I simply wanted it to drown out the unwanted memories in my head. No one needed to know what was going on inside.

Hell, _I _didn't even want to know.

* * *

_"Do you know what I would like to hear you say right now?" Aldrich asked, on the fifth night of my captivity, right after he put his cigarette out in the hollow by my collarbone, "It used to be such a sweet thing to hear you say."_

_"Go fuck yerself," I muttered, unable to stop chattering and clenching my teeth._

_"Hm… Close…" he crooned, "But not quite what I was hoping for." While hovering above me, he brought his face close enough to my ear so that I could feel his breath. "I bet I can make you say it," he whispered, and then he brushed the bang from my face. "You know, I may not be able to feel anything anymore…" he purred at me, and trailed his hand down my body to wrap it around his destination, "But you can."_

_"Don't fucking touch me!" I hissed, and brought my legs up to painfully kick him away. Then I took advantage of his initial shock and pushed myself into the corner, away from him._

_"That looked painful," he commented, before pushing himself calmly from the floor, and crawling towards me, "I'm impressed that you can still do that, considering the broken state that you're in."_

_"Stay the fuck away from me, Aldrich!" I unaffectedly warned him, and pushed myself further into the corner._

_With a low chuckle, he asked, "Or you'll do what?" Tilting his head and looking at me curiously, he reached his hand into my hair and pulled my head towards him, "All I want is to hear you say it, '_Reno'_." Then he placed his other hand on my knee and started sliding it slowly down my thigh, "Say it, '_Reno'_, and I'll leave you with your dignity."_

_"Stop it, you 'sick' fuck," I grimaced, through clenched teeth, as my eyes started to betray me by watering uncontrollably._

_"'I love you, Aldrich'… It's easy enough…" Then, while tilting his head, he added, "You can even call me by my old name if it makes you feel better… You don't even have to mean it. You just have to say it."_

_He grabbed my knees firmly then, and pushed my legs apart, almost making me scream from the abrupt pain that shot through my body._

_"Perhaps you have too much of your mother's whoring influence in you that your dignity doesn't matter…" he cruelly mused, and pressed his lips to my inner thigh. "What would you prefer?" he asked, and maliciously looked up at me, "My mouth or my hand?" _

_With a wolfish grin, he continued. "I'm personally partial to finding out what you taste like, since I never really gave your needs much thought in the past," he unnecessarily reminded me, "And taste 'is' the only sensation I have left to savour… for now."_

_"You sick fucking bastard," I cried, before I caved in and said it, making him let go of my legs and wipe at the tears on my cheeks with the pads of his thumbs._

_"There… That wasn't so difficult now… Was it?" he taunted, and gently pushed my legs back up to my chest, "And the fact that you said 'still' almost makes me believe that you mean it…"_

* * *

"Is everything all right?" she asked me, when she noted my watery eyes as I handed her the Gil.

_"It was the lesser of two evils, __Reno__…" _

"Yeah," I told her, with a raspy undertone, and batted at my ear, before I grabbed the flask and turned to leave.

_"Quit torturing yourself over it." _

After buying my salvation, I decided that I'd go back to the apartment to fill it up and ran into Rufus, who'd stopped in to grab some lunch. When I walked into the kitchen, he knitted his brows at the sight of the flask, but said nothing. Instead, he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek while I filled it.

"How was yer visit?" I asked him, in hopes to have some kind of conversation about anything other than the one in my head.

"Messy."

"Thought ya did'n like messes."

"I don't…" he replied, and looked at me with concern, "He just happened to say some things that he probably shouldn't have said, and Rude wound up wrapping those immaculately strong hands of his around his neck." Then he grabbed my arm and pulled me over to him while he chewed on his apple, and combed his fingers through my hair, "You know, I'd feel better if you'd eat something."

"Ain't hungry," I commented, and brushed my hand along his bare forearm, since he wasn't wearing his usual layers of jackets and had his sleeves rolled up.

"Hm…" With his brow raised, he took another bite and finished chewing it before continuing. "Perhaps that's why you're so small," he teased.

"I ain't that small," I replied, and leaned further into his chest while he wrapped his free arm around me, and then in my defence, I added, "I got good definition."

"Mm… Well, I'm not about to argue with you about your _splendid _body being well-toned," he said, with a playful smile, "But you're still smaller than me."

"Shorter, Rufus…" I retorted, and brought my hands up to hold onto his arm. Then I let my head fall back to his shoulder, "An it ain't by much… So don't go gettin yer head too inflated over it."

I could feel him chuckling from the comment, soft as it was, while the sound rested closely to my ear. "Do you think it's possible to inflate my head any more than it already is?" he quietly asked, and then he took another bite.

"Anythin's possible with ya." Snickering at him, I turned my head to look at him, and envied the fact that he was able to hold himself together so well, particularly after everything he'd been through in his life. "How do ya do it?"

"Do what?" he asked, and looked down at me, adoringly.

"Manage ta keep it all together…" Then I added as an afterthought, and with a wry smile, "Fer the most part."

"Who said that I do?" Cocking his brow, he took another bite. Then he brought his mouth to mine, after half-chewing it and pushed it between our mouths until it was finished.

"Don't do that again," I told him, and licked my lips to get the taste off while he snickered at me and told me that if I would eat something that he wouldn't _have_ to do it.

"Yeah… Well… It's gross."

"Gross," he repeated, disbelievingly, and then he cocked his brow at me with narrowed and suspiciously playful eyes, before he shook his head subtly to shake it off.

"Yeah." Still curious about how he'd survived his upbringing with his mind still intact, and ignoring the fact that he was having a hard time believing that I actually found something gross, I pressed, "How do ya manage ta keep yerself so controlled?" Then I tilted my head to view him better, and added, "After everythin ya've been through… What's yer secret?"

"Control?" With his brow cocked, he regarded me with a feigned surprise and shook his head, "You must have me confused with somebody else." Then he snickered and thought out loud, "I haven't been in control since the day you entered my life."

Thinking back, I couldn't help but raise my brow in surprise at the fact that he was probably right. Then I wondered if it was really such a good thing. "That ain't good, is it?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, and finished off his apple, before tossing the core in the sink.

"The fact that ya haven't been in control since the day ya met me."

With a bit of a frown, he ran his forefinger along my jaw, while looking down at me from the side. "I spent most of my life having my emotions beaten out of me by a man who hated the fact that I existed," he explained, "A man that I was ordered to call 'Father' in public, only because it suited his image, and _Sir_ in private because he didn't want to be reminded of the fact that I was his _pathetic_ son."

At that, he moved his hand, upward, to trace my left scar with his ring finger, while he kept his attention on what he was doing, "I was beaten by a man who drove me to despise the mere thought of ever reproducing, or even contemplating the simple thought of ever having _sex_ with anyone."

While scanning his eyes over my face, he ran his fingers lightly over my lips and sucked back on his own. "The only thing he ever was able to drill into me was the ability to despise the fact that I existed, and then, in time, I learned to despise everyone and everything else around me. He brought me to a point to where I never wanted anyone to ever see me feel anything, and I wound up convincing _myself_ that I didn't."

As he followed the outline with a light touch, he fixated his eyes on my mouth and lowered his head. "Fear had been driven out of me, due to the mere fact that I knew it was never going to stop, not until I died," he said, with a slow shake to the head.

"I had actually started to enjoy the beatings from my father, and the visits to Hojo… by turning my pain into something I could savour," he said, and then he fixated his eyes on mine as they went heavy and dark, "I had my first orgasm on Hojo's table."

Sensing my apprehension to his rectitude, he fastened his arm more securely around me to keep me from bolting, and pulled me slightly closer. "I began to look forward to it," he confided, as he pushed his finger that still had the sticky taste of apple into my mouth. "Once I decided that I wasn't going to give them the satisfaction of _owning_ me anymore, I discovered a whole new sense of satisfaction, and disguised it as control, by slowly weeding out every senseless and useless emotion within me…"

At the admission, his eyes went heavy with lust, and he faintly smiled down at me with a subtle slyness. "Every emotion that made me weak became my strength.

"And then there was you… You constantly ate away at everything that I worked so hard to destroy inside of myself," he added, and pushed another finger into my mouth for me to wrap my tongue around, while he lightly moved them in and out, and ran them along my lips, moistening them.

"And you always defeated every effort that I made… You always made me feel something that I was unfamiliar with." He tilted his head slightly as if he wanted to kiss me, but didn't. "It was, and still is, something that I am honestly incapable of feeling for anyone but you, and I find myself wanting more of it."

Lowering his head, he nudged my face away from his by pressing his nose into my cheek and then lightly kissed the outer edge of my ear, "You terrify me to a point to where I want to feel everything that you feel."

Then his voice became more velvet, and he started to slide his other hand down the front of me. "You taught me the power that fear had over people, by instilling it into everyone around you, including my father… For the first time in my life, I knew what it was like to look into the eyes of something immeasurably horrifying when I first saw you smile at him like a madman, as he beat you for overstepping your bounds, and you never stopped. You never stopped smiling, and you never stopped overstepping. Despite the tortured anguish that permanently shone through those beautiful eyes."

He paused for a moment then, and ran his tongue along the outer edge of my ear, and continued in an even huskier voice than he was already speaking in, "You were astounding in your defiance… So astounding that you actually managed to win the man over when he realised the power you had over him and everyone else. I wanted to hate you for it. I wanted to despise you for the mere fact that you could get away with anything, and yet… I couldn't hate you.

"I want to know everything that you know," he darkly said, with his breath hot against my lobe, "I want to take it all away from you until there is nothing left to torment you, and make it all my own." While still thrusting his fingers in my mouth, he moved towards my cheek to brush his lips along my scar, and slid his other hand down to undo the button on my pants. "I want to be the _only_ one that can set you free, and I want to be the _only_ one who can make you feel good… inside and out, Reno…"

Despite the fact that he terrified me as much as he claimed I did to others, I found myself unable to pull away, as my will disobeyed me and I slumped further into him, wanting to suddenly sink into him. With my eyes rolling back and my neck arching, I slid my hand unconsciously down his arm, that travelled downward, as the other moved behind his neck and tangled into the back of his hair, while I tried to sweep away the nagging question over why the fuck he went like this every time he talked about his father.

"I want to be the one to cleanse away the stains in your mind and your soul, until you are no longer plagued by the filth and the dirt that you can't seem to scrub away on your own…" he heavily breathed, and rested the warmth of his hand against me, "I want to be the _only_ one who can show you, and convince you, of how beautiful and desirable you really are, without making you feel ashamed or unholy, and I want you to believe it."

While unconsciously resting my hand against the back of his, as I rubbed the back of his neck suggestively, he continued to confide in the things that he so strongly desired, "I want to be the first to see what those beautiful eyes would look like if you were freed from all of your personal demons."

"Nnnmm…"

Satisfied with the betraying moan I let out, as his hand moved along its destination, he began to gently stroke, and pressed his cheek against the side of my head. "No one can make me feel the way that you make me feel," he whispered, "No one can make me feel what I am most certain is love, when it comes to you.

"And the fact that you can tear down all of my barriers and make me lose it in the worst of ways, makes me love you even more," he huskily continued, while pressing himself against the backside of my hip, "You take from me, the one thing that I have never been able to give, and I find myself willingly wanting to give it to you."

Meanwhile, he pulled his fingers out of my mouth and undid my zipper, while he simultaneously manoeuvred in front of me and fell to his knees, "You take all of my control away from me, and I love you for it."

Then the damp heat of his mouth wrapped itself around me, while he undid his own pants and stuck his moistened fingers into himself and jerked off until I came in his mouth and he came onto the floor.

_Rufus Shinra…_

_Yeah…_

_Well, if 'he' wasn't the one who was in control, then I had no fucking clue over who the hell was…_

* * *

After the frightening and strangely erotic lunch hour, Rufus called me up to his office to take a look at his computer that he claimed was misbehaving. However, I was pretty sure that he simply wanted to keep me busy while he went to pay Adrienne a visit. In all honesty, I couldn't help but be curious over what the hell he was doing to the deserving asshole. But I think Rufus was afraid of me having another episode if I saw the jackass again.

From what I recalled in the past, madness was Rufus' specialty. In fact, his father even once confided in me that Rufus had a fetish for inflictions on the mind. Anyway, if there was ever anyone that knew how to drive a person mad through torture, it was the son of dementia himself. He was rather creative in that area too. It was part of what helped him uphold his reputation as a person to be feared and carefully respected.

Anyway, dwelling over Rufus' tactics, and what he was going to do, or _was_ doing to Adrienne, wasn't really going to get me anywhere with what was wrong with his computer. But I did find myself plugging into his surveillance system while I tried to solve the mystery over what was causing the strange and intermittent problems, even though I'm not really sure why I did it, and I'm not really sure if it was me who was doing it.

But there I was, staring into the image from the camera, as Adrienne stared defiantly at the man and told him that he wasn't afraid of him. I admit I was a little surprised to see that my secondary tormentor was only strapped to a solid armchair, and nothing else. Honestly, I thought Rufus would have had him hooked up by now, but I guess he decided to wait since things got messy in the morning, as Rufus had put it.

Basically, all that was set up were the catheters and a modest cloth that covered his victim's private parts. There was a device meant for keeping the eyes open, off to Adrienne's left, and I'm not really sure if the blonde knew what it was for, because he didn't seem phased at all by anything in the room, including Rufus.

From the looks of things, Rufus wasn't joking when he mentioned that Rude almost strangled the life out of Aldrich's low-life peon, judging by the bruises around his neck that looked like they were almost healed, leaving no doubt in my mind that Rufus had administered potions to help repair any damage that may have been caused. Knowing Rufus' tactics from previous experiences, he preferred his _guests_ to be in perfect health before he got started on them.

"It's a shame my first in command isn't here to enjoy this," Rufus mused, over Tseng and Elena leaving for their honeymoon in the morning, as he pulled the Intravenous stand towards Adrienne, "This is generally his line of work."

"Oh? Does this sort of thing make you squeamish?" the blonde piped up, with a cocky tone that didn't speak of much intelligence.

"Oh no," Rufus replied, while he stared at the needle with a withdrawn fascination, "I quite enjoy this sort of thing." Then he knelt down, to the blonde's side, and wrapped a tourniquet around the blonde's arm, before tapping it a few times, to get the blood flowing so he could find a good vein. "He simply enjoys watching me work," he calmly said, as he inserted the needle into the blonde's arm and secured it.

"If ya think you're going to get any information from me, you're mistaken," the blonde said with a smile to my beautiful Rufus, "Once he realises I'm missing, he's gonna relocate." Then he leaned over, as far as he could, towards Rufus, and continued with his taunting defiance, "You're never going to find him."

"I wasn't planning on asking you any questions," came the chilling reply, before he stood up and walked over to the metal table in the middle of the room to rest his backside against it with his arms crossed, while he waited.

Shortly after, Jared came in and held the door open, while Rude wheeled in a machine I'd never seen before. It looked like something Hojo would have invented. The brassy and coppery tones to the casing gave it an old-style look, along with the crude multitude of dials across the top, and wires that hung from it and swayed, stiffly, along the sides as the machine was moved into the room. Resting on the top was something that resembled a headband with tanned leather straps, and thin, securing, metal strips. Fine wires hung loosely from where it sat, that were connecting it to the machine, and there was a fine set of thin metal needles nested within it.

"After what you said to me last night, I decided that talking to you is a waste of time." Completely ignoring his Turks, and the device they were bringing in, Rufus kept his attention on Adrienne, as the blonde took a nervous glance at the machine and then shook it off by returning his defiant attention back over to Rufus.

"Ya don't like the fact that your li'l red was a satisfying fuck?"

Letting out a deep and calm breath that reflected the look of boredom in Rufus' eyes, he pointed to a spot near the right of the blonde and told Rude to place the machine there. "I never said that the implication didn't bother me," he calmly replied, and picked up a straight razor from the table and studied it in his hands, "however, I simply don't believe you."

"Well ya should…" the blonde crooned, and leaned forward, "If you thought his screams were bad when I beat him, ya should've heard him when I tore the tight little queer open and made him bleed."

The comment made Rude stiffen up, and appear as though he was ready to bolt over to the ignorant asshole so he could beat the life out of him. But he stood his ground with subtly clenched teeth, and a hardly noticeable sneer, when he noted Rufus' look of warning to ignore the blonde.

With a snort, Rufus pushed himself to his feet and walked casually over to stand behind his new friend, while nodding at Rude. "Plug it in over there, Rude," Rufus commanded, as he motioned to the closest plug in the wall and, was acknowledged with a returning nod. Then he placed his hands on the blonde's shoulders and leaned forward, so that he could talk quietly into his ear, "One would think that you'd be smart enough to realise the predicament that you're in."

While still leaning towards the blonde's ear, and after Rude plugged the machine in and directed another frightening look towards the blonde from behind, Rufus raised his voice to address his Turks. "Rude, Jared, You're assistance is no longer required," he coldly told them, "Please wait outside, until I order you to do otherwise."

"Yes Sir," came the simultaneous reply from them both, and then they made there way out of the room.

Then my beautiful prince pushed himself back and combed Adrienne's hair back with his fingers before he brought the razor to Adrienne's scalp, but not to cut him. As the blonde strands fell cleanly from his head, Rufus took on a look of sheer satisfaction and tilted his head, and observed, "You're trying to rile me into losing my temper."

"Ya bet your sweet ass I am. Curious to see if you're anything like li'l red…" mused the blonde, while he shifted his eyes slightly up and to the right with a satisfied grin, "The little bohemian behaved like a caged animal." Snickering at his comment, the asshole tried to adjust himself in the seat, so he could get a better view of Rufus. "Tell me, _Rufus_, what's it like having the li'l bitch around these days?" he continued, "I understand that he may've been broken beyond repair… At least that's what Aldrich believes."

Trying his best to ignore the ruffian in front of him, Rufus continued to comb the hair back, and calmly shaved the blonde strands away with a slow, deliberate, and careful motion.

But the blonde wasn't going to be satisfied until he got a reaction out of my formalist, and turned his head around as much as he could to face Rufus, who was still dragging the razor carefully along his scalp, and for some reason beyond stupidity, he decided he'd continue with his babbling taunt. "I wonder if you're as curious as I am about what Aldrich did to him afterwards," the ruffian mused, before a sneer played across his lips when he continued, "Did you know that he spent every night with him? Alone?"

Tapping his fingers on the arms of the chair, he tested the straps by pulling on them while he talked. "Tried to listen in, but Aldrich kept his voice low… All I could hear were the sobs and cries of your pathetic li'l savage, while Aldrich did and said whatever it was that he was doing and saying to him…"

Stopping for a moment, he gave some thought over what he was saying, and went on. "Made your li'l bitch cry like a baby every night," he said, and let out a snort, "The fucker even went so far as to clean him up after every beating, and protected him from the rest of us afterwards." With a pause for emphasis, he tilted his head, and moved his eyes as far towards Rufus' direction as he could, "Don't you think that's kind of strange?"

"Keep your head still," Rufus warned, with a detached air, and then he firmly placed his palms against the sides of the blonde's head and forced him to face forward, "This razor's sharp."

"Hmph…" grunted the blonde, as his hair fell onto his lap, "Ya really think you can scare me into talking?"

"I thought you _were _talking," Rufus commented, coolly, before he ran his hand over the balding scalp as he cleanly shaved away the last of the dirty blonde strands, leaving a pool of them around Adrienne that reminded me of a rats nest.

"So… What?" asked Adrienne, before he shook his head from Rufus' hands, "You just brought me in here so you could shave my head and seek revenge for your li'l girlfriend?"

"Partly," Rufus answered, and then he walked up to the machine and pulled the headpiece from it. While standing there and holding it for a moment in his hands, he stared at it as a distant look washed over him. Then a flash lit up his eyes, and the corner of his mouth jerked up slightly, and next, he shook his head to bring himself back, before bringing it up to his lips to kiss it, and placing it securely on the rat's head.

"What the fuck is that?" Adrienne asked, while Rufus walked behind him and ensured that it was fitted properly.

"Just a little something to make your stay here more… mindful," Rufus answered, with heavy-lidded eyes, and a sickly smirk. Then before Adrienne got a chance to say another word, Rufus hit a button on the headpiece that inserted a circle of fine, wiry looking needles into the blonde's scalp, and cut him off by asking him if he felt anything.

"Feel anything?" he coolly asked.

"No."

"Good."

With another sickly and satisfied smirk, along with a dark amusement in his eyes, he walked back over to the machine and pulled out some straps that were originally hidden from my view. They were all different lengths and widths, and tailored with small metallic receptacles with fine holes, which looked as if they were coated with a thin layer of rubber.

"I've always been intrigued by the workings of the mind," Rufus mentioned, and then he walked back to the blonde and secured the larger ones around his chest and waste, and secured them to the chair, "It's always fascinated me about how weak and how strong it can simultaneously be." Once he was satisfied with the position, he wrapped another one around Adrienne's neck, which was also secured to the chair.

"It's a curious thing, don't you agree?"

"You're the boss," the blonde cheekily replied, while he watched Rufus with a feigned disinterest.

With another satisfied smile tugging at the corner of Rufus' mouth, he lifted his head to briefly acknowledge the blonde, with what resembled lust-filled eyes. "You have no idea how right you are," he purred, and then he moved to fasten the rest of the straps around the upper and lower segments of the arms and legs.

"What I find most curious about how it works, is how one thing can appear to have no affect on a person, and yet, when given time or the right circumstances, it can mean the difference between dissolution and inauguration in everything that makes up what we believe our reality to be." Musing over his own words, he collected the wires that hung loosely from the machine, and slipped them through the receptacles on the straps, just enough to pierce the surface of the skin, "I very much enjoy the learning process involved in what makes a person tick.

"I find it even more enjoyable when a person discovers the capacity of their own strengths and weaknesses on their own.

"But like most enjoyable things, one must be patient enough to take the time it requires to fully enjoy the benefits and rewards of the results." Before Rufus inserted the last wire, he pressed his lips to it, and then continued. "And to find out what makes something tick, you generally have to take it apart, in order to thoroughly study it first," he mentioned, and lifted his head to meet Adrienne's eyes.

Once he was finished with his connections, he walked over to the other contraption on the other side, and brought it to Adrienne's face so that he could fasten the clamps to hold his eyes open. "I'm also a firm believer in finding oneself through contemplation," he offered, "I believe that in order to understand others, you must first understand yourself." Then he continued speaking while he finished seating the first clamp and started the drop for that eye. Then he moved the next clamp to the other eye, "And in order to understand other people's weaknesses, you must suffer them to some degree yourself."

"A rich kid you're age wouldn't know shit about suffering," Adrienne bitterly spat, and then he squirmed slightly, "You don't know _fuck _all about being on the streets and having to fend for yourself."

"You're absolutely right," Rufus agreed, "It's difficult to compare my life to what it must have been like for you. After all, I spent most of my time being isolated and protected from the harsh realities of the outside world." With another bright flash that shone through Rufus' eyes like lightening, his breathing became heavier, while he examined the second clamp.

"You strike me as a man who feels he has a good grasp on situations…" he commented, and then he started the drops for the second eye, "Perhaps you feel you are a strong-minded individual.

"I'm curious though, how much do you think a strong mind can endure before it falls apart? From what I understand, over-stimulation can lead to some very _undesirable _side-effects."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Oh, nothing, I'm just curious about how long you feel you can last. I thought that, perhaps, we could place a wager on how many days you think you can hold yourself together, before you spill all of your darkest secrets, and wind up begging to kneel before me." Then he placed his hand on the blonde's shoulder and met his eyes, dead-on, before peering into the depths of the other man, "Perhaps a deplorable little dog like yourself will even offer to lick my boots as a means to beg for your just rewards."

"The only thing that I'll be begging for…" the blonde vehemently replied, "Is for Aldrich to find your sorry ass, and to break you more than he did your whore of a girlfriend."

With a great rectitude in self-control, the only people that ever would have noticed the effect that Adrienne had on Rufus at that particular moment, would have been those that knew him best, and from what I could see, Adrienne was extremely unlucky that Rufus didn't give in and use his sheer brute force to kill the man right then and there. "We'll see about that," Rufus darkly warned, and then he pushed himself away and walked up to the machine to turn it on. Then, after playing with several of the dials, he walked over to the storage room and pulled out a large, covered, object that was almost as tall as he was.

"One thing that I learned while I was growing up in my _sheltered_ life," he started, as he pushed the heavy mass over towards Adrienne, "Was that people are often not as strong as they think they are when put to the test."

Then he pushed it no further than half a foot from the front of Adrienne, and positioned it accordingly. "How strong do you think you will be when you are faced with what stands before you?"

While tilting his head back, and slowly running his tongue along his upper teeth, as if to suggest that he was savouring something, he mused aloud, "I wonder…" Then he turned his attention back over to Adrienne.

"Do you think that you will be able to use the power of your mind to take control of the situation? I'm very curious to see if you can turn what you are experiencing into something else. After all, I _know_ it can be done," he stated, with a knowledge that Adrienne knew nothing about, "Or do you think you will crumble at the mere reality of what you are faced with?

"We are often not prepared to view ourselves as realistically as we think we do." With a sly smile, Rufus pulled the cloth away to reveal a three-folded mirror, and hungrily watched the blonde's reaction. "How prepared do you think you are?" Rufus asked, as he adjusted the mirror so the blonde could get a better view of his clamped eyes that he couldn't close, and all of the wires sticking out of his body and shaved head, and no matter which direction Adrienne turned his eyes to, he was stuck staring at himself.

Satisfied with the sudden clenched jaw that was accompanied by a low hiss, Rufus walked behind the blonde, so he could verify that the angle of the mirror was just right. "In time, the natural chemicals that the mind produces, can cause some rather undesirable, if not tormenting effects on what we perceive as reality… when stimulated properly," Rufus mentioned, as he knitted his brows and picked a stray piece of hair from the blonde's shoulder in disgust.

"It's fascinating, really… how the mind can convince us that we're in pain when we're not. I'm curious to see how you will deal with that which does not exist. Especially when you know it does not exist, but every other sense in your body tells you that it does.

"You may feel a slight discomfort at first, from the itch," Rufus told him, and then he turned one of the dials on the machine to his satisfaction, "But you'll soon forget about that." Then he walked back to the table and picked up a syringe, and went over to the intravenous bottle to administer the drug. "This will help to stimulate the experience further by aiding the mind, and the body in the over-activity you will soon experience."

With a nervous chuckle, the blonde blurted out. "You're a sick fuck."

"I'm well aware of that," he coolly answered, and then he darkly met Adrienne's eyes through the mirror, "My little _bitch _tells me that quite often."

Then, after Rufus made it to the door, he reached over to the switch for the lights. "Here… let me make things more comfortable for you," he said, and switched the regular lights over to the daylight simulation, and turned the heat up.

"I'll do my best to ensure your comfort by making sure that no one ever turns this off." After he opened the door, but before he walked out, he turned back over to Adrienne to inform him further, "I'm a patient man, Adrienne, and I'll be quite content to simply ensure that your health is up, until you feel like talking to me about something _other_ than my _whore _of a girlfriend.

"But I should warn you, I may not be as willing to talk to you as you will be to talk to me…" Rufus warned, with narrowed eyes, as he stood, staring at Adrienne with an almost dizzying hatred.

"At least… not until I'm satisfied with the way that you beg for it.

* * *

Revised: February 11, 2009


	29. An Interlude with Spice

**An Interlude with Spice**

* * *

_He carries me to the apartment from Hojo's lab, to make it look like he cares. But the minute the door closes, he drops me to the floor and drags me to the bathroom by my hair. Then he places my head forcefully over the toilet so my neck presses against the rim, and it makes me choke._

_He's angry again. He's always angry, and I don't really know why._

_Part of me believes that it's because I did something wrong. But part of me knows that it's only because I exist, and there's not much point to contemplating the reasons anymore, as I throw up into the toilet and ignore the fact that he hasn't left yet. There was not much point in wondering as he carried me to the apartment, and forced me to swallow what I couldn't hold back. Gaia forbid, I get a stain on my clothing. _

_After all, appearance is the only thing that matters in this world, and if it wasn't for his reputation, he would have killed me already. _

_Instead, I set my focus on that redhead with the defiant air. There is something about him that always makes me feel better. But my attention on him is taken abruptly when it turns to the contents spilling from my stomach. Strange, the liquid appears green to me, and I'm suddenly becoming frightened by it._

_'Never let them hear you scream, Rufus.' I remind myself, and I choke back on any sound that might escape. 'Never let them see you feel… Never let them win.'_

_Oh… When did I start saying 'them' instead of him?_

_He leaves me there, by myself, when the sound of the front door opens, and I thank whatever god exists that he didn't beat me this time. I also find myself praying that this is it for me, and I find myself praying that whatever Hojo did to me this time will mean the end to my existence while I shakily hang onto the rim and resist getting any fluid on the floor. I do this more out of training than out of fear, because inside, I already know that he will beat me no matter what I do._

_There's yelling, suddenly. My mother came home and started yelling at him again. It has something to do with me, and I hear him hit her because of it. Then I close my eyes and attempt to will the noise to stop, thinking, maybe I can will her to disappear into a better life where she won't have to feel like she needs to protect me anymore. Or better yet, maybe I can will the clock to turn back and erase the day I entered this hellish nightmare of a life that never ends._

_It never ends…_

_Doors are slamming, and voices are muffled behind closed doors. I can no longer hear them as clearly as I could when they were in the main room, and it doesn't really matter. There is really no way for me to make out what they are saying when I'm too busy retching anyway._

_Oh, mother… Please stop…_

_She doesn't realise that her efforts to protect me are always done in vain. When she makes him angry at her, he winds up taking it out on me. Somehow, it all becomes my fault. It's always my fault._

_Another couple of thumps and bangs, and what sounds like crying, and I hear the front door open and close again, and then I hear silence. I can only pray that it was Father that left, and not my mother. Perhaps she will come to wrap her arms around me like she always does. The warmth and the smell of her perfume is always comforting, even more so when I'm in the state that I'm in now. It almost makes me forget about the pain and the constant sounds in my head._

_I'm not sure how many minutes have passed now. But I hear her soft steps approach behind me, and I close my eyes and thank the Lifestream that it was her that remained behind. But like all things, nothing ever appears to be what it seems. She's not here to comfort me this time, and I realise that when I feel the cold steel against the back of my head and the hollow click of the safety being pulled back._

_"I'm setting you free, Rufus," she tells me, with a shaky and forcefully controlled voice, "No one's 'ever' going to hurt you anymore."_

_Oddly enough, I understand what she's doing, and I'm suddenly no longer afraid. I'm not even angry or upset. Instead, I close my eyes, and the only thought that goes through my head is, 'will it hurt?'_

_But that question never gets answered, and I hear a choking gasp escape from her as she blames herself for everything that's happened to me. She apologizes for not being able to protect me the way that she should have, and then the sound of anguish, before I jump at the sound of the bullet being set in motion._

_But I'm still here…_

_Through the corner of my eye, I see the blood run along the floor, and I see a few loose strands of her golden hair mix with the blood. It almost blends with it and disappears. I realize what has just happened, and I don't know if I should be feeling anything in regards to it. Even worse, I don't know what I should feel if the answer is yes._

_So far, only thoughts go through my mind, as I close my eyes and heave once more, to expel whatever this green fluid is from my system. Then I notice that some of her blood has run into my pants, and I realise that it's going to stain, concerning me with only one thing. _

_'Oh no… Father's going to be angry…' _

* * *

What is it that defines a man…

That's the question he's always asking himself. I assume it's because he's so torn up inside that he has a hard time facing who he is, or dealing with his choices. In fact, I'm almost positive that this is the reason he allows everyone else to make his decisions for him, despite the fact that he puts up a fight every single time.

Part of me wishes I could answer it for him, but another part of me doesn't really care. He could be a woman for all that concerns me, or I could be one. It doesn't really matter to me. He's so genuinely unique in his own right, that I do believe it is just him that I want. He's made up of every element that I have never been able to attain.

Albeit, his ill temper and wild tangents that he allows to control him can be frustrating, if not downright contemptible, and I find him fascinating and alluring when he turns into that wild and out of control flame that he becomes so often. At times, I even find myself looking for ways to ignite his outbursts. He possesses a passion that stirs something in me. He awakens something in me that must have been asleep. Perhaps it's something I never would have known existed if it weren't for him.

As for the reason behind it…

I can't really say that I give it much thought.

He lives in more than one world, and it concerns me. It's like he's trapped somewhere between the past, the present, and some other place that I haven't quite figured out yet. He's lost parts of himself, somewhere along the spiralling paths that make up his life, and they come back to him in ways that haunt him in the most frightening of ways.

He's so torn up and lost inside, that I actually find myself wanting to help him, and I haven't the faintest idea on how to go about it. It's strange, I suppose. But I can't say that I've ever cared for anyone the way that I care for him, and it's even more strange that I don't really care about the reasons behind it.

Every night since I've brought him into my life, he cries and screams in his sleep. He relives things that you'd never know about if you only knew him in his waking state. There's nothing I can do to ease it or stop it, and often, I simply have to let it play out. I've discovered that waking him is not always the best course of action. He becomes so disoriented if he's abruptly awakened, and it only makes matters worse.

But it's not so much the crying and the screaming that bothers me. It's not even the struggling, and the fact that I often have to get out of the bed until he's done in order to protect myself. It's the begging and the pleading for forgiveness that bother me the most. It bothered me before I knew who Haldric was, and it bothers me even more now that I know, since it's his name that he begs for forgiveness from.

Whatever happened between them still remains a mystery to me, and I often find myself taking up a place on the floor and listening to him, trying to piece together a puzzle that makes no sense to me at all. I've read over all of his records that I could find, and the fact that there were dropped assault charges, and even a rape charge put in place by Tseng, and dropped by Reno, confuses me even more.

I can't help but wonder what could have happened, to make Reno feel like he is the one who needs to ask for forgiveness from a person that brutalized him over a good portion of his life. To make matters worse, he even says that he loves him.

It's pure torture to watch him cry in some hellish nightmare and say, "I'm sorry… Please forgive me… Please…" It's pure torture to know that I can do nothing about it, and to know it's the reason he tries to push everyone away from him. It's most likely the reason he's lived alone for so many years.

Does he feel like he's betraying him by being with me?

I've never told Reno what he says in his sleep, even though I've confronted him on my suspicions, and perhaps it's wrong of me to attempt to piece him together in such a manner. But I'm not very good at deciding how to best deal with a relationship that I have no clue over where I stand.

That's what Reno does to me though. He tears me down and breaks me apart, and I find myself needing it as much as I need air to breathe. I don't know why I need it so much. But when I see him smile, and the rare times when I see the pain wash away from those beautiful eyes of his, it all seems worth it. Everything suddenly seems worth it when he actually looks at me like he needs me as much as I need him, and I find myself wanting to believe that it's true.

* * *

He gets up every morning, even in the condition that he's in, and still makes me breakfast. He still smiles at me and calls me beautiful when I come into the kitchen to grab my coffee, and I almost believe that he means it. Or, perhaps I simply want to believe it.

Despite all that's happened to him, he still plays with his wit. Everything is like a game to him, and he plays with it endlessly. I even find myself uncharacteristically entertaining the thought that he may just die laughing. But I doubt that would ever happen. His moods are as unpredictable as his actions, and he can be as frighteningly dark as he can be light. Everything about him is a contradiction in the bare essence of the word.

His energy is electric in nature. He moves about, fidgets, and chatters like he's going to explode if he doesn't expel the currents running through his body. Even as he cooks the eggs, he's constantly scraping at them and stirring at them. It doesn't even surprise me that he's tapping his foot as well, and smoking a cigarette.

This is what he's like when he's sober. As child-like and innocent as it seems, he's actually quite dangerous like this. The thoughts that go on in his mind torture him to no end, and he is capable of lashing out over any little thing that minutely irritates him.

It wasn't until he cut down on the alcohol that I really started to notice the reason he drank so much. I always knew that he used it to run away from something, and although I am still not quite certain of the extent of what he's running from, I believe I'm starting to understand now. I'm not certain if drowning it away is the best answer for him, but from what little I've managed to learn, I believe I can speculate why he doesn't want to face his demons.

As tired as I still am from just waking up, I still can't help but stand there and admire the man. What is it that I admire about him so much? I contemplate the question while I pick up his cup and smell the alcohol content in there, noticing that he must have filled it more than halfway before putting his coffee in.

Putting it back down and watching him with a careful eye, I see him flinch and abruptly turn away. He knows how I feel about his drinking, and I know he knows how I feel about him smoking. I try not to let it bother me though, because there is so much more to him than just bad habits, and I truly want him to know this.

Feeling like I shouldn't have so obviously picked up his cup, and realising that I just stirred another full bucket of shame for him, I walk over to him and brush the hair that he so painfully hides behind from his face, and I kiss him on the cheek. I'd ask him how he's feeling, but considering the response I got the last time I asked him that, I decide I'll skip it this time and just take another sip of my coffee while I hang my head over his shoulder and watch what he's doing. I'm in no mood this morning to tear down his strange morning cheer.

I'm not sure if my closeness bothers him or not, but I can't help it. He intoxicates me to the point of irrationality, and he smells oddly like an exotic spice, so much so, that I find myself wanting to pull him into me while I wrap my arms around his waist. I know I was wrong to bring him into my life the way that I did, and sometimes I wonder if I went too far by doing it. But the thought is comforted when he leans back and takes his hand from the handle of the frying pan, and rests it on the back of my own hand.

"We should go somewhere," he says, like he's lost in thought. He still has that playful smile, and he turns his head to glance at me with those impish eyes of his before turning his attention back to the stove. The colours and natural light practically dance around in them. They're full of layers upon layers of emotions and thoughts, and I'm not sure if he's aware of it or not, but they literally speak to me in a language all their own. But I think, perhaps he does know. Perhaps that's why he hides behind his hair all the time.

Then I nuzzle him closer, and silently pray that I can keep him forever while I ask, "Where should we go?"

"Anywhere," he replies, with a shrug, and reaches over to turn the stove off, "Away…" He turns and runs his eyes over my face then, as if he's uncertain about what he's saying and worried about how I'll respond. "A vacation?" he adds, with his brow cocked, and I suddenly wish I knew why he was always so nervous, "Maybe?"

"A vacation," I repeat, and tilt my head down to suspiciously look at him. I don't really repeat it to ask the question, or to encourage him to feel like he suggested something absurd, even though I'm sure that my reaction has done just that. I simply repeat it in order for it to sink in. I'm not even sure if he's actually being serious since he's so hard to read half the time. But I entertain the thought, just in case he really is being serious, and ask, "Where would we go?"

"Dunno…" he responds, as he moves the pan aside and turns completely in my arms so that he's facing me, and I take the opportunity to brush my lips against his. He's so delicate and finely featured that, at times, I almost forget he's as deadly as a viper, and fear I will break him if I move too roughly with him. I don't dare tell him that though, knowing how bruising it would be to his ego. "Someplace nice…" he says, and shrugs again, "Private."

"So… Costa Del Sol is out of the question?" I ask him, and bring my fingers up to trace the features of his smooth skin. It's difficult to tell if his youthful appearance has anything to do with what Hojo did to him when he was a child. I suppose it's a strange thought to contemplate while he's telling me he wants to get away. But I can't help but wonder why he appears to have been frozen in time.

"Heh…" he starts, nervously, and raises his brow, "Never been ta Costa Del Sol." And then he scratches the back of his neck like he just told me a dark and well-kept secret. I admit, I'm surprised to hear him say that though, and I push his hair back again, since it constantly falls over those beautiful eyes of his, while musing over the fact that I thought he'd been everywhere.

"Then that's where we should go," I tell him, and brush my lips along his left scar. I've always found it odd that he simply doesn't react to me touching him like this all the time. I'm well aware that I am literally fondling him most of the time.

And, perhaps, I'm even doing it excessively. But despite his fear of being intimate, and even more so, being with another man, he does nothing to stop me from doing it. He doesn't even behave like it bothers him in the least, and it seems contradictory for him to not react at all, and perhaps that's why I do it.

Everything about him intrigues me, and I'm always trying to find out what he views as acceptable, and what he doesn't, and I'm never disappointed at the fact that he often surprises me by doing the exact opposite of what I would expect him to do. "When would you like to go?" I softly say, into his ear, and press my cheek to his, while I run my hands along his back and hold him as closely as I can without crushing him.

Part of me wants to die already, since I know why he suddenly wants to go somewhere that he's never wanted to go before, and part of me is thrilled that he actually wants to go somewhere with me. If only there was a guarantee that I could give him that he won't be meeting his end as soon as he thinks. But I know if I were to tell him my plans, he'd only get angry, and I'd wind up alone, for Gaia knows how many nights until he got over it.

Besides, the issue is non-debateable.

"Well, did'n wanna impose on yer schedule," he mutters, and pulls back a little to view me, as he raises his brow, "I don't wanna be getting in the way of things… Jus thought it would be nice ta go somewhere, ya know?" He says it, almost like he's asking for approval. "Whenever's good fer ya," he adds, and then he turns around to grab a plate for me.

Whenever's good for me…

The man is dying, and he says, whenever's good for _me_.

"We'll see how things go," I answer, and grab my cup to take it to the table with me.

After all, there are a few loose ends that I need to tie up around here before I can even consider vacationing.

* * *

_"Ya said it was'n gonna cost me nothin!" I suddenly hear, as the shooting range goes silent and the redhead's gun flies to the ground. He pulls out that prototype that he stole from Scarlet four years ago, and pushes the man that he decided to pick an argument with against the back wall with it, "Ya fuckin piece'a shit! Ya think ya can swindle me?"_

_I almost smile, before I tell myself to ignore what's going on when I see my father enter the area to view the raucous. The redhead is on top of the man now, and practically strangling him with his own tie, while he reaches towards his belt and pulls out his knife. _

_"Ya know what this is?" he asks the man beneath him, and waves the blade in a manner that mimics icing a cake. When the man nervously nods, the redhead flicks out his tongue, smiles at him, and says, "Good! Cuz it's the last fuckin thing yer ever gonna see!" Then he leans closer and whispers into his ear, "'Sides my face, __Man.__"_

_He starts giggling then, as if he's gone mad, and gets forcefully pulled back by the brute force of his partner, Rude. Then he screams and starts kicking the man on the floor, and I believe that tears are running from his eyes. Whether it's from laughing so much, or the sudden outburst of screaming, or if he's actually crying, is uncertain. "Ren!" his partner yells at him. They often shorten his name when he gets like this, and I figure it's just easier for them all to call him that since it's only one syllable._

_It doesn't take long for Tseng to come walking, quickly, up to them both, and smacking the wild-eyed redhead, hard, across the face to snap him out of his sudden episode, while his partner holds him firmly from behind. "What's this all about?" my long-term guardian calmly asks, and receives nothing but taunting banter as a response. _

_With an angry glare at the maniac in Rude's grasp, and then to Rude, Tseng snaps his fingers and orders Rude to get the redhead out. "Get him out of here, Rude," he says, in a firm tone, and then he points at the man on the floor and orders the guards from the hall to take him to the infirmary._

_"Ya know, Rude?" the redhead says, with a sultry drawl, as they're struggling towards the door, "Yer kinda… Turnin me on."_

_"You're not my type, Ren," his partner solemnly says, and pulls his arms back, tighter, to force him to stand up straighter._

_"Ya sure?" he asks his partner, as a devilish grin creeps across his face, "Tastes change, ya know."_

_"I'll pass."_

_I admit I'm surprised to hear him say something like that, and brush it off as him just trying to rile his partner. But I'm left confused when he suddenly turns to me and locks his eyes with mine for a brief moment. It was the same look he gave to me a couple of days earlier in Tseng's office, when he confronted me about the bruises he saw on my neck._

_I can't really say what actually happened, since I lack any previous experience. But I almost thought he was going to kiss me, and I found myself openly anticipating it. That was, until Tseng dragged him out by the collar of his shirt. I realise I must have been wrong though, since he definitely has a taste for the female of the species. But he's left me feeling confused, nonetheless._

_I suppose I should have been in better control over my curiosity though, and I'm reminded of that as Rude drags __Reno__ down the hall, toward the elevator, and my father places his hand roughly on my shoulder._

_"I'd like to see you in my office immediately, Rufus," he says, with a hint of impending promise to his voice, and then he walks out of the room to leave me with no choice but to follow him._

_I should have never shown an interest in the redhead. I should have kept my attention on the range, is all I can say to myself, as I step into the same elevator as my father, to make our ascent to a punishment that I'm no longer sure of whether I deserve it or not._

_I suppose deserving has nothing to do with it though, and I'm not sure if it ever did._

_"Take off your clothes, Rufus," he orders me, as the elevator door closes behind us, and then he walks over to his closet to pull out his favourite strap._

_I do as I'm told, because it simply isn't worth doing otherwise, and Gaia forbid that we actually get any stains on them…_

_After all, it might raise some questions._

* * *

I walk down the halls of the infirmary and catch the eye of the man I was looking for, Doctor Jenzun, and motion with my hand for him to follow. Once we're in the elevator, I hit the button for 4B, and ask the man how much progress he's made in his observations towards Reno's newly discovered condition, and he answers that there is not enough time.

Not quite the answer I was looking for, but given the circumstances, I suppose that it's the best I could have expected. I've already asked him about suppressing the Mako in Reno's system, but it turns out that any kind of further tampering with his system in those regards will only escalate the instability that he is already experiencing. Doctor Jenzun reminds me that whatever they did to attain the same result, when he was captured, has already started a complex process within the man. Anything further could have undesirable results.

"I see," I comment, while I attempt to remain focused. But the noise in my head is starting to get the better of me. Then, while closing my eyes to relieve the pressure for a moment, I dig into my pocket for those elixirs that Reno is always making sure I have, and I glance at my watch. It's a strange habit to have, I suppose, to always check the time when the voices start, but it's a bit of a game to me. I've been doing it since the day I noticed they always arrived at the same time every day, throughout the day. These are the eight-hundred hour ones. The next attack will happen around fourteen hundred-hours.

At least the elixirs work, even though I admit I was sceptical at first. But there was always something about Reno that I… simply trusted. I'm not sure if I could say why. Perhaps it was the fact that he was strangely kind to me without really being kind at all. The simple fact that he noticed in the first place was oddly comforting in itself.

I remember the first time he gave me the elixir. It was just after my mother had died…

* * *

_"What is that thing?"_

_"It's a stick," the redhead replies to his partner, and pulls out a long rod that he stole from the weapons department, "Ya beat people with it." For effect, the man hits the table with a few rough blows, making the fuller cups of coffee spill over, and laughs about it. Then he tosses it in the air and catches it with a whistle, before he reaches into his pocket and places a small vial in front of me. "Fer yer 'ead," he says, and then he winks at me._

_He notices my apprehension, and I wonder how he could have known that my head was hurting in the first place. For a moment, I find myself mesmerized by his eyes, before he explains, "Get em all the time mahself." Then he shrugs and pulls out his chair so he can straddle the back of it, "Werks fer me… Might werk fer ya, too."_

_"What good is a stick going to do you when you're out on the field?" Tseng asks the man, while he wipes up the spilled coffee with the napkin he used for his lunch._

_"Ya can do more'n beat people with it, Sir." _

_In order to show them what he's talking about, he turns a dial on the end, and then stops dead when the janitor comes in to tidy up. The man has a strange quirk when it comes to other redheaded males, and I can't really say that I fully understand it. _

_His eyes suddenly dilate, and change from that light and playful sea green that draws my attention, like a houchou to a flame, into an almost black teal blue, and he actually looks sad. He even looks a little frightened, and guilty as well. All I really know about his past is what Tseng has told me, and all Tseng ever told me was that he was mistreated. _

_I find myself contemplating if it has something to do with a sibling or a father, since I really don't know anything about his past or his family life, and I find it oddly comforting to know that I'm not the only one._

_Both Tseng and Rude nervously clear their throats then, and share a concerned glance with each other. I admit, I've seen them behave this way around him several times, but I don't really know what's going on. Then Rude takes a deep breath, and gets up from his seat to stand behind the redhead, and places his hand on his shoulder. "Is everything all right?" he calmly asks, and waits for an answer._

_For a while, __Reno__ just continues to stare into space, and I can almost see the colours swimming, like small waves in his eyes. They move and blend together, then separate like they're alive. I realise I must be staring though, because Tseng calls my name to pull me out of whatever hypnotic spell I was under. _

_I quickly look up at him, and he subtly shakes his head at me, to warn me not to get too enthralled with the redhead. He believes I'm too interested in the man as it is, and often warns me to stay away from him. He warns me that he's dangerous, and that I should be cautious around him. He's also warned me that not only is the redhead dangerous, but it's also dangerous for, both, me and the redhead, should my father ever take notice of my unexplainable fascination._

_"Hm?" he says, and his eyes go back to normal after he blinks a couple of times, and then he looks up at his partner. He almost looks stunned that the large man has taken up a spot beside him, and then he shakes his head and turns back to the table. "Oh… yeah…" he says, hesitantly, and nervously scratches one of the scars on his face. Then he adjusts his sunglasses that he keeps, just under his hairline, to let more of his bang fall so he can hide behind it, "Gonna… do… some trainin…"_

_He gets out of his chair then, and hitches the rod onto his belt. After that, he pulls out his gun and checks the chamber. All the while, he keeps his head down, as if to hide from something._

_"Try that elixir, Sir," he says to me, without looking, and points at the small vial, "Dunno if it'll werk fer ya…" Then he shrugs and nervously smiles, before he pulls back the safety. "But ya never know 'til ya try… Right?" he asks the question more to his partner than he does to me, and he asks it almost like he's looking for approval over his actions. But that doesn't make much sense, considering he behaves like he doesn't really care about anything at all._

* * *

The fluid is bitter, but it does the trick. The pressure goes down and the noise lowers to a tolerable level. I'm still not quite certain about how he knew in the first place. But that is something I've come to know about Reno over the years. Contradictory to how he behaves over people's sexual preferences, he's one of the best at reading people in regards to every other aspect. Knowing just a fraction of what I know about him now, I understand that most of it comes from personal experience. He simply recognises certain things and puts it together in his head.

The elevator stops and the doors open. I naturally step out first and expect the doctor to follow me, and he does. As we walk down the hall, he reminds me that I should be taking care of myself as well. If only he knew how tired I was of him saying that. There's nothing anyone can do about it, except maybe, the one man who was bred to be a scientist and absolutely despises them, my Reno.

I'm not sure about how much of his own records he's read. But he had an IQ of 148 before Hojo ever got his hands on him. It wasn't Hojo that made him smart, despite the fact that his IQ had risen to 228 when he was assessed before joining the Turks.

All Hojo did to him was stop his ability to stop his own mind from being overactive, and enhance his photographic memory, and I almost smile to myself when I think about the activity that goes on in Reno's head, considering the level of insanity it would drive most people to, and yet he manages to hold on. In fact, if it wasn't for his stress disorder, he'd probably be as close to sane as one could get, considering everything he's been through.

The anticipation to put my theory to the test is enough for me to want to put Adrienne's mind into more of an overdrive than I've already set it to. But I have to remind myself that I'm after a little more than just vengeance. After all, something tells me that this Aldrich is the one that is more responsible for Reno's state than the small scrap I've managed to collect. Perhaps I can find out enough to be able to piece that mystery together, since Reno still offers no information when it comes to what I've gathered is his past lover.

However, I'm more or less hoping to find out more about what they did to Reno in regards to the Mako in his system. I'm also hoping to find out exactly how much they know in regards to a few of the other things that have been done to the precious prodigy that has become such an integral part of my life. If they know what was done, perhaps they'll know how it can be undone. Or at the very least, we'll have a starting point to figure it out on our own.

If not, there's always plan C…

* * *

We stop in front of the cryogenics division, and I swipe my card to grant me access. Once we step inside, I lead the doctor over to a particular vessel that I had my engineers put together the first day I suspected that something wasn't quite right with Reno. Not that there is much that is quite right with the man, but I'm talking about his physical health at the moment.

He doesn't know it, but I've been watching him a lot closer, and for a lot longer than he thinks. I was well aware from the start that the blood he keeps coughing up is his own cells being stripped away from him, despite the fact that he was trying to hide it. I just never knew the real reason until he completely snapped and blurted everything out like he was talking about somebody else's life.

"I want you to get your men together to calibrate this," I tell the man, and hit the button to open it, "It is imperative that precautions are taken to ensure that Reno's unique requirements are able to withstand stasis, without any further damage when his system is shut down." Then I meet his eyes to watch his reaction. Not that it matters what his reaction is. He knows the rules. He does as I say, or I shoot him, simple as that.

He reminds me that the possibility of finding a cure for him could take years, if not never. "They're alien cells, Rufus," he points out, and then he adds that the research, itself, may wind up outliving me. Even if it doesn't, he feels it is necessary to remind me that Reno won't age once he's put in stasis, and then he asks me how either of us would feel about that, if by some miracle I manage to make it past my next birthday, and wind up seeing him again when I'm eighty, and he's still thirty-four.

"I don't recall mentioning that the issue was open for debate," I coldly tell him. I'm really not in the mood to discuss the matter, nor am I in the mood to give it that kind of thought. This is simply a precaution, I tell myself.

Then I run my hand against the material inside, and silently hope that it never has to come to this. I know damn well that it is something Reno will never agree to, but what no one seems to fully understand is that there is no way in the darkest regions of the Lifestream that I am going to let him go… At least, not while there's still a chance I can keep him alive.

"Have you spoken to him about this?" the doctor asks me, and looks at me sceptically. He's known me for the greater portion of my life, and knows that I am not the most agreeable person one could have contact with. He's also gotten to know Reno ever since Meteor nearly hit, and he's come to know that he is as equally disagreeable as I am. Albeit, we have our own unique ways of disagreeing, we disagree nonetheless.

"No," I answer, and ensure that he understands how serious I am, "He is not to know about this…" And now that he's met my eyes, I can stress, "Ever."

Feeling certain that I've gotten my message through, I hand the man a disk with all of Reno's health records on it, and tell him exactly what it is, and what I expect him to do with it. He understands that I am not making a request, and nods. "Good," I say, and nod back as I make my way for the door. "I trust I can count on you to ensure that nothing goes wrong," I state, and although I know it is not necessary to threaten the good doctor, I know that he fully understands that there is no point in expecting any less from me.

"How are you going to get him to cooperate?" the doctor asks, with the hopes that he can still talk some sense into me.

"I'll shoot him if I have to," I tell him, and I mean it, "With everything else that's wrong with him, I doubt a bullet will cause you much trouble to remove." I cock my brow and stare at him then, dead on, to stress that he'd better damn-well be able to remove that fucking bullet if it comes to that.

* * *

"Is it necessary to have the heat up so high?"

The imbecile is attempting to convince me that he's unbreakable, and I simply cock my brow and check the thermostat. It seems decent enough to me, and I figure I might as well leave it where it's at. It's not my desire to cook the man. I just want to make him uncomfortable, and from what I can see, it's definitely working.

He's quite the annoying vaunter, and he irritates me to no end already, and if I didn't know any better, I'd say his IQ is below average. But then again, I thought the same thing about Reno the first time I met him too. However, Reno does have a good sense of when it's time to shut up, most of the time. I've learned throughout the years that there is often much more to a person below the surface than what meets the eye, and I'll be so kind as to give this man the benefit of the doubt. After all, he's made it through the night without so much as a complaint.

Oh, how I do love the strong ones. I pray he will not be a disappointment, and I'm so tempted to run my hand along his arm as if to pet him as a reward. But I remind myself not to touch the man in such a manner. It's hardly appropriate.

While I pull the heart monitor over to him, he continues to chatter and reminisce over what he thinks may have transpired between Aldrich and Reno, and I admit, I am more than curious myself. But I'm not about to give the man the smallest feeling of victory by falling prey to my own weakness, and it's a great one at that.

So, instead I just listen to him, and I am periodically tempted to simply put a bullet in his head just to shut him up. But I think strangling him would give me more satisfaction. There's something about the sound that almost gets me off. However, I've never really given it much thought as to why, and I really don't care either. In fact, I should probably stop thinking about it because the mere thought is starting to excite me.

Perhaps I'll go through the employee records later and see who's been fucking up. I can always take my frustration out on them instead of my newly primed pet, and no one ever needs to know the reason behind it.

Simply beautiful, I think to myself, while I hook Adrienne up to the monitors and notice that his stress levels are rising. I should probably remind myself to breathe at this point, since I think I might have forgotten, but it happens sometimes, and I doubt I'm the only one that ever does that. It's just a small reminder to put myself back in check.

Control yourself, Rufus. You can hold out until the end of the day.

I step behind him and fill up a syringe with a mild hallucinogen, that I intend to top off in his feed, and I almost start laughing. But that would do me no good. The idiot might think I'm laughing at something he said, and it will only thwart my efforts. I've learned that keeping silent and aloof only drives them over the edge faster, and I don't want to do anything to aid him in his comfort. It's bad enough that he has the luxury of my presence in the room as it is, particularly while I inject the drug into his IV.

"Do you think they're in love with each other?" the bastard finally asks, and I catch myself unwillingly faltering. I suddenly wonder who's torturing who all of the sudden, and I uncontrollably face the mirror to meet his eyes.

Do I ever think about it? What kind of a fucking question is that?

I almost put my hand on his shoulder to show him how easily I could crush the bones with little effort, and I catch myself, hoping he didn't notice me twitch. While I attempt to close off my mind, I notice my hair is slightly standing up at the back when my peripheral vision catches that part of my reflection in the mirror, and I find myself unintentionally fixing it. Of all the fucking things to inherit from that bastard of a father, I had to inherit his fucking cowlicks.

I suppose it could have been worse though. I could have inherited his looks, and I almost laugh about that.

Best not to though. So, I don't.

"Oh, someone's quite taken with themselves," says the annoying scullion in front of me. Then I move from my hair to straighten out the creases in my coat, and I almost snap again. But instead, I turn one of the dials on the machine to heighten his senses slightly, and then I pull off the sensors for the monitoring machines. Something about the way that he flinches makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and I'm almost tempted to go straight to my apartment after this to relieve a little tension.

Oh, what decision to make… Kill someone or get my rocks off…

Maybe I'll do both.

Yes, that certainly does sound like a good idea. As I contemplate that thought, I look at my watch and am disappointed that it's not even nine-hundred hours yet. Perhaps it's a bit early for the latter. It still doesn't stop me from wondering where Reno is at the moment though, and the moment I wonder where he is, I suddenly find myself wondering how many people he's managed to irritate, and anger already. He truly is impressive at being obnoxious. For some reason, that man wants the whole world to hate him, and yet, everyone winds up loving him, and I don't know how the hell he manages to do it.

In fact, I believe I'm spending so much time wondering, that I completely fail to notice that my new pet is sweating profusely. I suppose I should turn that dial down a bit. A few more minutes shouldn't do too much harm though, and there's a slight scuff on my shoe that I feel I should tend to first. Besides, he's still chattering away about nothing important anyway, and I've managed to impress myself that I still have the ability to drown people out, almost completely.

However, I have to admit that the heat is starting to get to me, while I wipe at the marks on my shoe with my handkerchief, and once I convince myself that it's hardly noticeable, despite the fact that this is going to drive me mad for the rest of the day, I decide to reach over and turn the stimulus down a notch. Then I decide I'll make a little side trip to get this polished off. Yes, that will certainly set my mind at ease, and while I contemplate that thought, I figure a manicure wouldn't hurt either, and walk to the door while the idiot asks me where I'm going.

Somehow, I don't recall ever telling him that it was his business though, and I open the door to leave. It never ceases to amaze me. They're all fucking idiots around here.

Gaia, how I hate this fucking place.

Then, to make matters worse, when the elevator arrives, Kurn is in there on his way to the cafeteria. The temptation to just grab him by the throat and rip out his oesophagus, and stuff it back down through his mouth, is more than overbearing.

As I stand there and stare at him, with thoughts of desolation, he stares nervously back at me, and I suddenly wonder if I'm not as good at hiding my thoughts as I used to be. But then, it takes me a moment until I remember that I never was good at hiding the fact that I despised everyone around me, and I'm able to shrug it off as the door slides shut to protect the greasy maggot on the other side.

I decided along with my better judgment that it's best to skip stepping in. In fact, I'm most certain that the best course of action was to wait for the next elevator, and I curse myself for making that damn promise to Reno.

* * *

I make it back to my office after making a small side trip to the cafeteria. The food may not be as sinfully delicious as the food that Reno makes, but it will hold me over until lunch. There is just no satisfying this constant satiating hunger, and I sigh before I grab one of the sandwiches to stuff in my mouth while I punch up the surveillance system. I should have enough time to obsess over that menace before Reeve comes up to fill me in on his report.

And there he is. He's so beautifully devastating, and throwing some sort of tantrum out on the helipad, and suddenly, everything that has managed to irritate me this morning disappears while I watch that menace yell at one of the mechanics and smack him across the head. It's not so much that he's giving the mechanic a hard time. I believe it has more to do with the fact that I'm most certain that Reno's reaction is over absolutely nothing. He's so exceptionally volatile that it takes practically nothing to set him off. I do believe my heart has just fluttered, and I'm smiling at the fact that he makes me feel so… unusual.

"Sir…" comes the tinny sound of my secretary's voice, over the intercom that I really should get someone to fix. I suppose I could fix it myself, but I have much more pressing matters to tend to, like obsessing over someone that constantly tells me he hates me, and yet… he stays. Not to mention that his other half tells me that he loves me, and I find myself wondering if this is some kind of sick joke that my father set aside with his last breath, while I rub at my eyes and feel a genuine headache coming on.

Gaia, I want that man to use me until there's nothing left to use anymore. What better way to torture myself.

I wait until I'm finished chewing the bite I've just taken, and I swallow it before acknowledging her, "Yes, Sharin."

"Reeve is here to see you."

"Send him in."

Reeve walks in about the same time I reluctantly turn off the surveillance. I could honestly watch Reno all day long, if given the chance. After all, I've spent most of my life doing just that, and it's not like I couldn't hire other people to do everything else for me. But then again, I like to know what's going on.

With a sly smile on his face, like he knows what's going through my head, he walks up to my desk and sets his data pad in front of me so I can view the results for myself. I find I must agree with Reno when he points out how odd Reeve is. But I think that's what I like about the man. He doesn't wait for me to give him any orders, and takes it upon himself to take a seat with a unique confidence that few people possess, and it doesn't bother me at all. Most people would have been disciplined for such an action.

While I scroll through the data he's presented me, with regards to the grids we've agreed on powering up with the new energy, he begins to explain how he's already got everything up and running without a hitch. He's only had two days to set it all up, and I'm truly impressed. I don't let him know that though, and I set the data pad down on the desk, and regard him with a practiced emptiness that I just can't seem to wean myself away from. "And the Mako feed to those areas has been completely shut off?" I ask him, and grab my sandwich to take another bite.

"Yes," he answers, and unlike everyone else, he doesn't call me Sir when it's just the two of us. I find it oddly comforting. "We won't know for at least a few moons on the true success of the project, and I'd like to keep the Mako option still open for now," he stresses, and it simply reminds me of how cautious the man is, "Just in case." If it was anyone else, I'd most likely believe that they were trying to pull one over on me. But I know that Reeve wants to void out all use of the Mako just as much, if not more, than I do. So, I let it slide.

I can't thank whatever God played a role in his decision to come back to work for me, considering the mistrust that has been impressed upon him, over everything that my father and I have done in the past to not deserve any loyalty from anyone. There really is no one else like him on the planet.

Satisfied with everything that we've discussed within the twenty minutes he's been in my office, I pick up his data pad and motion for him to take it. Once it's in his hands, I tell him he's dismissed, and finish off the third sandwich that is sitting in front of me.

To my surprise that I refuse to show, he stops at the door with his back to me. "I know you might not believe it, Rufus…" he says, with his back still facing me, "But if Reno didn't really care about you, he wouldn't go to the lengths he goes to, in order to ensure that you're taken care of." Then he turns around to face me, and I wonder why he felt the need to say such a thing, even though I hide the sudden feeling that his words arouse in me, and I simply nod.

That may be, I think to myself. But what I happen to know as a fact, is that Reno's heart belongs to another, and I have no idea why.

He nods back and then turns to leave, and I contemplate Reno's observations on the man once again. He truly is odd.

Raising my brow at the reflection of Reeve's words, I reach back over to turn the surveillance system back on, and I am disappointed to find that Reno is no longer within viewing limits. However, to my surprise, and relief, the mechanic is still alive… oddly.

* * *

The rest of the day is much of a bore. The afternoon is filled with endless meetings that are mostly filled with requests, and I barely have time to go over all of the paperwork that keeps piling up on my desk. Not that I was really looking forward to it anyway. But I did managed to get my shoes polished before lunch, and was disappointed when I went to the apartment and wound up spending the hour alone.

Mind you, Reno isn't always home during that time, but he usually comes in and prepares a lunch for me, and he did this time as well. I just happened to miss him. For someone who never eats, he sure does seem to like cooking, and I can't help but think of how perfect he is for me in that aspect, considering that we're quite the opposite in that area, and I happen to have the metabolism of a fucking shrew. About the best I can do in food preparation is put two slices of bread together, and even then, I somehow manage to mess that up.

But back to Reno's absence, he wasn't just missing from the apartment. As a matter of fact, he managed to disappear for a good portion of the afternoon. Whatever the hell he does and however the hell he does it still baffles me, and no one has even seen him. Yet, I know he's still in the building, somewhere. But where…

The only other person I know who has the ability to disappear like he does is Tseng. But Tseng doesn't stick out like a flaming stick of dynamite under normal circumstances either. I can only assume that he's up to something, and since I can rule out Kurn today, I can only imagine that it's this _friend_ of his that he won't offer any information on. It's yet another mystery to his past that I am suddenly as curious about as I am about Aldrich.

Whoever it is, they must be fairly adept at what they do, for Reno to leave his health in their hands, considering that the man trusts no one. What bothers me a little more about it though, is the fact that Rude so solemnly pointed out that Reno had no friends. If this person is not a friend, than why does he trust them with his life?

What the hell is he up to?

* * *

On that note, the day finally ends, and I wind up having to spend an hour longer than I intended to, on work, simply to try and catch up. And I must say that I'm pleased with my last visit to Adrienne for the day. He was showing some promising results. Though, I hope he doesn't disappoint me by cracking too soon.

Now that nobody's around, I can actually smile to myself as I slip my card through the door to our apartment, and like usual, Reno's jacket is tossed over the back of the couch, and I wonder if he does it on purpose, simply to irk me. He knows how much it irritates me.

With a frown, I begin to walk over to his jacket, even before I remove my own to hang it up, and I hear him banging around in the kitchen. But I don't see him, and I take a deep breath while wondering what the hell he's doing now, and I forget all about his jacket and walk into the kitchen. He's on the floor, on his back, and his head is buried in the cupboard underneath the sink, doing Gaia-know-what for Gaia-knows-what-reason. "What happened to the sink?" I ask him, and notice that the coffee pot is turned on and grab my cup from the cupboard.

"Garburetor's makin a funny noise," he tells me, without pulling out to acknowledge me, "Thought I'd fix it."

"Sounded fine to me," I say, and pour some coffee into my cup.

"Yeah, well, it did'n sound fine ta me."

"Hm," I state, and hope that he's going to clean up the mess that he's making, even though he usually does. However, I can't help but fret over it, as I take a sip of the coffee and am thoroughly disgusted at the fact that it must have been sitting there since lunch. I doubt I can blame Reno for this one, since it was me who made it, and I must have forgotten to turn it off. It's not ordinary for me to do that though. But I've had a lot on my mind for the last couple of days that I suppose it's easy for me to make a mistake like that, as rare as it is.

And, without really thinking, I state that, "Mm… This is gross," and dump the contents into the sink, and am immediately reminded that Reno had taken the sink apart, and was sitting under it.

"What the fuck is'a matter with you?" he shouts, from underneath, and bangs his head on the protruding pipe. I see his legs fly out, and he curses at the fact that he's just hit his head. I really know I shouldn't, but I smile anyway, and I no longer feel guilty about throwing a cup of hot coffee in his face. It all suddenly seems worth it, "That shit's fuckin hot ya asshole!"

Then he pulls out and glares angrily at me, and I casually walk over to grab a tea towel from the drawer, with my brow cocked. If he sees me smiling he's going to get even more upset, but I betray myself and start snickering when I turn around to toss it at him.

"Ya think it's fuckin funny?" he demands, and refuses to grab the towel as it falls into his lap, "Yer a fuckin piece'a shit, Rufus!"

Yes, everyone is a piece of shit in Reno's world, and I wonder if he's even aware of that, while I stare into those beautiful eyes with amusement over his child-like fury. I suppose I should apologize, but it hardly seems worth it when I know I can get him worked up even more. So, instead, I feed into it. "You could have always turned it off," I tell him, with a tone that suggests he should have known better.

"So, what? I'm supposed ta go 'round lookin fer everythin ya ferget ta do?" he barks out, and picks up the towel to wipe at his face, "I ain't yer fuckin dog, Rufus!"

"Oh, no. You're so much more than that," I tell him, while I look down at him, and smile deviously. Mind you, the thought of putting a collar on him does stir something in me, and I don't mind entertaining the idea, or even the thought on if, or when, I could ever get him to do it.

"Pompous ass," he mutters to himself, and throws the towel back at me. "If ya wanted ta fuckin brand me, ya could'a warned me first," he spits out, and starts sauntering out of the kitchen. He has such a sexy swagger to his movements that I find myself fixated more on his physicality than on him for a moment. That is, until I realize he's about to walk out.

"Where are you going?" I suddenly ask him, and the concern is no longer buried behind my inability to show any emotion.

"Ta take a fuckin shower," he replies, without turning back, "Where the fuck do ya think I'm goin?"

"So, you're going to leave the sink like this?" Oh, why the hell did I just say what I think I just said?

"What?" he slowly says, and turns to look at me in disbelief, "Are you fucking serious?" The fact that he just said what he said with no accent at all really leads me to wonder if the slum drawl is just an act.

Or perhaps it's another personality of his altogether, that none of us have really taken note of. I would have never entertained such a thought before, but since the reality of him having more than one personality has become an apparent fact, I find myself suddenly wondering. "You pour fucking scalding _shit_ in my _face_, and you want to know if I'm going to _fix_ your fucking sink?"

"Well, how do you expect me to use it?" I say, unable to apologise, and then I motion my hand towards him, "Besides, it wasn't that hot."

"It wasn't that hot?" I think I may have pushed him too far with the last bit, but for some reason, I'm really enjoying this, "You fucking asshole! Let's see how you fucking like it!" Then he grabs the carafe off of the element and throws it at me.

All the while, I contemplate on the fact that I believe he misses on purpose, as it shatters against the wall behind me. Considering the fact that I've seen him in action, and the man is deadly accurate. Yet he always misses me by a hair whenever he throws something at me. Therefore, I believe I can safely say that he does it on purpose. Of course, it doesn't explain why I never attempt to get out of the way either, as he continues with his rant, "Are you fucking insane?"

"You should know," I say, and start walking toward him with the intention of grabbing his wrist, "They say it's always easy to recognize certain traits if we possess them ourselves."

"Get the fuck away from me!" he shouts, when I manoeuvre behind him and grab his other wrist.

"Not until you clean this mess." I can't really say why I'm doing this, and I know I'm really pushing it. But I push him back into the kitchen anyway, and bury my face into his neck. Gaia, he smells so good. I can't even smell the tobacco and alcohol on him like I can on other people with the same habits.

All I can smell is that spice, and believe me, I've ravished nearly everything that he owns trying to find out what the hell it is, and finally, for the first time since I've known him, I break down and ask, "What the hell is that scent?" He's already upset, so asking can do no harm at this point.

"What fucking scent?" he asks, and stops struggling while curiously turning his head toward me.

"That spice… It's almost like… cinnamon and nutmeg… or something… But not quite," I huskily say, into his ear and brush my lips along the edge, "It's exotic."

He lifts his brow at that, and actually sniffs the air while looking at the stove. "All I smell is dinner," He says.

"What's for dinner?" I ask, and slip my hand into the opening of his shirt as I place small kisses along his neck, and I'm not ashamed to say that I'm completely confused as to what I'm doing and why I'm suddenly doing it.

"Ain't nothin special," he muses, and shrugs in my hold, "Figured I'd cook that duck."

"Duck sounds good."

"Yeah… Well… I know ya like it."

"Mm," I mutter, and continue to uncontrollably fondle him while he continues to act like I'm doing nothing at all. Is it possible for him to drive me any more crazy? "I certainly do."

"Uh… Rufus…" With a mild hesitance, he places his hand over mine to stop it from moving, and nods at the stove, "I can't just leave dinner… It'll burn."

"Well, you didn't seem to mind a minute ago when you were going to take a shower," I remind him, and realize that we've gone completely off topic.

"Ya threw hot coffee in my face," he reminds me, "How the fuck do ya expect me ta react?"

On that thought, I turn him around and regard the red mark across his forehead, and gently kiss it. "Let me put something on that," I quietly say, while I keep my hold on one of his wrists and let the other go, as I reach into the drawer to pull out some balm, "And how about you tell me what that spice is while I get you mended up?"

"It's jus oranges," he says, still somewhat confused, "I put oranges on it."

"Oranges on what?" I ask, with my brow cocked, and open the tube with my teeth. For some paranoid reason I always feel like he's going to run if I let him go, and I just can't allow that. So, I keep him in place with my other hand, "Yourself?"

"Huh?" He jerks back slightly when I pour some of the cream on his forehead and put the bottle down, "Don't play with my fuckin head, Rufus. I put oranges on the duck."

"I'm not talking about the duck, Reno," I say, while I rub the cream in, "I'm talking about you."

With a nervous chuckle, he runs his eyes over me in confusion, "Well, I ain't puttin no fuckin spice on myself, ya nut." He says it like he's wondering if I'm asking him to put spice on himself, and for some reason, I find myself smiling at the thought. I've honestly never speculated doing something like that, and I decide to put the thought aside for a later date.

"You smell like some sort of spice," I tell him, and pull him closer to me, so I can breathe it in again, "You always smell like this." And Gaia how much it intoxicates me.

"Don't think I own anythin that smells like spice," he muses, and cocks his brow while he thinks about it, and I wrap both my arms around him, "Maybe it's jus from the kitchen?"

I'm not fully satisfied with his answer though. But he appears to be genuine, and maybe he really doesn't know, and I suppose I will just have to continue to find an answer on my own, while I plunge my tongue fervently into his mouth.

Gaia, he even tastes like it.

It's all irrelevant though, particularly when he slips his cuffs on me before I have the chance to realise what he's doing, and then he reaches over to turn off the oven.

With an impish grin, and fiery green eyes that dance with a light all to their own, he moves swiftly before I have a chance to react. Like a viper, he's all over me on the floor, ready to dominate me with a sweet, succulent torture that only he is capable of producing. He doesn't do it because _I_ want him to. He does it because _he_ wants to, and that's what makes it all the more delicious and succulent.

He uses me like no other is capable of using me, and once again, I'm reminded of why I love him so much.

* * *

_"You're nothing, Rufus," he says to me when he pins me against the wall to hold me still. I want to scream, and I need to scream, but there's no way I'll ever give him the satisfaction, "You'll always be nothing."_

_That's right Father… _

_"Say it!" _

_To let him know that he's gotten through to me, I bitterly repeat it back to him, as I defiantly stare him in the eyes._

_"I'm 'nothing', 'Sir'."_

_Oddly enough though, I think I'm starting to believe it._

* * *

Revised: January 11, 2009


	30. What' Left to Lose?

**What's Left to Lose?**

* * *

And now…

Back to our regular programming…

… … …

Active duty…

Rufus decided that I was no longer allowed to participate in active duty. Anything that could possibly threaten my life, or cause me any stress, was off limits to me since he met Ren two days beforehand. Save for one mission.

It was a mission that he decided would benefit his cause in my regards, in a greater sense than he could ever have wished for, and he probably would have joined me too, if it weren't for Adrienne.

Heh, Adrienne had already started to show signs of stress after the first day, but he was a strong-minded individual, not that it was surprising. Anyone that hung around with Aldrich would have to have some sort of endurance, if not just be as outright fucked in the head as him, not that I'm implying anything about myself, of course.

But anyway, it was two days and counting, and the vagrant was slipping, but still showing signs of steadfast resolution to defy Rufus, and Rufus didn't seem to mind. In fact, I couldn't help but wonder if he was actually enjoying his new project. I'd always suspected that he got some sort of satisfaction out of his personal endeavours, and the more I got to know about him, the more I suspected that I might have been right.

Besides that though, Adrienne wasn't exactly my primary focus at that point. My primary focus was to complete a mission that Rufus felt would benefit me or him… or whichever, and like usual, it was an argument I couldn't win. Believe me though, I damn-well tried, and to add to the complexities of this particular mission, it was one that I actually _didn't_ want to partake in.

Despite my own protests…

* * *

The warehouse was dark and silent, except for the subtle sounds of the night-time creatures, and the wind blowing through the maze-like canyons of debris and rock. The air was filled with the old and stale smell of rotten metal and wood, accompanied by the subtle scent of overused and dried up Mako that wafted through the senses like a disease.

We were in the middle of nowhere, somewhere in between Mt. Corel and North Corel, and on our way to an old outbuilding, among several, which led to the old reactor that went thermal years ago, and destroyed the citizens' lives of North Corel, including those of the survivors… Haldric's hometown.

He was three years old when he watched his parents charred bodies pulled from the reactor, still alive, only so they could slowly die from the pain and the poisoning caused from the burns and fine Mako shards that penetrated through the walls of their lungs. The illnesses that swept through the town as a result to the Mako that hung in the air, hit them hard and fast, causing the less fortunate ones to mutate instead of die.

Luckily, for the people of the town, they were unaffected by the illnesses that swept through, due to their distance. The only ones that suffered from the mutations were those on the outskirts that were nearest to the reactor when it went thermal. But unluckily, those that loved them had no choice but to stand by and watch them turn into hideous monsters that would return to try and take their lives, out of an insane outrage caused from the inability to properly discern reality from what their minds caused as a result.

The thought made me shiver, as Rude and I travelled through the endless mazes of cavernous rock and worn-out paths. There was nothing but desolation for as far as the eye could see, in every direction, and each step that we took brought us closer to a damnation that I wasn't willing to face, and it was probably a damnation that wanted to face me even less.

The surroundings were symbolic of the nostalgic pinnacle of death that it carried, like a second skin, an air that mirrored the very feeling and essence of the word. If I were the type that believed in ghosts, I may not have been able to go any further. But as it was, I never had much faith or belief in anything, unlike my silent partner that became more wary of the surroundings with each step that we took, from the moment we arrived.

It was a rough trek down the broken trails to get to our objective, and we ran into a few old experiments left behind from Hojo's ill ambitions, not to mention the numerous mutations caused by the accident that we had to take down. Perhaps it was a fate that we were all destined to partake in, a fate that had been started under the name of Shinra, and a fate that would have to end under the name of Shinra, if it was even possible for us to clean up such a mess.

If I believed in such things, I'd say that those of us that remained were cursed by the actions of our predecessors. Not to mention that those of us that remained, played as much of a part in it as those that made it happen.

Most of what was left of the old building looked as though it was destroyed, either by the explosion, or by the angry, vengeance-seeking, people of North Corel who wanted nothing of Shinra left behind to remind them of their misfortunes. And after rummaging through the dilapidated damage for about an hour, we were finally led to a passageway that carved a way to the lower levels of the building.

"Are you sure this is the place?" Rude asked me, while I stepped silently over some fallen boards to get to the crumbling cement stairs, all the while, mesmerized by the environment.

"Yeah…" I whispered, not looking back, "Trackin system's never been wrong." Then I bit on my bottom lip and took a careful look around, at our surroundings, and down the dark corridor of old, rotting stairs.

With a deep sigh, Rude came up behind me and peered through the long, foreboding tunnel of darkness, leading downward, as best as he could, while I pulled out my flask and took a large drink.

"It doesn't look liveable," he quietly said, and then he placed his hand on my shoulder, causing me to look up at him.

"That's why it works." With a nod, I shrugged my free shoulder while rolling the cap from the flask in my fingers, "Never been one ta be conspicuous…" Raising my brow at him, I continued, "Best way not ta get caught."

"Mm."

Despite the many secrets of my past, Rufus had managed to encourage me to indulge in a dirty little secret I'd been keeping for years. Actually, it wasn't really me that told him. It was Ren. The fucker was screwing me over in more ways than one since he had the opportunity to make his way back into my existence, not that I was entirely convinced that he'd ever left. But it wasn't like before, and for some reason, I was remaining semi-conscious while maintaining some level of control. Though, it wasn't really all that much, to be honest.

Then, while shrugging it off and motioning for Rude to follow, I took another drink from my flask, before I stepped carefully down the stairs and knocked some loose rubble with my foot. Silently cursing at the sound, I started making my way to the bottom while my companion cautiously followed.

"So, what exactly should we expect when your old _friend_ sees you?" asked Rude, as we made it to the bottom.

"Jus leave it ta me…" I answered, and shined the flashlight around, taking note of the quiet sound of low power supplies and confirmation beeps coming from behind a door to our far left. "Yer only here fer moral support, remember?" At the reminder, I turned to face him, and adjusted my hold on my mag-rod so the strap wasn't in my way. "Ya know…" I added, and then I tapped him on the shoulder with the rod and widened my eyes for effect, "Ta make sure I don't go funny on no one."

"…"

"If I had my way, neither of us would be here."

While studying the first section we entered, as our flashlights shone through the dust particles in the air, we could hear the echoing drops of water coming from the broken pipes above. The sound carried an eerie echo that reverberated throughout the empty space.

"Plumbin still works," I said, with a shrug, as I raised my brow and shined my light to follow the pipes, before settling on a loose joint. It was meant as a joke to lighten the air. But all I received for my meagre effort was a scowl and a deep sigh from my partner, "Thirsty?"

"I'll pass," he commented, and moved forward.

The ground was compiled of broken pavement and loose particles that I found myself tripping over, and the airless atmosphere inside was dank and stale, almost rancid. While I shone my light to study the solid steel door that closed off the distant sounds that we could hear, I noted a faint light coming from underneath. "What's the bet we'll find somethin behind this door?" I asked Rude, with a childish smile, as he jumped when a rat ran over his foot.

Then he quietly came up behind me and pulled out his gun to get it ready, while I firmly gripped my rod and nodded at him, before he voiced his concern. "Don't you think you should arm yourself with something better?" he asked quietly, and set his eyes on the rod to let me know he really didn't think it would do me much good.

"Ain't here ta kill," I reminded him, and double-checked the settings on the dial.

"You can shoot without killing."

"Nah, ain't gonna use a gun unless I'm gonna kill," I answered, waiving the end of the rod at him in an attempt to successfully irritate him. Then I pointed out that there just wasn't any fun in that, "Ain't no fun in that."

"…"

"Fuck… Don't give me that shit."

"We're not here to play a game."

"Don't care… Rufus took me off the field… This might jus be my last fuckin chance ta do anythin."

"He took you off the field for a reason," he reminded me, emphasizing his words by lowering his glasses and peering at me with a chastising glare.

"Don't ya fuckin start too," I warned him, out of nothing more than frustration, while I waved the rod at him again.

"I'm just reminding you that you're not as well as you think you are," he calmly said, and casually placed his hand on the end of the rod to encourage me to lower it away from his face.

"Feel fuckin fine," I grumbled, and then I pulled out a handkerchief to suppress a sudden cough.

"Really," he stated, and then set his eyes on the blood that I wiped away in an attempt to point out that he disagreed.

"Ya know… Ya guys woulda thought nothin if it weren't fer fuckin Ren."

"You're aware that you _are_ Ren, aren't you?"

With a sneer, I pulled out my flask and took another drink. Then I screwed the cap back on while I licked my lips. "Not if I can help it, Man," I told him, and extended the flask in front of him while I jiggled it, "Gonna get rid of him."

"Perfect." With a deep sigh, he looked at me with disapproval through his dark shades, and sarcastically added, "Instead of having a more psychotic version of yourself, we can deal with a clumsy alcoholic who spaces out all the time."

"Well, what the fuck would ya prefer?"

"I'd prefer it if you'd get some help."

"There ain't no fuckin help fer me, Rude," I hissed, and almost reached into my jacket to pull out a cigarette. But then I remembered that we were on a mission. So, instead, I pulled out the handkerchief and threw it at him to remind him, while I silently reminded myself to keep my voice down, for the sake of the mission, "I'm screwed either way, an ya fuckin know that."

"…"

"An it would fuckin help, if ya'd all quit treatin me like a fuckin kid," I pointed out, as he tossed the cloth back to me, and I stuffed it in my pocket.

"Well, for once, I actually agree with Rufus."

"Fuck off… We ain't here ta discuss me," I said, and moved my eyes to the door and nodded toward it, "We're here ta do a fuckin mission."

"And that's something else I actually agree with," he said, and pointed his finger at me.

"Shut up."

"Well, you shouldn't have been hiding something like that. I never thought I'd say this, but you're lucky to be in the relationship you're in."

"Yeah, yeah… This ain't no fuckin sex-favour, Rude."

"I wasn't saying that. I'm saying that if he didn't care about you so much, you'd be dead for doing what you did."

"Whatever… Let's jus get this job done."

Placing my hand on the knob and regarding Rude with a questioning over whether we go in quietly or just barge in, he quietly said, "According to you, we have nothing to worry about."

"We don't."

"Then let's get this done as quietly as we can."

With a nod, I opened the door as quietly as I could, and was surprised that the hinges were well-oiled. Smiling to myself at such an ironic fact, I rested my rod on my shoulder and took a quick look around with the flashlight for better illumination. Despite the dust, the air seemed fresher than I would have expected, albeit, a little dry.

"Don't look like no one's around," I commented, when I noted the machines that cluttered the room and focused my light on them.

"You said the tracking system was reliable."

"More'n one room…" I said, and moved forward to study the surroundings, and the machines more closely, "Could be in any one."

The faint glow in the room came from the LEDs that lit up the majority of the machines, all of which had a different purpose. Knowing that they were also part of the package that we were supposed to collect, we set our focus on them and spent a small amount of time going over the consoles to see which ones we would need to salvage data from, and briefly focused on the types of data that was entered most recently.

Several of them were medical-standard and most-likely stolen or salvaged after everything that happened between Sephiroth, Meteor, and Weapon. It was like a free day at Golden Saucer for all the looters, after all that destruction, and they seemed to all crawl out of the woodwork, as if waiting for the very moment.

"Don't trip over those wires," Rude reminded me, quietly, about the hectic map of loose wires at my feet as I started to walk to the opposite end of the room, so that I could get a feel for the surroundings of the whole place. They were all over the floor and along the ceiling. Some of them were even hanging halfway between the ceiling and the floor.

"Yeah, yeah," I said, carelessly waving my hand at him and not paying attention as I moved forward. And reluctantly, I caught my foot in the wires and nearly fell over. But unfortunately, Rude reacted as if he expected nothing less, and was ready to grab me and steady me, which he did.

_Fucker._

_Ya'd think I do this all the fuckin time. _I quietly thought, as I brushed my sleeves off and snorted at his reaction.

"Would you _please_ try to be more aware of your surroundings?"

"Was testin ya, Man," I said, in my defence, "Jus checkin ta see if yer payin attention or not."

With a quiet chuckle from me, and an unimpressed glare from my partner, who naturally didn't respond, I shook my foot free of the wires and started moving towards the destination that I had originally started for. But for some reason, he just didn't believe me.

While Rude looked over a cluttered counter to the right, I used my flashlight to follow all the cords to see how everything was being powered. I had to admit, I was a little more than curious, and yes, it wasn't really why we were there. But procrastinating as long as I could just seemed to be the more preferable course of action. In fact, procrastinating right up until the moment I died seemed like a damn good idea, than I wouldn't have to deal with what I didn't want to deal with.

"_Is there anything that you 'do' want to deal with?"_

"Fuck off."

"What?"

"Nothin."

After muttering and opening my flask, I took another unnecessarily large drink, and cursed at the fact that I didn't put anything stronger in it. Then I continued on my quest to find the power source. I had to admit that I was impressed to see it was nothing more than a generator. A worn out, beaten up, and falling apart generator, which looked like it should have been matching the noise level of one of the Custom Sweepers from the Weapons Department of the old Shinra building. But it ran silent and efficient, and upon closer inspection, I was even more impressed to see that it was hooked up to a muffler.

"Hey Rude…" I quietly called, "Check this out."

"We're not here to admire the machinery," he dully replied, and picked up a small jar from the counter while shining his light through the milky liquid and studied it.

"Oh, but we can admire the junk?" I retorted, as I got off my knees and wiped the dust from my pants with my hands.

"Just tryin to piece together what you're not telling us."

"Heh…" While scratching at the back of my neck, I took a quick glance around, and flicked my hand at his jar, "Don't think yer gonna need ta study the junk ta figure that out."

At that, he took a deep breath and placed the jar back on the counter, and then he shone his light over to me, almost aiming at my eyes, "Just tell me that we're not going to have any more surprises once we've got our target."

"That depends."

"Depends on what?"

"Depends on what ya find surprisin."

"…"

With my brow raised, I shone my flashlight over to the small refrigeration units along the wall, closest to me, and then along the frame of the door near the back of the room and noted there was no light or sound coming from the other side.

"Don't tell me this is another one of your dark and dirty little secrets that involves another lover."

"Ain't love if ya pay fer it, Rude," I said, without turning to face him.

"Fuck," With a defeated action, he shined his light into my face and turned his full attention over to me, "Does _he_ know?"

"Ya kiddin me?" While raising my brow and looking at him like I wasn't the only insane person in the room all of the sudden, I scratched at the back of my neck again, and leaned forward a little, "Ya think I should'a told him?"

"Does it really matter what I think?"

"Yeah… Actually," I mumbled, after turning my attention back to the door. I didn't really feel like seeing him look at me the way that I knew he was looking at me, and besides, it wasn't like I would have been able to see it anyway, not with him shining his fucking light in my face. So instead, I decided to remain focused on the task at hand, while I muttered, "Matters a lot," and then took another drink from my flask.

"What?"

"Nothin," I said, and was somewhat thankful that he didn't hear me, "Gonna see what's back here." With my hand on the door, I turned and shone the flashlight back over to Rude to see what he was up to, "Ya gonna be all right on yer own fer a bit?"

"I'm coming with you."

_Fer fuck's sake! _"Fine… Hurry up then."

We made our way into the next section and found ourselves looking down a dark, dusty, hallway that lead to approximately seven other rooms. The air was similar to the room we were just in, and from what I could tell by the plumbing when I shone my light on it, it was fairly new and well kept.

I couldn't help but be impressed with the effort that was taken to make such a condemned building into a liveable dwelling. In fact, a lot of effort was put into it, and I found myself itching to find out what was being used to purify the air. It reminded me of the lifestyle I used to live before everything in my life changed, namely, my life before I thought Haldric was dead, and I suddenly wanted to explore it for the sake of exploring it.

In fact, it made me think of it so much, that I didn't even realize I was trailing off into memories of times that weren't really all that bad, because it wasn't all bad. Of course, it wasn't all good either. But given the lifestyle we had, there wasn't really much else either of us could have expected.

"You okay?" Rude considerately asked, startling me for a moment, and I realized I must have mentally wandered off.

"Uh… Yeah… fine…"

"Hm."

"Ya think there's a price ya hafta pay when ya die?"

"I don't give it much thought."

"Seriously?" I asked, with my brow raised in disbelief, "Ya gonna tell me it's never crossed yer mind?"

"I said I don't give it much thought," he replied, while heavily sighing and softening his look somewhat. Then he placed his hand on my shoulder and nodded toward the second door down from us, "I didn't say it never crossed my mind."

"So… What thought have ya given it?"

"Not much."

_Good answer..._

"Ya know… Ya really piss me off sometimes…" Unable to hide my frustration at his lack of input, I wound up pushing his hand off my shoulder and shoving him away from me without much success.

Then, with a soft chuckle, he brushed off my actions and patted me on the shoulder. "Sorry," he said, when he remembered the reason behind my sudden interest in his thoughts on the matter, "I guess I just try to avoid thinking about it if I can."

"I've done a lotta bad things, Rude."

"…"

"I think… More'n what's been done ta me… Ya know?"

I didn't take offence to his lack of input, since I figured he just didn't know what to say, or how to say it. Not to mention the fact that he probably felt the same way about his own life, considering the line of work we were in.

"Ya know, this place… reminds me of home… Where I came from." Knowing that I didn't exactly pick the best time to start thinking about things I normally didn't want to think about, I found myself unable to stop, "Don't think I was as corrupt then… At least… Maybe…" Stopping to chuckle nervously, I regarded him to see if I was overstepping any lines, "Things could'a gone differently…"

With a deep sigh, Rude stopped and removed his glasses so he could rub at his eyes, before genuinely meeting mine, "It's not your fault, Reno."

* * *

"_Thanks to 'you', I get to 'fucking' go down with you!" he angrily said, "Do you think that's what I want?"_

"_I never asked ya ta come save me."_

* * *

"Dunno 'bout that…" I muttered, and received a frown from my partner when I grabbed my flask again and took another drink, "He could'a been normal if it weren't fer me…" With a shrug, I added, "Maybe."

"He could have been chosen by Hojo, regardless, Reno." After putting his glasses back on, he placed his hand on my shoulder again, and lightly tugged on me, "According to you, he _was_ healthy."

"There's more to it," I said, while staring into space.

* * *

"_You're gonna 'fucking' deserve what you get, Renault!" he cried, as they held him down and began tearing at his clothes while beating him, and the others started dragging me out of the building against my struggles, "You've ruined my life!"_

_"I'm Sorry!" I shouted, without believing it would make up for anything that I did._

_After all, apologies could never make up for what I did. He could have had a chance if it wasn't for what I did to him out of nothing more than thoughtless panic… _

* * *

"Like what?"

"Fuck it…" I muttered, and shrugged my thoughts away as I shone my flashlight along the ceiling to keep the light from showing too strongly under the doors, if at all, "Let's jus get this fuckin job done."

"…"

After that, we walked quietly to the door that Rude pointed out, and took a position on either side. Rude armed his gun, while I lazily swung my rod over my shoulder in an attempt to express the fact that I really didn't think we'd need to resort to such actions. Oh well, whatever made the man feel better. It wasn't like I could possibly win in an argument against any of them anyway. Especially considering the depths I kept drowning myself in.

Anyway, as we silently scoped the place out, I couldn't help but wonder how the hell I ever managed to get myself into the messes that I always managed to get myself into. Was I really that out of control? And more so, why the fuck did it take me over thirty fucking years to suddenly ask myself that stupid question?

On top of that, why the hell did I pick that particular moment, of all moments, to really give any thought to my doubts? I couldn't help but stand there and stare off into space while I considered those questions, and tried to find a way for my mind to find a more restful respite. But like my life, my efforts were hopeless.

"Hey…" I whispered, suddenly focussing on Rude again. Then he returned my verbal stalling with an obvious agitation that was growing by the minute.

"Ya think… I'm outta control?"

With a frown, he pulled his glasses down and stared at me, dead on, with an expression that suggested he wasn't too impressed with the fact that I was still chattering away, and even more so, at the fact that I probably asked the dumbest question I could have ever thought of.

"I'm serious, Man," I said, and exposed the palm of my free hand to encourage him to regard me. "Ya think my life could'a been different if I weren't such a…" searching for the right word, I scratched the back of my neck, and thought about what Rufus' favourite pet-name for me was during sex, "Maniac?"

* * *

"_Gaia… You're a fucking maniac…"_ _he breathed, in between hitched breaths, while keeping his eyes closed, and his head turned to the side. _

"_Shut up…"_ _I whispered, into his ear, as I tested the cuffs on the bedpost._

"_Untie me…"_

"_Ain't done yet… An don't ya go finishin before me either," I warned him, with a sly smile. _

"_Then quit doing… what you're… doing… fuck… fuck me harder…" he grimaced, as he arched his body to accommodate his request_.

"_Only if ya promise ta hold it…" I told him, while I adjusted myself and kept my mouth near his ear, "I wanna taste ya when I'm done."_

"_Ahhh… Y' psychotic maniac… I can't… fucking… hold it…"_

* * *

"For one, I think it's too late to ask that question," Rude said, and then he adjusted his glasses and stiffened up uncomfortably, "And for two, I don't even want to know what the hell is going through your head right now."

I guess the fact that after I asked the question, my eyes glazed over, and I was smiling somewhat nostalgically, for lack of a better word, while I paid no mind whatsoever to what the hell it was Rude was saying, kind of gave away the fact that my mind had wandered off to a more… interesting place… particularly of the previous night…

"I think I like him."

"Please tell me you're talking about Rufus," Rude's tone was wary at best, considering I was just talking about Aldrich not even five minutes ago.

Then, with an assuring smile, I met his eyes dead on and tapped him on the shoulder. "Nah… Talkin 'bout Aldrich… Dunno what the fuck I feel fer Rufus," I said, just to affirm to the world that I really was a dick, and decided it was the best time to open the door we were camping outside of.

Knowing that the door was now open, and that we really didn't know what to expect on the other side, there was no way for Rude to retort, or even question what I just said. With our flashlights set to a dim setting, so as not to attract any more attention to ourselves than we possibly could, and we kept them focused on the ceiling as we shone them about the empty entrance room we were standing in.

To our right, was an empty doorframe that led to an adjoining room, where we heard something stir. Instinctively, we both grabbed our weapons to be ready for anything… or nothing… Basically, whichever came first. Then we nodded at each other and moved towards the opening. Then we both stopped at the sound of another stirring noise, suggesting the movement of something larger than a rat, possibly as large as either of us, give or take, and we both regarded each other with a reminder of caution.

After a moment of silence, I motioned for Rude to take a position to the side of the frame, and to ready his gun and shut his flashlight off. Then I made my way to the opposite side of the room, perpendicular to the open doorframe.

Since my eyes were Mako enhanced, and I kept forgetting about it, I didn't really have much trouble seeing in the dark, and was able to make out an old, wire-frame bed, a small worn out dresser, and a few cases strewn about, suggesting a life on the run. More interesting though, was the fact that there was a figure in the bed… asleep…

If it weren't for the light being out, Rude might have noticed the feral grin creeping uncontrollably across my lips. Not because I was vengeful or anything… Far from it, actually. It was simply because another part of my appetite had suddenly been wetted. It was a part of me that I was constantly trying to beat down and suppress, and that may have been why I took another drink from my flask at that particular moment, in hopes that Ren would just fuck off.

But…

It had been so long…

* * *

_"Let her go!" he managed to scream, passed the gurgling in his throat, "She didn't do anything!"_

_"Nah… Gonna make 'er watch…"_

_"Oh, Sweet Shiva… Renault…" she blurted out, with tears running down her cheeks when she saw me pull out the needle. Chuckling over the helpless situation they were in, I straddled her lover to keep him pinned to the floor after I tied his wrists to the heavy leg of the table, "You've lost it… Please… stop this… You're gonna kill him."_

_"I know." With a feral grin, I leaned forward and picked up the knife I used to cut his lips off. Then I leaned over him like a satisfied predator and smiled at him. "Gonna play a game…" I purred._

_"Lease… lease… stoh…"_

_"Wish I could understand ya… Maybe we could communicate better if I understood ya," I said, and smeared the blood on his face with the fingers of my free hand. _

_Then I ripped his shirt open, to expose his chest, and shaved a perfect rectangle of skin from the right side, eliciting the sweet, sweet sound of something so… worthwhile. The sound made me close my eyes, so I could savour the sweet solo that stood out from the chorus of the man below me and his bitch that was too tied up at the moment to be able to offer him a helping hand…_

_Too bad…_

_However, the sound suddenly made me feel dizzy. Perhaps it was because they weren't in tune with each other, or because they were singing different songs. I didn't really know, because I wasn't really in touch with myself. All I really knew, was that it was starting to get to me, confuse me, and make me feel sick._

_"Shut up… shut up, SHUT UP!" I yelled, in a wild frenzy, and threw the knife towards her, just missing her head as it stuck to the high back of the chair she was in, "Quit callin me Renault!"_

_A quiet sound of sudden sobbing filled the room, as she looked at me with a mixture of bewilderment and terror, and I got off her lover, before I placed my foot on his stomach to hold his body down. "Call me Ren," I said, with a slick and feral posture, complete with disenchantment in my eyes, and a sudden, sickening, calm to my voice._

_Then, without bothering to look down, I removed my foot from the sack of shit below me and placed it at his side, so that my feet were on either side of him. Next, after I steadied myself with my hand on the table and placed my backside against the ridge, I slowly scraped the bottom of my shoe along the open wound to the side of his chest, and smiled uncontrollably at the reaction and the sound._

_"Fuck…! That gets me off…" I breathed out, and put my head back while I removed my hand from the table so I could run both my hands down the front of me, ignoring what was in them, after I placed my foot back firmly on the floor, "Mmm… Babe… Ya wanna know what they did ta me?" _

_Snapping out of it, and regarding the sorry piece of shit between my legs that she called her boyfriend, I tilted my head as if I actually expected an answer. However, I really was curious to see if he really did want to know, since he was the one who set me up, and when I didn't receive any input, I leaned forward and waved the needle in front of his face to remind him that I was going to use it. "Don't worry… This ain't fer ya." With a toothy grin, I made sure he followed my eyes over to his girlfriend._

_"No…"_

_"Yeah… Figured, I'd leave ya with a gift before I kill ya." _

_Then I crouched over him and started crawling along his body. All the while, I stayed on my hands and knees, and brought my face closer to his. "That way… When ya die…" I whispered, and ran my finger along his brow with a strange fascination over how the hairs all seemed to run so perfectly together, "Ya'll die with a conscience on yer hands." _

_After that, I moved my hand down his cheekbone in a caressing manner, and let my knees slide apart so that my manhood was resting against his. "Heard that's bad," I confided, and then I stuck my tongue in his mouth, relishing in his struggles, and cursing myself for having cut his lips off too soon._

_'Gonna hafta give these things more thought in the future', I told myself, as I pulled away and regarded him with a bloody smile. 'More plannin…' Then I licked his blood from my own lips, and got up from the floor to walk over to his girlfriend._

_"Shiva… Renault… You've fuckin lost it…" she nervously said, through tears that she couldn't control._

_"REN!" I reminded her, with a feral growl and a wild gaze, as I pulled the knife out of the back of the chair and sliced her left cheek with it. I could feel my own tears running down my face, but I could feel no emotion stirring them up. I thought, maybe, it had something to do with the fact that I was beginning to feel just as responsible as them for what happened to Haldric. After all, we all played our own unique part in it, despite the fact that we all had different intentions. _

_"Don't do this…" she begged in return, "Please… Whatever happened… We can work it out…"_

_"Nah… Ain't no one 'round ta stop me, Babe," I reminded her, as she twisted her wrists in the rope to attempt to loosen it, while I rolled up her sleeve, and then she suddenly stopped._

_"Shit!" she blurted out, with a sudden realization that made her colour wash away even more than it already was, "Where the fuck is Haldric?"_

_"Dead, Babe…" I answered, and lifted my eyes to meet hers with no emotion whatsoever, and then I moved them down to focus on her arm, "Same fate as me…" Gripping her arm to hold it tight, I inserted the needle and sneered at the thought, "Only… I'm still 'ere…" _

_Then, after I pulled the needle out, I said, "Sorta," before smiling at her and wiping the blood from the knife by pulling it across the front of her shirt. After that, I explained to her that I just infected her with the organisms her boyfriend was working on perfecting for his pet project with the terrorists from Gongaga. However, due to the fact that she was adept at becoming one hell of a bacteriologist, I had to take certain measures to ensure that she couldn't cure herself. "Bet yer wishin yer boyfriend did'n fuck up so badly, eh?"_

_"You've completely lost your mind…" she whispered, more to herself than to me._

_"YOU SET ME UP!" I shouted at her, and gripped the front of her shirt to pull her forward against the restraints. "Instead, ya only succeed in gettin Haldric outta the way," I added, with an uncontrollable giggle._

_"Haldric's dead?" she whispered, in disbelief, and then she turned her attention, intensely, over to her boyfriend, "You told me you were only going to put a scare into them!"_

_"Haldric was'n… su-osed to –e there…"_

_"Heh… No master ta come fetch 'is dog now…" I mused, and looked down at the slobbering mess on the floor, "What did ya expect 'im ta do when 'e discovered I was gone…? Outta curiosity…" Kneeling down with the knife still in my hands, I grabbed his pants and pulled them down. "Ya know… 'e was always the one that wanted me 'round when 'e dealt with ya's… Figured I was good fer business… Felt it made 'im look like 'e was the good guy…" While shaking my head as I reflected on my thoughts, I pulled off his shoes that unfortunately got in the way of me removing his pants completely, and continued, "Did'n ya know that?"_

_When he didn't answer me, it only pissed me off more, so I asked a different question._

_"How long ya think he'll last?" Turning to see Erryn's horrified expression, I tilted my head with a genuine curiosity, "Ya think a person can live through bein skinned alive?" _

_It was hard to say which one of them was screaming more, but it definitely helped to take my mind off the things I didn't want to be thinking of, since I was having a lot of difficulty doing just that. Particularly, considering the fact that I had just gotten out of the fucking hospital after three months for being violated in the worst of ways, where I was watched over by a damn Turk who wouldn't take his repugnant sunglasses off. _

_Then to top everything off in a manner only fitting to myself, I was arrested for something I was never even guilty for. It also helped me to rethink some of the things I was going to do to the survivors who had Haldric in the other building. I didn't care if it took me for the rest of eternity. One way or another, all that were involved, were going to pay._

_Anyway, once all was said and done, I couldn't say that I was really surprised that her boyfriend lived through it. But it did give me enough time to decide to inject him with the same stuff that I injected his girlfriend with, without anything to protect him from it, and watch what killed him first while I took up a seat at the end of the table and opened a bottle of rum…_

_"Hm," I stated, when it was all over and done with, and lit a cigarette, "Did ya know that was gonna liquefy 'im?" Then I turned to look at her with a genuine questioning, as I pointed at the disgusting mass on the floor and regarded her terrified and sickened expression, before walking over to her, "No comment?"_

_Studying her attentively, I knelt down in front of her and wiped at her tears with my baby finger and leaned closer, "Bet I know what yer thinkin right now…"_

_"Shut up, you sick bastard…" she hissed through her teeth, and kept her eyes fixated on what used to be her boyfriend._

_"Yer thinkin I'm gonna kill ya now… Right?" I quietly asked, and tilted my head._

_"Quit fucking around and just do it."_

_"Just do it…" I repeated, and then I stared right through her with an emptiness that seemed like it could never be satisfied, "Is that what ya really want?"_

_"No…"_

* * *

I must have zoned out again, because the last thing I recalled was standing against the wall, and then suddenly, I was hovering above a familiar form that was still asleep. I believe I must have carefully crawled along her, and brushed the loose, dull brown curls from her face, so I could caress the scar that was horizontally placed across her cheek with my fingertips. I guessed I shouldn't have left her there like that. Maybe it would have healed better if it was tended to a lot sooner.

Was I really that far gone?

Thinking back, I couldn't really say whether my original intention was to kill her or not. I think it might have been. That was, until she mentioned that she thought he was only trying to put a scare into me. It suddenly made me realize that she wasn't involved in what happened, at least, not directly, and it made me realize that I might have overreacted a little.

However, it didn't really convince me that she would have found it such a bad thing if everything went according to plan, and it didn't change the fact that I still held her partially responsible, and still do. After all, she was still involved, nonetheless.

So, I made her a deal, and despite the fact that it wasn't really much of a deal, she went for it.

It was really simple. I told her that as long as she managed to keep herself useful to me, and keep her mouth shut about what happened, I'd keep her alive for as long as I felt fit.

Anyway, while smiling down at the unsuspecting form beneath me, she stirred slightly, and then moaned, before her eyes darted open and regarded me with a dead fear once she adjusted to the dim lighting in the room, and with a hard swallow and wide eyes, she blurted out, "Great Shiva! Ren!" And then she attempted to struggle away from me. The funny thing though, was that I didn't even realize that I had my other hand already wrapped around both her wrists as if I expected nothing less, until she tried to break away from me.

"Been a long time," I crooned, and placed my free hand on her shoulder, while I clamped my knees on the sides of her hips and hooked my feet just below her knees, "Almost fergot watcha looked like."

"I've been working on what you asked me to," she quickly divulged, and without thought as she defended herself out of fear, with a weathered voice from not enough sleep and too many cigarettes. From what I could gather, I figured she assumed that my doubts were the reason I was there, as she stopped struggling to show her cooperation, and then her eyes ran over my body in a state of sudden surprise, "What the fuck are you doin dressed like a Turk?"

_Oh yeah… It really 'has' been a long time,_ I thought to myself, and then I chuckled down at her without answering.

"Shiva… Ren… Did you kill a fucking Turk?"

"Not quite…" I said, at the same time that Rude cleared his throat and flicked the switch for the overhead light. That guy had a real knack for adding effect to any situation when it came to timing. He really did, "Least not recently."

* * *

_"So, the bastard really wants me dead," President Shinra mused, over the recording I played for him, and then he got up to grab two glasses to pour us some drinks, "I suppose the fact that you talked him into it should be of no concern to me?" Then while eyeing me up suspiciously when he turned around to regard me, he motioned for me to take one of them. _

_"With all due respect, Sir," I started, and then accepted the glass, "If I really wanted ya dead, ya'd be dead already," I told him, before I let out a strong gasp after taking a large drink, and placed it on the corner of his desk. _

_Then I took a careful look at the surroundings while I lit my cigarette, and noted the gracious amount of privacy the two of us had at the moment. "In fact, I could kill ya right now." Looking him dead-in-the-eye, with all seriousness and my brow cocked, a slick grin crawled uncontrollably across my lips, and I shrugged my right shoulder, "If I wanted to… Sir."_

_"Hm…" With a nod in agreement, he took a small sip and then walked over to his window and looked out, keeping his back to me. "As messed up as you are, I suppose I should agree that your loyalty is definitely not a matter of concern for me," he observed, and turned around to scan his eyes over me, with a slight disapproval over my lack of professionalism. Then he moved to his desk and opened his cigar case to pull one out, "As questionable as it may seem at times."_

_Smiling toothily at him over the fact that I knew it had taken me along time to win the man's trust over, I tapped my ashes into his ashtray and boldly asked, while I held his gaze to show no fear, "Your orders, Sir?"_

_"How badly do you want his position, __Reno__?" he asked, knowing that somewhere along the lines, I must have had more in mind than just setting the man up and turning him in._

_"Could use the raise, Boss," I answered with my brow cocked, and then I took another look around while I picked up the glass and took another large drink. All the while, I focused on his security system. Little did he know, I had disabled it before I entered his office, just in case things didn't go as I planned._

_"Well, I suppose you're going to have to make him disappear then."_

* * *

"You set me up!" she suddenly yelled, somewhat in question. Then she started struggling with me again when she saw Rude standing there with his hands neatly folded in front of him.

"Nah," I told her, while I reached toward the small pack on my hip and pulled out my cuffs, "Cut ya a deal."

When she finally stopped struggling again, I carefully got off of her and pulled her from the bed, so I could place her hands behind her back and cuff her. It was a little hard not to take note of the fact that she was only wearing a long shirt that just covered enough of her to remain somewhat decent. All the while, her eyes were fixated with a desperate pleading, on Rude, when she asked, "What kind of fuckin deal?"

"President Shinra has requested your presence within his vicinity," Rude solemnly answered, in his usual deep and intimidating voice, while I grinned at her and pinned her to the wall, "It would be wise to accept his invitation."

"Unless ya don't mind things gettin worse fer ya," I added, and pulled out a long awaited cigarette, while I noted her apprehension. Then I told her, "Don't worry…" as I lit my cigarette, and snuck another peak at her almost bare form before leaning against her, "If he likes what he sees, he might jus make yer life worth livin."

"I'm not fuckin sleepin with anyone to cut any fuckin deals, Ren!" she venomously hissed at me, "You might as well just kill me now."

"Ya kiddin me?" I asked in disbelief, "After everythin ya've done fer me jus ta stay alive, yer gonna say… 'Kill me now'?"

"President Shinra is not requesting you for those purposes." Still standing his ground, and not moving, Rude nodded towards me and added, "He requested that your services be kept under a more careful eye."

"Requested?"

"Heh… If ya wanna call it that…" I said, with an untrustworthy grin, and took a drag while I roughly pulled her away from the wall and ran my fingers across her scar again in fascination, "Sure."

After pulling her face away from my touch and turning her attention to Rude, she tried to struggle away from me again. Unfortunately though, her efforts weren't very successful. "Call off your fuckin dog!" she shrieked at him, as tensely as she could, while I chuckled at her for no reason other than to taunt her.

"Not without his orders Ma'am."

"Wha –?" With a dumb shock, she turned her attention back to me in disbelief. Then she smiled and nervously laughed while saying, "You've got to be fuckin kiddin me…" Then she darted her eyes back to Rude and looked him up and down, "This is a fuckin joke… Right?" Laughing nervously again, she leaned further away from me and set her grey eyes on me to study my expression, "You guys aren't even real Turks… You're putting me on…"

"Heh…" While widening my static grin so it became toothier, I placed my cigarette between my teeth and escorted her over to Rude, despite her struggling, so he could take the reins. Then I walked over to one of the cases on the floor that appeared to have her clothing in it and studied the contents while I spoke to her. "Ya know…" I started, as I knelt down and poked my finger through the contents, "I'd really appreciate it if ya did'n tell my boss 'bout me payin homage ta yer services all those many years ago."

Then I pulled out a pair of worn out pants and walked over to her. "In fact… It would'n be such a bad idea if he never knew 'bout watcha used ta do before ya met yer boyfriend." As I stood in front of her and held up her pants to get an estimation of the fit, I stared her dead-in-the-eye to stress that what I said next wasn't exactly much of a lie, "He ain't too keen on whores."

After Rude cleared his throat, I knelt down and tapped her right leg to get her to lift it, so I could start dressing her, and then I did the same with the other leg and pulled them up. Once I got them done up, I slid my jacket off and placed it over her shoulders. Then I pulled out my flask and took a drink before putting it back and taking another drag from my cigarette. After that, I walked back over to the case I got her pants from and emptily stared at it for a moment, before I pulled out my PHS and made a call to Rufus.

"Target's been collected, Sir," I informed, "Trackin system was correct."

"Good, and all of the equipment she required is there as well?"

"Yes, Sir," I said, and looked over at her and Rude. "She's been workin hard on the project. But the premises is less than desirable, Sir," I stressed, as I took a glance around at the surroundings, "The target appears to be malnourished and may be suffering from small amounts of Mako exposure. The place is still fairly active. I'd like to get her some medical attention before ya meet with her."

"Very well," he coolly said, and with a slight hint of approval, "I trust that won't take long?"

"No, Sir."

"Hm… I'd like to get you and Rude checked out as well then. I'll send in a team to collect her data and belongings." After a slight pause, he added, "I do believe that is all we will be requiring?"

"Yes, Sir," I answered, and took another drag, "Thought it was part of our mission ta collect the data." With a bit of frustration in my voice to express that I was less than impressed with his change of plans, I figured I'd push it by offering. "Could even destroy the place once we got everythin we need," Since I knew he would want to get his hands on everything to make sure there was nothing else I was hiding.

"That may not be a bad idea," he mused. But then he added, "However, I'd prefer it if you didn't destroy the place. I'll send in a team to take care of that part."

_Of course ya will, ya distrustful prick. _

"Ya still want me ta grab the data, Sir?" I asked, and was tempted to call him on the fact that he didn't trust me enough to let me do it, but figured I'd save it for when we were alone… For the sake of professionalism, mostly.

"Yes… Please do. The sooner we have that in our hands, the better. And Reno…"

"Yes, Sir."

"Please don't take too long."

There was that _please _he liked to say so often to me. Rufus never fucking said please to anyone, unless it was me, and I fucking hated it. I hated it because, nine times out of ten, he only said it to manipulate me. Like I wanted to spend all fucking day in that place anyway, and why the hell was I getting so pissed off over something so stupid?

Making a mental note to calm myself down before I did or said something I'd wind up regretting, I toyed with my cigarette in hopes that it would occupy my erratic tendencies, and informed him that I would take no longer than I needed, "Only as long as I need, Sir."

"Very well," he said, and then he hung up, leaving me with a weird feeling. It seemed like the closer we got, the weirder it became when we conducted business with each other. It all just seemed so… _weird_. Musing over it for a moment, I just stood there with the dead air left on the PHS to my ear, and wondered why it bothered me so much, while I dragged it down the side of my face and pressed it to my cheek, and stared off into space. It was all just business as usual, wasn't it? It shouldn't bother me…

Right?

"Reno?"

"Hm?" Startled out of my thoughts, I turned my attention over to Rude and closed the PHS with my chin. At the same time, Erryn blurted out the same name that Rude just called me with a bewildering question to her tone.

"Yeah, Babe," I answered, "Past was erased. Name's Reno now." Then I took another drag and closed her case with my foot, before I knelt down to grab it, and walked toward the opening of the room. But before I got there, I stopped just beside them and warned Erryn silently with my eyes while I told her, "I suggest ya keep that in mind if ya know what's good fer ya."

With another nervous chuckle, she backed into Rude, slightly, without realizing it, as if she was suddenly overwhelmed. "You guys are for fuckin real…" she quietly said, and then she jumped when Rude nudged her, "This isn't one of your sick games."

She wasn't asking, and I didn't bother answering her. Instead, I motioned for Rude to follow me back into the main room that I guess you could call her makeshift lab, and informed Rude that Rufus wanted us to collect her data.

However, it was actually me that would be collecting it, because I didn't think it was a good idea to let Erryn out of anyone's grasp. A cornered animal can behave unpredictably if given the chance. Unfortunately, it wasn't only experience with collections that taught me that… It was something I knew about personally.

While I hacked into her systems and downloaded all of her data, not just the data she'd been working on in regards to me, but everything, I informed her of what she would be facing when she met Rufus. Basically, I let her know that he was not one to be played with and would only put up with so much. Of course, I didn't tell her that her usefulness would play a large part in it. Rufus was known to keep his enemies around if it served his purpose, and I didn't want her knowing that, for fear that she would play it to an advantage.

I also made it a point to remind her to keep everything that she knew about me in regards to Haldric, and my frequent visits to her under lock and key as well. I didn't exactly tell her the real reason. Although, if she stuck around long enough, she'd most likely figure it out on her own. That was, if I lived long enough.

In all honesty, I wasn't exactly a fountain of hope and had pretty much come to terms with my fate. I figured I'd let Rufus do the hoping for me instead, since he seemed to have some sort of faith, and he even maintained whatever fight he had left in him over the matter.

Was it wrong of me to place that responsibility in his hands? Like I mean, I didn't really care, did I?

As far as I knew, everyone around me had pretty much come to terms with the fact that I didn't have an ounce of responsibility within me, and they were right.

Weren't they?

After all, how the hell can you care about others when you don't even give a shit about yourself?

And why the hell was I thinking about that shit while I was downloading all of that useless information? I could have easily just destroyed it all and disappeared to die quietly in some remote location, alone like I wanted to. I could have put Rude to sleep and dragged him out to safety and then put Erryn out of her misery and destroyed any trace of evidence that anything of that place ever existed. Who would have cared if Rufus and Rude knew about it? It's not like either of them would be able to find me if I went to such measures.

Yet, despite all of my self-destructive thoughts, I found myself finishing the job and then nodding to Rude when I was done. I found myself reminding Erryn, once again, to forget about anything she ever knew about me, and then I found myself leading the way back out, towards the treacherous paths of canyon and loose rock, with a new reminder of everything that made up my worthless life.

All the while, I continued with those thoughts, as we made our way back to a spot that was considered safe enough to land that piece of shit helicopter that was in no way a fucking replacement for the few things that actually went right in my life at one time.

I lost it all and never even realised that it was a symbolic premonition, maybe even a warning of how much more I was about to lose. Was my karmic debt so fucking heavy that this was what I really deserved? Was Aldrich right by constantly reminding me that I deserved a fate worse than death?

If so… What did I have to look forward to if this small crumb of Rufus' hope actually worked?

And then that's when I realized that I might have been more worried about living than I was about dying, and the only thing that made me fear dying, was Rufus.

Not because I feared him, but because I think I actually…

Fuck it.

It's just a fucking word that don't mean anything anyway.

* * *

Revised: January 12, 2009


	31. From Cosmo to Confusion

**From Cosmo to Confusion**

* * *

After a quick stop to Cosmo Canyon to pick up some of their moonshine and toothpicks, since I was running low, and they were the only place that made the particular toothpicks that I liked, Erryn did what any irrational captive would have done and attempted to make a run for it.

She decided she'd take advantage of the perfect opportunity when I returned from my pit stop and accidentally knocked my sunglasses off my head when I whacked myself with the door and stumbled over the skid as I stepped down to collect them. Naturally, the incident reliably caught Rude's attention, and he dived over to catch me and missed. He hit his head on the door as well, when it nearly swung shut on him, because it was a natural reaction for me to try and grab it for support. But of course, I missed.

Through the corner of my eye, I watched Erryn jump out and start running into the canyons, and I wondered exactly how she thought she was going to defend herself against any of the dangerous creatures out there with her hands cuffed behind her back. However, I made no attempt to point any of this out to Rude and made a further attempt to distract him after she turned to me and met my eyes for a brief moment, and I subtly nodded to her.

Shit happens.

Maybe I just wouldn't notice she was gone until it was too late.

I tried to warn Rufus that she wouldn't want to be anywhere near me. Of course, I didn't really mention that I wanted to be around her just as equally. I kind of failed to mention a few things about my personal experiences with her.

Not to mention that she wasn't exactly the biggest fan of Shinra either. Growing up in poverty in the Sector 5 Slums and starving for most of your life doesn't exactly make you a big fan of a company that you hold responsible. Especially when the only way to make ends meet is to either sell your body and risk your life on the streets, work for Cornero selling yourself and have him take most of your money for the protection, or become a terrorist, and I believe she did all three.

Basically, the only thing I told Rufus about her was that she was involved in the Weapons movement from Gongaga, which was how I knew her, and that she and her boyfriend had started a project involving the microscopic BioWeapon, which you all may know better as _germ warfare_. However, her particular involvement in the project was strictly on the healing side, which was her talent. She had a talent for finding and developing Cures for almost anything that she came across.

This, of course, didn't change the fact that she was still considered a dangerous criminal in the eyes of Shinra. It also didn't change the fact that even though she was adept at counteractive measures to natural and enhanced substances, she was the exact opposite when it came to foreign objects. I'm sure she tried, but she never did figure out how to break down the BioMetal that I used to encapsulate the organisms I infected her with.

Anyway, while Erryn ran off into the canyon, and I acted like I saw nothing and tended to Rude to see if he was okay, because I really was concerned about him and not just pretending, he saw the reflection of her running through the lens of my shades when I put them back on my head.

He wasn't stupid. It was fairly obvious that I knew what the hell was going on since I was facing that direction, and there was no way in Hades domain that I couldn't have noticed. "Reno!" he yelled at me, with extreme disapproval in his voice, as he pushed me back down to the ground and jumped out of the chopper, already armed and prepared. In a state of panic, I jumped in front of him and started struggling with him in an attempt to disarm him. By the way, did I mention he was bigger than me?

Needless to say, I wound up on the ground and Erryn wound up with a bullet in her leg. "YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" I shouted, while I pushed myself off the ground. Now to clarify something here, I wasn't calling him that because he wounded her, I was upset because he slowed her down, "I could'a stopped her without woundin her!"

As Rude re-engaged the safety and re-holstered his gun, he turned his head to regard me with very little attempt to appear impressed, "Would you have?"

"Yeah," I said, with my brow cocked, and my eyes on the ground. When I got to my feet, I still attempted to stall somewhat by turning Rude to face me with his back to Erryn's direction and scratched the back of my neck while I took a quick look over at Erryn who was trying to get back on her feet to run with no regard to her new state, "Would'na really had a choice not ta." Admittedly, that was the truth. It wouldn't have really been because I wanted to comply. It simply would have been because I had no choice but to comply.

When Rude realized what I was doing, he grabbed me by the collar and nearly lifted me off the ground. "_You_ are walking on a thin line!" he warned me, and then he pushed me back, forcing me to stumble, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were back on the Mako!" Then he started off after Erryn, while I stood behind him and adjusted the dial on my mag-rod, so as not to do too much damage to him.

Wait a second…

Did I just do and say what I think I just did and said?

_Oh fuck…_

Instinctively, and in an attempt to gain some control over myself, I attempted to reach into my jacket pocket to grab my flask which ironically, would have been one hell of a feat since it wasn't there, because Erryn was wearing it. So I undid the strap from my rod and threw it at Rude as hard as I could, to hit him in the back of the head with it, and knocked him to the ground, before I remembered the moonshine that I bought.

With Rude knocked out and his face planted in the dirt, and me guzzling half of the moonshine down as quickly as I could, Erryn managed to get somewhere out of our site. Well... I guess it would be more appropriate if I said _my_ sight, since Rude decided it was naptime for him, and therefore, wasn't paying attention to much of anything anymore.

To be honest, I'm not even sure if he was really taking his job as seriously as he should have been at that point.

While I pondered that fact, I stared at the sky and figured she'd made her way into the treacherous canyons where she could very easily become prey to the beautifully large and hostile creatures that were native to the vicinity.

_Oh, the sweet, sweet satire of it all_, I thought, as I continued to suck back on the bottle like it was as necessary as oxygen, and ignoring the part of me that wanted to spit the contents back out.

I didn't really know what it was about the situation that made me laugh like I'd just heard the best joke anyone's ever told me. But I found myself chuckling over it anyway when I placed the bottle down on the floor of the chopper, that I was hanging half out of, and stuffed a toothpick in my mouth, because my cigarettes were in my jacket which was running around aimlessly in the canyons.

"Rufus is gonna fuckin kill me…" I mumbled to myself, in amusement, since everyone else had taken it upon themselves to leave me alone in one way or another, there really wasn't anyone else to talk to, "He's gonna fuckin kill me…"

_That is of course, if I don't get her back..._

_Damn..._

Chuckling again, and then taking another large drink, I let out a strong gasp, and then forced myself to obey my higher reasoning. After that, I stuffed my toothpick back in my mouth and pushed myself to my feet, and then I casually brushed the dust from my knees, before picking up the bottle and calmly stumbling over to where Rude was licking the dirt in his unfortunate slumber. I let out a deep sigh then, and looked at him with a frown. Then I let out a small chuckle and picked up my rod and strapped it back to my wrist.

"I'm so fucked up," I reminded myself, and started giggling over it while turning my attention back down to Rude, as I nudged him with my foot and received no response, "Fuck…" Nervously, I took a look around and sucked back a large breath like I'd forgotten to breathe for a while. "Well… that is… if Rude don't kill me first," I mumbled, and took a guilty look around, "Yeah…"

_What the fuck am I gonna do?_

While cautiously walking forward into the overgrown veins of the valley that Erryn had wandered into, I took another look back at Rude and wondered if it was really such a good idea to leave him there like that. But then again, was it really such a good idea to let Erryn get away like that instead? I supposed the right thing to do at that point would have been to carry Rude into the safety of the helicopter before setting out after Erryn.

Surprisingly though, I wasn't really thinking all that clearly, and figured he'd be fine where he was. Besides, it was partially his fault for deciding to take a nap in the middle of nowhere anyway.

After all, time was of the essence, and the more time I wasted, the further away Erryn could get, and I decided that re-capturing Erryn would probably be the best course of action. Then I kind of thought that maybe Rufus was right about not letting me go out on active duty anymore. Maybe he was a little right about me not really being all that well, or trustworthy.

However, I didn't completely agree with him though. Like I mean, despite all the facts that I wasn't exactly myself all the time, I was still doing what I was sent to do, albeit in about as fucked up of a manner in which one was capable of doing it in.

"Oh, Erryn…?" I sang into the echoing canyons, as I disregarded Rude and turned my attention to the task at hand, "Come out, come out, wherever ya are…"

Paying mind to the darkened skies above us, I smiled slyly at the fact that I had an unparalleled advantage over her, and took another large drink before I took a couple more steps forward, and listened to the echoing sounds of the trees from the small forest above us.

"Hm…" Staying still and paying mind to the sounds of the light wind blowing through the chasms, and the subtle rustling of feathers hidden within the dark crevices of the canyon, I set my focus on something of particular interest to me. The sound of Erryn's heartbeat and breath was faint at best, but if I closed my eyes and let myself sink in it, I could hear her almost as clearly as I could hear myself. Mako had its advantages.

Smiling to myself over the fact that the canyon blocked most of the natural sources of light from the illumination of the moon and stars, and that she was getting closer to a Griffin's nest, I found it difficult to resist the urge to summon an aid to my cause. "Ya think she'd know better than ta run 'round like that in the vulnerable state she's in," I mused quietly, before I pulled out my gun and shot it into the air to startle all the creatures in the area.

After that, all I had to do was wait for her to start screaming and then follow the sound. Of course, I took it upon another lead and set my sight on the ground where some of her blood had dripped to the ground, no thanks to Rude. Figuring it would be in my best interest in regards to my standing in Shinra, I decided it was best to take that lead and get a move on, and then I wondered if it was really necessary to startle the life forms in the area when I could have just followed the trail to begin with.

Considering the hole I was digging myself further into by the second, it just didn't seem like a good idea to let things spiral out of control any further than they already were.

_Oh well, she couldn't have gotten too far, she was wounded after all. _

Then with a slight chuckle and a sigh, I started to casually follow the trail while swinging my rod and chewing on my toothpick. I would have whistled, but that would have drawn too much attention to myself, and that wasn't really part of my agenda.

It was one thing to have Erryn get eaten or mauled in the depths of the maze-like canyon, but me? Nah, I really couldn't say that the thought of that appealed to me very much.

As I turned through the pathway that her trail led to, I heard the screech of the griffin along with Erryn's helpless shrieks, and uncontrollably grinned one hell of a happy grin. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath as I heard the wings descending upon what was most likely considered prey, I casually walked in the direction of a ruckus that I had unfortunately caused, and turned up the electric charge on my rod for better illumination.

"Hey, Erryn," I called to her, when I turned through another pathway and saw her on the ground and a harassing Griffin hovering above her, "Need a hand?"

Smiling down at her, I took another drink and then chuckled while she scurried awkwardly on her knees towards me. "You fuckin asshole, Ren!" she shouted, and then she followed that by a few more obscenities that I really don't feel was appropriate to repeat.

"Hm," I casually mumbled, and pulled out my gun, "That ain't no way ta ask fer help, darlin." Then I calmly placed the bottle on the ground while the Griffin got set to attack and pulled back the safety, "Ya want me ta help or not?"

"You're a psychotic bastard!" she cried, as tears began to uncontrollably flow down her cheeks, and then she took a quick and panicked look passed me, "Where the fuck is your partner?"

"Sleepin," I said, and then I smiled again and fired off two shots at the Griffin to hold it at bay long enough to re-holster the gun, and then I swoop down to grab her by the arm. After pulling her to safety, I aimed my rod at the bird and casually said, "Bolt3," with my arm wrapped securely around her waist.

With an amused grin, I rested my chin on her head, while she shielded her eyes in my chest from the brilliant light flash in the sky as the air filled with a tortured screech, and smoking feathers fell from the location where the Griffin hovered not a moment ago.

Chuckling again at the fact that she was terrified over nothing, I spat out my toothpick and let go of the handle of the rod so I could push her back and pull a cigarette out of the pocket of the jacket she was wearing, and offered her one as well. Naturally, she refused.

So, I simply shrugged it off and thought, _your loss,_ while I lit the one I just stuffed in my mouth and sucked back on the sickening nicotine.

"Ya know," I said, and pulled her closer, "I don't really think it's a good idea fer ya ta try somethin like that again." Then I grinned toothily at her while I held the cigarette between my teeth and knelt down to grab the bottle, all the while, refusing to release my hold on her.

"Why the fuck are you doin this?" she demanded, as she grimaced and tried to pull away again. But I kept my grip firmly on her, and wiped her tears away with the forefinger of the hand that was holding the bottle when I stood back up, "You said I'd never have to see you again."

"I lied," I told her, without showing any regret or any other form of emotion for that matter, and then I added, "Besides, I don't have a choice, Babe… Boss found out 'bout ya." Looking through her instead of at her, I gripped my fingers into her arm more firmly, as if they were operating under different orders than I was, "An I'd like ta remind ya, that he did'n exactly find out _everythin_."

"So, are you gonna tell me what it is that he _does_ know, so I can spare myself from your _sadistic_ tendencies?" she asked, with a sneer, "Or are you just gonna wait for me to fuck up, so you can give your fucked up little head a reason to fuck me over more than you already have?"

"He knows what the MP Department knows 'bout ya, darlin," With a taunting smile to remind her that what they knew had nothing to do with her street profession, I lifted my hand to her face and stroked her jaw with my fingers while forcing her head back so she could look at me while I purred at her, "An they know nothin 'bout ya bein a whore."

With a hard swallow, she jerked her face away from my touch and spat out. "I haven't been involved in terrorist activities ever since you…" she stammered and swallowed again, before making another attempt to finish her sentence, "Ever since you…" After a second failed attempt, she kicked me in the shin, and then lost her footing when she went to try and knee me between the legs.

"Killed yer boyfriend?" I asked, with a sick-sounding chuckle, and then I grabbed her by the collar to steady her and pull her back.

"You're fuckin _sick_," she hissed at me, through her teeth, and glared at me with hateful eyes, "Does your _Boss _know how _sick_ you are?"

Chuckling at her over the fact that I didn't necessarily disagree, or even give a shit for that matter, I went to pull her back in the direction of the chopper, but I was unexpectedly stopped by a Golem that was blocking our only path out.

"Fuck," I said, and took another drink, along with a couple of cautious steps backward, before looking Erryn up and down to assess her state, "Here, hold this." Placing my bottle into her cuffed hands behind her back, I warned her not to drop it, and then I pulled my gun back out. "Do me a favour an look fer an escape route," I said, under my breath, without turning my attention away from the solid beast in front of us.

"Oh-hoh-ho," She laughed cruelly, and stumbled back from my push, "You gonna tell me a _Turk_ can't handle a little Golem on his own?" Smiling sickly at me, she stumbled a little further away and started laughing, "This is too good to be true."

"What the fuck is'a matter with ya?" I asked, with a disbelieving sneer, and pointed at the massive form that was almost made completely of solid rock, "Ya think that's gonna be easy ta kill?"

"Well you'd better do somethin quick, Ren," she said, and continued to laugh like she'd lost her mind, "It's not exactly moving in the opposite direction now, is it?"

"You fuckin whore!"

Pulling back the safety again, and then aiming my rod with my other hand, I yelled out, "Fire3," since I knew lightning would do fuck all, and hoped that fire might do _some _damage. But the behemoth of a mountain appeared unscathed and continued to move toward us in its thankfully natural slow state.

"Of all the fuckin fires of Ifrit!" I shouted, and then I lunged at Erryn to grab her by the upper arm, "Since ya think it's so fuckin funny, I think I'll jus toss ya at it as a distraction." Waggling my brows at her and smiling wickedly, I looked her over and then yanked her so her chest was pressed against mine and our eyes were staring hatefully at each other, "Ya look like ya might still have enough meat on yer bones ta keep it occupied fer a bit."

With wide eyes, she started struggling with me and dropped my bottle to let it smash on the ground, which caused me to smack her across the head and then aim my gun at her forehead. All the while, the Golem didn't seem to really care about our personal differences, and continued its torturously slow destination towards us.

"Go ahead and do it, you fuckin psycho!" After glaring challengingly at me, she glanced around quickly and then kicked the dirt at our feet. "It's blocking your only path outta here!" she said through her bitterness, and then she motioned with her head to point out the fact that we were stuck in a dead end, "What're ya gonna do when it's done with me? Sing it a song?"

Gripping my fingers more firmly into her upper arm, I tensed up my lips and removed my finger from the trigger to point it at her with warning, "Watch it." Then I looked her over again, and looked over at the Golem that was coming closer, while I side-stepped us both a little further away, "Fuck…"

Suddenly laughing at me like she found something incredibly amusing, she leaned closer to me and quietly said with a big grin while she swayed a little, "You wouldn't happen to have a Cure Materia on you, would ya? Or Potions?"

With a shake to my head to clear it out, I moved even further away and looked at her like she'd gone completely mad. "Ya kiddin me?" I asked her, and then I studied the Golem a bit more, "What the fuck makes ya think I would'a thought I'd need 'em?"

"You serious, Ren? With your reputation, one would think you'd carry the whole works on you," she replied, and then she looked down at her leg, "Dumb-ass…" Then, with a dark glance at me, she sneered and stepped back.

Nodding at her again, I said, "I'd watch it, if I were you," and then I used Fire3 on the Golem once more, before I grabbed her without warning and darted for the legs of the impenetrable beast while firing my gun at it the whole time, and shouting, "Hope yer well enough ta run!" At the last moment, when the immensely large creature went to grab us, I dived between its legs, dragging her behind me, and continued to run as fast as I could with her in tow, back to the chopper. Unfortunately, all the noise from my gun going off drew a hell of a lot more attention to us than I had actually planned.

"FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA… OW! YOU'RE HURTING ME YOU SON OF A BITCH! HAHAHAHA!"

* * *

When we arrived at our destination, Rude was pushing himself off the ground and rubbing the back of his head. Once he noticed us, he gave me one of his most uncontrollably pissed off looks to suggest that he wasn't exactly impressed with me at that particular moment, and stumbled to his feet.

"Get the chopper fired up!" I shouted, completely disregarding his condition and his present thoughts on my behaviour, as I ran like mad toward the chopper while dragging Erryn painfully behind me, "NOW!"

At first, he just looked at me like he was simply annoyed, and possibly even confused. That was, until he noticed the army of creatures running behind us accompanied by one really pissed off Golem.

"Shit!" he blurted out, and then he moved as fast as he could to get it started, while I continued to run like my ass was on fire. All the while, I was still firing behind me, and occasionally using_ Turk Light_ to clear out some of the smaller animals that traveled in clusters, as Erryn continued to laugh at me like she'd lost her mind and the welcome sound of the engines started, and most disappointingly stalled.

"Oh, Great Shiva!" Through her grimaces and maniacal laughter, she went limp in my arms and fell to the ground, "I'm gonna die."

"SHUT UP!" Completely on the verge of freaking out beyond comprehension while the engines sputtered and went dead again, I kicked the dirt on the ground into her face and aimed my gun at her again, "THIS ISN'T FUCKIN FUNNY!"

"Oh-hoh-hoh… Yes it is, Ren…"

"No," I urged, while hovering over her and looking around to assess what I could use to my advantage in our surroundings, "It isn't." Then I set my sight on the cliffs and holstered my gun so I could have complete and utter control over my rod.

After that, I pushed the button to dislodge the small and very volatile vial of Meteor that I stuffed in the extra slot I completely forgot about until that moment, and I threw it into the narrow pathway that was cluttered with hungry creatures while simultaneously calling out "Bolt" to ignite it. Then I grabbed Erryn by the hair and ran like there was no hope left in the world, while I dragged her like a sack of rotten potatoes behind me.

"YOU FUCKIN ASSHOLE!" she shrieked, while she struggled to get to her feet to alleviate the pressure, "YOU'RE FUCKIN HURTIN ME!"

"Oh believe me…" I sneered through my clenched teeth, after we fell to the ground from the force of the explosion behind us, "Yer gettin off easy." Then I crawled shakily over to her and aimed the tip of the rod at her and poked her roughly in the ribs with it, while sporting a wry smirk, "If I had my way, I'd be playin with ya 'til ya _begged_ me ta stop, Kitten."

"Oh?" Scrambling to her knees, and then sitting awkwardly, while squinting her one eye that had sand in it, she smiled slyly at me and lowered her voice while looking me dead-on with the other, "Who are you goin to get to work on a cure for ya then?"

Tensing up over a fact that I was suddenly not too sure about, I failed to notice the sound of the sudden and stable sound of the engines on the chopper, and grabbed her by the collar. "Maybe I'll take yer data an work on it myself," I threatened, just shortly before my rod was roughly pulled from my hand and I was threateningly pulled back, as I stumbled forcefully to my feet.

"_Don't _make me sedate you, Ren," Rude growled into my ear, from behind, and then he knelt down and grabbed Erryn so he could drag us both back to the chopper.

"Shit," I muttered, while she started laughing at me again.

"Looks like you're not the one in control anymore."

"That's enough!" Rude yelled, at both of us, and roughly pushed us into the chopper. Then he grabbed Erryn and stepped over me, so he could adjust her cuffs to secure her to the seat. "Cure," he said, and grabbed the bullet when the action pushed it out of her leg and closed the wound. Then he reached into the inner pocket of my jacket that she was still wearing and pulled out the case for my needle.

In an attempt to ignore everything that I was doing wrong, I scurried shakily across the floor while my vision started to dim from the Meteor explosion, and grabbed another bottle of moonshine.

Silently thanking myself that I cleaned the place out and bought every last bottle they had, I weakly cracked it open and started guzzling it in an attempt to make Ren so drunk that he wouldn't give a shit about causing anymore trouble. Or maybe it was myself that was causing the trouble, because at that point, I really didn't know anymore. Then I passed out…

Just after Rude grabbed me and rolled up my sleeve, and Erryn taunted, "Is that what you've been reduced to, Ren? A pathetic alcoholic?" And with a cynical chuckle, she added, "What a shame."

Naturally, the last thought that crossed my mind was…

_I'm so fucked…_

* * *

When I came to, Rude was just landing the chopper at the Shinra tower, and I took a foggy look around at my surroundings and then at Erryn, before I half-smiled at the fact that she was gagged. Then I looked over at Rude, who looked like he'd pretty much had enough of whatever he'd had enough of, and part of me figured that I probably had a big part to play in that, but something told me I wasn't the only one grating on his nerves.

Thinking back, I can't really say if I recalled telling anyone that she had gone a little funny after what I did to her and her boyfriend. Actually, I can't say that I recalled telling anyone about what I did to her and her boyfriend either.

Then I thought that I should probably be concerned about that. But for some strange reason, I couldn't seem to come up with a semblance to give a shit while noting that my limbs felt like rubber.

"Ya fuckin tranquilized me," I slurred, when I turned my head towards Rude.

"It'll wear off," he said, without turning to look at me, and then he added with a strong agitation that, "You're lucky you're sick, or I would've done more than that."

Once he landed and shut everything down, he turned to me, then glanced over at Erryn, and then back to me again, and let out a deep sigh while pressing a button to seal off the passenger area from us so we could talk privately.

"You didn't just sleep with her," he said, and turned to look straight ahead, "And I don't think that she's going to keep any secrets for you." Then he turned to look at me, and motioned towards her before he removed his glasses and looked me dead in the eye, "Whatever it is that you're trying to hide, I suggest you tell Rufus _before_ she does."

Putting his glasses back on, he reached over to open his door, and then he regarded me one last time before he stepped out to open the passenger door and collect our target, "She's desperate, Reno, and that makes her dangerous."

_Ya think I don't know that?_

_Fuck…_

Letting my head fall back, hard, against the seat, I lifted my hands and pressed my palms to my eyes. Then I contemplated the fact that I was still in the chopper and that I could just take off. But no, I'd gotten myself into enough trouble as it was.

B_est to jus suck it up…_

_Yeah…_

With a deep sigh, I let my hands fall onto my lap, and then I hit the button to lower the privacy plate so I could stumble into the back and grab my moonshine. Then I picked up the open bottle and guzzled the rest of it down before letting out a loud belch and leaning over to puke it all back up.

_Guess I should'a eaten…_

When I jumped out, I almost bumped into one of the engineers, and pointed with my thumb towards the passenger area. "Someone puked in there… Make sure ya clean it up," I said, and then I chuckled to myself once my back was turned to him, and made my way up to the infirmary where I knew Rude would have taken my old _friend_.

* * *

After I met Rude in the infirmary, the doctor checked us all over and decided that I was pretty much the only one that was unaffected by the low Mako exposure from the old refinery, due to my unusual condition. And as a precaution, he scheduled Rude for treatment the next day, and gave him some medication to take for the night. But Erryn had been exposed to it for a lot longer and would have to undergo a more aggressive treatment that would last for approximately six weeks.

She was also administered with vitamin shots, and we were ordered to take her to get some food as well, since she hadn't been eating properly and required proper nourishment.

Considering the fact that we were all pretty much hungry anyway, it was only a matter of debate over where we could take her to get her some food. Since she was a captive, it didn't seem appropriate to take her to the cafeteria where she could very well cause a ruckus. My place was definitely out of the question, since that was the last place I would have wanted to take her. I didn't really need her knowing where I was residing, never mind seeing my new lifestyle and realizing that it was my boss' apartment.

Rude wasn't too keen on taking her to his apartment either, which didn't require much questioning. So, we decided that I'd go to the cafeteria and get food to go, and then I'd take it up to my office where we could chow down. And oddly enough, Erryn kept her mouth shut the whole time, despite the fact that Rude had removed the gag the moment he escorted her out of the helicopter.

I figured it had something to do with the fact that the reality of what was really happening was finally starting to sink in. But it's hard to say, and I don't really think she fully understood what was going on until we landed at Shinra, because that's when she really started to take me and Rude seriously.

Once we were in my office, Rude took it upon himself to be the one to feed her, since I wasn't about to undo the cuffs without higher orders to do so, and Rude wasn't about to let me go anywhere near her after what happened back at the Canyon. All the while, as she resentfully accepted the bites that Rude offered to her, she looked around in awe over the fact that I actually had my own office.

"Don't get any food on the carpet," I warned them both, before I reluctantly took up a position behind my desk and started eating the small sandwich that I ordered. I may have been a slob, but there were some things I was particular about, and eating in my office was one of them. After only getting halfway through my sandwich, I complained that I was full, and pushed my sandwich across the desk towards Rude. Oddly enough, Erryn wound up complaining about the same not too shortly after.

With a shake to his head, Rude wound up finishing both of our meals, along with his own, and grumbled about how people from the slums never seem to eat. "No wonder you're all so gangly," he mumbled, and then he pulled her up to her feet and removed my jacket from her and tossed it over to me.

"Ya jus get used ta it," I shrugged, and grabbed my jacket as I pushed myself out of my seat and decided I'd leave the liquor in my office. I could always grab it the next day. After all, only an idiot would come in and take it without asking, and I had plenty of other intoxicants in the apartment if I got desperate.

While keeping my eyes on Erryn to remind her to keep her mouth shut, I briefly explained, "Body adjusts ta the scarce food sources available ta ya."

"…"

* * *

We met Jared in the reception area of Rufus' office before entering the lion's den, and all I could do was silently hope that she wouldn't do or say anything that would raise any questions when the introductions were made. Of course, we're talking about my life here, so hoping was about as effective as actually erasing any of my past deeds. However, I wasn't exactly screwed the moment Rufus gave her the offer of a lifetime. Instead, I was set on edge over her comments.

He offered for her to work under the name of Shinra, complete with a home and a paycheque. Naturally, she was somewhat suspicious about why Rufus would go through so much trouble to make sure that one of his _Turks _was properly tended to by making such a risky offer. Particularly when that Turk was none other than myself. However, she didn't exactly voice her question as much as express it by constantly looking me over, and then she said something that really set me off when she wasn't completely satisfied that any of this was in her own best interest.

She told him he was cute, and then she set her eyes maliciously on mine through the reflection of the window behind Rufus, and grinned.

Smacking her across the head from behind, purely out of reaction, she started laughing while a fleeting look of satisfaction crossed over Rufus that I doubt anyone but myself would have noticed.

Then he turned his attention to rifle through some of the papers on his desk, and brushed off our interaction while simply telling her that he would prefer to discuss the matter of her employment in further detail in the morning.

Since it was already in the middle of the night, he didn't really feel that it was the best time to discuss any kind of business or time-consuming history, and then he commenced to inform her that he would like to show her the apartment he set aside for her, and would prefer it if we all got some rest.

"It's been a rather long night," he said, and then he nodded briefly before he stood up and walked around his desk to stand in front of her, "In the morning, we can discuss everything that we expect from each other." Then he motioned for me and Jared to take his side. "However, I'd like you to keep in mind that you are hardly in a position to make any demands," he warned, and then he held out his hand for me to give him the keys for the handcuffs while he looked icily at her and made a fair request, "Stand up and turn around, please."

After the first part of my waking nightmare turned out to be not so bad, Rufus ordered Rude to get some much needed sleep, and ordered Jared and myself to escort Erryn and her belongings, along with Rufus, to her new apartment after he undid her cuffs and handed them back to me.

Luckily for Erryn, she was presented with a well-furnished, and somewhat femininely decorated apartment that used to belong to a very well-off, and apparently unfortunate accountant of Rufus'. To this day, no one really knew how he wound up in the janitor's closet of the reception hall men's room where Tseng and Elena celebrated their wedding. Although, Tseng had his suspicions due to the fact that the man was strangled and then tucked away neatly, which turned out to be a little known trademark of Rufus' that Tseng always knew about.

We didn't bother to divulge that bit of information to her though. In fact, we kind of skipped over that part all together... For the greater good.

Before we left her to her own means, Rufus made sure that she was made well aware of the fact that she wasn't exactly free to come and go as she pleased, and he also felt it was necessary to inform her that Jared would be keeping watch over her during the evenings, and Rude would be watching her during the days until better arrangements could be made. "Oh?" she piped up, sounding somewhat relieved, yet bitter at the same time, "You mean your _dog_ won't be keeping an eye on me?"

Turning to her coldly, and pretty much expressing that he wasn't impressed with what she just said, or how she said it, he placed his hand calmly on my shoulder and pulled me back when I stumbled forward in an attempt to unsuccessfully lunge at her.

"I was under the impression that you knew he was ill," he stated, and raised his brow in question, "Was I being misled?"

"I know much more than that," she spat out, and glared at him, eliciting a small wave of curiosity from the Dark Prince, and challenging my earlier threats.

"I see," he said, not showing any sign to show that anything she said surprised him.

Then, as a warning, I looked at my watch and tapped on it, before meeting Erryn's eyes to remind her that her life was on a timer that I could cut short any time I felt fit. And as a result, she completely understood and backed off.

With a subtle sigh and a sideways glance from Rufus at me to suggest that he wasn't exactly surprised by our questionable interaction, he cocked his brow, and most-likely took note of Erryn swallowing hard, while scowling at me and taking a step back.

But he ignored us both for reasons unknown to me, and he removed his hand from my shoulder and stepped forward. "My secretary has taken the liberty of stocking the kitchen and taking care of whatever feminine needs you may require," he told her, and placed the keycard for the apartment in her hand, "If there is anything further you will be requiring, please inform me, and I will see to it that it is taken care of." Taking a fair glance over at me, then Jared, and then back to her, he felt it was necessary to inform her with his usually cold and aloof tone that, "Provided it is within reason and necessity."

Erryn surprisingly remained tight-lipped, and glanced angrily over at me when Rufus motioned that he wanted me to follow him out of the apartment with his hand, "I will see you tomorrow in my office at seven-hundred hours to discuss what I expect from you, and then we will see if we can come to a more agreeable arrangement that will benefit us both."

"Seven?" she repeated, with a bit of a disappointed surprise.

"Yes… And I suggest that you get used to it, because that will be the time that you will be starting your job from this point on." Turning around to regard her again, in order to make sure that she was completely understanding him, he added with a dead air, "That is of course, as long as you prove yourself to be of some worth to keep around.

"Reno?" he said, to get my attention to follow him, and completely out of training, I nodded and moved to open the door for him. Then I loyally followed him to the elevator with a dread that I knew I wouldn't be able to shake until I came clean, while Jared got to stay behind and find out just how much he was really starting to dislike people from the Slums.

* * *

"You're tranquilized," he said, casually, and with half-closed eyes when our apartment door closed behind us.

"Yes, Sir," I replied, and grimaced when he dug his fingers into my upper arm.

"Good, that means you'll be more willing to answer my questions," he said, and pushed me over to the couch to forcefully sit me down, "Let's start with what you think I'll need to know in order to maintain the upper hand with our new guest then. Shall we?"

Nervously, I reached into my jacket and pulled out my flask, but he casually pulled it out of my hands and sat it on the coffee table in front of me.

"Let's save that for later," he said, and took up a spot beside me.

"Later?" I asked, and started shaking my leg like I was nervous or something.

"Yes, I know how much you rely on it, and I'm most certain that whatever you're about to tell me is something that you never had any intention of ever telling me," he coolly answered, and then he crossed his legs and sat back while pulling me back with him, "So, let's save that which you desire most at the present moment as a reward." After that, he ran his fingers through my hair and held me fast with his other hand, "Think of it as… motivation…" Then, while leaning closer to me, he lowered his voice as he spoke smoothly into my ear, "If you will."

Shaking off the cold chill that ran down my spine at that moment, I made an attempt to sit back up, maybe even get up and run, but he dug his fingers in deeper to ensure that I got the message about him having no intention about letting me go anywhere until he was satisfied with what I had to tell him.

"I want you to understand that I am not angry with you," he said, with that same frightening calmness that he always portrayed when he wanted the upper edge, "And I also want you to understand that, given our positions and the present situation, that I deserve to know what I am dealing with and why Rude felt it was necessary to tranquilize you."

"I never asked ya ta bring her here." While answering through clenched teeth, I found myself unwillingly cringe when he coyly smiled at me before he responded.

"I'm well aware of that, my love," he purred, and continued to stroke my hair in a frightening manner, "I am also aware of the fact that I am not about to let some deviant from your past hold all of the cards without me knowing what it is that I am bargaining for." He leaned closer then, and lightly rubbed his nose against my cheek as if he was trying to be affectionate, "Surely, you can understand that." Then he looked into my eyes from the side.

"Sir…" I started, as if I were programmed to remain in business mode.

"Rufus," he smoothly reminded me, and placed his hand on my knee to stop it from shaking, "We're off duty now, Reno."

Suddenly wishing that he was more like his father and would just kick the shit out of me, I found myself more frightened by the unfamiliarity of his tactics than I'd ever been afraid of anything in my entire life. So, in an attempt to ward off the knots in my stomach, I wound up unwillingly setting my eyes on the flask in front of me and licking my lips, while he watched with a strange satisfaction over the knowledge that he had me where he wanted me.

To confuse matters more for myself, I didn't really want to hold anything back from him, but at the same time, I didn't really want to tell him anything either. Maybe that's why I wasn't putting up too much of a fight with him like I normally did. Regardless of the fact that Rude had taken the liberty of doping me up on tranquilizers, after he gave me a shot from the Meteor explosion and I passed out, I really didn't want to start a fight with Rufus. At least, not a fight over something that I knew damn well he deserved to know. So, I told him everything.

Well, almost everything. I told him everything he needed to know about what I did to her and her boyfriend, and I skipped over everything else.

He did, however, manage to piece together the fact that it had something to do with my other acts of brutality that were performed roughly around the same time, and maybe that's why he acted the way he did. I don't really know. In fact, I don't think I'll ever know what makes Rufus behave the way that he behaves half the time, because he never did do whatever I expected him to do.

"And you honestly expect her to help you after all that you did to her?" he asked me, while staring off into the empty space ahead of him and still stroking my hair, suggesting that he was deep in thought.

"Dunno…" I answered, and continued to stare at my flask, wondering if it was alright to indulge in my desire to drown myself away yet, "She's done everythin I've asked her ta do in the past…"

"Out of fear?"

"Yeah…"

"Hm," he mumbled, and then he took a deep breath and rested his hand on his lap, "Is there a cure?"

"Yeah," I answered, and looked down with my brow raised while frowning, "But it's risky."

"I see." Nodding as he contemplated my answer, He pulled the elastic out of my hair and started combing out my tail with his fingers. "You didn't trust Kurn when I brought him in, and you wound up being right," he reflected, while continuing to comb out my hair, "I admit, I agreed, but at the time, I was desperate." Then he turned his attention to me and guided me to return his attention by placing his hand on my jaw so he could read me better by studying my eyes and gently stroking my cheek with his thumb. "Tell me…" he started, and peered deeply into me, as if he was reading my soul, "Do you trust Erryn?"

"Yeah…" I answered, and tilted my head to the side, "and no."

"Hm… If I were to offer her a cure, would you do it?" Still stroking my hair, he pulled me to him, so my head was resting against his chest, and his chin was resting on my head, while I tried to brush off my thoughts on why he wasn't acting like he was mad at me, "If it comes to that?"

Nodding, I curled my fingers into his shirt. "Yeah…" I answered, and unable to fight off my curiosity and the bizarre feeling that was knotting up in my stomach, I decided to take the risk and ask him, "Why aren't ya mad?"

"Because it's late," he flatly answered, and pulled my head back a little so he could study my eyes again, "And because I'm tired."

"Tired?" I asked, with my brow cocked in confusion.

"Yes," he nodded, "and although I know there is much more than what you're telling me, I'm in no mood to start a fight with you by pursuing the topic further right now." With a sly smile, he leaned us over so my back was against the sofa and stroked my hair again, "I'd much rather prefer to make up for not seeing you for over twenty-four hours."

Then he brushed his lips along my jaw and whispered into my ear, "We can always fight later…" Placing his other hand on my knee, he slid it up slightly while removing the other from my hair and resting it on the back of the sofa, "Wouldn't you agree?" After that, he paused when I winced at what felt like a pin prick in my neck, and grabbed my hand when I went to rub at the spot, "You're so incredibly beautiful… Do you know that?"

"What'r ya doin, Rufus?" I warily asked, but was unable to really react or even care due to the tranquilizer.

"Absolutely nothing," he answered, and pressed his mouth to mine, while I could swear that he placed something in his coat pocket as he distracted me with a kiss and rubbed at the back of my neck in a light massaging motion where I felt the prick. Then he pressed himself against me and moved his hand down between my legs, as he kept his mouth pressed to mine and moved his other hand away from my neck to start undoing my shirt, completely making me forget about anything that I should or shouldn't have been concerned about while I responded to his actions and returned his affections.

When he pulled his mouth away from mine for air, I breathed out. "Make love to me," and adjusted myself to lean back into the sofa so I could pull him on top of me.

But he pressed his arm against the back of the sofa to stop me from going back further, and answered, "I'd rather not," with a feverish sound to his voice, as he continued to undo my shirt and slide his hand along my chest.

"Please…" I begged, and successfully laid back with him in tow. Maybe it was the tranquilizers that helped to remove all of my inhibitions on the matter, or maybe it was the combination of everything, all the excitement of the day, and all the alcohol I had consumed. But whatever it was, I found myself wanting him like I'd never wanted him before.

I know I'd made offers in the past, and he'd accepted, but there was always a small semblance of fear and resistance on my part. This time though, I think I really did want him in the way that I thought I wanted him in, and I hooked my legs around him to pull his lower body closer while I mumbled, "I want ya so badly…"

While pulling back a little to regard me with suspicion over the fact that I just said something I don't think either of us ever expected me to say, he studied my eyes and brushed my hair back. "Are you sure?" he carefully asked, and then he moved his hand to caress my cheek while attempting to remind me that I usually didn't respond too well to it, "You usually wind up regretting it."

With a subtle nod, I bit on my bottom lip and grabbed his shoulders to pull him back down to me. "I've never complained," I reminded him, only to have him comment back that I didn't have to.

"You're actions speak louder than your words, Reno." Pressing his mouth back to mine in a passive invitation, he slid his hand back along my chest and then mumbled when he released my mouth, "Perhaps we should just stick with things the way they've been." Regardless of what he was protesting to, and what he was offering though, he didn't really appear to be making a strong attempt to get off of me, and I continued to do my best to make sure that it stayed that way.

"Ya gonna tell me ya don't want me?" I asked, as I slid one hand down the back of him and the other down the front.

After a brief chuckle, which was not much more than a snort really, he brushed his lips along my neck and said through his teeth as he pulled my earlobe between them, "I'd be lying if I said that."

With a smile on my face, caused by the shivers traveling down my spine, I finally managed to get the buckle of his pants undone enough so I could slide my hand in, "Then what's stoppin ya?"

"You," he said, as he responded to my touch, and moved his mouth back down to my neck, "Mmm…"

"I beg ta differ." Nudging his groin with my own, I moved my legs higher and wrapped them around his waist, to remind him that I really wasn't putting up any kind of resistance. "In fact…" I breathed, with a playful smile while I moved my hand out from under his pants so I could unfasten them, "I think I'm bein rather invitin."

"That you are." With a smirk, he pulled back and scanned his eyes over me again, as if to say he really wasn't sure if I really knew what I wanted, "You really want to?"

"Don't make me beg, Rufus…" I moaned, and pushed myself up to him again while I started fumbling with the buttons on his vest, "An why the fuck do ya hafta wear so many fuckin clothes." Complaining over a very well-known fact, I gave up on fiddling with the vest and decided to push his coat off first, while he smiled down at me and kept the momentum going by his movements.

"Because it's fun to watch you struggle with them."

With a playful smile, he kissed me on the mouth and then pulled back so he could study me. "Gaia… you're gorgeous…" he breathed out, and placed the palm of his hand on the side of my face, "I'd love to watch you beg." Then he leaned forward and pressed his forehead against mine so our noses touched. After that, he peered heavily into my eyes with a dark and fleeting light flashing through them, before his voice lowered to a sultry growl, as his eyes half-closed and his hands grabbed my backside to push me further toward him, "You're beautiful when you beg for pleasure."

With a low chuckle, I weakly pushed him back and unhitched my legs. "Fuck off, Rufus," I said, with a laugh, "If yer gonna act like that, ya can jus ferget it."

"You are so incredibly stubborn… " he smoothly observed. Then he smirked and kept me pinned down while he removed his hands from the back of my hips to the sides of my face, "Especially for someone as doped up as you are." While stroking my cheekbones with his thumbs, he looked down at me and quietly contemplated something for a moment. "Wait here," he said, and then he got off me and adjusted his pants before he went into the bedroom, leaving me somewhat dazed as to what the hell he was doing, and then he returned with something in his hand.

"What the fuck'r ya doin?" I asked, suddenly a little wary about what he was up to, and from past experiences, which caused me to sit up and do the button on my pants back up.

"Hopefully something that will make the experience a little more enjoyable for you," he casually commented, and appeared to be reading the label on whatever it was he was holding. Then he sat down beside me, while I looked at him cock-eyed, and returned my gaze with a half-grin before pushing me back down and placing the object beside me while commencing to undue my pants again.

Being the natural that I was at being distrustful though, I grabbed his hand and stopped him. "I'll ask ya again, Rufus," I firmly said, as I attempted to fight off the effect of the drug and coldly met his eyes while pushing his hand away.

Pricking me in the neck for Gaia knows what reason was one thing. But I was never keen on someone attempting to make my _experience_ more enjoyable, not after all the shit that Haldric did to me, "What the fuck'r ya doin?"

"Oh, did you change your mind?" he playfully asked, impassive to my sudden scepticism, like he was hoping I'd say yes and switch the roles on him. However, it didn't stop him from moving his other hand to take the place of the one that I grabbed. Then, when I refused to give in and tried to push him off of me again, he smiled and leaned over towards my ear, and whispered, "It's only a lubricant, Reno," and then he brushed his lips along my ear and moved away to regard me, "I thought it might help you feel better."

Suddenly relieved at his confession, I was able to let myself relax again. But before I had a chance to voice my opinion on the fact that I didn't think it was necessary, he brought his mouth to mine again and pressed himself against me, while he started to slide my shirt off of my shoulders. "Take off your pants," he breathed out when he pulled away for air, and then he pulled me up while still keeping his mouth against mine, so he could do the same.

Once they were removed, I went to turn away from him, but he grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me back around to face him. "No," he said, "I want to know what it is that you like so much about having me face you."

"Its jus more intimate," I airlessly told him, "Makes it seem more… personal." Suddenly unexplainably nervous about the idea though, I stammered, "But I've never..."

"Shhh," he hushed, and placed his finger over my mouth, "Intimate sounds good." With a sly grin, he guided me onto my back and hooked his arm under my knee before he used the lubricant and placed his slick fingers in me while leaning down to hungrily meet my mouth.

Moaning uncontrollably into his mouth, as I became a massive mess of nerves, and he mentioned how pleased he was that this would be something new for both of us, I suddenly had no idea what the hell I was supposed to be doing with my hands and ran them wildly all over him, almost like they had a mind of their own, or no mind at all to control them.

They ran through his hair, along his back, through his open shirt, over and under, and basically anywhere they could reach. However, grabbing and pulling at him in anticipation only seemed to heighten his desire to take his sweet bugger all time, and instead of doing what I wanted him to do, he wound up trailing his way downward and wrapping his mouth around me.

"Fuck… Rufusss…" I groaned, and ran my hands through his hair, "Quit fuckin around…"

But he ignored me completely and simply continued to heighten my wanton desires to an ecstatic state that I almost couldn't control, and successfully drove me to unconsciously do what he said he'd love to see me do.

I begged.

I begged a lot.

In fact, I think I begged like a desperate tramp that was going to die if I didn't get any, pretty much up until the point that he decided I was close enough to the edge.

"Oh… Gaia…" I blurted out, without thinking, and lifted my legs higher while arching my back into him, once he eased himself inside me, "Gaia…"

"So… is that any better?" he asked, with a confident grin once I fully adjusted, "Is it more comfortable?"

"Shut up…" I said, and turned my head stubbornly to the side with an unwillingness to admit to anything, while I dug my fingers into the cushions of the sofa and adjusted myself for better leverage, "Ain't talkin ta ya…" Then, without even meaning to, I moved my hands to his backside and pushed him further into me and muttered with my neck arched, "Gaia… that feels so good…" and I pretty much just answered his fucking question anyway.

_Idiot!_

Muttering and chanting away breathlessly, barely above hitched whispers, I think I lost complete and utter control of myself. "Oh… Gaia… oh, Gaia… Gai… Gai-RUFUS!" I screamed out, and dug my fingers into his backside.

Then, after tensing up immensely, I crumbled like a pile of mush beneath him.

"Fuck…" Still panting heavily, and suddenly not giving a shit about anything at all, I just waited in the afterglow of what seemed like an eternity for him to finish since he'd already gotten me so damn close to the climax before he got down to the real business, and I mumbled, "Fuckin prick…" and received another confident grin in return.

Considering that I was the only one that he had to learn from when it came to bedroom habits, if he was actually being honest with me about that, it kind of made me wonder if maybe it was my own fault for having done that to him so many times in the past. Oh well, it all seemed worth it when he brought me to a second wind and then growled my own name into my ear before collapsing above me.

* * *

We were completely exhausted and drenched from the sweat of our efforts when we were done, and we wound up just laying there like overfed Cuahls that were stuck together while we basked in the waning after-effect. All the while, I wondered if Rufus was going to react when he realized that we'd just made a mess of his couch. "Gaia… that was different…" he breathily muttered, after a long moment of silence, "I think I know why you prefer to face me now."

"Why's that?" I asked, still breathing heavy, and letting my leg slide lazily off the couch while I scratched the bottom of my other foot on his calf.

"Don't," he said, and lifted his leg to nudge my foot away, "Because watching you was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

"Fuck off," I murmured, out of embarrassment, and weakly nudged him. Then I twirled my forefinger into his hair, and focused on how it reminded me of golden thread as it wrapped around and pulled at his scalp, causing him to bat my hand away in annoyance. "So… ya think ya like bein on top better now?" I asked, with a bit of a chuckle, and twirled his hair around my finger again.

"No… but you actually seemed like you enjoyed it for a change." Then he batted at my hand again, and nuzzled his face into my neck, while tracing his fingers into infinity on my chest.

"Shut up," I panted, and nudged at him again, causing him to snicker at my reaction, "What made ya decide ta try that anyway?"

"The fact that you limp around like a wounded animal for a good portion of the next day," he answered, while he moved his other hand to lazily stroke my hair back, and then he haphazardly let it collapse when it got tangled, "I figured I'd try something else, or forget about letting you talk me into it anymore."

Resting my own hand in his hair, and fiddling with the collar on his shirt with my other one while I contemplated the serious tone of his answer, I frowned slightly and shrugged my shoulder as best I could, "I ain't that bad."

"Yes…" he quickly said, and then he pulled up so we were facing each other, "You are." Then he kissed me sloppily on the mouth, and pushed himself off of me to grab his pants while mumbling, "It hurts you more than it should."

"So…" I started, as I followed his lead and sat up too, while brushing off his comment due to the fact that he just managed to take the topic into an area that I didn't want to discuss, "Ya want me ta use it on ya next time?" Staring at him playfully, and slipping my leg into my pants, I nudged him with my knee, and leaned over to peck him on the cheek. "Never thought I'd say this…" I started, and cocked my brow, "But it _does_ make a difference."

Chuckling again, he nodded as if he agreed, "I noticed." Then he bent down and grabbed my jacket to toss it at me, while stating that, "I don't have a problem in that area…" After that, he paused for a moment when he noticed something fall out of my jacket and stared at it for a moment. "I bought it for you," he trailed off, and then he bent down again to pick up the small package.

"That don't mean we can't share," I said, with a smile and leaned back, but something about the way he was suddenly behaving suggested he didn't hear a single word I just said.

Instead, he sat there and stared at the package while he brought it to rest below his nose and smiled like he'd just solved one of the greatest mysteries of his life. "Toothpicks," he mumbled, and then he smelled it and smiled again, "Flavoured toothpicks."

"Huh?" I asked, and grabbed them away from him, since I wasn't sure if he was planning on giving them back due to his sudden and bizarre fascination with them, and they were damn hard to come by, "Yeah…"

While placing them back in my pocket and wondering why he appeared to be almost as satisfied over the toothpicks as he was over the sex, I regarded him suspiciously when he turned around to look at me with a nostalgic looking grin on his face, "Come in handy when I can't have a cigarette…"

With his brow cocked, and still sporting that strange smile while he stared at me with a complacent look in his eyes, I returned his suddenly disturbing attention with a sideways glance, and added, "I've always chewed on 'em." Then I decided to remind him that he knew that, "Ya always knew that."

"I didn't know they were flavoured," he said, and then he reflected on the label of the package, "Cosmo Spice…" with a somewhat dazed expression, while he did up the buttons on his shirt and cocked his brow, "I always thought they were just ordinary toothpicks."

"Yeah… well…" Still looking at him suspiciously because he was still kind of freaking me out, I shrugged and cocked my brow. "I like the taste," I informed him, "They smell good too."

"They do," he said, and then leaned over and breathed in deeply, before pressing his mouth fervently against mine as if he was going to try and devour me. Then, when he pulled back, he smiled deviously at me with half-lidded eyes and purred with an unnatural satisfaction, causing me to cautiously regard him, "They taste exotic."

Then he knelt down and grabbed his vest and coat, and told me to get some rest while putting them on and walking towards the door, "Where're ya goin?"

"I have some minor business to attend to," he answered, and then he placed his hand in his coat pocket.

"Thought ya said ya were done fer the night." Sitting forward and grimacing suddenly, I rubbed at the back of my neck that became overwhelmingly stiff all of the sudden.

"Something came up," he answered, while doing up the buttons on his vest.

"Jus now?" I asked, with my brow suspiciously cocked, and then I tried to think of what the hell I did to make my neck so stiff.

"Yes…" Stopping for a moment, he moved back up to me quickly while saying, "I won't take long." Then he leaned over and kissed me on the mouth, and said, "Get some sleep, Reno." After that, he kissed me again and lightly rubbed my neck where it hurt, while adding, "You'll feel better in the morning."

Then he left the apartment, and I staggered to the bedroom and passed out.

* * *

Revised: January 12, 2008


	32. Guilt Ridden: Part One

**Guilt Ridden – Part One**

* * *

With a frown, Rufus Shinra stands at the door of his bedroom after returning from tending to what he refers to as a small detail, and beholds the sight of his redheaded lover sleeping on his knees and half-draped over the edge of the foot of the bed. He doesn't frown because he doesn't approve though. He frowns because somewhere, deep down inside, there is a small twinge of guilt, an emotion he isn't fully familiar with.

But not being able to discern exactly what it is he is feeling, he lets out a deep breath and walks over to the only thing that has ever been able to stir such an emotion within him.

Only, to refer to his lover as a _thing_ doesn't quite seem fitting, and he searches for the right words as he studies the sleeping form in what Rufus considers to be, quite possibly, the most uncomfortable position one could sleep in. With another deep sigh, he kneels beside the redhead, brushes the hair from his face, and wonders if he'll ever be able to manage the weight that Reno has managed to make him feel.

For a man who has been emotionally shut off most of his life, and conditioned to be cold and cruel, it's a strange thing for him to almost break under the pressure of what this _enigma_ makes him feel.

_Enigma…_

Perhaps, that would be a word that would best describe not only the man, but the strange and unexplainable aura that he possesses. It appears to affect everyone else around him too. He's equally hated and loved by nearly everyone whose path he crosses, and to extremes at that, and then there's Rufus. He believes he's only ever been hated and can't remember the last time that someone loved him, if there ever was such a time.

So, why does he suddenly reflect on something that he always thought never mattered? Is it this _creature_? But he's not a creature, nor is he a pet. He's a man, and Rufus is well aware of that.

"Let's get you into bed," he quietly says, not to attempt to wake the man, but more or less to affirm that his actions are appropriate. Why that suddenly matters, is enough to make even Rufus shake his head slightly. But he knows why it matters.

Being the analytical type that he is, or as some would say, obsessive and compulsive, the first thing he does is get up to pull the blanket back on Reno's side of the bed. When he returns to kneel by the redhead's side again, he carefully pulls the shirt that Reno had managed to either pull half on or half off, and removes it.

But before dropping it to the floor, he wipes at the small trail of drool running from the redheads mouth and strokes his flushed cheek, and as an unnecessary assurance, Rufus reminds himself that the shirt will only be going into the wash anyway, so it's okay to use it for such a purpose.

Then he continues to kneel beside the man for a moment longer and rests his head on the bed, close enough to really take in what he sees beyond the sickness that the redhead is suffering from. Whether or not Rufus wants to admit to it, or even come to terms with it, the fact remains that he will soon be alone again. He'll soon be left with nothing.

Perhaps that was always his fate. It would certainly seem so, considering that he always had nothing, always felt like he was nothing, and was always given nothing.

One might think that the man had everything a man could ever want. After all, he had money, power, good looks, he could have had any woman or man that he wanted, and he ruled a solid empire. But none of that really mattered to him, even though he once thought it did.

But he decides not to focus on such frivolous dilemmas and realizes that he's been lingering for longer than he really needs to. Then he gets up to pull the redhead off of his knees and smiles slightly when he realizes the man's pants aren't even done up. It's not because he's thinking of anything unsavoury though. He smiles because it's something that he would have expected no less from when it comes to the bohemian-like ruffian that he happens to adore so much.

There's no mystery as to why Rufus isn't surprised that his lover doesn't even stir or flinch, and he partially hopes that maybe Reno will actually have a full and decent night's sleep for a change that's uncomplicated by the hidden demons haunting him so tragically. Although, Rufus would never have gone so far as to drug the poor man against his will as Rude had done, there are a few things that he does without the man knowing about.

Maybe that's why he feels slightly guilty. He knows what he did was not exactly what one would call ethical. But since when did Rufus do anything that was considered ethical?

Well, there was actually a lot. But that was neither here nor there.

Once he gets the redhead on his back, and onto the correct side of the bed, he leans over and pulls at the pants to remove them, and then he takes the data chip that the man collected from his mission out of his pocket and places it in his own. He knows Reno would have given it to him anyway, so there is nothing wrong with taking it upon himself. Besides, he is hoping that Reno will sleep in and replenish the loss of fluids that were removed from him before Rufus felt the need to seduce him to take his mind away from it.

Even though Rufus loved nothing more than to start his day with the company of the annoying cheer that Reno often possessed in the morning, strange as it was and considering the guy hated to get out of bed, he would prefer it if his lover would just take it easy for the next couple of days. He would also prefer it if he didn't actually have to face the man right after what he did. It didn't help matters that he left him alone afterwards either, especially when he didn't really want to. But there was something he needed to tend to, and the sooner it was tended to, the better.

With a pause to behold his lover once more, Rufus leans over and brushes the fiery red strands from his lover's face again, and then he places a kiss on the man's forehead. Then he reaches over and turns off the alarm clock, before he walks over to the dresser to find a pair of boxers for the man to sleep in.

When he turns around, he pauses again and feels a lump rise in his throat. There is something disturbing about the way he sees Reno for a moment, a fleeting image that crosses through Rufus' mind, and he tries to brush it off.

When he closes his eyes, the image only becomes stronger, and he finds himself hoping that it means nothing. For some strange reason, seeing Reno the way that he sees him at this very moment, with his mass of sweat-soaked hair that has turned into a catastrophe of curls and waves at the ends, disturbs Rufus beyond any explainable reason.

The pale skin that has taken on a ghostly glow from the faint illumination that is cast throughout the room, and the accentuated scars on his face and body from the play of light and shadows, along with that intensely red-coloured hair that is spread out along the white sheets, like rivers of blood, makes Rufus falter.

With another shake to his head, to brush off the imagery of a flash and sudden loss, he moves up to Reno and places his hand reluctantly over the man's heart to see if it's still beating. He's relieved somewhat, but still feeling an uncertain dread over why he suddenly feels this way when he didn't a moment ago.

Then he bites on the bottom of his lip and attempts to shake the feeling by attempting to detach himself and do what he intended to do…

Put the man's boxers on.

And he does just that.

But he still hasn't been able to shake the weight that is threatening to crush him, and when he's done, he pulls out a needle that he collected from the infirmary on his way back to the apartment and removes the safety cap. He's thankful to some degree that he'll be able to administer the vitamin shot without any protest or suspicious questioning on his antagonist's end, and he goes ahead and gives it to the man in his upper arm.

After all, if the guy won't eat, and Rufus is sure that he won't until he's hungry, which could take nearly until the end of the next day, he's not going to get the nourishment he requires to replenish the fluids that Rufus took from him not that long ago.

Not to mention that when he does finally decide to eat, he's only going to pick at his food for the duration of an hour or two, until he decides that eating is the most boring _chore_ that's ever been invented, and complain about it. There is no connection with the necessity of the actual _need_ to actually eat when it comes to Reno, and Rufus often finds himself doing exactly what he's seen Rude do so often in the past.

First, he'll nag at him to eat. Then he'll get frustrated, up until the point that he finds himself resigning to defeat, and he'll grab the plate to finish whatever Reno has left on it. How Reno has managed to survive off of whatever little energy he manages to consume is, and probably always will be, a mystery to all those that know him, especially when one considers the fact that the guy probably burns off more than he takes in.

After Rufus replaces the cap on the needle and places it back in his pocket, because he knows better than to dispose of it in the trash in the apartment where Reno will most likely find it and question him about it, he pulls the blanket to cover the sleeping redhead. With a pause and a sigh, and another gentle stroke to brush the hair back from the face, he kneels beside the bed and crosses his arms on the surface by Reno's side where he can rest his chin and simply watch the man.

Lost in thought and a complexity of other emotions, Rufus sets his eyes on the face of something he never wants to let go of and starts to shake subtly. There are many things that the blonde has a reputation of doing and not doing, and there are many things that only one person has ever been able to disprove that it was nothing more than a reputation.

This becomes ever more apparent by the passing moment, especially when the young blonde tries to unsuccessfully swallow back the lump that threatens him and wonders if the redhead will ever truly understand how his presence has liberated him from the stone prison Rufus has been enclosed in all his life.

It may not seem like much, but a single tear running from the corner of Rufus Shinra's left eye is worth more than all of the floods that Leviathan could ever cause, and he doesn't even bother to wipe it away.

There is however, one small detail that gives the blonde an overwhelming sense of satisfaction at that moment though, and that is the knowledge that hopefully, only he will ever know about…

* * *

_"Please…" he says, with a heightened desperation when I enter the room. Its zero-two-hundred hours now, but I doubt he knows the difference between night and day anymore. "I've told you everything I know_…_"_

_"I'm well aware of that," I respond, and move away from the door towards the small sink in the corner of the room to wash my hands. I left the apartment in a bit of a hurry and neglected to clean myself off. "I feel I should reward you for all of your efforts this afternoon," I say. Then I place my hand in my pocket after drying it off on a small towel nearby and remind myself that I'm not exactly finished with him yet._

_"Turn it off…" With his voice becoming more shrill and his body tensing up enough for his veins to protrude in his neck, he finds a source of energy within himself to repeat his plea. "Turn it off!"_

_"What is it that you would like me to turn off?" I ask, and remove my hand from the object in my pocket._

_"The lights…" he starts, and his voice breaks before he swallows and tries to move his eyes away from himself in the mirror, "Everything."_

_"Tell me…" I say, and take up a place behind him, "Why would you like me to turn everything off?"_

_"Sleep," he whines. He no longer cares that he's been broken, and I place my hand on his shoulder to let him know that I am pleased with his willingness to comply, "Please, just let me sleep."_

_"Perhaps…" I say, and remove my hand from his shoulder and examine the dials on the machine to turn them down, before I attempt to remove the wires from his body, "You do not know what it is that you really want."_

_Small whines of discomfort escape from my guest as I remove the wires and the headpiece from his head and his body. Then I kneel down in front of him to caress his cheek with the back of my fingers to soothe him. After all, I'm quite pleased with his progress, and I wouldn't want him to feel that he has done something wrong. _

_Before I move to stand in front of him, I brush my hand along his scalp, and then I unclamp his eyes and turn off the saline drip. Then I remove the IV, while I watch him blink repetitively and close his eyes in relief. I won't be needing these things anymore, and neither will he._

_After I'm done, I move behind him and place my hands on his shoulders. Then I inform him that I doubt he will be able to fulfill his desire. At this point, it doesn't really matter what I tell him, or if I tell him anything at all. For I doubt he will remember anything that I divulge. As a matter of fact, I'm certain he will remember nothing. Therefore, I see no fault in being openly candid._

_"The drug I have been administering you with will not allow you to indulge in such a fickle requirement," I tell him, and motion towards the IV. _

_"Fickle?" he cries out, and tries to pull from the straps over his wrists._

_"Yes," I tell him, and note that he is doing everything he can to try and keep his attention away from the mirror in front of him, "And once I'm done with you, sleep will be the last thing you will want to achieve."_

_"I told you everything I know," he says again, hysterically, as if he actually expects me to show him mercy for his efforts. But I wonder if he ever showed __Reno__ any mercy, and as the thought quickly passes, I find myself doubting that._

_"That you did," I say, and then I moisten a small piece of cotton to swab the back of his neck while I remind him, "But I don't recall asking you any questions."_

_"I thought that was what you wanted…" he nervously stammers, and pulls on the straps again._

_"It was," I say, and then I pull out the syringe that I had in my pocket and remove the cap. I shake it a little to assure the mixture is well blended. Then I pray that __Reno__ never discovers what I've done, or I fear I will be sleeping alone for several nights until he gets over it, "But you fail to recall the proper etiquette involved in interrogation."_

_"Proper etiquette?" he repeats, with a frazzled confusion. After that, he turns his attention to the mirror and stares at the syringe in my hand with widened eyes._

_"Yes," I remind him, and then I indulge that, "It hardly makes sense to let you go when you can warn your superior of your actions, despite the fact that he will most-likely kill you," and then I place the palm of my hand against the back of his scalp and tilt his head forward so I can insert the needle into the back of his neck before pressing the plunger. _

_He is surprisingly compliant in allowing me to do as I please, but I would have expected no less from him. At this point, I'm positive he'll let me do whatever I want. In fact, I'm positive that he would even do anything that I request of him. Of course, I don't doubt that he would initially protest, but he really doesn't know any better at this point, and I could excuse that, "And I wouldn't want to miss that."_

_"What're ya doin to me?" he cries, and pulls on the straps again. "Please… if you're going to kill me_…_ then just kill me…" Although he is hardly in a position to make such demands, I can't help but smile at his desperation._

_"I've decided that since you appear to be so obsessed with my Turk that, perhaps you would like to get to know him better," I tell him. Then I remove the needle and place my lips against the cool glass of the vial, where a small part of __Reno__'s essence was only a moment ago, and close my eyes before tossing the needle successfully into the small can in the corner of the room. _

_After that, I take a deep and satisfied breath and let the corner of my mouth turn up with very little concern. Perhaps it was the release of tension before I came down here, or the satisfaction over knowing that what I'm doing is going to please me more than anything else has ever pleased me before. After all, it has been quite a while since I've gotten to do what I love to do most, and it is quite certainly, the only thing I have ever been able to thank Hojo for._

_"Unfortunately, you will not have the years that he's had to enable himself to adapt to the flood of experiences in his memories," I cryptically say. Then I step in front of him and push the mirror away since I won't be needing it anymore and it will only serve as a block to my view, "So, I'm afraid you may wind up begging me to kill you." Of course, I don't tell him that I am unlikely to accommodate any of his requests._

_"Whh-ut?" he breathes out in sudden shock and attempts to appear that he hasn't already been broken, he stammers out, "What makes you think that will have any effect on me?"_

_"Plenty."_

_After I answer him, I stroke the side of his face again, and then I move the IV stand over to the corner of the room where it belongs. "In half an hour, you're no longer going to know who you are," I tell him, and then I move the machine that I acquired from one of Hojo's old labs and place it against the back wall and unplug it, "Don't worry though; you'll still have your own memories to confuse you even further. I doubt it would be any fun if I scrambled your mind beyond recognition." _

_At this point, I take a pause to indulge in a short chuckle – It may have come out a little more cynical than I intended, but it certainly did come out fitting, "However, the unfortunate side-effect to that will be the fact that you will be fully aware of the reality that something is seriously wrong with you, and there will be nothing you will be able to do about it." _

_After that, I walk over to him and stand in his view while tilting his head upward by placing my hand gently under his chin. "You wanted to fuck my Turk," I coldly say, while staring into his eyes. I am unable to hide the cruel satisfaction that my thoughts reflect upon, and I stroke his jaw caressingly with my thumb. The thought of someone hurting my beautiful angel of chaos in such a damaging way really does agitate me so, "Correct?"_

_"I was stopped!" _

_I suppose that is his attempt at saying there was nothing wrong with his actions, and therefore I should see no problem with it. However, I don't quite see it that way. "Well…" I start, and run the palm of my other hand along his scalp and rest it at the back of his neck where I injected him. "He's going to fuck you now," I tell him, soothingly, and stroke his jaw again. I partially smile and make no attempt to hold it back while I continue to peer at him with an uncontrollable gratification. _

_I truly regret having deceived __Reno__ in such a manner. But unfortunately, some things are just too tempting to pass up._

_Besides, he'll be perfectly fine in a day or two, since I only required a small amount, and it shouldn't take him longer than that to replenish it._

_While I walk towards the door and turn the dial on the temperature regulator over to a more moderate level and adjust my coat, I turn to regard him one last time before I take it upon myself to leave him to reflect on what he has left. "I regret that I won't be able to keep you company for the next little while," and I genuinely mean that. _

_I would love nothing more than to stick around and watch him in the first stage. But I don't really want to leave __Reno__ alone for too long when he's in such a vulnerable state, "But I have some very important matters that I must attend to first." _

_"You're fuckin sick," he hisses, and writhes in the chair like it matters. And like the well-trained, good son that I was disciplined to be, I respond in agreement._

_"Yes… I know."_

* * *

"Fuck!" I shouted, and bolted upright when I realized I'd overslept. Then I grabbed the alarm clock by Rufus' side of the bed, while ignoring the throbs in my head, and checked to see why it didn't go off before coming to the conclusion that Rufus must have shut it off on me.

_That asshole!_

_What the fuck… Is he treatin me like a kid now?_

I couldn't help but be slightly agitated over the fact that he would have done something like that, not that it was really that big of a deal and I was just turning it into one for the hell of it as I rubbed at my upper arm that suddenly felt like someone hit me. All the while, I continued to curse at the pompous prick and brushed my hair out of my face. Then I smacked the alarm clock as if it was its own fault for not going off.

However, taking note of the fact that I only overslept by fifteen minutes, I decided it really wasn't that big of a deal and stumbled out of bed before nearly falling over. When I grabbed the end table for support, a sharp pain shot through my neck, and I naturally started rubbing at it while wondering why the fuck it hurt so much.

_What the fuck did I do last night?_ I thought to myself, as I rifled through the side-table and pulled out an elixir to down it as fast as I could in an attempt not to taste it.

Most of the previous night was a blur, but it started to come back to me little by little as I rifled through the dresser looking for a pair of pants. I couldn't remember coming to bed or even changing for that matter, but I figured I must have since I was in my boxers. However, I did remember Rude tranquilizing me, bringing Erryn in, and Rufus fucking me and then fucking off. The latter really bothered me for some strange reason though, and then I found myself looking over to his side of the bed to see if he'd even come to bed, which I doubted.

Brushing off the overwhelming agitation I felt in regards to that, I threw my shirt on in a make-shift manner and banged my already sore shoulder on the doorframe when I ran into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee and yelled out "Fuck!" again, while I stumbled and wound up rubbing at the shoulder that was already bothering me in an attempt to soothe it. I figured if I started the coffee and then ran into the shower, by the time I got out, I could grab a cup and then tend to my usual morning business, and then the fifteen minutes would have been made up for.

"I really do wish you'd be more careful," came Rufus' calm voice from the kitchen when he turned his head to see why I bellowed out, "You're not invincible."

A little shocked to hear his voice because I assumed that wherever the hell he went, he decided to stay there since it looked like he never came to bed, I snorted at him with a disapproving sneer and quickly glared at him. Although, I honestly had no idea why I was so agitated over such a stupid little detail.

"No shit," I said, and stumbled into the kitchen. But I was somewhat surprised that the coffee was already on and was a little reluctant to pour myself a cup. So, I stood there for a second and bit on my bottom lip while I wondered how offensive Rufus would have found it if I decided to dump it and start a fresh pot.

No offence to the guy, but he made the shittiest coffee anyone's ever had the displeasure of tasting. In fact, his coffee would have been a reasonable substitute for torture. Mind you, despite everything I've ever done, I don't even know if I could be _that_ cruel. Rufus never seemed to mind it though, since he always drank it.

"Uh…" I started, and rubbed at my neck again while pointing at the coffee maker with my other hand, "Ya mind if I…"

"Start a new pot?" he finished for me, and added as if he really didn't care, "Go right ahead." With his brow cocked, he pushed his own cup away from him and nibbled on the piece of dry, burnt toast in front of him. "I could use a good cup of coffee," he breathed out and sat back, rubbing at his eyes.

Nodding, I frowned at him and debated over whether I should take his toast away from him or start the coffee first. Of all the things Rufus was good at, and that was damn near almost everything, he definitely made up for it when it came to the kitchen. The man was a fucking nightmare in the kitchen, and I wound up chuckling and cocking my brow over the irony of it as I grabbed the pot and quickly dumped it into the sink. "I'll start ya some eggs in a sec," I said, and pointed at his toast while jokingly stating, "If ya take another bite of that, I'm afraid I'm gonna hafta do the decent thing an put ya down."

"It's not that bad," he said, and then he took another bite while regarding me with a small grin, "In fact, it's rather good…" Then with a reluctant sigh after he finished swallowing it, he turned in his chair so he could regard me seriously for a moment, "I'd prefer it if you'd just relax and take it easy."

Then he took another small bite of that charcoal toast he claimed 'was not that bad', and struggled as he swallowed it, making me cringe in distaste. "Fuckin freak," I muttered, under my breath and pulled out a filter for the coffee.

After that, I shook my head and continued to mutter my disapproval at his choices for self-torture while deciding it was best to take his toast away from him before he continued to eat it. I figured I'd grab his cup as well, since there was always the chance that he might just decide to take another drink from it, and I was already there anyway. So, I dumped that too.

"Reno…" he said, with his brow cocked in a manner of resignation, "Would you _please_ relax?"

"I am fuckin relaxed," I grumbled, as he pushed himself out of his seat and sighed again. Then he came up behind me to try and get me to slow down. But I was on a mission, and as far as I knew I wasn't behaving any differently, despite the fact that I was a little more agitated than usual. "I can't have ya eatin like this, Rufus," I started, while I pulled out a pan and cracked some eggs into it, "How the fuck did ya manage before me?" After asking a question that I already knew the answer to, I flipped on the element, and then I filled the pot for the coffee.

"I always had servants," he casually answered, before he placed his hands on my shoulders in a calming manner, "And I would prefer it if you would just relax." Then he stepped closer as I grabbed the spatula for his eggs and pulled me slightly back so that I was partially leaning into him. "You had a busy day yesterday…" he soothed, and moved his hands to the back of my neck and started massaging it, "And I don't want to see you wearing yourself down."

"Mmm…" I mumbled, and tilted my head forward a bit to encourage him to keep going, "Where'd ya learn ta do that?"

"Tseng…" he answered, as I completely calmed down and lazily stirred his eggs as if I was suddenly half-asleep.

"Tseng gives massages?" A little astounded at his answer, and somewhat confused all of the sudden over why the fuck Tseng would give him a massage, I stopped stirring his eggs and stared off into space while I racked my brain for a possible explanation that made sense to me.

"Yes…" he answered, while simultaneously brushing his lips along my ear and moving his hands to my shoulders before catching me when I stumbled back, "He gives very good massages." Then he took the spatula from my hand as if it was no big deal.

"What the fuck is he doin givin ya massages for?" I abruptly spat out, without being able to stop myself. I couldn't help being suddenly suspicious, and alarmingly on defence over something, or nothing, and I grabbed the spatula back and pushed him away with my elbows so I could continue to make his breakfast and wonder if he'd be happier if _Tseng _made his breakfast for him.

"An what the fuck else does he do for ya when I'm not around?" I half-asked, and half-accused, before I turned off the burner and shoved the pan to the back of the stove with enough force to make it bounce back and hit me in the gut. "Is there somethin I should know?" I grimaced, and quickly grasped at my stomach.

When I spun around to glare at Rufus, he had a strangely satisfied grin on his face, along with suspiciously narrowed eyes, like he was reading something into my reaction. Though, I don't know what the fuck he would have been interpreting, since there was nothing to interpret. At least, I didn't think there was anything to interpret. Like I mean, it wasn't like I was jealous or anything…

Right?

Why would I be jealous?

"Jealous?" Rufus asked, with his head tilted forward and slightly to the side.

"What?" I stammered, and backed off slightly.

_Jealous? _

_No…_

"Jealous," he repeated, and took a step forward, causing me to take a step back, "You're acting like the thought of me spending any time with Tseng is bothering you."

"I ain't fuckin jealous," I nervously laughed out, and then I quickly moved my attention from Rufus to focus on the eggs. "I…" Starting a sentence that I had no clue over what the hell I was going to say, I wound up stuttering and scratching the back of my neck, "I-I'm just curious…"

"Curious…" With his brow cocked, he took another step forward.

"Y-yeah…"

"Curious about what?"

"Curious about…" Uncertain as to what exactly the answer was supposed to be, I wound up blurting out an answer that confused me even more. Actually, it was more of a question, "Why the fuck do ya feel the need to let him touch you?"

"Oh?" he asked, and grinned while taking another step forward, "Do you think I'd stand a chance with Tseng?"

"Why?" I counteracted, "Is that what ya want?"

"What if it is?"

"Yer a piece of shit, Rufus!" I spat out and pushed him back, "Ya wanna run off with Tseng?" Whipping the spatula at the pan hard enough so that it bounced up and got stuck in the vent above the stove, I pushed him again, completely unaware of how worked up I became over nothing, and even more agitated by the second with that smug grin on his fucking face, "Then go fuckin get 'im!"

Just as I turned to storm out of the kitchen, he grabbed me from behind and held me fast with his arms over mine and across my chest. With the sound of amusement in his voice, he asked me what I'd do if he did.

"Ya wanna know what I'd fuckin do?" I yelled, and struggled to break out of his grasp.

"Yes, I believe I do," he calmly said, and snickered as if he was finding some kind of twisted amusement in something.

"I'd fuckin kill ya, Rufus!" I growled with my eyes narrowed, and then I managed to break out of his hold and push him back as I spun around while pulling his knife from the sheath on his belt. After that, I pushed him towards the counter and held the tip of the knife just under his throat, "I'd kill ya both!"

"Really?" he asked, still amused about something and cocking his brow. Then he calmly placed his hand on my wrist to guide it so the tip of the blade was at his mouth and brushed his lips across it, making me shudder at the fact that he seemed to be enjoying the threat. "So, you _are_ jealous," he mockingly concluded, and narrowed his eyes again as he slyly smiled and brushed my bang out of my face.

Tensing up my lips, I pulled away from his touch. Then it suddenly hit me as to where I got the knife from the last time I held one at him, and I spat out, "Yer eggs are ready!" before I stared at the knife again and cringed with an uncontrollable outburst and bellowed at him, "AND WHAT THE FUCK DO YA HAFTA CARRY A KNIFE AROUND IN THE APARTMENT FOR?" before I stabbed the counter with the blade, and turned to run out of the kitchen.

However, Rufus wasn't about to let me run out on him like that, even though the fucking psycho was laughing about it, and he wrestled me to the floor. Looking back, I probably didn't need to fight with him like that, but at the time, I was really worked up over something, and I didn't quite know what the hell it was.

Anyway, after a few slaps, hits, and kicks, Rufus managed to get me in a vice-grip that stopped me from doing any more harm to either of us, and we both sat awkwardly and panting heavily on the floor.

"Are you done?" he calmly asked, with his head resting on my shoulder, and I nodded my answer with a grunt while kicking my foot out, "Is it safe to let go of you now?"

After I nodded again, he loosened his grip, but kept his arms loosely wrapped around me, almost in a form of protection. "As flattering as your behaviour is right now…" he said, and started rocking me, "I'm afraid I can't leave you in the state that you're in." Then he paused for a moment, and pressed his cheek against mine, "So, I'm going to briefly explain, and hope that your fictitious imagination has enough sense to realise that you have nothing to worry about."

"I ain't worried," I grimaced, and straightened out both my legs.

"Of course you're not," he said, and brushed my hair back. Even though there was no mocking tone to his voice, I couldn't help but feel he had done just that. "If it will set your mind at ease, Tseng has not touched me since Elena entered his life."

"What the fuck do ya mean by touched ya?"

"It's not what you think."

"Then what is it?"

"When I was younger, some of the things that my father and Hojo used to do to me would leave me in a crippled state from the pain," he explained, and lightly rubbed his cheek against mine, "It used to bother Tseng. But his attempts to bring aid to me always failed." After grabbing my hand so he could intertwine his fingers with mine, I couldn't help but notice that his tone had suddenly gone bitter, "My father felt it was a waste of resources…"

"So…" he blurted out, with a more chipper tone and making me jump slightly from the unexpected change in his mannerism, "Tseng decided that he would try an old Wutian technique on me that they used to perform on their elders who suffered from mysterious aches and pains." Letting go of my hand then, he moved his attention over to my shoulders and started to massage them again, paying particular attention to the stiffness of my neck, "And over the years, he decided that it might benefit me to learn the technique myself."

"Mm…" I mumbled, and let my head reluctantly fall forward again. There was something so unusually relaxing about it. But as stubborn as I was, I wasn't about to let my thoughts completely slide, even though I had no damn clue over why I was so fucking bothered by it… because I wasn't jealous.

There's no fucking way I could have been jealous...

Right?

"So, ya can learn ta give a kick-ass massage, but ya can't learn ta cook?" I asked, snidely, and let out a snort to emphasize it. Like I mean, Tseng knew how to cook. If he could teach Rufus to give something as intimate as a _massage_, then why the hell couldn't he teach Rufus to cook? And what the hell else did he teach him?

"What is it that you always say?" he asked, and moved his mouth over to my ear so that he could lower his voice to a purr, "It's a matter of priority?"

Chuckling lightly at the comment, since I deserved no better of an answer, and knew that I was behaving irrationally, or reacting irrationally… whichever. I figured it was about time that Rufus learned to do that one last thing while I did my best to try and brush off the gnawing feeling that I had over Tseng touching him, because there really was nothing to worry about.

Not that I was worrying, really. Tseng was straight… as far as I knew, not that that mattered either.

Right?

"Gonna teach ya tonight then," I mumbled, and moved a little forward to accommodate his strokes, "Don't want ya eatin burnt toast when I'm gone."

Without really thinking about what I was saying, and it was a little late to take it back, I realized I struck a chord when he stopped suddenly. Then he pulled me into his chest and wrapped his arms around me again. "You're not going anywhere," he said, with a dead determination, and began rocking me again, almost like he knew it as a fact, or at the very least, wanted to convince himself that it was true.

* * *

After my unexplainable outburst in the kitchen over absolutely nothing, and my inability to think before I speak, I went to meet Rude in the infirmary while Rufus set out to his office to have his first initial meeting with the muckraker-vixen, known as _Erryn_. With my nerves set on edge over the fact that he was meeting with her, alone, I found myself snapping at everyone that I came across. All the while, I continuously complained over my stiff neck, which was feeling a little better, but that was beside the point as I practically ate my toothpicks while incessantly chewing on them.

_Fuckin Rufus an his 'no smokin' policy in the infirmary… _I silently grumbled to myself, over a policy that actually did make sense to me, but I wasn't about to give up on something I was doing so well at that day.

"Would you just sit down?" Rude complained, through the glass of the small room he was kept in, "You're going to drive me nuts."

Normally Rude would just ignore me. But he wasn't exactly happy about having to spend an hour of his morning hooked up to an IV and numerous machines in a cleansing room. To make matters worse for him, they wouldn't allow him to have anything to read in there, and listening to me grumble about my stiff neck, shoulder, and Erryn wasn't exactly his idea of a good time. Not to mention that his head was killing him due to my inability to control myself, which, between you and me, I think was getting worse.

I wasn't really sure though. But I really think I was losing control over myself more so than usual.

"With all the shit you pulled last night, you're lucky that all you have is a stiff neck," he said, while angrily pointing at me, "So, shut up."

"It ain't normal," I grumbled, and grabbed a magazine to flip through it, and then I tossed it back because I didn't really like magazines anyway. "I'm telling ya…" Sitting forward and pulling out another toothpick, I rubbed my knees with the palms of my hands, "I'm wearin down, yo."

"Yo?" he repeated. "Fuck, Reno… When was the last time you said that?" he asked in agitation, and then he carried on before I had a chance to answer. "What are you?" Checking his watch and then looking back at the machine he was hooked up to, he let out a big sigh and then yawned out, "Sixteen again?"

"Damn, yer miserable this mornin," I commented, and stood up to stretch out my legs.

Yeah, yeah… I know. Like I was one to talk…

"I wonder why that is?" With a strong undertone of sarcasm, he rubbed at the back of his skull to emphasize the fact that I hit him pretty hard, and then he removed his shades and rubbed at his eyes. "Would you sit still?"

"I can't," I told him, and picked up another magazine to mindlessly flip through it. Truth was, that something was really bothering me, but I couldn't quite place my finger on it. "Rufus is up ta somethin," I blurted out, and hunched over while pointing at him, "An Erryn is up there with him…" Rubbing at my neck again and grimacing, I kicked the floor with the bottom of my foot and spat out, "Alone!"

With another deep sigh, Rude raised his brows and sat back in his chair. "Okay, for one, when isn't Rufus up to something?" he asked, and put his shades back on, "And for two, I thought you said you told him everything he needed to know."

"I did."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I did'n tell him everythin."

"You just said you did."

"No," I sang out, and flicked my mangled toothpick into the trash, "I said I told him everythin he needed ta know."

"You're going to be the death of me, Reno," he muttered under his breath, and crossed his arms in front of him, "I give up." Looking at his IV again, he tapped the stand with his foot to see if it was almost done, "At the risk of finding out something I don't want to know, what the hell didn't you tell him?"

"Nothin," I mumbled, and pulled out my pack of cigarettes to stare at it, "I'm gonna go out fer a smoke." Turning my back to him, I waved at him with the back of my hand. Then I pulled out my flask and tossed it in the garbage. "Might as well jus let Ren take over," I muttered, as I made my way out, "Maybe he can handle my life better'n I can."

"…"

* * *

Just as I stepped out the main door to the building, I saw Cloud's bike outside the small pharmacy, almost a block down, and went to run back in. But I was forcefully grabbed from behind. Unable to protest due to the hand over my mouth, I was dragged into the small alleyway to the side of the building. Because it was too early for most people to be up and about, and it was still fairly dark, there wasn't really anyone around to notice the ruckus of me flailing about and Cloud suspiciously dragging me into a concealed area.

"Why the hell haven't you been returning my calls?" came a firm demand, as I was pushed against the dirty wall beside the dumpster, completely concealed from the view of the street.

"Fuck, Man," I weakly cried out, as I accidentally stepped on the cigarette I dropped, "Was that yer number?" Snickering to hide the overwhelming knot of sickening nerves that replaced my innards, I shakily pulled out another cigarette from my pack and spilled half of them on the ground. "Shit," I grumbled, as a firm hand grabbed my jaw to force me to look at what I'd been trying to avoid since I tried to run back into the building.

"Look, Reno," he said, with a forced calmness through clenched teeth, and subtly stroked the side of my jaw with his thumb, "I know I shouldn't expect anything from you. But when someone calls you in the middle of the night throwing a fit and then starts answering voices in their head…" For a moment, he paused as if what he was saying was bothering him on a personal level, and then he loosened his grip on the front of my shirt before caressing the side of my face and softening the tone of his voice, "You tend to worry."

"Don't," I grimaced, and pushed his hand away while I looked for something other than him to place my attention on, "I should'na called ya." Then I unsuccessfully tried to swallow back the lump in my throat that was threatening to turn me inside out, and I found myself unable to look him in the eye. In fact, I found myself unable to look at him altogether, "Was a mistake."

"Gaia…" he said under his breath, and wrapped his hand around mine, since I kept it there after removing it from my face, "You look like shit, Reno." Leaning over to catch my gaze, he caught my insanely Mako-enhanced eyes, and let go of my shirt completely to place the palm of his hand against my cheek, "What happened to you?"

"Ya hafta go," I told him in a small, choked voice, and tried to become one with the wall behind me.

"I'm not going anywhere until I know you're okay."

Letting out a weak chuckle, I turned my eyes to the sky as If I were seeking an answer from above, and repeated the word, "Okay," as if it was a joke that I just figured out, "Fuck." With a snort, I dug my hand into my pocket to find my lighter, so I could light the cigarette I managed to fumble into my mouth and lit the wrong end. "I'm anythin _but_ okay," I shakily spat out, and showed him my cigarette while raising my brow and wryly smiling. Then I bellowed out, "WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU THINK I WAS OK – mph!" as the cigarette flew out of my hand and landed in his hair.

"Damn it, Reno!" Cloud freaked, in a whisper-like urgency, after roughly placing his hand over my mouth to shut me up. Then he cautiously looked around and shook his head to get the cigarette out before swallowing nervously, "What the fuck are you trying to do?"

Curious about why he would ask me a question when he restricted my ability to answer him by placing his hand over my mouth, I stared at the ground and uncomfortably shrugged. Mind you, hand or no hand, I doubt I would have been able to answer him anyway, because I had no fucking clue on how to answer a question in which I had no answer to.

Easing his hand away, and keeping his eyes on me to watch for signs of me erupting for no reason again, he placed his hand on my shoulder while trying to justify his own, uncalled for, actions. "Look…" he said, and glanced down the alley toward the street "Like I said, I know it's not my business…"

Biting on his lip to show that he was concerned about something, he kept his eyes fixated on the street like he was lost in his thoughts, "But you could have at least returned my call to let me know you were all right." Then he moved his attention back to me while I cowered and attempted to crawl inside of myself, and frowned, "But you're not… Are you?"

Convinced that he's right, he tilted his head to the side and leaned to catch my gaze in question, while I shrugged again and slipped my hands in my pocket. "Ya should'n be here," I mumbled, and then I figured I'd give another shot at attempting to pull out a cigarette, "Rufus'll kill ya if he finds out ya were here." Still not making any eye contact with Cloud, and making sure that I paid attention to how I stuck the cigarette in my mouth this time, I managed to successfully light it, and took a quick drag.

"I'm not afraid of Rufus," he coldly stated, and then he turned his attention back to the street. "If you're not going to answer me, can you at least do something else for me?"

"Like what?" I snorted, and took another drag.

"Tell me that Rufus is fully aware of whatever it is that's wrong with you, and that he's taking care of you."

Moving my eyes slowly over him, and wondering why the hell he gave a shit, even though it wasn't really that big of a mystery to me. I blurted out, "What the fuck makes ya think he would'n know?" and attempted to brush his hand away from my shoulder to remind myself that I really shouldn't be anywhere near him.

"Because I know how much you lie," he mumbled, and looked over at me to stress that he hadn't exactly been ignorant to the fact.

Subtly nodding, I jerked my gaze guiltily to the right, and mumbled that, "I don't lie that much," and was rewarded with a look of scepticism. Then, with a heavy weight of defeat, I slumped back and whined about something that I doubted Cloud really wanted to discuss with me. But he made his best attempt to be there for me, despite the fact that I was sure the last thing he wanted to do was fix any doubts that I had between Rufus and myself. "He ain't gonna want me when he finds out."

"Who?"

"Rufus," I mumbled, and scratched at my right scar.

"Finds out what?" Cloud asked, and manoeuvred to lean against the wall beside me, a little closer than I wanted him to. But I made no attempt to move myself away, which only made me feel guiltier. Truth was, that I actually liked him standing that close to me, even though I didn't want him standing that close to me, and it only made my thoughts of myself being pathetic that much more solid.

With a quick chortle, I flicked my loose ashes onto the ground and studied my jagged thumbnail as I wondered what the hell it was that Rufus saw in me in the first place. "How fuckin pathetic I really am," I muttered, figuring that the answer should have been obvious. Then I sneered, snorted, and took a drag from my cigarette.

"You're not pathetic," he consoled, and leaned his head against the wall before he turned his attention to my side. After that, he placed his hand on my shoulder and pulled me down to the ground along with him, so we could sit together.

Snorting again, I stared at the ground and contemplated how wrong he was. "I'm a messed up schizo that was in love with a guy that went out of his way to make sure he controlled me." With an unsure glance at him, I sheepishly smiled and moved slightly away from him, making him remove his hand suddenly as if he just realized that it was inappropriate. Then I raised my brow and leaned towards him when I asked him, "Did ya know that?"

"I knew you were in love with him… You told me," he answered, and ran his sad, Mako-enhanced eyes over me, "I didn't know you were –"

"Fucked?"

"I wasn't gonna say that," he quietly said, and turned his attention back down to the ground while he attempted to bury his head in his shoulders.

Feeling a little guilty for accusing him of being almost as insensitive as I was, I felt a sudden need to continue with an explanation, or something. Actually, I had no fucking clue over what the hell I was doing or saying, but that was unimportant, "An at the same time… I was in love with a whore that wanted nothin ta do with me..." I confided, and pulled a piece of hair from my pants at the knee, "Cuz she thought I was crazy."

Taking a deep breath, because it suddenly felt like a weight was lifted and I was able to breathe, I twirled the piece of white hair in my hand, and wondered how many other grays I had. "Well… guess she _knew_ I was'n quite right in the head," I added with a snort, and let go of the hair, "Ya don't think that's pathetic?"

"It's no more pathetic than the story of my own life," he said, and pulled his knees up to his chest while still staring at the ground.

"That ain't helpin." with a slight chuckle, I nudged his arm to lighten the mood that I managed to weigh down and then took another drag from my cigarette.

"Sorry," he quietly said, before turning his attention back to me, "I don't think Rufus is going to care about what you let someone do to you in the past." Then his hand slightly jerked like he wanted to touch me but thought better of it, and he made a minimal attempt at a smile as the corners of his mouth turned almost noticeably, "And as for you being in love with a hooker when you were a kid, I don't think it matters."

"Huh-uh," I nervously coughed, and rubbed at the back of my neck, "It does if she's havin a meetin with the man ya don't want knowin 'bout it, an she happens ta know everythin ya don't want him knowin."

"She's in Rufus' office?"

"As we speak…" I trailed off, and brushed my bang out of my eye.

Turning his gaze back to the dirty pavement underneath us, he trailed off into some abysmal depth, like he was deep in thought, and then he spoke slowly without taking his eyes from the invisible distance they fixated on. "Are you still in love with her?"

"Nah…" I answered, and took another drag, "Would'n matter if I was though."

"Why's that?"

"Cuz she never liked me… Hated both me an Aldrich," I said, and took a deep breath, "She only slept with me cuz I paid her."

"How well did she know you two?"

"Well enough ta know that Aldrich nearly stabbed me ta death over her, an then decided ta pay her a visit ta let her know what he thought about the situation." With my brow raised, I flicked my ashes on the ground and took another drag, "Needless ta say that her services were no longer rendered in my honour, an she took it upon herself ta buy her way off the streets."

Bending my leg so I could pick at some loose rubber on the sole of my shoe, I wondered how and when did Cloud become my sounding board, and why. Like I mean, I was able to tell him things that I couldn't even tell Rude, and Rude was my best friend.

"Was'n 'til she started datin a Shinra terrorist we were doin business with, that we ran inta her again, an we all became partners." Chuckling a little over the irony of it all, I flicked my cigarette at our building, and rubbed my knees, "It was kind of a mess though, since neither of them really liked either of us, an Aldrich despised her an got off on threatenin her all the time.

"'Course, I did'n help matters. He had me so conditioned ta be his inferior by that time, that I would've done and did do everythin an anythin he told me ta do." Shrugging my shoulder to try and shrug it off, I pushed myself off the ground and brushed off my pants, "Anythin ta avoid bein beatin…" I trailed off, and looked at the sky, "Or worse…

"Better ta be a puppet… Ya know?" I half-suggested and half-asked, while turning my attention over to Cloud as he pushed himself to his feet.

Nodding like he understood, he brushed off his own pants and mumbled, "I never knew you were a terrorist." Then he tilted his head slightly, like he had a hard time swallowing that piece of information, and commented on the fact that he always took me for a Shinra lapdog, "You always struck me as being unquestionably loyal to the Shinra legacy."

"Yeah… well…" I started, and placed my hands in my pocket while I made an honest joke, "I'm loyal ta anyone that saves my life." Then I looked him up and down, and hoped he didn't read too much into what I just said, since the reality of the words didn't really hit me until after I said them.

I think it even made me blush a little, and I turned my head away while scratching at the back of my neck and silently cursing myself for saying something that transparent. "Plus, it helps ta have personal insight inta the enemy," I added, in hopes that it would take any possible attention away from the fact that I pretty much said Cloud had my loyalty.

"Anyway…" I said, and pulled out a toothpick. If I didn't get back into the building soon, Rude and Rufus were likely to either get worried or suspicious, and I was batting on the latter, "I should get back inside." Thumbing in the direction of the street, I mumbled as I stuck my hand back in my pocket and started to turn, "Thanks…" and then I mumbled even more quietly, "I guess."

Just as I was about to take my first step, He grabbed my arm and turned me to face him and placed the palm of his hand on my face to make sure that I couldn't turn away from him, "Promise me you'll be all right."

"Can't make a promise I can't keep," I said, and attempted a confident grin which I believe came out more as a sheepish smile. Almost leaning into his touch, I gave my head a subtle shake and grabbed his hand to pull it away from my face while he chewed on his bottom lip and stared into my eyes.

"Look…" I said, and took a step back, "I don't… think ya should call me anymore." Shrugging lightly and trying to put on my devil-may-care attitude that I always had no problem with when it came to the ladies, I tried to blow him off as best as I could, "In fact… it's not really a good idea ta even see me."

But somewhere along the line, I must have lost my touch, because I suddenly sucked at it and felt like I had to explain why, "Rufus did'n take it too well when he found out… an I don't blame him. If he sees your number on my PHS…"

Shrugging again with my brow cocked in a 'you can guess what will happen' manner, I started walking backwards, toward the street. "Well…" I said, and felt my heart sink when I noted how hopelessly forlorn he looked as I made it to the edge of the alley to leave him standing there, alone with nothing but my scattered cigarettes and loose particles of back street trash at his feet to keep him company, "It ain't gonna go over too well."

Nodding like he already knew, he stiffened slightly, and then he commented on the fact that I was too young at the time to really know what love was, and that maybe, I shouldn't worry about it as much as I was worrying about it. Maybe he hoped that it was some kind of consolidation to me. But it didn't seem to really have a convincing effect on either of us as he bit on his bottom lip and turned his eyes to the ground like he hoped he could have done or said something better.

In all honesty, talking to him helped alleviate the strange tension I was feeling that morning, but unfortunately, it was replaced with a new sense of guilt over the fact that I felt like I was deceiving Rufus by being anywhere near Cloud, willingly.

_Rufus deserves so much better than me, _I guiltily thought, as I waved at the guy whom I held a certain affection for, unwillingly, and ran back into the building once I hit the street.

* * *

When I made it back to the infirmary, I was somewhat on the quiet side all of the sudden. Strangely enough, as nervous as I was due to my natural paranoia of everyone being able to read the fact that I was just talking to the man I had managed to turn into Rufus' number one arch nemesis in the duration of one night, I actually felt a lot better.

I felt like a heavy weight had suddenly been lifted. But it also left me feeling like shit over the fact that I suddenly felt like I was betraying everyone that mattered to me, and none of it changed the fact that Rufus was having a private discussion with someone that I didn't want him talking to.

Saying nothing and making no eye contact with anyone as I made my way back to the infirmary, I went straight for the trash and reclaimed my flask, silently thanking myself that it was the only thing sitting in the small can I tossed it in, besides all my mangled toothpicks, but that was beside the point. Not being a complete slob, I pulled out my handkerchief and wiped it off before I opened it to take a large drink.

"Thought you said you were going to let Ren take over from now on," came the hollow sound of Rude's voice, which was amplified by the room he was sitting in. Though, a look of relief overtook him when the doctor walked in and confirmed that the decontamination process was completed before entering and unhooking him.

"I lied," I muttered, and took another drink while darting my eyes over to the wall with nothing but a typical image of what the body would look like without skin. "Why do they always gotta put these things up?" I asked, with my hand motioning towards the image, to the doctor who had his eyes disapprovingly on the flask in my hand.

"Do you really think you should be drinking this early?" he asked, and motioned his hand to the clock that almost read zero eight hundred hours on it.

"Ya always answer a question with a question?" I retorted, and out of spite, took another drink. With a gasp and an anticipating grin, I met his eyes in challenge and licked my lips to make it obvious that I really didn't give a shit about his _medical_ opinion, while Rude stood up from his seat, took a deep breath, and stiffened up.

"Reno," he chastised, and gave me that look of his that said 'not now', while the doctor politely excused himself and left us to our privacy. Out of the respect that I held for Rude, and a bit of guilt over the night before, I replaced the cap on my flask and put it back in my pocket. Not to mention, there was a bit of guilt over what happened when I went outside over forty minutes ago, and the possibility that Rude would ask me any minute, "What took you so long, anyway?"

_Damn!_

But nothing happened…

Right?

_So, what the fuck am I so worried about it for?_

"Needed the air more'n I thought I did," I answered, and shrugged while I contemplated kicking myself for such a lame answer as my eyes darted to the floor.

_What the fuck kind of answer was that?_

"Really…" he said, like he didn't believe me, and took a deep breath before he collected his clothes and went behind the privacy screen to change out of the gown he was wearing. "What's with the dust all over your clothes?"

Nervously, I pulled off my jacket and prayed that Rude didn't notice the smudged handprints on it that weren't placed there by me while I shook it off, "Decided I'd sit in the alley."

"For fresh air."

"Yeah."

"So, your idea of getting fresh air is to sit in an alley full of dumpsters that aren't scheduled to be emptied until tomorrow."

"Huh?" I asked, and scratched the back of my neck with my brow cocked in confusion as I leaned forward in his direction and cursed the fact that Rude was an outstanding MP with an acute attention for detail before he became a Turk.

_Who the fuck pays attention to when a dumpster is scheduled to be picked up?_

"What's that gotta do with anythin?"

"I'd imagine they'd be pretty ripe." With his tie draped loosely around the back of his neck and his jacket resting over his left forearm, he stepped around the screen and did up the remainder of the buttons on his shirt, "Being that close to pickup."

"Guess I did'n notice…" I mumbled, and put my jacket back on after beating most of the marks off.

"…"

"Ya ready?"

"Ready."

Once satisfied, he finished doing up his tie and jacket on our way to the elevator that would soon lead us to the floor where Rufus was expecting us. On the way though, Rude stopped me and brushed roughly at the slight handprint Cloud left on my shoulder, that I must have missed, and then gave me his typical look of disapproval. "Do I even want to know?" he clinically asked, and hit the button for the elevator.

"Nothin happened," I mumbled, and started tapping my foot while staring him in the eye to prove that I wasn't lying.

"Anyone I know?"

"Cloud," I said, under my breath, and thanked the welcoming ding that the elevator made as it arrived.

"…"

In an attempt to remove the current subject while we stepped into the elevator, because it was one that neither of us was really comfortable with, I figured I'd give it a go at changing the topic. "Ya know, Rufus might be able ta help ya with yer head," I said, and pulled out a cigarette, "He gives a killer massage."

"I don't want Rufus touching me," he replied flatly, and then he muttered under his breath, "The man's a psycho."

"It's jus a massage, man," I answered, with a playful smile, and reached over to hit the button, "Ain't no harm in it."

"I'll pass."

"Ya let _me_ touch ya."

"You're not crazy."

With my brow cocked, I wondered exactly who replaced my partner and how they managed to have me fooled up until that very moment, "What kind'a drugs did the doc give ya?"

"None."

"Then where's my partner, Man," I asked, and leaned closer to him to take a more thorough look as I suspiciously looked him up and down; then square in the eye, "I want him back."

"…"

"Hm," I mumbled, and stepped back, "Ya sure do look like him."

With a deep sigh, he turned his head in my direction and placed his hand on my shoulder. "You're sick, Reno. You're problem has always been Mako and stress related." After a couple of taps, he removed his hand and pulled on the bottom of his jacket to straighten it out. "You're fine when you're body isn't working overtime on you and no one is complicating things for you." As he lifted his chin so he could adjust his tie better, he lowered his voice to a tone that matched his next thought, "There is no excuse for Rufus' behaviour."

"Ya don't know him..." I defended, somewhat bitterly. For some strange reason, it really bothered me when people talked about Rufus in regards to things they knew absolutely fuck all about, and I had no idea why. "Ya can't say that," I said, and was relieved when the elevator stopped at our destination.

"…"

Not much else was exchanged between us as we both made it down the hall to Rufus' office. Rude realized he'd struck a nerve and was doing his best to try and accept whatever choices I've made by keeping the rest of his opinions to himself.

All the while, I couldn't help but wonder if maybe Rufus was right to try and get me to sleep in that morning, because the day was only just beginning, and I'd already managed to pick a fight with everyone that mattered to me, or at the very least, agitate them to a level equal to or beyond that of my own. Not to mention, I even managed to throw a little Cloud into the makeshift stew that was becoming my day to spice it up with a little guilt as well, and to top it off, there was this nagging feeling that Rufus had deceived me by doing something, or not doing something, or something…

And what the hell was up with Tseng…?

* * *

Revised: January 12, 2009


	33. Guilt Ridden: Part Two

**Guilt Ridden – Part Two**

* * *

"Did you know he was going to be out there?" Rude asked, just as we made it to Rufus' secretary's door. As silly as it was, he took me a little off guard since I thought he was going to drop it. But who the hell am I kidding… why the fuck would he drop the fact that I was outside talking to _Cloud_ when he knew about what happened between us?

"What?" I asked, and stopped before opening the door. Then I stared at him in bewilderment and lowered my voice to a whisper for fear that someone might overhear us, "Ya think I've got a fuckin secret thing goin with 'im?"

"I didn't say that."

"No… but ya fuckin implied it," I spat out, about as harshly as I was capable of doing while ensuring that no one else could hear me.

"Judging by your reaction, I take it the answer is no," he solemnly said, and turned his head to the door.

"'Course it's a fuckin no!" I responded, and smiled at Rufus' secretary as she walked out of the coffee room, towards her office. I had no idea she was in there getting herself a cup of coffee, and I kind of silently freaked out over the fact that she might have overheard most of what we were saying.

_Fuck!_

_I hope she didn't hear us._

"Mornin, Pretty lady," I said, with a charming smile and a wink, hoping to cover up any readable signs that I may have been showing over the conversation that Rude and I were just having. Then I leaned over and opened the door for her and was rewarded with a suspicious, sideways glance as she ducked a little away from me, and side-stepped through the opening.

"Sir," she warily acknowledged, and nodded while Rude and I both watched her like a pack of hungry bandersnatches walk into her office, and then I nervously closed the door behind her.

"See what ya did?" I accused, and smacked Rude on the chest with the back of my hand, "She's all suspicious now!"

"…"

Of course, me grinning and staring at her like a demented bagrisk probably had more to do with the way she reacted. Come to think of it, the snake-like way that I crooned at her probably didn't help either. But that was beside the point.

Well, anyway, with a quick shake to my head to clear out the image that suddenly made me think the whole world knew that I had done something wrong, I opened the door, and we both stepped in to see Jared standing outside Rufus' office.

I admit I was a little surprised to see the kid on the outside and not on the other side of the door, and the whole feeling of dread over the fact that Rufus was literally in there _alone _with that Snow Witch of a harpy, otherwise known as Erryn, was suddenly renewed. In fact, it was so renewed that the only satisfaction I was able to get out of the whole situation was the fact that Jared looked like he'd just witnessed a train wreck.

"What the fuck'r ya doin out here?" I blurted out, with wild eyes, and waved my hand around the room to emphasize the fact that he wasn't where I felt he should have been, even though my opinion probably didn't matter anyway.

"Rufus wanted to speak to his _guest_, privately."

With the emphasis that he put on the word _guest_, I found myself smirking over the thought of what Erryn might have said and done to the poor kid during the course of the evening. After all, it was only Rufus that I didn't want her getting friendly with, because he was the only one that she would have seen as a potential for gain, and that was the last thing that I wanted to see happen.

I honestly could have cared less about what transpired between her and anybody else, because I doubted she would have seen a reason to divulge in any information without having a real reason to do so. She may have been an evil bitch, but she wasn't a stupid evil bitch; she played the game as well as any of the survivors from the lower Sectors, and she played it well.

Snickering at him over the fact that I knew she liked to get under peoples' skin, I asked, "What'sa matter, Kid?" and walked up to him to mockingly pat him on the shoulder. "Did'n get any last night?" Then I started snickering even more, and turned my back to him while I walked up to Rufus' secretary's desk to see if he would be ready for us soon.

In the mean time, if looks could have killed, Rude would have been dead, because he moved into the line of view that Jared set out after me when he saw the kid's face contort into a pure form of hatred towards me.

"You know," Jared spat out, with narrowed eyes full of venom, "You wouldn't be able to get away with half the shit that you do if you weren't the Boss' _favourite_ little bitch!"

Despite the fact that he just said something that he probably wanted to say for some time now, and was stupid enough to say it, I couldn't help but notice that he was smart enough to keep his voice lowered enough so that only those of us in the room could hear him.

It didn't stop me from suddenly feeling myself cringe at the fact that he was probably right though, and he might as well have just shot me, since it would have had the same impact.

Nonetheless, I turned around to regard him with an equal distaste and gripped the handle of my Mag-Rod while asking him like I still didn't believe that I heard what I heard, "What the fuck did you just say to me?" I bewilderingly demanded, and sneered at him while hoping, for his sake, that he didn't repeat what the hell he just said.

But I think he was a few flames short on his candle, because he completely ignored the question and stepped to the side so that Rude wasn't blocking his view anymore, and challenged me with a dead-in-the-eye glare.

"I'm curious, Reno…" he started, with his eyes hatefully alight at me and unaffected by both mine and Rude's reactions, "How many times do you have to bend over for him to get him to let your fuck-ups slide?"

"Jared!" Rude harshly warned, while I stood there, dumbfounded and blinking at him, and seriously wondering what the fuck was suddenly going on.

_Did I miss something?_

"Ya fuckin little piece'a shit!" I blurted out, and tried to make every attempt to control myself for the sake of the others in the room.

In the meantime, Rude automatically reacted to Jared's attempt to lunge at me and pinned him to the wall with one hand. Then he grabbed me by the wrist with the other when I counteracted and lunged back, to keep me from cracking Jared's head open with my rod.

"Let go of me!"

All the while, I was hissing and writhing like a snake, and trying to pry his fingers from my wrist with my free hand while I kept my eyes locked on Jared's with an equal fervour and attempted to climb up Rude to gain some leverage over his grip. At the same time, Rude looked at me with a warning to not be so foolish, while he made sure that I wasn't going to grab my gun by swinging me into the wall.

Well, it's probably needless to say that his sudden attempt to exorcize his authority over the both of us caused us to start struggling to get out of his iron grip, and into each other's strangling hands so that we could finish off what we started on the night of Tseng's wedding.

I'm just not really sure why we chose that moment.

But you see, as it turned out, Jared was the type of person to hold grudges. It also became apparent that he was a bit of a scrapper too, and was still pissed at me for holding a knife to his throat on the night of Tseng and Elena's wedding. In fact, as far as he was concerned, I was suddenly fair game to him because of it. Not that it mattered though, because I didn't really have many morals, and I was just as willing as him to do or die at that point.

Well, I suppose it didn't really help matters much that we were both fired up over the fact that the she-devil, _Erryn_ existed either, and apparently, the backbiting wench managed to set all his nerves on edge throughout the night by doing what she did best.

Yeah, It would seem that the cataclysmic escalation of events that took place within the time that it took for two pathetically lovesick chumps to tie the knot, to the time that the invasive life-sucking she-leech entered the building, started a whole build-up of pent up animosity that the little shit was fleshing out for me.

Now, I suppose it was a little bit of my fault too, for adding just the right touch of icing on the cake by indulging with my off-the-wall comment, but none of that really changed the fact that it still pissed me off.

So, even though the words that were exchanged between us were somewhat colourful, and one could even say artistically contrived in their nature, along with being very loudly expressed, the picture they painted was a less than an attractive one. In fact, it was downright ugly, and perhaps even a little bit repulsive too.

"You fucking low-life scumbag!" he spat, and kicked his foot towards my chest as I blocked it with my free arm. Then Rude closed his eyes and lowered his head while shaking it and muttering something about it being time for him to retire, or needing to retire, or something like that, "You should be behind bars!"

"I'm gonna kill ya, ya fuckin little shit!" I yelled, while pushing my foot onto Rude's upper leg so I could swing my other one at Jared. In the meantime, Rude anticipated what I was going to do and blocked me from hitting the little punk by using his other leg.

But all that did was agitate and fire me up beyond all reason, and as a repercussion, I wound up yelling at Rude to let go of me, which didn't seem to have much of an effect. In fact, all it really did was encourage him to grip my wrist tighter until I had no choice but to let go of the damn rod in my hand and drop it to the floor.

"You're a fucking animal!"

"LET GO –!"

"THAT IS ENOUGH!"

When Rude's booming voice reverberated through our very bones, as he slammed us both against the wall by Rufus' door with enough force to knock the fixture off the light above us and have it smash to the floor, we both figured that it was probably time to stop. So, we decided to stare at him in a stunned sense of shock instead. Not that either of us should have really been surprised though.

Oh well, maybe it was the look of anger in those normally calm and collected eyes of his that pierced through with enough force to figuratively burn a hole through both of us that inevitably made us realize that we may have been just a little bit out of hand.

Now, I wasn't exactly sure at that point, but it did seem to me that the big guy may have finally met his wit's end with both of us. It was however, questionable as to whether it was just me he'd had enough of that morning, or if it was the combination of prior events, because as far as I was concerned, it wasn't really me that started it that time. At least, I didn't think it was.

I will however, admit that I probably did play a good portion of the role into helping things escalate the way that they did though.

Anyway, Rufus' secretary missed the beep on her intercom, that no one else seemed to notice either, when she came running over to nervously clean up the broken glass on the floor, and it may not seem like that was anything worth mentioning, and maybe it wasn't. But generally, the only person that ever called her on the intercom was Rufus.

It was easily overlooked though, considering that the three of us started yelling at each other, and Jared and I started squirming in Rude's grasp again to try and let bygones be bygones by ensuring that only one of as was left standing, while the poor girl tried her best not to get hit in the process, and clean up the mess before Rufus noticed it.

_So much for taking it easy._

"I SAID THAT IS EN –"

"I certainly hope I'm not interrupting anything important."

Like herd animals caught in the headlights of our impending doom, all four of us stopped dead where we stood, hung, and knelt, and stared at the white blinding vision standing at his door while he coolly regarded us all, with not so much as an inclination towards his thoughts on the current matter.

All the while, he stood there with an unreadable air of complete disinterest as he lazily ran his eyes over us all, and then he cocked his brow. Whether he really wasn't interested in what started the ruckus or what it was all about, was obviously in silent and unspoken debate though. But I don't really think any of us was willing to ask.

"Sir," we said in unison, and nodded as if nothing was going on. What the hell any of us was thinking at that point was also debatable, but it would appear that we all kind of hoped that he simply didn't notice the fact that his secretary was on the floor cleaning up the broken shards of a very expensive light fixture.

I'm not even really sure if any of us gave much consideration to the fact that Jared and I were literally lifted off our feet and pressed to the wall by Rude's iron-like grip, and the fact that Rude's shades were crooked and broken.

As a matter of fact, I really do think that we were all more concerned about the fixture than anything else, and hoped to high hell that none of us would have to explain what just happened.

Why?

Who the fuck knew…

With a nod, and a detached glance at the scene, Rufus announced that he was ready to see all of us in his office in the same cool and collected tone that he always carried whenever anything business-related was involved, and then he disappeared back behind his door.

"Fucking fag," Jared Hissed at me, the second Rufus disappeared from our sight, which caused Rude to tense up on his grasp that he was almost ready to relax on us both.

"Jared," Rude warned.

"Ya know, ya keep that up, an I might jus think yer jealous."

"Reno," Rude warned again.

"I don't fucking think so."

"Jared!"

"Oh? Ya don't _think_?"

"Reno!"

"Yeah, yeah…" I assured, "Rufus ain't gonna wait fer us forever…"

As soon as Rude reluctantly let us go, he reached into his pocket for his spare set of sunglasses and tossed his broken ones into the trash, while Jared paused to straighten out his suit and smooth it down. Mind you, I'll confess that I took a quick look at myself as well, but nothing seemed anymore out of place than it usually did, so I figured I'd be the one to open the door.

Now at this point, you're probably all thinking that we're a pretty fucked up bunch of clodhoppers. Well, maybe that's true, I don't know. But you have to understand that there was really nothing unusual about anything that just happened, and once the Boss called you in, all differences were set aside. That was our motto, business first.

Heh… we could always play together again at a later date.

And believe you me, while I reached down to pick up my rod, I couldn't think of anything that I would enjoy more at that point, than to let Jared know who he was messing with. But business came first; play time would have to wait…

Yeah…

Anyway, we were rewarded with a curious glance once we all piled sheepishly into Rufus' office, and he raised his brow and shook his head slightly at whatever thought passed through, making us all feel a little uneasy about the unpleasant scene that we may have caused.

Even more so, I think we were all a little nervous over the fact that he would most likely ask us what it was all about, and none of us even thought about coming up with a story that we could all stick to before we entered. And as we all knew, improvisation didn't often work well under the eyes of a Shinra descendent.

Oh well, I was a shitty liar anyway. So, it didn't really matter.

Well, unfortunately for us all, he didn't exactly avoid the fact that something had happened outside of his office, and I was beginning to think that he might have only dismissed such things when it came to me alone.

However, this particular situation appeared to involve us all, so I guess he decided that he would be his usual curious self. "Before we get started," he said, rather casually, "I would like one of you to tell me exactly what it was that made you all feel like causing an unnecessary scene outside of my office."

After that, Rude figured he'd be the one to fess up, so he straightened himself up and decided that he would take the forefront by saying, "Personal differences, Sir."

"Personal differences," Rufus repeated, and looked us all over with a shadowy darkness that suggested he wasn't too impressed, "I see," while he nodded and walked behind his desk to pull his chair back, before regarding us all again with a warning in his eyes. "In the future, I would prefer it if you all would keep your _personal differences_ as far away from my office as possible."

Then he tapped his finger lightly on his desk and scanned his eyes over the three of us again, "As I'm sure you're all aware, there are places far more suitable for such actions."

"Yes, Sir," we all mumbled, and wandered our attention off in different directions, like children who were just caught doing something we shouldn't have been doing. But somehow, my gaze managed to get deadlocked with Erryn's in the reflection of the window behind Rufus, while the witch sported a conniving grin at me for getting in shit by my Boss.

"Very well."

With his brow cocked again, he moved his attention back over to Jared, and let out a small sigh. "I'm well aware that you've had a rather long night," he coolly said to him, before he pulled on the bottom of his coat so he wouldn't wrinkle it as he sat down.

Then he set his attention on Erryn, which was basically a reminder as to why he was less than impressed with us at that moment. After all, Rufus never really was the type that favoured public acts in front of guests, unless of course, it was him that was doing it. It just didn't carry any sense of professionalism in his twisted rationale.

Mind you though, I didn't actually recall him ever doing anything crazy in front of a stranger though. He seemed to prefer conducting the public acts in front of people who'd been around for at least a week.

Anyway, after he finished with his quick analysis of Erryn, or whatever the hell it was he was doing, he set his attention over to me while I fumbled around in my pocket for a cigarette, and quickly nodded, almost to himself before he sat down.

Whatever the fuck that meant…

"I've had the liberty of going over Erryn's research with her."

With a clear and cool calm, he watched us all as he spoke. Then he moved his hand over to his laptop and pulled out the chip I loaded up from Erryn's makeshift lab, and I figured that Rude must have given it to him, since I had no recollection of ever giving it to him myself.

Actually, come to think of it, I had no recollection of giving it to Rude either. Oh well, with my brow raised, I stood there and contemplated who I must have given it to because I had nothing better to do, and I couldn't recall giving it to anyone. But somewhere along the line I must have given it to someone, and someone must have given it to Rufus.

Heck, come to think of it, Rufus probably just took it from me the night before, after I passed out, or was it even possible that he took it from me while I was still awake?

And was Rufus going to get mad at me once he realized that I wasn't paying attention to anything he was saying?

Fuck it…

_Who gives a shit anyway?_

Anyway, from what I could gather, I doubted that I missed much.

"She's made some very promising progress, but nothing definite as of yet," he informed us, mostly me and Rude, since it was obvious that Jared didn't give a shit, and once he was done with his update, he opened a file he'd set aside on his desk and placed the chip in the pocket of it.

Then he mentioned that all of the data had been successfully downloaded to the system that occupied the empty lab I'd taken the liberty of preparing for her. Not that I actually recalled preparing any kind of lab for that bitch, but I naturally had to assume that he meant the one I initially went crazy in.

After informing us of his plans for the scraggly little wafer, he closed the file and stood up to place it in the cabinet at the far right of his office and locked it, before he turned to regard us all again with another quick 'once-over'.

"I trust the treatment went well this morning?" he asked, when his attention set on Rude and stayed there.

"Yes, Sir," Rude replied, and nodded as he stood at ease with his hands clasped in front of him.

"Very good."

After that, he motioned to Erryn and informed Rude that her Mako decontamination was scheduled for seventeen hundred hours each day until her treatment was over, and that he was to escort her to the infirmary for the duration that was required to ensure that nothing went wrong.

Unfortunately, it seemed that there would be no peace for Rude during the time that he had to watch over her. But I think we all knew that Rude's fortitude and experience was enough to make him more than capable of handling the little troublemaking banshee, even though she would more than likely give him a run for the money.

"Understood, Sir."

"And Reno…"

Startled about what he was going to say to me, I lifted my head just before I brought my lighter to the tip of the cigarette I'd been digging around for all that time, and felt like I was going to throw up from the ball of nerves that were bundling up inside of me over what the hell he was going to say.

"Yeah?" I nervously asked, and stood there with my cigarette hanging out of my mouth as I lowered my lighter. Then I remembered where I was, and added, "S-sir?"

"There is no smoking in my office," he said, and then he set his eyes on the cigarette dangling from my lips.

"Oh," I mumbled, and pulled it out of my mouth to put it back.

It was such an automatic thing for me to do that I honestly didn't even realize I'd pulled one out to begin with. "Sorry, Sir," I added, and caught the capricious glance from the evil wench of darkness staring back at me again in the reflection of that forsaken window, and wished Rufus would buy some damn blinds.

"Very well," Rufus said, and returned to his seat. "I've instructed Sharin to call some MPs to watch over Erryn in the reception area so that we could have a short meeting in regards to recent events," he informed us, and then he looked at his watch, "which will adjourn this meeting in order for us to commence with the next one." Then he adjusted his sleeve over his watch before he sat back down, "They should be here any moment."

And much like clockwork, Rufus' secretary informed him that the MPs had arrived, and accordingly, Erryn was removed from his office so that we could commence with the second portion of our meeting, which was a bit of a surprise, by the way.

However, it turned out to be somewhat of a pleasant surprise, despite some minor nagging questions that we were all left with but they were pretty minor, so not really worth mentioning.

Anyway, with Rufus behind his desk, and the three of us on the other side, standing at ease, Rufus phoned Tseng and connected him to the speakerphone so we could all participate with our thoughts, suggestions, and questions.

And as it turned out, Adrienne cracked sometime during the day before, and spilled all the beans in regards to the locations where LANDSLIDE was set up. However, considering the fact that Rufus felt Aldrich wasn't exactly what you'd call an amateur, he assumed that all the bases would have been cleared out once they realized Adrienne was missing, and he was most-likely right.

Therefore, it wasn't something that he felt required Turk involvement, and had already taken the liberty of contacting Junon to dispatch units of SOLDIER to go in and clean out the areas.

On the down side, Rufus was somewhat disappointed that Adrienne was just as much in the dark as everybody else was about what Aldrich did to me, leaving us all a little more in the dark over the extent of the possible, permanent physical damage I may have suffered.

Basically, he knew about as much as I did, if not less. He only aided Aldrich without ever really knowing what was going on, or even knowing what the hell it was about, and from what I could gather on my own personal level, the son of a bitch hadn't changed much when it came to being secretive about his real plans and what he was up to, which of course, left us all feeling a little uneasy as to what it was that he really wanted.

Well, after all was said and done, and the business side of the conversation turned over to the more informal side of things. We were all pleased to know that Tseng and Elena's honeymoon was going a lot more smoothly than things were going at the tower.

Even though Tseng made it quite clear that he couldn't wait to get back to work and into the swing of things. Of course, he made no hesitation to mention that he'd never been happier, and the fact that Elena only had another month and a half to go before they'd both be inexperienced parents and their lives would be turned upside down, seemed to make him all the more happier for some strange reason.

"She's looking forward to returning as well," Tseng mentioned, and then he proceeded to go on about how her mood swings were a little on the trying side, and I think she may have hit him at that point as well. But he didn't really seem to feel like informing us as to whether or not she actually did or not.

So the rest of us just went along with it and acted like it never happened, even though I'm pretty sure that we all knew it did. Not that it really came as a surprise to any of us though. Elena always was a little on the scary side when it came to bullying other people around.

Well, despite the fact that the rest of us were more than happy to hear about the great time they were having, Rufus seemed a little annoyed about it, which only escalated my uncalled for suspicions from earlier that day. Not that I was really suspicious or anything. Like I mean, I knew nothing had ever happened between him and Tseng, or at least, I didn't think it did.

Oh, for fuck's sake, of course nothing ever happened between them.

Tseng's just not the type of person to even consider doing something like that.

But then again…

Neither was I.

_I'm gonna kill that sonuvabitch if I ever find out that he'd gone beyond that fucking 'massage'._

Taking note of the way that I was suddenly staring angrily at Rufus for no apparent reason, he decided that it was time to end the conversation and dismiss Jared for the day so he could get some much needed rest and relaxation before his dreaded night shift started up again.

However, he waited until after he told Jared that when Tseng returned, Jared would no longer have to watch over Erryn. He thought that perhaps, Tseng would be better at handling the evil wretch since he already had plenty of experience over such things already. Of course, those weren't his _exact _words. They were simply my own take on things.

Naturally, I wasn't surprised that he would favour Tseng's expertise over Jared's. After all, everyone knew that Tseng had always been his favourite, and apparently, the asshole gave really good massages too. So, why wouldn't he favour that fruity-assed home-wrecker of a whore?

Oh well, not so surprisingly, Jared wasn't really all that upset over the fact that he'd be replaced for that particular task, and it only led me to wonder what the hell that conniving little hell-cat did or said to him to get him so worked up in the first place.

"Rude, take Erryn down to lab #4 on 4B and get her acquainted with her new equipment," Rufus ordered, while setting his attention over to his laptop.

Then, without looking up, he dismissed us all and commenced to type something up, while Jared carried a strong look of relief, and Rude grabbed onto my sleeve to keep me at his side. Mind you though, I kind of suspected that it was more or less out of fear that one of us might decide to have another go at it once we were out or Rufus' office.

Which never happened by the way.

I think Jared was too tired, and I had actually forgotten about it by that time anyway.

As a matter of fact, my focus had completely turned to what the hell may or may not have ever transpired between Rufus and Tseng, and why the hell was he acting so coldly towards me? Oh, of course, I knew the answer to that. It was business. We were always like that when it came to business. But that still didn't explain why the hell Tseng was giving Rufus massages.

Was I overreacting?

Yeah…

Probably…

Maybe a little…

But the one thing that I was definitely positive about was that I sure as hell wasn't jealous.

_No fuckin way, man…_

I _definitely_ was _not_ jealous…

"_Would you just shut the fuck up!"_

"Fuck off, man."

"What?"

"Nothin… I jus said it's yer shift, Man."

"…"

* * *

After the rather productively unproductive meetings, I decided I'd accompany Rude on his new babysitting job in the labs. There was some catching up that I needed to tend to with Kurn anyway, and since he was on the way, I figured that I might as well keep Rude company until our destinations were met.

At this point though, I made a rather uncalled for mistake that proved to maybe not be as much of a mistake as I originally thought it was, because as it turned out, the world was definitely a lot smaller than it appeared to be. You see, Rude simply asked me why I was going to the labs, and I simply answered by saying that I needed to check up on my good buddy, Kurn.

Now, this was where it suddenly got interesting, because the minute I mentioned the name Kurn, Erryn piped up, "Kurn?" Then she looked at us both and took a step back, "Kurn Hakiou?"

"Oh… Ya know 'im?" I casually asked, and hid any type of interest or surprise that her little bit of input may have aroused.

"You bet your fucking ass I know that son of a bitch!" she spat out, while narrowing her eyes at me. Then, before she continued, she gave a cautious look at Rude, because I think she actually found him intimidating. Not that it was really much of a surprise.

"Go on," he urged, in that deep, baritone voice of his that carried a certain air of command, surprising me a little by his own sudden interest in what she had to say.

Then, with another quick glance at us both, she nervously stepped from side to side on her feet, before she set her attention back to me, "He's a fucking weasel."

"Yeah…" I agreed, and moved forward to hit the stop button, which caused her to step further back to keep her distance from me, "We already know that."

"Why don't you tell us why you would say that?" Rude urged, as he put his hand on her shoulder to intimidate her further and peered at her through his shades while steadying her with his grip.

"I…" she stammered, and looked nervously at Rude again, "I worked with him for a short period…" Then she darted her eyes back to me, because oddly enough, I actually think she was a little more comfortable talking to me than she was to Rude, "We were partners."

"And…" I urged.

"He screwed me over."

"Heh… Now there's a fuckin news flash, eh man?" I said. Then I chuckled and nudged Rude with my elbow.

"…"

"So… tell us, Darlin…"

With all seriousness all of the sudden, I let the weight of my upper body fall toward her and stopped the collision by placing my hand on the wall so I could hover over her in an intimidating manner. Then, while staring deeply into her grey, evil eyes, I twirled my finger into one of the loose curls hanging by her side, "What exactly did he do ta screw ya over?"

As it turned out, Kurn had quite the reputation on the streets. According to Erryn, he was a back-stabbing, conniving, and manipulative son of a bitch who apparently warmed up to her and then stole all her research.

To top it off, he even went the extra step and told the authorities where they could find her, which was what led her to take up residence in the abandoned warehouse outside of Mt. Corel, where we found her. Apparently, he turned out to not be the sheepish little shit that he pretended to be, and was rather on the twisted side.

Basically, from the way she explained everything, it almost sounded like we may very well have been on our way to getting to know the very next Hojo, and to add to the sudden and unexpected turn of events, she wanted nothing more than to see the worm suffer and go down, which kind of made me think that she may have wound up being a little more useful than I originally thought.

"Well, I guess we'd better keep the two of ya separated, then," I mentioned, and bit on my bottom lip before I looked over to Rude, "Ya thinkin what I'm thinkin?"

"I'm thinking things are about to get interesting."

"Yeah…"

Deep in thought over the fact that the new turn of events could be a good thing, or a complete disaster, and yes, I did wind up telling Rufus about what we found out, just so you all know, I wound up not paying much attention to my surroundings.

As a result, I wound up brushing my nose across Erryn's when I turned my head back to her, and stopped dead. "Fuck, ya smell good," I lowly crooned, and tilted my head slightly, "Did ya take a shower?"

"Fuck off!"

With a stinging smack to the side of my face, and Rude pulling me back by my arm, I wound up chuckling over the fact that I could still piss the bitch off without much effort.

"Heh… chill out, Babe," I said, as I fell into Rude's chest, "Ain't got the authority ta do nothin ta ya without orders from above."

Then, with a snide chuckle, she backed herself further into the corner and decided she found herself some useful ammunition, "Oh? Does he control your love life as well?"

With a shake to my head to brush off that comment, I reached passed her to resume the elevator while hoping to high hell that she wasn't going to read too much into my reaction, "That ain't what I meant."

"…"

"Fer now, jus keep yerself outta Kurn's sight."

* * *

Once we made it to 4B, we wound up going our separate ways, and I snuck quietly into Kurn's lab to make myself at home in the seat by the table, so as not to disturb the man, or even let him know that I was there.

All the while, I watched him do whatever it was he was doing, and wondered if I could even trust him enough to continue with the task I so eagerly and thoughtlessly assigned to him. Hell, I'll admit, that I already had doubts in regards to the man pulling a fast one at the last moment, but after what Erryn divulged, those doubts suddenly became a lot more of a promise than anything else.

Now, I realize that I have a natural distrust towards others, and I also know that when it comes to scientists, that I'm probably a little more paranoid and wary than I really need to be.

However the problem with knowing this about myself, does actually make me tend to think that I'm overreacting to situations sometimes, and in many cases, I probably do. Actually, I know I do, and maybe that's why I have a tendency to sneak up on people and watch them without them knowing, since it allows me a bit of time to get a better feel for what's going on.

To observe, if I may, the way a person behaves and conducts themselves when they think no one is around to witness what they're doing, can sometimes offer a little insight.

Unfortunately though, after having that damn conversation with Erryn, I doubt there was anything the little shit could have done to make me think that he wasn't up to anything, even if he wasn't, not that I was saying that he was. But I sure as hell couldn't help but think that he was.

Anyway, during the time that I sat there with my right foot resting over my left knee, I was completely amazed at the fact that the tool didn't turn around once to even notice I was there. In fact, he seemed to be quite enthralled with whatever it was he was doing, and muttered away to himself while he worked.

But he didn't really mutter away about anything other than measurements, and there was an, 'Oh! That's interesting...' but other than that, I was beginning to think that he was about as interesting as watching a Cactuar pollinate.

Well, actually, a Cactuar might have been a little more interesting.

Despite all the excitement that I was obviously having that day though, the little interlude of extreme boredom was somewhat of a nice change. But it was boring nonetheless, and I was really getting tired of waiting for the dipshit to turn around and notice me. So, I took a drink from my flask, and then I fumbled around for my cigarettes. All the while, I Sat there and wondered why I was having trouble finding them, and then it struck me...

_Erryn..._

"That fuckin whore!"

Startled at the sound of my unexpected outburst and the sound of my hand smacking the table, hard enough to hurt myself before I stood up and knocked the chair over, which all happened rather quickly, I might add, Kurn dropped the empty measuring tube he was holding, to the floor where it smashed, and spun around to grip the counter behind him.

As the colour drained completely from his skin, I found myself noticing that his movements and mannerisms strongly resembled that of a rat, and then a bit of a shudder ran down my spine when I was reminded of how Hojo used to make me think the same thing. Besides that though, our eyes met in some sort of twisted challenge that left me wondering which one of us really had the upper hand.

"Yer kind'a… jumpy," I pointed out, and refused to look away from him, regardless of the fact that he made me uncomfortable for reasons I couldn't explain, "Doin somethin ya should'n be?"

"I-I wasn't expecting you."

"Yeah…" I muttered, and sniffled a bit before I rubbed at the itch in my nose while watching him scurry over to grab a dustpan and his broom to clean the mess he clumsily made, "Figured I'd surprise ya."

When he noticed me stagger a bit due to a sudden light-headedness, he stopped and curiously stared at me and placed his hand in his pocket, revealing that strange light in his eyes that I noticed the night I injected him. And just like then, it was nothing more than a brief flash that didn't give me enough time to interpret, "A-are you all right?"

"Why the fuck would ya ask that?"

"You don't look very well," he said, and came reluctantly over to me to place the back of his hand on my forehead in a feigned concern.

_Of course I don't fuckin look well, ya dipshit!_

_How the fuck is a dyin man supposed ta look?_

"Don't fuckin touch me!" I shouted, out of sheer reaction as I took a step back and smacked his hand away from my face.

"_Wrong fuckin move, man."_

_Fuck._

Then in an attempt to cover up my automatic reaction which may very well have not gone exactly the way I planned, I pulled out my flask and shook my head. "We ain't here ta discuss my health," I said, in a much calmer manner, and then I replaced the cap while staring at the table, "Came down here ta discuss yer progress on a more important matter."

"Rufus," he confirmed , before he nodded and rubbed his hands together while staring at me like he was more interested in what was going on with my own personal progress.

_I tell ya, Man_…_ if you didn't have such a key fuckin use, ya'd be dead._

"Yeah..."

Kneeling down to pick up the chair I knocked over, and silently cursing that hag for stealing my cigarettes, I motioned for Kurn to sit down in the other seat so we could have a little discussion, "What can ya tell me?"

Despite my concerns about being fucked over by the treacherous madcap, everything that he told me was verified and confirmed by a simple crosscheck, which again, left me wondering exactly who was being played by who, and exactly how many players were involved.

Oh well, enough of that crap...

As it turned out, the latest tests were a success. Jenova collected all its antibodies and merged them with itself in its complete entirety. The downside, however, was that it took almost a week to completely merge, and considering that Rufus was more infected than the test subject was, and had the privilege of having several years of the stuff growing inside of him and merging with his own system, it left both Kurn and me agreeing that the process would probably take at least three times as long for Rufus.

However, we weren't exactly out of the water just yet, because that was only one problem that was solved. The next step that we had to face was the Mako impurities that needed to be flushed out of his system, and the fact that they could also interfere with the merging process.

"Right... so..." I said, and flicked my mangled toothpick into the trash while leaning back in the chair with my foot on the leg of the table to keep me steady, "Guess the next step is to run some tests against the impurities."

With a nod, Kurn wiped at the bead of sweat running along his temple and stared at the floor in a trance-like state, "I'll get started on that right away."

* * *

Like most typical days in the confines of Shinra, the afternoon was nowhere near as exciting or eventful as the morning was. In fact, things got quite boring and quiet after I went to pay Erryn a visit to get my cigarettes back, and since I wasn't a complete prick, I let her keep the fucking cigarette that she already lit.

Normally, I would've taken that too, but after talking to the slime-ball in the other lab about Rufus, I was halfway to being in a good mood, so I let it slide that time.

Lunchtime went over about as normal as expected too, except for the fact that Rufus seemed a little distant, which only spurred me into entertaining the whole _Tseng_ scenario again. I don't know why the fuck it was bothering me so much though. I mean, I knew damned well nothing ever happened between them. Then of course, there was the other suspicious things that he was doing that day too.

For instance, he seemed more interested in the fact that my neck was bothering me, even though it was feeling much better by that time, and exactly what I remembered from the night before more than anything else.

The other thing was his obsession over getting me to relax and eat something. I suppose it wasn't completely odd though, since he seemed to become more concerned with my well-being as each day passed. But it seemed like he was overdoing it a little that day, for reasons I couldn't quite put my finger on, except for the fact that maybe he was trying to cover up the fact that something _did_ happen between him and Tseng at one point.

Not that it would have bothered me though...

Really.

Things like that never bothered me with anyone else I was ever with, not even Aldrich. I simply wasn't the jealous type. It was always easy enough to shrug off.

Not that I'm actually saying I was jealous or anything like that...

Because I wasn't.

Well... anyway...

Like I was saying, there was really nothing unusual about the rest of the afternoon, except for Rufus' odd behaviour.

Oh, and the fact that I accidentally bumped into one of the guards in the lobby on the first floor, literally, who was showing another guard the dream powder that he was finally able to morph successfully, from a Crown Lance at one of the beaches somewhere between Cosmo Canyon and Nibelheim.

Needless to say that Rufus finally got his wish in regards to me taking it easy, because the three of us, and one unfortunate receptionist who just happened to be walking by at that moment, were all out cold for over three hours due to the vial smashing to the floor after I bumped into the guy.

Yeah, as it turned out, that guard wasn't kidding when he said '_successfully'._

* * *

Well the good news was that no one was permanently damaged over the ordeal, and I wound up waking up in bed, sometime around eighteen-hundred hours, with Rufus sitting above the covers beside me. He seemed to be a little lost in thought while he mindlessly stroked my hair and stared off into space, since it took him some time to notice that I had turned towards him with my eyes open.

"You're awake?" he commented, when he noticed me looking up at him.

"Yeah... What happened?"

With a short snicker, he informed me of what happened, and then he told me that it was all caught on surveillance if I wanted to watch it later, "In fact, I had a copy made."

Not really doubting that he was serious about that, I pushed myself out of bed and rubbed at my eyes. "Yer a fuckin prick," I muttered, and then I stood up and stretched, "Ya hungry?"

"Always," he answered, and swung his legs over the side of the bed to follow my lead.

"Good, then ya'll have more incentive not ta fuck up."

"Oh?" he asked, and leaned over to straighten out the covers, "I take it you were being serious this morning, then?"

"Damn right, I was."

Rolling my eyes at him for being such an obsessive neat-freak, I leaned my back against the door and watched him with my arms crossed, suddenly unable to resist the urge, "Ya know we're only gonna mess that up again, doncha?"

Ignoring me completely, probably because he remembered the state that I always kept things in before he gave my apartment away, he continued with his neurotic straightening of the bed, his clothes, and his hair, "What will I be making?"

"Soup," I answered, and pushed myself away from the door to open it; I figured soup was probably one of the hardest things to fuck up, besides toast.

Well, I don't know if it will come as a surprise to anyone or not, but despite the fact that Rufus had a way about him that made him a natural at almost everything he did, it turned out that cooking was not one of those things. He managed to somehow fuck up dinner to a state beyond edible, and I had no fucking clue as to how the hell he did it. In fact, I honestly didn't even think it was possible.

Oh well, I guess I couldn't expect the guy to be perfect at everything.

So, we ordered take-out and wound up eating overcooked Wutian Cuisine instead, and like always, Rufus nagged at me the whole time to quit playing with my food and just eat it, while I complained about why the fuck we needed to eat anyway.

Then he wound up getting fed up with me and eating everything that I didn't finish, like Rude always did, which actually pissed me off, by the way. You know, I don't think either of them ever understood that I might have wanted to save some of it for later, since I often got up in the middle of the night and ate like I was starving to death.

I don't know, maybe my inner clock was just fucked up.

Anyway, dinner went by without too much of a hitch, even though we had to keep the balcony door open to air out the apartment from whatever it was that Rufus did in the kitchen. Personally, I was thinking he decided to just skip making dinner, and figured he'd work on a science project instead. Besides all that though, we wound up spending our evening like we usually did when we were home together.

Not to disappoint anybody, but we weren't really the most exciting couple on an ordinary night. Rufus sat on the sofa and drank his wine while reading one of his books, and I sat at my laptop and researched as much as I could about the latest in mechanics and whatever else I could find until I got too drunk to focus.

Well, either that or too bored.

Then I wound up draping myself over the back of the couch and sticking my finger in Rufus' ear, while babbling away as much as I could about nothing in an attempt to irritate him and get his attention , which worked like it usually did; he got frustrated enough with me to grab me by the back of my shirt and flip me over the couch.

Then at that point, I took advantage of my new position and placed my head on his lap, so I could stick my fingers in his face until he paid attention to me. When that didn't work, I smacked the book out of his hand and chuckled at him.

"Oops... sorry, man," I playfully said, while he sighed and I jerked forward to lick him sloppily on the face, "Did ya lose yer page?"

"No," he answered, and wiped at where I licked him with the back of his hand, "I'll remember where I left off." With a slight smile, he pushed me back a little and lifted my chin so our mouths could meet, and then he got me back by licking me across the mouth.

"That's gross, Man."

"Oh?"

"Yeah..."

"Then perhaps you shouldn't do it."

"Whatever, Babe."

After that, I let myself fall back a bit while he kept his arms behind me to make sure that I didn't fall to the floor. At least that was the reasoning I worked out about it, "Wanna go ta bed, then?"

"That depends," he slyly responded. Then he cocked his brow and placed his hand on the inside of my thigh while brushing his nose to mine.

"On what?"

"On whether or not it's worth it."

For some reason I couldn't help but smile at the thought as I buried my face in his neck and told him that I had something I was sure he was going to enjoy.

"Oh?" he asked, and pulled the elastic out of my hair so he could run his hands through it, "And what would that be?"

"Would'n wanna ruin it fer ya."

"Not even a hint?"

"Nah," I answered.

Biting on my bottom lip, I shook my head and pushed myself off the couch while pulling him up with me. "C'mon," I urged, and pulled him across the living room to the door and stopped with my back to it. Then I waited for him to pull his tongue out of my mouth before I opened it and pushed him onto the bed, and after jumping on him, I brought my mouth close to his ear and pulled out my cuffs to tap him on the forehead with them, "I'll let ya make one decision."

"What's that?" he breathily asked.

"Ya get ta decide how ya want it," I answered, and ran my hand down his arm to fasten the cuff to his wrist.

"Mm… and once I make that decision?"

"Then yer in my hands…" I playfully warned, with an impish grin and a twinkle in my eyes, "Babe."

"What happens to me once I'm in your hands?" he breathed out, while he finished getting my pants undone.

"That's up ta me," I answered, and managed to get his pants down to his knees, mostly by pushing them down with my foot.

"Nnng… Gaia…" Pushing me back enough to make me let go of him, he rammed his tongue down my throat before turning his back to me. "I don't care what you do," he confessed, and grabbed my hand to guide it downward, "Just fucking punish me."

In all honesty, I was kind of glad that he said that. After all, I was in the mood to try something new. So I cuffed his other hand to the bed post and blindfolded him to make things a little more interesting, while simultaneously allowing him to break free from his own personal prison. And as it turned out, he seemed to enjoy the fact that he was left guessing what half the things I did to him were without ever really knowing.

The screams were a nice touch too.

Anyway, like I said, it was just a typical evening for us… nothing special.

"So… what happened ta make ya all moody today, anyway," I asked afterwards, in regards to the strange distance he carried off and on that day.

Then I reached for a cigarette while he rested his head on my chest a stared off into space with half-lidded eyes full of a strange satiation, before he answered with that same disturbing distance in which I was referring to, "Absolutely nothing…"

* * *

"_Please… please… make it stop!" he screams, filling the air with a satisfying harmony, "Make it stop!"_

_His eyes have gone wild from some sort of waking nightmare, and he's lost all control over what little he had left. I have to admit that I've always been curious about conducting such a procedure, and I'm more than pleased with the result._

_And since I can't say that he is much of a threat to me at this point, I walk up to him and kneel in front of him to undo the straps that were holding him down._

_All the while, he continues to scream in a type of twisted agony that I almost envy, and he rambles on about being kept like an animal in a cage while begging for some man to let him go, to stop what he's doing. _

_I can only assume that he's reliving Reno's experience from the Nibelheim lab at this point, and I wonder how long that's been going on for, considering that I left him to his own devices almost seven hours ago. But I indulge in what he has to say, nonetheless._

_Perhaps it's wrong of me._

_Much of what Adrienne says, I recognise from Reno's outbursts in the middle of the night, and therefore I find it easy to pick out the differences between Adrienne's own memories from those of Reno's._

"_Please!" he cries out again, and starts rambling about how he can't take it anymore , and the moment his hands are free, he frantically grabs at the front of my shirt._

_But I'm not particularly fond of being grabbed like that, and as a natural reaction, I slam him back into the chair and close my eyes at the sound of his collar bone crack. It wasn't my intention to do such a thing, and I find myself fighting off the desire to suddenly do more. _

"_Please… kill me…please… make it stop!"_

_And at that, I ask him if he'd like me to send him back to Aldrich, unable to fight off my sadistic urges._

_Of course, there's a little more behind my question, and he plays right into my hands._

_He is more terrified of Aldrich than he was before I injected him with the memories of someone who spent the most impressionable part of their life with him, and I find myself taking advantage of the possibility of solving one of the greatest mysteries I have ever come across._

_So, I push him._

_I push him to tell me everything that I've always wanted to know…_

* * *

With a forward tilt to his head, Rufus closes his eyes, while the shell of a man before him continues to beg to be put out of his misery.

Rufus doesn't seem to hear him though. At the moment, he's doing his best to absorb everything that he was just told, and he's trying to hold back the raging storm that resides somewhere deep within him.

Years of pent-up anger often come out with devastating and undesirable results, and Rufus is well aware of that. The last thing he wants to become is the mirror image of his father. So he holds it all back. He holds it back with a sheer and determined will while he reasons things out in his head, and the man that told him everything begs to have his life ended.

During this time, Rufus presses the squirming and chattering ball of nerves to the wall with his own body and caresses the side of the man's face to calm him down. He desperately _needs_ the man to calm down if he's going to make any sense out of everything he's just been told. He needs things to be quiet at the moment, and he hushes the man with is mouth dangerously close to the other's.

"Shhh…"

With his finger over the man's mouth, he drops his focus to the same place, and runs his finger along the bottom lip while tilting his head and wrapping his arm around Adrienne's waist to pull him away from the wall.

"Everything's going to be all right," he soothes in an almost hypnotic tone. All the while, he continues to sort out the information in his head.

He understands now, and although he's not happy with what he's found out, he's able to piece together the puzzle that's been nagging at him ever since he first awoke to the screams of his lover before either of them ever knew how out of hand things were going to get for them both.

"I'm here now."

As he moves his hand behind the blonde's head to pull it closer, so he can rest it comfortingly on his shoulder, he begins to rock him. Then he closes his eyes again while the sound dissipates into painful whimpers, and the body vibrates with a sheer force of uncontrollable terror, and Rufus smiles, reflecting the sudden and satisfied contentment that he feels over the current situation.

"No one will ever hurt you again."

He'll have to be careful though, he figures. Reno must never know what he's done to attain the knowledge that he's gained. In fact, Reno must never know that he knows. Period. And he'll have to be mindful too. Now that he knows the past that his lover hides from him, he suddenly knows why he behaves the way that he does.

_Best not to push him then._

If Rufus had known such things from the beginning, he may have never pushed him to start with; he may have never pursued him. But not because he was suddenly disgusted or repulsed by the redhead. It was, more or less, because it was the opposite. Reno was never meant to be caged, not after the fact that he had been caged all his life.

"Please… make it stop…"

_Perhaps…_ Rufus thought. _Perhaps I've made a mistake._

But it's too late to think of that now.

It's too late. And Rufus knows that.

"Soon…" he soothes, and strokes the back of the man's head with the palm of his hand, "It will all be over soon…"

"I promise."

With a guidance that cannot be fought with, Rufus brings Adrienne to his knees and reaches for the gun in his holster. And as the empty shell before him sobs and continues to beg with a broken voice that is wearing down, Rufus pulls out the cartridge to confirm that there is only one bullet.

"Do you know who I am?" he asks, and kneels before the man.

"You're the son of a bitch that did this to me!" he screams, and places his hands over his ears to symbolically tear away the images. He's fully conscious of who he really is; he's just unable to deal with the generous addition that was added.

"Absolutely," Rufus agrees with a velvet-slick voice that penetrates into the very bone of those that hear it. It sounds like the purr of something deadly and enticing at the same time, and as alluring as betrayal…

or, as some would say, 'as alluring as death'.

Unable to be truly offended by the uncalled for retort, after all, he's heard far worse in his lifetime, he replaces the cartridge. Then he places the gun in Adrienne's hands with his own gently over the other's to help guide him on how to hold it.

"Therefore, I don't doubt for a second that you would like to see me dead," Rufus says, and then he smiles with a subtle glint that only Hades himself would truly appreciate, "But, I should warn you…" he continues, as he removes his hands from the other's and runs them gently along the arms to the shoulders.

Then he presses on the damaged collar bone to reward himself with the reaction he'd so hoped for, and savours it for all it's worth…

It's pain…

It's hatred…

It's pure and unbridled pain and hatred.

"There's only one bullet."

With his eyes locked to the other man's in an inviting challenge, he caresses the side of the other's face and leans over to kiss him on the mouth. It's not a sexual act, nor is there any inclination towards that type of intention. For Rufus, it is simply a way of saying goodbye, for he knows that only one of them will be leaving the room, even if it's only as far as the guards. But it's not that part that matters…

It's the game.

"And there's _two_ of us."

Just like years ago when Rufus had a gun pressed to the back of his head, only this time it's his forehead, the only real thought that he gives consideration to is, _'will it hurt?'_

He doesn't ask himself that question out of fear though. Rufus had long forgotten what that emotion was, and instead, he asks himself that question because he's genuinely curious to know if he really would feel anything or not.

But…

Just like years ago, Rufus never does get the answer to his question. Only this time, he doesn't jump, nor does he close his eyes, and despite the fact that his father isn't around to beat him over the fact that he's just gotten blood on his clothing, he's still rather annoyed at the fact that blood leaves stains, and punishes the guard outside the door accordingly.

Then he continues about his day with a new and strange sense of satisfaction, and an ever more refreshed sense of that feeling that he felt in the earlier hours of that day, but not over what just happened. It was more over the fact that he couldn't help but feel like he was betraying something, or more appropriately, someone.

_Was it guilt?_

* * *

Revised: August 30, 2009


	34. Misconceptions, Lies, and Confessions

**Misconceptions, Lies, and Confessions**

* * *

'_No!' _

_I couldn't say it, so I thought it instead._

'_Nonononono… Gaia, please, no.'_

"_I'm sorry!"_

_Ineffectively, I tried to scream in hopes that he'd take mercy on me. But the words came out in choked gasps._

"_Please… please, believe me."_

"_I'm through with believing your bullshit, Renault!" he screamed back at me, with his hands around my throat. _

_Then roughly, my head hit the wall…_

_Warmth trickled down and it took me a moment to realize that I was being dragged across the floor and thrown onto my back near the table._

"_I wish you wouldn't make me do this," he angrily said through his teeth, with his foot forcefully holding me down. Then I heard the sound of metal being unsheathed. _

'_No.'_

_The pressure I felt told me more than I wanted to know, and it took a moment for the initial shock to wear off. But I didn't think it took me long to realize that his intention was to kill me._

_Or at least, that's what I thought._

_And in a weak attempt to salvage what little I had left over the mistake I made, I told him I loved him; I told him it was only ever him, and I made myself believe it. _

_For the sake of survival. _

_I told him I didn't know what I was doing with her. I didn't know why I had done it. I was wrong. I made a mistake. It would never happen again._

_Gaia, forgive me. Forgive me, please._

_Fuck…_

_I was so sorry._

_But he was beyond caring at that point. He was beyond believing._

_And that knife went in more than once; even while I tried to weakly fight him off and crawl away. It continued…_

_It was strange though._

_I felt nothing. I felt nothing when he stabbed me, and I felt nothing when he did what he did afterwards._

_The only thing I did feel was the reversal of that damn Cure Materia._

"_They say there's no pain like it when multiple wounds are involved," he said, and then he smiled down at me as I writhed and screamed in an agony I couldn't comprehend, "In fact, they recommend not using it in such cases."_

_In hopes that he would stop, I told him I'd never leave him again. Anything that he wanted from me, he could have._

_But we both knew that it wouldn't stay that way._

"_You're a liar, Renault… You'll say anything to save your sorry ass."_

_He knew the first chance he gave me, I would run. So, he did his best to convince me of his own lies in hopes that he could change it._

"_I'm all you have, Renault."_

_That's what he always told me. It's what he wound up making me believe._

"_No one else could ever love something as worthless as you."_

_Then he knelt down and grabbed me by the hair to make me face him, so he could add impact to what he said next._

"_This is as good as it's ever going to get."_

* * *

"AAAGGGHHH! AAAGGGHHH! AAAGGGHHH!"

It took me a moment to realize that I'd jumped from the bed and woken up with my hands in my hair, pulling at it and screaming. It took me a moment to even realize where I was as I frantically fell to the floor, and it took me a moment to realize that when I jumped out of bed that there was somebody else there. They counteracted and anticipated my reaction, and quickly got out of the way.

Actually, it took me a little more than a moment, but once I realized where I was and that I was safe, I fell to my knees on the floor and started sobbing like a pathetic coward. I rocked back and forth to comfort myself like a pitiful child and crossed my arms about me in a form of protection.

I believed him.

I believed every word that son of a bitch ever told me about myself, and it took me that long to suddenly realize it. In a more warped sense, it took Erryn's presence for it all to become clear to me.

Only, it didn't make me feel any better.

"You're not worthless."

Rufus' low voice sounded broken and cracked, husky from being startled awake, and he didn't move from where he sat on the floor, nor did I turn to acknowledge that I heard him. All I could do at that moment was wonder why he said what he said, and all I could conclude was that I must have said it in my sleep.

"If I comfort you, will I be overstepping my bounds?"

"No."

My answer came out just as hazy as his question, and although I answered him knowingly, I had no idea why he asked such a question. He'd been acting strange and aloof for four days with me. He hadn't hovered about me like he usually did, and he kept his distance. In fact, almost every form of contact we had since the day Adrienne was terminated for lack of further use was initiated by me.

I couldn't help but feel that Erryn told him something, or at the very least, hinted at something that made Rufus realize I wasn't worth having around. What confused me though, was that he readily returned any affection that I asked for or gave, but he didn't initiate it once, and he didn't seem like he was repulsed or angry; he just didn't seem like he was interested.

He got up carefully and moved quietly when he came over to me. Then he knelt down and collected me gently into his arms while I rested my cheek on his shoulder, and he took over by doing the rocking for me. All the while, he combed out my tangled hair with his fingers.

"I made a mistake," he said. His words came out low and choked, and I cringed over the fact that I could have interpreted what he said on any level, and I had no idea which one it was. Except to say, that he was talking about me, and I was right, "I never should have forced you into my life."

"Please don't ask me to leave."

At first, I didn't even realize that I said what I said. But I said it. I said it in the worst way that I could have said it. I said it while desperately clinging to him and crying out of a renewed sense of fear.

"I could never do that," was his strange answer, as his voice warily shook.

He said it like he wasn't really talking to me, but thinking out loud instead. Then he wrapped his arms more protectively about me and said something to contradict the cold chill he'd been carrying towards me, which only made me wonder why he said it, since I thought he didn't mean it.

"I love you too much."

* * *

As comforting as it was to have Rufus tell me that he didn't want me to leave that night, I still couldn't shake the overwhelming sense of distance that I felt from him. It even seemed to carry on into the next day when he sadly admitted that he didn't think he could ever let me go and then apologized for it.

When I pressed about it, all he did was apologize again. The fact that he said he'd probably kill me if I did try to leave him, didn't even seem to bother me. In fact, it filled me with an odd sense of hope that maybe he really did want to keep me around, as twisted as that probably sounded.

"I'm afraid that I'm just as much your prisoner as you are mine."

Thinking out loud again, he was. He'd been doing it a lot. It was like his inner dialogue had gone on vacation and his body was running on some sort of autopilot.

Sitting across from him with a cup of coffee in my hand, I took a sip and then placed it down while I played over every scenario I could think of through my head.

"Did I… do somethin wrong?"

Normally, he would have been over to my side to pretty much physically tell me as much as verbally. But this time, all he did was stay in his seat, take a sip of his coffee, and then turn the page of the newspaper in front of him while distantly stating, "No."

Of course, I found it a little hard to believe him, considering all the crazy things I'd done and said in the short period that I did and said them in. I must have done something to make him act the way he was acting. I just secretly hoped that it had nothing to do with Erryn, or worse, maybe he found out that I was talking to Cloud.

But it could have also been my crazy _Tseng_ rant. Because when I thought about it, all of those things happened roughly around the same time he started acting the way he was acting. The only problem was that it all happened so fast that I had no way of pinpointing which one it was, or if it was a combination of some of them, or all of them.

Maybe I went too far. Especially if he found out that I was outside talking to the man he hated most and then accusing him of doing what I did with that person with the man he respected most. Tseng _did_ practically raise Rufus, and Rufus always looked up to Tseng and heeded his advice above all others.

They were both somewhat aloof in character, and they always interacted awkwardly, but you could tell they were close. You could tell they had a great deal of respect for one another, and there I was, acting like a maniac and accusing him of…

I'm not even really sure what the heck it was I was accusing him of. I think I was just acting crazy like I usually did.

Actually, come to think of it, _acting_ was probably not the right word, but that was beside the point. The bottom line was that I did something wrong, and I had no idea what it was.

Believe me though, I was well aware that it could have been a number of things.

* * *

With it being a Friday, there was plenty for him to do in his office, and having me hanging around trying to figure out what went wrong would have only been a hindrance, so I left him to his own devices for the day.

So, I guess I'll start with Erryn…

After I told Rufus about our little discovery in the elevator in relation to Erryn and Kurn, he decided that it was best that Kurn never know the real reason she was with us. He figured that with them both working on the same floor, they were bound to run into each other eventually. So, he had a small meeting with us all, including her, the next day in regards to how everyone was going to deal with the new turn of events.

She was surprisingly cooperative about it all, and seemed to have no problem playing along. Basically, her role was that she was simply there to help out with the pharmaceutical side of things in the infirmary. It was believable enough, since in a way, that _was_ the real reason she was there, especially if everything worked out. The only difference was that she was not allowed to really clarify that the role involved me in any way, shape, or form.

To make things a little on the problematic side though, she was a lot like me when it came to reacting before thinking. It didn't take her long. As a matter of fact, it only took a matter of hours after having that meeting with Rufus that Kurn just happened to step out of his lab around the same time Rude decided to take Erryn to the cafeteria for a break.

Needless to say that the main hall to the labs turned into a war zone…

She was good about it though. She didn't say a word about why she was newly employed. She did however, jump on the guy and commence to wring the life out of his worthless little neck, and he had no idea what hit him because she saw him first. But I guess I could say he was lucky that Rude was there to pull her off of him.

Not that he deserved it.

Anyway, it was at that point, that the idea of keeping them separated seemed like an even better idea than it initially seemed. Regardless of the fact that the idea of Erryn tormenting the little rodent, and even killing him was more than worth entertaining, I kind of needed the sack of shit to do what I intended for him to do. And there was no way he was going to get it done with her making his life a living hell.

I'm not going to say that she didn't give it her best though.

Because she did.

Every chance that she got.

In a way, I guess I could say that it wasn't so bad. After all, it kept the guy a little more on edge over what the hell was going on and why she was suddenly there. It also encouraged him to work a little harder, and keep to his lab for fear of running into her whenever he left it. This in turn, kept him from going anywhere he didn't really need to go, because she was all over the damned place.

I suppose it wasn't really all that hard to see why I liked her in the first place.

Not that I was entertaining going that route again.

I was however, starting to feel guilty though.

As a result, and due to the fact that Rufus didn't really seem to want to be around me, when it came to lunch time, I went to the apartment and prepared a meal for him. Then I took a large portion of it with me before Rufus came up. I figured, maybe, he would have preferred to be alone, without my company.

Then I made my way down to the lab to pay Rude a visit and offer him some company that I knew he could stand. Besides, I hadn't been acting up as strangely for the last two days either. It was like the constant fevers I was having went on Hiatus, and I was suddenly able to feel and act like a normal person again.

However long it would last for though, I didn't really know, and I couldn't really say that I found comfort in it either. At least not when I knew what the final outcome was going to be for me. Plus, it seemed to be replaced by strange bouts of dizziness and nausea which was becoming fairly close to what I felt after I was initially injected with the serum at Bone Village. And much like the last time, I didn't bother to tell Rufus about it. But this time it was because I wasn't sure if he was really all that concerned anymore.

* * *

"Brought ya lunch," I muttered, when I walked into lab #4. Actually, I guess I could probably call it Erryn's lab now.

I knew it wasn't much, considering what I did to her, and the fact that I never undid it and was still holding it over her didn't really make up for anything. But I placed the containers on the table anyhow, and then I lit a cigarette to keep me occupied.

"Figured ya'd all be gettin tired'a the cafeteria crap."

"Mm," was Rude's reply, as he made no hesitation to beeline straight for it and start shovelling it in. It was okay though; I anticipated his appetite and made more than enough on the off chance that Erryn might actually accept my first fucked-up attempt at a truce.

I wasn't expecting her to though. I knew what I did to her was beyond forgivable. But it didn't stop me from hoping.

With a wary and cautious look, she pulled out a cigarette and told me where I could shove it. So, instead of retorting, I sat down at Rude's side and watched him eat while I smoked my cigarette and tried to swallow my pride. Then after a few moments of silence, she took a few cautious steps forward and asked me why _I_ wasn't eating, before she went on to suggest that maybe I poisoned it in hopes that she'd eat it and die.

"Too nauseas ta eat," I replied, and I took a drag from my cigarette while doing my best to ignore her accusations.

"Nauseas?" she asked, and suddenly interested, she came up to me to feel my forehead and stated, "You're clammy." Then she went to the far end of the room and grabbed a bottle that she brought over and placed it in front of me, "From my tests, I figured this was gonna happen. So I put these together… take one twice a day."

"_What_ was gonna happen?" I cautiously asked, and looked up at her while ignoring the pills.

"It's a chain reaction goin on in your system. I thought you knew all of this."

"I ain't got time ta sit around an study how I'm gonna fuckin die," I grumbled, and started shaking my leg before muttering, "Got better things ta do."

"Whatever," she said, with a shake to her head, "Do you even know what the hell is goin on inside of you?"

"Do I really wanna fuckin know?"

"You're a jackass," she pointed out, and glared at me to add effect.

Then she decided to go ahead and tell me anyway, "You have alien bacteria growing inside of you, and it's feeding off of you. The Mako in your system has sensed it and it became active to fight it off. But it's not strong enough for something that foreign, which is why it's working overtime and causing you to have symptoms almost identical to that of an addict, not to mention the fact that it's also causing fevers and a great deal of pain, which you're probably so damned immune to that you don't even notice it. And I haven't even gotten to the Meteor or the Jenova mutation in your system yet."

"Then don't," I curtly said, and took a drag from my cigarette. The last thing I wanted to know was what the hell was really happening to me. To be honest, I was kind of hoping that I'd just drop dead without knowing the details.

With a chuckle, she looked me up and down and then leaned over me and taunted, "You're scared."

"Fuck off, Erryn."

"Hah!" she blurted out, loudly, making both Rude and I jump from the lack of expectation, "You have no idea how good it feels to know that you know how the _fuck_ it feels, Ren!"

"Reno," I bitterly corrected through my teeth, while avoiding her eyes and staring at the table. All the while, Rude continued to eat and ignore us.

Then she shook her head to get the hair out of her grey, evil eyes, and narrowed them at me while smiling as she crooned like the evil little witch that she was, "Did ya know that the Jenova cells in your system are freakin out over the Meteor Dust in your system?"

"What the fuck is that supposed ta mean?"

"I don't know," she casually said, and then she pushed the pills toward me as a reminder that she wanted me to take them, "But I'm gonna find out. In the meantime, you might wanna take those."

With a snort, I pushed them away so I could continue with my devil-may-care attitude while contradicting my behaviour by asking, "What the fuck are they?"

"They're enough to curb most of your symptoms, mainly the ones that the Mako is causing. They should help with the dizziness and nausea too," she answered, and went back over to the counter to lean on it, as far away from me as she could get, "But that's all they'll do, you'll still need to take the concoction that _Kurn_ made for you because they won't do fuck all in regards to the bacteria attacking you. You're still gonna run down fast."

"That ain't what I asked," I answered, and picked up the bottle to look at it, "I asked what they _were_, not what they _do_."

"Distrustful as ever, huh, Ren?"

"Don't fuckin call me that."

"Fine… _Reno_," she mockingly said, and came back over to sit down at the opposite side of the table, "They're a derivative from the Gysahl Greens and the Sahara Nut."

"Ya've gotta be fuckin kiddin me," I snorted, and tossed the bottle back onto the table, "I ain't no fuckin Chocobo, Babe. I ain't takin these."

"Whatever."

Sitting back, she took another drag from her cigarette while Rude continued to ignore us both and ate like he was on a serious mission.

"You're only gonna get worse."

"Fuck," I muttered, and sat back like I was trying to distance myself from reality, and then I roughly nudged Rude, which caused a piece of lettuce to fall from his sandwich that he quickly picked up and stuffed in his mouth, "Can ya fuckin believe this, Man?"

"Mm."

With a deep breath, like she wasn't impressed by my attitude, she narrowed her eyes at me, and then she looked at Rude for a moment before returning her attention to me. "I've been researching your condition from the information your _Boss_ gave me access to," she said, like we were suddenly on the same level, "From what I can tell, your fever's are gonna return, and they're gonna get worse. The ones you've been experiencing are _mild_ compared to the ones that are gonna hit you next."

"I feel fine," I said, and took another drag from my cigarette while staring at the food that Rude was so eagerly shovelling into his mouth.

"Yeah… whatever…" With a snide snort, she sat forward with her cigarette in the air and pointed at me, "Keep tellin yourself that."

Then she took another drag from her cigarette and crossed her arms in front of her.

"I know your _personality_ disorder is in direct relation to the Mako overreacting in your system." With a snort, she moved forward quickly to tap her ashes into the ashtray on the table, and then she sat back again and muttered while hatefully looking me in the eyes, "_This_ time."

With an uneasy feeling, I moved my attention to the table to avoid her accusing eyes and took another drag.

"If you don't wanna take those pills, then you'd better get used to bein called _Ren_, by _everybody,_" she stressed, before she puffed on her cigarette some more, "Because you're only gonna get worse, you stupid _fuck_."

"Fer fuck's sake… Get me some fuckin water then," I demanded, and leaned forward to grab the pills again.

"Get it yourself."

With a steely glare, she made it quite clear that she wasn't about to start cooperating with me on a personal level any time soon. So, I got up when Rude nudged me and grunted as he motioned to the sink in the lab.

Apparently, despite the fact that she seemed more agreeable when she was around Rude and Rufus, she still wasn't forgetting the fact that she couldn't stand me at all. And she made no attempt to hide it as those loathsome, narrowed eyes followed me like locked-on lasers wanting to tear me to shreds for everything I ever did wrong to her.

"So… This _Boss_ of yours," she started, when I was filling up an empty flask, since it was all I could find before popping one of the pills into my mouth, "Is he single?"

And just as quickly as she blurted out her question, I choked on the pill and spat the water all over the front of me, and Rude wound up choking on the bite he was about to swallow.

"Ya kiddin me?" I choked out, and continued to try and clear out my windpipe. Luckily, the pill went down, even though I had no idea whether it made its way down the right pipe.

"He's cute."

"He's… ten… fuckin years… younger… than ya!"

"So?"

While Rude pounded on his chest to clear out his throat, he wiped his mouth and got up to fill up his own empty flask so he could wash down his own disbelief.

"So…" At a complete loss for words, I looked at Rude in hopes that he would help me out a bit. But instead, he just shook his head at me as if to say 'You're on your own,' and then he took a drink of his water while she casually decided that she'd finally trust me enough to take a small bite from the food that I regrettably brought in for her, "You…"

"Oh, for the Lifestream's sake," she started, with her mouth full of the food I felt she suddenly didn't deserve, "Did you ever consider age with any of the women you slept with?"

"I…" Stammering, I widened my eyes at the back of her head in a fruitless attempt to will her to drop dead, "No, but…" Then I turned to look at Rude who clearly had no intention of getting involved; then back to her, "Well… That's beside the point!"

With a cynical chuckle, she commented on the fact that I seemed a little on the defence, and that maybe my old ways hadn't changed. Whether or not Rude knew what she was talking about, I wasn't too sure.

But I knew damn well that she was commenting on the fact that I swung both ways at one time, and that maybe I was entertaining the prospect of doing it again. The fact that she was more right than she realized however, and the fact that things were far beyond _prospect, _was really none of her business though.

"Whatever, Babe," I said, and made every attempt not to say that she wasn't his type for fear that she'd read into it.

"Well, is he or isn't he?"

"Is he what?"

"Single."

"…"

_Did Hades himself put you on this fuckin planet?_

"I dunno…" I answered at first, and then I quickly thought that if she thought he was single, then she might just give it her best attempt at getting his attention. So, I had to save face and correct myself, "No."

"You don't know… No?" Turning around and looking at me like she was suddenly more interested in irking me than getting an answer, she snickered and put out her cigarette, "Which is it?"

"…"

"I… don't… think… he is," I stammered out, all the while glancing at Rude and then back at Erryn, which she read totally wrong.

Then to my surprise, with her finger pointing at Rude's back, because he was refusing to turn around the whole time, she met my eyes and mouthed the words, 'him and Rufus?'

_Hm?_

Now, whether or not it was a really good idea to play along with such a misconception, it certainly seemed a lot easier than telling her the truth. So, with a side glance to Rude while I wondered if it was really such a good idea or not to just _go with it, _I suddenly felt like a large weight had been lifted, and nodded as an affirmation. But I made it very clear with my body language for her to not say a word.

_Why not?_

_It's believable…_

But at my not so well thought out confirmation, a big grin played across her lips, and she blushed a little in embarrassment, before she turned around to grab another bite. "Well, I was only kiddin," she said, and picked up another piece before the most vile of vile words spilled from her mouth, "He's a little too feminine anyway... You can keep him, Rude."

"Heh…"

"Hm?"

* * *

After leaving an unimpressed Rude who reluctantly went along with what I insanely started by keeping his silence, and a highly amused Erryn, I went back to check up on Kurn who'd successfully finished his last batch of tests in regards to Rufus' condition.

As it turned out, the Mako impurities played a severe role in interfering with the process of Jenova's ability to reunite by constantly killing it off before it had a chance to even start its merging process.

"I-I'm thinking that it might be more practical to flush the Mako out first," he suggested, with his back to me while he nervously rummaged through his data in the system in order to go over the simulation again.

"Won't that give Jenova full control over 'im?"

While taking a drag from my cigarette, I watched him turn around and fidget with a button on his lab coat before he answered, "Yes," and then he jumped a step forward a bit in excitement before he quickly added, "B-but it will speed up the process."

"I dunno…" I muttered, while taking another drag and screwing up my face in thought, before I went over to his system to take a look for myself, "I dunno if I like this."

"Well… i-it'll weaken him…" In an attempt to state his case and justify his idea, he went on to explain and stepped closer to me, making me cringe a bit, "But i-it won't necessarily control him, W-we can control it."

"What the fuck does that mean? Ya can't fuckin control Jenova," I asked and stated, and turned to look at him in hopes that he'd be a little more clear with his thoughts, "How fuckin weak will it make him?"

"He'll be tired… drained… ph-physically weak…" he answered, and started nervously fidgeting with his button again, while that strange spark in his eyes returned, "H-he may not be able t-to think clearly, and may require medication t-to counteract the s-side-effects."

"Fuck," I muttered, and turned back to the console, "Rufus ain't gonna like that."

"Well… h-he's suffered with Geostigma before." Moving even closer to me as his energy practically beamed out of him in electric currents, he placed his hand reluctantly on my shoulder to get my attention. "If he could do it then..." he said, with a sudden and unnerving calm while letting his hand slide creepily down my arm before he removed it, "He'll be able to do it again."

"Touch me like that again…" I started, while trying not to clench my teeth too much and attempting to shake off the unnerving effect that it had on me. Something about it reminded me of the way that Hojo used to pet me when I behaved or an experiment turned out in his favour, "An I'll fuckin make ya wish ya hadn't."

"Forgive me," he responded, and played with his button once more, "I-I was only trying to comfort you."

Slowly, I turned to look him dead in his conniving bright eyes, and fought off the temptation to wrap my hands around his neck. "Ya'd better not be thinkin of screwin me over," I blurted out, and flicked my ashes at him while fighting off the chills that the little creep was giving me, and then I reached over to the terminal and pulled out the chip and waved it in front of his face, "I'm cross-checkin this."

"You'll find that I'm right," he said, with that still calm again, and stared back at me with that same creepy challenge, "Once you check over all my research, you'll agree that this is the only way."

Not knowing how the fuck to respond to him, I bit on my bottom lip and continued to keep my eyes locked with his, unable to read what the hell was going through his warped little head. Then in an attempt to try and keep the upper hand, which I feared I may have been losing, I told him, "We'll see 'bout that," and was rewarded with a slight smile as his eyes lit up again, causing me to inadvertently take a step back.

"You're not looking very well these days," he commented, and tilted his head in curiosity, "I'm beginning to think that the Meteor I've put together for you may not be working as effectively as it was." Then he took a step forward and put his hand in his pocket, "Perhaps you'd like me to put something else together for you? Something… more effective?"

"I ain't yer concern," I told him, and put the chip in my pocket while trying to brush off a sudden bout of dizziness, "Rufus is."

Then I stumbled back a bit and decided it was time to get the fuck out of there before I wound up with no choice but to let the little creep give me a shot since I was getting obviously close to needing one.

"Ya jus do yer fuckin job an stay the _fuck_ away from me," I warned over my shoulder, as I quickly walked to the door.

After tossing my cigarette on the floor, I stepped on it to put it out and made my way out of there as quickly as I could, regretting every single interaction that we just had. I wasn't too sure, but I was beginning to think that I was being seriously fucked over. And worst of all, I was beginning to think that Rufus was too, and I don't think I was doing the best of jobs at hiding the fact that Kurn was getting under my skin.

"I'll see you later then… Renault."

* * *

Not thinking it was a good idea to give myself a shot in the main areas of the building, I figured I'd go straight to the apartment where I could do it in the privacy of Rufus' home. I figured I'd have enough time to make it there before it was too late. But for some unknown reason, I wound up walking into Rufus' office while he was in the middle of a meeting.

I don't even know how I got there, or even why, but I vaguely remembered his secretary jumping from her seat and telling me that I couldn't go in there.

At least that's what I think happened anyway. However, I believe I may have ignored her and walked in anyway, and by the time I staggered in, and Rufus' secretary followed behind me, apologizing, Rufus stood from his desk and dismissed everyone while I stood there and slurred out that I didn't think I was feeling very well, and then I fell to the floor and blacked out.

When I came to, Rufus was on the floor with me, stroking my hair, which filled me with an odd sense of comfort over the fact that he was actually touching me without permission or me having to ask him to. But the moment he realized I was conscious, he stood up and straightened out his clothes while commenting that he was pleased to see I was all right, leaving me with that cold feeling that made me question if whatever we may have had together was over, while he walked back to his desk and sat down.

For a moment, I just laid there, dumbfounded and wondering why he was stroking my hair if he didn't care. Maybe I was being overly pathetic about the whole thing. I didn't really know, because I didn't really know what happened to cause such a shift in his behaviour towards me.

Then, with a strange sense of… abandonment, I pushed myself up to a sitting position and pulled my knees to my chest and wondered if I should have just left. But for some reason, I couldn't seem to pull myself off the floor and I sat there and stared at the wall.

"I'm sorry I ruined yer meetin," I said, in an almost pathetic way.

"They were only asking for funds."

With an unconcerned tone about it, he pushed most of the papers on his desk to the side, except for a few, and began scanning over them.

Nodding, I bit on my bottom lip and continued to stare at the wall. "Ya… want me ta leave?"

"Only if that's what you'd prefer to do," he answered, with his brow cocked as he continued to scan over the papers on his desk.

"What I'd prefer…" I repeated, in a daze, and then I shook my head in hopes of shaking the dizziness away.

Not fully understanding if there was more to what he said than met the eye, and not really knowing how to clarify it either, I pushed myself to my feet and started walking toward the door.

"Wait!" he suddenly said, and ran up to place his hand on the door to stop me from opening it. "I…" he started, and then he moved himself a little further away when he noticed how close he was standing to me, "My office?"

Fully confused, I turned to face him and tried to see if I could figure out exactly how I was supposed to read into what he was saying, doing, or asking, "What?"

"You… meant my office," he said, and kept his hand on the door while studying me back, "Right?"

"Huh?" While taking a step back from him, I cocked my brow and looked to the side while trying to figure out what the hell was going on, before I returned my attention back to him and cautiously attempted to clarify our positions while glaring at him with narrowed eyes, "What the fuck were you hopin I meant?"

With a sigh, he brushed his bang out of his eyes and confessed that he wasn't _hoping_ I meant _anything_.

"All right," I answered, and continued to look at him accusingly, "Then tell me what ya'd _prefer_ that I meant."

"My office…" he casually said, and stood his ground while he added, "Of course."

"Ya sure 'bout that?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"'Cuz I ain't so sure," I answered, and pushed him to test the ground.

As he stumbled from the door, he did nothing and simply watched me as I walked back to the door with my eyes cautiously on him. All the while I was thinking that under normal circumstances, he'd be on me like a cat on a mouse, trying to stop me.

Then I put my hand on the knob and paused to watch for any sign of reaction, and he still offered none. For some strange reason, the lack of reaction was more unnerving than anything else I'd ever experienced. At least I knew how to deal with a fight. I didn't even know where to start with whatever the fuck it was I was facing that time around.

And it turned into one of the strangest games I'd ever played, with anyone, as I did everything as slowly as I possibly could. All the while, our eyes remained locked in a sick sense of defeat on both parts, because I didn't really think that either of us ever really knew how to read the other.

We only ever knew how to fight with each other, and the new turn of events was probably the most terrifying thing I'd ever faced. I found myself wanting him to stop me. I found myself wanting him to jump on me, or grab me and throw me against the wall, and he wasn't.

To push the challenge further, I opened the door as painfully slow as I could, with the greatest sense of dread I'd ever felt. Maybe I really was fucked up, because at that point, I think I would have preferred it if he even held a gun to my head and threatened to kill me. At least I would have known how to deal with that.

With a hard swallow, I took a cautious, and perhaps the smallest step forward that was mortally possible. But the only change in him was his eyes.

Maybe I imagined it, or maybe I just wanted to believe it, but I think they may have gone slightly watery. He still didn't move or say a word though. But maybe if I looked hard enough, maybe he swallowed back on something, and maybe he even twitched slightly. Maybe I even hoped that he would slam the door back in my face and chain me to his desk to keep me from ever going anywhere again.

But no.

Nothing.

And I walked out of that office feeling something that I don't think I'd ever felt before. Well no, it _was_ something I'd felt before, several times, in fact. I just didn't know why I was feeling it over that particular situation. My life wasn't being threatened. No one was threatening me. No one was hurting me, and no one was forcing me to do anything that I didn't want to do, and it was scaring the shit out of me.

With my eyes closed and another hard swallow, I opened the door from Sharin's office to the main hall. Then I slammed it as hard as I could to shake off everything that was going on inside me, and I ignored the fact that I scared the shit out of the poor girl by the unexpected reaction.

Then I stood there.

I stood there, still in her office, and turned to go straight back into Rufus' office.

"I'm not playin this game anymore!" I shouted at him, and slammed the door behind me as I entered, "Yer gonna fuckin tell me what the hell is goin on, an yer gonna tell me now!"

He was still in the same spot. Only, he was leaning against the wall in a strange sense of defeat. "Nothing," he said, with a slight crack to his voice as his eyes became more reflective.

"Bullshit!" I yelled, and looked him up and down, "Ya've been actin like yer finding me repulsive or somethin!"

"I don't find you repulsive," he answered, and then he stared off into space like he was trying to avoid something.

"Then what the fuck is it?" I demanded, and went right up to him and placed my hand on the wall by his head. What the hell does it matter? I might as well test my limit. Then I lowered my voice and took note of the fact that the son of a bitch wouldn't even look at me, "Is it… because I'm sick?" Tilting my head to catch his eyes, I suddenly wondered why the fuck it was me drilling Rufus for a change, but I persisted nonetheless, "Or… crazy?"

Slowly, his eyes moved towards mine with that same strange sense of defeat, and he shook his head and hoarsely said, "No."

"THEN WHAT THE FUCK IS IT?" I bellowed, and slammed my fist into the wall, "Do ya… _want_ me ta leave?"

With a hard swallow, I found myself regretting asking that question, and that same sense of dread washed over me again as I feared he might just give me the answer I didn't want to hear.

_Please don't say yes…_

"I never… wanted you to leave," he answered. But there was still that strange distance in his voice that unnerved me a little. "I just thought that… perhaps…" With apprehensive thought to his words, he studied me carefully and lifted his hand halfway to touch me, but stopped, "You would be happier if I left you alone."

"What?" I half-chuckled in disbelief, and grabbed his hand to place it on my face, "Doncha think its a little late fer that?"

Biting on his bottom lip, he accepted my guidance and relaxed his hand so his palm was pressing against my cheek while modestly admitting that, "I don't know what I think."

With his confession, he removed his hand and pushed me back a bit so he could walk to his window and place his hands behind his back. "I'm afraid I'm not very good at deciding on the best course of action when it comes to you," he started, with his back to me, "And I'm afraid I haven't been entirely honest with you either."

Suddenly unable to say anything else in regards to his unexpected admittance, I took a step forward and then froze on the spot.

"I've spent the last several days trying to sort out certain... _situations_. I'll admit that as I reflect on certain circumstances, that perhaps I may have..." Waving his hand about to his side while he searched for the right words, he lowered his voice to a point to where I almost couldn't hear him, "acted selfishly.

"And upon reflection, I can't help but wonder if... perhaps… I was wrong to do the things that I did." Pausing long enough to take a deep breath, he brushed his hair back, while I tried to swallow back the lump in my throat, "You see, I haven't been exactly forthright with you. At least, not in the beginning, and as I play it all over in my head, I can't help but believe that I may have made a very grave mistake in regards to my actions when it came to you.

"You're much more innocent and frail than I was originally led to believe. And I fear I may have only repeated the same mistakes that others have done so often with you."

"I don't understand..." I started, but was cut off by Rufus lifting his hand in the air to inform me to let him finish.

"Let me explain," he said, and then he lowered his hand and brushed at his coat, "Perhaps I can clarify things better if I start from the beginning..."

In an awkward silence, I remained frozen to the spot, fearing that I was about to face one of the biggest 'kiss-offs' ever thought up in history. All the while, I watched Rufus through the reflection in the window while he focused on the city below and attempted to collect his thoughts. During which time, he appeared to purposefully avoid my overly anxious presence.

To be honest, the thought of Rufus telling me that_ I_ was his mistake was enough to make me want to explode into a nothingness beyond non-existence, and I almost wanted to turn around and leave so that I wouldn't have to hear it, regretting ever coming back into his office and demanding that he tell me what was going on. But I was still frozen to the spot even though I suddenly realized that I would have been happier not knowing the truth.

"As you know, I was… _captivated_ by you for some time, long before you even really noticed the fact that I existed." With a slight snort, he turned his head slightly and then back to the window, "I suppose it would be safe to say that I was somewhat obsessed with you.

"But from what I could gather, I was under the impression that you couldn't stand me. I do believe, even now, that I was right." Relaxing his stance a bit, he snickered lightly, and then he leaned to his side, "I also believed, and still do, that you knew how I felt in regards to you, and that you played it for all it was worth."

With a short nod, he let out a quick sigh followed by a sarcastic grin, and turned his body a little more, but still not enough to face me.

"I won't tell you what you drove me to do during my private moments, back in those earlier years. But I _will_ tell you that in comparison to what my father and Hojo did to me, the way that you made me feel was by far, the most unbearable."

Then he completely turned around and met my eyes. "You've never been in love. Have you?" he asked, and walked over to me until he was at a foot's distance, "I don't believe that you have any idea what it is like to want something so badly and have it not want you back.

"Perhaps you're not even aware of the fact that you would corner me when I was younger, and play with me. Since I know more about you now, it's possible that you actually have no recollection. But I never knew that then. However, I did fully understand that you _were_, and _are_ flirtatious by nature," he said, and tilted his head. "But what I didn't understand, was why there were times that I actually thought you were _genuinely _coming on to me, and why I found myself _wanting_ it to become a reality.

"You drove me crazy, Reno.

"You still do.

"I was actually relieved when my father took the Turks away from me and sent me to Junon to take care of the business side of things as his Vice President. But not because I was finally getting away from him," he stressed, and adjusted the collar on my shirt, "It was because I was finally getting away from you.

"It didn't help matters though," he confessed, in a lower tone, "Because I _obsessed_ about you even more. So, I tried to take my mind off of it by burying myself in my work. I even went so far as to entertain the idea of visiting a brothel to see if I could replace you. But I could never bring myself to actually _act_ on such a thought.

"Because… it _wasn't_ you.

"On the day that my father died, I was thrilled over the fact that I would finally be able to see you again _without_ my father's _ever-_watchful eye on me in regards to you, and I was devastated at the fact that you were almost dead. It didn't matter that I was overjoyed by the fact that I was finally free, because… I was suddenly lost."

As he focused on my collar and tilted his head in thought, he pulled a loose hair from my jacket and twirled it in his finger. "The first thing I did after I fought with Cloud and tended to some minor business details, was run down to the infirmary to ensure that the care you received was above adequate. Tseng, of course, advised me against ever going anywhere near you. He stated that you were… like poison.

"Slow acting. But just as effective."

With a half-grin, he met my eyes and brushed my bang back, "Naturally, I ignored his warning. But by that time, so much was going on that I suppose I was lucky that I rarely got to see you after that. Between Cloud, Sephiroth, Jenova, and trying to get the company up to my _own_ standards, I actually had very little time to even _think _about you.

"It wasn't until Diamond Weapon attacked, and I awoke briefly after the explosion to see that it was _you_ who had saved my life, that I became even more confused about you than I initially was." After a slight pause, he brushed the shoulders of my jacket down and then turned away from me again. "I honestly thought that you could have cared less whether I lived or died," he said, and walked over to his desk to keep himself distracted as he moved his papers about.

"In an attempt to make sense out of what your real motives were, I came to the conclusion, that perhaps it was your paycheque that you were really worried about, more so than myself."

Chuckling at the thought, he adjusted his coat to sit down and then changed his mind and walked over to the window again instead. "That was fine though," he distantly mused, and clasped his hands behind his back again while he looked out over the city, "You were never mine to begin with, and I figured I could overcome you.

"After all, there wasn't much that I couldn't overcome, and why should _you_ be any different?"

"But I was wrong. I didn't give it much thought in regards to what it would be like to have you more close to me than you'd ever been in the past. Healin turned out to be more of a hell than anything I had ever experienced because you were always. _Right._ There. In the mornings, at breakfast, the afternoons, evenings… everywhere I turned, there you were, right next to me.

"But to your credit, you didn't play the games that you played with me in the past. I thought that... perhaps it was because my father was no longer around for you to pit us against each other?" he asked, and turned around to lean against the window to observe me curiously while I stood there tight-lipped, and unable to respond as my heart pounded painfully in my chest. "No matter..." he added, with his brow cocked when he didn't receive an answer.

"It was only speculation on my part.

"You see, back then, I had no idea who you really were, or what you were really all about. However, I confess that I wanted nothing more than to find out." Smiling nostalgically at his thoughts, he placed his hands in his pockets and relaxed a little more against the window, "And after four years of having you so tauntingly close to me all the time, I decided that I no longer cared about what I believed you really thought about me. I no longer cared if you knew what I thought about you. So, I believe that that is the reason, I may have so boldly tested the waters with you, against all of Tseng's better advice.

"Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that I thought I could have you if I tried hard enough. Perhaps… if I let you know, then… perhaps you might want me too." As he let out a deep sigh, he moved his eyes to the floor and confessed, "Part of me was convinced that maybe, if you made it obviously clear that you truly weren't interested in me, then maybe I could get you out of my system and move on.

"But that's not what happened.

"Even to my own surprise, you kissed me back. Once again, you confused me. Only this time, you left me more confused than I initially was. You see, Reno… it was no secret to anyone that knew you, that you were afraid of men. I honestly expected you to say that you _did_ mind, or at the very least to push me away after you were shocked into not knowing how to answer me. I even half-expected you to get violent with me. What I _didn't_ expect, was for you to ram your tongue down my throat like you'd been waiting for the very opportunity to do so with a desperation that made it all feel like it was meant to be.

"To be honest with you, I was actually afraid of what I had started the moment you pulled me closer, and I was probably just as relieved as I believed you were, when both Tseng and Elena came home that night. But despite my fear, nothing ever felt so right, and I'll spare you the indignity of telling you what I did that night while thinking of you in the privacy of my own quarters," he said, with a slightly feral undertone and focused on me with shadowy eyes. Still, I stood there tight-lipped, and feared where the conversation was going.

"Did you know that I actually _despised_ you _almost_ as equally as I desired you?"

"No," I mouthed, more so than I said. For some reason, my voice just didn't seem to want to work for me, and I left it at that without telling him that I simply thought he just hated me.

"Hm."

With a short nod, he adjusted himself a bit and brushed the bang away from his eyes again, "Part of me wanted to hurt you. Part of me wanted to make you suffer as much as you made me suffer. But…"

Frowning, he turned his eyes back to the floor and made an attempt at a weakly disgusted sneer, "For some reason, I was always weak when it came to you. There was always something about you that seemed more innocent than you acted. It made you seem completely out of place from the conniving son of a bitch that you always appeared to be, and like a compelling lure, I was continually drawn to it.

"Despite my fears and what you did to change everything that night, I'll admit that I played with you a little, particularly the next day. It was my attempt to get you back. Perhaps, in my skewed sense of reasoning, I thought that I could somehow make you pay for everything by making your life a living hell as equal to my own by using what I knew you feared most against you... the idea of being with a man.

"But you threw me through another loop, much like you always did. I know you didn't do it on purpose. But you somehow managed to get the shit kicked out of yourself and wound up a bloody mess that required attention.

"The temptation to simply leave you to your own means was strong at best when I ran back up to that lodge, leaving you in that helicopter to hopefully bleed to death, freeing me from whatever it was that you had over me. But I broke down. I wound up in my room to grab my Cure Materia and a shot of Mako just so _you_. Could live. Or at the very least, heal a little better than you would have without the aid.

"I tried, Reno. I tried so hard to make sure that you were taken care of that I didn't even pay attention to the nagging question over why you behaved the way that you did when you saw that damned syringe. I thought you were just being an idiot like you so often behaved.

"When you practically lit up from it, I'll admit that it fascinated me to a point that I'd never been fascinated before. In all my life and experience with it myself, I'd never seen anyone react to it the way that you did, and I panicked. I jumped on you to hold you down and tried to explain why I had just fucked up without admitting that that was what I may have very well done."

With a chuckle, he motioned his hand towards me. "I honestly thought that what I did was going to kill you, and suddenly what I thought I wished for, became my greatest fear. But you threw me through another loop again. You did something I never expected, particularly at that moment.

"You pushed yourself up and smashed your mouth onto mine while I was in mid-sentence, and like the idiot that _I_ was whenever it came to you, I gave in completely," he said, with a frustrated defeat as he pushed himself away from the window and came back up to me and roughly pushed me on the shoulder like he was suddenly angry about something, "And then you accused me of being the one who started it!"

In an attempt to regain himself, he rubbed at his face with his palms and brushed his hair back while laughing at himself. "Of course, I should have known better. Both Tseng and my father warned me about you using people and then discarding them when you were done with them. Not to mention that I'd seen you do it enough times on my own. But Gaia…" he breathed out, and took a deep breath while rolling his eyes back and then closing them, "It felt so fucking good."

Then he took a predatory step toward me and wrapped his hands around the back of his neck to keep them away from me while staring at me with an insane hunger and a madcap grin that I hadn't quite experienced from him before. "You drive me completely insane, Reno," he purred at me, through a pearly, wry grin and clenched teeth, "You drive me to do things that I wouldn't normally do."

Nervously, I swallowed and took a step back while keeping my eyes locked to his and thought that maybe I should have just walked out when I had the chance. He did give me the fucking opening, after all, and like the idiot that I was, I had to come back in and demand that he go nuts on me.

"Your kiss, your touch…" he said, and followed me as I stepped back again, "The sheer and raw passion in which you operate…" Letting out a gasp as if he was experiencing some sort of welcome sensation, he closed his eyes again and tilted his head back, "You became an addiction that I couldn't break.

"And out of sheer defence, I played with you. I played with you because I couldn't stop taking you." Pausing briefly to suck back on his bottom lip, he opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling, "But I'd be damned if I said that I wasn't kidding myself. Because the more of you that I got to taste, the more I wanted, and just like Tseng had warned… that poison of yours made its way into my bloodstream and began to slowly tear me down."

"Of course, I lied to myself about it at first. I told myself that I was only using you for what I wanted, just like you were doing. After all, _nobody_ had ever gotten the better of me before. So, why should you be any different?" he asked, and then he set his attention back to me while lifting his hand to my jaw and cocking his brow as if he was waiting for an answer.

"Because you're precious, Reno," he softly said, and moved forward again, causing me to counter by moving back until I was finally blocked by the wall, "You're like a fine gem… and a _rare_ one at that.

"And do you know what hurts the most?"

"No," I mouthed again, still unable to find my voice.

"It's the fact that the moment I realized that what I felt for you went beyond a simple fascination, was the moment that I realized you were sick." Swallowing hard, he moved even closer and softened his voice even more. "You broke me," he confided, and placed his hand on the wall by my head.

"And then you were captured, and for the first time since I'd known you, I heard _you_ break." Closing his eyes again, he tilted his head forward and shook it, "And there was nothing I could do to save you.

"It was at that moment that I realized I couldn't stand the thought of not having you around. The thought that I might never see you again sunk me to a depth beyond devastating.

"So, I panicked, and I struck a deal with Tifa to get Cloud to help you, despite the fact that I feared having him go anywhere near you… Because, like a rare gem, you are coveted just as equally, and out of an insane panic…" he said, and laughed at himself again, "I went through your apartment and collected everything that you owned so that I could guarantee you would never leave me again.

"Of course, your reaction was none other than what I expected. But…"

Lifting his eyes to set them on me with a depth that was almost desperately questioning, he placed his other hand on my cheek and stroked his thumb along my scar, "Despite all of the reasons that I came up with to justify my own actions, I was incredibly selfish not to even begin to consider how any of what I was doing was going to affect you. I failed to even entertain the idea that maybe there was more to you than the shallow, unprincipled and manipulative bastard that I was led to believe that you were.

"It didn't even matter to me, as I spent time with you at Healin, that I began to notice that... perhaps there was more to you than the surface of lies that you portrayed. I didn't want to see that you were anything beyond that which I wanted to convince myself of what I hated, but I saw it nonetheless.

"And as I got to know you, the _real_ you, I began to realize that it wasn't you who was telling the lies," he admitted, and he let his hand drop onto my shoulder, "You never did play with me like I thought you did. It never was your intention to use me or to hurt me, and it took your unwavering determination to try and save me that made me realize that you really did care.

"I was confused by it at first. Everything that you started to do after you moved in, contradicted everything that I initially thought about you. It turned out that it was me who was the one doing the manipulating, and not the other way around."

After admitting to his thoughts, he closed his eyes again, and leaned forward to rest his forehead against mine and lowered his voice in a confiding manner. "I tried so many times to let go of you, to set you free. But I failed miserably each time.

"I should have never forced you into my life like I did. Not once, did I ever ask you if it was what you wanted, because I thought that if I tried hard enough, that… perhaps… you might want to stay," he said, with a slight choke and gripped his hand into my jacket in a semblance of the way he wanted to cling to me, "You're the only thing that I have that I can't bare the thought of losing."

"So… Ya... thought ya'd push me away?" I asked, unable to make any sense out of his logic, and then I cleared my throat to get the raspy choke out of it.

"I never meant to make you believe that…" he answered, and dropped his other hand down to my other shoulder, "I was…" with a pearly grin that came across as almost bashful, he deeply breathed in and then brushed his nose against mine, "Attempting to give you your space."

"My space…" I repeated, and scratched at my right scar, "Rufus…?"

"Yes."

"Ya don't think that maybe ya gave me a little _too_ much space?" I asked, and cupped my hands to his face. "I mean… if I wanted out, I would'a found a way out by now," I told him, and then I pushed him back a bit so our eyes could meet in order for me to stress that I meant what I was saying, "I would'a been long gone, Babe… I would'a run."

"You always _are_ running."

With a bit of a guilty shrug, I glanced around quickly in search for an answer and wound up sticking with the best I could come up with, "Yeah, but… I always come back…"

"That's generally because I won't let you go."

"Well…" While I attempted to find a way to counteract his reasoning, I pulled his hands to my own face in order to savour his touch and stress to him that I never really minded it, "Ya let me go this time… Did'n ya?"

"In all honesty..." he started, and tilted his head while bringing it closer and confessing, "I doubt you would have made it any further than the elevator."

"Ya would'a broke?" I asked, with a sly grin and tilted my head to the opposite side of his to accommodate his intentions better.

"I would have done more than that," he purred, and then brushed my lips with his own.

"Yeah?"

"Oh, yes."

"Good," I muttered, and welcomed his soft kiss, thankful that he did it on his own, and then I muttered again when he pulled back a bit and brushed his lips along my jaw, "Next time..." With a slight gasp, when he began to trail down my neck, I placed my hands on his chest and pushed him back, hard, before bellowing out, "DON'T LET ME GET SO FUCKIN FAR!" Then I straightened out my jacket and started to walk to the door.

With a look of astonishment on his face, he shook off the initial shock and then casually asked me as the corner of his mouth turned up, "Where are you going?"

"Ta cross check this shit," I answered with my back to him, while holding up the chip I took from Kurn's lab, and then I turned to meet him dead in the eye, "Gonna make sure that _you_ never leave _me._"

With a content smile, he straightened his coat by pulling on the lapels and walked up to me to place his arm around my waist before asking a little hesitantly, "Kurn's research?"

"Yeah…" I answered, and brushed his hair back while chewing on my bottom lip, "Things gonna go back ta normal with us?"

"Is that what you want?"

"Yeah…" Not being able to say much more than that, I set my attention on his shoulder and patted it down for him, "Yer a freak, Man… But that's what I love about ya."

"Sharin…" he suddenly said, taking me a little off guard and confusing me, until I realized he had his hand in his pocket and his thumb on the remote for his intercom.

"Yes, Sir?"

"Cancel all of my meetings and appointments for the rest of the day," he said, and placed his other hand to the side of my face and stroked my cheek with his thumb, "I believe I will be retiring early this evening…"

* * *

Revised: July 16, 2010


	35. Oblivion

**Oblivion**

* * *

We never did get around to cross-checking Kurn's research that night. In fact, we didn't actually get around to doing anything that was remotely close to constructive. Well, except for my second attempt at trying to teach Rufus the finer points of cooking, which wasn't going as smoothly as I thought it would.

Anyway, as it turned out, he had the potential to be quite creative when it came to plastering ingredients on a certain, well-known Turk, and that kind of led me to believe that he really wasn't interested in actually _eating_ that night. It was just as well though, because what he did start out with for dinner wasn't really something I was willing to taste-test anyway.

Mind you though, I had no plans on giving up on him anytime soon. Personally, I figured he just needed the right kind of push. It would just take a little more time than I anticipated, and I didn't really think that it had much to do with the fact that he was incapable of learning. I simply narrowed it down to the fact that he just wasn't interested in learning about something he'd convinced himself that he never needed to learn.

But I suppose it didn't hurt to let it slide that night. After all, it wasn't really that big of a deal, and I wasn't really inclined to complain about what he had planned anyway.

Make-up sex…

There really was nothing quite like it.

Especially when it involved Rufus.

Now, I know that a lot of people are probably thinking that we spent most of our time up close, but the truth was, that we actually did something neither of us ever really did up until that point.

We talked.

We talked mostly about what our childhoods were like. I told him about how I spent most of my time being beaten up by the other kids in the orphanage, and he told me about how he spent most of his time being beaten by his father.

Apparently, the old bastard had a problem with his son being almost feminine in appearance. So, he felt the need to toughen the kid up and turn him into a man, as Rufus put it. However, having me come along and encouraging Rufus to consider the fact that he might just actually be attracted to another man didn't help matters much, and his father beat him even more on account of it.

He didn't actually say that though, but after everything he'd told me up until that point, I didn't think he needed to. In fact, I didn't even doubt that it was my fault as to why his father tried to push women on him the way that he did, which in turn, backfired and turned Rufus even more against women than he probably would have been if he was just left alone.

Despite the fact that Rufus talked about what his father did to him as if it was perfectly ordinary, I still found it deeply unnerving, and I couldn't help but let it get to me even though I kept quiet about it.

However, Rufus seemed to sense that it was making me uncomfortable and changed the topic on my account. He decided to lighten the mood by telling me about one of the greatest highlights in his isolated youth. So, he told me about the day the MPs had to hunt down some mutated Guard Hound that escaped from Hojo's lab in the early hours of the day.

Apparently, everyone was evacuated from the building, except for Rufus, whom his father decided he'd just leave in his bed and figured it would be a good sympathy stunt if something unfortunate were to happen to the kid.

But things didn't quite turn out that way.

As he was lying in his bed, coughing and wheezing from the weakened state he was left in after a session with Hojo and was waiting for death to come and claim him, there was a noise in the ventilation shaft. And since he was unaware of the alert about the dangerous creature that was on the loose in the building, he forced himself to get out of his bed and made his way shakily over to the vent to see what was there.

To his surprise, he was greeted with a low growl, gnashing white teeth, and vicious green eyes. So, what did Rufus do in response?

Well, he did what seemed like a typical thing for him to do – he tempted his fate by pulling the damn caging off the vent to let it into the room.

"It never attacked me though."

With a nostalgic smile, he pulled my hand over to his mouth and brushed my fingers along his lips while he adjusted himself so he could see me better, "In fact… it saved my life."

"Dark Nation?" I asked, and then I turned to my side so I could face him better due to the fact that I'd always been curious about the story behind his strange pet and wanted to hear more about it.

"Yes," he answered, a little sadly, which only reminded me that there was one more thing for him to hate Cloud for, since the little spiky-haired bastard took it upon himself to claim Dark Nation's life while it was trying to protect Rufus on the day that his father died.

Besides that though, because the MP's that were ordered to comb the floors didn't know that Rufus was still up there, when they tracked the sleek black creature into his room, they went in with their guns firing. But to everyone's surprise, and it wasn't just because Rufus was in there, the creature cast Barrier on him and itself, protecting them both from being harmed.

As it turned out, Hojo had been experimenting with ways to fuse Materia with living beings in order to help President Shinra build a stronger army, and it turned out that he was successful.

"And since my father figured it would eventually turn on me, he let me keep it."

"An that's the best memory ya got?"

"Besides you…" he started. Then he snuggled up closer and pulled me more toward him, "I suppose it is."

"Heh... so ya tellin me I got competition…"

"I honestly never expected you to be the jealous type."

"I ain't jealous."

"Whatever you say…" he teased, and then he brushed his lips lightly on the tip of my nose, "Tell me about your youth… before Nibelheim." After a slight squeeze, he walked his fingers along my arm and then rested them on my shoulder while he stared at me with a hopeful curiosity, "Surely you must have some good memories from then."

"Nah… Like I said… got beat up all the time," I told him, and then I took a deep breath to stop myself from saying that if it weren't for Haldric protecting me back then and teaching me how to defend myself that I probably never would have survived. So, I mused over the facts and decided to leave that little tidbit out while I subtly mentioned that it may have been the circumstances that taught me how to fight instead, "But I guess I never would'a learned ta fight if it weren't fer that."

As he studied me with a subtle interest, he wondered out loud why I was never adopted and went on to suggest that I must have been a cute kid, even though I didn't really agree with him. Yet, it made no sense to him why no one would have wanted me. But the answer was really quite simple. It was a fact that those of us who'd been left behind came to terms with.

"The agency had ta provide potential parents with all the info they had on where the children came from, an any health defects, an so on…"

After answering him, I shifted myself to sit up and grabbed a cigarette from the nightstand and lit it in a manner of avoidance. "Since my ma was a… wh-whore," I uneasily said, and then I continued with a tilt to my head, "An there was no info on my dad, I was kind'a left at the bottom." Then I took my initial drag and exhaled before quietly adding, "An the fact that I was born with Street-Mako in my system… well…"

With my brow raised, I pulled on Rufus' hair lightly enough to get him to sit up with me while I added, "It kind'a left me in a category all ta my own."

"And…" he hesitantly started, and then he shifted over so he could rest his head on my shoulder. He almost seemed like he was concerned as to whether or not he should have asked and silently debated over whether he should continue or not. But it was something that he really wanted to know, and his curiosity was eating away at him, "What was the reason… your… fr –"

"Too old," I curtly answered, without letting him finish, and then I took another drag and put my free arm around him and went on to explain in a half-assed attempt to alleviate the fact that I nearly snapped at him for no reason, "No one wants ta adopt anythin other than a baby… Ya know?"

"I see," he answered, and placed his hand on my chest in silence for a few moments before he quietly observed, "You don't like talking about him much, do you?"

"Nah… not really," I admitted, after taking another drag from my cigarette. Then I rested my chin on the top of his head and hoped that I didn't just start another strange battle between us by not talking about him again. But for some strange reason, Rufus seemed content with my answer and started tracing his fingers along the scars on my chest, which in turn, made me wonder if there was more to his silence than met the eye, considering the scars he chose to trace were the ones Aldrich had placed there.

I brushed the thought away though, and closed my eyes while stroking his hair and wondering why the hell he ever wanted to be with me in the first place.

* * *

After staying up for more than half the night, I wound up sleeping in until almost noon the next day. When I reached over to Rufus' side of the bed, it didn't really come as a major surprise to me that it was empty. None of that stopped me from wondering where in the hell he was though, considering it was a weekend and there was no need for him to be at work.

So, admittedly, I was a little disappointed over the fact that he wasn't around. But I wasn't about to start pissing on anyone's parade or start pointing any fingers at anyone over it. Instead, I patted at where he would have been lying if he were still in bed, and then I rolled over to the edge of my side so that I could lazily encourage myself to get up.

Unfortunately though, the moment I stood, a major swoon attacked me and I nearly doubled over with the feeling that I was going to throw up right then and there without enough time to make it to the bathroom. However, as a result of my stubbornness, I wound up placing my hand over my mouth to try and control myself while I staggered over to where I tossed my jacket the night before so I could fumble around in my pockets to find the pills that Erryn gave to me.

Then after a few false alarms of nearly tossing my cookies, I finally found the damn things and staggered my way to the bathroom so I could get myself a glass of water to make them go down better. But due to the fact that my equilibrium was severely off, I wound up dropping the glass and doubling over the toilet to expel anything, and probably everything, that I ate the previous night before I actually got the chance to take them in order to stop myself from doing what I just did again.

With a slight bitter resentment over my condition, I wound up muttering that they'd better work as if Erryn was actually there to hear me bitch about it. Then I prayed to whatever God that would listen that it wouldn't take long for them to kick in while I quietly grumbled about the fact that she'd given me Chocobo food to curb my symptoms, and then I placed the bottle angrily on the counter.

I wasn't really angry at her or at the fact that she was helping me in a most undesirable way though. I think I was just angry at the fact that I needed her to help me, or anyone for that matter. Hell, I think I was just angry at life at that moment, and I leaned my back against the wall with my hands over my eyes while I waited for my steadiness to return to a bearable state.

Not so surprisingly, it didn't really take long for them to kick in, and then my silent complaining turned into a silent thankfulness that was plagued with guilt as a result. After everything I ever did to that girl, she was still always willing to help me, and part of me half-suspected that it didn't really have anything to do with what I held over her either.

I actually believed, and still do, that it was simply in her nature to give a shit, and I had to go and ruin everything that could have been good about her life because of my own pathetic state of being lost without someone to control me and pull my strings.

However, I honestly felt no remorse over what I did to her boyfriend. Despite the fact that I thought I lost Haldric, my life was literally ruined from that point on because of him. For years, I felt so sick that I could hardly eat or sleep, and I overreacted to nearly every sudden sound around me. Not to mention the fact that Ren had nearly taken completely over due to the fact that I simply couldn't cope with normal day to day functions.

With a quick sigh to try and clear my head away from those thoughts since I managed to convince myself that there was no point in dwelling over the past, even though I seemed to dwell on it more and more with each passing day, I pushed myself away from the wall and started to run a bath so I could get myself cleaned up and ready to face another day.

I would have taken a shower, but Rufus broke the showerhead after we decided to get the food cleaned off from his sudden frisky need to start plastering it on me, which I naturally retaliated to by returning the action. It was fun though. Honestly, it was really nothing more than a silly food fight that he managed to find oddly erotic, which was why the shower head was broken.

Now, I suppose the relation between those two things is somewhat lost. But truth be told, there really wasn't one. Except to say that sometimes, Rufus could react in an almost virginal sense, and he just happened to grab onto the showerhead during one of those moments and ripped it out of the wall with a sentimental scream to accompany the phenomenon. It was okay though. The timing was all good, and I managed to get the water shut off before the bathroom flooded.

Not to mention the fact that I was damn thankful that he wasn't hanging onto _me_ when he hit that summit of sensation.

With that thought in mind, I wound up grinning unconsciously at the thought, and stepped out of my boxers before easing myself into the tub. Once I was completely immersed and allowed myself to relish in the silence of solitude, my ears perked up when I heard the front door open and Rufus speaking in a clear tone with no one responding, which led me to believe that he was most likely talking on his PHS. Then I had my answer the moment he walked into the bathroom and intimately eyed me up with the phone to his ear.

"Yes. Fifteen hundred hours," he said, and slyly smiled at me while slipping his coat off, "I'll meet you there." Then he closed the PHS, removed his jacket, and rolled up his sleeves before kneeling beside the tub.

"Tseng and Elena are coming back a day early," he said, with an almost happy purr, and dipped his fingers into the water to splash some onto my chest.

"Mm," I mumbled, and put my head back before I grabbed his hand to hold onto it and closed my eyes, "Why's that?"

With a light squeeze to my hand, he shifted closer to the tub before indifferently answering, "Elena's been having contractions." Then I crocked my eye open as he reached across the tub for a face-cloth and started to lather it up with soap in a manner that suggested he couldn't possibly care any less about her, "So, Tseng thought it would be best to come home early… just in case."

"Everythin okay?"

"I wouldn't know," he answered, without showing any sign of concern, and then he grabbed my arm out of the water and started running the cloth along it when he added, "He arranged an appointment to see the doctor as soon as they return." Then he cocked his head and looked at me with a bit of puzzlement before he asked me why I was having a bath.

With a renewed grin at the thought of the showerhead again, I pulled my arm away to quickly rinse the soap off and told him I didn't exactly have plans on being filthy all day, while he moved onto my other arm and guiltily smiled.

"I thought you would have fixed that by now," he mused. Then he dropped the cloth in the water and started undoing his vest.

"Jus woke up," I muttered, while closing my eyes and sliding down to wet my hair.

When I came back up and opened my eyes, he had his head tilted and looked at me with a somewhat disquieted expression. Then he brought his hand to my face and stroked his thumb lightly across my cheek while frowning and uneasily commenting on the fact that I'd been unusually tired the last couple of days, "Not to mention that you've been requiring the shots more frequently."

Closing my eyes again, I let out a tired sigh and pulled his hand toward my mouth so I could brush my lips to the back of it, and then I murmured, "Guess its par fer the course…" while I grimaced slightly from a cramp in my leg.

Not commenting in response, he nodded in thought while he slid his vest completely off and undid the third and fourth buttons on his shirt. Then he leaned over enough to gently part my lips with his own. "We'll get through this," he whispered, with his eyes closed when he pulled away just far enough to speak. Then he pulled back a bit further and regarded me while he ran his fingers along the side of my face and confessed, "I'd like to join you."

"I certainly hope yer talkin 'bout the bath," I answered, with a playful snicker.

And with a responsive smile, he commenced to undo the rest of the buttons on his shirt and worked his way out of it fairly quickly, "And what would you do if I wasn't?"

"I'd smack ya fer leadin me on."

"Oh?" he asked. With a sly grin and his brow cocked, he positioned himself to better remove his socks. "What makes you think I wouldn't like that?"

"Nut…" I muttered, and pushed myself up a bit to get a better view of him as he stood up to start removing his pants. "I think I finally figured out why ya wear so many clothes," I commented, and draped myself over the edge of the tub to twirl my finger into his shirt that he dropped to the floor as I thought about it.

"Why's that?"

"Makes ya look bigger."

"Does it?" he asked, like the comment didn't faze him at all while he let the last of his garments fall near his feet. Then he just stood there with his head tilted and wearing nothing more than a content smirk as he let me size him up.

"Yeah…" I answered, and focused on the frame of his body while he let me shamelessly take it all in, "Yer tall, but ya ain't very big."

"There's no need to get insulting."

"Whatever, Babe." With a playful grin, I motioned for him to hurry up and get in the tub since I had no plan on spending all day in it, "Ya said it yerself."

"Said what myself?"

"Ya said ya wanted ta control people with fear."

"I did," he agreed, and pushed me forward so that he could get in behind me.

"Yeah… well… ya can't exactly do that with a body that ain't intimidatin," I loudly thought, and rested the back of my head on his shoulder once he was settled, "So… ya pad yerself up with all them clothes ta make yerself look bigger."

"I see," he thoughtfully answered, and then he pushed me forward a bit so he could grab the cloth and run it along my back, "So, you never thought that perhaps I just get cold easily?"

Chuckling at the double meaning I interpreted from his question, I flicked some of the water over my shoulder towards him and leaned more forward when he started to move towards my mid-region. "Heh… ya _are_ cold, Babe. But no," I said, and took a deep breath while he grabbed the shampoo and poured some into his hand, "I really do think it's a security issue with ya."

"Perhaps…" With a distant sound to his voice, he fell silent for a moment, and then he started lathering my hair up while I closed my eyes in favour. "However, it's never stopped _you_ from intimidating people," he said, with an almost feigned playfulness while I moaned from the way that he skilfully massaged my scalp, "And you're much smaller than I am."

"I ain't that small," I grumbled, and nudged him before I sunk into the tub to immerse my head and let him run his fingers through my hair some more.

Then, while he ran his fingers through to the tips to get all the remaining suds out, he smiled down at me and tilted his head. During which time, he pressed on the tip of my nose with his forefinger for emphasis on what he said next, "I'm just pointing out a flaw in your logic."

"Mmm… there ain't no flaw," I answered, with an unwavering determination to get an answer, and then I pushed myself back up while he grabbed the hair conditioner, "The _few _people that are scared of me are scared cuz I'm unpredictable… An those that know me, ain't got no fear of me whatsoever."

"True," he answered, and placed the bottle back on the edge of the tub before he started smoothing my hair out.

"Damned right," In thoughtful contemplation, I leaned forward again to make it easier for him to comb out my hair with his fingers. "You, on the other hand, are in control all the time," I added, and then I unintentionally moaned over the fact that he had such skilful fingers, and muttered, "Or at least ya act like ya are when yer makin yer public appearances anyway."

"This is also true."

"Yeah, so ya need all them clothes ta fluff yerself up," I answered, and then I allowed him to push me back down to rinse my hair again, "Ya know… ta make yerself look bigger."

"Fluff myself up," he repeated, with a mocking tone, and cocked his brow at me while I looked up at him with a smile on my face.

"Yeah… fluff yerself up."

Then he leaned over and thoughtfully studied me for a moment. After which, he placed his palms on both sides of my face and leaned closer while smiling with his eyes locked to mine as he lowered his voice to a purr, "I still see a flaw."

"Oh? What's that?"

"Don't you think that the average person would get rather hot wearing the amount of clothes that I wear?" he asked, and then he moved closer so that his nose was touching my forehead and our eyes were locked in a playful, upside-down stare, "Particularly when indoors?"

"Ya ain't average, Babe," I answered back, and then I smiled at him jestingly.

"My point exactly."

"Whatever…" I mumbled, and placed my hands behind his neck. "Ya don't wanna admit ta bein insecure, then that's fine with me…" I teased, and then I adjusted us both so we were in a better position to kiss each other. But before I actually met his lips, I had to get one more jibe in, just for good measure, "Stick ta yer story 'bout bein _cold_."

"I believe I will," he muttered, and then he shifted himself a bit so that we weren't so awkwardly positioned and let our lips meet before slipping his tongue into my mouth.

"Fine then."

"Fine."

* * *

Once we were both cleaned up and dried off, Rufus got dressed while I went into the room to find something clean to wear before coming back into the bathroom to tend to some finishing touches. Then, with a cigarette in my mouth, I started digging around in the drawers for the hairdryer and was about to open the gel when Rufus came up behind me and told me to let it dry naturally. "I like it like that," he said, and then he put his arms around me from behind, "It makes you look sexy."

"Yer kiddin me, right?" I said, with a disbelieving snort, and brushed my hand through the damp waves that were in my face before placing my hands over his and leaning back.

"Absolutely not," he answered, and nestled his face into the curve of my neck, "From the first time I saw you like that, I've been wondering why you spend so much time straightening it."

Suddenly chuckling at the memory, I told him that Tseng demanded that I cut it all off or do something to clean it up, and that he used the threaten to take away my bike unless I did one or the other. He always felt that it was an unprofessional and disgraceful mess, along with everything else about me.

"That's strange," he muttered into my neck, tickling the hairs as he brushed his lips along them, "Despite the fact that he always warned me to stay away from you, he always spoke of you in the highest regard whenever he spoke to anyone else about you." Then he looked at me in the reflection of the mirror and positioned himself so that his chin was on my shoulder, "In fact, I always got the impression that he cared a great deal about you."

"Tseng?" With my brow raised, I smiled crookedly and leaned my head toward Rufus', "The guy fuckin hated me."

"That's not true," he said, with a concrete resolution, and then he started to do the buttons up on my shirt. "From what I recall, he mentioned something about you needing guidance, but never anything about him not liking you." When he got to the third button from the top, he automatically stopped like he'd come to know that I couldn't handle anything around my neck, and then he kissed me on the cheek before motioning to the bottle that I left on the counter from the attack I had when I woke up. "Are those the pills that Erryn gave to you?" he asked, and picked it up to study it.

"Yeah… she told ya 'bout 'em?"

"Yes." With a nod, he placed it back down and then cocked his brow while staring at them like he was expecting them to perform some kind of strange trick, "She explained why she gave them to you." Then he looked back to my reflection in the mirror with a mild concern, but not in a disapproving manner. "Apparently, it's a natural concoction that's meant to soothe the Mako in your system… to stop it from interacting with the Meteor and to keep you from having any more attacks not caused by the bacteria."

"It's Chocobo food," I mumbled. Then I snickered at the thought and picked the bottle up to place it in the cabinet above the sink.

"Do you think they'll help?" With a hint of hope in his voice, he ran his fingers through my hair while wrapping his other arm more securely around my waist, and then he turned his head to stare at me in thought while he asked, "Is she trustworthy enough to pull through for you?"

"Erryn's a natural when it comes ta illnesses an other disorders," I commented, while I silently reminded myself of how she used to help out the people that were less fortunate than herself, particularly after what I did to her. Then I turned to face him and brushed the bang out of his eyes, "She don't hafta like a person ta wanna help them, its jus her nature." With a shrug and an unrelenting guilt that plagued me, I bit on my bottom lip and let my hand fall to the side of his face while I stroked his cheek and started to fall into a daze.

I guess the action caused Rufus to read a little into what I was saying and the way I was saying it, and he pulled me more securely into his arms and tangled his hand into my hair while rubbing my back with his other hand understandingly. "Are you contemplating on giving her back her life?" he asked, in a low and thoughtful tone, while his breath lightly brushed my ear.

"Dunno if I can," I confessed, and lowered my eyes to the floor while returning his embrace.

"I'm not sure that I understand."

"Was a long time ago," I told him, and started to explain that there was a slight problem with what I'd done.

As things were, the problem was that what I injected her with was a prototype, and the cure was just as much of a prototype as the bacteria, which meant that there was no guarantee that it would work. Although there was no doubt in my mind that she would have taken it upon herself to perfect it in hopes that the day would come when she could finally be free, there was still no guarantee. Ironically, the only thing keeping her alive and standing in the way of her curing herself was the BioMetal which was also a prototype back then. It wasn't designed to be activated or broken down in the same manner in which it had been perfected to within Shinra.

Basically, she was safe as long as she didn't ingest the component that was discovered to break it down, and luckily for her, the odds of that were less than slim since it wasn't a common thing. Not to mention that it was something that people didn't normally ingest when they did come across it, at least not under normal circumstances anyway.

"The petals of the Desert Rose?" he asked, and looked at me like I'd gone completely mad. Then he felt the need to point out the obvious in a manner that suggested I might have never thought that far ahead, "It only blooms once every thousand years."

Feeling the need to set his mind at ease, I figured that I'd best let him know that I stole some of the derivative from Erryn's boyfriend, whom I could only assume had acquired it from somewhere else, "It has a unique acidity that's jus right fer breakin it down, but not enough ta kill a person. It's how I controlled her all those years."

"I'm afraid I'm not quite following you."

"I never told her what the secret was to breaking it down, an it was jus by chance that her boyfriend happened to have what I needed. Only thing she did know other than the fact that I injected her with it was that I injected a tracking microbe inta her bloodstream," I confessed, and then I told him that it was how I managed to find her so easily when he sent me out after her.

It was also how I managed to keep her threatened all of those years as well. She knew I could track her and she knew I could slip the unknown derivative into anything that she could possibly put her hands on to eat or drink, which sadly kept her living in fear for almost nineteen years.

With a sigh of futility, he cuddled me closer in his arms and muttered something about me really knowing how to fuck things up, and then he started combing his fingers through my damp hair again.

"Let's go eat," he finally said, after a few moments of silence and pushed me back a bit so he could kiss me on the mouth, "I brought something in, especially for you."

* * *

I have to admit that I was a little surprised and curious to know what the hell it was that Rufus brought in _special_ for me, considering there was nothing that I could possibly think of that he could have felt he needed to bring me.

Needless to say though, I wasn't expecting what he had in mind in the least. I wasn't exactly disappointed either though, and from what I could gather, Rude or Tseng must have told him how I'd been kind of hoping I'd get a chance to harvest the fruit from those trees that I discovered when I was on house arrest back at Healin. Now, I say I gathered he'd been told, because he simply wouldn't tell me. All he did was smile impishly at me and place a slice in my mouth.

And let me tell you, the wait was more than worth it. The taste was succulently mild, and it was neither too sweet nor too bitter, and the texture was almost like a deliciously smooth velvet on my tongue that wetted my palette with a flavour that tasted like more.

Even Rufus enjoyed it, and felt the need to comment on the fact that even though he brought it in for me that he was surprised to see me have a taste for something he considered to be an odd choice for someone like myself. But it still didn't change the fact that he had no intention of telling me how he found out about my little known weakness that I managed to keep a secret up until that day.

"You never cease to amaze me," he said, with an adoring smile on his face when he slipped another slice into my mouth and caressed my cheek, and then he quietly added while placing his hands on the sides of my face before giving me an affectionate kiss, "And it never disappoints me either."

* * *

By the time fifteen hundred hours came around, both Rufus and I went down to the helipad to meet up with Tseng and Elena who, not so surprisingly, showed up exactly on time. Then we went about our greetings like we always did. Tseng and Rufus stood an arm apart and simply shook hands with an acknowledging nod while asking each other how things have been and filling one another in on recent events.

Although, Tseng wasn't exactly thrilled over Rufus telling him that he'd be baby-sitting a grown female for an undecided amount of time throughout the nights due to the fact that he'd rather be spending them with his new and very fragile wife. But he nevertheless assured Rufus that he wouldn't let him down.

During that time, I was practically fondling Elena by wrapping my arms around her and obsessing over her belly while she was doing the same and obsessing over my health. At one point, I even got down on my knees so I could place my ear against her belly and listen for the beginning signs of life within.

And despite the fact that their vacation went well for the most part, and they both got some much needed rest and relaxation, they were both overjoyed to have returned home so that they could get back into the routine of their daily lives. Not that Elena was going to be doing much of anything that involved routine though, since she was on maternity leave.

However, I think that we pretty much both assumed that we'd keep each other company for the duration of that time when either of us got bored or lonely due to Rufus or Tseng attending to business matters. So, I guess you could say that it kind of worked out that we were both put on leave from our duties due to our unique and very different conditions.

In a way, it was something that put both Rufus and Tseng's minds at ease, knowing that we'd both have someone around in case something went wrong, despite the impact of the possible burden it could cause either of us if something actually did go wrong. It gave them both comfort to know that we wouldn't be alone to get into whatever kind of trouble we were capable of getting into.

You see, I wasn't the only restless person that lived in that building, and Elena had enough energy and ambition to get herself into serious physical danger if she didn't take it easy, which she was well-aware of. But it still didn't change the fact that it was difficult for her to actually follow through. I completely understood where she was coming from though. In fact, it could have been one of the reasons the two of us always got along so well, once we settled our initial differences that was.

Well anyway, after the initial 'hello's' and 'how've ya been's' were out of the way, we all actually saw Rufus do something that none of us ever thought we'd ever see him do. In fact, it was so out of place that we all just kind of stood there and stared at him for a moment in utter shock.

Now, it was probably partially my fault that he did it, because even though I'd finally come to terms with the fact that I was a little less than well, I still wasn't about to start letting it become my crutch. So, without thinking, when Tseng picked up the maximum number of luggage he could carry, I naturally went to help out by lessening the burden and almost managed to pick two of the bags up. That was, until Rufus interjected by requesting that I take Elena to the infirmary for her check-up while he helped Tseng get quickly settled in before joining us down there, and then, this was where he got weird…

He actually _picked up_ the luggage and commenced to help Tseng carry it up to his apartment.

Elena and I were too shocked to say anything, and from the looks of things, Tseng was just as surprised. I suppose it didn't help matters much when Tseng teasingly asked Rufus if he'd finally managed to wipe all of his paid help into extinction though, because the look Rufus shot to him was frighteningly deadly. As a result, Tseng simply bowed an apology and muttered something about always having servants, and then regarded me with a knowing nod while Rufus started toward the building.

"Wow," Was all Elena could muster when they were both far enough away to not be able to hear us. Then she looked up at me and shook her head in mild disbelief, "I never thought I'd see the day."

With a shrug to my shoulders, I raised my brow and responded with a simple, "Neither did I." Then I put my arm around her and guided her up to the infirmary where it turned out that the symptoms she was having were perfectly normal for a woman that was that close to her due date, and that she had absolutely nothing to worry about.

However, Tseng wasn't as easily convinced, and decided that he'd harass the doctor into performing more thorough tests, while Elena just sat there, shaking her head, and asked me if I wanted to go with her to the cafeteria so she could grab a bite.

"I'm famished," She whispered. Then she hopped off the examination table and hooked her arm around mine to pull me along with her. When I asked her if she was just going to leave Tseng like that, she simply rolled her eyes and commented on the fact that he was always overreacting and was probably going to be at it for hours, if not days, until he was satisfied that nothing was wrong with her or the baby.

However, Elena wasn't exactly crazy about the idea of unnecessary tests, and figured she'd take it upon herself to simply leave him there to argue with the doctor over nothing while she tended to her outrageous hunger pangs by not bothering to tell him she was going, and decided that she'd drag me along with her.

We didn't get very far though, because Rufus turned around when he heard the sound of the door opening, and asked us where we were going while a dark shadow crept across his eyes when he saw her arm hooked around mine.

He was good about controlling himself over it though. I do believe that he was finally starting to come to terms with the fact that Elena and I were simply like kin and nothing more. But it still didn't change the fact that he looked like he wanted to kill us both over nothing while he desperately tried to shake it off without either of us noticing his subtle inner struggle.

I noticed though. I never really realized it until he made me aware of how much of an asshole I was to him when he was younger. But I'll admit that I may have paid a little more attention to him back then than I may have wanted to admit to myself at the time. Truth be told, if I recalled correctly, I may have even stared at him a little more than what would have been considered acceptable, which was why I probably knew every single feature of his more so than anyone else's.

Of course, back then, it may not have always been me doing it. But it was still a part of me that had some kind of conscious connection with me, even though I wasn't always aware of it. Perhaps, on a subconscious level, I always knew what was really going on, but I just didn't want to come to terms with it or even admit to it. However, I'd be damned if I ever said that I didn't think he was gorgeous. I just didn't think that he was desirable, or at least, I didn't want to admit that it was desire that I felt for him.

Enough of that though, because I'm getting off track…

At the sound of Rufus asking us where we were going, Tseng stopped his not-so-civilized conversation with the fine doctor in mid-sentence and turned around to find out what was going on. "I told you it was nothing," Elena pointed out, while motioning her hand towards him like he was nuts, and then she went on to inform him that he was making a big deal out of nothing and wasting everyone's time for no reason whatsoever.

It's funny, but over a year ago, I don't think anyone would have ever imagined Elena talking to Tseng like that – At least, not when you took into consideration the amount of respect and hidden attraction that she felt for the man back then.

But that didn't change the fact that her hormones were on a rampage. It also didn't change the fact that her mean-spirited comments in regards to his over-protective behaviour that he bestowed in her name brought on a clash of wills between them, and almost started a very heated discussion until she cut him off and said that she was starving and wasn't going to indulge his ego by continuing to discuss the fact that he was a freak. At that, she tugged on my arm and commenced to drag me to the cafeteria while telling him that he was more than welcome to join us if he wanted to.

He didn't though. He and Rufus had business to discuss in regards to Tseng's new assignment much to both mine and Elena's relief.

Quite frankly, I didn't really want him joining us when he was acting the way he was acting anyway. I don't really think Elena did either, especially when she confided in the fact that she didn't know how much more she could take if he was going to continue treating her like some kind of rare and delicate object that was prone to break if she was looked at sideways.

"I'm telling you, Reno, he's lost it."

* * *

By the time dinner came around, Rufus invited Both Tseng and Elena to his apartment for take-out, and things between the two newly-weds started to cool off from their little spat in the late afternoon. They started to cool off enough to the point to where they were actually sickeningly affectionate with one another for about an hour after they ate, leaving me and Rufus to sit there awkwardly since neither of us was really open to public displays with each other for our own personal reasons.

That was, of course, unless the mood was right. But we were trying to behave out of respect for the company that we had. There was the odd subtle grope here and there though, when Tseng and Elena were in another room or not paying attention.

Truth be told, we weren't really all that used to having company around even though Tseng did spend some 'cooling off' time with us when he and Elena had their little argument over getting married. But mind you, Rufus and I were also having a rough patch at that time too, so there was really no need for us to watch ourselves at that time.

Finally, at a point to where Rufus could take no more of watching Tseng dote over the love of his life, he stood up abruptly and ordered Tseng to go over the data from Kurn with him and myself, and to offer his opinion. "Elena… I'd like to hear your input as well, if you don't mind," he surprisingly requested, while motioning for her to come along as well.

Quite naturally, she was more than agreeable and pushed herself awkwardly off the sofa so she could waddle over to sit beside Tseng, while we all went over it more than once.

As much as I hated to admit it, and I really did hate it, Kurn's data seemed to be meticulously laid out and accurate. The only question left was how Rufus would be tended to and dealt with during the time that Jenova would be reuniting without him having any aid from the Mako to counteract it.

Like Kurn said, it wouldn't take long, and according to his data it could take anywhere between three to seven days – seven days, being an extreme scenario of course, but it still didn't change the fact that he would be infected with a pure strain of Jenova that could possibly run the risk of it taking control of him, or worse. However, none of us bothered to mention the fact that it could mutate him beyond repair if left unchecked, but I knew damn-well that we were all thinking it.

"There are medications already designed to help in such cases," Rufus pointed out, by being the first to uncharacteristically show some optimism over the matter. I think that Tseng however, suspected the only reason that Rufus was trying to look at the positive side was because of me.

After all, it had pretty much become open knowledge that I had been trying to help him, and I think that Tseng really did appreciate the effort that I put into it, as unconventional and underhanded as it may have seemed. Not to mention that it made him a little uneasy as well because I knew he viewed me as irrational for the most part, regardless of what Rufus felt Tseng really thought of me.

"I will discuss it with your doctor then," Tseng offered, with a nod, while Elena mentioned that she was tired and was going to retire for the evening, which caused Tseng to jump to his feet and ask her if everything was alright as he tried to help her up.

She simply responded with a roll to her eyes and told him to quit pawing at her while swatting his hands away. Then she smiled at him and stroked his long black hair behind his ear with her finger and gave him an assuring peck on the cheek before telling him to quit worrying about her.

In the meantime, Rufus stood up and stiffly adjusted his coat with a quick glare at them and suggested that Tseng go and get updated on his new assignment by introducing himself to the newest addition to our company. He felt it would also give Tseng the opportunity to get a quick briefing by Rude who'd had the distinct pleasure of becoming more than familiar with the way that Erryn worked.

"Where is she staying?" Tseng asked, so that he'd know where to go after his inquiry with the doctor.

"She'll prob'ly still be down in the lab," I answered, and then I went on to explain that she was a die-hard when it came to her work and that she hardly slept. Then Tseng regarded me with a bit of scepticism until Rufus confirmed that she'd been more than excellent with her output and that I was most-likely right.

However, he went on to tell Tseng where her apartment was just in case he wound up taking longer than expected, in which case she could have possibly retired by the time he was done. That little tidbit of input brought on a very disapproving glare from Tseng at the reminder over the body of Rufus' accountant that they found in the men's room at the reception hall, since it used to be his apartment.

Rufus didn't really seem to give a shit though, because he stared silently back at Tseng as if to say 'who the hell are you to talk?'

Once that was all out of the way, Tseng commenced to get some assurance from Elena that it was alright for him to be absent for a while since it would be the last night they'd be spending together. Of course, she didn't have a problem with it at all.

She was well aware of what being a Turk entailed and wasn't bothered by the fact that she'd be sleeping alone for however long it took to ensure that Erryn could be trusted on her own. She also seemed to actually be looking forward to not having him around for a short while too. She didn't say it of course, but the beaming glow on her face almost looked like she was relieved that she'd actually have some time to herself.

Naturally, she laughed at him to cover it up, and made fun of the fact that he'd be babysitting a grown woman. She also made it obviously clear that she wasn't just saying it for his sake either, because she knew damn well that Tseng wasn't all that crazy over the idea of leaving her alone.

With a nod, he reminded her that if she needed anything… anything at all, that me, or even Rufus would be available to help her. He also felt it was necessary to remind her that she could always call him on the PHS at any time… any time at all if anything went wrong, or if she needed him for anything. Because he wouldn't mind… really, he wouldn't, and all the while that he was comforting her with the knowledge that he was only a hop, skip, and a jump away, she decided that she'd heard enough and started walking away from him without turning around to acknowledge him anymore.

Basically, she just continued to nod and wave her hand behind her, like she really wanted him to take the hint and shut the hell up.

Well, after all the excitement was over and done with, I decided to offer to join Tseng in the labs so that I could check over the Jenova cells and make sure that everything was as it should be. With things going almost too well to be true, I couldn't help but pay mind to the knots that were beginning to develop in my gut, and there was no way I was going to be able to sleep that night unless I put my mind at ease.

Rufus wasn't too crazy about it though, and had to bring up the fact that he really didn't want to see me exhausting myself anymore than I needed to. But he also knew me well enough to know that forcing me to avoid something that was stuck in my head was like trying to suck the life out of a rock, and since I'd gotten so far in the progress over trying to make sure that Rufus would finally have a chance to not have to rely on medication for however much longer his body was going to let him live for, there was simply no way I could allow him to talk me out of it.

"Perhaps I should join you then," Rufus offered, and then he swung behind me and wrapped his arms around my waste, eliciting an accepting smile from Elena as she stood at the door and an awkward stiffness from Tseng who suddenly felt the need to find the solid white blinds on the balcony door to be the most fascinating object he'd ever beheld in an attempt to avoid the fact that his young protégé had his arms around what he felt was the worst thing that ever could have happened to Rufus in his young life.

Rufus didn't seem to give a shit though, and rested his chin on my shoulder while swaying me a little and appearing to breathe in some deep scent that he seemed to be fond of.

It didn't last long though, because Tseng finally found a reason to take his attention away from the magnetically stunning blinds so that he could take in the astonishing beauty of the plain and simple black leather surface of the back of the sofa and suggested that perhaps Rufus should accompany him down to the infirmary.

The evening was still young and it would benefit Rufus to have a thorough check-up to make sure that everything would go smoothly. Not to mention, that Tseng also wanted to make sure that his medication was still as effective as it should be, just in case things didn't work out the way we expected.

He also commented on the fact that it was a good idea to allow me to check up on the cells since I was qualified to run the tests, and the fact that it would keep me busy still gave me the sense of feeling like my usefulness hadn't completely expired.

Then he went on to chastise Rufus for coddling me too much, and that he was likely to suffocate me, which in turn, caused Elena to roll her eyes again and say with an obviously mocking laughter, "Look who's talking…" before she opened the door to leave Rufus and Tseng to their following 'ego-inflated' argument that was brought on by Tseng's inability to side with Rufus in his attempt to keep me as close to him as he possibly could.

So, I followed Elena's lead and left them to start yelling at each other over nothing. It's not like my presence could have helped matters anyway. If anything, my simply being there would have probably fuelled them both enough to physically attack each other.

"Do you think they even noticed us leave?" Elena asked, once we were both in the outer hall and she slipped her keycard through the lock on her door.

"Prob'ly not," I answered, with a shrug while standing behind her, and then I chuckled over the fact that we could hear them yelling at one another out in the hall, which made me suddenly wonder how many people had heard all the fights that Rufus and I had, not to mention the other things that we did behind closed doors.

_Oh my fiery Ifrit…_

I wasn't about to ask though. Sometimes ignorance really was bliss, and I simply stood there for a moment while I attempted to shrink into myself in a form of 'drop-dead' utter embarrassment over the realization that I could hear everything like I was in the very same room while I was in the damn hall.

That was short-lived though, because I found myself with a new deadening panic, and I tried to desperately brush off the fact that I just left Rufus and Tseng alone together… in Rufus' apartment.

I don't know why it started to bother me so much, but without taking Elena's delicate condition into consideration, I made the mistake of asking her out of the blue, right before she was about to enter her apartment, if she ever thought that Rufus and Tseng had… "Ya know…?"

"What! No!" she answered, in annoyance, and then she let out a frustrated breath before she yelled at me without any sign of warning, "But I do now!"

Then she smacked me across the top of the head and stormed back over to Rufus' apartment to pound furiously on the door while I made a run for it when the elevator arrived in the nick of time to save my sorry ass from the explosion that was sure to follow my ill-thought out suggestion. Not to mention that I'd sure as hell be in major shit once Tseng realised that it was me that put the idea in her head.

So, yeah, leaving as fast as I could seemed like a damn good idea.

So, I did.

* * *

The moment I made it down to 4B, I went straight to the refrigeration storage in the cryogenics lab to retrieve one of the Jenova samples to run some tests on it. I didn't really know exactly what it was I was looking for or hoping to find though, considering all the data that Kurn presented seemed to be exceptionally thorough. He even went that extra mile to do his own cross-checking in regards to Rufus' unique health and added it all to his research.

I guess I was just being my usual paranoid self about the matter. The fact that Erryn knew the little weasel and pointed out that he was less than trustworthy wasn't exactly helping matters much either, and it was simply natural for me to have an innate distrust when it came to anyone that carried the title of a scientist.

While wondering why the hell I couldn't just wait until the next day, or even the day after since there really was no major rush to run the tests, which were probably not necessary, I silently cursed to myself over the fact that I'd left the pills Erryn gave to me in the apartment. It was just a small dizziness I was feeling though, and figured I could shake it off long enough to go about my business while I pulled out my handkerchief and wiped a small amount of blood away from my mouth that I unexpectedly coughed up.

With a silent curse to myself over the fact that I had to rely on something that I viewed as demeaning to me, I prepared a sample and then paused to pull out a cigarette.

_"Don't think ya should be smokin that right now."_

"Shut up," I muttered to myself, and dug around in my pocket for my lighter.

"What exactly are you hoping to find?" came a sudden and unexpected voice from the corner of the room that caused the hairs on the back of my neck to stand up.

"What the fuck'r ya doin down here?" I asked, with an edge to my voice, and then I pulled the unlit cigarette out of my mouth and turned to regard Kurn with accusation and irritation.

"I could ask you the same thing," he answered, making him seem completely out of character, and making me wonder exactly how long he'd been standing in the shadows since I never heard him come in, which also led me to wonder why he was down there in the first place, "I can't help but get the impression that you don't trust me."

"Hm," I muttered, and took note of the fact that he wasn't stuttering and almost appeared to be crooning at me, "I have every right not ta trust ya." With a snort, I tossed the cigarette on the counter and then accused more than asked, "Don't I."

"Hojo told me how distrustful you were," he mused, while he stood there with his hand in his pocket and played with a button on his shirt with the other. Then he took a step toward me as I nearly fell over from a sudden swoon, "He said that it made you rather difficult when it came to accomplishing anything with you."

"Hojo was a fuckin madman."

"So are you."

With a strange confidence, he took another step toward me while I broke out into a sudden cold sweat and wiped at my brow.

_I can't possibly need another fuckin shot,_ I thought to myself, when I went to rest my hand on the counter to support myself and missed, _Jus fuckin had one yesterday…_ Then I stumbled a bit and finally found the counter with my hand to steady myself.

_"Get the fuck outta here, Reno."_

"What?" I slurred, and shook my head in a dizzy confusion.

_"Run!"_

"You don't look so well," Kurn observed, and moved even closer, "Would you like me to help you?"

"Get the fuck away from me."

Stumbling backwards, I lost my balance and wound up hitting the floor with my ass.

_"_Reno_! Get the fuck away from him!"_

Then, with a strange sounding chuckle, I reached into my jacket pocket and muttered, "How?" while Kurn towered over me and swiped my numb and listless hand effortlessly away from the inner pocket where I kept my needle.

After that, he reached in to take the case out and dropped the needle to the floor. "I don't think that's going to help you anymore," he crooned, and crushed the glass under his shoe without taking his curious and dissociated eyes away from me. "I'm curious," he confessed, and then he knelt down in front of me and brushed the hair away from my face, "When Hojo forced you're limit break into the unstable state that it's in… did it hurt?"

"What the fuck'r ya talkin 'bout?" I slurred, and tried to push myself back up but fell down again.

"Your limit break," he repeated, while he fumbled around in his pocket again, "You know…" With a tilt to his head, he coldly smiled at me while those clear green eyes flashed with a strange light, "The one that you've managed to communicate with all these years… The one you're talking to right now… Did it hurt?"

"Huh?"

_"Fer the love of Gaia, Reno… Get the fuck up and run!"_

"Fuck…" I blurted out, with a deranged laugh and slumped further to my side so I could start dragging myself out of there. Rude could still be in the other lab with Erryn. Maybe even Tseng was down there with them. If I was lucky, I could get their attention somehow. I could get them to help me…

If I was lucky.

"Ren…?"

"Too bad," I heard him say as he stood up and watched me drag myself across the floor, "I can't say I'm disappointed that he can't come out to help you right now."

Suddenly gagging and shaking uncontrollably, I lifted my hand to clumsily wipe away at the dampness around my mouth. But because of my weakened state, I fell to the floor due to the inability to support myself with only one hand and wound up on my back with a clear view of the deranged nutcase leering down at me with a sickly grin on his face. In a desperate attempt to regain some stature, I ineptly dug into my pocket to pull out the switch to put an end to the sick game I was finding myself in because I didn't need him anymore anyway. His work was done.

But he wasn't exactly stupid.

He knew right away what I was planning on doing and jumped to beat me to the punch. "I don't think I'll be letting you hit that button," he hissed at me, and clasped the switch tightly in his fist.

"Ya ain't gonna make it outta here… 'live…" I choked out, and pushed myself over so I could weakly drag myself away from him again. Only that time, I started to crawl in the opposite direction of the door and towards one of the empty Cryo-pods in the room instead.

Of course, none of it stopped him from suddenly laughing at me while feeling the ignorant need to point out the obvious. "Neither will you," he said, and then he added when he noted the direction I was going in, "Self-preservation won't help you in one of those."

_Yeah… no shit, _I thought to myself, when I suddenly doubled over with my hands across my gut and let out a small cry from the pain that was threatening to worsen, "So… w-what… yah… ya went through… urrrghhh… all this t-troubllle… j-jusss ta s-see… me deh… d-die?"

"I've been studying you for a while now," he calmly said, and then he placed his hands back in his pockets, "Like Hojo said, you never disappoint." With a sigh, he followed me by taking a couple of steps to stay by my side.

"F-f-fuck H-Ho-jo…nghhh… y-you… t-too."

Chuckling at me over an entertaining thought, he took another step to keep up with me while making no attempt to stop me, "You don't want to know what the secret was that he told me about you?"

"S-saw… records… sh-sh-"

"It's quite simple, really. The bacteria probably never would have taken to you if it weren't for the Materia that he fused you with." Then he knelt beside me when I met my destination and I started to numbly pull the cords out of the front of the pod in front of me. During which moment, he started to stroke my hair while he curiously watched me, "I suppose I have him to thank for the success of my experiment."

"N-nuthin… nuthin in… rec… 'b-bout that…"

Gaia, my hands were on fucking fire when I fumbled with the cords to try and strip the insulation far enough back while I searched my memory about everything that I read in those fucking records. There was mention of Materia, but there was nothing about him fusing any with me. Nut-case Kurn had finally flown from the coop.

It was probably my fault though, since he knew I was going to kill him once he'd completed the task I so graciously gave to him. The fucker had nothing to lose. He was already a dead man and he knew it. So, he didn't give a shit while he hovered above me and watched me struggle with what little life I had left.

"No… There was," he said, and then he roughly pulled on my collar like a person would to make an animal behave when he started to get suspicious about what I was up to, "He removed it though. Once the fusion was a success, he sent the data back to his lab at Shinra so that he could build on his findings. It wasn't common for him to remove records from his patients, but there were few things that were common when it came to you."

"Th-that were… t-tr-uugghh… w-would have… s-ssss-sym…tons… b-bili… 'bilities…"

"Not quite."

With another rough jerk, he pulled me up and backwards so that I nearly fell into him from behind with an agonized screech from the pain caused by the abrupt movement. "Hojo fucked up," he growled. "The fusion of the lightning Materia was a success. But then he got the bright idea to try and extract your limit break. He found it fascinating that when you reached your limit you took on the traits of possession and sped up. _Everything_ sped up," he hissed, and then he reached back into his pocket to pull something out while he continued to talk.

"Your physical speed, your strength, your ability to heal, and heal those around you… You were probably too young to remember that though. Your body was still too immature to handle your break efficiently and all Hojo did was succeed in making you unstable because he never took into consideration that the Materia would interfere with the process."

"Not to mention that the process also interfered with the Materia, leaving you an erratic mess that led everyone to believe that you have a split personality."

With a pause and a cruel snicker, he tapped something cool and smooth on the side of my face. "However, I have him to thank for the success of my own research… You see, the bacteria likes the electricity and can't survive without it, regardless of how low and unstable it is in your body. It's still enough to make it want to breed inside of you. Live inside of you. And feed off of you."

Then he chuckled again and twisted his fist into the collar of my shirt so that it tightened enough to choke me. "Without you, I wouldn't have been able to harvest it, and you're perfectly ripe for it now," he hissed into my ear, in a way that sent a sharp and piercing pain down the nerves on the side of my face.

Then he revealed what he'd been hanging onto all that time by waving it in front of my face, "I've been watching you."

Every word sounded like he was crooning as he set his attention on the small vial in front of me and watched the reddish dust light up with golden flecks that appeared to want to jump out of the encasement and merge with me. Wherever he moved it, the flecks moved to adjust like a magnet toward me while my eyes warily followed the movements of his hand with an impending dread.

"Strange, how it reacts to you… isn't it?" he asked, in regards to the small energy cell that he must have stolen from Reeve's lab, "What's even more strange… is how _you_ react to it." Then, forcefully, he pushed me with enough twist and strength to make me fall onto my back with a sharp cry while facing his direction, "It's almost like a stimulant to the bacteria in your system."

"P-piece… a… shhh-shi-shit," I muttered, in horror, and tried to back away while silently cursing my inability to fight the psychotic freak off. Then I fumbled around blindly for my gun – Why the hell I didn't think of it in the first place was beyond me, but I was definitely thinking of it at that moment. The psycho was going to get us both killed, and all in the name of his fucking research, "Y-ya… c-ca… can't… lea-AAAGGGHHH… l-leave… f-fuckin… b-buil… b-buildin…"

"I'm already a dead man, Reno," he coldly said, and grabbed my hand to take my aim away from him when he saw the gun. But instead of making me let go, he grabbed me roughly by the front of my shirt and pulled me up to him, "If you don't kill me, Rufus will."

With an angry growl, he broke the top of the energy cell and then forced it into my mouth while I struggled with him in an attempt to push his hand away from my mouth, since he covered it to prevent me from spitting it back out. "Swallow it!" he growled, and then he kicked his knee roughly into my kidney to encourage me to yelp, which in turn, forced me to swallow the polarized dust, "That's a good boy."

In a fit of panic, I rammed my fingers down my throat the moment he pulled away in hopes that I could make myself throw up.

"Oh… I wouldn't have done that," he said, and grimaced at the sound of my blood-curdling screech, right before I brought up what felt like fine shards of glass ripping at the inside of my gut and my throat. Shaking like the wreck of a leaf that I was, I looked down at the rust-coloured fluid that spilled onto the floor and my hands and closed my tear-stained eyes from the stress my body was going through. They weren't tears of any kind of emotion though. It was purely physical stress at that point.

_"Grab the fuckin gun an shoot the fuckin bastard!"_

"Ngghhh," I responded and moved as quickly as I could in my suddenly blinded state. I found the gun easily enough, but didn't bother to aim it at anything. Instead, I just fired off two shots in random directions and then grabbed the power cord I was attempting to deface while Kurn wholeheartedly laughed at me.

"I can see why the two of you are lovers," he pointed out, while he stood his ground and watched me helplessly try to short out the panel on the Cryo-pod, "You're both stubborn." Making no attempt to stop me, because he had no idea what the hell I was doing or why I was doing it, he simply ignored me and walked back over to the counter to quickly wash his hands, "However… I wonder how your death will affect your precious President. Especially when he realizes how slowly agonizing and painful your death was."

Ignoring him, I tried to keep what little focus I had and shakily snickered at the slight sound of the silent alarm kicking in, and then I squinted my eyes to regain some of my sight while sticking my tongue through my teeth and grinning. All the while, I did my best to fight off the gag reflex that was threatening to overtake me again.

"From what I've learned, he seems almost reliant on having you around… by his side."

Nodding in agreement, I flung my body away from the pod so I could give into the gag, and let out another relentless bout of merciless agony accompanied by a weakened and almost non-existent sounding cry. Whatever that shit was, it was tearing my throat apart.

"What do you think will kill him first?" he asked, and then he moved away from the counter to come closer to me so he could get a better view of what I was doing when I returned back to the pod, "His illness?" Tilting his head, he shifted a little closer and narrowed his eyes to snake-like slits, "Or a broken heart?"

_Ren… this is the one fuckin time… I'm beggin ya, _I prayed to my other half, while I returned to fumble blindly with the calibration panel at the base of the pod, _Please… please help me…_

"What _are_ you trying to accomplish?" he finally asked, and manoeuvred closer.

At the sound I was looking for, I grinned weakly and then let myself slump down from exhaustion and the lack of will to go on. "Radios," I muttered, just barely above a scratchy whisper, "P-podssss… eeennnggg… r-run… run on ssss-secon… s-second'ry… fre-frequenssss…seessss." Then I chuckled with what little strength I had left at him.

With a dark shadow crossing over his eyes, accompanied by a hateful sneer, his hands gripped on his knees until his knuckles turned white.

"Y-ya… ssss-sssed… H-ho-j-jo… never… n-ne-never… disa… pointed…"

"You. _Fowl._ Fucking. PARASITE!" he shrieked at me, from the realization that I had just set the frequencies in the room up to break down the BioMetal in him, and then he went to lunge at me when my skull was suddenly assaulted by loud echoing bangs and dizzying voices.

"Don't touch him!" I heard someone yell. It sounded strange, like slow-motion as the sound swam around in my skull with no promise of an end in sight. Although I couldn't see anymore, and I couldn't feel or really make too much out, I knew that it was Erryn, "He's a Biohazard."

She wasn't talking about me though, I knew that because she had her hands on me and was fumbling around for a pulse while muttering, "You dumb shit."

"Fuck…"

The sound of Rude's voice, accompanied by Tseng's snide comment that sounded like, "Look familiar?" actually filled me with an odd comfort while I was slowly fading away, and I think I would have even smiled at that point if it wasn't for Erryn constantly yelling and making me feel like retching every time she spoke.

"Help me get him to the infirmary!" she demanded, while she continued to fumble along my body for whatever purpose.

"You can't help him," Kurn chuckled, with a sickening croon which led me to believe that I was royally fucked.

"Should I get one of his shots from the lab?" Tseng asked.

"No. He's beyond that. HELP ME GET HIM TO THE INFIRMARY!" she hysterically shrieked.

"Rude, stay here and keep an eye on Kurn."

"I'm gonna enjoy watching you die, Slime…" came the low sadistic growl from one of Rude's rare moments of lack of composure before he added, "Slowly."

From the sounds of things, nothing was really going very smoothly, and Tseng's hands on me felt like fiery vices from Ifrit himself, and the pain was enough for me to throw up again. Only that time, it seemed thick and slimy, and the uncharacteristically panicked sound of Tseng muttering out, "What the hell is that?" and Erryn yelling out, "Help me! I'M FUCKIN LOSIN HIM!" didn't exactly help matters much, before I screamed like I hadn't screamed since I was in Hojo's lab. All the while, my eyes were blindly open, and my fingers gripped into whatever they could find right before my existence was lost to me.

The last thought that ran through my head was Rufus… _Who was going to take care of Rufus?_

And then all went black.

* * *

Revision: July 17, 2010


	36. Temperance

**Temperance**

* * *

"Don't leave me Reno…"

It was the only thing I could hear in my head. Although, I was sure he wasn't there.

It hurt…

It hurt a lot to hear his voice. It hurt so much that I couldn't even feel the hurt, which made it hurt even more. It was everywhere – inside, outside, and around me.

But it didn't feel like I was there.

His voice was like a distant whisper… Somewhere in my head and far away, out of reach. It was the only voice I could make out among the rest of the voices that seemed to make no sense to me. But it was low, and it hurt to hear it.

Gaia…

It hurt…

* * *

_"NOAGH!"_

_The skidding sound of my bare feet against the cold, bare floor rang through my ears like the echoes through a cavern as they had their hands gripped roughly around my upper arms, dragging me against my will and my struggles._

_"NOAGH!"_

_I was terrified._

_"Please," I pleaded on deaf ears, as futile tears ran down my face, "Please… I'll be good… I'll be good…"_

_But they ignored me and placed some kind of collar around my neck._

_"Please don't put me in there… Please… I'll behave…"_

_"You should have thought of that before you tried to escape, Child." _

_The man with the slick black hair had his back to me, but his voice was as clear as the ringing in my ears. "However, this has nothing to do with punishment," he soothingly crooned. Then he smoothed his hair back. "You should feel honoured that I have chosen you for the final result." When he turned around, he addressed his assistants without taking his eyes off of me. "Bring me the Revive Materia."_

_"Yes, Sir."_

_"I've already lost two subjects from this process," he told me from where he stood, "I have no intention of losing another."_

_Whimpering like the lost mutt that I was, they pushed me in the observation unit and pulled the collar back tight to keep me from moving while my hands automatically came up to grab at the vice around my neck in an attempt to try to claw my way out of it before they were pulled away from me and restrained with a similar looking device to what they'd put around my neck._

_"Of course, they were less fortunate than you," he crooned, as he came up to me with his clipboard and set it down. Then he adjusted his black-rimmed glasses and peered at me, through me, and leaned a little closer. When he accepted the Materia that was placed in his awaiting hand, he waved it in front of my eyes while relishing in my reaction from the fact that he knew I'd come to know what it was that he held. "Luckily for you, I learn from my mistakes."_

_Through the corner of my eye, I saw the bodies being removed from the other units and realized that something was terribly wrong._

_"What should we do with them, Doctor?"_

_"They're no good to me anymore, dispose of them," he indifferently said, and then he set his cold, black eyes upon me with a light that suggested he was more interested in what was before him than the lifeless bodies being removed. With a cold smile on his face, he set the Materia to his side and petted the top of my head, causing me to cringe farther back and start whimpering again. "I'm hoping you'll be less of a disappointment," he confided with a soothing tone, and placed his hand under my chin to lift my head upward. "I'd hate to lose another subject… Especially one so… promising."_

_"Doctor, the infuser is ready."_

_"Excellent… Let's try the Lightning this time."_

_After he grabbed his clipboard, he left his assistants to hook me up to something I'd never seen before while he turned his back to me to address the two assistants that had just entered. "Doctor, the calibrations are complete."_

_"Perfect. We'll give the specimen a day to recover if all goes well," he said, and then he turned around to look me over with a satisfied glint. "He possesses such an unusual Limit. It will be the perfect basis for study on the Chaos Project."_

* * *

I started to come to, partially, when the elevator opened and the fiercely burning touch of Tseng and Erryn dragged me down the hall of the infirmary, face-down while something choked me from making any sounds to mirror what I was feeling. It poured out of my mouth in a thick and almost continuously suffocating flow.

It didn't matter though. It didn't matter that I couldn't scream or make a sound except for the gurgling chokes. It would have made no difference anyway.

"I need to know what the hell he did to him!" Erryn demanded, with an anxious edge to her voice when they threw my body on what I gathered to be an operation table. "I need to know NOW!"

"I'm on it."

The spiralling sound of the buttons being pressed on Tseng's PHS made me want to reel from the surface so I could get back onto my stomach to stop myself from choking on the overflow of secretion that was threatening to drown me. But something was being rammed down my throat, and I tried to fight with her to stop her from choking me more.

"Damn it, Reno…" she muttered furiously, as she batted my weak hands away from her, "I'm tryin to help you, you stupid fuck."

"Yes, Rude… Did you find anything out?"

"You can't fuckin die on me," she growled in a low voice. Then she shoved the tube farther down my throat and turned on some kind of machine. "You fuckin owe me, you sonuvabitch."

"No. You can't touch him. Erryn said he could be contagious… No… By body fluids… Make sure you keep your distance… Shoot him if it comes to that. But try to get an answer… I don't know… It doesn't look good."

Oh Gaia, the fucking agony was unbearable as my fingers tried to grip into the hard surface of the table beneath me and oxygen was forced into my body while something else was being drained. The odour was foul and gangrenous, and something started to run from my eyes. I think it was even coming from my ears, because they felt wet.

"Shit! Tseng… I need your help! He's convulsing!"

"What's going on?"

Cold, calculated, and carefully thought out words with a distinct undertone of bereavement suddenly cut through the air, drowning out all the other sounds to me. It went so far as to drown out every sensation to me as well, as all went dead-cold, and I think I wound up accompanying the secretions that were pouring out of my eyes with sudden and real tears because it was the last thing that I wanted to hear at that moment.

_No…_

_Please don't let him see me like this…_

_Not Rufus…_

* * *

_"Heh… Ya'd think he'd know by now… That yer both tryin ta kill 'im."_

_"So, you're finally after my position."_

_It wasn't like Tseng to actually ask that kind of question. It was more of a statement that he felt had some concrete essence to it._

_"I'm impressed," he said, and swivelled his chair more to face me dead on. "You actually waited a whole two years after taking out my second in command."_

_"It ain't 'bout that, Tseng," I said. With all my distress over the matter, I let out a deep breath and put my hands in my pocket while I walked over to his window. "I ain't got a problem with takin the kid out… but you?"_

_"It would suit you well to keep your hands off of Rufus."_

"_"It ain't personal, Man."_

_"It will be."_

_"I fixed those records," I confided in a low voice, while looking out the window and squinting from the glare of his office light. "Told 'im there were four in the buildin conspirin ta kill 'im." With a chide snort, I shrugged my shoulders lightly and scuffed the toe of my shoe on the carpet. "Could'n risk havin a trail lead back ta ya, so I lied."_

_"I'm afraid I'm not following you, Reno."_

_"This is my life, Man."_ _Shrugging again, I tilted my head toward him and regarded him with the hatred I was feeling for him at that moment for the position he'd placed me in. "I ain't gonna go down with you an that psycho if he finds out."_

_"Then why did you lie?"_

_"Would'n be here if it weren't fer ya," I mumbled while turning away from him, "Would still be out there." While nodding toward the window with a sneer at the thought of the Slums, Tseng stood from his chair and neatly pushed it back towards its proper spot at his desk._

_"__Reno…"_ _he started, and came up beside me to place his hand on my shoulder, "If all goes as planned, you won't need to worry about President Shinra."_

_"Don't tell me that, Tseng."_

_"Nothing can be traced back to you."_

_"Look!" I spat, and spun to face him, "The less I know the better! Like I said, I ain't got a problem with takin out the kid, but I 'do' have a problem with takin you out!"_

_"You'll have to take me out before you can take out the 'kid', Reno," he said with a stern resolution, and grabbed onto my hand that was poking at him, "It's the only way you're going to be able to take him out… and I 'doubt' you will ever get that far."_

* * *

"What about the surveillance?" Rufus asked, in that same deadened voice that he used when he asked what was going on, "Perhaps there is something…"

An abysmal silence hung in the air for what seemed like an eternity and everything went numb, allowing me to focus on a merciful nothingness as a forgiving darkness overtook me. But it was soon replaced by a new burning horror that etched through my nervous system worse than the Mako ever did through my veins. Suddenly, I didn't care if Rufus was there. I wanted to fucking scream. I wanted to scream so fucking badly that I would have given up everybody's life in that room just so I could do it.

But I couldn't.

"I'm on it, Sir."

"Gaia… What the fuck did he do to you?"

"C'mon, Reno… C'mon, c'mon… Hang on. I'm not gonna let you die."

"Isn't there anything you can give him?" Rufus distantly asked. His voice was strangely quiet and choked, like he'd suddenly gone dead inside at the sight that was before him.

"Not without knowing what was done to him. I'm not gonna risk making matters worse."

"Ng – "

I wanted to tell her so desperately what had happened, and even though I blamed the tubes she rammed down my throat for my inability to communicate, I knew damned well they were all that was keeping me alive, and I wanted to scream again and pull away when what I gathered was Rufus touching my hand.

It was like being seared.

"It was an energy cell!" Tseng called out, and ran closer to my presence, "He broke one and shoved it down his throat."

"How'd you find out so fast?" Erryn asked suspiciously, and ran from my side to roll something heavy sounding toward me.

"He told Rude."

"Like that, huh?" she asked, and then cursed, "Then that means he doesn't think there's anything that can be done."

"Rufus… Perhaps you should leave."

"I'm not going anywhere, Tseng."

"I don't give a shit who stays or who goes," Erryn blurted out, and placed something over me on the table, "But you'd both better stay outta my fuckin way if you want me to help him."

"What are you planning on doing?" Tseng asked.

"The only thing I can think of," she said, and then she let out a deep breath as she attached something to my arms and legs.

"And that would be…?"

"The same thing they do to filter Mako out of the system," she answered coldly, "But first, I need to find out the size of the molecules so I can calibrate the filters, and it would help a lot better if you'd quit standing there and doing nothing!"

"Give me a moment," Tseng answered her, and then he hit the unforgiving buttons on his PHS again. "Reeve… yes… I need to know the size of the molecules in those energy cells of yours… It's no concern of yours… I just need an answer… Great… No… I can't talk right now, but your cooperation is imperative."

After a quick thank-you to the man on the other line, he closed his PHS with a deafening clang and gave Erryn the information that she needed to know to enter the calculations for the filters that she was already on as he was talking. Then he offered to get something to ease the process.

"I'll get him something for the pain."

"No! You can't do that!" she yelled at Tseng's suggestion, "He can't have anything until I get all of this fuckin shit out of him!"

"Isn't that going to hurt him?" Tseng asked with a bit of scepticism.

"He's already in fuckin pain," she murmured back, and then she ran her burning hand across my forehead to push my bangs back, "I'm gonna need to strap him down."

"Rufus… Perhaps you should leave," he said again, to the silent President by my side, "I'd prefer it if you weren't here to witness this."

"I'm not going anywhere," he answered back, with the same deadened tone he gave him only moments ago to the very same suggestion, "I'm not leaving him."

"Sir, I'll call you when it's all over," Tseng consoled, while he pulled the straps on the table over my wrists, and Erryn did the same over my ankles, "I'd prefer it if you weren't here."

"I'm not _leaving_!" he answered back in an angry tone and smacked his hand on the surface of the table to emphasise his determination to stay by my side, making the sound pound through my head in a dizzying anguish.

Things fell quiet between the two men, and I could only imagine them sharing one of their infamously silent arguments as they both must have stood there with their eyes locked in another one of their egotistical clashes that they often shared when they didn't agree with one another.

"Forgive me, Reno," Erryn whispered into my ear, while she ignored the others in the room, "As much as I can't stand you, I hope you're far-gone enough not to feel this." Then she pushed herself away from the table and hit the switches on the filters.

Even though the thought was there… I felt it.

I felt it so much that I wished I hadn't.

* * *

_"Ah, Reno_… _So glad you could make it," said the President as I entered his office and he dismissed the others that were already present. "Scotch?" he asked. Then he walked over to his cabinet and was already pouring me a glass before I got the chance to answer._

_"Ya… wanted ta see me, Sir?" I asked, and took a hesitant look around._

_"Yes. With everything that's been going on with AVALANCHE these days, I thought it would be the perfect opportunity for you to take advantage of a bit of advancement."_

_'Fuck… he knows.'_

_Accepting the glass and nodding, I licked my lips and shook my hand to expel a bit of nervous energy before I took a sip._

_"Please_…_ Have a seat, Son."_

_"If it's all the same ta ya, Sir_…_ I'd rather stand."_

_"Suit yourself," he said, and decided that if I wasn't going to sit down, then neither was he. As a result, he came to stand in front of me while I wished that I'd taken his offer to sit, because then the fucker wouldn't be standing so close to me. It wasn't his presence that was bothering me though. It was what I suspected I was going to have to face that was eating away at every fibre of my being. _

_"For some time now, I've been aware of some questionable activity going on behind my back," he started, and eyed me up suspiciously before continuing, "However, it's been difficult for me to put a stop to it, considering the members involved."_

_With a nervous nod, I took another drink and asked if it was all right if I lit a cigarette._

_"Go right ahead, Son," he said, and then he held up his lighter for me. "I believe you know what I'm talking about, because if you don't, I'm afraid you're not the material I thought you were."_

_"I don't wanna get involved, Sir," I sheepishly admitted, and then I took a large enough gulp to practically empty the glass before sucking back heavily on the nicotine in my hand in preparation of what was to come next._

_After a quick snort, he turned from relaxed to harsh in an instant and smacked the back of his hand, hard across my cheekbone, and sent me flying into the toppling chair in front of his desk. _

_"Reno," he said with a cruel undertone, "I 'know' you respect Tseng, and I completely understand where you're coming from." With a fierce grip, he grabbed his fist into my hair, and pulled me to a standing position with my back towards him, "But have you forgotten exactly 'who' it is that you work for?"_

_"N-no, Sir."_

_"Hm."_

_With a grunt, he pulled me back farther until I stumbled into him and my head was pulled back hard onto his shoulder while I automatically reached back to ease the stress of the pull. _

_"I'm under a lot of stress these days," he confided through clenched teeth, "And I had hoped that you and I were passed all of the bullshit games that you seem to enjoy playing." Running his free finger across my reddened and quickly swelling cheek, he lowered his voice to a strongly threatening growl. "So, I'm only going to ask you this once," he said, and pulled my hair back tighter, "When?"_

_"When, what?"_ _I stupidly asked, and was thrown to the floor and doubling over when his foot came crashing into my side._

_"When, '_ _Reno_'_, were you planning on telling me that you 'knew' that Tseng and that sad excuse of a son of mine were conspiring to have me killed?"_

_"I dunno," I admitted, and grimaced with my hand at my side when I tried to get up. The man hadn't attacked me like that for almost eight years. I'd almost forgotten the inhuman force that the son of a bitch possessed._

_'Fuckin Tseng'n Rufus_…_ I told 'im I did'n wanna fuck'n know_…_'_

_"So, you 'did' know?"_

_"Yeah," I said, nodding my head and expecting it to be the last thing I ever said._

_"Well then…" With a few broad steps, he came over to me and helped me to my feet with a strong grip that dug into my upper arm. "I suppose you might want to fix this little mess you've gotten yourself into."_

_After that, he placed a master keycard to all of the Shinra facilities in my hand and coldly said, "With everything that's been going on with AVALANCHE these days and the random explosions, I would assume that you'd have no problem making it look like an accident or a terrorist 'mishap'."_

_Nodding again, I sucked my bottom lip back and placed the card in my pocket, while cursing the day that Tseng never denied the fact that he and Rufus were conspiring to kill the old man._

_"I'm sending you to Junon tomorrow," he informed me, and walked over to his desk. "Rufus trusts you enough to allow you the perfect opportunity to take him out, but be careful with that kid," he stressed and met my eyes dead on. "Don't rely on your strength or reflexes when it comes to that boy. You're going to have to rely on your cunning with him, and I have absolute faith that you can pull it off, or I wouldn't be sending you, Son."_

_Scanning the floor as if there was going to be something that could jump out and save my sorry ass from having to do what he was ordering me to do, I came up with nothing and sneered at the thought of having to deal with Tseng, if and when he found out about Rufus being taken out. I knew damned well that there was no way I was going to get out of this one alive, and worse than that, I honestly didn't want to be the one to betray Tseng's trust._

_"Don't look so distraught, Son," the President said to me after a long silence of me staring at the floor, "He's not the only pretty boy around here for you to shamelessly throw yourself at."_

_"What?" _

_"Nothing… Just get this mess cleaned up, and you'll be my first in command. In the mean time, I need to find some suicidal fool to take out Sector 7."_

* * *

Weeks went by, maybe even months – It was hard to say.

I was aware of what was going on, but I was non-responsive. As much as I wanted to open my eyes, say something, or even move, I simply couldn't. My body just wouldn't let my mind take control of it.

The days were filled with conversations, and the company of one or another speaking to me; most of the time it was Rufus by my side, but there were others. Sometimes there was more than one. At one point, I even think that Tifa was there. It could have been my imagination, but it sure as Hades sounded like her. Though, why she was there, I really couldn't say.

The evenings were quieter, and even though the voices weren't as abundant in the room, the quiet sounds of movement were present, leading me to believe that Rufus wasn't sleeping. Tseng, chastising him on a daily basis to get some rest, more or less confirmed my suspicion, and I wanted to wake up to give him my own piece of mind on the subject.

But I couldn't.

Should I have been thankful for my situation? After all, if it weren't for the die-hard determination of the iron bitch, Erryn, and the quick thinking of Tseng, would I have been alive? Whether or not I could call the state I was in liveable or not was debatable though. Not to mention that if it wasn't for Kurn's input on my personal quirk, would I have still thought I was crazy? Should I have been thankful for that too?

My thoughts were hazy, and I wasn't sure if I just wanted to believe that Ren was nothing more than what Kurn said he was. Were the memories that he stirred real? Or was it just something that I wanted to believe? But if it were true… if what he said and what I thought I remembered was real… If Limit Breaks could be controlled… then Ren could too.

Speculation…

It was all I had, really.

Because I had nothing else.

Throughout the days, I had gathered that the filtering of the polarized dust was a success, but they had nearly lost me more than once as the bacteria ravaged my body and there was nothing they could do about it until the energy source was completely removed. Pumping more of the pure dust into my system to soothe the bacteria would have only encouraged it to polarize if it came in contact with Reeve's concoction, which in turn, would have only put me back to where I was when they found me. But whatever Erryn did, it worked.

From what I gathered, she set me up with an IV drip to pump the pure dust into my system to satiate what remained after the worst of the ordeal was over with. As a result, she also had to create a liquid form of the pills that she put together for me to keep the Mako at bay as well. She didn't want to risk the Mako in my system mixing with the dust, which in turn, slowed down the overall healing process that I could have benefited from.

No one really knew what it was that allowed me to survive something that I never should have survived though. But apparently, something was attacking the bacteria that couldn't be traced. Whatever it was, it was a slow process and was more of an aid to Erryn than it was a cure. But the speculation over the unknown effect of the Jenova in me did come up.

Was it possible that that's what could have saved my life?

"His eyes look like they're goin back to normal," I heard Erryn say to Rufus at one point, "They're not yellow anymore… much clearer…"

"His skin still looks a mess."

"Yeah… Well… It'll take a while… The energy cell would've done a number on him with or without the bacteria."

"He looks like his veins were lit on fire."

"Sir… I know it's not my business, but… Shouldn't you be spendin some time with Rude?"

* * *

From some of the quiet conversations that were held in the room, I had managed to put together enough information to discover that Rufus had finally ordered the Mako refinery in Nibelheim to be closed down and to go ahead and start using the dust as a primary source. But he wanted the refinery to look like it was still operational to try and lure Aldrich out of the wood-works. His MPs were unsuccessful at locating him, not that anyone was really surprised about that. So as a last and very hopeful resort, Rufus figured he'd try a different approach.

Naturally, most of his conversations on the matter were with Tseng, not that there was anything strange about that. He was, after all, the leader of the Turks.

But on the more negative side of things, the Jenova cells that I went down to check over were all tainted with enough Mako to have killed off every last bit of hope that we had ever had over setting Rufus free of the ailment that burdened him for most of his life. My precious Rufus…

How I've failed you…

One evening though, the room was absent from any visitors, save for Rufus who probably wouldn't have left my side if he was on fire, and Erryn, who had her own personal agenda to keep me alive. I assumed that Rufus had dismissed everyone, and even possibly felt that Erryn no longer needed to be under close watch since she was in his presence for the most part. However, whatever happened on the other side of that door with her was beyond me.

It didn't take me long to find out what had happened though, and it only made my condition that much more tormenting. If it weren't for Kurn already being dead, I would have killed him all over again just so I could get the bastard back over it.

Only, I would have made sure that I was able to watch him die the second time around. But as it was, there was no such luck, and Rude was the only one who got the enjoyment of watching the rodent suffer to his last breath. Of course, he had to shoot the fucker in the legs to keep him immobile and at a safe distance from infecting my good monolith of a friend with what he died from.

Anyway, as futile as my anger was over the matter, I suppose I was a little happy too... even though I missed the one thing that I had been looking forward to ever since I found out about it.

And hearing those simple words leave Tseng's lips as he spoke them quietly to Rufus late sometime the next evening, made me want to wake up from the comatose prison I was stuck in all the more.

"It's a girl," he said, "We named her Allysia… After Elena's Great Grandmother."

Oh well, I suppose it could have been worse…

He could have told Rufus he was in love with him.

* * *

In a strange sort of way, I suppose the birth of a healthy baby girl was enough of a catalyst to force me to want to return to the real world. Well, that and Rufus. To be honest, if it wasn't for Rufus, I probably would have never had a reason to hang on in the first place. But as it was, his presence alone, gave me a reason.

I don't know why though. Since I'd gotten close to the man, I'd been drugged, beaten, infected with alien bacteria, tortured, reunited with an old tormentor, stabbed… Hell, I even slept with Cloud for good measure, and then I was nearly killed by an insane scientist.

Now, it's not like any of those things had never happened to me before, except for the sleeping with Cloud bit, but I can guarantee you all that nothing like that had ever happened to me within the time-span that it all happened in. Rufus was like a fucking curse.

Only problem was, that I had actually come to rely on his presence, and I didn't think that I could ever go on without it.

Somewhere along the line, we both managed to break each other down. When, where, how, and why it happened, I didn't think either of us would ever really know. But as it was, we did something to one another that no one else could ever do to us. Was it a good thing? I don't know. But truth be told, it had gone beyond being too late to ask that question.

Anyway, when I opened my eyes in the dim lighting of the room, there wasn't much that I could make out. Mostly, just shapes and colours were all I could see. Well, that and the quick movement of Rufus when I made some kind of strange sound that resembled a cat throwing up. Not that I was actually attempting to throw up. It's just that when I made an attempt to say something, I realized just how dry and damaged my throat really was.

"Shhh," Rufus soothed, as he looked down at me with those big and beautiful, blurry and fuzzy blue balls on his face that must have been his eyes, "Don't try to speak."

After rummaging around in a cabinet by my bedside, he returned his attention to me and sat on the edge of the bed. "Drink this," he said with a rough and tired undertone to his voice, as he brought a small bottle to my lips and carefully slid his arm behind my neck to lift me a little, "It's a Hi-Potion." Then he apologised when he noticed me wince slightly as he lifted me, "Sorry… Erryn said you'd be a little sensitive."

"Was'n kiddin," I managed to mutter out, just above a scratchy rasp. While he reached over to put the empty vial down and grab a glass of water for me, I pushed myself farther into his arm that was holding me and thanked the day that Sephiroth killed his father and Cloud stabbed me over Sector 7, or I never would have been in Rufus' arms. Would I ever tell him that though?

Hell, no.

After a few hard to swallow sips from the straw he was holding for me, he took it away and put the glass back. Then he placed his hand gently in my hair in his best attempt to not cause me any more discomfort as he brushed my hair back and pressed his lips lightly to my forehead. "I thought I'd lost you," he confessed after a long silence, and then he pulled his legs up so he could lie beside me and fall asleep as I joined him.

* * *

For the next several days, I spent my time coming in and out of consciousness. Sometimes Rufus was there, and other times he wasn't. It was mostly during the daytime hours that he was gone though, or at least that's what I gathered from my half-aware state. I probably would have been more aware of what was going on if Erryn didn't have me doped up on so many pain-killers once she found out about my initial return to the waking world. I suppose I shouldn't have complained about that though, because they really did help.

"Rufus and Rude, huh?" she sceptically asked me when she came in for my daily check-up and no one else was there. With a thermometer in her hand, she looked down at me with a disapproving frown and snorted when I said, "Yeah," and turned my head away from her to stare longingly at the glass of water by the bed.

"I think you're full of shit."

"Think whatever ya want."

As she shook her head at me and checked my temperature, I reached over to the small table to grab the glass so I could soothe my throat with the cool liquid that had come about from the melted ice that was nearly all gone.

According to what Rufus had told me, my throat didn't just feel like it had been ripped apart when I attempted to expel the dust in a fit of panic. It _was_ ripped apart, and my voice had paid the price. It wasn't that I couldn't talk. It was simply that the damage had taken its toll and left me with a broken rasp that was barely above a whisper. Erryn said it would heal though. Although, it may never heal completely. But she figured I'd eventually be able to start yelling at people again in due time.

While she stood hovering over me and clicking her tongue as she waited for the time to go by so she could get an accurate reading, she started snickering quietly to herself, and then she observed the reading and tapped the small probe with her fingers before telling me that I was almost back to normal and could probably go home soon, and then she asked, "Do you really think I'm that stupid?"

"Ya want an honest answer?"

"Asshole," she muttered, and walked over to the tray to put the thermometer down, and started snickering again, "I never thought I'd see the day."

"What's that?" I asked, and took another luxuriously delicious sip of the tasteless water and let it settle in my mouth enough to wet my palate before swallowing.

"They really care about you."

After tapping her fingers again in thought, she turned around to face me and stood there quietly for a moment while she went carefully over her thoughts. "I remember what you were like back then," she quietly said, and then she walked over to me. "It was such a short time, but I thought I knew everythin there was to know about you."

"Disappointed?" I asked, and held the glass against my forehead to cool myself off a little.

"No… Confused," she answered. With another shake to her head, she held onto my wrist to check my pulse and stared at her watch, "I'm not gonna lie to you, Renault." When she let go of my wrist, she pulled the glass out of my hand and checked the contents by stirring them around with the straw, "I think you're a sonuvabitch that deserved what you got."

"Thanks."

"No… I'm not finished."

"No? I think ya are."

"I don't like you." With a frustrated snort, she placed the glass roughly back into my hands, "I have no reason to like you, and I don't think I ever will."

"That's a surprise," I sarcastically mumbled, and placed the glass on the table so I could turn away from her judging eyes.

"To be honest with you, I never thought I'd ever see anyone give a shit about you. You were such a fuckin… _despicable_ little shit, that it actually gave me comfort in believing everyone hated you, and that eventually one of those people would finally give you what you deserved."

"That's good ta know."

"No… It's not."

"Fuck, Erryn. Why doncha jus fuck off then?" I offered, and pulled the blanket up to cover myself more, "Why bother stayin here and tellin me this shit… Ya think I don't fuckin know what ya think of me?"

"Great Shiva… You sound like shit," she said, and grabbed my glass before leaving.

But she came right back with a full glass, and set it down angrily on the table in front of me.

"How did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Wind up here? Win these people over? Get out of the fuckin Slums?" She was frustrated, I guess, over the fact that some things actually went right for me in my life and they didn't for her, and she wasn't going to drop it until she found out why. At least, that was what I gathered. "You're not a likeable person, Renault. You're an asshole. You screw people over, and you never give any consideration to anyone other than yourself… Even when it came to Hal –"

"Don't fuckin speak his name, Erryn," I hissed, as I jumped to a sitting position and started choking over the fact that I really wasn't supposed to be pushing my voice like that. But the bitch left me no other choice, and she took a deep breath before she handed me the water, and started rubbing my back.

"You led him on, Renault," she explained in an attempt to justify herself, "You knew he was crazy, and you led him on."

"Ya don't know the whole story."

With a grunt, she plopped herself down in the chair by the bed and rubbed at the scar on her face that I put there and muttered out that it wasn't fair, and that I never should have made it out of the Slums alive, and that I definitely never deserved to wind up where I wound up, "And I know enough to know that you should have left him the _first_ time he tried to kill you."

"What… Are ya my mother now?"

Snorting again, she whacked at the IV tube in my arm to swat it out of her way and placed her forearms on the bed with her hands clasped and muttered, "Maybe you need one." Then she muttered out, "Jerk," or something that sounded like it and let out a big sigh, "I overheard that he was still alive."

"Ya did'n say nothin, I hope."

"Why would I?" she asked, and then she snickered sarcastically.

"Cuz yer a bitch."

"Yeah… Well…" Standing up and taking another deep breath, she inspected the drip for the dust she was pumping into me, and then she hatefully looked down at me, "I'm not a stupid bitch."

"No shit," I said, and rested back against the pillows, "Guess ya jus did'n see no advantage ta sayin anythin, yet."

"Hm." Crossing her arms in front of her, she tapped her foot on one of the legs of the bed with a tilt to her head. "I don't really know what the big deal is," she confessed, and let her hair cover her face as she looked down at the floor, "I understand why you didn't want me to say anything about my past _profession_, I think."

"Why's that?"

"I've heard rumours about what your _Boss_ has done to… people like me in the past… I've heard it wasn't pretty." Then she rested her hand on the bed and leaned over me in a confiding manner and whispered, "Is it true?"

"It ain't his fault," I muttered, not that it was really that good of an excuse for him, but it was the best I could come up with at the time. To be honest, I didn't really think there ever was a good excuse for it, but then again, I was the last person that held the right to judge anyone.

"Fuck… Be straight with me, Ren."

"Reno."

"Reno…" With a frustrated shake to her head and a roll to her eyes, she brushed her hair behind her ear with her middle finger, which I believed was more than just a natural action, "I'm dead once I find a cure for you, aren't I."

She wasn't really asking, and took it upon herself to believe that what she spoke was a fact. Her mannerism and belief led me to feel a little uneasy, and I shifted my gaze down to my toes that were sticking out of the blanket while I tried to think of a way to comfort her that would actually give her comfort.

"Erryn," I started, and tried to clear my throat so I could speak a little louder and clearer, "Rufus ain't that bad."

"That's not what I heard."

"Yeah, well… Trust me," I said, as a second attempt to try and set her mind at ease. Believe me though, I knew I wasn't doing a very good job at it because I sucked at it. "He ain't gonna hurt ya if ya don't fuck up," And to top things off, because I really needed to try and help her out in the best way that I knew how, and I really didn't know how, I added, "Or let him know what ya used ta do fer a livin."

"I can't hide somethin like that forever."

"Ya won't need ta," I muttered, and then yawned while closing my eyes, "Once ya prove yerself… he ain't gonna give a shit."

I was almost asleep, but I still managed to hear what she said before she left, and I had to admit that it made me a little uncertain as to whether or not I should have worried about it or not. "I hope you're right, Ren… Cuz if you're not… I'm afraid, I'm gonna hafta tell him all your dark little secrets… Then you'll have no choice but to involve yourself."

_Fuck… If Rufus ever found out that I had a thing for her, he wouldn't hesitate to put an end to her miserable existence._

The worst part was that I couldn't even tell her the reason, and it wasn't really because I was trying to hide what was between Rufus and me. In fact, I may have very well gotten over the need to do such a thing with him. It was the fact that if she knew, she would most certainly use the knowledge to her advantage and start pitting us against each other.

She was good at that.

Believe me when I tell you, that she was _really_ good at it.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that Erryn was a bad person. She was a survivor and no different than myself really, and since she had a genuine reason for self-preservation, I sure as hell wasn't going to give her any of the ammunition that she could possibly use against me to get what she wanted, because she'd sure as hell use it.

* * *

It didn't feel like much time had passed before I awoke to the sound of a baby crying. Of course, something as strange as that really led me to wonder exactly where the hell I was and if I really was alive. Mind you though, I kind of regretted opening my eyes, because the first thing that I saw was Elena at the side of my bed with a small blanket over her, which I was thankful for, and the sound of suckling.

"Sorry," were the first words that left Elena's mouth when she saw me open my eye and then uncomfortably turn away from her so I didn't have to see anything indecent, "She was hungry."

Of course, my first reaction was to just pretend that I was still asleep and ignore the fact that there was a woman breast-feeding her child beside me, but it was too late. She knew I was awake and she started talking to me.

She started telling me about the experience of giving birth and how Tseng actually passed out when he saw the first signs of the baby coming, which only made me shift more uneasily at the imagery she was explaining. It also made me laugh a little too though. The whole idea of a man passing out who'd been the witness to far worse things than probably even me was somewhat comical in my own point of view.

"Ya serious?" I asked, unable to go on with the charade of being asleep anymore.

"Oh, yeah," she said, and then she laughed about it, "The dumb-ass turned away for a second, and then he turned back and saw me pushing and went as white as a ghost before he fell to the floor."

"Dumb-ass…" I repeated, more so to let what she said sink in rather than agree with her, "Tseng?"

With a quizzical look, I turned back around and impressed myself with the fact that I was suddenly not bothered by the fact that she was still feeding her child, and met those big, beautiful, brown eyes of hers. "Yeah," she snickered out, and shifted the baby over to her other breast, "I guess I would've laughed at him, but at the time, I was kind of swearing at him for being the cause of it all."

"Did it hurt?"

Okay, so yeah… that was probably not the best thought out question.

"Are you serious?" she asked, and knitted her brows at me with a fiery glare, "I'd like to see you push a watermelon out of your –"

"Elena," Tseng interjected calmly, as he walked in and quietly closed the door behind him, "Please don't tell me you're about to describe your version to him."

"My version?"

_Oh boy…_

"Sorry, Reno," Tseng apologised to me and took a few steps to bring himself more into the room, "The doctor said she'd be going through some post-partum."

"What?" she fired back, and stood up, "Are you _crazy_?"

"Would you like to see the child?" he asked, as he ignored the daggers that were thrown at him through Elena's hateful eyes in regards to his condescending attitude toward her, "We named her Allysia."

With a knowing glance at him and a bit of a crooked smile, I caught the fact that he was tactfully throwing her off track by taking her mind off of the fact that he'd just pissed her off, and for the most part… the man knew what he was doing.

Agreeably, Elena pulled the baby away when she was done feeding her, and showed her to me while Tseng came to stand beside her and put his hand on her shoulder in his usually awkward attempt to show that he cared. "Would you like to hold her?" he asked with a crooked grin on his face that told me he tried to get Rufus to do the same and failed.

"Can…" I started hesitantly, as Elena held her towards me with a beaming smile on her face as an offer, "Are ya sure?"

Admittedly, I was a little nervous for several different reasons. The main reason was that I wasn't exactly sure how everyone felt about the idea that I was still infected, and the fact that maybe they would be concerned about me transmitting it to the baby. After all, I kind of was. The other reason was… the damn thing was so tiny!

Like I mean, I was glad for Elena and all that it was, but… _What the fuck?_

"Go ahead," Tseng said, when he noticed the horror that must have shown through in my expression, and Elena's smile broadened, "Erryn said you weren't contagious."

"Oh, no…" With an overly obvious shake to my head, I made my best attempt to back out over the fear of breaking the damn thing, or dropping it even, and I pushed myself up and backed into the wall behind me as best I could, "I-I don't think I should… I… might… break it… or somethin…"

"You won't break it –" he started, before he was cut off with an abrupt "Her!" from Elena before he had the chance to say, "I had the same fear myself at first."

"Heard ya passed out," I said with a playful smile, and challenged him by meeting his eyes.

Stiffening up slightly, like he always did when he was embarrassed, he cleared his throat and came up with an obviously bullshit lie. "That's not what happened," he said, right around the same moment that he glared at Elena for telling such an outrageous fib, "I slipped on –"

"Slipped on what?" Elena challenged with a grin, as she looked him up and down like she was sizing him up for the idiot outfit of the year.

"There was something… slippery on… the floor," he said, before pursing his lips and giving Elena a not-so-subtle intense glare in an attempt to plead with her to keep her mouth shut.

"Oh yeah," she agreed with an edge of sarcasm for extra effect, "That's _exactly_ what the doctor said."

"Elena…"

"Oh no… Don't you _Elena_ me, Mister! I was there! You passed out!"

"Dear Gaia," he muttered, and glared at her again before he bent down and pecked her on the lips. "Reno's not well… Let's not do this here," he consoled, before he looked over at me and winked before pushing the baby over to me.

With my brow raised, I smiled crookedly over at him and wondered what the hell the wink was for, before the baby was placed against my will into my arms. After an initial freak out, which wasn't really all that bad, I suddenly realised that there was really nothing to be afraid of when the thing… I mean… the baby… gurgled at me and reached out.

Would mush have explained what suddenly happened to me?

Maybe.

I don't really know. What I did know was that I liked it, and decided to blame it on the drugs that Erryn was pumping into me. It was still hard to say at that point what the thing… I mean… the baby looked like. I mean… who… it looked like. But I was quite happy thinking it was Elena. Gaia knew a little girl that looked like Tseng was not exactly a pretty thing.

Although, mind you, with that luxuriously silky hair of his… and that milky-smooth complexion… maybe…

Oh, for Gaia's sake… What the hell was I thinking?

* * *

After a few more days of finally coming around long enough to stay awake for a whole day and swallow a few solids, Erryn had finally decided that it would be all right for me to finally go home, "Wherever that is," she sceptically said, before Rude interjected that Erryn had already taken the liberty to tell Rufus I was okay.

"Yeah, but before I let you go, I wanna take some samples," she added, and grabbed a syringe for a blood sample, "It shouldn't take too long."

"Am I gonna hafta go back ta usin that concoction of Kurn's?" I asked, somewhat bitterly, as Rude came over to my side to sit down and hold my hand in a manner of comfort.

"No," she answered bluntly and wrapped a tourniquet around my arm, "After what he did to you, I'm afraid that stuff's not gonna work anymore."

"What am I gonna hafta use than?" I asked, and winced a little when she put the needle in my arm.

"Still sensitive?"

"A little."

With a satisfied smile over the fact that I was still a little touchy and she wasn't exactly being gentle either, she pointed at the pain-killers on the table beside me as a reminder, "I ran some tests a couple of days ago so I could put somethin together for you."

"And?" Rude asked, as he adjusted his glasses and set his attention on her.

"And… the bacteria are still too active to be able to leave it up to an attack to be the guide on when to inject yourself," she answered, and then she looked at Rude to stress that she didn't necessarily believe that I was paying attention, "I also took into consideration that he doesn't like needles." Once she was done getting the sample, she held it up for me to see, and locked her eyes with mine for a moment, "So I put some pills together."

With a sigh, I closed my eyes and muttered out, "More fuckin pills…" in a manner that suggested I wasn't too happy about the idea. "What's it gonna be this time? Somethin they use ta stop Cuahls from breedin?"

"Is that what you'd prefer? If you want, I can go back to the drawing board so you can go back to using the syringe," she sarcastically said, and then she unnecessarily added, "Shiva Knows you were right into that at one time."

"Quit bein a fuckin bitch."

"Quit bein an asshole."

Sighing at my side, Rude shook his head and ran his hand along the top of his scalp. Then he raised his brows and looked up at Erryn through his shades, "What happens if he has an attack? How long will it take for the pills to kick in?"

"If he takes them regularly, like he's supposed to, he's not gonna have an attack."

"But what if he _does_ have one?"

"Then he'll have to use a syringe."

"Have you taken the foresight to prepare any?"

"Yeah…" she said, and then eyed him up and down with a sneer before she asked him, "Were you an MP at one time?"

"Why?"

"You act like one."

Suddenly finding humour in their interaction, I found myself chuckling and received a disapproving glance from both of them, which shut me up rather quickly, mostly because I was in no state to defend myself than any other reason. Then Rude stood up and towered over her by at least a head and a half and straightened his jacket before informing her that his past was none of her concern, and that he wanted to know exactly what she had planned on giving me to curb the bacteria and if I'd have to still take those other pills that she put together to keep the Mako at bay.

"First of all, those pills don't keep the Mako at bay," she said, and nervously stepped back from him, "They soothe it, and… yeah, he'll still have to take them." Finishing with a bit of a swallow and an attempt to clear her throat, she pulled the vial from the syringe and placed it in her cart. "Secondly, it's still the dust he'll have to take, but I've had to enhance the dosage. When Kurn rammed that cell down his throat, the bacteria practically exploded into multiples…"

"You've already explained that part," he said, as he cut her off and clasped his hands in front of him, "I don't need to hear that again." Rude really did hate it when people wasted his time, and rarely made an effort to cover that little fact up as he urged her to answer his question without a speech. "What I _do_ need to hear, is what you'll be giving him. I need to know if there is something else mixed in with that dust."

"You don't trust me?" she meekly asked, and although I hated it when people asked that question because it generally meant they couldn't be trusted, she genuinely sounded a little hurt at the thought.

"_Trust_ has nothing to do with it," he answered, unconcerned by her reaction and unwavering from his own desire for a straight answer.

"It's pure," she answered, and tilted her head while she looked at him in hopes that he'd believe her. "I don't need to mix it because it's in pill-form. His body will break it down once the capsule's broken down. The dust has an organic nature of its own… almost like food and it's completely harmless when it's pure."

With a sigh, Rude adjusted his glasses and rubbed at his temple due to the fact that he only asked her what it was and never asked for an explanation, yet he was given one. "You talk too much," he said to her, and then he told her to get a move-on and start running the tests she had planned for me, before he turned to me and asked if it was a trait that everyone in the Slums shared.

"What's that?" I asked, and grabbed my water after Erryn left while wondering why Rude didn't go with her.

"Talking too much."

"Heh… Go easy on her, Man. I stopped… She'll stop too."

"You never stopped."

"Whatever… I think she's gettin a little suspicious."

"About what?"

"Ya'n Rufus."

"Good. Can I stop pretending to like him then?"

With a chuckle, I dipped my fingers in my glass and flicked some of the water at him while sticking my tongue between my teeth, "Nah, as long as ya'll keep actin like I could be any one of yer bitches, she'll never know."

"It's only because we care."

"Yeah, well… Ya did'n need ta hold my hand, Man."

"I don't know why I did that," he said, and shook his head before sitting back down beside me.

"I do."

"Why's that?"

"Yer in love with me, Man. Admit it."

Finally, after days of trying to get the man to crack a smile since I woke up, he did. It was worth it too, since I was getting kind of tired of everyone acting like I was on my deathbed since I came to. A big grin played across his face and he actually laughed while shaking his head. "I don't think so," he said, and patted his hand on top of mine, then left it there.

"It just doesn't get any easier seeing you like this," he confessed quietly. Then he squeezed my hand lightly before patting it again and got up.

* * *

By the time eighteen-hundred hours came by, Erryn had run all the tests that she felt was necessary and decided that I was as good as I could ever be to go home. "I'm still gonna wanna run daily tests on you though," she warned, after she finished unhooking the IV from me, "I wanna make sure that you're gonna be okay."

"Whatever," I muttered. I knew there wasn't really any point in arguing with her about it. I also knew that she wasn't the only one that would have agreed that it was a good idea to keep an eye on me either, whether she genuinely cared or not. So, as it was, I didn't really have a choice. "Can I take a shower?"

"You can do whatever you want," she answered, after she finished with the last of her finishing touches and she unhooked me from all the monitors, "I'd recommend a bath though… cool water. Hot water will only make you pass out and probably set you back a bit, and standing might not be such a good idea right now either."

"Why's that?"

"You don't have the strength. You're gonna have to take it easy, whether you like it or not."

"I think I'll be fine," I stubbornly answered and sat up.

"You're such an idiot. You know that?"

"Ya keep tellin me. How could'n I?" With a deep breath, I grabbed the glass by my side and took another drink before asking her the most important question that came to mind, "Can I smoke?" Gaia knew I was dying for one.

"I wouldn't recommend it," she said, after she moved the machines out of the way, "But I doubt you'll take that advice."

"Jus answer the fuckin question… Can I or can't I?"

"It won't kill you," she answered, and then she turned around to look me over.

"Heh... believe that parts already covered," I muttered. Then I figured I should ask the other most important question that came to mind, "What about drinkin? Can I do that with all these pills I hafta take?"

With a shake to her head, she glanced quickly at Rufus as he walked in with a wheelchair and nodded in greeting before she explained that, "Alcohol won't harm you, but again, I'm not going to tell you that it's a good idea."

"Alcohol?" Rufus asked, and glanced over at her coldly, like it was her idea to tell me to drink.

"Yeah, your little _Turk_ wants to know if he can continue to ruin his life."

"I don't think that's a good idea," Rufus agreed when he set his eyes on me in disapproval that I would have even asked, "Perhaps you should take it easy for a while."

"Take it easy…" I muttered, as I swung my legs over the side of the bed, "Gonna die anyway… Might as well enjoy myself…"

"Erryn," Rufus said, with a slight tightness to his throat without regarding her, since his eyes were locked on me with an unreadable expression, "You may leave. I don't believe Reno will be requiring your assistance for the rest of this evening."

"You sure?" she asked, and nervously stepped forward, "I can help him up to his apartment… I'm sure you have better things to do."

"Reno's been with us for some time. I'm sure I can handle him on my own from this point on," he reminded her, as I cringed at the thought of Erryn finding out where I resided, "You're dismissed."

It took Erryn a moment for the initial shock to wear off at the fact that Rufus' tone carried no hint of request, and that it was best to do as he suggested and leave. But before she left the room, she turned to me and reminded me that she wanted to see me in the morning so she could check up on me.

"That will be fine. He'll meet you down here at zero-eight hundred hours," Rufus half-interrupted and half-ordered in hopes that he left her with no opening for anything else to say, which he was pretty good at.

Taking the hint, she nodded awkwardly and then left.

"Sorry," I muttered, while looking at my feet and noticing how the veins all carried a reddish tinge to them.

"For what?" he asked, as he set the breaks on the chair and then came over to me and placed his hand under my chin to encourage me to look up at him.

"What I said… Was'n thinkin."

"You never do," he reminded me softly, and then he leaned over me to press his lips lightly against my forehead with his eyes closed, "My only concern at this particular moment though, is to simply take you home."

_So ya can yell at me?_ I thought, as he helped me up and got me settled into the chair that I protested against. Of course, thinking I could protest about anything with Rufus, or that he would yell at me in the condition I was in over me wanting to drink, smoke, and then die, was probably a little extreme, but I honestly never knew what to expect from him. He was as unpredictable as I was when he was behind closed doors.

However, at that particular point in time, it was just plain absurd to think that he would yell at me.

* * *

"Wanna get cleaned up," was the first thing I said, as soon as the front door to the apartment was closed, and without a thought, I made my best attempt at fending for myself by not thinking and tried to get up and walk to the bathroom.

It was short-lived though, and Rufus caught me when I nearly fell to the floor. With a sigh of frustration, he wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on the top of my head as we both sat on the floor together. "I'd like to do this without a fight," he softly said, and placed the palm of his hand at the back of my head. Giving in, I nodded subtly and returned his comforting embrace, "Can we do that?"

"Yeah."

"Good," he quietly said, before he pulled me up with him as he stood and placed a light kiss on my cheek. Then with a deep breath to relieve whatever stress or tension he was feeling, he placed his arm supportively around my waist while I wrapped mine around his neck. "I overheard the word bath," he said, and started walking us both toward the main bathroom.

"Yeah… Said I should'n overdo it," I admitted with a playful and tired smile, and then I wondered why he was taking me into the main bathroom instead of the private one that we usually used, "What's wrong with the other bathroom?"

"It's being renovated."

After unsuccessfully pressing about why he'd want to renovate the bathroom, particularly at that time, I figured I'd drop it. Of course, the fact that his voice tightened more with each cryptically answered question while he helped me in and out of the bath didn't exactly encourage me to want to pursue the topic much further either. But I got my answer when he helped me into the room and I managed to get a glimpse of why he'd made such a decision.

He must have lost his temper…

And from what I could see, I was damned glad I missed it and suddenly realised exactly how much of a good thing that control issue of his was. From the looks of things, he'd lost it in a way that I don't think I ever saw him lose it in, and I was a little thankful for that. The room was unrecognisable. I suppose he probably could have hidden it from me for a while, at least until morning, if it wasn't for the fact that the door was ripped off its hinges.

I was about to ask him how much it was going to cost him to get that fixed, before I thought better of it. Of course, I was also tempted to ask him why he didn't try to cover it up before he brought me home as well, but then I remembered that he spent most of his time by my side until I woke up. For some reason, he couldn't allow himself to be torn away from either me or his office during the whole time.

Maybe there were just too many reminders for him in the apartment… I couldn't really say, and I was too afraid to ask.

Anyway, once he helped me over to the bed and into my boxers, and even went out of his way to bring me something cool and soothing to eat, he sat behind me and combed the knots out of my hair while I finished off what he brought me.

Of course, I was a little thankful that he didn't make it himself. It was only yoghurt, nothing fancy. But it sure did hit the spot. In fact, it hit the spot enough for me to try and lick the container clean.

"I can bring you some more," he said with a lighter and somewhat relieved tone when he discovered that it took him no effort to get me to eat, "I bought a whole case."

"Heh… Nah… I'm good," I answered, and placed my hand on his knee at my side after I put the container down and grinned tiredly at him, "Could sure use a drink, though."

With a nod, he put the comb down and left me for a short while before returning with some water. It may not have been exactly what I was hoping for, but I knew better than to push my luck and accepted it anyway, along with the pills I was supposed to take. Mind you, he took his own along with me and made some tasteless joke about us having one more thing in common, before reaching into his pocket and pulling out the earring he bought me.

"They had to take this off when you… fell ill…" he awkwardly said , and never bothered to finish his thoughts as he placed the earring back in its rightful place and muttered something about how he'd kept it in his pocket the whole time and just remembered about it now. It was hard to tell if he was trying to explain or if he was just simply admitting to hanging onto it, since his whole confessional attitude was a rather new thing for him.

It was okay though, knowing he'd held onto it kind of made me feel a little better anyway, and I placed my arm around his waist as a subtle thank you for not dumping me as a burden that he could have easily tired of by that point, which was actually the way I always thought it would end between us… He'd get bored of me and move on, but he never did.

"Are you in a lot of pain?" he asked when he returned my embrace and nuzzled his lips into the crook of my neck.

"Nah… Feel pretty good, actually…"

"Honestly?"

"Honestly…" I answered, and smiled a bit when his nose brushed against the fine hairs on my neck, sending an odd chill down my spine, "Think those pills'r workin."

"Mm…" he muttered and pushed me back a bit, "Perhaps you should lie down then."

"I can't do nothin fer ya, Rufus," I warned when he got me on my back and started moving his hand downward.

He simply said he wasn't asking me to, and then he went on to bring me to a state that took no time at all and ignored the fact that I was embarrassed as shit over it when he wiped his mouth and came back up to lie beside me. With a subtle, content smile and his hand down his pants, he merely shook his head when I offered to help him out a little and simply asked me to hold him. It was all he wanted.

So, I did.

Then out of nowhere, and for the first time since I'd been with the man, I muttered into his neck, just barely above a whisper for fear that he might actually hear me when he lost himself in his favourite pass-time.

"I luv ya, Babe."

But I think he heard me.

* * *

Revised: August 13, 2010


	37. Calamity

**Calamity**

* * *

Three months went by after I awoke from a two and a half month coma brought about by that insane amateur of a scientist, Kurn. Three months went by of me taking pills and being poked and prodded at by the lovely She-Devil, Erryn, whose bed-side manner was beginning to grate on my nerves more so than I ever thought possible. She was worse than what I ever imagined a mother to be like.

"Did you stay up all night again?" Rufus asked me, as he walked out of the bedroom, squinting his eyes from the light filtering into the sitting room and interrupting my self-destructive train of thought and reminding me that I'd lost track of time again.

It was three fucking months of dead-ends, too much coffee, too much alcohol, and too many cigarettes. I had started chain-smoking again, and I couldn't seem to think of what made it worse.

Oh yeah, I remember now… Ten days ago…

Rufus didn't know it, but I broke into his surveillance system, and I overheard him and Tseng. I probably wouldn't have been so adamant about it if it wasn't for what happened.

But as it was… shit happened. Shit always happened.

_Of course I stayed up all fuckin night again! Why the fuck would'n I?_

"Is it mornin?" I asked with a rough and damaged voice, without pulling my attention away from my laptop. It was only routine… Or better yet, it was becoming routine, and as the routine went, I rubbed at my eyes, yawned, and told him, "I'm goin back ta the Crater."

And as a compliment to the routine, Rufus asked, "Again?"

"Yeah… Again," I said, and pushed the laptop away from me as I got up from the chair to stretch myself out and light another cigarette. Then I remembered that the other one I was smoking was still lit, and I snuffed it out with a curse and took note of Rufus' dark and unimpressed eyes while I worked on the new one.

In the last three months, I'd been to Nibelheim three times, and I'd come up with nothing. I went to the Crater four times, and I even scrounged about the old Midgar, Junon, and some remote location near Mt. Nibel. Actually, I went all over the damned place, some places more than once. All the while, Rude and my personal nurse, _Erryn,_ nipped at my heels every step of the way under Rufus' orders, to make sure I was safe and that I was okay, and all the while, I kept asking myself…

_Why the fuck does this shit keep happenin?_

It seemed like every step forward that Rufus and I took in progress, only seemed to lead us further back behind the starting line, and I wasn't exactly sure how much farther back I was willing to go anymore. I wasn't willing to just _accept_ things anymore. I had to do something… I had to find something… anything.

"I think you've gone out enough," he angrily said to me, after shaking his head in disfavour. I figured he was finally getting fed up with my inability to let anything slide and decided not to look at me as I walked by him.

"Whatever," I answered back. As far as I was concerned, he had no say in it. He'd been lying to me ever since I came out of that fucking coma, and it wasn't like I was going to let him stop me.

"No… It's not _what_ ever!" As I grabbed my jacket and slid it on, he rubbed at his temples before rubbing at his eyes, and continued without turning to regard me. "I think this needs to stop…" he quietly said, and wiped his bang from his eyes, "I think this needs to stop _now_."

"I'm not stoppin, Rufus," I retorted, and I nearly made it to the door before I wound up against the wall with a grimace as his hands dug into my shoulders.

"Yes you are!" he warned me, as I focused on those beautiful, crystal-blue eyes of his, ignoring the darkness that resided within and the anger that shone through on account of me. "I've restricted all your access to the vehicles. I'm afraid you're not going to get very far!"

"Yer a fuckin asshole," I angrily hissed at him, and gripped my hands into his hair at the sides. Not to hurt him though, just to hang on. I would have screamed at him, but given the damage I'd taken to my throat, it would have been ineffective. So, I screamed inside instead and closed my eyes while leaning forward against his forehead.

_Choke it back, ya sonuvabitch!_

"I know I am," he coldly answered back, "But I'm not going to watch you run yourself into the ground over whatever madness has taken over you."

And it was at that opening, that I decided I'd give him another chance to come clean and tell me what he'd been hiding from me.

"If ya had somethin important ta tell me…" I started, and tilted my head a little to accommodate a brush to his lips with my own… Those beautiful lips that I feared would be the vicious death of everything that remained within me when I asked myself when the last touch would finally be the last, "Ya'd tell me…Would'n ya?"

"Of course I would," he softly answered back, anticipating a kiss and loosening his grip on my shoulders as our lips met.

_Fuck, yer a liar…_ I thought to myself with my eyes tensely shut and my lips pressed to his and…

_No!_

"You're a fucking LIAR!" I screamed at him with a broken voice, and pushed him back so I could make my way to the door as quickly as I could while angrily adjusting my jacket and wanting to get the hell away from him as fast as I could.

I knew I had no right to behave the way I was behaving, especially after all of my own lies that I kept from him, but I just couldn't help it. I just couldn't seem to deal with anything anymore. In fact, I don't think I ever really was capable of dealing with anything. I just never really realised it until that moment.

"What the hell has gotten into you?" he yelled after me, and followed me out into the main hallway of our floor, while grabbing onto the back of my jacket to try and stop me from walking away from him as I squirmed out of it, "Ever since you've recovered, you've been acting like an insanely driven madman!"

"Ya fuckin know why," I muttered, after angrily hitting the button for the elevator, and then I turned to face him with a fiercely bitter glare.

"No… Reno," he tiredly answered, and swayed a bit as his hand trembled, causing me to run up to him and pull him back into the apartment in a fit of panic, "Thankfully, I don't know everything that goes on in your warped little mind."

* * *

Every last bit of hope was gone. Everything that remained of Jenova was destroyed.

And ten days ago…

Ten days ago, Rufus had an attack like I'd never seen before. Why the fuck we couldn't just live normal lives was beyond me, and as a result, I broke into his surveillance and tracked everything that had happened since the day that fucker _Kurn_ screwed us all over and ruined everything.

"Sit down, Baby," I muttered, after I aided him back into the apartment and sat him carefully on the couch, "I'll getcha somethin ta eat."

With a quick brush back to his hair and a tender kiss on his temple, I noted the fact that he was doing his best to hide the fact that he was trembling while he stared at me in utter confusion. As far as my ability to overreact was concerned, there wasn't enough time for me to make him something to eat, so I grabbed some cold leftovers from the night before and brought it back to him as quickly as I could.

Suspiciously, he looked me over with narrowed eyes when I handed it to him and I brushed my hand nervously through my bangs. Standing over him with my other hand on the back of my hip and chewing on my lip while staring off into space, I simply shrugged as a response to his unspoken question. "What the hell are you doing?" he asked me, before he turned his attention to the food in front of him and started eating without so much as a gripe about it.

"Thinkin," I answered, and continued to stare at the floor in search of my thoughts.

"About?" With his brow cocked, he looked up quizzically, while stuffing another bite hungrily into his mouth and making every attempt to hide the fact that he desperately needed it.

"Nothin." With a deep breath, I turned my attention to him, and scratched at the back of my neck. "Gonna go see Erryn," I said all of the sudden, as a quickly thought-out excuse, and before he had the chance to reply, I was already on my way out the door and calling back to him without turning around, "Be right back."

I lied though. I bypassed Erryn altogether and went straight down to the archives in the back of the labs. There had to be something that I could find… Something that could lead me to some kind of secret stash of Hojo's… Gaia knew, that psycho of a madman had enough of them.

* * *

_"Are you going to tell him?"_

_"No."_

_"Why not?"_

_"Because he doesn't need to know."_

_"Rufus… He 'does' need to know."_

_"Now is not the time to have this…" With a quick, steely look at his surroundings, he sneered and emphasised the word "discussion," before brushing something from the shoulder of Tseng's jacket with a light, feathery touch, "Tseng."_

* * *

"Fuckin prick," I muttered to myself, taking note that the rasp in my voice was slightly more broken than it was earlier, while I took a drag from my almost used cigarette.

With a swift kick to the terminal that wasn't giving me any helpful information at all, I started cursing at the machine, my life, my fate, and the fact that it hurt like hell after kicking that blasted thing, "FUCKIN MOTHER OF –!"

"Shiva, Ren… You tryin to let everyone know where you are?"

"RENO," I screeched like a little boy going through puberty, and started coughing from the stress.

"Whatever… You sound like shit."

"What the fuck do ya want, Erryn."

With a snort, she brought her lighter up to the cigarette she had dangling out of her mouth and lit it. "Nothin," she said, and took a drag before chuckling at the sight of me hopping around from a sore foot. Then she muttered, "Great Shiva… You haven't changed at all." After that, she asked why I didn't come to see her for a check-up.

"Was'n s'posed ta see ya 'til tomorrow…" I grimaced, and followed her lead by pulling out another cigarette after dropping the other one to the floor and stamping on it.

"Tomorrow?" she repeated, and looked at me with a frown, "Shit, Reno… What day do you think it is?"

"The wrong day?" I answered sarcastically, and grabbed my flask to take a drink.

With a shake to her head, she grabbed me by the arm to support me and guided me over to her lab. "I thought I told you to get some sleep," she chastised and pushed me into one of her chairs, and then with an even stronger tone of disapproval she had to add the fact that she couldn't help but notice I was drinking all night, "You're gonna wind up killin yourself, you dumb-ass."

"Like ya give a shit," I muttered with a snicker, and reached into my pocket for my flask again, just so I could piss her off some more.

"Fuck, you're an idiot," she said with a shake to her head, and went about her business to finish shining her offensive light in my eyes along with all the other useless tests that she constantly ran on me. Then with a sigh, she stood straight up and crossed her arms while looking down at me. "It's no wonder you never settled down."

"Whatever…" With a shrug, I blinked my eyes a few times to blink the stars out of them, and then I stood up and practically leaned into her with my lit cigarette hanging out of my mouth and my breath reeking of alcohol.

Then I purred at her with a disgustingly toothy grin and my beautifully wrecked voice that had the added sound of damage caused by a lack of sleep and too much cigarettes throughout the night, "Thought ya'd be happy ta think ya could have me all ta yerself," While nudging her playfully with my shoulder and flicking my tongue out at her after pulling the cigarette out of my mouth.

"Shiva, you're a fuckin loser." Not finding any humour in what I said, she sneered at me and roughly pushed me away from her while muttering something about someone having the mannerism worse than that of a junkyard dog.

"Hm," I mumbled, and waved my hand at her in disregard to show that I really didn't give a shit about her opinion. Then I took another drag from my cigarette and stretched again from being so stiff after staying up all night and just stood there looking at the ceiling while swaying a bit.

"I've been tryin to figure out what you've been lookin for?" she said with her back to me, as she tidied up her counter and ignored the fact that I was being a rather annoying idiot by cracking my knuckles and tapping my foot.

"Fascinatin," I commented, not really giving a shit about what the hell was going through her head.

"Jenova…" With a snort, she took a drag of her cigarette after making a statement that she was certain of, suddenly catching my undivided attention, as I dropped my arms to my sides and locked my eyes on her back, "I can't say that I understand half the things you do. Or even why…"

"Then mind yer own business," I snapped, and took another drag from my cigarette, while digging around in my pocket for those damn Chocobo Pills of hers.

Ignoring me completely, she continued to put the items on the counter away and move some others about, "But whatever you're reason is. I can't say that I've ever seen you this stressed."

* * *

_He carried him down to the infirmary shortly after Erryn had me stabilized. He went up to check on him to see what was taking him so long. Considering the fact that he practically had to pry him from my side to get him to go to the apartment to tend to his own needs, he figured he'd come right back down. But he started to get worried when he didn't return after nearly a day._

_Apparently, Tseng ordered Rufus to go up to his apartment at ten hundred hours to take his pills, which were overdue, and the effect was starting to show. He thought he could trust him enough to tend to his own needs and then return back down to the infirmary once he was done._

_But that's not what happened. Tseng knew that Rufus had self-destructive tendencies. In fact, he was the only one that knew about it for sure, but maybe he thought he'd outgrown them since he'd gotten me into his life. _

_He thought it would be all right if he returned to Elena, and even got a little sleep, while Rude took on the day shift of watching over me and Erryn. No one really thought anything about it because they were all pre-occupied with other things at the time, namely, all of the excitement that took place over the last forty-eight hours._

_But when Tseng awoke later that evening and came down to check on both me and Rufus in the infirmary, he noticed something was not quite right._

_"Where's Rufus?" he asked, and took a concerned look around and at everyone in the room._

_Naturally, Erryn didn't think anything strange of the fact that he wasn't there and simply shrugged with a grunt while tending to my needs. Rude honestly thought that Rufus was with Tseng, since they both left together, and no one else on the floor had seen him since that morning._

_If it were possible for Tseng to pale any more than he did at that moment, he probably would have been dead. He said nothing and abruptly left, leaving Rude with a suddenly concerned look and Erryn with another shrug while she indifferently checked over my readings. "I'm gonna have to up his dosage," was all she said, and went about her business, completely unconcerned with the way Rude had stood up and stared at the door with a look that pretty much said, 'Oh Shit.'_

_"…"_

_As Tseng gathered himself in the hallway on his way to the apartment, he cleared his throat with a dead hesitation before he knocked on the apartment door and straightened his jacket. "Rufus," he called. Then he said it again, a little on the loud side when there was no answer. After that, he smoothed his hair back with a lick to his lips, and another knock to the door. "Rufus… It's Tseng!"_

_After another silent moment, the slender Wutian muttered a short prayer in his native language to himself and dug around in his pockets to find a keycard that made me frown somewhat at the thought that he had access to my and Rufus' apartment. Then he slid it through the lock with a promising affirmation and stood in a dead shock for a brief moment, before bolting into the apartment._

_"Great Leviathan… Rufus…"_

* * *

"It ain't none of yer fuckin business, Erryn."

"It is if it concerns your health," she argued, and turned to regard me with something concealed in her hand. With a bit of a sneer, she closed her eyes and placed whatever she held into her pocket while muttering something about how much she really hated having to do what she was going to have to do, but she was left with no choice.

"What?" With a sudden wash of concern, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up in alarm over what she was getting at.

"I can't stand being like this anymore!" she yelled, and took a quick, nervous step to her side.

_Fuck…_

"I want my life back, Reno."

"Shit… Erryn!" I snapped, and threw my cigarette on the floor, "I don't have fuckin time fer this right now!" Suddenly on full alarm and unwilling to deal with her paranoia over the fact that she had no idea that she was completely safe, I turned to leave the lab with a new sense of overwhelming frustration.

"If it's Jenova you're lookin for," she called after me quickly and stepped abruptly forward while nervously brushing her hair behind her ear, "I know where you can find it."

_Shit… Of all the fucking times she could have screwed me over, she chooses now._

I was about to completely leave the lab and her bullshit behind me, but then what she was saying suddenly sunk in. "What?" With a dead stop, I turned to face her, and then I reluctantly stepped back into the room, letting the door close carelessly behind me while my heart started to pound hard enough that it threatened to break its way out of my chest.

Almost like she expected the worst, she quickly manoeuvred herself behind an object to separate us both for her own safety and cried out, "You know what I want, Reno!"

"Is that whatcha got in yer pocket?" I asked her with a frightening calm, and took a step toward her, "A fuckin cure fer yerself?"

She fidgeted nervously while I took the time to grab my flask in an attempt to drown myself away from all of the cruel thoughts that were running through my head at that moment. Yet at the same time, I was partially relieved that she was telling me there was still hope.

* * *

_Rufus was out cold when Tseng carried him from the apartment in a hurried frenzy. Dried trails of blood covered his hands, down to his fingers, and his neck was covered in scratches, most likely from his attempt at remodelling the bathroom. Or would it have been better to say that it was from the fit that he threw over the fact that he couldn't take anymore unwelcome surprises? _

_After watching Erryn have to revive me more than once throughout the night and hearing her muttering that she didn't think I was going to make it, he saw no point in going on. _

_That was the problem with Rufus though. For a man who never allowed himself to feel or express any emotions, he felt them deeply when he did… maybe a little too deeply. _

_That may have been the real reason that the man had closed himself off the way that he did, and as a result, he ignored Tseng's advice to take his pills. He also refused to take the other ones when his attack came on from his neglect and allowed himself to be consumed with that which he'd been fighting since the beginning._

_As it turned out, the thought of being alone was enough for Rufus to not want to exist at all. It all made sense to me all of the sudden… the way he treated Elena shortly after Tseng fell for her, taking the only man that had ever paid attention and cared for Rufus away, and why he saw her as a threat, even with me. As cold as Rufus was, the reality was that he'd never been alone, and he lacked the ability to even fathom such a thought._

_It was something I never would have known or even suspected of the man, and I probably would have continued to be blind to it if it weren't for me seeing it._

* * *

"Ren…" she nervously said, and adjusted herself to keep the chair between us that she was standing behind when I made a quick move toward her. She gripped it tightly, almost like she was readying herself to throw it at me if she had to. "Ren… I didn't want to have to do this…" she quickly added, in an attempt to justify herself.

"Reno," I reminded her, and wiped at my lips while taking another step towards her as she moved back with the chair. "What the fuck makes ya think I won't just kill ya fer bein the bitch that ya are?"

"Don't you fuckin talk to me like that!" she hysterically yelled, "Don't you fuckin sit there and _threaten_ me like you think it matters!"

* * *

_With a cup of coffee in his hand, Tseng stood outside the emergency room that Rufus was in, fidgeting with the handkerchief in his pocket and whatever other parts of his outfit that he could find fault with. He never showed it in his face though. He kept his stern appearance as immaculately as ever. _

_The only tell-tale sign that anything was bothering the collected Wutian was the fact that he couldn't stop straightening his suit. To the average onlooker, it would have seemed completely acceptable and ordinary to observe. To a person that knew the man though, they would have known that the man only paid that much attention to his clothes when something was bothering him._

_"Sir," came the voice of the Doctor behind him, making him move quickly to set his coffee down before spilling it. _

_"Doctor," Tseng answered with an acknowledging nod, and patted the creases in his pant legs down._

_"He's stabilizing," the Doctor answered solemnly, leading the man who raised the boy almost as if he were his own son to believe that there was more than just good news to come, "But there's something I need to talk to you about."_

* * *

"All right," I said with a nod and clenched teeth. Then I shook my hand to expel a sudden burst of energy. Part of me wanted to throttle the conniving witch to death, and the other part of me wanted to grab her and kiss her for the fact that I knew she didn't bullshit. As a lead-in to get her to talk, I asked her a question that I knew I wasn't going to get an answer to unless I played along, "Where is it?"

She moved back farther when I moved forward again and took another drink from my flask. "I'm not tellin you until you take this _shit_ out of my body!" she yelled, while practically standing on her toes to stress the intensity of the situation.

"Ya want that _shit_ outta yer body?" I growled at her through a feral sneer, and then out of nowhere, I threw my flask to the floor as hard as I could and lunged at her while screaming, "I'LL TAKE THAT FUCKIN SHIT OUTTA YER BODY!"

Gaia… it didn't matter who the hell or what the hell I was angry at or with at that moment. I just wanted to throttle anyone and everyone within a foot's distance. But the fact that I had started choking from pushing my voice to the max when it really wasn't ready for it, and I had to pull out my handkerchief to wipe the blood away from my lips, didn't really help me in my cause at that moment, and I doubled over onto the floor.

"Shit! Ren…" she said in a fluster, and let go of the chair to blindly run to my side to make sure I was okay. Of all the things she could have done to make the situation worse, she didn't. She was a sucker for the weak. She always was. And although, I didn't throw myself into a choking fit on purpose or to get my way to play her into my hands, the opportunity was suddenly there.

* * *

_"I'm afraid there's nothing I can do to stop it."_

_Paling, Tseng stood in front of the Doctor with his eyes on the floor. He was listening, but he wasn't wanting to listen._

_As an attempt to explain that what was happening was really no ones fault and that it shouldn't have really come as a surprise, he reminded Tseng that, "We all knew this was bound to happen," and then he placed his hand on Tseng's shoulder to try and remind him that the 'here and now' needed to be dealt with as opposed to the self-destructive blame going on inside the older man's head for not staying by his young protégé's side when he knew he should have. "His metabolism is turning on him at a rate that I can't control."_

_"You can't correct his medication?" he asked, knowing that his question was futile, "You've done that before."_

_"I'm sorry… I've done all I can."_

* * *

I grabbed her roughly by the wrist and yanked her to me hard, while twisting her arm as she grimaced and cried out over it. Then I ran my fingers lightly over her scar as she looked hatefully at me with those bitter-grey eyes of hers that judged me, even when she wasn't there.

I didn't fully know what I was doing, but Ren had nothing to do with it that time. At least, I didn't think Ren had anything to do with it. I think it was mostly brought on by a lack of sleep for the last three months and the downward spiral I'd set myself on for the ride of my life. I wanted to hurt her so much for it.

But it wasn't her fault…

"Ya sure that's whatcha want?" I crooned through my clenched teeth, angry at myself for ever doing what I did to her, angry at myself for the fact that she was there, in front of me, to hold it over me, and angry at the fact that if I fucked up… it was game over, "If somethin goes wrong…"

Defiantly, she stared back, unwilling to back down while I tilted my head and smiled crookedly at her with my brow raised. Then she yanked her head away from my touch when my fingers slid down to brush the texture of her lips, and hissed at me, "I know you, _Ren_."

"Reno," I reminded her, and yanked her closer to me so our faces were dangerously close and our eyes clashed in a twisted mixture of hatred and admiration for one another.

"You won't let anything go wrong."

* * *

_Tseng wiped at a sudden and almost invisible layer of sweat that appeared just above his upper lip and locked his devastated eyes on the door that Rufus laid behind… _

_And he just stood there._

_"His medication will still help to sustain most of his pangs. There's a good mixture of pain-killers and stabilizers…" the Doctor said, and then he stopped when he realized that Tseng may very well have not been listening to him._

_"Just tell me how much longer."_

_"Six to eight months… Give or take."_

* * *

_Six to eight months… and the fucker had no intention of telling me._

She yelped when I pulled her roughly up to her feet, along with me, and started to drag her to the elevator.

Not a word was spoken as I dragged her through the labs, making every effort to avoid being gentle with her. Not a word was spoken while we were in that claustrophobic lift of deception, and I held her uncomfortably close to me in a death-grip. Not a word was spoken while I pushed her into the fucking door of the apartment and pulled out my keycard so I could get this whole nightmare over and done with.

Not a word…

At least, not a word until…

"Great Shiva! What are you… obsessed with your fuckin Boss?" she blurted out. With a shocked horror of realisation, she sat herself up after me pushing her onto the floor of the sitting room, and looked around.

_Oh yeah… I forgot about those fuckin pictures on the wall…_

Not to mention the fact that the whole fucking apartment just screamed _'RUFUS!'_

"Shut the fuck up!" I warned her with my back to her, and left her there to stare at some old pictures of Rufus with Dark Nation at his side when he was in charge of the Turks and as the Vice President, while I went into the spare room to dig through one of the old boxes that I never bothered to unpack.

When I came across what I was looking for and paid little mind to the fact that I had dragged the most evil creature on the planet into my living room and left it there alone to dig up all sorts of shit on me, I shut my eyes tight and prayed silently to whatever God that would take mercy on me.

Gaia knew, I needed whatever help I could get, and I really didn't think I could deal with one more thing going wrong. In fact, I was pretty damn sure I was at a point to where I just couldn't deal with any more.

_Enough was enough, for Fuck's sake!_

With a look of warning and a reminder that all hell could break loose due to the fact that I had no idea exactly how stable what I held was, and how stable what I injected her with was, I held up a small vial in front of her face. "The Desert Rose," I told her with a tight voice, and then I said, "One drop," While sternly locking my eyes with hers. "An I ain't got no fuckin clue if this shit's even gonna work properly."

"I should have an hour after it's released," she answered, with a bit of hesitancy and stress in her voice. After all this time, I didn't really think that she honestly thought she'd ever live to witness the day, and from the looks of things, she was just as nervous as I was.

"That ain't the problem, _Erryn_," I growled, to stress that I didn't really think that what we were doing was a good idea.

"I know," she answered back with a nervous calm, and a gulp to accommodate it. "You have no idea how long it will take to completely break down."

"Yeah." With a nod, I opened the small vial and hesitantly handed it to her. "The theory was twenty minutes once the acid's in yer system… an ten minutes for the acid to be fully absorbed."

"We'll give it forty then," she answered with a nod, "To be safe."

"I don't fuckin like this," I muttered, as she let a drop fall onto her tongue, "If ya fuckin die on me, I ain't gonna get my answer."

"What kind of answer were you hoping for?" came a voice from behind us that made me cringe relentlessly.

_Fuck! Would someone just fuckin shoot me 'now'?_

"What the fuck…" I snapped, and stumbled to my feet, "Do ya have some sorta fuckin radar for grand entrances?" I was literally freaking out when I turned to regard Rufus at the door as he entered, leaving Erryn to sit there with her brows raised in a sudden and newly peeked curiosity.

"So… your Boss… just walks into your apartment whenever he feels like it?" she stupidly asked, and challenged me with a not-so-stupid look on her face while sitting on the floor, looking up at me with nothing less than an 'I'm not so surprised' shine to her eyes.

_Yeah… judge me all ya fuckin want, Bitch!_

Tensing my lips and stiffening up, I stood, frozen to the spot, and pointed my finger at her as a warning to keep her fucking mouth shut while Rufus completely ignored our interaction and hung his coat up on the rack.

"I believe I have every right to walk into my own apartment whenever I feel like it," he calmly said, and then he straightened out his sleeves and regarded us both with a mild curiosity. "Perhaps you'd like to tell me what's going on?" With his brow cocked, he set his tired eyes on me for a moment, and then on Erryn, before he started to walk into the kitchen to get himself something to eat.

With a slick and toothy grin and the most nefarious glint she could come up with in her eyes, Erryn raised her brow at me and snickered out. "So_… _Are you gonna tell me that _you_ just walk into your Boss's apartment whenever _you_ feel like it, then?"

"Shut the fuck up, Erryn!" I warned her with my finger still pointing at her, and then I stabbed it into the air for emphasis. Then she started chuckling like a madman and commented on the fact that, "This is. Just. Too. Precious." while she dug around in her pocket to prepare the serum she'd grabbed before the whole mess started. "I hope you're not dumb enough to screw everything in sight like you did behind Haldric's back."

"YA FUCKIN WHORE!" I screamed at her, and jumped on her to wrap my hands around her vicious little neck to strangle the life out of her, "Don't you _ever_ mention his fuckin name ta me! _Ever_! At least I weren't no fuckin _whore_! Ya Gaiadamned –"

"Reno!" came Rufus' strong voice, as I was pulled off of her abruptly by the collar of my shirt and grabbed into a vice-like hold from behind. In a sporadic frenzy, I tried to kick my way out of his grip so I could get back at her to ram something down her throat to shut her up, while she started crawling away from us, choking, "What the hell is going on?"

The moment his grip started to shake on me, I let myself go limp to get him to loosen up, and then I slammed him down onto the fucking couch. "Ya wanna know what's goin on?" I screamed at him, and pushed him back down again when he went to get back up. "You're a fucking piece of shit _liar_!" is what I said to him, and then I stormed into the kitchen, trying to suppress my cough while attempting to grab some fucking food for the lying bastard.

Completely ignoring the wicked beast in the living room as it attached a small vial to a syringe and tapped it, Rufus chased me into the kitchen and slammed me against the fridge, hard enough to knock everything off of it. "I can't take anymore of this insanity, Reno!" he shakily growled into my face, "You're going to tell me what the _fuck _is the matter with you, and you're going to tell me _now_!"

"Shit, Rufus," I quietly said all of the sudden, and closed my eyes to choke back on my unstable emotions that threatened every fibre of my being. "Yer fuckin shakin," I said, and placed my hands over his.

"Gaia…" he muttered, and closed his own eyes with a bit of a swallow to regain his stature, and then he loosened his grip on me while shaking his head, "Your cryptic behaviour is going to be the death of me."

"Bullshit!" With an angry push, I pushed him away from me so I could turn around and open the fridge to grab something to stuff roughly into his hands, "You had no fucking intention of telling me!"

"Telling you what?" he angrily asked, and agreeably started stuffing the food into his mouth.

* * *

_"I see you've redecorated your apartment." Tseng pulled up a seat to sit by Rufus' side and grabbed onto his hand for support, "I suppose it's a good thing you don't lose your temper like that often."_

_"I don't want to talk about it, Tseng."_

_"Of course you don't," he consoled, as Rufus tiredly turned away from him and stared at the monitor to his side. "However, I don't think you need to tell me what I already know."_

_With a sigh, Rufus closed his eyes and swallowed, and then he lifted his free hand to weakly brush his hair out of his face, "I didn't know what I was doing."_

_"You never do when you get like that…" Tseng said with an uncommon tightness to his throat. "I guess I should be thankful that it doesn't happen often."_

_"He looked so fragile." _

_"Yes… Well… He's all right now." With a few taps on the younger mans hand, Tseng stood up and straightened out his pants before straightening out the impressions left by his arms on the side of the bed, "But I'm afraid you're not."_

_"You mean I can finally go now?" Rufus sarcastically asked, and smiled like he found relief in something amusing that he wasn't willing to share._

_"I wish you wouldn't say things like that," Tseng tensely said, and looked over at the door instead of at Rufus, "That's your father talking."_

_"It's what he wanted."_

_"What he wanted was unimportant." Shaking his head very subtly and taking a deep breath, the slender Wutian took a careful look around and then set his sight uneasily on the young President to his side. "You're not 'nothing', Rufus." _

_"I will be."_

_"Gaia…" With another deep breath, Tseng smoothed his hair back and sat on the edge of the bed while pulling Rufus over to him, searching his mind for something to give the young man a reason to want to fight, even though the essence of hope seemed like it was too far out of reach. "Reno never thought that of you," he said lightly, and pulled Rufus even closer so that the younger man's head was on the Wutian's shoulder, "And neither did I."_

_After a long silence of Tseng just holding Rufus in his arms, the older man placed a tender, loving kiss on the President's forehead when he noted that he'd fallen asleep, and then he gently pulled himself away to go and have a word with the doctor._

_"Are you sure there's nothing that can be done," he resolutely asked, and grabbed a Styrofoam cup from a dispenser to fill it up with much needed coffee._

_"He went too long this time," the doctor answered while flipping through Rufus' records in an attempt to find something that might be of aid. "I'm not giving up on him, Sir. But you and I both knew that all it would take was one more time for him to do something this foolish."_

_"Damn Reno," Tseng muttered, just barely above a breath, "I told that boy to stay away from him."_

_"It's not healthy to pass blame."_

_"I'm not," Tseng answered with a brief shake to his head. "It's just that you know as well as I do, that Rufus always hurt himself whenever it came to either Reno or his father."_

_"Yes," the Doctor agreed, while still scanning over his papers. "However, I did notice quite an improvement in his health when he was with the deviant. It almost seemed like he wanted to live for a change."_

_"I believe he did." The Wutian agreed and took a sip of his coffee, before turning to regard the Doctor with his unrelenting hope. "However, I'd hardly call Reno a deviant… You were the Doctor that saved his life all those years ago, before he was with us, if I recall correctly. Weren't you?"_

_"Yes. He was one of my patients."_

_"Then I'm surprised you'd refer to him in such a manner."_

_"My apologies, Sir," the Doctor quietly answered, before he turned his attention from his papers over to the slender man standing in front of him. "Sometimes I forget the reason he acts so crazy."_

_"Hm. I doubt any of us would be so sane." With a bit of a nod to himself, as if he was attempting to reassure himself. He took another sip of his coffee and then sat himself down in the empty chair before the Doctor's desk. "The poor kid was nearly dead when we found him."_

_"In all honesty, Sir… I was surprised he was still alive," the Doctor replied, and turned his attention back to his papers and muttered, "I was even more surprised that you guys would have even brought him in."_

_"Yes, well… That's a story for another time." With another deep breath to expel his tension, The Wutian took another sip of his coffee and then sat forward to get more personal and serious with the Doctor. "However, given the fact that you saved that boys life, I'm not about to accept that there is nothing you can do for Rufus."_

_"I'm not giving up, Sir."_

_"I didn't say that."_

_"I went over the research that you gave to me from Kurn and Reno," said the Doctor as he turned his attention back over to Tseng and pushed the file away from him, "If we had the Jenova cells…"_

* * *

"That ya were fuckin dyin."

"Gaia…" he said, and stuffed another piece of food into his mouth while averting his eyes to the floor. "Where the hell did you hear that?"

"I broke into your fucking surveillance after your _stupid_ fucking attack!" I growled at him, and pushed him again to get him out of my way so I could grab a bottle from the cupboard and go back into the living room to see how and what the She-Devil, _Erryn_, was doing.

"Ya keepin an eye on yer watch?" I curtly asked her, and took a large drink from the bottle as Rufus followed behind me to snatch it out of my hands and smash it against the wall, causing me to angrily retort, "That was an _expensive_ bottle!"

"Why the fuck wouldn't I be watching my watch?" she asked, completely ignoring the way that Rufus and I were acting towards each other. Truth was, she'd seen it all before.

"I didn't want to tell you because I knew how you'd react!" he forcefully said, and then he pushed me back roughly by the shoulder.

"Oh?" I asked, and pushed him back in retaliation, "And how the fuck is that?"

"Like the deranged sociopath that you are!"

"You know, Reno… You should really be taking it easy," Erryn piped up, as a reminder that I probably shouldn't have been acting like the overtired, crazed maniac that I was acting like, and then she rested her elbows on the table with a sigh as she stared at the pictures of Rufus, "Have you taken your pills yet?"

"Would you shut the fuck up?" I yelled, and smacked her across the back of the head, just before Rufus grabbed my wrist and I angrily pulled it away from him while turning what she said to me toward Rufus. "_You're_ the one that should be takin it fuckin easy!"

"_Did_ you take your _pills_?" he asked, completely ignoring mine and Erryn's interaction all of the sudden and staring at me like he was truly unimpressed.

Grabbing both bottles out of my pockets, I dumped the correct number of pills in my hand in such an overly-obvious manner to prove that I really hadn't lost my touch at acting like a complete moron, and stuffed them in my mouth while chewing on the bitterly offensive capsules with my mouth open so they could both make sure that I was being a _good_ little boy and taking my damned _medicine! _

All the while, Rufus stood there with his cold eyes locked on me like he was really _not_ impressed.

"Could you _possibly _be _any_ more _dramatic_?" he growled at me and smacked me across the face out of pure reaction, and then he grabbed me quickly when I decided that it was my cue to leave the fucking apartment and he pulled me toward him with a quick apology.

"No!" I spat, and pushed him away from me, "Don't fuckin waste yer breath, ya fuckin asshole!" Then I pushed him into the couch again to get him the fuck away from me, and brushed my hair back with both my hands and held them there while trying to calm myself down. I was well-aware of how I was acting; I just couldn't seem to stop myself from doing it though. After a few deep breaths and keeping my eyes closed, I muttered, "She fuckin knows where I can get the cells."

"So, she's blackmailing you," Rufus pointed out, and pressed his hand to his temple to alleviate an apparent headache that was coming on.

"Yeah," I said, and pushed her hard enough that she had to steady herself with her arm on the floor after I handed Rufus an elixir and he took it.

"I see." Then he leaned forward and stuffed another piece of food in his mouth, before he curled his finger into one of the locks of her hair from behind, causing her to scrunch her shoulders and attempt to lean away from his touch while he pulled on it until he finished chewing. "Aren't you worried that I might kill you for such an act of sedition?"

"I know how this virus acts," she answered coldly, refusing to back down or to turn to meet his eyes, "I think I'd rather take my chances."

"Hm," he said, and pulled his finger away while stuffing another piece of food into his mouth, swallowing in a fashion that suggested he hardly chewed it. Then he stared at the back of her head for a long moment before he reminisced, "You remind me of someone."

With a snort, she looked at her watch again and silently cursed.

"What?" I asked, and tensed up again. _What the fuck could possibly go wrong now?_

"My watch stopped."

"Fer Fuck's sake!"

"Reno, would you calm down." Rufus sternly said, with his mouth full, and patted at the empty spot beside him in an attempt to get me to sit down.

"What? I AIN'T FUCKIN CALMIN DOWN!" I shrieked, and threw my hands up in the air. "Every fuckin time I turn around, somethin is blowin up in my _face_!"

"Well, behaving like an out of control maniac isn't going to help matters much," he coldly answered, and stuffed another piece of food in his mouth as if he was at a point to where he really didn't give a shit.

"You miserable sonuvabitch!" I hissed, and started pacing while grabbing a cigarette and placing it in my mouth as Rufus calmly asked Erryn what time she took the drop at, and that his watch was working just fine.

After a few moments of me pacing and then whacking one of Rufus' pictures of his stupid hound onto the floor, Erryn felt that she would take a walk down memory lane. "He was the same with Haldric," she said, without so much of a thought, and as a repercussion, I practically dived across the floor and smashed her into the base of the couch.

"What kind of death-wish do you fucking have?"

"Yes. He has quite the temper," Rufus agreed, and got up to casually pull me off of her. "However, I must request that you never mention that name around him." With a bit of a grimace, he held me by my waist while I struggled with him, and he caressed the backs of his fingers along my scar, "I'm not particularly fond of the effect it has on him."

"Yer both assholes," I muttered, when I realised my struggles were deemed futile by Rufus' inhuman strength.

"It's time to take that injection now, Erryn," he casually said, and then he brushed his lips against my ear and whispered, "Would you listen to your voice?" while I made one last attempt to struggle out of his contemptuous hold. "You're going to wind up damaging yourself beyond repair."

"Like you give a shit," I whined, and let myself go limp in his arms again.

"Please, Reno…" he said quietly enough for only me to hear and tightened his hold more protectively around me, while Erryn gave herself the shot and sat there with a look on her face like she really didn't know what the hell to expect. "I never wanted to hurt you." With a light brush of his nose against my jaw, he confessed in a low and broken tone that, "I was afraid I'd lost you… I'm sorry."

Clearing her throat uncomfortably and averting her eyes from us, Erryn tapped her fingers on the coffee table and muttered out, "That clone in the Cryo Lab… His cells are healthy and pure."

"Huh?" I said at the same time that Rufus said, "What?" At that very moment, we both completely forgot about everything else that existed around us.

"His cells… He has pure Jenova cells in him."

"And you know this… how?" Rufus asked, as he let go of me and placed his hand on my shoulder to ensure that I stayed by his side.

"When you released me from your _watchers_, I came across the lab… I was looking for other alternatives to study Reno's condition, and you gave me free reign," she added, in an attempt to remind him that she wasn't up to causing any trouble before continuing to say, "And I noticed that you had a stasis pod calibrated for Reno's physiology."

"What?" I said, with a sudden act of surprise and attempted to step forward.

"Erryn," Rufus said, with a bit of a 'let's not go there right now' kind of tone, and tensed his grip into my shoulder to emphasize the fact that he really didn't want to discuss that at the moment. "What does that have to do with the clone?"

With a bit of a grimace, I grabbed his wrist to get him to ease up on me and was about to start on another tangent about what the fuck he was doing with a stasis pod calibrated for me, but Erryn continued with her confession, and Rufus' threateningly darkened glare kept me silent.

"Well, I figured out what it was for and noticed that some of the adjustments were dangerously off…"

"Kurn," Rufus said darkly, and pulled me closer to him by the waist when he let go of my shoulder in anticipation of me bolting.

"I dunno…" she said and shook her head, "It's possible." Then she pushed herself off the floor and pulled a cigarette out of her pocket and sat down on the couch. "Anyway, I figured I'd fix it…"

"Did you?"

"Yeah," she answered, and lit her cigarette. Then she pulled the ashtray on the coffee table closer to her. "I'll be honest with you… I don't like your little… junkyard dog…"

"Bitch," I hissed, and almost moved away but Rufus tightened his grip.

"But I don't want to see anything bad happen to him…" With a shake to her head, she scanned her eyes across the coffee table like she was reading something and then tapped her ashes into the tray. "From what I've seen… I think he's paid his dues."

"You know him well?"

Cautiously, she moved her eyes from both me and Rufus in a form of careful study before she answered, "I'd rather not go there."

"Very well." Nodding, Rufus pulled me back a little more protectively and rested his chin on my shoulder. "Perhaps you would like to tell me how your corrections relate to the clone then?"

"When I was done, I went to clean up and noticed one of the lights was flashing on an occupied pod," she answered, and took a heavy drag from her cigarette. "So, I figured I'd check on it…"

With a gesture to help explain herself, she waved her hand in front of her and scratched at her scar. "It was nothing major… the oxygen level was off. So, I adjusted it. I thought nothing of it, and went about my business afterwards." Snorting, she took another drag and then flicked her ashes again. "I've been around long enough to not even bother thinking of asking any questions to myself, never mind any of you guys… I just figured I'd fix it since I was there."

"There's more… obviously," Rufus said, to get her to get on with the story.

With a nod, she looked back down at the coffee table. "After Reno recovered, I noticed that he'd started researching heavily and taking off all over the place. Of course, you constantly sent me and Rude after him to keep an eye on both him and his health. But it got my curiosity peeked."

"Whore!" I spat, and attempted to wriggle out of Rufus' hold while hissing, "Ya jus wanted leverage!"

"Let her finish, my love," he smoothly said into my ear, and placed a small kiss on my cheek to calm me down.

With an uncertain look towards me and Rufus, she nodded to herself and scratched at her scar again. "So… I decided to start trackin him… Find out what he was after. And when I found out, I remembered the clone."

"So you decided that you'd run tests?"

"Yeah," she admitted to Rufus, and nodded before taking a drag from her cigarette again, "I didn't wanna have to do what I did…"

"It's understandable," Rufus mused, with an odd sense of understanding that he rarely ever showed. "However, I can't say I'm very pleased with such a deviant act. I would have preferred it if you were forthright from the beginning."

"If I'd known it was for saving a life…" she said, and then she shook her head while muttering out a curse, and something about how she never really knew what she was doing when it came to anything. "I dunno…" After another drag to her cigarette, she stamped it out in the ashtray and then rubbed at her eyes. "I honestly don't know what I would have done… There's no point in attempting to bullshit."

Angrily, she stood up and apologised to Rufus for not coming clean sooner, and then she asked if it was okay if she left to run some tests on herself because she was still a bit nervous as to whether or not what we did worked. "It won't take me long… Then I can extract those cells for you. It won't do any harm to the clone. From what I've studied, he'll regenerate them."

_Regenerate them? How come I never thought of any of this?_

* * *

I could've kissed Erryn if I wasn't so angry for no reason whatsoever. So, instead, I wound up kissing Rufus. That was of course, before he dragged me into the bedroom and told me to get some fucking sleep while pushing me onto the bed because I was acting like a crazed maniac. Then he locked the damn door so that I couldn't get out.

"I'm sorry, Reno," the bastard said from the other side with a mouth full of food again, "But it's for your own good."

_Yeah… whatever…_

He was probably right anyway.

Probably…

* * *

By the time morning came around, and I was actually well-rested for the first time in three months, I got up and went about my usual morning routine of making Rufus his breakfast and all the other things that I usually did before I got so obsessed over trying to correct all the mistakes that went wrong in our lives.

Erryn had gone about her business and turned out to be even more agreeable than she was before she was finally released from the curse I'd plagued her with, and the tests she ran on herself turned out fine.

To top things off, Rufus decided that due to the fact that I trusted her for whatever reason he couldn't quite make out, that he would give her the benefit of the doubt… as long as she was watched without knowing she was being watched. Whether or not that would actually sit well with me though, was still to be foreseen.

To be quite honest, I didn't like the way that the two of them interacted, and the fact that he mentioned something about her reminding him of someone, really set my nerves on edge.

Oh well, I'm sure it was just paranoia, because it seemed to be something I was panicking over with _everyone _that Rufus interacted with.

But I'm sure it wasn't jealousy…

Anyway, the Hell-Bitch was up before I was that morning, and even though I called her a whore in front of Rufus, he thought nothing of it. He figured I was just being an ass by calling her that, leaving both me and Erryn somewhat relieved over the fact that we would have had a lot of explaining to do if he suspected anything. But that wasn't really all that important when I considered everything else that needed to be tended to as a result of simply just being alive.

So besides all that, Erryn started her collaboration with Rufus' Doctor on how they would best go about freeing Rufus from the ailment that threatened to consume him. The decision between them, including Tseng who'd managed to pull himself away from his daily workload, was to begin the procedure as soon as possible.

In fact, it was Tseng's idea to even see if he could get Rufus treated right at that very moment.

But we were talking about Shinra. It was a place that the outside world saw as perfect even though they chose to hate us. What they didn't know, and we chose to keep it a secret under lock, key, and anyone's life who attempted to spill the beans, was that everything that went on within our perfect little _Shinra_ world, was _far_ from ever being remotely perfect, and when I spoke to Rufus about when the best time would be to get him treated, he mentioned that he'd have to hold it off for a couple of days.

"What?" I asked in astonishment, while he sat at the table and ate his lunch, "What the fuck'r ya takin about?"

"Something has happened at Junon," he casually answered after finishing the bite that he took. "I'm required to check on the progress."

"Yer fuckin kiddin me!"

"I apologise," he said sincerely, and grabbed me by the waist to pull me onto his lap, "But I'm sure I'll be all right for two more days."

"Two more days," I muttered, and rested my head back onto his shoulder while squeezing his hand with a bit of annoyance. "I'm beginnin ta think that ya don't wanna get any better."

Instead of responding directly, he simply kissed me on the side of the face and muttered something about the fact that he would be more than happy to do anything for me, but the matter at Junon was a matter of importance at that moment.

As far as Rufus was concerned, business didn't stop just because he'd been sick all his life and Junon would be tended to first. "The Turks will be accompanying me…" he quietly said into my ear, while running his fingers through the back of my hair, "All of them… even Tseng." Then he started to brush his lips along my jaw and run his hand down the open part of my shirt, "They'll be there to make sure that nothing goes wrong, and that I'm okay."

With a deep breath, he placed his lips against mine when I turned towards him, and then he slid his tongue into my mouth with an exploration for acceptance before pulling away for a much needed breath and rubbing his nose to mine.

"Will that set your mind at ease?"

"I don't wantcha goin without me," I mumbled, and stood up to take his plate away. "When do ya hafta go?"

"This evening… and I'd prefer it if you'd stay here." After I put the plate on the counter, he came up behind me and started to pull me out of the kitchen by the front of my shirt while pressing his mouth to mine again. "You're still not well, and I want you to stay close to Erryn."

"Ya trust me 'nuff to stay that close ta her?" I teased, with a touch of cruelty to my tone in order to get him back for picking the worst possible time to tend to business. Then I undid his front buttons and started sliding his shirt off his shoulders

"If you value your life and hers…" he started, while we both gave up on our destination and started to fall to our knees in the middle of the living room, "Then I believe I can."

"Ya'd better fuckin call me when ya get there."

"Nnng… Gaia… Can't you take that off first?"

"What the fuck for?"

"You're an insane maniac," he muttered, as I guided him onto his side and manoeuvred behind him. "Of course I'll call you… I'll need to hear your voice after such a long trip-ahhh… What the hell are you doing?"

"Mmmm… Nothin… Ya like the sound of my voice?"

"There isn't much that I don't like about you… f-ffff-fuck!"

"Ya like that?"

"Gaia… Yes…"

* * *

All in all, I couldn't really say that the day was going to be a total disaster, even if Rufus packing his bags to go on a business trip that I didn't see the importance of was the main event. Why he couldn't just send someone else to deal with his stupid business over some kind of dumb 'workers dispute' between the new Soldiers and the old ones was completely beyond me. But I guess that's why I wasn't the President of the company.

After all, I probably would have just gone and shot them all and then hired new ones to replace the old ones in order to solve the problem.

According to Rufus though, that was hardly a lucrative way to deal with such things… even if he _did_ see the appeal to it.

"I spoke with my Doctor," he told me, as he went through the bathroom to grab his pills and all of his other personal objects, "And I've scheduled the procedure for the morning of my return."

"Ya sure ya hafta go?" I asked, while popping a pain-killer into my mouth and following him all over the place, "Who's gonna keep me company?"

"Gaia, Reno…" With a bit of frustration and his back to me, he pulled a long, red hair off of his bag and stared at it for a moment before placing it in his pocket. "You have no problem taking off for days… or even weeks… when it's something of concern for yourself."

Shaking my head briefly in an attempt to shake off and ignore what he just did with my hair, I admitted that I might have been a little selfish when it came to certain things. "I'm selfish, Babe."

"I never doubted that for a second."

"Pompous ass," I muttered, and went over to his drawer to grab a pair of his pyjamas for him. "Yer selfish too."

"I'm aware of that," he confided, like he really didn't care about it either, and then he looked around in a bit of confusion for a moment, "Where's my gun?"

"Dunno," I answered, as I placed his pyjamas in the bag. Then I remembered that it slid under the sofa earlier, when we were… "I'll get it… I think it's under the couch."

With his brow cocked, he snickered lightly and then walked over to the closet to grab another outfit for the next day. I suppose it wouldn't come as a shock to say that it was exactly the same as all the other outfits that he owned… yeah… probably not. So, anyway, while he did that, I went to move the sofa over so I could grab his gun for him and bring it back into the room. Then I just stood there, unable to take it anymore…

For years that little freak had been taking strands of my hair and sticking them in his pocket, and it had finally gotten to me.

"What the fuck are ya doin with my hair?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Ya know what I'm talkin about… Ya started doin it when ya took over the Turks."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he casually said, and then he walked over to me to place a kiss on my lips.

"Whatever, Babe," I said, when he pulled away and grabbed his coat to put it on, and then I muttered out the word "Freak" when a subtle knock on the front door broke my train of thought.

With a devious smile, he looked at me as a glint shone in his eyes before he opened the door to let Tseng in. "Never ask a question in which you don't want to know the answer to," he purred at me, right before he started to walk out of the apartment, and Tseng nodded at me while unnecessarily requesting that I keep an eye on Elena for him.

"Yeah… well ya'd better keep an eye on Rufus," I replied, as a playful retort, and then I frowned as the door closed behind them, leaving me there to fret over the fact that anything could go wrong, given the track record of my life.

* * *

After an hour of trying to keep myself occupied by hanging out at Elena's with her new daughter, and then another hour of harassing Erryn about Rufus and myself, I decided that I'd sit at the bar on the third floor and have a few drinks before going back up to the apartment with my worries over why Rufus hadn't called yet.

_He should've arrived at Junon by now, _I thought to myself while I poured myself a glass of bourbon and lit a cigarette. _It's only a two hour trip._

But being the stubborn ass that I was and attempting to convince myself that he was just in a meeting, or some other redundant and boring task was tying up his time, I refused to call him to let him know that it was starting to get to me, especially after five hours had passed and I still hadn't heard anything.

As a result, I wound up calling Elena to see if she'd heard from Tseng at all during that time, and she simply said that sometimes things take a little longer than expected and that she wasn't really worried.

"You know how it is," she said, while trying to console her baby on the other line. "They get there thinking that everything's going to be just fine, and then all Hades breaks loose… They're probably in a meeting that lasted way longer than they anticipated."

"Yer talkin like a Turk again, Babe," I said to her in a playful attempt to alleviate my own worries, and figured I'd walk into the bathroom to start undressing and take a bath to relieve some of my stress.

"Yeah, well drinking yourself into submission isn't going to help you alleviate your worries," she answered back, and hushed her baby when it started to cry a bit. "Why don't you come over if you're feeling that way…? Some company might help us both."

"So, ya _are_ worried," I accused, and slid my shirt off.

"I'm always worried, Reno," she admitted, and giggled a bit to relieve her own tension. "So… ya gonna come over?"

"Nah…" I said, and kicked my shoes off. "I think I'm just gonna take a bath an try ta sleep it off."

"Alrighty then… suit Yourself." With a sigh, and a slight _Elena-style_ curse, which really wasn't much of a curse by they way, she muttered about how she would just love to sit down and have a drink of her own if she could. Then she added something about how she might just hit the sack herself. "But if you feel you need the company, don't worry about waking me up," she added, with a slight hope in her tone.

"I'll keep that offer in mind, Babe," I said, before we gave our usual goodbyes and hung up.

After a quick bath and another bourbon, I sat myself down on the sofa when the PHS finally rang and it was Rufus' number. "'Bout fuckin time," I muttered to myself and hit the connect button to receive the call. "What the fuck took ya so long?" I asked, with a bit of an edge and a slur to my voice, "Them Soldiers run into a monetary dispute?"

"I wouldn't know anything about that," came a clear and sly voice on the other line that made my skin crawl all over from the unexpected wave of horror, and my heart stop in mid-beat. "But I _do_ think I know why you're so taken with this _pretty_ little blonde of yours."

"Fuck…"

"My-my… Whatever happened to your voice, _Reno_?" In a tone of amusement, he added without expecting an answer, "You sound like someone's rammed an energy cell down your throat."

_Gaia…_ With a quick swipe to the sudden outburst of sweat above my upper lip, I got up abruptly and walked over to the weapons cabinet to pull out my EMR and growled through my teeth, "I ain't in the mood fer yer games, Aldrich."

"Oh, but this one's going to be a blast…" With emphasis on a feigned excitement and cruel laughter, he continued in an almost musical tone. "He's very pretty, by the way. Although, I must admit that I've always been more partial to a certain backstabbing redhead…" he added bitterly. "But that's not what's important right now, especially for what I have in mind."

With another cruel chuckle, I heard the strike of a match on the other end, along with the quick puffs of him lighting his cigarette. "But I must confess, I'd love to see you one more time before all of this excitement is over and done with. It would mean so much to me if you were here to watch," he said, before he took the first drag from his cigarette, and then he cheerfully added, "I understand your girlfriend is quite ill."

"Don't you fuckin _touch_ 'im, Aldrich," I hissed, while I hitched my rod onto my belt.

"Why not?" he asked, with a careless tone that threatened to consume every last nerve of control that I had, "He seems to like it."

_Fuck…_

"What the hell've ya done ta him, ya sonuvabitch?"

"I don't want to ruin anything for you. I think I'd rather have you come and see for yourself." With another drag to his cigarette, I heard the hiss of someone else on the other end, and Aldrich muttered with his hand over the phone, "You like that?" Then his voice became more clear and musical again as he removed the obstruction from the PHS and chuckled at me.

"I guess I can see why he's taken with you, _Reno_…" And with a feigned poutiness, he added, "He seems to like being hurt."

"Ya fuckin piece a shit… Where the fuck are ya?"

"Uh-uh-uh… We'll play the game my way. I think I'll have more fun _making_ you guess." With another drag to his cigarette, and another grunt from the other end that didn't come from him, he mused over the fact that, "It's too bad the _Turks_ didn't have the resilience that he has. I could almost _swear_ that your little _lover_ is getting off on this."

"Fer Gaia's sake, Aldrich! Ya sick fuck! What the fuck do ya want from me?"

"From you? Nothing. From what I recall, you have nothing good to give, and your role is no longer necessary in this game," he coldly answered. "However, I would love nothing more than to see you actually feel something for someone other than _yourself_ for a change… especially when they die. Call me a sucker… for old time's sake."

My knees went weak, and I slid down the wall to sit on the floor from a lack of the ability to stand anymore.

_My role?_

"Ya've been usin me the whole time ta wear 'im down…" I said, with a sudden dead wash of coldness at the realisation that I'd been the perfect tool for that Sadistic psycho. "Ya sent Kurn in ta get ta him, an ya found I'd suit yer purpose better."

"I have no desire to verify that. It would simply _ruin_ the fun."

"Ya don't need ta verify it, ya twisted fuck… I know the way ya like ta play yer sick fuckin games… I was there…"

After another drag to his cigarette and a wolfish chuckle, his mannerism completely changed from the playful light that he was carrying, and he confided with a dangerously low and viciously feral tone. "You don't have a leg to stand on, _Reno_, and I don't know how much _longer_ you're _pretty_ little _lover_ is going to last before his metabolism turns on him to a point beyond repair.

"So if I were _you_, I'd quit with the _bullshit_ questions and accusations that you _know_ you're not going to get anywhere with, and start working on how the hell you're going to save your _precious_. _Little. Bitch__!_"

"Strike a nerve? Why doncha tell me how I'm supposed to find ya then? Since ya wanna see me so fuckin badly again."

"You're a smart little wonder, _Reno…_ I'm sure you'll discover my whereabouts soon enough." And then with a chided snort, he added before hanging up and leaving me with nothing but dead air, "You're a Gaia-damned _freak-show _when it comes to _shit_ like that."

_Shit!_

Of all the fucking times that that son of a bitch could have played his cards. He chose Rufus' weakest moment. He must have been watching us the whole time. What was more disturbing was that it was Rufus he was after the whole time, and he'd been using me as a pawn to break him down to a state that made him attainable.

Once again, I was nothing more than a tool in someone else's destructive plan.

_Expendable piece of shit, Reno… _"That's what ya are…" With a bitter snicker, I held my EMR in front of me and studied it for a bit in an odd sense of sickening fascination, "An that's what ya'll always be."

After banging my head hard enough on the wall behind me to feel the pain, I closed my eyes and sucked back on my bottom lip while figuring that the Son of a Bitch would have found it most fitting to take Rufus and the others to the Nibelheim Mako Refinery. That's just the way he was. Considering everything else that the bastard seemed to know about us, he would have known that the Refinery would have been shut down and would have found it the most fitting place to take them.

"Not fuckin personal, my ass…" I muttered bitterly, and took a deep breath before I pushed myself shakily off the floor and ran down to Rufus' office to grab the floor plans for the refinery. It didn't have the same layout as the original, and I'd have to know everything that there was to know about it if I was going to even _remotely_ succeed.

I knew I was no match for Aldrich. I never was. Even if I was lucky enough to have the aid of my limit, that bastard couldn't feel anything anyway, and I had Hojo to thank for that.

"I'm sorry, Babe," I muttered to a small picture of a young Rufus on his desk. He had his green-eyed, mutated Guard Hound by his side. The same Guard Hound that gave up its own life in order to protect the one person that it bonded with all those years ago in a little kid's bedroom. Dark Nation, Rufus called him, because that was all Rufus ever really knew.

And it was a Dark Nation…

Those cold piercing eyes of his chastised me, even through his picture, and warned me not to do something so foolish. But I pulled the earring out of my ear anyway and put it on his desk for him. "I know ya ain't gonna be happy…" I said, and opened up his laptop so I could leave him a pathetic message with a lame excuse, "But I think I'm runnin outta lives…"

With a sigh and a rub to my eyes after pleading with him to live his life as best he could without me, if it was to come to that, I closed the laptop and prayed silently to all of the Gods, and even the demons and the angels, in hopes that one of them, any of them, would just fucking hear me for once.

Then I pulled out my PHS and dialled a reluctant number while walking over to Rufus' window so I could stare out over the town one last time after rubbing my eyes again and clearing my throat.

"Yeah…"

"Reno? Is everything all right?"

"No… I dunno… look… I-I need yer help…" I painfully said to the one person I never wanted to put in the position I was asking of them… "Cloud."

* * *

Revised: August 14, 2010


	38. The Course of Ordinance

**The Course of Ordinance**

* * *

18 years earlier…

… … …

With an angry snort, a stocky-built Wutian paced across the floor of his Kalm-located office with his PHS pressed against his ear in a knuckle-whitening grip as he gritted his teeth. "What the hell are you telling me?" he demanded, before taking a large drink from his sake-filled glass and then walking up to a door that was slightly ajar to slam it shut, "I told them to get _recruits_! I didn't say that they had to be fucking redheads!"

In an attempt to justify how he had nothing to do with anything that had happened, and how he was only sent to pass the message along, the male on the other end simply mimicked what he was told, and explained how the others had stressed that the redheads would have had more value on the street than anyone else would have had if it weren't for what happened.

He also made it a point to explain on the other men's behalf that they were practically _given _the redheads by an informant, and that there was no reason to worry because they were Slum Rats from Sector 7.

"Sector 7?" the Wutian screamed, and threw his free hand into the air as if to grab onto some sense of logic that was hanging there. "You _idiot_! For all they know, that could have been Renault and Haldric!"

At the repetition of the names, and the dead silence caused by the confusion on the other end, the Wutian fell into his chair with a sudden wave of spent energy overcoming him and wiped at his mouth. "_You_ had better _hope_ that those boys are okay," he growled with a menacing threat, not caring whether the male he was speaking to was responsible for any of what happened or not, and then he sat forward to pour some more Sake into his glass.

When the male on the other line attempted to plead his innocence, and that he didn't even know who the boys were while voicing his concerns about the others going back, and that no one was sure of the state the boys were in when they were left for dead, he was cut off by the Wutian and ordered to stay put.

"Never mind that," he said, and took another drink while staring at the door he'd slammed earlier. "Just tell me where those idiots left them… I'll send someone to collect them for me."

On that note, the male on the other line became even more nervous, but not so much over the fact that he had to relay the message about the older redhead being left in an alley, partially alive, to his angry boss. He was nervous about telling him that the boy was left in the alley because the Turks had raided the building that the younger redhead was in, and killed all the men that were in there.

Apparently, the Turks were misinformed and sent on a raid to halt a known weapons movement, also under orders from his boss and in the area. Instead, they wound up finding an equally important branch to an illegal prostitution ring and took advantage of the opportunity.

The Wutian's men were afraid the raid would cross over into the other building they occupied and therefore panicked, dumping the boy in the alley and abandoning him to die on his own. Despite all that, the part that made the male the most nervous was the part where he had to tell his boss that the younger of the two boys was taken by the Turks up to the Shinra hospital on the Plate.

"Are you fucking serious?" he asked the younger male, with a low and disbelieving tone, "You're going to _sit_ there and _tell_ me that the _Turks_ decided to have a fucking moment of _goodwill_ to save the life of a fucking _Slum_ Rat?"

Apologizing for not wanting to be put in the position he was in, and not knowing that his boss knew damn-well that the other men were with him, using him as the whipping boy for the brunt of their boss' anger, he began trying to come up with solutions to avoid being the brunt from the crowd that was already surrounding him.

With a dark shadow crossing over his already shadowed face by the low lighting in the room, The Boss tapped the ancestral ring than he wore on his baby finger onto the edge of the desk he was sitting at while half-listening to the stuttering excuses from his young employee and half-listening to his own thoughts on how he was going to clean up the mess that he was suddenly finding himself in.

With his eyes still on the door, he took another drink of the sake in front of him and then wiped the mark left from his lips off the edge of the glass. "Shut up," he suddenly commanded, in an attempt to have a moment of uninterrupted thought after the other male suggested sending someone up to the hospital on the Plate to kill the younger redhead to keep him from talking.

"Fucking psychopathic Renault isn't about to indulge in anything that can get himself into trouble. He'll keep his mouth shut until the day that little fucker dies. Plus…" he started, and leaned back into his chair while tapping his ring on the bottom of the glass, "He hates those fucking Turks."

After taking another sip from his glass, he leaned forward to refill his drink. "Here's what we're going to do, Adrienne… You're going to stay put and wait for one of my men from Kalm to come and get you. You're officially off the streets now… Congratulate yourself for not having to sell yourself anymore to earn your keep.

"You're close in age to Haldric and possess a similar temperament to Renault… minus the psychotic episodes, so you'll benefit me better if I keep you close to him after he's been nursed back to health. It might help him to have someone around that he can relate to after such an ordeal."

Letting out a deep sigh and taking another drink, he set his glass down, and stood up to stretch out his legs. "At least, until I can get Renault back… provided those assholes didn't damage the fucking kid beyond repair."

Then with a chuckle, the Wutian walked around to the front of his desk and stared at the door he'd slammed earlier again. "Speaking of assholes," he added, and took another drink before letting a deviant smile cross his lips at the thought of what would happen to the male on the other line after his next orders. "Tell those idiots that since it's your last night to be up for grabs, that they're more than welcome to have their way with you… I'll be making sure that you passed that message along too. So don't get any bright ideas, Adrienne."

At that, he ended the conversation and closed the PHS, putting it back in his pocket. "Tseng…" he muttered, and took another drink while tapping his ring on the glass again, "Why the hell would you go out of your way to save a delinquent?"

Shaking his head in quiet and suspicious question, the Wutian walked over to the door and opened it to step through and made his way down the dimly-lit hallway of three dark mahogany doors on either side.

Stopping at the second one on his left, he tapped his ring on his glass again and then took a drink before pounding roughly on the door. "I told you to get to sleep!" he growled, and then he coldly smiled to himself when he heard the scurrying on the other side. After that, he muttered, "Fucking brat," to himself, before walking out the back door to meet the men that were waiting for him.

"We have a problem," he stated, accepting the jacket that his driver slipped over his shoulders as he walked out onto the terrace towards the vehicle, "My two biggest dealers have just been fucked over."

"Renault and Haldric?" asked the other man.

"Yes… Apparently, the idiots at the other end of business thought they'd be a lucrative investment. Only, things didn't exactly go as planned."

"Renault?" his partner smoothly asked, and held the car door open for his Boss with a knowing grin on his face.

With a chide snort, the Wutian took a good look at the man beside him before stepping in and muttered, "Who the fuck else would be capable of escalating a simple situation out of control like this?"

* * *

The Present…

… … …

"Quit fucking around and get _rid_ of him, Aldrich!" shouted the man on the other end of the PHS as the redhead held it to his ear.

Unaffected by the harsh tone of his boss, the one-eyed male coyly grinned and brushed the hair by his good eye back while calmly replying, "I thought the plan was to get rid of them _all_."

"Renault is the least of our concern. If Kurn did his job like he was supposed to, he won't last much longer."

"Yes, well after all of your _previous_ attempts to kill the little _parasite_, he's still with us, isn't he?" the redhead provoked with a small, satisfying grin.

"That's unimportant and you know it."

Raising his brow in a feigned shock-like manner to express his boredom over the matter, he placed his hand on the shoulder of the young President bound to the chair beside him. "Forgive me, _Sir_, but perhaps you've forgotten that _Erryn _has entered the picture," he needled, and tapped his fingers on Rufus' shoulder before dragging his hand across the back of the young man's neck.

"This had better not be getting personal, Aldrich."

Feeling the need to get his boss riled up more, he felt the need to remind him that, "Everything that involves Renault is _personal_, Sir… even with you." Then he ran his fingers playfully through the strands near Rufus' neck, before leaning forward and pulling the young President's PHS out of his own pocket so he could snake it back into its rightful place while sporting a cold smile.

"In fact, sometimes, I think you're more obsessed with him than I am," he purred, and smiled at the blonde when he turned his head to coldly regard him.

"Don't push it, Aldrich," came the Wutian-accented voice on the other line while someone in the background snickered and suggested that perhaps it wasn't such a bad idea to lure the redheaded Turk to the slaughter, since he was apparently so much trouble alive. "You saw what he did to my men."

With a sudden wash of coldness, Aldrich gripped his fingers into Rufus' left shoulder without even realizing it, completely ignoring the fact that his young captive was ignoring the grip. "Yes, well from what I _recall_, your men _deserved_ what they got!"

"Yes, and from what _I_ recall, you should be _thankful_ that I spared your life!"

Pushing himself away from the young President and walking toward the front of him, he placed his hand over the phone and bitterly muttered out, "If you call this a fucking life." Then he turned around to face his blonde captive and ran his fingers along the smooth jaw-line with a wolfish smile while meeting a calculating and unwavering glare in return.

"You had better not be planning on double-crossing me, you ungrateful miscreant."

"I have no intention of double-crossing you, _Sir,_" he answered, while still wearing a hungry and uncaring grin, "I believe I've already learned my lesson from the last time." After answering his boss in a mocking and non-challenging sing-song, he knelt in front of the young blonde and smiled coldly at him as their eyes remained locked in a daring challenge. "In fact, my only intention is to give you _everything_ that you want."

"Then kill the damned President and his Turks!" the Wutian shouted in a loud growl, before angrily hanging up.

"Oh… I'll do more than that," he slyly answered to the dead air, and let the phone slide out of his hand as he leaned closer to the young President in front of him and confided, "In fact, I think I'll solve _all_ his problems in a most _fitting_ fashion."

"So you're not working alone," challenged Rufus, as he made all of his best efforts to hide any possible signs of weakness.

"Oh, you're just _too_ smart," answered Aldrich, before he wolfishly smiled at President Shinra again. "Tell me… _Pretty_, exactly how much about _Reno's_ past do you know?" he asked, and crawled a little closer on his knees after taking a look around and smiling to himself as he watched his own partners leave the room.

Then he lowered his voice and crept even closer, enough to cross his arms over Rufus' lap and rested his head on them while tilting his gaze towards the young blonde, "I'm curious…"

* * *

_"I believe in purpose, Reno," Rufus smoothly said into my ear, before he slid his arm around my stomach and pulled me closer to him. "Without purpose…" Pausing long enough to brush his lips along the outer edge of my ear and move his hand down to the front of my hip, "There is no reason to exist."_

_"That black'n white, huh?"_

_"Mm… That black and white."_

* * *

"That black'n white…" I muttered, lost in my thoughts for a moment over why in the hell nothing ever went right in my life.

I had about twenty minutes, I figured, as I stood there staring through that frozen and cold pane of glass in Rufus' office, overlooking the world that I never really wanted to be a part of. At least, I never wanted to be a part of it until Rufus…

_"Heh… I fail to see what the purpose to my existence would be."_

_"Perhaps you weren't meant to."_

Maybe what Rufus really meant to say was that, perhaps I didn't want to. Even though I always said I was going to die protecting him, maybe I just never really wanted to believe it. Maybe he filled me with enough hope to make me believe that there was more to my life than just being a disposable tool at another's whim. Maybe I still wanted to believe it. Maybe that was why I called Cloud. Maybe it gave me some sense of hope, regardless of how hopeless it all felt.

Who the hell else was I going to call?

The SOLDIERs were useless, and so were the MPs. I couldn't ask Elena, and I knew I couldn't do it by myself. All that was left was Cloud, because the only others that I could have relied on were already with Rufus.

After he hung up on me with a tone that said he really didn't want to be a part of what I was asking of him, and that he'd need some time to get together some extra help, I dropped the PHS and screamed at the top of my lungs with my hands pressed to the window while falling to my knees and choking.

How many more lives was I even capable of ruining?

* * *

Twenty minutes to do Gaia-knew-what after I hung up on the young SOLDIER when he said he'd meet me outside. Twenty minutes to gather myself and pull myself together. Twenty minutes to torture myself with whatever thoughts I could come up with.

From what I knew and remembered, Aldrich couldn't feel any pain. Due to what Hojo had done to him, he was on a steady degradation of sensation and wound up left with nothing. It was what made him more and more cruel with each year that passed. Because he couldn't feel, he got off on watching other's feel what he couldn't.

It was nothing more than sheer bitterness over that which he could no longer experience. And like all things, the good went along with the bad. He went so cold inside because of the deadness on the outside, that he could only find warmth through making everyone else suffer.

The more he could make an external entity feel, the more he could indulge in what it must feel like. He'd become insatiably hungry for sensation… anyone's sensation.

That's what made him dangerous.

* * *

After a brief, abysmal walk through the treacherous cavern of thoughts in my mind, I suddenly realised that I didn't really have the time to be strolling down memory lane. In fact, I didn't really have the time to be doing much of anything. But as it was, it seemed like that was all I had – time. That's how it is though – you get it when you least want it.

But enough of that, there were more important things that I needed to deal with. Namely, I needed to consider the fact that Rufus had probably not taken his medication or even eaten due to the fact that Aldrich would most-likely never tend to his needs. The thought of him in Aldrich's hands made me ill beyond reason, and as necessary as it was to consider the possibilities, I really didn't want to be thinking of them.

I also needed to consider the fact that the others were tortured or worse, possibly even dead.

Then there was the worst question of all, and I didn't even think of it until I ran past Elena's apartment on my way to my own. I stopped dead in front of her door with my hand twitching by my side… _do I tell her?_ After all, _Tseng_ was with Rufus.

She just had a child… Would it be right of me to not involve her?

The thought of catching her attention was the only thing that stopped me from throwing a hysterical fit right then and there in the middle of the damned hallway, and I nearly fell over from the dizzying array of thoughts that were consuming me enough to actually feel them. I couldn't tell her. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Because I didn't know how.

Instead, I found myself running into my apartment and tying back my hair, while rummaging through the cupboards to see if Rufus had any spare pills. I came up with no such luck though, and I ran into the kitchen to grab some food. Then I ran down to the infirmary to raid his Doctor's supplies. Surely enough, he'd have a surplus, and luckily he did.

He also had Mako shots…

Standing there frozen again, I wound up staring at them and knowing that I shouldn't have even been considering what I was considering.

Erryn calmed my system down with those pills of hers which I unfortunately took shortly before the call of a lifetime, and as unstable as my limit was, Ren had the speed and reflexes that I didn't quite have. If I gave myself a shot, I could possibly trigger my system into an overload, which in turn, could trigger Ren back into an unstable existence that played on the verge of my awareness. Was I in the right state of mind to even contemplate such a thought?

Probably not…

Two seconds, maybe three passed, and I reached into my pocket before I took a large swig of whatever the hell it was that I put into my flask. Then I licked my lips before I contemplated how long it would take to kick in and wiped at the bead of sweat breaking out above my brow before shakily grabbing one of the shots with my other hand.

_Gaia… Please help me…_ I begged, while looking upward and tapping my foot in relentless despair. _I know I've never had faith… but please…_

_Please, please, please… help me save him…_

"Uuurrrnnnnggghhhh!"

I only had twenty minutes, not even. I'd probably wasted at least ten, maybe more. After groaning to myself from a personal and unforgiving agony, I told myself I didn't have time to take the damn shot and dropped it to the floor before crushing it beneath my boot.

"I can do this," I told myself through my teeth, and checked to make sure that my mag-rod was completely loaded with every possible edge I could use to benefit myself. "I don't fuckin need ya, Ren."

"That's what Aldrich'll be countin on. He'll want me ta lose control." With a bitter chuckle, I twirled the rod in my hand before hitching it back onto my belt, "An I ain't gonna give 'im anythin that 'e wants."

* * *

There he was. Sitting on his bike outside, waiting for me across the street like he said he would when I made my way outside the building. He didn't turn to look at me and simply nodded when I seated myself on the bike behind him while meekly whispering that I was sorry. Then I wrapped my arms around his waist for support.

Without a word, he nodded again and stiffened up, keeping his attention in front of him before hitting the acceleration. Maybe it was just easier for him to pretend that he wasn't doing what I was asking him to do. Maybe it was just easier for him to pretend that I didn't really exist, and that I wasn't really behind him, hanging onto him, and asking him to save someone that he never saw any worth to saving.

Maybe it was easier for us both to just keep quiet.

We said all we needed to say to each other anyway. I told him on the phone where we needed to go, and I told him what I wanted from him. He told me he didn't want me coming and that he'd take care of it on his own. Only, I refused to listen, and he refused to continue arguing with me when I made it clear that I'd wind up there one way or another; with or without his help. There was nothing else that we could have said that would have made things any easier or better than what they were.

* * *

"I understand that the blue-eyed devil gave you quite the tormenting run when you were younger."

Aldrich stood with his back to the President and inhaled from his cigarette while crossing his arms and watching the cameras. He couldn't have possibly cared less about the young blonde's presence at that moment.

Yet, at the same time, he couldn't help but entertain his darker side, which was more why he was interested in simply letting the young man succumb to his own illness rather than help in aiding him to avoid such a slow end. However, he wasn't exactly opposed to making his captive's stay uncomfortable. He just wasn't interested in killing him like he was ordered to do yet.

Suddenly curious by the words spoken from the still-standing redhead, Rufus managed to pull himself away from his self-trained introversion and back into a place where physical pain had a greater presence. It was something he was used to though. So it was simple enough to ignore.

With a snort and another drag to his cigarette, Aldrich remained in his statuesque stance and began to talk with a distant air. "If there was ever anyone that knew how to _fuck_ with someone's head and emotions, it was _Ren_…" With another snort, he turned to stare down at the President who was successfully closing himself off again, "You would know all about that though, wouldn't you? From what I've learned, the little blue-eyed _demon_ played quite a number on you as well."

"Blue-eyed demon," Rufus repeated, with no hint of discomfort in his voice as the flood of memories came back to him. He'd always found Reno's eyes to be the most intriguing enigma he'd ever set sight on, the way that the colours almost seemed alive in them, and he'd always wondered why they changed colour the way that they did. But it never dawned on him as to why.

Lowly chuckling at the response he'd finally gotten from the younger man, Aldrich stepped closer and lowered himself to his knees in front of the young blonde. Then, with his head tilted so his hair fell over his patched eye, he confided in a softer tone while running his fingers along Rufus' smooth cheekbone towards the hairline before the ear. "Yes… His eyes were always a tell-tale sign of _who_ you were dealing with."

After pausing to take a drag from his cigarette, he raised his brow while studying the President for any signs of discomfort. "They always turned blue whenever Ren took over."

Then sighing before turning his attention to the far right passed Rufus' shoulder, his own eye slightly changed to a darker shade before he smiled and looked back at his young captive.

"It took me a few years to figure it out. I didn't know why he'd _throw_ himself at me one moment and play me like he knew what I wanted and was thinking, and then act like the thought of being with me was the most disturbing thing for him to deal with," he confided, while gently stroking the young blonde's hair behind his ear.

"He drove me mad, _young_ Rufus…" he said. Then with a wolfish grin, he pressed the pad of his index finger to the tip of Rufus' nose as he added with a sickly delight, "Just like he did to _you_.

"Although in his defence, it wasn't really _his_ fault. He never _was_ the same after what _Hojo_ did to him." He almost sounded compassionate when he spoke. That was, until he grabbed a light handful of Rufus' hair by the temple and pulled it out by the root before bitterly chiding through his teeth, "But then again… _neither_ was _I_."

While observing the hair in his hand with disgust, he let it fall to the lap of his captive and frowned over the fact that Rufus responded with no satisfying reaction and turned to sit on the floor with his back against the President's knees. "I find our predicament interesting, _Rufus_.

"You've spent your whole life trying to turn your feelings off, and I've spent mine trying to turn them on, and yet we _both_ fell _sucker_ for the same _back-stabbing_ little _mind-_fucker." Chuckling at the thought, the redhead pulled out another cigarette to light it, and stared at the flame on his match with a subtle fascination, "Because he _knows_ how to play people."

Then with a sudden dead wash, as his eye suddenly shadowed over again, he pushed himself off the floor and walked behind the young President to place the palms of his hands on either side of Rufus' temples to tilt his head forcefully back.

With his cigarette hanging out of the corner of his mouth, he lowered his face close to the younger man's, being careful not to let the tip of the cigarette touch him. "I actually _learned_ a few things from the way that blue-eyed _menace_ toyed with me," he confided with a lower voice, "And I'm willing to _bet_ that I can get a better _rise_ out of you than _Daddy_ ever did by using your own _lover's_ tactics."

* * *

When we met our destination – the Highwind – Cloud grabbed my wrists roughly to make me let go of him and coldly pushed me back from him, still refusing to turn or say a word as a sign to tell me to get off his bike and board Cid's ship. Following behind him, and lowering my head at the disapproving glare of his friends who all had me as a black mark in their books, I cursed silently to myself and grabbed a cigarette to try and keep my mind occupied from the company that saw me as an unwelcome guest.

AVALANCHE…

It was all of them, almost. Reeve and Nanaki didn't seem to be present for whatever reasons they may have had. They were all Shinra's greatest enemy at one time, and even though most of us had overcome our differences, there was still a strong sense of animosity that hung in the air. The only one that seemed to be compassionate enough was Tifa, despite the fact that she had no idea why Cloud would have asked them for their help in regards to such a task.

Cid was the second easiest to deal with in regards to his presence since he'd been doing runs for Shinra ever since the Remnants were taken care of, and then there was Vincent. Vincent may not have liked Shinra or anything related to it for reasons that made perfect sense to me, but for some strange reason, he saved Tseng and Elena's lives on his own and without anyone asking him to when they were tortured by the Remnants, which kind of led me to believe that he may not have been too difficult to persuade, even though I didn't exactly know why.

But he did, after-all, work as one of Shinra's own Turks at one time. That was of course, before he fell in love with Hojo's wife and became the perfect candidate for Hojo's _chaos _project. I wasn't about to try and verify any of my thoughts in regards to his decisions though. It was bad enough that I completely overstepped any possible bounds that any of them may have laid out.

As far as the others were concerned, Yuffi and Barret, I was nothing more than a lamb to the slaughter, or better yet, a lamb that deserved to be slaughtered. And whatever the hell Cloud said to them to persuade them to help out was beyond even my own imagination.

The look of judgement they regarded me with was enough to remind me that even though we'd all worked together, sort of, in the past that I was still nothing more than a Turk to them, nothing more than a Shinra henchman – a kidnapper and a murderer. They were probably right though, so I ignored them and took a drag from my cigarette while walking passed them and making my way down to the Galley to see what kind of alcoholic bliss Cid had hiding down there.

It wasn't really because I wanted a drink. It was because I just didn't want to be around them and needed some sort of excuse to occupy my thoughts.

"Gonna be a long trip," I muttered to myself, while rummaging through his small fridge, "What the fuck was I thinkin?"

"I told them what Reeve told me," Cloud said quietly from behind me. He must have followed me down, "That Shinra was making its best attempt to correct its past mistakes."

"They believed ya?" I asked, with my back still to him after I found an exotic beer and opened it.

"Not really," he answered, and came up behind me to take the beer out of my hand while mumbling that, "That's not going to help your cause much." Then he pulled me into his arms and held me while I clung to him like a fucking child.

"I did'n know who else ta ask," I muttered into his shoulder, while he stroked my hair and attempted to soothe me.

"Just promise me that you're not going to do anything foolish once we get there," he quietly said, and rocked me a little, "Promise me you're not going to try and be a hero."

* * *

While hungrily watching the outside monitors to the facility, the one-eyed redhead lit another cigarette and let the match carelessly fall to the floor. Then he removed his tie and undid the uppermost buttons on his dark grey shirt to release the constraint around his neck before removing his jacket.

"I see you've brought _friends_, Renault," he muttered, as he watched the Highwind land on the nearby grounds. "AVALANCHE… This is just _too_ good to be true."

Then he dialled a number on his PHS and let the man on the other end know that things might actually be working out better than expected. After that, he chuckled as he hung up and turned his attention back to the young President.

"Well, well, well… _Sweet_ Rufus," he said, while he took a good look at the other Turks to make sure they were still unconscious, "It looks like your _beautiful _lover has brought none other than his _other_ lover to help him rescue you."

With his trademark wolfish smile, he crept over to his captive and placed his hands on the President's shoulders from behind. Then he chuckled with a morbid fascination as he knelt behind him so that his mouth was at the young man's ear and whispered with a sickly satisfaction, "_Exactly _how does that make you feel?"

"Satisfied," was all that Rufus said as he attempted to work at loosening the knots in the rope that he couldn't seem to break on his own. As far as the young blonde was concerned, he wasn't going to indulge in his abuser's delights by letting him know that he was bothered more than words could express.

"Oh?" Aldrich asked, and started to massage Rufus' shoulders, sliding his hands more forward with each movement and whispered, "You mean… you don't mind that he let that _masculine_ blonde fuck him from behind when he wouldn't even let _you_ do it?"

Then with another cruel chuckle, he brushed his lips tauntingly against the blonde's ear, and put his cigarette out on the back of the chair. "Personally, _I _would have been _outraged_," he said through his teeth, and stood up to walk to the front of his captive with his Cure Materia in his hand. "Would you like to know what _I_ would have done?"

With a deliberately slow and predatory movement, he walked his spidery fingers along Rufus's upper leg and reached into the young blonde's coat pocket to pull out his choke wire, "I'd be more than happy to _show_ you."

* * *

We stood outside for far longer than I felt necessary while everyone argued over the best way to go about getting in and getting out with the least amount of damage and attention. Apparently going over it in the Highwind wasn't enough for everyone, and they figured that it would be a nice fucking idea to continue on with their discussion and waste some more time once we landed.

Since I actually had no intention of being part of their plan, I simply scanned the area and ignored them without really letting them know that I was ignoring them, or even that they were irritating the hell out of me.

I wasn't about to interrupt them though. As far as they all knew, Rufus and my co-workers were their only priority, and if they could come up with a fail-proof plan that they all could agree on, then I wasn't about to get in the way of it.

Besides, I may have failed to mention that Aldrich would be there. In fact, I think I may have mentioned to Cloud that it was highly likely he would have left, like the last time. And with that thought in mind, I took a look at the ground's camera and took a swig from my flask before lighting a cigarette.

Yeah, I may very well have misled them a little.

But it was nothing they'd have to worry about. I had no intention of involving them in that plan. Plus, if I had been forthright, Cloud would never have let me get involved.

"Ya'll need ta consider the possibility that the self-destruct will be set in motion after we enter," I said, loud enough for them all to stop their discussion and stare at my back. "The place'll be sealed up once that happens… ta avoid the possibility of contaminatin the area."

Barret was the first one to speak up in regards to that comment, and he didn't sound like he was overly impressed by it either. In fact, he accused me of walking them all to their deaths and aimed his gun-arm at my back.

"Ya got no need ta worry," I muttered, and took another drag from my cigarette while keeping my eyes locked on the camera. "Look at the plans I gave ya's. As a fail-safe, the place'll lock itself up to stop people from enterin." Then I turned away from the camera, so I could scan each and every pair of judging eyes that were set on me. "Shinra ain't a complete tyrant… 'Least not anymore."

With my eyes to the ground to avoid the continuing glares from them, I walked up to the plans that they had laid out, and pointed out that there were emergency exits in place to help protect the employees of Shinra. "Worst case scenario, ya'll all be able to get out through these passages… an as an extra insurance, all the Mako processors an feeds will be sealed off," I said, with a slight tightness to my throat while I pointed out the exits, which of course, led Barret to his next suspicious question.

"If that's the case, then what would be the reason for setting it off in the first place?"

"Ta make sure that ya don't get ta the target." With clenched teeth, I met his distrustful eyes and sneered at him, "An maybe even in hopes that they trap ya in a spot where there are no exits."

"I knew this was a bad idea," he said with a sneer, and lifted his gun-arm at me again, while Tifa muttered calmly to him and placed her hands on his arm to get him to lower it. As usual, she was always willing to hear me out. Not to mention, that she also had a fondness for Rude, who was also held captive within the facility.

"I know the sequence ta shut it down, an we've got forty-five minutes once it starts," I consoled, and grabbed my flask. Then I muttered before taking a drink, "Gonna split up when we enter. Been 'round Shinra most of my life ta know how ta make my way through an disable it."

"You expect us to rely on a hopeless alcoholic?" Barret yelled, and angrily pulled his arm away from Tifa, at the same time that Cloud piped up that he would accompany me, along with a glare that stated he would have preferred it if I'd let him know about my plan earlier.

"I don't need ya ta come with me," I retorted after licking my lips and screwing the cap back onto my flask.

"Reno…" Tifa said quietly, and then she gave Barret a quick and disapproving glare to encourage him to calm down, "It would make the rest of us feel better if one of us went with you." Then she carefully took a look at the others before commenting that maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to let Cloud go with me. "That way, if you run into any trouble, you'll have a little help… The rest of us should be fine on our own, and then you can both catch up with us afterwards."

_Gaia-damned AVALANCHE!_

"Fine… whatever…" I muttered, and took another drag before putting my cigarette out, "Let's get a fuckin move-on then."

* * *

When the President was pushed forward as far as his restraints would allow him to move, he was unable to hold back the strong gasp for air as he choked in an attempt to refill his lungs. At the same time, the redhead stood behind him with a cold and dissatisfied turn at the corner of his mouth while letting the choke-wire fall to the floor and muttering, "Cure," again to heal Rufus' throat along with the cuts left on it from the sharpness of the wire.

"Anything like what _Daddy_ used to do to you?" he asked, and pulled out another cigarette to light it, "I understand that you'd _never_ let the old man hear you scream."

"Isn't your Boss going to be upset with you for keeping me alive for so long?" Rufus asked as smoothly as he could after regaining his breath and waiting for the Cure spell to relieve the choking pressure left behind.

Then he smiled as he straightened himself up and almost seemed to find a sense of relief in the relentless punishment that the redhead was bestowing upon him, making the older man angrier by the second and leaving him with as little satisfaction as he could gain.

"Oh, you _are_ an impatient one… But didn't you play out _Adrienne's_ discomfort for as long as you could?"

"I didn't believe that you cared," Rufus answered, and shook off a possible grimace as the first signs of his own system started to turn on him, "If I'd known, I would have invited you to the party."

"Hm," Aldrich muttered, and then he turned his eye to the ceiling, "I'm not sure if I would have enjoyed watching Adrienne turn into _Reno_… One was bad enough." Then with a wolfish smile, he turned his attention back to the young President, and stared at him with a sickly satisfaction. "I'm surprised you haven't asked me how I know so much about what goes on behind your_ closed_ doors."

"I simply assumed that you had an informer planted."

"Ah… _assumed_… What kind of informer would have known that _Daddy_ used to make you take your clothes off before he beat you…? I _wonder_…" he mused coldly, and then he pulled out Rufus' knife from his belt to study it.

"Or, here's an even _more_ interesting tidbit that I'm sure _you_ never knew about… Did you know that your _father_ had commissioned your precious_ lover_ to wipe you and the man that _you_ had a crush on as a child from the existence of this planet?"

While pointing the knife at the unconscious Wutian positioned to the right of Rufus' back, Aldrich moved closer and ran the point of the knife along the marks he left on the blonde's neck and cruelly smiled. "He would have done it too… and the part that was _jealous_ would have played it out for all it was _worth_."

Ignoring the taunting words coming from the malicious redhead, Rufus closed his eyes and took a light breath before answering with his typical and unaffected tone, "I don't doubt that for a second."

"Oh, you _don't_?" asked the redhead, before he cut the top buttons from Rufus' shirt. "I wonder…" With a low purr, he dragged the sharp edge of the knife across Rufus' chest and drew a small amount of blood.

"Did you know then? That it was _you_ he was jealous of? That the _only_ reason that menace threw himself at you and _toyed_ with your emotions when he noticed your attraction to him was to make _Tseng_ jealous and to make _you_ pay for stealing all of his precious mentor's attention?

"He _knew_ your father was beating you because of it… But that was okay… because in _Reno's_ messed up little head, he was getting _you_ out of the picture. He's _sick_, you know. The minute _anyone_ is nice to him, he develops an _obsessive_ attachment to them and can't stand the thought of _sharing_ them with anyone else. Yet at the same time, he'll do _everything_ in his power to convince himself that he doesn't _need_ or _want _anyone, and push them as far away from him as he can."

"I believe you'll say anything to get a reaction from me," Rufus answered.

"I take it you enjoy the abuse then," Aldrich replied with a cold bite to his words, "You must just _love_ the way that he makes you _think_ you can have him, maybe even makes you _believe_ that he wants you back… the way that he makes you _feel_ like you could spend the rest of your life with him…

"And every time you think to yourself, this is it… I _finally_ have him… He _spits_ in your face and turns your whole world and everything that you thought was secure upside down.

"You must just _love_ the way that he can _tear_ down all of your strengths and expose all of your _weaknesses_, and then just leave you there, exposed and open for the hounds to tear apart, while he goes off and tends to his own needs and searches for another victim that he can bend and twist to his own will before leaving them in the same discarded heap of all those left before them. After all, who's he with right now?"

"You make it sound like it's a bad thing."

With a sarcastic chuckle and a cold emptiness in his eyes, Aldrich wrapped his free hand behind the young President's neck and pushed the blade carefully into the younger man's stomach before pulling it out slowly and wiping the blood across the front of his coat, being careful the whole time not to let the blade twist in any way that could cause more damage than he intended.

"I believe that will stain," he predatorily said, while holding the unfeeling and blue-eyed gaze of the young President and was somewhat disappointed over the fact that the blonde didn't even flinch.

"I don't believe it matters," Rufus answered with the same cool air which reflected the lack of interest or concern that had suddenly washed over him. For the first time in his life, he really didn't think it mattered, and he felt a strange wash of relief over the fact.

With a nod, Aldrich placed the blade neatly across Rufus' lap and pushed himself away from him. "Even if you manage to somehow survive this ordeal," he said with his back to him, and started to walk towards the door, "I believe I should let you know that _no _one can ever truly trust _Reno_… not even you… _Rufus_."

After opening the door and slamming it shut behind him in a fit of frustration, the redhead clumsily banged his head on a protruding pipe from the ceiling that he'd forgotten about, and he wound up cursing over the fact that it knocked him back and made him stumble a bit… for the third time that day, "_Fuck!_"

It also pissed him off that he didn't feel it at all, and he cursed again, before angrily ordering his men back into the room and making his own way to the control room to prepare for what he had planned.

* * *

We were all a little unnerved when we entered the facility. It was too quiet as we moved about in the main area and checked for any possible traps, and the fact that we found nothing unnerved us even more. I found myself taking another drink while the others started to quietly argue amongst themselves over why the hell it was too easy for us to enter.

"Tomb of death," Barret muttered, right before he gave me another hateful glare at the fact that I was just standing there and drinking, "How do we know that Shinra's not in on this?"

"Fer fuck's sake," Cid piped up, and almost lit his cigar before thinking twice about it, "Shinra ain't got no fuckin reason to wanna get rid of us anymore."

With a snort, I screwed the cap back on my flask and placed it back in my pocket, while muttering, "Yeah… We've got bigger worries than a buncha _AVALANCHE _washouts."

"Reno," Cloud said with a bit of a warning in his voice, and then he glared at Barret to get him to keep his mouth shut as well, "Let's get started… Where's the control room for the alarms?"

"This way," I said, and pointed in the direction while keeping my back to all of them. The sooner I got away from them the better, as far as I was concerned. Of course, I didn't really want Cloud tagging along with me either, but as it was, I didn't really have much of a choice.

With the hairs on the back of my neck standing on edge, I rubbed at the sudden stiffness in my muscles in hopes that the uncontrollable chill running down my spine would go away. Then I turned the dial on my Mag-rod as high as it would go while Cloud pulled out his sword and gave me a suspicious glance.

"He'll have 'em in the Observation room," I muttered, as I moved slightly forward to the hall leading to the control room, "Most damage can be caused there if the Mako goes thermal." After a slight pause, I turned my head slightly to the side, not focusing on anyone in general, and then back. "Ya'll wanna arm yerselves," I mumbled, before I started leading the way with Cloud at my side, "Gonna be more'n one man ta get in the way."

After the shuffling sounds of the others disappeared far enough into the distance not to hear them, Cloud rested his hand on my shoulder to stop me in the middle of the hall. "You do realize that he may already be dead…" he hesitantly started, and then he sympathetically bit on his bottom lip before continuing, "Don't you?"

"Ain't got time ta think 'bout that," I muttered, just as the alarms went off and the barrier door slammed shut behind us. At that moment, I took the moment of surprise and re-adjusted my EMR without Cloud noticing.

"Look, Man," I said, as I started fidgeting around in my pocket for Rufus' medicine, "I… want ya ta take this… jus in case." Then I pulled some of the food I grabbed from my pack as well, "This too… h-he might need it."

Stopping dead and narrowing his eyes at me, he took a deep breath and lowered his sword to his side, before speaking carefully through his teeth, "What the hell are you doing, Reno?"

"N-nothin," I answered, while keeping my head down and frisking myself out for anything that I might have forgotten, "Jus thought that… maybe ya might have a better chance'a gettin ta 'im before me."

"Fuck… Reno…" Stiffening up, Cloud gripped his hand tighter around his sword and brought it up in expectation of whatever stupid plan I had in mind, "Whatever you're planning on… You _know _I can help you."

Shaking my hand to expel the sudden burst of nervous energy that built up over the stress, I muttered out, "Sorry," just below a breath while looking at the floor, and then I looked him in the eyes before striking the switch for the magnetic field faster than I even thought I was capable of, "But ya can't."

"Damn it, Reno!" he yelled from inside the amber encasement, "You're making a mistake!"

"It's what I'm good at," I muttered, as I dug around in my breast pocket for the keycard that I copied after stealing it from Rufus' office when we first moved into the building. Then I licked my lips and moved quickly to the pyramid and placed my hand over where Cloud's face was. "When I said ya were a mistake…" I started, and then I jerked my head to the side toward my shoulder, but I kept my eyes sincerely on him, "I lied."

Knowing full-well that the cameras were on and that Rufus most-likely had a front-row seat to the monitors, I moved closer to the pyramid and apologized again, before planting a kiss where Cloud's mouth would have been if we weren't separated by the solidified magnetic field.

"I never meant ta hurt no one," I choked out with a rasp, and then I shut my eyes tight for a moment to flush out my emotions before pushing myself back to run to the end of the hall after pointing at the objects I left on the floor for Rufus, "Make sure Rufus gets those!"

Then I ran to the sealed door that blocked us off from the control room with the keycard in my hand and swiped it through while praying that the damned thing still worked. When I was rewarded with a positive response and the door slid open, I stepped into the room and placed my hand on the panel to close it after me.

But before I hit any buttons, I pulled out my .33 and aimed it at Cloud. "Rufus ain't that bad, Cloud…" I said, and pulled back the safety, "Give 'im a chance."

With a false smile, I pulled the trigger to break the barrier and then hit the panel to seal the door behind me while muttering, "Sorry ta bring ya'll inta this."

"Reno!" he yelled, and jumped forward to try and beat the door to get to me, "Reno! You stupid ass!"

* * *

Wincing at the sound of the pounding and yelling on the other side, I stood there for a moment with my eyes closed, before shaking my head to shake it off.

_Suck it up, ya stupid shit, _I told myself, and then I pushed myself away from the door and ran to the panel to shut off the self-destruct so the others would be able to get into the Observation room to save the others, _Ya ain't that important._ Pressing the buttons frantically with the code I memorized from the plans, I managed to shut the system down and get the inner doors open before something hard was pressed to the front of my neck from behind.

"How selfless of you, _Reno_," came a low voice purring into my ear, "Making your lover jealous so that he won't care about the fact that you'll never make it out of here alive?"

Then he chuckled and pressed the mag-rod he took from me at Icicle Inn harder against my throat, as I gripped my hands below it to ease the pressure. "I _know_ you know that Rufus is able to see everything. I can't say I'm surprised that you'd use that poor, young, blonde _SOLDIER_ to achieve your goal though."

Gasping for air and pressing my back farther into his chest, I choked out, "Can't be any worse than any of the shit you probably told him."

Snickering at me with a low rumble, he eased his grip and pushed me forward into the wall, bringing his knee up into my spine. "Really?" he calmly asked, and cracked the rod across my upper back as I cried out, "I thought the story about you being in love with Tseng kind of got to him."

"You sick fuck!"

"I prefer to think of myself as creative and inventive," he said with a playful tone, and then he grabbed me by the hair and dragged me roughly over to the observation window. Warranting a sharp yelp from me, I wound up pressed forcefully into the shatter-proof glass as AVALANCHE made their way into the room.

Chuckling into my ear as a tattered Rufus turned his empty eyes toward us, he hissed into my ear through his teeth, "Tell me what you think of my work, _lover-_boy."

"What the fuck have you done to them?"

"Oh, don't worry… I only played with them a _little_," he answered, and ran his tongue offensively along the side of my face while I tried to scrunch away from him with my hands pressed to the glass to try and simultaneously push myself away while Rufus had the perfect seat to watch.

"I didn't want to spoil the grand finale by killing them all. But I'm afraid that gash in your sweetheart's stomach might do a little more damage to your beautiful lover than it would have done to someone whose system wasn't turning on them."

"AAAGGGHHH!" I screamed with a sudden sense of urgency, and managed to push myself back with enough force to push him away from me while swinging my rod at him and cracking him across the shoulder, "YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Then I hit the switch to the current and zapped him with it before I doubled over, choking.

With a sickly laugh at me, he grabbed me by the hair when I fell to the floor. "Now, now, Renault, whatever made you think that would have an effect on me?" he coldly said, as he pulled me off the floor with enough force to make me fly off my feet for a moment before regaining my footing, "You should know that what _Hojo _did to me left me with very little of myself!"

"LET GO!"

"Screaming like that will only wreck that beautiful voice of yours," he said, while still laughing at me and slamming me back into the window, where I saw Cloud enter the room from the opposite entrance of his partners and look quickly up at where Aldrich and I were before Aldrich's partners encircled them all.

"What the fuck does it matter," I muttered as he wrapped his hand around my tail and pulled me back into him, "You brought me here to kill me, didn't you?"

"Actually, I brought you here so you could watch what happens to those that betray _him_," he angrily answered, and pulled me back hard, making me stumble and hit the button to release the blade in my rod so I could cut my tail away in a panic.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I asked with an overwhelmingly broken voice as I brought the blade back to release myself from his unrelenting hold.

With a sudden stop as he stood there, stunned and staring at the handful of hair in his hand, he shrugged and then narrowed his eye while stuffing it in his pocket, stating that it would make a good keepsake once the ordeal was all over and done with. Then he grabbed me by the shoulders and slammed me against the wall by the control panel.

"You know what the hell I'm talking about!" he shouted into my face, and kneed me hard in the groin, "Don't fucking tell me you don't remember!"

Trying to fight the tears in my eyes away from the fucking pain of his unexpected blow, my hands automatically wound up clamoured in that place where I felt like my world would not only begin… but also end, and I would have doubled over if it wasn't for him holding me up. It didn't stop me from nearly throwing up on him though while he wolfishly smiled at me and drank in my every reaction.

"So, that's your fucking tourist from Kalm?" I gasped out, and managed to bring my feet high enough to kick him back by using the wall and his grip as my leverage, right before he attempted to re-establish the self-destruct again, "You gonna tell me he's still pissed at me for joining the Turks sixteen fucking years ago?"

"Pissed would be an understatement, _Reno_."

Without a warning, he brought the rod down across my shoulder and then grabbed my hair at the side of my head to reel me back into him, "You remember what kind of temper he has… Don't you?"

"Heh… lucky fer ya… ya ain't got no feelins no more, eh? Hun?" I chuckled, while pushing myself on my toes in a light dance to alleviate the pressure of my hair being pulled upward.

"Very. Fucking. Funny."

With a dry response accompanied by a sneer, he flung me onto the console in the middle of the room and zapped me with a low current.

"Nice Slum Drawl, by the way… it's _very_ cute," he commented, as he jumped over me in my suddenly stunned state and crouched above my waist while gripping his fingers into my sides and forcefully turning me onto my back, "But you're not fooling anyone, _Reno… _considering the fact that you always _lose_ it when you're angry."

"Whatever… Like you're fucking perfect."

"It's funny that there's actually something you're more ashamed of than the Slums," he mused, running his fingers lightly along my jaw, "How much I miss your twisted ways, and the fact that you'd rather have everyone believe that you were nothing but a good-for-nothing deviant rather than have to admit to the fact that you let _him_ educate you."

"Gaia…" I breathed out from exhaustion, waiting for the use of my muscles to return in full from that damn shock, "You're a Son of a Bitch."

"I wouldn't know," he purred, bringing his face closer to mine and brushing my hair out of my eyes, "I was too young to remember."

With some of my motor skills returning to a controllable state, I started to try and shakily turn myself over so that I could crawl the hell away from him, but I wound up slinking myself upwards instead while he crawled over top of me with his antagonizing wolfish grin to keep us in the same position with each other. "It was his men that fucked us," I grimaced, when I made it to the edge with a willingness to land on the floor, head first.

"You think I didn't know that?"

"I would've thought you'd have better sense than to fucking work for him after that," I accused through my teeth, and pushed him upward at a moment of opportunity and twisted myself around before landing on the floor.

"That's funny," he answered, while peering down at me on the floor from his position on the console while he stayed there on all fours, staring at me like a curious animal, "You can't possibly be serious."

With a snort, I repeated the word, "Serious," and stumbled to my feet before turning my venomous attention over to him, "Ya must'a liked it then."

"Liked what?"

"The things 'e did ta ya," I said, with a dark grin while tilting my head forward so I could lift my eyes in his direction, "Ya can't possibly tell me that 'e never laid a hand on ya after everythin 'e let 'is men do ta us." Snickering at him, I bared my teeth and ran my tongue along the top row, "Somethin tells me 'e was inta that."

"Shut up."

"Whatsa matter, _Peaches_… Ya finally found out what it felt like?" I taunted, and grinned more toothily at him while backing up towards the wall behind me, "Did ya like it?" Then I lowered my voice, and changed my expression to a sudden seriousness with a tilt to my head, and stared at him with a dead mimicry, "Did ya… _relax_?"

"Gaia damn it, Ren!" he growled at me, and then he dived off the console and came straight at me, "You wanna talk about bad decisions?"

After a swift crack of his rod against the wall by my head that I managed to avoid just in time, he violently pushed me to the side, sending me flying back into the glass. "Who the hell decided that they'd work for the _fucking_ Turks?" he reminded me, and swung at me again, as I blocked it with my own rod.

"Or better yet!" With his face right in mine after he spun me around by my jacket, he smiled insanely and widened his eye for effect while lowering his voice, "And this one is my personal favourite…" Then he practically lifted me off the floor and threw me back onto the console in the middle of the room again and furiously pointed his finger at me while he yelled in a feral and predatory frenzy.

"Who the hell decided that they'd work for that _perverted_ scientist, _Hojo_, after everything that he did to us!"

With another quick movement, I managed to block another one of his blows that would have definitely cracked more than one of my ribs if I wasn't ready for it while letting out a small shout. "I wasn't fucking working for him, you dumb piece of shit!" I grimaced, while trying to hold off his insane force that was threatening to hit me with the tip of that damned rod again.

"Bullshit!" Sneering, he pushed harder so that the tip was almost touching my neck, "You did fucking _runs_ for him, Renault!"

"Runs… schmuns…" Laughing at my own stupidity all of the sudden while rolling my eyes, I let go of my rod long enough to kiss him on the mouth unexpectedly, and slip my tongue inside in an attempt to shock his weight off of me so I could kick him back.

It worked…

"You fucking _faggot_, Renault!" he yelled at me, while I straightened my jacket in the small window of time I had just to avoid another strike from him.

"Heh… Ya fuckin liked it, Man…" Still laughing at him, I caught through the corner of my eye that the observation room was suddenly empty.

Well… almost, and I realised that AVALANCHE may have already managed to get Rufus and the Turks to safety. Not that I really had any doubts.

"Those all your dead men?" I asked, and jerked my head toward the window with a grin on my face.

"Yes," he said with a sudden calm, as he stopped still and stared off into space for a moment with a completely blank and unreadable expression. Then, like a snake about to strike, he maliciously grinned and ran his tongue along his bottom lip before quickly darting over to the panel to set the self-destruct mode back on, "But yours will be joining them!"

Confused at first, I took a quick glance over to where Aldrich was staring and realized that he wasn't staring off into space at all. The son of a bitch was staring at the reflection of the monitors on the glass at the opposite end of the room he had my fellow Shinra co-workers in, and they were still in the heart of the building, "Fuck!"

Chuckling when I struck him across the back with my rod and spun him away from the panel, he grabbed me quickly by the waist and held me to him to keep me from aborting the sequence. "You never learn, do you?" he playfully said into my ear, "Can I confide in something?"

"I ain't interested."

"Mm. I do miss these little moments. We used to have so many of them," he purred, and pulled me closer into his chest while I cringed and tried to get out of his enhanced grip. "I'm not too sure what I think of you with short hair though," he suddenly said, and threw me into the wall before tilting his head and backhanding me hard enough to send me flying to the floor, "I don't think it suits you."

"You're a fucking prick," I muttered, while wiping the blood from my mouth and pushing myself back up to my feet. At the same time, I stole a quick look at the reflection of the monitors in the other room to make sure that the others were in an accessible area to the emergency exits and hoping to high hell that he didn't notice me looking.

"Everyone's a fucking prick," he repeated, with an unimpressed snort.

Just then, he grabbed me by the hair at the top of my head and lifted me quickly off my feet while catching the glimpse that I took and stole a look for himself. "Do they know that it doesn't matter whether they escape or not?" he asked, with a curious grin on his face while looking me up and down, "Did you bother to tell them that your precious _lover _bypassed the security to set the whole area thermal when this place goes? To ensure that all the evidence of this place was completely destroyed?"

"Ya think I should'a?" I playfully answered, attempting to brush off the extreme discomfort I was in.

"Still the reliable little _liar_." With a cruel smile, he pulled me closer to him while I smiled mischievously at him, "You never _will_ change, will you?"

"Would'na helped me if I told 'em the truth."

"You think?"

With a shrug, I stuck my tongue out at him and then hit the switch on my rod to bring out the blade while swinging him around to the wall and slamming the blade through him, hard enough to lodge it into the wall behind him. "They were already suspicious enough as it was," I answered, with my back to him as I ran over to the console in the middle of the room.

"Really?" Chuckling again, he merely looked down at the blade that was lodged through him and shrugged at the recognition that he was stuck before pulling out a cigarette and lighting it with a match, "Why would _anyone_ ever be suspicious of _you_?"

Ignoring him, I started emptying all the vats to clear the Mako out of the building in hopes that It would drain far enough away to ensure that it was only the building that would be destroyed. As an added precaution, I disabled all the fusers that I knew of in the building that could possibly ignite any remaining Mako that may not make it out on time.

"You know…" he started, while ignoring my frantic moving about, and watching the reflection of the monitors again, "Your _lover_ doesn't look too thrilled about having your _SOLDIER_-boy's arms around him." After a brief pause to take a drag from his cigarette, he started snickering and turned his attention over to me as I ran over to the panel for the self destruct, "In fact, he almost looks like he wants to kill him."

"Shut up, Haldric," I said through my teeth, while silently hoping that nothing bad would transpire between the two of them once everything was all over and done with, even though I had strong doubts about it.

Then I muttered that they'd be fine in an attempt to alleviate my own concerns, and I managed to shut off the self-destruct again. But I took a few moments beforehand to ensure that the alarm stayed on in hopes that it would encourage AVALANCHE to continue on their mission to get Shinra to a safe enough distance.

From the looks of things, AVALANCHE had used some of their Materia and maybe even elixirs and potions to bring the others back to consciousness and even heal the cut in Rufus' stomach, but the Shinra side of things was still heavily damaged and nowhere near any condition to attempt to defend themselves should they run into anymore trouble.

Of course, Aldrich wasn't lying about the look on Rufus' face either, and I found myself pausing for a moment with my eyes shut in hopes that maybe I could will that miserable son of a bitch to not do anything stupid.

He may have been strong, even in the state he was in. But given the fact that he was in the state he was in, he was no fucking match for Cloud at that given moment, despite whatever hateful and vengeful thoughts were running through his head. The fact that he had to rely on Cloud and was in his arms for support at that moment too, was only going to escalate matters as well.

But there was nothing I could do about it.

"It's _Aldrich_ now," he corrected with a sneer, and took another drag while still watching the monitors, "He figured it would suit me well to get a new identity after everything that happened."

Nodding, I grabbed his cigarette from him and took a drag before handing it back. "Ya still think I was wrong to run?" I asked, while watching the monitors along with him.

"No," he said with a sigh, and stared at the rod in his stomach for a moment after I set the self-destruct on it. Then he looked at me while taking another drag, and calmly asked, "How long do I have?"

"Elena set it to thirty minutes," I answered, and pulled out my own cigarette while still watching the monitors, "So, I changed it to fifteen."

Snickering at me, he took another drag and leaned his head against the wall, "You always were impatient."

"Yeah… Well, I hate wasting time."

After taking another drag, I took note of everyone leaving the building successfully. From the looks of things, the moment they hit the outside grounds, they all started arguing, and Cloud pushed Rufus to the ground before turning to re-enter the building, while Rufus stumbled stubbornly to his feet and grabbed Vincent's gun from his holster. "Fuck," I muttered, and quickly ran to the panel to completely seal the building off.

"Isn't that sweet… Lover number two is going to try to rescue you, while lover number one is going to try and shoot him in the back." Chuckling again, he took another drag and studied me curiously for a moment, "Aren't you going to run out there and try to rescue them both from your fuck-ups?"

"They can take care of themselves," I muttered, while scratching at the back of my neck, "The others will intervene." Then I turned my attention back to Aldrich with a bit of a wry grin, "They're as predictable as Sephiroth was in trying to destroy the world."

Unable to hide his confusion, he narrowed his eye at me, and then looked back down at the rod. "You're kidding me, right?" he asked, and took another drag, "You're not going to stay 'til the bitter end."

"Been around long enough to know that the bad guy always gets away at the last moment," I answered seriously, while staring at the monitors again and taking a drag from my own cigarette, "Gonna make sure it don't happen this time."

Then, kicking my toe at the floor, I watched a little longer while shaking my head at Cloud trying to find a way back in, and Barret aiming his gun-arm at Rufus while Tifa tried to calm him down and Tseng stumbled toward Rufus to calm him down and get him to lower the gun he stole from the ex-Turk.

In the meantime, Vincent didn't really seem to care about the fact that his gun was taken and grabbed Yuffi by the shoulder to hold her back from pouncing on Rufus as well. "The Meteor shouldn't cause an area-wide effect… They should all be all right," I muttered, in an attempt to set my mind at ease, "It'll just be us… an the building."

"You fucking dumb shit," he said with another chuckle, and rested his hand on the rod, "You honestly expect me to believe that you're not going to run at the last moment?" Taking another drag, he blew the smoke out from his nose and tilted his head forward. "That's all you ever do, Renault. You run… You run from _everything_."

"Reno…" I reminded him, and then I added, "Not this time."

After that, I turned my attention back over to the panel and double-checked to make sure that all the entrances were completely sealed while resignedly muttering out, "I'm tired, Aldrich."

Then I looked back over to the monitor and wondered why the hell they weren't getting as far away from the facility as they should have, "I'm tired of running…"

The only hope I held at that moment was in the others as I watched some of the smarter members of both sides dragging the more emotional ones away. It was against their wills and in an attempt to get to a safe enough distance while I sighed out, "Tired of lying…" Then I put my cigarette out as Aldrich did the same and I pulled out my flask to take a drink. "I'm tired of dragging everyone I come across down with me."

"You fell in love with him, didn't you?"

"Wasn't supposed to."

"No… You were supposed to kill his father and Tseng."

"Yeah, well… you know how I change my mind."

"I know how you play with minds."

"Whatever… it was worth the price."

"Even when he sent Kurn in after you?"

"Yeah… can't say I wasn't surprised that you used that one to your own advantage though."

"Yes, well, he never expected Rufus to live as long as he did. You know how much he wanted to bring Shinra down."

"Yeah."

For a brief moment we both just stood there and stared at each other without really feeling anything toward the other. Devoid of both hate and acceptance, we just kind of accepted the fact that we never really had a choice to begin with. There was no point in even entertaining the thought as to what things would have been like if our lives had been any different, or even forgiving.

"Why did you lead me to believe you were dead all those years?" I finally asked, and tilted my head. I figured it was just as good a question as any, really.

"Because I never wanted to see you again." With a deep sigh, he looked down to see how much time was left and then he shrugged, "Despite all the bad things that happened to us, you always wound up on top for some reason… I always wound up on the bottom… I hated you for it."

"Ya still hate me?"

"Yes."

Nodding again and looking at the floor after taking note that we only had thirty seconds left, I stole one last look at the monitors, "This must make you happy then."

"Not really," he bitterly answered.

Catching my curious attention, he moved faster than I could have anticipated. Not to mention that I just didn't see it coming, nor did I expect it. I don't even think that what he said to me really sunk in. "Because the last thing that I want to do is spend the rest of fucking eternity with _you_!" he growled, as he swung the rod in his hand toward my direction.

The last thing that I saw right after the detonator struck and before the bright, crashing light was amber, and I distinctly recall yelling something along the lines like "Haldric! You dumb shit!"

…Or something like that.

* * *

Revised: August 15, 2010


	39. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

* * *

Stunned.

They all stood there stunned, and stared at the collapsed mass of dirt, rock, and concrete. It took them all a moment for their eyes to re-adjust after the immaculate light of Meteor flashed with a blinding radiance throughout the area. It brightened up the darkened sky like a wrathful flash of lightning before it was swallowed back down into the depths from which it came.

With adjusting eyes, they stood their ground, still in too much shock to even really make sense out of what just happened. They all knew what had happened. They all understood it was going to happen. They just didn't really want to believe it was going to happen.

"What the hell was that?" Barret loudly said, unable to hide the level of surprise in his voice, "That was no normal self-destruct!"

He was right; it was no normal self-destruct. In fact, it was nothing that any of them had ever seen before, except for those that were under the employment of Shinra. Even then, it was only the Turks that had ever been a real witness to that type of an explosion, and it was just as awe-inspiring as it was the first time they'd seen it.

No one was thinking clearly enough to really know the extent of the situation though. It was Rude that was struck with the realization first, just shortly after Tseng muttered out the word, "Meteor".

At that moment, Rude's hand came up to his mouth to hold back any kind of overwhelming emotion that might escape, as he stared at the sunken and smouldering pit in the ground. It wasn't until Tifa felt his sudden and uncontrollable trembling while she helped him to his feet and held onto him, offering him support from his weakened state and tried to hold him back when he nearly fell forward, that she suddenly realized what was going through his head.

She suddenly felt herself going pale and almost as weak as the man she held in her arms, while she hopelessly tried to blink back her own tears as an overwhelming wave struck her.

They weren't just staring at a recently destroyed Mako refinery. Nor were they even staring at a victory. They didn't even really take the time to focus on the beauty of the small golden lights dancing as they fell gracefully down to the rubble from whence they came, settling delicately as their lights slowly diminished.

They were staring at a grave.

As sudden as the realization came to them, an urgent voice screamed into the air. No one would have ever known who it was, because it was something that no one would have ever expected from the source in which it came. But they were there. They were there, and they heard it, just as much as they saw it.

Rufus Shinra tore himself from Tseng's grip with Reno's name agonizingly escaping from a depth that put torment to shame. With clothes torn and dirtied, he shakily darted forward to run and stumble to the mass of destruction before them to search for the only thing that ever made his life feel complete. Not that it was ever really all that much, but it was all he felt he had.

Only there was nothing to search for. Tseng was second to break out of the shock of what just happened, and clumsily darted forward to catch the young president in an attempt to hold him back from causing further damage to himself. "He's gone! Rufus!"

"No he's not, _Tseng_," he growled, like a wild and dangerous creature, baring his teeth and aiming the ex-Turks gun at the man he'd respected all his life. After mindlessly pulling back the safety, he started walking backwards with tottering steps toward the direction of where the Mako refinery existed only moments ago.

"You can't go in there, Rufus," Tseng tried to plead in a mild tone, to calm his young President down, "The place could be flooded with Mako."

"I don't give a fuck, _Tseng_!" he frantically shouted at him, and shakily brushed his bang away from his distraught eyes while taking another step back and pointing the gun at anyone who made a slight movement.

With another step, he just missed tripping over the ash and dust-covered ex-SOLDIER lying unconscious and twisted on his back on the hard mountainous ground. He was thrown back by the violent force of the explosion when he refused to join the others in his determination to save the redheaded Turk he'd developed a fondness for.

"Rufus… You're not thinking clearly," Tseng calmly tried to explain, and made another attempt at talking some sense into the young blonde. By trying to remove the shake from his own voice and his body in order to gain some form of passive authority, he continued in a steady tone, "You're only going to get yourself killed. The rubble hasn't completely settled, and you might only succeed in getting yourself trapped."

With a crazed laugh that would have been the epitome of what insanity would sound like if it had a voice, Rufus tapped the side of his temple repetitively with the barrel of the gun in his hand and demonstrated the fact that he really didn't give a shit. He basically dared Tseng by staring wildly at him in a physical challenge to make his best effort to try and stop him.

In the meantime, everyone else stood in confusion at the uncharacteristic display they were suddenly witness to. The man they all viewed as a cold, unfeeling, tyrannical, and as a controlling menace appeared to be having what could very well be described as a complete breakdown.

And it was just that. Perhaps he would have been able to hold himself together better if it wasn't for his captivity that became the prelude to an incident he felt could have been avoided and was unnecessary. Or perhaps it was the fact that his own system had already started on a course to turn itself against him that left him thinking unclear.

Or better yet, maybe it was just the culmination of all things considered. The truth was that no one really understood the complexity of the driving force behind what they were seeing.

"Rufus… please," Tseng implored again, and carefully took a step forward, testing his luck as the young blonde irrationally and dangerously returned his aim to the man that had become his mentor over the years, "We need to get you out of here." Carefully taking another step forward, Tseng put his hands up to express his intention for a truce, "We can send in a crew to scout the place… We have people that are trained, Rufus."

"That will take too _long_," Rufus growled under his breath, and took another wavering step backward, carefully stepping over Cloud's outstretched arm to avoid tripping over it. "He could be dead by then."

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Tseng silently prayed to the gods before trying to carefully gauge out the weight of what he was going to say next, "There's no way he could have survived, Rufus." With another deep, shaky breath as his own words sunk into his soul, he swallowed back any sign of weakness that might shine through. "Please… We need to get you back to the tower… Put the gun down, Rufus," he supplicated again, and tried his luck once more by taking another cautious step forward, "There are wounded people here that need tending to."

"Then go without me."

"You're one of them, Rufus."

At the next step that Tseng took, and to everyone's astonishment, Rufus fired the gun with the intent to kill the only man that had ever cared for him as he was growing up, just as Vincent surprisingly anticipated the action and blocked the shot with his gauntlet. Then he positioned himself in front of the slender Wutian in a manner of protection and expectation.

Almost at that same moment, Cloud came back to a hazy consciousness and grabbed Rufus by the ankle when he went to step back again, knocking the frenzied president ungracefully onto his back in a cloud of fine ash and dust.

No one else really knew what to do or say, since no one else really knew what was suddenly going on. Jared was still too dizzy to be able to focus properly and remained slumped on the ground and ignored. Rude and Tifa had given into the depths of their grief and clung to one another on their knees, completely incapable of pulling themselves out of their emotional torment.

Yuffi, Barret, and Cid, had never seen such a spectacle from the normally suave President of the Shinra Company, and therefore, they stood there speechless and not really knowing whether or not they should get involved. As far as they knew, the Turks had always been expendable, and why Rufus would decide to shoot his first in command over the loss of one of his most unreliable and unstable Turks in their eyes didn't quite make sense to them. At least, not when one only looked at the surface.

"And you!" Rufus sneered, as he pulled himself clumsily back to his feet and aimed the gun hatefully at the ex-SOLDIER who shook his head in annoyance and readied himself for anything that the weak and crazed lunatic before him might attempt.

"Take your damn pills, Rufus," Cloud coldly said, and threw the bottle Reno left with him at the overwrought, younger blonde while pushing himself off the ground. He told Reno he'd take care of Rufus, but he didn't exactly recall saying he'd be nice to him. Therefore, there was really no need for tact as the emotionally-charged, Mako-enhanced blonde glared at Rufus with an equal hatred.

"Perhaps you'd like me to take the whole bottle." With a sick and twisted purr, a darkness crossed over the President's eyes, and he completely ignored the bottle as it bounced off of his chest and landed on the ground at his feet, where it quickly became forgotten. All the while, both he and Cloud kept their eyes locked with a bitter repulsion toward one another, anticipating anything, everything, and possibly even nothing from either side.

"Smarten up, Rufus," Cloud commanded, and readied his sword, "You don't have your hound to protect you this time."

"From what I recall, I didn't have it for very _long_ the last time." Bitterly sneering at the older blonde, Rufus took a step back again, toward the newly caved-in pit that had claimed his lover only moments ago.

"You can't save him." With a tight throat, and his back to the others, Cloud's eyes blinked back the unrelenting storm of emotion behind them, "And I promised him I'd get _you_ to safety."

"How do I know that you're simply not in a hurry to get me out of the way?" Rufus asked coldly, swallowing back his own torrent of emotion building up in his throat. Then he ran his free hand through the unruly mess atop his head and started a slow circle between him and Cloud, "So you can run in there and claim him all to _yourself_."

"Don't be an idiot, Rufus," Cloud warned, adjusting the grip on his sword, "If that was the case, I wouldn't have even helped you out of that…" Blinking again, Cloud choked slightly on his own words and found himself unable to finish the sentence.

Taking advantage of the sudden attack of emotion within his adversary, Rufus pulled back the trigger with a deadly aim while Cloud blocked it successfully with his Mako-enhanced reflexes.

Even under attack by his own physical and emotional state, he was still ready for anything that Rufus had to throw at him. Everyone else stared at the two men in utter bewilderment over why in the hell they would have chosen such a time to pick a fight that could have waited for a better time as more shots were suddenly fired from the dirty and tattered young President, and Cloud managed to get close enough to take advantage of a window of opportunity to smack Rufus to the ground.

"What the hell is the matter with them?" Barret asked with a frown. Why Cloud always had to fight with everybody at any given moment without any apparent reason half the time was beyond him. Not to mention that the tattered President was also known to be one of their biggest antagonists, but he was never one to perform such an uncontrolled display, "Can't they choose a better time to do this?"

"They're both in love with Reno," Cid piped up, and lit his cigar like there was nothing odd or surprising about what he just said, "Well… I guess ya could say _were_."

Ignoring the fact that Yuffi and Barret were both staring at him like he just told them Sephiroth was still alive, and that Tifa was giving him a dirty look riddled with disbelief over the matter, he shrugged and tried to spit a piece of loose tobacco from his bottom lip.

"What?" Cid asked, with a hint of annoyance when he realized they were continuing to stare at him in spurning. Then he let out a deep breath and slouched over to his side, "Oh fer fuck's sake… Don't tell me you guys didn't know the little punk was gay."

"Wha?" Yuffi asked with wide eyes, and turned her attention over to the President of the Shinra Electric Power Company who'd managed to get back to his feet and lunged at the ex-SOLDIER, still firing and accusing the other of wanting him dead and out of the way.

"You guys never thought it was odd that he had all those beautiful women throwing themselves at him, and he just fuckin ignored it?" With a roll to his eyes and a shake to his head, Cid took another drag from his cigar. "I can't believe you idiots never noticed the way he always checked Reno out whenever we ran into him… even when we were fightin him, for shit's sake."

At the acknowledgement of the dead clicks coming from Rufus' frantic triggering, Cloud threw his sword down at the same time Rufus threw the empty gun at his antagonist and hit him in the head with it. Then the older blonde commenced to tackle Rufus down to the ground when he turned to run toward the massive pit of destruction behind them, accusing him of only stopping him because he wanted Reno all to himself.

"You've gone insane, Rufus!" Cloud yelled, and reeled back from a strong kick to the head, amazing even the ex-SOLDIER at the amount of strength that Rufus possessed, particularly in the state he was in, "You can't save him!"

"He's not dead!" Rufus growled at his antagonist, with a chilling fright to his voice, "He can't be!" He convinced himself, as he managed to suppress a choking gasp and grabbed a solid piece of rock on the ground to swing it at the miserable tramp before him.

"Tseng," Vincent whispered into the Wutian's ear when he saw the concern in the man's face, and positioned himself to hold the Wutian firmly in order to keep him from getting involved. "Cloud can handle this," he soothed, and commenced to pull the distraught man farther away from the crowd in hopes that he could collect himself better if he wasn't so close to the turmoil.

"They're going to kill each other," The Wutian quietly said, while letting Vincent guide him farther back.

"No they won't," The ex-Turk consoled with his soft growl of a voice, and stroked Tseng's hair away from his face in a manner of comfort. With a slight lump in his throat, the slender Wutian looked into the deep garnet eyes before him and nodded with the hopes that the ex-Turk was right in his strange wisdom.

"So, you're going to get yourself killed over this?" Cloud asked through his teeth, and lunged forward again.

With his arms firmly around Rufus' waist, they both fell hard, to the ground, and Cloud found himself letting out a pained shout as Rufus took the opportunity to roll himself on top of him and press the unforgiving force of his knee into the ex-SOLDIERs ribs that were damaged from the explosion.

As a reaction, Cloud managed to swing a hard fist into the President's stomach where his stab wound hadn't completely healed, causing the distraught younger blonde to double over for a quick moment while pulling himself out of the agonizing struggle for breath.

"I… promised him…" Cloud breathed out in exhaustion, from the fact that he hadn't fully regained his strength yet, "That I'd… take you… to safety…"

While on his knees with his hand over his stomach, only it wasn't so much over the fact that he'd been struck and was over the fact that he still hadn't taken his medication, the young President started shaking. But being the stubborn type that he was, he did everything in his power to ignore it and pushed himself up, while the slightly older ex-SOLDIER stumbled to grab the bottle of pills that were discarded to the ground.

"I'd rather _die_ than have to rely on _you_," he sneered, and stumbled again before pulling out his knife that he'd reclaimed after he was unbound in the Observation room. Then he swung it at the older blonde when he moved to grab him again.

"Don't be an idiot, Rufus," Cloud warned him, after successfully pulling himself just a hair away from the sharp edge that swiped at him and quickly grabbed the weak and shaky wrist that held it with an unyielding vice.

Then he roughly pulled the crazed blonde toward him and lowered his tightly restrained voice while setting his hate-filled, Mako-enhanced eyes into the torment of the icy blue before him. All the while, he fought back the overflow that was threatening to consume him by blinking it back as hard as he could again.

It was the first time that Cloud had ever really looked passed the frozen will that Rufus always hid himself behind, and he suddenly realized with an unwavering distress that felt like it could never be washed away, why he always mattered so much to the redhead. "Reno would have wanted you to live."

When Cloud's words cut through to the depths, consuming the last bit of restraint that Rufus held in reserve for his hopes, it finally sunk in. His eyes closed with a sudden lack of will and the blade fell out of his violently shaking hand. Then his other gripped into the front of Cloud's shirt with a harrowing grasp while he fiercely gritted his teeth.

Not realizing what was going on at first, Cloud found himself unable to pull away from the suddenly overpowering hold he was caught in, and found himself wanting nothing more than to pull away for reasons unknown to him. It wasn't until Rufus completely stiffened and his eyes shot uncontrollably and blindly open, revealing a frightening clear green as his pupils were nearly non-existent and an excruciating scream escaped from him, that Cloud realized what was suddenly happening.

"Shit!" Cloud screamed in a panic, and frantically tried to open the bottle of pills with his mouth.

"What the hell is happening now?" Barret yelled, while they all stood there in awe, not knowing what to do.

"He's going into shock," Tseng said in a panic, and attempted to pull away from his old co-worker to run to the young President. But he was held in place, staring at the ex-Turk that hovered over him, in confusion.

"Those aren't going to help him," Vincent softly said, and held up a bottle of clear-capsule pills in his gauntlet-clad hand for Tseng to take note of, "He's too far gone now."

"You knew?"

Closing his eyes, he buried the lower half of his face farther into his mantle with a slight nod and gently let go of the slender Turk. Stepping back as the bottle was grabbed from his hand, he silently watched the Wutian run urgently over to his President's side.

* * *

After taking advantage of Rufus' long overdue attack and the opportunity to sedate him before breaking the capsules open to pour them into his mouth, Cloud resentfully helped Tseng carry the unconscious President to the Highwind once he began stabilizing from the medicine Vincent had given to the appreciative Wutian.

Holding the young blonde closely and protectively once they were on board, Tseng paid no mind to the questioning stares that were set in his direction. Instead, he simply rocked the younger man while holding his head pressed to his chest and prayed to the God's to ensure that his young protégé would come out of the ordeal with as little trauma as possible.

In the meantime, Tifa had started quietly tending to Rude, who was still unable to respond to his surroundings for fear of losing control of his emotions. For years, the Monolith of control had always watched out for his younger friend who was five years his junior.

He was always there to protect him. He was always there to keep him safe and out of trouble. Even eighteen years ago, before the redhead even became a Turk and they became friends, he sat by his side every day when he was in the hospital, ensuring that the little guy would be all right and taken care of, and now he'd failed him. He'd failed him miserably.

"Is it true?" Tifa quietly asked, without turning around and remaining on her knees in front of the man she was certain she'd fallen in love with, as Cloud walked behind her with his head down. "Are you really…?"

"I'm going back down," he quietly said, while attempting to swallow back his emotions and cutting her off. Not wanting to answer the question he knew she was asking, he made his best attempt to avoid it and buried his head deeper into his shoulders, "Just to make sure."

Avoiding all the attention that had turned to him from her question, he kept his eyes to the floor and started to walk briskly toward the exit. But he was stopped by a golden, gauntlet-clad hand and pushed gently back, "It's too dangerous, Cloud."

"I don't care."

With an acknowledging nod at the fact that he doubted he would be able to talk Cloud out of his irrational urge, Vincent swept his garnet-coloured eyes across everyone in the cabin, including Tseng, while they all shared a silent agreement on the matter before he stepped out of Cloud's way and opened a small vial of Dream Powder.

Then with an elegantly swift movement, he gracefully blew the powder toward the young and unsuspecting, ex-SOLDIERs back, allowing the fine particles to envelope the air about the young blonde's head. As the Mako-enhanced male fell backwards, the suave, red-cloaked gunfighter caught him adeptly, before lifting the solid weight into his arms with a frightening ease so he could carry him to the lower level of the Highwind to lay him down.

After brushing the young blonde's hair back in understanding, and silently asking for the forgiveness of his actions, the ex-Turk straightened up and nodded subtly into the collar of his mantle, closing his eyes for a moment while burying the lower half of his face and feeling the low vibration of the engines starting up.

He opened his eyes after that, and he peered off into space, through the black mane of his long bangs as he took note of the slight elevation of the Highwind lifting off below his feet. Then he lifted his eyes to the deck above and replayed the scenario of everything that had happened from the moment they arrived at the refinery to the moment they boarded the Highwind, contemplating the weight and necessity of the penance involved, and wondered.

"Yuffi…" Tifa spoke up, while holding onto Rude's hands and stroking the backs lightly with her thumbs, "Could you please tend to Jared?"

With a frown of resentment over the fact that she was asked to tend to a Turk, the youngest member of the crew sauntered over in protest while Barret went up to the helm to see if he could needle more information out of the old pilot in regards to what he knew about Cloud and what was going on when they were on the ground.

In the meantime, Tseng soothed Rufus when he started to stir, hushing him from his obscure mumbling. "It's okay, Rufus," he quietly said, and started rocking him again while stroking his hair back, wondering if Jenova's voice was talking to the young man again.

It started the year Hojo tried one of his new and unorthodox experiments, leaving the poor boy with crippling migraines in their wake as he made his best efforts to stubbornly ignore them and push them aside. "It'll stop when we get home… We'll get you fixed." With his eyes closed to hide his emotions, he pressed his lips to the young man's temple and muttered while hiding the choke that threatened him over the knowledge that he knew what he was saying was a lie, "You'll be like new."

"What's wrong with him?" Tifa meekly asked, after she sat beside Rude and rubbed at his back in a manner of comfort.

"He's ill," was all that Tseng was willing to offer as an answer.

Nodding, she turned her eyes to the floor and then leaned her head against Rude's shoulder. With a deep breath, she simply reminded herself that it didn't really matter how much effort she put into it. Shinra would always be a world that was separate from hers, and that there may never be things she would know about the world the man she cared for came from.

It was something she was going to have to accept if she wanted to continue to be with him, despite the unwelcome feeling it often filled her with.

* * *

When the Highwind arrived at its destination, no one really noticed the lack of presence from the ex-Turk after he took Cloud to the lower deck. They all simply figured he'd stayed down there by himself. It wasn't uncommon for Vincent to seek out solitude as a hobby, and therefore no one really went in search of him.

In fact, it wasn't until they landed atop the Shinra Tower that they realized he'd disappeared altogether. Yet no one really thought anything odd about that either, since that also seemed to be one of his hobbies, and those that knew him well enough to know that, simply shrugged at each other while they helped the Turks deplane from the Highwind.

It was a long night, and to make it even more foreboding was the fact that it was the season for the longest nights, reflecting the weight of the veil that covered the air of those that stood atop the tower, under a still-darkened sky.

As Tifa stood behind her lover with an uncertainty over whether she should offer her company or not, she shivered slightly from the cool breeze as she remembered the only other time she'd ever entered the Shinra building. It was when Reno had fallen ill from Kurn's attack, not that long ago.

The reminder was like a dead weight, and she felt the need to shake it off for the concern of those around her and reluctantly offered to accompany Rude to his home for fear of leaving him alone. She naturally expected a refusal, but made the offer nonetheless. Rude didn't answer her though. Instead, he kept his back to her and walked into the building with not so much as a word, leaving her with a continuing weight that she didn't quite know how to interpret.

"Tifa," Tseng said, startling her slightly when he came to her side and placed his hand on her shoulder. As he stood there waiting for the hospital crew he'd called before they landed for Rufus, he compassionately gave an answer to the silent question she was struggling with, "Go after him."

* * *

Shortly after Rufus was collected and safely escorted to the infirmary, the Highwind lifted off with a still-unconscious Cloud. With a deep breath, Tseng called Elena on his PHS and informed her with enough information to simply let her know why they were detoured, and why they were back sooner than expected, minus certain details that could wait until later.

He'd tell her in private, he assured himself. There was no need to upset her while she was alone with their newborn child. "I'll be down in the infirmary," he told her near the end, "I'm going to get Rufus' procedure set in motion before he has the chance to self-destruct and find a way to sabotage his chances."

"Why would he do that?"

_A little too much information,_ Tseng told himself. "I'll tell you when I come home… How's Allysia?" he asked, knowing it was a sure way to take her mind off any more questions that she might ask over the recent events.

"She's been a little cranky."

"Hm," he mumbled, as he entered the elevator and hit the button for the infirmary, "Do you think it's anything serious?"

"No," she answered, and hushed the baby on the other end of the phone, "I think she's just being miserable."

"Sounds like someone I know," He teasingly said.

"Yeah… whatever…" she answered, causing a sudden twinge in the older Wutian.

_"Yeah… Whatever, Man…"_

"Tseng?" Suddenly a little concerned over the silence on the other line, and wondering if she'd said something wrong, she asked, "Is everything all right?"

"Everything's fine," he answered, with a tight throat. Then he took a deep breath while he watched Erryn run into the emergency room along with Rufus' doctor, "Elena?"

"Yeah?"

"I have to go," he quietly said, and closed his eyes when he overheard Erryn asking Jared where Reno was, "I love you." Then he shakily closed the PHS before she had the chance to respond, and wondered what the hell he was going to do with Rufus after the completion of the procedure.

* * *

After verifying that Rufus' system had completely stabilized during the time they were on the Highwind, Tseng ordered the doctor to get started immediately with the first phase of the procedure that Reno and Kurn had worked out. It took just under an hour to perform and to make sure everything went as expected with no complications appearing to arise.

During that time, Tseng chose to wait outside with a second cup of coffee, finding a sense of comfort in the smell more so than the taste as he sat there with his eyes closed, allowing his senses to take away his thoughts.

He didn't even bother to open them when Erryn came out and took a look around, noting that Reno still wasn't present, and asked Jared again about his whereabouts since he didn't answer her the first time. He was smart enough to avoid the possibility of getting her emotional before assisting his Boss' doctor in a procedure that meant life or death.

It turned out that he'd made the right decision, given the reaction that he received when he did tell her. She stood there in shock for a moment. The thought of the man that had tormented her for more years than she cared to count was actually gone, washed her with a wave of confusion.

How could that possibly be? She'd just saved his life not that long ago. He'd just released her from the greatest fear that he held over her. How in the hell could he possibly be dead? After all that?

"You're a fuckin liar!" she screamed at him without a warning, and pushed him hard enough to make him stumble back, sending the coffee in his hand flying against the wall. All Tseng did was take a deep breath and let out a hidden smile from behind his cup as he took a fake sip and inhaled the freshly brewed scent, reminiscing at how familiar her reaction and her own faint Slum drawl was.

"You piece of shit!" After another push at the dumbfounded Turk, she wiped furiously at the tears that were suddenly running out of her eyes, wondering why the hell they were there in the first place. Then she pushed him back again and threateningly told him, "Reno doesn't die that fuckin easily!"

"Gaia, Bitch," he said, and stood his ground, "I thought you would've been happy to hear the fucking fag was dead."

With a stinging slap across his face, she went unpredictably hysterical on him. "DON'T YOU FUCKIN CALL HIM THAT!" she shrieked with widened eyes, and pushed him unexpectedly into the coffee dispenser, "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO FUCKIN CALL HIM THAT!"

"Good Gaia," Tseng muttered with his eyes still closed. Then he cleared his throat and stood up after clearing the expression away that he hid behind his cup. "Erryn," he started, and set his coffee down before continuing with a calm and commanding tone, "This is neither the place, nor the time to behave that way… I'm sure you're well aware of that."

"Sorry, Sir," With a meek apology, she lowered her head while wiping at her eyes again, and sneered as Jared pushed himself away from the machine he was pushed into, "I don't know what came over me."

"It's all right," the Wutian continued in the same calming voice, "We're all a little stressed and tired tonight. Perhaps it would be best for you if you retired for the evening. I'm sure the doctor can handle the observations over Rufus on his own while everyone else gets rested up."

With a nod and her eyes still on the floor, she muttered that she'd do that, and apologized again for her embarrassing behaviour before leaving quickly to retire to her own apartment.

"Are all the people from the Slums that fucking crazy?"

"I wouldn't call them crazy," the leader of the Turks answered unaffectedly, and straightened out his pants, "You have to understand the environment they grew up in. They're just a little less held back and more willing to stand up for themselves than those of us that were trained to repress our emotions for the sake of our social status."

After smoothing his long black hair back, he walked up to the youngest Turk and stood in front of him with a compassionate appearance.

"And Jared," he said, with the same calm tone that he used to address Erryn with, right before he backhanded the younger male hard enough to send him crashing into the condiments on the small table behind him, and continued with the same calming tone, "I don't care whether Reno is with us anymore or not. I don't want to hear you refer to him with that type of disrespect ever again."

While still holding his stoic appearance and mannerism, he pulled a loose hair off the front of his jacket and then straightened it out a bit as he dropped the strand into the small garbage can beside the newly broken table, before he said with a tone that held no threat and no hint of what just transpired, "I'd like to see you in my office in the morning."

With an affirming nod, the Wutian walked passed the younger man and inspected the coffee dispenser to make sure it wasn't damaged, and then he poured himself another cup of coffee, thankful that he drank it black and therefore wouldn't have to go through the mess that the young Turk made on the small table that he just broke.

"You're dismissed for the evening," he said, and he kept his back to the Turk and his eyes on the door that Rufus laid behind as he took a sip and savoured its rich flavour.

"Yes, Sir," Jared answered in a slight state of shock, and then he wiped the blood away from his mouth before taking his leave.

* * *

Shortly after Jared left the waiting area, Rufus' doctor came out of the President's private room and took a knowing glance at the calm Wutian who was still sipping his coffee. Then he commented on the raucous he heard only moments ago and confessed that he would have come out sooner, but he didn't want to interrupt.

With a slight smile that was barely visible, Tseng took another sip before asking the good doctor how Rufus was doing and nodded in approval at the positive response that was relayed to him.

"Very good," he said, and took another sip before continuing, "I'm going to have to order you to ensure that Rufus remains sedated and under close observation until the entire procedure is completed. I'm not willing to take any risks in regards to the delicate state his emotions are in right now."

"Understood, Sir," the doctor replied with an uncomfortable nod, and took note that the redheaded Turk was nowhere to be seen. Then with a hesitant sigh, he rubbed at his tired neck and carefully regarded Tseng, "May I ask what transpired to warrant such cautions?"

"We may have lost Reno."

Curiously regarding the Wutian again, the doctor repeated, "_May_ have?"

With a slight nod, the Wutian took another sip of his coffee before speaking again, "I've ordered the Search and Rescue Department to start a search at first light. But I doubt there will be anything to find."

"Did he disappear?" the doctor asked in confusion.

"No," Tseng answered, and stared at the door Rufus was behind, "It was a Meteor explosion."

"I was involved in the Proximity tests for the initial studies of those explosions," the doctor commented, and pulled his hands out of his pockets to rub at his eyes in thought, "If he was at a safe enough distance, he may have sustained minimal damage."

"Mm," Tseng mumbled quietly in contemplation, before taking another sip and then licking his lips, "I'd like to hope so."

"But you don't think so," the doctor said, as if he could read the slender man's thoughts.

"No… I believe he was in the heart of it."

"Gaia," the doctor breathed out, and placed his hand over his mouth, "I hope you're wrong."

Staring at the door to Rufus' room again, Tseng finished off what was left in his cup and licked his lips again before distantly stating, "So do I."

* * *

With a heavy sigh, Tseng paused in the hallway before his door and stared at Rufus' apartment with an overwhelming sense of emptiness before he cleared his throat and dug into the pocket of his pants for his keycard. Then for a brief moment, he could almost swear that he heard that all too familiar chuckle of that unruly redhead, and smell the faint scent of the unusual spice that the younger rambunctious male always carried as a slight chill ran by him in the hallway.

"_Would'n be here if it weren't fer ya."_

Closing his eyes while taking in what he knew was his mind playing tricks on him, he smiled to himself at the thought of no matter how hard that ruffian's life was at times, the little devil always managed to laugh, smile, or crack a joke.

He doubted he could have carried such a playful disposition if he'd had to go through all the cruelty that the redhead's life had to offer. _Perhaps he's better off now,_ the Wutian thought to himself in an attempt to help himself deal with his emotions. He can finally rest in peace.

Despite all the attempts the younger Turk made to hide it, the volatile second in command never was happy. Not that he was passing any blame to the younger man for being so, he was only trying to reassure himself with whatever logic he could come up with to alleviate the crushing weight that could shatter him, and then he repeated the words that Reno had spoken to him so long ago with no more than a slight air to his breath.

"Wouldn't be here if it wasn't for _you_."

Then he swiped his card through the lock on the door and entered his apartment to tell his loving wife the news that he didn't want to admit to himself, and held her trembling body while he let himself go and joined in with her.

Some things just never got easier, despite the number of times a person could bear witness to it.

* * *

For over a couple of hours, the pale, ghostly-white figure had been carefully moving and stepping over broken concrete and loose rocks. His skin seemed to take on an even more unearthly appearance from the lack of artificial lighting to aid him in his cause, and every now and then he'd brush the crimson out of his way as he searched.

He didn't see it as a hindrance or an annoyance. It was just something that had always gotten in his way, and it was easy enough to ignore. As he scanned the area carefully, his enhanced eyes allowed him to see clearly under the blackened sky that offered no forgiving light to aid a normal individual.

All the while, he ignored the fine powdery dust that still floated in the air as the ash settled on his garments while he moved about in search for any kind of sign for what he was looking for. He continued with an almost contradictory determination. He knew that if he searched hard enough that he could set his own mind at ease, or at the very least, he hoped. Somewhere amongst the aftermath of destruction there may be a vital key to the answers to his own questions, and it laid in what he searched for, if it was still there.

He watched how everyone reacted and behaved from what little window he could take advantage of, and he listened with his enhanced hearing to what everyone had to say. It was actually something he'd done for most of his life. It wasn't only because he was trained to do it, or because he was enhanced by a mad scientist against his own will, it was because it was something that just came naturally to him.

It was something that always allowed him to have a little more insight into what was going on around him, even though it did fail him at a few crucial and emotionally weak moments. But that wasn't because he wasn't paying attention. It was because he chose to ignore it. That was why he tortured himself so much over it.

But somewhere, amongst this unforgiving grave, maybe there was a proper warrant for the unwavering determination that he felt. He'd been listening and watching for far longer and to far much more than he cared to admit to anyone. That was why he felt that there may be answers in which he sought after, and if what he was looking for still existed, then maybe he might be able to continue in the quiet research of his own unanswered questions.

Despite all of his secrecy though, his agenda was nowhere near malicious, and he continued with his tireless pursuance without really expecting to find anything, but at the same time refusing to stop until there was proof that his efforts were either fruitful or fruitless.

As he got closer to his destination, he heard what could have been mistaken for a weak breath, and he stood at that moment, like an instinctual animal as his senses perked up in prescience. Allowing the ash covered crimson to blow itself clear in the slight breeze that blew lightly through the mountainous paths with a cool and comforting caress, he closed his eyes and let every muscle in his body relax.

Letting himself feel the subtle energies of the planet mingle with his own, he opened himself up to the ethereal sensations that offered the aid that single-minded focus could never offer. And there it was, the sound he was most hoping to hear… a faint and unstable heartbeat. The sound was no further than the small cave-like opening he'd uncovered before him.

Opening his eyes slowly and carefully, pulling himself out of a self-trained meditation with a deep breath, he moved quickly – but not rushed – into the area roughly located where the Control room of the Mako Refinery existed before the remaining structure of the facility collapsed all around it.

With only enough space to crouch, due to the fact that the small area was nothing more than a disintegrated hovel buried in the ground, he took a moment to study the stability of the small opening. As an added precaution, he cast Barrier, along with All, on himself and whatever else could possibly be alive, on the off chance that the seemingly-stable structure might crumble upon him.

Once he was completely inside, he took a quick look around and noted the solidified amber remains that he recognised as the magnetic field that only the Shinra-produced EMR was capable of emitting. Only, under normal circumstances, the remains would have dissipated after breaking its stability from the outside. This time, it was curiously left intact, albeit, shattered like a fine, glittering and golden glass amongst the broken remains of the small tomb he'd crawled farther into.

But he still saw no signs of life.

He should have known it wouldn't be that easy. Nothing ever was that easy, and he closed his eyes in an attempt to find the source of the faint life he'd located only moments ago, hoping that it hadn't finally been lost to him.

Only he didn't really need to. A slight sound of rubble moving caught his attention, and he noted through his peripheral vision when he opened his eyes, the frail movement of what could very possibly be ashen-coloured fingers, covered with trails of dried blood beneath loose boards and a light enough covering of concrete, rubble, and more of the curiously glittering amber shards.

Carefully assessing the surroundings around what he found, he decided it was safe enough to unbury the figure without the risk of causing a cave-in.

With careful movements and ease, he moved the obstructions away to reveal the form he most hoped he'd find, and muttered out, "Cure3," to ensure that he didn't cause any more damage to the frail and shattered body he'd found. Then he waited for it to have some effect before dragging the weakly breathing enigma out to safety, and held him with his head on his lap and stroked the short and tattered red strands of hair in restrained thankfulness.

After a weak murmur and a slight, grimacing movement of the younger Turk's leg, the ex-Turk hushed him and told him to lie still before lying him down, carefully on the ground. Then he pulled the redhead's PHS out of his pocket, thankful that it was still intact, and searched through the directory for a familiar number.

While waiting for an answer and hoping that it wouldn't cause too much confusion on the other end as to why Reno's number would be the one to show up on the other's display, he crouched above the redhead and watched him with a subtle curiosity when the redhead's eyes blindly opened.

Tilting his head, he noted how his eyes were changing from green to blue from the effect of the unstable dilation of his pupils, with an almost wave-like pattern caused by the instability of his vitals at that moment, and he bowed his head in shame over the knowledge behind what was causing it.

Despite the fact that Vincent knew he wasn't responsible, he still couldn't help but feel a sense of guilt with the knowledge that he was the outcome of that experiment performed several years ago. He'd gained his strengths and enhancements on behalf of the studies performed on a child who was left broken over it.

"H-hello?" came a confused greeting, broken by the nervous clearing of his throat.

"Tseng," Vincent answered, while holding the PHS with his claw-shaped gauntlet, and running the fingers of his other hand curiously and carefully along the scars that the redhead placed on himself after he closed his eyes and his breathing became more steady.

"Vince?" With a hint of uncontrolled excitement over why Vince was using Reno's phone to call him, he hushed his sniffling other half, and asked, "What did you find?"

"Reno."

"Good Leviathan…" he muttered, "Is… is he…?"

Shaking his head in silent answer to the question Tseng was afraid to ask, he stroked the redhead's hair back from his face and opened a Hi-Potion to pour into the younger man's mouth, "He's alive."

"Thank the Gods," he breathed out, as a light and happy laughter sounded across the other end, "I'll send out our fastest chopper right away. Are you still at Mt. Nibel?"

"Yes."

Leaning forward over the Turk again as his eyes opened once more, Vincent simply nodded a goodbye, unconcerned with the fact that there was no way the other end could acknowledge it and closed the PHS to put it back in the redhead's pocket.

"Rest," he told the younger man, after he carefully poured the liquid into his mouth. Then he moved him carefully to rest his head comfortably on his lap after the Turk's eyes closed again, and patiently waited for the sounds of a Shinra helicopter while watching the slowly brightening skies around him.

* * *

That's it folks - fini! I hope you enjoyed the story, and that the ending wasn't too big of a disappointment for you (cheeze).

I'm going to take a bit of a break and try to catch most, if not all, of my spelling and grammar errors throughout this story, and then I'm going to upload a pdf version of this to my site for anyone that would like a saved copy (I'll leave the link in my bio once it's uploaded). The main description for this story will have status :UNDER REVISION typed in it until I'm done polishing up; then it will be changed to status: COMPLETED when I'm done.

There is a sequel out for this called _The Gemini Project_, simply because I felt that there were a lot of things that would be easier to explain if written in a third person POV, and I would really like to explore the other Turks a bit more. However, it will have a bit of a different pace to it, since it won't be so Reno-centric (crazy), and you'll get a deeper look into some of the other characters that really couldn't be done with the point of view I chose for this one (which I found very fun to play with, but also very challenging). Don't worry though, it still has it's main focus on the culminations between Reno and Rufus. But it's more of a suspense, and much like this one, it starts off a little slow because even though it's a sequel, it's still a different story in its own right.

**Special thanks go to everyone that reviewed!** You're comments, opinions, ideas, and suggestions were really what fuelled this story, more so than me. It was fun to play with some of the ideas put forth, and to see how I could fit them into the story. Your support was, and is greatly appreciated.

If there was anything that you felt could have been described better or just simply didn't make any sense to you, besides the introduction of all the weird things in the last two chapters which were a lead-in for the sequel, please feel free to PM me, and I will make an attempt to try and clear things up either personally or when I write GP.

Take care,

Kremesch

* * *

Revised: August 15, 2010


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